Child magazine | CPT December 2016 / January 2017

C a p e

To w n ’ s

b e s t

g u i d e

f o r

pa r e n t s

travelling

with children

top tips from an adventurous dad

go climb a tree, mom! (no, really do)

christmas cook up

prepare a festive feast with a healthy twist

happy www.childmag.co.za

eco-fr iendly fu

n

holidays

free Dec 2016 / Jan 2017

bored om buster s

PLUS tick all the boxes with our back-to-school resource

health

education

entertainment

Hunter House PUB L IS H ING

Publisher

It’s no secret that I am a huge fan of the festive season!

Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

Editorial Managing Editor Marina Zietsman • marina@childmag.co.za Resource Editor Marina Zietsman • capetown@childmag.co.za Copy Editor Lucille Kemp

Art Designers Mark Vincer • studio@childmag.co.za Candice Acheson • studio1@childmag.co.za Julian Mc Namara • studio1@childmag.co.za

Advertising Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

Client Relations Lisa Waterloo • ctsales@childmag.co.za

Subscriptions and Circulation Nicolene Baldy • subs@childmag.co.za

PUBLISHER’S PHOTOGRAPH: Brooke Fasani

Accounts Nicolene Baldy • admin@childmag.co.za Tel: 021 465 6093 • Fax: 021 462 2680

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childmag.co.za Online Content Manager online@childmag.co.za

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In our home, Christmas is a time for family traditions: celebrating old ones, both my husband’s and mine (after some negotiation) and creating new ones with our children. It can also be a slightly stressful time, as my youngest, a control freak, rivalled only by my husband, commandeers the kitchen (and every dish in it), the table setting and tree decorating, rendering me and my oldest daughter nearly obsolete. The good news is that with reduced hospitality duties we can focus on creative gift-wrapping and even more creative Christmas punch concoctions, the alcoholic “urn” clearly labelled with a warning to children – don’t drink!

Come Christmas Eve, our kitchen counter could well serve as a scene from Alice in Wonderland. Christmas time for us means no work, lots of friends and focussing on what’s really important – family. Sadly, much of our family is scattered around the globe and greetings take place via Skype, but the mood is one of good humour and generosity.

With wishes for good health and happiness abounding, we would like to wish you, our wonderful Child mag readers, schools, supporters and advertisers a wonderfully happy festive season and a prosperous New Year.

Happy happy, drive safely and see you in 2017.

Cape Town’s Child magazineTM is published monthly by Hunter House Publishing, PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010. Office address: Unit 7, Canterbury Studios, 35 Wesley Street, Gardens, Cape Town. Tel: 021 465 6093, fax: 021 462 2680, email: info@childmag.co.za. Annual subscriptions (for 11 issues) cost R220, including VAT and postage inside SA. Printed by Paarl Web. Copyright subsists in all work published in Cape Town’s Child magazineTM. We welcome submissions but retain the unrestricted right to change any received copy. We are under no obligation to return unsolicited copy. The magazine, or part thereof, may not be reproduced or adapted without the prior written permission of the publisher. We take care to ensure our articles, and other editorial content, are accurate and balanced, but cannot accept responsibility for loss, damage or inconvenience that may arise from reading them.

Lisa Mc Namara Publisher

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December 2016 / January 2017

3

contents

24

festive food for the fussy

regulars

3 a note from lisa 6 over to you readers respond

features 14 pack the children buckling our children up in vehicles at all times is non-negotiable, says Marina Zietsman

16 are we there yet? Siviwe Minyi shares, from experience, how to turn a potentially nerve-racking travel experience with small children, into an adventure

8 pregnancy news – beauty and the bump Tamlyn Vincent looks at beauty treatments that are safe to indulge during pregnancy

10 best for baby – i go potty!

Anél Lewis gives some tips on how to get your toddler out of the nappies

12 dealing with difference – how trauma affects children Samantha Page looks at post-traumatic stress disorder

18 going eco Tamlyn Vincent shows you how to turn househould junk into creative and useful projects

20 tree-monkey fun climb up a tree with your children and rediscover the world, urges Simcha van Bel-du Plooy

22 why parents fight Mark van Dijk looks at common reasons parents argue and how to solve the underlying issues

24 festive food for the fussy Tamlyn Vincent gets advice from a mom who shares her trusted recipes for allergy-prone children

26 resource – back to school Child magazine compiles a guide with tips on how to navigate the new school year

30 what’s on in december/january 37 in the next issue 38 finishing touch Anél Lewis discovers that children only need a few props, and no electronic gadgets, to unleash their creativity

39 a good read

health

classified ads

9 end-of-year health focus

22 family marketplace

Simone Jeffery highlights Skin Cancer Awareness Month, among others

34 it’s party time

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December 2016 / January 2017

Joburg

Cape Town

Pretoria

Durban

Kids By Foschini foschini.co.za

Ackermans Magazine ackermans.co.za/ackermans-club

Kids By Foschini foschini.co.za

Melissa Mitchell photography melissamitchell.co.za

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PHOTOGRAPH: ALEXIS DIACK / LEELA JIRAN

this month’s cover images are supplied by:

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December 2016 / January 2017

5

letters

over to you

mainstreaming special-needs children My son is six years old and in Gr R in a mainstream school.

His speech is delayed and he is seeing a speech therapist and an occupational therapist, which was recommended by an educational psychologist. He is struggling in class.

He is very reserved and shy, cannot express himself and lacks self-confidence. He takes time to open up to strangers, which makes it difficult when he has to do assessments. The teachers believe he belongs in a special-needs school. It is difficult for us as his parents to accept and agree to that, since our 10-year-old boy had the same problems, but he started opening up at the age of eight. He was also referred to a special-needs school by the teachers and therapists, but we believed those schools were not suitable for him. We were right; he is in Grade 4 doing very well, getting As, Bs and Cs for his subjects.

Are we wrong to compare our children? Sometimes it is very difficult to be a parent. You are told your child needs a special or remedial school, but you strongly believe your child doesn’t. Sometimes we as parents must trust our instincts – we know our children the best.

Anonymous

give voice to the “silent disability” I first came across your magazine at the speech and language centre where I currently volunteer and where I previously taught hearing-impaired children

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December 2016 / January 2017

for several years. Your publication is informative and highly resourceful. I find myself immediately going to your “dealing with difference” articles, as “difference” is something I am engaged with every day.

I notice, however, that while there tends to be a strong focus in the media on autism, ADHD and learning difficulties, the case for, and information on, deafness in children, its causes, diagnostic issues and treatment options, seems significantly limited.

From my work experience in this field I have learnt that parents with children who are either born deaf, or who develop hearing loss for whatever reason, have unique challenges associated with deafness to deal with on a daily basis. Additionally, deafness or hearing loss is not necessarily the only isolated issue to be negotiated and accommodated, but is often accompanied by other complications such as Down’s syndrome, ADHD, autism or other sensory integration challenges.

For children living with the “Silent Disability”, as deafness and hearing loss are sometimes referred to, the world is either entirely or largely silent and, as a result of no or limited access to sound, it is just that much smaller.

It is, however, no less complicated.

I would like to recognise and acknowledge deaf children and their families for their bravery, patient endurance and innovative coping abilities. I

would additionally like to suggest that information and advice concerning deafness and hearing loss in children be given a stronger voice in the media, not only to create awareness, but also to serve as a resource for those families dealing with the condition. Deaf children may not be able to hear us, but we can hear and listen to them.

Heidi Dent

child magazine any time Thanks so much for making the Child magazine back issues available on your website. It’s such a fantastic bonus to have access to this brilliant content.

Christopher

“i’m a winner!”

Thank you so much for my prize. Now I am ready for the summer road trips with the super awesome Rehidrat branded cooler bag filled with Rehidrat goodies.

Gail Swart

a facebook fantasy world I had my first daughter when I had just turned 22, and with my husband starting a new job at the time, I was left to fend for myself. I had no idea what to do with this delicate little “blob”. I remember just staring at her thinking: “I made that?” Some days I would just cry and cry, and hate everything about my life.

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Let us know what’s on your mind. Send your letters or comments to marina@childmag.co.za or PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010.

I was also thinking: “If I made this tiny human, surely I would know what to do? Would know what she needed?

Why can’t I do this?” Some days I just wanted five minutes to go to the loo, or wash my hair, or eat a full meal. I felt so guilty for craving alone time. I thought I was supposed to hear angels singing when I looked into her eyes, but I didn’t. I love my children dearly, but still…

One minute I’d find myself looking at them thinking I am so unbelievably blessed, and the next minute I’d feel like running away from it all for five minutes.

Then Facebook happened. Other new moms I knew of would post photos on the website of their growing bellies; the gorgeous flowers their devoted husbands would send them for no reason; the announcement that the baby has arrived; photos of the gender-reveal party, babymoon photos… I thought it was only celebrities that did the latter, but no, normal people do it too, and I’m thinking, “who can afford to take a holiday just before having their second or third baby?” And so their picture-perfect family grows on Facebook daily. Suddenly I felt myself addicted to stalking these families, trying to figure out

Follow us on twitter.com/ChildMag, facebook.com/childmag.co.za and pinterest.com/childmagazine

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how they get it right? Fifty percent of the day I want to strangle my husband, and the other fifty percent I spend trying to stop my children from tearing up the house.

Then I met some really amazing women, and I found out they all feel exactly the way I do. What a relief! Here I was thinking that I clearly had no idea how parenting works, and I blame Facebook and social media for these thoughts. People have become so pressured to be perfect, that they create this fantasy life on social media – every post is full of unicorn sprinkles and beautiful little pictures of their angelic children. But in reality it’s not like that.

As much as I enjoy a good little Facebook stalk every now and then, are we as a society not maybe becoming obsessed with portraying a perfect image, and that instead of Facebook and social media being a tool to connect us, it’s doing the exact opposite and distancing us from reality?

There’s a perception that the more friends you have on Facebook, the “cooler” you are, but how many of those friends really know you? How many of those

friends know what’s going on in your life? How many people are battling demons and are desperate to reach out, but fear losing their “perfect” status, and tainting their newsfeed with something “real”?

Samantha Moodley

your voice on facebook in response to “the science behind vaccination” Oh my word, the fear mongering continues. Vaccines spread viruses, that is why no one is healthy. No vaccines, no viruses, it’s that simple.

Anonymous “Science” and “vaccines” should never be used in the same sentence.

Anonymous

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December 2016 / January 2017

7

beauty l and the bump

pregnancy news

indulge

TAMLYN VINCENT looks at what beauty treatments you can and can’t indulge, when pregnant.

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December 2016 / January 2017

These beauty treatments and products get the go ahead, some with a few provisos. ✻✻ Massage Having a massage can go a long way to easing the strains and pains of pregnancy, but ask for a therapist trained in pregnancy massage. If your bump is bulging, you’ll want to avoid lying on your stomach. ✻✻ Manis and pedis Having your nails done is fine, but the smell may be overwhelming, so have your nails done in a well-ventilated room. If you’re worried about the fumes, ask for a phthalate-free nail polish or take your own to the nail salon. ✻✻ Hair treatments Using hair dye shouldn’t be a problem, although highlights are a better option as the dye won’t come into contact with the scalp. Don’t dye your hair in the first trimester and avoid treatments where products are sitting on your scalp, especially for an extended time.

Products with ammonia or other harsh chemicals should also be avoided.

✻✻ Sunscreen As your skin is likely to be more sensitive when you’re pregnant, sunscreen is a must. Look for zinc oxide and titanium dioxide sunscreens, which sit on the top of the skin.

It’s also a good idea to stay out of the sun at peak hours and to wear protective clothing. ✻✻ Hair removal Waxing can be done while pregnant, as nothing is absorbed into the bloodstream. But increased blood circulation means it will be more painful, especially in sensitive areas, says Jeanne Labuschagne, assistant manageress at a day spa in Pretoria.

Laser hair removal is not safe. ✻✻ Make-up Wearing make-up shouldn’t pose any risk to your baby. If you’re worried, go for products that are noncomedogenic and nonacnegenic, which should prevent clogged pores. It’s ideal to look for paraben-, phthalate- and leadfree cosmetics. ✻✻ Facials If all the pregnancy hormones are giving you acne, or if you just feel like indulging, a facial is the way to go. Try out a natural facial, and test products on the skin first. Avoid treatments that use any harsh chemicals, retinoids or salicylic acid. Ask to be propped up in the second and third trimester.

✻✻ Acupuncture Acupuncture treatments would need to be done by a registered therapist, says Labuschagne, and you should speak to your doctor first about whether acupuncture would help. The same applies for reflexology. ✻✻ Tanning treatments Spray tanning and bronzing treatments are safe, says Labuschagne. But avoid things like tanning beds, where your body temperature rises.

avoid If your beauty routine does include any of the following, wait until you have had your baby, or until you’ve finished breastfeeding, before continuing them. ✻✻ Body wraps, saunas, spas, hot stones or any treatment where your body temperature rises ✻✻ Botox or anti-wrinkle creams with Retinol ✻✻ Piercings or tattoos ✻✻ Tanning beds (to avoid at all times) ✻✻ Teeth whitening

remember Always tell your beauty therapists that you’re pregnant before they begin your treatment. If you’re not sure something is safe, speak to your doctor or wait until after you have finished breastfeeding.

The golden rule is, if a product can be absorbed into your bloodstream, it is potentially dangerous to your baby.

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ILLUSTRATION: SHUTTERSTOCK.com

ooking good in summer is something we all enjoy, and having a baby bump doesn’t stop women from wanting to look and feel their best. But being pregnant does mean that you have to think carefully before you head off for your summer spray tan.

health

end-of-year health focus SIMONE JEFFERY highlights health and awareness days in December and January to help us remember, learn about and take action to assist those in need.

1 December

World Aids Day A red ribbon is worn on 1 December each year as a reminder to unite and fight against HIV, show your support for people living with HIV, and to remember those who could not beat the disease. South Africa has the largest number of people living with HIV in the world (roughly 12% of the population). Although South Africa has made positive strides in managing the HIV and Aids epidemic, it is important to be reminded that it has not gone away.

For resources and support: aidforaids.co.za 3 December

National Transplant Day On the 3rd of December 1967, Professor Christiaan Barnard performed the world’s first heart transplant at Groote Schuur Hospital in Cape Town. According to the Organ Donor Foundation (ODF), there are approximately 4 000 patients waiting for organ transplants, but only 600 of those will receive organs this year. ODF urgently appeals to the public to become organ donors. One healthy adult can save seven lives.

To become a donor: odf.org.za 5 December

1 December - 31 January

Skin Cancer Awareness Months While December and January are the hottest months of the year, they are not the only months when you need to protect your skin from the harmful effects of the sun’s rays. Be sun smart year-round to lower your risk of getting skin cancer. Prevention is better than cure, so remember to: ✻✻ Use a broad spectrum (UVA/UVB) sunscreen with an SPF of 20 or higher, and a waterresistant sunscreen with an SPF of 30 or higher if you are taking part in outdoor activities. ✻✻ Apply sunscreen 30 minutes before going outside and reapply every two hours or immediately after swimming or excessive sweating. ✻✻ Wear sunglasses and a broad-rimmed hat. ✻✻ Seek shade during the hottest time of the day (10am–4pm). ✻✻ Don’t use tanning beds. ✻✻ Seek medical advice when concerned about a particular spot on your skin.

For more info and to support Cansa: cansa.org.za

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International Volunteers Day Celebrate volunteerism in all its many facets. The day was created by the United Nations in 1985 as a way of creating awareness around the contributions made by volunteers who are engaged in giving their time, energy and skills to change the world for a better future for all.

For volunteering opportunities: forgood.co.za 4 January

World Braille Day On this day we celebrate the birth of Louis Braille, the inventor of the reading and writing system used by blind and partially sighted people around the world. Blinded in an accident, Louis developed his system when he was just 15 years old. Because of Louis, blind students have the opportunity to be educated alongside their peers. This day is an opportunity to raise awareness around issues faced by the blind and to empower them to achieve their dreams.

For more info: sancb.org.za

December 2016 / January 2017

9

best for baby

i go potty!

Potty training is not for the faint-hearted.

otty training my son Conor, then aged three, was a lot like trying to convince a Sumo wrestler to give up his prized loincloth. He was quite happy to wear his pull-ups and showed zero interest in the portable plastic urinal that I had painstakingly suctioned to the bathroom wall. In fact, I think he used it as a parking garage for his cars. The physical act of actually changing Conor, who by then weighed more than 20kgs, was also somewhat like getting into the ring with a Sumo wrestler. And when I started to battle to find pull-ups that would fit him (I even contemplated adult incontinence products at one stage), I realised it was time for desperate measures.

We started with bribery. If he used the toilet consecutively more than three times, he would get a toy, and if he used it for a number two – the pinnacle of potty training – he would get the Lego set he had his eye on. Unfortunately, our efforts bombed dismally. We were then advised to dress him in underpants and let him wet himself, so that the discomfort would encourage him to use the toilet. But he was unfazed, and winter was maybe not the ideal time for this approach. I’m not proud to admit this, but it was only when I had a

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December 2016 / January 2017

complete meltdown and asked Conor in tears whether he enjoyed seeing his mom cleaning up after him every time his potty training efforts failed, that he capitulated and agreed to give the toilet a go. I almost ululated down the road in joy.

In sharp contrast my daughter, Erin, was a breeze to potty-train. We gave her a few books to page through while she sat on her pink potty and within days she was ready for cartoon character underwear. I do feel a bit bad though, as I forgot to transition her at night by letting her wear nappies to bed. But, despite going cold turkey, there were thankfully only a few minor accidents.

Potty training is definitely about timing. Conor just wasn’t ready to ditch his nappies. Pushing a child to start potty training too soon can lead to anxiety – for him and for you. Most children show signs of wanting to take control over their own ablutions between 18 months and two years, but boys are notoriously more disinclined, despite having the physiological equipment that makes the whole process so much easier to master. Signs of toilet readiness include staying dry during naps, being able to say or indicate that they need the toilet and a clear interest in wearing underwear.

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PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.com

p

Anél Lewis shares some tips for ditching the nappies.

nappy map

I even put stickers in the toilet bowl to give Conor something to literally aim for while we were training him.

potty-training tips: ✻✻ Summer is always a good bet, because boys can practise in the garden and having to clean up the odd mishap is a lot more manageable if your child is in a swimming costume and not a fleece onesie, trust me. ✻✻ While routine works for some children – seeing other family members go to the toilet at a certain time, for example – you may find that a holiday could be a good time to introduce something as a novelty, especially if there are older children around who provide positive peer pressure. ✻✻ Don’t shy away from bribery. Do whatever works to get them onto that toilet seat. I’m talking reward charts, jars filled with sweets or the promise of a special outing. I even put stickers in the toilet bowl to give Conor something to literally aim for while we were training him. ✻✻ Some children are intimidated by the porcelain toilet and would do better with a potty-themed toilet seat or toilet adaptor that fits onto the regular toilet. A small footrest also works for children who may not enjoy perching so high up while doing their business.

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There’s more science involved in nappies these days than what’s needed to get a satellite to Mars. Much has changed since the basic terry towel nappies used just a few generations ago. There’s a host of products to consider, depending on your needs and budget.

Bear in mind that while cloth nappies are not initially cheap, and may require more work in terms of washing, disposable nappies could cost you at least R15 000 over the 18 months or two years, if used regularly.

Options include: ✻✻ Disposable nappies of varying sizes and with different functions You even get gender-specific makes because boys and girls have different “absorbent zones”. These can be used from newborn to the potty-training stage, when they will move on to the pull-up versions as they prepare for underwear. ✻✻ Cloth nappies that are washable and reusable These include suede cloth or bamboo nappies with microfibre inserts.

Michele Koopman, of Cape Town, has been using cloth nappies for five years, for both her girls. She opted for them because they’re environmentally friendly and no chemicals come into contact with her babies’ skin. “I really do love the washable ones; way easier than in our mother’s day. They can be used from birth to potty training as they have press studs to adjust the sizing.” ✻✻ You also get eco disposable nappies made from sustainable, biodegradable materials. ✻✻ Some brands offer nappy pants as an alternative to open nappies for when babies start to move around. They are designed to fit like underwear, but are as absorbent as regular nappies. ✻✻ Extra-protection nappies keep your baby dry throughout the night. ✻✻ Specially-designed swimming nappies prevent accidents in the pool. Unlike normal nappies, they don’t swell in the water.

December 2016 / January 2017

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dealing with difference

how trauma What happens when a child experiences violence, disaster and loss, and how can you help them cope? SAMANTHA PAGE investigates

a

post-traumatic stress disorder.

number of years ago, during my time as a fledgling teacher, one of my learners, in a moment of extreme frustration at not being able to solve a maths problem, removed our class goldfish from its bowl, crushed it in his tiny fist and plopped it back into its watery habitat, in front of a stunned classroom. Unbeknown to me at the time, the boy, who was just 11, was suffering from severe post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). He and his younger brother had witnessed the brutal necklacing of his father in front of their home.

After consulting with his mom, who informed me that neither of her sons had received counselling despite their trauma, the boys started seeing a psychologist. As his teacher, I felt one of my most important tasks was just to make him feel safe and protected. I would often just rest my hand firmly on his shoulder as I walked between the desks, checking work. His ordeal made him feel so powerless, he felt he couldn’t even protect his little brother, so I gave him a position of “power” on the scholar patrol, helping the younger learners cross the road. It was a position he cherished and took very seriously. While these and other strategies didn’t completely heal him – that would take many years – they gave him more control than he had that fateful night.

aftershock

living in a violent society In the South African context, trauma in children could be isolated incidents or recurring events, and these can range from physical disasters, such as motor-vehicle accidents, assault, hijackings and sexual assault, to natural disasters like floods. We have also seen political violence, in the form of xenophobic attacks, and one could add to that violence related to political intolerance, as my learner experienced, as well as the witnessing of domestic violence, which is especially rife in SA. According to psychiatrist Prof Soraya Seedat, writing for World Psychiatry, PTSD in children exhibits as a persistent re-experiencing of the trauma, such as memories and

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December 2016 / January 2017

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PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

While PTSD is most often associated with battle-scarred soldiers, children who have been exposed to trauma may also develop this condition. According to Health24, in South Africa PTSD is quite common in children, owing to high rates of violent crimes, including physical and sexual assault, hijacking and domestic violence. In studies in youth and patients attending clinics, rates of PTSD of around 20% have been documented.

And it’s not just those who have been directly involved in the trauma who experience PTSD. The condition can affect those who witness it and who are there in the aftermath, such as emergency workers, law enforcement officers, even family and friends.

But everyone experiences trauma in different ways. “Research has shown that there are some factors that increase the possibility that a person will experience an event as traumatic,” says Karl Swain, a clinical psychologist in the Department of Behavioural Medicine at the University of KwaZulu-Natal, who has done extensive research in the areas of neuropsychology and traumatic stress. “These include pre-trauma risk factors, such as young age, low socioeconomic status, previous exposure to trauma, existing mental health conditions, current life stressors and poor social support.”

Swain adds that one of the most devastating effects of traumatic events on children is the impact on their development, particularly tasks related to psychological health in adulthood. Trauma in childhood may disrupt the normal process of becoming independent and autonomous. Often these children also have problems regulating their emotions, especially anger and fear, and because of the potential long-term, damaging effects of trauma, a professional psychologist should see these individuals.

affects children Symptoms usually develop within the first month after the trauma, but they may not show up until months or even years have passed. flashbacks, triggered by exposure to reminders, avoidance of these reminders (including places, people, and conversations) and chronic physiological factors, such as sleep disturbances, poor concentration and hypervigilance to a perceived threat.

“Symptoms usually develop within the first month after the trauma, but they may not show up until months or even years have passed,” says Swain. “These symptoms often continue for years after the trauma or, in some cases, may ease and return later in life if another event triggers memories of the trauma. In fact, anniversaries of the event can cause a flood of emotions and bad memories.”

“I was in denial for a long time,” says the mother of my learner. “I was so wrapped up in my own grief, I neglected to focus on my sons, but having them go to counselling was the first and most important step in our recovery. A parent’s most important role in helping their child through a traumatic experience is to support and comfort them.”

“Children can and do recover from traumatic events,” says Swain, “and parents are instrumental in obtaining helpful interventions from the appropriate professionals. In order to be able to assist the child’s recovery, the parent must also keep in shape physically, emotionally and spiritually. It is also important that the physical safety of the child be established, particularly if the child has been a victim of abuse.”

supporting a child with ptsd

By Karl Swain ✻✻ Find a good therapist ✻✻ Request a school consultation ✻✻ Determine your child’s immediate and long-term needs ✻✻ Be available to assist school interventions ✻✻ Be cognisant of the needs of the rest of the family ✻✻ Engage in good self-care ✻✻ Be vigilant of the symptoms and learn about common reactions ✻✻ Be patient; there’s no correct time for healing ✻✻ Explain and reinforce to your child that they are not responsible for what happened ✻✻ Assure your child that they are safe ✻✻ Maintain regular school and home routines

common signs and symptoms ✻✻ Re-experiencing the trauma (nightmares, intrusive recollections, flashbacks, traumatic play) ✻✻ Avoidance of memories or situations that remind the child of the traumatic event ✻✻ Sleep problems ✻✻ Emotional numbing ✻✻ Symptoms of increased arousal and hypervigilance ✻✻ Altered cognitive function ✻✻ Behavioural inhibition ✻✻ Regression ✻✻ Difficulties with physical contact (for abuse victims)

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December 2016 / January 2017

13

pack

the children We can’t afford to be blasé about our children’s safety in our cars. While buckling up is the crux of it, there are other important things to know, says

a

MARINA ZIETSMAN.

ccidents are measured in statistics. During and after every school holiday newsreaders share these figures with us, and we grimly compare the latest death toll to the previous years – is it up or down? If someone we love is not part of the statistics, the figures are soon forgotten.

the numbers But let’s break those stats down a bit, and bring them closer to the family home: between 1 December 2015 and 11 January

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December 2016 / January 2017

2016, 1 535 people died on our roads during the festive season. From 1 November 2011 to 31 March 2012 1 944 passengers died on our roads in vehicle accidents. Many of these are children. Statistics indicate that car fatalities account for 13% of child deaths. In fact, the 2015 World Health Organization Global Status Report on Road Safety shows there remains a significant level of improvement needed. South Africa’s reported road fatalities per 100 000 is 25,1, which is 23rd out of the 50 African countries included in the report.

the causes Excessive speed and driving under the influence of alcohol are the two main causes of road accidents in South Africa.

However, fatalities and serious injuries among children are mostly caused by young ones not being appropriately restrained. There are no statistics available for child restraint use, but Petro Kruger, founder of The Road Safety Foundation says that according to internal research done by the foundation in 2008, less than 2% of rear-seat occupants, including children, use a seat belt.

Professor Sebastian van As, head of the Trauma Unit at Red Cross Children’s Hospital in Cape Town and president of The Child Accident Prevention Foundation of Southern Africa (CAPFSA), says approximately 200 to 300 children are admitted to the hospital each year due to injuries sustained in car accidents, “and of these, 87% were unrestrained. Up to 71% of these children were passengers in the front seat. People don’t get it – a baby has a 70% better chance of surviving a motorvehicle accident if restrained and a toddler up to 54%. Parents go to the supermarket and buy bottles of wine, which they tuck in safely so that the bottles don’t break during the journey, but what about their children?” asks Van As. A scientific study published by the World Health Organization, the FIA (Federation Internationale de l’Automobile), the Global Road Safety Partnership and the World

Bank, shows that harmful injury is the result of “energy interchange”. During a collision, this kinetic energy exchange makes it physically impossible for any occupant to securely hold an unrestrained object, such as a child.

If you are involved in a collision while travelling at just 50 kilometres per hour, a child’s weight will effectively increase 20 times, turning a 10-kilogram baby into a 200-kilogram weight within a split second.

Kruger says Newton’s law applies: “Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion, unless an external force is applied to it. This means that if the car is travelling at 100 kilometres an hour, then any object or person in the car is also going that fast until a net force (child restraint) or object (windshield, dashboard) acts to slow them down.”

festive season

1 Dec 2015 – 11 Jan 2016

deaths

on the road babies have a

toddlers have a

70% 54% survival better chance of

if restrained in a motor vehicle

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ILLUSTRATION: SHUTTERSTOCK.com

safety

strap them in!

The world’s leading players in child safety are the US Department of Transportation as well as the National Safe Kids Campaign in America. Their basic safety tips are also advocated by Arrive Alive in South Africa.

These include: ✻✻ Buckle up every time, no matter how short the trip. ✻✻ Children 12 and younger should be properly restrained in the back seat.

While air bags can save adults’ lives, children sitting in the front seat can be seriously injured or killed when an air bag deploys in a crash. Even with advanced air bags or with air bags disabled or not fitted, the back seat is safer for children. The air bags built into your dashboard on the passenger side are designed to deploy at the chest height of an average adult, and do so at more than 200 kilometres per hour. In one incident, 10-year-old Emmanuel Bernardo from Namibia was permanently blinded by an air bag that kicked in during a minor accident.

It exploded in his face while he was seated in the front passenger seat of a BMW. Doctors say that the boy’s eyes literally ruptured on impact and that Emmanuel will not be able to see again. ✻✻ “Researchers at the University of Buffalo studied all car collisions involving a fatality in the US between 2000 and 2003,” says Kruger. “They came to the conclusion that depending

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✻✻ ✻✻ ✻✻

✻✻

✻✻

✻✻

✻✻

on the make of the vehicle, occupants in the back seat are 59–86% safer there than in the front seat. In fact, the rear middle seat was found to be 16% safer than any other seat in the vehicle.”

Never put a rear-facing child in a car’s front seat.

Choose the right child-safety seat or safety belt for your child’s size and age.

Infants should ride in rear-facing safety seats until they are at least 12 months old and weigh at least nine kilograms.

Children who are at least one year old, and weigh nine to 18 kilograms, should ride in a forward-facing child-safety seat on the back seat.

Children over 18 kilograms should be correctly secured in a belt-positioning booster seat. A booster must be used on the back seat of the car only. These seats are not installed in the same way as child car seats; they instead sit on the vehicle seat and are used to properly position the adult seat belt for an older child.

Once the vehicle safety belt fits a child, both the lap and shoulder belts should be used correctly. Vehicle seat belts are designed to fit an average-sized adult. Many children will be 12 years old before they meet these height and weight requirements.

Your child can be moved from a booster seat to a seat belt in the back seat if your child passes the Safety Belt Fit

Test (visit safekids.org for details of this test). ✻✻ Install and use all restraints according to the manufacturer’s instructions and your vehicle owner’s manual.

Ensure your child safety seat has not been recalled. In South Africa, only SABS-approved seats must be used.

Kruger says there are no seat-belt fitment experts in South Africa. “The instructions for fitting the child seats are sometimes inadequate and often confusing. Parents must make sure they understand the instructions.” ✻✻ It is not ideal to buy second-hand car or booster seats, except if you are 100% sure of the history. Car and booster seats that have been in accidents are not acceptable.

by law The National Road Traffic Act, Act 93 of 1996, is very confusing on car restraint and allows for too many exceptions. As of 1 May 2015, children under the age of three can only travel in a car if they are secured in a car seat. This is required by a new regulation of the National Road Traffic Act. Motorists who have children under the age of three unrestrained in their vehicle, will be fined. But, according to Van As, the problem is not the law, but its implementation. “The law exists, but is not enforced. The bottom line is: all motor-vehicle passengers must be strapped in, each child according to their age.” Van As continues that parents might

complain about the cost of these seats, “but, if you have enough money to own a car, put petrol in that car and drive off with your child, you can afford to invest in the proper child restraint.”

keeping children safe along the way ✻✻ Keep the interior of the car clear of loose objects such as sports equipment or groceries. In a collision these objects become missiles that could seriously injure occupants. ✻✻ When driving, don’t give toddlers or babies anything that could be a choking hazard such as biscuits or fruit. ✻✻ If a child is unhappy or crying, do not lean back to attend to him.

Pay attention to your driving and stop at a safe place. ✻✻ A parent’s lap is not a safe place for a child. In the case of an accident, the child actually acts as an air bag for the passenger holding her. ✻✻ When travelling long distances, always ensure that you stop and rest and take the child out of the child seat for at least 10 minutes every two hours. ✻✻ Children are not cargo and should never be transported on the back of a bakkie, even with a canopy.

(Courtesy: The Road Safety Foundation)

December 2016 / January 2017

15

how to

are we there yet?

Travelling with children can be an exciting adventure – or a nerve-jangling endurance test.

Here are some hints to help you enjoy the journey. By Siviwe Minyi

i

am a father of two children and I travel a lot. It’s worth mentioning, too, that I am a Xhosa-speaking man. I come from a culture, which taught me to believe that men do not engage in activities with children. This is normally left to mothers. Conventional belief says that men who are in the constant company of children – feeding them, changing nappies and taking charge of them while travelling – are “dull”. This is not a compliment; it’s an insult, one that is not swayed by being in possession of a clearly contradictory personality. It’s a label that sticks.

But I’m not bothered by insults. I’ve learnt a lot through travelling with my children, and it has strengthened my relationship with both of them. Over the past 10 years, I have had frequent opportunities to explore this country’s airports and national roads with my son and daughter.

Travelling with young ones can be an adventure. I have learnt a few tricks en route, tips that should be of benefit to any dad travelling with small children.

don’t worry about what other people are thinking It was my first flight with my then two-year-old daughter. We were travelling to Joburg.

On taking our seats, I noticed there was a well-dressed, executive-type seated opposite us. He was visibly annoyed that my daughter was being chatty and looking for some attention. She had started reciting one of her favourite songs loudly. At first I began to panic. Then I had an idea: I’d involve Mr Exec and others in a sing-along. I called out, “Come on everybody, let’s all sing together!” This was followed by an outburst of laughter.

Happily the story ends well. The gentleman leaned over to say hello to my daughter and the two of them chatted for a short while until she lost interest, which brings me to my second tip.

stash a surprise bag of toys in your hand luggage Children want to be kept entertained and, let’s face it, a sing-along will get tedious after a while and irritate you (and the other passengers). I like to put together a bag of new toys (these don’t need to be expensive things: think notebook and coloured pen, comic book, even last Christmas’ cracker fillers will work). The trick is to reveal the bag’s contents slowly, bringing out the toys one at a time. This makes things more fun and fills children with anticipation for what might be hauled out next.

be prepared for ear pain One of the challenges of travelling with my son in particular is that he suffers from earache when flying. My first air-travel experience with him was not good. He screamed and yelled for what felt like most of the journey. Some passengers were clearly not happy with me.

One even shouted: “Take your child outside!”. All very well if you’re in a restaurant, but not so if you’re mid-air, 1 000 feet or so above ground level. Before our return flight, I made some enquiries at a pharmacy. Within 15 minutes of take-off on our homeward-bound leg, I’d persuaded him to take a dose of Calpol, which worked like magic. Now it’s a standard in my hand luggage.

problem was that the rest of us were not aware of his mission. Well into his countdown, his older and taller sister asked him to shift a little so that she could create a little legroom for herself. This interrupted his rhythm and all hell broke loose. It took a good 10 minutes to bring about peace in our war-ravaged backseat. But I had learnt a valuable lesson: as a dad, I need to answer questions more carefully and accurately.

mind your language I enjoy talking to people. I do this all the time. On one of my trips with my son, then five, I started up a light-hearted conversation with the petrol attendant while he was filling my tank. As soon as we’d pulled away from the garage, my son started to use words like “chappie” and “my brother”. He wanted to know what chappie meant and whether I was related to the man at the garage.

consult the gang in the planning stages My children are getting older, and planning trips has become more consultative. We have now resorted to convening a household parliament where I preside as the president and I have veto powers. After all, we live in a democracy. A 12-year-old girl has developed her own set of ideas of places to visit while a nine-year-old boy, if he’s anything like mine, is more obsessed with cricket and other sporting activities.

On one of our trips, the siblings fought endlessly, arguing over preferred radio stations, what to see, and where to visit first. We have now learnt to involve the children in planning our trips. Prior to departure we give full details of where we’re going and what we might be able to do. We listen to them and get a sense of what they might like or dislike. We have found that listening to them makes travelling more enjoyable for all of us.

Happy travelling!

Travelling with young ones can be an adventure.

give them something fascinating to figure out en route

illustratinon: SHUTTERSTOCK.com

My father used to enjoy driving us to faraway holiday destinations. He was not the singalong type. To keep us entertained, he’d have collected a number of gadgets – such as a torch or a lock and key – and he’d set us the assignment of figuring out how the devices worked. I remember loving the challenge. I have used this on a number of occasions when driving with my children, and it has worked very well. A note to dads: be prepared to deal with the questions that come later – brace yourself, so to speak.

be factual, or at least attempt to be precise When my son was five years old, he seemed to live in a world of numbers. To him, everything needed to be quantified. His questions included things like: “How many blue cars are on the road today?” As someone who is arithmetically challenged, I found some of his questions difficult to answer.

Once, while driving back from the Southern Cape, my son asked: “So, how long will it take for us to get home?” I responded too quickly, “About an hour, but you can start counting now because I am not sure,” which is exactly what he did, in seconds. The

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December 2016 / January 2017

magazine cape town

magazine cape town

December 2016 / January 2017

17

how to

going eco

All you need is some household junk, garden goodies and lots of imagination to create and cultivate these fun projects with your children.

TAMLYN VINCENT explains how.

compost bin Your children will need your help with the drilling. what you need: 20–25 litre plastic storage box with lid (bin); craft paint; power drill; clear varnish; soil what to do: Drill one-centimetre holes along both long edges of the bin (holes should be about 3cm apart). Cut holes in two opposite corners at the bottom of the bin (1cm x 3cm).

Decorate your compost bin. Paint bright flowers and leaves, or paint the word compost as a daisy chain. You can also create fingerprint insects like ladybirds. Once you’ve finished decorating your bin, spray the varnish onto the bin. Allow it to dry and then give it two more coats. When your bin is finished, line the inside with a layer of soil and some dry leaves and you’re ready to start composting. Vegetable peels and fruit scraps are best for making compost.

portable mini golf-course Mini golf is also called putt-putt, crazy golf, goofy golf or adventure golf. Whatever you call it, you’re sure to have loads of fun creating and mastering your very own miniature course. what you need: 9 x two-litre plastic cold drink bottles; coloured electrical tape; permanent marker what to do: Remove the labels and cut off the bottom of the bottles. Cut an arched hole at the base of each bottle (approximately 8cm x 8cm). Use coloured tape and permanent markers to decorate and number the bottles from one to nine. Place the bottles in the garden and use your imagination to create a great mini golf-course, right in your own garden, by using logs, rocks or pot plants.

what you need: empty eggshells, with the tops removed; egg box; koki pens; potting soil; seeds such as watercress or wheatgrass what to do: Carefully remove the top and inside from the hard-boiled eggs, leaving an opening big enough to spoon the soil into the shell. Stand the shells in the egg box and draw faces on them. Fill each with a few teaspoons of soil and then sprinkle seeds into each shell. Cover lightly with a little more soil. Water gently. When the seeds start to sprout, your eggshell people will look like they’re growing hair. When the herbs grow too big, just crumble the eggshell and plant your herbs in a bigger container or in the garden.

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December 2016 / January 2017

junkyard vegetable garden what you need: old containers such as yoghurt pots, mugs with broken handles, old buckets, colanders, even old tyres or a wheelbarrow; vegetable seeds (onions, lettuce, carrots and tomatoes grow well from seeds); old wooden spoons; craft paint and koki pens; potting soil; compost what to do: Decorate your wooden spoons and write the name of the vegetables.

Place potting soil and compost in your containers. Sprinkle the seeds on top and then cover lightly with soil. Plant your wooden spoons in the containers and then arrange the containers to form a pleasing configuration. Remember to water your seeds and wait patiently for your vegetables to start growing.

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PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.com

eggshell herb people

solar oven

pinhole camera

Most of the earth’s energy comes from the sun. You can use this energy to create your own solar oven, which can heat up to 200°C on a sunny day. what you need: empty pizza box; tinfoil; plastic cling wrap; thick black cardboard; stick or dowel what to do: Make a flap in the lid of the pizza box by cutting along three sides, leave a 2cm rim between the flap and the edge of the box. Fold the flap over so that it stands up when the box lid is closed. Cover the inside of the flap with tinfoil (shiny side up) so that it can reflect the sun’s rays. Open the box and tape a double layer of cling wrap securely over the opening you cut for the flap. Make sure that it’s airtight. Line the bottom of the box with tinfoil (shiny side up) and cover it with thick black cardboard. Take your oven to a sunny spot and adjust the flap so that it reflects lots of sunlight through the plastic window. Use your stick or dowel to prop your flap open at a right angle. Try melting some cheese on toast. Get creative by adding tomatoes, fresh herbs or even pineapple and mushrooms.

The first camera was invented over 2 000 years ago. It was a very simple device using a box, a pinhole and light to create an image. what you need: a cardboard tube (like the kind crisps come in); wax paper; an elastic band; a drawing pin; tinfoil or thick black cardboard what to do: Make a hole in the centre bottom of the tube using the drawing pin. Cut a piece of wax paper big enough to cover the opening of the container. Wrap the wax paper over the top of the tube and stretch the elastic band around the opening of the container to secure the wax paper in place. Wrap a sheet of tinfoil or thick black cardboard around the camera to keep the light out. Stand in a dark room and point the bottom of the container out of the window, making sure that it’s pointing at a brightly lit object. When you look at the wax paper, the scene reflected through the pinhole will appear upside down.

growing cards Plant these cards in the ground and watch them turn into flowers. what you need: 1,5 cups of newspaper torn into 2,5 centimetre strips; bowl of warm water; masking tape; baking tray; piece of fine wire mesh (window mesh works well; make sure that the piece is slightly smaller than your baking tray); seeds such as marigold or lobelia; towel what to do: Place the strips of newspaper in the bowl of warm water and soak them overnight. Fold strips of masking tape around the edges of the wire mesh to make it easier to handle. Mix the mushy paper well, gradually adding fresh water until the mixture looks like a creamy “soup” (you can use a blender if you like). Add water to the baking tray until it’s a quarter full, then pour in your paper mixture. Add the flower seeds and mix well with your hands. Slip the screen into the pan so that it slides under the pulp and seeds. Lift the screen gently and make sure that you catch the pulp mixture in an even layer on top and allow the water to drain off. Lay the screen on a towel and let your paper dry for at least 24 hours. When your paper is completely dry, gently remove it from the screen. You can add a drop of food colouring to the mixture to make different coloured paper. Write a message on the cards and you have a note and a gift all rolled into one.

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miniature garden A terrarium is a closed environment that allows you to create your own little ecosystem – rainforest or desert, whichever you prefer. what you need: empty two-litre plastic cold drink bottle with lid; small plants (miniature ferns, African violets and small palms work well); potting soil what to do: Remove the label from the bottle, and clean the inside and cap well. Cut the bottle near the bottom (where the label used to be). Fill the base with soil and plant your plants. Place the cap on the bottle and wedge the upper half of the bottle onto the base (you may have to play around a bit to get it to fit). Place your terrarium in a sunny spot and water your plants as regularly as they require it. You might like to place coloured glass, rocks, dinosaurs or fairies inside your bottle before sealing it and watch your terrarium turn into a mini wonderland as your plants grow.

shoebox zen garden The Zen garden originated in Japan where they’re made with sand or gravel, which is raked into beautiful patterns. The shoebox version is a great way to display special holiday treasures such as shells and pebbles. what you need: shoebox lid; fine sand (such as sandpit sand); pebbles, small rocks, shells; plastic fork what to do: Fill the shoebox lid with sand. Arrange the pebbles and shells in the lid. Now use the plastic fork to rake patterns in the sand.

December 2016 / January 2017

19

adventure

SIMCHA VAN BEL-DU PLOOY tells how she and her daughter one

t

day found themselves “up a tree” and glad for it.

ree climbing is something I had not done in years and a joy that I had long forgotten. But, I recently came to rediscover it when, one afternoon, I found myself in the branches of a tree in my local park, alongside my child. As we sat there, breathing a self-satisfied sigh, we smiled and looked below us. Being way up here was rejuvenating because, says author of The Tree Climbers Guide, Jack Cooke, the tree climb gave me the space, quite literally, for fresh perspective.

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December 2016 / January 2017

the discovery

From that day, tree climbing became part of our lives. In fact, I generally find myself having to coerce my daughter out of a tree because, when she she’s up there, she’s never bored. It’s also become important for my relationship with my child, because this is something we can do together.

As a result of the unexpected impact tree climbing has had on me – the deepened connection with my daughter, and reconnecting with my inner-child in the process

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PHOTOGRAPH AND ILLUSTRATION: SHUTTERSTOCK.com

tree-monkey fun

the journey

For children, this heightened sensory experience is where the magic happens.

– I started to explore the topic in order to understand its charm. When climbing a tree, you feel its bark, you smell its leaves, you see the light shine through its branches, and when there is a light breeze, it’s as if you’re hearing the tree dance; if you are lucky, there may be small insects or a nest to discover. According to Cape Town occupational therapist Romy Kruger, this heightened sensory experience is where the magic happens for children.

After that day, during visits with friends, we would soon have all the children, and some of the parents, in the trees. Interestingly, they all preferred the tree to the jungle gym. Perhaps this is because of the excitement of the risk involved, but Henk Oosthuizen, who is a specialised children’s sports coach in Cape Town, points out that, “Tree climbing usually causes nothing more than some scratches and, in most cases, experiencing a mild fall is useful as it leads to better risk assessment the next time.” Or maybe it’s the imaginary world that tree climbing unlocks – pretending to be monkeys swinging in the tree, koalas hugging the trunk or cheetahs stretching across a branch. “Trees are the original playground for children,” notes Kruger.

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Each tree, with its own uniqueness, offers a new adventure and learning experience. Walking with my child, we focus on spotting the best trees to climb, and when approaching a tree, we have to navigate it to determine which branches are the strongest and can hold our weight. With every tree climb session, my daughter appears to be more aware of her environment, and it helps develop her problem-solving skills and teaches her risk assessment. “Trees challenge the body and inspire the creative mind,” says Kruger.

Also, according to Oosthuizen, “Heaving your body weight through various movements in the tree, uses practically all the muscle groups in the body”. The higher a child climbs, says Kruger, the greater he balances. “He’s having to use his vestibular system to interpret the movement and gain a good understanding of where he is in relation to gravity.”

Oosthuizen points out the benefits of tree climbing for the development of a child’s fundamental skills, such as hand-eye and foot-eye coordination, when they’re finding a solid foot and hand grip in this three-dimensional world where branches are coming at them from all directions.

Cape Town-based biokinetisist J.A. van Wyk describes how, when they are climbing trees, children are performing complex movements such as crossing the midline without being cognitively aware they are doing so. Thanks to the variety of challenges waiting to be conquered, children stand to feel success and gain increased self-confidence while up a tree.

One of the biggest perks of tree climbing is that it is free.

While our cities have amazing indoor recreational options, such as trampoline parks, climbing gyms and ice rinks, these do not come cheap and accessing these regularly is simply not an option for many families. As such, in my life, an activity has gone from being an old forgotten memory to being happily re-lived in my parenting years.

the healing power Treehab

is

a

specialised

tree-climbing

rehabilitation and therapy that was developed

by Dr. John Gathright in Japan. It has helped thousands of children with physical disabilities and emotional trauma by lessening their pain and depression symptoms. Research has been done in order to understand how people change when they climb trees. They measured pulse and stress hormone levels on the ground and again in the trees and they studied pain sensitivity.

Time and again, their research showed the positive effects tree climbing was having on the children. Even more interesting, they collected the same data while climbing concrete towers and discovered the effects were not as strong – not even when the tower was in the same forest.

So, it’s not just about climbing. It’s about being in the presence of a tree.

December 2016 / January 2017

21

parenting

family marketplace

why parents fight Most new parents struggle with the transition from carefree couple to tired, stressed-out parents. See if any of these arguments sound familiar… and then learn how to fix the underlying problems. By MARK VAN DIJK

a

s a parent, your life is divided into two periods: Before Children and After Children. As you navigate the change from one period to the next, you’ll face a few areas of potential spousal disagreement – ranging from differing ideas of how to raise the child, to resentment over the distribution of labour, to awkwardness around the changes in your relationship.

Anthony Hawthorn, a marriage counsellor at the Family and Marriage Society of South Africa (Famsa), has seen his share of squabbling parents. Through his work, he’s heard a few accusations flying between moms and dads. See how many of these you recognise from your own arguments… and then follow Hawthorn’s advice on how to fix the problem.

i’m doing all the work “The biggest issue is division of labour,” says Hawthorn. “Many moms come out of careers to have babies, and then have to re-enter the job market three months later because the family can’t survive on one salary. So her point of view is: ‘I work a full day, then come home and work all night, taking care of the baby. All you do is go to your day job.’”

you’re never home Some dads are absent from home for long periods, either stuck in the office or travelling for work – and this can bring its frustrations. “Mom feels she can’t say anything, because Dad is supporting the family financially,” says Hawthorn. “But that doesn’t change the fact that her emotional needs are not being met. And then when Dad is home, and he tries to embrace the child, they cry because they don’t know who Dad is! Things spiral from there: Dad feels inadequate, so he comes home even less… and that puts immense stress on the relationship.”

you feel… different Most men struggle with the transition from newlywed with lots of intimacy to new Dad who doesn’t get enough or not at all. “Some also struggle to adjust to the changes in their partner’s body, and feel uncomfortable initiating or engaging in sex,” says Hawthorn. “It’s not often spoken about, but it can be a problem – and it can bring an element of awkwardness into their sexual experience. I’ve worked with couples who’ve had to process the fact that she’s physically different, and they’re both getting used to her new body.”

stop telling me what to do “Sometimes the things that attract a couple to each other become their Achilles heel further down the line,” says Hawthorn. “So you’ll hear one partner tell the other: ‘I married you because you know what you want in life, but now that we’re parenting our child, you keep telling me what to do!’”

This, Hawthorn explains, falls under what therapists call Family of Origin issues. New parents – who, let’s face it, aren’t exactly given a handbook on how to raise babies – often revert to what they know… and what they know is what their own parents did. The differences between the two parents’ upbringings can cause huge issues.

don’t smack my child “Discipline is an area where Family of Origin really comes into play,” says Hawthorn. If one parent believes in the “spare the rod, spoil the child” school of smacks, while the other one is more into time-outs, you have a problem on your hands.

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December 2016 / January 2017

magazine cape town

ILLUSTRATION: SHUTTERSTOCK.com

my dad never changed a nappy in his life

we can’t afford that Many new parents fight about money – but, Hawthorn points out, money might not be what they’re really fighting about. “Children can be a trigger for other issues,” he says. “When a couple is newly married, it’s very easy to avoid conflict because – other than their careers – there are few external stressors that show up the fracture lines in their relationship. A child makes both parents vulnerable: you’re sleep-deprived, you have no free time to yourself and you can no longer use sex to hide your issues.”

you’ve changed “I hear this a lot in couples’ therapy,” says Hawthorn. “The truth is, you do change when you have a child, and sometimes one partner simply doesn’t like what the other has become. Some men don’t like the maternal role their partner takes on, especially in the early years where the mother and the infant almost have a shared identity.”

If one parent believes in the “spare the rod, spoil the child” school of smacks, while the other one is more into time-outs, you have a problem on your hands. stop fighting, start talking “There’s a simple solution to these problems,” says Hawthorn. “In the early part of our relationship, it’s easy to mask your issues with intimacy and passion – and besides, very few people enter into a relationship with problem-solving skills.

We assume that if we can solve problems at work we can solve problems in our relationship. But the same rules don’t apply: in a relationship you have to find a solution that works for both parties. This transition into parenthood can be especially difficult for someone who comes from an industry where you have to be very decisive, because what you see as being decisive, your partner can see as being abusive.”

“As a couple you have to learn – often for the first time – to really communicate.

Real communication involves identifying problems, finding possible solutions, and deciding on what works best for both parties without either parent compromising themselves, and what is in the best interest of the child.

“Dad’s primary responsibility, especially when the child is an infant, is to hold the emotional needs of his partner. If Mom feels emotionally supported, that sense of safety transfers to the child and the child feels secure. He doesn’t even have to be physically present: it’s about the way Dad is represented in the home and the way Mom talks about him, so when he does come home, that relationship is already formed in the child’s mind.”

magazine cape town

December 2016 / January 2017

23

recipes

festive food b

lake is a little bit shy, but he wants cake. So he settles down in the lounge with a huge piece and, once he’s polished it off and had his request for a second piece turned down, entertains himself by climbing all over his mom Leela.

He’s a normal, happy little boy, but Leela says this is a recent development.

Soon after Blake was born, his parents discovered that he had severe food allergies and eczema.

The first tests came back with two pages of foods that Blake couldn’t eat. When he was three years old, Leela found out that he was also allergic to grass, sweat and hay, among other things. Blake’s reactions, from chronic eczema to leaky gut, meant that Leela had to make some big changes to his diet. And rather than cooking two meals every night, she started the whole family on the Gaps Diet. This diet, consisting of soups and broths, along with plenty of probiotics for Blake, made a big difference.

Leela took the diet a step further.

“Baking is my happy place,” says the mom of three little boys. So she taught herself to bake without sugar, dairy or gluten, and recently added egg yolks to this list. Blake adjusted easily – he understood that certain foods made him feel sick. Leela happily explains that he has even started school a few days a week, something she never expected to happen. Luke, the oldest, found it harder to adjust, but with the new diet, his teacher noticed that his concentration

for the fussy

improved. Max, the youngest, has never had sugar or gluten, and he’s doing very well without it.

Blake’s allergies do make holidays and parties a little challenging. For parties at home, Leela makes all the snacks.

For Christmas, she’ll make biscuits that the children can decorate. Holidays are important for Leela and her family, and while many hotels do cater for allergies, there is still plenty of preparation needed. They usually go with self-catering, but even at hotels Leela makes pancakes or toast for Blake, and takes it to the dining room so he can eat with the family.

Leela makes most of their food from scratch, although she does keep glutenfree bread in the freezer for emergencies.

She has learnt a lot about foods and allergens, and reads the ingredients on every label. Blake loves sausages on the braai, but these contain gluten and MSG, so Leela wants to start making her own (even though she is vegetarian).

She chooses organic meat, tree nuts and makes her own almond milk. She has had to learn to bake again, using all of these ingredients. But her children are happy with the new food and proud of their mom for making healthy ice cream and even sugar-free muffins for baker’s day.

Leela’s recipes are mostly sugarand gluten-free and, where possible, give substitutes for common allergenic foods. All of her recipes are double tested and child-approved.

Baking is my happy place, so I taught myself to bake without sugar, dairy or gluten.

Cooking for allergies can be a challenge, especially for special occasions.

TAMLYN VINCENT speaks to one mom who tells us how she does it, and shares some of her family’s favourite recipes.

gluten- and dairy-free christmas cake ingredients ✻✻ 500g mixed dried fruit: 150g dried apricots, roughly chopped into small pieces 150g dried dates, roughly chopped into small pieces 100g dried prunes, roughly chopped into small pieces 100g glacé cherries, roughly chopped ✻✻ 150ml amaretto, or alcohol or juice of your choice ✻✻ 150g coconut sugar or xylitol ✻✻ 125g vegan butter or coconut butter (butter if you can eat dairy)

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125g virgin organic coconut oil 1 lemon’s zest and juice 1 orange’s zest and juice 2 tsp mixed spice 1 tsp ground cinnamon ½ tsp ground nutmeg 1 tsp vanilla extract 100g ground almonds 175g plain gluten-free flour 2 tsp ground flaxseeds (I do mine in my coffee grinder) ✻✻ ½ tsp baking powder ✻✻ 6 free-range eggs, beaten (substitute for 6 flax eggs if you can’t eat egg)

method Place the mixed fruits (you could use what you have) into a large bowl and cover with 150ml alcohol or juice. Leave to soak for at least six hours.

Meanwhile prepare your tin. Line a deep 20cm round cake tin with two layers of baking parchment. Wrap two layers of baking parchment around the outside of the tin too and secure with string.

Once the fruit has soaked, take a huge pan (I use my pressure cooker) and melt the coconut oil and butter, along with the sugar.

Once melted, remove from the heat and add the spices, orange and lemon zest and juice, vanilla extract and soaked fruit. Stir well.

Add the remaining dry ingredients and stir well again.

Finally add the beaten eggs and stir to combine.

Place the mixture in your prepared tin and place in a pre-heated oven at 150°C (130°C fan) or gas mark 2, for two hours.

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Remove from the oven, spike all over with a skewer or fork and drizzle with two tablespoons of alcohol or juice of choice.

Leave to cool in the tin before wrapping in the baking parchment and storing away in an airtight container.

I “feed” my cake every two weeks with two tablespoons Cointreau. Use whatever alcohol or juice you like, as this will ensure it is lovely and moist. Remember to wrap the cake back up and store in the container after every “feed”.

Leave the cake for a week without “feeding” it before icing to make sure the icing sticks. magazine cape town

PHOTOGRAPHS: ALEXIS DIACK / LEELA JIRAN

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gluten-free gingerbread men

ingredients ✻✻ 2,5 cups almond flour ✻✻ ⅓ cup ground flaxseed ✻✻ ½ tsp baking soda ✻✻ 2 Tbs ground ginger ✻✻ 1 tsp fresh ginger, grated ✻✻ 1½ tsp cinnamon ✻✻ ½ tsp ground nutmeg

coconut snow cookies ingredients ✻✻ 1 cup apple sauce ✻✻ 2 Tbs chia seeds, ground ✻✻ ½ cup coconut nectar or use pure maple syrup ✻✻ ½ cup coconut butter, melted ✻✻ ½ cup coconut oil, melted ✻✻ ¼ tsp almond extract ✻✻ ¼ tsp vanilla extract

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2 tsp baking soda ⅔ cup arrowroot powder ⅔ cup coconut flour ⅔ cup almond flour 1½ cup shredded and unsweetened coconut ✻✻ 1 cup powdered xylitol or erythritol (blend into a fine powder, to look like powdered sugar)

method Preheat oven to 180°C In a large bowl, mix together apple sauce, chia seeds, coconut nectar, coconut butter, coconut oil and extracts.

Once mixed, add in arrowroot, coconut flour, almond flour and coconut.

Beat with electric mixture or work with hands.

Roll dough into balls, flatten between hands, placing cookies on a parchment paper lined cookie sheet.

Bake for 15 minutes Remove from oven and place on a cooling rack.

After 10 minutes of cooling, roll in powdered sugar and leave to fully cool.

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✻✻ ✻✻ ✻✻ ✻✻ ✻✻

½ tsp ground cloves ½ tsp vanilla powder ¼ cup coconut oil, melted ¼ cup honey 1 egg, lightly beaten (or flax egg for a vegan substitute ) ✻✻ 50g sugar-free white chocolate, melted

method Combine almond flour, flaxseed, baking soda, ground ginger, fresh ginger, cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves and vanilla powder in a large mixing bowl and stir until well combined.

Add coconut oil, honey and egg to the bowl with the dry ingredients and mix until well combined.

Roll mixture into a ball and wrap in cling film. Put in freezer for 30 minutes and then transfer to fridge for another 30 minutes.

Remove the dough from the cling film and place between two large pieces of baking paper. With a rolling pin roll the dough out to around 3mm thick.

With a gingerbread cookie cutter, cut into shapes. The dough is delicate so it is best to remove the remaining dough from the outside of the cut-out cookie and take a sharp knife or metal spatula under the cookie and carefully place on a tray lined with baking paper.

Bake for 10 minutes at 160°C or until golden. They should still be slightly soft when they come out of the oven.

Allow the cookies to completely cool.

Melt the white chocolate and add to a piping bag with a thin nozzle. Pipe on the chocolate to decorate the cookies with your favourite design.

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Find more recipes on Facebook: Mommy Knows Best or on Instagram: @leelaloo

December 2016 / January 2017

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resource

Worried about all the back-to-school prep? CHILD MAGAZINE compiled this guide to help you with morning

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strategies, homework, lunchbox solutions, organisation tips and more.

getting from A to B

Parents might be quite glad to see the little ones going back to school, but getting them there and back can be a mad dash, so be prepared. Getting your child ready and at school on time can be a chore, for both of you, but by creating a plan, and sticking to it, you can reduce the morning madness. ✻✻ Will you be walking, driving, or making use of a school bus, lift service or car pool? ✻✻ When starting at a new school, practise your route to school beforehand to eliminate any anxiety. ✻✻ Establish a safe pick-up and drop-off spot. ✻✻ Make sure you use the right car seat for your child. This will depend on your child’s height and weight and the type of vehicle. ✻✻ If you are going to be making use of a lift service, introduce your child to the driver of the lift service so that they feel more at ease once school starts. Check that your car seat fits properly in the lift car and that the driver knows how to correctly install it. If they supply a car seat, check that it is appropriate for your child. ✻✻ Will the lift service be able to take your child to and from extramurals or do you need to make other arrangements?

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magazine cape town

PHOTOGRAPH LEFT: Highbury Preparatory School hps.co.za | ALL OTHER PHOTOGRAPHS AND ILLUSTRATIONS: SHUTTERSTOCK.com

back to school

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magazine cape town

gearing up The correct school accessories are essential for children who are going to be starting classes. ✻✻ Before “going to town” and purchasing hair accessories, clothing and shoes, check your school’s code of conduct for their requirements. ✻✻ Uniforms can be purchased in bigger sizes so that they last longer. ✻✻ As children’s feet are continually growing, you should buy the school shoes as close to the start of school as possible. ✻✻ Will your child need a haircut or a few hair accessories to keep their hair tied back? Hair styles and accessories may need to adhere to school regulations. ✻✻ Get a sturdy bag that won’t put strain on your child’s back when they have to lug all those books and stationery to and around school. An orthopedically designed school bag that has extra padding will distribute the weight evenly on your child’s back. ✻✻ Junior is kitted out and ready to go, but you don’t want them coming back from school with half their stuff missing. Be sure to label everything using markers, or iron-on, sew-on or stick-on labels.

pen and paper Without the correct school supplies and gear, children can have a hard time keeping up with their lessons and keeping pace with the rest of the school. ✻✻ Armed with the school’s stationery and textbook list, you can do all your shopping from the comfort of your home. There are several suppliers with online stores that offer delivery to the school or your home. ✻✻ Check with your school for their suggested supplier. The stationery and textbook list may be preloaded on their website for your convenience. ✻✻ You can also check the school’s shop for any second-hand textbooks. ✻✻ Don’t forget to get all the necessary materials to wrap the books – pre-cut book covers (check if you need school specific covers), plastic covers, craft paper, plastic rolls and labels. ✻✻ If your school makes use of tablets, check if you need to supply a tablet and at what specs. Also ask if you need to download any software or e-books. There are several CAPS-approved textbooks that are available as e-books.

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resource

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gadgets galore Probably the biggest change in education over the last few decades has been the introduction of new technology. Parents should keep up with the ever-changing digital world. ✻✻ Some schools require children to use tablets or laptops, while others may allow children to use these during class time, homework time or for specific subjects. This may depend on the grade your child is in. Check with your school as to their policy on tablets and laptops. ✻✻ If tablets or laptops are allowed, you can use them to download reference books, such as a dictionary. You may also be able to find digital textbooks. ✻✻ Some children may be allowed to take cellphones to school. Most schools will allow this, especially for older children, but with limits as to when phones can be used. ✻✻ Depending on where your child is in his school career, you may consider getting him a portable hard drive or USB drive, a portable charger or headphones. ✻✻ The software and apps that you place on your child’s tablet or laptop will probably depend on his age and on what is recommended by the school. But you can include items like Google Docs and office software (which will depend on the make of your laptop or tablet).

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health first

Whether your child is entering school for the first time or is about to graduate, back-to-school time is a good opportunity for parents to check up on their children’s health. ✻✻ Teeth Visit the dentist when your child is four or five years old, and schedule regular check-ups every six months after that. ✻✻ Eyes Children’s eyes should be checked when they are between three and five years old, and again when they start school. If children do have vision problems, their eyes should be checked every year or as prescribed.

If your child hasn’t had any problems with his vision, get a check-up every two years. ✻✻ Worms Deworm children every six months, starting just before they go back to school.

This means that they’ll be dewormed every January and every July. ✻✻ Vaccines Your child’s immunisations should be up to date. Check your Road to Health card to see which vaccinations are needed – most are required before children are 18 months old, with boosters needed at six and 12 years old. If any are required, or have been missed, visit a family clinic as soon as possible. ✻✻ Medication If your child needs to take any medication to school, you will need to check what the school’s policy is on dispensing medicine.

skill up Child development is not just about academic ability.

There are a number of ways to help your child prepare for other aspects of school life. ✻✻ Ask about the potty-training policy at your toddler’s preschool. Many preschools do assist with potty training, but if your child is ready during the holidays, get this “complex” issue over and done with. ✻✻ Social skills that are necessary for preschool include sharing, taking turns, playing with peers, and participating in pretend play. Playdates are the best environment to learn these skills.

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✻✻ Prior to preschool, teach your child his full name, his parents’ names, and street name and number. Some preschoolers may even remember a phone number. ✻✻ Track everyone’s activities on a prominent and accessible calendar, encouraging your child to write her own entries and reference the calendar when making plans. ✻✻ Buy your older child a planner or a white board. Your child can make to-do lists, map out assignments or write down things she wants to remember. ✻✻ If your child is allowed a cellphone in school for emergencies, make sure they know who to call, and how to access important numbers.

lunch time Make lunch planning and packing easy with these ideas. The emphasis should be on nutritional meals and functional lunchboxes. ✻✻ Get children a small cooler to take to school for lunches and snacks. This way, they won’t spill anything in their school bags, or forget about half-eaten sandwiches until the end of term. You can go for a cooler bag or box, but if children have a locker or designated bag area, ensure that the cooler box will fit. ✻✻ You’ll also need plenty of lunch boxes and plastic containers for sandwiches and snacks. ✻✻ Get a few juice bottles, as on days with lots of sport, your child may want to take two bottles to school. ✻✻ Pack enough healthy foods to get your child through the day, avoiding any junk food, sugary food and fizzy drinks. Some schools do allow treats on certain days – find out which and save treats for these days. ✻✻ Find out if any children in the class have any food allergies, especially if you’re supplying birthday treats or baker day items. ✻✻ If there is a tuck shop at school, limit tuck shop lunches to once or twice a week and encourage your child to choose healthier options.

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timing is everything

After weeks of school holidays and playing, it can be challenging for children to go back to school.

Parents could try these tips to get a routine going. ✻✻ Get back into a normal routine a week before school begins. Gradually make bedtimes earlier and rise earlier. Practise being ready (washed, dressed, having breakfast) by a certain time.

Also eat meals at similar times daily to provide consistency in their transition from home to school.

For preschoolers and toddlers, get the crèche or daycare schedule and try to imitate this.

“Re-introduce” your older child to school by looking at the coming term’s calendar together, counting down the days and chatting about the year ahead in a positive way.

Young children often live in the moment, so to reconnect with the school can go a long way toward reducing any anxiety about going back.

Don’t neglect the afternoon schedule. Your goal in creating a good back-to-school routine is to get in the habit of doing certain things at specific times, for example scale down on television time during term when this is the period your child will be doing homework.

Stay school ready during the holidays. Stock up on interesting and educational reading materials and games. Keep your child’s mind active with daily chores such as writing up the grocery list or tallying up the restaurant tab. And keep them active. Go for family bike rides or walks and have family swim galas.

Practise certain milestones. Should your child be able to tie his own shoelaces, do a tie knot or pack their own lunch? Then overcome this challenge when everyone is more relaxed. magazine cape town

December 2016 / January 2017

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Access an extended calendar online at

calendar

what’s on in

dec 2016/jan 2017

childmag.co.za

or submit an event for February before 6 January to capetown@ childmag.co.za

Compiled by MARINA ZIETSMAN

The South African Table Tennis Board is hosting the gathering of the world`s best junior table tennis players.

The championship brings together the top 19 countries and the host country for under 18 boys and girls. The tournament runs at Grand West Casino until 7 December.

Book through computicket.com

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Annie This new production of Annie has a starstudded line-up. Set during The Great Depression, young Annie is forced to live a life of misery and torment at Miss Hannigan’s orphanage.

The show runs until 8 January at the Artscape Opera House.

Book through computicket.com

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December – Dinos Alive This is an experience that takes you on a journey to a time where dinosaurs were the rulers of the planet. It’s filled with lots of activities for children, which run at different time slots until 8 January at the Cape Gate Shopping Centre. Book through computicket.com Wildebraam Berry Festival The festival takes place from 9am–4pm at Wildebraam Estate in Hermitage Valley, Swellendam. There are loads of activities such as berry picking, a craft market, pony rides, Boere sport, a jumping castle, puppet shows and more. The farm’s berry-picking season is also open until end of December, where you can pick your own berries. For more info on the festival and berry season: wildebraam.co.za

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3 Clever Cooks

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December 2016 / January 2017

From 6pm–8pm the school presents their annual fundraising event where the learners show off their recycled creations. Art and craft items made by the children (and/or their families) from recyclable products are auctioned off. The event is at the Pringle Bay Community Hall in Pringle Bay and entry is free.

For more info contact them on 083 796 5842 or info@ pringlehouse.org

2 Silk Workshop circus showcase Performed by the students, circus acts range from Chinese pole to high wire, strength acts and acrobatics as well as aerial silks, lyra and much more. The showcase is at San Circus, Willow Rd, Hartleyvale, Observatory and starts at 7:30pm. Book through computicket.com Cherry picking

Quivertree Publications is hosting a children’s (2–6 year olds) food workshop designed by dietitians specialising in paediatrics. The workshop is run by Kath Megaw and partners and is designed to expose children to sensory experiences, teach them about healthy ingredients and it touches on the development of fine motor skills. The workshop is from 10am at the Quivertree Publications Artisan Market, 147 Main Rd, Rondebosch and costs R120. Booking is essential. Contact them on 021 686 6849 or thembela@quivertree.co.za

4 St Luke’s Hospice Tree Lightning ceremony Celebrate the lives of loved ones lost, and those still suffering, by viewing the lighting of the pine tree. Join in carols and buy something to eat from the vendors. The ceremony starts at 6pm at 92 Harfield Rd, Kenilworth. For more info: stlukes.co.za

Pringle House Eco Primary School Trashion Show

Travel by luxury bus with the Cape Natural History Club to Klondyke Cherry Farm between Ceres and Touws River. Pick, pack and taste the cherry varieties that are available. Pay for what you pick and take it home. Bring your own picnic to eat in the shade of the trees. Deadline for booking and payment is 21 November. Departure points are 7:30am at Garfield Rd, Plumstead and the fountains in Heerengracht.

The bus returns at 3pm. Tickets are R280 per person and for more info contact them on 021 825 9825, 063 061 7878, 083 495 0952 or info@ capenaturalhistoryclub.co.za

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Twilight Team Run

The annual Community Chest event unofficially earmarks the start of the festive season. About 10 000 walkers, runners and skaters make their way from Darling Street at the Grand Parade for 4km through the CBD and back to the starting point again. Participants showcasing their creative costume design talents can enter the dress-up competition, which is at 5:30pm. The race starts at 7pm.

Afterwards participants can enjoy the Twilight Festival on the Grand Parade.

For more info: comchest.org.za

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Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs This is the story of Snow White, who has to run away from her wicked stepmother, who is jealous of Snow White’s beauty. In the forest she meets the seven dwarfs. It runs until 23 December. For dates, times and cost: artscape.co.za or computicket.com magazine cape town

PHOTOGRAPHS AND ILLUSTRATIONS: SHUTTERSTOCK.com

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November 2016 World Junior Table Tennis Championship

magazine cape town

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calendar

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When Lion had Wings

This family show is based on a Khoikhoi folktale. It’s a story about a flying lion who is bullying all the animals, and the flightless vultures who become his slaves. Funny frogs lead the animals to discover their own talents and stand up to the bully. Insights into the behaviour of humans and wild animals are revealed. It’s on at 10am also on 12–15 December at The Masque Theatre foyer, 37 Main Rd, Muizenberg. Tickets are R50. For more info: 021 788 1898 or bookings@ masquetheatre.co.za

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World Sevens Rugby Series The HSBC series is in Cape Town for the first time at the Cape Town Stadium. The family stand is alcohol-free and it’s close to the Kiddies Play Village. Matches start 10:15am and on 11 December at 10:30am. Book through computicket.com

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December 2016 / January 2017

Somerset Mall pump track The track is suitable and safe for all skill levels and any size bicycle, including scooters.

They provide scooters, BMXs and protective gear or take your own. It’s open until 23 December from 9:30am–5:30pm and costs R30. For more info: somersetmall.co.za Clicks Baby Club and Paed IQ Baby Bootcamp From 9am–1pm guests can expect breakfast, goodie bags, expert advice and competitions. Speakers include paediatricians, midwives, psychologists, dieticians and biokineticists – all aimed at helping moms and dads prepare for the arrival of their baby. The bootcamp is at the Protea Hotel Fire and Ice, New Church St, Tamboerskloof. For more info: paediq.com

Christmas light shows, buskers and carols

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Until 17 December, 8:30pm–9:30pm, visitors to Victoria Wharf at the V&A Waterfront will be dazzled with a beautiful display of coloured light patterns, all set to Christmas-themed music, carols and performances.

And until 19 December from 10:30am–2:30pm you can enjoy buskers and carols at the Flagpole Terrace. The performances are free. For more info: waterfront.co.za

Snake and reptile show with Wild Magazine Enjoy an interactive experience with snakes and reptiles from Imhoff Snake Park from 10am–11am.

From 11am–12pm tackle the in-store climbing wall with experienced staff.​ The fun is at Cape Union Mart in Canal Walk. RSVP to wildevents@sanparks.org

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magazine cape town

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Terra Cotta Army and the First Emperor of China China’s greatest army was immortalised in clay in 209BC, and now this recreation of the original exhibition is in SA. It runs until 12 February at the Jubilee Hall, Watershed, V&A Waterfront. To book tickets: webtickets.co.za The Elves and the Shoemaker

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This magical fairytale takes place in Cape Town where a shoemaker lives with his wife. They are very poor and are worried that they will not be able to sell any shoes. Two young elves pay them a visit and change their lives forever, making it the best time they have ever had. Watch as the elves turn pieces of leather into beautiful shoes and join the shoemaker and his wife for their Christmas party with their new friends. This is a fairytale classic for children to enjoy. The play is at the Nassau Theatre Centre, Groote Schuur High School, Palmyra Rd, Newlands until 17 December at 10:30am.

Tickets are R70 through computicket.com.

magazine cape town

Festival of White Lights Get the festive season off to a good start when Spier Wine Estate is transformed by Jay Pather into a light-filled, multi-sensory, cross-cultural wonderland. Entertainment includes opera singers, a choir, large-scale dance performances and video and light installations.

Arrive early and enjoy a picnic dinner before the procession starts (pre-book these from the Spier Deli). The festivities start at 7pm and tickets range from R65–R165 (not including picnic costs). For more info: spier.co.za

Zip Zap presents Upside Down Town Until 20 December, 4pm–5pm, experience the usual high-paced thrills from the school and watch acts like juggling, triple trapeze and more. The show takes place at the V&A Waterfront Amphitheatre and it’s free.

Contact them on 074 668 5802 or marcelle@zip-zap.co.za

11 Concerts in the garden Enjoy a sunset picnic and live music at Kirstenbosch Gardens.

This month’s line-up is: today at 5pm the Parlotones and Richard Stirton, 26 December 5:30pm Prime Circle, 31 December 8:30pm Johnny Clegg and Slow Jack. Book tickets through webtickets.co.za

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Christmas Carols at Middelvlei

Father Christmas makes his appearance on his tractor at Middelvlei Wine Estate’s annual sunset carols. Enjoy Christmas carols as the sun sets over the Middelvlei dam, while a braai is being prepared. Father Christmas also delivers the presents.

This event benefits Stellenbosch Youth Outreach.

Booking is essential. The event starts at 6:30pm and it costs R185; children pay R70.

The Middelvlei Wine Estate is on Flamingo St in Stellenbosch. For more info: middelvlei.co.za

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calendar

Delvera full-moon hike

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Experience the outdoors with magnificent views of the Cape Peninsula. Enjoy a leisurely 9,75km hike on a marked circle route through the vineyards, traversing the Yellow Wood forest to the top of Klapmuts Kop in the heart of the Greater Simonsberg Conservancy.

Picnics are available. The hike starts at 5:30pm at the Dirtopia Trail Centre, Delvera Farm, on the R44 between Klapmuts and Stellenbosch and it costs R70; children under 10 years old pay R30. Contact them on 021 884 4752 or info@dirtopia.co.za

Carols by candlelight Enjoy a picnic on the Great Lawn at Vergelegen Estate before celebrating Christmas with carol singing and a Christmas pageant under the stars. It starts at 7:30pm and you can book through computicket.com

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Peter Pan and Tinkerbell This ballet tells the story of a boy who never ages, who spends his never-ending childhood adventuring on the small island of Neverland. It’s on at the Artscape Theatre until 8 January. For dates, times and costs: artscape.co.za

Nivea Sunslide

The Nivea Sunslide is the first of its kind in the world and is making its way to South African beaches. The giant 4,5 metre high slide uses innovative technology that allows children to get complete sun-protection coverage while sliding down the big blue slide. The sunslide sprays waterproof sunscreen onto children and can cover approximately 100 children in an hour.

Today the slide is in Clifton and on 17 December in Big Bay. For more info: nivea.co.za

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Carols at Kirstenbosch

Join them in the beautiful garden setting, take a glow stick light and take part in carol singing. You can pre-order picnic baskets. The gates open at 6pm and the carols start at 7:45pm. Book tickets for the carols and the picnic baskets through webtickets.co.za

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Hope at Paul Cluver Catch a live show at this intimate, open-air venue and contribute to a good cause. The summer programme includes: 17 December Karen Zoid, 7 January The Parlotones and 28 January Elvis Blue. For more info: cluver.com

it’s party time

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December 2016 / January 2017

magazine cape town

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Cinderella The Lilliput Players presents this family fairytale. It’s at the Baxter Theatre Centre, Main Rd, Rondebosch. The show runs until 24 December at 10:30am and costs R75. To book tickets: computicket.com

Parenting talk This is a talk by Sr Alex Turner on raising Generation Z – a tool kit for parents of 0–10 year olds. The talk is from 9am–10am at the Kids Clinic, 11 Rottingdean Rd, Camps Bay and it costs R85. Booking is essential. Contact them on 021 438 0020 or info@kidsclinic.co.za

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New Year celebrations at V&A Waterfront

From 7pm to midnight see spectacular midnight fireworks, enjoy a festival atmosphere, with different entertainment zones and various carnival-like performers. Visitors in each entertainment zone are treated to themes depicting “earth”, “wind”, “fire” and “water” by means of colour and activity with characters and floats from the Cape Town Carnival, buskers, jugglers and displays by Zip Zap Circus performers. Entertainment is free. For more info: waterfront.co.za

Mykonos Festival The festival showcases live music over a two-day period.

There is a variety of craft and food stalls and a children’s zone. It starts at 10am on 16 and 17 December at Club Mykonos in Langebaan. Book through computicket.com

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magazine cape town

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JANUARY Resolution trail run Enjoy trails with spectacular views. It starts at 6am from Dirtopia Trail Centre, Delvera Farm, on the R44, Klapmuts. For more info: dirtopia.co.za

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Delheim Harvest Festival

This event is one of the first to usher in the grape-picking season.The popular grape stomping is back. It is an ancient tradition across the world that’s symbolic of the fellowship of wine. There is live music and lawn games as well, and the new barrel-rolling races. You can taste Delheim wines with food. Vegetarian options are provided as well as a stand for dessert, an ice-cream truck and free children’s activities. Booking essential. It’s also on 29 January, both days from 12pm–5pm at Delheim Estate, Knorhoek Rd, off the R44, Stellenbosch. It’s R100 entry; children pay R80. Contact them on 021 888 4607 or restaurant@delheim.com

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holiday programmes Art at Montebello On 10 December children 5–10 years old are making Christmas decorations, gift wrap and cards. It runs from 10am–12pm or 2pm–4pm at Montebello Design Centre, 32 Newlands Ave, Newlands. It’s R150 per child. And from 13–15 December they run a holiday club with a focus on fun with art. Book a slot for the three days from 9am–11am or 2pm–4pm. It’s R450 for three days or R150 per session. Contact them on 076 581 1794 or rebecca. solveig@gmail.com Art classes Wendy Adriaan offers weekday art classes for children in Pinelands and at the Frank Joubert Art Centre.

For dates, times and cost contact her on 021 531 8076 or wendyadriaan@telkomsa.net Artjamming holiday workshop The programme is running from 8–23 December on Mondays–Fridays at Artjamming, V&A Waterfront. Children 8 months– 3 years old enjoy messy play from 10am–11:30am with music, entertainment, snacks and a special guest appearance. It costs R165 per class. Children from 5 years and older can book a “Make and Do” art and crafts class on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 11:30am–1pm at R185 per person per day including all materials and a snack pack. To book: messy@artjamming.co.za with all your details and they will send you back a confirmation.

Aunty K’s holiday school They offer full- (8am–5pm) or half-day holiday care from 5–9 December and from 12–15 December. Children 2–12 years old do ageappropriate crafts and enjoy play activities in a secure halaal environment. You can also book a craft activity only from 10am–12pm. Daily rates supplied on booking; craft activity only costs R50. Aunty K’s Party Place is at 22 Littlewoods Rd, Ottery. Contact her on 074 106 0713 or kidsklub1@polka.co.za Canal Walk holiday fun At the Ice Adventure, see animals of the Ice Age and take a ride down ice slides. Also experience what the Ice Age felt like in a sub-zero ice chamber. The Ice Adventure takes place from 2 December–8 January at the centre court from 10am–10pm (sessions start every hour on the hour and it’s closed on 25 December). Tickets are R20–R80. Children can also have their photograph taken with Santa from 2–15 December 10am–6pm and from 16–24 December 10am–10pm. Take a ride with The Canal Walk Express from 2 December– 8 January in the centre court from 10am–5pm. Tickets are R10. For more info: canalwalk.co.za Christmas holiday cooking workshops Children 3–13 years old learn how cook from scratch and they get to take home the treats. It’s at Constantia Tots n Pots, Dreyersdal Rd, Bergvliet and runs on 8, 9, 12, 13, 14 and 15 December between 9am–11am. For costs and to book contact them on 076 816 3892 or constantia@totsnots.com Club V holiday camp The school holiday camps run for three hours per day in Virgin Active Club-V and four hours in Virgin Active Club-V Max. This year’s camps are “Summer and Beach” themed and include games, activities, arts and crafts. Booking open on 5 December. For more info: virginactive.co.za

markets Blaauwklippen Twilight Christmas Market Visit them on 16–20 December from 4pm–10pm, and on Sunday 10am–10pm. The estate is on the R44, just outside Stellenbosch. For more info: blaauwklippen.com Camphill Village Christmas Market The market is on 6 December, 10am–2pm at Camphill Village, Klein Dassenberg Rd on the West Coast. For more info: camphill.org.za Cape Town Gift and Food Fair This four-day fair is at the Castle of Good Hope 20–23 December, 9am–9pm (until

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Cricket School of Excellence holiday clinics They have two clinics running from 12–15 December and 4–6 January, 9am–1pm, for cricketing fun at the UCT Cricket Oval for 4–13 year olds, covering all aspects of the game. It’s R650 per clinic. For more info: cricketschool.co.za Holiday surf camp On 8 and 9 December from 9am–12pm for beginner to intermediate surfers with SA champion Roxy Davis. The fee includes equipment, use of facilities, snacks and hot chocolate. It’s at the Surf Emporium in Muizenberg and costs R350. Contact them on 021 788 8687 or info@surfemporium.co.za Intensive progress-boosting holiday swim clinic From 8–14 December, book 20 minute one-on-one lessons in an indoor, heated 7x4m pool. The clinic runs Monday– Friday between 9am–5pm at Headstart Swim School, 104 Queen Victoria Rd, Claremont. Time slots are from R170 and to book: headstartswim@gmail.com Kidz Discovery They’re offering the Kidz Discovery Fun Factory Holiday Club at The Drive, Camps Bay. It runs from 9:30am–12:30pm, Monday–Thursday, 12–22 December for ages 3–9 years old. Activities are age-specific, so contact them for time slots. Prices vary from R180–R200, which includes a healthy snack. Prepaid bookings essential.

Contact them on 083 654 2494 and email your child’s details to info@kidzdiscovery.co.za Little Professors holiday camp On 13, 14 and 15 December children can learn, experiment, explore and play with science, technology, engineering and maths. For more info: littleprofessors.co.za Musical holiday stage school The Helen O’Grady Drama Academy’s “A Musical in a Week” is performed at the Magnet Theatre after a week of dancing, singing and acting.

This year’s musical is Hamlet – the Musical, a delightful musical based on the story of Shakespeare’s classic. The programme is for children 5–18 years old, runs from 12–17 December from 9am–12pm and costs R1 000 for the week.

It’s at The Athenaeum, Boundary Terraces, 1 Mariendahl Rd, Newlands. Contact them on 021 674 7478, info@ dramaafrica.com or dramaafrica.com Nature Heart They are running workshops at Little Stream, Constantia for children 4–13 years old on 13–15 and 20–22 December, 9:30am–12:30pm. It’s R180 per child per workshop, which includes all materials, a healthy snack and drink. Children will make spiral clay mandalas, nature crowns, miniature birdhouses, seasonal wreaths as well as go on nature treasure hunts, trying land art, stream wading and outdoor games. Book via juliab@cybersmart.co.za Nature’s Treasure Box holiday art workshop On 8 December from 9am–1pm, children 6–9 years old take part in fun games, story telling, and an exploratory walk in Kirstenbosch Garden. Children are given the opportunity to discover the special treasures which nature provides. Back at the centre, they paint and decorate their own treasure box into which they will put the items they collect from nature.

The workshop is at the Gold Fields Environmental Education Centre, Kirstenbosch, Rhodes Dr, Newlands and cost R60.

Contact them on 021 799 8670

4pm on 23 December). Entertainment includes a Henty and Bully puppet show at 10am on 23 December. Contact them on 083 227 3658 or aalstar.events@outlook.com Chilled Market at The Range Conference Centre The market runs every Friday 4:30pm–9:30pm, and the Christmas market is from 21–23 December. From 1 December they also run the Christmas Cracker Charity Drive. The Range is on Orpen Rd, Tokai. Contact them on 021 713 2340, therange.co.za or Facebook: Chilled Market at The Range Christmas Gift Market at Steenberg The market takes place on 15 December at Steenberg Farm in Tokai from 4pm. The carols concert starts 6pm. For more info: steenbergfarm.com

Musical holiday stage school

Network Eco Adventurers holiday fun at Kirstenbosch On 19 and 20 December from 9am–1pm meet at Kirstenbosch for an adventure facilitated by two naturalist working at local schools. Children 5–12 years old explore, play games and do nature crafts, listen to stories and enjoy free play. Booking is essential; only 15 children are accommodated. It’s R430, which includes entrance (Wild Card holders pay R400). To book: 082 535 0838 Pump track at the V&A Waterfront From 8–29 December and 2–10 January the track is open at Quays Deck from 10:30am–5pm. The track is a safe and fun ride for all skill levels. It costs R30 to use the track. For more info: waterfront.co.za Ratanga Junction The theme park is open from 2 December–10 January. Book tickets through webtickets.co.za School holiday soccer clinic Boys and girls 4–13 years old enjoy soccer fun from 12–14 December 9am–12pm at Rondebosch Boys High School. The clinic costs R500. For more info: thesoccerschool.co.za School holiday surfing lessons From 8 December–10 January children 6–17 years old can book a one-hour beginner surfing lesson in a group. Lessons can be booked from 9am–11am. There are no lessons on 24, 25 and 31 December. The cost of R600 for 3 days includes a free ice tea and a surfing gift pack. Lessons are at Learn 2 Surf, Muizenberg Beach. Contact them on 083 414 0567 or info@learn2surf.co.za, or for more info: learn2surf.co.za Sunny Skies holiday care From 8–20 December they offer a holiday programme from Monday–Friday (excluding public holidays) where children 2–8 years old get to do two art and craft activities that they can take home. It starts from 7am. On 3 December they also take care of the children from 9am–1pm for parents to do Christmas shopping. This includes a movie and costs R80. The school is at 26 Howard Dr in Meadowridge and the costs are R65 until 1pm, R75 until 3pm and R85 until 6pm. Contact them on 021 712 5657 or sunnyskies@mweb.co.za Tyger Valley holiday fun From 13 December–8 January, from 10am–5pm daily, except on 24 and 31 December it’s from 10am–3pm (it’s closed on 25 December and 1 January), children can enjoy sand art, a jumping castle, a soft play area, a reptile garden, a Ster Kinekor “little” experience, mini rides, a racing simulator and console gaming. There is a parents’ lounge. For more info: tygervalley.co.za V&A Waterfront holiday fun Santa’s workshop runs from 10–24 December in the centre court, and the petting zoo is open at the Clock Tower Square from 10–29 December and 3–10 January. For more info: waterfront.co.za

Edgemead Christmas Market The market is from 8–22 December, 10am–8pm at the Edgemead Community Hall, Edgemead Dr. For more info: edgemeadmarket.com Fab Ideas Christmas Gift Fair The fair takes place at the Kommetjie Community Hall, Teubes Rd, Kommetjie on 15–18 December, from 9am–5pm on Thursday, and 9am–7pm Friday–Sunday. For more info: fabideas.co.za Groote Post Country Market It’s from 10am– 3pm on 18 December at Groote Post Cellar, Darling Hills Rd, Darling. Entrance is free. Contact them on wine@grootepost.co.zaco.za Lourensford Christmas Market Join them on 2 and 3 December from 4pm–10pm. For more info contact them magazine cape town

in the february issue of

“get organised because

school’s back!” ✻✻extramurals ✻✻playdates ✻✻tutors and au pairs ✻✻lift clubs ✻✻homework and projects open days

✻✻ what to look for ✻✻ questions to ask

montessori vs waldorf financial planning for your family how to choose a

✻✻birth partner ✻✻childminder ✻✻crèche ✻✻day mom on 072 284 1654 or hello@lfhm.co.za, or for more info: lfhm.co.za Love Christmas Market It’s on 3 December 9am–2pm at Stellenbosch Waldorf School on Santa Rd, off Annandale Rd (Spier entrance) and entry is free. Contact them on 083 649 7741 or venter.kerschbaumer@ yahoo.com Made in the Cape Festive Fair The market is in Cavendish Square from 6–18 December, 9am–7pm; on Sundays it closes at 5pm. Entry is free. For more info visit Facebook: Made In The Cape magazine cape town

Oude Molen Eco Village Market This new market runs Saturdays and Sundays 10am–3pm at Alexandra Rd, Pinelands. For more info: oudemolenmarket.co.za Our Favourite Things Market It runs on 16 December, 5pm–9pm, 17 December 10am–5pm and 18 December 10am–3pm at Gabrielskloof Wine Estate, on the R43 to Botrivier. For more info: gabrielskloof.co.za Pinelands Craft and Gift Fair The market runs from 5–22 December, 9am–7pm Monday–Friday, and 9am–5pm Saturday and Sunday at the Kent Hall at Pinelands High

School, Forest Dr, Pinelands. For more info visit Facebook: Pinelands Craft and Gift Fair Quivertree Publications Artisan Market The market is on 2 and 3 December from 10am–6pm at 147 Main Rd, Rondebosch. For more info: 021 686 6849 Rondebosch Park Market The market is on 10 and 17 December and the Twilight Market on 21 December 3–8pm. For more info visit Facebook: Rondebosch Park Market Simply South Gift and Craft Fair The market is from 5–22 December at NG Kerk Bergvliet. For more info: simplysouth.co.za

on street 26 January To advertise call: (021) 465 6093 or email: ctsales@childmag.co.za Booking deadline: 10 January Material deadline: 12 January

December 2016 / January 2017

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finishing touch

down the load When AnÉl Lewis rationed her children’s screen time, they transformed her lounge furniture into an imaginary castle and moat to entertain

ou know there’s perhaps a bit too much screen time going on when your son, in response to a question about why it’s taking him so long to get dressed, tells you: “I’m still busy loading.”

Erin also told me the other day that the game she was playing was being “unresponsive”.

But it was only when she told me I could bring my phone with me to her bed so that I could scroll through Facebook after we had read her bedtime story, that I realised it was me who has become unresponsive because of all the technological distractions in our home.

Like most busy families, devices have become the easy option when we need a few minutes to get something done. But not only do we let the children spend too much time staring at screens, we as parents also tend to get sucked into arbitrary posts and videos of dancing cats on Facebook and Twitter. I didn’t realise what impact this could have on the children’s development until someone explained that they are becoming so accustomed to the multisensory stimulation of tablets and computer games, that they are finding it nigh impossible to sit still and “just” look at what’s happening on the board in the classroom. Handwriting skills take a backseat when all you have to do is swipe to the left to enter a digital wonderland ablaze with colour and sound. How can a book hold appeal when you have to actually read the words and actually use your hands to turn the pages?

So we decided to make some drastic changes. I informed Conor that Eskom (who says we can’t use the power utility for parenting purposes) had switched off the electricity

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Erin, Anél and Conor

for television in the mornings, and there would only be TV for one hour in the afternoon.

He was very concerned about what would happen to his beloved train characters if he couldn’t watch them. But I assured him they would be waiting for him at Tidmouth Shed when the power returned. Erin looked at me aghast when I said she could choose to either play on her iPad or watch TV for a half an hour. “Not both?” This digital cold turkey was going to be more difficult than anticipated.

The first night was a bit hairy, I’m not going to lie. Conor whined and complained.

There were tears and pleas. Erin mooched around, saying she was bored. But the next evening, I arrived home to find a fort constructed of boogie boards and all the pillows from the lounge stacked up in the TV room. Instead of the usual sounds of singing pirates blasting from the television, I heard my children shrieking in delight as they chased each other around an imaginary moat. I was immediately assigned a role as the evil giant in their pantomime, and for the next hour or so we played – the good-old fashioned way.

Mornings have also become far more manageable since we dropped breakfast in front of the TV. And it no longer takes Conor 20 minutes to “load” before he can leave the house. Now, to really call this digital overhaul a parenting win, we just have to convince the children to bring us croissants in bed on weekends, instead of watching TV, so that we can manage a lie-in (without checking Twitter, of course).

Anel has also invested in a compendium of games to keep the children busy when “Eskom” has turned off the TV’s power (and she needs to sneak off for a quick Facebook fix).

magazine cape town

PHOTOGRAPH: Susie Leblond Photography | ILLUSTRATION: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

y

themselves. But she doesn’t mind.

a good read We’ve rounded up these books to get the whole family reading. For more inspiration visit

books for early graders Princess Pincushion

By Vanessa Raphaely and Karen Vermeulen (Published by Art Publishers, cost TBC) Princess Pincushion is a little, royal warthog with very big dreams. Her adventurous spirit and curiosity takes her on safari to the city, where she meets human beings with their strange ideas about what is beautiful, and what is not. Her discovery that she is a mighty, magnificent pig, no matter what anyone thinks, is a heart-warming and empowering message to all humans.

for pre-teens and teens Guinness World Records 2017: Gamer’s Edition Senior managing editor: Stephen Fall

our online books blog. for toddlers Sam and Dave Dig a Hole

By Mac Barnett and Jon Klassen

(Published by Guinness World Records, e-book R128) It is jam-packed with incredible new and updated records and fascinating feats recognised from the entire gamut of gaming. YouTube gamer, Ali-A, highlights the book’s phenomenal content in his exclusive foreword and fellow gamers Dan TDM and Twitch star OMGitsfirefoxx show off their record title achievements. Headlining the 10th-anniversary edition is a special chapter on Star Wars and the records it has amassed over the past 30-plus years.

(Published by Walker Books, R157) This Caldecott Honor medal winner perfectly reflects the imaginative possibilities and curious delights of digging a hole (Julia Eccleshare, who rated it the best children’s book of 2014 in The Guardian). It’s the story of Sam and Dave digging down, down, down until they find something spectacular.

for toddlers Never Follow a Dinosaur

By Alex Latimer (Published by Picture Corgi, R129) This clever, cumulative caper from the bestselling author is a joy to read out loud. Sally and Joe are convinced that the mysterious footprints they have discovered must belong to a dinosaur. Do they dare follow these footprints to see if they’re right?

for early graders Colour Snap App

By Claire Faÿ

for us Dark Forces and First Response

By Stephen Leather

(Published by Walker Books, R181) This is a colouring book that turns the pictures into animated films. Colour each page (there are 16 of these), download the free Blink Book app and watch your picture move and discover fascinating facts about the animals.

(Published by Hodder and Stoughton, R310 and R266) Dark Forces is the thirteenth instalment in the Spider Shepherd thriller series. A violent south London gang will be destroyed if Dan “Spider” Shepherd can gather enough evidence against them while posing as a ruthless hitman. What he doesn’t know is that his work as an undercover agent for MI5 is about to intersect with the biggest terrorist operation ever carried out on British soil. In First Response, the master of thriller drama sets the scene in London where nine men in suicide vests hold hostages in nine different locations around the city, and they are ready to die for their cause. Mo Kamran is the superintendent in charge of the Special Crime and Operations branch, and he is tasked to prevent the biggest terrorist outrage the capital has ever known.

parenting The Precious Years

By Jacqui Couper for early graders My Own Keepsake Bible Edited by Carolyn Larsen (Published by Christian Art Kids, R179) This is a Bible storybook that children will love. They can read a great collection of Bible stories, and colour in some of the pictures. The cover and page edges have been uniquely designed for children to colour and personalise. There are 172 stories from the Old and the New Testaments, with 95 illustrations to colour. Each of these comes with a caption and a scripture reference.

(Published by Struik Lifestyle, R189) Although child development may seem automatic, each phase of it is unique and builds on what has gone before, linking together like an intricate puzzle. Professionals agree that developmental difficulties are best identified and dealt with as early as possible.

In this book, experienced occupational therapist Jacqui Couper, equips parents with the knowledge they will need to properly monitor the developmental progress of their children and to seek appropriate help when they are concerned about any aspect of it.