Chrissy O’Donnell Beth Eackman Creative Nonfiction It Gets Better: Inspiration for My Younger Self Dear Chrissy, This letter is coming to you from an older version of yourself, or should I say ourself? We’ve somehow made it to 38 years old which, I know, is far beyond our imagination. Don’t freak out. This is real. I can’t say everything is fine because the world is going through some pretty crazy stuff but we are thriving. In fact, you, my darling little self, have developed into a fascinating, strong, independent, smart, and successful badass. So let me clear up a few things that might seem super scary because I promise, it is those things that make you incredible. Right now you are starting to understand a little thing called boundaries. You don’t know exactly what that is or that you’re doing it but it’s the limits we set with other people. It may not seem like it now but we get really good at setting these boundaries, communicating when they’re broken, and realizing when a relationship has gone from fruitful to toxic and therefore must be let go. Unfortunately some of the people you care about the most are some of the most harmful. You will give them more than enough chances to figure out how to treat you better, and that’s gonna hurt, but each time you grow stronger. From this you learn to always respond with love. Responding with love doesn’t make you weak. In fact, it takes A LOT of strength to respond with love. Now, when someone says or does something in anger or to hurt you or make you feel bad about who you are, we have learned to walk away, put the phone down, delete that voicemail, not open that text. Whatever it takes to not let whatever negativity is being thrown at you that is intended to cause you harm. Sometimes that means meditating, doing breathwork, not responding until you have fully processed a rational response, or even not responding at all. The thing that will be most gained by this isn’t how to show others love but how to love yourself. It’s also super disarming because they’re trying to drag you into whatever mess they’re going
through but it’s not your responsibility to justify someone else’s emotional breakdown. Learning that last part is a game changer so start now! Another thing you are going to learn through boundaries is that you are not responsible for how other people feel about you. The reason this becomes a vital part of your life is because right now you are terrified about something you know deep down you can’t change. Let me explain. You’re gay. Right now you still believe in God (sorry, that changes but that’s a whole conversation you’re not ready for) so trust me when I say that you have just been built this way. You’ve been this way your whole life and we’ll try the pray the gay away thing a few times but it doesn't work that way. Looking back, the world around us wasn’t ready to understand what that means but loving someone is never wrong. A time is coming when you realize that in order to become who you are meant to be, ya gotta get outta Houston. Go with that! It is the best decision you will ever make. To clarify, you’re gonna join the army and everyone around you is gonna be super proud that you’re off defending your country. But while they’re all distracted by your service, by being away from them you’re able to start thinking for yourself and listening to your heart. A girl is gonna come along and when you’re with her you’ll feel elated. Like nothing you’ve ever felt and suddenly you’ll realize that this was what was missing when you dated boys. It’s magical. Like putting glasses on for the first time. You know what love is but you’ve never known it like this. Quick notes: 1. Mom and Granny come to visit and stay with you and your girlfriend. Mom knows. Just tell her. She’s not the same person we knew growing up and she actually does love you unconditionally. Not having that conversation becomes one of your biggest regrets. 2. Have fun. Fall in love. But she’s your first, not your forever. 3. U-Hauling is an accurate lesbian cliche and… it is NEEEVVVEEERR a good idea. The thing is that accepting that part of yourself takes time is tough but it becomes one of your most beautiful qualities. You learn to cherish it and protect it at all costs. You even learn to
celebrate it and Pride takes on a whole new meaning. Turns out the people who taught you to hate that part of yourself and threaten eternal damnation, are actually the ones missing the point of God’s everlasting love. God made you in his image, you have been perfectly made, and there’s not actually a single verse in the Bible that justifies believing otherwise. Some will turn their backs on you but remember those boundaries. You’re not responsible for people who choose hate instead of love. As for life at 38, I just want you to know that you end up in college and you absolutely love learning. In fact, it’s a great school and only two semesters away from graduating with a bachelor's degree. Turns out all the tough stuff you deal with puts you far beyond the other students. Life throws you through several loops but they are molding you, strengthening you, and driving you to your calling in life. So don’t avoid those tough situations. Embrace them. Keep listening to that little voice that questions everything you’ve ever been taught. It’s there for a reason. Set those boundaries with mom and protect your heart but love her relentlessly because she needs it more than most. You’ll understand her later. Do whatever it takes to get Danny out of Houston. Maybe our stories are inevitable but if you don’t try to redirect his, your heart will break in ways you never knew possible. That last part is pretty unnerving, I know. Just know that even if the story stays the same, you turn out ok. So, if nothing else I’ve said stays with you, please just remember that it all gets better.