12 minute read
Mom Keep Calm
MOM Keep Calm The other powerful three-word phrase
By Janet Lund
And God said…
God created us with a longing to be in relationship with others and to hear the words, “I love you.” To know that we are loved makes us feel seen, valued and cherished.
Like no other phrase, it can create a bridge that connects people heart-to-heart, in a deep and meaningful way. It nurtures feelings of trust, acceptance and emotional safety.
Not in Heaven Yet
Unfortunately, no matter how much we love someone, we are also human. We make mistakes. We get frustrated with ourselves or our circumstances, and we lash out at those we love most. In doing so, we injure that person. If we don’t reach out to make amends with that person, it damages the relationship.
Emotional Superglue to the Rescue
However, there is another phrase that can touch the heart just as deeply and mend the connection between individuals. What could possibly be as powerful as “I love you”? This: “I am sorry.” When someone has been hurt, these words can make all the differ- ence in the future of the relationship. They have the power to make things right again. In fact, they can not only repair the relationship but make it stronger. Ultimately, “emotional speedbumps” provide opportunities for us to learn, understand, and grow to love each other better.
In Public and Private Life
Unlike “I love you,” “I am sorry” is a phrase that we need to have at the ready in all our relationships. It is what mends misunderstandings with everyone we interact with. Saying “I am sorry” provides the possibility for a full recovery within the relationship, plus the potential for a stronger commitment to it.
But when we don’t apologize, the injury creates an emotional chasm between people. With time it turns into mistrust. The hurt individual pulls away from the offender and, over time, interactions become a hollow shell of what they used to be — if there is any interaction, at all. In a work setting, it can sometimes mean the difference between keeping a job or being let go. With acquaintances, it may make the difference between having it grow into a friendship or having it come to an end. With friendships, it can make the difference between growing closer or becoming enemies.
On a more personal note, “I am sorry” impacts everyday life within our homes in a special way. It not only impacts our relationships today but the future strength and depth of them.
When “I am sorry” is not part of our vocabulary, it snuffs out the chance of growing deeper in our trust in another person. Instead, the relationship plateaus and erodes as time goes by. The potential for openness and honesty between you and those you care about is nurtured when “I am sorry” is a valued part of your communication.
Owning Our Stuff
When we apologize, we “own our stuff.” It’s a process of taking responsibility for what we have done.
6 Steps to Owning Your Stuff:
1. Take time to stop, reflect, and process what you have done.
2. Consider how the recipient of your behavior may feel by putting yourself in his or her shoes. 3. Put thought into finding the words to repair your relationships.
4. Swallow your pride by forgiving yourself. 5. Go to God in prayer. 6. Apologize and ask for forgiveness. Ultimately, it is important to remember that the sooner you apologize the sooner the person who is hurt starts to experience relief from emotional pain. This is a great motivator for us to circle back swiftly. For the Children
Apologizing is very important to teach your kids! Teaching your kids to “own their stuff ” will make their journey through life a much smoother ride — for them and everyone they interact with. Your children will not only be able to develop strong friendships, but they will learn to be reflective, humble, and compassionate people. Thinking beyond themselves, their needs, and their wants is not only important for building relationships and becoming a thoughtful person, but it is what Jesus called us to do.
The only way your kids will learn how to do this and embrace its importance is by watching you do it. Apologizing to your spouse, parents, siblings, and especially your kids, will teach them that everyone makes mistakes. All we need to do is recognize them, make amends, and move forward together. Now, you may not have grown up in a family where everyone — or even anyone — apologized for their bad behavior. If you didn’t have a role model, it may take more effort for you to do this. But it is still an important habit for you to develop for your sake and your child’s.
Help your children understand that “I am sorry” is necessary to mend their relationships with friends, acquaintances, teachers, coaches, and family members. Yes, even their siblings. In fact, learning to mend relationships with siblings will build a strong foundation for their future relationships with each other as adults.
“I am sorry” can make all the difference in your family’s life journey through today and beyond. Apologize. Mend. Grow. n Janet Lund is a relationship coach who specializes in nurturing the bond between moms and their teen/pre-teen daughters. She leads moms through coaching, speaking, and songwriting. Janet has spoken and performed in Canada, the United States, and Norway. Follow her on facebook.com/momkeepcalm and visit her website at momkeepcalm.com for parenting tools and words of support to be a calm mom. Janet Lund
WALKING with Women Friendships highlight gals’ group
FREE Bibles • Pray for U.S. Armed ForcesyFREE Bibles • Pray for U.S. Armed Forces By Gaye Bunderson
After moving to Boise from Oregon in 2016, Katy Nelson decided to start her own coffee group where she could meet other women. She put an announcement in her church’s bulletin, call- ing the get-together Coffee with Katy. The women started coming, and the coffee group kept growing. So in 2018, Nelson launched Walking with Women, an out- growth of that original coffee klatch.
What evolved was relational discipleship; and though there is a Bible study component to Walking with Women, Nelson emphasized, “It’s not a lot of preaching.”
Women of all denominations are welcome, as well as women who are not Christians at all. Nelson seeks to show who Christ is by example and by how she lives and treats people. Women may come to any Walking with Women event without any sense of being evangelized. Come and enjoy, is the message. “It’s just being a friend to women and them talking and making friends,” Nelson said.
The name for the group came through the idea of women be- ing on a journey through life together. “We are walking together, encouraging, laughing and crying with each other. It’s not about having it all together; it’s about keeping on, living forward in the midst of the ups and downs, celebrating the joys and successes of life together. It’s about doing life together — that’s kind of the ‘saying’ of the group,” Nelson said.
And when the women gather, no topic of conversation is off limits.
“I’m very transparent,” Nelson said, explaining she has an LGBT child. She talks openly about it and invites others to talk about such topics, too. “With any group, there’s always an el- ephant in the room, whether it’s someone’s past or their family. … Women are welcome to be open during our times together.”
She also stressed, “There’s no clique. Women meet and build friendships, and some go off and be friends but come back for larger activities.”
Activities include restaurant Dine Outs on the third Monday of the month. These are lunches and dinners in Nampa and Boise, holding lunch in one community and dinner in the other and then switching the next month. (Par- ticipants may attend either Dine Out.) There are Bible studies on Wednesday evenings and Thurs- day mornings in private residences. Other
events take place at various times, and there
is frequently a serving component to some of the programs. All programs may be attended on an optional basis.
Walking with Women is the ministry arm of Nelson’s business, Katy Nelson Coaching. She earned a bachelor of arts degree in religion and Christian ministries from Warner Pacific College in Portland and became an ordained minister in 2006. She then earned a professional life coach certification from the Christian Coach Institute in 2016. In 2018, she became an associate certified coach through the International Coaching Federation.
On Nelson’s website at katynelsoncoaching.net, a segment of the Walking with Women vision statement reads, “Women are often alone and lonely.”
That may include the single mom; the stay-at-home mom look- ing for adult interaction; the empty nester; the retired woman looking for what’s next in life; the special needs parent; the widow — any woman looking for common ground, to be able to say, “I’m not alone in this struggle.” They’re all welcome at Walking with Women.
A former children’s ministry director, Nelson now hopes to start women’s ministries in churches. Contact her through her email address at katynelsoncoaching.net if you are interested in helping launch a women’s ministry at your church. Also, go to katynelsoncoaching.net/walking-with-women and sign up for the monthly newsletter. Don’t go it alone. “We’re bringing together all women looking for friends,” Nelson said.
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SWEET friendship Companions: one of God’s ‘good gifts’
By Roxanne Drury
“By this all men will know that you are my disciples if you love one another.” — John 13:35 Billy Graham said, “The human soul is a lonely thing. It must have the assurance of companionship. Left entirely to itself, it cannot enjoy anything.” As God was creating all things, He said, “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Genesis 2:18). God did something about this with the creation of Eve. This was the very beginning of human companionship. Ephesians 4:25 reminds us that, “We are all members of one body.” God’s people are one body. We are not intended to function alone, not intended to be unconcerned for one another. We were made for community. This is where friendship comes in, the camaraderie that lightens the heart and lightens burdens because they are shared. As God’s children, God promises us “good gifts” (James 1:17). One of those gifts is friendship. While we are here on Earth, we are guaranteed the richest and truest friendships. Only in true Christcentered friendship does genuine trust exist. Only in true Christcentered friendship do we feel genuinely safe. Only in true Christcentered friendship do we find genuine peace. The only true cohesive power in the world is Christ. He alone can bind our human hearts together in genuine love and trust. “A sweet friendship refreshes the soul.” — Proverbs 27:9
Much like Jonathan and David, hearts can be knit together in friendship (1 Samuel 18:1). Jonathan was a gift to David. He supported him, encouraged him, and helped him become the leader and king that he was. True friends can do that for each other. In the words of blogger and writer Melanie Shankle, “The aim of friendship is to sow into each other words of eternal life and blessing. We remind each other of God’s wisdom and provision, refresh each other’s spirit, and strengthen each other’s faith.”
Just like Jonathan was to David, God has given you people around you that are a gift. People have been placed in your life by Him at this particular time for a reason. I love this quote from Corrie ten Boom: “Every experience God gives us, every person He puts into our lives, is the perfect preparation for a future only He can see.”
Your future is in His hands. He is faithful and can be trusted to give you exactly what you need when you need it. He is faithful and can be trusted to give you exactly WHO you need when you need them. God has given you a “good gift” in the people around you. Lean in to Him and to each other and sow blessing into each other’s lives through your sweet friendship.
Continued on page 31 Roxanne Drury
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