“I GET TO!”®
… Forgive Continually to be Free
I learned that forgiveness is NOT: By Joan Endicott 1. Forgetting (Forgive and forget aren’t tied I began pouring my confused and struggling together.) heart out to God. “I am in such awe, Lord, when 2. Dependent upon them apologizing or being I think about Corrie Ten Boom forgiving those sorry. who tortured her and her family in the Nazi 3. Condoning what they did. prison camps. I can’t begin to fathom the horrors 4. Letting them off the hook with no accountthey experienced. When she was able to respond ability. to the former prison guard from Ravensbrück 5. A one-n’-done experience. concentration camp, taking his extended hand in It was incredibly freeing for me to finally unhers, choosing to forgive him that night, she knew derstand what was not expected of me when it she experienced a miracle. came to forgiveness. However, I still knew it would “So, what’s wrong with me, God? I know what require God putting His super on my natural to my childhood abuser did to me was not even make this supernatural shift in my soul. close to what Corrie endured, but to me it was One year after starting this journey, Nathanael still terrible. He took so much from me–and put was 6, Caleb almost 3 and Rachel was about so much on me. He took childhood innocence, ready to make her entrance into the world. It safety, security, trust…he put on me unjust shame Joan Endicott was Sunday morning and I was sitting in church and guilt, fear, worry and anxiety about what listening to our Pastor, Dick Shaw, talk about might happen next–and when. How different, how much better, compassion. He reminded us of the truth that, “Hurt people, hurt could my childhood and life have been had those things never people.” Then he said, “If those who hurt you knew how much happened? I know you already know this, Lord, but I don’t even they hurt you, they would be so so sorry.” My first response was want to forgive him. If he goes to hell, wouldn’t that be the pun- “Yeah right.” What came to mind next were the times I’d hurt ishment he deserves?” others and knew I was truly sorry. Those words echoed in my Initially I felt a twinge of guilt as I boldly confessed my true soul. “If they knew how much they hurt you, they would be so feelings to God, but I’d also learned He wanted me to come so sorry.” I began to imagine the one who’d abused me for years to Him just as I was. Soon I began feeling a sense of relief as I being a little 6-year-old-boy, like our Nathanael. openly poured out the heaviness on my heart to Him. I knew it I pictured a sweet little blonde-haired, blue-eyed, innocent and trusting child with his whole life ahead of him. Then I thought, was finally time to dig down even deeper and do the work to give “Dear God, what happened to him when he was younger that these old wounds a safe space to resurface if I was ever going to caused him to do what he did to me?” heal. But where do I start when the pain of thinking about it was For the first time I saw my abuser as a little boy–as someone’s so much deeper than my desire to forgive? victim. I couldn’t hold back the tears from streaming down my Fortunately, my desire to be free was deeper still. I decided face–for him. “Why wasn’t he protected?” I thought. My heart to just start where I was, with what I knew to do. I knew God was overwhelmed with sadness and anger at the depravity of called me to forgive. I also knew that whatever He called me to, man. Compassion and sympathy unlocked the chains that had He would enable me to do. Baring my true feelings to God were kept me from forgiving. In that moment, I forgave him and was both a relief and a cry of desperation for help. I knew the Lord’s Prayer specifically requested that He would “forgive us our debts, finally free! In her book The Hiding Place, Corrie Ten Boom also shared, as we forgive our debtors.” (Matt. 6:22) The clear assumption “And having thus learned to forgive in this hardest of situations, I being that I am actively forgiving. never again had difficulty in forgiving: I wish I could say it! I wish So this was the prayer I began with: “Lord, I know You call me I could say that merciful and charitable thoughts just naturally to forgive. You also know I don’t want to. I do, however, want to flowed from me from then on. But they didn’t. If there’s one live in Your will. So, I’m going to simply start with asking You to thing I’ve learned at 80 years of age, it’s that I can’t store up good please help change my heart to even want to forgive him.” and behavior–but only draw them fresh from God each You see, I didn’t want to just mechanically say I forgave, I want- feelings day. Can you forgive your enemies? I cannot! But Jesus in me can! ed there to be an authentic soul-shift. If you’ve ever told a child And you will find out that forgiveness is a tremendous joy, for it is to “say you’re sorry” to anyone, you know exactly what I mean. the key that unlocks the door of resentment and the heaviness of It’s one thing if they’re truly sorry, but completely different if they hatred. It is a power that unlocks the chains of bitterness and the are just going through the motions. It gets louder (“SORRY!”), shackles of selfishness.” or longer, (“Sorrryyy”), but not meaningful unless and until it’s I now know, forgiveness is not something you do for others, it’s an heartfelt. Frankly, I didn’t want to feel like a hypocrite. act of obedience that ends up being a gift you give yourself as well. Next, I recruited a small group of trusted, mature women who This decision and action unlocked the chains that were keeping my committed to support, encourage and pray with me for this soulsoul tethered to the very thing I longed to be free of. shifting miracle. We all need to belong to such a caring commuThen once you’ve forgiven, you get to continue to do it. Each and nity. every time you think of a hurt, you get to choose to let it go, give it It was a year-long journey from the day I began praying to want back to God, forgive and be FREE! Easy? No. Worth it? Yes! n to forgive him until the day I knew I did forgive him. Through the power of prayer, Bible teaching/mentoring and study, I began to Grab your FREE copy of Joan’s “I Get To!”® book at JoanEndicott.com learn so much about what forgiveness IS and what forgiveness IS and sign up for her FREE blog videos. Joan Endicott is an Award-Winning NOT. I had collected several myths and misunderstandings about Keynote Speaker, Author of “I Get To!”® founder of GIANT-Slayer forgiveness over the years, which had definitely detoured my Coaching and “WOW!” Women Owning Their Worth©. Her coaching desired destination. These are some of the main ones that caused reaches over 30 countries. Follow her on FB and IG–she posts encouraging me to experience enormous resistance: words daily!
10 May / June 2020 | Christian Living
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