Choosing to Love

CHOOSING to Love Love is not rude or dishonoring

By Daniel Bobinski

Note: In March of 2020 I decided to use this space to focus on God’s greatest command. If you’re connecting with this series for the first time and would like to read the earlier columns on this topic, I encourage you to visit Christian Living’s website to read the whole series. Visit www.christianlivingmag.com/ columns/

wasn’t dishonoring. He extended grace. With Jesus’s behavior as our example, our primary command is to “Love the Lord.” Applying Paul’s definition, that means we shouldn’t be rude or dishonor him. God is, after all, the epitome of perfection in all things good. If we’re looking for viable “do’s” in place of “don’t asch˜emoneõ ,” the words “respectful” and “polite” work well. Then comes the command to “Love your neighbor as yourself.” As is my custom, I like As I wrote in the fall of 2020, when Paul spells out the definition of Godly/agape love, he starts by telling us what do to (e.g., be patient, be kind), but in the middle of his definition he lists what not to do (don’t envy, don’t boast, don’t be proud, etc.). My question is always, “If we’re not supposed to do something, what else should we do instead?” For example, when to examine the “self” part first, because if I become intimately aware of how God loves me and I receive and own what He is giving me, then it’s easier to give those things to others. Before I continue, allow me to explore the fears that are part of human nature. I believe many people miss out on much joy in life because they act with a fear of criticism. People use many techniques to deflect the pain that accompanies criticism, and one of those techniques Daniel Bobinski Paul says, “don’t envy,” alternatives include being celebratory is being harsh on oneself. The subconscious thought is that if and thankful for what we – and others – have. one is critical toward oneself, then it won’t hurt quite so badly

An alternative for “does not boast” could be to “be humble.” when someone else criticizes. Consider this all-too-common Being “not proud” could mean being a realist, with no need to example: puff up our accomplishments. Chris shows you a project he’s been working on, and the first

This installment focuses on how love is not or does not words out of his mouth are everything that’s not right about asch˜emoneõ (pronounced as-kay-mon-eh’-o). The word means it. He points out all the flaws and offers reasons why he wasn’t unseemly, inelegant, and uncomely. able to correct those imperfections.

Asch˜emoneõ is translated multiple ways: What’s really going on is Chris is trying to avoid the emotion• KJV: Love does not behave itself unseemly al pain he would feel if someone pointed out flaws in his work. • NLT, RSV, and ESV: Love is not rude By pointing out the imperfections, Chris is, in essence, say• NIV: Love does not dishonor others ing, “Yes, I already know what’s not right here, and by letting • NASB20: Love does not act disgracefully you know I already know, your words about the imperfections • NASB95: Love does not act unbecomingly won’t sting as much.”

Let’s explore the concept of “love does not asch˜emoneõ ” in This fear inhibits agape relationships, but I believe this fear light of the greatest command – to love the LORD our God can be alleviated by receiving (and owning) God’s love for us. with all our heart, soul, and mind, and to love our neighbors In other words, accepting and truly embracing the love God (in the same) as (we love) ourselves. is freely giving us. Since (a) God is not rude nor dishonoring

Scripture tells us God is love, and that means the bedrock toward us, and (b) we are not better than God, we don’t have and best example of agape love is Jesus, so we should start the right to dishonor or discredit ourselves. Instead, we can there. find great peace resting in how polite God is toward us and

When looking at the various English translations, Jesus does how much grace He extends us. not behave unseemly, he’s never rude, and he doesn’t dishonor Detractors might say God is no “respecter of persons,” but others. Also, he never acts disgracefully or unbecomingly. in response I say God is not one to wag His finger in our face.

Some will disagree, claiming that when Jesus turned over the God talks to us as a loving Father, and that is what we need to tables of the money changers at the temple, he was not acting own. For when we do, it’s much easier to talk with others with in accordance with accepted standards of decency or moral- honor and dignity, too. ity. I would beg to differ. There are times when those who’ve And yes, as Jesus instructed, that includes our enemies. That become blind to their sin need a vigorous wake-up call, and it’s doesn’t mean be all warm and fuzzy and hug them as they plot not disgraceful to shake them up if that is the last option for and scheme to harm us. Practicing Godly (agape) love with getting their attention. Remaining forever polite while some- not asch˜emoneõ means we can be respectful toward those one continues down a path of sin that leads to eternal death is who despise us. We don’t have to agree with people to act with not loving. decency toward them.

As we read through the Gospels, we see that no matter how I pray everyone reading this receives God’s love, accepts it, Jesus was treated, he wasn’t unseemly, rude, or dishonoring owns it, and then acts toward others the same way. We are, toward others. When the Pharisees and teachers of the law after all, His ambassadors. n brought to him a woman caught in the act of adultery, notice that Jesus didn’t sarcastically ask, “Where’s the man who Daniel Bobinski, M.Ed. is an award-winning and best-sellwas with her?” We also know that Jesus did not condemn ing author and a popular speaker at conferences and retreats. the woman. In the spirit of agape love (not asch˜emoneõ ), he Reach him at daniel@eqfactor.net or (208) 375-7606. 8 May / June 2021 | Christian Living