LETTERS HOME Grace Wang

The University of Vermont was never my dream school. Almost everything in me told me not to go here, but on May 1, I clicked decline on every registration page except theirs. I had visited the school about a week prior to decision day and found it to be incredibly mediocre; it was gloomy, windy, and gray. To add to that, I already felt as comfortable and safe as possible in Ann Arbor. A small part of me though wanted to be far away from familiar. Words from a friend: “This is the best time in your life to make a change,” echoed through my brain. So, in August, I crammed myself into the back seat of my dad’s car next to a mini fridge I could hardly call “mini” and said goodbye to the only place I had ever called home. 700 miles later, home has a new meaning.

Growing up, the patch of grass out my back door was the greatest interaction I had with the outdoors. These past couple of months I have summited mountains, slept under the stars, learned to ski, and simultaneously met the most wonderful people. For classes I got on my hands and knees and imagined being a coyote making its way through the woods, then I stood as tall as I could and followed moose tracks across the ridge of a cliff. I spend at least an hour every other week sitting in an abandoned quarry listening to birds and examining twigs. I don’t think there is anything sweeter in life than finding peace in your surroundings like this.

I have learned more than how to trace the steps of Vermont’s wildlife though. My first year away from home has taught me that no matter how far you think you can go, you always have another step in you. Not to say you should overwork yourself, take a break if you need to. But every time I have said no to an opportunity here because I thought I couldn’t manage it, I always found myself regretting that choice. So, I’ve started just making the time. I take long walks before my chemistry exams, I watch my friends sing on coffee table stages in co-op houses, I take photos for the paper, I run down to the beach and jump in the ice-cold lake, etc. And all the stress and busyness I think I have balances itself out when I just enjoy what is going on around me.

In high school, I prioritized my life in different ways and was convinced I was too busy for everything. At college, I can see that there is no reason for me not to make the most of my days. Vermont pushed me to come out of my shell in ways I never would have at home. I have been telling myself for years simple rules about “the way that I am.” These adjectives consume my self-image: nervous, unadventurous, and uncreative. I have realized that none of those things are true. I spend my days slack-lining, writing poems, and talking to everyone I see. It is a lot easier to be myself in this place.

Obviously though, nowhere is perfect. I filled out a few transfer applications, I cursed the -30 degree windchill, and I flew myself back to Ann Arbor to get away. Vermont is also the least diverse place I have ever been and coincidentally the least diverse place in America. Needless to say, the culture shock has been intense. My racial identity seems to matter more here, and I am much more defined by the way I look than I was back at home. I am slowly realizing that things like that are out of my control, and I just have to keep going. I am challenging my preconceived notions about myself and others and attempting to see be more forgiving.

Coming into this school I had low expectations, or maybe very little expectations. I thought I would either absolutely hate it or it would be “good enough.” To my surprise, UVM has been anything but ordinary or mediocre. As I have grown into myself this year, I have seen all the ways that Community taught me to appreciate the world around me. High school is a difficult time, but when you are in an environment like Community the world feels a lot more manageable. I am so glad that I was able to spend so much time with such great influences and gain the confidence to send myself to such a far away unfamiliar place.