JUSTZINE by PHOTOJOURNALISM HUB

JUST ZINE VOLUME 1 • ISSUE 2 • 12 JUNE 2020

COVERING SOCIAL JUSTICE ISSUES IN WEST LONDON

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Editor in Chief Cinzia Dâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Ambrosi

Digital Editor Laura James

Journalists

Gemma Mancinelli Idil Abdullahi Sabrina Merolla Laura James Fatima Sanchez Urmila Nagarkoti

Photographers

Gemma Mancinelli Fatima Sanchez Sabrina Merolla

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A Letter From the Editor I am very pleased to present the second issue of Just Zine magazine. This issue has a number of articles and photo stories following the Black Lives Matter demonstrations in London, helpful resources and compelling portraits of key workers that have not stopped working during the lockdown. This issue also has a special report on mental health. In the past months, our lives have changed dramatically in a way that no one would have thought imaginable. Living for weeks in lockdown has left millions of people relying on technology and virtual means to be connected to one another. Our lives have been impacted in many ways; children being home schooled, remote working, being separated from those that we love and care for, losing workâ&#x20AC;Ś almost all of the things that were solidly known to us collectively have become uncertainties overnight. And while our lives continue indoors - the invisible enemy posed by a virus, has ferociously taken away lives in our communities and in our families.

I would like to thank the talent and dedication of the participants in producing Just Zine magazine, part of the Youth Zine West project run by the Photojournalism Hub, and to our funder the Mayor of London, Culture Seeds.

Yet, easing the lockdown whilst the pandemic is still posing a threat is causing anxiety and fear. Covid-19 has affected not only our ways of life and economy, but it is impacting mental health enormously. Initial forecasts from the Centre for Mental Health predict that at least half a million more people in the UK may experience ill mental health as a result of Covid-19. Furthermore, recession and loss of work may negatively affect the mental health of an even greater number of people.

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Cinzia Dâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Ambrosi Editor-in-Chief

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CONTENTS Black Lives Matter Features • Page 6 -11 George Floyd London Protest Photostory • Page 12 A Personal Account of Racism • Page 13 Black Lives Matter Resources About Mental Health Features • Page 15-20 Female Autism • Page 21-33 Daydreamings and White Lies • Page 34-35 Befriending Negativity Other Features • Page 36-41 Our Other Key Works • Page 42 An Update from Urmila ©GemmaMancinelli 12 JUNE 2020

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BLACK LIVES MATTER • George Floyd London Protest Photostory • A Personal Account of Racism • Black Lives Matter Resources

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George Floyd London Protest, Photostory By Gemma Mancinelli

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A Personal Account of Racism By Idil Abdullahi The past two weeks have been a complete daze, so much has changed. While the current protests raging across America and other countries across the globe may come as a surprise to many now, the history and activity that has gone before proves that this is no new subject matter. These protests are fighting for something that has been brewing in people’s systems for a long time, fighting for something that urgently needs to be addressed.

the girls on the team and a moment of silence gave me the reason why: I was told I played too aggressively.

This I knew was far from the truth, I mean I was a goalkeeper, after all, so it didn’t even make any sense. I mulled over this for quite a while and eventually I started doubting my own skills. Maybe I was too aggressive. Maybe I was too slow and too big. Only when I was older I realised what they truly meant, what they wanted to say without actually In 2013, Patrisse Cullors, Alicia Garza and saying it. Opal Tometi founded the Black Lives Matter organisation, which started from a hash-tag “I was told that I look extremely on Twitter that has now evolved into an inconfident and that I’m probably ternational movement with protests springreally chatty and loud & that I ing all over the globe, something which has previously been the butt of jokes heard on reminded them of Scary Spice.” TV thirty years ago, something every Black parent and their child have experienced in I was about seventeen when I really undertheir daily lives, and something that is not stood what went on in that moment and many foreign or non-existent in the UK. It has been other moments afterwards similar to that. It’s the essence of what has made and grown the reason why certain lecturers have treated the UK. Racism is what fuels this society in me the way they have. I alerted my lecturers its every aspect and it’s a problem which has that I suffer from extreme anxiety and would been nurtured by silence and complacency. find it difficult to do a presentation in front of students from other departments. I was told I am not a writer, as you may be able to that I look extremely confident and that I’m tell, but this is something which I needed probably really chatty and loud & that I reto speak about through this medium. It’s minded them of Scary Spice. Why customers something which has affected and touched feel the need to be ruder talking to me than every part of my life thus far. Smaller things, talking to my white colleagues. I remember bigger things in life. being berated at work for the wifi not being fast enough when that is something clearly I used to play football pretty seriously when out of my control. When I directed the cusI was a child and after much practice I be- tomer to my store manager she suddencame pretty good at it. However, I was never ly spoke in a much softer tone and told the picked to be part of the girls’ football team manager not to worry too much about it. in my first year at an English primary school. No other girl wanted to be in goal therefore It’s the reason why many lives have been ruI thought my position on the team would be ined and many people have died. It is racism. secured because of that alone. I asked one of Plain and simple. 12 JUNE 2020

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Black Lives Matter Resources The editorial team of Just Zine have collated an ongoing list of resources in supporting the Black Live Matter movement. You’ll find some ways in which you can help develop your involvement and work in solidarity with the Black Lives Matter movement. As the movement evolves, so will this list. Please get in touch with us if you would like to contribute (admin@photojournalismhub.org).

MENTAL HEALTH RESOURCES FOR BLACK PEOPLE The Black Thrive Blackthrive.org.uk

TV SHOWS Dear White People, created by Justin Simien When They See Us, directed by Ava DuVernay Black-ish, created by Kenia Barris

The Black, African, Asian Therapy Network Baatn.org.uk/free-services

DOCUMENTARIES

BOOKS

13th, directed by Ava DuVernay

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou

The Death and Life of Marsha P. Johnson, directed by David France Strong Island, directed by Yance Ford

Why I’m no Longer Talking to White People about Race by Reni Eddo-Lodge

DONATE

Beloved by Toni Morrison

George Floyd Family/Memorial Fund Gofundme.com

Women, Race and Class by Angela Davis

Darnella Frazier Healing Fund Gofunme.com

The Master’s Tools will Never Dismantle the Master’s House by Audre Lorde

Gianna Floyd Fund Gofundme.com

Black Feminist Thought by Patricia Hill Collins On Beauty by Zadi Smith

Black Ticket Project Patreon.com

FILMS

Black Visions Collective Everydayaction.com

Harriet, directed by Kasi Lemmons 12 Years a Slave, directed by Steve McQueen

Campaign Zero Paypal.come

Green Book, directed by Peter Farrelly

PETITION

Gone too Far, directed by Destiny Ekaragha

Justice for George Floyd Change.org

Queen and Slim, directed by Melina Matsoukas

Breonna Taylor Petition Go.theactionpac.com

Get Out, directed by Jordan Peele Mudbound, directed by Dee Rees JUSTZINE

More Protection for Black Trans Women UK Change.org 13

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About Mental Health • Female Autism • Daydreamings and White Lies • Befriending Negativity

©Finn.

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Female Autism Words and Photography by Gemma Mancineli

Jess is 40 years old and has just been diagnosed as on the autism spectrum. Like her, many women often go undiagnosed because they do not fit autism stereotypes. There are many theories that explain why more men and boys get an autism diagnosis; it’s more and more believed that autistic women and girls may be better at masking their difficulties, copying what’s around them - leading to their autism being missed. In this conversation Jess opens up about her experience, growing up ‘different’ from others, how she was always misunderstood and how the diagnosis will help her to move forward. When did you find out you had autism? I had my official diagnosis this year aged 40, although I had quietly suspected I was autistic for quite a long time before that. You could say I self-diagnosed for a long time before going for a clinical assessment.

caused this isolating feeling because I didn’t know any other kids in a similar position. Then later I thought it was because I was gay. All these experiences can lead to feelings of otherness. But this was deeper. I really felt there was a discrepancy between what I saw and felt and what those around me needed or expected me to see or feel. I spent much of my time confusing people and being very confused by them in return. How did you feel when you first find out? My concerns in the waiting room just before the assessment were ‘What if I’m not autistic? If it’s not that then what is it? What if I’m just damaged? What if I’m overreacting? What if I

What made you think you had autism? My mum suggested it a few years ago after I’d been having some relationship problems and at that time I wasn’t ready to accept it. Then she suggested a second time when I was having some work problems and I thought maybe she was onto something. Growing up, I don’t think I had the self-awareness to know I was a bit different from my peers. I didn’t really understand bullying or why I could unwittingly upset or anger people. I did see other kids making cliques and forming bonds and often wondered how they did it. For a long time I put this deep-seated, detached feeling inside down to other things like growing up in a house with extended family and thinking that as I got all their attention I had no need for friends my age. Then my youngest brother was diagnosed with classic severe autism and a learning disability where he didn’t develop speech and needed 24 hour care. I thought the experience of having a sibling with profound special needs was what JUSTZINE

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was just spoilt as a child and I never got over myself?’ I was convinced that I didn’t have the right to be there. Once I got the diagnosis I felt validated and relieved. How do you feel about it now? It’s still fairly new. I got my diagnosis in February 2020 and my autism statement a couple of weeks ago. I’ve gone through an ever changing cycle of emotions. I am relieved, but sometimes I also feel angry that for the 39 years I lived in the dark without a diagnosis, the survival tactics I had to learn, being mocked or criticised for my differences and feeling unable to defend myself.

“ I am aware that I need alone time to refuel” About a month after finding out, I made a public post about being autistic on Facebook. I figured there was very little point in keeping it to myself. I also think I have the advantage of having ‘come out’ before. In my early 20s I came out as gay. Most people I knew accepted it, some didn’t. Others seemed OK but then weren’t. Fortunately this was no one too close to me. The people who knew me well weren’t surprised and the reactions have been pretty similar this time. I have had

reactions like ‘it must be mild because you don’t seem autistic’ which has echoes of ‘you don’t look gay’. It’s funny the reactions you get from people when you don’t meet their assumptions. Almost like you’ve inconvenienced them by giving them something else to think about. What has changed since the diagnosis? I think I’m a bit less hard on myself. I think with the certainty of a diagnosis I know myself better and the things that I used to put down to me being socially anxious, inept or neurotic are actually symptoms of autism and with that knowledge I can actually look after myself better. I have a differently wired brain to people who aren’t autistic. This can be frightening in some respects but in others it just means that I have to do the research and look at what works for me now, knowing I’m autistic. How does it affect your life? Right now I would say the symptoms are that I sometimes miss social cues. Social situations can exhaust me to the point that, since I was a child, I was thought to have an underlying health condition. I am aware that I need alone time to refuel. I just don’t beat myself up for having to do this now. I will always find small talk a challenge and possibly pointless. I will always be a terrible liar. I am better in social situations primarily because of years of trying things like acting, improv and performing in bands. Public speaking doesn’t bother me at all but none of these things come naturally. I find being around groups of people or crowds in a controlled environment like performance or where I have a job to do, a shared goal, some kind of clear direction or purpose, is actually an enjoyable experience. I find dating a minefield which is definitely not the case with all autistic people. But I feel non-verbal communication is particularly prevalent in dating

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situations. In the past I was often aware that I was expected to say or do things but had no idea what they were. I put it down to women generally being more adept at non-verbal communication because of generations of us not really being able to have a voice. But I think as a woman it was assumed that I’m supposed to understand this unspoken language but as a woman with autism I hadn’t a clue. Its nice to know I can now say ‘I’m autistic I’m not great with hints’. I think this will help enormously.

“I still shut down sometimes when a feeling overwhelms me to the degree that I feel full of molten lava”

I have a very muted sense of what my body senses and sometimes the my senses swing to the other extreme. For instance, I have to consciously think about when to eat. I don’t sense that I’m hungry until I’m practically falling over. And I didn’t begin to work this out until my late 20s and that it was a problem. Before that I could go a whole day and not think about eating. Even now I’m often not sure whether I’ve eaten enough or too much.

When I feel emotions strongly, such as frustration or loss of control, I used to sometimes have a meltdown, which externally looks like an adult having a tantrum. This could be seen by some as funny and others as scary. I’ve What may come instinctively to non-autis- learnt when to walk away from a situation betics, or ‘neurotypicals’, is being able to read fore I lose control and consequently disrupt nuanced facial expressions. What I’ve learnt my spiralling thoughts. about facial expressions has been through experience, not instinct. Invariably during I still shut down sometimes when a feeling a conversation I am trying to listen to the overwhelms me to the degree that I feel full of tone of the other person’s voice as well as molten lava and I have to push those feelings down. Everything has to stop. No eye contact, the words, I am also trying to consciously no movement. That’s more likely to happen read their body language. I am also making when I’m tired. I often feel like my social senseye contact and counting to four in my head es are muffled. Like my head is wrapped in because then I need to look away because thick fur. I also call it social blind spots and too much eye contact is unsettling. I am also leaves me feeling vulnerable. On an intellectrying to work out what the other person’s tual level, on a subject that interests me, I can face is saying, voice as well as the words. I hold an argument. When it comes to banter am also trying to consciously read their body or people just being idiots I often can’t think language. I am also making eye contact and on my feet. I also struggle to work out whethcounting to four in my head because then er people are joking or being serious. I need to look away because too much eye contact is unsettling. I am also trying to work I’m very articulate but I don’t have many facial out what the other person’s face is saying. expressions. I’ve often been told to cheer up JUSTZINE

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and to smile more. I don’t know if this is to do with being autistic or being female. Difficult to say sometimes. How do you think your life have been affected by not knowing it? Autism in people who are verbal and can live independently, like myself, have what’s sometimes referred to as an invisible disability. This can lead to a lot of misunderstandings. And yes, although I now know I am autistic for certain there’s that nagging feeling that others aren’t going to understand or be convinced by that. I spent a long time putting myself in situations to learn to get by as normal and that has cost me quite a lot of time, energy and distress too. I’ve spent a lot of time toning down my inherent ‘quirkiness’. I’ve experienced quite a lot of social rejection over the years and I would beat myself up about that. People with autism often don’t make the best first impression. If I’d known that earlier then maybe I could have found more accepting people earlier. I might have taken up acting or tried the other coping strategies I discovered over the years. I did things that forced me to mix with other people. But instinctively I went for things that involved a purpose, like playing in a band or cinematography where I would work as part of a team focused on a goal. I really struggled with the idea of standing around talking just for the sake of it. With time and experience I’ve learnt that sometimes it can be nice.

woman, I did have some horrible experiences. I’ve learnt to place the blame squarely where it belongs and I think perpetrators pick their targets. Autistic women are vulnerable for that reason. Had I known maybe I would have managed these experiences differently, but maybe not. It’s impossible to say now and pointless to look back. Is there a support group you attend? This diagnosis is still really new so no I can’t really comment on that at the moment. I can update you in a few months.

“I did have problems with depression as a teenager and felt isolated a lot of the time.” Do you take any medication? I have had issues with depression and anxiety. I was also misdiagnosed with social anxiety disorder. I would rather not talk about medication. Have you got any other friend/family on the autism spectrum? As I mentioned, my youngest brother has classic severe autism and his difficulties are much more overt than mine. He can’t live independently and his autism presentation is very different to mine.

Sometimes I think I wouldn’t have pushed myself like I have, had I known I was autistic earlier. I think I’ve been aware of my challenges for a long time. But if I was told that I had a disability in my teens or 20s, maybe I wouldn’t have taken it very well. There’s a weight and a stigma to the word disability and I think that could have upset me as a younger person.

How was it growing up with a brother with autism? Well like all autistic people, my brother is a one off. He did become the focal point of the family from when he was first diagnosed as a toddler. I think I saw some of myself in him before I knew I was autistic though. We mainly bond over music. Words don’t seem to hold much meaning for him but when they are lyrics in the songs he likes, he seems to understand their purpose. We both love to sing and perform.

I don’t know whether it would have made a difference but, it seems, women with autism tend to be at higher risk of sexual assault and violent relationships than neurotypical women. This may be to do with the fact we don’t read social cues that well. As a younger

I did have problems with depression as a teenager and felt isolated a lot of the time. My brother did require a lot of care but I felt that I had a strong sense of purpose caring for him. I think in some ways that made any other difficulties I was having seem less important.

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One symptom of autism for many people is not having great ‘theory of mind’, for example not being able to gauge how someone else will feel or react to what you say or do and the impact your behaviour can have on others. In the past I have been criticised for being arrogant, selfish and inconsiderate but I also found that through having my brother around I learnt to read others better. To be more observant and more reflective on my own behaviour.

“The lockdown has been awful for everyone. This feeling that everything is on hold and not knowing what’s going to happen next is really stressful.” Have you got any obsessions, repetitive behaviours or routines? Not now really. As I child I was obsessed with clouds, ghosts and Nina Simone. As I got older, the clouds and ghosts fell by the wayside and Nina Simone was joined by Billie Holiday, Aretha Franklin and a host of other black female singers. I often felt, in spite of having a large vocabulary, that I had feelings I couldn’t express in words. I found that the quality of their voices and vocal phrasing could touch those feelings even when the songs’ lyrics weren’t great. Repetitive behaviours and routine, again not really. I do find structure in my day important and if I have something scheduled but have time to kill beforehand, I don’t know what to do with that time. I also have to concentrate on one task at a time. If I get distracted or interrupted it can really confuse me and can take me a while to get back in ‘the zone’.

What would you like for people to know? Autism is under-diagnosed in women. It is hard to get an assessment and if you’re going down the private route, expensive. But it is worth it, it’s really worth knowing.

The lockdown has been awful for everyone. This feeling that everything is on hold and not knowing what’s going to happen next is really stressful. If I did need to have a strict day to day structure I dare say I’d be clawing the walls right now.

It’s not glamorous to be diagnosed with a developmental disability and I think this might be difficult for girls and younger women. But it’s really important to know that you have a different kind of mind and the earlier you know the easier it can be in the long run.

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Daydreamings and White Lies Words and Photography by Sabrina Merolla It is highly possible that the year 2020 will be remembered as the annus horribilis of the Twenty-first Century. The Covid19 pandemic indiscriminately caught everyone unprepared, showing the limits of decades of widespread predatory liberalism, with its policies of cuts and privatisations of our national health services. I moved to London in 2018. As a woman in her 40s, only defined by her chronic conditions (fibromyalgia ME, and multiple chemical sensitvity (due to aluminium poisoning) for almost five years, I was ecstatic and grateful for living in the UK. The ‘kingdom’, whose public health system and welfare was supposed to be among the best of the world till 20 years ago, was still able to give me the chance to become independent again. Once in London with a job, I was finally allowed to have both my chronic neurological conditions AND a life. I felt gradually relieved from many daily obstacles and discriminations due to my ‘diseases’ - chronic conditions that are still neglected in so many parts of the world.

However, the COVID-19 pandemic almost changed everything in only three months. Months in which I became, again, too ill to be considered healthy. But also too invisible to get any real support. By the end of February, I was deadly worried about my family’s destiny in the South of Italy. And since March 9th, the call for a complete lockdown in Italy, I started video-calling my parents every evening, as I have never wanted to do in my life. Meanwhile, my London life oscillated between the local atmosphere of denial, and the impending fate of death and desperation that I saw inexorably approaching. While numerous governments were already planning their lockdowns, I served the uniquely paternalistic and measured approach of the UK government that flushed public money to private finance and ensured the health of the main properties and capitals before of showing any tangible care for the general health. The declaration that a herd immunity would protect the market and, consequently, us all, clarified how much in trouble we were. But I was still hopeful while, like everyone affected by severe neurological conditions, I looked forward to the government advice for my social group. Nothing came for weeks. And when when the support was finally organised it was not for us. I was invisible again. With a slight fever, widespread pain and an extremely sore throat I could have just one of my fibro-flares. But I choose to shelter myself, eventually protecting colleagues and flatmates. I started self-isolating on March 17th. Since then, I have never been able to talk to my GP on the phone for more than one month. But I gradually developed severe breathing problems, and ended up calling 111 or going to the emergency more than twice. Every time I declared I had severe

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neurological conditions connected to chemical sensitivities and that I had taken cortisone to be able to breathe and get to the hospital on my own I met young nurses with no PPE that stated I was breathing well again, misdiagnosed me as a slight COVID-19 case, and sent me back home. No one ever tried to examine my tongue and throat, and none ever tested me for COVID-19. On May 13, after finally asking for my fatherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s help (he is a 70 year old doctor) and following an antihistamine therapy, I became just strong enough to take a flight to Italy. I never had COVID-19. For almost two months I obstinately hide my breathing issues and fears from my family. The sleepless nights and the fiction of my evening play for them created two parallel narratives of the same story. But those narrations did not just protect my parents from useless worries, they supported me through appalling situations and loneliness: they gave me hope. Keeping the distance from the black hole in which many persons with chronic neurological conditions (who were advised to shelter if possible but not helped to shelter) found themselves saved me. And shooting a visual diary of my experience shaded a softer light on my fears. These diptychs and collages describe the paradoxical and dimension in which I lived during the first months of the pandemic in London. Here I narrate the contrast between the joy of a walk at 6am in the park in front of my house - my own dreamland out of time and space - and the sudden fear of meeting few other human beings. They depict the marvel for an emptied metropolis, and the loneliness and helplessness of chronic conditions that no one really understands. But they also represent the daily contradictions of a nation, the will to survive, and the healing power of love and friendship. The mixture of investigative hints on the daily life in a corner of London during the pandemic and dreamy atmospheres shot with makeshift kaleidoscopic mobile lens, describe the unreal condition I was living in during those days. 12 JUNE 2020

1. London, UK. March 15-23, and still debated on herd im self-isolate and shelter since only for practical help and ad iel during a phone call in wh my room window while isola February. It caused my first r

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, 2020: While the UK government supported private finance and properties mmunity, I had already bought essential food and disinfectants. I started to e March 17. Since then, my friends, flatmates and family became crucial not dvice, but also for my mental wellbeing. 1. My friend Piera and her son Danhich Daniel performed the Sichuan Opera for me. 2. Me sunbathing through ating from my flatmates. 3 One of the heavy painkillers I was prescribed in respiratory crisis on March 22.

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Chestnuts Park area, London, UK. April 10-11, 2020: a locked playground and new road signs near my house. The English lockdown started on March 23, 2020, and was mainly based on rules of social distancing. It never led to completely forbid people from going out to exercise once a day, or shopping for essential and medical goods. New signals were installed everywhere, while the main places of social interaction were shut down. Nevertheless, in the UK the minimum social distance has always been 2 meters whilst, for example, in Italy, it was 1 meter.

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1. Cranleigh Road, London, UK. April 9, 2020: A socially distanced conversation with my friend and neighbour Arianna, who left a bag of food and a cake at the door. From personal experience, Arianna is accustomed to dealing with persons with chronic pain and fatigue, and also to foresee their needs. Her practical and emotional support was crucial to me during the pandemic. Despite public statements underlining the vulnerability of people with pre-existing chronic neurological conditions’, patients affected by fibromyalgia, ME and MCS were never provided with any real support and advised to shelter only is possible. Small pictures: 2. Chestnuts Primary School, St. Ann’s Road, London. April 9, 2020: ‘Keep smiling’ suggest the handmade rainbow signal out of Chestnuts Primary School. As the lockdown went on, and many families kept busy between home working and homeschooling, unnumbered where the thank you messages for the NHS workers. Many were also the signs of general support that children hung at windows or out of the schools.

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Woodlands Park Road and surrounding alleys, London, UK. April 12-28, 2020: A big sign hangs from my neighbour’s windows. The sign says: “Give them PPE”, referring to the unsafe conditions in which frontline NHS staffs are operating. The general public in the UK acknowledges that safety measures have been taken later than anywhere else in the world, and complains about it through social media. When it was declared that finally, from 15 June, the hospital staff, patients and visitors in England must wear face coverings, angry messages pointing at the lateness of these measures that had already cost tens of thousands of lives flooded social media. Small pictures: disposable face masks and gloves are left everywhere on the streets surrounding Woodlands Park Road.

1. Chestnuts Park, London, UK. April 27, 2020: Few people exercise and walk in the park early in the morning. Due to social distancing, the atmosphere is surreal. If and when everyone manages to keep the distance, we all are continually watching out and every person vaguely approaching feels like a group of four. 2. My home in London, UK. April 30, 2020: I try to inspect my swollen tongue and throat in the mirror. In a few hours I will feel like choking and go to the Emergency Unit. They will misdiagnose my immunity reactions to medications for COVID-19 for the third time.

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1. At home in London, UK. May 8, 2020: An apocalyptic sunrise in the park. 2. At home in London, UK. May 8, 2020: After consulting a private GP, confirming severe allergic pharyngitis and reflux that are burning my airways for seven weeks, I received my chest X-rays, confirming I have never had COVID-19. COVID-19 for the third time.

At home in Naples, Italy. May 23, 2020: After more than eight weeks of misdiagnosed illnesses and white lies, I rest on the carpet. I have to self-isolate for two weeks now. In the small pictures from lower left clockwise: 1. My home in London, UK. April 16, 2020: I start not feeling well again, and use my oximeter to monitor my oxygen levels and heartbeat. 2. At home in London, UK. April 4, 2020: A portrait of my parents during one of our daily video calls. 3. St. Annâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Road, London. April 16, 2020: Among the many massages hanging everywhere, my neighbourâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s kids chalk drawings and messages of moral support are the ones that I prefer. 4. Whittington Hospital Emergency Unit, London, UK. April 30, 2020: A sign shows COVID-19 main symptoms. Compared to the end of March, the hospital has been completely reorganised.

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1. My home in London, UK. April 5, 2020: Sunday evening, Queen Elizabeth II acknowledges: â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;A disruption that has brought grief to some, financial difficulties to many, and enormous changes to the daily lives of us allâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;, and sends her message of hope in her speech to the nation. Meanwhile, PM Boris Johnson was hospitalized. 2. Chestnuts Park, London, UK. April 6, 2020: Fitness, exercise, and wellness, in general, were always allowed during the English lockdown. I was a way to exorcise pain and fear embraced by many Britons. 3. Chestnuts Park, London, UK. April 6, 2020: People are tired of the lockdown and are respecting the rules less and less. Someone was partying all night long in Chestnuts Park last night.

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1. At home in London, UK. March 29, 2020: I received an old picture portraying my cousins and me 30 years ago. It was taken in Italy during my cousin Enricoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Christian Holy Communion party. Enrico is a surgeon in the North of Italy. He has been discretely monitoring my condition and cheering me up for weeks when I first started having trouble breathing. 2. Green Lanes, Harringay, London. April 30, 2020: a rosary hangs from the rear-view mirror of a parked car as I ask myself if everything could ever make more sense if I would have believed in God.

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Heathrow Airport, London, UK. May 13, 2020: while from London and these last two months myself surrounded by clouds and silence. Smal the airport with a private car and bless my driv support during this pandemic and to whom no 2: Naples, Italy. May 23, 2020: I am not in selfgoing out is a series of broken cars that were a

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As the plane takes off and I move away for a s of madness, I look out the window and find ller picture 1: London, UK. May 13, 2020: I go to ver, yet another essential worker who gives me one ever provided PPE to wear. Smaller picture -isolation anymore, and the first thing I notice abandoned on the street during the lockdown.

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Befriending Negativity By Laura James We all feel down from time to time, yet when negative emotions become persistent and overwhelming, it’s damaging for our physical and mental health. Negative thoughts and emotions are typical symptoms of depression, which has been reported as the leading cause of disability worldwide according to the World Health Organisation (Who.int). In light of this concerning statistic, I spoke to Shamash Alidina, the founder of The Museum of Happiness, trained mindfulness practitioner, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy coach, to learn the practices he recommends to increase positive mental health and to decrease persistent negative emotions in oneself.

Being Mindful The practice of mindfulness has been around for thousands of years, originating first in eastern cultures. It is the practice of being aware of your own thoughts, emotions, experiences and ego, Shamash describes mindfulness as ‘cultivating a present moment awareness’. When you are fully in the present, noticing

Unhooking from negative thoughts with psychological flexibility So now that we have become aware of the negativity occurring and letting it be, how do we learn to accept it without judgement? Shamash answers this question referring to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) which was developed by Steven Hayes. A core focus of ACT is developing psychological flex ibility – which Shamash refers to as a ‘mental health super power’. He goes on to explain that when you have high levels of psychological flexibility ‘you can be open and accepting to your difficult thoughts and feelings and you see them for what they are’. To have high levels of psychological flexibility you are able to sit with the negative emotions and let them be. Once you allow them to be there, you can then begin to unhook from them and not be so consumed by them.

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your inner landscape, you can begin to accept what is there instead of being in the dark about what is happening on the inside. As when we are not in the present moment we can go into ‘automatic pilot’ mode. In this state we are not fully alert to our emotions and we may spiral into more negative thought patterns and behaviours, Yet when we notice that we are feeling sad, negative or stressed we can begin to allow it to be there without judgment. Shamash explains that you can ‘start small with just a 5 or 10 minute exercise that brings your mind back to the present moment’.

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Shamash tell me, ‘When you have the feeling of sadness or anxiety, or any tricky thought you are having. You feel it and notice it, don’t beat yourself up about it. You make space for it. You allow for it to be there. You don’t try to fix your feelings and mind. You embrace your shadow side – instead of trying to get rid of it.’ He goes on to say that having negative, stressful or anxious feelings are totally normal and we all experience them, it’s just when we get ‘stressed about the stress’ then this is when the bigger problems arise. But if we can bring a sense of acceptance and make peace with it it becomes a less consuming emotion.

Mindful Exercise The Body Scan •Find a comfortable position: Lie down, sit on a chair or on a cushion. •Close your eyes and take 3 deep breaths. •Start to notice the sensations in your face; relax your jaw and soften your lips. •Then work your away down your whole body; the neck, the shoulders, the arms, the torso, the hips, the legs and the feet.

He likens this practice of acceptance to being stuck in quicksand. When you become stuck in the sand, the automatic response is to panic and thrash around. Yet this action pulls you further into the quick sand and you cannot escape. However, if you just relax and notice the sand around you and look to your surroundings, you can see a branch to pull yourself out. This is the same with our emotions. When you get overwhelmed with the negative, you can see no way out. But if you pause and don’t fight the thoughts, you can then begin to get out of the negative spiral.

•At each body part, notice if you are holding any tension and let it go. •Notice the thoughts that come into your mind as you scan your body. Just let them float on by and return to the sensations of the body. •Once you are finished, return your focus to the breath. •Open your eyes and return to your day.

Another way in which we can think about this is seeing negative emotions as a friend, Shamash suggests to imagine that you are sitting down with the emotion and having a cup of tea with it. You can ask: ‘What’s going on here?’ ‘Why are you appearing in me?’. When you are open to having a conversation with the difficulty occurring inside, you can actually learn from it and reiamagine it in different ways. Shamash comments that once you befriend the stress, the negative and the uncomfortable feelings, ‘you can continue to live a meaning aligned life’.

ACT Exercise Happy Birthday Song •A common negative thought to have is: ‘I’m not good enough’. •When you have a thought like this, notice it, and start to re-frame it by signing it in your head, or out loud, to the tune of Happy Birthday. •Repeat this numerous times. •You may find it funny and silly. This helps to unhook from the weight of the sentence and you come to realise that it’s just sounds and noise, it does not define you.

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If you would like to learn more about ACT you can sign up to Shamash’s mailing list or sign up to one of the courses here: www.shamashalidina.com/act 35

12 JUNE 2020

Our Other Key Workers Words and Photography by Fatima Sanchez I was once taught how wrong it is to look down on each other; to turn our backs on each other; to leave one another out; to ‘other’ each other out. Why would a worldwide health pandemic be the exception? Should this not actually be the right occasion to start appreciating each other more than we have ever done in the past? Should we not be counting on each other as though there were no borders? Should we not, most importantly, be grateful for it? The rigid hostile atmosphere constructed after national lockdown was announced has been evident to everybody. Although, solidarity has been shown: willingness to help and support have been part of the scene throughout the local communities. Nevertheless, politicians, the media and the citizens have all mostly failed to encourage, cheer and strengthen each other up enough, or properly. At least, I believe some of our messages have not accurately addressed the right audience. Especially involving those who have barely had a break since the genesis of the pandemic outbreak. I do not mean to dehumanise, downgrade or belittle the human race, but we have not paid the same tribute to every single individual who has somehow tried their best. Biased praise has automatically resulted in an unequal weight of honour and acclaim which has meant disrespect to the rest of individuals who deserve the very same recognition. I’m not exactly talking about race, but position. It is clear that all healthcare workers including the NHS workers have all been key to advancement in times of struggle and affliction during the Coronavirus outbreak yet, we have failed to give an equal account to 12 JUNE 2020

everyone who has given their very own seed during such national turmoil. We have not given the approriate amount of honoure to our street-sweepers, waste collectors, power technicians, maintenance engineers, care support workers, bus drivers, train drivers, taxi drivers, food delivery drivers, porters, shop workers, teachers, manufacturers, postal workers, cleaners and the many more roles that have kept active behind the scenes, no matter how big a pandemic. Where would we be if we would not have been supported by such pivotal services? How much bigger would a hole have been left in our society if not supported by all these individuals? They sure deserve much more than a clap of hands or an acknowledgement batch, especially when it seemed like everyone else had their eyes just on the NHS. We, from Just Zine, thought they all deserve to have a space not only in our heart, but in our issue. Here is to each face, to each courageous heart, to each keen soul that has gone on and on; that have kept sacrificing their time, their health, their quality family time; to all of those who weren’t named, who didn’t make it to the news. Thank you for all your hard work, for your insuperable energy and undefeatable efforts: you are key to me. Other Verb: other; 3rd person present: others; gerund or present participle: othering; past tense: othered; past participle: othered view or treat (a person or group of people) as intrinsically different from and alien to oneself. “a critique of the ways in which the elderly are othered by society”

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12 JUNE 2020

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12 JUNE 2020

An Update from Urmila Words and Photography by Urmila Nagarkoti

When I think about my future and my family, I feel very sad. I have been away from my family for many years. My story is very long. Currently, COVID-19 has greatly affected me. I worry about my family in Nepal as also in lockdown. They lack food, and not been able to meet friends and relatives is very difficult. I am feeling ‘ run out of gas’ emotionally.

game. This disease can neither be seen nor prevented. Thinking about these things, I keep on asking myself questions. When I think of Kheri, I think not only of myself but also of my family and how they could find happiness. I am very sad not to be able to visit my family because I’m so far away from them. Hopefully, in the days to come, lockdown and COVID-19 will be totally gone. I hope that in the days I never dreamed that a virus such as Coro- to come not only my family but the entire navirus would kill so many people and world will soon be free of Covid-19. This is spread the disease so fast as one time what I pray to God.

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