JUSTZINE by PHOTOJOURNALISM HUB

JUST ZINE VOLUME 1 • ISSUE 4 • 29 JULY 2020

COVERING SOCIAL JUSTICE ISSUES IN WEST LONDON

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A Letter From the Editor Editor in Chief

am incredibly pleased to present the fourth issue of Just Zine magazine. In this edition we focus on domestic abuse, an issue that is affecting many lives. The Covid-19 global outbreak and the subsequent lockdown measures have left many women and men in vulnerable conditions, some in dire need of support yet unable to reach out or be reached. To understand the scale of this problem may take months for the government and charities.

Cinzia D’ambrosi

Digital Editor Laura James

Contributors

To focus on domestic violence was a difficult editorial decision to make, because of the complexity of the issue such the various forms of abuse. As an editorial team, we do not have an answer, we don’t have the ability to cover all the different angles of domestic violence, HOWEVER we offer a space to reflect, to offer solace, of awareness and information. To understand the scale of this problem is a great step forward. Therefore, as an editor, I believe this issue of Just Zine is remarkable, demonstrating the will and the talent of the young team. Among the encompassing content, you can find articles and photo stories on honour-based abuse, male and women survivors of abuse. We also have powerful interviews with Marco Groves, CEO of the National Centre for Domestic Abuse, and the poet Sir Troy Cabida. Photography from the Trans Rights protests in London to the moving p hot o st or y ‘ M i sse d O p p or t uni t i e s’ , a

Helena Neeson Gemma Mancinelli Idil Abdullahi Sabrina Merolla Laura James Urmila Nagarkoti Eurydice Caldwell Yajat Raj Pooja Premkumar Fatima Sanchez 29 JULY 2020

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chance encounter with a victim of abuse. Alongside, we also have children’s experiences of the lockdown presented by two young additions of the team! Once again, I would like to express my gratitude to the funders of the Youth Zine West Photojournalism Hub project, Culture Seeds, Mayor of London and to the incredibly talented participants of the Just Zine magazine.

Cinzia D’Ambrosi Editor-in-chief

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CONTENTS

Domestic

Domestic Abuse Features

©Cinza D’Ambrosi

• Abusers Always Work From Home Page 6 - 10 • A Story of Abuse Page 11 • Missed Opportunities Page 12 - 15 • Depicting The Unsaid Page 16 -19 • Another Side of the Story Page 20 - 29 • Silence - Poetry Page 30

Pride Features • An Interview with Poet Sir Troy Cabida Page 32 - 35

Abuse

• Not a Phase Page 36 - 49

Children’s Features • How are Children Feeling during Lockdown? Page 52 - 53 • Kids in Lockdown Page 54 - 55 29 JULY 2020

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Abusers Always Work From Home By Gemma Mancinelli

thing to do. They need to find that person, that organisation, then they have to come up with an actual plan. So now they told somebody, what are they going to do? Other organisations like Women’s Aid and Refuge, can help them form a plan of what to do. This is not set in stone; it just gives them a structure of what to do. Once they’ve got Could you tell us a bit about your organisa- the plan they can enact parts of that plan. I tion and the people you support? see the biggest problem that victims have is The National Centre of Domestic Violence finding someone to speak to. It is taking that (NCDV) started in 2003. It was started by Ste- initial step. ve Connor, who is now no longer involved. One of his friends was a victim of domestic violence and Steve told her that what Let’s make she needed was a non molestation order. He had been studying this at university and domestic violence knew that you can get this from a solicitor. So they went to a solicitor and they said yes you can have a non molestation order but s o c i a l l y unacceptable. you’re going to have to pay for it because you don’t qualify for legal aid. She didn’t Are there any misconceptions around dohave any money; so they went in the end to mestic violence? And/or about the kinds of six different solicitors and didn’t get any joy. people that are more at risk? Because he studied this at university he de- Everybody is at risk. We help people as cided he was going to do it for her. So they young as 17 (which is the legal age) up to went to court and got a non molestation or- people who are 90 years old. It’s not only der and that was the first that he got. Now women, but men as well and people irrewe do about 10,000 a year. We started as a spective of their religion and nationality. It small organisation with a small idea, we’re doesn’t matter, domestic abuse doesn’t care now the biggest in what we do. The main about all that. premise of what we do is that those people that can’t get legal aid, who haven’t got the The main misconception is that people think money to afford a solicitor, can get help for that it doesn’t really happen. When I first started here I didn’t know anything about free from us. domestic violence, I didn’t know it happened. What are the biggest needs around domes- When you talk to people about it they don’t really understand it because they don’t see tic violence and how do you support those it. They tend to blame the victim; why doesn’t needs? the victim just leave? But you can’t just leave The victim has many requirements. What NCDV because there’s a whole life around it that does is help with one of those requirements; has consequences; joint bank accounts, the they need someone to talk to about them- the car, the telephone bill, all these things selves being abused, which is the most difficult are small but they add up to a big problem. talk with Mark Groves, the CEO at the National Centre for Domestic Violence, about their powerful new campaign “Abusers Always Work From Home”. The campaign is made to highlight the 49% increase in domestic abuse incidents since lockdown.

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“ NCDV’s mission statement is to make domestic violence socially unacceptable. For instance, if you get into a friend’s car it is not acceptable to not put your seatbelt on, that person would find it socially unacceptable; same as smoking, now it is socially unacceptable, you don’t go into a friend’s house and light a cigarette. So let’s make domestic violence socially unacceptable.

When I do the training with people, we talk about where it starts and I would say it starts with disrespect. It could be something really simple. For example; I’m home drinking a cup of tea, my wife comes in from work and I don’t make her a cup of tea but I just make one for myself so I’m disrespecting her. Why shouldn’t I offer one to her? It starts with something really small and that should be an alarm bell to people. From disrespect it progresses into fights, arguments, shouting, screaming, punching, harming and eventually into murder. It goes way up the scale, it never starts with a punch in the face, it starts somewhere small and that can be so difficult to recognise, especially at the beginning of a relationship you tend not to notice these small things. You forgive. You forget about it. But that can be the start of domestic abuse.

How has Covid-19 has impacted the work you do? It has increased the amount of work that we do. Before Covid-19 hit us, we started to work from home because we could see what was going to happen so we could keep providing our service and answer calls. So all of a sudden we were ready, there was no impact on the service we provide. We did see an increase in the amount of people contacting us. Over the same three month period we helped 49% more people this year than last. We get 7,000 referrals per month, now we’re getting 8,000, so 1,000 more people are contacting us.

As the definition of domestic violence is broad and covers mental abuse for example, do you offer different services for different needs? We only offer one support package which is to get an order from the court, that can only be granted if there’s a reason to grant it. What we’ve seen in the years is that the court would not grant the order unless there was physical evidence of abuse, a bruise for instance. Now the court would grant an order if it can be shown that a

Some people are unclear about what domestic violence is – what kind of behaviour does it cover? In the sector we don’t talk about domestic violence anymore but domestic abuse. When

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It starts with something really small and that should be an alarm bell to people.

We work with Wunderman Thompson, who are a global marketing and advertising agency, they come up with ideas for us which is fantastic. Each year they come up with something and they do it for free which is absolutely brilliant. During this lockdown period all of the abusers are stuck in with their victims at home, where they shouldn’t be. We are creating awareness around this, a lot of us are working from home now but abusers ‘work’ from home all the time. This campaign is now all over the country. The video that was created was made with the director’s family, in the director’s home. The voice over was done by Vicky McClure.

person is suffering from mental abuse. Gas lighting for instance. This is when you make someone believe something that hasn’t really happened. For example, I get home from work and I get her phone that is on the counter and I hide her phone, she asks me about her phone and I say I don’t know I haven’t seen it. That’s a form of gas lighting because you are trying to control that person. You’ve done something to affect her/him and that is controlling behaviour which can be very difficult to see at the very beginning because you don’t know. Why do you think people who have experienced domestic violence don’t ask for help immediately? The trouble is that victims of domestic abuse don’t know. They don’t know they’re getting abused. They think it will get better if they work harder in the relationship then they will make it better, they’re blaming themselves for this. They don’t leave because they’re entwined financially, only when something dramatic happens, if she ends up in a hospital, somebody says to her you’re a victim of domestic abuse and violence and this when she realises that she is.

Is there a difference between the number of males and females who have experienced domestic violence, and if so why is that? The official statistics are 1 in 4 women are victims where as 1 in 8 men are victims. Here at the NCDV we don’t see that at all. What we see is that 95% of victims are women, only 5% are men. Why? I think men deal with it differently. They would probably leave a relationship quicker, maybe they feel they don’t need to be with that partner for reasons we said earlier (financial for example), they can start again easier. I read an article about tech abuse in relationships, what measures do you think the NCDV will implement in coming years to combat this potential crisis?

Can you talk about the need for this new campaign “Abusers Always Work From Home”?

The official statistics are 1 in 4 women are victims where

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A Story of Abuse

That is so difficult. We’ve been working with IBM (International Business Machines Corporation) and UCL (University College London) to make some guidelines about technology. The trouble with technology is that it’s such a big subject: IBM can’t do anything about it, we had meetings, I’ve talked to them, we know the issues are out there but every single thing that you get has technology in it, somewhere when you dive into the menus you can turn things off, very easily. For example, my iPhone talks to my iPad, so every time I have a new message it appears on the iPad, imagine an abuser, they love that. Every text message she gets on her iPhone, he gets on her iPad. Even things like door bells, heating. As tech develops it gets more complicated.

By Urmila Nagarkoti

omestic violence can be committed by a spouse, partner or a former spouse. It can happen in same sex or heterosexual couples. It can consist of emotional, sexual or religious abuse.

Find out more about NCDV at their website:

Some people who are being abused may not choose to access services (maybe because they see it for other people, or its not for them, because they are ‘ok’ or ‘other people need it more’ and don’t choose to identify as a victim) A) What would you say to these people and how do you support them? B) How could I help someone I know who is experiencing domestic violence but won’t ask for help? If somebody doesn’t want help, then you can’t help. Because you can’t go and tell them what the problem is, they need to understand it first. I would never recommend anybody to interfere because they can make matters worse. It’s the victims themselves that have got to realise that something is not right. If a victim is ignoring it, that’s what she/he chooses to do, you can’t force them into doing anything. It’s an emotional issue that the victim has to do by themselves.

www.ncdv.org.uk If you are experining domestic abuse, you can call NCDV’s helpline for free advice:

0800 970 2070

Here I recount a personal story; The woman is from Bombay, India. She has had a difficult life yet she has a beautiful child, and she herself is beautiful and has a good personality. But her husband is an alcoholic and cheats on her regularly. He comes home extremely late and when she asks him where he has been, he does not give back an answer. One day the husband was angry. He came home and pulled his wife’s hair. She cried so much but she could not do anything to stop him. He then started to hit her with a stick. She started to bleed from her nose and head. She was presumed dead. A neighbour heard the violence and called the police. The police then took the husband to jail and the wife was taken to a hospital. If her neighbour did not call the police, maybe she would have died. This is one story of domestic violence. How will we stop domestic violence? Why do men hit women in the home, and vice versa? The government must do more to stop domestic attacks.

How could our readers help? (i.e. through fundraising volunteering etc.)? We would like people to help promote our mission that domestic violence is socially unacceptable. It shouldn’t be tolerated.

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The abuser does not think about the person they are attacking as they are using abuse for themselves to get whatever they want. The victims have a lot of emotional stories they are hiding and do not always want to share. Domestic violence can range from subtle acts to violent attacks such as marital rape, choking, beating, acid attacks and murder. There is a massive danger to victims and it is among the most under-reported crimes in the world for both men and women.

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Image Credit: ©Verne Ho

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Missed Opportunities By Helena Neeson

t around 9:40pm one evening recently while I was walking my dog, a woman and her son approached me. I don’t know if it was because it was dark or if during lockdown I’ve become so used to social distancing but either way, their proximity startled me. My first instinct was to back off but she muttered something inaudible and when I asked her to repeat herself, she said “don’t worry we aren’t going to do anything, I just thought you were my friend”. Once I got over my initial shock I realised something wasn’t quite right; the lady had a tight grip on her son’s arm, was breathing heavily, her eyes were shining with tears and she was visibly distressed.

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‘what can you do

I offered to walk with her for a while until she regained some calm. We walked up and down the footpath several times, which is only approximately 0.1 miles, staying under the streetlights because she wanted to avoid the darker corner of the path nearby. While we walked she asked me about my life and she told me about her husband who is extremely controlling and very quick to anger. She told me about how until recently she wasn’t really allowed to leave the house by herself, about how she liked things like clothes and music but doesn’t get to enjoy them because her husband isn’t interested in them (“he likes horror movies”). 29 JULY 2020

As this was our first encounter I was surprised and a little taken aback by her openness but in an age where victim blaming is all too common and quite frankly sickening, I made sure to listen to what she had trusted to share with me. She told me that she had bottled it all up for too long and couldn’t maintain her silence any longer. She also told me that her unhappy marriage was arranged. At the time I didn’t understand that this can bring about additional complexities where there is domestic abuse. Before we parted ways I told her that I often go walking at the same time in the same place in case she wanted to take another walk together but I haven’t seen her since.

Her reply was

to help me?’

She told me that he gets angry with her for making noise if she gets up during the night to use the bathroom.

I think in hindsight I should have given her my phone number. I told her that what her husband was doing was not fair or right and that she didn’t deserve to feel the way she did. When she asked me if my husband gets angry with me like hers did, I told her the truth, “no he doesn’t”. When I mentioned that there are services available to help women in her position or that the police could help she declined the thought immediately. She was concerned that she would be separated from her son, which she said would be more upsetting. I keep reflecting on our encounter and thinking of her. Did I miss an opportunity to do more? One of the first things I asked her was “are you ok, can I do something to help?”. Her reply was “what can you do to help me?”. Good question.

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families but in the case of honour killings it Nirvana website points out “What starts out is the family that has shunned/committed the as an ‘arranged’ marriage can quickly escacrime against the deceased making this annulate to a forced marriage. It is not uncomal day of remembrance all the more impormon for one of the participants to change tant. I sat at my laptop and cried as the sister their mind, even on the wedding day only of Banaz Mahmod, a friend of Shafilea Ahmed Karma Nirvana is a charity that supports vic- for the families to force them to go through and the police officials that dealt with those tims of honour-based abuse and forced mar- with it. Forcing someone into marriage is a cases told the victims’ stories. riage. Karma Nirvana, meaning peace and criminal offence in the UK”. enlightenment, is what the charity hopes the It is truly unbelievable that such victims it supports will someday achieve. Abuse is abuse For the purposes of clarity, crimes are still taking place in I am not assuming that the regardless of culture. the UK today. Perhaps less The advice I received from the extremely pa- lady I met was in a forced so given that only 3 out of tient helpline advisor for similar situations marriage but having stum43 police forces are properly was as follows: bled upon the topic, I felt a responsibility to prepared to deal with honour-based abuse learn more about the complexities of this (2015 Her Majesty’s Inspectorate of Con• Listen to the victim type of abuse. stabulary (HMIC) inspection). Despite the • Believe the victim, it takes immense cournumber of honour-based abuse cases being Most commonly occurring within diaspora age to speak out reported to the police increasing in recent communities from South Asia, the Middle years, prosecutions are not following suit. As • Try to understand the familial situation, e.g. East and North and East Africa encompassJasvinder Sanghera (founder of Karma Nirdoes she have any of her own family that ing multiple religions and ethnic groups, vana) pointed out, both Banaz and Shafilea’s can help her? honour abuse is not dictated by gender as stories highlight a number of missed oppor• Be cognisant that the thought of leaving an victims and perpetrators can be any gender. tunities by police, hospital staff, schools and airline staff to intervene. It is futile to specabusive situation may come with fear of bri- The concept of honour is of extreme importance to some in these communities. On ulate as to what would have happened had ging shame on her family and the threat of their website Karma Nirvana states that “To those interventions taken place but it is clear loss of community and identity compromise a family’s ‘honour’ is to bring that more training is required so that these • Try to understand if there any minors are dishonour and shame and this can have professions can identify the signs of honorsevere consequences. The punishment for involved based abuse to prevent future victims and bringing dishonour can be emotional abuse, fatalities. Jasvinder stressed the important • Let her know that there is support available physical abuse, family disownment and in role of friends, neighbours and teachers such as Karma Nirvana, IKWRO, Women’s aid some cases even murder.” in building cases as the victim’s family and • Give her the number of such organisations community can obstruct investigations. (if it is safe to do so) According to the Karma Nirvana website: “One of the big differences between domesSome of the Day of Memory speakers sug• Reassure her that she isn’t trapped gested that people may be afraid to voice con• Offer to call a helpline while she is with you tic abuse and honour-based abuse, is the multiple perpetrator element, which can be cerns in case they are accused of prejudice • If she does not want to return home offer to even more difficult to deal with when the or labelled racist or that they may feel that it call the police there and then abuse is all happening in your own home.” is not their place to probe. To this, Jasvinder • Advise that if in other situations she is in Multiple perpetrators can encompass “the implored us to ‘put our noses where it does immediate family, sometimes the extendnot belong’ and to look out for the red flags immediate danger to call 999 ed family and occasionally the community or triggers of abuse (such as unusual school • If you are concerned about someone and at large. Mothers, sisters, aunties and even absences, self harm with no obvious triggers know their address you can ask the police grandmothers have been known to be inor trips abroad to ‘care for a dying relative’). to do a safe and well check. volved in the conspiring of honour crimes”. I will finish with some words from Jasvinder: It’s important to point out that not all arranged On the 14th July, I was privileged to attend “It takes immense courage to march your marriages are forced. Arranged marriages ex- virtually Karma Nirvana’s 6th Day of Memoown path. If your family chose to walk the old ist where two individuals consent to enter ry to remember victims of honour killings. path, you are not obliged to walk with them. into a marriage willingly. However, as Karma Typically the dead are remembered by their Abuse is abuse regardless of culture”. The following day I turned to Karma Nirvana for guidance. I wanted to make sure that if I ever saw her again or encountered a similar situation I would do the right thing by the victim.

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If you or someone you know is the victim of honour-based abuse or at risk of a forced marriage, Karma Nirvana may be able to help. Contact the Karma Nirvana helpline on 0800 5999 247 or go to karmanirvana.org.uk/contact to request a safe call back. Note that the helpline is also available to professionals.

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Dipicting The Unsaid By Laura James

This series of images portrays the suffering that many women endure from sexual violence. It is a visual representation of the confound emotions that can often follow.

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Another Side of the Story By Sabrina Merolla

- even men can be abused on a daily basis, and it is not their fault?

omestic abuse, we believe to know what it is. But most of the times we do not. Because domestic abuse does not only mean physical violence against women and children. It can also be your partner or family member who verbally abuses you, takes controls of your money and finances, or stops you from contacting friends and family members to isolate you. Since the lockdown, there was an unprecedented rise in numbers of physical and psychological domestic abuses, in the UK and around the world. And even if we still live in a man’s man’s man’s world, domestic violence by women against men has been on the rise since a few years, now. According to Mark Brooks OBE data that were published by The ManKind Initiative in March 2020, for every three victims of domestic violence, two will be female and one will be male. And for every three victims of partner abuse, two will be female and one will be male.

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Sabrina: What was your relationship about? John: Well, the psychological control she had on me. It mostly seems about her not being aware of her control. But when we were married, she was very controlling. Right from the start, she didn’t like my friends, my family, she didn’t like me going out - full stop. And I wasn’t allowed to use my bank card. She took it, and just gave me two pounds a day. So, if anybody would casually suggest to meet for a drink, I just couldn’t go. I didn’t have the option. I had no money in my pockets and no chance of getting any money because I wasn’t allowed to use my bank card. She justified it by saying: “Somebody needs to control the finances”. Therefore she would be the one in charge, and the only way for her to do so was by giving me those two pounds a day.

Even if we still live in a man’s man’s man’s world, domestic violence by women against men has been on the rise.

Sabrina: Did you have a joint bank account? John: We didn’t have a joint bank account, but she had access to it online. Of course, I had given her access. It wasn’t a big deal at the time. And I must admit I didn’t really object to not having my bank card. I just got used to it. I only went to work, then straight back home around five or six pm, having dinner and putting the kids to bed. Then, routinely, repeat it the following day.

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I had a long conversation about it with John [fictitious name], who has been abused by his ex-wife for more than twenty years now. Listening to his story, I can’t help but wonder how his life would have turned out if he was able to recognise the early signs of abuse. I also wonder about his children, would they have grown up differently knowing that - yes owing 29 JULY 2020

But I didn’t mind, because I loved my kids. So, not meeting my friends wasn’t a big deal, really. It was more about not having the option, but I never argued about that. I just didn’t feel it right inside. She always 20

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Sabrina Merolla’s ongoing project “Family Constellations” Hellinger’s Family Constellations is an alternative therapeutic method based on family systems therapy. It was born from the belief that present-day problems and difficulties may be influenced by past traumas experienced by previous generations of the same family, even if the affected subject is today unaware of the original events. It emphasizes relations between the present and the past in a family group that may cause “systemic entanglements”, when unresolved traumas have afflicted a family through a violent event (abuse, migration, violent death, war, etc.).

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criticised the friends I had and my sisters. But it was only after I separated and divorced from her that my sisters admitted they never felt comfortable coming to our house. Of course they felt uncomfortable, she never made anyone feel welcome. But I accepted her and accepted her dominance.

Sabrina: How did you first meet her? John: Well, we were never formally engaged. There was just a short intercourse before the wedding as she first moved into my house as a lodger. After the first two weeks as just a normal lodger paying me rent, suddenly one thing led to another, we were sleeping together, and it drifted. She was on a stu-

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that gave me the strength for it was my children. She made all the decisions, and in some way it was kind of easy, at first. She did the cooking, but I was the one doing all the housework. I was the one washing and buying clothes for the kids, doing all the reading and the bedtime stories. I was also the one taking them to rugby and competitive swimming early in the morning. I used to wake up at four am, take them swimming, come back and then go straight to work. That was still a lot to do since I worked all day. But she never recognised it. It was never enough. I never got appreciated and it became really hurtful when, later on, I read on the reports from my kids that

My sisters admitted they never felt comfortable coming to our house. Of course they felt uncomfortable, she never made anyone feel welcome. But I accepted her and accepted her dominance. dent visa and had a boyfriend abroad. She was supposed to be in London only for a few months, but before we knew it, we were in a relationship. She wanted to stay, and I realised that she couldn’t. The only way was to marry me. Meanwhile, I was still divorcing from my first wife (we had separated 2-3 years before). Anyway, in 1998 I divorced and married her. It was a formality, really. It was just the two witnesses and us. We were married for fifteen years, had three children, and divorced seven years ago.

Sabrina: Was she different back then? John: Ultimately I can say that she has always been that way, but I didn’t really know it till the day I was forced to leave the house to be honest. I’d never think we would ever come to that because we didn’t argue. I had just accepted the situation. I felt I wasn’t living a life; I was just existing. The only thing that 29 JULY 2020

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I’d never done anything for them, apparently - to the point that it seemed I never bought Christmas presents for them; which is not true, of course.

Sabrina: How did you suddenly find yourself out of your home and their lives? John: One Saturday morning, I just got back from swimming with my kids. It was about 9.30 am, and she said: “The washing-machine needs emptying”. And I said: “OK, I am just coming in. Let me have a coffee first.” But she said “No, empty the washing machine, now!” And throughout that day she had this very bad temper. Then it was around five or six pm, and we argued about something petty. I can’t remember what it was. I just remember her sitting in front of me at the dining table, pointing a pencil at me saying that I was the one that gave her cancer, that I didn’t care when she had cancer. That was a very hurtful 22

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Brotherhood-Sisterhood

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thing to say because I was always very concerned about her. It lasted for about three years but I also had to take care of the kids and work meanwhile. I remember when she was hospitalised, and her heart seemed to not react on the monitor. It seemed she was going to die. That was so shocking to me! So, after this very hard time, she first says that I gave her cancer, and then that I didn’t do anything for her... It hurts! Also the tone of her voice, she was shouting at me while pointing the pencil at me. She kept pointing that pencil shouting. I went around the table, tried to grab that pencil. She resisted. So, in the end, I let her keep it, even if I felt threatened and hurt. Then she left the room. I didn’t know it at the time, but she must have called the police. There was no immediate reaction from them back then. After that, there was a normal week. We were not arguing, I was going to work, and she was doing her things. Then, on the next Saturday, again I came back from our swimming routine and we argued about something petty. She went upstairs, and half an hour later the police arrived. She started being hysterical. She was out of control, and the police officer told her: “If you don’t stop shouting, I will have to arrest you.” The female officer managed to calm her down and she had a tiny little bruise around her arm. Then she told them: “What about this?”. The policeman said: “We know about that.” And I said: “Sorry, what do you mean that you know about that?” They looked confused and then said: “Oh, OK. You’re under arrest.” Apparently, I was the one that caused the bruise when I tried to grab the pencil off her. I don’t remember touching the top of her arm, to be sincere. It should have been her hand or wrist. Anyway, I was arrested. I never went back to the house, and I had no access to my kids.

Sabrina: But did you ever touch her, or your children? John: No, no, no. I cannot remember anything like that. I remember trying to grab the pencil, unsuccessful as I was. I mean, I know 29 JULY 2020

the psychological abuse I went through. People who witnessed it say that she occasionally slapped me in the face, too. But, to be sincere, I don’t clearly recall those events, even if other people witnessed them. And I definitely don’t want to dwell on that. But that’s how she was. She always undermined me as well and if sometimes I tried to discipline the kids, she would intervene as if I was ineffectual and couldn’t have any power or control. My children gradually learned that she was in control, that control was power, and that it led to respect. In that sense, they never recognised me. That was hurting as well.

Sabrina: And then? Did you go to jail?

from her. The problem was that I said I wasn’t feeling threatened by her pointing the pencil at me - which is true. I didn’t really think she was going to stab me with a pencil. Obviously, it’s not nice to point a pencil at anyone. But it was what she was saying in the meanwhile that was very hurting. I just wanted to stop her from pointing the pencil while saying those things. And I didn’t. But since I declared I didn’t feel threatened that was enough for them to say: “Well then, you touched her and that’s an offence.” At the police station, I also didn’t make contact with the woman officer who had first approached us before - which I wish I would have done because she witnessed my interview and was just saying: “This is ridiculous!”.

put into that category to be black or white. After all I’d gone through for years, emotionally and psychologically, there wasn’t any grey for me.

Sabrina: Did you explain it to them? John: No. Then I tried to explain my situation when I went on probation, once a week for quite a period of time. But they wouldn’t listen to me and the only way they would allow me to end the course was to admit: “Yes, I’m an abuser of my wife. Yes, I beat my wife, etc.” If I tried to not play along, then I was in denial. That’s what was required of me. Sabrina: Was it because you pleaded guilty?

John: No, no. I didn’t go to jail. I got arrested on a Saturday evening, around about seven pm. I didn’t know about it but, traditional-

Then I ended up with another solicitor, who John: Yes, maybe I shouldn’t have pleaded told me to plead guilty. The next moment guilty but if I didn’t it would have led to a Crown Court. Perhaps my wife would have come in, and then even my children would S o , t h e s o l i c i t o r s h o w e d u p , a n d I w a s t a k e n b a c k t o t h e have been brought in as witnesses. I don’t know; I wasn’t prepared to let my children c e l l . T w o h o u r s l a t e r , t h e y o p e n e d t h e d o o r a n d s a i d : ‘ Y o u go through all that. So, emotionally, I was in a wreck. Within two days of being released, have been charged and may have to appear in court’. I stayed with a friend. I had no choice; I was released to go to his house. I had nothing, not even a change of clothes, and I manly, if you get arrested on a weekend at that I went to the pre-sentencing probation ofaged to get some money from him to get sort of time, you don’t get to be interviewed ficer and the first thing she said to me was: to work. Then I got on the bus, and the bus until the following day. So, I was waiting to “Okay, sit down. You are a criminal. Let’s dis- had just turned around the corner when be interviewed until ten or eleven o’clock. cuss this”. I just tried to say something about a police car appeared from nowhere and Then I knocked on the cell door and said: my children and she said: “You know noth- stopped it. Two police officers got on the “What’s happening?”. Some guy said that I ing about children, you know nothing about bus and I thought it was for me. They were had to wait till I sobered up. “I didn’t have education”, in such an aggressive way, may- walking towards me and passed me to get any drink; there’s no alcohol-related here”, be to see how I’d react. After the interview, I to somebody else. I was petrified, in a comI said. But that’s how they do things during was just shocked. I was literally shaking with plete emotional wreck. I still haven’t recovthe weekend. So I had to wait until about tears. I couldn’t believe how aggressive she ered really from what I’ve gone through. It three pm and because I had been waiting so was all along in the interview. changed my life in many ways. long, I called for a solicitor. Maybe I shouldn’t have done that, but I got a bit panicky being Since then, I ultimately became a criminal. Sabrina: Did you ever look for a therapist? kept overnight for so long. So, the solicitor I had no rights. My children had no idea of showed up, and I was taken back to the cell. what I was doing and where I was. Because, John: I contacted this fathers’ charity to try Two hours later, they opened the door and quite rightly, domestic abuse and domestic to get access to my children. I think I had said: “You have been charged and may have violence are not tolerated. But I was then put just one session through the phone with to appear in court.” into that category [of abuser] automatically. some guy. Then I also had one session from Therefore, I was treated with contempt and a counsellor at work. But even if it was about Sabrina: Did you admit you did it? was supposed to be ashamed. Of course, I’m seven years ago, I am still emotionally denot proud I tried to grab the pencil, but I was stroyed on many levels. Until I agreed to my John: No, I just said I tried to grab the pencil

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wife’s divorce settlement, I wasn’t allowed to Then I went to live with the boys, from last see my children. Up to that point, it took two July until February this year. My daughter years, if not longer. It also cost me a fortune. decided to go to college out of London (not far from my ex-wife’s boyfriend), and my Sabrina: What about the divorce? ex also moved out with her. It could have actually been good for them to move away John: Well, we weren’t struggling financially from the kids who were always antagonising but when we divorced she’d already distort- with the women of the house. I tried to do ed all the pieces of information to make it everything I could, I cooked as soon as I got look as if I was bankrupt before meeting her back from work, which is very far from that - not true at all! But she had prepared all this house. But they looked upon me and comon paper, even showing how she brought plained about everything. Then they started £200,000 into our relationship. There nev- to do any sort of things to me. Both the boys er was that money. It was all nonsense. She were aggressive, rude and disrespectful. was trying to give the impression that she They first started to say “mommy would do was the one who saved me financially. Then it better” all the time complaining about my one thing led to another, and now she has cooking, etc. Then the younger started to got everything she wanted. When I saw all use my PayPal account to order online food those manipulations on paper, well, it hurt. - even while I was cooking for them. AfterBut it was the only way to see my children again. So, she got what she wanted and sud- wards I tried to stop him from using money denly I could see my children and we start- from my account, all I got was abuse. I mean ed a relationship again. My daughter would really bad abuse.

even stay with me. But after a while, she They used to call me with the C-word and didn’t want to see me anymore. all sorts of stuff. I was a bitch; I was gay. I Sabrina: How did all those events affect your was this and that. One day one of them was using my account again, and I took his modaughter and your two sons? bile phone. Then he stood up and pushed John: Well, my ex was really domineering, me against the wall. If I’d stayed on, that also with the children. The kids, especially the could have gotten worse. I wouldn’t want two boys, have no respect for me because to take that risk, and I had no intention to the mother was always undermining me and call the police, as my wife had done before I was not able to set boundaries or accept- with them. So I contacted her and said that able values for my children to follow. I believe I’d had enough, and I needed to leave. She my daughter also felt I was ineffectual, that I first told me it was child abandonment, couldn’t help her. She was going through a then she changed her attitude and became period of self-harming and the boys would strangely understanding. I haven’t heard deliberately upset her. I think there was one from them since then. They will call when occasion in which I stayed at the house they need money. But I still feel uncomfortwith them and one of the boys was playable about everything. And I feel dirty. ing with the computer till three am making noise. Then suddenly my daughter started screaming, and I thought maybe something Sabrina: Why do you feel dirty? terrible had happened in her room. But she was just upset about her brother. So I told John: Because I’m now tainted with a criminal him to stop playing and go to bed; he re- conviction, it will never go away. fused. She then said: “Okay, so you’re no good”. And that was it. She didn’t want to Sabrina: Well, it may never go away, but you speak to me after that. It’s over a year, now. were innocent. Doesn’t it make any difference? 29 JULY 2020

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John: I know. But every year at work I have to compile criminal record check forms and there it is, that conviction always appears on the form. Then it’s given to the HR personnel. It’s a spent conviction, but it’s still on record. It will always be on file. It will never go away. So yes, I do sometimes feel ashamed. I don’t feel guilty; I don’t. But maybe I should have tried to apologise to my ex-wife for grabbing that pencil. I don’t know, most of the time we had a normal family life. But I didn’t feel like I was living. The only consolation I had was ultimately my kids. And till the time before we separated, I had a good relationship with them. Now, I still have nightmares. I’m no angel. I have made mistakes in my life. I might have shouted at my children in the past, but I never hit them, of course.

provide for all three children until the youngest turns 21, which means I would still be paying money to my ex until the elder will be twenty-five. However, maybe when the kids will be more mature and get away from the influence of their mom, I will re-develop a relationship with them. Well, I’m not expecting that to really happen. I still feel responsible for my kids’ attitude towards me, as I was not able to secure them a happy upbringing. I was weak. Therefore any resentment they have is understandable. I only hope they don’t see me as the guilty partner now. I want to move on with my life. I know I can’t right now, but I want to move on. I’d also want a relationship with somebody, rather than being on my own.

Sabrina: Were you ever violent with your Sabrina: Do you mean that you feel ready family? for a relationship? No, no. I was never violent with any of them. We could argue - occasionally, not all the time. She would shout, and I would shout. But it wasn’t like every night of the week and it wasn’t alcohol-induced, or anything else. I wasn’t even allowed to go for a drink when I was with my wife. I’d go to work and come home. I had no money, no choice. I wouldn’t even have a drink in the house. Later, at trial, she tried to claim that I had an alcohol problem - so untrue. That was supposed to be why she got jealous when I went out and met somebody - a guy, my family, a friend. To just go out once a week was more than enough to her. She didn’t like that at all. So she set the limit to once a month. Relationships shouldn’t be like that - on one’s terms for everything. But I didn’t think that I could live a different life.

John: I really don’t know. I mean, I know you should never look for someone during the rebound after a relationship, those three to four months after a split up. But you know, I’m talking about almost seven years! But it still hurts like yesterday. The emotions and feelings of upset are still there. So I’m not ready, I’ll never be ready.

I look forward to the time when my kids will be adults; I hope to speak to them as mature adults and have a conversation. But I don’t think that I and my ex could ever really sit down and analyse everything. The only point I would like to stress is that I totally understand domestic violence and the people that I was seeing in the criminal justice system were those people that make you think “wow, what characters they are!” Sabrina: Do you have any prospects for the Unfortunately, once you get accused of something like that, you get to be treated future? like all the authors of those extreme acts. I John: I want to retire but I cannot until my just felt like a fish out of water there. youngest turns eighteen at least. And that would be on the basis that my ex agrees to Sabrina: Well, yes, but you are the abused change the divorce settlement. I agreed to one here. 29 JULY 2020

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John: She would never agree with you, of course. She needs to know she wins. She couldn’t accept any weakness or any sense of guilt, or responsibility.

Sabrina: Yes, it is, and it’s on the rise. It seems that in 2018-19 there was a ratio of one male victim over every two female victims [from ManKind Initiative data].

Sabrina: Well, that’s what an abuser looks like.

John: Well, this is quite a high percentage. And then, about this psychological one, I don’t know how many men experience it. I can say that I didn’t feel constantly psychologically abused, for example. I just didn’t feel it right and was very, very unhappy. But other times it just felt good, because maybe we were at a picnic table with the kids, and we were all together. But deep down, maybe I knew.

John: Yes. It is not just about controlling the money. It is the belittling of you. She would always make me feel so low, she would never congratulate me on anything, and she controlled me at all levels. I was never meant to argue or have opinions. I was just meant to accept situations. Once, I was driving. We were coming back from the countryside over to a big bridge. We had to pay a toll to cross, and there were all those toll gates where the cars drove up to pay. I had the gate in front of me, with two

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She couldn’t accept any weakness or any sense of guilt, or responsibility.

The ManKind Initiative is the first charity dedicated to male victims of domestic abuse across the UK, since 2001. Their confidential helpline provides emotional support and practical information. For confidential help, please call 01823 334244.

cars. The toll on the right had one car, like the one on the left and she said: “Go on the right!” I said it’s ok, “I’ll stay in this lane, now”. Then she suddenly grabbed the steering wheel off me and tried to drag the car to another lane. I had to steer the vehicle back to the lane we’re on because that could be dangerous. You don’t steal the steering wheel unless you want to fall down the cliff! That’s how dominant she was. The only thing that I can say is that no one ever knows. Domestic violence is still a hot potato. It is always very emotional, and it is still a kind of abuse that is, obviously, from male to female. But some men experience domestic violence as well. Because the psychological control and being slapped in the face is violence, too.

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I would also like to stress what we all have been going through, you know, all these horrendous experiences. Therefore the police should seriously look at them for sure. But they should also remember that there is another side of the story sometimes. Who knows, maybe some people are still not aware of their situation. But then they read something here, and they think: “That’s me. I’m in that situation”. I hope my story will help them now.

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Call Refuge’s National Domestic Abuse Helpline for free and confidential advice, 24 hours a day on 0808 2000 247. Visit the website nationaldahelpline.org.uk to access further information, a contact form and the live chat service. If you are in immediate danger, call 999 and ask for the police.

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SILENCE Questions unanswered Chasms of unspoken words Sadness consumes Retreating Into the safety of sleep

Pride

Where dreams of loves embrace lives Tired of trying Doing, second guessing Answerless echoes Reverberating off walls Closed ears Coventryâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s only embrace Devastated I return to myself

By Eurydice Caldwell

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that mean you were more comfortable with writing this because you could just be really honest and that you didn’t sort of have to think back on things. Like did you think about what could happen if you published this bit or this line?

Interview with Poet Sir Troy Cabida By Idil Abdullahi

une is the dedicated month to celebrate the LGBTQ+ community. While I’ve not been able to cover the LGBTQ+ community for the past few issues due to events surrounding the ongoing #BlackLivesMatter movement, I wanted to make sure to interview someone from the community, especially someone close to my life, whose work’s impact I can feel. For this issue of Just Zine I sat down with poet, fellow Poetry and Shaah member and good friend Troy Cabida to talk about his debut poetry pamphlet ‘War Dove’, how the journey into publication has been like for him and how being a living queer icon to many people in his life and the poetry scene has been truly like.

to know what the lead up to the release was like? Was it stressful to release a book rather than a pamphlet? Or was it really similar?

Troy: Well, it’s my first time ever being published by a press. This is actually an insider for you. In 2013, I self-published a pamphlet of poems through this website called Blurb just to understand what it’s like to assemble a piece of work and market it by yourself, which was very fun.

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Bad Betty Press has been very open about my ideas and in my opinion, the pamphlet is a very beautiful collaboration between me, Amy Acre and Jake Wild Hall, the founders of the press. They understand what it’s like to be a poet on the other side of the submission process, which means they were responsive to my ideas, to the things I like, the things I didn’t like and the weirdness that I wanted to add to the pamphlet. I truly believe Bad Betty Press was the best home for those poems and a great starting point for me.

Idil: You’ve recently released ‘War Dove’, which has already sold out its first run. I don’t want to ask you the stereotypical question of ‘how was that for you?’, but I’m curious to

Idil: That’s honestly a great approach. With this sort of body of work, was it different because obviously you’ve sort of come out, if that’s still a concept if that still happens. Did

Idil: Quite often when an artist is more open about their sexuality, they will be labelled as a ‘gay poet’ or a ‘queer poet. Is that someTroy: I think after ‘War Dove’ came out, I’ve thing you’re wary of or is that something had about maybe eight or nine opportunities you’re more welcoming of? Or you’ve not to promote my work online and I realised thought about it? That could also be the case. that all of these poems talk about at least one thing that I’m excited to dig into more Troy: That is something I’ve thought about. now. At the same, there are topics that I Even now, people would come up to me at don’t want to touch on anymore because if I like an open mic where I’ve performed a poem go back and rehash the sensation of coming about something, in my head hasn’t got anything to do with masculinity or coming out or out the closet, the very initial interactions

I truly believe Bad Betty Press was the best home for those poems and a great starting point for me.

Troy Cabida (b. 1995) is a Filipino poet and producer based in South West London. His recent poems have appeared in harana poetry, TAYO Literary, Cha: An Asian Literary Journal, Bukambibig and MacMillan. He is a former member of the Barbican Young Poets, the Roundhouse Poetry Collective and is a current member of Liwayway Kolektibo, an arts collective providing space for UK-based Filipinx artists. His producing credits include his debut show Overture: An Evening with Troy Cabida, Poems for Boys, a night exploring masculinity through poetry and the London open mic night Poetry and Shaah. His debut pamphlet War Dove was released with Bad Betty Press in May 2020.

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you have after coming out, what will come out wouldn’t be genuine anymore. Those are not the interactions I’m having now.

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being gay. Members of the audience who are familiar with my work prior to that performance will automatically think of that poem as a ‘gay poem’ because that’s the familiarisation that they sort of have of me. I don’t know if I’m asking sense but… when I did my second year of the Barbican Young Poets, I performed a poem about toxic masculinity and how that affects me as a person and how that shaped my relationship with men on a platonic and a romantic perspective. A lot of my friends

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consuming your poetry and then… I don’t want to say ‘looking up to you’ because that sounds like a lot of pressure, but looking at you in that light of ‘Wow, they’re someone who is part of this community and is doing really well with poetry, publishing books and doing interviews and stuff’.

Troy: It’s really humbling. When the book came out, a lot of people would contact me and I’m always always surprised. A lot of Filipino people would read the book and

I performed a poem about toxic masculinity and how that affects me as a person and how that shaped my relationship with men on a platonic and a romantic perspective.

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loved that poem, which is great. A bit of a downside to that is every time they read or hear a new piece of work from me, they automatically think it’s about masculinity. They automatically think it’s about my response to the world through the gay lens. Which most of the time is not accurate but I respect that but at the same time I’m not fully comfortable with that perception that tells people ‘Oh you’re Troy Cabida, you automatically write about what its like to be a man’ which, nope I don’t! (laughs) maybe this poem is just about… a cat. (laughs)

Idil: Fair enough. Now that people can consume you on a wider level, for example, someone could just pick up your book but then never see you perform. For me, personally I can say I used to love watching interviews of people I had newly discovered. I would especially latch onto someone if I had something in common with them. It could be that they’re Somali or that they’re a Muslim woman. Even before I was aware of gender and I came across someone non-binary or trans, I guess it resonated with me on a deeper level. Have you thought about young queer people 29 JULY 2020

then be in shock that I’m a Filipino poet who actually “made it”. Which on one side is really complimentary but on the other side you have to sort of challenge why that mentality is so firm in our heads. As to why it’s so special for a Filipino person to have a poetry pamphlet come out. Like why is that such a spectacle? On the flip side, it’s really nice, because I do believe that representation matters. If you don’t see others that you can relate to doing it, then you have a harder time believing that you, yourself can actually do it. I’m not trying to name-drop BTS but…

Idil: It was going to happen eventually. (laughs) Troy: It was going to happen. Before I was sucked into the ARMY fandom, I never once thought I was attractive. Then I would watch them perform and be successful in what they do and think ‘I don’t actually look like them’ (laughs), but the idea that these seven Asian guys, who don’t look like Channing Tatum or Matthew McConaughey, Zac Efron, who don’t have these massively built bodies and are JUSTZINE

Idil: And I’m excited for what the future holds for you, Sir Troy, because you’re going to do great things. Thank you for letting me interview you, especially during the COVID-19 pandemic. I’m sure there are really big, important things going on in your life at the minute so I really appreciate you sitting down with me for answering my questions and talking about a queer individual and legend. Which you are.

proud to be Asian and still harvest attention and artistic satisfaction allowed me to accept that I can find validation in my field, in poetry and that I’m worthy of all of this attention.

Idil: I know you’ve mentioned that you’ve seen a lot of queer people on the social media app named TikTok, which has become wildly popular. It’s obviously for anyone that wishes to download it but it is primarily marketed at Gen Z. With you being a late millennial, do you think it would have made much difference if you were born a few years later? Do you believe the response to your coming out would have been massively different? I just feel like Gen Z is light years ahead, they’re super progressive and they just seem to be more aware. Even more progressive than me, I’ll call myself a millennial.

Troy: And thank you for having me!

Web Map War Dove: badbettypress.com/product/ war-dove-troy-cabida/

Troy: Firstly, I do believe you were very progressive for your age when we went to school.You were definitely more progressive in comparison to anyone else I meant in school, which is a testament to your whole generation. You are part of Generation Z, which is great and I applaud you for that.

Black Pride UK Donations Page: ukblackpride.org.uk/ukbp-donate Website: troycabida.com Twitter and Instagram: @troycabida

I think it would have been different. Listen, I came out the closet when I was twenty-one and most of the people I initially came out to were my age or older, so early nineties to ninety-five. And they all had a level of apprehension to it with some of that apprehension being subconscious. They didn’t mean to make me feel bad but they were just wired that way, I guess, to have doubts about that topic. I told some of my younger friends afterwards, that I had fallen in love with a guy or whatever. And they’d kind of just bat their eyes at me and be like, “Okay, so what do you want to eat?” I used to say I wish I was born in the 50s, but now I kinda wish I was born in 2003. (laughs) I’m excited for what the future holds for these kids. 29 JULY 2020

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Not a Phase

By Gemma Mancinelli

ccording to Stonewall Trans Statistics, 41% of trans people have been attacked or threatened with violence in the last 5 years. In the last year alone, 65% of trans people have been discriminated against or harassed because of being perceived to be/recognised as trans. 35% avoid expressing their gender through physical appearance for fear of being assaulted, threatened or harassed. 70% of trans people avoid certain places and situations for fear of being assaulted, threatened or harassed. 48% of trans people in Britain have attempted suicide at least once; 84% have thought about it.

safety of women’s spaces, even though there is no evidence that trans women are a threat to anyone else; if anything they are the victims of hate crime and violence. The trans and non-binary community has again been experiencing a lot of turmoil. In light of these events and debates, a demonstration in Parliament Square, London, was held on the 4th of July where trans and non-binary people protested for recognition, safety and healthcare; all of which is very much needed.

In July 2017, the government announced a reform of the 2004 Gender Recognition Act (GRA) to make it easier for trans people to acquire a Gender Recognition Certificate so that they can self-identify. All the papers were ready but Boris Johnson’s government decided to shelve the plan and applease the LGBTQIA+ community with a ban on conversion therapy. The GRA also became the focus of conflict between radical feminists and advocates for trans acceptance. JK Rowling, to the disappointment of fans, made it clear where she stands when she stood up for Maya Forstater - who lost her job over transphobic tweets; she’s being called a TERF (Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists), who are women who claim that trans women aren’t women, worried about women’s rights and the 29 JULY 2020

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©Helena Neeson

Children’s Features

©Helena Neeson

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How are Children Feeling during Lockdown? By Yajat Raj

ased on my findings from an audio survey conducted on children aged 8-14 to understand how children are feeling during the lockdown. The survey results shows, many children feel bored due to quarantine, instead they find their own ways to be self-activated for example: learning from your mother about how to cook, reading books to improve in academic skills, bicycling, and by studying science, these are great examples of being self-activated during this lockdown.

Overall, I understand that due to covid-19 and lockdown children are affected mentally, emotionally and physically. The good part is children themselves and with the help of their families are successful in overcoming and dealing with this tough situation. For example, Vishnu from Canada talks about how he does body-building in quarantine to prevent any illnesses. These thoughts are really encouraging and inspiring.

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Even though we are in a tough situation with the lockdown we should all be active and have emotion for others, but in return we should take care of our surroundings.

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In this survey, I found out 80% of children said that they are bored in quarantine, but they still find activities to be active. 15% of the kids are worried/concerned about their family’s health and the covid-19.5% of children miss their school and meeting friends. Alwin from Sweden says ‘I am not scared of Covid unless somebody goes out, I am not bored depending on the day, some days I feel bored, some days are better. 29 JULY 2020

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Kids in Lockdown By Pooja Premkumar

ovid -19 is a recent communicable disease spread from one person to another person. Covid-19 has impacted everyone. Recently I did a small survey about ‘How kids feel during COVID 19’. From Grade 3 to Grade 9 students participated. We have reached out to 30 kids through the Telephonic Survey but only 22 kids responded. Direct questions were asked about Covid 19 and how it affected and what was happening. Based on the survey, most of the kids were affected by Covid-19. Due to this sudden COVID 19 Kids were staying at home for a longer period of time and doing online school classes, instead of face-to-face classes, and this could also affect kids eyes due to too much screen time. Kids were mentally affected due to Stress, Frustration, irrational mood and Panic.

©Helena Neeson

Covid-19 also has affected kids education, health, and more. Based on our survey kids were reported they gain weight due to overeating due to stress and lack of physical activities. In addition kids were reported that they learned new Coping Skills.To overcome these Covid 19 kids have found new ways on how to keep their mind and body healthy while in Covid-19. During this crisis kids are developing their family attachment, interpersonal communication. Many kids have started reading books to develop their reading skills, bond with their siblings, and have learned new skills, and talents. And also kids were taught Social Distancing, Proper Hand washing and other Hygienic activities. We hope that the Covid 19 Vaccination will help us.

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©Helena Neeson

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29 JULY 2020

JUSTZINE

29 JULY 2020

JUSTZINE