Regulation handout lana randall

What is Regulation?

By Lana Randall

The starting place for DIR is making sure that a child is calm enough to receive incoming information and calm enough to care about what is happening around him. It is at that point that we can say the child is “emotionally regulated.”

A dysregulated child is in survival mode and often cannot make sense of what is happening around him because he is using all his energy trying to cope and usually responds by aggression (fight) or avoidance (flight). The toy you are offering or the smile on your face is far beside the point. Think of your most anxious moment, just when you heard something and came to understand that something very bad had happened or was going to happen. You hunker down and retreat into some comfortable habit; you try to survive the moment and hope it will pass sooner than latter.

Due to neurological differences, children with autism and related disabilities are in this dysregulated state for much of their day. Two things to remember : 1) This is a highly unproductive state; people do not learn or retain information.

2) Behavioral strategies like negative or positive reinforcement don’t quite work because they do not go to the root of the problem. They assume that a child CHOOSES to act one way (good and compliant) or another (bad and aggressive) and that this choice is not determined by the child’s emotional distress. Reinforcement DOES NOT change the underlying emotional tension.

DIR understands that your child’s emotional regulation makes learning in school possible and it makes emotional interaction with a parent possible. So how do you get a child whose neurology makes him too wound up or too wound down just right.

1) First, learn to recognize your child’s individual differences. Your child has a unique combination of sensory, emotional and cognitive characteristics. Learn to recognize what your child’s tendencies are and how those experiences differ through each sense.

Does your child tend to be under-reactive and have trouble responding to world around them? Does the world just pass them by? Do they only seem to respond to experiences that are loud or physically intense?

Or does your child tend to be over-reactive to stimulation? Does the smallest touch or sound drive them to distraction and aggression?

2) Understand that this sensory reactivity fluctuates in most children. Your child will probably tend toward one end of the spectrum but your job is to recognize where your child is at the moment. You probably already intuitively do this as in, “Oh no, we’re losing him, he’s slipping away and ignoring us” or “He’s getting more and more intense I better get him out of here before he bites someone 3) Learn how to counter-regulate your child’s emotional and sensory state. A child

has individual biological differences, but how a caregiver responds to these makes all the difference.

What is Counter-regulation?

In the video clip Greenspan shows how a caregiver’s response to a child makes symptoms –like anxiety, depression, hyperactivity, and aggression— better or worse. In each example he shows how Caregiver A makes the child much worse by intensifying negative feelings, detaching from the child or getting into power struggles. Caregiver B counters the child’s negative emotions by soothing the child or helping him master fear.

Caregiver B counter-regulates the child and counter-balances his unwieldy emotions.

It is important to note that most counter- regulation happens in your facial expressions, gestures and the tone of your voice –not your exact words. (Although children at higher levels can be talked out of their fear and taught to problem-solve with complex ideas.)

Here are some of the examples Greenspan gives. They are all patterns that get reinforced through many, many interactions. Every parent responds like Caregiver A once in a while; you want to avoid the ongoing pattern of responding this way.

When a child is anxious: Caregiver A gets tense and reinforces the idea that there is something to fear.

After a long pattern of this type of response, the child gets more and more anxious.

Caregiver B soothes the child and helps him master the problem. The message the caregiver gives is, “You can control your environment. You don’t have to be anxious that bad things will happen to you.”

When a child is hypersensitive to sounds and emotions: Caregiver A freezes –unintentionally-- and momentarily avoids the child who is emotionally out of control. This is a human response to a difficult situation but if it happens continuously, it can lead to depression in the child. When the upset child turns to the mother for comfort and reciprocity, he gets frozen out and feels empty and isolated.

(No, this is not the same as “Refrigerator Mother”!)

Caregiver B recognizes what is happening and sooths the child and counterregulates his negative emotions. She brings the child up emotionally. Again, this often occurs on a non-verbal level.

When a child has OCD type symptoms: Caregiver A gets into power struggles and punishment. This parent responds to the child’s rigidity by asserting rules, power and control. Unfortunately, this drives the child to more rigidity. The child responds to the tension by wanting to control their world even more. The rituals get even stronger.

Caregiver B understands that the child with OCD traits is hypersensitive to stimulation. (That is part of their individual differences.) This caregiver understands that rituals are an expression of anxiety and vulnerability. The caregiver tries to negotiate with the child.

When a child is hyperactive with ADHD type of symptoms: Caregiver A runs after the child and expresses her frustration in her own activity level, as well as a tense emotional tone. This only intensifies the child’s behavior. These type of children are sensory craving and are compelled to move but the parent might insist that the child remain still or seated.

Caregiver B starts at the activity level of the child (to connect) and then progressively slows down the action. Greenspan calls them “Regulation Games.” This parent provides long sequences of interaction that calm the child down. Consistency is important with this type of child because they are often so distractible.

When a child is aggressive and/or impulsive: Caregiver A punishes the child, often in a way that isolates them from others (“time out”). A child cannot learn to regulate in isolation. Isolating the child is a tempting solution because an aggressive child is one of the most difficult to tolerate, but it is the least regulating thing to do.

Caregiver B sets firm limits (not hitting, no biting, etc.) but also spends time with the child in long sequences of interaction to help him learn to regulate. Redirection is another way to regulate this type of child without punishing him.