Reilly Howe

THE BALLAD OF JAMES GATZ BASED ON F. SCOTT FITZGERALD’S THE GREAT GATSBY

Dearest Nick, old sport,

The flowers smelled of pale gold, matching the buttons of her dress, and pallor of the paint covering my car. These golds are unmatched by the gold we once enjoyed. The gold of our age, the gold of our youth, the gold of our loves lost, the gold of a fresh picked Daisy, the gold of throwing your cares away, Carraway, and the gold of a passing sunset.

Bespectacled eyes will see us all in our never-ending chase for this fools gold, which traps the poor and the rich alike, in a vicious circle, spending our future trying to reclaim our past.

I work endlessly, pedalling backwards, to reach the gold that I used to want. But the heat that forged this Valley of Ashes is not warm enough to heat our hearts, frozen in time, looping in reverse, reaching and stretching and tearing muscles just to get back what we already have, but have wasted on the vain, who sneer at us on the courage of our own liquor.

So we beat on, backs against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

CONFESSION FROM THE TALE OF CAIN AND ABEL, GENESIS 4

OVENFORT IS A TOWN that should have been on a postcard. If you had decided to visit it one year, two months and twenty-two days ago, you would have known why it was the postcard that nobody ever bought, hidden underneath the one with a horse and carriage against a background of Christmas. It was a printing error, an elbow bumping into the mouse by accident. At least, that was how they made it look.

If you had known me, you would never have imagined that I would be capable of doing it. I was just Cain. Or rather, I was just Abel’s brother. I was the follower. The rejected worshipper. The coward. You would have understood why I kept it a secret. You would have wondered why I confessed to him, and to him alone.

Erosion is the wearing down of land over an extended period of time. It is a brutal killer. A rock will explode if the water trapped inside it freezes. Rain sweeps away particles, scarring the ground in the process. Water also corrodes sediments by dissolving ions. When erosion strikes, mountains can be reduced to sand.

If you were to walk through Main Street, you would pass by Number 204. If you were to knock on the door and pretend you were advertising your window cleaning services, Naamah would open up. You would have an epiphany.

She was beautiful.

So was Abel.

Mom would always complain about me. Why couldn’t I be more like my younger brother? It seemed like he was the older one, the role model. The nagging never ended. Even friends noticed, and commented. But I was igneous.

There are three main types of rock: sedimentary rock, metamorphic rock and igneous rock. Igneous rocks were born from magma. The hard from the soft. The brave from the frightened.

When it happened, Mom was traumatized. When she was not at the hospital, she was crying. Hiding her fear from her favourite son. But she was unable to hide that he was her favourite.

If it had been me, would she have done the same?

Do not bluff yourself - you know the answer.

Abel was so difficult to hate. You would have figured that out quite quickly.

He was one of those people so perfect it killed you. It was impossible to find a reason to argue with him.

Even if you had found a reason, you would not have been able to break it to him.

Until you snapped.

My breaking point was Naamah.

The mineral lonsdaleite is made of carbon atoms. It is rare both in nature and in the lab. When meteorites of graphite impact the earth, a diamond is formed out of the heat and stress. But, this alien diamond is more than extraordinary: it can withstand fifty-eight percent more pressure than an ordinary diamond. The outsider outdoes the home champion.

I met her at the skating rink. It was outdoors. I was taking a walk. She was the only one there. I watched her race around in her hockey skates and boot cut jeans. When she finished, I said hello.

We introduced ourselves. Chatted for a while. She told me she was number 204. I said I was number 318. She said she had always liked the number eight. She liked the way it never finished, going around and around in a serpentine. I then asked, isn’t infinity the same? Then she replied, eight’s final. It’s decided what it’s going to be. Infinity hasn’t.

Later, I realized. I was infinity about to be pushed upright.

I was with Abel when I saw her again. We were at the skating rink.

Abel said hi first. He always got things first. You would have known what was going to happen by then; it was obvious.

She smiled, more than polite.

I said hello.

She smiled, polite. I was not sure she even recognized me. I was already disappearing behind my brother’s shadow. Beside him, I was invisible.

Before I could refresh her memory, she turned to talk to Abel.

It was then that I found a reason to hate him.

But I could not tell him. It would hurt me more than him.

Sediments, eroded material, settle in a pile. After a while, they are compressed, pressure turning them into sedimentary rock. They often contain fossils, dreams. You can see layer after layer. You can observe the progress.

So, I decided I would try again. Mercury.

If you could have heard my conversation with Naamah, even you would have pitied me. Through the phone, I reminded her who I was. Asked if she was available to chat. She declined my offer. Said she was taken.

Highly toxic.

You would have understood why I was very angry. Once again, Abel had taken what could have been mine.

I beat him up. He did not resist much. I suppose he was not accustomed to being outdone. Surprised that Cain would dare to touch his sacred skin.

I guess you are surprised too.

I banged his head into the ground. There might have been a dent. I did not want to look.

It was the first Wednesday of February.

Liquid metal.

There was a lot of blood.

I dialed 911. I made up some trash about a man with a beard attacking us both. I gave myself a black eye to make my story more believable.

But I could not believe myself.

You know how it feels to try to lie to yourself. It never works.

Nevertheless, I tried to trick myself into thinking that it was a nightmare. A side effect from my sleeping pills. I was going to wake up eventually. It was going to be all right.

But I knew that nothing was ever going to be all right again. The Chinese once thought that mercury would give eternal life.

Naamah was informed that Abel was in the hospital. He had stitches along his lip. His face was badly bruised. He had a severe concussion. She had barely known him at that time. After the accident, she knew him less.

I would have called her again. But when I heard “Naamah,” I heard “Abel.” And I was reminded of my sin.

If it had not been for me, a postcard of Covenfort would have been everywhere. Every store would have changed Covenfort to Hannendale or Derbridge, claiming that it was a photo of their own town. But Abel’s torn face ruined the picture. Even if it was in the background. He had forgotten everything. What made Abel Abel had disappeared. Of course, he went through therapy. He did well, as he always had before. He began remembering things.

I told him.

He refused to believe it. He was too much of a saint.