City Hall - March 23, 2009

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n No Television After 11, Bloomberg Declares n Brewer Explodes in Curse-Filled Rampage on Council Floor n Rangel Clears Throat

Vol. 3, No. 12

www.cityhallnews.com

April Fool’s 2009

Bloomberg Adds Thompson, Weiner to ’09 Effort

Governor Reveals Mysterious Grand Plan

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By John Johnstone

n a move sure to shake up the 2009 mayor’s race, Mayor Michael Bloomberg (Ind.) announced the additions of Comptroller William C. Thompson (D) and Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-Queens/ Brooklyn) to his campaign team. The two will serve as senior advisors to Bloomberg’s 2009 re-election run, for a sum that was not disclosed to reporters. “They are two of the best political minds in the business,” Bloomberg said at a ribbon-cutting at his Staten Island campaign headquarters that his staff insisted should not be construed as a campaign event. “We are lucky to have them on board.” The mayor deflected further questions concerning the upcoming campaign. “Look, I have 285 more days as the mayor of this city. If the people want me to lead this city beyond that, well, that will be up for them to decide.” Bloomberg also bristled when asked if the hiring of two men thought to be his closest rivals was a circumventing of the democratic process. “Look, there are 2.8 million registered Democrats in New York City,” Bloomberg said, adding that he only expected to put at most half of those on the

campaign payroll before the year is out. “Surely, one of them would like to try to be the mayor. I mean, go ahead, try. Please. Puh-lease.” Thompson said his experience as comptroller convinced him that signing on to Bloomberg 2009 was the right decision, especially in these tough economic times. “I know how to count money,” he said. Weiner, who flashed a broad smile with his new diamond-encrusted grill before taking the microphone, insisted that accepting the position with the campaign did not signal any change in

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‘The ways of the Paterson are strange,’ governor declares

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By Cornelius Van Steenwyk

t a dramatic press conference this week, Gov. David Paterson (D) made the stunning revelation that his bizarre and often mystifying behavior is in fact part of a larger plan that will soon become clear to everyone else. Recounting the many twists and turns his administration had taken, including the Caroline Kennedy saga and his public waffling on the budget deficit, the governor assured reporters that there was

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With Widening Budget Gap, State to Get Second Job

Applications in at Nathan’s, local movie theater

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By Ebenezer Wilson

n an effort to make up for serious revenue shortfalls this year, Gov. David Paterson (D) today announced plans for the state to get a second job.

“Our first job—serving the needs of millions of New Yorkers—clearly wasn’t paying the bills,” Paterson said in a Red Room press conference. “I mean, damn. We’re seriously strapped for cash right now.” State Comptroller Thomas DiNapoli (D) said the plan was to either secure work at Nathan’s Coney Island or a movie

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