City Weekly December 20, 2018 by Copperfield Publishing

C I T Y W E E K LY . N E T

DEC. 20, 2018 | VOL. 35

N0. 30

State plans threaten some of the countryâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s last wild places. By Tara Lohan

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2 | DECEMBER 20, 2018

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CWCONTENTS COVER STORY NEW ROAD AHEAD

Two Western states have launched new challenges to the Roadless Area Conservation Rule, which helps protect some of the country’s most important public lands. Cover illustration by Derek Carlisle

CONTRIBUTOR

4 LETTERS 6 OPINION 13 NEWS 18 A&E 24 DINE 31 MUSIC 41 CINEMA 44 COMMUNITY

TARA LOHAN

Cover story, p. 15 Lohan’s investigative writing focuses on the intersections of energy, water, climate and public lands. She’s also the editor of two books on the global water crisis, whose work has been published by The Nation, The American Prospect, High Country News, Salon, Pacific Standard and others.

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SOAP BOX

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COMMENTS@CITYWEEKLY.NET Cover story, Dec. 13, Dying in Silence

ing, honest and bold. You are the man.

GARY GUYMON

So important! #MMIW

Via Facebook Another POS Democrat.

@DAIRYBABY91

Via Twitter

Via Facebook

OMG. Not acceptable

@JUSTALEX54

Online news post, Dec. 13, Council Raises Its Pay

CHRIS HOLIFIELD

Via Twitter This story could go deeper. It focuses on domestic violence within the native communities, despite the statistically high rate of violence perpetrated against native women by whites. More on the latter issue would be valuable.

Well, of course they did.

Via Facebook Yes Lake City

CRAIG SCHROERLUCKE

Merry Christmas, Salt

KATHLEEN LOUIS PLOTHOW Via Facebook

DAVID SEAGER

He will make a great mayor. Much better than the one in office, but doing nothing, now.

Via cityweekly.net

Via Facebook

MIKE SCHMAUCH

Online news post, Dec. 11, Jim Dabakis will run for Salt Lake City Mayor

Wish he was running for governor.

SUE SHREEVE

JOHN DEHLIN Via Facebook

But how far? 5K? 13.1? Or a full 26.2 marathon? Let’s see him run!

BRANDON SAVAGE Via Facebook

We need somebody like him. Someone who’s a strong speaker, well thought, believes in listen-

2 01 5

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2 01 7

Do we still have people going hungry in Salt Lake? Do kids have unpaid school lunch balances? Then the council doesn’t get a raise.

RACHEL GILCHRIST HEARD Via Facebook

People freeze to death within blocks of the county building every winter.

Via Facebook

SLC politics is a circus.

Hmmm. That’s still a lot lower than I thought they made, and lower than state level politicians who only work less than the city council members. Also, still below the living wage in SLC.

CHRISTY MCNUNYA

Via Facebook

Best news I’ve heard all year.

Via Facebook

You have my vote, hands down. We need you in office!

NATHAN RATHBUN

Via Facebook

and catch up with Tom and all that has been happening in his world. Thanks to Nick and the City Weekly!

@XBILLRECORDS

SEAN DEVOS

Via Instagram

@CITYWEEKLY

Music, Dec. 13, Charting folk singer and guitarist Tom Brosseau’s path from North Dakota to Utah

Nick McGregor’s in-depth piece on Tom Brosseau is one of the most comprehensive and thoughtful articles ever written about TB. Please give it a read

2 01 8

MATT HANDY

NATE TURNER Via Facebook

Some people only get into politics for their own profit ... not because they care about their constituents. Vote them out.

DEBRA VASQUEZ Via Facebook

Keeping SLC weird since 2014

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Online Blog Post, Dec. 17, Superhero franchise Deadpool is making waves again for vexing LDS flock

Get over it. Or perhaps, we should all “compromise.”

ZAK FARRINGTON Via Facebook

The whole thing is ridiculous. This picture could be in a hundred different churches.

What goes around comes around. The Mormons are constantly criticizing how others live their lives and interfering with politics.

Via Facebook

Oh, please!

Man, they’d have a stroke if they saw what the apostates have been making.

SHARON WENDT

BOUDICA LUTHER Via Facebook

ASH BOWDEN

He who hath ears, let him hear, hear. Love this.

VICTOR GOLD Via Facebook

DEBRA VASQUEZ

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Salt Lake City Weekly is published every Thursday by Copperfield Publishing Inc. The Salt Lake City Weekly is an independent publication dedicated to alternative news and news sources, and serves as a comprehensive entertainment guide. 50,000 copies of the Salt Lake City Weekly are free of charge at more than 1,800 locations along the Wasatch Front, limit one copy per reader. Additional copies of the paper may be purchased for $1 (Best of Utah and other special issues, $5) payable to the Salt Lake City Weekly in advance. No person, without expressed permission of Copperfield Publishing Inc., may take more than one copy of any Salt Lake City Weekly issue. No portion of the Salt Lake City Weekly may be reproduced in whole or part by any means, including electronic retrieval systems, without the written permission of the Publisher. Third-Class postage paid at Midvale, UT. Delivery may take one week. All Rights Reserved.

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OPINION Marcello the Magnificent

I couldn’t help but get teary-eyed as one of U.S.’ best was given a fine farewell send-off. He was a military hero, a loving and constant husband and father, and a highly-respected statesman. Regardless of one’s personal politics and sexual misconduct allegations, George H.W. Bush will most likely be remembered as a loyal and kind man, whose stature straddled both sides of the aisle. (No one in the budget office has yet complained that too many rounds were fired in his memory, quibbled that dozens of soldiers had been taken from their borderwall assignments to serve in his color guard, or lamented that a cardboard casket would have been far less costly.) Enter: Marcello Gabello, clad in turban and cloak, and looking into his crystal ball. Marcello: Oh, crystal ball, show me that which has not yet come. (There is a tinkling sound, like a million tiny icicles colliding.) Me: So…so what do you see? Marcello: Shhh! I’m listening. Yes, there’s something appearing in my shiny orb. It’s a bit fuzzy … getting clearer. It is sometime in the future, but I have no way of knowing the year or the date. I am seeing a scene of great merriment. People are dancing in the streets and singing the strains of Rogers and Hammerstein. I can hear the words

BY MICHAEL S. ROBINSON SR. clearly. Oh, yes, they’re singing “Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin’.” Me: Well, what does it all mean? Marcello: Great crystal ball, zoom-in, I pray, to the center of the scene. Me: So, is the zoom function working? Marcello: You need to be very quiet and quit interrupting. But, yes, yes, it’s working. I’m seeing a closeup of the people in the throng. There are people in suits, workers in overalls, academics with books under their arms, women linked arm-in-arm in splendid camaraderie, Mexicans and African-Americans doing what looks like the hornpipe, and each of them is happily singing. Me: So what do you think it’s all about? Marcello: I’m looking for some indication, some clue, but there’s simply no evidence to weigh. Oh, wait a moment; here’s something important. I can make out the front page of the evening news. It sits in silence in the glass display window of the Times vending machine, right in the middle of the town square. Me: What does it say. Tell me. What are you seeing? Marcello: (a confused look on his face) The headline doesn’t seem to correlate with what’s happening in the streets. I can see it clearly: Nation Mourns the Passing of Donald Trump. Me: Well, that explains it. Marcello: OK, I’m seeing a man addressing the crowds. Oh, it’s President Joe Biden, and I’m able to hear what he’s saying. Me. Well? Marcello: Shhh! Be patient. Oh, here we go. He just said

that if Congress votes to provide a casket, he’ll go ahead and shut down the government on the 30th. Me: 30th? What 30th? Didn’t he even give the month? Marcello: No, and I can’t make out the date on the paper. Well, this is interesting, six soldiers are bearing the body to the waiting aircraft. They are walking slowly, and in perfect step. (Marcello stops abruptly, laughs raucously, and slaps both knees.) Me: Why are you laughing? Tell me. Marcello: I wish you could have seen it happen. Each of the six soldiers had what appeared to be a firm grip on Trump’s clothes. Two held his pant-legs; two were latched on to his belt, and two had death-grips—excuse the pun— on the shoulder pads of his suit. They’re just standing there now, howling with laughter and holding shreds of his garb. But wait, there’s something serious happening. Three men and one lady, all dressed in orange jumpsuits, have run in to save the day. They are carrying him to the plane. Oh dear, the lady has lost her grip, grabbing at whatever she could, and she’s left with only a small orange animal in her gloved hand. Me: What an embarrassment! What a disaster! Marcello: Not as big a disaster as when he was alive. Wow! Look at this; I’ve never seen anything like it before. The tarmac just opened and swallowed them all. Me: Here’s a hundred. Just keep the change. CW

The author is a former Vietnam-era Army assistant public information officer. He resides in Riverton with his wife, Carol, and one mongrel dog. Send feedback to comments@cityweekly.net

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During the holidays, there’s always a need for blood, and you just might have that missing pint. Give a little and get a free meal at St. Mark’s Hospital cafeteria during the American Red Cross Blood Drive. The Bloodmobile will be available at 1200 E. 3900 South, south parking lot, Thursday, Dec. 20, 10:30 a.m.-4:30 p.m., free, bit.ly/2EliU06.

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Christmas isn’t just a time for cheer—it’s also a time for hope. You can be part of that promise in the run-up to the holidays. We’ll start with the 25th Annual Christmas Dinner for the homeless. The Salt Lake City Mission needs help to feed the hungry and homeless on a day when other families are in front of the fireplace. The Mission will provide a warm meal, shelter and gifts—and you can help. There are still some slots to be filled—parking security and cleanup, for instance. Christian Life Center, 1055 N. Redwood Road, Tuesday, Dec. 25, 7 a.m.4 p.m., free, bit.ly/2EvCRlI. The Mission also is giving out free holiday boxes. Salt Lake City Mission, 1151 S. Redwood Road, Ste. 106, Friday, Dec. 21, 8:30 a.m.-3 p.m., free, bit.ly/2PDmCEu.

FIT TO RECOVER

You can help out families of those incarcerated at Utah State Prison in Draper at Power of Community. The nonprofit organization Fit to Recover needs help wrapping and delivering presents and Christmas dinner boxes they have collected, and distributing them to families in need. 789 W. 1390 South, 801-4108988, Saturday, Dec. 22, 3-6 p.m., free, bit.ly/2rDfsGC.

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HARM REDUCTION VOLUNTEERING

Yes, it’s on Christmas Day. You can learn to become a volunteer at the Utah Harm Reduction Coalition’s Monthly Volunteer Orientation and find out more about how it changes lives. You’ve heard about Naloxone. It’s a life-saving intervention medication for drug overdoses and an integral part of harm reduction. “We need reliable and informed volunteers who are comfortable supporting the work that we do in communities across the state,” the even. Existing volunteers are welcome to this, too. 91 E. Fort Union Blvd., 801569-1995, Tuesday, Dec. 25, 6-8 p.m, free, bit.ly/2GtusBl.

—KATHARINE BIELE Send tips to revolt@cityweekly.net

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DECEMBER 20, 2018 | 9

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HITS&MISSES BY KATHARINE BIELE @kathybiele

The Neighborly Way

Since the 2016 election, it has become perfectly clear that Americans need to research fear, and try to understand it. Yes, everyone knows fear is a great motivator, but so what? The Salt Lake Tribune ran a Sunday story about fear, but it was really called “A Tale of Two Neighborhoods.” It was about The Inn Between, a homeless hospice that has moved to an eastside neighborhood, mostly welcoming the sick and dying homeless population. But there are a couple of residents bent on bringing the Inn down. The saddest part of the story was reading that a 69-year-old woman won’t sit on her porch at night anymore, and the most vocal critic won’t let her children walk home from school. They say they’ve been called uncompassionate. In fact, they are just scared—and baselessly so. Helen Keller knew it: “Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature … Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”

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Legacy of Hope?

Go for it, Rep. Todd Weiler, R-Woods Cross. Use that Republican clout you’re always shouting about on Twitter and do what you say you’ll do: Pass legislation extending the truck ban on the Legacy Highway. Utahns have kind of a split personality. They love the outdoors—the scenic mountains, rivers and lakes—but they also love the sound of money from big business, no matter the environmental costs. It has cost them the Outdoor Retailer convention, and if they keep it up, maybe a future Winter Olympics. The Legacy Highway was a stretch to begin with, but has proven that sound and speed restrictions can help, that wildlife can co-exist and development happen without trashing the environment. If you read between the lines in the Trib, Weiler worries about the clout of Inland Port advocates wanting more trucks on highway’s like this one.

State Miseducation

We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: The Legislature needs to get out of the education business. Yes, we need the money. Not so much the transmogrifying laws they create. Let’s face it. The Legislature has no long-term vision for education. It hasn’t got the attention span. Now, Oquirrh Hills Elementary School in Kearns is paying the price. It’s failed, according to the Trib, to make improvements in grades for three years. Senate President Wayne Niederhauser, R-Sandy, came up with the idea of private education consultants. But of course, there wasn’t enough money, and then the lawmakers kept changing the grading standards. Funny, they don’t think about asking teachers for ideas— probably because the educators are overworked and have too many kids in a class to focus on a solution.

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NEWS

POLITICS

Is SLC Ready for Mayor Dabakis?

The outgoing state senator hopes to trade Capitol Hill perch for the capital city.

Dabakis thinks his connections with lawmakers would come in handy if he were mayor. “I know these men and women who are up there, and hopefully, we can begin dialogues from a point of view of friends,” he says. “That’s what this community, this city, needs more than anything.”

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DECEMBER 20, 2018 | 13

and the city’s role in the new Inland Port Authority. “Certainly, one’s values are important,” he says, “but political party affiliation should have nothing to do with Salt Lake City’s mayor.” It’s a challenge Dabakis says he’s up for. Despite his role as the loyal oppositionist to the state’s entrenched Republican power, Dabakis formed strong relationships with people across the aisle during his six years in the Senate. “I always have to smile when he gets up to oppose one of the Republican bills,” outgoing Republican Senate President Wayne Niederhauser told City Weekly in an April cover story. “A lot of people, I think, interpret that to be pure conflict but I’ve never seen it that way. He’s become a dear friend of mine, and I always appreciated his point of view.” Dabakis says the Senate version of himself was a little foreign even to him. At the Capitol, he’d had a responsibility to speak for the hordes of Democrats and progressives who don’t feel like they’re represented at the state level. For their sake, he says, he needed to be boisterous and outspoken. But leading Salt Lake City would be different. “The mayor loves everybody. The mayor is a lot more like you and me. I’m an optimistic, friendly person,” he says, eyeing what could be his second act. “I’m really looking forward to that, because that’s much more of who I am.” The confidence and reverie are a stark contrast to the agonized soul who’d been fretting over his future the day before announcing his candidacy. Slumped over his coffee and the remnants of a breakfast pastry, Dabakis had eulogized his senatorial career as he pondered over what to do with his life. “He’s a citizen who went up to the Legislature,” Dabakis said, as if he were reading off his political gravestone. “He banged his head, he opened his mouth and he did the best he could.” CW

sure city dwellers earn a livable wage. “I would fly across the country in a red-eye, in coach, in a middle seat, to talk to somebody who could bring livable, sustainable jobs to Utah,” he adds. Dabakis is known for his zany hijinks on Capitol Hill. Once, he drank two mimosas before arguing that setting the legal blood-alcohol concentration limit at .05 needlessly restricts drinkers from driving when they’re not yet impaired. “Overall, I’m pleased I wasn’t impeached,” Dabakis says, reflecting on his time in the Legislature. “I feel like time and time again, even if the vote was 28-1 or 26-3, I feel like I was never afraid to stand up and say my truth, and I think the truth for a lot of people across the state.” His absence will leave a void that many political observers believe will prove difficult to fill. “Grow some cojones, be bold,” Dabakis says when asked for his frank, nobullshit advice to his beloved Democratic colleagues. “Democrats need to light their hair on fire occasionally on issues that are really important.” Two-term former Salt Lake City Mayor Rocky Anderson says Dabakis will have to change his ways if he beats current Mayor Jackie Biskupski in her reelection bid. “Jim’s antics sometimes can be very amusing, but mostly plays well only to his choir,” Anderson says. “And I include myself in that choir; I get a chuckle out of a lot of things he does, too. But being mayor is an incredible amount of work—and I don’t know that Jim really wants to do that.” The executive gig, Anderson continues, “really requires that you be open to hearing everybody out and gaining the respect of everyone who ought to be at the table.” It also demands the mayor put aside partisan ideology in order to find ways to address problems like climate change, air quality

to move on to the next phase, which will be my passion for Utah Progressives, and my passion for helping a lot of nonprofits,” he boasted, “and just going and having a life.” The next morning, Dabakis stood outside Rose Park Elementary School and outlined the qualities he feels are important in a mayor in an impromptu Facebook live broadcast. In the 17 hours between his hot tub soak and classroom visit, the 64-year old had dropped by each of the Salt Lake City houses he’d lived in over his four decades here, and had observed students play and learn; a reminder of what the city had done for him, and a suggestion for how he could give back. “How could this have happened to you, a total stranger to the community?” he asked himself, reflecting on his climb to the state Legislature. The series of events, it appears, had inspired him. “I’m in,” he told his more than 33,000 followers, after emphasizing the importance of education for students of color who live in low-income neighborhoods. “I’m running for my vision, and for my view of the city. I hope that we’ll be seeing a lot of each other,” he said. The ruminating was all a part of figuring out what he’d wanted. “It takes as long as it takes to make sure you’re fully committed,” Dabakis tells City Weekly shortly after the candidacy announcement. “As somebody who’s thinking about making a run for an office, it’s OK to talk about what the process is and how you’re feeling. It’s not as easy as some people might think.” His candidacy announced, Dabakis’ fence-straddling has been replaced by a clear-eyed vision. “I just think we could be greater than we are,” he says, hinting of a platform that emphasizes expanding public transportation, cutting down pollution, addressing economic inequality and making

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t’s 9:30 a.m. on a Monday, and Jim Dabakis is hunched over an iPad, a yellow legal pad and an empty to-go coffee cup on a cramped table inside a 9th and 9th neighborhood café. He just released a poll showing voters would support him if he joined the Salt Lake City mayoral race. But he’s not sure he wants to throw his hat into the ring and dedicate the next year of his life—or four—to the mayor’s office. “You’re seeing a tortured guy. I’m not normally like this,” he says through a thin smile. “Normally, I’m happy and fun.” For months, Dabakis had been waffling on whether to jump into the fray. A couple of weeks from the new year and the official end of his tenure representing Utah’s 2nd Senate District, he’s close to getting his life back. Perhaps he could finish the degree he started at BYU; bring his art knowledge to the masses with his own Bob Ross-style publicaccess TV show; or, given the sold-out attendance at a trio of one-man shows he starred in earlier this year, take to the Eccles Theater stage. “There’s just a lot of things on my list that being mayor would get in the way of,” he says. Then, again, becoming a private citizen means he won’t get to leave his mark on the city he’s called home since 1978. The indecision has consumed him, he says, so he’s set a cutoff date—he’ll make an announcement the next day. “As good a deadline as any,” he says. People have asked Dabakis why he’s dithering. “My answer to that is, look, ‘What kind of a serious person would not have a thoughtful discussion with themselves and their family before they do it?’” he’s responded. “For me, it’s not about a poll. If the poll would have come back really bad, then I probably would have said, ‘OK, I’m out of here.’ But a great poll like that doesn’t solve an issue about who I am and what I want to do.” When City Weekly left Dabakis that morning, things were very much up in the air. Reached by phone that evening, the agonized politico was unwinding in a hot tub, celebrating he’d made a decision: not to run. “I feel as if I haven’t left anything on the table, and so it’s probably time for me

ENRIQUE LIMÓN

BY KELAN LYONS klyons@cityweekly.net @kelan_lyons

14 | DECEMBER 20, 2018

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State Pushback The 2001 Roadless Area Conservation Rule sought to resolve decades of controversy over subsidized logging and road building on national forests. The fight to establish the rule took years of hard work. “It all came to a head in the late 1990s when Michael Dombeck was the chief

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The federal roadless rule might not be well known to most Americans, but it’s vitally important. “It protects some of the wildest places left in the United States,” says Travis Belote, a research ecologist with the Wilderness Society. The original Forest Service rule identified roadless areas as having several important ecological values—key

among them, the ability to provide Americans with clean drinking water. In this case, a little goes a long way: Inventoried roadless areas account for just 2 percent of the country’s land base but are located within 661 of the country’s 2,000 major watersheds. “A lot of the best-quality drinking water is coming from roadless areas and wilderness areas,” Mike Anderson, a senior resource analyst with the Wilderness Society, says. “I see the roadless

played a big part, too. Maintaining and building roads in national forests, it turns out, is expensive. When the roadless rule was written, the U.S. Department of Agriculture had a backlog of $8.4 billion in deferred maintenance on forest roads, and the agency only received 20 percent of the annual funds it needed to meet the costs of maintaining its existing roads. At the time, the Forest Service itself admitted “it makes little fiscal or environmental sense to build additional roads” in roadless areas when the agency couldn’t even afford to maintain the roads already under its purview.

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The Importance of Roadless Areas

rule first and foremost as being a key environmental safeguard to protect our nation’s purest water.” Roadless areas also protect threatened and endangered species, provide recreation opportunities and scenic values and safeguard traditional cultural areas and sacred sites. Additionally, as the country’s population grows, we continue to encroach on once-remote places. “In an increasingly developed landscape, large unfragmented tracts of land become more important,” the Forest Service explained in its 2001 rulemaking. Roadless areas have an additional value—they act as a crucial protective zone around other public lands and help to connect wildlife habitat. Just more than 60 percent of roadless areas are within about 6 miles of a national park or wilderness area, Belote says. “They have this really critical role of buffering iconic protected areas.” As important as the ecological considerations are, they weren’t the only impetus for the roadless rule. Economics

illions of acres of relatively untouched national forest protected through a Clinton-era regulation could be opened up to road building and logging in two Western states. The forests currently are shielded from new road building, road reconstruction and timber harvesting by a policy known as the 2001 Roadless Area Conservation Rule, which protects nearly 60 million acres of inventoried roadless areas in national forests across the country in order to safeguard wildlife, water supply and recreation opportunities. Some of that protection could soon be at risk. This year, Alaska and Utah have begun the process of creating state-specific roadless policies in place of the federal rule, which could mean new roads, logging operations and other possible development. Many experts fear this could have devastating environmental consequences and inspire additional states to ask the Trump administration for similar changes.

@taralohan

By Tara Lohan | comments@cityweekly.net |

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State plans threaten some of the country’s last wild places.

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16 | DECEMBER 20, 2018

ENRIQUE LIMÓN

“It is time for us to be aggressive and proactive and say we can, with cooperation, do a better job managing these forests we have. Our forest managers would have the tools and the flexibility they need to improve the health of our forests and thereby reduce our forest fire risk.”

of the Forest Service,” Anderson says. “He felt very deeply that the Forest Service roadless areas were just too important for water quality and fish habitat to allow them to be roaded and logged as the agency had been doing for many years.” The rule was finalized in the waning days of the Clinton administration after significant public input—including hundreds of public meetings and 1.6 million comments—but the incoming George W. Bush administration put the brakes on it and attempted to replace the rule, an effort that ultimately failed. Some states issued legal challenges, which also took years to resolve. In the decade after the roadless rule was enacted, two states, Idaho and Colorado, worked with the Department of Agriculture to develop state-specific plans, which build upon and supersede the federal regulations. Idaho’s rule, enacted in 2008, added stronger protections to a third of its 9 million roadless acres but permitted logging to reduce wildfire risks in half the roadless acreage. It also removed 400,000 acres entirely from roadless designation, opening the door to mining and other development there. Similarly, Colorado’s roadless rule, finalized in 2012, increased the number of acres covered under the rule, but bolstered development interests, too. It permitted the possibility of future ski-area expansion on 8,000 acres and allowed for the construction of temporary roads for coal-mining-related activities in certain areas. In January 2018, Alaska, following the same regulatory process as Colorado and Idaho, petitioned the Department of Agriculture to permanently exempt the 17-million-acre Tongass National Forest from the federal roadless rule. Alaska’s elected officials have lobbied to exempt the Tongass since the roadless rule was written on the grounds that it limits economic development, including efforts by mining, energy and logging companies. In June, Sonny Perdue, President Trump’s secretary of agriculture, responded to this petition by tasking the Forest Service with beginning the process of creating a state-specific roadless rule for Alaska, which means the state must work with the Forest Service to come up with a new rule for the Tongass. The agency is expected to finalize the new rule by June 2020 after environmental analysis and public comment. It’s expected to include “appropriate exceptions to address essential infrastructure, timber, energy, mining, access and transportation systems necessary to further Alaska’s economic development interests,” the Forest Service explained on its website. With Alaska paving the way, the Beehive State has now jumped on the bandwagon. This October, Gov. Gary Herbert put into motion plans to petition the federal government for a state-specific plan in early 2019. The rule currently covers 4 million acres of national forest in the state. The move surprised Utah environmental groups. “We’ve seen a lot of reversals of protective policies across the state in this administration,” Carl Fisher, executive director of the Salt Lake City-based nonprofit Save Our Canyons, says. “But we thought we had a good collaborative relationship as it pertains to taking care of our watersheds and national forests in the state.”

—Gov. Gary Herbert calling for Utah-specific roadless-rule in August

Battle Over the Tongass

Despite all of the Roadless Rule’s proven benefits, officials in Alaska are intent on removing all or part of the roadless protections for the Tongass. There’s a lot at stake. The Tongass National Forest is regarded as some of the country’s most beautiful wild landscape. It’s the largest national forest in the U.S. and the world’s largest expanse of intact temperate rainforest. In today’s climate-change age, its oldgrowth forests are also widely recognized as an important factor for sequestering carbon. Just more than half of the Tongass’ 17 million acres is protected by the current federal roadless rule. The region is home to fjords, forested islands, glaciers, undammed rivers and rich biodiversity, including five species of Pacific salmon, humpback and orca whales, brown bears, bald eagles and Alexander Archipelago wolves. But it’s not all pristine habitat anymore. The Tongass’ old-growth forests have long been heavily logged. Timber sales that began in the early 1900s ramped up in the 1950s and continued at a record pace for decades. At its peak in the 1970s, the logging industry was pulling nearly 500 million board feet a year from the Tongass. That had fallen to around 33 million board feet by 2014. “The sad story on the Tongass is that there’s been 60-plus years of pretty intensive logging of these huge old-growth forests that are globally rare and there’s not much timber that’s left,” Andrew Thoms, executive director of the Alaska-based environmental group Sitka Conservation Society, says. He’s part of a 12-member Alaska Roadless Rule Citizen Advisory Committee, composed of representatives from different stakeholder groups, which recently submitted recommendations to the governor to help shape Alaska’s new regulation. “The timber industry wants to continue what they’ve been doing, but they’ve just run out,” he says. “The timber that’s left is in really ecologically sensitive areas that are important for salmon production and areas that are important for the people who live here.” That’s why Thoms says he doesn’t want to see more logging in what’s left of the Tongass’ most sensitive roadless areas. Timber sales have been a losing bet economically for the federal government and taxpayers, too. A 2016 Government Accountability Office report found that from 2005 to 2014 the Forest Service was spending about $12.5 million a year to “prepare, manage, and oversee timber sales and to conduct required environmental analyses” in the Tongass. But it was making, on average, just $1.1 million a year in revenue from timber sales there. That’s an annual loss of $11.4 million, and it doesn’t include millions more spent each year in building and maintaining roads. It’s also taken an ecological toll on the forest. For decades, Thoms says, the timber industry displayed little environmental awareness. “They drove their tractors right up the salmon streams, they pulled

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The primary driver for a rule change in Alaska is for more economic opportunities associated with resource extraction and road building. In Utah, which has 4 million acres of inventoried roadless areas, the state has said it’s motivated by wanting to address wildfire concerns, but Fisher thinks economic interests are playing a role, too. Speaking at the Utah Rural Summit at Southern Utah University in August, Herbert said the state experienced more than 871 wildfires this year and blamed much of the destruction on the roadless rule. “The idea behind a petition for a new state-specific roadless rule would be to give local forest service professionals a few more tools to do active forest management and restoration in certain roadless areas,” says Jake Garfield, general counsel of Utah’s Public Lands Policy Coordinating Office, who claims the roadless rule leaves the Forest Service “a little bit hamstrung” on some forest-restoration work. One of the changes the state is seeking, he says, is the right to build a “temporary administrative road in roadless areas to address the threat of wildfire.” Although the current rule allows for road construction to protect public health

A New Fight in Utah

and safety, including for threats of wildfire, Garfield says it’s limited to immediate threats and doesn’t allow for more proactive measures. But roadbuilding to protect against wildfires in remote areas seems contrary to the Forest Service’s own analysis from the 2001 rule which found that, “Building roads into inventoried roadless areas would likely increase the chance of humancaused fires due to the increased presence of people.” Wilderness Society’s Anderson contests the state’s reasoning, saying the issue was “pretty well analyzed back when the roadless rule was initially adopted and the conclusion at that time was to allow for fuel-reduction thinning off existing roads but not to invite more human-caused ignitions of wildfires by putting new roads into places.” Also, the Forest Service typically uses its limited resources to fight wildfires that are closer to more populated areas and not in remote wilderness areas. Salt Lake City Mayor Jackie Biskupski was also not convinced of the state’s argument and said she thought the Forest Service already had the tools it needed to address wildfire concerns, including prescribed fires to help manage vegetation and reduce the buildup of fuels in the forest. “The current roadless rule puts no limits on the use of prescribed fires,” she wrote in a letter that recommended the state leave the federal roadless rule intact. “Also, it already contains an exemption to its prohibition on road construction and reconstruction where needed to protect public health and safety.” Garfield denies that increasing logging is the main purpose of the rule change, but adds that there might be times when the Forest Service doesn’t have the budget to do large-scale restoration work and a private timber company would be needed. In some cases, it might also be necessary to “cut down larger-diameter timber to restore forest health and reduce wildfire risks,” he says. But Fisher thinks the roadless rule change is a waste of state and federal resources. He says a recent presentation to the state by the forest supervisor of Utah’s Uinta-Wasatch-Cache National Forest showed there was 1.3 million acres of shovel-ready forest treatment projects ready to go, but the agency was short around $340 million in funds. That wouldn’t change if the state’s roadless rule were amended. “So we don’t think we have a policy hurdle; we think we have a funding hurdle,” he says. “That’s why we don’t think the efforts should be focused on some blanket rollback on a policy that is actually doing its job.” The efforts to change the roadless rule in Alaska and at home will still take months to resolve and will involve state and public input. Meanwhile, Anderson says he’s worried that other states could follow them in seeking state-specific rules. “We’ve been hearing rumors of maybe Wyoming, maybe Nevada, maybe Arizona,” he says. But even just Alaska and Utah’s departure from the federal roadless rule is significant. “If we were to lose the protection in those two states alone, we’re talking almost a quarter of all the national forest roadless areas in the whole country,” he adds. CW

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the wood out of the streams that create the spawning habitat for the fish and there were no buffers on the streams whatsoever,” he explains. “After those past generations did so much damage to the ecosystem here, it really reduces our ability to do any sustainable logging now, and especially with old-growth timber.” The forest still supports the economy of the region, but these days most of the money comes from tourism, recreation and fisheries industries, which make up a quarter of the region’s employment. Timber, by contrast, is now less than 1 percent of employment. And these new leading industries require a healthy ecosystem. But proponents of changing the roadless rule think that new roads through the forest can help drive other kinds of industries including mining, renewable energy projects and economic opportunities driven by broadband internet, Heidi Hansen, deputy commissioner of the Alaska Department of Natural Resources, explained in an op-ed in the Anchorage Daily News. There are other considerations for southeast Alaskans, too. “Subsistence salmon harvest for rural residents and Alaska natives is a huge part of life up here,” Thoms says. “And all of those salmon are born and start their life and end their life on the Tongass National Forest. So we want to see the watersheds that are the biggest producers of salmon kept intact and kept roadless.” Thoms isn’t alone in his views. Alaska media reported that most residents speaking up at community meetings support keeping the federal rule in place. “Even in Ketchikan, which was traditionally the heart of the timber industry, over half the audience came out and said to keep the roadless rule,” Thoms says. People come up to Alaska from the lower 48 and “they want to see a pristine Alaska with all of the ecosystem parts functioning where there’s fish and bears and deer and eagles and not rows of development and clear cuts,” he says. “That message came from all the communities that the meetings were held in.”

U.S. FOREST SERVICE

The Tank Hollow fire in August 2017

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18 | DECEMBER 20, 2018

JERRY HYMER PHOTOGRAPHY

Complete listings online at cityweekly.net

KARL HUGH

A.J. MELLOR

ENTERTAINMENT PICKS, DEC. 20-26, 2018

SAMANTHA KOFFORD

ESSENTIALS

the

THURSDAY 12/20

FRIDAY 12/21

SATURDAY 12/22

Christmas in Color offers a light show for the Christmas-lover who can’t stand the cold. For the fourth year in a row, visitors can glide past singing snowmen, travel through light tunnels, and see dancing lights from the comfort and warmth of their car at displays in Salt Lake and Utah counties. Todd Glover, representative for Christmas in Color, says their show is unlike any other light display in the state. “The magic of what we do is that we really bring lights to life,” Glover says. “Seeing little kids smile as they wonder how these lights are dancing to their favorite Christmas songs, it’s amazing.” Visitors to Christmas in Color drive through 1.5 million lights, animated and timed to holiday music that plays through your car’s radio. New this year are the more than 1,000 “shooting star” twinkling strobe lights dangling over cars passing through. And those who visit the show from Tuesday through Thursday can give back to their local communities. Up to 25 percent of proceeds on these days goes back to local schools to use how they see fit. Glover says that Christmas in Color will also be fundraising for Camp Kostopulos, a day camp for children and adults with disabilities. Tickets can be purchased on-site. However, Glover says purchasing online ensures you a spot, as each display can only accommodate around 1,500 cars, trucks or vans per night. (Kylee Ehmann) Christmas in Color @ Utah Lake State Park, 4400 W. Center St.; Salt Lake County Equestrian Park, 11161 S. 2200 West, South Jordan, through Dec. 24 & Dec. 26-31, Monday-Thursday, 5:30-10 p.m. & Friday & Saturday 5:30-10:30 p.m., $25-$30, christmasincolor.net

Soak in the 1840s and the 1930s all at once with the Neil Simon Festival’s adaptation of the holiday classic A Christmas Carol. Characters include Scrooge (actor Clarence Gilyard) and the Ghosts of Christmases Past, Present and Yet-To-Come, of course—but there is, simultaneously, a traveling radio theater company, the members of which are attempting to turn the story of Scrooge into a radio show. “You get to see all their machinations as they’re getting ready to perform,” Richard Bugg, founder and executive director of the Neil Simon Festival, says. The play highlights the conflicts of a miserly man confronted with his misdeeds as well as the day-to-day conflicts of the on-stage radio show cast. The production was created by lyricist Peter Sham and composer Brad Carroll in 2005. It debuted at the Utah Shakespeare Festival and now finds its home at the Neil Simon Festival, an organization in its 17th season. Bugg says the festival is the only one in the world devoted to the celebrated American playwright. The play includes original Christmas songs and custom-composed commercials. “You can call it a musical in some ways,” Bugg says. “There’s lots of audience interaction. It’s really a wonderful family show for the holidays.” A trio of girls called the Carolettes whip out harmonized melodies for real-life sponsors—Sham and Carroll write new tunes when a new sponsor comes on board. St. George’s The Spectrum calls it “marvelously entertaining,” so venture down to the warmer regions of Cedar City this holiday season for a new take on something old. (Naomi Clegg) A Christmas Carol on the Air @ Heritage Center Theater, 150 N. 100 East, Cedar City, Dec. 20-22, 7:30 p.m., $10-15, simonfest.org

In a place like Salt Lake City, the winter holidays—with their traditional, potentially rather dominating Christian rituals—evoke a wide range of emotions. Javen Tanner of Sting & Honey Co. has, for the past 10 years, directed a production that includes those rituals—but perhaps not in the way most would expect. Through music, poetry and mask, This Bird of Dawning tells the Christmas story. More than that, though, it tells the story of the ritual surrounding that story. Tanner says, “One of the most gratifying things about the show, for me, is that it has connected [with] both Christians and non-Christians. The piece does not preach, but it unabashedly digs deep into the ritual of the story.” In addition to directing This Bird of Dawning, Tanner is also its creator, first presenting the production in Manhattan before co-forming Sting & Honey in Salt Lake City. Elements of the show have changed over the course of its 10 years. Certain poems have been swapped out and the performers—all Tanner’s students—have rotated through. What has remained, though, is the ritual of it, an approach that sets this production apart. Through its blank-masked performers and reverent atmosphere, ritual is foregrounded. “Though the piece is quiet, the ritual endows it with a kind of wildness you rarely get from contemporary theater,” he says. “In that respect, I think of This Bird of Dawning as an act of heresy against the humdrum hegemony of the theatrical establishment. I think Jesus would like it. I think Dionysus would, too.” (Casey Koldewyn) Sting & Honey Co.: This Bird of Dawning @ Regent Street Black Box, 131 S. Main, Dec. 21, 7:30 p.m.; Dec. 22, 2 & 7:30 p.m., $10-$15, artsaltlake.org

So who doesn’t love a precocious 13-year-old, especially at Christmas? OK, let’s not all raise our hands at once. While most parents would point to the ever-so-cheery Darci Lynne as an ideal example of youthful exuberance and premature ambition, we’d guess there are some who grumble and ask, “Why can’t my kid show the same initiative? And maybe make a heap of money and support mom and dad for a change?” In most cases, that amounts to wishful thinking. Lynne is extraordinarily talented—a singer, ventriloquist and one of the youngest competitors to ever achieve top honors on America’s Got Talent, culling over 21 million hits on YouTube and tallying more votes for a final performance than ever before in the show’s history. Naturally then, with her bubbly personality, adorable attitude, and a bunch of playful puppets that suggest what might happen if Jeff Dunham encouraged his devilish dummies to ransack Sesame Street, she sells out everywhere. The kids love her as one of their own. Their parents, at least those who are bemused and not bitter, see her as a positive and perky role model their children can look up to. After making the rounds of the TV show circuit courtesy of appearances on Ellen, Today and NBC’s Little Big Shots, Lynne’s making her own parents proud on her current holiday tour, “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree.” And while her puppet Petunia, a diva-esque rabbit in the Muppets mold, insisted “I don’t want to show off” during a song sung as part of their winning performance on America’s Got Talent, we suspect Lynne can’t help but try. (Lee Zimmerman) Darci Lynne and Friends Live @ Eccles Theater, 131 S. Main, Dec. 22, 7 p.m., $29.75-$99.75 VIP (includes meet-an-greet), artsaltlake.org

Christmas in Color

A Christmas Carol on the Air

This Bird of Dawning

Darci Lynne and Friends Live

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DECEMBER 20, 2018 | 19

SHAYNE SMITH VIA YOUTUBE

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Straight Man christmas trees fresh cut and live

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20 | DECEMBER 20, 2018

A&E

COMEDY

Mon-Sat 8am-6pm Closed Sunday 9275 S 1300 W 801-562-5496 glovernursery.com

Comedian Shayne Smith finds humor on the other side of a life of crime. BY LEE ZIMMERMAN comments@cityweekly.net

hayne Smith isn’t exactly the kind of guy you’d figure to be a stand-up comedian. Then again, it would be hard to get a handle on him no matter what his profession. With tattoos covering both sides of his face and his neck on down, he admits he often makes a shocking first impression. There’s also the fact that he’s a former gang member. To his credit, this 32-year-old Salt Lake City homeboy has incorporated these odd elements into a comedy career that has reaped him stellar success. A co-host of the aptly-named Freaky Geeks’ Podcast and winner of the 2015 Salt City Superstar Comedy contest, Smith was voted Best Alternative Comedian of 2016 by City Weekly. The tattoos notwithstanding (“I like the way they look,” he says, when asked about the unorthodox embellishments), Smith looks much more like a comedian than a criminal. With his neatly trimmed hair, glasses and affable attitude, it’s hard to imagine him running with any group more intimidating than the local chess club. “I don’t look violent, so I see how people don’t think I am the type,” Smith says. “I grew up a horrible white-trash street kid who stole to get by and wasn’t afraid to hurt someone if I thought they deserved it. That carried into my adult life. Stealing to

eat turns into stealing a car to pay rent, and you sell that car’s parts and meet a shady guy who introduces you to someone who is looking for people to rob a store. You do a good job robbing that store, and meet someone who wants to rob a drug dealer, or hurt someone for money. You do it well and before you know it, your lifestyle is crime.” Hearing him explain his trajectory— which he inevitably and unabashedly shares in live performances—almost makes it sound like he was plotting a career path in crime like a brokerage clerk plans a rise in the ranks of an investment company. “I am a nerd, and being a criminal is a job,” he insists. “There are people of all types that do jobs. It’s as simple as that.” Fortunately, Smith eventually came to realize that being in a gang wasn’t the best career choice. “Seeing my brother doing things I was also doing gave me perspective and kind of helped me to see how far we had come from needing to steal because we couldn’t afford food or winter clothes,” he says. “It stopped being about survival and started at some point becoming about getting ‘more’ at any cost. Both of us agreed mutually to turn it around, and so we just did.” Still, don’t mistake Smith for one of those reformed types who suddenly sees his mission as warning others about the dangers of the dark side. He’s not the preachy type, and he’s far more sarcastic than sanctimonious when describing his past misdeeds. Purveying the positive is not his intent. “I just happen to think there’s something funny about everything, no exceptions,” he maintains. “People see how much fun I’m having, and they come away feeling positive. So many people tell me I’m a very positive person, and it always cracks me up, because my stand-up on paper is very dark. I speak openly about being mentally ill online. I am

Shayne Smith performing in 2017

thankful people like how much fun I am having with life, despite how horrific it is.” Drawing his material mainly from reallife experience, Smith says he’s a storyteller of sorts. “I will remember a story or something I want to talk about and go on stage and just start goofing off with the premise,” he says. “If audiences seem receptive to the concept, I will actually take the time to write it out and punch it up. Otherwise, material comes from just hanging out with other comics and trying to make them laugh. “No. 1, 100 percent, I just want to make people laugh,” he continues. “Anything else that happens is a bonus, and I am always very flattered when people say I inspired or helped them. But laughter is the goal. It’s wild to think people are inspired by me when I just speak recklessly into a mic for a living. Yet if I’m somehow helping people get through their struggles with cancer or depression, it’s awesome, and I am blown away.” To that end, Smith’s goals are simple: Growing his audience; maybe becoming a comedy writer for a TV show; appearing on Conan. “Honestly, that’s kind of the end of the bucket list,” he says. “I just wanna laugh and make people laugh.” CW

SHAYNE SMITH

Friday, Dec. 21 and Saturday, Dec. 22 Wiseguys SLC 194 S. 400 West, Salt Lake City 8 p.m., $15 wiseguyscomedy.com

moreESSENTIALS

COMPLETE LISTINGS ONLINE AT CITYWEEKLY.NET

PERFORMANCE

THEATER

CLASSICAL & SYMPHONY

DECEMBER 20, 2018 | 21

Shawn Paulsen Wiseguys Ogden, 269 25th St., Ogden, Dec. 21 & 22, 8 p.m., wiseguyscomedy.com Shayne Smith Wiseguys SLC, 194 S. 400 West, Dec. 21 & 22, 8 p.m., wiseguyscomedy.com (see p. 20) Todd Johnson Wiseguys West Jordan, 3763 W. Center Park Drive, West Jordan, Dec. 21 & 22, 8 p.m., wiseguyscomedy.com Laughing Stock Improv Comedy The Off Broadway Theatre, 272 S. Main, every Friday & Saturday, 10 p.m., theobt.org

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COMEDY & IMPROV

Beethoven’s Birthday Bash Anderson-Foothill Library, 1135 S. 2100 East, Dec. 22, 3-4 p.m., slcpl.org Pink Martini with the Utah Symphony Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple, Dec. 21 & 22, 7:30 p.m., utahsymphony.org Utah Symphony: Here Comes Santa Claus! Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple, Dec. 22, 11 a.m. & 12:30 p.m., utahsymphony.org

A Christmas Carol Hale Centre Theatre, 9900 S. Monroe St., Sandy, through Dec. 24, dates and times vary, hct.org A Christmas Carol Hale Center Theater, 225 W. 400 North, Orem, through Dec. 22, dates and times vary, haletheater.org A Christmas Carol Draper Historic Theatre, 12366 S. 900 East, Draper, through Dec. 22, Mondays, Fridays & Saturdays, 7 p.m., drapertheatre.org A Christmas Carol on the Air Heritage Center Theater, 150 N. 100 East, Cedar City, Dec. 20-22, 7:30 p.m., simonfest.org (see p. 18) Darci Lynne and Friends Eccles Theater, 131 S. Main, Dec. 22, 7 p.m., artsaltlake.org (see p. 18) The Distance of the Moon Wasatch Theatre Co., 124 S. 400 West, through Dec. 22, Fridays & Saturdays, 7 p.m., moon.sackerson.org Elf: The Musical CenterPoint Legacy Theatre, 525 N. 400 West, Centerville, through Dec. 22, 7:30 p.m., centerpointtheatre.org A Fairly Potter Christmas Carol The Ziegfeld Theater, 3934 S. Washington Blvd., Ogden, through Dec. 22, 7:30 p.m., zigarts.com How the Grouch Stole Christmas Desert Star Playhouse, 4861 S. State, Murray, through Jan. 5, dates and times vary, desertstarplayhouse.com Little Women Empress Theatre, 9104 W. 2700 South, Magna, through Dec. 22, dates and times vary, empresstheatre.com Muffet’s Christmas Carol The Off Broadway Theatre, 272 S. Main, through Dec. 22, dates and times vary, theobt.org Over the River and through the Woods Covey Center for the Arts, 425 W. Center St., Provo,

through Dec. 21, dates and times vary, provo.org Perfect Arrangement An Other Theater Co., 1200 Towne Centre Blvd., Provo, through Dec. 22, dates and times vary, anothertheater.org Pinkalicious: The Musical Salt Lake Acting Co., 168 W. 500 North, through Dec. 30, dates and times vary, saltlakeactingcompany.org This Bird of Dawning Regent Street Black Box, 144 S. Regent St., Dec. 21, 7:30 p.m.; Dec. 22, 2 & 7:30 p.m., arttix.artsaltlake.org (see p. 18) White Christmas Empress Theatre, 9104 W. 2700 South, Magna, through Dec. 21, dates and times vary, empresstheatre.com The Wizard of Oz Hale Centre Theatre, 9900 S. Monroe St., Sandy, through Jan. 2, hct.org

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

A Gallery (1321 S. 2100 East, 801-583-4800, agalleryonline.com) presents its annual Holiday Group Show, featuring works by Andy Taylor, Jena Schmidt, Gregory Stocks, Brent Godfrey, Marci Erspamer (her “Luminary Traverse” is pictured) and more, through Jan. 1.

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

| CITY WEEKLY |

22 | DECEMBER 20, 2018

moreESSENTIALS DANCE

Ballet West: The Nutcracker Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 220 South, 801-355-2787, through Dec. 29, dates and times vary, artsaltlake.org Imagine Ballet Theatre: The Nutcracker Peeryâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Egyptian Theater, 2415 Washington Blvd., Ogden, through Dec. 22, dates and times vary, egyptiantheaterogden.com Odyssey Dance Theatre: The ReduxNutCracker Kingsbury Hall, 1395 Presidents Circle, through Dec. 22, dates and times vary, tickets.utah.edu

SPECIAL EVENTS FARMERS MARKET

Winter Market Rio Grande Depot, 270 S. Rio Grande St., through April 20, Saturdays, 10 a.m.-2 p.m., slcfarmersmarket.org

FESTIVALS & FAIRS

Christmas in Color Utah Lake State Park, 4400 Center St., Provo; Salt Lake County Equestrian Center, 11161 S. 2200 West, South Jordan, through Dec. 24 & Dec. 26-31, christmasincolor.net (see p. 18) Holiday Market Downtown Artist Collective, 258 E. 100 South, Fridays, Saturdays & Sundays through Dec. 23, downtownartistcollective.com Luminaria Ashton Gardens, 3900 N. Garden Drive, Lehi, through Jan. 5, 5-8 p.m., thanksgivingpoint.org

LGBTQ EVENTS

Jolly Holiday Diva! Club X, 445 S. 400 West, through Dec. 22, dates and times vary, thevivaladivashow.com A Visit with Father Yule Utah Pride Center, 1380 S. Main, Dec. 22, 1-4 p.m., utahpridecenter.org

VISUAL ART GALLERIES & MUSEUMS

Daniel Everett: Security Questions UMOCA, 20 S. West Temple, through Jan. 12, utahmoca.org DeConstructed Main Library, 210 E. 400 South,

COMPLETE LISTINGS ONLINE AT CITYWEEKLY.NET

through Jan. 11, slcpl.org Dreamscapes Kimball Art Center, 638 Park Ave., Park City, through Jan. 6, kimballartcenter.org Holiday Group Exhibition A Gallery, 1321 S. 2100 East, through Jan. 1, agalleryonline.com (see p. 21) Kelly Baisley & Virginia Catherall: Sense of Place, Great Salt Lake Alice Gallery, 617 E. South Temple, through Jan. 11, visualarts.utah.gov Kristeen Lindorff: My Journey with Pen & Ink Marmalade Branch, 280 W. 500 North, through Jan. 17, slcpl.org Molly Morin: Information Density Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, through Jan. 12, utahmoca.org Park City Collects III Kimball Art Center, 638 Park Ave., Park City, through Jan. 6, kimballartcenter.org salt 14: Yang Yongliang Utah Museum of Fine Arts, 410 Campus Center Drive, through June 2, umfa.utah.edu Simulacra Urban Arts Galley, 137 S. Rio Grande St., through Dec. 30, urbanartsgallery.org Site Lines: Recent Work by University of Utah Art Faculty Utah Museum of Fine Arts, 410 Campus Center Drive, through Jan. 6, umfa.utah.edu Small Works Modern West Fine Art, 177 E. 200 South, through Jan. 12, modernwestfineart.com Statewide Annual Exhibition Rio Gallery, 300 S. Rio Grande St., through Jan. 11, heritage.utah.gov Stronger Ties Sweet Library, 455 F St., through Dec. 22, slcpl.org Tom Judd & Kiki Gaffney: Point of View Modern West Fine Art, 177 E. 200 South, through Jan. 12, modernwestfineart.com UMOCA at Trolley: Rendezvous Trolley Square, 602 S. 700 East, through Jan. 26, utahmoca.org Wesley Daugherty: Exploration of Creativity Main Library, 210 W. 400 South, through Jan. 21, slcpl.org What I Brought in My Luggage: Relics of Lost Lives Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, through Dec. 21, slcpl.org Winter Scenes & Holiday Dreams Utah Cultural Celebration Center, 1355 W. 3100 South, through Dec. 31, culturalcelebration.org Working Hard to Be Useless UMOCA, 20 S. West Temple, through Dec. 29, utahmoca.org

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

SINCE

1968

We put ALL THE FEELS in our food

Dine Like Royalty

MAKE YOUR RESERVATION NOW! 801.582.1400 or FIVEALLS.COM Open 6 Nights a Week in December 1458 South Foothill Drive

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Mon-Thu Fri-Sat Sunday

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| CITY WEEKLY |

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SEAN HAIR

BY ALEX SPRINGER comments@cityweekly.net @captainspringer

AT A GLANCE

Open: Sunday-Thursday, 8 a.m.-9 p.m.; Friday-Saturday, 8 a.m.-10 p.m. Best bet: The meatloaf is a slice of fried gold Can’t miss: The sun rises and sets on that pulled pork Benedict

DECEMBER 20, 2018 | 24

Evans who founded the place back in 1930. She instilled the diner with all of the salty perseverance and traditionbucking sass she could muster, and that spirit was something each new owner learned to cultivate. What we now know as Ruth’s Diner—the quaint, renovated trolley car that serves as the last bastion of warmth and hospitality before you enter the winding chasm of Emigration

| CITY WEEKLY |

That’s not to say that simply copying Ruth’s menu of comfort food classics spiked with a bit of Latin and Italian flair, or setting up shop in an equally picturesque locale, would guarantee any restaurateur 90 years of business. Ruth’s Diner embodies the spirit of one of Salt Lake’s most original personalities— a Chihuahua-loving, chainsmoking, shit-talkin’ former cabaret singer named Ruth

here’s something to be said about the fact that Ruth’s Diner (4160 Emigration Canyon Road, 801-582-5807, ruthsdiner.com) has been a Utah favorite for nearly a century. The number of fine dining establishments that have risen and fallen in that time goes to prove that, when it comes to longevity, it takes more than a high-end wine list and finely pressed linens to stay relevant.

for lunch, Ruth’s also serves it in burger form ($10.89)—they charbroil a slice of this delicious stuff and throw it on a bun with provolone cheese and barbecue sauce. Now, I don’t typically get misty about dessert menus. Not that I don’t have a mean sweet tooth, but restaurant dessert menus aren’t traditionally high priorities for most chefs. The chocolate malt pudding ($4.99) at Ruth’s, however, has been the object of my dessert-based affections since my first taste. I would put this rich ode to the conquests of chocolate up against your most expensive French mousse any day of the week. It’s made with egg yolks and heavy cream, so the richness here cannot be understated—it’s a concentrated dose of pure chocolate goodness. To call Ruth’s Diner a Beehive institution doesn’t do the place nearly enough justice. It’s a place whose lineage literally and figuratively spans the breadth of Salt Lake City, and its continued operation is a testament to the spitfire who opened the restaurant to begin with. CW

Ruth’s Diner continues to emulate the fiery legacy of its founder.

eggs Benny that I have ever seen. It keeps the overall structure of its predecessor, and there’s plenty of hollandaise sauce to go around, but Ruth’s swaps out the English muffins with green chile cheese cornbread and pops poached eggs on top of a generous helping of pulled pork and barbecue sauce. I originally ordered this as a dare—how could hollandaise and barbecue sauce possibly be good together? As it turns out, this is the only way I want to eat eggs Benedict. Ever. The barbecue sauce is slightly spicy, which cuts through and enhances the richness of the hollandaise. Once the egg yolk spills forth and mixes with the pulled pork and cornbread, you’ve got some serious harmonies taking place across your tongue. It’s a delightful combination of flavors and textures, and eating one of these bad boys for breakfast almost guarantees you’re going to have a good day. For dinner, it’s hard to see past Ruth’s meatloaf ($14.89, pictured). It’s a remnant of a bygone era when meatloaf could be both luxurious and simple, and it’s served up as a pair of thick, meaty slices accompanied by mashed potatoes, brown gravy and veggies. The meat has a buttery tenderness, and piling a forkful of potatoes, gravy and meatloaf into the perfect bite is one of life’s most underrated pleasures. If you happen to be craving meatloaf

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

History with a Slice of Meatloaf

Canyon—began as Ruth’s Hamburgers. It was a small joint that became a hotbed of local gossip because of its proximity to a brothel whose workers made up a hearty chunk of Ruth’s clientele. When the Meredith Building that housed the burger joint was scheduled for demolition, Ruth purchased the trolley car that now houses the business and reopened for a small stint on North Temple, before transporting the whole operation up the canyon—a move that can only be interpreted as a middle finger to Utah’s ever-restrictive legislation on public smoking and liquor sales. If you haven’t been to the place lately, things are still as lively—and crowded—as ever. I’ve been a repeat visitor ever since the days my wife and I lived in University of Utah student housing a few miles west. While most every dish carries its own style of rich, diner-style charm, little things—like getting a plate of Ruth’s famous buttermilk biscuits instead of dinner rolls when you come in for breakfast, or enjoying a meal on a patio that melds seamlessly with the surrounding wilderness—are what make dining here a special experience. On each of my many visits, there are a few dishes from which I have a hard time deviating. If I’m there for breakfast, the pulled pork Benedict ($13.49) typically wins me over. It’s one of the finest Western takes on

AS SEEN ON “ DINERS, DRIVE-INS AND DIVES”

Serving American Comfort Food Since 1930 -CREEKSIDE PATIO-87 YEARS AND GOING STRONG-BREAKFAST SERVED DAILY UNTIL 4PM-DELICIOUS MIMOSAS & BLOODY MARY’S-LIVE MUSIC ON THE PATIO-SCHEDULE AT RUTHSDINER.COM“In a perfect world, every town would have a diner just like Ruth’s” -CityWeekly

“Like having dinner at Mom’s in the mountains” -Cincinnati Enquirer

4160 EMIGRATION CANYON ROAD | 801 582-5807 | WWW.RUTHSDINER.COM

F O O D H E AV E N N A M R E G man Delicatessen & Restaura n r Ge

25 | DECEMBER 20, 2018

| CITY WEEKLY |

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

20 W. 200 S. • (801) 355-3891 Open Mon-Wed: 9am-6pm Thu-Sat: 9am-9pm siegfriedsdelicatessen.com

UTAH’S AWARD WINNING CULINARY ARTS MAGAZINE

FOCUSING ON DINNING OUT, EATING WELL AND CULINARY TRENDS, AS WELL AS, WINE BEER AND SPIRITS DEVOURUTAH.COM

the

BACK BURNER BY ALEX SPRINGER @captainspringer

Stratford Proper Opens

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| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

The team behind Avenues Proper, Proper Brewing Co. and Proper Burger (Andrew Tendick, Liam Connelly and Rio Connelly) recently celebrated the grand opening of Stratford Proper (1588 E. Stratford Ave.). Like its predecessors, Stratford Proper blends contemporary cuisine with locally-sourced ingredients in a comfortable, European-style bistro. The menu is overseen by executive chef Jeffrey Springer—a long-lost cousin of mine perhaps?—and Shelby McDonald is in charge of the restaurant’s line of pastries and baked goods. You can’t carry the Proper name and not have a decent selection of draft beers, but diners can expect a solid menu of wine, cocktails and nonalcoholic beverages as well. Stratford Proper has got quite a reputation to live up to, but we’re excited to see what new culinary treasures will grace their tables in the upcoming year.

Give the Gift of Pie

2015

2016

2017

I know—gift baskets are the last hurrah of a desperate shopper. But let’s look critically at the baskets that Penny Anne’s Café (multiple locations, pennyannescafe.com) is putting together. They’re priced at $30 a pop and come with a $25 gift card that will secure some of the best pancakes and pie in Utah for the lucky recipient. Each basket also includes a souvenir mug, a bottle of the café’s real maple syrup and an extra $5 in café cash. I’m betting you’ve got someone who loves breakfast, pie and coffee in your life, and this is the gift that tells that person, “You know what? I love that you love breakfast, pie and coffee.”

Uncle Bob’s Chinese Buffet

As a Christmas present to those of you who might be looking for an unconventional way to spend the upcoming holiday, may I present Uncle Bob’s Chinese Christmas Buffet at Garage on Beck (1199 N. Beck St.). It’s a bit of a tradition at the North Salt Lake gem, boasting a whole-hearted welcome to shut-ins and waywards especially, and it’s just as extravagant as it sounds. For a mere $13, diners can treat themselves to a full-scale buffet on Tuesday, Dec. 25, from noon to 6 p.m. While I’m sure this won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, it’s the kind of holiday event that celebrates togetherness among strangers on a day that has a tendency to leave such shut-ins and waywards out in the cold.

| CITY WEEKLY |

Back Burner tips: comments@cityweekly.net

LUCKY13SLC.COM

DECEMBER 20, 2018 | 26

Quote of the Week: “Christmas, children, is not a date. It’s a state of mind.” —Mary Ellen Chase

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

| CITY WEEKLY |

27 | DECEMBER 20, 2018

Cold Beers, Warm Cheer

Wrap yourself up in these new December offerings. BY MIKE RIEDEL comments@cityweekly.net @utahbeer

t’s all about comfort this time of year. No matter if it’s your clothing or cuisine, pampering yourself is the key to surviving what is often one of the most stressful times of the year. Your beer should be no exception. Whether brash and boozy or sleek and polished, a well-crafted beer can set you on a path to happiness, both mentally and physically. Vernal Brewing Co. Winter Warmer: The term “winter warmer” is probably the most accurate of all of the beer descriptors out there. Designed for the cold, this beer is inherently alcohol-forward, robust and full bodied—just the thing people want from a cold beverage that’s designed to keep you warm. This winter warmer pours a beautiful, semi-clear red mahogany, with a dense

tan head that is slightly clingy. Instantly, upon opening the can, alcohol is detected; the most noticeable aroma, however, is of the malts and yeast. As the beer warms up, some other sensations like figs and vague spices join the party; hops are barely noticeable. Sweet malts carry you throughout the first sip, and along the way, you get some roasted malt flavors with a bit of fig and cherry tart. There’s definitely a note of caramel nearing the end, and a nice nutty flavor begins to develop. In the finish, there is only the mildest of floral hop character, just enough to keep the drink from becoming overly cloying. I do taste alcohol after the sip is over—it’s not unappealing, just noticeable. Overall: The mouthfeel is surprisingly medium. It’s sweet and smooth, but not as heavy as I would expect for a 9 percent ABV beer. The carbonation is light, thankfully, and the beer eventually finishes a little dry and peppery with faint hops. It’s overly sweet and not balanced, but that’s what makes a winter warmer what it is. T.F. Brewing Schwarzbier: Literally meaning “black beer,” this new lager from the Templin Family Brewery offers the typical appearance of a German schwarzbier, with very good head retention and even more impressive lacing—rings are left behind, building with each sip into an ever growing mountain range. The aroma is roasty with a clean, mildly-sweetish malt

MIKE RIEDEL

BEER NERD

that hints at chocolate and caramel. Leafy, floral and perhaps slightly grassy hops linger in the background. The flavor is full: toasty, caramelish, grainy, roasty, subtly smoky, bittersweet chocolate. It’s delicately bitter, allowing the roasted malts to balance in their own way. It’s very much akin to a light porter, and the bittersweet chocolate and not-burnt, softly coffee-like roastiness lingers in the finish. The hops notes found in the aroma are slightly fuller, accentuating the malt but never distracting from it. Brewmaster Kevin Templin really hit the mark with the balance on this one—perfectly delivering smooth roasted malt notes drizzled in medium caramel against a moderate bitterness, without

any real dark malt acidity. In the mouth, you get a light-medium body with smooth and restrained carbonation that lends a gentle caress to the tongue before becoming more velvety. Overall: It’s an impressive 4 percent ABV schwarz. It’s not easy to get the balance right on this style, and T.F. Brewing has managed to do it exceptionally well. Had I been given this blind, I’d have had no doubt that it came out of Germany. Both of these beers require a little effort on your part, as they are both exclusive to their respected establishments. However, as with all things purpose-driven, the rewards are always sweeter. As always, cheers! CW

GOODEATS Complete listings at cityweekly.net Featuring dining destinations from buffets and rooms with a view to mom-and-pop joints, chic cuisine and some of our dining critic’s faves. Garage on Beck

Sure, Garage on Beck might look unassuming from the outside, but once you walk in, you’re in for a treat. The expansive interior has a full-service bar and restaurant and a patio that’s great in the summer months, complete with heaters for the colder temps. The place also features frequent live music. Stop in for Taco Tuesday or Whiskey Wednesday if you need a midweek treat. The burgers shouldn’t be missed, either. Try the Royal or SLC Firehouse burger, pair it with a side of roasted Brussels sprouts, and you’ll soon be saying, “My favorite place in SLC is next to the oil refinery.” 1199 N. Beck St., 801-521-3904, garageonbeck.com

Utah’s BEST Sports Bar is also your corporate event headquarters!

Legends specializes in business lunches, team building & more

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We can accomodate all ages

Paris Bistro

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

With an experienced staff of cooks and courteous servers, Paris Bistro gives guests an experience much like you’d find on the Champs-Élysées. The filet mignon with squash blossoms and zucchini gratin is superb, and the lemongrass crème brûlée will satisfy even the pickiest of palates. An extensive wine list perfectly complements the exquisite cuisine. 1500 S. 1500 East, Salt Lake City, 801-486-5585, theparis.net

Ruby Snap

Fratelli Ristorante

OPEN: MON - FRI 11am-1am. SAT & SUN - 10am - 1am

677 S. 200 W. SLC | whylegends.com | 801.355.3598

$5 Daily

Specials

DECEMBER 20, 2018 | 28

This eatery takes Korean barbecue to another level with sizzling and hefty portions of beef, chicken and pork. Along with the barbecue options, they also dish up insanely good dumplings; soups filled to the brim with scallops, shrimp and other seafood; and a cucumber kimchi that is out of this world. Myung Ga is capable of dishing up a quick meal for a lunch break or an extensive, authentic Korean meal for a pleasing dinner. 3353 S. Decker Lake Drive, West Valley City, 801-953-0478

´ Fresh Food, Made In-House Daily ´ Sunday Brunch w/ Bloody Mary Bar ´ Full Bar with Large Selection of “ Local” Craft Beer & Spirits ´ Outdoor Patio Open ´ No Fees for Private-Event Room Reservations!

| CITY WEEKLY |

Myung Ga

YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD BAR!

Fratelli’s has been the winner of the Best Italian category several times over in City Weekly’s annual Best of Utah issue, and there’s little doubt why: Owners Pete Cannella and Dave Cannell have created a menu traditional to homeland Italy, preach and practice the use of fresh ingredients, and treat everyone who walks through the door like family. Their Italian fare includes an expansive list of pizzas, pastas and salads, as well as a beer and wine list. Save some room for the delectable tiramisu. 9236 S. Village Shop Drive, Sandy, 801-495-4550, fratelliutah.com

Ruby Snap was perhaps the first place to show Salt Lake that you could build a viable bakery exclusively on cookies. Not only is its menu packed with enough variety to satisfy even the most discerning connoisseur, but they have absolutely nailed it with their pinup-girlcirca-1960 aesthetic. All of Ruby Snap’s creations are blessed with the eponym and personality of a lovely lady. Belle-of-the-ball Vivianna is a cookie that puts mango and dark chocolate on a citrus-dough dance floor and thrusts them into a sexy pasodoble. 770 S. 300 West, 801-834-6111, rubysnap.com

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

| CITY WEEKLY |

29 | DECEMBER 20, 2018

REVIEW BITES A sample of our critic’s reviews

JOHN TAYLOR

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WITH AD EXP. 12/30/18 Horn of Africa

Mon - Thur: Fri - Sat: Sunday:

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FOR MORE INFORMATION VISIT SAKURAHIBACHISLC.COM

serving breakfast, lunch and dinner

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Utah’s culinary scene has its share of rock stars, but we’d be remiss to disregard the underdogs of local food culture. Horn of Africa is home to accessible, tasty Somali comfort food, and is one of the best places to experience a true gastro-cultural history lesson—when you sit down to a big plate of fettuccine noodles piled high with bone-in goat meat ($12.99), you can’t help but start asking questions. If meat on the bone—or goat—is a deal-breaker, try the fantastic spaghetti and steak ($10.99): a gigantic scoop of spaghetti, thinly coated with marinara and served with well-seasoned slices of skirt steak and roast peppers. Every item is a solid blend of flavors; they even offer a rendition of the classic Philly steak sandwiches ($10.99) spiked with Somali spices. While this is a great spot for generous helpings at reasonable prices, it’s also one of those places where far-flung culinary traditions have arrived in Utah for us to enjoy. It’s hard not to reflect on the rich history this food represents—plus, you get to eat your history lesson after you’ve learned it. Reviewed Nov. 29. 1320 S. Swaner Road, 801-908-5498

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

GRAND OPENING SOUTH SALT LAKE CITY LOCATION

801-969-6666

123 S. State Orem, Utah 84058

801-960-9669

Lunch Buffet: $8.95 Adults, $4.95 Kids, Mon-Fri 11am-3:30pm Dinner Buffet: $12.95 Adults, $7.75 Kids, Mon-Fri 3:30pm-9:30pm Saturday, Sunday & Holidays $12.95 All Day / Take-Out: Lunch $4.75/lb Dinner $6.25/lb

DECEMBER 20, 2018 | 30

Hours: M-Thurs 11am-9:30pm, Fri & Sat 11am-10pm, Sunday 11am-9pm

| CITY WEEKLY |

801-905-1186

5668 S. Redwood Rd. Taylorsville, Ut 84123

3620 S. State Street SLC, Utah 84115

THREE LOCATIONS!

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A Second Family

MUSIC JOHNNYSONSECOND.COM FUNKIN’ FRIDAY

DJ RUDE BOY & BAD BOY BRIAN

Local promoter Jordan Clements fights for belonging and diversity.

SPINNIN THE FRESHEST FRIDAY NIGHT JAMS

BY RACHELLE FERNANDEZ comments@cityweekly.net @rachell57180584

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 22

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bad donkey 9PM - NO COVER

RACHELLE FERNANDEZ

SUNDAYS & THURSDAYS & SATURDAYS

Jordan Clements outside Metro Music Hall

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MONDAYS

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TUESDAYS

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CELEBRATE THE OLD & THE NEW W/ DJ BAD BOY BRIAN’S NYE BLACKOUT PARTY

165 E 200 S SLC 801.746.3334

DECEMBER 20, 2018 | 31

CHAMPAGNE TOAST AT MIDNIGHT DRESS TO IMPRESS

| CITY WEEKLY |

NEW YEARS EVE

Around 2016, Clements started aiming to bring even more flavor to the saltiest place on Earth, taking his company into the fierce world of drag. “I saw that we were kind of lacking [what] a lot of other cities had [with] drag shows,” he says. “I remember going to Club Sound and seeing the local drag queens perform—and I thought it was just so phenomenal. The costumes, the performances ... that’s where people go to get away from their regular life and have a good time.” Clements’ brave move into the drag world eventually paid off, attracting world-renowned queens like Alaska Thunderfuck, winner of season two of RuPaul’s Drag Race: All Stars, and the nowviral Vanessa Vanjie Mateo. Aiming to connect separate scenes in Utah, Clements asked himself the question: Whoever said metal and drag couldn’t coexist? “I describe metal and drag [as being] on the same spectrum,” he says. “I feel like people that do enjoy those two different things are the outcast people in society. I think it’s important to have somewhere to go have fun.” This year, Clements debuted Crucial Drag, a milestone for JRC Events. The performance featured the season two winners of The Boulet Brothers’ Dragula, Biqtch Puddin’ and Dahli, and took place at the annual Crucial Fest gathering, which spans two days and nights at Utah State Fairpark. It’s not all peaches in the hustle-now, sleep-later world of promoting. When Clements isn’t managing meet-and-greets, overseeing security or pulling sleepless nights driving queens or bands to and from the airport, he can be spotted sipping water and mingling with the crowd between sets. He likens promoting to highstakes gambling—except money isn’t the only thing on the table. “One thing wrong and people look at you,” he says. “But at the end of the day, I feel like it’s worth it. Otherwise I wouldn’t still be doing it.” Despite the make-or-break nature of promoting and event production, the show must go on. “Even if you have a bad show, there’s always a better show coming along,” Clements says. “There’s always something to look forward to.” CW

WASATCH POKER

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f you book them, they will come.” So goes the rule in Wayne’s World 2—and so goes the rule in the promoting world. When the sun sets over the Oquirrh Mountains, Salt Lake City’s nightlife emerges, with enthusiasts looking for a floor to mosh or dance on. A cavalcade of events brings the masses downtown. One night, it’s the “werqin’ girls” of RuPaul’s Drag Race paired up with talented local queens. Other nights, diehard fans of technical death metal might call for something more niche from the likes of Cryptopsy or Fleshgod Apocalypse. Whatever floats your boat, there’s a critical aspect of live performance that often goes overlooked: the behind-the-scenes efforts that bring in bands and artists. Booking nightly acts in the city might seem like an unremarkable job. But for Jordan Clements, founder and owner of JRC Events, promoting drag shows and alternative bands has become something of a statement in a metropolis notable for its religious culture and strict liquor laws. In 2017, The Boston Globe called Salt Lake City “America’s super gay, super cool hipster haven.” But is it really? From the outside, a multitude of LGBTQ-friendly spaces exist, and 4.7 percent of the city’s population identify as such. However, some of these spaces are slowly disappearing (see: the closings of the historic Paper Moon bar and Club Jam). The disappearance of spaces for LGBTQ folks was one of the factors driving Clements in 2013, when he joined forces with Metro Music Hall, The Complex and other venues. “It’s hard being a queer person in Utah,” Clements says. “I felt that [Salt Lake City’s club scene] was like my second family, and I think that’s what made me dig more into that industry.” The 28-year-old got his first taste of promoting in the local rave scene. By handing out flyers for his friends’ bands and weekly dance events and ingratiating himself even more into the city’s discotheque community with The Kollective’s street team, Clements slowly built his name. “I just started booking shows for my friends because I wanted people to have that experience I had when I was younger,” he says. That experience started in Lehi, where Clements was raised. Being gay in a city named after a Book of Mormon prophet wasn’t easy. Clements and his friends sought refuge from the mundane routines of work and school at weekly parties and shows in Utah County. “We’d always go to Velour and Muse Music,” he reminisces. “That’s what we did on the weekends since we weren’t old enough to go to the clubs. I just thought it was so awesome that people had somewhere to go where they felt that connection with other people in a non-judgmental environment.” Continuing the hustle with the help of mentor and friend Jeffery Hacker of Dance Evolution, Clements started building a network. “That was my first club-type family,” he says. “Jeff was one of the first people that pushed me off the high dive into booking events.”

BY NICK McGREGOR

FRIDAY 12/21 801-590-9940 | facebook.com/theroyalslc

www.theroyalslc.com

 Bar | Nightclub | Music | Sports 

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Santa Hat Party

FUNK & GONZO, ANDREW FROM HERBAN EMPIRE, SILENT h. FROM NEWBORN SLAVES Live Music

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ROYAL bLISS

W/ American Hitmen, Outside Infinity SATURDAY 12/22 Live Music

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YOU Never KNow WHO WILL SHOW UP TO PERFORM

coming soon 12/28

W/ THE FINGERS, BAd DONKEY, YEAR OF THE DOG

Gentry Densley and Tyler Smith have been plying their doom metal trade as Eagle Twin for more than 10 years now. Incorporating blues and sludge into their unrelenting sonic attack, Densley growls and howls both behind the mic and on baritone guitar, playing a specialized self-built instrument and tube amp combo. The pair describe their heavy sound on their Facebook page as “epic compositions drawing upon the collective unconscious,” and there’s a mystical component to Eagle Twin’s dual attack. But the music is more than just a pummeling vehicle for headbanging; with lyrics inspired by poet Ted Hughes’ Crow and Biblical mythology involving snakes and serpents, Eagle Twin meld animism and humanism. Such narratives sound even more intense given Densley’s vocal style, which channels Tom Waits, Howlin’ Wolf and even Tuvan throat singers from Central Asia. Familiar touchstones for metal fans not yet familiar with Eagle Twin include Pelican, Sunn O))) and Melvins, but these local titans have been at it for almost as long as those first two acts; for most of the ’90s, Densley fronted legendary jazz/prog/hardcore fusion band Iceburn. The next generation of devotees is represented by desert metal band Swarmer, which celebrates the release of its debut EP Friday, while Mosida opens up the show. The Urban Lounge, 241 S. 500 East, 8 p.m., $5, 21+, theurbanloungeslc.com

RUBY CLAIRE JOHNSON

4760 S 900 E, SLC

Eagle Twin, Swarmer, Mosida

Eagle Twin and I think we’re making a pretty sweet pizza right now.” Friday: The Royal, 4760 S. 900 East, 8:30 p.m., $15 presale; $20 day of show, 21+, theroyalslc.com; Saturday: Kamikazes, 2404 Adams Ave., Ogden, 8 p.m., $15 presale; $20 day of show, 21+, facebook.com/kamikazes.ogden

FRIDAY 12/21 & SATURDAY 12/22

Royal Bliss, American Hitmen, Outside Infinity

Local rock titans Royal Bliss return home for the closing weekend of their annual Merry Blissmas tour, which started last month in Cedar City before stopping in Colorado, Ohio, Illinois, Iowa and Wisconsin over a marathon eight-day run. The celebratory homecoming makes sense: In a May interview with the Deseret News, lead singer Neal Middleton, who also owns popular nightclub The Royal, described Royal Bliss as “Utah’s band.” Such a proclamation might have seemed crazy 20 years ago, when the high school band got off to its reggaeinspired start. But through all the ups and downs—major-label record deals that fell through, Middleton’s 34-foot fall from a balcony that almost paralyzed him, a shift from alternative radio to the hallowed country halls of CMT—Royal Bliss has stayed true to its blue-collar roots, providing supercharged rock for the rest of us. Already this year they’ve released two new songs, “Devil With Angel Eyes”—an update of longtime crowd favorite “Devils & Angels”—and “Hard and Loud,” giving hardcore fans new shout-along moments to look forward to. “At the end of the day, we’re a rock band,” Middleton told the Deseret News. “I always look at it like a pizza. You have ingredients to a pizza

SATURDAY 12/22

Ol’ Fashion Depot, Lovely Noughts, RCS

Accepting the mantle of local blues band par excellence once Tony Holiday left for Memphis, Ol’ Fashion Depot has been everywhere lately. In December alone, Brendan Nunley, J-Rad Cooley, Jay Seamons, Josh Karrick and Josh Fox have played live on KRCL 90.9 FM, headlined the Utah Blues Society’s annual membership appreciation party, set up shows in Las Vegas and Sun Valley, Idaho, and brought their unique blend of jazz, soul, rock and blues to the northern and southern ends of Salt Lake Valley. This headlining appearance at Kilby Court is extra special because the ever-shifting lineup has recently started tracking new material at Midnight Records Productions after their extremely busy year. Providing support are rock trios Lovely Noughts and RCS, who seem to appear on almost as many standout local bills as Ol’ Fashion Depot. Kilby Court, 741 W. Kilby Court, 7 p.m., $7, all ages, kilbycourt.com

Ol’ Fashion Depot

Royal Bliss

DJ Cleezy and DJ Tripod  Bar | Nightclub | Music | Sports  ALL SHOW TICKETS AVAILABLE AT SMITHSTIX OR AT THE ROYAL

COURTESY J-RAD COOLEY

12/31

SAMANTHA MADNICK

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32 | DECEMBER 20, 2018

LIVE

THIS WEEK’S MUSIC PICKS

COMPLETE LISTINGS ONLINE AT CITYWEEKLY.NET

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DECEMBER 20, 2018 | 33

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34 | DECEMBER 20, 2018

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Otep, The World Over, Disengaged, Truce in Blood

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LIVE MUSIC WITH THE MIX 8PM-11PM

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PR BROWN

DECEMBER

Returning to Utah just six months after her last visit, Otep Shamaya has clearly found a captive audience here. Perhaps that’s because, as the frontwoman of her eponymous metal band and as an outspoken activist, the California native isn’t shy about speaking up. Whether it’s about LGBTQ issues or militant veganism, Otep makes it clear where she stands. That’s crystal clear on her recent album, Kult 45, which takes direct aim at President Donald Trump, who Otep calls a “morally corrupt demagogue.” Otep co-produced Kult 45 with guitarist Aristotle Mihalopoulos, churning out a polished product that nonetheless captures the full band’s legendary live energy, often described by its fearless leader as “spiritual intercourse.” Calling out patriarchal American culture, neo-Nazi white supremacist groups and the two faces of evangelical religion, Otep doesn’t hold her fire against anyone. “What I say is meant to provoke,” she told City Weekly in July. “I’m not afraid to stand by it. I just make sure I know what I’m upset about.” Catch Otep in a more intimate setting at Liquid Joe’s and join in the resistance-fueled chorus. Liquid Joe’s, 1249 E. 3300 South, 7 p.m., $15 presale; $20 day of show, 21+, liquidjoes.net

Dine Krew, Zac Ivie, Dirt First, Auratorikal, DJ Mixter Mike Augustus King

Amorphous local hip-hop collective Dine Krew has been relatively quiet as of late. Sure, lead MC Harrison “Erasole James” Montgomery dropped a mind-bending full-length collaboration with Las Vegas-via-Long Island producer Phil A in August that furthers the Dine Krew aesthetic, all sleepy beats and effortless rhymes that flow like a mountain creek. But the full group hasn’t uploaded anything to their Soundcloud account since 2017, when Montgomery’s fellow MC Shelby “ShelbaDine” Washington dropped a slew of sick singles. Still, we know Dine Krew’s potential—2013 EP Dine and Dash earned a rave review from City Weekly, praising the obscure samples of producer Andrew “DK Piccolo” Auman and the artful narratives of Washington and Harrison, while follow-up releases by James and Auman as WE-ET’s have become local lore. With founding members Larsen Bernard and Josh Marty, Dine Krew has evolved into a last bastion of old-school rap elegance, mining the outer edges of jazz-influenced Native Tongues territory and MF Doom eccentricity to create their own Salt Lake City-bred identity. Don’t miss this post-Christmas celebration with other local standouts like Zac Ivie, Dirt First, Auratorikal and DJ Mixter Mike Augustus King. The Urban Lounge, 241 S. 500 East, 8 p.m., free, 21+, theurbanloungeslc.com

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31 east 400 SOuth • SLC

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DECEMBER 20, 2018 | 35

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36 | DECEMBER 20, 2018

WEDNESDAY 12/26

CONCERTS & CLUBS

FRED HAYES

Gorgeous Gourds

THURSDAY 12/20 LIVE MUSIC

Brogan Kelby (Kilby Court) Christmas with the Celts (Egyptian Theatre) Cold Hard Cash (The State Room) Cosmic Annihilation + Damn Dirty Vultures + Benview + Lyfe on Mars + The Chains + Elijah Ayers (The Loading Dock) Joshua James (Rye) Logan Mize + Keelan Donovan + Oskar & Julia (Metro Music Hall) Matt Calder (Lake Effect) The Mix (Gracie’s) Michelle Moonshine (Hog Wallow Pub) Mythic Valley (Lighthouse Lounge) Saving Abel + Wayland + Black Oxygen (Liquid Joe’s) The Wake of an Arsonist + Hemwick + 2-Headed Whale (Urban Lounge) You Topple Over (Garage on Beck)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE DJ ChaseOne2 (Lake Effect) Dueling Pianos: Troy & Jordan (Tavernacle)

Dueling Pianos (The Spur) Jazz Jam Session (Sugar House Coffee) Re:Fine (Downstairs) Synthpop + Darkwave + Industrial + Goth w/ DJ Camille (Area 51) Therapy Thursdays feat. Fransis Derelle (Sky)

KARAOKE

Areaoke w/ DJ Kevin (Area 51) Burly-Oke (Prohibition) Cowboy Karaoke (The Cabin) Karaoke (Highlander) Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge) Karaoke w/ DJ Benji (A Bar Named Sue) Live Band Karaoke (Club 90)

FRIDAY 12/21 LIVE MUSIC

Cold Hard Cash (The State Room) Eagle Twin + Swarmer + Mosida (Urban Lounge) see p. 32 The Fab Folk (Rye) Glume + RX64 + Batcave + DJ/DC (Metro Music Hall) Korene Greenwood (Harp and Hound) Kurt Bestor (Egyptian Theatre) Like a Storm + Palisades + Farewell to Fear + Echo Muse (The Complex)

RANDY'S RECORD SHOP VINYL RECORDS NEW & USED

Feeling the post-Christmas blues? Buried in used wrapping paper, overwhelmed by dirty dishes or just sick and tired of the commercialization of one of our most sacred holidays? Five-piece jam band Gorgeous Gourds will shake you out of that haze and help you kick off an extended celebration of 2018’s last week. Combining smooth harmonies and tasty explorations of classic rock, folk, blues and psychedelia, Gorgeous Gourds pleases Salt Lake City fans with choice covers by Grateful Dead, The Meters, The Beatles, JJ Cale, Jimi Hendrix and The Rolling Stones. With Fred Hayes on bass, Bob Smith on drums, Bill Baer on acoustic guitar and glockenspiel, Heather McCartin on fiddle and Lucas Jones on electric guitar, these itinerant jam masters know a good time when they see one—good thing they’re experts at instigating one, too. Infusing their cheerful catalog with deep grooves, winking innuendo and enough smiles to fill every floor of Gracie’s, Gorgeous Gourds rock you in their trademark “meta-4/4 time.” (Nick McGregor) Gracie’s, 326 W. South Temple, 10 p.m., 21+, graciesslc.com

Marmalade Chill (Gracie’s) Matthew Bashaw (Lake Effect) Mythic Valley (Garage on Beck) Nathan Spenser (HandleBar) Orphans Cabaret + Dude Cougar + The Felonies (Ice Haüs) Provoast + Christmas Kick Off (The Loading Dock) Rail Town (Westerner Club) Roadie & The Band (Lighthouse Lounge) Royal Bliss + American Hitmen + Outside Infinity (The Royal) see p. 32 Scoundrels (Hog Wallow Pub) Tony Oros (State Road Tavern) Vista Kicks + The Backseat Lovers + Ritt Momney (Kilby Court) Waldron Brothers (Gold Blood Collective) Whiskey Rebellion (The Spur)

Boy Brian (Johnny’s on Second) Lavelle Dupree (Downstairs) New Wave ‘80s w/ DJ Courtney (Area 51) Shuffle (Lake Effect) Supa Dupa Fly ’90s vs ’00s Hip Hop (Sky) Top 40 All-Request w/ DJ Wees (Area 51)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

Bad Donkey (Johnny’s on Second) Choir Boy + The Nods + Big Baby (Metro Music Hall) Christian Mills Band (Lighthouse Lounge) Dead Zephyrs + Tycoon Machete (Ice Haüs) The Fab Folk (Rye) Friendmas Eve X-mas Party feat. Racist Kramer + I’m A Monster! + Fail To Follow + Galagher + CJ Coop and more (Urban Lounge)

All-Request Gothic + Industrial + EBM + and Dark Wave w/ DJ Vision (Area 51) DJ ChaseOne2 (Lake Effect) DJ Juggy (Bourbon House) DJ Request (Outlaw Saloon) Dueling Pianos feat. Troy & Jules feat. Dave (Tavernacle) Funky Friday w/ DJ Godina (Gracie’s) Funkin’ Friday w/ DJ Rude Boy & Bad Happy Hour Thurs - Fri • 4 - 6 pm Free appetizers with purchase

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KARAOKE

Areaoke w/ DJ Kevin (Area 51) Karaoke (Cheers to You SLC) Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge) Karaoke (Highlander)

SATURDAY 12/22 LIVE MUSIC

Book your Holiday Party!

SATURDAY & SUNDAY BRUNCH, MIMOSA, AND MARY AMAZING $8 LUNCH EVERY WEEKDAY! NEW MENU ADDITIONS! THURSDAY: Dusty Grooves all vinyl DJ @10:00pm. FRIDAY:

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WEDNESDAY:

OF LUMINEERS FAME

VJ Birdman on the Big Screen @ 10:00pm

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AS ALWAYS, NO COVER! 32 EXCHANGE PLACE • 801-322-3200

WWW.TWISTSLC.COM • 11:00AM - 1:00AM PIPERDOWNPUB.COM

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saturdays

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DECEMBER 20, 2018 | 37

Wednesdays

DEAD ZEPHYRS

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COLLEGE NIGHT FREE CORN HOLE & BEER PONG $2 COORS & BUD DRAFTS

Thursdays

Sat, Dec 22nd

Friday, Dec. 21st

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

| CITY WEEKLY |

38 | DECEMBER 20, 2018

PROPER BREWING CO.

RACHELLE FERNANDEZ

BAR FLY

Some nights call for ales; others call for bourbons. For me, one recent night was all about the porter, baby—beer, that is. Luckily, on historic Main Street, there’s a bar to be found no matter what end of the neighborhood a girl might find herself in. One of the many spots to embrace Utah’s craft beer scene is Proper Brewing Co., located adjacent to its sister establishment Proper Burger, City Weekly’s Best of Utah Reader’s Choice runner-up for Best Burgers. What made me go with Proper and not the plethora of other brew joints wasn’t just my gut—it’s that Proper is always busy in the wee hours of the night, so striking up a conversation with strangers whilst flying solo and masking my garlic aioliinduced breath seemed like it should be easy. A salted caramel porter was my choice companion for a Proper-style black bean burger. Proper Brewing Co. has working skeeball machines, which give me haunting flashbacks of losing to my mom and aunt—who take non-team sports very seriously—at Lagoon. Sipping on my porter, I started feeling out the bar, eavesdropping on a group of guys’ personal “fight” stories and watching patrons scratching on the cue ball while attempting to play pool. I couldn’t help but interrupt the billiards game going on. “Who’s winning?” I asked. “Ummm,” a cardigan-sporting, bespectacled guy reluctantly answered. “We are,” his friend butted in. My chat with the group quickly ended when I spotted a Ghostbusters pinball machine. Game on. (Rachelle Fernandez) 857 S. Main, 801-953-1707, properbrewingco.com

Full Blast (Hog Wallow Pub) High Octane (The Spur) In Your Grave + Through Eternal Mourning + Acid Hologram (The Loading Dock) Kurt Bestor (Egyptian Theatre) Live Trio (The Red Door) Marmalade Chill (Lake Effect) The Metal Dogs (Brewskis) Michelle Moonshine & Co. (The Yes Hell) Nathan Spenser (Harp and Hound) Ol’ Fashion Depot + Lovely Noughts + RCS (Kilby Court) see p. 32 One World + 1-2 Many’s + Newborn Slaves + DJ Oneton (The Royal) Rail Town (Westerner Club) Royal Bliss + American Hitmen (Kamikazes) see p. 32 Scott Rogers (HandleBar) The Scoundrels + The Wandering Stars (Garage on Beck) Spazmatics (Liquid Joe’s)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

KARAOKE

Karaoke (Highlander) Areaoke DJ Kevin (Area 51) Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge) Karaoke w/ B-RAD (Club 90)

SUNDAY 12/23 LIVE MUSIC

Kurt Bestor (Egyptian Theatre) Live Bluegrass (Club 90) Otep + The World Over + Disengaged + Truce in Blood (Liquid Joe’s) see p. 34 Patrick Ryan (The Spur) Rockmare B4 Xmas feat. Savage Daughters + Fear & Loathing + Stable Ren + The Archives + Dad Bod (Kilby Court)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

Dueling Pianos (The Spur) Open Blues Jam (The Green Pig) Sunday Night Blues Jam w/ Nick Greco & Blues on First (Gracie’s)

S P IR ITS . FO OD . LOCAL B EER

12.21 SCOUNDRELS

12.22 FULL BLAST (FT. MEMBERS OF JELLY BREAD)

12.28 TONY HOLLIDAY AND CHRISTIAN MILLS BAND

12.29 TRIGGERS AND SLIPS

12.20 MICHELLE MOONSHINE

12.19 SIMPLY B

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

DJ ChaseOne2 (Gracie’s) DJ Handsome Hands (Bourbon House) DJ Latu (The Green Pig) DJ Mr. Ramirez (Lake Effect) DJ Request (Outlaw Saloon) DJ Sneeky Long (Twist) ‘80s Night feat. Channel Z (The Union Tavern) Gothic + Industrial + Dark ’80s w/ DJ Courtney (Area 51)

Dueling Pianos feat. Troy & Drew feat. Dave & JC (Tavernacle) Sky Saturdays w/ DJ Juggy (Sky) Syndicate at Soundwell feat. Asadi (Soundwell) Tina T (Downstairs) Top 40 + EDM + Alternative w/ DJ Twitch (Area 51)

| CITY WEEKLY |

DECEMBER 20, 2018 | 39

3200 E BIG COTTONWOOD ROAD 801.733.5567 | THEHOGWALLOW.COM

CONCERTS & CLUBS KARAOKE

Karaoke (Tavernacle) Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge) Karaoke w/ DJ Benji (A Bar Named Sue)

MONDAY 12/24 LIVE MUSIC

Amanda Johnson (The Spur) Kurt Bestor (Egyptian Theatre)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE Monday Night Open Jazz Session w/ David Halliday & the JVQ (Gracie’s) Open Blues Jam (The Green Pig) Open Blues Jam hosted by Robby’s Blues Explosion (Hog Wallow Pub) Open Mic (The Cabin)

KARAOKE

Karaoke (Poplar Street Pub) Karaoke Bingo (Tavernacle) Karaoke w/ DJ Benji (A Bar Named Sue) Karaoke (Cheers to You)

40 | DECEMBER 20, 2018

| CITY WEEKLY |

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

TUESDAY 12/25 LIVE MUSIC

Kurt Bestor (Egyptian Theatre) Gamma Rays (The Spur)

: S T N E S PRE

A weekly video series highlighting the BEST things to do in SLC. ............................... Sponsored by:

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE Locals Lounge (The Cabin) Open Jazz Jam (Bourbon House) Open Mic (The Wall at BYU) Open Mic (The Royal)

KARAOKE

Karaoke (Highlander) Karaoke (Tavernacle) Karaoke w/ DJ Thom (A Bar Named Sue) Karaoke That Doesn’t Suck (Twist) Karaoke w/ Zim Zam Ent. (Club 90)

WEDNESDAY 12/26 LIVE MUSIC

Dine Krew + Zac Ivie + Dirt First + Auratorikal + DJ Mixter Mike Augustus King (Urban Lounge) see p. 34 Donner Pass (The Spur) Gorgeous Gourds (Gracie’s) see p. 36 John Davis (Hog Wallow Pub) Live Jazz (Club 90) Posh Rhythm Orchestra (Gallivan Center) Queen Nation (Egyptian Theatre) Radio Blonde + Jaron Yancey + Goodbye Clocks (Kilby Court) Terrance Hansen (Lake Effect)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE VODKA

Find us on Facebook @WTFSLC

Dark NRG w/ DJ Nyx (Area 51) Dueling Pianos (Tavernacle) Industry Night (Downstairs) Open Mic (Velour)

CINEMA

FILM REVIEW

A Spoonful of Splenda

We sell tickets!

check us first! low or no fees

Mary Poppins Returns strains to recapture the original’s sweet magic.

State room shows magic city hippies

BY SCOTT RENSHAW scottr@cityweekly.net @scottrenshaw

WALT DISNEY PICTURES

saturday, 1/19

The cast of Mary Poppins Returns becomes the elaborate choreographed production number “Trip a Little Light Fantastic” with lamplighter Jack (Lin-Manuel Miranda), including BMX bike tricks for some reason. At every turn, you get filmmakers telling you, in effect, “Mary Poppins was awesome; here’s everything that made it awesome, only not as good, and a lot faster since we’re worried kids don’t have the attention span.” One of those awesome things was, of course, Julie Andrews’ iconic performance, and it’s a testament to how delightful Blunt is that she manages to evoke all of the magical nanny’s familiar qualities—a mix of nononsense edge and effortless charm—while making the character her own. Indeed, the cast is uniformly appealing, making it relatively easy to enjoy the time spent in their company. Mary Poppins Returns is simply a synthetic experience more akin to a karaoke night than a movie. Like an artificial sweetener, it might do the trick in a pinch, but it mostly leaves you with an aftertaste that makes you wish you were enjoying the real thing. CW

Saturday, 02/01 $

mike doughty

wednesday, 03/13 $

kevin morby

| CITY WEEKLY |

TRY THESE Hairspray (2007) Nikki Blonsky John Travolta PG-13

Into the Woods (2014) Anna Kendrick Meryl Streep PG-13

Beauty and the Beast (2017) Emma Watson Dan Stevens PG

Friday, 05/17

FOR MORE SHOWS & EVENTS GO TO

CITYWEEKLYTIX.COM

DECEMBER 20, 2018 | 41

Mary Poppins (1964) Julie Andrews Dick Van Dyke G

MARY POPPINS RETURNS

BB.5 Emily Blunt Lin-Manuel Miranda Ben Whishaw PG

marty stuart

the boost everyone needs. It’s easy to forget that the central character arc of Mary Poppins—the children’s uptight workaholic father learning to chill out and pay some attention to his kids—has virtually nothing to do with the majority of the film’s memorable musical set pieces. While Mary Poppins Returns devotes slightly more time to the grieving Michael, including his sad “A Conversation” song to his late wife, the same dynamic is more or less true here. When your primary goal is providing fanciful musical entertainment, it’s wise not to get bogged down in the problems of a bummed-out, near-destitute widower. And Mary Poppins Returns does offer plenty of fanciful musical entertainment, with songs provided by the Hairspray team of composer Marc Shaiman and lyricist Scott Wittman. There was no way the songs could match the Sherman brothers’ remarkable Mary Poppins songbook—for my money, the single greatest top-to-bottom collection of tunes ever penned for a movie musical—even if a couple of them are perfectly hummable. The real problem is how hard the songs, and the segments in which they appear, try to duplicate specific sequences from Poppins ’64. So the playful “Spoonful of Sugar” becomes the playful “Imagine That”; the visit to a world of animated characters that included “Jolly Holiday” turns into a visit to a world of animated characters that includes “The Cover Is Not the Book”; the elaborate choreographed production number “Step in Time” with chimney sweep Bert

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or several years already, and for what seems to be the foreseeable future, Disney has faced impossible choices based on an artistically moribund but clearly lucrative approach to its new movies. Scavenging every possible corner of its beloved cinematic history, the Mouse House keeps offering revised takes on old favorites—Alice in Wonderland, The Jungle Book, Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, etc.— with only one real decision facing each new offering: Do you spin the familiar source material in an entirely new direction orr do you just offer the same thing again, and count on nostalgia to do the heavy lifting? Unlike some of those other examples, Mary Poppins Returns is a sequel, rather than a remake. It recasts every significant role and tries to tell a somewhat different story. But at the core of director Rob Marshall’s film is an attempt to recapture the magic of 1964’s Mary Poppins—which was practically perfect in every way—by duplicating nearly every one of the original’s narrative and musical beats. Whatever Mary Poppins Returns achieves on its own merits, it’s almost always reminding you of the movie you’re not watching, which doesn’t do it any favors. The story picks up somewhere in the neighborhood of 25 years after the events of Mary Poppins in 1930s London, with a widowed Michael Banks (Ben Whishaw) still living with his three children in the house at 17 Cherry Tree Lane. But the emotional strain of dealing with the loss of his wife has led Michael to forget to pay the mortgage he took out to pay for medical bills, and the bank is ready to repossess the house in a week. Michael’s sister Jane (Emily Mortimer) tries to help, but what the Bankses really need is a return from their old nanny Mary Poppins (Emily Blunt), who comes back on the tail of a kite to provide just

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42 | DECEMBER 20, 2018

CINEMA CLIPS MOVIE TIMES AND LOCATIONS AT CITYWEEKLY.NET

NEW THIS WEEK Film release schedules are subject to change. Reviews online at cityweekly.net AQUAMAN [not yet reviwed] The seafaring super-hero (Jason Momoa) looks to claim the throne of Atlantis Opens Dec. 21 at theaters valleywide. (PG-13) AT ETERNITY’S GATE BB Fans of Vincent van Gogh clamoring for a lifeless biopic, your prayers are answered! Director Julian Schnabel casts the excellent Willem Dafoe as the Dutch painter, but the screenplay gives Dafoe little to work with, though it takes place in the most dramatic years of van Gogh’s life, i.e., ear-cutting time. (That incident is discussed but not shown, because showing it would be too interesting.) The mentally-deteriorating Vincent admires fellow artist Paul Gauguin (Oscar Isaac), finds solace with his brother Theo (Rupert Friend) and has a fascinating theological conversation with a priest (Mads Mikkelsen) about how Jesus was also unappreciated in his time. But most of the film is devoted to scenes of Dafoe looking disheveled and crazy while painting, sketching or doing nothing. Lush cinematography and a lovely score can’t compensate for a dull story that offers no insight into a brilliant, disturbed mind. Opens Dec. 21 at Broadway Centre Cinemas. (R)—Eric D. Snider BEN IS BACK BB.5 Writer-director Peter Hedges (Dan in Real Life) is most in his element when dealing with messy family dynamics, so it’s no surprise that this story is better at capturing those dynamics than at folding an addic-

tion narrative into gritty drama. Hedges’ son Lucas plays Ben Burns, who leaves his treatment program for heroin addiction to return home to his mother, Holly (Julia Roberts), and the rest of his family for Christmas. Ben’s stepfather and sister are cautious and skeptical, but Roberts brilliantly plays the sweeping range of a mother coping with a kid she loves but can’t trust, from hiding her jewelry to spitting venom at the doctor she believes hooked Ben on painkillers. The mother-son interaction is fascinating in its complexity, so it’s a bummer that the story evolves into Ben having to make good to the creepy drug dealer to whom he still owes money, and a subsequent drawn-out search for Ben. The ending offers too abrupt an attempt at catharsis to do justice to the tornado of emotions filling the rest of the film. Opens Dec. 21 at Broadway Centre Cinemas. (R)—SR BUMBLEBEE BBB This is what we get when Michael Bay is kept away from a Transformers movie: A funny, heartfelt throwback buddy dramedy that offers sweet reminders of E.T. and other ’80s kiddie sci-fi. In 1987, Autobot B-127 (the voice, briefly, of Dylan O’Brien) is sent to Earth to prepare a new base for the “Autobot resistance” against evil Decepticons. It doesn’t go well, and B-127 ends up in hiding, disguised as a yellow VW bug until 18-year-old Charlie (a terrific Hailee Steinfeld) uncovers his secret. She names him Bumblebee—B-127 was damaged and cannot speak to tell her his name—and makes him her new best friend. Of course there’s a government agent (John Cena) who wants to get his hands on Bee; of course there are robot battles with the fate of the planet in the balance. But mostly, this is a gentle girl-and-her-alienrobot-car lark that hits all the right notes—including a ton of great ’80s pop and rock dropped in, just because. Opens Dec. 21 at theaters valleywide. (PG-13)—MaryAnn Johanson HOLMES & WATSON [not yet reviewed] Comedic take on the great detective and his assistant (Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly). Opens Dec. 25 at theaters valleywide. (PG-13)

MARY POPPINS RETURNS BB.5 See review on p. 41. Opens Dec. 19 at theaters valleywide. (PG) MARY QUEEN OF SCOTS BBB.5 You don’t need a history degree to appreciate that what looks like internecine spycraft and occasionally outright warfare—between the 16th-century thrones of Mary Stuart (Saoirse Ronan) in Scotland and Elizabeth I (Margot Robbie) in England—is, in fact, the undermining of two reasonable women trying to unite their nations, thwarted by men with their own agendas and fueled by angry misogyny. Gender is as much a tribe as religion in the smart, sly script by House of Cards’ Beau Willimon. British stage director Josie Rourke makes her film debut with this anti-costume drama, one with an ethos far earthier than we might expect; the smells of sweat and sex practically waft off the screen, and female pleasure is a priority. The commanding central performances from Ronan and Robbie elevate a must-see parable that resonates today: A struggle by women to be heard in a world in which men are willfully deaf to them. Opens Dec. 25 at Broadway Centre Cinemas. (PG-13)—MAJ SECOND ACT [not yet reviewed] A working-class woman (Jennifer Lopez) uses a fudged résumé to make her way into big business. Opens Dec. 21 at theaters valleywide. (PG-13) VICE B.5 In his public roles, Dick Cheney was a terrible person. If you didn’t already think so—and why would you be interested in this movie if you didn’t—you now know everything Adam McKay’s movie has to say. The story tracks Cheney (Christian Bale) from hard-drinking college days, through his marriage to Lynne (Amy Adams) and precocious rise to power in the Nixon administration, to crafting an imperial vice-presidency. Along the way, McKay employs similar follow-the-bouncing-ball storytelling tricks to those he used in The Big Short, but here they mostly feel unnecessary and self-satisfied. Bale’s performance offers little besides impressive

mimicry of Cheney’s half-muttered monotone, and there’s not much more nuance in any of the other roles; I almost feel bad for Sam Rockwell’s half-hearted stab at George W. Bush. What remains is something determined to congratulate you for not rolling your eyes when Don Rumsfeld (Steve Carell) responds to Cheney’s “What do we believe?” with uproarious laughter, and for agreeing that everything wrong with the 21st century can be traced to one heartless guy. Opens Dec. 25 at theaters valleywide. (R)—SR

WELCOME TO MARWEN [not yet reviewed] After a beating leaves him with brain damage, a man (Steve Carell) turns to a miniature world for comfort. Opens Dec. 21 at theaters valleywide. (PG-13)

SPECIAL SCREENINGS

MARIA BY CALLAS At Park City Film Series, Dec. 21 & 22, 8 p.m.; Dec. 23, 6 p.m. (PG)

CURRENT RELEASES

THE FAVOURITE BBB.5 Director Yorgos Lanthimos uses a footnote from 18th-century English history to dig into who holds power, and why. Circa the reign of Queen Anne (Olivia Colman), the monarch leaves much decision-making to her primary attendant, Sarah, the Duchess of Marlborough (Rachel Weisz)—a dynamic that shifts with the arrival of Sarah’s cousin Abigail (Emma Stone) to the royal court. The screenplay intertwines a battle of wills with international politics, but The Favourite avoids historical tedium or sterile palace intrigue through fascinating visual and sound design choices. Three terrific central performances anchor it as equal sides of a triangle, and the undercurrent to their actions is that they’re women in a man’s world. A woman might seem to be rising to a position of strength, but she’ll always be reminded that the place she’s expected to be is on her knees. (R)—SR

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DECEMBER 20, 2018 | 43

LITTLE THINGS

BY DAVID LEVINSON WILK

ACROSS

1. Select 2. Actor Guy of "Memento" 3. George and T. S. 4. Attire 5. Archie's wife on "All in the Family" 6. Emmy winner Christine 7. "Looking at it a different way," in texts 8. Back of the neck

48. Exams with a max. score of 180 49. Broom-____ of the comics 50. Complete reversal 52. Initials on a cross 53. Raising canines? 54. Airline that flies only six days a week 55. Certain downer, for short 56. Common symbol in heraldry 57. The Beatles' ____ Pepper

Last week’s answers

No math is involved. The grid has numbers, but nothing has to add up to anything else. Solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic. Solving time is typically 10 to 30 minutes, depending on your skill and experience.

DOWN

9. Bar selection 10. Pessimist's word 11. Frustrated exclamation 12. “That may be true, but ...” 15. Lead-in to phobia 20. Sleep clinic concern 21. "Happy Birthday, Mr. President" singer 26. Having a crisp picture, say 27. Overjoy 28. What many college students accrue 29. Supervised 30. Dust jacket part, usually 31. Latest fad 33. Three-term Big Apple mayor 34. "Stop procrastinating!" 35. Condition once called "shell shock," for short 36. Prefix with life or wife 37. ____ creek 38. Playfully shy 39. Not suitable 43. Chicago Bears coaching legend Mike 45. Mark who was the 1998 PGA Player of the Year 46. Swimwear option 47. Title locale in a 1987 Cheech Marin film

Complete the grid so that each row, column, diagonal and 3x3 square contain all of the numbers 1 to 9.

1. Intl. oil group 5. SpaceX founder Musk 9. Like a merciless movie review 13. ____ Grant (college financial aid) 14. It may be stored on the cloud 15. Company that buried 700,000+ unsold video games in 1983 16. Cruz with the 2010 #1 hit "Break Your Heart" 17. "Eat up every moment" sloganeer 18. Instruments hit with mallets 19. Really fuming 22. Mo. when the Supreme Court reconvenes 23. ____ Beta Kappa 24. Food scrap 25. Shellac ingredient 27. Poet ____ St. Vincent Millay 29. One of four in a grand slam 32. Provoking sort 35. Tylenol target 36. Shakespeare play in which Beatrice says "I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest" 40. Apple debut of 2001 41. Litter makeup 42. It breaks in the morning 43. Lavish care (on) 44. Pueblo building material 48. State-issued driver ID 49. Preceder of "two, three, four" 51. Goat's bleat 52. Comment about what really matters in life ... or a comment about fives squares in this puzzle's grid 57. Move on tiptoe, say 58. Whopper 59. "Why do ____ this way?!" 60. Garbo of "Grand Hotel" 61. 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., e.g. 62. ____ hygiene 63. Requirements of Mormonism 64. Like unfatty meat 65. Mecca for oenophiles

SUDOKU

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44 | DECEMBER 20, 2018

CROSSWORD PUZZLE

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY B Y R O B

B R E Z S N Y

Go to realastrology.com for Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text-message horoscopes. Audio horoscopes also available by phone at 877-873-4888 or 900-950-7700.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Until 1920, most American women didn’t have the right to vote. For that matter, few had ever been candidates for public office. There were exceptions. In 1866, Elizabeth Cady Stanton was the first to seek a seat in Congress. In 1875, Victoria Woodhull ran for president. Susanna Salter became the first woman mayor in 1887. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, Sagittarius, 2019 will be a Stanton-Woodhull-Salter type of year for you. You’re likely to be ahead of your time and primed to innovate. You’ll have the courage and resourcefulness necessary to try seemingly unlikely and unprecedented feats, and you’ll have a knack for ushering the future into the present. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Studies show that the best possible solution to the problem of homelessness is to provide cheap or free living spaces for the homeless. Not only is it the most effective way of helping the people involved; in the long run, it’s also the least expensive. Is there a comparable problem in your personal life? A chronic difficulty that you keep putting band-aids on but that never gets much better? I’m happy to inform you that 2019 will be a favorable time to dig down to find deeper, more fundamental solutions; to finally fix a troublesome issue rather than just addressing its symptoms. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Many people in Iceland write poems, but only a few publish them. There’s even a term for those who put their creations away in a drawer rather than seeking an audience: skúffuskáld, literally translated as “drawer-poet.” Is there a comparable phenomenon in your life, Aquarius? Do you produce some good thing but never share it? Is there a part of you that you’re proud of but keep secret? Is there an aspect of your ongoing adventures that’s meaningful but mostly private? If so, 2019 will be the year you might want to change your mind about it.

make this your teaching story for 2019. May it inspire you to seek transformations that have never before been possible. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): President Donald Trump wants to build a concrete and fenced wall between Mexico and the U.S., hoping to slow down the flow of immigrants across the border. Meanwhile, 12 Northern African countries are collaborating to build a 4,750-mile-long wall of drought-resistant trees at the border of the Sahara, hoping to stop the desert from swallowing up farmland. During the coming year, I’ll be rooting for you to draw inspiration from the latter, not the former. Erecting new boundaries will be healthy for you—if it’s done out of love and for the sake of your health, not out of fear and divisiveness. CANCER (June 21-July 22): Cancerian poet and filmmaker Jean Cocteau advised artists to notice the aspects of their work that critics didn’t like—and then cultivate those precise aspects. He regarded the disparaged or misconstrued elements as being key to an artist’s uniqueness and originality, even if they were as-yet immature. I’m expanding his suggestion and applying it to all of you Crabs during the next 10 months, even if you’re not strictly an artist. Watch carefully what your community seems to misunderstand about the new trends you’re pursuing, and work hard to ripen them.

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LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In 1891, a 29-year-old British mother named Constance Garnett decided she would study the Russian language and become a translator. She learned fast. During the next 40 years, she produced English translations of 71 Russian literary books, including works by Tolstoy, Dostoyevsky, Turgenev and Chekhov. Many had never before been rendered in English. I see 2019 as a Constance Garnetttype year for you, Leo. Any late-blooming potential you might possess could enter a period of rapid maturation. Awash in enthusiasm and ambition, you’ll have the power to launch a new phase of PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Scientists at Goldsmiths University in London did a study to development that could animate and motivate you for a long time. determine the catchiest pop song ever recorded. After extensive research in which they evaluated an array of factors, they VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): decided that Queen’s “We Are the Champions” is the song that I’ll be bold and predict that 2019 will be a nurturing chapter in more people love to sing than any other. This triumphant tune your story; a time when you will feel loved and supported to a happens to be your theme song in 2019. I suggest you learn the greater degree than usual; a phase when you will be more at home lyrics and melody, and sing it once every day. It should help you in your body and more at peace with your fate than you have in a build on the natural confidence-building influences that will be long time. I have chosen an appropriate blessing to bestow upon you, written by the poet Claire Wahmanholm. Speak her words streaming into your life. as if they were your own. “On Earth I am held, honeysuckled not just by honeysuckle but by everything—marigolds, bog after bog ARIES (March 21-April 19): Consumer Reports says that between 1975 and 2008, the aver- of small sundews, the cold smell of spruce.” age number of products for sale in a supermarket rose from about 9,000 to nearly 47,000. The glut is holding steady. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Years ago you selected from among three or four brands of “Be very, very careful what you put into that head, because you soup and shampoo. Nowadays you might be faced with twenty will never, ever get it out.” This advice is sometimes attributed varieties of each. I suspect that 2019 will bring a comparable to 16th-century politician and cardinal Thomas Wolsey. Now, expansion in some of your life choices, Aries—especially when I’m offering it to you as one of your important themes in 2019. you’re deciding what to do with your future and who your allies Here’s how you can best take it to heart. First, be extremely should be. This could be both a problem and a blessing. For best discerning about what ideas, theories and opinions you allow results, opt for choices that have all three of these qualities: fun, to flow into your imagination. Make sure they’re based on objective facts and make sure they’re good for you. Second, be usefulness and meaningfulness. aggressive about purging old ideas, theories, and opinions from your head, especially if they’re outmoded, unfounded, or toxic. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): People have been trying to convert ordinary metals into gold since at least 300 A.D. At that time, an Egyptian alchemist named Zosimos SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): of Panopolis unsuccessfully mixed sulfur and mercury in the hope of Memorize this quote by author Peter Newton and keep it close performing such magic. Fourteen centuries later, seminal scientist to your awareness during the coming months: “No remorse. Isaac Newton also failed in his efforts to produce gold from cheap No if-onlys. Just the alertness of being.” Here’s another useful metal. But now let’s fast forward to 20th-century chemist Glenn T. maxim, this one from author Mignon McLaughlin: “Every day of Seaborg, a distinguished researcher who won a share of the Nobel our lives we are on the verge of making those slight changes that Prize for Chemistry in 1951. In 1980, he and his team did an experi- would make all the difference.” Shall we make it a lucky three ment with bismuth, an element that’s immediately adjacent to lead mottoes to live by in 2019? This one’s by author A.A. Milne: on the periodical table. By using a particle accelerator, they literally “You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, transmuted a small quantity of bismuth into gold. I propose that we and smarter than you think.”

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SUMMONS BY PUBLICATION IN THE SALT LAKE CITY DEPT. OF THE THIRD JUDICIAL DISTRICT COURT, SALT LAKE COUNTY, STATE OF UTAH. CASE NO. 189908359, JUDGE KENT HOLMBERG. CASCADE COLLECTIONS LLC, PLAINTIFF V. Pesega Vaa, DEFENDANT. THE STATE OF UTAH TO Pesega Vaa: You are summoned and required to answer the complaint that is on file with the court. Within 21 days after the last date of publication of this summons, you must file your written answer with the clerk of the court at the following address: 450 S State St., Salt Lake City, UT 84111, and you must mail or deliver a copy to plaintiff’s attorney Chad C. Rasmussen at 2230 N University Pkwy., Ste. 7E, Provo, UT 84604. If you fail to do so, judgment by default will be taken against you for the relief demanded in the complaint. This lawsuit is an attempt to collect a debt of $7,367.25. /s/ Chad C. Rasmussen

| COMMUNITY | | CITYWEEKLY.NET |

46 | DECEMBER 20, 2018

URBAN L I V I N

WITH BABS DELAY Broker, Urban Utah Homes & Estates, urbanutah.com

A Parade of Lights

What’s more fun than slogging through mall traffic? Kidding. This is the money-making time of the year for malls, so you can expect retailers and surrounding buildings to be decked out in their finest seasonal décor. However, driving home after shopping and checking out area Christmas light displays can be loads more fun. For an immersive, get-outta-yourdamned-car experience, I suggest Gardner Village in West Jordan, Thanksgiving Point’s Luminaria display in Lehi, The Gateway in downtown Salt Lake, Zoo Lights at Hogle Zoo and The Shops at Riverwoods in Provo. When in Provo, also visit the Christmas in Color display you can drive through at Utah Lake State Park. Want to get wet and cold? Book a lighted Christmas Cruise on the Provo River—for real! Spanish Fork’s Canyon View Park has a Festival of Lights featuring 3 million bulbs, and Draper City’s Tree of Light is a willow tree that will blow your mind with 1,000-plus strands of lights and more than 100,000 bulbs. If you’re heading south, St. George and Santa Clara have some well-decorated homes, too. If you’re reading this and haven’t seen Ballet West’s The Nutcracker, you should expect coal in your stocking and random people to call you “Grinch.” Buying a ticket not only supports a terrific, world-renowned dance company, but also gives you an excuse to dress up, take Trax downtown, eat out, enjoy a show and escape shopping hell. But, then again, you can park free for two hours at The Gateway or City Creek Center if you must drive your sleigh down. There’s also the Jingle Bus from 5 to 10 p.m. seven days a week (except Christmas Day). It runs east from The Gateway on South Temple, south on Main Street to 200 South, and then back to The Gateway all season long—and it’s free. Jump on and off to stop for hot cocoa or a hot dog, see the Macy’s candy window display and fight the crowds at Temple Square … the lights are totally worth the hassle. Finally, here are my favorite creatively decorated residences in Salt Lake: 1. A home on 900 West just below 200 South that makes me think the owners offered Santa holiday crack to make the season gaudy and bright; 2. Christmas Street right off 1500 East and 1700 South on Glen Arbor Street (turn off your lights); 3. Cross 1500 East and you’ll end up on “Bible Street,” where homes depict the story of Jesus’ birth; and 4. The place where all Jesuses, plastic angels and Santas go to die: 805 E. 18th Ave. You have to see that one to understand. Ho, ho, ho—and enjoy! n Content is prepared expressly for Community and is not endorsed by City Weekly staff.

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Seems Like an Honest Mistake John Stevenson of Inverclyde, Scotland, hit a bump in his plans to vacation in the U.S. on Dec. 3 when his visa was denied after he declared himself a terrorist while filling out a Department of Homeland Security online form commonly known as ESTA. One of the questions on the form asks, “Are you a terrorist?” Stevenson, 70, told the Independent that the website “must have jumped from No to Yes without me knowing,” adding that the site kept timing out and crashing as he and his wife, Marion, tried to answer the questions. “I even called the border control in the U.S. and gave them my passport details,” he said. “They looked up my ESTA number and said, ‘You’re a terrorist.’ The only time I’ve been in court was for jury service. Marion is sick about it ... I don’t know why that question is on the form in the first place.” (UPDATE: United Airlines refunded the Stevensons’ airline tickets and gifted them two free flights to New York once their visa troubles are all worked out.)

BY T HE EDITO R S AT A ND RE WS M cMEEL

n Shanetta Yvette Wilson, 37, was standing in line at a Dollar General store in Dania Beach, Fla., on Nov. 25 when the urge struck and she let one rip. John Walker, who was standing nearby, was offended and complained about “the defendant farting loudly,” according to the resulting Broward Sheriff’s office complaint, so Wilson pulled out a small folding knife, opened it and threatened to “gut” Walker as she moved toward him. The Miami Herald reported that police called to the scene tracked down Wilson and charged her with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill.

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WEIRD

Armed and Clumsy A shopper at a Buckeye, Ariz., Walmart was in the meat department on Nov. 27 when his semiautomatic handgun, which he had positioned for a quick draw in the waistband of his sweatpants, began to slip. As he tried to reposition it, he told Buckeye police, it discharged, striking the gunslinger in his privates. AZCentral reported the unnamed shopper was taken to the hospital with minor injuries, and no one else was hurt. However, police did file a charge of unlawful discharge of a firearm.

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Update In The Hague, Netherlands, motivational speaker Emile Ratelband, 69, will not turn 50 on his next birthday, as he had hoped. As reported earlier, Ratelband petitioned the court in November for an age change, saying he feels discriminated against both in the career realm and on Tinder. But the Associated Press reported that on Dec. 3, a Dutch court rejected his plea to become 49, saying he did not convince judges that he had been discriminated against and that “Mr. Ratelband is at liberty to feel 20 years younger than his real age and to act accordingly,” but noting that changing his age would nullify any number of records from public registers. Ratelband hopes to appeal. Scrooged An unnamed substitute teacher in Montville, N.J., won’t be returning to Cedar Hill School after revealing a sacred secret to firstgrade students there on Nov. 29. Superintendent Rene Rovtar told nj.com that the sub got into a debate with a student about whether Santa is real. That’s when the 6-year-olds started quizzing her about the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy and Elf on a Shelf, and the teacher “proceeded to debunk all of it,” Rovtar said. Parents reported doing “damage control” after the kids returned home from school, and the sub is no longer welcome in the district. But, Cheesecake! Things got “a little hectic” in Clarendon, Va., on Dec. 5 when an unexpectedly large number of delivery drivers convened at the Cheesecake Factory in response to a 40th anniversary promotion offering free cheesecake slices. The sweet treats were available only to those who ordered on DoorDash, arlnow.com reported, and a crowd of delivery drivers double-parked outside and jostled for position inside the restaurant as they picked up orders. Arlington County police and medics responded to reports of fights and disorderly conduct, resulting in one arrest but no apparent injuries. LOL The animal rights group PETA launched a new campaign Dec. 4 designed to remove some common animal-related idioms from the English language. CBS News reports the group tweeted suggested alterations to phrases it says are verbal vestiges of “speciesism” and perpetuate harmful messages. PETA offers these alternatives: For “bring home the bacon,” try “bring home the bagels.” “Take the bull by the horns” should be “take the flower by the thorns.” And “kill two birds with one stone” morphs into “feed two birds with one scone.” PETA likened the use of the original phrases to racist and homophobic language: “Phrases that trivialize cruelty to animals will vanish as more people begin to appreciate animals for who they are.” Reaction on social media was swift. Maybe PETA should have let sleeping bags lie. Send tips to weirdnewstips@amuniversal.com

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DECEMBER 20, 2018 | 47

‘Scuuuuse Me! At the Grand Slam of Darts in Wolverhampton, England, there was more in the air than just the sharp projectiles tossed by competitors on Nov. 16. According to Reuters, former two-time champion Gary Anderson, 47, from Scotland, prevailed over Wesley Harms, 34, from the Netherlands, to reach the quarter finals, but Harms had a gripe: He said he was affected by the “fragrant smell” Anderson had emitted as they played. “It’ll take me two nights to lose this smell from my nose,” Harms told a Dutch television station. Anderson objected, saying the smell came “from the table side,” laying the blame on spectators. “If the boy thinks I’ve farted he’s 1,010 percent wrong,” Anderson declared. “If somebody has done that they need to see a doctor ... He says it was me, but I would admit it.”

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| COMMUNITY |

n The Lucardo Escape Rooms in Manchester, England, were the site of a misguided break-in on Nov. 29 when two thieves ransacked a fake bank vault as if it were the real thing. The Manchester Evening News reported that more than 50 surveillance cameras captured the duo’s antics as they broke into fake safes and opened drawers that held only puzzles. “They must be Manchester’s stupidest burglars,” said Lucardo director Ian Pownall, 26. The business lost about 100 pounds in cash, but damage amounted to about 1,000 pounds—not to mention lost revenue while the business cleans up. “We’re a small, familyowned business, so even a couple of thousand pounds will have an effect on us, particularly before Christmas,” Pownall said.

Babs De Lay

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

Least-Competent Criminals A successful heist at an electronics retail store requires careful planning and attention to detail—a fact that appears to have escaped three men in North Raleigh, N.C., on Nov. 12. That night, The News and Observer reported, an employee of the store called 911 to report that three men had entered the store with semiautomatic weapons and ordered workers into the stockroom. One of them was carrying a cardboard box, officers learned, which he used to load up mobile phones and smart watches. The men also filled two crates with merchandise, which totaled more than $26,000. When the robbers left through the back door, they took the crates with them, but forgot the cardboard box which, serendipitously, sported a shipping label with an address on it. Police used the address, along with a mug shot from a previous crime that matched an image in the store’s surveillance video, to track down Brian Lamonte Clark, 22, and arrest him for robbery with a dangerous weapon and conspiracy to commit robbery.

Government in Action Yoshitaka Sakurada, 68, a 22-year member of Japan’s parliament, was named by Prime Minister Shinzo Abe in October to two new posts: cybersecurity and Olympics minister for the country. But according to Reuters, at a committee meeting on Nov. 14, when a member of the opposition asked Sakurada a “gotcha” question about his computer literacy, he admitted: “I’ve never used a computer! ... I’ve always directed my staff and secretaries to do that kind of thing.” He assured the lawmaker there would be no problems. Mmm-hmm.

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

| CITY WEEKLY • BACKSTOP |

48 | DECEMBER 20, 2018

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