A dozen great ways to get wet

classic cottages | April 2009

A dozen great ways to get wet

Photography: Annabel Elston Printing: Severnprint Copyright Š 2009 Classic Cottages

Like most creatures, our bodies love water. And like the planet, we are mostly made up of it (two-thirds on a good day). It hydrates us, cleans us and floats us into the world. Our moods ebb and flow with the tides, while the sound of a stream refreshes the parts even masseurs cannot reach. And we all still go gaga at the flurry of snow. Our fascination with the wet stuff is never-ending.

This small guide is a toe-dip (sorry, we couldn’t resist) in aqua activities throughout the South West. They are not rooted to a place, but to a moment so you can adapt as you go. None wave a red flag warning, but some are more precarious than others, though all are united in purpose – they ooze fun. Salty or fresh, rapid or calm, high heavens or wild seas, cold or warm (late summer’s your best bet), let yourself go in the H2O. Left: Angelic upstart, minus her wings.

Front cover: Sparkles, sunset and slobber, Sandymouth, north Cornwall.

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1 DEW ANGELS Next dewy morn or eve, head for the lawn or a strip of likely turf.

Lie flat on your back on the grass, spread-eagled in the middle of virgin dew.

Sweep your arms and legs back and forth to form three fan-shapes, one with each arm and one with the legs.

Stand back and admire the angel, replete in gown and wings.

classic cottages | A dozen great ways to get wet

2 WADERS OF THE WORLD, UNITE Hold the knotted hankie. This is not kiss-me-quick land, but a brilliant way to discover sealife or cool off in the countryside. Roll up the trousers or hitch up the dress and wade. Your temperature will drop the way it does at night and flood your body with peace. Beware silt, sludge and weaver fish at very low tide (their dorsal fin is a local anaesthetic) – if in doubt, wear sandals, Crocs or flip-flops (but stop short of thigh-high wellies).

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3 FLOATATION TANKS – MADE TO MEASURE Salt is a natural buoyancy aid.

Add a wetsuit and you’re almost levitating.

In case you’ve never worn one, the cold water seeps in and after three seconds of ‘wet-yourself shock’ it adjusts to your body warmth.

Lovely.

Then it gets better.

You just float, without treading water.

If you’d rather skip the cold bit, run a foam-strewn bath, ease back and drift.

Far left: Pip’s lady-like plunge.

Left: Ultra rare Portuguese man-of-peace, Creek Stephen, south Cornwall.

Below: Bubbles and Bordeaux (back rub to come).

classic cottages | A dozen great ways to get wet

4 GREAT PICNICKER SECRETS Always pitch up next to a stream.

Lasso a bottle of white wine and immerse it in the free-flowing chiller cabinet.

For beer cans, build a dam.

Wash farm shop salad and veg in ‘the tap’ on tap.

Eat, drink and get schmoozy.

If animals wolf-whistle, make the noise of a gun.

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5 BEACHED STARFISH & TURTLE SPRINT Two great games: one of patience, one of speed.

Find a quiet spot of sand, pretend to be a stranded starfish, whale, dolphin or Portuguese Man-of-War and wait for the tide to rescue you.

Imagine you are a young turtle hatched from an egg and you have to reach the ocean before gulls get you. Only crawl on your tummy using your knees and elbows. Hands or feet = disqualification.

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6 HOW TO BELLY FLOP Sadly, precious few can dive as they do in Acapulco. But there is an easy, yet less graceful alternative. Commonly known as the Belly Flop, it sounds more like a jelly splat. Unlike a dive, the intention is to make a splash with your arms spread wide, chest/belly out, back arched and chin aloft. Best to practice leaping over waves. Once you’ve mastered the technique, find a deep and wide rock pool with a sandy bottom and stand at the water’s edge (no height needed* ). Cue drum roll…and flop. * Professional shallow divers can dive from 10m into 30cm of water. Please, please, please don’t try this on holiday.

Left: Shane tickles trout and Kate, Puslinch Bridge, south Devon.

Below: Joel perfects the art of splashing at Priests Cove, Cape Cornwall.

classic cottages | A dozen great ways to get wet

7 MUSSELLING, COCKLING & CRABBING If you’ve never been, go.

All kinds of wild shellfish can be caught, cleansed, cooked and devoured for free throughout the South West.

Here are three such delicacies…

Name/family: Mussel/Mollusc.

Varieties: Common Blue, Fan, Razor clams.

Lives: Estuaries, rocks and ropes.

Size: 6cm min (Blue) up to 30cm (Fan).

Cooking: Steam in a deep pan, little water with white wine + celery, or lemongrass + ginger (Razor clams and chorizo).

Above: ‘Alive, alive oh’, up a creek, Helford, south west Cornwall. Top right: This little nipper went to market. Right: The Dartmoor Kiss.

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Name/family: Cockle/Mollusc.

Varieties: Common cockle.

Lives: Clean and muddy sand, mid to low tide.

Squidge mud with toes until you feel shells.

Size: Up to 5cm long.

Cooking: BBQ for five mins in pan of boiling water. Pepper, salt, vinegar, done.

Fussy eaters; first soak them overnight in fresh water with porridge oats to siphon out sand.

Name/family: Crab/Crustacean.

Varieties: Edible, Spider and many you can’t eat.

Lives: Cracks and holes in rocks.

Size: Min width 16cm (boys) and 14cm (girls).

Cooking: Boil in water – 20 mins for 2lb plus five mins per pound. Remove legs, etc.

Scoop out sweet brown flesh from shell, belt claws with rolling pin and wiggle out white meat. Lemon squeeze. Divine.

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8 RAINDROPS ARE FALLING ON MY HEAD Let them fall.

Catch a couple on your tongue, as you sit there, steam rising.

Take off your sodden shoes and socks and splash.

Think of every little drop of rain as a pat on the back for all the effort you’ve put in and very soon, your second wind will be along.

classic cottages | A dozen great ways to get wet

9 WHISTLE WETTING In order of strength, here’s our top tipples, how to make them and when to drink them.

Water: Glug from a stream on a moor. Plunge your head in if you’re hot.

Tea: Six dunks, one stir, splash of milk. Sup at sun up, or after a long spell in the sea.

Coffee: Keep black. Drink when you want – it’s good for you.* Beer: Pub, on draught, ice cold, at end of walk, day or week.

G&T or V&T: Jam jar, half spirit and half mixer. Lemon. Shake before drinking at hilltop to toast the sinking sun. * Latest Harvard research says coffee lifts moods, treats headaches and asthma, boosts athleticism, and lowers risk of cavities, diabetes, Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s. Wow.

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Above: The anytime anywhere anyplace cafe.

Right: How to power-pedal a Somerset ford.

Far left: Sennen, far west Cornwall on a small day. Far right: Sennen on a swell day.

Back cover: Bruce, Lizzie and William douse Dan (he deserved it).

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10 WORLD’S BEST SURF LESSON Best not to write about it.

Or think about it.

Just do it.

The act of balancing on a board on a wave is both a law and a lore unto itself.

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11 FOUNTAIN BIKING Have you ever ridden through a ford? It’s an act of faith in rubber, momentum, traction, balance and slime. Too slow and you skid. Too fast and you aquaplane.

Spot on and like Moses, the waters will part, sending out a magical second of hydro-symmetry.

One final tip: Once you’re through, dry the wheels with a half-squeeze of the brakes to get some bite up that hill on the other side.

classic cottages | A dozen great ways to get wet

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12 WEEK LONG WATER FIGHTS Behold, the finest and funniest weapon on Earth. But before you launch an attack, beware revenge as there’s often a stream, tap, hose, or sea nearby.

Our cottages are surrounded by aqua-ammo so choose your moment carefully.

Sunbathing on the lawn. Dozing after lunch. Sulking with a hangover. We wish you gallons of feudal fun (but please try not to drench the cottage).

classic cottages The specialists for coastal and country cottages of distinction throughout the West Country Leslie House, Lady Street, Helston, Cornwall TR13 8NA Telephone 01326 555 555 Facsimile 01326 555 544 Email enquiries@classic.co.uk www.classic.co.uk www.classicguide.co.uk