FOMO ISSUE #9
The best of The Village
YOUR YOUR FAVOURITE FAVOURITE SCHOOLS SCHOOLS new, innovative,
out-of-the-box options!
TURNS OUT WE HAVE A LOT TO SAY ABOUT BRAS
THE VILLAGE VOICE These days I get asked to speak about reinvention. A LOT. I guess it shouldn’t be a surprise. After all, my first 20 years of work were mostly in women’s media. I was even, for quite a long time, the editor of Cosmopolitan magazine. And to most people the image that comes to mind, when you think of the editor of a magazine like that, is … Cleavage. High fashion. Higher heels. Power hair. Designer handbags. These days? I put on my hiking boots and tracksuit to walk the dogs before work and mostly stay dressed that way, all day. On a good day, I get to squeeze in another walk, after work. Joy! I can’t say I didn’t play that grown-up dress-up game. Women who worked in shiny media businesses were expected to. Certainly in London, where I spent my 20s. In fact, I think I held my stomach in for every hour of every day of my first 10 years at work. I can genuinely say that as much as all that fashion and frisking around in high heels was fun (I recommend that every woman gets up to mischief with unsuitable men, leaves town without notice, at midnight, buys too many pretty clothes and dances
on tables, while they still have the energy,) but it’s only been now, at 56 and dressed in elastic-waisted sweatpants, that I feel I have found my true, happy groove.
Whether it’s a cry for well-priced over-theshoulder-boulder holders or pretty nonslip options for petite busts, it seems there is a dire shortage out there – thanks for your recommendations (and the laughs), ladies.
At my 50th birthday, my lovely buddy Leigh, presented me with permission to “no longer give a flying duck”. And what a gift it was. Germaine Greer may have written that “shrews” (older women, such as me, free from the interest of lecherous men and the demands of small children) “let themselves go”. After all, she wrote, if no-one cares about you, why should you? Germaine, bless her, would definitely think my wardrobe of cosy clothes was a declaration of defeat. Well. What I’ve learned is that it’s not that I don’t care. I really do. I’ve just learned to take very good care of MYSELF and not care what anyone thinks of me anymore. I have not let myself go, but have learned, in this lovely third act of mine, how to hold myself with kindness. So what if what makes me happy is hiking boots and no heels? I wish you all the same joy and gentleness.
Vanessa
Th monis th
...
Nicky, we (and the vrot bananas and beaten and bruised apples at the bottom of the school bag) feel you!
1900 posts 38 500 comments Members: 42 000 16 000 FOMO subscribers 01
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Also – don’t forget to check to check your boobs for lumps, bumps and anything out of the ordinary!
Your success is our success
When life gave Phila lemons, she made baskets! Thank you for this update, Phila – you are an inspiration. And those baskets… wow! Dear Villagers (and a special thanks to Vanessa for your support over the last 2 years since life took a turn.) As promised an update on my previous post of about 6 months ago when I started on a journey of recovery after my unexpected divorce. I did not know if my products would go anywhere!! I tried various ideas and realised that it is just best to use my talents. Deciding to stick with what came naturally was the best idea. Of course, this didn’t come without many, many hours of sweat and practice. I am now supplying 6 stores with my baskets plus 2 online stores – and I have done a successful commission for a luxury lodge in Mozambique. I have made several orders for private clients – including trays, placemats, baskets and wall hangings. Its baby steps, my logistics are still challenging, but I am getting there. Thank you for the support and believing in me. Please look at my page to see how busy I've been! Lots of love my Village Phila Nel
BRAAI HACK
Tie long stalks of rosemary to the end of a twig and use it as your basting brush for chicken, chops and steak. The flavour is fabulous!
a some Give Phil llow! fo a h love wit petown ca ts if sg u @fabulo
PORTABLE PUZZLE FUN Want to manage your screen time in a more positive way? We’ve got the solution for you - YOU Magazine’s hugely popular puzzles are now available online from Crosswords to Wordsearchers, Sudoku and Codebreakers, this is a chance to Zen out on the couch while growing your grey matter. Research shows that puzzles are a brilliant destresser and now you can take them with you wherever you go. Visit www. YouPuzzles.co.za to get going.
HMMMM… TRICKY!
So, what to do when you love your friend, but not her partner? Here are your words of wisdom for Anonymous who says she is running out of excuses for not seeing her friend again after a not-so-good first introduction to her new man. e a first never get a second chance to mak “The expression goes that ‘you The impression we should all get a second chance. impression’, but you should. We onth we’ve had or confidence, or the day/week/m make has a lot to do with nerves, very easy to It’s m like a good fit for our partner. and how hard we are trying to see ie get it wrong.” – Kate Gerber-Furm “If he makes her happy and treats her well and you value her friends hip then try and tolerate him every now and then. Try and encourage girl time with her. Couples friends don’t always work and that’s okay!” – Gillian Patterson
“My best friend married a guy I couldn’t handle. I put my big girl panties on when he was around and we kept doing our girl things. With time, it became easier and easier to put on my big girl panties. The thing is, he didn’t like me much either… so he had to put on his big boy pants too. We both did it because we love my friend.” – Cheryl Lin Schwartz
lutely definitely no d home I was – ‘abso ien yfr bo r he ht ug bro hey have now “When my sister first my husband’s taste ... T d an my for nt ere diff kname is can’t do’ – just far too ng man – in fact his nic , he is the most amazi ars ye 12 for ti ed en rri lvir ma Pu been h him.” – Bianca she hit the jackpot wit GoldBar – coz we say 02
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6 tips for a smoother
house move
Moving house ranks right up there with divorce and the death of a loved one when it comes to life’s most stressful situations. If you’re moving, read this – and if you have a friend who is busy packing up her life, do what any good friend would do, and share it! 1 STOCK UP ON SUPPLIES You don’t want to be rushing out midpack to get more boxes or tape. So, make sure you have enough boxes, sealing tape, permanent markers, at least three pairs of scissors (you’re going to end up packing at least one by mistake!), newspaper or a giant roll of newsprint, and bubble wrap.
3 PRETEND YOU’RE OFF ON A TRIP Get each member of your family to pack a suitcase as though they are going on a week’s holiday – including toiletries, medication, phone charges etc. That way when you first move in everyone can keep functioning for a few days without you having to scratch through boxes.
2 SNAP AWAY Take photos of your current house so you have a record of how things were laid out and how they worked. That way you can get things organised as soon as you move in, and worry about changing things up when you’re more settled.
4 PREP AND PACK Before you move, stock one box with cleaning equipment so you’ll have it easily onhand when you move into your new space. Include paper towels, wipes, washing powder, dishwashing liquid and tablets, multipurpose cleaner and glass cleaner.
5 PACK BY ROOM Chances are, the stuff you had in your current lounge, will continue living in your new one! Pack and label boxes according to the room, rather than grouping items by type.
FIRST THINGS FIRST Making beds and ensuring the bathroom is functional should be your main priority during your first few hours in your new home. Ease the pressure and get in a ready-cooked meal for your first night in your new home. 6
HELP THE VILLAGE THRIVE (AND SURVIVE)! These three simple things won’t cost you a cent, but they’ll make all the difference to the future of our warm, wonderful Village. Thank you!
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Thank you for subscribing – we’d love you to tell a friend We know you love FOMO – you’re reading this, aren’t you?! FOMO is our eventual plan to NOT be reliant on Facebook for advertising. If things go to plan, the Facebook advertising should become less important as we grow other platforms and product. Currently we have a brilliant recipe book, a highly tailored e-book of financial advice aimed directly at us, as well as a CRACK-A-JACK education annual, all planned. They’re all free and fantastic value. They, like
all content, offer viable platforms for commercial activity as well as excellent entertainment. Here’s the subscription link: https://thevillagehq. com/fomo-magazine/
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Let your fingers do the talking! Please like and comment on anything you see which is commercial. Enter our competitions. Tag your friends in the group, when there’s something they might like. Get engaged – engagement is GOLD for The Village and in turn for our terrific advertisers who support us. 03
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Join our Boost Crew We need a crew of Villagers who are prepared to join the Boost Crew and really help us get important content seen. (Not only commercial. It is heartbreaking to see that some of the best and most useful content sent in by Villagers sometimes sinks like a stone.) If you’re prepared to join the Boost Crew, please DM your cell phone number via The Village Facebook page. Doing this won’t take up much of your time and would earn you our enormous gratitude ... Please consider it if this group matters to you.
Just imagine a school where young minds are inspired; where individual care and attention is combined with a distinctive, progressive education and where changemakers are equipped with skills for a world beyond our imagination. Bridge House is a leading independent, co-ed day and boarding school, situated in a beautiful, safe setting in the Franschhoek Valley. · An independent (IEB) Matric examination accepted by universities worldwide · An excellent academic track record – 100% pass rate to date · A wide variety of traditional team and individual sports and cultural activities · Four, spacious, modern boarding houses for students from Grade 6 to 12 · Extensive facilities on 28 hectares of land
Open Day is any day you want it to be. Contact Gill Malcolm gilmal@bridgehouse.org.za or +27 (0) 874 8100 for a bespoke tour of the school or an online interview with the Head.
www.bridgehouse.org.za
The Vi llag + FOMO e
focu s on educ ation
THE VILLAGE’S
FAVOURITE SCHOOLS We asked you guys to shout out about all about the schools which have supported your children and helped them fly. You told us! Here is The Village’s First Annual list of Favourite South African Schools. It’s been lovely to discover some hidden gems, amongst the better known!
HEARTFELT
Leonora said: “I’m not looking for a highly academic school, but more a school with a huge heart”
AND THIS CAME IN: “Ambleside School in Hout Bay – fabulous curriculum, narrational teaching technique, Charlotte Mason education system. Small classes that encourage children to have beautiful, play-filled, creative, thought-provoking, stress-free childhoods.... it saved our middle daughter’s childhood and our youngest is so happy and thriving.”
A QUESTION FROM AN ADHD MOM "Dear Village, My 10-year-old is at a well-loved, mainstream private school. She has learning difficulties including anxiety and ADHD. As much as we love the school, the pressures of mainstream are proving too much and we are looking at the option of moving schools. Please could parents share their experiences with regards to ADHD kids at Generation Schools?” “Generations worked for my daughter. Moved her when she was 12. Style of teaching and learning worked for her. She coped without meds (ADHD inattentive) – which were a necessity in previous school.”
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The Village’s 1st (absolutely unscientific, but entirely affectionate and grateful,) list of Favourite South African Schools and education options
MONTESSORI MOVE?
The Bay Academy is the amalgamation of The Hout Bay Montessori, My Montessori Eco School and The Academy Hout Bay – offering an allthrough school, encompassing a Montessori Primary School and an International High School. The seamless transition between them is managed by a Montessoriinspired Middle School curriculum.
ALSO…
“Oakley Ho use prep is amazing. My daughte r has loved it from the momen t she did her trial week there. She started o ff at a mainstream school that didn’t suit her nee ds. Oakley h as done a lot for her and the tea chers are wonderful. My daughte r is 11.”
The Vi llag + FOMO e
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“It is easy to lose sight that a home-schooler often displays character traits that would disadvantage them in a brick and mortar school. These include a desire to pursue their passions at their own pace” – Colin Northmore, founder of Evolve Online School
Online schools, Cottage schools & Tutor centres
Since lockdown we’ve seen a rise in appetite and appreciation for online learning options. But where to start? This is one area of education where our Villagers have done so much digging and share so generously – thank you all.
Q Q
“Any advice from other parents who have taken the leap? My investigations show Teneo is great, but CAPS-based and not IEB. Brainchild is IEB and offers drama, music, art etc which my daughter has a great interest in. UCT High School Online is also a new option, is CAPS-based, but does not offer art, drama etc.”
ONLINE SCHOOLING:
internet-based learning via live or prerecorded sessions. Assignments and tests completed online.
COTTAGE SCHOOL OR TUTOR CENTRE:
A small environment that is educator-led, but where children follow an online curriculum
“I would love to hear from parents who have removed their kids from mainstream schooling and moved to the more untraditional home / cottage schooling system. I’m weighing up my options and am really leaning towards removing my daughter from mainstream to a cottage school for now.” “My son is now 14. I moved him from mainstream to cottage school / tutor centre 18 months ago. It’s the best thing I ever did for him – he has thrived. We also had a move to JHB and then back to CT. Both times he has been in a cottage school / tutor centre and loved it. Where we currently are we have also been working online as we have 3 of the 4 family members with comorbidities at home, and school has been fantastic supporting him online. My youngest is still in mainstream for now, being supported remotely by the school”.
“Home-schooling can be as long or as short as you like. I know of kids that only matriculated at age 20.” “Join your local home-school FB groups for all the success stories you may need. I've been home-schooling for 6 years now (while running a busy consultancy) and my kids are about to start on their GED & SAT journey.”
Q
“What about “Either join a club or approach a mainstream high school – often they will allow kids who sport?” go to cottage schools or schools that do not have that sport to play in their teams.”
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THIS ARTICLE IN THE DAILY MAVERICK THAT MAKES A CASE AGAINST ONLINE LEARNING MAY BE OF INTEREST TO THOSE ON THE FENCE.
ONLINE LEARNING OPTIONS VETTED BY YOU A Villager’s thoughts about Valenture “Valenture was started by one of the Get Smarter founders, Rob Paddock. I’ve had experience working with Get Smarter (online short courses) for many years and they are extremely experienced in the science and production of online learning. They have partnered with learning institutions around the world, making the education a well-rounded global one.”
online options UCT Online Online High School launching 2022 Impaq “The largest home education curriculum provider in South Africa.”CAPS-based Koa Academy Grades 4 to 12, IEB-based, 8 children per class. Seat Academy Online School CAPS aligned – from Grade R to 12.
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Things to Look for in a Good Tutor Centre
We spoke to a former headmaster and owner of Cape Town tutor centre EdgeWise, Andrew Hepburn-Brown
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The curriculum and, more importantly, the approach to teaching and learning needs to be relevant to the disrupted world of work in order to equip students with the 10 skills needed for the Fourth Industrial Revolution identified in the World Economic Forum’s The Future of Jobs Report (I have included David Attenborough’s additional skill - wisdom!).
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The centre’s ability to support and nurture a student’s personal as well as academic growth, with a strong emphasis on nature, social awareness and the environment (e.g. COP26 and climate change).
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An emphasis on a valuesbased rather than rulesbased work environment, ensuring that the environment encourages students to understand WHY they are learning what they are and to take ownership of their learning.
Teneo CAPS and Pearson accredited. Brainline Grade R to 12 online learning plus support. Also special needs online learning. CAPS based. Evolve Online School Mastery-based approach based on a system developed for the Aeronautical Engineering students. IEB-based.
Visit SAhomeschoolers.org for more information about home-schooling in South Africa and to join their active community.
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This video link by Colin Northmore, the founder of Evolve Online School talks you through the many advantages of thinking differently to the conventional about how we educate our children.
The Vi llag + FOMO e
THERE IS LIGHT…
“My son is dyslexic and introverted and never enjoyed the academic part of school. No matter what we said or the physiologist said it was a constant battle. Lockdown he loved – but marks suffered as well. 2021 brought in IT and programming and all of a sudden he was programming constantly and experiencing success which leads to more motivation... it was like a light bulb went on. Incredible and so heart-warming, we feel like crying with relief!! As hard as it is you cannot always motivate your child with logic. There might be something else "blocking" her from experiencing "success" which usually leads to more motivation and more importantly self-motivation. Good luck. No easy answer. It can be heart-breaking to watch."
CLICK HERE FOR A WESTERN CAPE SPECIAL NEEDS SCHOOLS DIRECTORY
focu s on educ ation
Camps Bay High shines “Cape Town Camps Bay High School Parents? I think you are an extremely happy bunch? Any advice and thoughts for this family considering joining the school?” – Vanessa
ALSO “Hi Village, We are possibly looking to move our child to Camps Bay High School next year (grade 8.) Would love to hear positive and negative feedback from parents who have their children there. Thanks so much.” More than 60 positive comments came in from this question – here are two responses: “I had both my daughters at private school – they were happy – I was not! We moved them both to Camps Bay – one in the high school and one in the junior – my older daughter says they were the BEST days of her schooling life! My youngest (now at the high school) loves it! It truly is an amazing school – well run, fantastic academic education delivered by awesome, dedicated teachers. Excellent subject choice options, outstanding extra murals. Camps Bay High is a family – devoted to mutual respect, kindness and a love of learning – in the healthiest way. It’s not a business – the children’s wellbeing and interest comes before anything else! Don’t hesitate!!” “Sending our daughter to CBH after going to an Afrikaans primary school was the best decision we ever made. CBH is a lovely school with happy children and great teachers. And don't get me started on Mr de Korte [former principal] and Mr Mostert [previously deputy principal, now principal] – they are compassionate, kind and have the school's best interests at heart. CBH embodies an inclusive and diverse environment where everyone is encouraged to be the best version of themselves. The school gives one hope for the wonderful future our children can have if our relationships are built on respect for each other. CBH embodies the ideal of 'strength in diversity'.”
the post that inspired this schools section:
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The Vi llag + FOMO e
Q
“My child needs more of an intellectual challenge, any advice?”
“Pinelands North Primary School have a Creative and Talented program. May be worth chatting to them. Here is the link.”
“Have a look at Hout Bay International School. The International Baccalaureate program is really different from rote learning systems and the final diploma program is a sought after and excellent entrance to university.” The Cape Academy of Mathematics, Science and Technology in Cape Town was founded with the express intention of providing specialised schooling for learners with the potential to excel in these subjects in the Senior Certificate examinations. The school is a Western Cape Education Department initiative and offers day scholar and boarding school opportunities to promising children, with an emphasis on students from previously disadvantaged communities. admin@capeacademy.co.za
Extra curricular coding
There’s no doubt that coding skills are becoming more and more important. Mindjoy is Zoom-based coding coaching for ages 8 to 12. Small classes (no more than 6) ensure one-on-one attention and a chance for like-minded kids to connect. www.mindjoy.co.za
focu s on educ ation
FROM CAPS TO CAMBRIDGE “Has anyone else in the Village chosen to move from CAPS to Cambridge late in high school and how did it pan out? [My daughter] is in Grade 11 doing CAPS and will be moving across to Generations Imhoff that teaches the Cambridge system.”
“Keep in mind that she doesn’t have to complete her Cambridge levels at the same rate as if she was writing at her old school. Cambridge is really quite different and she can take the next 3 or 4 years to get her AS / A levels.” “A friend’s son moved in Gr 9 – average academic achiever – to Cambridge and he has done exceptionally well. He is now in final year in UK. No doubt your daughter will soar at Generations.” “From the feedback I get about each of the 'systems', CAPS is very academic focused / black & white / right or wrong. Whereas the Cambridge system allows for thinking / interpretation / more lateral thinking too.”
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Looking for an Educational Psychologist in the Southern Suburbs? Dr Beulah van der Westhuizen’s name has come up a lot. She owns The Assessment Centre.
“What are the best schooling options avail in CT for a 9-year-old boy who is: insanely creative, hates sport, struggles to make friends as his interests do not necessarily align with typical 9-year-old boys, unmotivated and possibly bored in a traditional school environment. Is there anything wonderful out there that we are missing??” We had so many amazing responses: Eduexcellence Capella House Cedar House Pinelands North Waldorf Constantia Tate International School Mountain View Academy Bridge Academy Growing Minds Ambleside Forres Preparatory School Shelanti Rallim Thrive Academy The Green School Cannons Creek Go Education
NEW GENERATION
Si is the blended education program that combines online and on-campus learning with in-field experiences and job shadows. Partnerships with international universities allow Si students to accelerate their understanding and experience base in their chosen field while absorbing the required knowledge on the ground. Click here to learn more.
The Vi llag + FOMO e
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Their choice vs your choice “We have, like thousands of others, recently been through the ghastly process of high school applications on behalf of my Gr7 daughter. We had a first, second and third choice, all of which my daughter was open to exploring and willingly submitted applications for. Upshot is, we got the third choice, asked for a place on the waiting list on the first, which miraculously came through as a ‘yes’ yesterday. My daughter, it would seem, is now traumatised at the prospect of going there as she doesn't believe it's the right school for her and that she will be much happier at the other school. The other school is nowhere near as good and I don't believe is right for her.” “If her first choice ( the original 3rd choice) is still an excellent school (even if not quite as excellent as the 1st choice) and it’s almost certain she would be happy there (lots of her friends going) ... send her there, happiness is even more important than the best academics.” “We ripped our son out of his comfort zone because we weren't happy with it. And for a time he was unhappy, but now, as a grown man, is happy we did it. I guess it depends on how badly you think things will go for her, in her 'Chosen' school. But please listen to her feelings on it. They are very valid. Might I add that it's not really about the school, it’s more about the crowd she hangs out with.” “Both my daughters went against my choice of high school. Academically both their options had a great reputation so I decided to let them have the say, but they each had to prepare a presentation to me about why that particular school was better for them. This way I knew that some research and thought had gone into their decisions and it turned out to be the best choice for them.” “Your child will probably excel in any school, they all follow the same curriculum in the government schools. Our kids are so anxious – let her go to the school she wants to go to and feel comfortable with. Nowadays it is a luxury. Good luck, hope you can give me advice next year, then it is my turn.” “We sent our daughter to a school of her choice even though she was accepted at one of the top schools in the country. She is happy and thriving. Sometimes, what is best for us (and others) may not be best for the child. Keep believing a good outcome will be achieved.”
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Becoming men
Boys to Men is a dynamic community of male adults who mentor adolescent boys navigating their emergence into adulthood – providing a secure and safe space to share their stories and to be heard. They facilitate personal growth weekends, group sessions and their annual Uhambo Journey Weekend. For boys lacking significant positive male role models in their lives, this organisation could be an option.
A bridge to the future Bridge House is one of the Western Cape’s leading independent schools offering an IEB Matric examination. Both a day and a boarding school, Bridge House is situated in the beautiful Franschhoek valley and offers a progressive style of education from preprimary and up. Visit www. bridgehouse.org.za for more.
TUTOR TIME
Visit Kip McGrath to book a maths, English or Afrikaans tutor from Grade R and up – throughout the Cape Peninsula. www.kipmcgrath.co.za
SUPPORT IS HERE “[Our child] is struggling academically and is making steady progress, but is not on the same academic level as his peers. The school has suggested we keep him back next year – so that he repeats his Grade 2 year. We have an open mind and are looking at other possibilities and options in terms of schooling environments.”
Lakeside Education Academy could be your answer. LEA is a small, hybrid online and on-campus WCED-registered independent school with a progressive approach to the CAPS curriculum. At Lakeside Education Academy, learners are prepared for success and happiness at school, and beyond. With small classes, from Grade 1 to Matric and a growing campus in Lakeside, Cape Town, LEA is geared up for success in these changing times. LEA's teachers are connected to each and every child, and invested in their success. The perfectly designed, seamless online and on-campus model means that schooling can fit around today’s flexible demands: whether your child is travelling, home, due to COVID restrictions, or on a sports tour, they will always be able to join their class.
FUTURE-PROOF YOUR CHILD'S CAREER PATH! YOU STUDENT offers accredited online assessments, coaching and information regarding subjects, degree and career choices. They offer an accessible and indepth assessment for school and university students to help them make decisions about their future. Find out more www.youstudent.co.za
MOVING TO N THE GARDE ROUaiTtingEfo?r you! The Garden
Oakhill is w dependent successful in Route’s most d. A focus ol s ar ly 30 ye school is near itical thinking, wellcr on creativity, al citizens dynamic glob sured rounded and en s ury skills ha with 21st cent ol has remained ho this happy sc game since it was its of p to e at th co.za t www.oakhill. founded. Visi for more.
Your guide to understanding
GENDER TERMS An understanding of key gender terms is essential to engage in meaningful discussions around gender and sexuality. Here are some key terms and what they mean:
ASEXUAL A sexual orientation that is characterised by not feeling sexual attraction or desire towards to others. May also use the term Ace. ANDROGYNE A person who identifies outside of the gender binary – neither a man or a woman, and/or sometimes both. BINARY The classification of sex and gender into male or female. This ‘norm’ excludes anyone who does not identify with this definition. BISEXUAL A person who is feels sexual and/or emotional attraction to more than one gender – male and female. CISGENDER A person whose gender identity is the same as they were assigned at birth, based on their physical sex.
DEMISEXUAL A person who only feels sexually attracted to a person they have an emotional connection with. GAY A person who is emotionally, physically and sexually attracted to people of the same gender. GENDER-FLUID A person whose gender they identify with the most is not fixed. GENDER IDENTITY How a person defines their own gender. HETEROSEXUAL A person who is emotionally, physically and sexually attracted to people of a gender other than their own. INTERSEX A person who is born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that does not fit into the typical binary notions of male or female bodies. 15
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NEED A HELPING HAND? Triangle offers support, counselling and resources to parents of LGBTIQ children, to help them understand and come to terms with their child’s sexual or gender identity, and to maintain loving and supportive relationships. Website: triangle.org.za Helpline: 021 422 0255
LGBTQIA Acronym standing for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning, intersex, and asexual. LESBIAN A woman who is emotionally, physically and sexually attracted to people of the same gender. PANSEXUAL A person who is emotionally, physically and sexually attracted to people of all genders/sexes. QUEER This umbrella term is used to describe people who are not heterosexual or cisgender. Queer is also often used as a broad rejection of labels for gender and sexual orientation. QUESTIONING The process of a person determining their sexual orientation and/or gender identity. TRANSGENDER A person whose gender identity and/or expressions differs from society’s expectations based on their assigned sex at birth. Not all trans people undergo medical transition through hormones or surgery.
A tribute to our furry c -workers
I work hard so my dog can have a better life.
You daren’t move, in case you disturb them. “There are 7 fur distractors in our home.” Janice Roberts
“They also know how to read a clock.” Caryn Gersh BenSimchon
“He was disturbed… the look.” Mignon Wainwright
“I’m being held hostage.” Sara-Jayne Willicot
e.”
“It can get wors Rene Ambrose
t “I’m definitely no .” re he yw an g goin Michelle Shepherd
“My cowork er thinks my lap is a chin re top st Jackie Stew .” art
“I have to do acrobatics to get up.” Rana Andersson Wolffs
“I am impris
oned at my de sk Vanessa Raph .” aely
“The protector of the couch.” Wendy Bowyer van Blerk
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Carrying the pain
Grief is heavy – and when you are in the midst of it, it is difficult to believe the world is carrying on around you. This beautiful poem resonated with so many Villagers who shared their stories of loss and pain. Be gentle and kind to others – and remember, they might be losing someone all over again.
YOU DON’T JUST LOSE SOMEONE ONCE You lose them over and over, sometimes many times a day. When the loss, momentarily forgotten, creeps up, and attacks you from behind. Fresh waves of grief as the realisation hits home, they are gone. Again. You don’t just lose someone once, you lose them every time you open your eyes to a new dawn, and as you awaken, so does your memory, so does the jolting bolt of lightning that rips into your heart, they are gone. Again. Losing someone is a journey, not a one-off. There is no end to the loss, there is only a learned skill on how to stay afloat, when it washes over. Be kind to those who are sailing this stormy sea, they have a journey ahead of them, and a daily shock to the system each time they realise, they are gone, Again. You don’t just lose someone once, you lose them every day, for a lifetime.
Expert advice on dealing with grief Keep these five things in mind as you navigate your loss
• FACE YOUR FEELINGS While you may be able to bury your pain, you
can’t avoid it for ever. Not dealing with your loss and grieving can prolong the grieving process. • EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS IN A TANGIBLE OR CREATIVE WAY Even if you’re
not able to talk about your loss with others, it can help to write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal, for example. You could make a scrapbook of your favourite memories and moments together, or volunteer for a cause that the person you lost loved. • TRY TO MAINTAIN YOUR ROUTINE There is comfort in the familiar, so
try and keep up with your hobbies and interests. Getting back to the activities that bring you joy and connect you with others can help you come to terms with your loss and aid the grieving process. • DON’T LET ANYONE TELL YOU HOW TO FEEL, AND DON’T TELL YOURSELF HOW TO FEEL EITHER No one else can tell you when it’s time to “move
on” or “get over it”. Your grief is your own – let yourself feel whatever you feel without embarrassment or judgment. It’s okay to be angry, to yell at the heavens, to cry or not to cry. It’s also okay to laugh and to find moments of joy. • LOOK AFTER YOUR PHYSICAL HEALTH As difficult as it might be, make
sure you are eating well, getting enough sleep and exercising. When you feel better physically, you’ll be able to cope better emotionally. For more helpful advice visit www.helpguide.org
by Donna Ashworth Words
“I JUST NEED SOME SPACE”
We all need brain space, space for privacy and space to expand on our passions. And Garden Studio’s stylish and insulated pads are the perfect solution. Whether it’s for a teen pad or an extra spot for those December guests - or a she-room (we all need one of those), they have a variety of options. Contact Garden Studios to hear about their multiple sizes, finishes and size options – from Compact (1.76 x 2.29m) to Grand (3.52 x 2.2m). Visit www.gardenstudios.co.za 19
FOMO #9
GREAT READS
Trigger warning:
MARKET DAY
There’s a reason why those two little words strike fear in the hearts of mothers everywhere
Perfect for a little rest and recovery
Never Tell a Lie (Pan Macmillan, R306) is the latest dramafilled page turner from local author Gail Schimmel. Set in Joburg’s leafy ‘burbs it delves into the complexities of friendships and the wicked webs of lies and deceit hidden by history – it’s a The Village must! After a tumultuous marriage, Mary Wilson is happy in her uncomplicated life, focusing on her twelve-year-old son. She has always been content with her little family – but then she finds an old postcard that throws her past into question …When her high school reunion comes along, Mary jumps at the chance of a distraction from the shock discovery, and meeting her old classmate, April, feels like a gift. Despite barely remembering April, Mary throws herself into the new friendship and finds her previously quiet social life reinvigorated’. Buy it now for your December beach break.
HOW IT STARTED…
HOW IT’S GOING…
Yes, you felt Monique’s pain
Freckles by Cecilia Ahern (R330, HarperCollins UK) A quirky and moving read from the author of the best-selling P.S. I Love You. Allegra – aka Freckles – was raised by her dad and has never known her mom. She leaves the small island where she grew up off the coast of Ireland and heads to Dublin to seek answers.
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5
STEPS TO TACKLE ANXIETY & CATASTROPHIC THINKING
Written for FOMO by Matthew Furlonger, co-founder of Flourish & Thrive, specialists in teen resilience coaching and transformation
D
oes your teen or young adult often worry over the worst-case scenario of future events? And do you often have to tell them they’re making a mountain out of a molehill? It could be that they’re suffering from a cognitive distortion common among youngsters with anxiety and depression. It’s called Catastrophic Thinking and involves extensive and irrational worry over what might happen in the future. Some common examples are: - Worrying about failing a test and as a result, becoming a life-long failure. - Fear of embarrassing themselves during a presentation and never showing their face at school or uni again. - The end of a romantic relationship meaning they’re unlovable and that they’ll never be happy ever again. Since catastrophising involves constantly thinking about terrible
things that have a low probability of happening, such worry is wasted energy that eats away at your child’s wellbeing. But there’s a well-researched solution to this: decatastrophising. By helping your child decatastrophise, you help them take on a more optimistic and less self-deprecating perspective, which decreases anxiety and enhances their resilience and wellbeing.
5
STEPS TO DECATASTROPHISING
1. Identify the thinking trap. Help your child recognise they’re caught in a cognitive distortion or thinking trap. 2. Worst-case scenario. Ask them what the worst-case scenario is. Get a quick, straight answer and stop them from spiralling out further. 3. Best-case scenario. Ask them what the best-case scenario is. (This breaks the anxiety caused by catastrophising.) Once you’ve explored that with them, ask them how they’re feeling now.
GO NUTS!
4. Probable outcome. Then ask them what the most probable outcome is. 5. Purposeful action. Most importantly, create an action plan addressing the worst-case scenario. It allows the anxiety to subside and the mind to move past the “what if” possibility that sends them spiralling down. Get them to write it down in this format: If ‘x’ happens, then I will ‘y’ e.g. If I go blank in my presentation, I will use the cue cards I prepared to remind me what to say next. Catastrophic thinking is likely a habit your child has developed over years so this method of “cognitive restructuring” will take a little time too. But using this, you can help your child view the world from a more realistic and hopeful lens. And they can learn to approach challenges from a place of power rather than vulnerability. To book a free session, visit www.flourishresilience.com
Rather than stock up your snack cupboard with junk, you need high protein, nutrient-dense options and Nuttigals have plenty of nuts for you - with ramped up flavour options - think caramelised, yoghurt coated, chocolate dusted and sesame rolled cashews, almonds and macadamia nuts. Perfect for lunchboxes, studying sustenance and healthy snacks on the go. Available at Dischem.
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VILLAGERENDORSED VIEWING
The Marmite diaries (continued)
Guys…. you’re all “influencers”! Look what you made Zama go and do! And, wow – there’s no stopping the Camp Marmite zeal!
This series got everyone talking. If you haven’t watched Maid yet on Netflix, here’s why you should “Just finished this series. It’s great. Relatable. Portraying the real situation faced by the emotionally abused. Not enough evidence, no visible proof, no police report.” – Celeste Louw “I watched this mini-series with such sadness. Having been in an incredibly emotionally abusive relationship for 5 years, it took me leaving the country and getting away to finally realise it. So much damage and such a long road to overcoming it.” – Angela Carle “Every episode makes me want to climb into bed with my 4-year-old and hold her close. – Layne Spero
… BUT ABEEDAH AND JUDY WERE HAVING NONE OF IT!
“Binge watched this, eye opener!!” – Trish Ormiston Da Silva “Binged the series – just had to watch it all as fast as I could.” – Jana Henn
(NOT-SO-) FUN FACT:
WHY THE SHORTAGE? It’s all lockdown’s fault – of course. Because breweries were closed due to COVID-19 restrictions, that meant the manufacturer is short on yeast, one of Marmite’s key ingredients.
“The funny thing about kids is they are the reason we lose it… And the reason we hold it together.”
EYE SEE YOU!
Spec-Savers are committed to providing affordable eye care for everyone - and especially our children and teens. Did you know that your child could see clearly, have 20/20 vision and still have vision problems due to eye-focusing, eye tracking and eye-coordination? The Spec-Savers Youth Club Deal for teens means 13 to 18 year-olds qualify for free frames to the value of R999 when they purchase an eye test and prescription lenses. The Spec-Savers Student Deal gives students over 18 a free upgrade to the Blue Control Coating, worth R1298, when they purchase an eye test, prescription lenses and frames over the value of R999. www.specsavers.co.za for more info and to book your appointment. 25
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Remember you can WIN a couch! Closes on 30 October
Follow Coricraft on Instagram and Facebook – more info on The Village