FOMO 16.0

Happy holidays, guys! And welcome to the last FOMO of the year. We hope you have come to love it as much as we love putting it together. It’s such a wonderful exercise, every so often, to look back over the amazing content posted in The Village and choose the best for FOMO.

I am always filled with gratitude and awe at the amazing help, advice and support that pours from each post and its comments. But most of all, for all the kindness shared. It costs no more to be kind than any other choice, open to any one of us. And yet... the result of kindness is priceless. And no-one said this better, I think, than Villager Ingrid Lashmar. Thank you, Ingrid – your post was one of MY best posts from The Village this month! Here it is, in case you missed it on Facebook:

"Things I've learnt from spending more than a year examining the bones of my ass:

1. When you share the little that you have it always comes back to you.

2. Girlfriends have your back. The ones that pick you up and take you grocery shopping. Don't give you a budget and say take what you need. The ones who arrive at your door with packets of food. The ones who send over food and do 100 small things for your kids that you simply can't afford. The ones who check in and send words of hope and love. They are angels in disguise.

3. Children are understanding and resilient when you sit them down and explain in an age-appropriate way that things are tough.

4. Never say it won't happen to me.

5. I'm stronger than I thought.

6. I'm loved by so many people.

7. Pride is an enemy. Humility is everything.

8. I will never complain about cooking a meal. I'm just happy I have food to cook.

9. Not all men on dating sites are bastards.

10. Don't tell people who are struggling that this will pass. It doesn't help when you are in the middle of it.”

Here’s to sharing the wisdom of many more Villagers like Ingrid in the year ahead. Happy, peaceful and safe holidays, dear Village Crew. You are precious, every one of you.

Vanessa

Strictly

confidential

Let’s face it – sex is so central to our lives and relationships, yet even though it is (almost!) 2023 there is still so much secrecy and dishonesty around sex. Professional sex coach Nicki Brivik wants to change that. Nicki offers one-on-one individual and couple counselling providing a safe space to unpack any issues. Pop over to Nicki’s website, asknicki.co.za – the reviews from happy clients speak volumes.

THANKS, BUT NO THANK YOU!

What

Teens say the darndest things!

Celeste Anthea Child 1 been moaning she only has R72 in her bank account. Me, feeling generous: Take off the nail polish of my toes for R50. Her: No, sorry. I'll hold on to the R72 and my dignity.

What was it with food from the ’70s and ’80s?! Thanks for sparking the laughs – and horrid memories – with your question, Tillie Smit. Here are some of the most shudder-inducing – our kids don’t know how lucky they are:

• Fish mousse in a copper dish shaped like a fish (remember those?!)

• Tongue

• Cabbage bredie

• Maltabella porridge

• Boiled spinach

• Liver

• Chicken necks in soup

• Pilchard pie

• Meatballs wrapped in cabbage

• Bully beef

YOU’RE AWESOME!

What a joy it was to see the spirit of the Village in full swing when Jess Roode suggested that Villagers help make each other’s lives a little easier as we head towards the end of the year. She asked Villagers to post what they needed right now, but couldn’t afford, so that fellow Villagers could step in and help if they could. And… wow! From HDML cables and manicures to beds, school stationery and waffle makers – the outpouring of generosity and support was wonderful. Thank you, everyone – it really does take a Village!

Shoplifting

What's the appropriate parental response?

“My two cents. Not every bad decision is the result of an underlying problem or a cry for help. Sometimes, in fact most of the time, we just do incredibly stoopid things for no other reason than it seemed a good idea at the time. Teenagers more so, because they are not fully cooked yet. But, as so many Villagers have already said, actions need to have consequences. Maybe not only apologise to the store owner, but get him or her to explain what impact your daughter's actions could have on the 'victims' – loss of income/loss of jobs for the employees etc.” – Nicci Botha

“Shoplifting is a secret activity. Punishment can make activities more secretive. I think she has other issues and other concerns underlying this which are far more important to stress than simply to punish, which drives the issues deeper and brings more shutdown. You need more openness.” – Lynda Silk

“I

“If you do nothing she will do it again and the next time she will be arrested and end up in jail. She will then have a criminal record and there goes her future.”

what happened, so deductions from pocket money make sense. I would not take all her pocket money, but work out a repayment plan with her.”

The Village was divided on this one…

“Parents must get across the idea thatI love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behaviour.”

– Amy Vanderbilt

– Annali Erasmus

think there needs to be a consequence that suits

– Tara Von Ribbeck

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PARENTING TEENS WILL DO THIS TO YOU... PARENTING TEENS WILL DO THIS TO YOU...

“Maybe we just lose it... Maybe it’s premenopausal… But tonight I believe I have lost it… My teenagers believe I have gone mad. I believe I am just tired… I give up.” – Anonymous Villager

Wendy Bowyer van Blerk

How the hell is your fridge so clean? Is it because you have a dustpan in there? My fridge looks like it was salvaged from the 2004 Boxing Day Tsunami.

Marijke Davel

Is it weird that I almost overlooked the dustpan and marvelled at how clean your fridge is? You sure the teens aren't just messing with you? If not... well, personally I'd just tell myself that!

Amanda Lewis I'm finished... it's me... I lost my cell phone a few weeks back... then after hours of looking I found I had put it in the fridge... in a packet!!! We all gone mad lol

Sue Hyman Alcock

I threw all the brand new medicine tubes in the bin and packed the empty boxes in the medicine cabinet

I put the kettle in the fridge the other day so don't feel bad!

Nikki Warmerdam

Oh you're not going mad. I put the dishes in the bathroom sink once. It happens. It's okay.

Kevin Paul Maas

The dustpan in the fridge didn’t faze the Villagers (been there, done that) – but the tidy fridge was the source of much envy:

Keeping grey at bay!

“I have always gone to the hairdresser in the past –I have long curly hair. I just started with box colour and it works brilliantly. Be careful, the colours are always darker than they are on the box so take 1-2 shades lighter than you want. I like Nutrisse Crème. The conditioner is AMAZING.” – Roxanne Van Der Schyff

“I use Nutrisse Crème. I also have the cape, brush and bowl to mix the colour. I use half of the box at a time, so it costs me less than R1000 per year.”

– Jacqui Samson

“Maybe try a short, trendy cut and take the plunge. Lockdown was my turning point. I grew out the grey and then chopped it all off. Total freedom! I have never looked back!” – Nermone Bieldt

If trying to ward off going grey is burning a hole in your wallet, you might want to try these options:

“Herbatint was a game changer for me. I have used every box dye you can think of over the last 25 years and really love this stuff. The colour range is great and it's much more natural so it doesn't mess up my natural curls. I am using the copper and it's fabulous.” – Claire Ratcliffe

NOTES TO MY MENOPAUSAL SELF

“Black henna mixed with conditioner works for me. I retouch the roots every second week.” – Dominique Redman

“I've just resorted to using the root retouch spray from Clicks daily during the 2 weeks I have to wait it out until my next hair appointment. I refuse to go sooner than 6 weeks at the price I pay.” – Monique Biddulph

Your glasses are on your head.

Your coffee is still in the microwave.

Wearing headphones does not make your farts silent.

Just because you think it, does not mean it’s a good idea to say it.

Don’t use your phone as a torch to look for your phone.

If you find a chicken fillet in your handbag, your car keys are almost certainly in the freezer.

You’re definitely not going to remember to do that thing later, do it now.

Tried & Tested by the Village

ASK ME ANYTHING

We love this idea from a Villager – what a special gift for a teen. “My daughter is turning 13 this week so I’ve bought her a diary with a lock and wrote this inside. Thought I’d share…” – Anonymous Villager

GIFTING – WITH A TWIST!!!

Isn't this a fun idea?

A place of your own

The most stylish pod-to-go is what every woman wants for Christmas – a she room to call her own. Use yours as your private yoga studio, a meditation room, work-from-home office or as an extra bedroom to banish guests and teenagers needing their space. Either way, you’ll never regret your clever investment. No plans or permissions needed. Visit Garden Studios for more.

Head to the Hills...

FANCY CHRISTMAS IN THE BUSH?

Of course! African Hills Safari Lodge & Spa in the picturesque Magaliesburg is just an hour outside Joburg and has great packages for the Christmas weekend that include a slap-up Christmas lunch in the picturesque Magaliesburg and a festive game drive. How cool is that? For more info, visit African Hills.

BOOKWORMS (YOUNG AND OLD) WILL LOVE THIS!

Thanks for sharing this genius idea, Jean-Pierre Crozier – and like you said, if you thrift the books, this gift is a real budget winner too.

One of my presents from my wonderful daughter. A box full of books. Each wrapped with a synopsis of the storyline on the outside. Can't wait to get started.

ASK NICKI

LET'S TALK ABOUT XXX

NICKI SAYS:

We’re so happy to introduce Nicki Brivik, of AskNicki, who is Cape Town’s most insightful, honest and helpful Sex Coach. We love her frank and constructive approach on The Village and learn so much from following her on Instagram. Nicki has been answering Villagers' questions about their intimate relationships and helping us all shine a much-needed light on this important subject. Here’s a question from one of our Villagers and Nicki’s answer.

“So, I do have an anonymous question ( blushing and hot flushing)… I’m 44 on Sunday, love sex, but have never had an orgasm. Yep, this is the truth. The idea of trying to please myself – yawn – takes too long and I give up. Tried toys – same same. Even considered finding a sex person to get the job done for me. Could we ask Nicki about this?”

“Firstly, it is important to say that you are normal. A lot of women struggle to have an orgasm, but there are very few women who cannot have one! So, the good news is that I believe in you – but the bad news is, you are going to have to put in the work if you want to get yourself there!

When you say you love sex are you talking about penetration? Because the most reliable route towards orgasm is through clitoral stimulation. Remember what you see of the clitoris is literally the tip of the clitoral iceberg, so take the time to get to know your clitoris and what kind of pressure it likes. Tap it, stroke it. Use a circular motion.

A great tip to build arousal is to gently rub the bulb slowly and rhythmically from side to side. Consistent, methodical pressure is key. And don’t rush yourself. What is too long when pleasure, not orgasm, is the goal? Put in the effort, and take the time, and you may surprise yourself.”

Book a private session with Nicki: email nicki@asknicki.co.za

Learn more about Nicki’s practice and gain valuable insights on how to have a happy, healthy sex life, via her Instagram account: @ask.nicki

discover your unique sexual voice.

Kiss

This dynamic duo from Clarins works hard to support healthy clear skin. R770

F A R E W E L L G I F T I D E A S FAREWELL GIFT IDEAS

Catherine

“As a gift I think a watch. With a special inscription. That is something he will have with him at all times.” – Elizma De Haas

“Maybe veldskoen (the cool ones) with the different coloured base – my brother owns a pair and he lives in the UK.” – Janice Ramos

“I bought my son a "vegvisir" on a chain. It's a Nordic compass to prevent the person from losing their way in storms or bad weather, even if the way is not known...and then had a special saying engraved on the back. It was my way of saying to him all will always be okay, even if it doesn't look like it. He loves it.” – Dene Thompson

“Biltong maker (comes in a box that folds flat) – then South Africa will always be with him.” – Chloe Hoeben

“My 19-year-old actually left with one of my gold chain necklaces that he never takes off. So I feel a part of me is with him always, watching over him.”

– Deborah Molloy

“A St Christopher on a neck chain for safe travels.” –Catherine Middleton

“A memory stick with some of your home videos. Light, meaningful and a forever!” –

Pam Goslett

Future success

My son left 11 years ago. I buy fun SA socks, dishcloths, coffee mugs. Small things he will use daily and remind him of home. Carrol Boyes has a great multitool that looks like a rhino.” – Tracy Beyleveld-Manson

“A notebook with handwritten favourite recipes.” – Laura Mackintosh

“Look at Resinate Collection, they have fab, men’s leather bracelets that you can put name links on. Got one for my husband and he loves it.”

–

Tracey Roos

If you have a matriculant who is interested in studying psychology, take a look at the South African College of Applied Psychology – applications are now open for 2023. SACAP has custom-designed campuses in Cape Town, Durban, Joburg and Pretoria –as well as an Online Campus. With its highly personal approach to learning, small class sizes and impressive mentorship programme, SACAP produces graduates who are equipped to succeed and make a difference. Visit SACAP to find out more.

Allardyce asked for meaningful gift ideas for her son who is moving overseas –your suggestions were so inspiring!