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The Clocktower February 10, 2021 Issue 14, Volume 95

To be or not to be: a single question

Valentine’s Day from the other side

A

re you one of the roughly 101,742,000 people living in the U.S. who are just “focusing on themselves”? Have you ever turned your head in disgust by unsightly displays of affection and said to yourself, “I would never”? Do you find yourself dreading going to any family gathering due to what you already know will be the question of the evening? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be entitled to single’s compensation. Valentine’s Day can be very hard for those of us who are reminded of everything we don’t have: a significant other, cute Instagram posts celebrating x amount of months, and chocolates! Actually, pro tip: If you wait until after Valentine’s Day, you can find chocolates at a discounted price, so I guess you can have your chocolates. Anyways, to help all my single ladies and gents out there feel better, I’ve interviewed several bachelor/ettes and hopefully, this acts as a pity party where you can cry and laugh together, with

©Andrew Schwartz

emphasis on the “laugh”. Enjoy! What does a typical Valentine’s Day look like for you? “Any other day.” – a history major “Watching depressing movies.” – a business administration major “Watching “The Bachelor” and eating ice cream.” – an IRR major “Um, studying? Wait, other people have time to do stuff?” – a nursing major You’re tasked with renaming Valentine’s Day. What do you rename it to?

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SDA News

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Union News

4 The official

UNION COLLEGE

newspaper

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Love

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Sports,

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Lincoln News Lifestyle Politics

Pop Culture

10 Editorial

11 Faculty & Staff


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