95.9 by The Clocktower

The Clocktower November 4, 2020 Issue 9, Volume 95

How to get finals canceled Writing the villain’s story

o quote Ned Stark, “Finals are coming.” OK, busted. I never watched Game of Thrones, but Google said he said something to that effect. The point is, now is the time to remain vigilant. Finals are a mere two and a half weeks away. Although everyone reading this is wildly confident and prepared, I know we have all fantasized about how wonderful it would be if they were canceled. Although we should never enact our fiendish desires, it can be fun (and therapeutic) to think of ways to cancel them. Thus, I bring you this list of never to be used ideas to get finals canceled. Create a global pandemic. We already have a template on creating a pandemic that scares everyone enough to send us home for a semester. With an outline already created, it can’t be that hard to recreate. Time it just right so your professors will have to delay finals by at least a couple of days to get

@petsoid.com

them online, if not fully canceled. Start a fire. We come into this one a little more prepared, as we’ve had firefighters on campus twice this year. However, what if a classroom, one needed to take your final in, went up in flames? Of course, we don’t want anyone to get hurt, but imagine the joy of waking up to find the classroom, and therefore the final, had gone up in smoke. If we’re desperate, we could just set Neb. on fire and evacuate the state.

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The official

UNION COLLEGE

newspaper

3 Adventist News

Sports

Lincoln News

Union News

Faculty

Pop Culture

Politics

10 Comedy

11 Love

12 Sudoku

Editor – in – Chief Jovan Cross Assistant Editor Juliet Bromme Distributor Marvin Velasquez Media Managers Francisco Campos Sierra Lastine Photography Editor Joseph Lee Layout Editor Chrisheline Kalawo Assistant Layout Editor Justin Anderson

NEWS Editor Olivia Jacobs Photographer Max Lassel

Get the dog to eat the answer key or test. We all know the-dog-ate-my-homework excuse doesn’t work for students. But what if it worked for professors? If that answer key or copies of the finals disappeared, that wouldn’t be so bad. All you have to do is make sure the papers smell good to the professor’s dog. It couldn’t be easier! Pull your resources and buy your professors a cruise ticket. What professor would deny a free cruise, even during finals week? Now you have to be clever here. Hand over the ticket to them at the last minute. Then they can’t arrange for finals to be taken with someone else. This is not only good for you, but your professor too. Should these ideas ever be carried out? No! (Except for the last one; that might be nice.) Still, it doesn’t hurt to imagine life without the stress over finals. Study hard, but don’t worry. You’re going to do great!

Adventist News Hannah Olin Union News Jade Covel Lincoln News TJ Pittenger

ENTERTAINMENT Editor Hannah Drewieck Photographer Andrew Schwartz Sports Joel Shetler Pop Culture Drew Hickman Comedy Sam Ortiz

LIFESTYLE Editor Maria Kercher Photographer Annabelle Harper Outlook Lacey Stecker Politics Alex Nesmith Love Kaitlynn Toay

@everett.pioneercss.org

Lacey Stecker is a sophomore Communication major from Noblesville, Indiana

Adventist Church introduces its new strategic focus for 20202025 “I Will Go”

he Adventist Church has announced its new strategic plan for 2020-2025: “I Will Go.” Its focus continues to encourage the idea of Total Member Involvement (TMI). This plan is based around Jesus’ Great Commission in Matthew 28 and is about each and every member. Its goal is to enable the individual, church, conference, unions and divisions to work together in the most important mission we have been given as Christians: reaching everyone for Christ. The “I Will Go” initiative is composed of ten key performance indicators. These are divided into three main sections: missions, spiritual growth and leadership: Mission Objectives 1. To revive the concept of worldwide mission and sacrifice for mission as a way of life involving not only pastors but every church member, young and old, in the joy of witnessing for Christ and making disciples 2. To strengthen and diversify Adventist outreach in large cities, across the 10/40 Window, among unreached and under-reached people groups, and to non-Christian religions 3. To make developing resources for mission to non-Christian religions and belief systems a high priority 4. To strengthen Seventh-day Adventist institutions in upholding freedom, wholistic health, and hope through Jesus and restoring in people the image of God Spiritual Growth Objectives 5. To disciple individuals and families into spirit-filled lives 6. To increase accession, retention,

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reclamation, and participation of children, youth, and young adults 7. To help youth and young adults place God first and exemplify a biblical worldview Leadership Objectives 8. To strengthen the discipleship role of pastors, teachers, and other frontline workers and provide them with regular growth opportunities 9. To align world church resources with strategic objectives 10. To enhance the transparency, accountability, and credibility of denominational organization, operations, and mission initiatives As the church begins implementing this exciting new strategy, they hope to encourage each member to work together to help their churches work toward and achieve these objectives. To help in this, they have a wide range of helpful resources for both individuals and church leaders. If you are interested in these missions or would like more information, please go to iwillgo2020.org. Please pray for the worldwide church as they move forward with this important mission.

Hannah is a sophomore History Education Major from Princeton, Illinois.

Admin announces the cancellation of spring break COVID-19 continues to change vacation scheduling

here have been mixed reactions to the timeframe from this semester: cutting out all long weekends, and only having two days as breaks. Some students enjoy the prospect of having a longer Christmas/Thanksgiving vacation, while others are feeling swamped by the lack of breaks. Well, despite how you may have viewed this past semester, changes are coming! Recently an email from our president announced that spring break is canceled. Unlike fall semester, we will still have breaks and even some long weekends. Spring break has been redistributed throughout the semester to allow for one long weekend on January 18th (Monday), one on February 12th (Friday), one on March 12th (also a Friday) and one on April 5th (Monday). In addition, there are three mid-week days: February 25th (Thursday), March 23rd (Tuesday) and April 21 (Wednesday). Basically, what this does is take the week of spring break, and distributes it more or less evenly throughout the semester, so events like finals week are not affected like they were this semester and graduation is still scheduled for approximately the same time as previous years. The stated goal of this schedule change is to “encourage everyone to stay close to campus in order to limit the spread of coronavirus and ensure the health and safety of our campus

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community.” (uGroups). Given how many students have traveled this semester without so much as a long weekend, it seems questionable if this is a viable solution. Also, many students take a long weekend as an opportunity to get off campus. So does this mean that Union should change their policies? No. This means it is our turn as students to make changes. We are adults, we don’t need Union to make regulations for us to act safely. Make an effort to limit close contact with people. Wear your masks, even with your friends. Limit travel when possible, and when you have to travel, stay safe, use hand sanitizer, and wear your mask! As we work together as a community we can ensure Union can stay open and we can attend in person.

Jade Covel is a senior Religion major from Topeka, Kansas.

Revisiting “The Nightmare Before Christmas” This film never ceases to charm.

have never chatted with others about a film as universally adored as “The Nightmare Before Christmas.” I wouldn’t call it a “cult classic,” because it did pretty well in theaters, but it has a very “2000s emo’s favorite movie” vibe that’s persisted since its release in 1993. But even as a non-emo (at least I don’t think I am), this film is endlessly charming, and I always make sure to revisit it around Halloween. I think “Home Alone” and “Klaus” are the only other films my family makes sure to watch on an annual basis. I don’t need to give a synopsis of this film; everyone and their cool aunt have already seen it. But using a stop-motion style (something often associated with

ON THE RADAR SAT. 11/07/20 Game Night

WED-THURS. 11/11 - 11/12/20 Registration for spring semester

SAT. 11/14/20 Barn Party

FRI. 11/20/20 Finals Begin

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classic Christmas shorts) in a Halloweenthemed setting is so fun to look at. The characters’ squashed and stretched proportions make all their designs fun to watch move, and the sets are made with such an attention to detail that blow my brains out every time I view this film. The songs are all well-utilized and super memorable (Sally’s Song, “What’s This”, and “Oogie-Boogie’s Song” are my favorites). The final battle’s neon casinoinspired imagery combines two of my favorite aesthetics, making it one of my favorite scenes. I won’t pretend this is a perfect film, as I think the short length makes it feel a bit rushed. It had plenty of “leftover time” to stretch out and breathe a little bit. But for a tinier project, this is bursting with personality from every possible seam. It’s got a lot of heart, and despite the horror setting, it’s an overall super feel-good movie, which helps me get in the mood to be nicer than usual during Christmas time. Oh jeez, maybe I am an emo after all … Drew Hickman is a junior Communication major from Shawnee, Kansas.

We Need to Talk Why there aren’t any bumper stickers on my car

magine this scenario: you’ve just stopped at a red light behind a Prius and are beginning to peruse their bumper sticker collection. “Coexist,” reads one. Another one proclaims the driver to be a “tree hugging dirt worshipper.” You begin to picture the clothes they wear, the music they listen to, and the way they vote. Turns out, there’s even a Facebook group dedicated to this specific stereotype (its unambiguous name is “Thanks to the Prius, I recognize liberals right away”). We all walk around with “boxes” like this, ready to drop people and ideas into them. This isn’t inherently a bad thing– we ease our cognitive load by relating a new experience to past information. In our stoplight example, though, the handy heuristic begins to break down when you spot a few other bumper stickers. Apparently the driver is also a “Military Mom” who supports her local Fraternal Order of Police and prays that “God Bless America.” You now struggle to find the right “box” to place this driver into.And that’s the problem with boxes. It’s too easy to put someone in the wrong one–or to have built incorrect boxes entirely. I learned–or perhaps confirmed– something important about myself when I took the CliftonStrengths assessment. I am a “Relator.” To borrow language directly from the assessment, this means that I “deliberately encourage the deepening of relationships” and “want to understand [others’] feelings, goals, fears, and dreams.” The test helped me articulate that the more I

@firespring

“share” and “risk” with another person, the “more each of [us] proves [our] caring is genuine.” For me, that’s what’s missing in a “bumper-sticker relationship.” If we fail to communicate beyond the sticker, we risk interpersonal clashes like the ones that show up in the neighborhood battles over political yard signs. Like the Trump sign in Michigan with razor blades taped to it as a theft deterrent. Or the Biden/ Harris sign in a yard in Shelbyville, TN that prompted someone to litter their neighbor’s yard with business cards from the KKK. Or, here in Lincoln, there was the passive-aggressive note taped to a Black Lives Matter placard, signed from “A Neighbor.” I actually dipped my toe into the frontyard political conversation for the first time this summer. Rather than supporting a particular candidate, though, I chose a sign that, I thought, stood for universal values that we could all rally around. But even this was stolen from my yard without a word. The real problem here is that no face-toface human interaction is happening in any of these situations. In the absence of a recognizable human actor, we are left only with our inadequate–and

problematic–boxes and labels. At their extreme, these boxes become monolithic political silos that prevent individuals from being just that; individuals. I saw this first-hand when I worked at a think tank in Washington, D.C. To my eyes, our “us vs. them” political structure is set up so that there is little room for individuality; for, say, a Republican to advocate for climate justice nor for, let’s imagine, a Democrat to argue for decreased government spending. I hear the obvious counter-argument to all this. In the words of Lin-Manuel Miranda’s Alexander Hamilton, “If you stand for nothing, Burr, what’ll you fall for?” Sure, a yard sign or bumper sticker could be the beginnings of a healthy conversation. But just because I don’t broadcast my views from my car or front yard doesn’t mean I don’t have them. It’s simply a choice I’ve made to help people avoid prejudging me (notice that’s just the word “prejudice” misspelled) in the hope that we can have an authentic conversation where our humanity and individuality, rather than our labels and affiliations, become the foundation of our relationship. So...let’s talk.

Alan Orrison is the Associate Professor of the Division of Fine Arts.

What the World Series means for the sports world

nother championship has come to a glorious end – another champion crowned, another wild series and another winter to prepare for next year. At the time this article is being formulated by my genius in my darkened dorm room of Prescott at 20:50 hours, the Tampa Bay Rays are leading the Los Angeles Dodgers 1-0 at the top of the 5th inning. However, the Dodgers are holding onto a 3-2 game lead. By the time you read this, it might be ancient history that either the Dodgers won their 7th World Series title or that the Tampa Bay Rays are fresh off their first ever World Series title. Whatever the outcome may be, sports are truly wonderful. Let me remind you, football may have “America’s Team,” but America’s game is baseball. I know I might get some hate when I say I never watch baseball on TV (except for when the World Series is on). Yet, I comment and talk about it as if I am a Grand Slam Champion myself. Still, I can acknowledge that baseball is best.

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In a landmark move, the U.S. Government files a lawsuit against Google

Google under fire

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Baseball has been an integral part of American culture ever since its humble beginnings in 1869. Baseball has been dominated by notable superstars such as Babe Ruth, Jackie Robinson, Willie Mays and Barry Bonds. Throughout the years, there have been outright dominant teams, such as the New York Yankees and teams off their first World Series title like the beautiful Washington Nationals. What does this have to do with anything? Can’t you see? Sports are such an important part of American culture. COVID-19 nearly cancelled it all. So celebrate with the nation and watch some sports, not for the politics and social movements – you can watch the news for that. But watch sports to show your appreciation for the game and to share your team pride. Joel Shetler is a jnior Science Education major from Ruckersville, Virginia.

he U.S. government has filed an antitrust lawsuit against Google citing monopoly over the search and search history industry. The Justice Department accused a unit of Alphabet, Google, of using business contracts and agreements to push out any competition that would rise up and threaten their stranglehold on the information industry. This comes at a very inopportune time as political tensions remain high during this election season. Critics from both political parties are calling foul play on Google and their political advertisement choices. Greg Bensinger of The New York Times questioned whether or not Google could be held accountable for holding the truth to a standard, asking, “If one of the most powerful tech companies can’t call out the president’s dishonesty, who can?” Google and Bing represent the two largest search engines in the world, and as such, hold an unprecedented influence over all internet users’ direction of thought. Calling it the “gatekeeper of information,” the government is claiming that Google maintains its power by shutting down suggestions for competitors whilst pushing allies higher up on the suggestions page. We all know that there’s no such thing as a true second page on Google. If this is true, then several theories about online echo chambers are correct. Claims that Google separates and contains

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certain online presences would hold more weight, since the built-in suggestions bar sends most users wherever they think that they need to go. Along this line comes many conspiracy theories, as well as the KoolAid that comes with them. The ideas that “Google doesn’t directly profit from organic rankings, so their ultimate plan is to de-prioritize those rankings in their search results” and “Google is using its search dominance to skew results to fit its own corporate goals rather than providing the best search results” may hold merit, but it’s a slippery slope down to “Google is evil and wants world domination.” Google doesn’t really help its case in any conspiracy theories though. Google may indeed have world domination in mind. Google was sued for tracking users on private mode against their own privacy policy and has been cashing in on countless COVID-19 conspiracy theories ever since the pandemic went global. Google has been sued countless times over their blatant lies on their “privacy policies,” and despite over 5 billion given in settlements they show no signs of slowing down.

Alexander Nesmith is a junior Communication Major from Calhoun, Georgia.

Roca Berry Farm remains one of Lincoln’s most popular pumpkin patches Teams unite at 49ers Field to continue annual Union College soccer tradition

he annual World cup event, hosted by Union College’s International Club, is often looked forward to by soccer fans (and anyone who simply loves good food). Students and faculty get to sign-up to play against each other as representatives of North America, Africa, South America or Euro-Asia. This year COVID-19 provided extra challenges, and the teams almost didn’t get to play, but due to some last minute changes, says Kevin Jeune, an International Club Officer, and a decision by Union’s COVID-19 team, they were able to play each other as long as everyone wore masks. As a result, team sign-ups were last minute, with some players signing up the night of the event. Despite these challenges, International Club did a fantastic job of modifying the different aspects of the event to be appropriate for the pandemic environment. Held outdoors, everyone had to get their temperature taken at the gate of 49ers Field before being allowed to enter the event. In lieu of tokens and long lines waiting for a limited amount of food, there was delicious Chinese and Mexican food prepackaged in take-out trays, which totally eliminated frustrating lines. There was plenty of food for everyone, with seconds highly

encouraged, possibly due to attendance being much lower than in previous years. After a series of matches, North America won first place, breaking Africa’s five year winning streak, reported Jeune. However, Africa wasn’t far behind, landing second place, followed by South America in third place, and Euro-Asia in fourth place. Altogether, the International Club did a great job of organizing a difficult event under the current circumstances.

©Max Lassel

TJ Pittinger is a sophomore Theology major from Gilson, Illinois.

WANNA WRITE?

The Diary of a Stressed, Broke and Wimpy Kid

A day in the life of a Union student

isclaimer: Not all events reflect the author’s actual experiences. I wake up to the ungodly sound that is the iPhone alarm. I quickly get ready so that I can make it to breakfast before class starts. Thanks to my dwindling cafe account, I get the tub of oatmeal which, coming in at $1 and something cents, is actually quite a deal. Adulting: 1; taste buds: 0. I hurriedly walk to class, having lost time trying to decide between getting a plastic spoon or a whole packet with extra but albeit compostable utensils. I go right past the health check station and since I am on the verge of being late and I don’t have any symptoms and I mean, no one really checks anyways, I decide I’m good. Besides, I’m built different. Time ticks at a decelerated rate, which gets me thinking about the sloth from Zootopia and by the time I realize it, I’ve missed half the slides. Too bad they’re not on Canvas where I can just go over them later … Thankfully, 10:20 finally shows up on my watch. It’s uGather today! I walk down to the church, pull my phone out, scan the barcode, walk in, survey the crowd and walk right back out, pretending I’m on the phone having a serious conversation with my mother. I don’t know, something about being in an enclosed space with enthusiastic speakers intensely verbalizing with no mask on doesn’t click with me. I’m sure Jesus understands and my salvation isn’t at stake, nor my diploma. Thursday naps are wonderful.

Lucky for me, I only have one more class. In no time, I find myself at the cafe. I’ve come to notice that my happiness is related to the meals being served at the cafe, peaking at Tuesday and Wednesday lunches — if you know, you know. I see my friends all in one booth. However, they are not built different, so I go eat in my room. The rest of my day passes by uneventfully. I’m so glad that my professors are understanding, given the pandemic and everything; I can’t imagine the workload if we weren’t in a pandemic. After many hours of studying for five minutes and taking Instagram breaks for ten, I decide to go relax in the Student Center. I go with my fingers crossed, hoping today will be the day my friends and I can have it to ourselves! I stop believing in crossed fingers; today, like every other day, they’re there. I wonder what it would take for them to NOT be there for just one night! Unable to speak to a manager, I turn to the next best thing: uc_confessions. Before I know it, it’s time for me to head back to my room. I go back, get ready for bed, and in what can only be a subconscious act of self-loathing, turn on the same alarm for tomorrow. Samuel Ortiz is a sophomore Nursing major from Orlando, Florida.

How to bolster your self-esteem before a big date Steps to boost your confidence predate

ou pace the floor in your dorm room, anxiously watching the clock. You look in your closet for the tenth time, still unsure of what to wear. We’ve all been there. That nervousness before a date happens to all of us. Fortunately, there are ways you can reduce this anxiety and enjoy yourself on the big date! Put on your favorite music or TV show. Sometimes distracting your brain can help you stop overthinking on the date and keep you in the moment. Remind yourself to focus on the now. I like to put on a TV show that I have never seen before, as it captures my attention better than something I have watched multiple times. Pump yourself up. Sometimes relaxation techniques don’t work. In this case, you can try the opposite. Pump yourself up. Get outside and go for a run. Go to the gym and lift some weights.

Dad Joke of the Week: What do you get when you cross Kanye West and Mexican cuisine? Kanye asada

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The release of endorphins will help boost your mood and exercising will give you something else to focus on. Plus it’s good for you! Just make sure you have enough time to shower before your date. Wear something you feel comfortable in. You might have a lot of nice clothes in your closet, or maybe you just have a few key pieces. Regardless of what you own, make sure you choose something that you feel comfortable in for your date. You could be dressed to the nines, but if you don’t feel comfortable, you won’t be putting your best foot forward. Look nice, but don’t hesitate to wear your favorite shirt or that comfy dress. Remind yourself that your entire future does not hinge on this one night. It can be so easy to overanalyze and overthink before a date. However, this is just one date. Focus on having fun

The Clocktower 2 email: cltower@gmail.com social media: @clocktower_uc

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and enjoying the moment. Don’t put too much pressure on the date and make it something it is not. You are not planning a future or deciding if you are going to marry this person. You’re simply getting to know them as a possible romantic partner. Have fun and relax! We all know how difficult dating can be. Those pre-date jitters can be intimidating and cause you a lot of stress before the date even starts. Try some of these pre-date ideas to help you calm down, refocus and put your best foot forward. Kaitlynn Toay is a senior English major from Edgeley, North Dakota.

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The Clocktower encourages reader feedback and strives to maintain accuracy. If you have comments, please email us at cltower@gma ltower@gmaiil. com. com The Clocktower, established in 1927 and

sponsored by the Associated Student Body of Union College, is published semi-weekly during the fall and spring semesters. The opinions expressed are the opinions of the writers and are not to be construed as the opinion of the editors, Associated Student Body, Union College, or the Seventh-day Adventist Church.

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