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A Note on Vanitas By Lucy Ives
The driver exited his vehicle to take a selfie with the animals. —Wikipedia, “List of selfie-related injuries and deaths”
I
s all still vanity? Four hundred years ago,
book profiles increases by an estimated 8,000
Dutch and Flemish painters produced
“users” per day, suggesting that our attempts
hyperrealist still lifes of flowers, food, and
to memorialize everyone and everything
luxury goods, seemingly fixing these gauds
may mainly recall the fragility and brevity
beyond time. So-called Vanitas images sym-
of life. Just as the Vanitas—also known as the
bolize the brevity of human life, as well as
pronkstilleven, or luxury still life, for its shiny
the ephemerality and essential emptiness of
and expensive contents—reminded wealthy
earthly pursuits. Paradoxically, the Vanitas im-
patrons of their own earthly impermanence,
age also boastfully advertises the artist’s “abil-
we now negotiate a world of images that con-
ity to give permanence to the ephemeral and
fusingly express our time’s extreme finitude
thereby overcome death,” according to histo-
(global warming, resource wars, economic
rian Sybille Ebert-Schifferer. This tantalizing
stratification) even as they promise escape and
tension between human mortality and human
immortality (life extension, quantum com-
ambition maintains today: High-net-worth
puting, planetary colonization).
individuals spend ever more in hopes of lib-
erating their physical selves from senescence
language, “vanity” flags the transitory nature
and death, while the rest of us obsessively save
of the human body, as well as the essential
our memories to the cloud, convinced that the
bootlessness of corporeal whim. Derived from
digital records that compose us will act as via-
a Latin root meaning “empty, void,” vanity is a
ble substitutes after we are dead. Meanwhile,
paradoxical and sometimes dangerous way of
the online graveyard grows. For example, the
relating to the self: To be vain is to mistake the
number of deceased individuals with Face-
changeable for the permanent, to love an im-
In its earliest appearances in the English
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A Note on Vanitas
age in the place of embodied presence, as the
rian Svetlana Alpers, meanwhile, observes
drowning victim Narcissus did in myth. Vanity
the remarkable “attentiveness” shown to the
is a conceptual error at once semantic and
things of the pronkstilleven, whose aston-
ontological, in which an item belonging to one
ishing realism suggests that they may also be
category (the body) is presented as if it belongs
visual documents of a new and modern style
to another (the numinous). Vanity may be the
of looking, proofs of an emerging empiricism;
category mistake to end all category mistakes,
soon artists might not merely paint nature but
a tragic misapprehension that is, all the same,
influence it.
associated with a non-negligible supply of
pleasure and fun. Indeed, vanity often assists
the Vanitas painting always seems just about
in crucial ways in our identification and inter-
to step into the image, to seize an oyster or
pretation of value, particularly when it comes
disturb a precarious table setting. In Jacques
to those endlessly seductive, sometimes trou-
de Gheyn II’s 1603 Vanitas Still Life, a massive
bling, sometimes anodyne items: art objects
hovering bubble threatens either to burst, ru-
and luxury goods. Though we should perhaps
ining the composition, or to reflect the curved
know better, we hope that new purchases and
image of the artist himself, thereby interrupt-
proximity to beautiful, costly things will bring
ing the illusion of this apparently perfectly im-
us increased vitality.
personal representation. The skill necessary to
convey this opposition—between the ephem-
In this sense, little has changed since
As Barthes and Alpers note, the author of
the 1600s, when opulent still-life paintings
erality of experience and the overwhelming
repurposed the failure to fully recognize our
sensual presence of the physical world—ups
mortality as subject matter. Roland Barthes
the ante: The effort lavished on the delicate,
remarks on the seductive “sheen” of these me-
shining surfaces implies that the painter may
ticulous and costly renderings of tables piled
not believe in his own fleeting nature so much
with wet grapes, split peaches, and shim-
as his vicarious immortality, as guaranteed by
mering oysters, which symbolize pleasures of
the liveliness of the very work he was engaged
fleshly existence; and the occasional leering
in painting. The eternal present of the Vanitas
skull or recently snuffed candle, which sym-
image is animated not merely by the volup-
bolize frailty and death. He reads the precise
tuous objects it contains but by the illusion of
detail of these images as not merely allegori-
an eternally living artist, who forever seems to
cal, but expressive of a drive on the part of the
hover just beyond the frame.
artist to imprint one’s mark “upon the inert by
shaping and manipulating it.” The art histo-
with mere selfishness or indicate a more
What is vanity now, and does it equate
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A Note on Vanitas
complex balance of rational belief and carnal
being strained, even as wealth is distributed
experience? Cryogenics labs offer to reani-
with an unevenness that rivals the early nine-
mate us into a future of improved technolo-
teenth century—a statistic that becomes more
gy. Luxury spas promise the approximation
disturbing the longer one ponders it.
of youth. Google’s (a.k.a. Alphabet’s) Calico
biotechnology arm will leverage the power of
deny death are embodied in the material
nature to extend life. These endeavors—often
things with which we surround ourselves.
described in terms of service, even obligation,
The drive to collect, categorize, and archive
The ways in which we recognize and
to the entire life-loving species—are buttressed is one response to the uncertainty of mortalby antiaging researchers who seem driven
ity, and today’s ever-expanding capacities for
to prove that the more privileged among us
digital storage encourage the endless memorialization of oneself
Vanity is a conceptual error at once semantic and ontological, in which an item belonging to one category (the body) is presented as if it belongs to another (the numinous)
and loved ones. The permanence or impermanence of such traces, which depend on the viability of servers and compatibility of files, software, and hardware, is debatable; indeed, the update could be the double-edged
are in fact no longer absolutely mortal. At
sword upon which our digital identities fall.
the same time, we must reckon with the fact
Yet perhaps posterity is of lesser consequence
that, for the foreseeable future, we’ll all age
to us than it once was. We are able to docu-
and eventually pass away, particularly since
ment our lives with unprecedented speed and
senescence and death are not just emotionally
medial diversity and produce endless streams
but monetarily involved processes. The popu-
of selfies and video testimonies for the “here”
lations of many countries are disproportion-
and “now.” If most of our content is addressed
ately aged and aging, which poses challenges
exclusively to the immediate present, perhaps
to the configuration of cities and economies
we have begun to dispense with the notion
(as well as questions about representation and
of posterity at the very moment at which we
inclusion); collective resources are already
are, at least in theory, able to save everything.
A Note on Vanitas
6
In this case, it is not merely our conception of
deadly force deployed by the American police
mortality that has been destabilized, but also
to the consolations of the recovery of one Los
our sense of time, in that we have begun to fa-
vvAngeles artist’s cenotaph-like home, from
vor ephemerality and inhabit the present—on
the antideath architecture of Arakawa and
Snapchat and beyond—in new ways.
Gins to multiple contemporary interpreta-
This issue of Triple Canopy features
tions of the Vanitas image tradition, from the
artists, writers, and critics who are thinking
much-heralded “end of death” to the pursuit
and working in the midst of these paradoxes.
of impossible—or nearly impossible—forms of
They reflect on a wide range of topics, from
beauty. The futility of human striving meets
the unstable glamour of K-pop to the collec-
the plenitude of digital memory, and acts of
tive process of aging in naturally occurring
self-representation contrast with attempts
retirement communities (NORCs), from the
to comprehend the situation of the human
A Note on Vanitas
7
Page 5: Barthel Bruyn the Elder, 1524,oil on panel, 61 Ă— 51 cm left: Painting by Andriessen, Hendrick (1607-1655) ca. 1650 Oil on canvas
species, prompting us to ask: Does death still define life as the “vanity of all vanities,� as Ecclesiastes has it, if death is also a highly remunerative field of scientific research and product development? How will solutions to the perceived problem of mortality be shared out, fairly or otherwise? What framing device will replace the all-comprehending selfie stick?
8
Picture Logic By Angela Ferraiolo
Okay the pictures that’s what people want to know what
happened how did we let Jimmy ruin them as if there was some action we should have taken some kind of warning or intervention look questions like that are hostile also misdirected.
Jimmy believed in a concept called picture logic which
means the way a picture makes sense how it unfolds across the image plane for example a picture of a lady it has a top and a bottom the lady has her head at the top of the frame and her feet at the bottom that’s what’s right that’s how the image of the lady makes sense and the people who look at that picture Top: K-pop star, Krystal Jung for GQ magazine photoshoot
use that they use position orientation composition all the
Picture Logic
9
fundamentals to connect with the lady and to transfer memory emotion and experience from themselves to that picture and then back to themselves again.
For instance the lake series let’s say you’re no longer able
to understand the decision-making process or the aesthetic frame through which these photographs were created you’re no longer able to associate that type of blue with the sky water women children let’s say it’s twenty years later and that blue sky strikes you as false sentimental somewhat untrustworthy you don’t respond to that blue anymore it’s just pigment a color and because of that the image refuses to organize won’t make sense.
I’ve seen Jimmy slide across a picture I’ve seen him
mentally choose some object in the foreground and let that object block his descent into the frame stop any kind of motion inward so that he moves toward flatness surface anti-image wone day I’m sitting in the kitchen not even thinking about photography when Jimmy comes in through the doorway and says I’ve got a job for you he did he had a complete description of what I was supposed to do get a truck just drop everything just like that drive to the city go to some warehouse in Queens announce myself at the desk he says which is all set they’ll be expecting me go to the client room get his pictures which Jimmy describes as consisting of a couple hundred boxes of stuff put those boxes on the truck drive the truck back Upstate back up there to him at the house and that’s it I’m done.
By pictures he meant everything the whole catalogue
all the frames he’d shot from January of ’67 to December of ’72 which is like asking for every picture from let’s say the year Star Trek first aired to the year A Clockwork Orange was released a lot of pictures literally thousands and thousands of photographs boxes and boxes of stuff.
Keep in mind Jimmy wasn’t shooting then he hadn’t made
a picture for five or six years unusual you know photographers they don’t normally stop like that they’re more stubborn anyway he had left the city for good he and the collective
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Picture Logic
or what was left of the collective none of them doing much of anything but hanging around getting older rationalizing hiding out in the woods.
I said Jimmy it’s a lot to do a lot of material a lot of driving
why don’t we get some movers to do this professionally but of course that was the last thing he wanted no strangers he said you me Ed and the rest of us that’s enough we can do this ourselves.
We rented a truck one of those eight wheelers but I agreed
with Carolyn I didn’t think any of us could drive it so we put our foot down made Jimmy hire a driver.
Other than that a straightforward move get in the truck
drive down to the city go over to the warehouse collect the boxes put the boxes on the truck drive everything back Upstate take the boxes off the truck put the boxes in the house. It was February no heat in the warehouse because of the artwork it was freezing.
I’m sure we raised eyebrows when we showed up at
that place which of course looked like a museum only with everything in boxes or wrapped in paper or nailed into a crate of some sort no heat no moisture no dirt a degree of organization that is unfathomable I think their managers were horrified I mean let’s face it whoever they were expecting or were used to trusting with outgoing inventory it wasn’t people like us.
I guess there had been some back and forth over the
phone but when we got there I didn’t feel any tension or resistance it wasn’t confrontational they were courteous we were courteous like this was a chore we needed to accomplish.
There was a kind resignation which maybe felt like
obstinacy concrete floors uniforms overhead lights attendants in white coats as if they were scientists or technicians listening without any kind of reaction ignoring questions looking away
Right page: Top: Bunch of old cameras Middle: Bunch of Analog films Bottom: Bunch of mirrorless cameras.
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Picture Logic
never allowing themselves to be rushed or questioned or irritated that kind of opaque methodical caution requiring multiple levels of permission to touch something or be near something and at the same time a bit exaggerated self-important demonstrative showing their ability to label identify categorize they could retrieve whatever was needed in minutes the monstrous the trivial the picturesque all they needed was a date and number.
I was glad to get out of there a few days to
load the boxes then a little driving then back into the woods. Jimmy had never paved the driveway and with all the ice and snow that winter we couldn’t get the truck up the second hill so we stopped about a thousand feet before the front door. He was waiting for us as soon as we got close he came out of the house walked up to the truck and started taking boxes up the driveway.
Not a word I guess if you want to be
dramatic you would say that the moment we got back we were already starting to lose them not that I believe Jimmy had at that point decided anything or felt anything but the whole time we were unloading the truck he was off in his own thoughts no questions no conversation just moving boxes expecting the rest of us to figure it out fall into step behind him. Boxes in the living room in the dining room in the back bedrooms on the first floor in the barn anybody who was still at the house was living like that walls of boxes hundreds of them like a fortress.
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Picture Logic
The boxes were everywhere as soon
They were beautiful yes I mean sure for
as we got them inside Jimmy moved into
a few weeks the whole house was beautiful.
the upstairs bedroom that big room above
Beautiful I don’t know after everything that
the kitchen. And right away he put us all to
had been said about them written about them
work we started going through the catalogue
it was different it was maybe not what we had
opening a box lifting the prints out of their
expected finding them again exactly as they
paper liners laying them out on a table or a
had been before. He just looked for a few days
countertop arranging them on some surface a
desk the floor whatever was in the room. Get
looking getting up in the morning going to
everything out of the box lay it on the table.
the photographs eating breakfast with the
Then he would come by and look at what was
photographs sitting with the photographs no
there just stand over the pictures looking.
breaks no walks. He could spend hours he
would stand over a photograph lose all sense
That look I remember it stooping forward
Moving from room to room standing
bent over getting close to the image very close.
of time. Everything’s important that sensibility
They felt big really immense I had seen these
that tended to valorize his compulsion for
pictures for years in books and magazines but
detail not asters by the mailbox but Montauk
to see them for real with my own eyes in real
daisies not planted in pairs but planted in
life just laid out in front of me
groups of three the shape of their leaves
echoed in the green to blue-green gradient
The little girl in the sailor hat holding
her dog up to the camera the one of the kids
in the variegated leaves stamped around
standing in the driveway in front of their dad’s
the borders of the placemats in the dining
garage the two boys jumping on the picnic
room the moiré pattern in the nylon curtains
table in the Little League field the woman in
hanging in the sidelight windows by the front
the blue dress she’s got those pearls on she’s
door somehow repeated in the diamond-
reaching out to her kid happy smiling the kid
ridged latticework of the lace sewn to the edge
euphoric joyful reaching up to her.
of the little girl’s white ankle socks.
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Picture Logic
Looking then looking again positioning
are several approaches the surface of the
then repositioning then looking again. A
paper that’s resin a film of plastic protecting
standard visual exploit juxtaposition writers
the emulsion once it sustains a number of
do it too you don’t see a clear next decision so
small scratches the image beneath becomes
you try re-envisioning what you already have
less visible more exposed on the other hand
moving an image from here to there putting
with water it’s a little tougher since these
this next to that recasting rethinking trying to
papers were meant to be wet processed there
wake yourself up make your ideas new again.
are a couple layers of plastic around the print
Did he know what he was doing I’m not sure
one on each side of the image both intended
there was no method to any of this.
to keep the paper flat during development.
I went in one afternoon and he seemed
I don’t think any of us at that point
to have no idea who I was or what I wanted or
understood what Jimmy was thinking beyond
what day of the week it was. This is precisely
his desire to engage in this endlessly repetitive
my point why does everyone assume the
futile erosion of order taking boxes apart
goal was preservation when there is so much
staring at pictures talking to himself.
evidence to the contrary why does no one
address that particular aspect of this whole
they look exactly the way they’re supposed to
mania. We don’t usually discard we usually
then one day there’s something different. How
default to conservation we know how to do
did he destroy them I would say deliberately
that there are rules for cataloguing rules of
methodically in such a way that there was
preservation guidelines for putting objects
no chance of retrieval how would you erase
into boxes and for removing them maybe
yourself. A rag and a little water this is a wool
that’s mindless a habit learned by rote the
rag so it’s already pretty rough with one hand
result of training.
holding the photograph down on a surface a
counter a tabletop and the other hand holding
Do you mean make something disappear
or literally obliterate an image because there
Pictures are tricky aren’t they for years
the rag you move the rag across the surface
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Picture Logic
Left page: A person taking a picture using a phone
15
Picture Logic
Pictures are tricky aren’t they for years they look exactly the way they’re supposed to then one day there’s something different
of the print scraping across the emulsion use
more forced than it needs to be is the bowl
small circles do this over and over.
of white chrysanthemums slightly distorted
is this perhaps several photographs stripped
It’s not such a tragedy honestly anybody
who looks at pictures or most people who
together is this an instance of a photograph
look at pictures we do it a little carelessly it’s a
that was once highly valued but has more
skill people take for granted you look you see
recently been discredited these small
something you feel you understand but what
aberrations are they apparent to everyone
is it you’re seeing a beautiful lady with a bowl
are you alone aware of them do these flaws
of flowers good you were able to make sense
exist in the world or are they an instance of
of it the picture means something it gives you
some other kind of phenomenon some failing
pleasure if you study it further you might
on the part of the photographer some error
ask why what makes this picture beautiful
against which the mind collides.
is it the lady is it the bowl of flowers is it the
arrangement of the lady with the flowers what
those pictures now they don’t exist anymore
a good question you get closer you look more
if we could ask Jimmy what’d happened he’d
carefully there’s a lady there are some flowers
say something mysterious and annoying such
what are you seeing a beautiful picture a
as a photographer can’t destroy an image once
group of photographic principles a set of
everyone’s seen it.
aesthetic assertions is the lady’s smile slightly
He had no right to do it people loved
16
They Would Not Let Themselves Go by Mรณnica de la Torre Top: K-pop star Changmin from TVXQ poses from their full-length album 'TENSE'
17
D
aily and often, before the mirror, they
ther, they would have dermatologists treat it
would perform rituals of self-appraisal.
with mild chemical solutions derived from
Their faces were the surfaces upon which they
fruit acids to stronger ones such as retinoic
would paint corrected portraits of themselves.
and trichloroacetic acids that would cause
Suddenly, almost as if by decree, it would
dead skin to slough and, eventually, peel off.
dawn on them that, at some point, they would
become sexually obscene. By the time they
ical and physical agents such as peroxide and
would come to know this they were already
light to achieve an otherwise unlikely radi-
well in the process of becoming so.
ance. They would rid themselves of unwanted
hair growing in their eyebrows, below their
They would become haunted by numbers
They would bleach their teeth with chem-
and take an exacting interest in keeping the
nostrils, their ears, around their upper lips
scorecards of aging. They would exfoliate by
and chins, their armpits and abdomens, their
scrubbing their skin with abrasives to remove
lower pelvises, upper and lower legs, and oc-
its outer layers and feel rejuvenated.
casionally too their feet.
To smooth the texture of facial skin fur-
18
They Would Not Let Themselves Go
They Would Not Let Themselves Go
19
20
They Would Not Let Themselves Go
They would often change their hair color
for cosmetic irritants that would temporarily
to a more desirable one by treating it with
swell the lips, making them appear fuller.
chemical compounds including hydrogen
peroxide and ammonia, which by naturally
unequal distribution of subcutaneous fat
lightening the hair would provide a blank can-
throughout their bodies, so they would have
vas for the dye. The hair shaft pores would be
surgeons make small incisions in their hips,
opened to allow for the dye to bond with the
buttocks, and bellies in order to remove large
hair and speed up the chemical reaction.
quantities of adipose tissue (approximately
ten and a half pints) with cannulas or hollow
If they deemed their lips not full enough,
They disliked having a significant and
they would have physicians enlarge them by
tubes and aspirators or suction devices. To
injecting substances ranging from fat harvest-
temporarily remove frown lines and prevent
ed from the patients’ own bodies to bovine
wrinkles from forming they would have clini-
collagen to purified donor tissue taken from
cians inject them extremely low doses of botu-
cadavers to non-animal laboratory solutions.
linum toxin, the most acutely toxic substance
If allergic to foreign bodies, or unwilling to
known then, which would paralyze their facial
undergo surgical procedures, they might opt
muscles for six weeks up to eight months.
They Would Not Let Themselves Go
21
Right & top page: K-pop star Gain from Brown Eyed Girls posing for her album concept Truth of Dare.
In some instances their communicative
as metaphors for energy, restless mobility,
skills and ability to express and read emotions
and appetite: as metaphors for a 24/7 state of
might be compromised, given that the relay
wanting. Their faces—immutable, unmarked—
of signals from the face to the amygdala and
masks. Their faces—icons, emblems, flags.
brainstem centers for autonomic arousal were
dampened. Consequently, there was lesser
ments to the toils of those pioneers in medical
interaction between their facial muscle move-
and scientific communities behind the stage-
ments and brains. This, unavoidably, would be
craft of their masterful day-to-day perfor-
deemed inconsequential.
mances. And inevitably they would pass, since
they would not let themselves go.
Some would get lifting mastopexies.
Others would get augmentation mammoplasties from physicians who would implant sterile saline solutions or viscous silicone gel into their breasts. Others would get reduction mammoplasties. Invariably, they would turn alien. They would seek to erect themselves
Their bodies—prosthetic, fungible monu-
22
Kari Mette Leu by Per-Oskar Leu
23
1
I was in my early twenties when my
pers. When I was younger I probably
aunt handed me a VHS cassette with
could have understood what she was
my mother’s name written on the label.
saying in the video solely by way of
My aunt and mom worked at a school
her signing, since I spent some years
for hearing-impaired children in Oslo,
attending a nursery school for deaf
Norway, and at some point in the 1980s
children. This arrangement—un-
the school introduced video technol-
usual for a hearing kid—came about
ogy as a training aid for sign-language
for practical reasons, as the nursery
teachers. Unbeknownst to my family,
school was connected to my moth-
my mother had sat for a recording
er’s workplace. I picked up sign lan-
session. Many years later, while clean-
guage without effort, but forgot it
ing out a storage room, a coworker
just as easily after I was transferred
who must have known my mom came
to a regular kindergarten.
across the cassette, which was then
presented to my aunt and in turn given
ently in the last scene of the video,
to me.
which must have been taped on a
separate occasion. Her first outfit
The video is a little over nine min-
My mother is dressed differ-
utes long and consists of two scenes
is a yellow-white blouse, while the
of roughly the same duration. In both
second is a blue button-down shirt
sequences my mother is seen from
with a reddish scarf. (Since the im-
the waist up, seated before a curtain,
age quality has deteriorated, I can’t
translating recorded speech into sign
identify the colors exactly.) Between
language. In the first scene she inter-
the two takes there is a short close-
prets several male voices, acting out a
up of her face, lasting only a second,
fairy tale about a bear, a fox, and a man
shot seemingly by accident from an
named Knut. In the second scene she
alternate angle. I find this frame, in
translates a female voice, which nar-
which she is caught off-guard, to be
rates what seems to be the story of a
the most captivating moment in the
girl named Nora, but here the sound is
video. She looks beautiful.
muffled and barely audible. My mother mouths the words, emitting faint whis-
Left: Oslo public transportation pass in plastic sleeve, 1978. Photo courtesy of Christie’s, New York.
24
Kari Mette Leu
On January 8, 1987, my mother died. I don’t
me and been cultivated, probably even fal-
know when she received the diagnosis of
sified. But my real memory (my real “self”?)
breast cancer, or at what point she knew that
only came into being on that January evening
there was no longer any hope of surviving the
in 1987, which I can still account for in detail.
disease. Although I was, at least toward the
Most vividly, I remember the reactions of
end, aware that she was severely ill, I don’t
the grown-ups around me in the following
think anyone told me straight out that she was
days and weeks, their public displays of grief,
about to die. In any case, I wouldn’t have been
which exposed for the first time a vulnera-
able to fully grasp the concept of death.
bility that is normally hidden from children.
I mourned, but my mourning was of a more
I was six and a half years old (when the
“and a half” feels important) when it hap-
quiet kind. While I do remember the pieces of
pened, and just entering the stage of develop-
music that were played at the funeral, and can
ment when childhood amnesia kicks in and
get tearful when I hear them almost three de-
washes away earlier memories. This would
cades later, I can’t tell for sure if I cried when
explain why my recollection of my mother
we buried her.
is so vague. Bits and pieces have stayed with
I’d need a therapist to assess how suc-
cessful I’ve been at processing the loss and evaluate how the death of my mother has affected my personality. By and large, I think I’ve managed OK, and I quickly bounced back, as kids tend to do. I missed my mom, but as time moved on my longing for specific charTop left: “Alice” plastic doll with moving eye mechanism in cardboard box, circa 1950s. Photo courtesy of Christie’s, New York. Top right: Norrøna brand canvas backpack with leather straps and custom flower patch, circa 1960s/’70s. Photo courtesy of Christie’s, New York.
acteristics, like the sound of her voice, was replaced by a more abstract feeling that something, rather than someone was missing. And concurrent with my transformation (I could even say canonization) of her from an individ-
Bottom left: Hand-sewn cotton blouse, circa 1970s/’80s. Photo courtesy of Christie’s, New York.
ual into a symbol, I found myself increasingly
Bottom right:Framed black-and-white photograph of the family home of Per-Oskar Leu and Kari Mette Leu at Bekkeveien 11 in Oslo. Photo courtesy of Christie’s, New York.
possessions” that she left behind.
attached to the physical objects or “worldly
Kari Mette Leu
25
26
Kari Mette Leu
2 I was eight when my dad decided to sell the
absurdly—guarded the traces of my mother
house where I was born. To me, the move was
involved telecommunications. In Norway in
nothing short of expulsion from Paradise.
the 1980s, a state company held a monopo-
If my mother was now a saintly figure, that
ly, meaning that customers didn’t own their
house was her temple. For us to leave was sac-
telephones but leased them as part of a sub-
rilege. Later, I became deeply upset when my
scription plan. Anyone wanting to upgrade
dad announced that he was going to scrap the
to a newer model needed to hand in the old
car, which was peculiar because, as opposed to
phone, as my father did when the rotary
the house, the Soviet-made Lada was only the
system was supplanted by push-button
latest in a succession of family vehicles, and I
technology. It’s hard to tell why the idea of
don’t think my mother had even used it very
losing this object felt especially painful, but
much. I was actually a little embarrassed of the I remember crying my eyes out on the drive car, as the Lada had a bad reputation in those
to the phone store in a mixture of anger and
days. Yet I venerated the Lada and, oblivious
despair, pleading with my dad to change his
to the cost of automobiles, I began fundrais-
mind. Perhaps I pictured her talking and
ing to save it from the junkyard—“begging” is
breathing into the phone for so many hours
probably a more accurate word. I made a pig-
and imagined that her spirit still resided in
gy bank out of a cardboard box and asked for
the plastic box. I can only speculate. But I
donations to “rescue the car” whenever adults
can say with conviction that my mother’s
stopped by our home. Needless to say, I had a
death produced a hoarder. Ever since, I
difficult time rallying support for my cause.
have dreaded (and I really mean dreaded)
the necessity of throwing things away.
The incident when I most fiercely—and
27
Kari Mette Leu
3
Left page: Gresvig brand leather track shoes with steel-spiked soles, circa 1960s. Photo courtesy of Christie’s, New York.
The Internet has proved help-
and I’ve always wound up
ful in legitimizing my behav-
regretting it, regardless of
ior. Sites like eBay have shown
the financial outcome. The
that there is a market for
Ibsen quote is true: “Only the
even the most obscure para-
lost is eternally owned.” What
phernalia. The 2016 craze for
I’ve sold is what I most often
Walt Disney VHS tapes from
reminisce about. (Yes, I’m
the so-called Black Diamond
thinking of you, multipur-
edition is an extreme exam-
pose-flashlight-turned-over-
ple: Overnight, 1980s and
for-cash-to-a-classmate-in-
’90s video releases of Disney’s
fourth-grade.)
animated films were alchem-
ized from thrift-store refuse
memories as well as things, I
into eBay gold and listed not
was disturbed to hear the nuts
for hundreds but thousands
and bolts of recollection ex-
of dollars. I’ve never had any
plained on a popular-science
Black Diamonds, but I’ve seen
radio show. Apparently, when
an old pair of sneakers sell
retrieving an event from the
for 350 dollars and a vintage
vault of the mind, the brain
skateboard fetch twice that
doesn’t recall so much as re-
amount, which is welcome
imagine, tainting the memory
affirmation that I made the
with a range of ingredients
right decision in holding on
in the process: fragments of
to so much stuff that was at
other occurrences, newly
one point considered worth-
uncovered details, current
less. Ironically, the knowledge
thoughts, figments of the
of these dramatic increases in
imagination. A memory is like
value makes me all the more
a piece of forensic evidence,
reluctant to part with things
contaminated a little bit each
from my, well, let’s say “col-
time it is touched by human
lection.” What if their value
hands. Or a memory is like
continues to escalate? Won’t I
the jar of homemade raspber-
be twice the fool? There have
ry jam that was canned by my
been occasions on which I
mother in 1984, and is now
have sold off inventory in
arguably my most bizarre
order to make an extra buck,
keepsake. Though it probably
Being a keen gatherer of
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Bottom: Glass jar of raspberry jam, with affixed paper label inscribed “Bringebær [Raspberry] 1984.” Photo courtesy of Christie’s, New York. Right page: Silver-plated trophy cup, engraved “Erindring fra Østensjø Skole for god oppførsel, orden og flid [Award from Østensjø Skole for good behavior, orderliness and diligence],” 1961. Photo courtesy of Christie’s, New York.
Kari Mette Leu
doesn’t taste good, the jam looks remarkably well-preserved, and as long as the airtight seal is intact I’m sure the berries (harvested in the garden of my childhood home) will stay edible for years to come. If I open the lid, if only for a spoonful, decomposition will speed up, the contents will transform until the jam is utterly unrecognizable.
The same frailty applies to the VHS cas-
sette that came crashing into my life like an unexpected flashback. I’m not talking about the perils the video has endured: How it was left unharmed when burglars vandalized my family’s storage unit; how the DVD copies we made turned out to be blank; how the original cassette disappeared for a few stressful days and snapped inside my VCR after finally being located. No, I’m talking about the gradual, physical erosion that takes place every time the magnetic tape passes through the video player. While hardly discernible from one viewing to the next, the machine is nevertheless, slowly but surely, altering the recording of my mother.
Kari Mette Leu
29
4 It is not surprising that the Internet eventually
the letters will be illegible and, in the end, for
caught up with my mom. Googling her on a
better or worse, the Internet will be my mom’s
whim ten years ago, I was a little astonished
most permanent resting place. Perhaps this
to see her face pop up in a class photo taken
essay is my engraving on her digital monu-
with her pupils. I had a mixed reaction: The
ment. I like to think she’d be OK with that.
new digital world seemed like a sphere where
she, who had passed away long before I got my
shape-shifted and dematerialized in the time
first computer, didn’t belong. Such a response
since I digitized it, although it’s difficult to tell
would be unheard of today. With countless
what percentage of the analog signals went
archival records scanned and made public-
missing in the conversion. It would seem
ly available by companies and institutions
natural to upload the AVI file as a supplement
around the globe, having no online presence
to this essay, but here my guardian instincts
is something of an accomplishment, even for
protest. I’m hesitant to release the only mov-
the long-since departed.
ing images of my mother into the wilderness
of the public domain. But more than that,
When I last visited my mother’s burial
The nine-minute tape has also
site, I noticed that a thin layer of moss grow-
I’ve come to realize that something essential
ing on her grave has begun creeping into the
would be lost if the video were posted online.
carved inscription of her name. Soon enough
Most viewers would find nothing exceptional
30
Top: One English–Norwegian and two French–Norwegian pocket dictionaries published by N. W. Damm & Søn, with homemade felt dust jackets, circa 1961. Photo courtesy of Christie’s, New York.
Kari Mette Leu
about the footage of my mom signing; on the contrary, I fear they’d be indifferent or flat-out bored.
The only part of the recording that
comes remotely close to transmitting the halo that I see is that single, randomly shot image of her face. The smudged, oversaturated colors of the dilapidated VHS tape bring to mind pseudoscientific New Age “aura photography.” It’s a double exposure, so her semitransparent face floats over the curtain backdrop, almost like a ghost. It’s a little out of focus, causing her features to be blurred. Still, she does look beautiful.
Kari Mette Leu
Sources Triple canopy Issue 23: Vanitas Published beginning on September 15, 2016 https://www.canopycanopycanopy.com So the Second Thing I Bought Was a Mirror by Aisha Sasha John Published on July 25, 2017 Kari Mette Leu by Per-Oskar Leu Published on January 8, 2017 Picture Logic by Angela Ferraiolo Published on September 20, 2016 A Note on Vanitas by Lucy Ives Published on September 15, 2016
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