Couples Guide to Arguing and Resolving Conflicts - CMX Chat Rooms

Couples Guide to Arguing and Resolving Conflicts

Every relationship comes with its fair share of challenges and all the wonderful moments. It’s pertinent that you understand this fact first so you can tread carefully when the challenges arise and enjoy the good times to the fullest. That’s the reason for this guide to help you in Arguing and Resolving Conflict as there are hardly any rules to enjoying the fantastic moments. But challenges if not handled while Resolving Conflict with care can escalate into something bigger and rip the marriage or relationship apart. If it doesn’t, it will leave permanent grudges in the relationship and make it a living hell for both parties.

This guide by CMX Chat – Writers Chat Room will help you navigate every argument, come out unhurt, and also help you in resolving conflicts with your partner.

Let’s begin with the arguments and explore them from several angles.

The Purpose of Arguments and Conflicts Arguments aren’t bad in a relationship, however, there are times when you can just zip it up and let things die naturally instead of engaging in arguments and risking

resentment. But that’s outside marriage, let’s talk about it within the context of marriage.

The purpose of arguments in a relationship or marriage is to help both partners understand each other’s perspective about life and its numerous dimensions. It’s also to help each other learn in areas where they’re naive and don’t even know it.

Types of Arguments By those two basic proposes of arguments, you can see that arguments come in different types and we’ve already highlighted two. So the first kind of argument helps you learn more about your partner’s opinion, likes, dislikes, and thought patterns as it relates to particular or different spheres of life which can help you in resolving conflicts with yourspartner.

The second kind of argument is to school each other and this kind of argument usually ends with the presentation of facts from the more learned party. It could be that your partner thinks his/her country is located within the Western Hemisphere but that’s wrong and it leads to series of arguments that end up with you showing proof that it is actually on the Eastern Hemisphere. This is a hypothetical situation and the argument could be just about anything but the endpoint leaves one party more educated than they use to be.

Now to the third and last which is where we’ll dwell upon. This kind of argument involves both parties claiming to be right and they are actually right from their individual viewpoints but can’t find a common ground to settle. Each thinks the other is completely wrong and they talk about it for a long time arguing and sometimes this could birth violence. That’s the part we don’t like; the violence whether it’s vocal or physical. Arguments are not supposed to leave each other hurt emotionally or physically.

It’s supposed to end with both parties learning new things, understanding each other better, and resolving conflicts which is why the section below will present you with rules to arguing. The rules are applicable to all kinds of arguments but more applicable to the last kind.

5 Rules to Arguing in Relationships

1. Don’t Dredge Up the Past There are times when digging up dirt in the past can be permitted but not during an argument where you guys are fighting in a war of words. The atmosphere is heated up and tensed. This makes it very volatile and one point from the past although valid, can light things up further. Bringing points from the past is like fuel and when it drops right into the fire, it’s meant to burn higher than before.

Dredging up the past can take the argument from one lane into another and sometimes you could be right, but dredging up the past can turn the argument against you making you the predator and your partner the victim. It could be hard not to bring up the past especially when things repeat themselves, but you might want to save it for when the atmosphere is cooler and bring it up on a lighter note for the sake of peace it plays a major role in resolving conflicts with your partner..

2. Don’t Intimidate Your Partner

You could be right in the argument but don’t use it to intimidate your partner and make him/her feel reduced to nothing. Communicate your points politely and get rid of every tone that sounds like you’re bragging or being too cheeky in the conversation. Your partner is in your life to compliment you and not to be your rival so there’s no point in escalating an argument with your pride.

Tone it down and be rest assured that the growth of your partner is again to the relationship and not otherwise. Sometimes their view about a particular subject might

be wrong, don’t make them feel bad about it. Dole out your points lightly and make them understand why they need to change their standpoint.

Don’t criticize them for where they choose to stand on a particular sphere of life, but let them know why they should be standing on your side.

3. Don’t Bring Up Weaknesses We all have our weaknesses that are evident to not just our partners but to the world.

While it’s not permitted to mention your partner’s weakness unless you’re about to help out, bringing them into arguments is incredibly a bad idea. Dredging up the past could be a fuel to an existing fire but adding weaknesses is more dangerous and could be likened to adding fuel and inflammables to a burning building. You should be putting out the fire instead of promoting its flames.

There’s no one who’s more aware of weaknesses than the bearer and stating the obvious is a direct attack on the personality of the person. Just like bringing up the past, pointing out weaknesses or using them as weapons of warfare in arguments can derail the argument into paths of grave issues that leaves both party hurt.

4. Be Mindful of Your Choice of Words When arguing, it’s easy to get pissed at your partner’s failures to see things from your angle. It’s even frustrating when you are certain your point is valid, you’re right and your partner is downright wrong but fails to see through your lens. At this point your choice of words can aggravate the situation as you could resort to hurling insults.

When insults become part of the equation, we are looking at a fighting scene which could be verbal or vocal. Now the goal of arguments will be defeated here leaving everyone with a fair share of grief. It calls for extreme caution when picking words from your vocabulary. Choose carefully and tread with caution so you don’t incite violence with your language.

5. Stick to the Context and Avoid Deviating

You could be losing and the only way to avert the imminent bridge where you have to concede defeat is to derail. That’s very wrong, and yeah, conceding can be very difficult especially when your ego is on the line. But you have to accept defeat, you don’t have to win every time. Accept it and that makes you human not a little god that never fails. All of these brings us back to where you have to stick to the context.

It means you shouldn’t bring up things that not related which makes no sense or pick on certain things which you know will definitely annoy your partner.

One thing about getting hurt during arguments is that, it’s a two-edged sword. When your partner is hurt, chances are that it’ll have a ripple effect on you. So you don’t have to go out of the context to introduce other angles of the arguments like bringing in the past, your partner’s flaws, there previous mistakes, or whatever you can to veer off the course. No, stick within context, accept the defeat, and you’d both be happy.

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