The South Coast Insider - February 2014

February 2014

the south coast

Vol. 18 / No. 2

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Plus: Alternative medicines Time and money Amazing nachos

News, views & trends‌

Love & marriage

‌around the world Stories straight from the heart The best of intentions

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Richard Oliveira of Princess Limousine speaking about Ed Moniz, Business Development Specialist at St. Anne’s Credit Union.

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From the publisher

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Love and marriage around the world

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February 2014 / The South Coast Insider

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February 2014 / The South Coast Insider

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Continuing on our romantic theme, Joyce Rowley has looked into the history and practices of engagement and marriage in the South Coast region. When the bride “gives her hand” in marriage, just what does that mean? Answers to that, and more, begin on page 14.

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The South Coast Insider / February 2014

5

COVER STORY

Stories

from the heart

By Jay Pateakos

I’ve never been the biggest flower guy when it came to women. My brother used to buy a dozen roses for each first date and for me, I felt one did the trick.

I was also never a fan of waiting for Valentine’s Day or anniversaries to do special things for a significant other. I know Valentine’s Day has skyrocketed into one of the most popular commercial days besides Christmas and maybe Easter, but the lure of doing major romantic things on Valentine’s Day eludes me.

Choose the unexpected I’ve known people that have popped the question on Valentine’s Day, something I was never a fan of. To me, that’s not romantic; it’s expected to a certain degree. Pick any other day—Groundhog Day, Flag Day, even Halloween—now that’s romance.

To me (and to some of the people I’ve interviewed below), romance is the simple things; making coffee or getting the morning paper; opening the door for a lady (my dad was a master at this), telling someone they are beautiful; listening when your significant other is talking (you’d be surprised how many people don’t do this simple task).

Every once in a while, I see elderly couples—they are so cute—hunched over slightly, taking a walk through the park, hand in hand after all these years, they still get it; they still want to hold each other’s hands. Now that’s romance to me.

The people in the following paragraphs know their romance. From florists to jewelers to two couples that 6

have been married nearly a combined century, they will talk about romance and tell their stories. Maybe we can all get something out of it to take to our relationships.

Random acts of romance Nancy Plante, of Swansea’s Plante Jewelers, has been working side by side with her husband, Pierre, for decades. When it comes to romance, the couple has just about seen it all. The two keep their romance going through

February 2014 / The South Coast Insider

their work and the people’s lives they touch along the way.

“We had an elderly couple that came in the other day. They walked through the shop and he had her sit down in front of a ring counter, and he purchased her a ring right then and there,” said Nancy.

“She had no idea what he was doing and he placed the ring on her finger and he was trembling. She always wanted to get a ring. They cried; we all cried that day.”

Nancy and Pierre Plante of Plante Jewelers have worked together for decades and found it nurtures their love for each other.

When asked why jewelry is always linked to romance, Nancy said there are two kinds of jewelry. One is for fashion and looks and the other for meaning. She said most jewelry lasts more than a lifetime and people tend to pass it on to children or grandchildren in the hopes of keeping the generational romance going.

“It may be a child’s birthstone or a mother’s or grandmother’s engagement ring,” said Plante. “These are things that people never take off.”

The ultimate proposal Not only does Danielle SampsonVieira, manager of J&J Diamond Jeweler’s in Fall River, know a thing or two about romance, but she’s lived one of the most romantic marriage proposals I have ever heard of.

J&J stands for owner Sharon’s two sons, Justin and Jason. Here is her story: “I met Justin in June of 2001. When we first started dating, Justin had spoken of his brother a lot, but in the past tense. I think it took a couple dates before he told me that he had passed away three years prior to us meeting from Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. Justin and Jason were very close and I know he looked up to him,” said Danielle.

“Fast-forward three years. Justin and I had talked marriage but never in depth. Well, December 16, 2004 Justin had brought me for the first time to see his brother’s grave. I knew it was hard for him, because he rarely went on his own. December 16th was also his brother’s birthday.

“Before I knew it, Justin was down on one knee in front of his brother headstone proposing to me. His very exact quote was ‘As you know, this is a very important night for me; bringing you here, I also wanted to make it a very important night for you, and of course I said ‘yes’!!

“We got married a year and a half later and now have two beautiful children, Samantha Jae and Dylan Jay after their uncle.”

As for advice she would give to couples, take your time, do your research and know what your mate wants.

“Picking out jewelry is very personal;

truly knowing and understanding who you’re buying for,” said Danielle.

“An engagement ring symbolizes knowing your partner’s taste and wanting to make them happy. For me, it’s not about the size of the diamond, but the quality of research the person puts into it. Listening and understanding what your partner would like.”

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Tales from the florist Terry Cabral, has owned Ray’s Flowers in Fall River for 24 years.

Imagine what kind of romance you can see in that span?

Here’s one: just the other day, Terry said a couple came in, both in their 70s, ready to pick out flowers for their wedding. The lady had been widowed twice and the man once, but you’d never know they had gone through these rituals before by the way they acted that day.

“They must have come back and forth into the shop about six times trying to pick out the right flowers. It was so cute how excited they were; how in love they were,” said Cabral.

“She had to have flowers—a bouquet—and he came in once with his suit. It’s just really cute at that age to be able to find love again.”

Cabral said people buy flowers for all sorts of reasons. Some for special occasions, others send random flowers to their wives or girlfriend’s work saying, “I miss you. Have a good day.”

(See? I’m not the only one that thinks people should focus on random acts of romance).

As for words of wisdom, Cabral said to know what you are looking for in a mate and make sure you both want the same thing. She said if the sparks don’t fly early on, they never will.

“Put each other first or it won’t work,” Cabal said.

Speaking of putting each other first, Daniel and Judy Coroa of Fall River have made their marriage of 48 years about putting each other first.

When both began dating in 1961, they grew tired of her sisters’ knowing what they were talking about when they talked. So the two went out and learned pig-Latin to throw them off Continued on next page

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Continued from previous page the trace. In pig-Latin, Judy is “Udyjay” and Danny is “Anny-day.”

With Daniel now 70 and Judy 69, they don’t have to talk pig-Latin any more but each and every card they give to each other (thousands by last calculations), they still sign in their pig-Latin names.

Udy-jay, aka Judy, is one of those wives who hold on to things. For their entire 48-year marriage. every card, napkin, corsage, note, and gift has been kept and stored away.

“He still gives me flowers and he never forgets Valentine’s Days or anniversaries; and back when we first started dating, he gave me two rocks with our names carved in them,” said Judy. “For our 25th anniversary, I got another rock.”

that much in their 48-year marriage—the visual of Judy fainting on the hospital floor will always be with me—you want to harness this love and bring that magic over to your own relationship.

All in good time In George, and Viola Panagakis’ case, both 85, married now 44 and a half years, romance, at the beginning, had to wait. With ailing parents, Viola was clearly mature beyond her years when she refused George’s courting nearly 50 years ago. She knew, even then, that taking care of her parents and entering into a relationship was an element for disaster.

A vital pact

Popping the question for the fourth time, still not knowing if this would be the one, Viola said yes on the spot and the two were married nearly a year after the passing of her mother. Even their reverend, in blessing their marriage, admitted he had tried to get this couple together for many years.

“When I think of romance and my husband, the first thing I think of is food. That’s why his nickname is ‘Cookie’ because he loves his sweets,” said Viola.

“But the reason why we have lasted all these years is because we enjoy the simpler things in life. We thoroughly enjoy each other’s company and we love to eat together either at a restaurant or at home; and we enjoy being with family.”

Viola admitted that the times are much different now than they were when George was courting her, but she said new couples should take the time to know each other’s likes and dislikes.

“It’s important to get to know everything about the person and to enjoy the simple things,” said Viola.

When they first got married, they made a pact to never go to bed angry and they’ve stuck to it.

“I still kiss her every night before I go to bed,” said Daniel, who has worked for Marshall Electric for 52 years.

“Sure there are times when we More than money are fighting, but in the end you I think we sometimes get caught have to agree and forget what you up in thoughts that romance were fighting about.” needs to be an expensive gift or a That single line was never more Sharon (left) and Danielle Vieira of J&J Jeweler’s fancy meal and to me, that’s not important than the day Daniel what it’s about at all. suffered a brain aneurysm and “I cared for two parents, and if I had Like Viola states, focus on the simple Judy was faced with the idea that she married back then, it would not have things. She told me when times were may soon lose her soul mate. lasted,” said Viola. tough early on, they used to go Dutch “When I got to Rhode Island Hospital, “There has to be give and take in a all the time because money was tight he had all staples on one side of his relationship but in taking care of my and they would often share a chow head,” said Judy, who would subseparents, who would I have taken my mein sandwich. quently pass out right there on the anger out on? Who else, the person Now that’s romance. It’s not about hospital room floor. that was closest to me, my husband.” what’s bought but how you use the “You just can’t picture being without But George was persistent and never time you have. Write a love note on someone; we’ve been together since took no for an answer. He would go on a napkin. Do something completely we were teenagers.” to propose three times and be refused unexpected to help your mate. Think In their engagement story, in front of all three times. In the end, George outside your comfort zone. Romance her whole family, Daniel presented her would court Viola a combined 22 years means different things to different with a box nearly four feet high. Judy before his luck turned. people, and it’s all in how your loved had to get through five more boxes “It even got to the point that I would one takes it and appreciates it. Hold before finding the engagement ring in introduce him to friends in the hopes her hand. Come up with your own the final, smallest box. that he would take them out,” said love language. Tell her how much she “A relationship is easy,” said Daniel.

Viola.

“When she argues, I shut up.” means to you. In the end, there’s noth“Thankfully, there’s a time for everyBut in the end, after 48 years, to still ing to lose by shaking up the percepthing. And he waited for me.” have that magic; still love each other tion of what is and is not romance.

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February 2014 / The South Coast Insider

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9

COVER STORY

‘Love and marriage, love and marriage…’

by Elizabeth Morse Read

It’s February, the month of Saint Valentine’s Day, the western world’s celebration of courtship, affection, romantic love and all things red.

It’s also big business: candy (especially chocolate), greeting cards, jewelry, flowers and lingerie are sold in mind-boggling quantities.

In 2012, Americans spent almost $19 billion on Valentine’s Day gifts, and almost 20 per cent of that amount was spent on jewelry, especially engagement rings.

But, while many non-western countries have adopted the American-style Valentine’s Day, celebrating Saint Valentine’s Day is strictly forbidden in many Muslim countries. For instance, in Saudi Arabia, gift shops and florists must remove all red items (even red wrapping paper) the week before Valentine’s Day until after February 14. Other regions and religions resist it simply because it’s such a blatantly commercial American import.

But while people all around the world celebrate love and marriage in some form or 10

another, it’s not always like what we do here in the US of A. So, what better way to celebrate our version of Saint Valentine’s Day than to learn about love and marriage around the world through time?

’Love makes the world go ‘round…’

Almost every country and culture has a special day for celebrating courtship, love and betrothals, although it may not be on February 14. For instance, in Wales, January 25 is St. Dwynwen’s Day, the patron saint of lovers, when men carve intricate wooden “love spoons” for their beloved.

In China, there’s Seventh Sister Day, when women carve melons.

In Japan and South Korea, February 14 is indeed fashioned after the American-style Valentine’s Day, but only women give gifts and

February 2014 / The South Coast Insider

candy on that day. “White Day,” on March 14, is when men give gifts and candy to women.

Danes prefer giving white flowers, rather than red. In the Philippines, February 14 is a very popular day for mass weddings. In Sweden, February 14 is “All Hearts Day,” celebrating both friendship and love. But no matter the cultural differences, Saint Valentine’s Day is probably the most popular day of the year to propose or to announce an engagement.

And when those Saint Valentine’s Day proposals lead to a marriage ceremony, there’s even more to learn about our shared traditions.

‘Goes together like a horse and carriage…’

Almost all countries and cultures have elaborate, symbolic marriage customs. Many are vastly different from the western marriage

tradition. For instance, there are people like the Inuit (Eskimo), who seem to have few marriage customs in the monogamous western sense— many Inuit practice temporary marriage. There are cultures and religions that permit having multiple wives, and a few that permit multiple husbands!

Money is a common theme in many wedding traditions: there are countries like Greece, the Philippines, Poland and Cuba where wedding guests traditionally pin money to the bride’s dress. In some cultures, even now, the groom’s family pays a “bride price,” where in others, the bride’s family pays a dowry to the groom’s family.

Then there are wedding customs from around the world that would seem quite strange to an American. For instance, “blackening the bride” in Scotland means that she’s doused with garbage, manure, rotting food and dirt by her friends, then paraded around.

In Kenya, a Massai father-of-the-bride spits on her, as a blessing. In certain parts of Indonesia and Malaysia, the bride and groom are not allowed to use the bathroom for three days after the wedding. In the Congo, the new couple is not supposed to smile during the wedding or in photos. In Sweden, if the groom leaves the room, all the other men in the room can kiss the bride (the same applies if the bride leaves the room).

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‘What’s love got to do with it?’

But just as we Americans celebrate the religion and traditions of our families when we wed, we’re also echoing the many forms marriage took historically before it evolved into today’s “love match.”

Cartoons of cavemen dragging their mates to a cave may seem comical now, but “bride theft” (aka bride kidnapping) was the accepted way of getting married long before arranged marriages or love marriages. It’s mentioned in the Old Testament; the Trojan War was fought because Paris kidnapped Helen.

Some scholars suggest that the modern custom of the “honeymoon” may have originated with bride theft: the new husband would hide away with his new wife until her family calmed down. Since the Middle Ages, eloping has been considered a kind of bride kidnapping, especially if the man couldn’t afford to pay the

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11

Continued from previous page

customary “bride price” to the girl’s family.

Bride theft is still practiced in remote parts of the world, but it’s more often a symbolic ritual rather than an actual kidnapping.

‘Love the one you’re with…’

Who was Saint Valentine?

W

e Americans seem to be quite comfortable celebrating Saint Patrick’s Day, and buying into “Santa Claus” (Saint Nicholas), even though most of us don’t know much of anything about the actual historical personages. But even that sketchy knowledge would be huge when compared with the virtually nothing we know about the actual Christian saint Valentine.

The best we know is that he was a Christian cleric in Rome who was martyred for his faith on February 14 in the 3rd century AD. But “Valentinus” was a popular name back then, so our Saint Valentine could be one particular person or the conflation of several men named Valentinus. It’s not clear why he became a patron saint of romantic love.

Many wonderful myths and folk tales associating him with courtly love sprang up in the Middle Ages, and we’ve been celebrating this murky, mythical person ever since.

12

Alongside bride theft, there have always been arranged-marriage customs around the world. Until the 20th century, the majority of upper-class marriages in the western world were arranged marriages, where third parties, usually family elders or trusted advisors, matched up the bride and groom. Love had nothing to do with it: the union was used to ensure good relations with other aristocratic families or countries; to protect property, titles and wealth; or to gain new social status.

Many American fathers still pick up the tab for their daughter’s (first) wedding expenses.

That unspoken rule harkens back to when

some Orthodox Jews, the Amish, and fundamentalist Mormons also still practice forms of arranged marriage.

Ironically, arranged marriages have been on the rise in Japan, where 40 per cent of modern Japanese women under 30 years old are not married.

‘That’s amore…’

A “love marriage” is the norm now in most western cultures (and, increasingly, in many non -western cultures), where young people choose whom they date and marry, with or without their families’ blessing.

But, as we are a nation of immigrants, the typical American wedding incorporates traditions from around the world. We’ve “borrowed” a tapestry of customs, superstitions and rituals.

The only truly unique American marriage custom is our tendency to customize a wedding ceremony so that it honors the extended fami-

Traditions of modern American love marriages are throwbacks to the bad old days of bride theft or arranged marriages or “irregular” marriages. fathers of arranged-brides had to pay dowry to the husband’s family. A dowry, technically, is a female child’s inheritance, given at her marriage instead of upon her father’s death. In many traditions, the dowry ensures good treatment of the daughter by her new family. Sometimes the wife is allowed to keep and manage her dowry independently, but in most arranged marriages the dowry becomes the husband’s property.

For all intents and purposes, daughters were the property of their fathers, and were often given in marriage to the highest bidder, so to speak. But the feelings and wishes of the prospective bride and groom are not dismissed entirely in most arranged marriages (If they have no say at all, it is called a forced marriage.).

Arranged marriages are still common in India, Africa, the Middle East and parts of Asia, and picture-bride marriages are very common among immigrant groups in the US. Minority religious groups, such as the Unification Church,

February 2014 / The South Coast Insider

lies’ heritage, religion, and traditions. American weddings are very flexible; the young couple can tailor-make their own distinctive wedding “tradition.”

Even so, many of the traditions of modern American love marriages are throwbacks to the bad old days of bride theft or arranged marriages or “irregular” marriages. For instance: Why does the bride wear white? We all like to assume that the tradition of a bride wearing a white dress is some ancient religious symbol of purity and virginity. Actually, it began in the mid-19th century, when Queen Victoria broke with royal tradition and chose to wear a white wedding dress. It started a fashion trend which persists to this day.

Why do some cultures smash glass at weddings? This is a common custom worldwide, whether it’s glass or pottery or dishes that get smashed. And the significance of the smashing

differs widely, whether it’s in the Philippines, Greece, Bavaria or in traditional Jewish weddings. It could be done to frighten away evil spirits and bad luck; or else all the broken pieces could symbolize the many years or maybe the many challenges the new couple will share.

Why do brides and grooms avoid seeing each other on their wedding day before the service? In most arranged-marriage weddings, when the bride lifts her veil, the couple is seeing each other for the first time. Getting a sneakpeek before the ceremony left too much wiggle room for either the bride or the groom to back out of the arrangement.

Why does the bridegroom have a “best man”? In cultures past and present, where kidnapping a bride was the norm, the kidnapper husband-to-be had to protect himself and his bride, so he always chose his most trusted friend—his “best man”—to hold off her enraged relatives.

Why do brides wear veils? This custom is almost universal, but in western tradition, it goes back to Roman times, where a veil helped disguise and protect the vulnerable bride-to-be from evil spirits. It also prevented the arranged husband-to-be from seeing the bride’s face before the ceremony.

Why are new brides carried over the threshold? In ancient “kidnapping” marriages, the bride might very well be kicking and screaming in protest, so she’d be lifted up and carried into the new husband’s home, willy-nilly. Somehow, this ancient symbolic act is still practiced in the US. Why do we say that someone has “tied the knot” when they get married? “Tying the knot” was part of the pre-Christian Celtic/ Germanic “hand-fasting” ceremonies, when a couple publicly agreed to betrothal (a year-anda-day trial marriage) or actual marriage. Their intercrossed hands would be loosely bound in ribbons or rope to symbolize a solemn commitment. It’s related to the phrase “asking for her hand in marriage” and also to the equally ancient custom of shaking hands to signify agreement. “Tying the knot” is part of modernday Wiccan marriage ceremonies.

What does “jumping the broom” mean?

Jumping the broom is a marriage custom celebrated in certain cultures. The bride and groom in ancient Celtic weddings would sit astride a broomstick to symbolize their new partnership: it is still practiced in Wales. But some AfricanAmerican wedding ceremonies also incorporate “broom jumping,” a ritual which was carried down from the days of slavery, when a regular church wedding just wasn’t an option.

Why does a bride’s father walk her down the aisle? In very traditional families today and really sappy movies, the young man always asks his beloved’s father if he may “take her hand in marriage.” If permission is given and a wedding ceremony is planned, the bride’s father escorts her up the aisle to “give her away” to the husband, and he places her hand on the husband’s hand, to show that she’s willingly “giving her hand” in marriage.

Why do we throw rice after the wedding?

Again, this is an ancient and almost universal marriage custom, showering a newlywed couple with symbols of fertility, luck and prosperity, whether it’s rice, flower petals, seeds, or paper confetti. But whatever someone chooses to throw at the happy couple, it should always be thrown outdoors, not inside the church, house or reception hall.

Why do we tie tin cans to the new couple’s car? Family and friends want to ensure that the new couple is not bothered by evil spirits, so making a lot of noise after the wedding is meant to scare the bad guys away. In some cultures, they achieve this by ringing bells or smashing dishes or setting off firecrackers, but Americans have morphed the old European custom of tying shoes to the horse carriage into tying noisy tin cans to the rear bumper of the honeymoon vehicle.

What does “honeymoon” mean? Literally, “honey month.” The ancient Germanic custom was that weddings were only performed on the night of a full moon, and the couple drank honey wine (aka “mead”) every night until the next full moon. In other traditions, the honeymoon period was a sweet, secluded escape from the bride’s relatives.

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The South Coast Insider / February 2014

13

COVER STORY

A matter of intentions

by Joyce Rowley

If you’re planning to ask the BIG question this Valentine’s Day, and you want to get hitched by June, you may just make it. We’ve got some pretty rigorous regulations and ancient customs to follow when tying the knot on the South Coast.

Speak now or forever hold your peace…

When I first heard that South Coast towns require marriage applicants to file a “notice of intentions,” I pictured a father asking a young suitor whether his intentions were honorable back in the Victorian days of the last century, or even further back to 1621 when Miles Standish sent John Alden to ask for Priscilla Mullin’s hand in marriage. And we know how that turned out.

In reality, the custom is much, much older.

More like 800 years old.

Giving notice of the intention to marry is steeped in Catholic canonical law from 1215 AD as a way to formally notify parish members that two people were marrying. Announcements carried over into other Christian churches so that by 1563 AD, marriage “banns” were required to be announced at three Sunday services.

According to the 1622 Book of Common Prayer, the Bann stated: “If any of you know cause or just impediment why these two persons should not be joined 14

together in Holy Matrimony, ye are to declare it.”

Sound familiar? The announcement also was woven into the wedding ceremony itself as a final chance for anyone to dispute the validity of the marriage, still used today. The fourth and final announcement came during the ceremony: “Therefore, if any may show any just cause why they may not be lawfully joined together, let him now speak or forever hold his peace.”

(1622 Book of Common Prayer).

These announcements were important in a time when vital records weren’t kept, paper was at a premium and few people knew how to read or write. The community was expected to speak out against illegal marriages or those that violated religious law. The churches relied on the community to keep track of each other’s personal lives, which is not so very different from today when you think about it.

When marriage laws were written in colonial Massachusetts, the concept of allowing someone to object to a marriage translated into the “Notice of Intentions.”

February 2014 / The South Coast Insider

Reasons not to marry?

Today’s Notice of Intentions, which is the Massachusetts version of a marriage license, requires a three-day waiting period based on this same underlying admonition, that if any in the community know of a reason, they should come forward to prevent an illegal marriage.

In fact, many of those prohibitions still exist although we may no longer count a “vow of celibacy” as a reason to deny a marriage, as the Catholic Church once did.

It is still illegal to marry immediate blood relatives—siblings, parents, step-parents, grandparents, nieces and nephews, or even a spouse’s blood relatives. But older prohibitions against marrying cousins have been dropped in Massachusetts as the population grew and there was less risk of genetic defects from intermarrying.

And, unlike Utah, in Massachusetts it is illegal to marry if there’s a pre-existing marriage that hasn’t been dissolved. A three-day wait allows a first spouse to show up and protest,

Same-sex marriages

And that suitor Dad was giving “the Talk” to might be a guy, or not. Since 2004, Massachusetts eliminated restrictions against same-sex marriages. It was the first state in the country to issue a same-sex marriage license on May 17, 2004.

One of 16 states, Massachusetts also became a draw for out-of-state couples who wanted all of the legal and community benefits of being

Going out of style?

Nationally, only the District of Columbia and Hawai’i saw increases in marriages in the past 20 years, according to the Center for Disease Control’s vital statistic records. Even Nevada— the get-hitched-quick marriage capital of the country—dropped from 99 marriages per thousand to a bare 36.9 per thousand, although it still leads all other states.

There’s been a continuous drop in the Massachusetts rate of marriages, too, from 7.9 per thousand to 5.5 per thousand between 1990 and 2011. Divorce rates are fairly stable at 2.7 to 2.8 per thousand for that time period.

A quick survey of South Coast towns shows that marriages are following the state trend.

Massachusetts requires both parties to appear in person and sign the Notice of Intentions, so consent is verified. married. On June 26, 2013, the United States Supreme Court voted to overturn the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) thereby allowing same-sex couples access to all 1,138 federal laws relating to marriage.

Those benefits include being counted as next-of-kin if either spouse ends up in the emergency room or passes away. Access to social security benefits, military and veteran benefits are now available to same-sex married spouses.

In a hurry?

The three-day waiting period can be waived, but only with the permission of a probate or district court judge. If one of the parties is near death, or ready to ship overseas, they can grab their Notice and bring it to a courthouse for a judge’s signature to waive the time.

Likewise, if one party is nearing the end of her pregnancy, the parties can ask the attending physician or clergy to authorize the request for a waiver, and the municipal clerk can issue the Notice without delay.

There are a few other quirks in the law.

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In most cases the person who solemnifies the marriage will be a member of the clergy or a justice of the peace. But anyone can act as officiant with permission from the governor’s office as a “justice-of-the-peace-for-a-day.”

Remember, too, that the Notice is only good for 60 days. After that, the process has to start over.

s ht

for example. Just be sure that the divorce is final or “absolute” at the time the marriage license is filed. A divorce is not considered final until 90 days after it was granted if it was performed in Massachusetts.

The other main restriction—lack of consent by one or both parties—is still enforced. Massachusetts requires both parties to appear in person and sign the Notice of Intentions, so consent is verified. It also requires that both parties show proof that they are 18 years of age or older, or else have the consent of their parents and a judge to marry if one party is younger.

Oddly, marriages peaked in 1973 for some communities, although it was a time of questionable morals and the first generation that began to recognize “living together” outside of marriage as a community norm.

The Town of Fairhaven marriage records showed a low of 161 certificates in 1953, then a whopping 226 certificates in 1973. This has plummeted to just 93 in 2013. Likewise Mattapoisett’s marriage rate dropped in half from 45 certificates in 1973 to 27 certificates in 2013.

And Wareham had 210 marriages in 1973 and just 124 in 2013.

Fall River still takes the lion’s share at 469 Notice of Intentions filed in 2013, more if you count those that are still dragging their heels into 2014. But then, they have 60 days to get married before they have to go back and start again.

So if you’ve got plans for a June wedding, it wouldn’t hurt to start lining up the paperwork now. And when you do pop the question, don’t send a friend. Priscilla Mullins became Mrs. Priscilla Alden.

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The South Coast Insider / February 2014

15

FOOD NOTES

Nacho deluxe S

by Brian J. Lowney

ara Mydlack is one of a growing number of South Coast residents who have combined their passion for food and entrepreneurial zeal to create new and exciting businesses that illuminate the region’s culinary map.

Two years ago, this Rochester resident decided to take a leap of faith and turn her passion for baking into a successful specialty food company whose products beg customers to forget the stresses of life, even if only for a few moments, and enjoy a bit of chocolate.

“This new company is getting me back into the workforce but doing something that I really enjoy,” says the former raw materials chemist. “I love baking.”

Mydlack worked in a laboratory for a decade and also earned secondary school certification to become a high

16

school chemistry teacher, before deciding to become a stay-at-home wife and mother.

Family encouragement

Once she was ready to work outside the home, she was encouraged to pursue her passion by her husband Tom, children Tom Jr., now age 15, daughter Olivia, age 9, and everyone who was lucky enough to sample her tasty treats.

After exhaustive research and some experimentation, the scientist and baker founded Live a Little Specialty Treats, Etc . and has never looked back.

She created a line of chocolate nachos that continues to win rave reviews and attract legions of fans.

Capitalizing on most folks’ appreciation for the delicious Mexican snack, Mydlack developed a secret recipe for a

February 2014 / The South Coast Insider

white-flour-based pastry that she cuts in triangles, bakes and then dips in luscious milk chocolate.

Of the five varieties of delicious confections produced by the startup company, Mydlack says that the variety drizzled with white chocolate is one of the most popular. Other embellishments include toffee, coconut, salted Georgia pecans, and crushed peppermint candies, a holiday experiment that brought lots of smiles.

Don’t lose the chocolate “Sometimes less is more,” Mydlack emphasizes, adding that her goal when garnishing the nachos is not to overpower the taste of the milk chocolate.

While all five varieties are tempting, Mydlack reveals that her favorite is the one topped with salty Georgia pecans.

“These are one of the best that I make,” she says, adding that the combination of the salted nuts, rich chocolate and flaky pastry offers an appealing “burst of flavors” that makes folks want to reach for a second treat. Mydlack describes the nachos’ tantalizing taste as “a little bit salty, sweet and crunchy.”

Not just for desert The chocolate nacho creator says that the tasty treats are delicious crumbled over plain ice cream, and also make a nice addition to the menu at a wine and cheese party as an unusual bitesized sweet that looks good, has visual appeal and stimulates conversation.

duced her to a myriad of people who have become new friends and also taught her about health and safety regulations, production, marketing and other important business practices.

The chocolate nachos are produced in a commercial kitchen in Mattapoisett.

Mydlack, like many entrepreneurs who sell food products, started out at farmers’ markets, and once she acquired a wholesale license from the state, began selling to retail outlets.

“There have been lots of sleepless nights,” she tells, adding that despite a few personal concerns that anyone starting a business has, the venture has been very rewarding in many ways,

Once they sample the sweet confections, they immediately become hooked.

Mydlack says one of the most rewarding aspects about her business is telling folks about her products.

She adds that some people are initially afraid to taste the nachos, associating them with spicy Mexican cuisine. Once they sample the sweet confections, they immediately become hooked.

With plans for expansion into online marketing and introducing her products to additional retail outlets, Mydlack describes her venture as “challenging in a good way.”

She adds that the latest chapter in her life has been “a learning experience like no other” and has intro-

including having many repeat customers and a constantly growing base of foodie fans.

Mydlack credits her husband, an engineer who she says is good with numbers, for keeping her on track by monitoring production costs and business expenses, and also building attractive product displays.

The chocolate nachos retail for $9.99 for a 6.2 ounce bag, and are available at Lees Market in Westport, Tom’s Market in Tiverton and Warren, The Old Company Store in Wareham, and at How on Earth in Mattapoisett.

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The South Coast Insider / February 2014

17

WINE NOTES

Save leftover wine

by Alton Long

After the big dinner party, we always end up with a lot of leftovers and that includes wine.

Wine; hmmm, you think of the most immediate solution, “Drink it!” At first you smile and think “That’ll be a lot of fun.” But when you look at that bunch of bottles in the corner of your kitchen you realize you would be crazy to just start drinking just to finish them off.

Fortunately there are a few simple ways to preserve and enjoy these leftover wines at your leisure.

So what can you do? One of the first things you need to do as soon as possible is to reduce the exposure of these wines to air. The oxygen in air literally attacks most wines, creating unpleasant aromatic components, such as acetic acid and acetone.

One easy but not truly good solution is to combine the similar wines into one bottle. But if you combine similar wines, say a couple of chardonnays or zinfandels, you can make a blend of all the chards or zins.

If there had been more, I would have saved it.

But let’s get down to brass tacks: how can we save leftover wines?

If the wine bottle has only had a small amount removed, one can simply replace the cork. If it is a white or rose wine, you can place it in the refrigerator, and it should keep pretty well for a couple of days. A red wine can be preserved the same way. This approach does seem to impact some red wines.

What to blend It is important to know which wines are compatible. For example, the red varieties of Bordeaux, such as cabs and merlot, all blend well; zinfandels and shiraz tend to pair well, riesling and gewurztraminer will go together. One can expect pinot noir and beaujolais to mix well.

Once after an excellent tasting of a red Bordeaux, I scavenged the dregs of the bottles opened and ended up with about three ounces of an excellent and classical red blend Bordeaux wine.

18

February 2014 / The South Coast Insider

The importance of tannin More than one or two cycles in and out of the fridge tends to take some freshness out of a red wine. I suspect it has something to do with the tannin found in most red wines. My mother kept her jug red wines, as well as the rose and white wines, refrigerated, and it did not seem to affect them. Again, these were jug red wines, most of which had no apparent tannin.

My first wine mentor, an older gentleman with an incredible wine cellar, as well as a small vineyard, had a big jar filled with very small marbles. If the opened wine bottle was only partially empty, and more than half-full, he would simply add some of the small marbles to the bottle with the aid of a funnel.

I have a wine device called a “Vacu Vin.” I am able to save many partially empty bottles with that useful tool. You place a special rubber stopper with a small slit in it into the open wine bottle. Then you use the vacuum pump to remove most of the residual air. It worked fine in cases where the bottle still had rather large amounts of wine still in it. But, if the bottle was more than half-empty, and especially if it retained only a few ounces, I am concerned that I may have been sucking out the aroma and reducing the flavor content as well as removing the air. I was not really able to taste any difference, however, so I continue using it to this day.

Into small bottles My favorite way to save and protect my opened wine, now that I am living alone, is to put the wine into smaller bottles. I use a bunch of six-ounce bottles with screw caps as well as a couple of 12-ounce screw-top bottles that I have collected over the years; These work fine if you remember to write the contents on the bottle label. Also try to remember to fill the bottles before you finish off the big bottle so you can fill the small bottles to the very top.

Some people put their leftover wines in glass-stoppered decanters. This is fine for low-acid wines and for wines you want to store for a short time.

Unless the decanter bottle is filled close to the top of the bottle, or at least well into the neck, the oxygen in the residual space will slowly react with the wine and spoil it.

Note: fortified wines with high alcohol level such as port and sherry, which are usually at about 18 per cent alcohol, will last much longer, especially if they are stored in a dark, cool space.

Finally, as a last resort, there was one other way to make good use of leftover wine: pour it into my spouse’s cooking wine bottle. It was a small screw-top bottle that was obviously not a wine bottle, so there would never be any confusion. My spouse kept this bottle of cooking wine near the stove and almost anything she made, it seemed she put a dash of wine into the skillet or pot.

However, she did sometimes request specific wines, especially sherry or port. Some times I almost cried to see a half-cup of a great 1983 port go into some dish, but then again, her cooking bordered on heavenly and often the best wines in my cellar were equal to her preparations.

Having leftover wines is no longer a problem to me now as there is only one way for me to deal with them. And that, my dear, is to simply make sure I drink them up before I go to bed.

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The South Coast Insider / February 2014

19

THINGS TO DO

How does your garden grow?

S

by Sean McCarthy

pringtime arrives and the earth awakens. Many new homeowners are seeing this time of year differently than ever before: it’s the chance to start a garden.

Whether you want something that is beautiful or delicious, the time to act is upon you. While some people may find creativity on a canvas or from a musical instrument, a garden is a chance for plant enthusiasts to explore a botanical artistry of their own. And for those who want the freshest vegetables possible, they need to go no further than their own backyard.

Talk to the experts But before you decide on plants or vegetables, realize what you’re getting into. Some of the area’s professional green thumbs have recommendations.

“Don’t just dig a hole, stick the plant in, and that’s it,” says Fred Reuter of Roseland Nursery in Acushnet.

A first-time homeowner is probably not going to inherit soil that is already prepared for gardening, but if you’re starting your garden this spring, Reuter recommends purchasing peat moss to mix with your soil before planting.

“If you have good organic content for your soil, the roots of the plant will grow much better,” Reuter says. “At the end of winter you want to cover your 20

garden area with the compost and then go over it with a rototiller to blend it into the soil.”

Once you have the basics of soil, sun, shade and water, the next important step is to have a plan. Reuter recommends you start with a plot of land no larger than 10 feet square. Once the soil has been treated, the following step is very important: mapping out your vision of the garden. An important consideration is the spacing between the plants and the width of the rows between them. You need to know the size of the fully grown vegetables so that they don’t overgrow and choke each other. You also need to know when to plant the different vegetables since they will grow at different rates.

Popular summer garden vegetables include tomatoes, any kind of peppers, peas, string beans, carrots, zucchini, cucumbers, and radishes.

Plants vs seeds “You’ll be much happier if you begin with plants instead of seeds,” Reuter says. “If you’re feeling ambitious and you do the research in the off-season you can possibly try seeds the next year. It’s not that easy to get the timing right with seeds and learn how fast they grow in certain environments.

Beginners are much, much better off starting with plants.

February 2014 / The South Coast Insider

“The main reason people grow their own garden is so they can enjoy what they helped make,” Reuter says. “You put your time and labor into it and it tastes good, and that brings great satisfaction. It always seems that the tomatoes you’ve grown yourself taste better.”

And animals get hungry, too. Reuter recommends you protect your garden from rabbits and groundhogs by establishing a fence around your garden.

The decorative garden For a gardener aiming more to please the eye than the taste buds, your plant options are in the thousands. “Gardening is all about personal preferences,” says Jim McBratney, owner of Sylvan Nursery in Westport. “One great thing about gardening is diversity. You can put all kinds of plants around your house as long as you have different climates in the necessary areas. Some plants need sun, some need shade, some need cool and some need hot.”

The Internet will give you almost infinite options of plants, but if you see something you like that is on someone else’s property, take a picture and bring it to a local dealer, who will most likely be able to identify it and get you one.

McBratney recommends you start your planting in April, because the weather’s getting warmer, and there’s

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more moisture available in the ground, although watering may still be needed.

“I always say dig wide: dig a five-dollar hole for a one-dollar plant. The number-one mistake people make is digging too deep.”

“Get your soil tested,” is the suggestion of Melissa Ferreira of Olson’s Garden Center in East Wareham. Go online to UMass Extension and link to “soil testing.” You can bring them soil samples from different areas of your garden and they will give you a quick response, telling you how your soil needs to be treated.

Ferreira recommends that gardeners avoid soil testing kits from stores because even though they can give you results on your soil, they can’t tell you how to change or improve what you have.

But McBratney says that the firsttime gardener should relax and enjoy the process of creating their garden.

There’s room for error; don’t worry.

“You learn along the way,” he says.

“Don’t be afraid to make mistakes.

Plants can be moved—a garden is always evolving.”

And you can also include your family in the project. “Have kids start with simple radish seeds; they’re the simplest thing in the world to grow. Put a little groove in the ground, plant the seeds and in four to five days they’ll see results. Kids get really excited to see that.” And if you’re in the giving mood you can share what you’ve grown with neighbors, friends, and family.

McBratney recommends that once you know your budget, a gardener should establish a relationship with a local garden shop and build a sense of trust.

“Garden centers are smaller than nurseries and more personal,” he says.

“It’s good to have someone you know who can answer your questions.

“A lot of people get great satisfaction from putting their hands in the soil,” McBratney says. “From your front door to your back yard, the wonderful thing about a garden is that it’s uniquely personal.”

In Reuters’ words, “Don’t be too ambitious and have fun.”

The South Coast Insider / February 2014

21

YOUR MONEY

The gift of time

by Sherri Mahoney-Battles

A

lmost all of us wish for more money, yet we often overlook the long-term effects that time has on our money.

Money spent wastefully or unnecessarily over a long period of time can amount to some serious cash.

I once had a friend that would buy anything as long as it was less than 25 dollars. Purchases over 25 dollars required extensive thought and planning, while no thought at all was required for endless purchases, as long as they didn’t cross the 25-dollar mark.

It all adds up

Oftentimes, we negate the effects of small purchases since the outlay seems so small at the time. After all, a dollar per day for a bottle of water or two dollars a day for coffee doesn’t put a dent in our pocket when we shell it out on a daily basis, but let’s look at some of those costs over a long period of time.

A dollar per day for bottled water will cost us approximately $25,000 over 30 years while two dollars a day for coffee will cost us about $50,000. Do you bag your lunch or do you eat lunch out every day? Lunch out every day will come with a price tag of about $178,000 over 30 years. Smokers with a pack-a-day habit will be out about $217,000 and that’s if the cost per pack doesn’t go up in the next 30 years.

Are scratch tickets your thing? Ten dollars per day will run you about $248,000 over a 30-year period. A weekly manicure will cost you over $76,000 over 30 years.

I am not suggesting that we deny ourselves every small pleasure that life has to offer, but when we pay for these things on a regular basis they become habits that we don’t appreciate.

When we get a Starbuck’s coffee once a week or a manicure every few months we tend to savor these things as more of a treat.

22

As consumers we are led to believe that many of the things we pay for are necessary and that our lives are drastically improved by the layers of gadgets and bills we accumulate. Do we really need 250 channels and what does it cost us over a long period of time?

There is no doubt that some things are absolutely necessary, and some, while not necessary, do enhance our lives. How do those things stack up, however, when we look at their long-term impact versus the seemingly low initial outlay?

Why do marketing companies break the cost of a large purchase into the smallest daily or monthly payment; pennies a day, a few dollars a month, a small monthly payment? They know that most of us don’t examine the long-term implications when we’re teased with only having to shell out a small monthly amount.

Netflix started subscription-based digital distribution in 1999 and by 2009 they had 10 million subscribers. They based their platform

February 2014 / The South Coast Insider

on a low, monthly, all-inclusive fee, and millions of us, myself included, signed up for the service.

Some of these products are indeed great, but let’s examine the costs over the long-term versus the short-term before we sign on that dotted line.

So, we’ve talked about how money spent over time diminishes our resources, but what happens when we give our money the gift of time? Small amounts of money, accumulated over long periods of time, will become large amounts of money.

The virtue of starting young

When both of my daughters were very young I set up an automatic withdrawal from my checking account that funded college tuition plans for each of them. Both of them chose to attend either state schools or community colleges, and I was fortunate to have saved enough in their tuition plans to cover their college costs.

The key is to start early and time becomes your friend. A child’s tuition plan funded with $150 per month can be combines with monetary birthday and Christmas gifts from grandparents, aunts and uncles for an even greater yield. As an added bonus, interest and principal amounts withdrawn from qualifying tuition plans are tax-free when used for college.

Let’s not forget about our own financial future. Set a goal. Have an amount of money transferred each month into a savings account and consider it gone. Do you have credit card debt or home-equity debt? Increase each minimum monthly payment by $50 or $100 per month. Increase the amount going into your retirement account. Add an amount to your mortgage payment each month to go towards principal. Spread these payments out so that they come from different sources and get applied in different ways: Twenty-five dollars more per week toward retirement, $100 per month toward credit card debt, and $150 more on your mortgage payment. Pay the most towards debt with the highest interest rates. These payments won’t feel like a lot, but over a long period of time they will make a significant difference.

It never ceases to amaze me when employees don’t take full advantage of employer-funded retirement plans. When you have an employer generous enough to help fund your retirement be sure to invest enough to get the maximum employer contribution. Four hundred dollars per month will increase your wealth by almost a half-million dollars over a period of 30 years.

Remember, small amounts of money spent over long periods of time will become large amounts and small amounts of money saved over long periods of time will also become large amounts. Do you feel like you’re short on time?

Make some drastic changes. Take some time going over your checkbook and reviewing your credit card statements. What things do you really need to spend money on? Every dollar that you don’t spend increases the amount you can save. Start with a few additional monthly savings contributions or debt reductions and check it four times per year. When you feel a little more comfortable you can increase the amounts. Take advantage of the satisfaction you’ll feel as your savings increase and your debt decreases. Remember to make conscious decisions about where your money goes. After all, you are the author of your own financial story, and only you can give yourself the gift of a secure financial future.

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So I guess I should be forgiving to outsiders who confuse Fall River and New Bedford. But we locals know better. These are two very different places with some things in common. They are of similar size, both have known a more glorious past, and both are connected to the sea. They’re both bisected by the same interstate. Both are part of the recently-defined South Coast region.

One is the “the city that lit the world.”

The other is the city of “hills, mills and pork pies.”

As Merriam-Webster defines it, they are parallel cities: “very similar and often happening at the same time.” But they are different and distinct places.

Changes in destiny Starting in the 19th century, Fall River defined itself as a global textile manufacturing center, powered by the Quequechan River and a stream of immigrant labor from Canada, Europe, and the Azores. At their peak, the city’s mills were great rivals to global textile centers like Manchester, England.

Fall River became the “Spindle City”.

Eventually, the textile industry moved to the southern US, and finally, to cheaper labor sites around the world such as Sri Lanka and Bangladesh.

February 2014 / The South Coast Insider

New Bedford made its name and wealth hunting whales to provide fuel for oil lamps to light parlors and kitchens across the US. As the city rose to global prominence, it became the Whaling City. But New Bedford saw its whaling industry flicker and die out after crude oil was found in Pennsylvania in 1859. This occurred just in time to save some whale species from extinction.

Each city boasted its own unique nautical heritage, with Fall River lending its name to the Fall River Line, the opulent fleet of steamboats running between New York and Boston and described as floating palaces. New Bedford was home port to hundreds of whaling ships that embarked on multiyear voyages spreading the city’s fame to all points on the globe.

Each city has a unique place in American folklore. Fall River was the site of the infamous murders that may or may not have been committed by Lizzie Borden. New Bedford was the departure point for the great American novel, “Moby Dick,” (although written

by Herman Melville in Pittsfield).

While close in population (Fall River, 88,857; New Bedford, 95,072, according to the last census), New Bedford has greater diversity, with more than

25 per cent of its people counted as non-white, while Fall River is at 14 per cent.

This difference is due to the global outreach of the New Bedford whaling fleet in the 19th century.

Unfortunately, the parallels apply to hard times as well.

Both cities have lost considerable population in the past 85 years. Their numbers peaked in 1925, with Fall River’s population reaching 129,000 and New Bedford 120,000. The cities have been sadly twinned in economic performance as well.

According to the Massachusetts Executive Office of Labor and Workforce Development, their November 2013 unemployment rates were the second- and third-highest in the state at 12.2 per cent (New Bedford) and 11.9 per cent (Fall River), behind only Lawrence. Unfortunately, this has been a long term trend.

Hopeful plans Future plans are also parallel—similar, but not the same. Both cities are focusing on education and infrastructure to propel them forward. New Bedford wants to build upon its maritime past (whaling) and present (scalloping) to shape a future in support of offshore renewable energy.

New Bedford’s location and heritage indicate that this path is a winner. Maybe they reclaim the title of “the city that lit the world,” only this time more sustainably.

Fall River hopes to parlay its manufacturing past into a biotechnology future. The new bio-park and biotech accelerator in the city’s

north end represent the cornerstone to this strategy.

Both cities are embracing controversial education reforms under the leadership of new school superintendents. Both cities are in the midst of major roadway projects adjacent to their waterfronts to boost tourism. Both cities have a huge stake in the future of South Coast Rail and the respective branches that will serve them.

There is a rivalry as well.

It plays out annually on Thanksgiving Day on the football fields and the basketball courts in the respective high school gyms. In other areas it is unspoken but similarly intense. What is more laudable, however, is the cooperation and mutual support that has become the new normal. They are allies on Beacon Hill when advocating for projects of mutual interest such as South Coast Rail, but they are also mutually supportive for causes that will seemingly benefit one city more than the other, such as exit 8B off Route 24, Meditech or the UMass Law School debate.

Clearly, the LawrenceLowell confusion should not apply to Fall River and New Bedford. They are parallel cities with similar profiles that probably have a shared destiny due to their proximity to each other. They have been through the best of times. They have been through the worst of times.

Now their unique attributes will play different yet complementary roles in the resurgence of the South Coast.

Stephen C. Smith is the executive director of SRPEDD

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25

YOUR HEALTH

‘New’ medicine

from needles to herbs

by Sean McCarthy

Challenging the status quo has a rocky history. Human nature has instinctively feared the unknown, and those who pedal it.

So when someone comes along who advocates a new approach to something as vital and important as medicine, it’s understandable that there would be anything from standoffish skepticism to outright rejection.

But the alternative medical field is making advances. Those who practice it include doctors doing acupuncture and naturopathy, certified therapeutic massage specialists, and the increasingly popular Reiki. Some of it has been making its way to hospitals and university classrooms.

Daniel R. Schwartz of Dartmouth has studied and practiced acupuncture and Chinese herbal medicine for 30 years. He’s had a front-row seat for the evolution of alternative medicine.

“A couple of decades ago I used to beg MDs for references and they didn’t

26

want to hear it,” Schwartz says. “Back then nobody knew what acupuncture was, now everybody does.”

Treating the whole person The most prevalent approach to alternative medicine is having the practitioner take into account the “whole person” rather than a specific area, such as a bone or an organ.

Everything in the body is related, and working with one part is going to have effects on other parts. A person’s problem could be caused by another part of their body that the patient would not have realized.

For example, if a person practicing alternative medicine has a patient with a heart condition, he or she may study the patient’s history of anger or depression as one of the first steps in

February 2014 / The South Coast Insider

dealing with the client, not just dealing with the heart by itself. It’s not uncommon for alternative medicine to deal with a part of the body other than the one that is having the problem.

India and China have been seeing medicine like this for approximately 2,500 years.

“The advancement of alternative medication is mostly a matter of education,” Schwartz says. “There are no guinea pigs in alternative medicine.”

Looking to solve problems “In many cases, people turn to alternative medicine because they haven’t solved their problem with an MD or a chiropractor,” Schwartz says. “I’m like Sherlock Holmes, I’ve got to find what the cause of someone’s pain is.”

One of the foremost alternative

practices is naturopathy. To become a doctor of naturopathy, one must complete the same educational rigors as a four-year undergraduate student, but go beyond that by studying natural remedies and treatments.

Naturopathic doctors (NDs) believe in the healing power of nature, that nature has the innate ability to heal the person. This practice is called “vitalism,” using natural healing agents such as medicinal herbs instead of synthetic medications, and study the entire client rather than one region.

Surgery is usually not practiced by NDs. Carl Ferreira, a Fall River dentist, knows naturopathy works because he used it on himself. Twice.

“My wife demanded I get a physical so I went to the doctor for my first physical,” Ferreira recalls. “The doctor said my cholesterol was high.

So instead of taking medicine I used

native practitioners such as energy healers.

“If you give your body the proper nutrients your body has the blueprint to heal itself,” Ferreira says. “It just needs the proper materials to take care of itself.”

Those who study the whole body also study what makes it go: energy.

The body’s “life force” is known in China as qi (pronounced “chee”) and should ideally be kept flowing freely throughout the body without distraction. Blockage of qi in the body is a common problem and can be treated with different approaches.

“If you were camping and were thirsty, you wouldn’t choose to drink from stagnant pond water, you’d prefer a clear running stream that’s purified because it’s moving,” Schwarz says.

“Qi moves the blood. It gets the energy flowing.”

A life-changing event convinced

The energy just filled me and I released all the things I’d been holding onto. ground flax seed and in six months it had lowered 60 points.

“When I had a problem with my liver enzymes I was able to take them from “high normal” to”low normal,” because I used a combination of supplements.”

Today Ferreira has a naturopathy clinic in Fall River, Health Naturally.

Not an ordinary trip to the doctor A trip to an ND is different from a visit to a conventional MD. The ND will get to know the client with a first visit that lasts at least an hour. After that the ND may look at parts of the body that will help him/her understand what the causations are for the patient’s illness.

The doctor may look at the iris, tongue, and nails to get a better picture of the state of the client. If necessary, the ND may test hair, stool, and blood.

“I do a complete metabolic study on people and arrive at a treatment plan for the individual. Sometimes that means referring them to other alter-

Linda Lynch of the rewards of Reiki (ray-kee) in 1998. Today she practices at her Wind Walker studio in New Bedford. She has been a proponent of Reiki since she had an experience that caught her very much by surprise. She was so inspired that she was compelled to open her business in 2000.

Lynch also specializes in the manipulation of energy.

“One day my daughter, Jennifer, dragged me to a Healing Circle at Women of Wisdom in North Easton, MA, and I said ‘This is ridiculous, but okay.’ Eventually I was sitting in the circle and the practitioner put her hands on me and I started crying and I didn’t know why. The energy just filled me and I released all the things I’d been holding onto. It was an amazing feeling, like getting a big hug, the energy just fills you and you release all the things you’ve been holding onto.”

Continued on next page

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27

Continued from previous page

Healing hands Lynch, 64 years old, describes Reiki as a hands-on healing, a transfer of energy from one person to another that travels to the area of blocked energy (qi) that is causing an ailment.

Reiki treats the seven major chakras, which are located from the top to the bottom of the spine. According to Lynch, chakras help you stay grounded and connected to the universe. If your chakras are balanced your energy will flow better and keep your body’s energy right.

“A practitioner puts their hands on you and your body takes the energy of the spiritual universe and it does what has to be done to heal you—mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Reiki opens your body for the energy that will heal it.

“If you bang your knee, the first thing you do is grab it because you’re using your own energy to heal yourself,” Lynch says.

And what would you say to a massage? How about one that relieves pain? If you’re looking for a “whole body/hands-on” healing you can opt for therapeutic massage—a massage that eradicates pain.

If a client walks in to see Tracy Napert in her Dartmouth massage studio complaining about pain in their left shoulder, she may start the session by massaging muscles in their right lower back. Ten years after graduating from Bristol Community College with a degree in therapeutic massage, she has developed a sense of “intuition.”

While everyone’s body is basically the same, every patient is different.

“Once a patient is on the table I can quickly get an idea of what’s going on

28

with their bodies,” she says. “I understand the muscle structure, and how to deal with aches and pains, headaches and spasms. I’ve rubbed a lot of knots out of muscles.”

Napert’s massage therapy approach has been used to improve posture, lower blood pressure, reduce stress and tension, energize and rejuvenate.

And while she is not a masseuse, she is still open to giving relaxation massages as well.

There’s an herb for that By now, most people have a good idea about the consequences of what you put in your body. Fruits and vegetables: good. Fast food and junk food: not so good. But after three decades of studying and practicing Chinese herbal medicine, Schwartz has an informed perspective on how people can benefit by what they put in their system.

“There are herbs to take for most anything,” Schwartz says. “The formulas of herb combining is more than 1,200 years old, so we can customize

February 2014 / The South Coast Insider

a treatment for the individual client. If there’s a Chinese diagnosis, there’s a Chinese remedy.”

When Rochelle Chavier walked into Schwartz’s office to begin acupuncture she had a 47 per cent breathing level and was constantly exhausted.

She was on two inhalers, a nebulizer, Prednazone (a steroid) and numerous medications. She had always had allergies and asthma, but after her Lakeville home was flooded in March of 2010, the mold caused her condition to worsen significantly. For a year she struggled and suffered with conventional treatments until she knew she had to take another path.

Certified in Reiki and Therapeutic Massage, the next move seemed sensible: Chavier would go with alternative medicine.

After eight months of acupuncture and herbal medicine, Chavier’s breathing capacity was up to 80 per cent (it would eventually be 90), she was off her inhalers, nebulizers and almost all of her medications. She now sees her doctor every six months. Chavier was particularly happy about being able to return to Reiki and massage so that she could help others.

“My trip to see Dan [Schwartz] wasn’t just a visit to the doctor’s office,” Chavier says. “It was a change in lifestyle. He brought back my quality of life.”

After five years as a nurse, Lauren Fox had a “profound” experience: the healing of her 18-month old son with a homeopathic remedy.

“He had a gastro-intestinal virus and couldn’t keep anything down,” she recalls. “I was able to keep him hydrated but I wasn’t having any success with the virus. I knew that my homeopathic knowledge could help him.”

And it did. Twenty minutes after she gave her son phosphorous he was sitting up and wanting to drink and was getting back to engaging with the family.

“It was pretty incredible and I knew

then that I had to learn more about it,” she said.

Today Fox runs clinics in Mashpee and Florence in western Massachusetts called Whole Health for Families.

“Each person’s treatment is unique to their symptoms,” Fox explains. “I could line up 10 women who are perimenopausal and I might give them 10 different remedies. The way they express their symptoms lets me lets me know how to choose the right remedy.”

Fox says her first session with a client will last an hour and a half.

“I try not to ask a lot of questions. I let the patient talk about what they’re experiencing. I take the symptoms and put them together like parts of a puzzle. I then take the totality of the symptoms and arrive at a remedy.”

To get an idea about alternative medicine, think of yourself as an automobile. You wouldn’t drive it until it breaks down, so you take the steps to prevent a problem. You change the oil, filters and spark plugs, and keep it gassed up.

You treat it all as inter-related under the same hood. If one part falters, others could, so get a mechanic who knows the entire engine while you give it regular treatments.

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But these days that can be more of a challenge than ever.

Dr. Laura Bomback of Natural Health Solutions in Fall River points out that our increasingly toxic environment in conjunction with poor eating habits are taking a toll on our bodies.

Bomback is a chiropractor and a designed clinical nutritionist.

She can combine the two practices when the situation warrants. Traditionally, chiropractic spinal misalignment can cause nerve interference which can cause problems for the organs. But in our modern climate and lifestyle, nerve problems are being caused by the organs which are missing out on the necessary nutritional supports.

• Fatigue

Continued on page 31

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FLASH

1

2

3

5

4

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Tiffany Peay’s ‘Charming’ New Year

7

8

Friends and customers celebrated the New Year and the 2014 Charm Collection of artist Tiffany Peay in Tiverton Four Corners. “Gemstones can aid in health, wellness and prosperity,” she stated. Learn more at www.tiffanypeay.com, call 401-8160878 or visit her store/studio at 3851 Main Road, Tiverton, RI. 1. Tiffany Peay and Kashie 2. Beverly Schuch, Peter Tirpaeck and Lynne Borges 3. Mary Bunker and Saskia Komdeur 4. Phil and Karen Bartlett

5. Brenda Figuerido and Linda Russo 6. Hannah Baker and Hannah Soares 7. Brenda Wingley Scott and Sue Hutson 8. Alix Campbell

30

February 2014 / The South Coast Insider

With a situation such as this, Dr. Bomback would use nutrition response testing to see what is causing the problems in the body. With these insights she can put together a clinical nutrition program with whole food supplements to supply what the person needs.

“The human body hasn’t changed much over 2,500 years, when the first Chinese medicine book was written,” Schwartz says. “When I was studying at the New England School of Acupuncture with a professor from China, an MD sitting next to me asked something of the professor and he responded by saying ‘That idea is only 350 years old, so we really don’t know enough about it.’”

There’s no tug-of-war in the medical community between conventional and alternative. And Schwartz is a big proponent of the two approaches used together, where doctors consult each other to heal a patient.

“All doctors are going to have their limitations, so we have to work together,” Schwartz says. “Western doctors have a lot of elaborate equipment and they may see a problem that we don’t. But when I look at the pulse and the tongue I may see something else.

Together we’re working on a couple of different levels and we’re going to get a much better result.”

Alternative medicine courses are being taught in more than 25 per cent of US medical colleges and some insurance companies are providing reimbursements for some alternative therapies. Forty per cent of American adults claim to have used some form of alternative medicine.

“I’ve had patients recommended to me from general practitioners, nurses, pain specialists, and physical therapists,” Schwartz says. “With time you’re going to see a lot more people working together in the medical field.”

When it comes to mainstream medicine, the future could start looking more like the past.

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31

R EPU R POS E v R EC YCL E v R EUS E v R EPU R POS E v R EC YCL E v R EUS E

Continued from page 29

DATELINE: SOUTH COAST

News, views and trends... from Mount Hope Bay to Buzzards Bay

by Elizabeth Morse Read

February is short and snowy, but it brings us that much closer to springtime, so pay attention to what the groundhog predicts on the second. There’s a school vacation week this month, so get creative and find fun and interesting “winter” things to do. And, of course, warm yourself and everyone else in the glow of St. Valentine’s Day.

Across the region Whoo-hoo-hoo! The South Coast has been surprised by a rare invasion of juvenile Arctic snowy owls, from Newport to the Cape.

n

The US Department of Agriculture (USDA), which oversees the national school lunch program, has added dried cranberries, a major South Coast crop, to its official list of healthful ingredients.

n

The cable sports network ESPN has leased office space in the Cherry & Webb building in Fall River for the duration of Aaron Hernandez’ pre-trial appearances and trial across the street at the Fall River Superior Court.

n

A partnership between Peter Pan Bus Lines and the state’s Department of Transportation will add a stop in Somerset to the new round-trip Providence-Fall River-Boston route. Peter Pan has also expanded its Woods Hole-Falmouth-Bourne-Buzzards Bay-Wareham-Boston route.

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A Berkley resident was arrested in Fall River for shooting a deer on the side of the road from inside his pickup truck while waiting at a traffic stop. (Quick thinking, dude!!)

n

State Attorney General Martha Coakley recently filed suit in federal court to immediately remove fishing quotas on New England fisheries, which many feel are crippling the fishing industry.

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The Marine Stewardship Council (MSC) has certified that the scallop fishing industry is “sustainable.” This will allow South Coast scallop companies to display the coveted blue MSC label on their products, which is required in many countries around the world.

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The new superintendent of the New Bedford schools, Pia Durkin, has initiated a sweeping and highly controversial turnaround plan for the underperforming New Bedford High School, which would replace the entire administration and half the teaching staff. (Fasten your seatbelts…)

n

February 2014 / The South Coast Insider

If you’re 62 or older, check out the trips sponsored by the New Bedford Senior Travel Program: there’s Foxwoods on February 10; the Rhode Island Flower Show February 21; March 10 is Parker’s Maple Barn.

Upcoming multi-day trips include Penobscot High Stakes Bingo April 4-6; Savannah GA and Charleston SC May 11-17. Call 508-991-6171. “Senior Scope” is offering a San Antonio, TX, Getaway May 11-15. Call 508-979-1544.

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Longtime FUN 107 morning talkshow host Jim “JR” Reitz has retired.

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My Brother’s Keeper in Dartmouth is looking for volunteers and gently-used residential furniture for families in need. Free pick-up. Call 774-305-4577 or visit www.MyBrothersKeeper.org.

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Acushnet The town is now officially a “Green Community,” making it eligible for substantial state grants.

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Firefighters Thomas Farland, Paul Frysinger and Adam Hebert were honored with citations for meritorious conduct at the state’s Firefighter of the Year ceremony, for their rescue of a woman from a burning building in 2012.

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Attleboro Go for a walk at the Capron Park Zoo! There’s the Winter Zoocademy for kids February 17-21. Open daily, discounts for Attleboro residents.

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Go to www.capronparkzoo.com or call 774-203-1840.

Buzzards Bay The Massachusetts Maritime Academy has decided to arm campus police by 2015. This will be the eighth school in the nine-campus UMass system to equip its police force with firearms.

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Dartmouth UMass Dartmouth will be offering a completely-online MBA degree program, as well as an online MS in Computer Science program.

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crisis, Taylor Cultured Seafood is back with an expansion plan to triple the size of its oyster and bay scallop hatchery/harvesting site off West Island. If approved, it would become the largest aquaculture farm on the East Coast and the largest producer of cultured bay scallops in the world.

The proposed marijuana zoning bylaw has been sent to Town Committee. The old Lottery building could soon become a dispensary for medical marijuana.

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Enjoy the great outdoors at the Lloyd Center for the Environment. Walk the trails, sign up for a canoe or kayak excursion, visit the Nature Center. Free admission. Visit www.lloydcenter.org.

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A new firm which designs unmanned aerial vehicles (aka “drones”) is moving into UMass-Dartmouth’s Advanced Technology Manufacturing Center in Fall River.

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There’s Junior Watson February 6, Taj Mahal February 13, Red Molly February 21, Aztec Two Step February 22. For a complete schedule, visit www.narrowscenter.com or call 508-324-1926.

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Register for winter yoga classes through February 15 at the Greater Fall River Art Association. Call 508-982-4411 or go to www.greaterfallriverartassoc.org.

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The Bristol Community College Board of Trustees has voted to arm the college’s campus police.

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Fall River Head for the indoor skating arena at FMC Ice Sports! Visit www.fmcicesports.com or call 508-679-3274.

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St. Anne’s Hospital has been recognized as a “Top Hospital” by the Leapfrog Group. Only nine hospitals in Massachusetts have been so recognized, including Morton Hospital in Taunton.

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Xi Nan, an international graduate student at UMass-Dartmouth, suffers from cerebral palsy and relies on her scooter to get around. When her old scooter died, her UMD classmates rallied and raised enough money online in just a few days to buy her a new one.

(Cool beans.)

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Chase away the winter blues! The Narrows Center for the Arts has a stunning line-up.

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The cable sports network ESPN has leased office space in the Cherry & Webb building for the duration of Aaron Hernandez’ pre-trial appearances and trial across the street at the Fall River Superior Court.

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A new firm which designs unmanned aerial vehicles (aka “drones”) is moving into UMass-Dartmouth’s Advanced Technology Manufacturing Center in the city.

Beat cabin fever! Check out the Children’s Museum of Greater Fall River. Go to www.cmgfr.org or call 508-672-0033.

“One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” will play at the Little Theatre in March.

Go to www.littletheatre.net or call

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Continued on next page

Dighton The Massachusetts Life Sciences Center has awarded $70,000 to Bristol County Agriculture High School towards the purchase of state-of-theart equipment for its animal science program.

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Easton Get the kids out of the house during vacation week—join in the fun at the Easton Children’s Museum. Go to www.childrensmuseumineaston.org or call 508-230-3789.

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After surviving the 2008 financial

Public screening of “Genetic Roulette” On February 3rd at 5:00 p.m. How on Earth in Mattapoisett is offereing a public screening of “Genetic Roulette,” a feature documentary about GMOs and their health impacts. The restaurant will also be offering a GMO-free tapas menu. www.howonearth.net

The South Coast Insider / February 2014

33

BUSINESS BUZZ

Continued from previous page 508-676-1077.

Freetown The Stop & Shop Distribution Center has received town approval to build a 12,000 square foot “clean energy processing facility” for unsold or outdated food materials that can’t be re-sold or donated. The product-recovery operation will create a clean, odorless gas that will produce electricity for the distribution center, starting in 2015.

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Marion Marion Antiques Auctions recently sold a rare first edition of “The Scarlet Letter” for more than $1,000.

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Bristol County Savings Bank gives back to community with grants Bristol County Savings Bank (BCSB), through its charitable foundation, recently awarded grants totaling $33,500 to five New Bedford and Dartmouth, Massachusetts area non-profit organizations. The citizens of Fall River will also benefit from BCSB’s generosity with a grant totaling $54,000 to three non-profits.

The following New Bedford / Dartmouth organizations benefitted from the Bristol County Savings Charitable Foundation (BCSCF): Alma del Mar Foundation ($3,500), Boys & Girls Club of Greater New Bedford/Wareham ($10,000); New Bedford Star Kids Scholarship Program ($5,000); Old

Dartmouth Historical Society/New England Whaling Museum ($10,000); and YWCA of Southeastern Massachusetts ($5,000).

Greater Fall River’ organizations benefitting from the grant are Children’s Museum of Greater Fall River ($15,000/year for three years), Stanley Street Treatment and Resources/SSTAR ($4,000); and Steppingstone Incorporated – First Step Inn ($5,000).

The Main Office and Corporate Headquarters of Bristol County Savings Bank are located on Broadway in Taunton, Massachusetts. For additional information, please call 508-824-6626 or visit www.bristolcountysavings.com.

New Bedford Check out the free crafts and activities for kids during vacation week at the Whaling Museum! For info, go to www.whalingmuseum.org or call 508-997-0046.

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The Ocean Explorium is a great vacation-week destination, now offering Saturday afternoon programs in Spanish and Portuguese. To learn more, call 508-994-5400 or go to www.oceanexplorium.org.

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Get in the act! Enjoy free family fun and entertainment at AHA! Night in downtown New Bedford. The February13 theme is “Stark Raven Mad,” and the March 13 theme is “All Sewn Up.” Go to www.ahanewbedford.org or call 508-996-8253.

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Check out the Fort Taber-Fort Rodman Military Museum on the waterfront. Free, open daily. www.forttaber.org.

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Don’t miss the New Bedford Symphony Orchestra performing “The Spanish Soul” on February 8 at the Zeiterion. Go to www.nbsymphony.org or www.zeiterion.org.

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It’s all happenin’ at the Z! There’s Maria Rita on February 9, 3 Doors Down Acoustic February 15, Catarina Avelar

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February 2014 / The South Coast Insider

February 20 and “Frederick Douglass” on February 28. Next month, there will be the New Shanghai Circus March 1 and Celtic Nights on March 8. Call 508994-2900 or visit www.zeiterion.org.

There’s lots to do on vacation week at the Buttonwood Park Zoo! Call 508991-6178 or visit www.bpzoo.org.

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Don’t miss “Twelve Angry Men” at Your Theatre March 20-30. Call 508993-0772 or visit www.yourtheatre. org.

at the Newport Playhouse February 20 through March 23. Go to www. newportplayhouse.com or call 401-848-7529.

Sharpen your ice skates and head for the Newport Skating Center at the Yachting Center. For info, call 401-8463018 or visit www.skatenewport.com.

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Newport Head for the 10-day-long 26th Annual Newport Winter Festival February 14 through 23. Call 401-847-7666 or go to www.newportevents.com/ winterfest.

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Plymouth Construction has begun in Wareham’s Tihonet Technology Park on a 1.4 megawatt solar energy project which will supply energy for the Plymouth Public Schools. The solar project will save the town of Plymouth up to $800,000 a year.

Providence Can spring be far behind? Don’t miss the Rhode Island Flower and Garden Show February 20-23 at the RI Convention Center. Learn more at www. flowershow.com or call 401-253-0246.

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Dream of summer at the Providence Boat Show through February 2 at the RI Convention Center. Call 401-396-9619 or visit www.providenceboatshow.com.

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Head for the Providence Performing Arts Center to see Theresa Caputo February 8, “Man of La Mancha” February 14-16, “Peter and the Starcatcher” February 25 through March 2, “A Bronx Tale” at the VETS March 1, Tony Bennett March 8, “Mamma Mia!” March

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Portsmouth The legendary Lees’ Market of Westport’s Central Village has been sold to Clements’ Marketplace of Portsmouth, another family-operated business.

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Bundle up the family and go on a seal watch boat tour from Long Wharf!

Now through April. Go to www.savebay.org or call 401-324-6060.

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There will be an encore performance of “Angel on My Shoulder”

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February 8, The Gnomes February 15, Peter Yarrow at Channing Church March 1, The Sweetback Sisters March 8—and much more. Call 401-683-5085 or visit www.commonfencemusic.org.

Head for Common Fence Music for performances by Connecting the Beat

JUST FOR KIDS!

Continued on next page

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Continued from previous page

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14-16. Call 401-421-2787 or go to www. ppacri.org.

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Take the family or your friends to Trinity Rep! “Intimate Apparel” plays through March 2, and “Oliver!” will be performed February 20 to March 30.

Call 401-351-4243 or visit www.trinityrep.com.

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Follow the Rhode Island Philharmonic Orchestra! They will perform Tchaikovsky’s “Pathetique” on March 22 at The Vets. Call 401-248-7000 or go to www.riphil.org.

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Check out what’s going on at the Dunkin’ Donuts Center—there’s Monster Jam February 21-23, Harlem Globetrotters March 28-29. Go to www.dunkindonutscenter.com or call 401-331-6700.

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When the kids get bored, find out what’s happening at the Providence Children’s Museum. Go to www.childrenmuseum.org or call 401-273-5437.

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Explore the Winter Wonder Days through February 28 at the Roger Williams Park Zoo; call 401-785-3510 or visit www.rwpz.org.

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residents gathered to create the world’s largest human Christmas tree, according to the Guinness World Record, beating Bangkok, Thailand’s previous record of 852 people.

Follow “Arts in the Village,” the classical concert series at Goff Memorial Hall. The Providence Mandolin Orchestra will perform on February 22; March 22 will be “8 Strings & a Whistle.” For info, call 508-252-3031 or visit www.carpentermuseum.org.

Tiverton The Sandywoods Center for the Arts will present Paddy Keenan February 1, Fellswater February 22, Cantrip March 28, and more! Go to www.sandywoodsmusic.com or call 401-241-7349.

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Somerset A partnership between Peter Pan Bus Lines and the state’s Department of Transportation will add a stop in Somerset to the new round-trip Providence-Fall River-Boston route.

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Wareham Starting this fall, qualifying Wareham Middle School students will be able to take high school classes for credit.

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Swansea The Swansea Mall, the town’s largest taxpayer, is up for sale.

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The Southcoast Hospitals Group has donated $100,000 to the town to support the purchase of new defibrillators for the Wareham EMS.

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Taunton Morton Hospital has been recognized as a “Top Hospital” by the Leapfrog Group. Only nine hospitals in Massachusetts have been so recognized, including St. Anne’s Hospital in Fall River.

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Warren Head for 2nd Story Theatre! “The Lyons” plays through February 9, and “Seven Keys to Baldpate” will be performed through February 23. “A Bright New Boise” runs from February 28 to March 30, and “Le Dindon or The Dupe” starts March 14. For details, call 401-247-4200 or go to www.2ndstorytheatre.com.

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At the city’s recent 100th Lighting of the Green, more than 1,000 Taunton

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Westport The legendary Lees’ Market in Central Village has been sold to Clements’ Marketplace of Portsmouth RI, another family-operated business.

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The Westport Land Conservation Trust will host a series of free Wild Winter Talks at the library. On February 8, the topic is “Ocean Noise and the Great Whales.” On February 22, it’s “Wildlife in Your Backyard.” For info, call 508-636-3643 or contact rmann@ westportlandtrust.org.

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February 2014 / The South Coast Insider

“Concerts at the Point” will present The Boston Trio on February 23. On March 23, Andrius Zlabys and More Friends will perform. For details, visit

n Michael Guy

Phineas Peters as Oliver in Trinity Rep’s upcoming production of “Oliver!” book, music and lyrics by Lionel Bart, based on “Oliver Twist” by Charles Dickens.

Directed by Richard and Sharon Jenkins.

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ON MY MIND

The will to survive Paul E. Kandarian As I write this, the world out there, at least the southern New England part of the world anyway, is recovering from a blizzard. From what I can tell, everything seems to be going okay. Cars are on the road, the stores are open, people aren’t running amok killing each other for the last slice of bread or glass of milk, and the predicted Armageddon, at least as envisioned by TV reporters, hasn’t laid the planet to ruin.

That’s too bad, really. I mean granted, we do live in New England, we do expect crazy things like, I don’t know, cold and snow in winter, but judging from the hype of any storm promising more than a half-inch of frozen precipitation, we should react like the bunch of shivering, chattering, helpless wussies they apparently think we are.

I, for one, am ready to give in to the pre-storm chaos. It can’t be avoided, so the hell with it, I’m going with the hysterical flow and offering a primer on how we cowering New Englanders should handle winter.

Always listen with bated

38

breath to your TV reporters, many of whom are new and from other parts of the country where the only ice they’ve seen was in a glass.

Share the giddy excitement they feel at seeing their very first flake of snow and marvel at its transformative and, according to them, lethal power. Watch and learn as they stand roadside sticking a ruler in the fresh-fallen snow and gasp

of ocean crashing around them as they stand in a spot they warn you never to stand in. And for a little more excitement, pray that, just once, a rogue wave curls over them and sweeps them out to sea. You know, just to confirm their warning. Nothing like timely visuals in TV news.

Whenever a TV weather person tells you what the expected inch count will

Always go for the bread and milk. Unless you can find gruel and grog. with them at what it reveals, and know that you could have never figured out two inches have fallen all by yourself. Well, unless you looked out the window, but let’s not be rash. It’s their job to constantly overstate the obvious. They’re trained professionals, let them do it.

In particular, listen keenly to those reporters entombed in heavy winter parkas camped on a seawall with great, roiling frozen sprays

February 2014 / The South Coast Insider

be in your area, swear by it, accept it as gospel and try to ignore the fact that weather on a planet that will do whatever it damn well pleases cannot be accurately predicted, not by a long shot. When it’s not correct, when their one-to-two inch prognostication ends up being taller than your average NBA player, most of it in a thick, heavy blanket over your car, get angry, very, very angry. Swear

never to watch them again.

Which of course, you will.

Dress warmly in winter.

I know it sounds obvious, but that’s what TV people tell us to do in winter, and I cannot tell you how many people I’ve seen wandering through snowdrifts while wearing shorts and t-shirts, looking lost and confused.

Had they only listened!

When you clear your car of snow, don’t go overboard.

Clean a little bitty hole in the windshield that you can barely see out of and head out on the road, confident that you have a well-defined narrow circle of completely clear vision! Never, ever clean off your headlights or taillights. No sense in letting other people on the road know you’re there. It’s always better, I have found, to guess when the guy in front of me is braking. I like when a six-inch pack of snow and ice on their brake lights creates that sense of driving adventure just when I need it the least.

Oh, and never, ever clean off your hood, roof or trunk.

This is not necessary.

Sooner or later, as you drive down the highway, it will

shear off in a flying blanket of solid ice and layer over the windshield of the guy behind you, sending him into a dizzying spin across the road and down into a ditch, not to be seen until spring.

Make sure your car is equipped for the time you will spend in a ditch by having things like a shovel, scraper, broom, batteryoperated radio, water, food, extra hats, socks and mittens, first-aid kit, medicine, blankets, tow chain, road salt, booster cables, flares and fluorescent distress flag.

I know this because I just read it on a TV channel’s website. I would do this myself, except with all the discarded coffee cups, food wrappers, pistachio shells, old french fries, crumpled

napkins and empty water bottles in my car, I have no room. Well, maybe except for the fluorescent distress flag.

By all means, stock up on all the bread and milk you can, a proud tradition harking back to our Colonial roots when our ancestors, facing winter, would load up on gruel and grog. Forget that bread and milk can spoil. Ignore canned goods like Spam, which has the same shelf life as granite.

Always go for the bread and milk. Unless you can find gruel and grog.

And rest assured that in just a few months, all that snow and ice will be gone and we’ll be wondering how to handle the heat. Don’t worry, I’ll be here to help.

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