CELEBRATING PRIDE AND THE END

CELEBRATING PRIDE AND THE END OF ISOLATION

Men of color face serious challenges by coming out in the LGTBQ community and celebrating life post COVID 19.

Written by Ken Williams Jr.

Ken Williams, Jr. has been an activist speaking out forcefully on Civil, LGBTQ, Women's and Human Rights for nearly his entire adult life. He's a Microsoft Education Specialist, as well as freelance marketing and graphic design consultant.

Most humans tend to be social creatures who don’t do well in prolonged isolation. This is especially true for many of those who identify as LGBTQ. Even gay vernacular manifests this truth — coming “out of the closet” is coming out of isolation. Gays frequently refer to their gay friends as “family.” This is how important sharing the company of their gay brothers and sisters is to them. For gay and bisexual Black men, the need to socialize within the gay community is often even more profound because of the broader cultural, economic, and societal pressures associated with being both a gay AND Black man in America. Now take into account the arrival of COVID-19.

According to the latest CDC data, African Americans are nearly three times more likely to be hospitalized and twice as likely to die from contracting COVID-19 as white Americans. These health risks are magnified for both LGBTQ and African American populations individually and collectively. Knowing this, one can readily conclude the devastating effects the pandemic has had on men who are both Black and LGBTQ.

• Gay and bisexual Black men were already one of the nation’s most marginalized and disaffected groups before

COVID-19 struck. After more than a year of global pandemic-induced social isolation, many of these men are experiencing an ongoing sense of loss, foreboding, depression, and even suicidal ideation.

• Coronavirus robbed them of the ability to socialize at the

LGBTQ bars, clubs, restaurants and other venues where they felt welcome, safe, and could be their own true gay selves. Many spent over a year interacting only with their traditional straight families. • COVID even stole love and intimacy from the LGBTQ com-

munity. Gay dating, or even just hooking up, is difficult enough for men of color. The pandemic shuttered venues where they could safely approach men like themselves. • Younger gay and bisexual men of color, many of whom still live with their families, were cut off from the gay club scene, and LGBTQ friends, co-workers, and community. For many young Black men, COVID effectively wiped away their entire gay support structure. • Older gay Black men, especially those living alone without a partner, sadly fared no better psychologically than their younger counterparts. For over a year, COVID-19 essentially cheated many LGBTQ men of nearly everything that defines them as gay and bisexual Black men.

Many of the LGBTQ venues that survived the economic devastation of the COVID crisis are beginning to reopen. Regrettably however, the usual Pride Parades and massive gay parties still won’t happen. Such events are often the only two or three days out of the year gay Black men risk being their true, complete, unvarnished, gay selves. COVID-19 continues to rob them of that release, even as the pandemic draws to a close.

The chance to feel liberated and proud of who they truly are isn’t taken for granted by African Americans in general. And — it certainly isn’t taken for granted by gay and bisexual Black men — PRIDE is EVERYTHING! It’s simultaneously Mardi Gras, bacchanal, “family” reunion, protest, and Black LGBTQ bar mitzvah where they declare and celebrate their kind of manhood. Pride Month is the time many revel in themselves as Strong “GAY” Black Men.

For gay and bisexual Black men, the need to socialize within the gay community is often even more profound because of the broader cultural, economic, and societal pressures associated with being both a gay AND Black man in America.

However, the most important question remains, “How do gay and bisexual Black men emerge from over a year of forced isolation and return to their own new normal?”

The answer may actually depend not only on themselves, but also on their would-be allies, especially straight Black male allies with whom they have so much else in common other than their sexuality. • For LGBTQ men of color who still find themselves experiencing debilitating anxiety, depression or considering suicide post-COVID, it is imperative they seek some form of mental healthcare. Whatever their financial circumstances, there are multiple subsidized, low-cost, even free, psychological support services available in many cities. • Contact the local LGBTQ center for referrals. These centers can often point someone to therapists and support groups targeted specifically to LGBTQ persons or even those that cater directly to gay and bisexual men of color.

• Those living outside a metropolitan area can take advantage of web-based therapy or on-line support groups. • Another active step is to rejoin the LGBTQ community by returning to gay bars and nightclubs, attending

LGBTQ-themed theater performances and art exhibitions, or joining gay sports teams and social clubs. Go out with LGBTQ friends; ask someone on a date or find a fully vaccinated hook-up.

There’s one other thing gay Black men can do for themselves, post-COVID, that may help psychologically more than anything else — COME OUT. The decision is a personal one and there are always risks. So, it’s essential they examine all the family, employment, and other potential impacts of doing so. However, LGBTQ Black men who remain closeted, are effectively dealing with two sets of COVID-19 stressors: 1) a year of social isolation, and 2) the inability to fully cast off the trauma of that isolation by wholly embracing the community most likely to support them.

LGBTQ Black men, however, cannot fully heal from the impact of the COVID crisis on their own. They need heterosexual allies. Specifically, they need straight Black men to actively support them.

It is long past time that the straight Black community, especially Black men, actively support their gay brothers (and sisters). Moreover, it is essential that straight Black men’s support of the LGBTQ exceed simple “tolerance” of that community. family members who are or might be gay, make it known that you are there as an ally if they need your support.

True allyship is about ACTIVELY trying to understand, support, and defend people who are different than you. It requires a heartfelt realization by African American men that an LGBTQ person’s right to live freely and openly as a gay, bisexual, or TRANSFORMING THE LIVES OF MENtrans person is EQUALLY as essential as their own right to live freely and openly as a heterosexual

Black man.

As a practical matter, real allyship means, casting off your own homophobia and preconceptions about gay men being sexually aggressive.

Introduce yourself, talk to, and befriend LGBTQ people the same way you would anyone else. If you’re aware of associates, co-workers or

Gay Pride Month celebrates the experience of being LGBTQ. The impact of COVID-19 isolation has been devastating for many LGBTQ African American men. Heterosexual Black male allies can do much to help their gay and bisexual Black brethren post-COVID. And, of course, there is much LGBTQ Black men can do to help themselves. As Pride month launches, that is something of which we can ALL be proud — HAPPY PRIDE MONTH! ●

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