HOW IMPORTANT IS IT TO FIND YOUR PURPOSE?

Andrew Miller

“Competition no longer exists, and collaboration is the only way forward as a strategy.”

It was a Thursday evening and a group of likeminded business owners had gathered together on Zoom to explore the key fundamentals of what really matters in business and what needs to be in place in order to be successful and enjoy the journey at the same time. It was one of my ‘Breathing Space’ meetings. The topic under discussion was ‘Finding Your Purpose’. During our exploration one of the attendees asked a very interesting question - “How important is it that I find my Purpose?” What was interesting about this question was that I actually found it quite difficult to answer it.

On the one hand, it’s the cornerstone of my Business Enjoyment Model. When we find our Purpose, it transforms everything in terms of what we do and how we do it. It gives us clarity, drive and ambition. It dramatically reduces procrastination, stress and worry. Competition no longer exists, and collaboration is the only way forward as a strategy. It increases our capacity to love, both in terms of others - and yourself. It is the one thing that makes all the difference and, on that basis, is not just important – it is essential. Yet…. on the other hand….

I was also aware that it is very possible to have a great life without having found our purpose. Plenty of people get by extremely well without it - so it can’t be essential, can it?

Furthermore, when people bang on about it and suggest that we MUST find it – or else – then that can create pressure and make it more elusive.

Things then become frustrating when we don’t make progress, which increases stress and so ends up having the complete opposite effect from what was intended.

On that basis, I absolutely cannot say that it’s essential and that, seemingly, the more important I make it out to be, the worse things get.

What then is the correct answer?

That night, I got thinking about the question and reflected on my own relationship with Purpose. As you arrive at said restaurant, you know in advance exactly what you’re going to order - because that is why you go there. You have your favourite dishes which makes this place like no other.

I remembered the point at which I had decided to start looking for mine. At the time, I knew I was in the right space and even had a pretty clear idea about the direction I was going in and how I was going to do it, but I could tell there was something missing.

I wasn’t truly connected to it.

I knew that I had to dig deeper. I had to go and find out more about me, what I was made of and how I could weave that in with where I was going. It wasn’t something I felt under pressure to do. It was something I WANTED to do. As a consequence, the hunt was fun. Yes, it was challenging but, ultimately, enjoyable.

Naturally, once I’d discovered it, everything changed, and I couldn’t go back to being the person I was before. As I reflected, I formed a process that worked well to explain my initial conundrum. It takes the form of a thought experiment and can be adapted to fit your particular preferences. The intention is to illustrate that the question: “How important is it that I find my purpose?” is the wrong question to ask and, more importantly. the process that I created provides a better approach that you can take when it comes to finding your Purpose. Imagine then, if you will, that it’s your birthday – or another special occasion. Let us also imagine that you have a favourite restaurant that you love to go to for just such a celebration.

(Personally, I like to mix and match and try new things. If you’re like me - hey, it’s a thought experiment. Go with it.)

Now imagine that it’s time to order dessert. You’ve already had the most amazing starter, the one they do so well.

Your favourite bottle of wine accompanied the incredible main course, cooked to absolute perfection such that even though you’re comfortably full, the memory of it lingers on your taste buds and in the brain.

However, no matter how full you are, there is always room for dessert. As with the other courses, you know exactly what you’re going for – and my word are you looking forward to it. Your favourite dish - vanilla cheesecake.

Simple, but so delicious – particular the way they make it. Nothing fussy, just the finest biscuit crumb base and the soft rich texture of the cheesecake. No need for any accompaniments or sauces – everything you need is contained in that one slice.

That’s how they’ve always served it. That’s the way you like it. That’s why you always order it.

Except...

This time they’ve added something to the plate. This time it’s not just the cheesecake that is brought out to the table.

This time they’ve added some Clotted Cream on the side!!

Slightly confused – annoyed even that they’ve tried messing with perfection - you hesitantly fork out a mouthful of cake and cream, place it in your mouth and... … the world stops turning! Your mouth explodes with a taste sensation you never knew to be possible. Your brain virtually switches off as you’re transported to another universe where everything is bright lights, soft colours and fluffy kittens. Your body pretty much just melts right there in the chair as you try to process an experience like nothing you’ve experienced before. If Spinal Tap had been playing on your pleasure strings, this would be the point where they turned everything up to 11. That is what you experience tasting your favourite cheesecake but now with added Clotted Cream.

The birthday celebration has exceeded all of your expectations. Against all the odds, perfection has been improved upon and now life will never be the same again. As you are transported home in an ethereal glow of immense satisfaction, you suddenly remember that this is a thought experiment, and you probably need to be doing something. With that in mind, I ask you a key question. Go back in time to the point when you were about to order dessert. At that stage you were still revelling in the memory of the main and eagerly anticipating the simple, straightforward and unaccompanied cheesecake - before you knew about the cream.

If, at that point, somebody had asked you: “How important is it to have Clotted Cream with your cheesecake?” your former self would have said, quite simply “Not at all”.

In many ways, you would have been right. Had the cheesecake been as it ever was, you would still have had an amazing meal and gone home extremely happy. However, your new self would now say ‘different’ or ‘incredible’ and insist that Clotted Cream is included every time. As you wrestle with how an argument might run between the two different versions of yourself, you realise that the question itself is part of the problem. The Clotted Cream is only important once it’s been added. Before that, it sits in a state of potential, that may or may not be realised at any moment in time, a kind of Schrödingers Cake.

Prior to experiencing adding the cream, the actual issue was that your former self ‘thought’ that they had everything they needed, and it didn’t even enter their mind that it could be even better. How then can such a question have any meaning or relevance? As you follow things through you realise that the real question to be asked is actually: “Am I open to improving upon my cheesecake?” No pressure. No guarantees. Simply opening the mind and being curious. Of course, in your case, Clotted Cream may not be the thing that makes the difference for you. Maybe your transformational accompaniment is salted caramel, honeycomb, or even dulce de leche.

Whatever it is, be open to looking for it and know that, even if you never find out what it is – you get to eat lots of cheesecake along the way! Yum! To conclude, I cannot tell you how important it is that you find your Purpose.

You absolutely don’t NEED to find out for yourself. If life is great for you now, then that is fantastic. All I would say is to BE OPEN to exploring and looking for it. Be curious and look for clues and patterns that may indicate further places to explore. Collaborate with like-minded people, who want to help and support you. They may be able to notice things from the outside that you’ve never noticed before.

If you find yourself stressed because you haven’t found it yet, then definitely change tack. It should be an empowering, fun journey, not a stressful one. Remember at all times to enjoy and be grateful for what you already have - but give yourself permission to look for more. In short - go forth and eat lots of cheesecake with Clotted Cream - metaphorically speaking obviously! (Though if you also want to do that literally, that’s fine too)

You can contact Andrew at:

Email: andrew@businessenjoyment.com Telephone: 07403 110951 Website: www.businessenjoyment.com