Norman, OK CollegiateParent Magazine Fall 2022

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M A G A Z I N E Norman, OK | Fall 2022

Transition College the

to

The Importance of Professors and Advisors Who Is Your First‑Year Student?

Rhythm of the First Semester

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Fall 2022

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Welcome College Year to the

Dear Parents and Family Members, Congratulations! You’ve imagined this moment for years. Your child is now a college student!

Whether they’re going to school nearby or in another part of the country, there’s lots to do and think about.

In the pages that follow, you’ll find answers to many of your questions (including some you didn’t know you had), along with information to help you support your student in every aspect of their life on campus, from academics to health and well-being.

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Your student is on a new path. It’s their time to shine.

But don’t worry — though your relationship is changing, you still have a very important role to play. This is your journey, too.

Be sure to sign up for the Loop parent newsletter, join our Facebook community, and send a question to our advice columnist, Dear Adina. We’re here for you!

– Your Friends at CollegiateParent

Fall 2022

Part 1 The Transition to College Rhythm of the First Semester.................................................6 Tips from a Student on Making It Through the First Year..........................................9 Who Is Your First‑Year Student?

How Different Personalities Adjust to College........12 Campus Resources: Your Cheat Sheet.........................15 Handling Roommate Issues...................................................16

Part 2 All About Academics Study Time Matters......................................................................18 The Importance of Professors and Advisors............20 Should My Student Withdraw from a Difficult Course?...................................22

Part 3 Health & Well-Being Essential Health Conversations.........................................24 A Mental Health Game Plan for College Students and Families..........................................26 Assertiveness is the Secret Sauce...................................28 Is Your Student at Risk for an Eating Disorder?......30

Part 4 Life Outside the Classroom Learning to Manage Money..................................................32 5 Ways to Begin Career Prep in the First Year........34 The Value of Outside Opportunities...............................36 Housing Timeline.......................................................................... 38

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Part 1

The Transition to College

Rhythm

of the First Semester NOW WHAT?

By David Tuttle

After all of the applications, tours, decisions, packing, unloading, and lastminute (if not outdated) parental advice, your students are on their own. As someone who sent four kids to college and served as a campus administrator over several decades, I’ve found there is a cadence to the first semester.

Here’s what to expect.

Uneasiness and Anxiety

Euphoria

You can tell by the look in their eyes.

Pulling up to the residence hall, meeting other students… Your kid is feeling the pressure. How does the meal plan work? Where are my classes? Am I a nerd? Is my roommate a nerd?

The early days of the semester have a special energy. Everyone’s putting their best foot forward and students are drawn in by their diverse and dynamic classmates. Connecting over social media prior to move-in means there’s a comfort level already among many of them. They have a lot in common — they all want to be at college, in particular THIS college.

For many, these feelings will quickly pass. For some, though — especially introverts — the stress may last until they get further into the semester.

The best thing you can do is check in, be available, and listen. The Resident Assistant (RA) is a great resource — nudge your student to talk to them and lean on them for support.

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The truth is, a lot of them are doing what we all do in new and uncomfortable situations: faking it.

This is a handy survival skill. New students may latch on to the first people they meet, especially in the residence halls. (Note: The first friends aren’t always the lasting ones — or

even the ones that are there by the holidays.) What’s more, how often do we get chances to reinvent ourselves?

Students can leave their high school personas and reputations behind, make changes, and start fresh.

Freedom Students can stay out late and sleep in. They can clean their room — or not. They’re meeting new people.

They are becoming new people. And the stuff that gave them anxiety? They have mastered it. As they manage their own decisions and emotions, they become more surefooted. You may notice over the holidays that your adolescent is blossoming into a confident adult.

Fall 2022

Hurdle One: Homesickness At some point, most students face a bout of homesickness. The euphoria fades, and with freedom comes accountability. Often something minor will happen. Maybe their roommate didn’t invite them to breakfast, or they saw all their friends at a different school on Instagram having a great time. Maybe sustaining the reinvention feels exhausting and inauthentic. And maybe, just maybe, parents, siblings, and the family home provide some real comfort.

Expect the call. The one where they say they don’t fit in. They want to see you (or they want to see the dog). This is normal. Listen a lot, knowing that after the call they may end up going out and having fun while you toss and turn with worry. If homesickness is sustained, have them home for a visit or go see them if resources and time allow. Some parents set an arbitrary rule that their kids can’t come home until Thanksgiving. To me, that seems more punitive than productive.

Sometimes having the visit early on can help get them through and understand that their new lives can co-exist with their old ones.

Fall Family Weekend If the school hosts Family Weekend and you can attend, it can be fun and reassuring. Programs give you a chance to learn what’s happening on campus. Your student will want to see you, show you off, go out to eat, and maybe come away with a little cash.

Whether a structured campus event or a random fall visit, it’s nice to take your students and some friends out for a meal. You can learn a lot from the friends that your student has found at this point. Mostly, you can gauge that they are happy and fitting in. Don’t be surprised if the group is made up of various genders. College breaks down these barriers more than high school.

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Finally, let your student show you around campus with their new eyes.

You can see where they go to class, study, and hang out. Our son gave us a tour of the recreation facility he worked at. He took great pride in showing us how his key worked.

This display in the obvious made us proud, too.

Hurdle Two: Grades College is hard. Professors love their disciplines and know a lot. Students may be checking off requirements, but the faculty is committed to teaching and learning, and they want to entice students into their majors.

Students will read and write more in the first semester than they did in one or two years of high school. The other students are also the brightest of the bright. Academics are competitive and no one gets by any longer on talent alone.

The first subpar grade on a test or paper can create self-doubt or trigger imposter syndrome. Some students aren’t used to seeing so much red on their written assignments, and it can be very humbling. Know that most instructors are fully aware of this.

They are laying the groundwork of expectations for the quality of work that is expected in college. For you, maybe temper expectations about first grades, including for the whole first semester. Students will learn what they need to do to succeed and you will often see a bump up in the second term.

Get Used to Being Shut Out Instructors don’t give as much graded work except in languages and STEM (science and math). This makes it difficult for students to assess their progress and even more difficult to report it to you. They may have two or three papers and a few tests. What instructors want to see is that the students are engaged. Urge your student to attend class, participate in discussion, and turn in their work. Angle-right

Weed-Out Classes and Registration Schools say they don’t have weedout classes. But many students in the pre‑med track learn that the rigor of chemistry, calculus, and biology is simply too challenging.

If the student switches majors, they have weeded themselves out. That is normal. Sometimes it’s best to drop some of these classes by the deadline if they will have severe negative impacts on the grade point average. And maybe it’s time to look at different majors.

In late fall, students register for the next term’s courses. This can be stressful because heading into the first semester, class seats were set aside for them; now they’re in with the general population and at the back of the line. Don’t be surprised if you get a call that they have a crummy schedule.

Direct them to ask their advisor or the Registrar's Office how to navigate waitlists or find other classes that will fulfill requirements. And knocking out some electives isn’t a bad thing. Many a student has taken a class in something they would have never considered only to find a passion area as a major.

The main thing is to make sure highly sequenced courses are completed so the student’s graduation schedule isn’t thrown off-kilter.

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The grades will follow. Professors love it, too, when students go to their office hours.

Professors will likely not communicate with you if you reach out. The faculty treats students as adults, and that’s how they’re viewed by the institution as a whole. If you contact the school with a question about your student, they will want to know if your student has filled out a Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) release (usually available on the college website). You should stress that you’re not asking about grades, but want to discuss how your student is doing, if that is the case. And you can always just share your concerns and hope they act on them.

Finally, your student may also shut you out. They’ve gotten the message that they are adults, so they want to handle things. That’s what you want, too. But sometimes you need them to rise to your expectations. And don’t forget, you probably have leverage.

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Don’t be afraid of your student. One of my kids told me he felt like I was micro-managing him. I was proud of his assertive communication. Still, he needed to know that our investment in him meant that we should have input and some authority. We reached a satisfactory understanding moving forward.

The Holidays This may be the first time your student has been home since fall move-in. They’re long-term tired after being “on” for several months and will want to sleep and see their old friends. Discuss expectations in advance and let them know when they need to be with family. And be prepared for them to have new perspectives, new beliefs, and even a new voice to disagree with you and other relatives. This is your new, educated, emerging adult!

The End of the First Term The first thing on everyone’s minds is how grades turned out. If your student is in the average to aboveaverage range, see this as a win.

Discuss what they will do differently in the next term and ask about scheduled classes. Let them regroup academically and emotionally. If the grades are subpar, it may be time to dig deeper and possibly reach out to the advisor or academic support people.

By the time your first-year student goes back to campus in January, they will be ready and you probably will be, too. They may say they’re going “home.” Don’t take it personally. They want to get back to their freedom and friends and start fresh on this next lap. And they will likely be sad to leave you as well. But you’ll all have less angst than you had the first time.

Everyone is getting the hang of this!

Fall 2022

Tips Making It Through from a Student on

By Kate Gallop

the First Year

T

he first year of college is a huge learning curve.

I knew a ton more by the end of the year than when I started! Here’s some advice from me and my friends to share with your student.

1. Manage Your Expectations College is a hugely idealized time of life. Before move-in day, my expectations were loosely based on things my older friends and siblings said, Instagram posts, and movies. I expected non-stop adventures with a fun group of friends. In reality, it took a while for me to find people I truly connected with.

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I didn’t have something happening every night, and I didn’t always feel like myself, so I assumed I was doing something wrong. I wish I’d known that I wasn’t. I wish I’d given myself the freedom to live in the moment without dwelling on preconceived notions of the “college experience.”

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It’s okay if you feel like

you don’t relate to your peers instantly even when it seems like everyone else is.

It takes time to adjust.

”

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2. Make Time to Relax

5. Put Yourself Out There

At the beginning of my first semester, I was worried that, if I took time for myself, I’d miss out on something. I loved meeting people and exploring my new community, but there were definitely times when I should’ve said no to things but went anyway. The minute I arrived home for fall break, I got sick and slept a ton. That’s when I realized I was burned out.

I started choosing to stay in when I felt tired instead of pushing myself to be involved 24/7. Whether it’s watching Netflix, reading for fun, or drawing, it’s important to check in with yourself and do the things that keep you relaxed. When I took a little time each week to be alone, I had more energy, and the social events I attended became more enjoyable.

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Nothing is make-orbreak. If you’re rundown, take a night off.

”

3. Plan Out Your Time Summer before freshman year, I worried that I wasn’t smart enough for college. This fear grew stronger as I sat through my first classes and leafed through syllabi, overwhelmed by the number of things I had to do over the course of the semester.

It didn’t occur to me to remind myself that I was admitted to the school for a reason. However, I did write every assignment in a planner, noted the extra busy weeks, and attended all my classes.

It turned out there was more than enough time to do everything. I stayed on top of things and, slowly, college stopped feeling so drastically different from high school. I still sometimes stayed up late to study for exams and finish papers, but I stopped believing I was out of place.

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While it’s perfectly normal to eat alone, it’s important to get to know people, and meals are a great way to do that. Some of the best advice I got before my first year is, when you meet someone you connect with, to ask for their number and make meal plans.

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Getting a calendar will help with time management because your college schedule gets busy.

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4. Leave Some High School Attitudes at the Door

In high school, if a group of my friends got together without me, I’d take it personally. This changed completely in college. People tend to make plans based on who happens to be there in the moment. You might grab lunch with someone who has the same break between classes that you do, and go to dinner with residence hall floormates because you were already in the common room studying together.

In high school, lunch is a major time to socialize. Friends sit together and people look at you if you sit alone. This, too, changes in college.

Everyone has different schedules, and often you won’t run into someone you know. It felt so freeing when I realized that no one notices or thinks anything less of someone sitting alone.

I knew no one at my college before move-in day. As nervous as I was, I made sure to introduce myself to the other people moving in on my floor, and I’m so happy I did — it made the dorm start to feel like home. I also recommend spending time in the common room instead of your own room — it’s a great way to make friends.

If you don’t click with anyone on your floor, don’t worry. Clubs and classes are another place to find people you have something in common with.

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It’s okay to be nervous because everyone feels the same way. Put yourself out there and try something new.

6. Get Excited!

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The pandemic impacted my college experience, but even so, it didn’t take long for my school to feel like a second home. Begin the year ready to meet a ton of new people and excited about what comes next. It takes time for things to fall into place, but once you find a new routine and begin to make friends, you’ll never want to leave.

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Going to a smaller high school, it felt like eyes were on me all the time. The unabashed freedom of college is liberating.

”

Fall 2022

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Who

By Adina Glickman

Is Your First‑Year Student?

How Different Personalities Adjust to College Whoever your student was when you dropped them off at school, they’ll be practically unrecognizable when you see them next. There may be confidence you never thought possible. There may also be piercings and ink.

Whatever road they’re now traveling, yours as a parent has also experienced a seismic shift. All of the parenting skills you mastered through their childhood and teens are now obsolete. The hard work you put into learning how to love, guide, and communicate with them goes sideways when they leave for college.

At first it will feel like you’re driving blind, but as you let your student show you who they are becoming, you’ll realize that this new stage of 12

parenting is awesome. When you don’t need to give your full attention to protecting them, you have brain and heart space to see them, appreciate them, and enjoy them as they unfold into unique adults.

But until they settle into their college selves, it can be a mighty confusing journey. As a freshman advisor and the director of Stanford University’s learning strategy programs, I spent almost 20 years behind the firewall of silence that students install between

themselves and their parents. The backstage pass to students at college when parents aren’t around afforded me a glimpse you all don’t get to see.

Here are some “types” of students I’ve encountered. Of course these descriptions are ridiculously twodimensional compared to the real person your student is, but you may see elements that ring true from one or more of them.

Fall 2022

The Free-At-Last Captive This student has been serious about school since kindergarten. They were driven and single-minded about getting into college. Now that they’ve arrived, their goals are less clear and their sense of purpose feels vague.

They’re discovering how much fun it is to have friends, to join a sorority or fraternity, to get involved with clubs or sports.

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You may feel…

Who IS this person? You’re relieved they’re finding joy in non-academic endeavors but you may also worry that the pendulum has swung too far in the opposite direction.

Ă

What you can do…

Don’t panic, and don’t judge.

Remember that your student is on their own path and the whole point of being in college is to try things out. Remember that academics are a fraction of what college is all about.

Remember that, when they were growing up, you “just wanted them to be happy.” Their happiness may look new and different to you. Cultivate a loving curiosity about it.

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The Observer Not necessarily shy, but not sure how to step into the college scene, this student takes a wait-and-see approach. They don’t yet know where they fit in or if they even want to.

Academic endeavors aren’t terrible, but they’re not feeling great either. In fact, nothing feels totally comfortable, so this student does a lot of standing on the sidelines questioning whether they’re meant to be in college.

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You may feel…

Worried that they’re sad or depressed, anxious that they aren’t making friends or “taking to it” with more pleasure and sense of adventure.

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What you can do…

Remind them that they should focus their attention on what makes them feel good, because when they feel good, other good things are more likely to emerge — like bravery, creativity, and self-acceptance.

Reassure them that whatever they can do to feel grounded and comfortable is good for them.

Remind them of how long it took for you to feel like you knew your way around the new job you started years ago. Remind them that change is unsettling, and to be patient with themselves as they find their footing, which you are very sure they will.

The Kid in a Candy Store If you can even get this student to respond to your texts, you’ll discover they’re enrolling in and dropping classes every other day, considering majoring in economics and minoring in calligraphy or possibly majoring in biology with a double minor in political science and computer science. They’re joining clubs left and right and appear like a blur being propelled from one exciting possibility to the next.

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You may feel…

Breathless and exhausted! While you’re glad they’re filled with energy and optimism, you fear they’ll spread themselves too thin and burn out.

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What you can do…

Remind them to drink water and get more sleep. And keep being curious and listening without offering assistance unless they ask. Don’t worry about how quickly they change their minds about a major or a class or a club. College is supposed to be a mind-changing experience!

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If they’re unhappy with their plan, your massive anxiety should also be communicated as neutral support.

They may want you to make it better, tell them what to do, and so on.

Don’t go there. Communicate that it’s normal to change direction, and it might take time to find a new sense of purpose. And that you believe in them and their ability to find their footing.

The Pre-Professional (Happily or Unhappily) The happily pre-professional student has wanted to be a doctorlawyerengineerstockbroker since they were yay high. They truly feel like they’ve arrived and are moving in the right direction.

Frequently, students don’t tell their parents that they’re unhappy with the plan. Instead, they fail or do poorly in classes that are needed to follow the path they’d decided on. Or they’ll do well but be miserable. They may not want to share their discontent if they feel you’re more committed to their plan than they are. As much as possible, divest yourself from their journey so you can help them find the path they’re meant to follow.

The unhappily pre-professional student has also wanted to be a doctorlawyerengineerstockbroker (or said they did), but being in college is now shining a light on just how much they aren’t sure anymore. Fun computers in high school are nothing like engineering foundation courses in college. Freshman chemistry is boring compared to the philosophy seminar they’re taking.

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You may feel…

If they’re happy with their preprofessional plan, you feel massively relieved that they’ve chosen a direction and are on their way. If they’re unhappy, you feel massively anxious that they’ll flounder until it’s “too late” and live out their life in your basement.

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What you can do…

Communicate your massive relief as neutral support. Why? Because they may change their mind some day and they’re going to need to feel like you can accept their new truth. Your neutrality communicates that it’s not their life plan that you’re attached to, it’s them.

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What you can do…

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Sit back and enjoy the ride. Mourn the ending of their childhood dependence on and allegiance to you. Continue to be their best adulting role model by getting on with your own life.

No matter which of these types most closely resembles your child, I can tell you some truths about what every first-year college student encounters.

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The Walkabouter This student brings to college a sophisticated and independent spirit, and is ready to take on multiple challenges. With a growth mindset in which effort, time on task, comfort with failures and setbacks, and a sense of adventure guide their decisions, they’re taking the college experience very seriously while also having some fun and finding their friends.

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You may feel…

Scared for them, excited for them, and sometimes a little left behind.

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They aren’t getting enough sleep.

They’re meeting people who are nothing like them, and who may be introducing them to ways of thinking and being that might surprise or even dismay you.

They’re overwhelmed by how many decisions they have to make every day. Vegan burger or salad bar for lunch?

Volunteer for club secretary or not? Read my email or ignore it completely? Join the party or study? Start a new Insta story or give up social media entirely?

They’re exhausted from the emotional whiplash of feeling exhilarated, terrified, homesick, insecure, and invincible — sometimes all within a single afternoon.

Every day feels like a million different things, and when you casually ask them how they’re doing there’s no easy way to summarize or encapsulate it. They still want you to ask them.

Fall 2022

Campus Resources: Your Cheat Sheet

What are all those buildings on campus, anyway? Where can your student find support and community, and who do YOU call when you have questions?

Bursar/Student Accounts Pay tuition, room and board, and other fees here (parents access the account with student authorization).

An outstanding balance may put a hold on course registration, so be sure to stay on top of things; payment plans may be available.

Registrar This office deals with student email and password set‑up, maintaining student contact information, course registration (including add, drop and withdrawal), grades, and transcript requests.

Residence Life

Campus Safety/Emergency Management Responsible for patrolling, investigating complaints, safe ride services, registering bikes and electronics, helping students who get locked out of dorms, emergency drills and alerts, and more.

Career Services It all happens here: job fairs, internship listings, mock interviews, interest assessments, resume and cover letter help. Career counselors can help undecided students choose a major and explore the connection between academics and potential careers.

Disability Support/Accessibility Students who need accommodations for physical or mental health reasons, or because of a learning difference, work with this office.

Financial Aid Your student’s financial aid award (grants, scholarships, loans, work-study) is managed here. Don’t hesitate to call with questions, or if your family’s financial circumstances have changed.

Parent & Family Program This office is for YOU. They organize Family Weekend and other events on and off campus, put out newsletters and social media blasts to keep you informed, and more. If you don’t know who to call, start here and the P&F staff will direct you to the right place!

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On-campus housing options and meal plans, student ID cards, campus parking, and more. Students with roommate issues can get support from Res Life staff.

Student Affairs Another great catch-all office to contact when you have a question or concern. They respond to issues related to the Student Code of Conduct and academic integrity and may also administer departments related to equity, inclusion, and Title IX compliance.

Student Health & Counseling Centers Treatment of common illnesses and minor injuries, vaccines, prescription and over-the-counter meds, reproductive health services and contraception, STI and HIV testing, nutrition counseling, and more. Appointments can usually be made online. Mental health resources may share a building with student health or have a separate facility.

Student Union A hub for student clubs and organizations along with social gathering spaces and places to eat and study.

Writing & Tutoring Center Professional and peer tutoring services are available for any academic need. Your student can get help understanding concepts, writing papers, and improving study skills. The school may have a separate Quantitative Center to support students with math and science coursework.

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Handling Roommate Issues

By LaTrina A. Rogers, MS Ed.

I

t’s exciting to move to campus and start college life, but first-year students are usually a bit anxious, too. One of the biggest unknowns: Will I get along with my roommate?

I’ve worked in Residence Life for years and the one thing I know for certain is that whenever people live together in close quarters there will be moments of contention. College roommates can work through these moments as long as they’re open to discussing their issues. I remind students living in my residence hall that silence condones behavior.

When a problem arises, they’re

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expected to handle it on their own through communication, conflict resolution, and problem solving.

During these times, parents are likely to receive desperate, teary phone calls. It’s painful to hear from your students when they’re distressed and you may be tempted to jump in.

Please don’t. I’ve seen parents get involved in roommate situations

and it never turns out well. Unless a student feels like they're in real danger, a parent’s role is to listen and ask about the steps they’ve taken in the situation.

College is a great soft training ground for young adults to learn how to handle adversity. I’m going to share some insights to help you guide your new college student as they learn to share space in a residence hall.

Fall 2022

First College Roommate: Friend or Nightmare?

When incoming college students think ahead to living with a roommate, they often expect the person will either be their soulmate or a complete horror show. The truth is their attitude as they adjust to dorm life can really impact what unfolds next.

During these early days, encourage your student to keep an open mind. Remind them that their roommate, and all the other first-year students, are just as nervous about sharing space with strangers as they are.

The Initial Conversation Most first-year students receive their housing assignment over the summer.

This leaves plenty of time to connect with their roommate before move-in, and in the age of social media, they know all sorts of personal information about each other before they meet in person.

Now they actually have to build a relationship and TALK to each other. A few intentional conversations can help set the stage for better communication all year long. What should be considered during these initial talks?

REMEMBER EVERYONE IS UNIQUE

There are so many subjects to consider when sharing space. Remembering that not everyone is alike (family background, life experiences, personal beliefs, daily habits, etc.) will save your student frustration and heartache. It’s natural to look at the world from our own perspective; to share space with someone else, students need to accept the perspective of others.

BE AUTHENTIC

Students shouldn’t feel the need to impress their new roommate. They should be honest about themselves and their expectations SET BOUNDARIES

It’s important for students to recognize the need for boundaries; clear boundaries help ensure everyone is comfortable. Some boundaries to discuss include sharing items, cleanliness, study time, visitors, and

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noise. Students should understand their own preferred boundaries while being realistic and respectful.

COMPROMISE

While boundaries are important, so is compromise. The rules can’t benefit only one person — each roommate has to participate in creating a fair and fun living environment for everyone. This means taking other people’s needs and preferences into consideration. There may be some things your student has to do differently.

EXPECT CHANGE

Students’ day-to-day habits tend to evolve based on how they’re managing with their newfound freedom. So everything discussed in these early conversations may change over the course of the school year; roommates might have to address a new set of boundaries based on what’s happening.

What If There’s Still a Problem?

Even when roommates do all the right things, there may be strife. Every student housing department has protocols for handling roommate issues. The next step, after trying to work things out on their own and giving it at least two weeks to see change, is to speak with their Resident Assistant/Advisor (RA). The RA has been trained to work with roommates on mediation. As a last resort there are also protocols to change rooms or roommates.

Roommates can be joy and pain. In my housing experience, I’m grateful to say I’ve seen much more joy than pain. There are roommates who remain friends after college and those who are grateful to separate as soon as the school year ends.

I’ve also had many students who got along and lived well together without being super close friends because they were respectful of one another.

There are all types of roommate experiences and for the most part they grow out of what each person brings to their living situation. Parents, support your students as they navigate this new path.

Encourage open and honest dialogue and compromise.

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Part 2

All About Academics

Study Time Matters

By Vicki Nelson

New college students want to do well, but they don’t always know what’s required to do well. Finding and spending quality study time is one of the most important skills to master, but it's not as simple as it sounds.

If a student is struggling in class, one of the first questions I ask is, “How much time do you spend studying?”

Very often, a student’s answer doesn’t match the expectation that most professors have. There’s a disconnect about “how much is enough.”

Most college classes meet for a number of “credit hours” — typically 3 or 4. The general rule is that students should spend two or three hours on outside-of-class work for each credit hour or hour spent in the classroom. Therefore, a student taking five 3-credit classes spends 15 hours each week in class and should be spending 30 hours on work outside of class.

When we talk about this, I can see on students’ faces that for most of them this isn’t even close to their reality. According to one survey, most college students spend 10–13 hours a week studying — less than half of what’s expected.

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Why Such a Disconnect?

College is very different from high school, but the total time committed to academics is more similar than you might think. Let’s crunch some more numbers.

Most high school students spend six hours a day or 30 hours a week in school. That adds up to about 1,080 hours in school a year. On average they spend four to five hours a week on homework, or 180 hours a year.

That puts the average time spent on class and homework combined at 1,260 hours per school year.

Now let’s look at college: Most semesters are 15 weeks long. That student with 15 credits (five classes) spends 225 hours in class and, with the formula above, should be spending 450 hours studying. That’s 675 hours a semester or 1,350 for the year. That’s more than the 1,260 in high school, but only 90 hours, or an average of three hours more a week.

Fall 2022

Being a full-time student is a full-time job. Start by looking at the numbers with your student and then encourage them to create strategies that will keep them on task. With understanding and practice, your student can plan for and spend the study time needed to succeed in college.

The problem isn’t necessarily the number of hours — it's that many students haven’t flipped the equation and recognized the time expected outside of class.

In high school, students did much of their work during their school day. The hour or so a day of homework was an add-on. In college, students spend a smaller number of hours in class and are expected to complete almost all their reading, writing, and studying outside of class. The expectation doesn’t require significantly more hours — the hours are just allocated differently. What students sometimes see as “free time” is really just time that they are responsible for scheduling themselves.

How to Fit It All In? Once we look at these numbers, the question that students often ask is, “How am I supposed to fit that into my week? There aren’t enough hours!”

I remind students that there are 168 hours in a week. If they spend 45 hours on class and studying, that leaves 123 hours. If they sleep eight hours per night (few do!), that’s another 56 hours which leaves 67 hours, or about 9.5 hours a day for work or play.

Not every student will spend 30+ hours a week studying, but understanding what’s expected may motivate them to put in some additional study time. That takes planning, organizing, and discipline.

Students need to be aware of obstacles and distractions (social media, partying, working too many hours) that can interfere with their ability to find balance.

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What Can Your Student Do? Here are a few things your student can try.

Start by keeping a time journal for a week. Record what you’re doing each hour as you go through your day. At the end of the week, observe how you spent your time. How much time did you actually spend studying?

Socializing? Sleeping? Texting?

On social media? At a job? Find the “time stealers.”

Prioritize studying. Don’t hope that you’ll find the time. Schedule your study time each day — make it an appointment with yourself and stick to it.

Limit phone time. Many students find it almost impossible to turn off their phones. It may take practice, but putting the phone away during designated study time can make a big difference in how efficient and focused you are.

Spend time with friends who study. It’s easier to put in the time when the people around you are doing the same thing.

If you have a job, ask if there is any flexibility with shifts or responsibilities. Ask whether you can schedule fewer shifts at prime study times like exam periods or when a big paper or project is due. You might also look for a campus position (for example, at a computer lab, library, or information desk) that allows for some study time while on the job.

Strengthen your time management skills. Block out study times and stick to the plan. Plan ahead for long-term assignments and schedule bitesized pieces. Don’t underestimate how much time big assignments will take.

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The Importance

of Professors and Advisors

T

he student-professor relationship is one of the most important to cultivate.

Academic advisors are also key players in a student’s successful adjustment to college and can guide them all the way through to an on-time graduation.

You can encourage your student to create open lines of communication with their professors and make the most of every advising appointment. Here are tips and talking points!

By Amy Baldwin, Ed.D.

Coach Your Student to Communicate With Professors

1. Establish a relationship early.

Professors will be happy to get to know your student before a problem arises. Any time during the semester (with the exception of the day before the final!) is a good time to reach out, but the sooner the better.

Your student should take cues from the syllabus about the best way to communicate. Is the professor available to meet in person or is email or an online meeting better? It should go without saying — if the professor prefers email, then use email and check it often.

When your student meets with the professor for the first time, they should have a list of questions ready. Here are a few that can help your student learn more about the professor’s expectations:

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Ñ “I want to learn as much as I can in your class. What can I do to succeed?”

Ñ “I usually [fill in usual study practices]. What will work best for this class?”

Ñ “I want to be sure I start off with solid work in your class.

Can I come see you before an assignment is due to make sure I’m on the right track?”

2. Seek immediate feedback after graded work.

If your student gets a low grade, even if they think they know why, it’s good to check in with the professor as soon as possible. Here’s how to open a conversation:

Ñ “I reviewed my work. Can we go over what I did wrong so I understand what to do differently next time?”

Ñ “I’m bummed I messed up that assignment. Would you help me see where I made mistakes?”

Ñ “Can we talk about how this low grade will affect my progress in the course? I want to be sure to make the improvements I need to raise my grade.”

Because students share this fear with me, it’s worth telling you: Yes, professors really want to talk with students who’ve failed an assignment. No, they don’t think their students aren’t smart enough to pass their class.

Professors want their students to learn and to earn good grades.

Your student shouldn’t be ashamed to speak to a professor about a class they’re failing. Reaching out demonstrates a willingness to improve.

Fall 2022

Make the Most of an Advising Appointment Academic advisors help students register for courses and keep track of credits and degree requirements. But that’s not all an advisor can do. Advisors can help your student connect with resources if they are having academic, personal, or financial challenges. Your student should view their advisor as a guide, coach, and support system.

Here are three steps to follow.

1. Plan the visit with the advisor.

2. Role play the conversation.

3. Follow up if needed.

Students should prepare ahead of time for every appointment. The advisor needs to know what your student needs as soon as they get there.

I know from professional experience and also from my own son, who’s a college student, that many students don’t know what to say in the moment even with a list of questions in their hand. That’s why it’s important to practice the conversation ahead of time.

A single advising appointment probably won’t answer all your student’s questions. A follow-up (even multiple ones) may be needed.

Ñ Create a list of questions or a goal to share. For example, “I’m here to talk about what classes to take next semester and what would happen if I change my major.”

Ñ Look up policies, forms or other information that will improve the conversation. Your student may want to read course descriptions or download a copy of their degree plan.

Ñ Be ready to take notes. Will your student handwrite notes, type, or record the session? They’ll need notes about what was discussed and what steps to take next.

You don’t have to know the ins and outs of college advising — you just need to help your student learn how to ask questions and follow up with additional questions. Here’s a sample script: Advisor Role: What can I do for you today?

Student: I need help registering for classes and I want to talk about changing my major.

Advisor Role: First, what classes are you thinking about taking?

Then, tell me what’s motivating you to change your major.

Help your student identify what preparation they still need to do before their appointment and clarify what they want from the meeting.

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Encourage your student to check in regularly with their advisor even if there isn’t a pressing issue.

Other reasons to meet with an advisor include:

Ñ Your student’s progress in a course or courses is in jeopardy and they need to know what will happen if they fail a class.

Ñ They can’t get into a class that’s required for their degree plan.

Ñ They may not graduate on time. Ñ They want advice on a different major, a minor, or a career pathway.

Advisors can’t solve all of your student’s problems, but they can do a lot more than help with course registration. In fact, if your student cultivates a solid relationship with their advisor, they will have a coach, guide, and cheerleader all rolled into one.

21

Should My Student Withdraw fro m a

Difficult Course?

By Vicki Nelson

S

tudents may confront an especially difficult course at any point in college. They may have seen it coming, or may be taken by surprise — often around midterms. There it is.

A low grade. Or maybe more than one.

As a parent, you want to help. But, as with so many things on the college journey, your student needs to own the situation and decide how to approach the rest of the semester. You can help your student make an informed choice.

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Fall 2022

Help Them Put Things in Perspective Midterm grades come at the midpoint of the semester, but not necessarily at the midpoint in the work of the course. There may be more graded work in the second half of the semester than in the first, which gives your student time to raise their grade. Remember, too — if there is only one low grade, this is one course in one semester of a four-year college program, possibly a bump in the road rather than a crisis.

With this in mind, it's crucial that your student be realistic. Can they make sufficient changes to turn things around? Will improvement in the second half of the semester change the outcome of the class?

It isn’t enough to want to do better or hope that things will improve.

Your student needs a plan. There are options.

Option #1 – Withdraw from the Class Withdrawing isn’t the same thing as dropping a class early in the semester. When a student drops a class, it disappears from their schedule. After the “Add/Drop” period, a student may still have the option to withdraw. Withdrawal usually means the course remains on the transcript with a “W” as a grade.

It does not affect the student’s GPA (grade point average).

Although students may be reluctant to have a “W” on their transcript, sometimes “W” stands for Wisdom. Withdrawing from one class may make success in other classes manageable and allow your student to end the semester with a strong GPA. Each school has different rules for withdrawing from a class, and deadlines vary from the third to the

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10th week of the semester. At some schools, students must be passing a course in order to withdraw. Your student needs to investigate. The decision to withdraw should not be made lightly, but it may be the right move.

Option #2 – Forge Ahead with the Class A second option is to remain in the class and commit to making a change in the second half of the semester. For many students, the difference can be using the support services offered by the college. Most schools have academic support or tutoring centers with free tutoring services. Tutoring provides your student with individualized attention as well as extra structure.

Some tutoring centers are staffed by peer tutors — students with strengths in subject areas hired to work with other students. Peer tutors can serve as role models and offer social as well as academic support. Your student may be more comfortable with someone their own age who’s experienced similar struggles.

Who Should Your Student Talk to?

Before your student decides, they should gather information from several sources:

1.

Talk to the professor. What do they need to do to improve?

What are the chances of passing? What’s the best grade they can hope for?

2. Talk to their advisor. If it’s still an option to withdraw, what’s the deadline? Is Pass/Fail available?

If they stay in the class but eventually fail, what’s the policy on retaking a failed course? How might they make up credits?

3.

What happens if the student’s final GPA is low?

Visit the Tutoring Center. How often can they meet with a tutor?

4. Visit the Academic Success 5.

6.

7.

Office. These counselors can provide additional information about options and strategies.

Talk to the Financial Aid Office.

Will withdrawing from or failing a course affect financial aid?

Talk to the Housing Office.

Get information about credit minimums for housing.

Visit the Counseling Center.

Therapy is availble if they are experiencing anxiety or stress.

Asking these questions means confronting facts and worst case scenarios rather than relying on assumptions. Your student may not like what they hear, but they may also hear that there are alternatives, safety nets, and hope.

Time to Take Action!

Your student has gathered the necessary information. They’re comfortable with their decision and committed to making it work. If they decide to withdraw, they should do so quickly and then turn attention and energy to remaining classes.

If the deadline for withdrawing has passed, but your student has determined that they cannot pass the course, they will need to let the class go and work on other courses.

This is a moment of growth. Making informed and wise choices is part of learning to be an adult. As you support your student throughout college, you’ll have many chances to celebrate their growing independence and maturity.

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Part 3

Health & Well-Being

By CollegiateParent

Essential

Health Conversations 24

Fall 2022

I

n college, probably for the first time, your student will be wholly responsible for taking care of their own physical and emotional well-being.

For that reason, the most important health conversations you can have with them are ones where you encourage them to make wellness a priority in their daily lives, to familiarize themselves with health support resources on campus, and to always feel comfortable reaching out to you when they have a concern or just need a little advice.

Revisit health-related topics each and every time you talk with your student!

Make sure they know how health insurance works.

Go over their coverage (whether they’re on the school’s health plan or still covered by your family insurance) and how and where to access services. Will they use the campus health center for all their needs, or go there just for the easy/free stuff (flu shots, treatment for minor illnesses) and see a provider or specialist in the local community?

Review resources available on campus.

They’ll receive a lot of information at orientation and during move-in, but it can be overwhelming. Look at the website so you can nudge them to explore what’s offered at the student health clinic and counseling/mental health center. Your student will find online informational materials, workshops, and drop-in support groups related to pretty much every wellness issue under the sun: ͏

Nutrition and body positivity

͏

Sexual health, gender identity, relationships

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Alcohol education

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Stress and anxiety management

͏

Conflict resolution skills

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Don’t forget about religious and spiritual life opportunities as well as fitness classes at the campus rec center.

Go over what to do if they get sick.

Your student should have a first aid kit with a thermometer and basic over-the-counter remedies as well as a supply of rapid COVID-19 test kits. Talk through possible scenarios, ranging from treating a cold to how to know if it’s something more serious like COVID or the flu. Remind them that if symptoms (sore throat, fever, vomiting, headache, etc.) linger for days without improvement, they should visit the campus health center — they don’t have to suffer in silence if they just want to get checked out.

Since colleges are bound by a federal law called FERPA which governs the privacy of student educational and treatment records, you won’t know if or when your student visits campus health and counseling clinics. It’s up to your student to decide whether to share information with you, which is something else the two of you can discuss early on.

Stay up-to-date with COVID-19 protocols.

The pandemic will likely wax and wane as new variants emerge and cooler weather sends people back indoors. Staying current with vaccinations and boosters will be essential. The university will communicate any changes to campus rules regarding mask requirements, in-person vs. online gatherings, and more.

Talk about responsible drinking.

Most families have strict rules about drinking in high school, but in college, an abstinence-only policy may not be practical. National surveys show that 9 out of 10 college students experiment with alcohol, 7 out of 10 drink regularly, and 3 out of 10 will be problem drinkers.

This doesn’t mean you should feel helpless. By talking regularly with your student about the campus party scene, their experiences with alcohol, and what it means to drink responsibly, you can continue to have a positive influence.

Education isn’t the same as endorsing underage drinking. Instead, when you teach your student about how alcohol works in the body, the importance of protecting their cup and sticking with friends at parties, and how to recognize when it’s time to exit a situation or call for help, you emphasize health, safety, and self-advocacy.

These conversations require that you know your facts, be honest and open-minded, and most of all, be ready to listen. For more, visit collegiateparent.com/ wellness/talk-aboutresponsible-drinking.

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A Mental Health Game Plan for College Students and Families

M

ove-in day is here, and along with it the reminder that our kids eventually grow up and leave home.

Though a few will breeze through the college years, many will struggle at some point along the way. Below I share suggestions on how to parent college students whether they’re experiencing challenges or just anxious about the big transition.

Organization Encourage your first-year student to fight the urge to slide casually into college life. It’s essential to set academic and personal expectations — start with more structure and back off as the semester proceeds (if it’s going well).

And talk about calendars. Calendars are a foundation for success and counteract a lot of mental health symptoms. Missing an advisor meeting, forgetting about a counseling session, or completely blanking on a big assignment are good ways to have a bad semester.

The start of fall semester is also a great time to introduce the concept

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of incrementalism. I’ve worked with students with a 4.0 high school GPA coming into freshman year who spun out by November. The overstimulation and lack of restraint became a disaster. Check in early and often at the beginning with a focus on what’s measurable. Small wins add up to big wins.

Counseling Have your student schedule an initial appointment with the college counseling center (often referred to as Counseling and Psychological Services or CAPS) before or immediately after they get to campus.

Even if they have no intention of going regularly, it helps to know where

the center is and have that personal connection. Students are more likely to use CAPS if they’ve been before.

If your student needs ongoing counseling, CAPS may not be enough. I recommend that you help your student find a community-based clinician before the October rush. For students who’ve been working with a therapist at home and want to meet with someone at school, ensure the therapists coordinate to provide a smooth hand-off.

Don’t forget to have your student sign a release of information. You don’t need details from each session but a general sense of how things are trending.

Fall 2022

By Rob Danzman, MS, NCC, LCMHC

Family Communication Agree on how regularly you’ll talk. It’s incredible how loving, engaged kids disappear once they get to school.

I’ve also worked with students who called home too much. Having a general idea of when you will catch up frees kids from feeling pressured to respond to every text and gives parents a sense of relief.

Don’t be lulled into a false sense of security as the semester cranks up and things quiet down. Situations that blow up in December result from the smallest dark clouds forming on the horizon in September and October. I like the analogy of a car’s alignment.

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The slightest degree of misalignment over 10 feet is almost imperceptible, but given enough distance and speed, that same misalignment leads to the vehicle flipping over into a ditch.

And remember: Most

Self-Care for Parents

they believe them to be.

The way you parent when your child is out of the house requires a serious examination of your distresstolerance skills. Consider working with a therapist if you’re anxious about your student’s well-being even after you’ve done all the above. You encourage your student to take care of themselves — you need to do the same.

situations in which our kids find themselves are not as good or as bad as Set a calm, intentional tone at the beginning of the semester with regular check-ins throughout — and enjoy the ride.

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Coaching Assertiveness

Assertiveness is the

Secret Sauce

By David Tuttle

There’s so much to do as you send your kids off to college: planning, buying, packing, and managing emotions. As a father who dropped off four kids at college, I know what you’re going through. I’m not ashamed to say that I bawled like a baby when I said goodbye to each child. I was super sad, and worse, based on my experience as a former Dean of Students, I think I simply knew too much for my own good.

Certainly, you’ve rehearsed and maybe even delivered your farewell spiel: Get good grades, stay in touch, be safe, and don’t run through all of your (our?) money in the first month.

When I was Dean, I sent parents a list of uncomfortable and scary things to discuss with their students. This wasn’t to make the angst worse but, rather, to nudge parents to talk about substantive topics that could have significant impacts on their student’s success. These topics included alcohol, drugs, sexual safety, hazing, mental health, college rules, personal safety, and more. On campus, we followed up by covering these topics in new student orientation.

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If you haven’t discussed these things, it’s not too late. If you have, it’s good to check in once in a while with reminders and to ask your student about challenges and difficulties they’ve encountered. You can talk through these challenges and discuss lessons learned, ways to manage issues in the future, or how to avoid these situations altogether.

Struggling to figure out what to prioritize? Here’s the hierarchy I go by: Health and safety come first, academics second, and social life third. This isn’t random. I’ve worked with students and parents for more than 30 years and have seen it all:

students in life-threatening situations, grappling with roommate difficulties, social complications, academic challenges, and unanticipated hardships from organization, club, and team involvement.

In all of these cases, the number one skill students need to survive and thrive is assertiveness.

Fall 2022

ASSERTIVENESS IMPACTS EVERYTHING Let’s start with roommate issues.

I can’t tell you how many times students let their roommates walk all over them — whether it was a messy room or a boyfriend/ girlfriend who stayed over so much that they seemed like a third roommate. Often, students didn’t want to be the “uncool” ones who put down their foot and said enough is enough. Eventually, there is a pivotal moment during a high-stress time when things blow up, housing staff is pulled in, parents get involved.

Talk about uncool.

More seriously, students can feel pressure to use alcohol or drugs to fit in and to live the college lifestyle they think they should experience. While this is normal to an extent, partaking in order to be perceived a certain way can lead to overconsumption, risks of alcohol poisoning, or worse.

Further, sexual interactions can be clouded by alcohol. And assertive communication is critical when students start to hook up.

Direct, assertive, and firm statements may deter someone who is coercive and doesn’t understand the concept of consent.

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The list of scenarios is endless: Students often don’t speak up when a classmate is cheating on a class project or when they are getting hazed. Many will even avoid asking a professor to review an erroneously assigned grade. In all of these situations, assertiveness is key.

HOW DO YOU COACH THIS? This can be an issue of self-esteem.

In many ways, our students are programmed to stand up for social issues and against authority. Often, though, this is because there are other students rallying behind a cause. In very personal situations, students are on their own. Their feelings of self-worth need to be strong. Logic needs to trump emotion. They pay the same room rate, they control their sexual sovereignty, and they don’t want to lose control because of substance use. Encourage them to trust that inner voice that says not to get into a car with a tipsy driver or let that stranger take them home.

Second, and you and I know this, looking cool and not making waves is a mirage. In the end, other students respect those who are independentminded, look out for themselves, and take care of others. I used to encourage students unhappy with their dining hall meals to tell a manager. They would rather die. It is so much safer (if way less effective) to take to social media to complain.

Those who don’t apologize for appropriately advocating for themselves carry a certain panache and aura over time that serves them and others well. Talk with your student about situations in the past where they were or were not assertive and use hindsight to discuss alternatives. Ask them about others who they have seen be assertive, or shrinking, and discuss how those situations played out and may have ended differently. This is really hard.

In the Instagram age, the way one is perceived is so important. Not being awkward is a real thing. So, it takes pre-planning for someone to draw their line in the sand.

Finally, urge your students to use the best coaches they have when they are feeling uneasy: their parents and mentors.

You want them to have agency and make their own decisions, but having grown-ups reinforce how the world works can be extremely meaningful.

Be specific and use the term assertiveness. Part of college is learning to be independent and to develop self-efficacy. They will need such skills for the rest of their lives.

This is a great time to start.

29

Is Your Student

at Risk for an Eating Disorder?

By Oona Hanson

W

ith increased awareness of mental health challenges among adolescents, parents are more attuned than ever to their children’s well-being. However, before the departure for college, many families haven’t talked about one of the most insidious threats to student health: eating disorders.

Why should we be aware of eating disorders? They are far more common than you think, and they are deadly serious; after opioid addiction, eating disorders are the most fatal mental illness. They wreak havoc on both mind and body, but the good news is that they are treatable. Early detection and family support can make a world of difference.

Here’s what you need to know, red flags to look for, and conversation tips.

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Starting College Increases Your Student’s Risk The first year of college is one of the peak times for the onset of an eating disorder. The stressors (living away from home, losing access to familiar foods, less structure in the daily schedule) all make it more likely that a young person will skip meals, binge eat, or engage in other disordered behaviors around food.

In addition, many new students worry about the so-called “freshman 15.”

This fear of weight gain can increase the risk for an eating disorder by leading to dietary restriction, body image concerns, and/or overexercise. Eating disorders are incredibly complex but we know

that dieting is the single biggest risk factor. What’s tricky is that today’s teens are unlikely to use the term “dieting” — instead, they may call it “clean eating,” a “detox,” or a “lifestyle change,” or they may use a weightloss or fitness app that claims it’s “not a diet.”

You might assume your child could never develop an eating disorder because they don’t fit the image associated with these illnesses.

Contrary to popular myths, eating disorders don’t have a “look” — they affect people of every gender, race, socioeconomic background, and body size. Stereotypes about who gets eating disorders (thin, white, affluent teen girls) can make it hard for families to recognize that their loved one is struggling.

Fall 2022

Although anyone can develop an eating disorder, certain groups of college students are at higher risk than others.

Athletes, LGBTQ+ students, and those who are neurodivergent (such as having ADHD or being on the autism spectrum) all have a heightened risk of developing an eating disorder.

Do you have a son starting college? Body image concerns don’t affect only girls and women.

Males make up roughly 40% of those with eating disorders, and diagnosis rates have been increasing. In addition to anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating disorder, and ARFID (avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder), young men in particular are vulnerable to a condition called “bigorexia,” a type of body dysmorphia that leads to an obsessive attempt to build muscle mass. In addition to overtraining and making drastic changes to macronutrient intake, young men with this condition are likely to use potentially dangerous supplements.

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Keep the Lines of Communication Open!

Before you say goodbye: If you can, talk to your teen about eating disorders before move-in day. Ask what they know about these illnesses, or why they think they’re so common among college students. If your firstyear student is actively trying to lose weight, discuss the serious risks of dieting and support them in exploring ways to improve their relationship with their body. In the lead-up to departure, make family meals a priority and focus on connecting around some of their favorite dishes.

During fall semester: As your teen navigates their first months on campus, check in regularly about their eating habits. What do they think about the dining hall food? You might also ask whether their friends are dieting or if there’s a lot of pressure to “eat healthy” or to look a certain way. If they express worries about the “freshman 15,” listen and empathize with how hard it is to live in a culture with so much fat phobia and an unrealistic thin ideal.

Over Family Weekend and holiday breaks: When you see your teen in person, try to avoid commenting on their appearance. If they seem concerned about having gained weight, listen and focus on how they’re feeling without rushing in to

praise their looks or encouraging a weight-loss plan. You can also normalize gaining weight during adulthood, especially during big life transitions. If your teen needs new clothes, supporting them in that process is one of the most powerful things you can do to help their body image.

If you observe any concerning changes in their eating habits or attitude toward food and exercise, pay attention and get support. If you notice weight loss, this is a red flag and not something to be celebrated.

If the weight loss is significant and/or you observe changes in mood (such as anxiety, depression, irritability, social withdrawal), get them to a primary care physician as soon as possible. Contrary to a lot of parents’ fears, expressing your concern and getting a medical evaluation won’t make things worse. The National Eating Disorders Association is a great resource for more information.

The transition to college can be challenging for the whole family, and it’s not always easy to know how involved we should be as parents.

By staying informed and keeping the lines of communication open, we can support our young adults’ healthy development and give them the best chance to thrive in this next stage of their lives.

31

Student Budgets

Part 4

Life Outside the Classroom

By CollegiateParent

Learning to

Manage Money 32

For first-year students, one of the biggest challenges outside the classroom is learning to manage money. They’re now responsible for paying for all sorts of things on their own, from textbooks and groceries to laundry and an occasional haircut.

Fall 2022

They’re also responsible for their university student account and making sure tuition and fees are paid on time. If you’re paying these bills, your student can add you as an authorized user, but keeping them in the loop about college costs is a great way to help them gain financial literacy and understand the investment you’re making as a family in their education.

Beyond this, parents can play a key role by helping students make a budget and keep an eye on the money going in and out of their bank account. Printable budget worksheets are easy to find online and there are many good smartphone budgeting apps.

“

Financial literacy can make the difference between building upon a good financial foundation from the start or learning from mistakes. It can help teens and young adults get through the ups and downs of life and provides a sense of security. ” — Lisa Paniccia, author of ABC’s for Financial Independence

The Fall Spending Money Budget If you didn’t do this before the start of the school year, take time now to make a list with your student of their flexible/recreational expenses (everything besides tuition, room, board, and student fees — although if they’ll contribute to these, put them in the budget as well).

Flexible expenses may include: ř

Textbooks

ř

Clothing

ř

Electronics and school supplies

ř

Toiletries and other personal items

ř

Dorm furnishings

ř

Laundry money

ř

Food/drink outside of the meal plan

ř

Entertainment

ř

Local travel (bus pass, Uber trips)

ř

Recreational travel and trips home

ř

Sorority/fraternity or club dues

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Next, estimate how much each item will be and agree on who’s paying for what, taking your student’s income into consideration. Their income will come from their savings, earnings from a campus job (if they will work), and possibly an allowance from you.

Make it a goal for your student to maintain a certain level of savings.

The ease of buying things online and with their phones means small purchases can get out of control. Peer pressure is another factor that can cause students to overspend, so talk about how they may need to say no sometimes to an activity or purchase that a roommate or friend doesn’t think twice about. On this subject, be clear about what will happen if they don’t stay within their budget (in case they assume you’ll automatically bail them out).

Fall semester will involve some experimentation. Your student may easily stay within their budget or run short each month. Over winter break, you can look back together at the experience and help them revise their budget for spring semester based on what they learned.

The Perks of Campus Employment A great way to balance income and spending is to get a campus job. A comprehensive NASPA study found that college students who work part-time during the school year get better grades than those who don’t, probably because they need to be more focused, organized, and conscientious about budgeting time for study.

Finding a job in the local community is an option, but on-campus positions have special advantages. The hours are usually flexible, and supervisors will accommodate your student’s schedule. Student employees meet more of their fellow students as well as more faculty members, administrators, and staff — a great network for career mentorship, professional references, and allaround support.

If Federal Work-Study is part of your student’s financial aid package, they can research and apply for available work-study positions, but there are usually plenty of campus jobs to go around for any student who wants one. Departments that hire students may include the admissions and alumni offices, recreation center, library, dining facilities, bookstore, museums and art galleries, language and computer labs, and performance spaces.

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5 Ways to Begin

CAREER PREP IN THE FIRST YEAR

By Mindy East

Starting college is exciting for students and for their families, too. You spent the summer getting ready for the move to campus and soaking up the time together.

Once the semester starts, your student’s focus shifts to academics and adjusting to life on their own.

With so much going on, it may seem silly to start talking about their career. However, the job search process is a marathon rather than a sprint, and starting early will set your student up for success. Here are five simple ways to begin career preparation during the first year of college.

1. Change the mindset.

Contrary to widespread belief, students shouldn’t wait until senior year to begin thinking about possible careers. Talking about it as early as the first year can build both clarity and confidence for your student. College is about intellectual exploration and personal growth (and of course having fun), but make a point as well to talk about how the purpose of their time in college is to prepare them for life — and a career — after graduation. If your student understands that the goal of getting their degree is to join the workforce, they’ll see the benefits of making it a priority to participate in resume-building activities each year of college.

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2. Focus on building

3. Explore clubs and

Although GPA is only one factor employers consider when hiring graduates, it’s important to build a solid academic foundation as a firstyear student. Most universities require completion of general education courses before beginning higherlevel classes specific to a major and degree program. Even students who excelled academically in high school can benefit from building strong study habits early on, and using general education courses to learn how to study and excel will boost the grade point average right from the start.

Joining a club can be one of the most rewarding experiences in college and a fantastic addition to your student’s first resume. Clubs and organizations geared toward their career can give an early glimpse into their profession.

It’s also a chance to meet older students with shared interests who can guide and mentor them. As a first-year student, it’s wise to be a member and participate — and as your student progresses through college, they should consider a leadership role as well.

strong study skills.

organizations related to their major.

Fall 2022

4. Make connections

5. Encourage your student

Once upon a time (maybe you remember!), the student newspaper and flyers posted around campus were the only way to find out what was going on. Now universities are highly active on social media, which means students can use platforms like Instagram and TikTok to “follow” campus resources including the career center, the department they are studying within, and the university’s main page.

Handshake is an online platform that connects college students to employers. Schools partner with Handshake to share information about career-related events, jobs, internships, on-campus employer visits, resume support, and more.

Your student should create a profile on Handshake and download the app so they have this resource at their fingertips.

on social media.

While we’re on the subject, it’s a good time to remind your student to exercise some care around their personal social media accounts.

Students will be tempted to post about how much fun they’re having in college, and may not realize that potential employers frequently Google candidates prior to interviewing them. I recommend adding privacy settings and removing questionable photos such as party pictures.

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to join Handshake and visit the Career Center.

It’s extremely common for first-year students to be undecided about what career to choose. In fact, over 75% of college students change their major at least once. If your student has questions about what to study, remind them that they can make an appointment at the career center.

Assessments can help them figure out what careers may be a match for them. Counselors at the career center can also help them set up informational interviews with alumni in their prospective field. The first year is a perfect time to gain clarity on which career to pursue.

By focusing on these five things during their first year, your student will begin to lay the foundation for a successful career search.

Students who invest time and energy into career preparation during each year of college will have more confidence and momentum than those who wait until graduation is around the corner. Considering that in recent years more than half of college students didn’t have a job lined up at the time of graduation, it just makes sense to make this a priority from year one. Best wishes to your student for a fantastic first year!

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The Value of Outside

Opportunities

By Suzanne Shaffer

College is so much more than simply completing enough credits to graduate.

During their years on campus, your student will be presented with many ways to enhance their college experience. Here are just a few!

Service Learning Does your student want to broaden their knowledge base while making a difference in the local community? As its name suggests, service learning combines classroom instruction with hands-on service. The goal is to help students connect their studies to real-world needs and put academic theories into action.

Service learning experiences are usually tied to social science courses (political science, sociology, environmental studies, psychology) or pre-professional courses such as education, social work, and business.

Types of projects include:

ʀ Direct service: Tutoring, serving meals, assisting patients in a medical setting, leading activities at a nursing home, helping at a preschool, walking foster dogs ʀ Indirect service: Fundraising, sorting donations at a resale shop, stocking a food pantry, collecting items for the needy, planting trees ʀ Advocacy: Writing to government officials, demonstrating for social causes, educating others about policy issues

Students can learn more on the college’s service‑learning webpage or by speaking with a professor in their field of study.

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UROP (Undergraduate Research Opportunities Program) UROP facilitates undergraduate participation in faculty-mentored research projects. Depending on the project and the professor, a UROP student might help conduct research, learn to use lab equipment, contribute to an academic paper or book chapter — even attend a conference!

Your student doesn’t need previous research experience to apply and their home institution doesn’t limit their options. UROPs are open to undergrads from any college, and summer is a great chance for a student to broaden their horizons by applying for a project at another campus.

UROP students may receive academic credit OR get paid by the university (not both). The programs Fall 2022

sometimes allow qualifying students to be paid through Federal Work-Study.

Your student can talk to a professor to inquire about openings and the application process if this is something that interests them. They can also visit the college’s UROP webpage for more information.

Most UROP academic-year program applications open in May and close in mid-August. Summer program application deadlines vary between October–February.

Research Assistant Graduate students are expected to work as Research Assistants to fulfill degree requirements and gain professional knowledge and experience, but often undergrads can apply for these positions, too, and it’s great for resume-building.

As a Research Assistant, your student will be paid to work on a professor’s project. They might conduct experiments, collect and analyze data, write program codes, help run labs and field trips, and contribute to academic papers.

Your student can learn about these openings by talking to their professors and applying for the position.

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Teaching Assistant Teaching Assistants help with organizational and classroom management tasks, supporting both the professor and the students. At big universities, TAs are typically graduate students, but at smaller schools, TAs are undergrads taking upper-level courses.

TAs help with lesson preparation, grade homework, lead small group activities, and work with students who need extra instruction.

The advantages of being a TA are many. Your student will develop a relationship with their mentor that can help when moving on to a career in that field after graduation. They’ll also gain leadership, communication, and teaching experience.

These are paid positions. Your student must apply and once accepted, attend training provided by the college or university.

RA (Resident Assistant) RAs are hired to live in and manage a portion of a residence hall.

Compensation varies so your student should check with the college housing office for details. An RA may receive a stipend to cover their room charge; at some institutions, meal plans are included, too.

RAs are typically upperclassmen and play an important role in campus residential life. They help new students adjust to college, mediate roommate issues, organize programs and activities for the dorm residents, and help enforce the residence hall code of conduct.

As an RA, your student will add valuable skills to their resume: leadership, communication, time management, teamwork, and conflict resolution. It’s a challenging position, and applications can be very competitive, but being an RA is a lot of fun and provides countless opportunities for personal growth.

Students who participate

in service learning, UROPs, and other leadership

opportunities expand their network of friends and

connections, and are also likely to develop a clearer

sense of their educational and career goals.

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Housing

Timeline

By CollegiateParent

Y

our student is all moved in so housing is off your to-do list for a while, right? Wrong! Housing season starts earlier than you might think. If you don’t want your student scrambling at the last minute or discovering that all the desirable housing (and roommates) are taken, share this timeline and check in periodically about their progress.

Right Now Look at the university’s housing website to find out when applications are due for returning students.

Even if your student doesn’t plan to live on campus, this is a good end date for having a plan in place.

On-campus housing applications are due: .

Have your student ask an upperclassman when apartments start to fill up (try their RA or a Teaching Assistant from one of their classes). This varies by area, so the inside scoop is valuable. Don’t be surprised if it is early!

Off-campus housing tends to fill up by:

.

By Mid-Term Now’s the time to start talking to potential roommates if they haven’t already. Your student should have a good idea what types of housing are available, and in some rental markets should already have started looking for a place.

Thanksgiving Break If your student wants to live on campus: Encourage them to check out the different residence halls and on-campus apartments.

If your student wants to live off campus: Rental search time! Start by deciding on a budget for next year’s housing (we have a helpful worksheet: bit.ly/cp-budget).

Browse apartment websites with your student (their university may have a search portal) and point out the features that they may not have top of mind, but you know are important. They can also be talking to upper-level students about which neighborhoods and buildings are desirable and which they should avoid.

Winter Break Your student should know where they want to live, and in some areas should be ready to sign a lease (review the lease with them). Check out our glossary of lease terms and our propertyviewing checklist (bit.ly/property-viewing).

Spring It’s time to complete the housing process with the university or sign a lease. Encourage your student to make a plan for moving and/or storing their belongings.

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Fall 2022

MEET OUR

Writers Amy Baldwin, Ed.D. is a Senior Lecturer

in the Student Transitions department at the University of Central Arkansas and co-author of A High School Parent’s Guide to College Success: 12 Essentials. Amy and her husband are parents of a college graduate and a current student. She blogs at Higher Ed Parent.

Parent

Rob Danzman, MS, NCC, LCMHC is a

licensed clinical mental health counselor and Nationally Certified Counselor with a focus on teen and college student anxiety, depression, substance use, and motivation issues. Rob wrote Insider’s Guide to Parenting and contributes to Psychology Today and The Shrink Space. His new book for students is based on the work he does with clients every day — look for Insider's Guide to College: Evidence-Based Tips, Tricks and Strategies to Win the Semester this fall, and visit Motivate Counseling to learn more.

Mindy East is Founder/President of

East Talent Consulting. With decades of experience in human resources, including lead roles in college recruiting departments, she prepares students and recent graduates for successful transitions to their future careers. Mindy graduated with a BS in Public Relations from Illinois State University followed by a Certificate in Strategic HR from Cornell.

Kate Gallop is a senior at Washington

University in St. Louis, where she majors in English and Women, Gender, and Sexuality Studies. Kate’s work has appeared on Creating Cultures of Dignity’s blog and Canvas, a teen literary journal.

Adina Glickman is the founder of

PUBLISHER

Rebecca Maytubby rmaytubby@collegiateparent.com

EDITOR

Diane Schwemm

ART DIRECTOR Kade O'Connor

TO ADVERTISE: (303) 625-1710

dschwemm@collegiateparent.com

Affinity Coaching Group Group, which offers academic, life, and parenting coaching.

She is the former director of learning strategies at Stanford University. She pens the Dear Adina column and is a frequent guest speaker on the topic of resilient learning and progressive parenting.

Oona Hanson helps parents and

guardians raise kids who have a healthy relationship with food and their body. In addition to her private practice as a parent coach, Oona works as a Family Mentor at Equip Equip, an eating disorder treatment program. Oona holds master's degrees in educational psychology and English. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and two teenagers.

Vicki Nelson has nearly four decades’

experience in higher education as a professor, academic advisor, and administrator. She also weathered the college parenting experience successfully with three daughters. Vicki provides resources for college families on her website, College Parent Central, Central and serves as co-host of the College Parent Central podcast podcast.

LaTrina A. Rogers, MS Ed. is The Dorm Mom and also Director of Residential Life at Ranken Technical College in St. Louis. She holds a Master of Science in Education from Southern Illinois University Edwardsville and has over 15 years of experience in student affairs across a number of functional areas including admissions and degree completion programs.

Suzanne Shaffer counsels students

and families through her blog, Parenting for College.

College Her advice has been featured in print and online on Huffington Post, Yahoo Finance, U.S. News College, TeenLife, CollegeXpress, Road2College, and more.

David Tuttle is a former Dean of

Students who spent over 30 years in higher education in residential life and student affairs and has sent four children to college. He is the proprietor of a student and parent assistance service, PROsper Colleg Collegiate, iate, LLC. LLC

koconnor@collegiateparent.com sales@collegiateparent.com

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