Introduction
When I started grad school, I had little idea of what to expect of my studies, less idea of how I would change and grow, and no idea how all my priorities would shift postpartum. Most of the advice I encountered focused on practical aspects of the grad school experience, such as finding funding, managing research projects and teaching assistantships, or how to write a good research paper. Very little talked about the rest of life. But the rest of life held my questions: how to build a life-school balance, positive ways to deal with colleagues and advisers, how to shape a career while starting and maintaining a family.
This is the book I wish I could have read when I started grad school.
Grad school is only one part of your life. I want to help you find balance, make the most of your time, and prepare for your career—whether in academia or beyond. Whether you are a current student or a prospective student, or simply someone interested in the realities of graduate student life, I hope to share methods for not only surviving the academic system but thriving in it as well.
When I applied to graduate schools, I had no long-term plan. I wrote in my personal statement, “I’m going to grad school because it’ll be fun.” Fun was my primary motivation. The fun part was learning. I liked learning so much that I stayed up until 3:00 a.m. doing data analysis for my senior undergrad thesis (abnormal behavior for me, the person who left college parties early so I could get a full eight hours of sleep). I liked learning, so I decided I wanted to do a PhD, because it would allow me to learn a slew of interesting things, pose interesting questions, and try to find interesting answers. Fortunately, that’s the kind of person many PhD programs are looking for.1 My first line worked. I was offered a spot in the program I was most excited about, and the rest, as they say, is history.
And, exactly like history, my journey through the MIT Media Lab’s master’s and PhD programs was neither easy nor straightforward. I did have fun. I learned plenty while programming robots to play with young kids, delving into educational psychology and child development theories, debating the ethics of technology use, and soldering wires onto motor control boards. But there were setbacks and challenges— some big, some small. My primary adviser took a leave of absence in my second year to start a company. I got married and had a baby. Robots broke, data collection had to be redone, papers were rejected. Lest you think my experience uncommon, I asked academics on Twitter what words they would use to describe their time in grad school: “fun” was there, right alongside “infuriating,” “frustrating,” “exhausting,” “crushing,” “defining,” “expanding,” “stimulating,” “challenging,” “enlightening,” “fascinating,” “exciting,” “rewarding,” and “valuable.”
History is messy. Life is messy. Grad school can be messy too. The point of this book is to talk about that messiness with you. My hope is that by sharing my experiences and hard-won wisdom, I can make your grad school journey a little smoother— maybe even fun. I hope I can give you insight into the challenges grad students face, alongside concrete tips for facing those challenges— or, failing that, direct you to useful resources that will help you on your way. Not everyone needs the same advice! I’m only one data point. Advice that I think is awesomely helpful may not matter to you. To that end, I have included a list of related resources, such as books, websites, and podcasts, that may have the info you need. Many university libraries carry these books—and some public libraries have them too— so you don’t have to buy them all yourself. If your library doesn’t have them, most libraries have interlibrary loan programs that will let you borrow the book from elsewhere (for free!), and most libraries let you suggest purchases.
Given the inherent messiness of both life and school, one of my premises is that grad school isn’t easy. (What worthwhile things in life are?) Grad school is even less easy when you’re not the “traditional” student of yore: white, male, and upper- class. It wasn’t all peaches and cream for me, even though I have some advantages. I’m a white woman. I grew up homeschooled in a middle-class suburban family. There were a few academics in my extended family—for example, on the Idahoan, potato-farming side, one of my grandmother’s uncles studied dairy science and helped develop a new cheese. But my dad didn’t attend college, and my mom earned her associate’s degree about the same time I was completing my bachelor’s. I got married while writing my master’s thesis, had my
first baby while working on my dissertation proposal, and was six months pregnant with my second when I defended.
While I include information in this book for the entire graduate student populace, I’m hoping to be especially helpful for the students who now, more than ever, have families and kids, are of color or identify with other underrepresented minority groups, come from lower socioeconomic status backgrounds, or are first-generation graduate students. According to the latest numbers from the National Center for Education Statistics, in 2017, 59 percent of graduate students were women, and 37 percent were non-white.2 Nearly 10 percent of students were responsible for a child under twelve years of age.3 And 21 percent had experienced discrimination, primarily related to gender or race.4
Another of my premises is that graduate school isn’t often organized with life balance and mental health in mind. The stereotypical grad student is overworked, overstressed, and over it. A 2019 Nature survey found that 76 percent of students surveyed were working more than forty hours a week (with nearly half working over fifty hours)—and they weren’t happy about their work schedules.5 Half said their university culture often called for long hours and all-nighters. I understand working extra hard right before a deadline, but as a rule of life? Only 37 percent of students surveyed said their university supported a good work-life balance.
We need balance in order to thrive. Stress and overwork lead us into a negative spiral. An alarming 36 percent of grad students reported seeking help for anxiety or depression. Numbers like that make me wonder how many students are feeling stressed, depressed, and anxious but aren’t seeking help. Unfortunately, only 29 percent said their university had adequate mental health services for PhD students. Some cope by dropping out. In doctoral programs, only half of entering students eventually get their degrees (in professional schools, 90 percent of students graduate— more on that in chapter 1, “What’s Next”).6 Doctoral students in STEM (science, technology, engineering, and mathematics) fields are more likely to complete their degrees than students in the humanities and social sciences.7
If that picture wasn’t bleak enough, grad students are entering a hostile and precarious job market too. The assumption baked into academic coursework and degree requirements is that students are professors-in-training— even though, as one estimate suggests, only 7 percent of people in PhD programs will succeed in that career path (more on this in chapter 2, “Career Plans”).8 Fewer people are being hired as full-time faculty than in decades past, and fewer students have jobs
lined up when they graduate.9 Short-term, part-time research or teaching positions provide little stability and less income. In some departments, as a result of the decline in full-time faculty positions, fewer students are admitted to their graduate programs too. These problems are worse in the humanities and social sciences than in STEM fields.
Can graduate school still be worth it, even with the difficulty and uncertainty? Yes. That’s where this book comes in. If you want to know how to manage important personal relationships and a thesis, how to ensure grad school doesn’t consume your life (and instead, how to build yourself up as a whole person), and how to find the people and resources that can help you succeed, this is the grad school advice book you’re looking for. Throughout the book, I necessarily make generalizations—about life as a graduate student, and about life as a grad student in different fields. Students in STEM will have different experiences than students in the humanities, or in the social sciences. Even within these broad groups, there are differences—for instance, between lab scientists and theoreticians. Fortunately, there are plenty of commonalities too. This book is aimed at everyone in graduate school, regardless of field or program. I try to mention where different fields deviate. Even so, your specific graduate program or field may not match what’s typical.
This book is designed to help you make the most of both your professional and personal lives, so you can do research and keep your sense of meaning and self intact in the process. To that end, every chapter includes one or more practical exercise that can help you answer questions about, for example, why you’re in grad school, how to plan your grad school budget, and how to determine your ideal work habits. The exercises often involve journaling or writing. Personally, I’ve found that writing helps me clarify and organize my thoughts. You might not like writing. That’s fine! Feel free to modify the exercises to suit your own style. Maybe you’d rather keep a voice log or talk through the exercises with a friend. You could also ignore the exercises altogether. I’m not one to claim that everyone needs the same information in the same format, or even in the same order. Read straight through or skip around. Learning is an individual journey, and I want to help you on your way!
Here’s your road map. Part 1 is about planning your journey, starting in chapter 1, “What’s Next,” with some fundamental questions: Why are you in grad school? What’s your motivation? What do you want out of your degree and your life? Chapter 2, “Career Plans,” follows with important questions about your career
path: Academia, or not? More than half of all PhDs, for example, get jobs outside of higher education. Knowing where you’re headed will help you make the most of your graduate school experience. Then, we move on to pragmatic matters that make grad school happen: namely, all things money. Chapter 3, “Money and Logistics,” covers acquiring funding to pay for school, moving, roommates, the twobody problem, budgeting, and more. Chapter 4, “Making Grad School Work for You,” looks at how to ace grad school on your own terms—that is, how to get the most out of your experience. That chapter discusses four key skills: (1) keeping your goal in mind, (2) cultivating a learning mind-set, (3) seeking new skills, and (4) being picky about saying yes
In part 2, we’ll cover key skills that will help you succeed in grad school. Chapter 5, “Advisers,” explains how to find, manage, and negotiate with the person who arguably has the most significant impact on your life in grad school: your adviser.
Then we get into the weeds. Chapter 6, “Labs, Classes, and Teaching,” delves into the day-to-day: classwork, teaching assistantships, and research assistantships. This chapter also helps you think about who’s on your team as you wade through the muck of graduate life. Following that, chapter 7, “Research, Theses, and Dissertations,” covers how to come up with research ideas, find exam and thesis committees, and actually write your dissertation.
In chapter 8, “Managing Projects and Managing Time,” I tackle how to do everything you need to do, in finite time. Discover your best work habits, learn to measure milestones, overcome failure, and figure out when to ask for help. Chapter 9, “Your Work and the World,” follows with tips about communicating your research to the rest of the world via papers, presentations, blog posts, posters, and more. I include an overview of the different forms of academic writing, advice on the writing process, and tips for speaking about your work.
Part 3 covers your relationship to everything that’s not grad school. Chapter 10, “It’s Just Grad School,” steps back to put your research life in perspective. We’ll discuss the often elusive work-life balance, how grad schools often assume you don’t have outside responsibilities (such as caregiving), and how not to put the rest of your life on hold for your career if you don’t want to. Chapter 11, “Relationships and Family,” narrows in on managing friends, dating, marriage, and children while in school—which are complicated enough without the added stress of graduate studies! In chapter 12, “Maintaining Your Sense of Self,” I discuss how to live coherently—namely, by making your actions align with your values—and how to find or build a community of support. The message of these chapters is
simple: The same stuff doesn’t work for everyone. Build a life that is right for you. Don’t put the rest of your life on hold for your career if you don’t want to.
You may find that academia wasn’t designed with you in mind (honestly, it probably wasn’t). Chapter 13, “Making Changes to Your School,” looks at ways we can make grad school friendlier for all students. The chapter covers such topics as student advocacy and student government. How do you convince your school to add a better maternity leave policy, or improve remote, part-time, and flexible working arrangements? The onus shouldn’t be on students to propose and promote useful changes, but students can certainly get the ball rolling.
In chapter 14, “What’s Next, Revisited,” I return to motivation, life goals, life balance, and you doing you . There are infinite paths to success. Whether you’re attending grad school for fun or for career advancement, out of a love for teaching or research, to address burning scientific questions, or working for the good of humankind; whether grad school is part of your road, or whether what you gain from this book is the knowledge that grad school isn’t where you’re headed—I wish you the best of luck. Finally, at the end of the book, you’ll find a glossary defining a bunch of key academic terms that every student ought to know, but that they may not know to ask about. Flip there as needed! I will, of course, define all the terms I use as I use them, but it can be helpful to have all the definitions gathered in one place for reference. After the glossary, you’ll also find the resources section that I mentioned earlier.
Enough preamble. On to the advice!
This pragmatic book guides you through grad school: how to keep up a personal life, make the most of your time, and prepare for your career—whether in academia or beyond. It shares candid, specific advice on personal finances, mental health, setting your own learning and career goals, maintaining friendships and relationships, and more. Peppy, sensible, and smart, Grad School Life covers challenges both on and off campus and helps you build the life you want.
“This book provides an insightful view of the PhD journey, focusing on how to adapt to a range of challenges in grad school and how to protect your sense of self and well-being throughout the process.”
—Zoë J. Ayres, author of Managing Your Mental Health During Your PhD: A Survival Guide
“Grad School Life is a valuable addition to a growing conversation on how graduate students can succeed inside and outside the academy. This book is well-informed and offers good advice on subjects ranging from your adviser to your budget.”
—Leonard Cassuto, coauthor of
The New PhD and author of The Graduate School Mess
“Grad School Life contains a plethora of information and advice about finding a balance between one’s personal life and graduate school. Jacqueline M. Kory-Westlund brings a genuine, pleasant, humorous, and reassuring voice to this comprehensive work.”
—David D. Perlmutter, professor of journalism and creative media industries, Texas Tech University
“This is one of those books I wish I had when I was a student, which is the second nicest thing I can say about it. The nicest thing I can say from my perspective as a recent director of graduate studies in a PhD program is that Grad School Life offers real-world, accurate, and unvarnished advice that is essential to any student entering the sciences. A truly tremendous contribution.”
—James C. Zimring, Thomas W. Tillack Professor of Experimental Pathology, University of Virginia School of Medicine
JACQUELINE M. KORY-WESTLUND is a writer, artist, and independent scholar with the Ronin Institute for Independent Scholarship. She received her PhD from the MIT Media Lab in 2019. As a student, she published many academic articles, earned top fellowships, got married and had kids, and even kept up with a couple hobbies. Kory-Westlund has worked for NASA developing autonomous vehicles and laser space robots, designed graphics for software startups, and currently consults for small businesses and think tanks on education, design, and technology.
