FPA April 2023

Get the Family Caregiving Support You Need, When You Need it.

At AARP Family Caregiving, we’re here to help you get answers, connect with other family caregivers and find local resources close to home. So you can take care of what matters most.

To learn more, visit aarp.org/caregiving.

Looking to volunteer? AARP is ready for you!

By Mike Festa, state Director aarP Massachusetts

Witha lifetime of wisdom and know-how, AARP volunteers are ready and uniquely equipped to serve their communities by sharing their experience with those in need. And with a diverse range of opportunities available through AARP, everyone can get involved. Your experience matters— to you, to AARP, and to so many others who can benefit from it.

Speakers Bureau volunteers educate and inform the public by presenting workshops on a variety of topics such as caregiving, brain health, downsizing and decluttering, or fraud prevention.

AARP advocacy volunteers partner with staff at the state and federal levels to influence important legislative issues that promote health, enhance financial security, and support family caregivers. You can also sign up to be an E-advocate at www.aarp.org/getinvolved.

Mike Festa

AARP is the nation’s largest nonprofit, nonpartisan organization dedicated to empowering people to choose how they live as they age. Learn how you can put your time, knowledge, and talent to good use with AARP in Massachusetts.

As an AARP Volunteer, you will have opportunities to take on new challenges, be creative, meet new people and create connections. AARP is flexible and understands your time commitments; you can volunteer from home or in your community. Plus, we’ll help you get your footing in the area you chose to volunteer with high quality training and education.

At AARP Massachusetts we have a number of ways you can volunteer. You can sign up at https://www.aarp.org/ iwant2volunteer.

Community Outreach volunteers partner with staff to plan various community events and activities in Greater Boston and Worcester County that represent AARP’s values and mission. These volunteers connect members of their community with valuable AARP information and resources. Go to aarp. org/ma to see our events calendar.

Literations pairs highly trained volunteer literacy coaches (age 50+) with 1st-4th graders to deliver evidence-based, one-to-one literacy interventions. Students significantly improve their reading and social-emotional skills. Literations has programs in Boston and Framingham.

AARP Massachusetts also has Livable Communities Ambassadors. This statewide volunteer team connects individuals and communities with AARP’s Livable Communities/Age-Friendly resources, facilitates workshops, and provides issue area expertise.

If you had a career in accounting or business, AARP Foundation Tax-Aide may be the place for you to volunteer. AARP Foundation Tax-Aide is the nation’s largest, free, volunteer-run tax preparation and assistance service for low- and middle-income taxpayers who need help.

The AARP Driver Safety program is taught and administered by a nationwide network of AARP-trained volunteers and helps millions of drivers 50 and older stay safe on today’s roads.

If any of these opportunities interest you, sign up here https://www. aarp.org/iwant2volunteer or send us an email at ma@aapr.org.

At AARP, one of our most valuable assets is our members who are eager to share their life experiences and skills in their communities through volunteerism.

State program helps keep your prescription drug costs down

By NaNce eBert coNtriButiNg Writer

REGION - Everything seems to cost more these days and prescription medication is no exception. For those on a fixed income or retired from the workforce, just trying to maintain one’s health can be challenging. There is, however, a state program called Prescription Advantage (PA), which can help.

The mission statement of Prescription Advantage is “It promotes independence, empowerment and well-being of older people, individuals with disabilities and their families. We ensure access to resources you need to live healthy in every community in the Commonwealth.”

The Prescription Advantage program does not charge an enrollment fee to participate nor is there an application fee. There are several benefits as well as services offered to the individual depending if the person is eligible or not eligible for Medicare.

Eligibility guidelines

According to the program website, “For those eligible on Medicare, Prescription Advantage helps with the

cost of medications covered by Medicare Part D or another approved drug coverage plan. Individuals are assigned a membership level based on their annual income, and that membership level determines their copay amount and annual out of pocket spending limit.”

For those who are not eligible for Medicare, if you do not have primary prescription drug coverage from another insurer, this program would be your prescription drug insurance plan. There isn’t a monthly premium and, depending on your yearly income level, your copay would be determined. Brand name medications range in price from $14-$100 while the generic ones start at

$7 and go up to about $50.

“Prescription Advantage provides prescription drug coverage for Massachusetts residents who are 65 years-old and older,” said Eleanor Romano, Communications and Outreach Manager, Massachusetts Executive Office of Elder Affairs, “as well as younger people with disabilities who meet income and employment guidelines. Prescription Advantage provides financial help to lower prescription drug costs. If you have Medicare or other prescription insurance, Prescription Advantage helps to fill gaps in coverage.”

Prescription Advantage is only available to Massachusetts residents who are not MassHealth or CommonHealth members.

A dire need

With medication costs continuously rising, some seniors have no choice but to try to stretch their prescriptions by skipping doses or worse, not being able to fill them. This is an ongoing problem in our country. Almost fifty million Americans do not have health insurance and millions more are underinsured. Among those with health insurance, one in three people over the age of sixty-five do not

have prescription drug coverage.

Those that face the greatest burden are people with low incomes, and those who are afflicted with chronic illnesses like asthma and diabetes. Having to use multiple medications adds to their financial stress and these stabilizing medications are often times underused as a result.

“Drug costs absolutely impact the financial well-being of seniors, especially with use of multiple medications per patient,” said Dr. James Karadimos, DPM, Westborough. “These repercussions continue to fall on our patients and the impact is not going unnoticed. I see damaging effects on their health leading to a lower quality of life.”

Quality medical care depends on the use of many prescription medications. Accessibility is crucial to maintaining your health and well-being. Whether a patient is suffering from a simple sinus infection or earache to more debilitating illnesses like cancer, heart disease, asthma and more, Prescription Advantage ensures that any medicine needed, can be prescribed and filled without having to worry about the expenses incurred.

For additional information: www. prescriptionadvantagema.org

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By kristiNa NilsoN alleN coNtriButiNg Writer

WESTBOROUGH - When off duty from 1947 to 1949, the Chief of Naval Operations and member of the Joint Chiefs of Staff could be found tending a rose garden at 9 Charles Street in Westborough.

Adm. Louis Emil Denfeld was appointed by President Harry Truman to the highest-ranking officer in the U.S. Navy in December 1947.

Denfeld was born at 5 Fay Street in Westborough on April 13, 1891. He attended Westborough grammar schools and formed a life-long admiration for his sixth-grade teacher Annie Fales.

After the death of his father, Denfeld spent his high school years in Minnesota. From there he entered the U.S. Naval Academy in 1908 and graduated in 1912.

Three years later, he returned to Westborough to marry his childhood sweetheart, Rachel Metcalf, in the Evangelical Congregational Church. Although they traveled worldwide, the couple always considered the Metcalf family homestead at 9 Charles Street their permanent home.

During World War I, Denfeld saw action in the Atlantic on anti-submarine destroyers. In 1941 he rose to the post of Assistant Chief of Staff to the Commander of the U.S. Atlantic Fleet. He was charged with planning safe routes for escorting convoys across the Atlantic and received the Legion of Merit with Gold Star.

From 1942 to 1945, Denfeld served as Assistant Chief of the Bureau of Naval Personnel. He received the Distinguished Service Award for his exceptional leadership in expanding the Navy to full fighting force.

As commander of Battleship Division Nine, Denfeld directed the fire of three ultramodern battleships during the Okinawa campaign. He also supervised the refinement of radar as an effective defense weapon.

After Japan’s surrender, Denfeld returned to Washington D.C. as Chief of the Bureau of Naval Personnel. He directed the demobilization and personnel plans for the postwar Navy.

In 1947, as a four-star admiral, Denfeld headed the U.S. Pacific Command and U.S. Pacific Fleet. He was confirmed by the Senate as the 11th Chief of Naval Operations on Nov. 2, 1947.

During his tenure, Denfeld greatly improved the lot of the enlisted sailors through pay raises, broader training, and increased opportunity to become officers.

After several years, Denfeld disagreed with the policy of Truman and the Secretaries of the Navy and Defense about the future role of the Navy and its aviation program. For his principled beliefs, Denfeld was relieved of his position in late 1949 and retired in 1950.

Adm. and Mrs. Denfeld returned to their home in Westborough in 1951. Denfeld served as an advisor to Sunoco from 1950 to 1971. He died on March 28, 1972 at age 80, leaving his wife and no children.

The admiral was laid to rest in Arlington National Cemetery (Section 30, Grave 433).

Westborough native Louis E. Denfeld rose through the ranks of the U.S Navy over his long career, eventually becoming the Chief of Naval Operations and a member of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

PHOTO/RESTORATION BY PHIL KITTREDGE

At the age of 61, Norwell native Jennifer Coolidge is enjoying the peak of her acting career success thanks to her performance in the HBO television series “The White Lotus.”

By Brett Peruzzi MaNagiNg eDitor

NORWELL - One of Jennifer Coolidge’s first acting roles was as Auntie Em, with a total of two lines, in a community production of “The Wizard of Oz” when she was a child growing up in this quiet South Shore town. About five decades later, at the age of 61, she’s one of the hottest actresses in the world, thanks to her Emmy award-winning, scene-stealing role as troubled heiress Tanya McQuoid in the HBO series “The White Lotus.”

Local education

Coolidge attended the Norwell public schools, the Cambridge School of Weston, and later graduated from Emerson College in Boston. “I did

some acting classes when I was at Emerson [College], and then after [graduation], I went out to the West Coast,” she told the Boston Globe. “But I couldn’t really get arrested. I finally had some luck when I was around 29 or 30. It all changed one day [when] I got my first break on ‘Seinfeld.’”

She later returned to Norwell to deliver the commencement address to the Norwell High School class of 2002. And in 2020 she made the commencement address at Emerson College. Her speech included paraphrasing a quote from the French novel the “The Count of Monte Cristo” by Alexandre Dumas. “Life is a storm, my young graduates,” she told her audience. “You will bask in the sunlight one moment, and be shattered on the rocks the next. What

Jennifer Coolidge | 9

Hennessey Jones and the company of the North American Tour of Jesus Christ Superstar

Photo by Evan Zimmerman for MurphyMade.

It’s been a long road from community theater to ‘The White Lotus’ for Jennifer Coolidge

PHOTO/FABIO LOVINO COURTESY OF HBO

Recent issues overshadow Boston subway system’s long history

By DaviD WilkeNiNg coNtriButiNg Writer

BOSTON - The MBTA has had its share of bad news in the past couple of years, but recent accomplishments are a high point in the latest chapter of its long history.

Last December, it celebrated the opening of a new, major rail extension. But the three-mile-long project linking Boston to Medford came after several delays―blamed on construction changes and COVID. Still, it was a brief moment of good cheer for the T’s 650,000 daily riders who are more accustomed to continually painful news during what might be called a “very bad” year for beleaguered passengers.

How many of those riders are seniors is not known, but the T has encouraged them with 65-and-over discounted prices for a Charlie pass.

North America’s first subway

Whatever celebration was held recently in Medford, it must have been more modest than Sept. 1, 1897, which was proclaimed the “dawn of a new era

in public transportation.” Boston holds the title for having North America’s first subway. But in recent times, the oldest subway system has shown its age―in unflattering ways.

Its woes continued throughout 2021 and 2022. And mounted to include broken-down subway cars belching smoke and fire. Station escalators

breaking down. Runaway trains. Fatal accidents. Rush hour trains running on weekend schedules. Brand-new subway cars pulled from service. Derailed construction vehicles.

You would almost have to be a writer of fiction to imagine the troubles, which even included a moving train on the Red Line that was driverless.

The train traveled through four stations before it was brought to a halt, according to a news wire report. The AP said no one was injured in the incident.

Pledges for improvement

All these problems at the nation’s oldest subway system last year certainly strained the patience of riders, prompting a probe by the Federal Transit Administration and worried political leaders.

“It’s enraging,” said Boston Mayor Michelle Wu, who promised to “Free the T,” in a radio appearance on GBH News, referring to the MBTA.

Wu’s comments came less than a month before a 43-year-old Orange Line subway train caught fire as it was crossing a bridge north of Boston on July 21, prompting one passenger to jump into the Mystic River and others to scramble out of windows.

Gov. Charlie Baker called the fire “a colossal failure” and welcomed the FTA investigation.

But Baker said things were not all bad. He pointed out more than 85 percent

Boston subway | 8

The first subway car in Boston entered the Boylston Street tunnel on Sept. 1, 1897.

of daily rapid transit trips were on time.

But there were problems there too.

The T was making repeated promises that shutdowns would make for faster rider times. The Orange Line was closed down for that planned improvement. But a test on the line not long after the repairs found it slower than before. A trip from one end of the line to another that normally took up to 45 minutes now took 48 minutes, according to TransitMatters, a public transportation group.

Problems have existed from the beginning

Déjà vu, as they say when you consider the events of the last two years to the start of the Boston area’s subway system occurring more than a century ago.

They had fiery explosions, And deaths, too. And something new that would not help the attitude of recent subway sufferers: graveyard issues.

In September 1897, from a news story:

“Shortly after 6 a.m., a trolley car headed down a slope toward a newly finished tunnel under Tremont Street. More than 100 people were crammed aboard for the first ride of the United States’ first subway.

If it was history in the making, it was brief. The one-mile ride lasted

just three minutes. Even so, onlookers cheered wildly when the trolley pulled into the Park Street Station.

With the promise of more stations to be built, Bostonians looked forward to no longer having to slog through mud and snow on horseback or on foot, or spending hours in buggies and trolleys stalled on the city’s traffic-choked streets.”

And now―(Dec. 12, 2021 from a news story in the Medford Patch) :

“The T’s new Green Line extension to Medford opened Monday with

widespread celebrations after decades of discussions and years of construction through Medford, Somerville and Cambridge. Now in service, the extension saw hundreds gather outside the Medford/Tufts University stop in Medford before 5 a.m. on Monday for the chance to ride the day’s first train. ‘This is a great day for the MBTA,’ MBTA General Manager Steve Poftak said.”

It’s often a surprise to many that New York City―which is known for its extensive subway system―was not the first in the U.S.

New technology

The Boston subway was very much a product of the technological advances made during that time, according to the book “Encyclopedia of Twentieth Century Architecture”:

“The subway is a 19th-century idea realized largely in the 20th century. The industrial revolution was the primary catalyst for the advent of underground transportation; without it the iron horse that pulled the trains, the tunneling technology that bored through the earth, and the iron walls that held those tunnels up would have been impossible.”

The Boston subway only came about due to the specific invention of the electric motor in the late 19th century, according to their account.

Residents of London, England, had been riding the world’s first subway system for 34 years when Boston began to study the idea mainly because of traffic congestion. Since Americans were not keen on the idea of a subway like one in London, England, which was a steam train that ran in dark tunnels and spewed ash and soot everywhere, an alternative method of generating power would be needed to build a subway in the U.S.

Frank Sprague solved this problem when he invented an electric motor in 1886.

Josephine L. Veglia, Esq.

The construction of the Boston subway system was underway on Tremont Street in 1896.

Boston subway | 13

defines you is what you do when that storm comes.”

“She exemplifies so much about what makes our alumni community one of the most inspiring and eclectic groups of people on the planet,” said Emma Fedor, director of marketing and communications for the Cambridge School of Weston, from which Coolidge graduated in 1979. “Like so many of our alumni, Jennifer is creative, engaging, self-aware—and a wonderful example of what can happen when you choose to ignore the limitations society places on you. We can’t wait to see the path she creates for herself from here.”

Finding a home in comedy

Originally planning to be a dramatic actress, Coolidge found comedic acting to be her niche. After her first television appearance playing a masseuse on a “Seinfeld” episode in 1993, she began getting more film and television roles. Her next big break was playing Jeanine Stifler, or “Stifler’s mom” in the teen comedy film “American Pie” in 1999.

She would go on to reprise her “American Pie” role in several sequels to the original film, and also had a supporting role in the comedy “Legally Blonde.” About a decade ago she also began doing standup comedy

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and took her act on the road throughout the United States and around the world.

The White Lotus and wide acclaim

In late 2020, Coolidge was cast by director Mike White in his HBO comedy-drama series “The White Lotus,” about wealthy guests at an upscale resort hotel in Hawaii. Her role as Tanya McQuoid, an extremely rich but dramatic and emotionally unstable older woman, made her an audience favorite and her character returned for the second year of the series in 2022, set in Sicily.

Coolidge has since won numerous awards for the role, including an Emmy and a Golden Globe. And most recently she was named 2023 Hasty Pudding Woman of the Year by Harvard University’s theatrical club, the oldest in the nation. As part of the honor she led a parade through Harvard Square in Cambridge on February 4 and was later the subject of a celebratory roast by the Hasty Pudding troupe.

“I feel like I’ve totally peaked at this point with Mike White,” she noted to the Boston Globe about her role in “The White Lotus.” “If I never work again, I’ll still be satisfied. You never want to go downhill in your career. So it’s sort of good that it goes up at the end. I like unexpected surprises at the end of my life.”

Actress Jennifer Coolidge with Haley Lu Richardson, who plays her personal assistant Portia, on location for season two of “The White Lotus” in Taormina, Sicily.

PHOTO/FABIO LOVINO COURTESY OF HBO

Life is a storm... You will bask in the sunlight one moment, and be shattered on the rocks the next. What defines you is what you do when that storm comes.

— Actress Jennifer Coolidge

Jennifer Coolidge | from page 6

Assabet River Rail Trail keeps pace with growing communities

By MaureeN sullivaN coNtiButiNg Writer

MARLBOROUGH - To walk, to run, to bike without dealing with traffic.

To enjoy the seasons, a few moments to relax, get some exercise.

For the past 25 years, the Assabet River Rail Trail (ARRT) has provided such opportunities year round.

The 8.6-mile trail starts at Lincoln and Highland streets in Marlborough and goes to Wilkins Street in Hudson, with connections to White Pond Road in Maynard and Maple Street in Acton. It is wheelchair accessible, and it is suitable for walking, bicycling, in-line skating and cross-country skiing.

“Every year there is increased use of the ARRT and all our trails as they become more popular, and during the COVID pandemic, [they] have been a welcome outdoor recreation opportunity for people of all abilities,” said Marlborough Conservation Agent Priscilla Ryder.

“As the assistant director of planning and community development, I can say that Hudson’s downtown has undergone a renaissance in recent years, becoming a very popular destination, and the ARRT is part of that re-

naissance,” said Hudson’s Conservation Agent Pam Helinek. “I frequently walk on the path at lunchtime and there are always cyclists, walkers and runners out enjoying the opportunity to get some exercise or walk their dogs

near the downtown, but away from the traffic.”

History

In 1997, work began to design and obtain funding to convert the former

Marlborough branch of the Fitchburg Railroad. By June 1998, Marlborough and Hudson entered into an agreement to jointly oversee the design work.

In July 2000, Assabet River Rail Trail Inc. was incorporated as a nonprofit in the state. By May 2001, the first section, three-quarters of a mile, was opened. The next two sections would be completed by late 2003, which is when work began on the connector tunnel under I-290.

Marlborough’s section of the ARRT was completed by September 2005; most of Hudson’s portion of the trail is also open. Work to replace the highway bridge at Route 62, which included room for the trail, was started in 2006 and finished in 2010.

Parking is available off Hudson Street (across from Kelleher Field and Jefferson Street) and at the golf driving range lot off Hudson Street.

‘A huge asset to the city’ According to Ryder, the trail has been a boon not only for residents, but potential residents as well.

“The Assabet River Rail Trail is a huge asset to the city, and there are several projects that have used it as a sell-

The start of the Assabet River Rail Trail at Lincoln and Highland streets in Marlborough.

PHOTO/MAUREEN SULLIVAN

Left: The remains of the Boston and Maine railroad bridge in Hudson.

Below: The Assabet River Rail Trail includes a view of the Fort Meadow Reservoir.

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ing point to their projects,” she said.

For example, Trailside Terrace is under construction on Ash Street. Its condominiums are right on the trail and will have a walkway to access it. The developers of Alta Marlborough at 283 Lincoln/ Mechanic Street—which is a 276-unit apartment complex —plan to build a bathroom facility for use by people who use the trail and improve parking on Jefferson Street.

The 12-unit apartment complex at 272 Lincoln Street is proposed to be designed to help tie in the trail at the intersection.

ARRT Inc.

ARRT Inc. is a volunteer group dedicated to promoting the Assabet River Rail Trail.

Tom Green is a member of the board of directors for ARRT Inc. and of Hudson’s Ad Hoc Bicycle and Pedestrian Committee.

He said the committee conducted a community survey last summer which, among other things, quantified the popularity of the Rail Trail in Hudson.

“More than 90% of the over 600 respondents to our survey indicate that they use the rail trail. It is used for walking and running, biking, and by a smaller number of people for roll-

er blading and after snowstorms for cross-country skiing and snowshoeing,” said Green.

The group has also encouraged communities to continue the “Trail of Flowers” theme it started in Maynard.

ARRT Inc. is also working with the town of Stow to see if the full 12-mile connection from Marlborough to Acton can be realized in the near future. That connection would allow bike commuters to ride to Acton and take the commuter rail from there.

The ARRT connects with the Mass Central Rail Trail in Hudson and is part of the Boroughs Loop Trail.

According to Green, the Mass Central Rail Trail, now under construction, will connect to the ARRT at the Wilkins Street (Route 62) trailhead. That section of the trail is now scheduled for construction in 2024-25.

For information on ARRT Inc., visit www.arrtinc.org.

I’ve been helping older homeowners for over 20 years navigate how to financially keep their homes. Reverse mortgages are an essential solution to provide access to cash today or when needed for homeowners who are at least 62 years old and own a home with some equity. As an educator about reverse mortgages, I am available to answer your questions and review your options.

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• Stress and worry – studies show chronic stress is on the rise which causes high blood pressure, heart disease, depression, and anxiety. This can lead to taking the smile off of your face and diminishing the quality of your life.

There is a solution but you must take the first step!

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PHOTOS/MAUREEN SULLIVAN

Managing your digital assets is becoming essential for comprehensive estate planning

By coliN MccaNDless coNtriButiNg Writer

REGION - In this digital age, the bulk of our personal and financial resources reside online, from bank accounts, savings and investments to Google and Word documents, domain names, email accounts, social media pages and photos and videos.

So, what happens to this information if we become incapacitated or die, and how can we better manage and inventory these digital assets ahead of time to ensure our loved ones have access to everything they need when we pass away?

What are digital assets?

Firstly, it helps to understand what digital assets are. A digital asset is essentially anything that is created and stored online that is uniquely identifiable and possesses value of some kind. Examples can be logins and passwords that provide access to email, social media and online banking accounts and music and movie streaming services, etc. It can also

include digital currencies such as Bitcoin or NFTs (Non-Fungible Tokens).

“Some items have direct monetary value, some digital assets provide

access to data or physical assets with monetary value and some are priceless sentimental gems,” said Kevin Stoddard of Stoddard Financial, LLC in Medfield, who has authored a piece about protecting digital assets and including them in your estate plan on his company website.

Create an inventory spreadsheet

A crucial initial step in managing digital assets involves compiling and organizing them all in one place. From an estate planning perspective, Erica Endyke, a certified personal family lawyer with 20West Legal in Sudbury, recommends creating an inventory asset spreadsheet to inventory all your digital assets and accounts. You should also indicate what you want done with these assets and accounts. Keep a list of passwords and leave instructions for your executor. The more information you can provide your family, the easier it will be for them to access the accounts when you’re gone.

Endyke explained that every digital platform—whether Microsoft,

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Google or Apple—has its own unique process of what to do when someone dies. Each has different policies stipulating who can access what. Some platforms might even require going to probate court to retrieve access to certain information. It really depends on the individual platform.

Since most access is platform-specific, Endyke advises reviewing each platform to learn what its access policy is in the event of death. Then you can devise a list of logins and passwords and proactively state how you want your family to handle each digital asset when you die. You may also want to limit the access an executor has to private emails or texts and provide instructions on specific levels of access.

Digital estate planning

Stoddard cautioned that if you don’t do anything to manage your accounts for your executor before you die, fraud or identify theft could result. If a spouse or other trusted family member is unable to access and close Digital assets | 15

“Consider a separate, dedicated email account used to organize and access your digital assets,” says Jon Jackson, region practice leader for estate

settlement services at Northern Trust Wealth Management in Boston.

Following your own path all the way to the end of the road

Recent issues overshadow Boston subway system’s long history

Boston subway | from page 8

~

Hendrix,

By MariaNNe Delorey, Ph.D.

Agood friend of mine, Betsy, has recently decided to become a death doula. Once she read about death doulas, she was immediately drawn to the field due to her professional and personal experiences being both a caregiver and helping people transition in their final days on the road of life. While I have been in eldercare for 35 years, I had not heard of death doulas, so I decided to investigate.

Just like with childbirth, a doula is at its heart an advocate. A death doula can serve multiple roles for a dying person, but most of all, they are there to support the person and help them achieve the best possible outcome for them. Everyone is different, so every death reflects the individual needs of that person. A doula might help with any number of concerns, including:

• Making sure the person has access to legal resources so they can get paperwork in order (wills, powers of attorney, health care proxy).

• Talking through different options with patients about where they want to die, how they want their services to be handled, how they want their body handled.

• Bringing in counselors or clergy as needed.

• Filling in as a health care proxy if there is no family who can handle the role.

• Working with family to help them understand the decisions that are being made.

• Running interference if the family does not agree with how the patient wants things handled.

• Helping the patient come to terms with death and finalize anything they wanted to do before leaving this world.

Betsy looked at this list and decided she can do most of the work already. But she did take a hard look at her own life and decided that before she started coaching people on the last point, she needed to fix a few things in her own life.

Betsy had always difficult relationships with her own parents. She recognized that part of the reason was that she did not have good role models. She had watched her mother go ‘no contact’ with her grandmother and refuse to see her even when she was dying. Betsy decided she did not want to follow in her mother’s footsteps. While she knew she couldn’t fix their shared history, Betsy decided that she was going to repair the parts of the relationships she had with her parents that she could.

Betsy started from a place of empathy. She let her parents know that she knew how hurt they were. She saw how they had been mistreated by their own families. She traced the path of hurt and showed them how that hurt showed up in her life, too. She explained that in order to heal, they needed to create a new future that reduced the problematic behaviors that fed that hurt.

Her father, in particular, listened thoughtfully and validated what she had experienced. He may not have agreed with everything, but he cared enough to tell her that her feelings mattered. That conversation made a difference and Betsy noted, “I’m not angry anymore.”

Not all relationships are fixable. Some roads have so many potholes that it just isn’t safe to travel. But victory looks different for every relationship. Sometimes, victory is not “I’m sorry.” Sometimes victory is, “I wish I could have done better by you.”

Death and dying is a time to grieve, not only the loss of the person, but sometimes the loss of the person you wish you had. Sometimes life gives us the opportunity to reconcile these two realities so that we can say goodbye with a breath of kindness.

The T in 1897 did not take long to have its own problems. The biggest accident was a huge gas explosion in March that rocked the area around Tremont and Boylston streets. Sparks off a passing streetcar had ignited a large pocket of natural gas trapped between the roof of the tunnel and the street above. Ten people were killed, and 60 were seriously injured. The tunnel itself was not damaged and work went on ahead of schedule. The disaster did nothing to soothe people already concerned about traveling underground, which was still highly unusual in those days.

Rivalry with New York City

to build a subway. There was an enormous amount of cultural change people had to go through to accept subway travel, which was then associated with being buried alive.

Not everyone greeted the 1897 subway with open arms for other reasons as well. Opposition was so strong that over 12,000 businessmen signed a petition against the construction of the subway and an anti-subway league was even formed.

Shortly after 6 a.m., a trolley car headed down a slope toward a newly finished tunnel under Tremont Street. More than 100 people were crammed aboard for the first ride of the United States’ first subway.

As you might imagine, the system did not get off to a flawless future. Another reason was quickly evident in a book on Boston and New York City’s rivalry to build subways. It was detailed in “The Race Underground: Boston, New York, and the Incredible Rivalry That Built America’s First Subway” by Doug Most.

It was described this way by the author:

“Two brothers from one of the nation’s great families―Henry Melville Whitney of Boston and William Collins Whitney of New York―pursued the dream of his city digging America’s first subway, and the great race was on. The competition between Boston and New York played out in an era not unlike our own, one of economic upheaval, life-changing innovations, class warfare, bitter political tensions, and the question of America’s place in the world.”

He said both cities at the time were strenuously debating whether or not

Skepticism for many reasons

Some members of the public were also skeptical about the idea of traveling underground because it was a place associated with death and burial, according to historical accounts. This was a constant theme during the entire length of the project and it didn’t help when the construction later unearthed graves from the old Central Burying Ground.

The remains were given to Lewis Jones & Son, an undertaker, for reburial in the Central Street Burying Ground. A plaque was placed above the remains, which read:

“Here were interred the remains of persons found under the Boylston Street Mall during the digging of the Subway, 1895.”

With all its problems and setbacks, the Boston area’s system of mass transit opened with a bargain price―a single nickel.

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It starts with one toy elephant

By JaNice liNDsay coNtriButiNg Writer

In a recent conversation with acquaintances, the subject of collecting things arose. Someone suggested that the urge to create collections might be a mental disorder. I found this an odd observation coming from a history professor. We know much about life in the past because objects were saved back then by avid collectors. And museum directors: Aren’t they passionate collectors?

Forty percent of United States households engage in some form of collecting behavior, says an article in the online encyclopedia Wikipedia about the psychology of collecting.

I am not a collector.

Except for elephants. Here’s how

it started. A friend discovered that I love elephants. She gave me a toy elephant. Another friend asked, “What’s with the elephant?” And others caught on, and now I have elephant figurines, more toy elephants, elephant coffee mugs, measuring cups, tote bags, a scarf, greeting cards, stationery, earrings, a pendant, a pin, key chains, a flower pot, paper clips, cellphone holder, bedspread. I love them all. In my defense, I bought only a few of these wonderful elephants.

That’s my collection.

Except, of course, for the owls. A friend and I volunteer for a non-profit whose mascot is the great horned owl in a donated painting. She loves owls in general; I love our owl in particular. She started sending me owl greeting cards and figurines, I reciprocated, which encouraged her to send more so now I have an owl collection.

But that’s all, just elephants and owls.

Except for little bird figurines. My husband and I used to go on hiking trips, and, as memento of each trip, I

bought a bird. I have a road-runner from Arizona, a shamrock-decorated swan from Ireland, a toucan from Peru. When people saw that I had bird figurines, they gave me others.

But that’s it, just the elephants and the owls and the birds.

Oops, the post cards. When I was a little girl, my grandparents traveled and sent post cards to everyone in the family. I kept the post cards they sent me. When relatives found out I liked the post cards, they gave me theirs. I still have them. People don’t send post cards very often now, but when I get one I add it to my, um ….

Bookmark collection. Many interesting places offer attractive bookmarks as souvenirs. Bookmarks are nice gifts for people who love books. Post cards also make good bookmarks.

How many objects constitute a collection? A friend once told me, “Two are a pair. Three are a collection.”

So I must confess to having seven ukuleles, four rubber duckies, and more than three books in several different categories.

SUPER CROSSWORD PUZZLE

Okay, so maybe I am a collector. But it’s totally by accident. I didn’t set out to collect. Collections happened. I acquired one something, I didn’t un-acquire it, another arrived, then another. Collection.

A friend collects small heartshaped stones and another collects horses, both live and figurines. Birders have life lists. Travelers collect visits to national parks. A friend’s friend collects antique airplanes. When my son was 10, we collected words with five consecutive consonants (“lengths,” “nightshade”). A couple I once met had visited European castles and carefully collected and labeled a square of toilet paper from each castle’s restroom.

Why collect? Every collector has a personal reason. For me, reason enough is enjoying the company of these beloved items and remembering the people who gave them to me or the places where I acquired them.

That seems perfectly normal to me. Contact

Answers on page 17

Managing your digital assets is becoming

your accounts, your information will be vulnerable to hackers. And if someone can open accounts in your name, they can run up charges on credit cards that your spouse may still be using.

As Endyke noted though, it also depends on the person and whether they are married and/or have children. A single person with no kids may not care what happens to their digital assets after they die.

But if it does matter, then you’ll want to take the necessary precautions of keeping an account and password inventory and providing detailed instructions for individual assets. Jon Jackson, region practice leader for estate settlement services at Northern Trust Wealth Management in Boston, said that since your fiduciary will need this information to manage your estate, good record keeping is paramount. “Consider a separate, dedicated email account used to organize and access your digital assets.”

Stoddard recommends assigning a digital executor to your estate. “You should also work with an estate planning attorney to put verbiage in your legal estate plan to protect your digital assets and ensure they do not remain in limbo,” asserted Stoddard. “Keep in

mind that the law does not automatically grant your heirs rights to your digital assets upon your death; you need to specifically indicate how you want these assets to be distributed or accessed.”

Digital currencies

Some people may also have to

for comprehensive estate planning

in their estate plans. “A so-called Cold Storage Hardware Wallet is one of the most secure ways to hold both Bitcoin and NFTs,” said Jackson. “When it comes to cryptocurrency or NFTs, it is important to work with advisers to keep good records of possession of the asset. This includes the necessary keys to accessing those assets, and making sure that they are included in your estate plan.”

He also cautioned that you need to be certain that your fiduciary can handle the task of managing digital accounts and assets since not everyone is comfortable with the process. “A special digital fiduciary may be necessary if you have very complicated digital assets; an estate lawyer could help in finding one.”

determine how to manage digital currencies in their estate plan such as Bitcoin and NFTs that exist only in electronic form and are accounted for through online systems. Jackson said that although Northern Trust does not provide custody for cryptocurrencies, they do advise clients on managing digital assets and including them

You also want to be careful about how you store access to any of your digital property for your digital estate plan, such as keeping your list of logins and passwords in a file or safe that is both secure and accessible, and informing your executor, spouse or adult children of its storage location.

“Assume your loved ones will face obstacles in trying to access your accounts and work proactively to make the process as smooth as possible,” advised Stoddard.

essential

A digital asset is essentially anything that is created and stored online that is uniquely identifiable and possesses value of some kind.

By DaviD WilkeNiNg coNtriButiNg Writer

REGION - Former Massachusetts state legislator John B. Lepper’s youngest daughter had addiction problems: Both drugs and alcohol. Not a good background for someone raising two small children.

When Lepper and his wife, Arlette, took over legal guardianship of the children―aged eight months and two years old―they took on a whole new world of problems. Fortunately, Lepper and his wife had the financial and emotional wherewithal to deal with the new realities of being parents again. Lepper became a leader in legislation to help grandparents facing similar problems and to assume their new and rapidly growing roles. When he decided in 2008 not to seek re-election, his stated reason was no surprise: Devote more time to his family.

A growing trend

He was a well-publicized example of a grandparent trend: A conservatively estimated 68,000 children are now being raised by their grandparents throughout the state. Nearly 12,000 of those are in Boston.

And the problem is not only in Massachusetts―grandparents are raising an estimated six million children across the country.

It’s even acquired a new name: “Grand Families” or “Kinship Care.”

So it’s no wonder a new study from the Center for Retirement Research at Boston College had this headline: “Re-

tiring to Care for Grandchildren isn’t Unusual.” The study was done by Somalis Chy and Megan Doherty Bea at the University of Wisconsin.

In the study, the researchers found that one in 10 grandparents who, prior to retiring, already considered themselves caregivers for at least one child, move closer to the child’s parents.

That doubles to two in 10 after they retire. They tracked some 3,000 older workers’ answers to a regular survey during a 12-year period around retirement. The survey collected a range of personal data, including information about their finances, where they live, and whether they spend at least 100 hours a year taking care of grandchildren.

“A lot of people were blaming the pandemic last year, but this was a trend starting before that. Our study started years before that. We don’t know exactly when it (grandparents retiring to care for grandkids) started or any exact date when it began, but a lot of families coping with the high cost of limited child care have been struggling with it,” said Doherty Bea, an Assistant Professor of Consumer Science.

The Census Bureau’s 2005 American Community Survey counted 2.4 million grandparents nationwide living with grandchildren for whom they were responsible. By 2014, that number had risen to 2.7 million. Meanwhile, the number of grandparents living in the same households as their grandchildren jumped from 5.7 million in 2005 to 7.1 million in 2014.

A conservatively estimated 68,000 children are now being raised by their grandparents throughout Massachusetts.

Main reason is drug addiction

Various surveys have found that the number one reason for grandparents taking over grandchild care was the same as the Lepper’s case: parents with drug addictions. But other motivations include mental illness, incarceration, deaths, and even the overwhelming nature of being a single parent.

Most observers view grandparent oversight as difficult for a variety of reasons that include financial issues near the top of the list. And while some grandparents say the list of benefits to them include closer relationships with family members, grandparents still face a host of problems.

Having to raise a child or children a second time around can be a very stressful situation. It can result in financial burden as well as disrupt a senior’s retirement plans. However, there are resources and support groups for grandparents raising their grandchild or grandchildren. These resources can be found in Massachusetts at the local, state and national level.

Do these resources help, particularly at the local level? Some participants report positive results.

The grandfamily support groups are “critical,” reported grandfather Eddie O’Brien of Whitman, who became legal guardian to his granddaughter while his daughter battled addiction. “That saved us,” he told NBC Boston. “Talking to somebody that has experienced it … it just made it a lot easier, more comfortable, easier to open up, easier to cry. And that really helped.”

Choices can be painful

One such local program active for almost ten years is “From Roots to Wings” in Dorchester. One local businesswoman testified at one meeting to her similarity to the Lepper situation with a drug-addicted daughter. She very reluctantly took over care of a small grandchild. “My friends tell me that I was cold but I had to kill off my own daughter,” she said. “I just couldn’t have her continuing to be

a disruptive force. In order to go forward, I had to have her out of the way. It was painful because a lot of us like to keep our business within the family.”

Statewide, the Massachusetts Commission for Grandparents Raising Grandchildren was established in 2008. It has 15 members who “have demonstrated a commitment to grandchildren.” They meet monthly and offer a variety of services as a “resource to the Commonwealth on issues affecting grandparents raising grandchildren, and relatives, other than parents, raising kin.”

Help at federal level

On the federal level, grandparents who receive Social Security benefits were due for extra financial support starting in 2023. Children whose parents have died or are unable to work may also be eligible for Social Security benefits. Depending on their incomes, families may also be eligible for Medicaid or the Children’s Health Insurance Program (CHIP), and other forms of government support.

One of President Biden’s budget proposals included adding $20 billion over a decade to encourage “kinship care” over foster care arrangements with strangers, and to support those grandfamilies and kinship care families with social programs and tax credits. Congress has yet to finalize those budget plans.

Answers to Super Crossword

Puzzle on page 14

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Follow these tips for successful

By DaviD WilkeNiNg coNtriButiNg Writer

REGION - Don’t mistake older travelers as always similar to the average tourist. Solo senior travelers also have different requirements to ensure their trips are safe and secure. To cite just one example―they should always have someone back home knowing their whereabouts―just in case.

So what else do older solo travelers need to know? Boston travel companies have a variety of suggestions when the traveler is a single person―an increasingly common situation as the pandemic shows signs of waning.

Advice from a seasoned travel organization

The Boston-based non-profit Road Scholar, formerly called Elderhostel, is known for its expertise in educational travel for adults ages 50 and over, something it’s been doing since 1975.

Its number of older single travelers is on a steady growth curve for many reasons including the lessened threat of the COVID-19 pandemic, said President James Moses.

Safety from disease remains a ma-

jor issue, however, even as more seniors take to the road. So in addition to keeping up with COVID-19 vaccines and booster doses, check in for information about your destination with The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. That is among their recommendations.

Road Scholar’s first tip for traveling alone is to prepare an itinerary, “however rough, with contact information for your cell phone and the hotels where you’ll be staying.” For travelers on an organized and/or guided trip an itinerary is already provided.

Here are some other tips from Road Scholar:

Set up an international phone plan. “Having a working phone with you on your travels wherever you go can give you peace of mind in case of emergencies, and also makes it easier to navigate and look up information like museum hours if you have a smart phone.” If you’ll be going out of the country, contact your mobile phone provider and find out what kind of international plans it offers.

Meet locals or other travelers. “Traveling solo doesn’t mean you have to be alone every day. Spark up a conversation with a local at a coffee

travel Life after stroke begins here

The number of older single travelers is on a steady growth curve.

shop or another traveler in line for the Louvre.”

Do your travel research. “By taking time in advance to think about your interests, where you’d like to travel, and the history you’d like to learn, you’ll be able to find a destination that piques your interests.”

Pack accordingly. Do pack essentials appropriate to your destination. In addition to packing light, “packing accordingly” means waterproof winter gear for snowy hikes or sun hats and sunscreen for tropical destinations. Additionally, packing light allows you to leave room in your bag for any new items you purchase along the way, whether it be gifts for your family or new clothing you can’t find back home. This bit of advice is geared not just for older singles but also for all tourists.

Capture the moment. To get the most out of your next solo adventure, make sure to capture your memories with a camera. Whether you bring a disposable camera, DSLR camera, or your phone camera, capturing special moments on your trip allows you to look back on your travels for years to come.

Stay safe. “When it comes to knowing how to travel alone and stay safe, it’s important to always keep an eye on your belongings and ensure they’re protected.” Tips include keeping valuables out of the public’s eye and checking belongings in hotel safes

and other secure places. This also applies to tourists of all ages.

Life coaches can also help

There are many practical and generally useful tips on best practices for solo travelers on the internet and suggestions from travel agents and other sources. But don’t forget highly spiritual guidance from people such as Cyn Meyer, a life coach. She is also the

founder of the Second Wind Movement, which is an educational and life coaching resource for older people to “find your sense of adventure and fulfillment during your next chapters.”

“On our trips you may be traveling solo but are not alone,” said Meyer. “Our average group size is just 12; big enough to meet like-minded people but small enough to get to the heart of a destination. All sorts of people travel on our trips. What unites everyone is an adventurous spirit, sense of fun and a desire for real travel experiences.”

Meyer’s suggestions for personal travel purposes range from reaching out to meet local people to looking inside yourself. Here are her overall recommendations.

Expand your growth. “Experience and go beyond the popular tourist destinations,” Meyer emphasized. “At nearly every location on the globe there’s an opportunity to find those hidden local gems, whether it’s a hole-in-the-wall restaurant or a stunning local landscape

view. Get to know the people, language, foods, scenery, and culture. Savor the different experiences offered outside your own home routine environment. Plus,” she added, “this will help you leverage the power of neuroplasticity and boost your brain health while exploring new destinations at a deeper level.”

Connect with nature. “There’s nature everywhere; be sure to capture the natural outdoor essence of your destination,” she explained. “This will improve your sense of rejuvenation and overall well-being, as connecting with nature physically launches your parasympathetic nervous system (also known as your relax and digest state).”

Connect with yourself. “There’s no better growth than to closely observe yourself on your adventure,” said Meyer. “And pay extra attention to the things, people, places, and events that naturally intrigue you and energize you. These are clues that could lead you to your greater passions and purpose.”

“There’s no better growth than to closely observe yourself on your adventure,” says life coach Cyn Meyer.

What unites everyone is an adventurous spirit, sense of fun and a desire for real travel experiences.

—Cyn Meyer

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