FPA Nov 2022

plus advocate

Behind the Mic:

DJ Carter Alan

Boston DJ has also chronicled the rock world as an

By Brett Peruzzi Managing editor

BOSTON - Legendary Boston radio DJ Carter Alan originally wanted to be a music writer at a major newspaper. But his immersion in the rock scene ended up putting him behind a microphone instead of a desk.

As a teenager growing up in a small town near Allen town, Penn., Alan went to rock concerts by big-name bands like the James Gang, Deep Purple and Neil Young. He came north to attend New England College in New Hampshire, and after graduating moved to Boston to seek his fortune. He embraced city life and became part of the late 1970s rock club scene.

“There were basically three places booking live rock bands at the time,” he recalled. “The Rat in Kenmore Square, Cantone’s, in the Financial District, which was an Italian restaurant during the day, and The Club, across the Charles River in Central Square in Cambridge.”

the people

November is National Family Caregivers Month

By Mike Festa, state director, aarP Massachusetts

Family caregivers are an essential part of the health care system across the state. In the Bay State alone, there are 840,000 family caregivers and offer ing programs and supporting them is a top priority for us at AARP Mas sachusetts. This month, we will be hosting free online events to provide these unpaid helpers with resources, information, and social support. These sessions will focus on caregiving essen tials and costs as well as offering tips on downsizing, decluttering, and making it easier for both the caregiver and the receiver to age in place.

Here is a small list of our upcoming caregiving events: Essentials of Caregiving: Wednesday, November 2, 2022 from 6 to 7 p.m.

Description: No matter where you are in the journey of caregiving, having a good framework to help guide both you and your loved one will make the pro cess easier. During this session, we will share a framework to help you make plans to care for friends, family mem bers, or loved ones. You will have the opportunity to connect with other care givers, exchange tips and advice, and learn about resources available to you and your loved ones.

Downsizing and Decluttering: Tuesday, November 8, 2022 from 6 to 7 p.m.

Description: Having too much stuff can impede a loved one from relocating or getting health care into their homes. This engaging presentation explores why stuff is so important for some peo ple and teaches practical, easy-to-follow tips on downsizing and decluttering. There are plenty more caregiving events coming this month. Go to www. aarp.org/2022caregiving or call 877926-8300 to learn more. These events are free; you only need to register.

Mike Festa is the State Director for AARP Massachusetts. For more articles visit www.fiftyplusadvocate.com.

Mike Festa

Take care of your hands to maintain strength and flexibility

By Peg LoPata contriButing Writer

REGION - Are jars getting tighter? What’s happening?

Not so handy anymore? If you find yourself feeling pain or stiffness in your hands, it could be osteoarthritis, the most common type of arthritis. Joint cartilage coverings on the ends of the bones throughout your hands could be wearing thin. This leads to less mus cle mass which over time diminishes strength.

Dr. Erika McPhee, orthopedic hand and upper extremity surgeon at Tufts Medical Center in Boston explained. “With time, the cartilage surfaces of the joints thin and the bones change shape which further contribute to stiffness,” she said. “The deformities that develop can affect the hand’s ability to grip ob jects. The muscles are not able to assist the joint in the same way as the joints lose their shape and mobility. All these factors contribute to loss of strength and function.”

Opening jars may be especially difficult because your thumb may not be as strong as it used to be. “Arthritis affecting the joints at the base of the thumb is particularly common,” said McPhee.

“Age is just a number,” says Dr. Erika McPhee, orthopedic hand and upper extremity surgeon at Tufts Medical Center in Boston. “I have 90-yearold patients with better-looking hands than some 40-year-olds.”

Keeping your hands strong

According to McPhee, exercises to keep your hands strong could help slow the decline of strength and improve flexibility. You can’t build back cartilage, but you can keep the soft tissues in the joints supple.

The how-to is different for each per son. Everyone is dealt a different hand and uses their hands differently. No matter who you are though, it’s import ant to keep those hands moving. But specific hand exercising? That depends on the usual stuff you do with and the condition of your hands.

“I believe that every hand is differ ent,” McPhee stated. “Even with very similar x-rays, some people find certain activities aggravating, while other peo-

ple might find the same ac tivities helpful to maintain strength. There are some people who do so much with their hands that much more would be unneces sary―it could contribute to overuse conditions.”

There are even some exercises to avoid. For ex ample, squeezing a ball can irritate joints.

Getting help

If your hands are not as strong as you’d like them to be, a visit to a health care provider may be a good idea. They can look at what will work for what you want to be able to do with your hands. Hopefully, they’ll take into account your whole body and what you do with it. If your hands hurt, they can address that too.

“The treatment plans I develop with patients are meant to take more than just their hands into account,” said

McPhee. “If activities such as golf or tennis bring somebody joy and helps contribute to their cardiovascular health, I would rather take additional steps to manage their arthritis so they can participate in the sports they love. But in general, an active hand fares bet ter in the world of arthritis over a sed entary hand. And I advise everyone to maintain a healthy, active lifestyle. It’s good for the entire body including the hands.”

One important rule to remember when exercising is that pain is a no-no. McPhee says listen to your body. That’s vital to prevent overuse and injuries. And don’t assume once you’re at soand-so age your hands are tied.

McPhee added, “Age is just a number. I have 90-year-old patients with better-looking hands than some 40-year-olds.”

Keep your hands pain-free, strong and flexible and maybe you’ll be the one that opens the jar nobody else can.

Want some exercises for your hands?

www.aarp.org/health/conditions-treatments/info-2021/exercises-preventarthritis www.webmd.com/osteoarthritis/ss/slideshow-hand-finger-exercises www.aarp.org/health/conditions-treatments/info-2020/hand-strength

Discover the art of spoon carving

By sandi Barrett contriButing Writer

REGION - When you find a small, beautiful block of wood, is your first thought―that would make a great spoon? Well, maybe it’s time to con sider the art of spoon carving. Spoons have been around since we started slurping up the catch of the day cooked over a wood fire. We’re talking before 1,000 BC, when in Ancient Egypt, Pha raohs had intricate eating utensils― some carved out of wood. The early hunters and gatherers would have fashioned some type of scoop akin to a spoon for use in their cave kitchens.

Welsh love spoons took utensil carving to a new artistic level. The Na tional Museum Wales has an extensive collection of love spoons, including one intricately carved functional art piece dating back to 1667. Decoratively carved love spoons were created from a single piece of wood like sycamore, boxwood, or fruitwood. These hand made treasures were presented to a young woman by an ardent admirer. The Welsh historic spoon carving style is over-the-top and uses detailed pat terns, producing gorgeously crafted spoons.

Easy to learn

Carving spoons is an excellent hobby. It is easy to become proficient at spoon carving, and you can complete a spoon in just a few hours.

Tim Swanson of Shirley is a Wilder ness Survival Skills Instructor and spoon carving aficionado. Spoon carving is one of the classes Swanson teaches through Owl Eyes Wilderness Survival School where he “seeks to connect folks of all ages to the landscape in hopes to pro tect and restore our natural world.”

What is more natural than finding

a piece of usable wood and recycling it into utilitarian art? The concentration required to carve a spoon offers the carver time for quiet reflection while rhythmically working the whittling knife. Spoons are both geometric and artistic, perfect to exercise our brain in different ways. “Anyone who can han dle a knife can take up spoon carving,” Swanson noted.

Swanson is available to teach spoon carving at one of his Central Massachu setts outdoor venues or at a location of your choosing. It is a fun and unique ac

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tivity for a family reunion, birthday par ty, or educational instruction. He enjoys teaching people how to carve. “Spoon carving isn’t an expensive hobby to take up; all you need is a good knife and a block of wood,” he explained.

How to get started

“I was around 13 or 14 years old out on a camping trip the first time I tried spoon carving,” reminisced Swanson. Anyone can take up the hobby. All you need is good tools, a block of wood and

business spotlight:

By Liz noLan contriButing Writer

choice for Medicare members

REGION - Healthcare

be com plicated

Bos ton-based eternalHealth’s found er Pooja Ika is determined to offer a more

eternalHealth is a new Medi care-approved, private start-up healthcare plan currently covering Worcester, Middlesex and Suffolk counties with expansion plans for 2024. It is the first new health plan since 2013.

“The market needed change,” said Ika. “It needed products that are light years ahead of where we are now. We are looking forward to being able to gain membership and offer a different option for the people of Massachusetts, one that is shaped around their needs.”

Simplicity, cost savings and ease of mind

Often, people with Original Medicare require additional sup plemental coverage at an addi tional cost and the need to deal with separate entities to get that coverage.

“eternalHealth will be a one-stop shop,” said Ika. “We cover everything Medicare covers plus more, including but not limited to pharmacy, hearing, vision, dental coverage, grocery dol lars, and a fitness benefit.”

The Annual Enrollment Period (AEP) is October 15 through December 7 and four unique plans will be offered giving members flexibility and choice. Plans with $0 premiums, $0 PCP co pays, and low out-of-pocket costs are available.

“This coming enrollment period is our real entry to the market,” said Ika.

She encourages eligible residents to view the website and learn about the different plans. Self-enrollment can quickly and easily be done online. People can also inquire about eternalHealth through an insurance broker or speak to one of the company’s li censed representatives directly.

eternalHealth operates on a cloud-based web platform, which ul timately reduces administrative costs. Those cost savings are passed on to its

by

by

CEO & Founder Pooja Ika presenting $70,000 to the David Ortiz Childrens Fund on David Ortiz Day at Fenway Park.

Spokesperson David Ortiz and CEO & Founder Pooja Ika.

members. The platform enables all stakeholders from members and doc tors to the health insurance company to make informed healthcare deci sions based on making information more accessible.

Medicare beneficiaries, who are affected by inflation and have less intense medical needs, can choose to enroll into eternalHealth’s Give Back PPO this AEP, and expect to receive

money back into their Social Security checks in 2023.

Ika said that year after year, eter nalHealth’s mission is to offer sus tainable products with reduced outof-pocket costs, while simultaneously making their benefits richer. This is accomplished as a result of the cost savings eternalHealth is able to cap ture through the use of its platform.

The options eternalHealth offers

is ideal timing for a lot of people aging into Medicare.

“Inflation is hitting us in different ways,” said Ika. “Low-income and se nior populations, who are on fixed in comes are hit the hardest.”

Importance of building community relationships

The business has just under 20 employees and the philosophy ac cording to Ika is that “when you are a member of eternalHealth, it’s like your family is running your health plan.”

Building relationships with mem bers and the communities it serves is important to eternalHealth, as it em phasizes it’s a company to be trusted with transparency and integrity.

One community partner and fa miliar face is former Red Sox player David Ortiz, who optimizes those characteristics.

“I first met David through the Da vid Ortiz Children’s Fund,” said Ika. “He is very aligned with our mission and vision and shares a lot of the same values. He is personable and great at building relationships. David is mak ing healthcare accessible to children, and in our own right, we are trying to make healthcare more accessible for the Medicare population. His founda tion does great work, and he is a true partner to spread the message.”

Commitment to members

Ika’s interest in healthcare is not a new one. She grew up in Southbor ough with parents involved in health care. She would often accompany her mother, a primary care physician, to work and realized that healthcare is individualized and catered. Her father is on the technical end of healthcare. She learned “the importance of build ing a team of people who are passion ate about the vision and mission of the company, and whose commitment goes beyond themselves to leave a lasting impact.”

Ika realizes that on the insurance side, there’s room for improvement. She strives to build personal and unique relationships with eternal Health’s members.

“We are on the complicated, con fusing journey with them,” she said. “On the insurance side of healthcare, we have to catch up. The only way to do that is to be more flexible. We need to be able to pivot to meet the needs of the state’s population. We are the catalyst for change; pushing other in surers who have been in the market for years to rethink their approach.”

More information on eternal Health can be found on their website at www.eternalHealth.com or by call ing 800-831-5967 (TTY 711).

Serving the fifty-plus community since 1975

Publisher/Sales Director:

David Bagdon 508-366-5500

Managing Editor: Brett Peruzzi

Advertising Sales: Diane Sabatini: 508-366-5500 Cindy Merchant: 508-736-4332

Fifty Plus Advocate is published monthly, 12 times annually by Bagdon Advertising, 32 South Street, Westborough, MA 01581.

Mary Ellen Cyganiewicz: 508-615-5837

Barbara Clifford: 508-769-6259

Fifty Plus Advocate accepts no responsibility for unsolicited manuscripts or materials and does not return them to sender. Retractions for any inaccuracies will be printed when necessary.

Unsolicited letters to the editor become the property of this newspaper and can be reprinted in part or in whole unless otherwise stated. Fifty Plus Advocate columnists writing under a byline are expressing their personal opinions and not necessarily those of the newspaper.

For advertising or editorial inquiries, contact us at 508.366.5500 32 South St., Westborough, MA 01581

Spokesperson

David Ortiz with the eternalHealth team.

Veteran Boston DJ has also chronicled the rock world as an author

books about the band.

he met at shows, he started working as a DJ at MIT’s student-run college radio station, WMBR, which played a diverse range of music and was starting to em brace the emerging punk and new wave bands from England as well as the U.S.

Starting at WBCN

By 1979, his friend and fellow WMBR DJ Oedipus was working at WBCN, “The Rock of Boston” which dominated the city’s airwaves. He brought Alan to the station as a week end fill-in DJ. “I worked at record stores and painted houses during that time to make ends meet,” Alan recalled, since spinning records part-time wasn’t enough to live on. “WBCN was a genre-crossing radio station,” Alan not ed, which gave its DJs lots of freedom to play a wide variety of music. In 1980, Alan was the first DJ in America to play a single by a then little-known teenage Irish band. The song was “I Will Fol low,” and the band was U2. The song would hit number 20 on the Billboard charts the next year, and Alan became friendly with the band, who never for got the early support he gave them. He would eventually go on the road with U2 and later publish two well-received

Within a year after joining WBCN, Alan was running the WBCN Rock ‘n’ Roll Rumble, an annual local battle of the bands, which helped launch the ca reers of local groups who won it, like The Neighborhoods, ‘Til Tuesday, and Gang Green. By 1986 Alan was WBCN’s music director, a position he held for 12 years.

In 1998 he moved to classic rock station WZLX at 100.7 FM, where he still works today, as both program director and as a DJ on the midday shift.

As someone who’s been to hun dreds of concerts, interviewed dozens of bands, been backstage more times than he can remember, it’s hard for him to narrow down his favorites.

“I like all kinds of music,” Alan ex plained. “Rock, jazz, classical―I’m a subscriber to the Boston Sympho ny Orchestra. I also had a blues radio show for 19 years.” When pressed, he cites U2, The Who, Pearl Jam and Kate Bush among his all-time favorites.

Writing career came later

Alan’s early ambition to be a writer may have been sidelined for a while, but he’s more than made up for lost time. He has five books to his credit, after writ

ing for numerous rock magazines and newspapers over the years. In addition to his two books about U2, “Outside Is America: U2 in the U.S.,” and “U2: The Road to Pop,” he also co-authored “Life on the Road – the Incredible Rock and Roll Adventures of Dinky Dawson,” the story of an English sound engineer for many top rock bands. He also wrote what’s considered the definitive histo ry of WBCN, “Radio Free Boston: The Rise and Fall of WBCN.” His most recent book, a recollection of his favorite con certs is called “The Decibel Diaries: A Journey through Rock in 50 Concerts.”

While you’ll have to read “The Decibel Diaries” yourself to get the low down on all of Alan’s favorite concerts, he did reminisce about a few of them. “The top one, for sure, was Roger Wa ters and a band of guest musicians per forming Pink Floyd’s album ‘The Wall’ in Berlin in 1990,” he recalled. “This was just eight months after the Berlin Wall came down and the city was reunited, though sections of the wall were still standing.” The concert was held for an audience of 350,000 people in the strip of “no-man’s land” near the wall that divided East and West Berlin for 28 years, and where numerous East Ger mans had died while trying to escape from the Communist dictatorship. “It was an absolutely incredible show, be cause of the setting and the timing,” Alan noted. “It made me feel hopeful about the future, with the Berlin Wall down finally and the Cold War ending.” The concert was later released as both a live album and a film.

“Also up there as one of my top shows ever is Pearl Jam at the Boston Garden during the Vs. tour in 1994. It was three days after the death of Kurt Cobain of Nirvana,” Alan recalled. Both bands had emerged out of the Seattle grunge rock scene around the same

time and gone on to stardom. “They were playing their way out of the de pression and sadness of losing Cobain during that show. It was an honest rush of emotion, and everyone was crying,” he said. “Eddie Vedder smashed the heavy base of his mike stand repeatedly into the plywood stage during their final encore. He broke through and created a big hole, and he descended into the hole and disappeared beneath the stage as the song, Neil Young’s ‘Rockin’ In The Free World,’ ended.”

Behind the music

With his backstage access to bands, before and after shows, Alan has seen his share of both dark and light moments. “I walked into the dressing room of the New York Dolls once and they were shooting up heroin,” said Alan. “But there’s also fun memories of things like food fights backstage with John Mellen camp and his band.”

Other dramatic events took place on stage in full view of the audience as well. In 1982, Alan recalled, Boston’s home town superstar band, Aerosmith, was at a low point. Joe Perry and Brad Whitford had left the band, and several members were struggling with drug addiction. At a homecoming concert at the Worces ter Centrum, Joe Perry came backstage before the show and reconnected with Steven Tyler and they supposedly got high together. “Later, on stage, Tyler collapsed and did a face plant and puked,” said Alan, and had to be physi cally removed by the stage crew when he couldn’t get back on his feet. “Backstage, I could hear the band members scream ing at each other, even though I wasn’t in the same room with them.” Over the next few years, the band members suc cessfully completed drug rehab pro grams and got Aerosmith’s career back on track.

Josephine L. Veglia, Esq.

With Tina Turner at Great Woods in 1993, Alan jokes, “Neither of us were wearing wigs.”

Classic rock and the future

After three decades at a classic rock station, Alan has seen the format change with the times. Bands that were just being formed when he started at WZLX are now in the classic rock rotation, like The White Stripes. Oth ers are stalwarts that have withstood the test of time because their music is timeless. “Classic rock continues to be redefined,” Alan observed. “Led Zep pelin is the Beatles of classic rock. But the Beatles are back too to some extent. Metallica is also a staple of classic rock now too, something I couldn’t have imagined when I first heard them in the 1980s.”

“Mainstream rock is not the pop music of most radio stations in the U.S. now,” Alan noted, adding that hip-hop and country music have increasing ly become popular music formats at commercial radio stations. “It’s hard to break a rock hit now.”

Alan said that earlier in his career, it was exhilarating to be able to play anything he wanted and meet so many emerging bands, some of whom went on to superstardom. “Programming today is tighter, but necessarily so. The radio audience, which trends younger, wants the hits. There are fewer oppor tunities to expose them to a wider vari ety of music.” But as a program director, he likes being the decision maker about what is played.

“I never thought I’d still be a DJ,” Alan noted. “I thought it would have run its course and I’d be doing some thing different now, like just focusing on writing. Becoming music director at WBCN increased my knowledge and skill set, and made me more valuable as an employee, beyond just being a DJ,” he explained. “Being program director at WZLX has continued me on that path, but I still love being a DJ, otherwise I wouldn’t still be doing it.”

Interest Rates & Inflation Keep Rising, A Reverse Mortgage May Be The Solution

A reverse mortgage gives qualified borrowers the option to receive cash as a lump sum, a monthly check, or a line of credit with NO minimum required monthly mortgage payments. The homeowner is, of course, required to pay ongoing real estate taxes, insurance and meet other loan guidelines. By not having a monthly mortgage payment, thousands of eligible home owners have utilized a reverse mortgage to:

• Increase monthly cash flow

• Pay off a current mortgage or home equity line

• Payoff credit cards

• Pay real estate taxes & property insurance

• Complete needed home repairs or desired improvements

• Ability to pay for at home care or nursing home expenses

• Finalize divorce situations (buyout ex & keep your home)

• Pay IRS obligations

• Settle legal matters

• Use a reverse to purchase a new home

• Purchase a second home or condo in warmer weather

• Install a new septic system

• Purchase a new or used car

• Buy an RV

• Support grandchildren educational needs

• Gift to adult children for their home purchase dreams

• Prepay funeral expenses

• Estate & financial planning purposes

• Cash reserves for unforeseen emergency life events

• Estate planning

• Lifestyle improvement options

• Travel

• Home accessibility improvements

• Cash received is all income tax free

• Peace of mind knowing that cash is available

• And the list goes on! What are your needs and desires?

A reverse mortgage might not be the magic wand to solve all the above

be the next best thing. Take the first

I would enjoy the opportunity of having that con versation!

Take

A great place to start is get your free “How to Use Your Home to Stay at Home” 36-page book. This is the official reverse mortgage con sumer booklet approved by the U.S. Depart ment of Housing & Urban Development and published by the National Council on Aging.

To receive your free copy, please call me at (781) 724-6221 or email me at av@powhse.com

I am also available to evaluate your specific situation, answer your questions, and calcu late how much money is available to you.

Alain Valles was the first designated Certified Reverse Mortgage Professional in New England. He obtained a Master of Science from the M.I.T. Center for Real Estate, an MBA from the Wharton School, and graduated summa cum laude from UMass Amherst. He is the senior reverse mortgage loan officer MLO#7946 at Powerhouse Funding Corp. NMLS #1740551.

at (781)

at

Carter Alan with Bono and The Edge of U2 in 2018—he was the first DJ in the U.S. to play their music, and went on to become good friends with them, travel with U2 on tour, and eventually write two books about the band.

Alan has seen the career of Boston rock legends Aerosmith, and its lead singer Steven Tyler, here with Alan in 2012, go through several ups and downs over the years.

Does a child you know and love have selective mutism?

By sharon Longo contriButing Writer

REGION - Any grand parent or great-aunt or uncle knows how much fun it is to visit with their grandchild, great-niece or nephew. What if that child becomes fearful in social situations outside of the home or even inside the home when people other than their parents or siblings are present? That is the case for many children and teens with selective mutism, render ing them speechless when around others outside of the immediate family.

What is selective mutism?

Selective mutism is an anxiety disorder where by a child who is usually talkative and friendly be comes silent and fearful in social situations outside of the home or when others besides immediate family are present inside the familiar setting.

Think about the last time you had to give a speech or talk to a large group of people. Even the most outgo ing person will take a sip of water or clear their throat before speaking to avoid that “frog voice” moment. Most people don’t realize that the anxiety people feel at that moment (howev er little it may be) is what causes the vocal cords to tense up and create that hoarseness. Imagine if the anxiety inside were 50 or 100 times worse. A child with selective mutism is so anx ious in social situations that they feel unable to speak, as if frozen with fear. Think of it as shyness times ten.

Trusted

But you know me!

Many grandparents or other older adult relatives or friends of the fami ly don’t see the little ones in their life every day, or even that often, in some cases. Sometimes grandma and grand pa might live several states away, and sometimes seeing more distant rela tives might not happen for months at a time or longer. It can be frustrating to go in with open arms to greet the children only to have one of them cling to their parent or hide behind them, especially if the last time you visit ed they warmed up a little and you thought progress had been made.

What can you do to help?

Being patient with the child is important, and don’t take it per

Family

Kaitlyn Wilbur-Smith, licensed clinical psychologist and director of selective mutism services at the Boston Child Study Center.

sonally if they are experiencing this anxiety around you. This is some thing that happens in many social settings, including school and other familiar places they attend daily.

“Children and adolescents with selective mutism often struggle to find their voices in unfamiliar set tings or with less familiar people due to anxiety,” said Kaitlyn Wil bur-Smith, Psy.D., PMH-C. She is a

licensed clinical psychologist and di rector of selective mutism services at the Boston Child Study Center. “Of tentimes, these kids have a hard time speaking in school, but they may also be nonverbal around extended family, neighbors, family friends, and others,” she explained.

“It’s important that you refrain from criticizing the child for not speaking to you,” Wilbur-Smith con

tinued. “They will be more likely to feel brave enough to speak around those who are warm, patient, and un derstanding of their anxiety around talking. When asking a child with se lective mutism a question, use forcedchoice questions, such as, ‘Would you like to play with the puzzles or the markers?’ And provide ample wait time for the child to respond.”

Patience is important, she em phasized. “It may seem hard to wait in silence, but not pushing a child to respond right away or prompting them with another question pro vides them with space to consider their answer and find their brave voice,” Wilbur-Smith noted. “When a child speaks in an unfamiliar set ting or with someone new, respond with praise, such as ‘I love hearing what you have to say’ or ‘Thanks for telling me.’ Treatment for selective mutism is not always linear, so pa tience and understanding will go a long way!”

What if a parent thinks it’s just shyness?

Sometimes a parent isn’t aware that there is a problem since the child will speak without any reserve around them and the siblings. When others visit, a parent may think the child is just being shy. However if that shyness continues, becoming more of

a problem as the child attends school and still is not speaking, a grandpar ent might want to step in and state what they know. Explain to the par ent that this might be more than shy ness and ask them to speak with the child’s pediatrician.

“A grandparent should assist the parent in finding a practitioner who is competent in treating se lective mutism and then ask to be part of a Zoom for extended family members to learn what to do,” said Jennifer Lish, Ph.D. Lish is a licensed psychologist and health services provider and director of the Worces ter Center for Cognitive Behavior Therapy. “It’s also helpful to share what is learned with others, such as neighbors and friends of the fami ly. So when the child comes to vis it with grandparents or significant family members, everyone will be aware and cognizant of what works and what doesn’t.”

Love conquers all Being there for the parents and the child or teen with selective mut ism, and especially showing them kindness and empathy may not result in talkative behavior. It will, howev er, show how much you care. Feeling safe and loved is all anyone wants.

For more information, go to www.selectivemutism.org

Children and adolescents with selective mutism often struggle to find their voices in unfamiliar settings or with less familiar people due to anxiety.

By sharon Longo contriButing Writer

Massachusetts has its pros and cons when it comes to retiring here. Some data shows it to be an ex pensive choice, which is no surprise to those who spent their work

Other factors such as certain

and

make it a re tirement haven, however.

The Bay State is the most ex pensive state for retirement in New England with prices for many goods and services, plus home costs, high er than the average in other areas. On the positive side, Social Security in come is not taxed, and there are many perks to living in the state. According to Leisurecare.com, the state has a “booming economy” and is a great place to start up a company or go into a second career.

Plenty of variety Massachusetts has a vast array of living choices, with mountains, farm land, beaches and areas that offer museums, art studios, festivals and diverse restaurants, bars and coffee shops. Seafood abounds with fresh

fish, clams and lobster, or one can fall in love with the small-town quaintness and charm of areas that offer a wide range of shops and other ame nities. There are plenty of opportuni

ties to attend pro sporting events, or take in some outdoor activities like fishing, boating, hiking or skiing.

Of course, with more free time, you might want to take a class or two

for some continuing education. In the western part of the state, with the Five College Learning in Retirement program, seniors can take courses at Amherst College, Mount Holyoke, Smith College, Hampshire College or the University of Massachusetts at Amherst. Harvard University in Cam bridge also has a program called the Harvard Institute for Learning in Re tirement.

What are the best places to live?

Of the 2022 ten best places in Massachusetts to retire according to Niche.com, there are several that have a population of under 6,000 while boasting many retirees, with many of them on Cape Cod, a long time retirement destination for state residents.

West Dennis, a village in Den nis on the Cape, has a median home price of about $397,300. It has been described as tranquil, with tree-lined streets, while the town of Dennis of fers 16 beaches on Nantucket Sound or Cape Cod Bay. There is also some historic charm to Dennis, which was a whaling and seafaring town, and it is home to The Cape Playhouse, said

small-town charm of Lenox and scenery of the Berkshire hills are big draws for retirees interested

relocating

the

North Falmouth is a quaint tour ist town, with a median home price of $550,200. The historic village within Falmouth on Cape Cod has beaches on Buzzards Bay and Vineyard Sound.

some scenic activities,

biking, hiking, or in the winter, cross country

along the 10.7 miles of the Shining Sea Bikeway.

East Sandwich has a rural feel, with the median home price at $496,800. The historic charm abounds in the area with many mu seums and older home tours, as well as a grist mill. Beaches are on Cape Cod Bay, and there is also a fish hatchery and many other amenities to provide some fun or exploration.

The Pinehills, a quaint and charming area of Plymouth, boasts two of the top-ranked golf cours es with a median home price at $569,300, and finally, Orleans, with beaches on the Atlantic Ocean and Cape Cod Bay, has its median home price at $639,500.

Towns with a population be-

tween 6,000 and 10,000, yet with a rural or “sparse suburban” feel, in clude Chatham and Brewster. Both have many retirees, the former con taining a wildlife refuge which is the home to many migratory birds. Cha tham also has a median home price of $668,500. Brewster, with a median home price of $450,200, is an inter esting location which includes Brew ster Flats. This area has many tidal pools and sections filled with sea life as Cape Cod Bay ebbs and flows.

Finally, Wayland and Yarmouth, with populations of 13,823 and 23,292, also have many retirees. The median home price in Yarmouth is $551,283, with Wayland coming in at the highest at about $733,300. Yarmouth, the second oldest town on Cape Cod, has many of the ameni ties of Cape Cod living, and Wayland, ranked number 2 by Niche for “Best Suburbs to Live in Massachusetts,” has a quiet feel, yet as a part of the MetroWest region it’s close enough to partake in the city offerings of Boston. North of Boston, the coastal town of Newburyport also gets high

grades for retirees, as does Lenox in the mountainous Berkshire region of Western Massachusetts.

What about health care?

One concern for seniors looking for a place to retire is whether or not there are good nearby healthcare fa cilities, and Massachusetts has some of the best in the country. Massachu setts General Hospital in Boston came in at number 3 on Newsweek’s best 100 hospitals, as well as Brigham and

Women’s Hospital in Boston ranking number 17 and Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston at #97. There are also many others throughout the 10,565 square miles of the state.

Where to live in retirement can be a daunting decision, taking many factors into consideration. But if it meets your budget, Massachusetts could still be a good choice after your working years are over or you have downsized your career to part-time work or a dif ferent encore pursuit.

Discover the art of spoon carving

Spoons | from page 4

your spoon looks like; it matters how smooth it is,” focuses students on the importance of finishing. The artistic beauty will improve with time and practice.

Crafters seeking a new and inter esting creative outlet can learn how to carve a spoon in one lesson. It may be time to take up a new hobby and craft a set of beautiful spoons for yourself. You will find yourself carving dozens of spoons to give as gifts for your friends and family. More than just kitchen utensils, hand-carved spoons are an artistic statement, a gift from the heart, and a lot of fun to create.

a basic plan.

If you want to learn more about spoon carving without taking a class, there are many web pages and YouTube videos dedicated to the topic.

When you take a spoon carving class, you begin with a cooperative wood like catalpa. It is perfect for a be ginner, lightweight, and inexpensive. Catalpa is resistant to decay, making it a good choice for kitchen utensils.

Swanson teaches spoon carving classes across Massachusetts. His ex tensive outdoor knowledge, calm man ner and artistic flair combine to make him an excellent teacher. His spoon carving motto, “It doesn’t matter what

Elaborately carved utensils like this spoon and fork transform them to practical pieces of art.

PHOTO/SANDI BARRETT

viewpoint How to guest a dinner party

By Janice Lindsay contriButing Writer

The winter holidays barrel toward us. If we’re lucky, COVID might slink into the background. Sooner or later, a friend might invite you to dinner.

I’ve had several decades to observe dinner parties, both as a host and as a guest. Anyone can find plentiful ad vice about hosting, in books and mag azines and on the internet. Very few sources tell people how to guest.

How to guest

When you receive that invitation from your friend, you of course ask, “Shall I bring something?”

In my case, the too immediate an swer is likely to be “No.” I suspect that

this friend understands the extent of my culinary expertise. But maybe she just wants to do everything herself, with no extra food to become bother some leftovers. So I bring nothing, ex cept maybe flowers or some treat she can enjoy later.

Or—and this is what I dread—she asks me to bring something specific: a salad, a dessert. I dread this because of my before-mentioned culinary exper tise. How many ways can I embarrass myself? Also, to bring something spe cific, I must inquire about the dietary needs of other guests: gluten-free, dairy-free, vegan, low-fat, vegetarian, acid-free, cholesterol-free, sugar-free, organic only, no raw vegetables. Et cet era. It can get complicated.

If she hesitates when I ask if I can bring something, I suggest something that I know I can make and that won’t be so much work that I might as well be giving the party myself. Homemade bread. That I can do.

By the way, any guest bring ing homemade bread should slice it

ahead of time and arrange the slices in a basket or bowl. Otherwise, the guest searches the kitchen for a cut ting board, a breadknife, something to brush the crumbs into, and a container for the bread. Meanwhile, the hosts are doing their last-minute kitchen tasks, and the guest is In The Way.

I have witnessed some unfortu nate guest behavior that I try not to repeat.

A guest says he’ll bring the soup for an informal meal of soup, salad, and sandwiches. He arrives with a big soup pot and two bags of grocer ies, ingredients for the soup. Then he commandeers the kitchen. He needs a frying pan, a cutting board, a couple of knives, a wooden spoon, a can open er, a garbage bag, and a few ingredi ents and seasonings he forgot to bring. Meanwhile, he is In The Way.

A guest says she’ll bring the squash for Thanksgiving dinner. She arrives half an hour before dinnertime with a couple of butternut squashes in her arms. Technically, she brought the

squash. Technically, it requires half an hour just to peel one squash.

A guest thinks she’ll help by bring ing a casserole unannounced. Not help ful. The oven and microwave space are already occupied. Her casserole is In The Way.

A guest brings appetizers, a salad, or whatever was agreed upon, but no serving plates, bowls, or spoons. Commotion ensues while the guest raids the kitchen in search of appropriate dish es and implements, most of which are probably already in use. The guest is In The Way.

Most guests understand proper behavior at the dinner table: share the food and the conversation, don’t argue with or insult other guests, comment on how delicious the food is.

After dinner, when the hosts begin to clear the table, a good guest asks if he or she may help. If they say no, don’t. They probably need some quiet time in the kitchen all alone, without any guests who are In The Way.

Contact jlindsay@tidewater.net.

SUPER CROSSWORD PUZZLE

OF BREED

Study ties reading books to longer

By coLin MccandLess contriButing Writer

us

transport us to faraway

universal themes of love and

yet a study conducted by Yale University’s School of Public Health published in the academic journal Social Science & Medicine also identified a link between reading and longer life spans. The authors of the report, Avni Bavishi, Martin D. Slade and Becca R. Levy examined whether people who read books enjoy an advantage of greater longevity over individuals who either don’t read books or read other kinds of content such as periodicals (newspapers and magazines).

Study involved thousands of participants over many years

To investigate they questioned a cohort of 3,635 participants in the nationally representative Health and Retirement Study led by the University of Michigan Institute of Social Research, asking them to share information about their reading habits. It followed respondents over a 12-year period from 2001-2012, ad justing for variables such as age, sex, race, education, comorbidities, self-rated health, income, marital sta

tus and depression.

While the authors acknowledged that previous studies have explored the effect of reading on mortali ty rate, they qualified that none of these had compared reading material type. Their hypothesis proposed that reading books would give a person a “survival advan tage” over someone who reads magazines and news papers due to the greater cognitive benefits derived from the former activity.

They arrived at this hypothesis because of two cognitive processes involved in reading books that they contended would contribute to this survival advantage. The first is described as “deep reading,” a form of cog nitive engagement that can hone critical thinking skills, vocabulary, reasoning and concentration. The second is that reading books can bolster “empathy, social per ception and emotional intelligence,” which the authors note are “cognitive processes that can lead to greater survival.”

Book readers live nearly two years longer

When compared to non-readers the study found that readers had a 23-month survival advantage over

those who shunned books completely. The advantage remained when controlling for factors such as age, sex, comorbidities, education, health and wealth. It found a 20 percent reduction in mortality for readers compared to non-readers.

Furthermore, the results revealed that people who only read books for an average of 30 minutes a day— roughly a chapter a day—”showed a survival advan tage” over non-readers. And even among those study participants who didn’t read books but still read news papers and magazines, reading provided a survival ad vantage.

The authors determined that “the survival ad vantage was due to the effect that book reading had on cognition.” This particular study, however, did not investigate whether e-books or audiobooks can have a similar impact on longevity or scrutinize fiction versus nonfiction readers or specific genres.

Less TV in favor of more reading

Offering recommendations based on their find ings, the authors cited a figure from the Bureau of La bor Statistics indicating that persons over 65 watch an average of 4.4 hours of television per day. They advised that this demographic should convert some of that screen time into reading books to boost their health and potentially extend their lives.

Since most study participants perused periodicals more than books, they also suggested swapping out some of those copies of Newsweek and the Wall Street Journal for books so individuals can reap the full sur vival advantage benefits of reading. After all, a chapter a day just might keep the doctor away.

People who read books for an average of 30 minutes a day live nearly two years longer than their non-bookreading peers.

Organization a key trait to being a good executor

By nance eBert contriButing Writer

role of an executor for someone’s estate holds a lot of re sponsibility. It is important for that person to fully understand what is being asked of him or her. Their main

is to ensure that the deceased’s

of “who gets what” is carried out

in many cases, this can be quite challenging.

“I am a little biased and suggest hiring a lawyer for the probate part,” said attorney John Costanzo of Bolton.

is very confusing and if you send it in with something wrong, they don’t get to it for a few weeks and then it gets sent back to you for corrections, so you are already a month and a half behind.”

The executor should begin the process of handling the estate within two years of the date of the person’s passing; however, most choose to be gin the process immediately. If the per son assigning an executor, also known as a testator, is very organized and has meticulous lists of debts, assets, bank accounts, passwords, contact infor mation for their accountants, lawyers, financial advisors, the location of the

original will and more, the process for the executor is much easier.

What makes a good executor

Traits that make a good executor are someone who is trustworthy, or ganized, empathetic, fair and unbi ased, and dependable. Usually, an ex ecutor is someone close to the person who is requesting they take on this daunting task. Ideally, the executor is made aware of this prior to the testa

tor’s death so they are able to go over all of the documents needed and know how to easily access things that are needed to settle the estate.

“There are a few things that I have found that help to make a good exec utor. The first is being efficient,” said Costanzo. “The biggest complaint I get about personal representatives is that they take too long. Next is being careful not to deviate from the words of the will. If beneficiaries want to give

their money to someone else, it is done afterwards. Lastly, I strongly suggest getting help with the final tax return.”

“The executor will be put in a po sition of power where they will have access to your finances and will review your assets and pay any outstanding debts,” said Matthew Karr, attorney at The Heritage Law Center in Woburn. “They will have a fiduciary duty to act on the behalf of the estate and benefi ciaries, not make decisions to benefit their own personal interests.”

If there is an absence of this type of information, the executor almost needs to become a detective and try to locate important documents like tax records, accounts, insurance policies, property deeds, a possible safety de posit box and more.

The executor should also get multiple copies of the death certificate as these certificates are needed to close any bank accounts of the deceased, transfer their accounts, cancel credit cards, sell a home and complete other tasks to settle the estate.

“The executor is now also known as a ‘personal representative.’ This person might be named in the will, but you still have to be named in probate court,” said Costanzo.

Traits that make a good executor are someone who is trustworthy, organized, empathetic, fair and unbiased, and dependable.

that

be the

Lois Wollin

of Westborough, “and we are grateful that they had everything prepared for us ahead of time with their local at torney. While the process took several months, we found the process seam less because of their due diligence.”

tor,

have the right to say no if you do not feel comfortable taking on this responsibility. If you agree, you hire a lawyer, and inform any neces sary parties who have a certain num ber of days to protest.

“There are also a lot of financial considerations to be made,” said Karr. “Choose someone who is responsible with money and has a decent grasp on how to manage it. A good executor should know when to reach out to pro fessionals, like estate planning law yers, accountants and financial plan ners when needed to assist them.”

“My sister and I were co-executors of my parents’ estate,” said Lois Wollin

You must inform Social Security immediately upon a person’s death even though no one has been assigned yet as the personal representative. A family member can do this.

A demanding but rewarding role

The process of settling someone’s estate can be very taxing and drawn out. The will is not open to interpreta tion and the wishes of the person who died need to be followed precisely.

The executor’s role in handling someone’s estate is of great impor tance. It takes a lot of time, patience and energy to fulfill this role but it can also be quite rewarding to know that someone trusted you with their final wishes.

Life after stroke begins here

is

My sister and I were co-executors of my parents’ estate and we are grateful that they had everything prepared for us ahead of time with their local attorney.

a variety of

By nance eBert contriButing Writer

REGION

There is something so debilitating about dealing with a loss, whether it’s sudden or expected. The range of emotions one feels can turn on a moment’s notice from feeling okay to suddenly being overcome with a flood of uncontrollable tears.

comes first

There are, however, some very helpful strategies that can be implemented to help deal with grief. First, and most import ant is taking care of yourself. Trying to eat nutritionally and getting enough sleep during this trying time can be challenging but it will not be helpful if you end up getting sick from the toll of emotional stress.

Give yourself permission to process your loss. This might look different for everyone. Some might choose to engage with others as connecting with friends and/or family can be helpful and comforting. Others might seek solitude. A support group can also be beneficial as those in attendance understand how you are feeling as they are dealing with loss as well. It’s difficult to heal if you cannot express your grief.

Seek help when you need it

“Grief is a very natural and organic process,” said Sairey Luterman, a certified thanatologist in Lexington. Thanatology is the scientific study of death and the practices associated with it. “There is no road map and it’s going to be different for each of us, and we need to honor that. We have all experienced some type of loss, whether it’s with divorce, a pet, a child born with

Grief is a process, not an event. I tell my clients to ask for mutual support from family, friends and members of their community.

Susan Kates

a disability, aging parents and more,” she explained. “It goes well beyond solely dealing with a death. Accept the fact that you may need support.”

Loss affects everyone and can be quite traumatic and debilitating.

For the person trying to deal with it, they can experience a host of emo tions ranging from anger, shock, de

pression, denial and more. There is such a thing as Prolonged Grief Dis order (PGD) where the person is ac tually unable to resume their daily lives around the one-year mark after their loss. This is when outside help would be quite beneficial like a li censed counselor, therapist, or sup port group.

Some choose to seek out a rabbi, priest, minister or other member of the clergy to obtain spir itual support. Others create memories and ways to remember a loved one like cre ating a yearly ritu al doing something they enjoyed togeth er, planting a spe cial tree or flower, or dedicating a bench in their honor in a park. Treasuring a loved one’s memory is the best legacy.

For some people, merely getting out of bed after experienc ing a loss can be quite difficult. It’s import ant to set small goals, even if they seem in consequential.

See it as a process “Grief is a process, not an event. I tell my clients to ask for mutu al support from family, friends and members of their community,” said Susan Kates, a Needham-based li censed independent clinical social

worker who specializes in grief and loss counseling. “Tangible things like childcare and meals are so helpful. I also direct them to negotiate their priorities, so they are not getting too overwhelmed. Journaling is also a terrific way to express emotions and I encourage clients to honor their loss in a way that values the person,” she noted. “Be kind to yourself and breathe deeply as grief is hard.”

So many people over the last two plus years have experienced the loss of a loved one due to the COVID pan demic. For many who did not even get to say goodbye, the feeling of loss has been overwhelmingly painful.

“As the experience of death and mourning become more a part of life, two things happen: an increasing im portance of remembering and includ ing lost loved ones; and a growing awareness of their own mortality,” said Katherine Manners, a marriage and family therapist in Natick who also specializes in grief. “Normalize and explore these experiences with out rushing. There is no timeline, and support their unique path of mourn ing while inviting an exploration into their own past, present and future.”

For additional resources check out www.centerforlossandlife.com as well as books by David Kessler at www.grief.com.

We have all experienced some type of loss, whether it’s with divorce, a pet, a child born with a disability, aging parents and more.

with a meal

us different!

R eti R ement H omes