An Exploration of Resilient Aging

How to Get Over Getting Older: An Exploration of Resilient Aging

Patricia Morgan

If you are over age 40 or 50, do you remember the defining moment when you realized you were older? Did you wonder, “How did I get here?” and then realized you were blessed with waking many mornings to be a day older. Did you become curious about how old became a bad word? Did you ask yourself, “When or who decided wrinkles were ugly and that 19-year-olds would model the wonders of wrinkle cream?

There is a weird, cultural unconscious denial about aging and a worship of forever young. I’m told, “You are as old as you feel.” Some days I feel silly but that doesn’t make my bones limber enough to suck my big toe. I’m told “You’re young at heart.” Well, my heart is as old as I am. The fact is all my body parts are 75 years old.

Old is not a Bad Word

Old cheese, old wine, and old cars are valued. The older the better. Owners of vintage cars value them and are not in denial of the aging, wear, and tear process. Just notice some of these sound bites:

1. Lack of lubrication is a common issue with old engines. Some days I could use a good lubricant.

2. Pay attention to piston and valve noises. Both my hubby and I, in our 70s, increasingly have valve noises along with some suspicious odor.

3. Some problems can be fixed with a part replacement. I’ve still got all my parts, my hubby is missing a prostate and my brother has replaced hips.

4. Decades of wear on original engines can create leaking at the rear main seal. My bladder is worn thin!

5. Take good care of your car regardless of it running smoothly, sort of runs, or does not run at all. I am at the sort of runs stage.

So, let’s keep running and stop saying “It’s my 29th birthday” when we have had the opportunity of running decades longer. And by the way if you make that fib, you risk people wondering if you have an illness. Now for the serious stuff of resilient aging.

Take Care of Your Vintage Body

It was Maya Angelou who said, "The breasts are very interesting because they are in an incredible race to see which one will touch my waist first!" Statistics Canada is aligned with Angelou’s observation that changes happen during the aging and sagging process.

Thirty-five percent of people over age 65 live with some kind of pain. Imagine a meeting of three people over 65 and the probability of one of them being in pain. Show kindness and encourage your children and grandchildren to do likewise.

Seventy-five percent of people over 65 years have vision loss. It’s important to have your eyes regularly checked to prevent problems such as glaucoma.

Too many older people neglect their hearing. Forty-seven percent of us over age 65 have hearing loss and that rises to 67% after age 71. Hearing not only affects your ability to comfortably watch Netflix but it can affect your brain’s neurons and your ability to have conversations. That leads to lack of socialization, which can increase your chance of dementia by 30%. I realized I needed to have my hearing tested when I asked my hubby, “Did you say, ‘I love you Pat’ or did you say, ‘I love your fat’?” Most audiologists provide hearing tests for free. I have worn my aids for over four years. I discovered, if you wear them, they work.

Mind Your Mind

It is estimated that about two-thirds of our self-talk is negative. We may engage in fruitless worry, catastrophizing, self-put downs, criticism, and grumbles about our loved ones, the government and the neighbour’s yappy dog.

For many, during Covid-19 negative self-talk has become out of control. Ruminating on the dread of illness, conspiracy theories or worstcase scenarios has led to increases in mental health issues such as anxiety, anger bouts, and depression. Older people are not immune to these distresses. Here are some common and stinkin thinkin thoughts I have heard from my older clients. • I am not safe to do anything because I might get infected. • I have no control over anything. • I should be coping better. • Other people are dealing better than me. • I can’t take this anymore. • I am too old for this.

Because what we focus on expands in our awareness, it is wise to challenge unhelpful thoughts. Do yourself a favor and catch the stinkin thinkin. Then ask yourself, “What affirming thought will I think?” Consider these thoughts: • I’m coping the best I can. • I keep myself as safe as I can.

• I have 10,000 ways I can demonstrate control over my life from what I eat in the morning to what time I go to bed. • I also have control over my thoughts, which control my feelings, which control my behaviours. • I’m old and will do what I darn well please, especially that which brings me health and joy. • I’m old, curious, continually learning, and spunky.

Find ways to nourish your brain. Cognitive reserve refers to filling up our brains with stimuli, that is, keeping our minds active. I sometimes hear older people say, “I’m retiring. I don’t want any more responsibility or challenges.” They may retire to the couch and TV. There is a time for rest and relaxation, but it is a dangerous lifestyle at any age. To keep your brain’s neurons healthy, learn something new. You could learn a new technology, another language, or how to play an instrument.

An active mind will give you a sense of life purpose. Meaning and purpose will support your longevity. So, keep honing your skills and contributing whether in a volunteer capacity or for payment. Both you and the world will benefit. We humans are hardwired for relationships, for connection, for conversations. We wouldn't survive if we didn't have one another. Yet, during Covid it has been challenging to feel socially connected. Loneliness researcher Julianne Holt-Lunstad concluded that when we lack connection we are at significant risk for mental and physical illness.

One little change we can make is avoid saying social distance and use the term physical distance. Even more impactful is to pick up the phone and use technology such as Facetime and Zoom to make meaningful connection. For grandparents there are helpful ideas on the Canadian website The Long Distance Grandparent

https://thelongdistancegrandparent.com Physical contact is important and often lacking in the life of older people. Since the skin is our largest organ in the body, it too, requires attention, that is touch stimulation. When you can, get your touching needs met through pets, friends, and family, and consider asking your designated hugger or huggers, for extra doses.

In the end, I recall our 95-year-old neighbour, Izora Fraser saying, “This gettin’ old thing is not for sissies.” All the best getting over getting older!

Patricia Morgan is often referred to as a Spunky Senior. With a master’s degree in clinical psychology, she provides bite-sized nuggets of insight that has helped many people emerge stronger after facing unthinkable challenge. With a Masters Degree in Clinical Psychology, she works with people who want to build their personal resilience to flourish at work and home with joyful vitality. Audiences describe Patricia’s message as meaningfully fun, surprisingly insightful, and delightfully uplifting. Her eight books include From Woe to WOW: How Resilient Women Succeed at Work and the Canadian bestseller, Frantic Free: 167 Ways to Lighten Up and Calm Down. Patricia was named a Woman of Vision by Global TV and is a recipient of the Spirit of CAPS (Canadian Association of Professional Speakers) for her contribution to the Canadian speaking industry. To learn more and see Patricia in action go to https://solutionsforresilience.com

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