Compete October 2017

First Ever Female NFL COACH JEN WELTER NFL Does Diversity

RODEO DRIVE

2017 World Gay Rodeo Finals BOBBY SAYS: Sneakers Are the Trend Warm Up the Right Way

OCTOBER 2017 • VOL. 11 NO. 10 $3.95 • COMPETENETWORK.COM

OCTOBER 2017 • VOL. 11 NO. 10 COMPETENETWORK.COM ONE-ON-ONE

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16 Playing Big with Dr. Jen Welter FEATURE

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18 World Gay Rodeo Finals 22 NFL Shows Its Internal Pride

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SPORTS 24 The Art of Rodeo 30 Rodeo School HEALTH

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32 Preventing and Reversing Diabetes 30

FITNESS 36 W arming Up To Warm Ups: Is It a Stretch?

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GYMBAG

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38 Hot Items You Shouldn't Do Without EVENTS

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40 October Events STYLE 42 P utting Your Best Foot Forward with These Sneaker Trends BEDROOM SPORTS

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44 Relationships and Dating Can Get Tricky!

COVER: Sport – Rodeo Photographer – @CowboyFrank.net First Ever Female NFL COACH JEN WELTER NFL Does Diversity

RODEO DRIVE

2017 World Gay Rodeo Finals BOBBY SAYS: Sneakers Are the Trend Warm Up the Right Way

OCTOBER 2017 • VOL. 11 NO. 10 $3.95 • COMPETENETWORK.COM

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MILLENNIAL ON SPORTS: FROM THE SPORTS EDITOR

MILLENNIALS ARE KILLING SPORTS?

BY DIRK SMITH

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K – no, they’re not but the title did catch your attention, didn’t it? As a millennial, I think it’s safe to say that we’re NOT killing anything … except possibly spiders and Caitlyn Jenner. The reason millennials have gained a reputation for killing anything and everything isn’t based on ulterior motives and secret plots for world domination. It’s because we’re bucking the traditional way of doing things that are often rooted in archaic, sometimes offensive histories.

Favoring an inclusive approach isn’t new; every generation bucks tradition in one way or another. But the technological evolution that’s increased global connection for everyone has caused continual culture change, and it’s millennials who are leading the way. Institutions and organizations that refuse to change become irrelevant and are being left in the dust.

So where does that leave today’s sports organizations? Countless articles on millennial sports viewing habits can be summed up by noting that millennials don’t watch sports like their parents and grandparents. A study by L.E.K. Consulting revealed that viewership by millennials (ages 18-35) of network and cable sports is significantly lower than non-millennials (ages 35+). They’re choosing instead to spend more time online engaged with eSports and other video games.

As a generation raised on video games and television, traditional sports just aren’t as important to millennials because there’s been less emphasis on physical activity and exercise. With more parents employed fulltime and mounting research on concussions and other major injuries, many parents have been reluctant to sign their children up for youth sports that are often the gateway to adult recreation leagues. Paradoxically, there has been quite a rise in millennial adults joining recreational sports leagues, once again bucking their current traditions of work and home.

To meet their social and recreational needs, millennials want more involvement in hobbies and activities outside work and home. A recent survey by the Urban Land Institute revealed that 25 percent of millennial men and 17 percent of millennial women regularly participate in exercise, fitness, recreational sport or other activities. Simply put, we’re looking for life experience and fulfillment outside the daily 9-5 routine; we’re looking for exercise and physical activities not only for the physical benefits but also for the social and mental benefits.

LGBTQ+ sports have been in the forefront of this growing trend. Legitimate, well run LGBTQ+ sporting events like the Gay Bowl, the Bingham Cup, Gay Games, Gay Softball World Series and Sin City Shootout to name just a few have seen participation numbers rise. LGBTQ+ millennials are also looking to meet new people and pursue social opportunities outside of traditional bars and clubs. And events and organizations offer a fun, inclusive way to meet and connect with people based on common interests.

The fact is that millennials are now the world’s largest generation and we’re choosing what’s important to and for us rather than tradition for the sake of tradition. Organizations that are willing to change and adapt to these new trends are the ones that will continue moving forward. And for me, that includes LGBTQ+ sports!

Dirk Smith, SDL Sports Editor dirk@competenetwork.com @competedirk

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î Že Eighth Annual Petey Awards

Honoring the Best in Sports Diversity

November 10, 2017 Kansas City, Missouri

THE CATBIRD SEAT: FROM THE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

OCTOBER IS LGBTQ HISTORY MONTH

CREATING AN ATMOSPHERE of EQUALITY

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his issue of Compete Magazine focuses on the rodeo; on IGRA, the International Gay Rodeo Association’s World Gay Rodeo Finals that’s being held this month. It’s their premier annual event that brings together rodeo people from all over North America to have fun and to participate in one form or another.

But there’s also a wonderful interview with Dr. Jen Welter, the professional football player who broke the NFL’s glass sideline, becoming the first woman to coach in the NFL. There’s also a film review of the “Battle of the Sexes,” based on the true life story of Billy Jean King beating Bobby Riggs in the world’s most crazy, hyped-up tennis tournament ever. And then there’s our sports editor’s take on the effect millennials are having on the world of sports.

The theme running through all these stories is about the impact of creating an atmosphere of equality for all athletes, one of the cardinal tenets of the sports diversity movement - how appropriate for the 24th anniversary of LGBTQ History Month! One of IGRA’s main goals has always been to promote the country western lifestyle. But they give a broader, deeper meaning to the idea of community. Men and women can compete equally in all their events; they even say that contestants can participate under the gender classification with which they identify.

Riggs, the ultimate hustler and gambler pushed the Battle of the Sexes contest to prove his contention that women tennis players weren’t as good as men. Although King first refused to be part of the circus, she finally agreed to play, proving in the end to a national audience that women athletes were every bit as good and exciting players as the men. It ultimately gave her much-needed ammunition for her campaign (hitherto ignored by tennis officials) that women players deserved to earn equal tournament prize money with the men.

And the latest story in sports equality is the story of Jen Welter who over the last 18 years has played professional football with both women’s AND men’s teams, all for her lifelong love for the game. This five-foot-two dynamo finally broke through one of the last bastions of all-male pro sports by becoming a coach in the NFL. Her book, “Play Big: Lessons in Being Limitless from the First Woman to Coach in the NFL” has just come out and it has both sports and life lessons for everyone.

Finally, a personal answer to the question on the minds of many sports teams and leagues about millennials and their effect on the recreational sports scene, comes from our millennial sports editor Dirk Smith.

And now get ready to join us in Kansas City on November 10 for Compete's 8th Annual Petey Awards and experience an atmosphere of sports equality in person - we're looking forward to seeing you!

Keep Smiling,

Connie Wardman, M.A., SDL Editor-in-Chief connie@competenetwork.com

@CompeteConnie

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COMPETE EDITORS SPORTS EDITOR David "Dirk" Smith With a B.S. in exercise science and nutrition from MSU Denver, David is ACSM, AFAA and AFPAIcertified and a medalwinning swimmer who conquered obesity by losing over 50 pounds.

HEALTH EDITOR Dr. John Sutherland A graduate of Harvard and the University of Michigan Medical School, Dr. John Sutherland is a board certified internist and cardiologist and the founder of the North Mountain Cardio programs for health and well-being.

FITNESS EDITOR Jake Tommerup A graduate of the University of Wisconsin at Madison, Jake Tommerup M.S. is an exercise physiologist, an ISSA-certified Master Trainer and the founder of RxErcise.

STYLE EDITOR Bobby Ciletti A graduate of Boston University, Bobby is a lifestyle and travel expert and founder of TheDaysoftheChic.com, an online destination for simply elegant living.

Twitter @bobbyciletti MISSION STATEMENT Compete unites the world through sports.

COMPETENETWORK.COM FACEBOOK.COM/COMPETEMAG @COMPETESPORTS COMPETE MAGAZINE INSTAGRAM.COM/COMPETEMAGAZINE

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PUBLISHER Eric Carlyle • eric@competenetwork.com COMPETE MAGAZINE Editor-in-Chief Connie Wardman • connie@competenetwork.com Sports Editor Dirk Smith • dirk@competenetowork.com Health Editor Dr. John Sutherland • johns@competenetwork.com Fitness Editor Jake Tommerup • jake@competenetwork.com Style Editor Bobby Ciletti • bobby@competenetwork.com Art Director Heather Brown • heather@competenetwork.com Graphic Designer Kristi Wayland • kristi@competenetwork.com Contributors Harry Andrew, Ian Colgate, Jeff Kagan, Kelli Kulick, Miriam Latto, Bryan Lee, Brian Patrick, Jeff Sloan.

Andy Winder Staff Photographer Ariel Stevens • ariel@competenetwork.com COO Barbara Harwell • barbara@competenetwork.com Sales Gale Fitzgerald • gale@competenetwork.com Jared Garduno • jared@competenetwork.com Richard Myers • richard@competenetwork.com Administration Bethany Harvat • bethany@competenetwork.com Copyright © 2017 MEDIA OUT LOUD, LLC All Rights Reserved.

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Compete is available by subscription, online, on the Compete app, at local and national events and at 250+ pick up locations nationwide.

FILM REVIEW

BY BRYAN LEE This film is based on the true story of the 1973 tennis match between world number one Billie Jean King and former champion and serial hustler Bobby Riggs. The key to any successful biopic is selecting actors who not only resemble the subjects they’re portraying but who can also transform into their roles so deeply that you lose sight of the actors playing the part, leaving you believing you’re seeing a documentary instead of a dramatization.

The recently released “Battle of the Sexes” definitely has its share of superb characterizations. Emma Stone plays the part of King to perfection, capturing her drive, passion and her quest for gender equality in award monies in an award-worthy performance.

Steve Carrell epitomizes the comedic side of Riggs, the over-the-top, washed up, male chauvinist tennis professional. I thought Carrell’s depiction of Riggs was more a caricature than a real person. But after watching footage of Riggs, it became clear that even Riggs didn’t take himself too seriously.

Photo courtsey of Fox Searchlight Pressroom

REVIEWING “BATTLE OF THE SEXES”

A standout character is Larry King, Billie Jean’s husband played with subtle charm by Austin Stowell.

Knowing that something in their marriage might be a little “off,” he remains stoic and stands by his woman, a real role reversal from many true life stories.

The “Battle of the Sexes” was so much more than just a tennis match. It was the story of a woman changing professional sports history, her personal story and tipping the net for women’s equality!

5/5 STARS

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HIGH FIVE

HIGH FIVE for Sports Diversity As an early leader in the sports diversity movement, Compete Magazine gives out High Fives each month to deserving athletes, teams, leagues, organizations and corporations for their sports diversity contributions. Here are five who get a High Five for a job well done!

VICTORIA ARLEN, PARALYMPIAN AND ESPN PERSONALITY … for her triumphant journey from being left in a four-year vegetative state at age 11 due to a rare autoimmune disease to a Paralympic medal-winning swimmer to taking her first unassisted steps in 10 years in 2016. Now 22, she is currently a contestant on this year’s episode of ABC’s "Dancing With the Stars," inspiring everyone with her remarkable courage and perseverance.

CHRIS MOSIER, MALE TRANSGENDER ELITE TRIATHLETE AND DUATHLETE … for coming in ninth in the 2017 Zofingen International Triathlon Union (UTI) Powerman Long Distance Duathlon World Championships in the 35-39 Male Age Group held last month in Zofingen, Switzerland. Chris continues to proudly represent the U.S. Men’s Team and inspire transathletes everywhere as a real-life role model.

IAN ROBERTS, FIRST OPENLY GAY RUGBY LEAGUE PLAYER … for convincing the Australian National Rugby League (NLR) to publicly support same-sex marriage in his native country. Roberts, who came out in 1995 and is now retired at age 52, wrote the email to NRL’s chief executive Todd Greenberg who agreed to the request, saying that rugby “has a small number of values and one of those values is inclusiveness” that “needs to be demonstrated in actions."

ATHLETE ALLY, A NONPROFIT ORGANIZATION THAT FOSTERS INCLUSIVE SPORTS COMMUNITIES … for developing its Athletic Equality Index (AEI) that can, on a weighted scale based on nine critically important LGBTQ-inclusive policies and best practices, measure LGBTQ inclusion policies and practices in athletic spaces within member-programs of the NCAA Power Five conferences.

J.J. WATT, DEFENSIVE END FOR THE NFL’S HOUSTON TEXANS AND HUMANITARIAN … for spearheading a Houston Flood Relief Fund for victims of Hurricane Harvey that was supported heavily by large numbers of professional sports teams and individual players as well as untold numbers of individuals. Starting with an initial goal of $200,000, Watt’s fundraiser officially ended September 15 with a total of $37,132,057 raised. Although Watt posted a message thanking the more than 200,000 donors at the end of the campaign, the total keeps growing.

QUOTE OF THE MONTH

“If you want to be successful in this world, you have to follow your passion, not a paycheck.”

Dr. Jen Welter, renowned athlete and coach, and author of her newly released book with Stephanie Krikorian, “Play Big: Lessons in Being Limitless from the First Woman to Coach in the NFL.”

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COMPETE READER SURVEY & GRANDSTANDING

FAVORITE FEMALE TENNIS PLAYER

30% SERENA WILLIAMS

25% VENUS WILLIAMS

25% BILLIE JEAN KING

20% MARTINA NAVRATILOVA

LETTERS to COMPETE GRANDSTANDING

Gay Bowl Ready (September 2017) It was interesting to read that the Gay Softball World Series celebrated its 40th year (August 2017) and now I see that Gay Bowl is already celebrating 17 years. Though I feel we have a long way to go, it is nice to reflect on how far we have come. Gay Bowl fan for life.

Jason Beck, Seattle Jack is Back (September 2017) Seeing Jack Mackenroth’s name on your September cover made me smile so big I had to just pick up the latest copy of Compete. It is amazing that a man with such a nice body is, well, so nice. Thank you Jack, for all you do.

Yolanda Brady,Boston Team Compete Adam Vavrek (September 2017) Hot. Athletic. Big Heart. Wow. Leo Post, Indianapolis Please submit all Letters to Compete via email to letters@competenetwork.com.

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ONE-ON-ONE

PLAYING BIG with DR. JEN WELTER

BY DIRK SMITH

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t just five-foot-two, Dr. Jen Welter has played football with the top women pro football leagues and also played linebacker in a men’s professional football league ‌ with men more than twice her size. But when she shattered the glass ceiling AND the glass sideline in pro sports, Welter became proof positive that true grit will win the day in spite of your size.

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In 2015 she became the first woman to ever break the NFL’s glass sideline when she became a linebackers coach for the Arizona Cardinals. She not only garnered appreciation and loyalty from the players but also praise from Cardinals coach Bruce Arians, who has had this to say about her: “But her enthusiasm about the game, her expertise, and being able to teach what she knew, I thought was very evident in the first meeting. That's why I hired her.”

In addition to her athletic prowess based on 18 years experience as a professional athlete, Welter has a master’s degree in sports psychology and a doctorate in psychology and appears regularly as an NFL and sports analyst on NBC, ESPN, on the NFL Network and in national newspapers and other publications.

I was fortunate to interview her about her new book released on October 3, “Play Big: Lessons in Being Limitless from the First Woman to Coach in the NFL,” written with Stephanie Krikorian.

Dirk Smith: As the first female to coach in the NFL, you have become a true champion for women in sports. Congratulations on your new book, Jen! In addition to women and girls already playing or wanting to play sports, what other groups do you hope your new book will motivate with your message to “Play Big?” Dr. Jen Welter: This is not just a football story; it’s a life story that played out on the football field. This is a book about overcoming, and the ultimate underdog story of a small person with a large part who finds her place in the world in the most unlikely of places. If you have ever felt different, been called crazy, had a vision beyond societal norms or fought an uphill battle of greatness, this is the book for you.

DS: For those non-competitive readers not particularly interested in football or wanting to experience a life of sports, what sort of life coaching advice does your book offer based on your personal experiences and your educational background in psychology?

JW: The lessons in this book go far beyond the football field, to the game of life. I promise, there are lessons for every reader.

DS: What is the one thing you want every person who reads your book to take away from it and incorporate into his or her daily life?

JW: I want them to see that there are truly no limits in life and that you don’t have to be big to have a big impact.

"This is not just a football story; it’s a life story that played out on the football field. This is a book about overcoming, and the ultimate underdog story of a small person with a large part who finds her place in the world in the most unlikely of places."

DS: Your personalized hand-written notes to each of the NFL Arizona Cardinals linebackers the night before each game have led to you being called a “noteworthy coach.” Would you characterize your book’s message as your personalized message to your readers?

JW: Little things can become big things, especially when they come from the heart. Realize that people matter, and getting personal is sometimes the key to success.

DS: You have both played with and coached male pro athletes and seemingly enjoyed the same wonderful benefits of playing on a team as you have with all-women teammates. Is there a secret to being a competitive female playing with men that helps build and bond the team aspect of play so important to every athlete? Is there a process to becoming accepted?

JW: Those guys needed to know 2 things: One, that I belonged, I was there for the right reasons and could play the game.

And two, that we could all get along; that things weren’t going to be awkward. We could joke with each other just like any other teammate.

DS: Jen says she doesn’t understand why some people think she plays football with men for publicity, money or fame and is quick to point out that “If it was just a publicity stunt, I could find something that’s a hell of a lot easier on my body.” And as a college rugby player, she also talks about learning how to tackle full-on rugby style while not wearing any type of protective gear. With increasing evidence of brain damage due to concussions, this is an interesting difference from the NFL method of tackling.

This is just a taste of the real-life Jen Welter. In next month’s annual Faces of Sports issue, I’ll be sharing more of my interview with Jen about her perseverance, her dad’s influence and how she sees football as a game while she sees the players as individuals who deserve respect.

It’s worth the wait!

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FEATURE – WORLD GAY RODEO FINALS

Photo credit: © CowboyFrank.net

WORLD GAY RODEO FINALS: IT’S ABOUT COMMUNITY

BY CONNIE WARDMAN

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or members and friends of the International Gay Rodeo Association (IGRA), the annual World Gay Rodeo Finals (WGRF) is the big event of the year. It draws rodeo enthusiasts throughout North America to gather in one spot for three days of camaraderie, competition and community. While they raise money for a variety of IGRA-sponsored charities, they work just as actively to preserve and promote the country western lifestyle that once was the common definition of community in much of the U.S. and Canada.

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Photo credit: © CowboyFrank.net

it’s always about family, about having a community of your own where you can be yourself, playing the game you love in a safe space. And the rodeo is no exception; IGRA rules say you can participate in any activity, AND under the gender classification with which you identify as long as you’re of legal age. That’s more than a welcome; it’s a genuine acceptance of individual differences!

In its mission of supporting the country western lifestyle, the rodeo’s version of community extends far beyond its sport-specific athlete and fan base. IGRA’s version of community goes back to the old time western version of giving a helping hand to neighbors in need, offering hospitality to strangers who show up and inviting everyone around to be part of a celebration.

Photo credit: Frank Harrell

From October 20-22 contestants, judges, volunteers, rodeo fans and animal lovers alike will gather in Albuquerque, New Mexico to watch the 13 events divided into four categories that IGRA has sanctioned for its affiliated rodeos: 1.

Rough Stock that consists of bull riding, bareback bronc riding, steer riding and chute dogging 2.

Roping Events that include calf roping on foot, mounted break-away roping and team roping 3.

Speed Events including the barrel race, pole bending and flag race 4.

Camp Events that include steer decorating, wild drag race and goat dressing Filled with real excitement and great fun, the events are always the same but the outcomes are wildly different each time, depending on the contestant and the animal involved. After all, when was the last time you tried to dress your goat?

This year’s 31st annual event is being held in Albuquerque’s Expo NM Indoor Horse Arena, a completely self-contained 1,800-seat facility. With space for the competitions, it also has plenty of room for the opening and closing ceremonies, the royalty competition and crowning, IGRA performers as well as some fun outside entertainment. But when it comes to the WGRF banquet and awards ceremony followed by dancing, the venue shifts to the local Sheraton Airport Hotel.

When talking with gay and straight athletes about playing LGBTQ sports and what means the most to them,

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FEATURE

This year’s WGRF is a great example of including the community in the celebration. According to Lisa Smith, director for this year’s WGRF, a number of groups within the Albuquerque area have been invited to participate in the opening ceremonies. A local group of Native Americans will be blessing the arena and the two-legged and four-legged participants; there will be a presentation by the local Latino committee; and a local all-LGBTQ marching band will be part of the Grand Entry. There will also be the traditional riderless horse tribute to all IGRA members who have passed away.

This represents the true essence of the sports diversity movement. Without being excessively sentimental about this, think about the classic awardwinning musical, “Oklahoma” that mirrors that old time acceptance and diversity within a community. In the song, “The Farmer and the Cowman,” one line says: One man likes to push a plough, the other likes to chase a cow, But that's no reason why they cain't be friends.

That’s followed by the chorus: Territory folks should stick together, Territory folks should all be pals.

Cowboys dance with farmer's daughters, Farmers dance with the ranchers' gals.

In our current world awash in fear and divisive turmoil, even in the sports world, that seems like pretty good advice. Hats off to IGRA for its inclusive version of community and making us all feel welcome at the rodeo!

To learn more about IGRA, go to www.igra.com and for more information on WGRF go to igra-wgrf.com.

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Photo credits: © CowboyFrank.net

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FEATURE

NFL SHOWS its INTERNAL PRIDE

BY DIRK SMITH

A

ccording to Robert Gulliver, the NFL’s executive vice president and chief human resources officer, the league is launching an LGBTQ affinity group following what he called a “groundswell of employees” asking their diversity council for it. So the NFL Diversity Committee has undertaken a new effort to promote awareness and education for LGBTQ+ causes with their new affinity group, NFL Pride.

This new group joins other affinity groups in the NFL’s Diversity Committee: the Women’s Interactive Network, Black Engagement Network and Community Teammates to promote achievement of the Diversity Committee’s mission of cultivating an organization with community-wide representation of a variety of people at all levels to respect, honor and celebrate the broad range of human differences. It’s also to embrace people’s commonalities, providing each individual with the opportunity to achieve his or her full potential in the pursuit of NFL organizational goals.

As a follow-up to that, through networking events, speakers, community outreach and employee education, the mission of NFL Pride is to “serve LGBTQ+ employees and their allies as they support a culture of inclusion.

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All employees are invited and encouraged to join and participate in planning and/or attending events.”

Officially launched at an August 16 event, the gathering of about 150 people included NFL officials, employees, journalists and many current as well as former openly gay professional athletes Billy Bean, former MLB player and now head office adviser to Commissioner Rob Manfred; Jason Collins of the NBA; and recently retired NFL player Ryan O’Callaghan who just came out this past summer.

As a former NFL player, O’Callaghan was a guest speaker at the launch to share his experiences so others can truly understand the importance of such a committee within the league. Talking about his story playing with the Kansas City Chiefs while still closeted, he shared that he

was seriously contemplating suicide due to feelings of fear and anxiety about his teammates discovering his sexual orientation.

O’Callaghan experienced firsthand the homophobic culture that is prevalent in professional sports, telling USA Today that while closeted, he couldn’t help but take personally the homophobic things he heard coming from his teammates even though they weren’t personally directed at him.

Being closeted led to a substance abuse problem with him trying to put on a front as a “sloppy straight guy” until he started seeing a therapist at the recommendation of the Kansas City Chief’s head athletic trainer. Living in the closet during his years as a player certainly took a toll on O’Callaghan. Now six years following his retirement he has come out openly as gay, saying he feels a huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders.

NFL Pride will consult on best practices for the league and its teams to adopt, ensuring that the homophobic culture within American Football is dismantled. The goal is to replace it with a more LGBTQ+-friendly and inclusive environment so no other LGBTQ+ athletes or employees must remain closeted, facing the same issues that O’Callaghan and many athletes before him have faced.

NFL Pride will serve multiple roles for the NFL. It will help the league better understand LGBTQ+ causes and help build awareness of how these issues affect the culture of the organization and its teams. In addition to building a more inclusive community within the NFL staff by encouraging the hiring of openly LGBTQ+ people, the affinity group will serve as a consultant for various NFL departments, including marketing and merchandise to build a better understanding of how the NFL can more effectively reach out to connect with its LGBTQ+ fans.

Following the recent political history of states like North Carolina and Texas that have tried, even passed overtly homophobic bathroom bills, another vital role for the group is to advise the league on site selections for various NFL events. Now, when the NFL selects a site for events like the draft, the combine, even the Super Bowl, LGBTQ+ and ally employees will have a voice to speak out against hosting an NFL event in cities and states with anti-LGBTQ+ laws.

As a complement to the diversity committee’s three other affinity groups, the NFL Pride Committee will be led

by NFL executives Julie Haddon, senior vice-president of marketing; Dawn Hudson, chief marketing officer; and Troy Vincent, vice-president of football operations.

NFL Pride will consult on best practices for the league and its teams to adopt, ensuring that the homophobic culture within American Football is dismantled.

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SPORTS

THE ART of

RODEO Celebrating the 2017 World Gay Rodeo Finals

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Photo courtesy of Todd Tramp

THE ART OF RODEO

TODD TRAMP

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Cowboy Fran Photos credit:

T

Bull riding is Todd’s favorite event and he also loves pole bending, “maybe because I have such a great horse in poles; we really like each other and have fun competing.” His best event, however is chute dogging where he’s an international champion. And he’s ready to head to Albuquerque for this year’s World Gay Rodeo Finals (WGRF) to see what other buckles and ribbons he can add to his collection that now runs 400-500.

He doesn’t keep them all, though; he continues to send some to an Iowa group offering riding for special need kids to use for prizes.

But retirement? No way! Todd is an overachiever.

Three women in the Kansas City area who knew he had been a celebrity trainer asked him to please train them.

True to form, he again has a business training people that quickly grew to a group of 50 women and a waiting list. He offers classes only five days-a-week in his 4,000 square foot basement fully equipped with 20 bikes, benches and any other training necessities. He’s enjoying his so-called “retirement” by being part of the rodeo and running Todd Tramp’s Total Fitness (aka, Trooper Town). Some people just know how to enjoy a “quiet” retirement!

k

A Classic Overachiever

odd Tramp is your classic overachiever; he never met a challenge he didn’t love to meet or better yet, exceed. Coming from a strong football family in Iowa, Todd developed his buff body playing football until a knee injury playing at the University of Missouri ended that. Growing up in farming country, he loved horses but wasn’t interested in rodeo at that time.

With a growing need to reconcile his feelings about being gay, he decided it would be easier to do it in Los Angeles.

Having won a national Playgirl centerfold contest, Todd used the prize money to buy his own gym in L.A. where he taught aerobics, did private personal training and wound up with a string of celebrity clients – his first three were Paula Abdul, Al Pacino and Natalie Cole. As his celebrity clientele began to grow so did his business, finally topping out at three different gyms within the L.A. area. He was also doing modeling at the time thanks to part of his centerfold win that included a six-month contract with a modeling agency.

Eventually feeling the gym had peaked, he wanted to retire at 42 and return to the Midwest. After selling both his business and Hollywood home in 2007, he bought a 30-acre property just outside Kansas City, Missouri with a spacious log cabin home, bought some horses and began his semi-retirement doing rodeo. And “… 200-300 buckles later and 10 international titles” later, in 2008 he won his biggest title of International All-Around Cowboy in Reno. The last three years Todd has won 15 of 17 AllAround titles: all of them in 2015; four-of-five in 2016 and four-in-a-row so far in 2017. He participates in 10 events and to qualify for the All-Around, they must be roping, speed and rough stock events.

CANDY PRATT

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A Real Texas Cowgirl

hen people talk about the rodeo, it’s a sure bet that many of them think of it as an allmale sport. But there are lots of women who are avid rodeo competitors and, thanks to International Gay Rodeo Association (IGRA) rules, women can compete equally with the men. And one of the best competitors out there is Candy Pratt who was inducted into IGRA’s Hall of Fame in 2009 – you can bet your boots this Texas gal is the real deal!

Candy holds the record for having earned the most event buckles and All-Around Cowgirl titles for both the IGRA circuit rodeos and the IGRA finals. She’s been ranked in the top 20 in seven events; the top-ranked woman in pole

bending, the flag race and mounted breakaway roping; ranked fourth in barrel racing and calf roping on foot and eighth in team roping; and has qualified at No. 17 for the wild drag race. Quite an impressive track record, especially when you know she’s still competing. She and Greg Begay are shown receiving their awards for 2017 All-Around Cowgirl and All-Around Cowboy – it is Candy’s 100th All-Around award.

In addition to her regular involvement as a rodeo contestant, she has held memberships in several of IGRA’s member-associations since 1989, holding a number of leadership and support positions along the way. In her role as president of the Texas Gay Rodeo Association (TGRA), for example, she led the membership to achieve its most successful fundraising goal for two consecutive years, raising more than $30,000 each year.

As a delegate at many IGRA conventions, she’s served as a trustee and on the rodeo rules committee; she even founded the Red River Rodeo Association (RRRA) in 2003 and served as its president until she moved into a trustee role. While all this was going on, Candy managed to fit in a business career, a return to school after a 25-year hiatus to finish her college degree and even purchased a ranch. For her, horses, ranch work and competing are not just hobbies; they’re a way of life.

Born in Dallas, Candy grew up in nearby Irving and by age eight she already owned her own horse. Thanks to her father’s influence to always give 100 percent, she was driven to practice her horsemanship skills in order to meet her performance goals while developing an additional desire to help others reach their full potential as well. These days it’s not uncommon for her to allow other competitors to compete on her horses or to come to her ranch to practice and get ready for upcoming rodeo competitions.

Believing in the rodeo values of family, sportsmanship and a true commitment to the welfare of horses, Candy has been honored with the TGRA Bruce Eden Award for sportsmanship and served as grand marshal of the Cowtown Rodeo in Fort Worth. She’s also earned hundreds of trophies, plaques and other awards for her performances over the years and has donated many of the buckles and awards back to her association or other non-profit fundraising events; just another example of her desire to help others. Yep, Candy Pratt is the real deal!

Photos courtesy of Candy Pratt

www.CompeteNetwork.com

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SPORTS

GO TO RODEO SCHOOL and START HORSING AROUND!

BY CONNIE WARDMAN

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Students actually do get on an animal during a class but they’re carefully coached and evaluated throughout by the instructor to determine their readiness to participate in an real event. Chuck says that body language and verbal communication are the best readiness indicators for instructors, and it requires them to be attentive, ask questions and listen to each student.

Rodeo school is truly a supportive environment. If a student isn’t ready, often the member-association hosting the school will take that student in as a member and then continue to work one-on-one with him or her, developing a mentor bond along the way. And students, even some of the seasoned competitors, can come back to school for new or refresher courses, to sharpen their skills or just to assist new contestants.

Thank goodness IGRA and its member-associations haven’t chosen to make it a costly venture. While specific costs are controlled by the association hosting a school, the cost is usually a flat fee per event. A common cost, says Chuck is about $25 per event and sometimes the host will allow additional runs for $10. Where else can you take a class that offers so much for so little?

Photo credit: © CowboyFrank.net

here are schools for everything these days. And as a professional adult educator, I love wombto-tomb learning, supporting people’s desire for lifelong learning in all sorts of areas for all sorts of reasons. But until I met the fine folks at the International Gay Rodeo Association (IGRA), I never knew there was a rodeo school.

Most of today’s population hasn’t spent much time around large-to-medium farm animals like steers, goats or sheep, getting to know how to interact with and to care for them. So if you’re a rodeo newbie, when you think about riding one of them with tons of noise and plenty of people watching you in the background, rodeo school makes perfect sense. LGBTQ and ally cowboys and cowgirls, both real and would-be, wanting to participate in preserving the iconic country western lifestyle need to know how to do it safely, for the animals’ sake as well as their own.

IGRA draws competitors, officials and fans from across the U.S. and Canada, and of the almost 20 city and state rodeo member-associations that belong to IGRA, any one of them can conduct a rodeo school and choose which of the 13 sanctioned competitions they want to offer as classes. This year there have been at least six rodeo schools offered. While some are held throughout the year, the rodeo school tradition that started in 2002 in Arizona was to hold the school the day prior to the rodeo, a practice still done today.

I spoke with the Sonoran Gay Rodeo Association (SGRA) trustee Chuck Browning to learn more about the rodeo’s take on experiential learning at its most up close and personal. He and Brian Helander, president of SGRA are long-time IGRA competitors, rodeo teammates and also serve as rodeo school instructors.

Not all of the sanctioned competitions are part of the curriculum offered at every rodeo school, however.

Classes tend to focus on entry level events, like Calf Roping on Foot, Chute Dogging, Steer Decorating and Steer Riding. Instructors present overall health and safety training for all participants and then students can choose a class or classes based on their personal interests.

Safety, of course is the major concern. While personal liability insurance isn’t required, it’s highly encouraged and all participants are required to sign liability waivers. Overall safety at school, according to Chuck is targeted to the contestant but Contestant and Animal Safety is integrated into each event and/or class.

The main thing, he says, is to work with each student’s fears to support and acknowledge them; the only thing that really matters to instructors is that their students try.

One of my favorite T-shirt sayings is, “YOU ARE NEVER TOO OLD TO HAVE A HAPPY CHILDHOOD.” Nor are you ever too old to have a happy adult life despite the circumstances you’ve faced over the years. So if your childhood … or adult … dream has been to ride a horse and be part of the rodeo, go for it – school has never been so much fun!

HEALTH

PREVENTING and REVERSING DIABETES

BY DR. JOHN SUTHERLAND

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e know diabetes as a metabolic state in which sugar cannot be adequately transported from our bloodstream into our tissues. The hallmark signs of the condition are constant hunger, thirst and urination and continuing weight loss. The Egyptians noticed that the urine of diabetics attracted ants, and in Greek, diabetes means "siphon" or "to pass through." To the ancients, individuals with diabetes seemed to be turning into honey while peeing themselves to death.

These days, we don't use ants to make the diagnosis, and we also distinguish between Type 1 diabetes, Type 2 diabetes and pre-diabetes.

In Type 1 diabetes the individual's immune system destroys the cells in the pancreas that manufacture insulin. Why the immune system attacks the beta cells is unknown and we have no way to stop the process. People with Type 1 diabetes require treatment with replacement doses of insulin to control blood sugar levels.

In Type 2 diabetes the body continues to produce insulin in decreasing amounts for many years. The problem is that the cells of the body become progressively more inefficient in using the circulating insulin that's available; they're said to become "insulin resistant." To compensate, the body starts to release extra insulin in order to keep blood sugar levels normal. But as insulin resistance worsens, blood sugar levels become less well controlled and eventually the pancreas "burns out" as the overworked insulin-producing beta cells start to disappear.

Along the way, there's a point where blood sugar levels are neither normal nor high enough to represent frank diabetes. People in this gray zone are said to have pre-diabetes.

So what causes insulin resistance? The answer is that genetics and environmental or lifestyle factors contribute to its progressive development. The major lifestyle contributors appear to be obesity and physical inactivity.

Evidence for this comes from the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) and the National Institutes of Health (NIH). The CDC has tracked the prevalence of obesity in the U.S. for decades; in recent years, there's been an alarming increase in the number of obese people in the U.S. Similarly, the NIH records the number of cases of diabetes in the country.

Interestingly, comparison of the prevalence of obesity and diabetes demonstrates that both have been increasing in lockstep over the last 50 years. The implication seems obvious: the rounder we get, the more likely we are to develop Type 2 diabetes.

We also know that the population of the U.S. has grown more sedentary. That's bad because physical activity is protective against diabetes. Each one metabolic unit (MET) decrease in our exercise capacity will be associated with an eight percent increase in relative risk for diabetes.

Apparently, those of us who are rotund couch potatoes are at high risk for developing Type 2 diabetes.

SO WHAT CAUSES INSULIN RESISTANCE? The answer is that genetics and environmental or lifestyle factors contribute to its progressive development. The major lifestyle contributors appear to be obesity and physical inactivity.

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HEALTH Jake Tommerup, our exercise physiologist says that "Mother and Father Nature gave us moveable parts; we are supposed to use them."

Waving our arms and legs around a lot turns out to be an effective way to chase insulin resistance away – we just have to keep doing it.

No one ever says, "When I grow up I want to be a diabetic," but 8 percent of us will end up with Type 2 diabetes. So do we have any control here or is it all just a roll of the genetic dice?

For answers, we can ask the Pima Indians. Arizona’s Pima tribe members have the world’s highest recorded prevalence of Type 2 diabetes – 40 percent of the adult population. For this reason the Pima genome has been the subject of intensive study.

But as it turns out, these genes may not be the major determinant. Some Pima Indians don't live in Arizona but in the remote Sierra Madre mountains of Mexico.

Although they also have Pima genes, only 6 percent of Mexican Pima’s develop diabetes. What's the difference?

The Mexican Pima spend 20 more hours-per-week in physical activity than do their Arizonan counterparts; their levels of moderate-to-heavy physical activity are 2.5-to-7-fold greater.

Consider Cuba. During the country's 1990's economic downturn, food and gasoline became scarce. People in Cuba ate less and walked more; there was also a sharp decrease in the incidence of Type 2 diabetes in the country. The incidence of diabetes rose again after the economic crisis abated. Or how about the U.S.?

Here the Diabetes Prevention Project showed that people with pre-diabetes participating in a weight loss and exercise program had a 58 percent reduction in progression to diabetes compared with a control group. This was true even though not everyone in the study met his or her exercise goal.

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Once they are lost, we have no evidence that pancreatic beta cells can be recovered. In contrast, insulin resistance is extremely dynamic. Lifestyle changes can slow or prevent the onset of Type 2 diabetes and can ameliorate or reverse existing diabetes. Over 70 percent of diabetic patients undergoing bariatric surgery may see their diabetes resolve. Insulin sensitivity may normalize in weeks, long before significant weight loss occurs.

Exercise can produce similarly rapid results. Seven days of vigorous exercise training is enough to produce significant improvements in insulin action in individuals with Type 2 diabetes.

Many of us will spiral down into Type 2 diabetes simply by maintaining long-term patterns of physical inactivity and overeating. Modest changes will improve glucose intolerance; radical changes can reverse diabetes abruptly. And improvements in insulin sensitivity often run ahead of actual weight loss or measurable improvements in physical fitness. Our clients at North Mountain Cardio have seen improvements in blood sugar levels and reductions in medication requirements in as little as three weeks.

The one point to remember is this: physical activity and a prudent diet beat diabetes medications that need to be taken every day. Jake Tommerup, our exercise physiologist says that "Mother and Father Nature gave us moveable parts; we are supposed to use them." Waving our arms and legs around a lot turns out to be an effective way to chase insulin resistance away – we just have to keep doing it.

FITNESS

WARMING UP TO WARM UPS: IS IT A STRETCH?

BY JAKE TOMMERUP, M.S.

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Warming up comes in several flavors: there is wholebody warmup; 10-15 minutes of cycle, treadmill, stepper, etc., and a warmup for each exercise – light to moderate resistance before your heavier sets.

You prefer to concentrate on a strength and powerrelated routine using compound exercises such as bench press, squat, clean, etc. So consider the following strength-focused workouts. Which would you prefer and which is “better?”

Stretching also comes in several flavors: static (assume a position and stay with it for up to 30-seconds), dynamic (bodyweight movements which may mimic the movements you do with your chosen exercises) and stretching the muscles where you are emphasizing in each exercise between sets and proprioceptive neuromuscular facilitation (PNF) – a mouthful of a stretching technique that makes the most of the “stretch-relax” phenomenon.

This tells us that a muscle contracted against a resistance will relax further when unloaded by said resistance and moved a bit more into its range of motion.

onsider the following scenario. You’re a basketball, rugby, baseball or soccer player. You are about eight weeks into your final tune-up for the game season. As your season approaches, you organize your sport-specific workout to maximize strength development (or endurance or power) determined by your individual needs and what your sport requires.

CHOICE A: • Pre-workout stretch • Cardio or whole-body warmup (10 – 15 min cycle, stepper, treadmill, etc.)

• Resistance training at 5 rep max (5 RM)

o Bench press plus auxiliary exercises for deltoids, triceps, pecs, squat or dead lift plus auxiliary exercises for quads, hamstrings, back, glutes • Other resistance training or plyometrics • Post-workout stretch, or CHOICE B: • Cardio or whole-body warmup as above • Pre-workout stretch • Warmups for your chosen exercises and auxiliary exercises (as indicated above) before 5 RM “work sets” at heavier weights • Other resistance training or plyometrics • Post-workout stretch Choice B is the better option. Warming up and stretching are usually regular components of a workout.

But the issue is when to do them and what kind to do.

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Most researchers and practitioners suggest that warmups should be done before exercise-specific stretching, and whole-body stretching is often preferred after the workout is done. The reasons given for this are as follows: 1. Warming up before stretching may be better for preventing injuries that may occur due to trying to stretch (elongate) a “cold” (un-warmed-up) muscle, and 2.

Muscular and connective tissue (ligaments and tendons) all adapt to static and dynamic loading by increasing elasticity and maintaining joint integrity.

We may also conclude, as did Bob Anderson in his 1980 book “Stretching,” that among other things, stretching relaxes the mind, prepares you physically and mentally for exercise, facilitates your transition from the workday or family obligations into “you time” for exercise.

And finally, because it feels good!

GYM BAG

GYM BAG

HOT ITEMS YOU SHOULDN'T DO WITHOUT NEWF BAG When we say gym bag, sometimes we really want a “gym in a bag.” The Newf Bag is a portable, highly versatile tool perfect for accomplishing workouts and training wherever you may be. The backpack can also be used as a weight sled, suspension trainer or sandbag with capable exercises that are limited only by your imagination. Bag weight can be adjusted and the bag itself can support over 385 pounds of hanging weight. Made of military-grade 1,000 Denier Cordura, it’s a tough bag that can handle whatever you throw at it. $149.00. www.newffitness.com

TEDDIE NATURAL PEANUT BUTTER Many fitness junkies love peanut butter; it provides good protein and unsaturated fats necessary for building the strength, speed and endurance necessary for competition.

Teddie Natural Peanut Butter is all peanuts with a low salt content and no extra chemicals, oils or anything else found in most peanut butters. Gluten-free, non-GMO, vegan, kosher and made in the U.S., it’s a basic healthy option perfect for a pre/post workout snack or treat. It comes in a variety of styles selling between $3-5 and can be purchased online or found in many grocery stores. www.teddie.com MUSCLE STICK ORIGINAL MASSAGE ROLLER Important for athletes is a tool for muscle recovery. The Muscle Stick Original Massage Roller is like a rolling pin for your muscles, useful for self-myofascial release (self massage) to help you enhance your recovery. The Muscle Stick helps release tension on tight muscles, increases blood flow, massages out tight spots and helps alleviate muscle soreness. A small lightweight device, it’s very versatile and easy to use at the gym, at home or elsewhere.

Available in six different colors, it normally runs for $34.99 but save 20 percent off coupon code: 20OFFFAT. www.fatproducts.us

STRONGBOARD BALANCE BOARD Incorporating stability training into any training program is very beneficial to engage stabilizer and assister muscles that are often neglected by isolation exercises.

Incorporating the portable electricity-free StrongBoard Balance Board into your program can increase muscle activation and calorie burn needed to help you achieve maximum physical potential within your fitness level. Lightweight, small and easy to use in many different settings the Strongboard Balance Board is versatile for many different exercises and even adds an extra challenge to some of your favorites. $269.00-289.00 based on color choice. www.strongboardbalance.com

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1 HOUR FREE

1-855-616-2792

18+

BOWLING

TENNIS

Motown Invitational Classic

San Diego Doubles 2017

Rivercity Invitational Open Tournament

Aloha Tennis Open 2017

Jackpot Oklahoma Lambda Tournament

VOLLEYBALL

Canton, Mich., Oct. 6

Jacksonville, Fla., Oct. 6 Tulsa, Oct. 6

Bridgetown Invitational Tournament Portland, Oct. 6

Palm Springs Desert Invitational Classic Palm Springs, Oct. 7

Capital Halloween Invitational Tournament Washington, D.C., Oct 27

San Diego, Oct. 21-22

Honolulu, Oct. 27-29

Fall Ball IV

Portland, Oct. 7

Dallas Fall Classic Dallas, Oct. 7

Palm Springs Masters Palm Springs, Oct. 14

Circle City Fest

DODGEBALL

Indianapolis, Oct. 14

WeHo Dodgeball Charity Halloween Tourney West Hollywood, Oct. 28

Vegas Baby!

Las Vegas, Oct. 28

FLAG FOOTBALL Gay Bowl XVII Boston, Oct. 5-8

The SFGMC’s Lavender Pen Tour Kicks Off

RODEO World Gay Rodeo Finals Albuquerque, Oct. 20-22

RUGBY Ruck A Buck

Atlanta, Oct. 28

SOFTBALL Show-Me Showdown Kansas City, Mo., Oct. 6-8

Ocean State Cup Classic Providence, R.I., Oct. 6-8

Dairyland Classic Milwaukee, Oct. 6-8

Autumn Classic San Diego, Oct. 7-8

Sports Club at

Your Uptown Fitness Experience! www.sportsclubatcitysquare.com (Indian School Rd and 2nd Ave)

602-285-2929

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The San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus (SFGMC) is celebrating its 40th anniversary season by taking its Lavender Pen Tour into a number of cities and small towns in Mississippi, Alabama, North Carolina, South Carolina and Tennessee. From October 7-15 its members will perform and engage with each local community visited with a goal to open a dialogue with local people from both sides of the aisle. They’ll also be raising muchneeded funds for local LGBTQ non-profit organizations’ vital work dismantling bigotry and discrimination locally and nationally.

The SFGMC’s message and music brought to these deep Southern states promotes universal equality and inclusiveness, and the value in treating all individuals – irrespective of differences – with dignity.

Joining SFGMC for the Lavender Pen Tour is the Oakland Interfaith Gospel Choir (OIGC), a community of diverse races, cultures and faiths, inspiring joy and unity among all people through black gospel and spiritual music. Together, the SFGMC and OIGC will perform five anchor concerts during the tour, with each show raising funds for local LGBTQ+ organizations.

The name of this year’s tour connects to the SFGMC’s first public performance at the candlelight vigil held the night of Harvey Milk's assassination in 1978. Mayor George Moscone, assassinated at the same time as Milk, had a year earlier signed the historic Milk-sponsored gay rights bill into law with a lavender pen given to him by Milk. Since then, the Lavender Pen has been a symbol of the fight for equality for all.

To learn more about the tour or to contribute go to Lavender Pen Tour at www.sfgmc.org.

Photo credit: © CowboyFrank.net

EVENTS: FOR A COMPLETE CALENDAR OF EVENTS PLEASE VISIT WWW.COMPETENETWORK.COM/EVENTS

STYLE

PUTTING YOUR BEST FOOT FORWARD WITH THESE SNEAKER TRENDS

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BY BOBBY CILETTI

oming off the heels of New York fashion week, sneakers were seen as a dominating force with the collections of several major designers featuring sneakers on the runway. Influencers, editors and celebs alike were spotted sporting sneakers.

Even when you look past the runways and the glossy magazines, you will still see that sneakers are dominating sidewalks and social media. With the increased popularity and demands of many brands, sneakers are not necessarily a less expensive footwear option, though. In many cases they wind up the opposite. So when you are shopping for shoes this fall, take note of these sneaker styles with staying power.

EMBELLISHED Appliqués, studs and embroidery are all huge eye-catching enhancements in sneakers at the moment. In fact, embroidered sneakers are really still surging from last summer. It is a trend that continues to grow bigger than ever.

KNIT There is something that just screams comfort when you see a pair of knit sneakers, and they have become very popular among many athletic sneaker brands. The flexible feel of a knit combined with breathability make this type of sneaker ideal for changing climates and extended wear, like a long flight.

DESIGNER LOGOS For a while it seemed we had banished the logo trend. But it’s back and the trend is the splurge of the list. Yet many major designers are also selling sneakers exhibiting many of the other trends on the list. A bold logo on the feet is OK; just remember to self-edit before you step out the door.

METALLIC Fifty shades of sneakers. Metallics are great because they come in so many appealing hues, including the ever popular rose gold as well as the classic gold and silver. In many cases you can consider metallic a neutral. It can really be the cherry on top (or bottom) of a simple outfit that gives the right amount of sparkle.

MONOCHROME This trend relates to the shoes and the overall outfit. Look for sneakers, soles and laces that have precision-matched colors for a solid color shoe – so chic.

Now add that to an outfit of the same color – very chic. Just remember that a close color match that isn’t close enough can actually clash. Be selective!

BOBBY SAYS …

Trends, just like shoes, wear out.

The reason why many prefer to wear sneakers is because of their comfort factor, so make sure you are comfortable!

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BEDROOM SPORTS

RELATIONSHIPS and DATING CAN GET TRICKY!

BY RYAN O’CONNOR, GUEST COLUMNIST

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ating can be simple or it can be complicated. For me, at least it always seems complicated. When I was a sophomore in high school my older sister (I’ll call her Heidi because that’s her name) broke up with her longtime boyfriend during their senior year. Heidi wanted to play the field before going to college. And her boyfriend Neil, well, he wanted to play with the boys.

Neil was one of my first boyfriends. I don’t talk about him much because he was the first – and last – boy to date both me and my sister. We met when I was 15 and Neil had just turned 17 and we dated for nearly a year.

Even though my parents and even Heidi were supportive of my relationship with Neil, by the time he turned 18 the age difference to my parents seemed bigger than the actual two-years between us. Anyway, I discovered it was awkward kissing someone who had made out with my sister.

Lesson learned. After that I stayed “boyfriend-less” throughout high school.

The real challenge came during my freshman year in college. I had lost track of Neil after he left home a couple years earlier but I found him again in college. He had gotten better looking and his build was more athletic.

How could this happen to me? Why couldn’t he have gained 50 pounds and lost his hair by age 20?

I still wasn’t out publically and apparently Neil wasn’t either. He marched around campus with a variety of co-eds on his arm, showing off both them and his muscles.

It left me wondering what life would have been like if my parents hadn’t forced me to end my romance with Neil.

After a few months I got up the courage to say hello to him. Mind you, I know he had noticed me on campus but neither of us had spoken since we broke up. It was definitely awkward. I stuttered out a “Hi, how have you been?” Without ever answering my question, Neil asked me instead how my sister was doing.

All I had the courage to muster was to tell him that Heidi was great as I turned and walked away in embarrassment.

I don’t think I ate much after that; I know I didn’t sleep well. I took the long route to classes—anything to avoid seeing Neil again.

My first real boyfriend in high school had just rejected me in college. It was like my dating life had come full circle. My first real boyfriend in high school had been dumped by my sister first, then by me and now he was rejecting me. Not exactly the way I wanted to start college.

Within a couple of months I finally started to feel better about myself and began to think about dating again. Fortunately, I was able to go home and spend time with my family for Christmas. It was a wonderful holiday … until Heidi introduced me to her new boyfriend!

RYAN O’CONNER is just a regular guy who is dating in this great big world. His advice comes from personal experience and his advice is for entertainment purposes only. We recommend you consult a physician, counselor or therapist in your area for specific advice about your personal situation. Otherwise, questions can be submitted to bedroom@competenetwork.com.

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