Boundaries, Barriers, Hurdles and Setbacks (What

Other PTs May Not Tell You)

In the always-on, always-connected, always-showing only the “good stuff world” of social media, you could be forgiven for assuming that for some, their fitness journeys had only been a positive; that gains and progress had always come easily, that no injuries had occurred and that their gyms had always been open when they got there.

As a Personal Trainer with almost 12 years working in the Fitness Industry and a 17-year personal fitness journey that I, too, have had a seamless experience with no downsides. Well, let me stop you right there. In this article I’ll share ONLY the bad stuff that’s happened to me (or because of me!) ... BUT it’s so I can tell you how you can avoid it!

Let’s go back to the start: walking into a gym feeling completely overwhelmed, a bit confused, a bit intimidated, too. All those confusing machines! The members who seemed to know precisely what to do! The grunting — oh Lord, the grunting! Baby Matt did what a lot of people do in that situation: got on the treadmill for 15 minutes, then went home. Moral of this story: I persevered, returned and things got easier; I felt happier there and over time and I was able to just get on with my workout.

I dragged a friend along to share the experience which dissolved so many of those initial stresses. Moral of this story: sharing the embarrassment makes it so much easier to laugh at yourself or the situation. I then hired a PT in the gym to show me how everything worked and create an easy plan for me to follow. I worked out when the gym was at its quietest and went then. All of these helped me change my mindset and belief around the gym, as did holding on to the fact that everyone there pays the same, so I had just as much right to be there as anyone else!

Later in my journey I hurt my back twice, leaving me out of action for two-three weeks. It was incredibly frustrating but I learned from the experience (the second time!). The first time I was deadlifting when I felt something funny in my lower back. “This is fine,” I thought; “I only have four more reps to finish the set. I’ll do them, then rest …” CRACK! Moral of this story: listen to your body! It gives us warnings and signs that things aren’t right. If I’d stopped when I noticed the strange sensation in my lower back, I would have saved myself the enforced rest.

The second time I hurt my back, I was squatting, or rather my Ego was squatting. I had done a few sets and then decided to go for a big jump in weight. As I tried to come back up on the first rep, my legs came up too quickly and I turned the move into a very heavy Good Morning (i.e., I was hinging forward from my waist) ... CRACK! Moral of this story: keep a healthy respect for the big moves. As you reach the limits of the weight you can lift, only increase in small increments.

Another barrier to the progress I really wanted was doing the wrong workouts. I had always been naturally slim and wanted to put on some weight. So impulsively I purchased Beach Body’s Insanity home workout program - yes, the one with DVDs! The workout got me very sweaty and lean but that wasn’t what I wanted. And my neighbors almost certainly didn’t want me jumping around above them either, but we live and learn. Moral of this story: I then discovered I needed to be lifting heavier weights for fewer (much fewer!) reps, which I then stuck to and saw the right change.

Something I hear from clients and members of my free Facebook group, and very much something I used to believe for a long time, was that there was a ‘magic bullet’ for fitness success out there, that everyone but me knew about. But oooh, when I find that supplement/nutrition regime/workout, I’ll finally make the progress I really want! Moral of this story: of course this isn’t true. But it held me back for a long time investing time and money in the latest fad, absolutely convinced it was the missing piece in the puzzle.

The real magic bullet? Moral of this story: ultimately, it’s consistency, but even more important is to find what you enjoy doing. THEN you’ll find it easier to be consistent since your workouts won’t feel like a chore but instead something you want to do that will only make your life better. Thankfully, I got there and now I love helping Fitter Confident You clients do the same.

Finally, forgetting to prioritize myself was a major barrier, too. Not seeing what I was doing as being worthy of sticking to, instead allowing other people’s goals and wishes placed above mine. Moral of this story: what took me a while to learn is that no one will ever be able to care for and support ME as much as I can. If I had kept waiting for someone else’s validation or approval for me and what I do, I’d still be waiting.

Moral of the entire story: be your biggest cheerleader. Decide you’re worth everything good you can imagine for you, now and in the future. Every day, put yourself at the top of your to do list and fiercely defend your boundaries to ensure you actually get to do the right things that support you and your goals.

So while I adore fitness now and the infinite number of ways it enriches my life, it hasn’t always been a bed of roses. I accept that the path ahead may not always be smooth, but every day, in every way, I choose ME. And now the Moral of MY Story: I’m not naive enough anymore to assume it will stay that way. But the more good stuff I actively choose to do for myself, the more I benefit and the more the world around me benefits. I hope you accept that the path ahead may not always be smooth, but every day, in every way, I hope you choose YOU! •

Matt Boyles is the Founder and CEO of Fitter Confident You, online personal training tailored for GBTQ+ guys over 40. Check out www.fitterconfidentyou.net/40plusfcy to find out if the Fitter Confident You approach is right for you

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