DearTeresa,

Thank you for this question. It is a topic that I think about and talk with others about often. My wondering around self-care often starts with noticing the minus sign, why is self and care separated by a MINUS sign. Okay, I know it is a hyphen and not a minus sign, but I cannot help but see a minus sign and think about what visual power that may have. We know that hyphens are meant to join words that are not otherwise joined, but why is it that self and care and not already joined words? Healthcare, childcare, and, for goodness sakes, footcare, are all “care” words that are so commonly used together that they are now one word. So let’s be a bit rebellious and add a plus sign, self+care, until these two words are joined as one.

Back to your question, “What does ‘self+care’ really look like and how do we know we are doing it or if we need it?” I am going to take these in parts. First: What does “self+care” really look like? This is where I think we get tripped up and compare our own needs with what helps others. I think the world tells us what “self+care” is supposed to look like, i.e., dream vacations, giant bubbles baths, yoga, spa days, kickboxing etc. All of these may be ways of caring for ourselves, but the secret to “self+care” is that this is care that only you can accurately assess and take care of.

— Teresa

Others can help support your “self+care,” but no one can do it for you or can tell you what will be best for you. Here is where knowing yourself, taking time to get to know your mind, body and spirit, is so important. If you do not know what lights up and lightens up your mind, body and spirit, then you will not know what is needed to care for self. I think when you know what lights you up and lightens you up, we can then merge into the next parts of your question, “How do we know we are doing it and if we need it?”

When you find something that makes you feel light and peaceful, that is when you know you are “self+caring.” And then also when you notice you need lightening up from the heavy stuff of life, that is your mind, body and spirit alerting you to care for self.

Oh Teresa, this topic is so important. I feel like I could write so much in response to this. But, for now, let’s end on agreeing to courageously get to know ourselves better: mind, body and spirit. Then take care of self when self needs care! And let’s add a plus sign to the word itself or simply connect the word: “self+care” or “selfcare!”

YOUR FRIEND,Jess

Harvest the wisdom you wish to impart. Harvest in any way that best fits you, but harvest it nonetheless — through letter writing, book writing, note taking, picture capturing, verbal storytelling, recipe sharing, sewing and crafting! It is the awareness that you intend to share your wisdom that will activate the desire to find ways to impart this wisdom. These intentions can be infused into any way you feel called to harvest them.

Story sharing is the most powerful tool we have as humans to impart our wisdom. A large part of history understanding is learned through storytelling. I think of the things I’ve learned about people I care about, and it is often through stories. My mom was just telling me a story about a student whose life she impacted in a very unassuming way that had great ripple effects. I learned the power of connection and relationship through this story. Or another example of storytelling that imparted wisdom to me, is when I got to hear my aunt tell her story of chemical dependency to sobriety at an open AA meeting. The wisdom of understanding how possible healing is has greatly influenced the work that I do. These stories, full of wisdom, would have passed me by had these two women not intentionally verbally shared their stories.

Wisdom can also be shared with the next generation through tradition sharing. Sharing traditions helps the next generation understand where traditions came from and why and how come these traditions are so meaningful to you or your family. Traditions show up in happy times, such as holidays, weddings, baby showers, etc.; and traditions show up in the harder times of life, such as disaster, death and hardship. But no matter the event, you have wisdom to share through traditions.

Often when I drive by an assisted living facility or nursing home, I get very curious about all the lived experiences and wisdom that is inside! Culturally we do not have a very robust way of honoring the wisdom of life lived through years of being on this earthly journey. We could simply change that by intentionally spending time with wisdom sharing, as an overt piece of our conversations, with each other. Who doesn’t love to learn about someone’s journey and lessons learned from those experiences? No one is without pearls of wisdom!

Also, check in with others, and ask how they are imparting their wisdom to the next generation. This may be a very beautiful space to share with others, both in learning their “hows” and joining in the collective effort of enhancing wisdom sharing. Thank you, Joanie, for stirring us all to wonder and consider how we are imparting our wisdom onto the next generations!

YOUR FRIEND, Jess

P.S.

You can participate in “Dear Wondering Women” by emailing in your questions. We can join in honest, real and love-filled conversation around our shared wonderings. Write to me with your “wondering whys.” Let’s collectively as women share this wonder-filled journey of life together!

You can email questions to me at wonderingwhywithjess@outlook.com. Can’t wait to connect! Your “wondering” may be featured in an upcoming issue! [ aw ]