Dear Wondering Women

WORDS : JESSICA HOEPER

Dear Thelma Laura,

The most beautiful piece of this question, is that you are radically self-aware that you are someone who procrastinates.

Here’s a really important truth, you may be a person who procrastinates, but that does not mean it is mandatory to label yourself a procrastinator. I too procrastinate at times. For me the power lies in not “becoming” the procrastination. Who you are is as important as what you do. It is really important to not intertwine your being with your behavior, when the outcome is not to your liking!

Procrastination can become habitual and almost seem natural over time, meaning day a er day and year a er year you nd yourself procrastinating. To change any behavior, you have to rst (as you have done in this question) acknowledge the behavior. Then you have to choose to change it and come up with an alternative behavior to take its place. You will need to practice ercely to embody the better alternative behavior.

The power of re ection is needed when becoming aware of your own procrastination. You will discover there are themes to your procrastination! Does procrastination become automatic with tasks

(i.e., house chores, routine appointments, etc.) or maybe it’s automatic in relational ways (i.e., avoiding or delaying di cult conversations) or maybe another theme is found during re ection. This awareness piece is a profound rst step because when you clearly see the area of need for a new behavior, you are more likely to pick a new behavioral response that might work well.

Let’s think about if procrastination shows up for us in daily automatic tasks. One consideration could be that it is happening because you are tired, so a new behavioral response might be to go to bed earlier or add more sleep to your day. But, if procrastination shows up in another area such as relationships, like avoiding or procrastinating on having a di cult conversation, the behavioral change needed will be much more cognitive, like adding more time for intentional gratitude into your routine. Or it could be a combination of both physical and thinking behaviors that need to change to reduce your procrastination.

I used to procrastinate with laundry, terribly. This for me was a daunting task with seven people in my house. I would avoid it so long that we would literally have baskets full of mismatched socks. Until I read a book, “My Prayer Chair” by Carla McDougal, that suggested adding gratitude and prayer to meaningless moments such as laundry. So begrudgingly I tried it. Every piece of laundry I added to the washer or dryer, I would say what I was grateful for about that person whose laundry item I was holding! This was a radical shi in perspective for me and changed my procrastinating, in this area, even if just slightly. This showed the power of understanding where procrastinating showed up, so that I could uniquely remedy it in each space it was. I have by no means perfected this, but I am deeply invested in this topic, and by being a part of wondering women’s conversations, we can learn from each other.

I sincerely appreciate this wondering!

Jess

You can participate in “Dear Wondering Women” by emailing in your questions. We can join in honest, real and love-filled conversation around our shared wonderings. Write to me with your “wondering whys.” Let’s collectively as women share this wonder-filled journey of life together!

You can email questions to me at wonderingwhywithjess@outlook.com. Can’t wait to connect! Your “wondering” may be featured in an upcoming issue! [ aw ]