A Blend

Lynn, G8

a blend (of confusion and sadness and love and joy)

i’m sorry that i was mean.

i’m sorry that i lashed out, that i insulted you out of greed. of greed, for my feelings and didn’t think about yours its true that i’m still healing and letting my emotions run their course but then just when i thought you could treat me delicately, not try to provoke and antagonize me, you go and do it all again. restart the cycle of self hate and wondering when i could learn to keep my cool because it’s all my fault, isn’t it? when you start to make me think we could be good that we could get along like good friends should but when i extend my feelings they just get hit by your indifference that only seems to come around just after you’re nice to me, just after when you laugh along with me and make jokes and make it seem like we could be friends it would all be okay if we could just be friends no. the way things are going, we’ll never reach amicable terms and i’m sorry if my temper has left some burns but i’m tired of being treated like your plaything tired of you acting like i don’t exist, ignoring my attempts at friendship i’d love to cut you off from my life and fix everything in real life, i’d never let these words slip our relationship is a confusing maze, but i just want to be your friend. i don’t see why you have to avoid my gaze, and stir my feelings up into a blend of confusion, of sadness of love, of joy.