An Overtly Modest Proposal to

Enhance Educational Performance in Thailand

Anonymous

Note: This is article is meant to be a satirical piece criticizing educational norms. This article is not meant to be taken literally.

Our education system is the sick man of Asia. Thai students routinely underperform in international exams such as the PISA. Thailand’s educational crisis can be attributed to trying to achieve too much learning with too little time. High school students in Thailand often have a very high course load because the curriculum is designed to both achieve depth and breath at the same time. Thai students are already turning into zombies by wasting 400 more hours on schooling than the average European or American student but still achieve worse results since there’s no time to cover all this content.

I don’t reject the noble aim of our current educational framework. In fact, we need to build a population which is equally wellrounded and specialized at the same time to economically compete with nations with cheaper labor. No other nation has been able to achieve it but I think we’re more than capable of this venerable goal! Top industry leaders said themselves in a public talk at the Stock Exchange of Thailand that, “agility through a workforce which knows so much they can do any thrashing jog is crucial for our post-Covid growth. Without it our economy will surely be short on breath!”. Hence, I propose that we should help create more time for students so that they can actually achieve the educational goals by nurturing children in state-run boarding schools starting from the ripe old age of 6 months. These children shall be collectively raised and have no contact with their parents. This regime brings three main benefits:

It focuses all our children’s time on studying to create better results.

It creates consistency and reduces inequalities.

It eliminates long-term burdens on parents.

More Time Equals More Attainment

Children spend too much time at home which includes sleeping, eating, and playing. Kids only go to school for 8 hours a day and that includes lunch! When we deduct time for other miscellaneous activities such as assemblies and spirit weeks, students barely get 5 hours of classes everyday. Ms. Wilkerson, the principle at a prominent Bangkok selective school said that, “students only spend about 1440 hours at school annually. Parents should be outraged! Only Mr. Spock can master the arts, humanities, sciences, math, and liberal arts in 1440 hours!” By nurturing children in boarding schools, another 16 hours students originally spent at home will be put into schooling. Additionally, babies with no recollection of parents need not take weekends, summers, and leaves for family activities. In other words, children will be able to study all 24 hours of the 365 days a year. Such a drastic increase in educational time should allow schools to focus on both breadth and depth.

Educational Consistency

Our education system is the sick man of Asia. Thai students routinely underperform in international exams such as the PISA. Thailand’s educational crisis can be attributed to trying to achieve too much learning with too little time. High school students in Thailand often have a very high course load because the curriculum is designed to both achieve depth and breath at the same time. Thai students are already turning into zombies by wasting 400 more hours on schooling than the average European or American student but still achieve worse results since there’s no time to cover all this content.

Collectively raising children will lower educational inequalities. The way a family raises their children or provides for them heavily impacts their educational attainment. Even among schools with families of similar socioeconomic backgrounds, differing values about education (ex. is a birthday party or homework more important?) heavily influence a student’s academic performance. By collectively raising children in boarding schools, the government can control loose ends like parenting style and economic status to reduce educational gaps by providing the same resources to every student.

I don’t reject the noble aim of our current educational framework. In fact, we need to build a population which is equally wellrounded and specialized at the same time to economically compete with nations with cheaper labor. No other nation has been able to achieve it but I think we’re more than capable of this venerable goal! Top industry leaders said themselves in a public talk at the Stock Exchange of Thailand that, “agility through a workforce which knows so much they can do any thrashing jog is

Eliminates Parenting Burdens

Raising a child is expensive, demanding, and exhausting. Allowing the state to collectively raise children will lift parental burdens after the first six months of breastfeeding for child growth. Then, the parents can lovingly abandon the baby at the nearest police station for the state to take care of at no charge. This brings several benefits. Firstly, it shortens maternity leave since parents can return within six months of childbirth which reduces employment costs. Secondly, it increases consumer spending because parents will have more disposable income which heightens consumer spending. All in all, this proposal will reduce parenting burdens and increase economic productivity. The lack long-term family planning needs may even entice couples to have more children to solve our looming demographic crisis!

Possible Objections

The foremost objection to this proposal will be that it violates the rights of parents to keep their children. Nevertheless, the collective well-being of our nation and millions of children overrides all individual needs. It is selfish for a group of parents to deny their children more educational results for their own sentimental needs. If a government program can raise children to achieve higher educational results, it is in their children’s best interest to be taken away.

Another complaint will be that the program will cost several million arms and a couple billion legs! Yet, we already waste an inordinate amount on education. It’s just that those funds have been partly subsidized by parents. By interning all children into boarding schools, the state will simply bear the same financial burden instead of parents. This not only alleviates the burden on parents but also reduces overall costs through industries of scale. Even if the cost continues to be high, it is still worthwhile long-term investment in our nation’s next steps which will be returned over the next decades.

All in all, caring for children beyond six months in government-ran boarding schools will consistently reduce inequalities, eliminate long-term burdens on parents, and result in greater educational results. Therefore, the government should start carting babies away to secure our nation’s economic future.