Concrete issue 107 19 01 2000

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Moore defeats RON by a single vote · but should he have won at all?

By JAMES GOFFIN, News Editor Newly-elected Union Communications Office, Colin Moore, has already had to field calls for his resignation after yet another election balls-up.

Students finally went to the polls to elect a Communications Officer at the end of last term, only for the result to be called into question after a di pule over election rules.

Former Deputy Returning Officer, numerically in order of preference.

Despite the mistake, the Union is Colin Moore, emerged as the only As a result the members of the refusing to re-count the vote unless a Elections Committee who were formal complaint is received . candidate to take on the role as an unpaid officer after students knocked present at the count rejected the ·we have not yet had any back the chance to stand as a full· papers marked with an X or a tick. complaints about the decision. That time paid sabbatical officer.

"If you look at the Electoral Reform was the decision taken at the time and But he faced vigorous opposition Society rules used in the constitution, the Returning Officer was of the Re-Open it clearly states that only a paper that opinion we were conforming with the from anonymous Nominations campaigners, who urged shows the number is accepted ," election rules," insisted Usa. voters to reject him by plastering RON explained Union Academic Officer, "If people h e concerns about the stickers all over campus.

Usa Eldret. validity of Colin's victory then they are But an Electoral Reform Society ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Spoilt papers . spokesman told Concrete that an X Other news: Despite massive publicity, only 119 or any other mark IS valid - so long as - Forum in chaos 3 students turned out to vote - less than it indicates a "clear first or only - Lecturer's looks can affect one per cent of UEA students - and preference". your grades 7 Colin emerged victorious by only one "In ·any election a ballot paper is spoilt if the voting intention isn't clear," • •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• vote, with 48 votes to 49 for RON. However, it soon emerged that the said the spokesman. perfectly within their rights to use the majority of the 24 papers rejected as "If a voter puts two 1s then that's a complaints procedure. With it being a "spoilf endorsed RON, but used an X spoilt paper because their intention is contentious vote you are going to get or a tick rather than a number 1. not clear. If they put a single X, then a significant number of people who Under the voting system used, that would be a valid paper and we will vote RON because that is how they choose to express their students must rank candidates would count the X as a 1"."

democratic right, but at the end of the day he won."

And Colin insisted that he intends to stay in the job.

"I believe the Union has suffered from not having a Communications Officer and to me it's important to get it sorted out," he said.

Insisted "I want to work to improve the Union pages on the web, I want to help all the media to use their resources to the best of their ability, and I want to make sure students know what's going on in the Union ."

The Union does intend to take action over RON ; however, possibly scrapping the system as part of the planned constitution re-write.

• "RON is something that is exclusive to the student movement. There are difficulties with it, especially with breaches of the election rules because there 's not actually a candidate, and yet RON could be seen as unfairly influencing the vote," said Lisa.

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2 NEWS

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CONCRETE WEDNE SDAY, JANUARY

19, 2000

Got a story? Let us know at the Concrete office.•. tal: 250558 email: su.concrete@uea.ac.uk

Progressive P-rofs bring millionnaire quiz show to lecture theatres

By CLARE HAMILTON-EDDY, Assistant News Editor

STUDENTS AT one of Scotland 's leading universities have swapped their pens for infrared handsets in an attempt to re-create ITV's Who Wants to be a Millionnaire? in their lecture theatres.

Mechanical engineering lecture rs at Stra thcl yde Univers it y have been so in spired by Chris Tarran t 's questioning techniques on the infamous qui z that they have decided to try them out for themselves.

Although a 2 I mi g ht not be as exc iting as ÂŁJ millton , lecturers reckon that

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the pil ot scheme w ill encourage stude nts to active ly pa rti cipate in lectures.

Spotlight T he quick-wilted profs stop lectures at regu lar int erva ls, putting the stude nt s under the spo tli ght to choose from answers displa yed on a large over-head screen.

If th e 'a udi ence ' get th e answer rig ht the lecture w ill carry on. But if the majorit y fa il to identify the correct answer, the lecturer will

go over the topic aga in.

Pres ident o f th e Student's Association , Al efdir Currie, is sure that it is the right answe r for the univers it y. " We are using new techno logy to create a new and more interact ive meth od of learning, in w hat can be quite a stagnant education system."

Th e w hole system was clcvc lopcd after America n research revcalccl that young people have a shorter atten ti o n spa n beca use of ove rexposure to te lev is io n and computer games. " I know that some lecturers can waftlc o n and o n, and you ca n find yourself batt ling to stay awa ke," sa id A lefd ir, "so student reaction to th e schem e has bee n quite favourabl e."

MTV generation And th e se nsa tional sche me appea rs to be a hit , provin g that the ide a is a mu st for th e MTV

generation of students.

S in ce the project was S trath clyde's introd uce d, acade mi c performance has imp roved in the Mechani ca l department , Eng ineer in g co nsiderabl y cutt ing th e failure ra te.

Fear "A ll the lecturers involved say they've noticed a difference in their stu dents," sa id Prof Jim Boy le, w ho piloted the scheme.

A nd bring in g th e sys te m to Norw ich would get the thumbs up from U EA students w ho arc kee n to test their brain power. " it's a good idea because you don ' t have that personal fear of getting the answer wrong in front of everyo ne,'' sa id Fiona Co usins (DEV 2). '' it wou ld he lp you to concentrate as it brings vari ety to the lecture," she added .

ma samme BRASH LADS mag FHM has been slammed by a press watchdog over its student freshers' guide.

The sick supplement - which was stocked on campus - came under fire last year for containing a tasteless suicide featuring that included a jokey guide on committing suicide and "case studies" of suicides by university students, two of which had taken place earlier the same year at Oxford.

The . guide was condemned by UEA's counselling service, with head of the unit, Or Judy Moore, labelling the "Oblivion " spread "inappropriate" and "quite awful."

Ban But despite slating the free mag as "offensive", Union Welfare Officer Claire Kober refused to ban the guide from campus shops.

Now the Press Complaints Commission have given the

rowdy mag a dressing-down, accusing it of a "serious breach" of the industry code of conduct, and claiming that "instead of due sensitivity, FHM treated the deaths in a gratu itously humourous manner." rebuke follows The complaints from the families of two of the students whose suicides were listed in the freshers' guide, Robin Gibson and Sarah Napuk.

Apologised The

magazine

has

now

apologised to them, with its managing director Philip Thomas admitting that "the tone and style of the piece overstepped the mark," but could still face the prospect of a ban on the magazine being tabled at this spring's National Union of Students conference.

Adjudication FHM will now have to publish the PCCs adjudication in full, probably in the March edition of the mag.

www.concrete-online.co.uk

Cleaner cash NOR ETHICAL INVESTMENT campaigners at UEA have been given another boost after a university pension fund announced that it is to clean up its act.

The Universities Superannuation Scheme, which is Britain 's third largest pension fund. controls assets worth £20 billion, and has come under fire in the past for investing in arms compan ies and other unethical funds.

But USS has now agreed to confront compan ies that they invest with about the ir envi ron menta l performance, and take ethics into con~idcration when choosing how to u>c their ca;h.

This climbdown has been welcomed by >tudent protestors, as the USS is one of the two pension scheme; that UEA is invo lved with.

Awareness The move occurred after Ethic; for USS. a group of lecturers who arc members of the ;chcmc. prcs>cd the pensio n fu nd to be more ethically aware.

"What we have tended to do i~ have a hit of a dialogue with companies and ask them what the}

do for environmental aspects:· exp lained USS spokesma n Stuart Ncalc.

Responsibilities ··we ask them if they arc aware of their responsibilities to the environment and , depending on their rep li es and the amoun t of investment we have with them. we determine the amount of impact that we feel we can have," he added.

"We arc trying to get a ba lance."

Although UEA's invc>tments arc run separately from the pension fu nds, campaigners hope the dcci;ion wil l add pressure to the University to adopt a more ethical policy.

"I think that it's a really positive

move as the USS is finally taking an eth ical stance:· sa id protcstor Sa rah Kytc (DEV 2). " Hopefully universities will take this lead in ethical awarcnc>s. a' there will be no room for excuses anymorc,' she added.

Investment UEA is currently looking at its investment qratcgy through a working party made up of studenb and 'taff. due to report to Rcgistrv bosses later this year.

However. the group have already decided that their initial three meetings will rrot be enough to thrash out the is,ucs. prolonging the dcci>ion on the Uni,er;ity'> position .

NEWS 3

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CONCRETE W ED NESDAY, JANUARY

19, 2000

Pirate video A video rental customer thought he was the victim of daylight robbery when store bosses asked him to cough up $91,250 around £57,000 - in late return fees.

The shop's computer had been hit by the millennium bug, and was demanding 100 year's worth of penalties at the Super Video store in Colonie, New York state.

Frank stamp The Italian post office is striking out into new areas of stamp design, with two new stamps "commemorating the beauty of the breast". The pictures on the stamps feature topless women, which sounds a lot more appealing than Royal Mail's alternative of licking the Queen's back side.

Scream too

Universal Studies is facing a lawsuit from a Florida women over its Halloween horror night - she saw it was too scary.

Cleanthi Peters, 57, reckons she suffered " extreme fear, emotional distress and mental anguish." While it might seem this was the point of a horror show, Peters is claiming $15,000 compensation for her fright night.

Chilly down under Auzzie beach babes are revolting against Olympic rules on beach volleyball, saying they shouldn't be forced to wear skimpy bikinis.

The national team say they shouldn't be used to make the sport look more glamorous, especially as the Olympics hits Sydney during a cold spell. " We're a little worried about 9pm games in September," said a team member.

Witchcraft

Schoolgirl antics have taken on a new light in Santiago. Five pupils been expelled for allegedly dabbling in the dark arts, telling fortunes and bathing in blood.

But the girls still seem to be in high spirits despite being chucked out of school: "If we had lived in the 16th century, we would be dead," Paula Conteras, one of the five, told her local paper.

The Graduate Student's Club presents

MOVERS & SHAKERS The band formerly known as Kiasma and Folklaw

Friday 28 January 8.30pm

Flower _power UEA TALENTS are displaying their genius in every area of the literary realm.

And Rose Tremain is proving to be no exception. joins the royal orchestra, A former undergraduate unravelling the complicated who later came back to teach friendships and love affairs on the MA in Creative which develop.

Writing, Ms Tremain has already won the £2000 Literary prizes Whitbread Novel Award for " I think that literary prizes her book Music and Silence are excellent things because and has been shortlisted for we live in a world where so this year's Whitbread Book much is being produced of the Year Award. every week."

Whitbread "Anything that casts a bit Music and Silence tells the of light on a particular book is marvellous and quite tale of a Twentieth Century lute player in Denmark who unexpected," she added.

In the can BUDDING STUDENT film makers can combine two of their passions- drinking and directing - and win a share of £45,000 in a new competition. lker co mpa ny Beck ·s h;l'; tea med up " ith Institute ol Cunte m porar~ i\rt s. to launc h a stude nt film and vid eo award .

Th e pritc for th e top cui is a massive [5.000. \\ ith all the ~hortl i ~ l cJ cntr i c~ getting an airin g at the IC i\ in Londn n.

The co mpetit io n is ope n to all scc·o nd and thi rd year undergraduates and pnstgradual c'> . l·or applicatio n forms. 'ou should 'end a Si\f- In Bee~\ Student Prize . iCt\ 1::.\ hibitiuns De part mc·n t, 12 Car lton !l ouse Terrace. I ondon SW I Y 5/\ 11. The dosing date fur entries is l·chruan l.J, 2000.

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Rags 2 Riches STUDENTS ARE being challenged to prove their wackiness and help out the Breast Cancer Campaign at the same time.

ABC slash Rrices in cinema strugg!!

By JAMES GOFFIN , News Editor

Film lovers in Norwich are being offered bargain tickets by the troubled ABC Cinema , as part of its battle to stay open.

The Pri nce o f Wale-, Road picture hou-,e i-, 'utTering fierce co mpe titi o n from th e new UCI multiplex at nearh1 Riverside . seei ng prol'ih di ve by 70 per cent. our price' to -,urvive ... ad mitt ed La<,t month manager\ at the . . tr ugg lin g cim:ma an noun ct·d an ;\BC manager Kc\ in l.awcr.

"Admi-,,ion'> arc ' till lower than acro'' the hoard price cut to 0 a ticket in a bid to <,tavc off do-,urc . thc1 "L'rc. hut thcrL· arc nm1 had on th e in crca...,c ~u it ...,cem~ to hl' And now th ey arc offeri ng \Cah gi\ 1ng thl· right rc,ull ... Ior u...... for on ly l l on 'Jlccial daytime <,howing-, of top fi lm' like Sourh State-of-the-art /'ark and The Marri.L " it hit us very badl y. and that·, The ailing hu,in c'' ";" hit ha rd v.. hy we have been lorccd to red uce hy the openi ng of the 't;tlc-o l-the -

art lJC I multiplex. v. hi eh l111a't' I.J large 'crccn' and the late't 'ound "Y:-.,tcm ....

Ticket sales Acom.Jing to '"'"l'' there.

tic~ct

'"le' lia,·c ma"ivcl\ <>uhtrippL·d thci r prcd ict i<lll'. " We at"tuall\ h.td ~ll'i more people in the ope nin g le\\ \\CC~' than we \\ l'fl' anticipatin ~. ;~nd Ior the ope nin g \\eckcnd of S/n•p1· 1/o//ow \\l' had the lOth h>ghc't ,a fe, in thL· countn ... 'a id LIC I man ager.

(Ju~ lk ~cltinc .

"We arc looking to recruit rn mc ...,tatl IKcau 'L' 'all'~ ha\ t' lk'l' ll 'll

good ...

But

cou ld become a victim when Norwich\ >econd multi plex open> at Ca>tlc Ma ll thi> ~u mm cr.

"CI\tlc Mall i> going to effect u' all. .. warned :'llr Lawcr. " But UCI

about the >urvival of the place . planning a lot of WL· ' re deve lop me nt > in the nex t 'ix month> ... added Mr Do 0 1c.

Buoyant

arc the one.., \\ ho an: going to he

\\Orricd. We\c alrcad1 hit our lowc\t at 1\ BC and we're 11<1\\ climbing hack up ...

Ami Paul Do) le. manager at the Oucon. agreed . ·· Frnm ~.·~pcr i t' ll L'l' an ex tra multipll'\ ta~c' nHI\t of ih hu>inc'' tn11n the ni,ting multiplnc'. in thi'> ca'c UCI.'' he -,aid . " it ol" inu, ly \\i ll alkct U>. hut not "' much that \\e·rc v.orricd

And arthou'e theatre Cinema Cit1 i, 'imilarl~ hum ant about the future o f ci nema in Nor\\ ich anrHlliiKing it~ own plan ... for C\l.'ll

more

~cn.: cn:-,.

"We hope to he opening a ne\\ cinema in about thrL'L' \Tar.., in orwich. "ith lour 'l'fL'C I\,, We' re not going to 'it hac~ and let them take our hu ... inc...,...,:· ...,aiU mark etin g manager lan Clark.

The charity's new campaign, Rags 2 Riches, has challenged students to raise at least £2,000 a piece to help fund cancer research in the year 2000.

Breast cancer affects nearly 1 in 10 women, with 13,400 deaths from the disease in the UK each year.

But the BCC are confident students can help change that. " Students are stereotyped by the media as idle, but we know they are not," said fundraiser Catherine Bennett. " Last year Nottingham University students raised £8671 for us through street collections alone, and we know there are tons more out there who could do that."

And to help encourage you to collect the cash, the charity is offering top prizes to the top three fundraising unis, including a six·week Indian Explorer overland expedition.

For more details visit the Breast Cancer Campaign website at http:/lwww.bccuk.org

get @

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2 Charing Cross, Norwich (near Maddermarket Theatre) (01603) 620200

e-mail: sinsinslovestore@com

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6 NEWS

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CONCRETE W EDNESDAY, J ANUARY 19,

2000

UEA gets £7 million for sea lab

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By ADAM BANHAM BOFFINS IN the School of Environmental Sciences are celebrating winning a £7 million b id to set up a new lab to look at the science of the sea .

The cash will roll in from the Governmen t ·s Joint Infrastru cture Fund to set up a cen tre for global marine and atmospheric chemistry. stu dy ing th e fu tu re pattern of the green house effect Dean of ENV. ProfTrevor Dav ic' cli mate re .. earch. a ;peciall y decked out sh ip- will he i; jubi lant at banking the cash. available to all UK academics, and Award maintained at the Southampton "Thi'> " will-de.,crvcd recognition of the excellence and The award will also provide ca>h Oceanography Centre. hard work of our ;cicnti;h... he to refurbi'.h and ;et up ncv. labs for Primarily the scientific raved. the team of 50 re>carchcr; already equipment will >tudy temperature "I hope our students pick up watching the world's weather. changes in the North Atlantic Ocean some of the excitement of being A further £2.4 million has abo to monitor the effect of any changes very close to leading edge re,earch. been bagged by UEA profs leading to the Gulf Stream on the UK I think there arc clear benefit; mo;t a nat ional research project. climate. olwiousl y to our po;tgraduatc Dr Karen l lcywood and ProfTim Influential population but also to our Jicke ll s were lhe driving force undergraduate popul at ion ... behind a ga ng of UK univcr>it ic> But additional stu dies into globa l from the Centre for Coastal and clim ate change will also be Unique undertaken through measuring 1hc Marine Sc ience' bidding to The unique new lab wi ll be killed heat carried around the Earlh by the purcha'c high-tcch marine physic> out with stale of the art equ ipment. and chemistry instruments. high ly innuential southern ocean keeping UE/\ at the culling edge of The equipment - stored on board current>.

In the swim of it IF YOU'VE put on a few pounds thanks to the festive frivolities and your New Year's resolution is to get fit, BT are offering you the opportunity to combine your efforts with raising cash for the charity for homelesss Shelter.

Swimathon 2000 will be visiting the Norwich Sports Village Aquapark on the weekend of March 18-19, when swimmers can challenge themselves to a sponsored 1500m, or whopping 2500m 5000m session.

But if the prospect of swimming sooom is too daunting, you could get your mates to give you a hand with the option of a relay team with up to five members.

BT are hoping to raise over £1.5 million for the charity, helping homelessness across the country.

To register for the swimathon phone free on 0800 731 7316, or surf to

: }'!~~.~~~lri!·~.t~~'!~~~~ ~ ! ~

ITs hot stuff

WEB-WEARY STUDENTS and SYS kids are set to benefit in equal measure thanks to a revamp of the IT Centre reception area.

Comput er boffins called in design consultants Line One at the end of last term to refit the area to provide a better service for students using the UEA networks, and shoppers using the IT Shop.

"We wanted to make the confused by techno area more open and gobbledygook, the reception area also now features a welcoming , and more modern, and also more open more user-friendly Help with a view to better Desk, with a library area where students can consult handling queues when it gets busy, to create a more manuals and help guides on open welcoming area ," the software installed on explained ITCS' Steve University computers.

Mosley, Head of User Expanding Services. " it's also obvious we sell The Centre is also hoping things now, whereas it to become a one-stop shop wasn 't before." for all students' computer The new area has also needs, by expanding the range of products on sale . seen investment in new " We 've been gradually equipment, with the aim of making high-end technology increasing the range of available to all students. consumables that we sell, and certainly there have Hardware been quite a number of additions in the last few Top-notch hardware on months," boasted Mr Mosley. offer includes a CD writer, a "The range is increasing colour laser printer, and we 're looking to document and image increase it even further. We scanning facilities, and high capacity Zip and LS-120 try to be competitive on drives. price as much as possible", An d for all of those he addecJ..

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NEWS 7

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Survey reveals that good looking_ lecturers can mean good grades

By CLARE HAMILTON-EDDY, Assistant News Editor UGLY LECTURERS are directly linked to academic failure, according to a shocking survey carried out at Newcastle University.

Students were asked to rate the talents of their profs, awarding them a mark out of 10 for their attractiveness.

More than half of those The stunning profs seem questioned believed that the to be reflecting an attractive appearance of staff Image, successfully passing members did affect their 88 per cent of their pupils academic performance. with a first or 2:1 .

At the other end of the Unimpressed scale, agriculture lecturers Unimpressed by their only managed to attract a superiors, students gave grotesque 0.7 out of 10 for them a pathet ic 2.8 out of 10 their looks, reflecting the far for their looks. smaller pass mark of their The top totty was students. voted to be teaching Success business management, And it seems that this followed by survey should not be overpalltlcs and looked as recent reports English. have proved that businesses who employ good looking I staff are more successful.

Newcastle students are now demanding that more attractive staff are

to boost the University's performance In the league tables.

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Broken down CATERING ON campus has been g iven a further roasting after t roubled restau rant Breakers 2 announced it would only open fo r a skeleto n service d uring t he first weeks of t erm .

S tude nts wan ting to eat o ut are o nl y be ing offe red a takeaway service by the fast food restaurant, which cla ims that sales aren't high enough to jus tify o pening properly.

According to Director of Res idences aml Services. Jenny Grant, opening the indoor eating area wou ld be a waste of time. blaming the crucial exam period for fa ll ing takings.

Busy "We have very detailed records of the sales through the year. and Breakers 2 isn ' t very busy at this time of year because people have exams or treat i;.. an extra two weeks tacked on to their holiday,'' she claimed.

"We do intend to open the restaurant as term goes on." insisted Ms Grant

The same reduced service was also on the menu before Christmas, again apparently due to low sales.

But Union Welfare Officer, Claire Kober, i' angry that students arc being deprived of a proper alternative to cooking for themselves.

"It seems a bizarre waste of space," she complained.

Disgruntled " If low sales is the reasoning behind it. they 'hould at least convey that to studenb, because they arc getting di;.,gruntlcd quieing in the cold for their food," stormed Clairc.

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really make a difference," said Rachel Gllyead (EAS 2).

Opinions

Communication

But UEA students do not appear to share the opinions of their northern counterparts, and are refusing to judge their lecturers on face-value, " I don't think that looks

"Good results depend on whether the lecturer Is Interested In their subject and the way in which they communicate it In the lecture," she added.

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Fee _igh

CONCRETE WEDNESDAY, JANUARY

19, 2000

I

STUDENT UNION leaders are preparing themselves for a fresh round of attacks on tuition fees after moves in Scotland to abolish the levy.

An independent report by a prominent lawyer to the new Scottish Parliament has recommended scrapping the controversial charge, and re-introducing a system of grants.

The Cubie Report says students should t hat recei ve a means-tested bursary of up to £2,050 on top of a loan entitlement of the same amount, as well as getting state benefits during the summer break.

Committment And it looks as if the ruling Labour-Liberal Democrat coalition government will introduce at least parts of the report, thanks to the Lib Dem 's election commitment to scrap fees.

But any changes would only apply to Scottish students, causing chaos for students crossing the border to study.

"The report represents a huge step forward for students in their battle for a decent funding system and offers the vast majority of the measures which NUS called for," ch ir ed NUS

president, Andrew Pakes.

And Union Welfa re Officer, Claire Kober, agreed.

"The Cuble Report is a huge step forward and bri ngs a lot of areas In higher education out of the dark ages," said Clalre. " Left-wing groups have always just said 'grants not fees ' but that's not the solution for a changing higher education system.

We need moves that address change."

But she admitted that the NUS would also have to find new ways of getting its point across.

March " We supported the march in London last year, but it didn't get the coverage we needed, so we are going to lobby parliament. There are a lot of challenges ahead to get the proposals taken on throu hout the UK."

Cut & Blow Dry

On the move

By ADAM BANHAM

STUDENTS ARE being asked by UEA bosses to put their career plans on hold - while the Careers Centre moves to a new home.

The key service i~ currently shut whilst its moves into new offices in the former squash courts on Suffolk Walk. special new area will he dedicated more space for a long time. which And the re-j ig will also see all to it." the new buildi ng wi ll prov ide. it's Dean of Students Office uni ted into just go ing to be a very much nicer one bu il ding. with financia l advice And he said he was pleased that place to work in." and dyslexia support services taking the long overdue improvements had The new centre is due to open on fi na ll y been made. over the space vaca ted by th e "The careers service has needed Monday. January 24.

Careers Centre.

Forced

Tenns and Conditions £10 cut & blow dry la for walk-In clients onty and the appointment clients are £15.00.

Tel. Crop Shop Norwich Ltd. 622062

The move has been forced by the end of temporary planning permission for Portacabin office' used by the Dean of Students Office, hut Career' Ce ntre Director. lan McGilvray. i' confident that the cha nges wi ll also boost the 'crvice given to 'tudcnb.

"There arc four floors. with the entrance off the top walkway of Suffolk Terrace.

The enqu iry desk will be there couple of along with computer termina ls." he cntln"ed.

Dedicated "There "ill be two office' for our dut~ adv iser' to ~peak with qudenb. and in,tcad of the video viewing an,;a being stuck up a corner as it i' tJO\\. a

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LETTERS/ COMMENT 9

www.concrete-online.co.uk

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 19, 2000

Battling the ban

Alcohol awareness

welcome the news of a referendum on the lifting of the Nestle boycott, to be held on Thursday, February 17 and hope that we can trust the good sense of UEA students to settle this once and for all. For many months now the campaign to lift the boycott has been trying to put across the basic argument against the ban - freedom of choice. If you are 18 years old you are an adult, you can choose who to vote for, you can choose to drink alcohol, you can choose to smoke, you can choose to go to university; but once you arrive at UEA you cannot choose whether to buy Nestle coffee, Kit Kats, Fruit Pastilles and Polos. The point about the ban is that it doesn't work. Students still buy Nestle products (they are, after all, readily available in the Bowl and Diner) and the money goes into the pockets of the University or another retailer instead of the Union . Totalitarian bans take away our freedom of choice. If the Union convinces you not to buy Nestle instead of forcing you not to, then that is a real victory. The compulsion element of this ban does a great disservice to all students. We are all adults and university is an adult environment - so give us back our freedom of choice.

Antony Little, His 3 (Coordinator ('freedom of choice'/yes)campaign)

How much do you drink?

1 Unit of alcohol = 1\2 pint of ordinary strength lager/beer or 1 standard measure of spirits (in England and Wales) or 1 small glass of wine Note 1\2 pint of premium lager/beer/regular cider (5%) = 1.4 units 1 standard bottle (330ml) of Alcopops (5%) = 1.7 units 1 standard glass (125ml) of wine of 12.5% concentration = 1 .5 Guidelines for sensible drinking These average 2-3 units/day OR LESS for females , and 3-4 units/ OR LESS for males Refraining on one day shouldn't mean excess on another.

Are you dependant on alcohol?

Have you ever felt you should cut down on your drinking?

Have people annoyed you by criticising your drinking?

Have you ever felt bad or guilty about your drinking?

Have you ever had a drink in the morning to steady our nerves or for a hangover?

Is alcohol contributing to other problemspsycological, physical , work, social or financial?

If you want to help things change- you could try: 1. Your GP 2. The University Counselling Service 3. NORCAS (Tel 01603 660070) 4. Alcoholics anonymous (Tel 01603 621128) Dr I Duncan , UEA Health Centre

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lt is perhaps a sign of the apathy that exists among students towards Union politics that only 119 turned out to vote in the recent Communications Officer elections.

Even if Colin Moore had received a large majority of these votes his mandate would have been fairly negligible.

However. he did not receive a large majority of the votes.

As the only candidate standing, Colin won by one vote.

All for charity? o you've all joined RAG and proudly pinned your 'IT' boy and girl badges upon your person . But as RAG appears to go from one extreme of pretentiousness to the next, where is it all going to end up?

Masterminded by self appointed IT boy Pete Large, RAG Generation 11, claims to poke fun at those people in society who for one unfortunate reason or another, have landed themselves with the description 'IT'. However, those of us who have been to RAG meetings will have been mesmerised , albeit temporarily, by an overly inflated committee of emaciated boys and gals flouncing around in black, air kissing and calling each other 'dahling'- in the name of charity, or so we're told.

Comms in Crisis

Or did he?

The fact that many seemingly valid ballot papers were declared spoilt makes even more of a farce of the whole issue.

Having said all this, credit must be given where it's due.

RAG has raised a considerable amount of money for charities, and continues to do so. But this begs the question of how really important the whole concept of charity is to RAG, and do they really know the first thing about it? After all , it was originally the founding members wish to simply have an 'IT' Society with no references to charity at all. Of course, this would never have got through the door of UEA's egalitarian union, but now that it's in the name of charity, its all safe and sound.

After all, "it's all for charity, darling." Isn't it?

Anon, His 2

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Do you want to get involved in writing for one of the best •Editor: James Tapsfield •Deputy Editors: Mark Edwards Caroline Jeater •News Editor: James Goffin •Assistant News Editor: Clare Hamilton-Eddy ·Assistant Features Editor: Will Halsey •Sports Editor: Nick Henegan •Web Editor: Pete Chapman •Ad manager: Jane Kirby •Distribution Manager: James Graham

•Creative writing Editor: Kris Siefken •Editorial Contributors: Adam Banham, Julia Lee, Alex Kenning, Darcy Hurford, Anne-Marie Sahloul, Beau Kinnard, Rosie Hayward, Ceaser Bazlinton, Clare Hickman, Mike Faulkner, Rachel Boyd ·Copy Editing: Darcy Hurford •Cartoons: Pete Large •Photographers: Russell Burton, Nick Henegan, Caroline Jeater, Mark Edwards, Iris Waas, James Tapsfield, John Williamson, James Goffin •DTP: James Tapsfield, Caroline Jeater, Mark Edwards, Nick Henegan • Page 22: Poems Julia Lee© 2000.

-Special Thanks to: UH Stewards, everyone at ECN •Concrete is published by the Union of UEA Students. Opinions expressed are those of the Contributor and not necessarily those of the Publisher or Editor. Use of the name 'The Event' appears by arrangement with the copyright holders, Planet Zog Ltd. • No part of this newspaper may be reproduced or transmitted through any means including vigo, burning buildings, crashing computers and last minute exam revision - without the express permission of the Editor •Printed by Eastern Counties Newspapers Ltd , Norwich, Norfolk NR1 1RE. © Concrete 2000.

student newspapers in the country?

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We have regular meetings for contributors every Monday ROOM 1:33 @1:15pm Upstairs in Union House

Or if you can't make the meeting, pop into the office upstairs in Union House.

10 Plain English 11 Iraq sanctions 12 Home Brewing 14 Teen mags debate

15 Sex survey c/s Exam errors 20 Photo story 23 Featured words

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subparagraphs (4) and (6) to (10) of paragraph:} to an application or proposed variation: (a) the notice served under sub-paragraph (2) of this paragraph shall be treated as the notification required by sub- paragraph (4) (a) of paragraph 3; (b) the reference in sub-paragraph (6) of paragraph 3 to the day on which the notification under subparagraph {4) (a) of paragraph 3 is made shall be treated as reference to the day on which the notice served under sub-paragraph (2) of this paragraph is given."

The Campaign for Plain English's annual Golden Bull Awards were doled out over Christmas. James Tapsfield looked over some of last year's worst abuses of language ... t's time to stop prevaricating around the bush and call a spade a digging implement: modem life is plagued by over-complex, convoluted language and confusing jargon .

Or that's what the Campaign for Plain English think, anyway. Since Chrissie Maher founded the movement in 1979 by shredding particularly drivelling documents in Parliament Square - and asking an unfortunate policeman to explain the riot act when he read it to her - the CPE have lobbied for clarity in every aspect of communication. And despite Maher's woeful comment that their task was the equ ivalent of "pushing water uphill with a rake", the campaign has had no small measure of success. Its work in raising awareness prompted the Government to rewrite over 58,000 official forms in the early 1980s, and the organisation played a crucial role in bringing about last year's Lord Chancellor's reforms which saw Latin and legal jargon banished from England's civil courts.

Maher herself had her contribution recognised with an OBE in 1994. But all this has not been achieved purely through earnest entreaties and serious debate. Far from it. For the Campaign has taken to heart the lesson that the most effective

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"Far better to employ a big strong man with a baseball bat to go and beat some sense into whoever wrote this claptrap." way of engendering change is to make the current state of affairs seem ridiculous and even comical.

Hence the organisation's annual Golden Bull Awards, which celebrate the most excruciating treatments of th e English language, and for which a 222 word clause from the Union's draft constitution was this year nominated (see Concrete iss 106). A few years ago the so-called 'winners' were reward ed in true Mafia style with a pound of tripe sent th rough th e post, but health regulations have now rendered this quaint tradition sadly defunct, and they have to make do with a Golden Bull trophy. These are perhaps more pleasing to the eye and nose, but infinitely less apt. In fact , attempting to wade through some of this year's winners leaves one believing that only tripe could fully do justice to the crimes of whoever perpetrated them.

whose skill with the double negative is such that he often says exactly the opposite of what he means, we probably shouldn't be too surprised .

But don't think it is only the public sector that has a tendency to disappear up its own linguistic construct. The private sector, it seems, is just as culpable. This particular gem from computer firm Elonex plc appeared in a 'force majeure' clause in its terms and conditions.

For example , there is th e baffling assertion by the Department of Trade and Industry in the Employment Relations Act 1999 (Schedule 7, section 3 (1 )(c)) that: "a person carrying on an employment business shall not request or directly or indirectly receive any fee from a second person for providing services (whether by the provision of information or otherwise) for the purposes of finding or seeking to find a third person, with a view to the second person becoming employed by the first person and acting for and under the control of the third person. " Hmmm . Not quite sure what they 're trying to get at there, and I'm fairly sure that persons one, two and three would require the aid of person four - a very expensive lawyer - in order to tease the meaning out. Far better to employ person five - a big strong man with a baseball bat - to go and beat some sense in to whoever wrote this claptrap.

Government is clearly a happy hunting ground for the Campaign . Another Golden Bull recipient this year was John Prescott's massive super-ministry, the Department for the Environment, Transport and the Regions . Now, the Campaign for Plain English generally encourages the use of paragraphs to aid clarity, but with their consultative paper on The implementation of the IPPC Directive' the DETR seem to have rather missed th e point.

"In the application by virtue of this paragraph of

Maybe this makes more sense to those who have had their brains warped by long exposure to the vagaries of government process. Or maybe it's just utter rubbish. Mind you , given that the department is headed by a man

"The Company shall not be liable for the cancellation by it of any order or any unfulfilled part thereof or for effecting partial delivery or performance if performance by the Company is prevented or delayed whether directly or indirectly by any cause whatsoever beyond the reasonable control of the Company whether such cause existed or was foreseeable at the date of acceptance of the Customer's order by the Company or not and without prejudice to the generality of the foregoing any cause shall be deemed to prevent, hinder or delay the Company if the Company is thereby prevented, hindered or delayed from fulfilling other commitments whether to the Customer or to third parties. " Got that? Didn 't think so . lt seems that when it comes to passing the buck Elonex don't take any chances. Lurking under the amusement value of such passages is an important point. Th e most common response to criticism of language in contracts and legislation is that it has to be legally watertight. In fact , this is the reason why the Union of UEA Students' draft constitution included a headache-inducing 222 word clause on indemnities. But this excuse is simply not good enough . Since 1995 it has been a matter of European law that terms in a consumer contract can only be enforced if they are written in "clear and intelligible language", and the same should be true for legislation and all other contractual documents . After all, how can you expect people to follow directives they simply can 't understand?

John Prescott: Talks rubbish

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With the situation in Kosovo at a pivotal point, people seem to have forgotten about Iraq. Beau Kinnard and Rachel Boyd look into the continuing bombing campaign and sanctions ... ersailles, June 1919. Inside the Hall of Mirrors two Germans, one a violinist and the other a former Private in the army, sign their names to a document that blames their country for the death of over 11 million men, women and children. They are not prominent figures in Germany; nor, come to that, have they taken any part in the negotiations. Yet the harshness of the treaty they have just been forced to sign will within a quarter of a century consign Europe to another, even more costly, war.

If there is one lesson to be learnt from the bloodshed of this century, it is that winning the peace is every bit as important as winning the war. In fact, recent conflicts have demonstrated that winning the war is often the straightforward bit: in Kosovo the military might of the Nato alliance so dwarfed the Serbian forces that there was never really any question of defeat. Yet now, after Milosevic's capitulation and the end of the bombing, the real task of overcoming centuries of ingrained ethnic conflict is being addressed and the difficulties are all too apparent.

And what of Iraq? When, in 1991, The Sun celebrated the success of Operation Desert Storm with the headline "A Sea of White Flags", one

V

"Hussein's grip on power still looks as secure as ever it was.

Nothing, it seems, has changed apart from Iraqi living conditions." might have been forgiven for th inking that the iniquitous Saddam Hussein had been defeated once and for all. His regime's aggression against Kuwait led the United Nations to assemble an invasion force of their own using the massive military reservoir at their disposal. In the event Hussein's forces offered relatively little resistance, but clearly the peace has not been as easy to win as the war. Six years later, operation Desert Fox was initiated after the Iraqi regime refused UNSCOM inspectors access to suspected

weapons factories , and punitive raids on Iraq are still taking place today, although they now occupy the back of newspapers rather than front pages. Moreover, despite all the bombing and stringent sanctions, Hussein's grip on power still looks as secure as ever it was.

Nothing, it seems, has changed - apart from the living conditions of the Iraqi people, that is. Since August 1990 - after the invasion of Kuwait but before the Gulf War- exports from and to Iraq have been strictly embargoed by the United Nations.

Oil sales, which in 1989 accounted for 61 per cent of the country's gross revenue, have dwindled to virtually nothing, and GDP has dropped from some $60 billion in 1989 to just under $6 billion today.

Previously Iraq had imported two thirds of its food ; but without the oil revenue this is becoming increasingly difficult.

Meanwhile, sanctions intended to stop the regime acquiring materials for use in the manufacture of chemical, biological or nuclear weapons are also having unfortunate consequences for civilians. lt is presently illegal to supply Iraq with graphite for pencils, computer equipment, and radioactive isotopes for the diagnosis and treatment of cancer.

We're had enough! Soldiffw of Jrar:~'11 crack /l<>publican Guard 1Un-end('1"on th e

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he humanitarian consequences are plain to see. According to UNICEF, the mortality rate for children under five has risen from 48 per 1000 in 1990 to some 122 per 1000 in 1997. Over one million Iraqis have died from embargo-related causes since the sanctions were put in place.

Although the so-called 'oil for food' deal allows strictly limited export of oil in return for food and other humanitarian resources, many regard the permitted level as pitifully inadequate, and the bombing has undermined the Iraqi infrastructure to such an extent that not enough oil can be found to exchange for the aid. The UN estimate that over $500 million in humanitarian aid has not reached Iraq because of the government's inability to supply the necessary oil. When Madeleine Albright was the US Ambassador to the UN (she is presently Secretary of State) it was put to her that more children had died as a result of sanctions in Iraq than were killed at Hiroshima.

Albright did not question the figures, but merely expressed her view that the price, while high , was worth paying. So for what purpose is this enormously high price being paid? Why are the sanctions still in place and the bombs still being dropped?

Well , the most common western reply is that Iraq is still refusing to comply with United Nations resolutions governing its manufacture of chemical and biological weapons, and will not co-operate

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other Middle Eastern states have failed to obey UN resolutions before with nowhere near the same consequences; not least Israel, who maintain very close relations with the US despite having ignored 37 UN resolutions, occupied Palestine, Lebannon and Syria and developed both nuclear and chemical weapons. Similarly, the poor human rights record of the Iraqi regime does not mark it out from its neighbours: if the West were to take military action against all the states

"Other Middle Eastern states have failed to obey UN resolutions before with nothing like the same consequences." who have violently suppressed opposition to the government - or even only those who have engaged in torture of prisoners - they would be carpet bombing most of the Middle East. No: the key factor, it seems, is Saddam Hussein himself.

Although the UN has never made the overthrow of Hussein a prerequisite for the end of sanctions, the US has at various points insisted that he must be removed before Iraq can be accepted into the international community again. In fact, a similar situation almost arose after the Kosovo conflict, when US aid to Serbia was at first made dependent on Milosevic's removal from power although this condition now seems to have been dropped , or at least relaxed somewhat. Since the •. iQ~~<[',t; ~u.wtt. ~vs.s~" h<is. ~e;o~e one of

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the most hated figures in the Western world . He is portrayed as a ruthless monster with no thought for anything but remaining in power, and certainly no compunction about killing if it furthers his own ends. There can be little doubt that he is a fairly despicable character, responsible for gassing his own people on several occasions in order to protect his position, but the West actively supported this 'monster' with money and weapons during the Iran-Iraq war that followed the overthrow of the Shah of Iran by the Ayattolah.

The issue here is not whether Hussein is guilty of human rights abuses: all the evidence screams that he is. Nor is it whether we should be trying to stop the Iraqi regime from building nuclear, chemical and biological weapons: following their aggression against Kuwait it is only right that their access to military equipment should be restricted.

However, the draconian sanctions and bombing are having little effect apart from destroying the country's economy and undermining the living conditions of the Iraqi people. They also cause rampant anti-Western feeling and allow Saddam to style himself as a heroic leader standing against Western interference.

In Iraq the Allied forces are not seen to have been gracious in victory. Rather, through the harsh sanctions and continued bombing they causing suffering, humiliating a state, and alienating its people - and this always has consequences in the longer term. Having won the war so easily, it seems that the peace is slipping out of our grasp .

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CONCRETE WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 19, 2000

Virtually every student dreams of cheap and plentiful alcohol, and home brewing could be the perfect solution. Mike Faulkner checks out the pros and the cons of creating a beerdrinker's heaven ... ocks + sandals = beard. it's an equation that has always been intrinsically linked to home brewing , in the same way that the image of fat men with long hair has plagued the world of professional darts.

But home brewers often have the last laugh, with pints working out at around 80p each or less.

Indeed, the socks would seem less of an issue after 10 pints for less than a tenner.

For students , the idea of a large amount of beer being available quite cheap ly is, quite literally, a heady combination. Many students pride themselves on achieving the state of drunkenness with astonishing regularity. With the bank balance secure as well , is home brewing the ideal student pastime? While it is unlikely to overtake daytime television as the principle hobby of your average student, the abolition of the grant means alcohol is becoming more and more of a valued commodity.

Home brewing can certainly make financial sense if yo u enjoy beer, and it is also possible to create wine and spirits. While kits are readily available, it is very easy to make an acidic, medicinal tasting beer that leaves you feeling drunk on cough mixture. Decent preparation and research makes this less likely, but the threat of becoming a stereotypical 'home brewer' remains .

One home brewer, Brian Gowland , while probably a perfectly agreeable person, exemplifies this tendency. Sharing his own brew, the Bampton Burner, in a brewing magazine, he describes a somewhat humorous anecdote of a fire starting at a re-enactment of a battle from the English civil war. Gowland ends his anecdote thus: "Anyway, all in all it was pretty damn traumatic and not something I'd want to experience again, but I felt I had to brew a beer in memory of the day, and the lessons it taught us."

This is a classic example of the home brewer equation, and while there are undoubtedly many people who brew their own beer and do not have a beard , one should nevertheless be on one's

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guard.

Nobody is entirely sure of when beer was invented , but legend has it that a man named Gambrinus invented it, and then proceeded to drink 117 pints of the stuff every day. The likelihood of ever seeing his kind again was slim, but then Oliver Reed was born. At that rate , Gambrinus must have been producing the stuff at student bar prices, not to mention being in a perpetual 'Father Jack' style state of inebriation .

The drink developed through the ages , with the first 'real ' beer as we know it today appearing in the Viking time. The Vikings called the drink 'aul', while in Sweden it was called '1' , and in England 'ale'. Unconfirmed rumours also suggest a drink called 'lagger' was brewed fo r the Viking soldiers who preferred their drinks without taste.

Home brewing has also been around for a long time, but it was only in the last century that

"Nobody can be entirely sure, but legend has it that a man named Gambrinus invented beer, and then proceeded to drink 117 pints of the stuff every day." brewing kits became available in high street stores . Some Boots branches sell drinks kits , and not only is beer available, but also spirit-making kits. Why anyone would want to make a 'vodka flavoured drink' is not for me to say; indeed , it's spirits such as vodka that have sustained mixer drinks in profit for so many years.

Making your own beer, according to the 'Biology of Microorganisms' textbook , is possible for "anyone who is willing to learn aseptic technique and the first principles of microbiology." lt is at this point th at students usually abandon their plan s to earn a fortune through the Norfolk Terrace Bar. The book continues, though, to claim that "The amateur brewer can make many kinds of beer, from English bitters to German back."

If kits are not locatable via the High Street, th e interne! is an option (www.breWorld .com) to find ingredients and advice. The basic ingredients of beer are malt, sugar, hops, grain and yeast, while the actual process of brewing can be divided into stages. Firstly, making the wart, which can be avoided by using ready-made malt extract, before carrying out the fermentation , and then , finally , bottling and ageing the beer. Ageing is very important in home brewing beer, despite the procedure being more often associated with wine and spirits. When bottling , the sugar is added , but too much sugar can cause the bottle to explode .

Kits are now available that make brewing very simple indeed. All that is involved is add ing hot water, then leaving the mix at th e right temperature for two weeks. However, according to one home brewer, "the taste is average; not nearly as good as more detailed processes".

Brewing does require some space, for there are many instruments involved. Also, it makes sense to brew around 40 pints at a time, which obviously need to be stored. Science students would be in an even better position , for they may have some clue what the hell "aseptic techniqu e" is, not to mention "the first principle of microbiology."

Aside from beer, wine making is also a popular pastime, though beards are distinctly thin on the ground. The process is somewhat similar, but the

key starting point is the grapes . Some home brewers are known to stamp on the grapes to crush them , though whether anyone actually drinks it in the end is unknown. As with beer, fermentation is important, and so is yeast. Homemade wine does not have to be restricted to grapes, though, as TV sitcom The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin demonstrated. Sprout wine made several appearances, though whether sprout related alcohol has ever reached offlicenses remains unclear.

The element that wi ll probably prevent home brewing from ever becoming a student pastime is effort. While the end result, cheap beer, is obviously a plus, the work involved in producing the alcohol is less appealing.

Chris Halsey is an ex-home brewer, although he remained clean shaven. He brewed many kinds of beer, from bitter and lager to barley wine, a viciously powerful beer. Aside from the cost, though, the appeal of home brewing is an interesting question . "I liked the idea of making my own beer, and having beer that was both good quality, and cheap, of course. lt was also a fascinating' procedure, a scientific process." Chris, though , is an ex-home brewer, so the question remains why he gave up . "lt was too much effort in the end. All the parts had to be meticulously cleaned , and that took time . Bottling it took time , and making it available on tap led to problems."

The biggest disaster Chris could report was beer going off; not particularly impressive (an exploding vat of bitter would create more of an image) but losing 40 pints of beer that have taken weeks to

produce is something of a disaster. In terms of humorous, beer-related anecdotes, those would come after the brew was consumed .

Home brewing takes a lot of effort and some scientific knowledge, though not a lot. lt does, though , produce pints of beer tailored to your taste for roughly a third of what it would cost in a pub, without any real drop in quality. And you don 't actually need a beard.

Perhaps home brewing is simply the perennial student dilemma : Lots of effort but 80p pints .. . 80p pints but lots of effort ...

FAX: 01603 632977

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There has been much media coverage recently of 'pornographic' and 'sex obsessed' young people's magazines, with everything from More! to FHM coming in for criticism. Here, Anne-Marie Sahloul argues that such concerns are valid, while Will Halsey suggests that they have missed the point.

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CONCRETE WEDNESDAY, JANUARY

19, 2000

her answer was pretty swift and to the point. 'Oh Muuummmm , some things you just don't discuss with your parents! ' So there it was, my daughter would not ask me whether 'men get paran oid about women having vibrators'.

I became defensive. When I grew up, I most certain ly had no access to material of this kind.

Did I feel deprived? How the hell did my generation find their way into the jungle of sexual practices without access to such graphic information? How come man/womanki nd is not extinct by now having had to rely on fumbling in the dark for the finer details of reproduction which, according to my catholic upbringing , is what it is all about.

In reality we all go at our own pace, in growing up as well as in sexual re lationships. Reading about sexual practices and seeing pictures of every conceivable position does not prepare you for the first intimate encounter. Like with an y theory, you can read about it a thousand times but in the end you have to find out what works and what doesn't.

urely the damage is already subject. done," I said to myself as I I put this to my daughter and asked her whether scanned the pages of B and Minx she would be able to put to me some of the in recent days. As a responsible questions that appear in these magazines, and parent of an adolescent son and daughter I should have vetted the reading material underneath their pillows much earlier. My children may be ready for this explicit stuff now - 'Real Men [as opposed to what?] On Sex: 18 sex questions they'd never normally answer' - but were they a few years ago whe n th is stuff started going around?

Had I been neglectful as I never interested myself enough in the glossy magazines my daughter and son were reading? And what's more , they surely should not have needed to look for these answers in magazines? I consider myself ~------------~llll!!!!!·~;;_;._.;__;:;_..__~.;.~;;:iii::i~~~~ a fairly broadminded and approachable parent and always thought that they could talk to me about any

My reservations for young people reading this material , which could well be ahead of th eir emotional development, is that it may take away from the innocence which we bring to early encounters, and there may well be pressure to 'run before you can walk'. lt is tru e that, on reflection , there is some information which I would have liked to access without embarrassment and without blushing, and I may have had more idea of what was common practice; I also may have felt less guilty about some of my feelings . But I also think there is a danger in common practice when everyone is different.

So to conclude I would say there is a place and need for information which you do not get in sex education at school , and that may be difficult to discuss with your best mate and certainly with parents. But the crude techniques and 'advice' only stop young people acting on what th ey feel is permissible and acceptable for themselves, their own self respect and dignity.

While I personally was not overly shocked by the explicitness - it was too shallow fo r that - I was by the bland portrayal of what it is like to be you ng. lt is not all about sexual confidence, perfectly shaved armpits or designer gowns costing £1 ,300 a piece. Nor is it only about being white , beautiful, perfect and successful. There is, in my opinion , a huge void and into loollli"'-!.__,---~,.....~.----1 this void would need to come the portrayal of some real men and women . This cannot happen as long as the magazines are bought in their present format , and unless young people demand something less superficial and glossy. If there has to be explicit sexual content, at least could it be mixed in with a bit of 'real life'.

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some demand for the information they provide. And if schools and parents cannot provide it adequately, surely it is better it comes from an industry that prides itself on understanding these people , rather than in a language that flies over young people's heads.

While I would find it difficult to argue with the bl andness of some of these articles , and also the 'perfect figure' that many of these glossy

n the recent media hype regarding FHM's student guide, and more specifically the feature on suicide, the editor of the magazine summed up my argument quite concisely .

"We communicate with men in a language an d tone they understand. lt may seem insensitive and irreverent to you [a critic) but it is by far th e most effective way of getting the message across to our readers."

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Teen mags: good If this is extended to the whole market of young people's magazines , it becomes easier to understand 'Real Men on Sex' and oth er such articles. While the actual quality of the journalism may, as Anne-Marie suggests, be shallow, there is a real place for it, and, I would argue, a need for it.

In many ways this moves into a debate about education , and more specifically, sex education.

If my experience was in any way typical (and I expect it was), then there certainly needs to be some forum for asking questions that would not be directed at parents. I'm sure Anne-Marie 's daughter is typical in that sense.

Sex education leaves a lot to be desired because it takes place in a group situation .

While this is fine for learning the ins and cuts of

fallopian tubes, for more personal discussion it

'The 'position of the fortnight' always advises the use of protection. If these magazines really are talking in a "language [the readership] understand", surely this kind of sensible advice is crucial." would be strange if students did not clam up .

Anne-Marie is right to some extent, in the sense that fumbling in the dark is part of growing up.

But if fumbling in the dark leads to pregnancy, disease et al , it all becomes a little less 'innocent'.

More' is explicit. There is no argument about this, and other magazines aimed at similar readerships. carry articles that also try to shock, or at least come up with something new. But the often quoted section 'position of the fortnight' always advises the use of protection.

If these magazines really are talking in "a language they [the readership] understand", surely this kind of sensible advice is crucial.

The loser in this magazine-reader relationship appears to be neither of the key participants, rather older people reading over their children 's shoulders. The magazines are popular: they sell many copies. Therefore , there must be

publications promote (although that is another debate altogether), I would disagree that magazines do not deal with 'real life'. If they genuinely didn't produce a realistic outlook, they would not sell many magazines.

Indeed , it is perhaps the fact that young people need to know this information, and that this is 'real life', rather than the general explicitness , that unsettles the older generation.

· Which side of the argument do you agree with?.Take part in our on-line survey and cast your vote. '

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19, 2000

C ONCRETE W EDNESDAY, JANUARY

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alentines day: the twang of Cupid's bow; the ripple of the wind blowing across the broad; long walks in the pouring rain; and the whole city vibrating to thej ungle rhythms of student love. Romance is in the air again, and with it this year comes the opportunity to find out all about UEA students' sexual practices and attitudes.

Yes, the Concrete sex survey is upon us like a nasty rash, and no matter how hard you rub it it won't go away. We want to know what, where, when, for how long, how good it is/was, and more besides.

'Where can we find these wonderful questionnaires?' I hear you cry. Well, mostly in the Hive: they will be on the tables all this week and if you can't find them there ask the

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The time has come to find out exactly what UEA students get up to when they get down to it...

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stewards, who should have a decent stock behind reception .

When you've filled in your survey sheet (only one each, please!) put it in the sex survey boxes in the Hive, and if you're really lucky you might be rewarded with one of the 300 bottles of VK which we'll be giving out this week until they run out.

Responses will be totally anonymous, so don't worry about revealing any secrets, but do try to be as honest as possible. All of your replies will be collated by our experts and printed in the next issue of Concrete to reveal the full unadulterated details of what really goes on between the sheets at UEA. So what are you waiting for? You have nothing to lose but your inhibitions...

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Get the message I

Is there anyone special you would like to send a message to this Valentine's Day? Well, here's your chance .. .

:i w~;:·~:~~~~~~~:1.: :::~~::

Wednesday in our Valentine's issue.

All you have to do is fill in the form below and drop it into the Concrete Competition Box in the Hive.

.. ..... .... ... ...... . ........... ..... . . ...................................................................... .

TO: ................ .................................................. .

MESSAGE: ...... ............................................... .

FROM: ..................................... .................... .

L.------- ---------~---------------.J

~----------------1

16

17

Exams - one of the primary banes of student life. Will Halsey delves deep into the archive of comedy cock-ups and prays for holy mercy over the next few weeks ... t's always the same. You're sitting in the packed exam hall, trying to remain calm as it dawns on you that all the questions are on subjects you didn't revise, when in he walks. He who wears a beige suit With a cigar j ust poking out from the jacket pocket. Designer dark glasses adorn his face , and he sports an impressive tan that suggests the Caribbean. He is several minutes late but everyone is fully aware that he will walk away with top marks, gently puffing on the enormous Havana.

What you don't realise is that for the last three weeks he has been spending 14 hours a day holed up in a stud_y, learning all possible information forwards, backwards, and in Latin while sitting stripped to the waist between two powerful sun lamps. The dark glasses on exam day are merely present to hide the bags under his eyes. lt just goes to show, unfortunately, that teachers and lecturers are not mistaken when they claim, "You only get out what you put in". However, while those who do no work end up, from high school to higher education, making mistakes that return to haunt them (does the suggestion "a myth is a female moth" ring any bells?), there is always the possibility of getting lucky, or failing that, cheating.

For those who wish to abide by examination laws, late January and June are inevitably stressful times. Indeed, dealing with the stress and worry is often the key to successful exams, though some may argue effective essays and high marks are more pertinent issues.

The counselling service at UEA offers advice for such problems, as do the Samaritans, who are always busier around exams and exam results. They highlight the importance of recognising stress. "Are you angry and impatient with people close to you?" is one symptom, according to the Samaritans web site (www.samaritans.org.uk). "Do you feel close to tears over small events?" is another question that helps diagnose stress. Physical symptoms are also highlighted.

"Sleeplessness, loss of appetite, panic attacks, and low energy levels are all symptoms of stress".

However, even with severe stress and ch ronic loss of appetite, you can still be sure to get an agonising hunger about three quarters of an

I

Queen Victoria: Sat on a thorn for 63 years.

hour into the exam. You can also rely on your stomach letting the people sitting next to you know you require food, with small, peculiar noises similar to those emitted by an oboe.

However, the Samaritans stress that there are ways of dealing with pre-exam nerves.

"Talk to someone you trust," is their key piece of advice. ''Talking openly about how you feel can be like opening a door. · Talking puts you back in control." lt is worth pointing out that, "Pint of Fosters, please mate," does not generally count as taking openly. "Eat healthy food regularly, get exercise, and get a reasonable amount of sleep," are other useful stress-beating tips.

But while stress can be reduced, nerves around exam times cannot, unfortunately, be completely extinguished. And it is often stress that leads to embarrassing mistakes.

This is especially true during GCSEs

and A Levels, when exam techniques are learned, and when the mind tries to keep up with the pen, or vice versa. One of the few pleasures for external markers must be when students suggest, for example, that the inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies, and that the Pyramids are "huge triangular cubes situated between France and Spain". lt appears that those in the schools of EAS and HIS have most to fear, for it is in the representation, or misrepresentation, of facts that examiners find most cases of human error. Going back through history, students have suggested that Socrates "died from an overdose of wedlock", while "the Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offence•. The image of William Tell, "who shot an arrow though an apple while standing on his son's head" is another sure to ease the marker's headaches, if not William Tell's son's.

Unfortunately, the mistakes do not end there. During the Renaissance, Martin Luther "died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull", while "Sir Francis circumcised the world with a one hundred foot clipper." More interestingly, "when Queen Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted 'hurrah'.

Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo." Quite what the small insect eating animal was doing in Europe remains unclear, but the British defeated it anyway.

However, it is not just history students who should beware during the timed exercises.

One English Literature student, faced with a question ·on Shakespeare, confidently stated that, "Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy". lt could be claimed, of course, that the student was merely taking the piss.

However, while students dealing with literature and history can make the odd mistake, the errors do not necessarily suggest poor revision - merely examinduced confusion. Science students, on the other hand, have far less room for factual error. And suggesting H20 is hot water and C20 is cold water is ver hard to plausibly excuse.

Some answers are even more worrying, such as this classic: "Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull." lt can only be hopeq that the hapless student learned slightly more about biology before fraternising with the opposite sex.

Some answers could be passed off as clever humour, though abject stupidity seems more likely. The American student who claimed, "The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana," is surely one such example. Indeed, the Americans are unsurprisingly better at making mistakes than the British, with "Germinate: to become a naturalised

German," running "Utre: a nest of young puppies," into a close second.

All of this suggests strongly that insufficient preparation for exams can lead to writing very silly things. However, it is unlikely that these slip-ups will have a massive bearing

"One individual believed the treatment for asphyxiation was to, "Apply artificial respiration until th~ patient is dead." in the years of adulthood to come. There is, though, one exception to this. lt must be hoped that some of those taking medical tests in their teens never achieve a career in the NHS. Especially the unfortunate individual who believed that the treatment for asphyxiation was to, "Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead". This

could arguably be put down to a realistic outlook on life, but the same could not be said of the budding doctor who suggested that if someone is drowning you should, "Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial perspiration."

gain, the inescapable conclusion seems to be that to do well you will actually have to do some work. But what is the best method of getting work done? This brings us to another of the .teacher's favourite sayings, that some revision periods will be more effective than others. Psychological research into memory has revealed that how and where you learn information is extremely important when frying to remember it. Put simply, information learned while drunk will not be easy to remember when sober, and ·vice versa.

A

One unnamed UEA student decided to maximise output by taking drugs shortly before an examination. lt seemed to do the trick, for he wrote many pages before leaving the exam hall very pleased. So it came as some surprise when he received a rock bottom grade, and an appeal was duly lodged. it was quickly dropped, however, when his exam script was produced. Each of the many pages was neatly split into paragraphs comprising his name written many times over, with a certain amount for each question. As one teacher advised me shortly before A Levels, "Don't take speed in order to write more in the exam. You will write more, but it will all be sh*t."

Revision, though, will benefit from certain techniques. Recreating the atmosphere you will be in while taking the exam (blind panic excluded) is a good idea, which at a basic level means sitting at a desk with no music on. However, to truly benefit from this technique, you should revise in a huge room, in an uncomfortable chair in front of a desk that simply refuses to possess four · legs of the same length. To complete the picture, employ a friend to sit one desk to your left and ask him to chew loudly for three hours.

Barclays Bank produced a revision guide some time ago that is perhaps more realistic, with sensible advice such as "Start slowly, set yourself achievable targets, but don't leave things too late." The guide does, though, manage to be exceedingly patronising as well. "Why not make a calendar for your wall... Put the dates and times of all your exams in the correct slots use a distinctive colour like RED." For those unsure, the colour best suited is REO. But if organised revision seems too much like hard work, there is another option. That is the age-old art of cheating. Despite the technology available, the methods used are sometimes less than modern. Indeed, Steve Newstead, a psychologist from the University of Plymouth, suggests that some of the 'old school' methods are still practiced today. "13 per cent of undergraduates have confessed to copying from a neighbour," he explains. "Eight per · cent have slipped crib sheets into examinations. And about· five per cent have admitted to being helped by whispers or notes."

Once again, the Americans have devised more complex methods to cheat the exams. Students in Los Angeles paid $9,000 each for pencils which had answers written in code on them. The pencils were created in an elaborate scheme which used the time difference between New York and LA to profit on students' desperation to achieve college places.

Those mistakes in full ...

"One of the reasons for the Revolutionary Wars was the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps."

"Colonists won the war and no longer had to pay for taxis."

" Franklin invented electricity by rubbing cats backwards.

He died in 1790 and Is still dead."

"Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. He said, 'In onion there is strength'.''

" Bach died from 1750 to the present."

" Louis Pastuer discovered a cure for rabbis." " Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers."

"The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened.''

Momentum: What you give a person who is going away.

" Queen Victoria sat on a thorn for 63 years.''

Vacuum: a large empty place where the Pope lives.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

But would something like this ever happen in Britain? George Turnbull, of the Assessment and Qualifications Alliance, thinks not. "UK schools and colleges are more trustworthy than those in the US and Australia." Although he does add, "Higher Education may be more vulnerable to cheating in this country."

And, judging by evidence from Edinburgh University, even if British students do want to cheat they have very little idea how to go about it. 117 first year Computer Science

"Through an enormous stroke of luck the Ugandan students were asked to interpret a map of where they lived and worked." students were recently caught using e-mail to circulate model answers for coursework.

Suspicions were aroused when much of the work handed in was very similar. it is somewhat alarming that out of 117 students not one realised that the work might look the same.

While UEA boasts an absence of highprofile cheating cases, Oxford University cannot say the same. Katherine Rainwood, at one point president of the Students' Union, was sent down for cheating in 1998. Having claimed that a wrist injury prevented her from writing, she was allowed to use a computer and answered one question by downloading a previously written answer. Rumours that Blue Peter subsequently offered her a presenting role thanks to ner innovative use of their catch phrase, "Here's one I made earlier'', remain unconfirmed.

In this technological age, cheating is becoming increasingly difficult to police. While it would be difficult to use mobile phones to speak to someone outside the exam hall, the advent of text massaging means cheating is easier to conceal.

Indeed, it would appear that the days of writing notes on all available limbs are over - a disappointment for fans of Red Dwarf and ·Rimmer's inventive cheating techmques.

However, there is some relief for slackers. Francis Foecke took a maths degree at Bristol University 11 years ago. Having performed averagely for two years, he made a conscious decision to work a lot harder, and produced spectacular results in the third year. He took 13 exams rather than the expected seven, and a brilliant academic career lay ahead of him.

Unfortunately, Foecke performed too well, and was accused of cheating.

Stripped of his honours, he has worked as a builder for the past decade, embroiled in a legal battle that has cost him £150,000.

Suddenly, a 2:1 doesn't look so bad.

Unfortunately, however high tech or 'old school' the method of cheating, the likelihood of being caught is reasonably high. As Woody Alien once said, "I was disqualified from my metaphysics exam for staring into the soul of the boy sitting next to

me."

There are some rare occasions,

though, when success can be achieved even in the absence of revision or cheating.

The crucial ingredient here is luck. While most people have at some point received the welcome boost of having all the preferred or revised questions come up, this does not even come close to the good fortune lan West, an examiner, witnessed while working as a voluntary teacher in Uganda in the late 1960s. The school he was teaching at used Cambridge Overseas 0 level papers to examine the students.

"The papers were used in any country in the world," West explains. "So we handed out these papers set in England in this tiny school in the middle of nowhere. lt was in a village with just a few native huts. "The exam was 0 level geography, and one section of the paper was interpreting a map. The map was of the remote village in Uganda, about.a mile square with just a school and a few native huts marked."

Through an enormous stroke of luck, the students were asked to interpret a map of where they lived and worked. ''The questions were things like, 'How high is the ridge?', and the kids would look out of the window and say, 'Oh, that ridge there.' The odds on that happening must be millions to one." Admittedly, questions like, 'What

crops are grown locally?' would be slightly easier if you spent the weekend working on them, but children's stroke of luck did, sadly, rule out any chance of lottery success in later life. lt appears that to some extent you can make your own luck, though. With a combination of bravery and insolence, the French philosopher Jean Paul Satre is alleged to have answered the question, 'What is arrogance?', with the immortal response, 'This is', before walking out of the examination hall. Through a combination of luck and brilliance, he achieved high marks. But philosophy is something of a unique subject. As comedian Mel Smith once said, "My Philosophy exam was a piece of cake, which surprised me really because I was expecting a sheet of paper with questions on."

So even if revision has been sidelined for more interesting pursuits, and you possess neither the nerve nor the knowledge to cheat, there may be some hope.

Then again, there may not. As one UEA student remarked as she walked out of an English Literature test, "The exam I have . just taken was, in every sense of the word, a tragedy paper."

CONCRETE WEDNESDAY, JANUARY

www.concrete-online.co.uk

19, 2000

Featured 19

Cold exam halls s the exam season is now upon us, I will be rising early on Saturday, January 22 and heading wearily in the direction of UEA, taking with me an assortment of barely memorised facts and several trusty biros.

As this particular exam takes place in the Sports Hall, I will also be tak ing an extra layer of clothing, a scarf, and possibly a coat which I could even keep on if, as is likely, the Sports Hall is especially nippy. I hate exams, I hate the way you have to sit there, motionless, for three hours, writing away until your hand is irrevocably clenched around the pen and calluses are forming on your fingers. I hate the fact that exams take place after the Christmas holidays, giving you time to forget everything you used to

A

"Exams are difficult enough without your concentration being disturbed by shivering and stretching your sleeves over your hands to keep know about the su bjects.

Most of all though , I hate the way it's always cold in the Sports Hall. If you're doing sport there, then the chill factor is not a problem, since sporting activity keeps you warm by itself. But if you're taking an exam, then it definitely is. I mean, exams are bloody difficult enough as it is,

without your concentration being disturbed by the need to shiver or stretch your sleeves over your hands to keep them warm. Particularly distracting is the draughtiness. Lucky candidates sitting in the end row may well experience the occasional icy gust of wind sweeping along the hall , rustling exam papers in its wake. it's interesting to wonder what would happen if someone's exam papers were blown off onto the floor and scattered to the four winds.

Would markers take into account the time lost by the candidate having to gather papers up from around the room , or would the candidate just get disqualified for inappropriately leaving their place and disturbing other candidates by asking them to lift up one of their chair legs? Probably the latter; so let's just hope that gale force winds stay away for the exam period . The cold tends to be a problem campus-wide, especially in places where students go to study. The Arts Building is not the warmest of places, and the Library is freezing. Conversely, the Hive and the Union Bar are quite warm . This sends out a clear message to students not to spend too much time studying when they could be helping increase Union revenue in the bar. How else do you explain the fact that UEA is as badly neated as a mediaeval castle, despite being built in the age of space travel and double glazing?There's a question to puzzle over while you 're sitting in the Sports Hall waiting for the invigilator to collect the papers. Or maybe not.

Burning issue allowing his narrow v ictory over RON In t he recent election, we asked students whether Colln Moore should resign as Non Sabbatical Comms officer?

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Ash Verjee, EAS 3 Yes. He should also be flogged in the square and then disembowlcd.

Sarah Traslcr, LAW 2 Yes. I think he should definrtly resign from the job

'Yes, h e should

..

Andrea Dyer, Et..S 2 absolu!~ty .

Ceri Ashcroft, EAS 2 I think there should be another election to let people dec ide .

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Holida-y, UVI 2 n-;;t teslsn. That".~ .,mat the Me-E are lhr:r~ !or. U people can路I foflow lh ~ l !U'Wc~io,.. l t isn路t hi & :aul:..

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Mark Smith SYS 1 Start the vote once more, and let the students have another chance to decide.

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Amy Powen, E.A.S 2 he ahould go and let them reopen ,eli'Ctioru w.i!h clcsar.er nouces of t he n;1el! .

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So it seems that the weight of opinion is against Colin, but how many of these people actually voted in the election? If it Is a representat ive sample, less t han one of them ...

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20

Featured

www.concrete-onune.co.uk

Concrete Wednesday, December 1, 1999

---

The UEA photo casebook

Have you ever thought of taking drugs to help you revise?

Exam time again - and Quentin was desperate ...

But what if the cat keeps miaowing?

And doesn 't it die if you don't put any food in with it?

So you put the cat in the box .. .

Wow, man , the sheer logical impecunity of the argument to design has blown my mind .

â&#x20AC;˘ Caroline Jeater gets out the textbooks and swots up on ... revision technique. wo weeks of pure hell , otherwise known as the exam period. You remember , the fortnight when post-it notes, revision cards and biros become the hottest commodities on campus as the need to actually read and make notes from the course books bought at the beginning of the year suddenly dawns on everyone . But what is the best way of revising? Well , asking around a bit suggests that all of us do it differently - excepting of course EAS students , who can claim that projects count as exams and that it is quite acceptable to constantly take 100 per cent coursework units (not that I'm bitter) . Many people , it seems , use revision timetables in a (generally futile ) attempt to organise their time and cover all the necessary areas .

However , even if th e idea of putting tog ether a timetable leaves you cold , most people at least jot down the topics to revis e so that they know what they have to do , and what time there is left to do it in . When it comes down to brass tacks and all other avenues of procrastination have been exhausted , the

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accepted method of revision is to take notes fr om your lecture notes. This will mean an unhealthy relationship with your highlighter pen for the next fortnight , but does mean that you have ready-condensed material to read over right up to the last minute before the exam. Here we find another area where people have widely differing habits . Some claim that if you don 't know the stuff by the

"lt is a good idea to look at something peaceful for 15 minutes: trees, or goldfish swimming round a bowl." morning of the exam then you ' re never going to know it. Others , howe ver , bel iev e that their best revision is done in th e last 15 minutes before they head for the exam hall.

Revising with people on your course is always a good thing . Not only can you clear up any little outstanding issues , for example whether Hitler was a nice guy or a tyrann1cal

â&#x20AC;˘ dictator , but you can also go over top ics , get new ins ights and generally make each other feel better about everyone's level of understanding. There is also good news in that revi sion experts have assured us stressed out student types that revision sessions should only last for a set period of time . lt appears our brains can only cope with so much information . So every 45 minutes we should take a 15 minute break.

Psychological studies have also suggested that it is a good idea to look at something peaceful for this 15 minutes , such as trees or goldfish swimming round a bowl .

However , if you are having a good concentrated period of revision it is worth carrying on and taking one main break.

Drawing spider diagrams for key words is handy, especially when testing yourself or getting friends to test you. Ju st make sure you spend a reasonable amount of time revising each area . Don 't simply stick to things you know or don 't know as that will cut down the amount of knowledge you take in with you into the exam . After that there are JUSt a few last minute th ings to remember . Set your alarm clock the night before your exam , remember to pack your biros and registration card , and if the worst comes to the worst and you actually forget what exam you are taking or when it starts ,

give either your school or Nightline a call who will provide you with a full list of exams on the following day . While students are notorious for coming up with the most inventive of excuses to avoid the excruciating pain of spending three hours sitting in the Siberia otherwise known as th e Sports Hal l, at the end of the day it is worth sitting the exams and following some of the revision techniques , as there is only one thing worse than taking exams and that is sitting retakes in the summer .

CONCRETE W EDNESDAY, JANUARY

FEATURED21

www.concrete-online.co.uk

19, 2000

Horoscopes

So you think you know about. ..

Epidemics 1. What epidemic swept Britain in 1348, wiping out one third of the population?

2. Which famous royal was killed during a typhoid outbreak in the nineteenth century?

3. Which farmyard animal was virtually wiped out in 1997 in Hong Kong for fear that it was passing the flu bug to humans?

4. What has been the most devastating pandemic (world wide epidemic) in the twentieth century?

5. In what year did the Great Plague sweep Britain?

6. After what epidemic in 1846 did the British Government set up the Board of Health and Public Health Acts?

7. What disease killed Keats and Elizabeth Barrett-Browning?

8. Who did doctors first try to blame for bringing the current flu epidemic into Britain?

9. How many people officially have to be ill for an epidemic to be classified?

10. What animal carried the plague into Britain?

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The Cyclades offer enough sun, culture and partying to satisfy even the most demanding holiday-maker. But, as Joanne Aitchison found out, island hopping isn't all plain sailing. t was 6.30am on th e first morning of five holiday. Sitting on Paras quayside at 4am, waiting weeks' island hopping around the Cyclades for the 'delayed' ferry to arrive, we thought things with my housemate, Laura, an d we were were bad ; then we realised we didn't have a ticket. beginning to wonder what we'd let ourselves in The tourist office said we could buy one on board , for. Tens of ferries waited by the quay, with but the port police weren 't so convinced . Lucki ly, cars and herds of cattle jostling for position as th e as the ferry was quiet, we were allowed on board.

Greek Port Police tried ineffectually to organise the it's always worth buying in advance once you 're chaos. sure the ferry is running .

'What the hell do we do now?' asked Laura. Neither After a spectacular sunrise at sea and a few hours of us had a clue. Eventually we managed to sleep on the plastic benches, we found ourselves manoeuvre our way on to a cross-Channel sized in Amorgos, home of the French film The Big ferry bound for Paros, a journey of approximately five hours south-east. As the mad sprawl of the port faded into the distance, all we could see was the azure Aegean to every horizon , dotted with small , misty islands. Suddenly everything seemed a little calmer and more manageable.

Not for long though: on arriving in Paras port we were attacked from all directions by a pack of Blue . Following our guidebook's advice, we went to the northern port - Aegiali - a small inlet with a guest-house owners and campsite reps, all beautiful tamari sk-shaded beach. Once a hippy promising the best deal and th e best location . We eventually settled for a campsite which cost about holiday haven , this fishing port now plays home to £3 .50 a night each . You don't need to take a tent to a relaxed com munity of alternative Greeks and those hippies who liked it so much they decided camp, as most sites wi ll provide some kind of shelter, and we found ourselves under a breeze not to leave. block structure with a cane roof. Although it can Owing to a distinct Jack of campsite space, feel strange at first sleeping outside next to however, we ended up getting a room in the tiny strangers of all nationalities , it did seem the hillside village of Tholaria, above the port. This cheapest and best way. Until , that is , we found was the equivalent of taking a step back in time.

Tholaria is a traditional Cycladian settlement; a cockroaches crawling up our sleeping bags.

After a couple of days on the beach, we decided to weaving maze of whitewashed houses laden with bougainvillaea, built into the side of the valley. We move on , and soon appreciated why everyone aqvises agaiqst o/~~ing a.fi.6<ed i!ii.Jerf.JYJ Qr ,your ~ .QQI\l ~9W,twq otllElf tourists, and had to improvise \••· ~ ~. : . .,. '· • HUU:aUHtU~t)·~~~\;tU~L·~I,i

I

"One club had lighting effects which were created by flicking a lightswitch on and off."

sign language in order to buy anything in the 'shop' - which was actually somebody's house.

The vi llagers spend their days fetching produce and lugging it up th e sl ope by mule, or sit putting the world to rights , fl icking thei r worry beads as they talk. it was certainly worth the effort to find somewhere off th e beaten track: not many islandhoppers make it to Amorgos because it is away from the main ferry routes, but to see Greece virtually untouched by tourism was an experience.

After such tranquillity, Mykonos proved something of a shock. We were overwhelmed by the hoards of people unpleasantly overcrowd ing the winding streets of the town . Although the vibrancy of the gay scene is renowned , the sheer openness cannot fail to surprise. The streets bustled with beautifully preened men , drag queens, clubbers (the island is a clubbing capital) and the rich , laden in gold jewellery. The island's exclusive shops and cliente le are reflected in the prices, which are extortionate for Greece .

In search of slightly cheaper nightlife, we headed for Ios - the 'party capital' of the Aegean for those on a budget. Here we learnt another valuable lesson : once you 've boarded the correct ferry (always check - it's surprisingly confusing) , make sure you stay awake for the stop you want. Feeling a little worse for wear after th e night before, we managed to sleep through Ios , and found ourselves on course for Santorini , two hours further south. Bearing in mind that ferri es and hangovers do not go hand in hand , th is was not something that filled us with joy.

Santorin i, however, was a pleasant surprise. We stayed at the campsite in th e main town , Fira, which had good facilities and a pool with a bar.

Fira town is built on the edge of a caldera on the island's incredible volcanic rock formations. From where we were you could see a massive sea-filled crater, wh ich became almost painfully beautiful at sunset. Fira has good nightlife, but careful of some of the clubs you pay to go into, as they're not all they're cracked up to be. One club had lighting effects which were created by flicking a lightswitch on and off.

After a few days nursing hangovers, and then

doing it all over again , we took some advice and headed for th e coast to the volcanic , blackbeached resort of Perissa. The atmosphere here is ve ry fri en dly - th ere's a road scattered with all night beach bars where you'll end up receiving shot after shot and meeting everyon e th ere in an evening . Other than the campsite, there are some cheap rooms to be had here, for about £7 a night.

Perissa has th e fun of a big town without th e impersonal atmosphere. After seeing sunrise from the bars after a hectic night, it's hard to leave; but we decided enough was enough , and moved on.

Our next and final stop was Naxos, the largest island in the Cyclades with a busy, tourist-infested main town . Set back from the tourist area is the old town , once inhabited by the Venetian Catholics, now a derelict ghost town scattered with stray cats and signs of wealth gone by. it's worth looking at, if only to lose yourself i n the winding vaulted lanes. The next day we got a bus to a villag e high in the interior of the island , among

"After seeing the sun rise after a hectic night it's hard to leave; but enough was enough." vineyards and olive groves at the foothills of Mount Zeus. Tourism has made little impact here, and once again , with its stunning views, we were in 'true' Greece, not the Greece tourism has created .

Eventually, it was tim e to return to Athens - an unappealing prospect after the quiet island life.

Seven hours later, our ferry approach ed the unbelievable huge sprawl and we were back in the mayhem of Piraeus port. With 24 hours to kill before our flight, we booked into a youth hostel and went to the Acropolis, a sight definitely worth seeing. Back at the airport, we discovered that check-in desks and departure gates weren 't displayed; we had to guess what to do and where to go.

But th en, after five weeks of Greece, we were used to thar

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featuredwOrdi Tillamook Anno Domini fifteen ninety-four, A potlatch on Seatco's edge Saw the men in black sail past Saving the New World from the scum of Creation Spreading smallpox, and Christianity, missions, mission bells-Hotel California-and place names, South, and inland.

In the third year of the reign of George 11 , A canoe of salmon fishers Witnessed a keel-haul, The man's barnacled back bleeding as he is pulled back on deck And his shipmates' scurvied teeth dropping like rain.

In his cabin, George Vancouver, writing 'Dear Charlotte, Emily and Anne'.

Some Russians, badly lost, Stopped Takkohod in his tracks, Transfixed by the beavers on their heads, demanding Promshlenniki?

Their territory was farther north, seven cents an acre.

Siskiyou sniffed gentlyThe Valley Which Smelt of Cheese Was beginning to permeate his grave.

Years, earlier He had watched the prairie schooner Coast down the hill And the cheese-man Robinson kneel down And kiss his earth.

She sorted shells on the seashore She sorted shells on the seashore.

She wore, in obedience to the First Law, "'All citizens must wear cream trousers', cream trousers. lt was his turn in the water, and because of the Second Law: 'Only one citizen may enter the water at any one time', she could not join him, although she longed to.

He looked happy, though, but that might have been due to the Third Law: 'The citizen in the water shall be smiling'.

Her feet were burnt almost to a crisp and she wished that 'No shoes may be worn' could be repealed.

He came out of the water still smiling .

His shadow fell across the beach, and it was blue because 'All shadows must be blue'.

'Darling, how lovely to see you,' they exchanged greetings and airkisses, because 'All citizens must use the appropriate cliche in every situation'.

Their short-back-and-sides (all citizens must have short-backand-sides) mingled and they gazed momentarily towards Their necessarily windswept house, as she bore the proud motto over the door: 'All houses must be windswept'.

She was mindful of 'No swimming in the shade', but she saw the darker blue glimmering before her and as she transgressed she saw the world did not end, so as he turned, he watched her disobey the Final Law: 'No citizen shall swim beyond the boulders'.

Pluviophile He is coming, my drummer-boy is coming his paradiddles roam the roof, a Shiatsu over my body He taps himself away into darkness, shouts to me from far away

Conversion 'I am Time,' howled the preacher.

'I am the death of ego,' 'I am Eternity.'

'This is great,' enthused Charles Spain, the man from KIRO. 'This is really sexy stuff.'

This isn't sex, thought Elijah, this is zeal.

Sex is the whores on Kellogg Street the happy shoppers browsing in the adult bookshop, the neon signs of 'Porn-tastic' and 'Viva Glam'.

The wicked whites.

'Are you ready, Elijah?' asked the preacher shouting across the dusty floor of Elegido Pentecostal Church (hall rented from St Michael's, already displaying its cheery red and green Noel sign) 'Are you ready for the Messiah?

Are you ready to change your life?'

The sisters began to hum; Elijah recognised the tune, the old spiritual Go Down Moses, but the words, the words were different: 'Take the journey in, Elijah, take the journey.'

Elijah tried to say something 'J'Don't say a word, Elijah, just look away, take the long view'.

And Elijah felt the rapture and began to sway.

And as he swayed, he noticed that the sisters were tapping their feet sodot-dot-dot-dash-dash-dash-dot-dot-dot; SOS distress call, and what does that say about the state of this religion .

I succumb to his wildnessOutside, outsideand his fingers plaster my clothes to my skin, my skin to my soul, One in Wetness.

A Madwoman on Richmond Bridge

Poems by Julia Lee

That which was formerly thought to bind, or chain, the river, planting each foot equidistant, progressively, marches on, oblivious to illicit railings on the bridge; same problem, same shame, same housecoat.

Submissions for this page (short stories, 1800 words max, and poetry) should be made to Kris Siefken in the Concrete office, or emailed to su.concrete@uea.ac.uk All rights revert to the author upon publication, although subsequent publications should acknowledge prior appearance in Concrete.

Poems for Stereotype Dogs A poem in which the name of a dog is represented in such a way that is audible to the dog itself, but not visible to the human eye The Ou/ipo Compendium

1.

Cringing songs, dresses made from curtains, Smiling nannies, singing kids, Low fidelity naffness on the big screen.

Julie Andrews the lo-fi equivalent of Judy Garland, vamp, gay-icon, trag ic death.

Simple scales and pleasing phrases, Lo-fi do-re-mi.

2.

Rowl Versailles hoves into view.

Row! screams Louis XIV. Actually, he mutters it to his chamberlain, who screams it aloud, and then he says: L'etat, c'est moi THE STATE, proclaims the chamberlain, THAT'S ME. Louis nods contentedly.

So you voted for us last year, and we've now been in office since the summer, so what exactly have we been doing since then? This will hopefully give an overview of the types of events and activities we organised and were involved in last semester. These range from campaigns to events to work with the university and Schools of study. If you have any questions advertisement from the students union or would like more information you can contact any of us upstairs in Union House.

路-

September

1

This was mainly taken up with the arrangements for Arrivals Day and the events for Freshers. We gave induction talks to all new students, including international and postgraduate students. We also, along with other volunteers, helped move people into Residences when they arrived.

We also ran a successful campaign about the introduction of University meal tickets for Campus Catering outlets.

This month saw the start of the parents group which meets once a week. We helped to set this up in conjunction with the University, attending meetings and organised publicity.

We are in the process of re-writing the Union Constitution.

We have been involved with the setting up of Staff-Student Liaison Committees in Schools, to give students more opportunity to voice their opinions about their courses and schools.

We have reviewed our safety procedures for Clubs and Societies

October

November

In October we started to recruit people to become representatives on Students Forum, the committee which acts as the policy making body of the Union. Once they had been recruited, we were also involved in training events to help them in their role as student representatives.

In conjunction with Law students we also started to campaign for the Law school to change its policy on lecture handouts.

We also started to become involved with the School of Nursing and Midwifery. By attending meetings with student nurses, giving them better access to information about Union activities and identifying key issues which affect them whilst at UEA we have enabled them to become more integrated in campus life. lt became apparent in October that a significant number of students were being timetabled for lectures on Wednesday afternoons. This meant that they were unable to participate in both sporting and non-sporting activities. We alerted the University of this problem and received assurances that things would be remedied for the Spring Semester wherever possible.

This was probably our busiest month in that we were publicising the NUS National March for Education in London. We successfully recruited 150 students from UEA to join the 15, 000 other students from across the country who took part.

In conjunction with the march we also ran a Hardship Week focussing on issues of employment, Housing and debt.

We also held a Safety Day; selling Personal Alarms and running self defence classes. The day also included a talk from local Police Officers and the University highlighting various safety issues which affect students on and off campus.

In November we also attended the first meeting of the University Ethical Investment working party set up after a successful campaign last year.

We have had extensive involvement in campus rent negotiations.

We have persuaded the University to increase lighting in Ea ~lham Pank and the Sunken Garden to ensure greater student safety on campus.

We have had a large involvement in the National Student Learning Programme, a scheme in which student volunteers deliver training on skills such as public speaking, as well as specific training for clubs and societies and student representatives.

For World AIDS Day the LCR and Hive were decorated and we raised 拢100 for the Terence Higgins Trust.

Happy Hours in the Bars were also reviewed with new offers and extra days to start soon.

We also successfully persuaded the University at University Council not to approve a disproportionate cut in student representation on that body.

After much dispute over many months, a new non-sabbatical Communications Officer was elected.

We organised the well-attended Christmas Carol Service in the square in conjunction with the University.

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advertisement

t's Elections ime Again!

The Election for our 8 delegates to NUS Conference will be taking place on Thursday 17th February 2000 Nomina~iods open: Monday 17th January Nominations ·cl.ose.: . 2pm Thursday 3rd February .

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.

Each year the National Union of Students holds a three-day conference in Blackpool to discuss the key issues relating to students across the country and agree policy for the coming year. This year conference will take place from 3rd to 6th April. Any student at UEA is entitled to stand in the election for the 8 delegate places The Union of UEA Students is allocated. So, if you're interested in issues such as Student Hardship, Tuition Fees a d Eq ality in Education and would like to stand as a delegate, pick up a nomination form from reception in Union Ho se or contact the Academic Officer su.acad@uea.ac.uk

Nestle nroducts Yes or o?

On Thursday 17th February we will be h01ding a referendum to decide whether or not nestle products should be sold in Union outlets. Current Union policy is to boycott Nestle products. The question for the referendum will be as follows:

Do you think that the boycott of nestle products in Union outlets should be lifted?

The ' ' campaign is being organised by the NUS Officer Antony Little nus@stu.uea.ac.uk The 'No' Campaign is being organised by the Welfare Officer Claire Kober su.welf@uea.ac.uk Please contact them if you would like more information, or want to get involved with the campaigns.

The Hag iest Hours!

Monday 7-8pm in the Pub 1he Best Sellers" Jo~:~~~hs

11

Vodka

+ Mixer ·

Tuesday 9:30pm-lam in the Hive

llf,·ue

;11 t·l.e

L r1 •~

llf 1111

LIIR

w

Uiue ,,

1 'L ~

Live Entertain~ent ~nd a different drink at a bargain pnce every week!

11

n•r1

11

Thursday 9-lOpm in the Hive S . ,, Carling, John Smiths, Vodka and Mixer* all at £1,

rrarm up

eSS/00

*Pump based Post mix and cordials only

(·

and if that's not enough watch out for further prOmOtional OfferS!

(

)

Local MPs g·ve no hone on fees?

In the middle of the Cubie Commission Student Finance investigation in Scotland, Antony Little, NUS Officer, asked local Norfolk MPs what their position would be if the Scottish Parliament voted to scrap tuition fees and whether the inquiry into fees should be set up in the rest of the UK. With the cost of higher education increasingly leading to students studying from home at local universities and mature students applications down by 11%, this is an important issue affecting all students. Since the inquiry's results over Christmas which announced the return of a substantial bursary system and massive investment in further education for Scottish students, these questions have taken on agreater sense of importance and urgency. Our MPs have a powerful role to play in ensuring that student's voices are heard- but are they listening to us? Here is what your local representatives said....

Darid Prior (Con) said, "The abolition of the maintenance grant is more. significant than the imposition of tuition fees." The 5% fall in student numbers and the bigger reduction in non-traditional students and those from poorer backgrounds, is evidence of the damage the policy is doing. Although abolishing grants was wrong, "on balance (it was) right to keep some level of tuition fee".

Dr /an Bibson {lab) gave the answer we wanted to hear, "I am both politically and intellectually disposed to the idea o scrapping tuition fees"_However he did make clear that he would rather wait for the result of the Scottish enquiry before making a decision.

Norwich

•

Keith Simpson (Con) thinks that any findings in Scotland have to be applied to the whole of the UK. "When UK citizens receive different treatment from the hands of the government simply because of their place of birth within Britain, needless tension and resentment results." He disagrees with abolishing grants for needy students and wants fees of English students in Scotland paid for the fourth year. He points out that Higher Education Institution funding rose by £4m 98-99 in Scotland when students paid £19m in fees but that the introduction of fees has increased the costs of providing student loans.

!.Transport 2. Holidays 3. Rubbish 4. Heating 5. Electricity 6. Paper 7. Food

A

B

80

20 10 10 30 15 5 5 5

55

30 50 40

20 10 15

Norwich North Mid-Norfolk

Norwich South

Charles Clarte {lab) is UEA's local MP. He believes that the best way to fund education is through the 'contribution of the individual undergraduate'. He suggested that people with degrees are economically better off than those without, so should contribute towards their education, through graduate tax, as should employers, who benefit from an educated workforce. However, in the mean time, he commits himself to supporting government legislation.

Well done. If everybody lived like you then humanity could be living within the natural limits of our planet. However, there is a catch. Your total footprint needs to include a share of the ecological impacts of your college. Is it treading lightly too? If ask If everyone consumed as much as you, we'd need an extra Earth! The footprint of your lifestyle is below the UK average, but it is still higher than a fair share of the Earth. Plus, to find your total footprint you have to add in a share of the eco-

200-300

If everyone lived like you, we'd need three Earth's to support us. You are treading very heavily on the Earth -your I has a fottprint above the UK average. Once you've added in a share of the ecological impacts of your college, it's huge.

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Monday 7th February 2000 ll.OOam - 3.30pm LCR Union House

Do yo1 wait to have f11 a1d gai1 tra1sferable skills?

Does yo1r society 1e d•ore •e•ben?

Do you wa to set •P a 1ew iety?

If so come along to Soc Mart 2.

To sign up for a table put your name on the list, upstairs in Union House, near the clubs and Society pigeon holes.

Sports-clubs should see Vanda Turrell

U Rugby Cl b illen ium Ball Stakis Hotel, NoiWich

3rd February 2000 5 course meal, live band, disco and raffle Ticket price ·£30 Available in Hive 12-2pm everyday

,... 28

SPORT

CONCRETE WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 19, 2000

FIXTURES & TABLES LOCAL LEAGUE FIXTURES FRIDAY, JANUARY 21 BUSA KNOCKOUT FIXTURES WEDNESDAY, 2 FEBRUARY

BUSA KNOCKOUT FIXTURES WEDNESDAY, 2 FEBRUARY

CUP

SHIELD

FOOTBALL

BASKETBALL Women

~

Mens 2 Mens 3 Women

V V V

Portsmouth Reading RHUL

(a) (h) (h)

BADMINTON Men Women

V V

Southampton Bath

(a) (h) Bob Carter Centre

V

UCL

(a)

V V V

WYE Portsmouth ICSM/St Barts

(h) (h) (h)

V

""

Mens 1 Mens 2 UCN

V V

ICSM Chichester

(h) (h)

V

Oxford Brooks St Barts

(a) (a)

Mens 1 Mens 2 Mens 3

V V V

Norwich Unio A Trowse Reserves F.C Denmark

(a) (h) (h)

Broadland 2 Nch City Broadland 4 Pelicans 2 Magpies 4 Magpies 5

(a) (h) (a) (h) (a) (a)

Diss 2 Eccles 1 Eccles 2

(h) (h) (a)

14.00 14.00

HOCKEY V

Oxford Brooks

(h) Mens 1 Mens 2 Mens 3 Womens 1 Womens 2 Womens 3

V

No details as yet

v

No details as yet

V V V V V V

13.00 14.30 10.30

RUGBY Mens 1 Mens 2 Mens 3

v v

No details as yet No details as yet

V V V

14.00 14.00

SATURDAY, JANUARY 22

BUSA FIXTURES WEDNESDAY, 9 FEBRUARY

V V V

Bath UCL Southampton

V

South Bank

V V

-

VOLLEYBALL

~

Men Women

V V

UCL KCL

10.15 10.15

(a)

LOCAL LEAGUE TABLES V

Crewe&Aisagar

(h)

TABLE TENNIS (a)

(a) (h)

BUSA FIXTURES WEDNESDAY, 16 FEBRUARY

CUP GOLF

Imperial KCL

(h) (h)

Diss B Beccles C

V

V

UEA Women in the Womens National League

LACROSSE UEA

UEAA UEA B

VOLLEYBALL

SHIELD (a) (a) (h)

TENNIS Men Women

V

FOOTBALL

TENNIS

TABLE TENNIS Men

19.30

(h)

SQUASH Mens 1 Mens 2 Women

Men

(a)

RUGBY

RUGBY Mens 3 Women

(a)

BASKETBALL

NETBALL UEA2

Oxford Brooks Hewett School

FOOTBALL Mens 1

... HOCKEY Mens 2 Mens 3 Womens 2

V

NETBALL UEA 1

Mildenhall Men

V

SATURDAY, JANUARY 22

PLATE

FENCING UEA Men

UEA Men

HOCKEY Mens 1 Womans 1

BASKETBALL

(a) (h)

UEA

V

Surrey

(a)

Norwich Table Tennis League

UEA Telephones D STS Holborn B Old Catton B Taverham H Concrete WB Foxwood D Briston F Norwich Union F Scorpions B

p

w

d

f

9 8 7 9 10 9 9 9 7 7

6 7 6 3 4 4 3 4 1 0

2 0 0 3 2 0 1 0 0 0

63 58 49 52 48 43 42 36 19 10

1 3 4 5 5 5 6 7

a Pts 27 22 21 38 52 47 48 54 51 60

27 26 22 20 19 16 16 15 5 2

SPORT 29

19, 2000

CONCRETE WEDNESDAY, JANUARY

GRADUATE MANAGEMENT TRAINING PROGRAMME

FINAL STANDINGS AFTER BUSA GROUP STAGES BADMINTON Women's South East 1sts Merit League 1 p w d f a Pts Cambridge Hertfordshire

6 6 6 6 6 6 6

UEA Brunei Kent Essex

cc cc

6 5 4 3 2 1 0

0 0 0 0 0 0 0

0 1 2 3 4 5 6

45 36 26 28 3 4 2

9 9 19 26 .33 23 25

18 15 12 9 5 -3 -10

4 4 4 4 4

Cambridge

UEA Kent

cc cc

4 2 1 1

0 0 1 1 0

0 2 2 2 3

24 6 3 3 0

3 12 6 6 9

12 3 0 0 -3

Northampton

UEA have qualified for the Cup

UEA have qualified for the Cup

Are you a competitive and highly self motivated team player, looking to progress as quickly as your talents and personality will let you?

FOOTBALL Men's South East 3rds Luton

cc cc

Kent Northampton Greenwich North London

UEA Bucks College

7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7

5 5 3 3 2 2 1 1

2 0 2 2 2 1 2 1

0 2 2 2 3 4 4 5

21 18 16 14 14 11 10 7

4 12 11 16 14 22 15 17

17 15 11 11 8 7 5 4

Luton Northampton

UEA Essex Greenwich Bucks College Brunei Kent

UEA Kent Bucks College Northampton

d

7 3 3 3 3 2 1 0

0 2 2 1 1 3 0 1

f 0 1 2 3 3 2 6 5

28 15 17 19 21 15 21 4

a â&#x20AC;˘ 5 5 13 15 22 14 30 36

21 11 11 10 10 9 3 1

Women's South East Merit League 1 p w d f a Pts

Men's South East 2nds Merit League 1 p w d f a Pts 5 5 5 5 5 5

w

7 6 7 7 - 7 7 7 6

UEA have qualified for the Cup

UEA have qualified for the Plate

Luton Greenwich

p

1 1 2 2 3 3

3 3 2 2 1

12 9 3 6 5 10

6 7 2 10 8 12

10 10 7 7 4 1

UEA have qualified for the Cup

Luton Greenwich

cccc

UEA Kent Bucks College

5 5 5 5 5 5

4 4 3 2 1 0

0 0 1 0 0

1 1 1 3 4 4

26 23 14 13 10 4

5 5 6 17 26 31

12 12 9 6 3 0

UEA have qualified for the Cup

TENNIS Mens South East Merit League 1 p w d a Pts f Greenwich Middlesex City

UEA Kent

cc cc

5 5 5 5 5 5

4 4 3 3 1 0

0 0 0 0 0 0

1 1 2 2 4 5

18 11 11 8 0 0

6 7 13 10 12 0

12 12 9 9 -3 -1 5

UEA have qualified for the Cup

Women's South East p w d 5 4 4 3 5 3

UEA Greenwich Kent Luton Brunei Essex

4 2 2 1 2 1

0 0 0 0 0 0

1 2 2 2 3 2

f 14 55 57 3 3 2

a Pts 4 61 52 9 4 4

9 6 3 3 0 0

UEA have qualified for the Cup

HOCKEY Women's South East 1sts Merit League 1 p w d a Pts f Cambridge Kent Brunei

cc cc UEA

Hertfordshire Luton

6 6 6 6 6 6 6

4 3 3 3 3

2 2 0 0 0 2 0

0 1 3 3 3 3 5

19 22 15 22 9 15 14

10 11 15 24 13 21 22

14 11 9 9 9 2 0

Luton Greenwich

cc cc UEA

Kent Bucks College

Men's South East 1sts Merit League 1 w p f a Pts d

cccc Kent Hertfordshire

0 0 0 0 1 1

1 1 2 3 3 4

18 16 20 8 4 4

8 6 6 6 17 27

12 12 9 6 4 1

BASKETBALL

SQUASH

UEA

4 4 3 2 1 0

UEA have qualified for the Shield

UEA have qualified for the Shield

Luton

5 5 5 5 5 5

4 4 4 4 4

UEA have qualified for the Cup

4 3 2 1 0

0 0 0 0 0

0 1 2 3 4

10 6 4 6 4

5 4 1 9 11

12 9 0 0 -3

Men's South East Merit League 2 City North London

UEA Northampton Bucks College

p

w

d

4 4 4 4 4

3 3 3 1 0

0 0 0 0 0

UEA have qualified for the Cup

f 1 1 1 3 4

238 211 125 293 97

a Pts 188 186 114 313 163

BUSINESS MANAGEMENT IN SALES AND MARKETING

9 9 6 3 -6

If you answered Yes to this question, then a graduate career with Enterprise Rent-A-Car could be just what you are looking for. We are looking to recruit highly energetic sales orientated individuals who are willing to work hard, and have the same commitment to customer service that Enterprise has established over the years. We are looking for the Managers of our future.

We offer a fast track into Management working for a privately held, multibillion pound corporation; our need is to find individuals capable of continuing our phenomenal growth in the UK, repeating the success stories of North America and Canada. Your job will be to learn all aspects of our business from the ground floor up, dealing with all functions of running your own small business in the decentralised structure we operate.

One of the great things about Enterprise is that its up to you how quickly you get to the top.

If you are a graduate, who thinks they can make the most of these opportunities, please send your CV with a covering letter to: Miss Joss Rutherford, Enterprise Rent-A-Car, HR Dept 51/UEA, Beechwood House, Depot Road, Newmarket, Suffolk, CBB OAL. j rutherford @erac. com Recruiting for the East England area. www.erac.com

We are an equal opportunity employer.

-

30 SPORT

'' E

CONCRETE WEDNESDAY, JANUARY

19, 2000

Is there more than meets the _gye to the government's Rlan to attract tourists with SROrt. Nick Henegan investigates... ~:~~~o:y

tourist," Pulp frontman, Jarvis Cocker once suggested .

But for one group of people any feelings of animosity will have to be put on hold, because the government and the British Tourist Authority have decided that sports tourism is the best way to lure in the visitors and rake in the cash, and they've teamed up with Tim Henman and chums to help.

Yes, Britain 's top sports stars have been drafted in to boost the nation's tourist industry well they're not much good at boosting our trophy tally are they?

As tempting as the idea may be the role of the new "tourist ambassadors" does not involve sporting icons hanging up their

boots and becoming celebrity tour guides.

Just imagine Gary Lineker giving his personal tour of Leicester and happening across a certain crisp factory or

used to bring in the punters: sporting ve nues themselves are being publicised as tourist attractions, with places such as Lords, Wimbledon and the new Millennium Stadium at the

The role of the new "tourist ambassador's does not involve sporting icons hanging up their boots and becoming celebrity tour guides.

Gazza's guide to the working men's cl ubs of Tyneside.

Unfortunately, the reality is much more conventional, with British stars being asked to give up two or three hours of their time while they are competing abroad to help local British tourist offices promote the UK. And its not only the personalities that are being

forefront.

But will people really be interested in visiting such places when any semblance of British sporting dominance evaporated with the advent of colour television?

Sports minister, Kate Hoey recognises this but is hoping that the triumphs of the past will be enough to convince visitors

(although perhaps not British sports fans) that a sporting heritage is just as good as modern day success.

In typical British fashion she looked to the past, saying, "We actually invented a lot of the sports. vye may not be winning as much now as we'd like but we did invent a lot of the major sports and therefore there is a huge history here."

"For people all over the world Wembley means something to them, Twickenham means something to them, Lords means something to them" continued Hoey.

Des Wilson of the British Tourist Authority and chair of the new Sports Forum, the body that will co-ordinate the new initiatives, agrees.

"Within days of arriving as a visitor many, many years back now I went straight to Lords, before I went to Westminster Abbey, Buckingham Palace or the Tower of London.

"Because to a New Zealan d kid these are as much as what the UK is about" enthused Mr Wilson.

The question is why promote Britain as a destination for sports tourists at the present moment, especially when BTA chief executive Jeff Hamblin acknowledges that sports tourism is already popular.

"Sport is both a mainstay of British life and a magnet for tourists worldwide" he said.

However, this does not te ll the whole story as he also admits that the industry is not at its optimum level considering that the sports market is one of the fastest growing sectors in the tourist industry.

These days people are willing to travel thousands of miles and pay thousands of pounds to watch a world class sporting event.

Says Mr Hamblin , "There is plenty of scope to increase its pulling power and help Britain to extend tourism throughout the year."

Another reason for the focus on sport may lie in the fact that traditional attractions are experiencing a downturn in popularity prompting tourism bigwigs to look to new ways to attract the punters.

In 1998 the number of visitors to the UK's tourist sites fell by 1.7 per cent, the first drop for seven years.

In this instance the English

Tourist Council cited the football World Cup as a contributing factor in the downturn, a fact that must not have escaped the notice of the BTA. After all in an age when sport, and in particular sports spectatorship, is going through a purple patch both in Britain and the rest of the world it is inevitable that many people will want to visit the Theatre of Dreams rather than the National

Britain in 2006 is really a very good idea.

Even in the face of criticism that the promotion of events is pointless due to the lack of tickets, the Forum portrays itself as a body that wouldn 't experience the same ticketing fiasco seen at France '98 honest.

"There has to be, for international events, a way of doing things. Clearly there have

lt it is inevitable that many people will want to visit the Theatre of Dreams rather than the National Theatre.

Theatre.

As such the new Sports Tourism Forum can be seen as a body that is simply providing what the public are demanding .

However, it is one of the Forum's key aims that is perhaps most telling about its motives.

One of its main duties is to help with bidding for, and marketi~g of, major international sporting events.

In the light of this the more cynical among us may well see the new initiatives as yet another way, following on from Manchester United's failed ambassadorial trip to Brazil, of trying to convince FIFA that bringing the World Cup to

been some mistakes made and I think that this is something that the Sports Tourism Forum will try to address," insisted Miss Hoey.

There is no doubt that these initiatives will enhance Britain's sporting image worldwide and attract more visitors.

But whether it is right to promote an image of a Britain that rel ies on a sporting past when the nation's sporting future is in jeopardy is another matter.

And it is also worth asking whether the whole initiative is just another way for the government to pursue a World Cup quest that borders on an obsession.

CONCRETE WEDNESDAY, JANUARY

SPORT 31

19, 2000

Wrestle mania A distraught pensioner shocked police as she rang 999 and demanded they intervene in a WWF bout she was watching on TV. Nora Cuthbert, 64, of Edinburgh pleaded with cops to rescue "Stone Cold" Steve Austin as he began to struggle against Triple H in the match that was been screened live from Manchester. "lt just wasn't fair, Triple H never plays a fair game and he was hitting poor Mr Austin with a hammer", Ms Cuthbert said.

Norman's plan's out of bounds Aussie golf hero Greg Norman's bid to build a multi-million golf course are in the rough thanks to a rare breed of snail.

He had hoped to build a £9.9 million course in County Clare, Ireland but thanks to the discovery of the mollusc at the proposed sight a £1.9 million European Commission grant was suspended.

But the Irish Government still hopes to secure the grant so that work on the course can continue.

CityjJyJligh over festive season, but see the Uparture of Darren Eadie to Leicester City_ THERE WAS no sign of a Christmas hangover as Norwich grabbed victory against QPR on boxing day.

Still mourning the loss of Darren Eadie, the City faithful still found something to shout about as Pape Diop engineered the opener after 27 minutes.

Diop met the baU on the back post, knocking it acro the face of goal into the path of the unfortunate Tim Breaker who bundled the ball into bjs own net. · QPR equalised five minutes before the break after some slack Norwich defending allowed Wardly to score unchallenged.

A battling performance from City in the second half paid dividends as Chris Uewellyn scored a scrambled winner in the 87th minute.

The match ended on a sour note as tempers frayed leading to both QPR's Langley and goal hero Uewellyn being sent off.

The millennium unfortunate ly ended with defeat to a well organised Wolves side who prevented Norwich from having any say in the match.

Resolute Some resolute defending saw the visitors hold out until half time but were unable to prevent the inevitable Wolves winner.

It was Uewelyn who was agajn at

the heart of the action, this time sealing the re ult with an own goal in the 57th minute.

But the new century got off to the best possible start for City as they dispatched Portsmouth on January 3.

Craig Fleming sent the south coast side reeling in the ninth minute as he pounded a header past the sprawling AJan Knight.

Penalty The lead was doubled on 25 minutes as de Blaises w.as crudely brought down just inside the area giving the referee no opportunity but to award a penalty.

Stalwart striker, lwan Roberts duly stepped up and smacked the spot kick home.

Portsmouth upped the tempo in the second half and inevitably grabbed a goal back in the 58th minute as City failed to clear their lines.

To the delight of the home fans City managed to hold on for a well deserved victory.

The 2-2 draw against Barnsley on January saw Norwich move into the top ten for the first time since early October but were denied a play off spot as they lost a two goal lead.

Roberts put City into the lead after just three minutes as he latched on to a nick from a Fuglestad corner and smashed the ball in from close range.

Five minute into the second half Roberts scored his thirteenth goal of the season and doubled City's lead after he cannoned home a Dare!

Russell cross.

CITY STAYS DIVISION ONE

P W D L GSPt 07.QPR 08.Fulham 09.Norwich 10.Black'rn 11.Wolves

26 10 9 7 35 39 26 9 12 5 25 39 26 10 8 8 37 38 25 9 10 6 32 38 26 9 9 8 31 36

NORWICH CITY TOP SCORERS

lwan Roberts Dare! Russell

11

3

True colours Snooker fanatic Mick Bullus is set to suffer his 100th defeat in a row, but is set to pocket an award from his local league.

For it's not Bullus' fault that he is painfully bad as he is colour blind.

He often hits the wrong ball because he cannot tell them apart, but he astonishingly still captains a Sheffield association league team.

One league chief said "Mick's an inspiration to all".

lt's no yoke Southampton defender, Claus Lundekvam is no longer frying high as he put himself out of action whilst making bacon and eggs.

The Norwegian star said "I was just reaching over the breakfast ta~le to pick up the pan when I heard this crack in my back". " I'll have to see the chiropractor to click it into place again because at the moment it is hurting so much to try to walk".

Pressure But these goals were against the run of play and City couJd not deal with Bamsley 's pressure forever.

Only five minutes after Robert seemed to have wrapped up the tic Bruce Dyer came off the bench and pulled one back.

Norwich looked to have held on but again were struck with the curse of the late goal as Craig Hignett equalised for the Tykes in the 88th minute.

OPEN 24 HOURS A DAY 7 DAYS A WEEK • • • • • •

20 Snooker tables 4 pool tables Satellite TV Video Games £250 jackpot machines Hot and cold food available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week • Licensed bar at low prices 10am·11.pm, 12·10.30pm Sun

ISTUDENT MEMBERSHIP £21 St Mary's Plain, Norwich Tel: 627478 Only 5 minutes from Norwich market

1"1

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ii[â&#x20AC;˘@ijflwomen's seconds 1 - 3 Old Buckenham I

By NICK HENEGHAN, Sports Editor

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THE WOMEN 'S Seconds were at a disadvantage from the start of their local league clash as they were missing their top scorer and more importantly only had 10 players .

Considering their predicament, UEA coped well in the early stages of last Saturday's match against Old Buckenham, not only preventing them from controlling the game but also pushi ng for the lead.

The home side 's resilience paid dividends in the tenth minute after a scrappy short corner routine eventually found Hannah Sheath who smacked the ball into a gaping net.

Dangerous The goal spurred UEA on and prompted them to stretch the sometimes shaky Buckcnham defence to the limit, using the through ball to great effect with Anna Barsbcy looking dangerous up front.

As the half progressed the visitors composed themselves and started passing well but the solid back line prevented them from making any impact on goal.

But after 25 minutes UEA were lucky not to concede a goal when confusion in the defence led to Old Buckenham having a free shot on goal that had to be expertly saved

off the line.

Towards the end of the half the Norfolk side began to look more and more dangerous and it took a breathtaking double save from UEA keeper Carrie Herron to retain the lead.

The pressure finally told in the thirtieth minute when some tough tackling in midfield set Buckenham's ski lful forward free.

Taking the ball around three players, she blazed into the D and whacked it home to equalise.

Exploited Things got wor e for UEA on the stroke of half time as a lack of concentration meant that they were left with only two at the back, a fact that was exploited by Old Buckenham who duly took the lead.

UEA started the second ha lf keeping possession and putting the opposition under pressure with a

series of short corners.

But they were unable to capitalise on this pressure with a goal, allowing Old Buckenham to react with some devastating counter attacking moves. lt was becoming apparent that UEA's route one tactics were failing to dent the resolute Buckenham defence.

This, combined with some erratic passing allowed the visitors to put the game beyond UEA with I 0 minutes to go thanks to a fine individual goal.

The fact that UEA's first shot of the half came in the last minute summed up their second half performance, as did the fact that it was blazed wide.

After the match a disappointed captain said, "It was a difficult match wi th us on ly having 10 players but everyone put in a good performance."

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Inside: BUSA fixtures & tables - page 28 '. ~