Concrete issue 114 20 09 2000

Issue 114 ¡ Wednesday, September 20, 2000

FREE

www.concrete-onllne.co.uk

•.

Uni calls time on Breakers to make wav. for bigger bar

By NICOLA MALLETT News Editor

AFTER years of ridicule, troubled restaurant Breakers 2 has closed its doors for the last time as part of a massive campus revamp.

The Union and University have announced radical new plans which will transform The Street into a cornucopia of food, booze and entertainment.

In a dramatic U-turn, the University have backed down and closed Breakers 2, which 74% of students gave the thumbs down to in a Concrete survey last year.

Brash To replace the brash fastfood eaterie, the University have announced plans .~ turn the old Lloyds Bank site in to a hangout for veggie and organic food loving students, as a Pret a Manger style restaurant called Chill.

Plans for the Breakers site include an extension of the Union bar, giving pub lovers something to celebrate. A hair and beauty salon will also share the area.

Union Communications Officer Wayne Barnes is confident that the changes will dramatically improve facilities for students.

"I think we all saw last year that Breakers 2 was failing , it was meant to be a fast food restaurant, but I think the food you could debate and the fast you could debate" 'The coffee bar idea has got

to be better than Breakers.

University catering is appalling, so it can only be an improvement," joked Wayne.

Friendly "The major plan is to extend the bar through the kitchen area to increase the capacity. it should create a more friendly atmosphere."

And Union Finance Officer, Becky Thorn, insisted that the hair salon would be successful despite the fact that previous on-campus hairdressers have closed due to lack of business.

"There has always been a lot of demand for a hair salon, it is one of the main things that would benefit anyone living on campus," she claimed.

The Bowl is also set for a change , with opening times extended until 1Opm on weeknights, something which students have long demanded.

Booze Booze-loving students were pleased with the plans to extend the bar, but the beauty salon has met with a mixed response. "it's a great idea to extend the

bar, it's far too small for a university of this size. Breakers was awful, so I'm in favour of the plans," said Sarah Flindall (SOC2).

"I certainly wouldn't use the beauty salon. it's not essential, there are other things that we need on campus which are more important," commented Sam Parker (HIS 2) .

I

~ ~ '

'

I t

'

~f

4

f

11 I

.. ..

~ • ,

Concrete

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER

20, 2000

New

chiefs are more interested in raising cash than saving the environment.

"We've always been for green transport schemes but the However, Union Welfare University has chosen to raise Officer, Polly Morgan revenue before they decide what that are," she those schemes commented. ''It is very regrettable that the University has chosen to ~~~--~l"''o... exempt some staff, but are treating students as if they have an of income £10,000 a year."

Students are backing the protest, and are outraged that some teachers could escape the charges.

"It's definitely not fair. If someone is getting paid more then they should have to pay too," argued Teresa Desousa (EAS3).

over lack of spaces, claiming that, "there is normally no difficulty finding car parking spaces on

CAR-dependent students and teachers have united In a bitter row sparked by "unfair" campus car parking charges.

Angry drivers are protesting against controversial new charges, introduced under University's so-called Green Transport Plan.

Campaigners are outraged that the scheme, which charges students £30 and imposes a 0.3% wage cut on staff earning over £10,000, gives no benefit or reward to those who do use alternative transport.

Department member Bealriz De La Iglesia is leading the growing protest, and is furious about the scheme.

"They have gone ahead with parking charges without actually providing any incentives not to use

NEWS I

www.concrete-online.co.uk

your car," she complained.

Angry And she is IPso angry that the hiked charges don't even come with a guaranteed space - only the chance to hunt for somewhere to park.

"We would be willing to pay if there was a reasonable compromise and a guarantee of a parking space."

scheme, claiming it essential to control growing traffic levels.

"The implementation of these charges is necessary to accommodate the continued growth of UEA," said Mr Goodall.

And be shrugged off complaints

By Katle Hinds

AFTER a year on the market, the ABC cinema is set to become the hottest new night-spot in the city centre.

Essex businessman, Stave Peri intends to turn the 1923 picture house into a mainstream nightclub, further boosting the city's growin1J entertainment industry.

The old-fashioned cinema, existing Prince of Wales Road which has been financially clubs, it is likely the new disco squeezed since the opening of will open. newcomers UCI and Star Norfolk County Council Century, is expected to make it's spokesman Rachel Bobbitt dramatic transformation by explained: "The building has February. permission to be used for various Battle leisure uses, including a casino, a concert hall or a nightclub, as The new club will have to battle alongside popular clubs Transformation Liquid and Time, is expected to hold between 1500-2000 club- long as the outside isn't goers. changed."

With the refurbishment But ifs not clear whether the expected to cost at least £1.2 transformation will also win million, Mr Pari is bullish that favour with student clubbers.

Norwich can provide enough "I think it's a good thing, we business to be viable. have got a new cinema now "lt is the location that attracted which is much better" justified me. That is where the nightlife is", Simon Bishop (SWK2). he enthused.

Argued Tim Edwards (SYS2): "I don't think ifs a good idea, I go Complaints to clubs to see my friends, if Despite a rising tide of there are too many people will be complaints from nearby all over the place, I want place to residents about noise from be full not empty."

Wrong

Is the University

makings mint

"'The University have got it the wrong way round, we should not have to pay. Students have to pay for everything, tuition fees, books and much more," stormed Bill Vme(EAS 2).

NOR

UEA's student media has won a clutch of nominations for this year's Guardian Student Media Awards.

Student newspaper Concrete has been nominated in the Student Newspaper of the Year category, and two of its writers have picked up individual awards.

Nick Henegan is on the shortlist for Sports Journalist, and Stave Collins takes a place amongst the top six Feature Writers.

The university is also at the forefront of new media, with student-run website TSW gaining a place on the Website of the Year list.

Winners of the prestigious awards - now in their 22nd year - will be announced at a London ceremony later this year.

CHARITY SLIDE UEA will be playing host to a 170m rip slide event on Saturday, October 7, and Sunday, October 8 to raise money for the Royal National Institute for the Blind, Open to everyone over 18, the rip slide has reserved 50 places for students and staff costing £10 a go.

If you are interested contact Nicki Radcliffe on 07940 411307 or 01493 752060.

ICH

PEOPLE CARRIER £6

I

L

~

4 NEWS

www.concrete-online.co.uk

Concrete

W EDNESDAY, S EPTEMBER

20, 2000

NEWS IN BRIEF . Dog tax A peckish pooch who ate a car tax disc has found herself displayed on her owners windscreen.

To avoid the threat of the law, owner Kenny Hall, has placed alsatian Dazzle's photo in the car with a sign saying " Disc in dog'·'.

Facing the music Rubber faced Peter Jackson of Cumbria has made the ultimate sacrifice in order to regain his world gurning crown.

For the 43 year old has had all of his teeth removed to make himself look uglier.

Store strippers Swaffham shopkeepers have stripped off for a saucy calendar to raise £5,000 for their town 's Christmas lights.

The tantalising traders, all hold props including a champagne bottle, rugby ball, and pneumatic drill to hide their privates.

Mr March , Terry Beat admitted of the 350 copies sold " it's mostly old ladies buying them."

Silly old cow A startled couple were woken at dawn when a herd of cows decided to have a pool party in their back garden _ The 15 strong group had scattered themselves across the lawn, with one taking a swim in the pool.

House owner Freda, said " I didn't know cows could swim and was stunned to see this one do a length."

Weird type A NUMBER lover has been entered into the Guinness World of Record , for typing and spelling a million numbers.

The typing nut began bashing out t he numbers, starting at one, 16 years ago after being disabled in a fire .

Les of Queensland , Australia wore out seven typewriter ri bbons and 19,990 sheet of paper before he completed his amazing feat.

I

SiNSiN'S Loves tore

Post-grad study room branded useless b¥furious students DISGRUNTLED post-grads are accusing Registry bosses of incompetence for wasting money on a 'useless' post-graduate study area.

•Poorly researched No consultation Waste of money

,....,..,..::....~.......,...,

Last year bemused student s saw a di vid ing wa ll to m down as a room fo r research students was created - now only a year on, they watched in amaze ment as th e wall reappeared.

The room. which contains 24 al so deni ed knowing how the desks and chairs. is described by much the debacl e had cost. students. as "someth ing out of the Bu t outraged postg rad uate Tw ili ght Zone" . wi th plastic student s are shocked th at the wrappers still coverin g the un used University wa sted money on something that they never asked seats.

However, spec ul ati on for in the fi rst place . surrounds the reasons for creating Outraged the room, as Uni-offi cials blame each other for the mess. ''Post grads do urgentl y requ ire Senior Group Admini strator for stu dy faci liti es, but without Humanities and Social Sciences, computers it 's use less. We were Tony Flack shi rked responsibility never consulted about our needs" for the costs of the wasted facility. sa id one post-grad student.

"I don't know how much they 'Thi s is proved by recent spent becau se it wasn' t our fi gures that show there were onl y money." he pleaded. "The money two visi tors to th e room ," he came from minor work s allocation moaned. from the University.''

Academic Officer. Emma Price, Pro- Vi ce-C han ce ll or fo r the c riti c ised the Unive rsity for group. Shaun Hargreaves- Heap. wasting valuable resources. " It was a shame there wasn't more consultation to insure that student s' need s we re heard , it see ms like a terrib le waste .''

- NORMALISING SEX AND SEXUALITY -

"... gorgeous gifts, goodies & gadgets for yourself, your friends and .Yi0 ur Iavers ... "

INCLUDING • Sensual bedlinen • Wigs and latex clothin"Q • Games • Condoms and safe sex items • Lubes and body:saupes • Novelties • Books and info • Moult-A-Willy kits • Liquid latex • Fluffy cushions • Bondage toys • Lovetoys for girls and boys • Cards and stickers • Erotic candles • Sensual bathtime and massage products

2 Charing Cross, Norwich (01603 620200) Open 10.30-6 Tues-Sat (1 0.30-8 Thurs) Secure 24hr online shopping www.sinsinslovestore.com email: info @sinsinslovestore.com

NO POBH • NO SLEAZE • NO HASSU:

We urgently need

• Distribution Manager • Newspaper Distributors Concrete, UEA's student newspaper, is looking for a new Distribution Manager and Newspaper Distributors to take the paper into the new academic year. All positions are paid and part time.

If you're interested in earning some extra money making sure UEA' 's premier student media gets out to its 12,000 readers , get in touch today.

For more information, contact the Editor, James Goffin, on 01603 250558 or email su.concrete@uea.ac.uk

--- - - ---- - -- -

Concrete

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER

--- - - - - -- - -- - -

20, 2000

NEWS I

www.concrete-online.co.uk

Students duP.ed by clearing website

,

e

By ADAM CHAPMAN Deputy Editor

ADMISSIONS officials have owned up to tampering with clearing figures to arouse Interest from panic-stricken potential students.

The revelation came amidst confusion about the number of clearing places that were still available for the academic year 2000/1.

The official clearing website shows and there are lots of places left, you a worryingly high 357 places still would feel really rejected if you available at UEA. didn' t get one, as if you weren't But according to Admissions good enough." "lf it was me I'd feel really Jet Administrative Officer, Jon Beard, down. It is raising too many the real figure is nearer thirty, a massive 320 place difference. people' s hopes," agreed Karen "We actually tinker with the figures Harwood (8102). a little bit because if we say that Decline there's just one place available in UEA admissions saw a dramatic clearing then people will think 'Oh there's only one place. It's probably decline in interest over the first few gone' days of clearing, leaving some of UEA's top-quality courses such as Honest History of Art still open to "The clearing website actually applicants a week after the release of this year's Ashows more places in clearing than level results. we actually have, it's not a bue picture to be honest," he admitted.

But Mr Beard is Union Academic Officer Emma Price is annoyed that the University University would is misleading potential students. fill all but a "Students will naturally assume handful of the that the clearing website is offering remaining a bue picture of what UEA has to places . "We've offer. I think it's a little odd that the had the returns in university has chosen to deceive and I think we them," she complained. are about thirty And students were outraged about short of target, the deception too. and the target Said Paul Houghton (LAW 2) "It's increased on last year by quite a a bad way to attract applicants. lf wide margin so we've done quite you were hoping to come to UEA, well actually," he said.

•Tal vision •Yid o •Wa hing Machln s •Frldg a

9WEEK RATES OR 6 MONTHS CONTRACT All including insurance.

No administration charge

DOCTORS ORDERED UEA's med school bid successful

So/o off

FULL TICKET PRICES on a wide range of •TV's & Videos •Hi·Fi System & Separates •Portable Audio

UEA has won its bid to host a new medical school, with the first would-be doctors arriving on campus in 2002.

excludes special offers

Together with consultants from the new Norfolk and Norwich Hospital at Colney, academics at the University will train 110 students a year, using an innovative patient-centred approach.

10o/o off

The prestigious new school is currently appointing staff and will be built close to the existing buildings of health.

Professor Shirley Pearce, Dean of the Schools of Health, said the announcement was a dream come true. "lt is a very big boast for the University and also for biomedical research which is already strong."

The proposed course structure

Commanded has oeen commanded by the Government for its hands-on approach to teaching.

"Standard courses are two years pre-clinical and three years clinical , but in our course the skills are learnt together," explained Prof Pearce.

"Students will be working with

patients both in the hospital and with other GP's from the beginning - that is very different and very exciting," she added.

Approval The new school has earned the approval of the Students Union as well as students generally. "it's a good step forward , it should be interesting to see how it develops as a school. Hopefully it will all go smoothly, broadening the population at UEA," enthused Academic Officer, Emma Price.

Great "I think it's great that there will be a medical school here. lt will attract more people, even if they are not intending to study medicine. All top universities have a medical school," agreed Phil Ah-Sun (EAS 3).

ALL ACCESSORIES

•Tapes •Batteries •Mini Discs etc

Bring in this advertisement to claim your discount on production of UEA Card.

All rental subject to status. Written quotations on request.

& NEWS

Concrete

www.concrete-online.co.uk

W EDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER

CHECK WHAT'S ON WITH USTINGS GUIDE IN TIJE EVENT . OUR .

20, 2000

'

'

'

LIQUID FLOODS

BACK

LI QUID is set to bring back its popular student night after nearly a year's absence.

The nightclub relaunched it's Tuesday night 'tudent-only disco this week.

The move ca me after rival nightspot Time dec ided to drop it 's student-only policy an d let other clubbers in too.

Liquid chief, promise top deals at the club, including £I en try before I I pm and di>countcd dri nks.

Manager of the Pri nce of Wales Road cl ub, Pablo explained: "Our Tuesday nights were always a favouri te at Liquid. We were devastated when we lost the night when Time opened, but we are excited about gettin g everythin g up and running again :·

GICi GUIDE

Un ion ents bosses are hoping a new way of sell ing gig tickets wi ll help student con cert goers avoid disappointment.

The Union have held back a number of gig tickets for some events co ming up next month incl uding Spice Girl, Mel C's concert.

From Tuesday September 26 tickets will go on sale for James, Embrace, Placebo, The Levellers and David Gray gigs.

From September 20 until September 22, tickets will be on sale from 10am until 5pm for the followi ng events: First LC R Disco, In the City Waterfront, Freshers Comedy Night, Pam's House Club Night, the Union's Freshers Party, and Meltdown at the Waterfront.

Students will only be able to buy two tickets per person and ID is required.

Safe~ bars branded useless as visitor falls from roof

By Nicola Mallett News Editor

ACCOMMODATION bosses have admitted that expensive 'safety' bars installed on Norfolk and Suffolk residences are insufficient to deter students from accessing roofs.

Last year, res idents had heated arguments wi th UEA ofli cial s, when bars preventing students from escapin g onto the roofs were installed on bedr oom wi ndows. cutting venti lati on in th e architecru ra lly acclaimed res idences.

But the controversial measure to get onto the roofs they would be air circulati on problems. failed to prevent a female visitor able to:· he conceded.

Union We l fa re Officer Poll y M01·gan, refused to condemn the fall ing from the roof and badly Concerned students had also argued last year that th e bars Uni versity's actions. claiming that fracturing her ankle at the end of UEA had no choice. last year. create ex tra heat in the already "The bars had to be put in stuffy residences - a cldim that Forced legally and th e un iversity was campus managers knocked back at The incident forced Paul the time.

Obliged ow in a dramati c cl imbdown Don>on. UEA's Director of Safety obliged to spend that money;· she Services. to admit that the bars the Universi ty have shelled out more cash to supply each room explained. weren 't up to the job.

But students were quick to " If someone seriously wanted wi th a desk fan, in a bid to relieve

TAXIS * TAXIS *TAXIS

ALLSTAR TAXIS USUAL STUDENT DISCOUNTS SERVING CAMPUS, THE VILLAGE AND THE CITY CENTRE

att ack the decision to install the faulty bars.

Appalling Said Rhiannon Davies (LLT2), "It's appalling that the University can spend so much money on somethi ng we didn't want or need in the first place." " I think it a waste of money which could really have been better spent elsewhere." co mplained Ed Cook (HI S 2).

G SPO GLORY?

SP.ortsP.ark "no v.outh club"

UEA's £1 7.5m Sportspark has met with a massive response from students and locals, according to campus sport bigwigs.

But some students have hit out at increased charges at the plush new centre, w hich they say fly in the face of University policy. and we're paying much more to UEA exercise junkies no use it," complained John Sugden longer benefit from student (EAS4). discounts, and have to stump up But Keith Nicholls, Director of a SOp entry fee to get inside the Sport, called on students to stop top new facility. sniping and get on with using the Free faci lities.

"I would ask any student to The move means there are no compare us with the University of longer free showeri ng and Manchester. They don't have changing fac ilties on th e main particularly brilliant fac iliti es but cam pu s, leaving cyc lists and we knock them for six on th e joggers hot and sweaty. prices of our facilities," he "If you have to pay SOp at the reasoned.

Sports Centre , it wi ll put people An d he justified the new off cyc ling into university as you pricing structure by pointing to do need to have somewhere to Lottery rest rictions, and the need change and shower." protested to keep the centre the preserve SYS's Beatrice De La _lglesia, of sports fans. who has been leading protest ''The Lottery said that the over parking charges.

University can't offer its students The Lottery-funded somethin g that isn't offered to the Sportspa rk has also dropped whole community." concessions for students, leaving "And if we didn't have control users of th e old Sports Centre over the entrance then what is a feeling out of pocket. marvellous facility could become "lt looks really nice inside, it's a local youth club," suggested Mr much better quality. But I don't Nicholls. th ink th ere's much more in there

Concrete WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 20, 2000

NEWS 7

www.concrete-online.co.uk

New study_puts Norwich at top_ of Viagra league

By Katie Hind Chief News Reporter

NORWICH men are a hard act to follow, according to a survey which names Norwich Viagra capital.

Research carried out by supermarket giants Tesco, placed Norwich at the top of the ales table for the performance-enhancing drug, beating off willing efforts from other regions.

The hard fact show that a sign of the fact that Norwich is UEA students were tickled by the Norwich accounts for a solid 4% of such a buoyant and great place to results.

Viagra purchases. live, people are looking at " I don't think many student use 1t, I think it is more the locals," Second in the table was enhancing their lifestyles even Colchester, closely followed by more,"' claimed Lyndon Green, smiled Ben Cannon (SOC 2).

Chelmsford, naming E sex as the spokesman for Norwich Chamber Sales county with the most potent of Commerce.

And Krishna Sethia, consultant And postgraduate student Gareth demand for the 路ex-boo>ting drug.

Daniel had a simple explanation for urologi t at the orfolk and Accolade the rise in sales.

Norwich Hospital was surprised at "I'm not really surprised- there's But rather than being the results, "It is a very good drug, not much else to do in Norwich." embarrassed by the accolade, city but why orwich should be Said, Sir Malcolm Bradbury different from anywhere el e, I leaders have taken the opportunity to stand up proud and hout about don't know. Perhap we're just Professor of American Studies, :"It juM shows what a creative place orwich's many good qualities. more willing to do something about orwich is." the problem." ''The need for Viagra is probably

---

l_

I

& NEWS

www.concrete-online.co.uk

University • caves 1n to 'cheating~

By NICOLA MALLETT,News Editor AN angry UEA professor has accused the University of caving into intimidation after a student punished for cheating was let off after call ing in her lawyers.

Profc,,or Baruch or the School or Management awarded a \ lude!ll tero when she and another \llldent lllrned in the 'arne essay.

But. as soon as the student studen t:· he exrlained. worrying that studenh thin~ thC) But i\"istant Registrar. Barrie threatened court action . the Cold feet can get out of anything if a lawyer Osbourne. reiterated the University reinstated her grade. is present." he raged.

Un i,ersity ·, policy on cheating The student had argued that uni "The univcrsil) got cold feel as Speculation Concern rules did not clearly stale that soon as the) saw a la\\y er and Union Academic Officer. L:mma giving rise to speculation as to why another 'tutklll <:ou ldn"t <:opy your instcau of lighting lor acaucmi<: Price also expressed her concern the University rcin,tatcd the mark . work. and that she did not realise integrity the) decided to let the ··1r it is a ca~c of plagiari~m it studenh gel away \\ ith it \\ it hout that it was forbidden. about the i"ue. would be counted as <:heati ng. and any punishment:· he stormed.

"If the Unhcrsity arc carTying Furious it would be quite a serious issue" The di\lressed prof abo spo~c out their judgernenh on procedures that \\<Hrldn"t stand up in a court ol Prof Haruch is furious about ho\\ out about his hurt and the University handled the affair. disappointment. law. then they should be loo~ing ''1\l y self and th.; lecturer "I thin~ its appal ling that a rntorl. qudent can lie and get out of commanued that she got a tero "I thin~ that people arc re.tlis ing because it \\·as clear that she had that the force ol the law is a lot something" ithout 'Ill) punishment. stronger thc...,c day-.·· ..,he agn:cd. gi' en her essay to the other this is a litigious society. lt is

student

SURFER'SPARADISE Information highway_gets extra lane NET surfers will soon be able to access the web in a flash thanks to a massive £406,000 handout from a government cash pot.

The huge windfall will spark a dramatic boost to the speed of interne! on campus, the benefiting web ju nkies throughout the university.

The revamp, forked out for by the Higher Education Funding Council for England (HEFCE), will kick start in the new year speeding up net services in all schools.

Or lan Ellery, Director of IT and Computing Services is delighted by the success of their bid. "lt is a complete replacement of the university's network backbone and every school will benefit" "lt wil l increase the current speed of 1OOmb per second which is shared between

everyone to ten times that amount for each building on campus." he boasted.

Union Academic Officer Emma Price was excited by the scheme.

"When students need the interne! for their projects, if is not fast enough it makes it more frustrating ." "it is a very good thing because studen ts are using the interne! a lot more nowadays for their studies,'' she enthused.

The upgrade has also been met with glee from students.

"I think it is a good thing, I just hope to see an improvement as it couldn't possibly get any slower" said James Bryant (MGT 2). · Added Esther Leblenc (N AM1 ) "I think it is a good idea for some people, I'm sure if the interne! systems were a lot quicker then I would benefit ."

Terms & Conditions: AI onloo entnes, one per person, for the pnze draw must be receM!d by 11 .59pm GMT on 31 / 10100.

The pnze draw Is open to full time students (age 17+) of a htgher educatiOnal nstrtubon in the UK. The Winner Will be selected at random end Informed no later than 11/ 11/00. There IS no cash altemabve.

10 LEADERS

~~~~;t:I,~~il~

CONCRETE Issue 114 Edi to r James Goffin Deputy Edi tors Adam Ch apman Nick Henegan News Editor Nikki Mal lett Chief News Reporter Katie Hind Featu res Ed itor Will Halsey A ctin g Sports Edi tor Nick Henegan Creative W riting Editor Kris Siefken Advertising Manager Clare Ham ilton-Eddy Ed itorial Contrib utors Al ex McGregor, NICk Phtlpott, David Swettenham Photographers Steve Collins, Wi ll Halsey, Nick Henegan Illustra tions Elin Jones, David Swettenham

Con crete WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 20 , 200(

www.con c rete-onl ine.co.uk

Bro~n at last University catering doesn 't have the best record at launching new venues.

First off they aba ndoned the much- loved Breakers IUni tails time on concept and repl aced it iBreakers to make :@y..fu...l!igg~ inexplicably - with Piccolo 's Italian restaura nt.

When that proved a failu re, they brought back Breakers, albeit in t he di luted and soggy form of Breakers 2.

Now, after two years, catering ch iefs have seen sense and th rown in the towel.

We really hope that their new venue , Chill suceeds - despite it's cri ngeworthy name.

There are 3,000 people living on cam pus who deserve decent catering, not to mention the thousan ds of other daily visitors to UEA. Please - this time - get it right.

'TAKE IT 1AWAY! ·:~

. : .

Parking problems A green transport plan sounds ltke the archetypal Good Thing. What a pity, then , that UEA's version of it seems more like an excuse to rai se cash from students and staff forced to travel to campus by ca r than a strategy to improve the environment around the University and beyond.

Rather tha n simply scale on ability to pay (a system wh ich , tn any case, seems to have left the anomaly that a student earning nothi ng pays £30, whilst a member of staff earning £9 ,999 pays nothi ng) couldn't the Unive rsi ty have restricted permits on the basis of geogra phy?

Norfolk is a rural area, and not everyon e has alternatives to the ca r. Those that can should ta ke the bus, cycle, or wa lk. Those that can't shouldn 't be expected to pay a tax on attending Un iversity and su bsidise the rest.

Standi ng up for your ri ghts

'II' H(OMt If the student stereotype IS to be N ORWIC H believed, most of us are out either drinking or shagging every night, and qu ite probably a bit of both. You might even say students have a right to sex.

But 1n Norwi ch, at least, t11at reputation is flagging. Affected by the sea air, us chaps need Viagra to help our performance tn the bedroom.

If the Union's ordered it's normal batch of free co ndoms to give away, it may have an awful lot of rubber to give away. ~c

Letters to the Ed itor PO Box 410 · Norwich · NR4 7TB Tel 01603 250558 Fax 01603 506822 · E-mail su .concrete@uea .ac.uk

Handbook hoo-ha On receipt of thi s year's Handbook, th e Committee were co nce rned and upset to find th e final parag raph, in re lati on to information on the Graduate Student's Club, enco uraged first year undergrad uates to "gate-crash" the Grad Bar".

Th e Union is aware that the Bar allows access to

!UPSTANDING', :Cil!ZENS e .,,

members, and their guests, only. The 'informati on' give n in th e Handbook is irresponsible, and may well lead to serious pro blem s. Students wh o attempt to 'gate-cras h' the Club will find themselves turned away at the door.

This may cau se unpleasantness, or even lead to trou bl e. Cl early, th e Graduate Student's Club does not wish to be placed in such a potenti al ly unpleasant situation, nor shou ld th e Union counte nance such behaviour from undergraduates.

Al though th e information was no doubt given out 'tongue in che ek', we co nsider th at th e writer showed a distin ct lack of judgement.

We should li ke to make it clear that under no c i rcumsta n ces should any un de r graduate attempt to 'gatecrash' the Grad Bar. lt should also be made clear th at this is a members only clu b and anyone wish ing to appl y for membership may do so through the usual channels.

Jack Limond Presi dent, Graduate Students' Association

Learn

to fly! ~

Concrete has teamed up with career website Activate.co.uk to bring you a great stunt kite competition.

Imagine the fun you could have avoi ding writing essays, battling with the Norfolk wind on top of Waveney mountain.

To wi n, simply answer the following question: What search engines can you use to find a part time job on Activate .co.uk?

Put your answer on a postcard and pop it into the competition box in Union House Reception by Wednesday, Septe mber 27.

Please send letters to th e address above, marked for the attentio n o the Editor, James Goffin . We reserve th e right to edit for length and cla rity.

Concrete

WEDNESDAY, SernMBER

20 , 2000

www.concrete-online.co.uk

Social experiments have been the craze this summer with Big Brother and Jailbreak.

Alexander McGregor wonders what they'll do next to get the psychologists talking ...

The Kennedy assassination, man landing on the moon and the confrontation and subsequent eviction of Big Brothel's Nasty Nick.

These were not great television moments - as has been misreported throughout the decades but in fact were premium examples of emotional pornography. People, real people, laid bare and the desire of the remorselessly hungry masses (forever gnawing at all that's good and true) to feast upon these naked lives is today's drug of choice. Was it always this way? Has the public at large always been voyeuristic? Has the public always enjoyed lapping up the misfortune of others from a safe distance? Yes they have. From Samuel Pepys' Diary to the modem woman's magazine, if there~ some salacious gossip to be had the public want it.

Why do 'the people' have this desire? Well, we live in a cynical world where technology which

''

Viewers want to revel and take sadistic joy in their hate figures being injured or scared.

allows you to speak to a friend in Afghanistan keeps you locked, solitary, in a single room.

What brings us together keeps us apart and in this climate the comfort of reading or watching Samuel Pepys or Anna, Darren and Craig every day brings a little warmth into an otherwise sterile, lonely day. The public no longer want to be 'the public' but want to be individuals, a person, someone unique from the masses and Big Brother, like no other fly-on-the-wall documentary, has provided that.

However, like so many low budget monster movies before it, something went wrong. The dose was increased too early and a terrible creature has been unleashed. lt has become apparent through Big Brother and some of the lesser cousins such as Jailbreak and Castaway

2000 that the viewers do not want to grieve when their favourite housemates grieve, but instead they want to revel and take sadistic joy in their hate figures being injured or scared. The eviction of Nick Bateman is the example that springs to mind. Bateman could not have been a better villain if a team of horror writers sat down with a pencil and a piece of paper, an endless supply of coffee and some good scag. lt has been noted that Nicholas could be a reference to the first name of Machievelli, the inventor of political deceit as an everyday and needed occurrence, while Bateman is a clear nod to Patrick Bateman, the psychotic lead character in Brat Easton Ellis' American Psycho. In the light of these revelations Nick's treachery was down right obvious. Yet the flatmates were utterly oblivious to his scheming.

However, when the penny finally dropped and Nick was confronted in an expertly disciplined display from the other housemates the look of fear on his face was electric. The way he squirmed in his seat, the way he constantly drunk water when being questioned and the way that Nicola aod Anna (sitting either side of him) gradually turned their bodies as far from Nick's as possible was pure unadulterated Heroin TV. Highly addictive.

But this raises another question, Nick did not maim or kill so why did the public and the 路 housemates grow to despise him so much? In Big Brother world the housemates are watched constantly, as such they are perfectly safe from the kinds of fear the rest of the world has to face: murder, rape, burglary. With this in mind it is no surprise that lying becomes the worst sin one can commit, given that the other sins listed do not exist. Yet the way the public were hypnotised by the Nick eviction gives light to a moral canker; what's next?

The answer reveals itself with the insolent logic of nightmare ... The contestants will not know they are contestants on a game show. Seven people are selected and in the dead of night the are drugged and taken to the set. They wake up a few hours later, all of them wearing

blue boilersuits in room no bigger than twenty by ten feet. 'Where the hell are we?" They will say, "who the hell are you?" they will ask. The seven contestants will be joined by three other people who are undercover plants. One of these plants will yell words to the effect of "Don't you see what's going on, you fools?

We've been abducted by aliens!". Yes, indeed, welcome to the first true game show of the new millennium... Abducted.

The game show will try to break the will and the sanity of the abductees. This will occur in a variety of fashions from the subtle to the extreme.

For example, every night one of the abductees will have the legs of his boilersuit shorted by a couple of centermeters. After a few nights the

''

One of t hese plants will yell 'Don't you see what's going on, you fools? We've been abducted by aliens!'

poor man, distraught by his situation, will question his state of mind, unable to prevent himself yelling, through tears, "What's happening to me? Am I growing bigger? Are the aliens experimenting with me. I'm so frightened". Another example will be the abductees having their food rations spiked with acid. Just like its forerunner, Big Brother, Abducted will give the contestants a weekly task but instead of having to run an obsta_cle course they will have to successfully mate. The parallels with Big Brother do not end

FEATURES 11

there. Abducted will have a voice booming out to the contestants telling them what they must do but instead of a friendly, softly spoken Scotsman it will be a screeching, inhuman cackle announcing "This is your abductor".

Then one Tuesday morning a door will open, blinding white light will fill the room and one of the plants will be removed. "Jimmy!" the abductees will shout, "give us Jimmy back, you evil bastards". In the place of Jimmy will be ten cyanide capsules. One of the abductees, Eddie, will snap and swallow a capsule. He'll fall unconscious, but he's only been anethesised.

He'll wake up in his bed, "phew it was all just a bad dream". Then Eddie will pop out to buy some milk and everyone in the street will stare at him. Of course Eddie doesn't know he's a famous TV star, 'Why are you starring at me?

You're all aliens aren't you!?!".

Three days later J immy will be returned, although it will actually be Jimmy's identical twin sister. "Is that you Jimmy?" the abductees will mutter, "Look what they did to me" She will cry," They've turned me into a woman".

Suddenly a voice ... "This is your abductor. Your food supply has run out. You must all come to the diary room to nominate two people to be eaten by the rest of the group". Anna goes to the diary room, "I'd like to nominate, Craig and Tom. I just feel I get on better with everybody else in the cell". At the end of that episode of Abducted, as the credits roll, the Abductor voice will say to the viewers at home, ''Who gets eaten? You decide".

Think of the ratings, think of the newspaper coverage, think of the morality ... nah, where's the fun In that?

11

Journal of sin Embarrassment, drink, sex, and learning who to avoid - most freshers' weeks are pretty standard. Richard Jones' diary, sadly, confirms this ...

Wednesday 20 September

so does entire campus. Hmmm.

Suppose should go and meet flatmates.

4pm Have just spent 'interesting' afternoon with new flatmates. Realise first impressions are often deceptive, but if these people are anything to go by, time at university may be about as fun as having nipples pierced with a stapler. One of them even volunteered to show me his collection of ring worms.

Politely declined. Perhaps was all first day nerves? Anyway, all off to Freshers ball in LCR tonight so perhaps will see different side of them?

Who knows?

4.05pm They probably hate me too actually.

Alcoholic beverages 0 (yet), cigarettes 15 (stress), shooting pains down arms possibly indicating onset of major heart attack 8, sympathetic comments from parents 0.

Noon. Well then, am finally here at UEA! Momentous day, I feel. Have just bade not so tearful farewell to parents.

Mum, as usual, managed to make it all a huge embarrassment by crying profusely before V. loudly reminding me that if my genital herpes recurs I'm to go to the doctors immediately. Have already become something of a social outcast.

All this has not been helped by fact that new home (Waveney Terrace) appears to have been designed by a Thursday 21 September group of blind, one-armed badgers with a concrete fixation . Come to think of it, Alcoholic beverages 15 (at last known ,--- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - , count), cigarettes 5 (better), potential shags 23, actual shags 0 (can ·only imp;ove) 11 am Ugh. Woke up this morning slumped across bed, clutching an inflatable penguin and smelling faintly of cabbage. Suffice to say, last night was probably a good one.

As far as I can remember (which is up to about 11.30pm when made mistake of tipping tequila into half pint of beer found on the floor and then drinking the lot), spent evening ;;:::::::..;o;......,ro..&..lj being approached by random, overly zealous people introducing themselves along the ....__ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ lines of, "So, I'm (insert -.~

name). W1at course are you doing/ what A levels did you do/ where are you living/ will I be waking up there tomorrow?" (delete as applicable). Am quite certain to have made utter arse of self so ha·t e resolved to spend rest of year avoiding them.

Have also accumulated worryingly large collection of condoms. This was, in part, due to vast hoards of people wandering around holding platters full of the thirgs. Was quite surreal actually. At first, kept taking them on mistaken assum;>tion that they were bar snacks. Having said this, did not take kindly to the smug, 'you wouldn't pull tonight if every girl in the room hadn't had it in years and you were the only man' look that was plastered on the faces of the fascist condom distributors.

2pm Ahhhh! Every single qne of flatmates pulled last night! Even ring worm boy! Have come to conclusion that am officially saddest most socially inept case in history.

Spm Off to freshers ball at Liquid (night club apparently). Am now so desperate have resolved to hump anything with pulse. Including cattle.

Friday 24 September Alcoholic beverages 14 (confirmed), cigarettes 0 (have run out), condoms used during ful/ scale corridor water fight 35, rondoms used during sex 1 (Hurrah!).

9am Yeeess!l! Have finally pulled ...

Just as night was beginning to take on all too familiar symptoms of utter rejec-

lion by entire female kind, was assaulted by dusky (admittedly hideously drunken) girl with loud, south London accent and Watford F.C. replica shirt.

Am very impressed with self and can only presume that natural animal magnetism has finally shone through. Her name (I think) is Christine, although it may be a Catherine? Mmmm. V. sexy in a Kathy Burke kind of way. Feel V. lucky.

As was more than slightly drunk, cannot remember exact chain of events leading to present moment. Am now faced with appalling dilemma of whether we did/didn't do deed of darkness? May just take a sneeky peek under duvet...

9.05am Yeeess!!! No underwear! Can proudly confirm am no longer university virgin. Will inform ring-worm boy immediately.

Or may just stare at beautiful Christine/Catherine for bit longer. Sigh.

9.10am V. Excited! Beautiful Christine/Catherine has just begun snoring. Sounds a bit like a warthog with a chest infection. V.seductive.

Scene would be perfect if not for faint smear of vomit on the side of her cheek. May just try to wipe it off.

9.20am Am now alone in room as Christine/Catherine has just stormed out.

Attempted to wipe vomit off side of face but realised too late that was using used condom from previous night's revelry (perhaps am still a little drunk?)

Tried to calm her down but ended up curled on floor after deceptively powerful right hook. Feel relationship may be at an end. Sigh.

4pm Have just had V. pleasant afternoon in company of flatmates. Who knows, may even get to quite like them by end of year?

Also, have resolved to get over Christine/Catherine as soon as possible. After all, having lost university virginity within freshers week, can now officially qualify as complete stud muffin. Women of"UEA, take heed...

Drink, drink and be merry Fresher's week is packed with shy, uncomfortable pauses - until the alcohol comes out. Adam Chapman explains how to meet people and vomit all over them ...

When I was a young lad o118, freshfaced, innocent and still a bit wet behind the ears, I came across a drink, which I have only tried once. Rather, I tried it once rather a lot in one night, preceded by a lethal concoction of champagne, beer and white wine and followed by a suck of lime. As well as being the second and last time that I have puked blood it was also the day that I first got to know the best friends I am ever likely to have. The fact that this involved me lying semiconscious

by the front door of my Village block surrounded by a group of people who I barely knew makes the occasion all the more special. I learnt three things that night...

1) That they are willing to look after me in times of need... "it's the red wine Adam ... or maybe the taco ... it had tomato in ir' when I started to wonder about the colour of what was coming out of my mouth.

2) lt allowed them the chance to feel comfortable around me, seeing me at

my worst. So comfortable, in fact, that I now have a section on my leg that is hairier than the rest due to an unfortunate sha\'ing "incident" which, if I had not regained consciousness, would have spread to my eyebrows.

3) Anyone who clears up your vomit without complaining, brushes your teeth and assures you that you haven't actually gone blind but have instead got your eyes closed is definitely worth hanging on to.

Wise words, indeed. But, extreme a way as this was to finally get to know the people I was living with, some of whom I lived with for three years, it did break down some of the barriers, selfimposed or not, that are always up when yoL first meet people. Although I may get chucked out of my AA meet-

ings for saying so, a good piss up really is a fantastic way of putting a sledge hammer to your inhibitions and learning how to meet people and "influence" them (in a falling over in the middle of the street kind of way). How else would you be able to feel a sense of belonging and euphoria dancing to S Club 7? How else would you be able to flood your kitchen after a water fight?

How else would you ·be able to reclaim your childhood, to recreate the joyful abandon of younger years, except now, of course, the bottle of orange juice now has a shot or six of vodka in it. Alcohol allows you to do all the things you missed out on when you were too busy slamming your bedroom door, complaining about your parents' inability to understand you and ending

Welcome To Norwich Love it or hate it, you'll be ·spending three of the best years of your life here. Will Halsey gets excited over the capital of East Anglia ...

Hilarious stolen traffic cone; also operates as a 'don't shag me' beacon to other freshers and passing ships.

Mint fresh breath (more in hope than expectation)

the bigger cities in Britain.

But reports of Norwich being dead have, as the saying goes, been greatly exaggerated, and there is plenty here to make 30 odd weeks of the academic year enjoyable and, if you'll

Thick skin (necessary if new flatmates decide to go for a quick character assasination filled with uncomfortable home truths).

Pocket full of condoms.

Easily removable trousers. Largely for public exhibition, but in rare cases can be used in conjunction with pocketed prophylactics

will a significant change in atmosphere. But, for most people this is welcome.

There is a slower pace to the area and this is reflected in the lack of crime and no real student/local divide. If you're nitpicking, a lack of motorway access is a drawback, and the clubbing scene is not as impressive as some

'Naarwich'.

This does not seem to fit in with the reputation of student life, though. Sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll is how many students see university, having left home and parents behind.

However, sex and drugs have seen Norwich in the headlines recently, although sadly not for the right reasons. Basically, the fine residents in this East Anglian metropolis are having trouble in the trouser department, and Viagra sales in the city are higher than any other in Britain. Hopefully the combination of youth and a desire for new experiences

Basically, the fine residents in this East Anglian metropolis are having trouble in the trouser department.

while going out is all very well, it is more the atmosphere of the area that is most welcoming. lt is rare to feel threatened in Norwich, or as the locals would have it

means the UEA population aren't in any way responsible for this. Perhaps a stall outside the Union House on Thursday nights selling the blue drug would make some money, though. The alcohol content in most red blooded males by the end of LCR would certainly leave many with brewers' droop.

And perhaps the LCR provides a metaphor for Norwich in a strange kind of way. At first, you really aren't sure about it, then it begins to grow on you, and by the end of the first year you wonder how you ever coped without it in your life.

33 Things you'll know this time next year most sentences with "oh my god...you're so saaaad" in iiber-mature way. After a life-time of being told to "grow up" you now have the perfect medicinal solution to reclaiming your life... booze. lt allows you to say all the things you've always wanted to, declare love to anyone you want (even if their troglodyte features were not apparent at the time) and, for a short

time at least, to forget how annoying the bloke across the hall is and how his room smells like someone has died in it ... well, either forget or tell him about it... whichever takes your fancy.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, Concrete holds a major share in a rehab clinic just outside Norwich and holds no responsibility for any alcohol related incidents. So there.

1) Post-LCR Inebriated emaillng Is a way of life.

2) You love being a student but try to hide lt whenever off campus.

3) Why Concrete Is called Concrete...

4) ...And how attractive enormous con-· crete buildings are when Ifs plssing it

down.

5) An early night means before 1am.

6) Fridge space is as valuable as penicillin after World War 1...

7) ...Penicillin emerged from the back of the fridge.

8) Drinking from plastic is Infinitely less satisfying than glass...

9) ...But you'll drink from it anyway.

10) The Hive sells drinks for £1 on Tuesday nights.

11) A lot of people go to Time on Tuesday nights.

12) Whoever's got the Dreamcast in halls unconsciously offers their room as a social meeting point.

13) Waveney Terrace was aHegedly based on a Swedish prison.

14) The lake on campus Is a beautiful natural area to compose oneself and clear your head...

15) .••And you did that once.

16) Buses are overpriced but there's no chance of walking ...

17) •..Unless over 10 units of alcohol have been consumed, automatically halving any walking distance.

18) Supermar1<et Economy goods are to be avoided (start of term).

19) Supermar1<et Economy goods are good quality considering the excellent value for money and it would be silly not to take advantage (end of term).

20) Going to bed as dawn breaks is not pleasant at all. Really.

21) Pulling in the LCR is definitely a risk on ail fronts...

22) ...Especially due to the realisation next morning of the sex of your conquest.

23) All essay deadlines would have been missed If the computer centre were not 24 hours.

24) Chain emails are to be deleted instantly.

25) The flatmate who buys 16 Economy lumps of chicken should be shot..• 26) ...But you end up living with them next year.

27) The walls in hails are thin if your neighbour regularly has 'company' on Thursday night.

28) Entering the LCR sober comes with a Government health warning.

29) S Club 7 are musically stunning after your tenth unit of alcohol.

30) Washing up doesn't happen. Attempts to rectify this at later dates are foiled due to layer of grime that rivals Alcatraz.

31) Some flatmates are light sleepers...

32) ...And are therefore disturbed by 6am renditions of 'The Thong Song'.

33) UEA wasn't a bad choice, was it?

J

l

r

Concrete

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER

FEATURES 15

www.concrete-online.co.uk

20 , 2000

kin

Graduate. Courses A is for Advertising

the

Advertising is a damn hard industry to get into. but one way to get a big head start on the competition is to take a course in the subject, such as the postgraduate diploma offered at West Herts college in Watford. The course is taught by people with industry experience, including course director Andrea Neidle, who has the distinction of creating the Milk Tray man for Cad bury's.

for

ree • • •

As the Government puts the squeeze on student cash, many now have to find a job to supplement the loan. Adam Chapman looks at working life for the UEA student

What Is the course called?

Postgraduate Diploma in Advertising .

Where does it run and for how long?

West Herts College, Watford , for one year (September to May) How much does it cost?

This year it costs £1 ,995. This gives an indication of what the fee will be for 2001-2.

What entry requirements are there?

A degree, in any field and of any class.

When do applications have to be In? Any time up to the start of the course. However, applications in by June will stand a greater chance of obtaining a place.

Is it a difficult course to get into?

Yes. The initial application requires practical work, followed by more assessment if called for an interview. Out of two or three hundred applicants, only 30 will start the course in September.

What do the admissions staff look for in a candidate?

Course director Andrea Neidle is in charge of admissions, and looks for someone "determined, who wants a career in advertising. I also look at their aptitude and interest, the whole person," she reveals.

What does the course equip you with?

"The course provides the knowledge and skills needed to be able to work in an advertising agency," Neidle explains, adding that students are equipped "to be up and running from day one."

What does the course cover?

The whole advertising industry, according to Neidle, including "advertising presentation, management, planning, media planning and buying , new media, presentation skills, sales promotion, consumer behaviour, marketing and market research , brand management, copyrighting, art direction and the creative side of advertising."

Is the course recommended by the industry?

Yes. Saachi and Saachi recommend the course, and it is accredited by the International Advertisers Association. lt also has the support of the Institute of Practioners in Advertising.

What Is the employment record for successful students?

Around 95 per cent go on to employment in the advertising industry.

Is work experience part of the course?

Yes - every student spends one week with an advertising agency, and there are regular visits from industry insiders.

More Information?

Check the website at www.westherts.ac.uk or email course director Andrea Neidle on andrean@westherts.ac.uk. Alternatively, phone 01923 812 591 for more details, or 01923 812 622 for an application form . Andrea Neidle has also written a book, 'How to get into Advertising' (Cassell, £12.99) which covers everything you need to know.

Will Halsey

The poverty stricken student has become a cliche. lt is a term used with much sarcasm, not to mention a hint of spite. it's part and parcel of the whole image of a dirty slacker who eats Pot Noodle and doesn't get up until the theme tune to Neighbours is audible from the television left on from the previous night. And on the other side of the spectrum is the student who has everything : public school educated, a weekly supply of M&S vouchers from mummy, a house in the country and no overdraft to speak of come graduation. As "amusing" as many of these images can be for stand-up comedians, media pundits and the "it wasn't like that in my day" advocates of student fees ("if they have to pay, maybe they'll work harder .. . start to value their education") there is a serious issue to address. For between these extremes there rests a not so happy medium.

A recent hardship survey by the NUS claims that in 1999 the total available to each student from the government was £3545, while the average income needed by students is £5641 . That, to all you nonmathematicians is a not so insubstantial deficit of £2096. And , just to throw another set of statistics at you , over 50 per cent of students have considered giving up their degrees as a result , citing financial worries as their main concern .

''

The total available to each student was £3545, while the average income needed is £5641

Employability section of the centre has ties with agencies such as Reed Employment who are keen to seek out students to fill office positions.

Indeed, agencies are willing to sign up students for just one day a week, if that is how the timetable works.

A bonus to choosing to follow this path of employment is the possibility of gaining valuable experience for when you leave university. Also, working during the year boosts the opportunity of getting work in holidays - experience is everything.

However, even if you are looking for something a little short of degree level employment there are also opportunities in cleaning, gardening , mail sorting and as bar and waiting staff. But then again a certain level of humility is a good thing ... right?

Plus the money can be quite reasonable, especially by East Anglian standards, reaching as much as £5 per hour in some of the better jobs. lt is no surprise that restaurant , bar and

club work is so popular with students. lt offers a fair wage, tips and the chance to see your fellow students ripped off their faces , trying to pull anything with a pulse and then remind them about it the following day. And from a first year point of view, working in somewhere like the Union Bar is a great way to meet the punters and "accidentally" spill beer over people you don't like. Plus there are always randy students who will try to pull you at the LCR so the company is there ... even if it is alcohol fuelled .

Part-time jobs are now a fact of life.

However, if you use the services that are there for you and are sensible about how many hours you can cope with and still get your essays in on time it doesn't have to be a nightmare .... that is if you manage to untangle the Pot Noodle from your matted hair and step outside the front door.

Because, you know, that's what we students are like. God knows how the future of mankind will survive.

lt is unsurprising, therefore, that an ,evergrowing number of students are having to seek employment during term-time to finance their time at university (41.6 per cent of full time undergraduates and 56.3 per cent of postgraduates according to the NUS) . Whether it be to pay for food, accommodation, student fees or the beginnings of a lifetime hooked up to a dialysis machine, the need to find a second income is becoming a way of life for a large portion of the ANGLIAN HOME IMPROVEMENTS COULD BE THE ANSWER. student body.

OUR FRIENDLY CITY-CENTRE OFFICE IS ALWAYS ON THE lt is lucky, therefore, that LOOKOUT FOR EVENING TELEPHONE MARKETING STAFF. there are so many employment opportunities available WITH FLEXIBLE SHIFTS AND FULL TRAINING, AN HOURLY to students. lt would appear RATE PLUS A TARGET-RELATED BONUS, THE BETTER YOU that the townspeople of Norwich , despite their seem GET, THE MORE YOU CAN EARN. WORK AS FEW OR AS MANY ing disdain for "stoodents", SHIFTS PER WEEK AS YOU WOULD LIKE, AND START MAKING do not share the view that SOME BEER MONEY NOW! students are lazy incompetents, ill-equipped for the real world, indicated by the numCALL NICK OR BECKY ON 01603 616391 ber of casual jobs advertised DURING SHIFT TIME FOR FURTHER DETAILS in the Student Advice Centre AND AN INTERVIEW, OR LEAVE A MESSAGE in Union House. lt is here that the flexibility of student ON THE ANSWERPHONE. life appears to be a help rather than the butt of some pretty unfunny jokes. The

LOOKING FOR AN EVENING JOB TO SUBSIDISE STUDENT LIFE?

16 FEA'TlJ RLS

www.concrete-online.co .uk

Student speak Four years have passed since the bombing and British failure of Atlanta which brings the Olympics round again. Sydney won the honour of hosting the millennia! games, although whether the new century means British success is another matter. Concrete found out if UEA students' hopes are high .. .

I think we'll get four medals in total, probably two golds, a silver and a bronze. I'm not sure about the events.

Zac Smith (SOC 3) We'll do better than in previous years due to lottery funding and better training facillities. We should get 50 to 100 medals in total.

Dan Oxley (ENV 2) I think Britain is top ten, maybe top twenty. I have no idea how many medals they'll get, but they'll get something at least.

Anssl Nleminen (BIO 1)

I have no idea, but I hope路we do well.

Lin Webb (ENV 3) We'll do better than in previous years, but Redgrave won't get gold this time. I don't know how many medals we'll get, but it won't be bad.

Ed Cook (HIS 2) I'm not sure how well Britain wi ll do, but I hope the US does well. Actually, I might root for Britain now I'm here.

Ann-Marie Solomon (SOC 2) So there you have it. Britain will do a lot better in 2000 than previous years according to people in the UEA pub, although some have sensibly played safe by predicting failure.

Concret e

W EDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER

20, 2000

Campus Comment Y

ou know the feeling .. . you took all the books out of Short Loan a fortnight ago and have incu rred fines of near-o n twe nty quid becau se you were too hungover to get out of bed to renew them every day. 11 is now the day before the essay is due in. A quick gl impse through yo ur much hoarded books reveals that th ey are, in reality , about as helpful to your quest for knowledge as Green Eggs and Ham. You begin to panic. None of the usual pre-essay techniq ues have worked. Your bladd er is sieve-like in its tea-drenched state and th e incessant tidying of you r roo m has made you real ise th at the feng shui of you r house is completely incapable of allowing any co nstructive work to take place. T he bed faces the door for god 's sake .. . that's the way they carry you out when you die! (That, folks , being all I know about th e ancient art of furni ture placing.)

So you venture over to the library, sit down on the faux-l eather orange seats (don 't even think

'

Some universities boast a 24 hour library, but talk of this at UEA has dried up. Adam Ch apm an says it's time to shout about it to your failure as a human being (poor genetic material, hairy palms and the way you find yourself going up at the end of a sentence as only Norwich folk can) . Perhaps one of the most immed iate cause, and one th at is entirely out of yo ur control, is th e inability of th e li brary to fully accommodate those who use its services , especially at the weekend where it is open for a pathetic ten hours in total. And when lectures, seminars and an infatuation with Susan Kennedy take up Monday through to Friday what is the best part of the week to sit down and work? The exact time the university chooses to restrict one of its most vital ser-

vices. One only has to look at how the 24-hour com puter centre has benefited students, especially in the run up to exams last year. And you have no idea how comforting it is to see other slightly pathetic peers wanderin g aimlessly around without a clue in the world . Another benefit from all hours access books and journals is that any much sought after tomes will become easier to access. By extending the library to a round-the-clock servi ce students will be given a boost in their stud ies at a time when they most need it. Of course there are costs to be considered , but if Tesco can manage it I don't see why we can't.

By extending t he library to round-theclock service students will get a boost when they need it most.

about the feng shui of that) and then jump out of your skin when the omnipresent Orwellian voice informs you over the intercom that th e library will shut in fifteen minutes. A few barely suppressed expletives later and you are outside clutching your bag in the pouring rain .

Only when you return home do you realise that you left your computer disc behind. You fai l.

Essay. Degree. Life.

There are many factors that can be attributed

j

THE TOMBLAND EXPERIENCE TEL: 01603 621583/621155

Great offers to suit you ••• • • .and your pocket!

Chicago Town Ultimate Super

Virgin Cola

Supreme Deep

Cur-V

Pan Pizza 525g

2 Litre

Buy One Get One Free!

Buy One Get One

Illustration only.

Draught Nescafe Instant

Guinness

Coffee 200g

4x440ml

Plus SO% Extra

Buy One Get 2nd Half Price!

Free (300g)

£3.25 Great Value!

Illustration only.

(equivalent to £ 1.08 per I OOg) Illustration only.

M on -Sat 8.00am to I O.OOpm Sundays I O.OOam to 4.00pm

.......

SBFOODSTORE

CITY CENTRE

WATTON

Earlham Green Lane, Fiveways Ipswich & Norwich Co-operative Society Ltd.

ell\

\l l

Offers subject to availabity and valid until 1411 0/00. lt is an offence to sell

~~ C--J ~ATON

alcohol to anyone under or appearing to be under the age of 18.

Photogr aphs are for illustration only.

When you spend £ I 0 or more on *groceries

When you spend £ I 0 or more on *groceries

Valid at Co-op Foodstore Fiveways only.

This voucher cannot be used in conjunction with any other offers. * Offer excludes kiosk sales. lnhouse voucher.

One voucher per customer.

Valid at Co-op Foodstore Fiveways only.

This voucher cahnot be used in conjunction with any other offers *Offer excludes kiosk

JJ

ob:

VALID UNTIL 30/9/00

, I

o;:~l~" -

lnhouse voucher.

One voucher per customer.

~:

~

VALID FROM 1/10/00 - 8/10/00

L--------------------------------------------~-------------------------------------- --- - --

I I I,

18 FEATURES

www.concrete-online.co.uk

'' The loneliness of the long distance relationship is someth ing that many students experience. Will Halsey looks at how you can make it work.

Phone, lax, mobile , email - with so many means worry about certain things, " he says. of communication available it's a wonder anyone While there are obviously positive sides to the worries about spending time apart from one freedom of long distance relationships, they do need to be maintained . Email and phone are the another. But the simple fact is that we do, and for most popular methods, with the vast majority of many, university provides the first and most sig nificant example of being apart from a loved one. students owning mobiles. lt is important to share Indeed, the feeling of being 100 miles from the cost of phone calls, though , or just stick to home, 150 miles from your significant other, and regular emails, which university allows and David recommends. "Email kept me going. If you are a considerable distance from any degree of content is the way some people begin their universiboth at university in the first year you are likely to ty education. Of course there are many others have very good access, and contact every day is who experience this in later years, and still more really important." content to play the field and revel in the countThis applies even more so if your partner has less people available on campus and beyond. not followed the university route - it is that much For those attached at university, though , playing harder to maintain. Clare Hamilton Eddy (EAS 3) the field is merely an above average BBC1 has been going out with her boyfriend for ten drama that is worth watching while your mates months, and while she is at University, he is are out on the pull. back home working. The key advice , according But while it is easy to be down about it, the real to Clare, is to keep them informed of what you trick is to get the best of both worlds. There is a are up to, and keep up to date with them. good reason why students have a reputation for "When he first came up I tried to introduce him laziness and having a good time: in th e most r---------~ part it's true. So if you 're 258 miles, three

Concrete

W EDNESDAY , S EPTEh\BER

20 , 2000

'' must, but in the first year, it does not make sense to visit straight away. The initial fortnight is needed to establish friends and enemies , and EAS second year David certainly agrees with this, "lt is difficult to establish friendship groups when you are so close to someone, so it doesn't make sense to visit straight away'' he says . "The first few weeks are always very busy anyway."

For some people, those first tentative steps into university life are negotiated comfortably, but for others, the new found freedom is just a little too tempting. University is, indeed, full of opportunities, and this arguably applies as firmly to the opposite sex as it does to education. Naomi Loxham (EAS 2) found this to be the case , breaking up with her boyfriend of 18 months soon after embarking on her UEA experience,

University is, indeed, full of opportunities, and this appl ies as firmly to the opposite sex as to education.

but she has not regretted it.

"I'm glad the way it turned out. lt was positive and amicable - it works for some and not for others," she explains.

The fact is that university signals the most significant development in most people's lives, leaving home and If you're 258 miles, meeting a whole circl e of new friends. This is bound to put a three trains and a strain on any relationship forgetdonkey from your ting for a moment the physical boyfriend, have fun distance between people , wh ich for Naomi was Scotland, with the girls. meaning a seven hour journey.

In the end it was the this combination that proved the breaktrains, two buses and a donkey away from ing point. your boyfriend , take the opportunity to have "I was the one who finished it fun with the girls; likewise , if your girlfriend is I found the distance very diffimarooned at uni in deepest Wales , realise cult" Naomi reveals. "lt was OK the potential of watching Football Focus in L----~-..;..._ _..;..._ __ _ ;.__....;;_....__......~ at first , but when I'd settled in bed. and met new people the phone David Swettenham (EAS 2) spent his first year to as many people as possible and show him wasn 't really enough and I began around , take him on campus ," Clare explains . "it's enjoying such luxuries, with his girlfriend studyto notice other people." threatening to someon e who's at home because ing at Cambridge. And while aware of the obviThe relationship, which lasted thei r life is staying the same and you're the perous downsides , he appreciates being able to until Christmas, did not turn out as son going away. You must keep them up with enjoy Ray Stubbs while underneath a duvet. "it is expected - "A few days before I left comfortable in that - it's nice not havi to you 're doing ." ;....------~----.;...--IBu t like David, she does see a definite for university I thought it was going to last foreve r" - but for some peoposi tive side to the 200 mile predicaple it can work. ment. "The old cliche 'absence makes Wh en a relationship is forced to go the heart grow fond er' is definitely long distance, it is in many ways the true. Th ere's a lot to be said for not ultimate test.C ouples will break up , seeing each other every day, and it but, as Clare Hamilton Eddy says, for makes the ti mes you do see you r girlsome it will be just bring them closer friend or boyfri end a lot more special." together. "If it's going to work long disIndeed, it is wo rth remembering that tance then it'll work completely. If you telephonic or electronic words of love both want to be together then you will both can only go so far. Making the effort to make the effort, there's no doubt about that. " see a loved one at some point is a

Unless your 'long distance' relationship is with someone at Norwich City College, there is undoubtedly going to be some pent up emotion, if that is the right word , during term time. Some people take to phone sex like a duck to water, but for others it never quite works. Perhaps the reason for this is that 'talking dirty' is difficult to do without sounding like something from an exclusive video outlet or, worse, a late night Channel 5 offering.

Still, if visiting is restricted to every three or four weeks, those who are in a long distance relationship have little option - other than 'flying a solo mission' of course. Baring this in mind . there are some things you should do, and some things you shouldn't when it comes to phone sex...

about what you'd like to do if ne or she were with you. .,.,

NEVER ... if it involves watching Coventry v Ipswich in the pub, though.

ALWAYS ... describe things in reasonable detail using colourful language.

r-------.....

NEVER ... use

make sure both of you are completely comfortable with everything.

NEVER ... bother trying to make yourself comfortable in Norfolk or Suffolk Terrace.

ALWAYS ... do it a call box.

m privacy, and not in

NEVER ... say "yes. the girls have all left the room" when it isn't true.

ALWAYS ... get a hands-free kit when using a mobile phone.

NEVER. .. switch over to your mum on. call waiting at the vital moment.

ALWAYS ... experiment with household objects if you're both happy with it.

NEVER ... experiment with animals- it will break the tenancy agreement on your house.

-

- - ~

--~ - --

- -- --- - - - - -

--

-~

--------

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - ---- - -

-

--

- ~ --

...

Concrete WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 20 , 2000

F~TURES

www.concrete-online.co.uk

19

•

o hurry n Surrey Britain increasingly seems to be a 24 hour, 100mph society. But, as James Goffin discovered, a different England can still be found on the Surrey waterways ...

Have you ever wondered where England has gone? In the midst of the unfurling flags and accented pledges of allegiance tumbling from parts of Britain, whatever happened to England - that quiet, gentle place where time trickled by without regrets and farmers tilled the fields instead of blockading petrol supplies?

Perhaps, as Tom Stoppard suggested, it never really existed. Just a "conspiracy of cartographers" sketching out misleading historical maps of villages complete with greens over-run by cricket matches and beer tents, country churches with charming chimes and even more charming rectors. But perhaps, in some small · corners of the country that idyllic world does exist, perhaps in deepest Surrey, on a narrowboat where I spent a weekend this summer.

After a long year of study, and the inevitable post-exam blowout, world-weary and tarnished by excess alcohol, the summer beckoned sarcastically at me, promising an irritating mix of blistering hot days and sun-drenched beaches for all those lucky enough not to have to pay back student loans. For me, however, all it promised was a 9-5 office day, with a rotating desk fan the closest I was likely to get to a freshening coastal breeze.

That all changed when a friend suggested a snatched weekend at his grandparents' canal boat on the River Wey navigations in Surrey.

Together with a hastily assembled coterie of friends, we set off for the drive from Norwich to Godalming.

Although there were only five of us in the car, we had already arranged for two other friends to join us on the boat on the second day, and I was beginning to get a little anxious about the room on board. James - the master sailor and

''

We stocked up with alcohol that identified us as if STUDENT was branded in to our foreheads.

grandson of the owners - was pretty relaxed about the whole affair, but mostly because he seemed guaranteed a bed . The floor was altogether less attractive.

Once there, and stocked up with an armoury of alcohol that identified us as obviously as if someone had branded STUDENT into our foreheads, we met up with the extremely trusting owners of the Gemini - our home for the next three days - and boarded.

The engine started up, and the ropes cast off, we began our slow journey along the converted river system.

And the journey was slow. After travelling

down a motorway at 70 miles per hour, it comes as a bit of a shock to be restricted to four miles, but that's the pace of this England, and with it comes its own transformation. The combination of five students, several bottles of wine, and Sainsbury's best pre-packed snack food would normally result in a rowdy mess of loud music, even louder arguments and - baring in mind this is all taking place on the river - the occasional drunken splash .

Instead, the strange pull of that other England, the one that is synonymous with Dixon of Dock Green rather than riot police and football hooligans, nulls the alcohol, and lulls you into a severe serenity. Within minutes of taking the helm, you know to keep to the right (quite how Napoleon defeated the National Trust - which oversees the navigations - from continental Europe, I'm not sure), you know to politely greet with a "Good morning" or "Good afternoon" total strangers you would push straight past in the real world. Far from being bored by the slow progression of the craft along the river, you settle into it, soaking up the sun's lazy rays lounging on the boat's roof, or sprawled on the bow, keeping an eye out for the shallow sections. You begin to understand how Marlowe and Kurtz fell under the spell of the Congo; Guildford is hardly deepest Africa, but the mechanical vibration and rhythm of the engine gets under your skin.

Even the potential violence of the locks is controlled by the strange hypnotic code. These clever but rudimentary pieces of engineering even out the different heights of sections of the river, and sharing a lock with another boat is one of the oddly perfect parts of the whole experience. The crew of each craft take turns with the machinery, working together for your mutual benefit, sharing lock keys and gently passing on advice from generation to generation. Even our motley bunch of shipmates, once briefed on some of the finer points by an elderly couple who spend six months of their lives travelling the country's canals, were able to pass on their wisdom to a young family we befriended. Both our boats were travelling in the same direction , and although moving at different speeds, we met up at locks, at moorings and, of course, at pubs. lt doesn't take too long to reach a pub. Well, that's not strictly true, as some of the more dignified of our boat dwellers discovered. With the onboard toilet not functioning, it can take a very, very long time to reach a pub, especially when you don't consider squatting in the bushes as a satisfactory replacement for the ladies loo. But 1 digress, the 20 mile stretch of canal we travelled, from Godalming through to where the River Wey joins the Thames, is dotted by relaxed riverside pubs to lubricate the labour of the locks. Even where these pubs are obviously commercial in nature, teaming with all the authentic character

of a Wetherspoons kit pub, the proximity of the river numbs the effect. You can't get angry, even when they charge you £3 for a pint of orange juice. (Well, maybe you can get a little irate ... ) With just a weekend to explore the river, we wanted to travel as far along the navigations as

''

Fearing a Blair Witch style abduction, we ran back to the boat, retiring to the cabin conversation.

we could, but the area has plenty to explore away from the banks, as two of our party discovered when deciding to go for a midnight walk. We're still not entirely sure what happened to them; intent on visiting a church just visible in the distance, they set off across a marshy field, our only way of tracking them the occasional dim glimpse of their flashlight. For a

while the rest of us watched, shouting messages across the air until suddenly the light and their voices disappeared. We watched. We waited. Then fearing a Blair Witch style abduction, we ran back to the boat, retiring to the bottled beer and cabin conversation that punctuated our evening. Our lost pair eventually resurfaced , but neither has ever told us the true tale of what happened; even in this idyllic England, there is a horror lurking somewhere.

But it was not lurking large enough for us to want to return, come Monday morning, to the white city. Even reading through the Sunday papers the day before, it had seemed like we were in a different country, in a more restful past where things happened at their own pace.

I didn't want television, 24-hour shopping, mobile phones or 70 miles per hour. I'd forgotten they existed.

This is my England, the England that's only supposed to exist on postcards and in the minds of na"ive tourists, but for those long hours I was a tourist in my own country, and it felt good.

r-----------· ~ ------------,

WE CUT THE PRICE YOU CUT OUT THE VOUCHER BRING THIS ADVERT WITH

£1

YOU, AND GET OFF OUR ONE HOUR DEVELOP AND PRINT SERVICE AND A FREE REPLACEMENT FILM!*

Q_f ''

BONUS PRINT 'fit 616831

3 White Lion Street (30 seconds from Virgin Megastore or 2 minutes from the market) • Offer not available in conjunction with any other offer. Offer only v:llid with

thi~;

voucher. Offer expires on October 4. 2000.

L------------~-------------~

.

featured Adult's Torment Watching TV one evening as it was getting dark I heard a whisper, I heard a voice calling my name, and then in scream words I will not forget "Feel your anguish grow as slowly as yo ur nails after death beyond this life and beyond the cosy sky of your thighs "and feel something grow like a hidden penis while naked men parade in a nightclub behind the screen whilst you fully tied up, cuffed and gagged beneath the trees of paradise neatly ironed angels' wings without promise, all their faith "in t11eir pubic hair, cascades of hair covering your eyes as cuffed and gagged you fall asleep thinking of Snow White."

Time that flees , flees. .. The guy next door

Noiseless

If time was not like a goblet overflowing or the escape of the instants counting down the escape of all senseless and fugitive instants !lighting from your wristwatch in a fine movement of quietude of your travelling body

Someone's f-ing next door a sort of whisper, scarcely panting yet increasingly so, water running , a flowing murmur, in expectation I'm listening in the dark clouded in unknowing , for whispe rs to climb up a ladder to a certain sky not feeling particularly jealous either since their spontaneous concert is open for us all to listen to and thus share holy communion the moaner - a female, I can 't thoro ughly sympathise with the breathless male her companion only judging from the pitch of her moans,

If time was neither like a poppy in your lap with its head cut off nor a feline absence or falling very rapidly from the last window of the last floor of a high tower describing circles increasingly wider If she was made of time or she was time without being any of those things: nor a monstrous centipede nor a falling towards death nor a descent nor a running away nor a counting-down flight nor an absence , how, then ... ?

Always complaining , mourning , weeping , till ashamed of this condition I rose once to the fact of your presence You 're the guy next door How long since you moved? I can 't remember.

You just happened it's undeniable, it's and objective and subjective fact your handsomeness stirring something in me other than weeping fo r my own ugliness But o your beauty does deserve to be sung, painted, written , sculpted, spitted (as people spit sometimes at things thought unavailable) Yet your access is easy: a few words and mine would be your smi le, your lifted heart, curiosity an itching for adventure ...

Would we have an affair, neighbour sir?

Can't we have a blind date in the hall?

Can't we say this is our appointment our instant of recognition in desire not underneath , not invisible, unfeasible, utterly impossible irrelevant in spite of significance stupidly lofty this pompous little eardrum of your breast as I stagger and struggle to submit?

but that's uncertain does not prove the quality of the encounters, just her ability to state pleasure aloud Who knows about hidden te nderness, the compassionate knots, brocade of coordination melting flesh into soul and vice versa?

Wait, a nightmare will rise on the edges of dawn trotting into their bed , into thei r minds to lie in between embracing them both a nightmare from the edges of dawn ... something made of flesh and bones and soul. ..

Look at the three animals perspiring .

Guns Don't think I want to write any more poetry any more prose, you r bread and water they turn sour and polluted unless poetry is a weapon or a poison in your lips "Whose lips?" you 'll ask and you will know instantly whose lips ...

But not me, I don't know: riddles torment me, puzzles shock my trembling hand as I read about African babies dying on the streets of nowhere, and newly borns' despair Where is poison for their killers' lips?

Where the gun?

Metamorphosis is a gun turning South into North white into black greed into words bureaucracy into poetry and a murdered President's son into milk for the Unknown

vs Nightline 24hrs a day 20th-27th September

~

503504

Norfolk Terrace, Block C, Floor C, Room 12

Music turning me on driving me mad turning me off switching my flanks licking my toes creeping up my shoulder blades sharpening bones tickling my ears scraping my flesh outside me, inside waves of electric colour light like saffron as if I was a plate of rice served on the dancing floor at a disco so well hidden from your eyes your eyes all over the dancing floor, turning and spinning again and again Keep dancing keep, keep forever spinning your time around the clock the prison the madhouse the Earth the floor the jumping dustbin o sweet dark music of the times

Poems by Amparo Arrospide

Submissions for this page (short stories, 1800 words max, and poetry) should be made to Kris Siefken in the Conrete office, or emailed to su.concrete @uea.ac. uk.

Please include a contact number or email address.

All rights revert to the author upon publication.

Although subsequent publications should acknowledge prior appearance in Concrete.

•

March 21- Aprii20

( ; \ How many legs does the ~ average student have?

I A) Two

11.-:B:-:-)-=T,....hr_e_e_ __,

I C) Six

11 D) Twenty four

( ; ; \ What does the 'A' in UCAS stand for?

\V

11 B) Aggrieved

I C) University

11 D) Admissions

( ; ; \ Which major motorway serves \:!.)Norwich?

IA)M5

IIB)M11

I C) M37

I

D~)77 No=n=e===l

?.:1

{ ; ' \ What body of water is off the Norfolk coast?

I A) Atlantic Ocean 11 B) Indian Ocean I C) The Channel 11 D) North Sea

\V

(";;\ Which country is NOT a \.:!..) member of the European lA) France

llr::B""")""'S-wl,.,.-.tz-e..,.rla-n-:d---,

!Cl Greece

11 D) Belgium

( ; ; \ What was the Beatles first ~ number one hit?

0

l

lA) Love me do

IlB) Please. please me

(CJ

11 D) Can't buy me love I

From me to you

Who wrote 'The History Man'?

I A) Andrew Motion

11 B) Ben Elton

!C) Malcolm Bradbury IlD) Angus Wilson

fa\ What was George Lucas' first \V film for Warner Brothers?

I A) American Graffiti

,....,,B~)-=T,.,.H""'X:-1:-:1"""38.,..-----,

I C) Willow

11 D) Star Wars

fn\ What was the score of Norwich

\.:!..) City v Grimsby last season?

IA) 1-1

II~B)~3~-o~===l

lq 1-3

IIDl 3-1

~ What airport serves Slovenian ~ capital Ljubljana?

I A) Osvobodilne

I r.:l

lq Postojna

IIDl Lipica

" Q/0~' Q/6' Q/8

B:":")-:::B:-rn-::ik---..,

"""-'---'------'

'':>/L '':>/9 'QIS 'P/v 'P/£ 'pfl

Horoscopes • Aries

Concrete Competition

Who Wants To Test Their Knowledge?

I A) Agency

FEATURES 21

www.concrete-online.co.uk

Concrete WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 20 , 2000

'et~ :sJeMSU\f

Revealed: celebrities cook!

With your ruler Mars entering the most creative area of your chart you are open to many new possibilities. The move into Virgo this fortnight allows a more practical side

.

.

.

.!~.X.~~~ ~.~.i.~~:.~!!~~!~.~..~~~!.X.~~·~·~·~·~·~~.7~;; ;:·;~~::~·;~?~!~.~ ~?.~?.~~.!.~ !~~!!.i.~.fau 1

rus 't1

····························································································································································· You really will need to make some decisions about those who you supposedly love.

Address key emotional involvements sensitively and don't be afraid to ask for help because you risk being left on your own at a time when you most need your friends .

Ge~·i·~·i··· ···· ··· · ····· ···· ·· ···· ··· · · ·· ·· · ~~; ·~~· ·~·~~~~··;~··············· · ············ ·· ········· ··· ····· ··· ·· · · ··· ···· ·· ····· ·· ·· ··· ····

Concrete has teamed up with New Zealand lamb to offer students the opportunity to win one of eight stunning stainless steel saucepan and frying pan sets, AND The Cheats Guide To Cooking With New Zealand Lamb, worth a staggering £120.

For five runners up, there are also copies of Famous Family Food, a recipe collection containing the favourite meals of all your favourite celebrities.

For example, did you know that Jeremy Clarkson whips out a Cucumber Mousse from time to time, while Lennox Lewis likes nothing better than to curl up with some Pepperpot Soup.

For your main course, why not nip round to Number 10 and enjoy Ragout of Lamb with Cous Cous, cooked by .---,..·~ Tony himself.

You won't be enjoying Welsh Cakes in Downing Street, though, as William Hague is the famous chef behind those.

Our very own Norwich girl Delia Smith cooks up Braised Lamb with Flageolet Beans, while Greg Rusedski likes serving Vegetable Lasagne.

All this could be yours by answering one embarrassingly easy question. Zoe Ball's family recipe is Lemon Cheesecake, but which famous DJ gets the benefit from her cooking skills?

Is it. .. a) DJ Larry 'da' Lamb b) Dolly DJ c) Norman Cook

Your ruler Mercury has conveniently moved into Uranus, illustrating the kinky nature of future developments. A whole new set of amorous possibilities are in store for you, so ' '

..

.

.

~~~~.~~.Y..~.~.~.~~.~!.~~~P.~.~.~?..P..~.~~~~.~.~ ~~~.~i.~~~ ..~~~.~.~.~.?~.X.?~~ i.~.~~~~!~~~.~:...........................

~

~

~.~!:'.~ . ~.~..:.~.~~Y...~.~....................................~.~0.~.~r .. ~

...................................................

it's time to deal with issues that you have been putting off all year. You will need to reveal to those close to you what you have been hiding. The reaction might not be the

~ ~:~~: h~~~~ ~' b:'' ' ~::::"::::~::riog what~!:~~~;:': ~'1'~ You are finally going to get to those who matter. Perhaps you'll stop being so lame about confrontation , because you'll need all your senses about you when you make a valuable decision on the weekend which could change your whole life forever.

· · · ···· ···· ·: : . .: :· . :. : : : :. : .: :·: : :·: :.: .~.~·~~.~·t. ~;.~::;.~~t.~·~.~~·:;~:. :.:.: .:·: : ·: .·:.:.Y.j:~g9.......~.

The arrival of the warrior planet Mars signifies a period of excitement and happy times.

While you may not realise it at the time, you're in line for a whole set of possibilities involving someone you may not have noticed was even there before. Look around. ~

,m', .... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. .. .. . . . . . . ;

..:!:!~..... LI.b.ra......................................$.1i!.RJ.~mlx!r..~~..~.o"~9.!).~r..~~ .................................. .

You are going to pick up some very unwelcome hangers-on this fortnight, all of whom you should try your best to shake off asap, before they drown you in a sea of their own ineptitude. Only when you are flying solo can you take stock off what matters.

:,

............................................................................................................................................................ . . . . ....

. . . ........................................ ~~~~.~~~. ~~. ~. ~~.~~~.~~·~ · ~·~·· · · · · · · · · ·?..~9.~.P~.? . ~~~···· A complex fortnight this one. Try not to bun into other people's affairs because you risk getting knocked back. This will prove beneficial in the long-nun because your new aloof nature will only fascinate those who are watching you from afar.

·""\

. .1.:.!....?..?.g(~~£(~.·~:·.·.·.: :·.:·.·.: ·.·.·.·.::~:~~;.;·~.~~.:~~:·.~::~~.~;~;.:~:;:::::::·.: : :::::: :::::::::::::::. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Although you may seem like a rabbit caught in headlights to most people at the moment that is only because you are uncertain of how things are going to turn out.

Harness your

ch.~r~.ct·e·rl:t·~·~·n·~~.f~·r ·~~;.::.;;.:.;.: ;;·;:;;.:.~~u~;~~t ~.~~~Pr.~~9..~.Q ....~ ..

..

The clash between Mars and Saturn this fortnight means you are likely to be a bit moody. Be careful with how you express yourself because without your usually easy-

~

.

of"

. .

·~ Aq u~ir~;!~!.~.Y.~.~ ~i.I.I.J.~.~.~~:::~~:;~·~~::;:::~·;·~Y.:.X~~..~~~:! ~.~~~ ~~.~~~.~.!: .............

You have a major decision to start making or else you will find yourself on a collision course with someone close. You can either view this as a potentially beneficial

To enter the competition , put your name, school and contact telephone number on a postcard and post it in the Concrete box in Union House Reception , or drop it in to the Concrete office upstairs in Union House.

.

. .

. . . . Pi.sces ,,

.~.~~~!~P..~~~! ?~.Y~.~.~~.~ ~~! ~?~~.~.?..~~.~.~;:~::::~::~.~~:::::~;:~~.!?.~.~ !~~ ~!?!:

What seemed like insurmountable obstacles at the beginning of the week are going to become opportunities ripe for the picking over the next fortnight. Try not to become too confident though because there is a chance that you are on shaky foundations.

Monday

"Play" Student Night 2-4-1 long cocktai Is Free entry 7pm-12.30am 23 Bank Plain Norwich NR2 4SF 01603 619961 ponana@ norwich 17. fsnet.co. uk

•

•

•

.• 22 SPORT

www.concrete-online.co.uk

Concrete

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER

20, 2000

11

11

11

"'

Sport has always been at the mercy of its characters and UEA is no exception.

Nick Henegan takes a sideways glance at the great, good and the downright daft .. . fter a summer of general collapse following the stress of those oh so easy A-leve ls or beheading chickens to earn just enough brass to see you through freshers week coming to university should be a breeze.

Forget the wrench of severing the umbilical cord to the parental nest, this is freedom we're talking about here.

A chance for a change after a seemingly endless durge of school and the occasional ear bashing.

When euphoria or fear of this has subsided it's time to think how to spend all tha t spare time university has to offer.

There are co untless options.

While some favour the traditional option of a life at the bar the more academically inclined may wish to invest in a season ~ { icket for one of those weird cupboa rds in the library where some people (agoraphobics some may call them) like to study.

There are even some who donate their bodies to medical science as a somewhat unorthodox means to top up their loans, honestly. _However these members of the UEA population have either managed to miss or deliberately ignored one of the university's prime doctrines.

Yes, "Sport for all" has been central to "the university ethos" since its inception in the enlightened days of the 1960s.

All this means is that if you chose to run around Colney Lane playing fields on a day that would make Pingu wince then it's well within your rights.

Yuck, I'd rather be whipped through the • streets of Norwich you may be thinking.

But don't be too hasty.

• t:ven if the mere ~

A

mention of the word sport conjures up long repressed images of sadistic gym teachers, joining one of UEA's many sports clubs has many advantages, not least people watching.

For every sports club has it's own set of characters that have the ability to delight and amuse any budding social anthropologist.

And not one to shy away from shameless stereotyping Concrete is on hand to provide a swift guide to the types you may run into at Sportsmart.

While keeping tri m and dreams of glory may well be at the back of the social sports person's mind, their reasons for pledging allegiance to a sports club has much more to do with securing a regular piss up.

Indeed, if you enjoy imbibing the odd pint here and th ere then a sports club is the pe rfect place to do it, what with a booze up guaranteed after every match and it doesn't seem to matter whether it is to ferment the glory or simply douse the embarrassment of losing to someone who looks like your auntie. lt is just these occasions, twice a week for most of the year, th at th e socially sporty live for, and the more outrageous the attire the better.

For this element of UEA's sporting community the odd training session and perh aps even donning the university livery contrary.

Nonetheless, these people do have some function ; is a sort of penance for their they provide a good chuckle for the rest of the excess. team.

Beware though any boozene of UEA's sporting types who is guzzling socialite who reckons invariably not laughing, however, is the they can escape the rigours of physical activity.

InJUry worry.

The main reason for this is that they spend more The time may come when you time in casualty having protruding bones pushed may have to emerge from your back into their leg than fun-fuelled celebrating in the bar. haze and be They cou ld kick a ball With remarkable consistency cal led upon before they could the injury worry can to travel to unwittingly damage the depths of wa lk and catch one themselves in the most Norfolk for a whi le t he rest of us inexplicable of ways. weekend away Aside form the fact that they fixture. were struggling to are guaranteed to be on the Oh well , you get grasp a rattlle . receiving end of the noth ing for free game's most vicious in this life. tackle the chances are that they can cause On th e other end of the scale, but of no themselves a mischief without even setting more use to any self-respecting club, is toot on the pitch. the wannabe.

Whether it is getting smacked in the face by Although there are boasts a-plenty a wayward cricket ball while unsuspectingly surrounding their former achievements watching the game or falling down a flight of their alleged prowess mysteriously nightclub stairs the unfortunate victim is sure disintegrates once they are forced to put to be th e injury worry. theory into practice.

The saddest thing about their plight is that their Perhaps it is something to do with the time on the sidelines is not only frustrating for Kryptonite effect of the Norwich soil, or them but also their team. perhaps they are just shameless liars.

For this sporting type is usually very accomplished An altogether unsavoury sort, the and an asset to any side, if on ly they cou ld stay fit. wannabe can be fo und in almost every Next up is the Golden boy or indeed girl. team and, despite their two left feet and They've been a star from the day they were born. monstrous ego , they just keep on coming They doubtlessly could kick a ball before they back. could walk and catch one while the rest of us were Derision does not matter to these struggling to grasp a rattle. people, they can take the !lack because Come on, you remember them. they believe they are unbeatable even in They were the ones who were kicking the asses of the face of undeniable evidence to the

O

''

''

kids twice their age when they were in junior school.

School . town , county, maybe even country it's all been done.

And now they're at a university near you and ready to show everyone else up again.

Despite their gall ing sporting ability these people should be encouraged , especially at UEA. After all success has been limited , to say the least, in recent years and every little helps.

Although the are not technically part of any sports club, the gym obsessive does constitute a fascinating element of UEA's sporting community.

Indeed, should you decide to check out the Sportspark and find your way to the fitness centre you are sure to see them at work-because they are always there. it's remarkable how much time these people have on their hands.

These people's Seemingly degrees must be spending every suffering, they must waking be helped for th e moment pumping good. of their future. iron these people's degrees must be suffering, they must be helped for the good of thei r future . lt is also doubtful whether these people are human at all.

They need no sleep, they rarely eat and they seem to exercise almost incessantly.

Perhaps they are , in fact , androids produced by the manufacturers of gym equipment and strategically placed in gyms around the world to make your average punter think that a perfect physiq ue is actually possible.

Unlikely but possible none the less.

• www.concrete-online.co.uk

Concrete WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 20, 2000

NET LOSS FOR CITY Canaries in goal drought

By NICK PHILPOTT

NORWICH CITY have made an unremarkable sfart to the season and have shown signs of the frailties that blighted them last season.

B!g~y

club tour South Africa

THERE WAS no rest for the men's rugby club this summer as they jetted off to tour South Africa.

In a once in a lifetime opportunity the 27 strong squad left Norwich at the end of June and headed south for the ten day trip.

And it was more than just a holiday for the team as they faced a gruelling schedule of four competitive matches in just six days.

The first match of the series came against a Queensburgh Development side in Durban and things could not have gone better for the touring side, as they thrashed the Southern Hemisphere outfit 45-0.

UEA's next challenge came against the Durban Harlequins.

But it was soon clear that the match was going to be no walk over and despite a brave fight from UEA they went down 48-17.

Exceptional The team then moved on to Cape Town where they faced Lagunya, a local township side.

By this stage tiredness and injury were really starting to show within the UEA ranks and they were no match for the piercing running rugby and exceptional pace of Lagunya and lost 64-25.

The final match of the tour was against Kraifontein in Johannesburg.

Unfortunately, UEA were not able to finish the tour the way they had started and were unable to compete against the slick South Africans and their own fatigue.

All of which culminated in a disappointing 46-0 defeat for UEA. Despite their record of three defeats and one win there were many positive things to come out of the tour.

"There were some great performances to come out of the tour with CampbeU Ettinger in the forwards and Ryan McVeigh in the backs which is really encouraging for the coming season" explained Wayne Barnes, Union

Communications Officer and one of the tour organisers. · "Jt was a once in a lifetime experience but it really wrecked your body having to play four games in six dys.

"Everyone of the 27 player who travelled got a game, it was an absolutely fantastic experience" he added.

And club captain and backer of the tournament, Ryan McVeigh is certain that playing against the Southern Hemisphere sides can improve UEA's rugby during the coming season. ''We learned a lot about their style of rugby which is a lot different from the traditional English style of pushing on through the forwards. ''They seemed a lot fitter and intense than we did and their play flowed much more quickly.

"Hopefully we can transfer those skills into our game and put what we have seen into practice" he said.

Coaching In addition to the string of matches, the UEA squad also took time out to watch the First Test between England and South Africa in Petoria as well as coaching youngsters in the Lagunya Township, an experience that most considered the highlight of the tour.

Enthused Wayne, "When we went to the township we were surrounded by something like I()() kids and we took a mini traning session.

"Jt wa unreal, they had so much natural talent.

"All the lads agreed it was by far the best thing to come out of the tour."

With a closed season of prudent transfer activity and encouraging pre-season results Norwich visited Barnsley on the first day of the season confident of grabbing three points.

And hopes of starting with a boosted the squad.

And on his debut at Stockport bang were raised when Barnsley were reduced to 10 men midway he looked to complement the through the first half but were play of Iwan Roberts, City's main dashed when the Tykes scored goal threat. a last minute winner.

Norwich then faced fellow The following week heralded strugglers Crystal Palace at the news that star man Craig Carrow Road last Saturday.

Bellamy had been sold to Unfortunately they were Coventry City for £6.5m. unable to build on their midweek Despite the efforts of win and fought out a dour 0-0 remaining front men Roberts and draw against the Londoners. new man, Giallanza, City The result leaves City looking struggled to find the net in for their first home goal of the subsequent games, a problem season. that was all too evident in the 00 draws against Nottingham Forest, Crewe and Bournemouth.

The Canaries scored their first DIVISION ONE goals of the season away at PWDLGSPT Blackburn although they 18.Wolves 8 1 4 3 6 7 eventually lost 3-2 thanks to 19.Stockport 8 1 4 3 8 7 strikes from Dunn, Slake and 20.Norwlch 7 1 3 3 5 6 Jansen.

21.Grimsby 7 1 2 4 4 5 22.Crewe 7 1 2 4 2 5 City also gave a battling performance against promotion NCFC TOP SCORERS lwan Roberts 3 candidates, Fulham at Carrow Giallanza 2 Gaetano Road.

And they were again unluckily, losing 1-0 to the Craven Cottage courtesy of a late Boa Morte goal.

The first win of the season came away at Bournemouth in the Worthington Cup. lt was far from easy for the

CITY SlATS

All quiet on the Eastern front?

Trouble is brewing in East Anglia, and it's got nothing to do with protesting farmers.

No this is far more serious than the fuel crisis, this is football.

The Norwich based sports paper the "Pink 'Un" has sparked fury among Ipswich fans after launching a Down Town countdown, crossing off the days until the mighty Town return to Division One.

I spy, well almost' lt seems that spies just can't keep out of football -first it was Shayler and now Stefan Freund.

The German midfielder has revealed that he was almost forced to become a spy for the East-German secret police just a year before reunification.

The Stasi wanted Freund to become an informer because, as a member of the country's under-18 squad, he often travelled abroad.

"I told them I was a communist, had done nothing wrong and would not do as they asked" he said.

Game on Who ever said computer games were useless? lt certainly wasn't Formula 1 stars Rubens Barrichello and Jano Trulli who are using the Sony PlayStation to prepare for the US Grand Prix.

Because the drivers only have two practice sessions to get to grips with the lndianapolis track they have turned to computers games featuring the track.

Said Trulli, "The game helps me figure out corners."

Mad dad He's been at it again.

After been escorted out of Wimbledon this summer after smashing a journalist's mobile phone Dimir Dokic, father of Aussie tennis star Jelena is in trouble again.

This time the parent from hell became abusive to staff at the US Open after he objected to the size of the salmon portion he was served in the players lounge.

His latest outburst has earned him a six month ban from all WTA tour events.

CANARY .

Forced Canaries, though, as they were forced to come from behind to beat the Third Division outfit 2-1.

City built on this a few days later as they notched up their first league win of the campaign against Stockport County, lifting themselves off the foot of the table In the process.

Perhaps more importantly, City got men forward from midfield to score in recent games while the strikers have looked lively.

The signing of former England international Tony Cottee from Leicester City has further

CUE CLUB OPEN 24 HOURS A DAY 7 DAYS A WEEK

• 20 Snooker tables • 4 pool tables •satellite TV • Video Games • £250 jackpot machines • Hot and cold food available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week • Licensed bar at low prices 10am·11pm, 12·10.30pm Sun

ISTUDENT MEMBERSHIP £1 I St Mary's Plain, Norwich Tel: 627478 Only 5 minutes from Norwich market - ~

d

•

Sgortsgark gets nod from Sgort England to become centre of excellence

By NICK HENEGAN UEA HAS beat off a host of rival universi ties to become the centre of sporting excellence for the Eastern Region.

Sport England announced last week that the university and Addenbooke 's Hdspital in Cambridge have been chosen as the base for the English Institute of Sport in the East.

While the Cambridge hospi tal support in their pursuit of medals."

"A lt ho ugh UEA and will spearhead the development of UEA's Director of Sport and Addenbrooke ' s are the selected sports medicine Institute staff based Physical Education, Keith Nicholls, centres to lead the co-ordination of at UEA will work with a variety of also endorsed the move. the initiative, everybody is anxious "Having the Engli sh Institute of to involve all the universities in the agencies throughout the region to region, enabling them to contribute develop a sports science network .

Sport at UEA means that promising their individual expertise to make it Said Steve Cram, chair of the sportsmen and women from this a truly comprehensive scheme" he Engli sh Sports Institute. 'The explained.

Forefront selection of UEA and Addenbroke's And local athletes are already to take the lead in developing the benefiting from sports bursaries community will no longer have to Institute is great news for athletes in being offered by the Sportspark. leave the region to fulfil their the region.

Local triathlete Robert Joy, from "They will work with other potential and get to the top in sport.

'This is marvellous news for the agencies to establish a network of Proud region and great news for UEA . We Taverham, has been selected as the have been chosen against strong fi rst rising star to be awarded the opposition from other parts of the £500 sum. region with long and exce ll ent The windfall. sponsored by traditions in sport, and that reflects Barclay's Bank, will allow the the university's commitment and Great Britain Elite squad member investment in sport" he said. unlimi ted access to Sportspark UEA overcame sti ff competitions from five other universi ties faci lities.

Said Sportspark Assistant including De Montfort in Bedford, Director, David Corsford , "Robert the Universi ty of Essex and the is knocking on the door of the University of Luton to be at the Olympics and is exactly the sort of forefront of the development of the athlete that will benefit from this.

Eas~ern region's World Class "We are very proud to announce athletes. this so swiftly on the heels of the But Regional Director of Sport decision to base the Englis h England East, Jeff Neslen insisted Institute of Sport in the East at the that UEA would not be the only Sportspark." institution involved.

City make shaky start with only one win in seven while Craig Bellamy heads to Premiership prompting goal drought.

See page 23 for full story.

Concrete Prize Crossword #7

m

Sponsored by Waterstones AC ROSS

Settled, accepted (11) 9 Stupid head louse (3) 10 Without sight (3,6) 11 Guardian of Islington (5) 13 Man munches Mafia (4,3) 14 Gape at long armed simean (6) 16 Score a brace (3 ,3) 18 _ _ , Mark, Luke, John (7) 19 Nothing missing or edited (5) 20 International help required (4, 1,1,3) 21 One can hold it, to possess (3) 22 Actor has single Simple job (3,4 ,4)

DOWN 2 School class division in terms of tennis (3) 3 Declare void (5) 4 Dilly-dally (6) 5 Spirit (7) 6 Mysterious, and praiseworthy? (9) 7 Erectile tissue stimulated? Result' (11) 8 Flattering (11 ) 12 Middleman (2 ,7) 15 Gratuity from establishment (2,5) 17 Tense, active, he opens pores (6) 19 Farmer feels a tit (5) 21 To lubricate (3)

r-------------------------------------, There's a £10 book voucher from campus bookshop Waterstones up for grabs for completion of the crossword, ideal for all those course book purchases. Fill in your name and a contact number or e-mail address below and put it with the completed grid in the competition box in the Hive before Wednesday, September 27.

I I

Name: ........ ..... . ................ ...... ...... ........ ... .

I I I

Contact: ........ .. ......... ... ... .. .... .. ... ....... ... ......

I I

I

L-------------------------------------~