Event 170

Sending scurrilous Xmas cheer to the masses

Event the

EXCLUSIVE!!

FATHER CHRISTMAS INTIMATE INTER VIEW

“Santa’s hedonistic lifestyle has got to stop” - says an anonymous reindeer

Also in this issue: Karl Kennedy Interviewed David Lodge Interviewed 2004’s Music Reviewed

Contents 03

Full Contents Features

Sections

Film Features: A Black & White Christmas..................................p. 7

Music...............................p. 12 & 13

With the aid of the ghost of Christmas past, The Event takes a trip through the film classics of the season...

The Wu-Tang Clan, Legends of the Wu-Tang; The Kinison, What Are You Listening to? Koala, Do Not Be Afraid; Jem, Finally Woken; Warren Suicide, Warren Suicide; Your Loss, With Hope; Fabric 19, The Free Stylers; Side column; Band Aid 20

The Polar Express.....................p. 5 With animation now turning to motion capture rather than illustration, will the new Tom Hanks film signal a new era for childrens films or get stuck at the station...

TV Feature: Karl Kennedy........p. 9 The Event goes jetsetting off to Erinsborough to interview the man behind the Doctor (no, not Dr Who, Karl Kennedy) not really he’s come tous instead...

Singles...............................................p. 13 Goldie Lookin’ Chain, You Knows I Loves You; Jet PLane Landing, There is no real courage unless there is real danger; Manic Street Preachers, Empty Souls; Jim Noir, Eanie Meanie E.P.; Razorlight, Rip It Up; Beasty Boys, An open letter to NYC; The Cosy Cat Club Band, Demo; 209, First Minute First Round; Ash, Renegade Cavalcade; Live Reviews; Embrace; The Vandals; Therapy?

Cinema..........................................p. 14 The Manchurian Candidate; The Incredibles; House of Flying Daggers.

Music Review of 2004...............p. 6

DVD/VHS.......................................p. 15

2004! Was it good for you? We take a look back at the music of this, the fifth year of the new millenium...

They Are Among Us; Stage Beauty; Lord of the Rings: Return of the King.

Arts Features: David Lodge Interviewed...............................p. 8

Arts........................................p. 16

The Event interviews the man behind The Art Of Fiction and finds out about his new book Author, Author...

Book Review: Letters From Father Christmas, The Matrix Theatre Review: Minotaur’s Production of Path Comedy Review: Adam Hills

Santa Spread.......................p. 10-11

TV & Digital..........................p. 17

We catch up with Father Chrsitmas over a pint and a bag of pork scratchings, and discover that he’s not feeling quite his jolly self...

TV Preview: Xmas Viewing. DVD Reviews: Most Haunted Live 2. Soap News: Hollyoaks and Neighbours.Digital Stuff: iPod discussed

Santa’s Grotto!

Hello everyone and welcome to the present-packed Christmas giveaway special. This issue it’s prizes prizes prizes and so without further ado here are the competitions...

Games FIFA 2005 is on the PlayStation 2 student network now!

Available to play for free on the PlayStation 2 Student Network at selected unions, everyone has a chance of superstardom.

If you can think quickly and act fast, mastering the first touch will become the ultimate gift, allowing you to outsmart the opposition.

Immediately knock, trap or flick incoming passes in any direction with a well-timed flick of the wrist. Take command of players not in possession of the ball by calling in tackles, jostling for space and sending your team-mates on runs as you control the pitch.

There's everything to play for with even more official teams and 18 leagues, enhanced and extended Career Mode, FIFA

Football 2004 is the complete, authentic and intelligent football experience.

Off the Ball control is better than ever and with authentic crowd chants, officially licensed stadiums and a variety of weather conditions, FIFA Football 2005 guarantees total football realism.

To celebrate the release of the game and its presence on the PlayStation 2 Student Network, we have a copy of the game to give away. For your chance to win, simply answer the following question: How many leagues feature on FIFA Football 2005?

Extreme Sports on the PlayStation 2 Student Network!

WRC 4 is available to play exclusively on the PlayStation 2 S t u d e n t Network.

As the only official rally game, WRC 4 brings the white-knuckle motor sports action to your PS2. With all the real life teams, cars, drivers and rallies, you'll have to compete against the finest. So get yourself down to the union, and see if you can take on the world's most dangerous dirt-tracks, icy roads and mountain lanes to be crowned WRC champion.

The fourth title in the long running series, WRC 4 will allow you to experience the extreme

concrete.event@uea.ac.uk Tim Barker & Sarah Edwardes

Albums...............................................p. 12

Music Features: Good Manners at Film Gigs............................................p. 4 The Event takes a concerned look at the problems of being a vertically challenged music lover, and other irritations that plague us at gigs...

IS: concrete.editor@uea.ac.uk Philip Sainty

excitement and exhilaration.

Based on real-life Subarau Centres set in Finland, UK and Spain, players wanting to push their skills to the max can test their high performance vehicals in true-to-life environments on WRC 4's Test Tracks.

Or if you want to win a copy for yourself, simply answer the following question: Where are the real-life Subarau Centres set?

The Mortal Kombat: Deception On the PlayStation 2 Student Network!

The Mortal K o m b a t : Deception Tour is now coming to an end.

If you missed out, don't worry it is out now and available to play exclusively on the PlayStation 2 Student Network.

NUS Ents and the PlayStation 2 Student Network have been touring 16 universities and 8 Gamestation stores to present the Mortal Kombat: Deception Tournament. Students have been battling it out for a once in a lifetime trip to Japan. The final fight takes place in London at: ULU on December 10 2005 from 9pm to1am With an enhanced free-roaming Konquest mode, an action/strategy board game and a unique puzzle game, Mortal Kombat is the ultimate fighting game.

So get yourself down to the students' union and get ready to

take on your friends and enemies alike and battle for the winning crown.

If you're just itching to play, or would like to win a copy for yourself, we have a competition just for you. For your chance to win a copy of the game, simply answer the following question: How many universities did the Mortal Kombat tournament visit?

concrete.eventeditorial@uea.ac.uk Proof Readers: Helen Harvey, Umay Kalsoon concrete.arts@uea.ac.uk Editor: Luke Roberts Assistant Editor: Niki Brown Writers: Sophie Johnson, Amy Lowe, Simon Griffiths concrete.film@uea.ac.uk Editor: Dean Bowman Writers:Jim Whalley, Mark Simpson, Bryan Davies, Simon Griffiths, David McNought, Natalie Lasance, Priya Shah concrete.music@uea.ac.uk Editors: James Banks & Ben Patashnik Writers: Miranda Bryant, Hanah Edney, Sophie Driscoll, David Riley, Stuart Masters, Craig Palmer, Philip Sainty, Joe Espiner, Julie Therese, Charles Rumsey, James Taylor, Colin Griffiths, Jim Parker, Suzanne Rickenback concrete.tv/digital@uea.ac.uk Editor: Kate Bryant Writers: Martha Hammond, Kim Howe, Paul Stevens, Stephen Sharrock Creative Writing Editor: James Conway Writers: Merinne Whitton, Jon Stone, Robert Frost, Zoë Neville-Smith, Ben Patashnik, Dean Bowman Design Consultant Nathan ‘still here’ Hamilton The Event is published fortnightly by Concrete: Post: PO Box 410, Norwich, NR4 7TB Tel: 01603 250558 Fax: 01603 506822 E-mail: su.concrete@uea.ac.uk Printed by: Archant

DVD’s They Are Among Us Thanks to the people at M o s a i c Entertainment we have three copies of They Are Among Us, to give away. To get your hands on a copy answer this terrifying conundrum: Who is among us?

Stage Beauty Thanks to Momentum Pictures we have two copies of Stage Beauty to give away and as I’m sure you’ll realise when you read the film section it is a fine film to have in your collection. To get your hands on a copy answer this tricky question: Who’s stage is beautiful?

J

Editorial

ust a short editorial this week, we wanted to make space to give out lot’s of presents from Santa, (he came in to the office especially to give them to us (and to get interviewed,) (and to check we weren’t going to damage his reputation,) (and then to steal some of our mince pies)).

This is the last issue of the term so have a good Christmas and we’ll see you bright and early next term, when we’re taken back out of stasis, warmed up with a shot of cheap whisky and put back to work.

Grotto continued

Those generous bods at Dellacasa are giving away another Pizza meal which consists of a medium pizza, hot and spicy chicken wings, garlic bread or chips and a can of drink, so get tucked in to this question: What shape is a hamburger? a) Round b) Square c) Hexagonal Send your answers to concrete.event@uea.ac.uk Answers must be received by 10th December.

01.12.04

04 Feature

Somewhere in this picture there is a band...

Gig Etiquette Suzanne Rickenback vents her music-loving spleen about the petty annoyances that plague the gig-going experience, and offers some advice for avoiding the tall, the sweaty and the plain overenthusiastic.

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igs – always hot, sweaty and intimate, where you will inevitably come across people that you see around the city but never think about talking to, and nevertheless end up in close proximity to them for three hours. Having been given a license to moan about gig etiquette, every spilt drink, every attempted grope from a 14-17 year old and every berk who goes into the pit with the sole intention of beating the shit out of other gig-goers sprang immediately to mind and an untouched literary utopia blossomed ‘neath your very eyes.

At a gig everyone wants to get the best view of the band as possible, until the inevitable happens and some ass decides to stop right in front of you. A person’s experience at a gig can vary depending on who you are – being not particularly big in stature or height, The Event isn’t stupid enough to dive headlong into a slam-dancing pit: it’s all about strategy. For example, most short people who regularly go to gigs will have come to terms with their stature by this point in their lives, and will fight to get to the front and find something (or indeed someone) to stand on to avoid any possible obstructions. However, something that becomes obvious is this: it isn’t always the tallest people to watch out for but the arrogant bastards.

Being stuck behind the dreaded hairstyles (most commonly mohawks or dreads) is incredibly annoying and there will always be a twat at any given gig who knows that he is standing in front of someone but chooses to stay there anyway. Another familiar problem is Mr Hairy - the tosspot who decides that he will not only stand in front of you

01.12.04

and sweat profusely, but will proceed to headbang so that his hair whips into your face. Thanks.

There is, however, a short person’s code of honour. At past gigs The Event has ended up more than once commiserating with people also unable to see or stepping aside so that a better view becomes possible for all. From this

“At a gig everyone wants to get the best view of the band as possible, until the inevitable happens and some ass stops in front of you” empathetic situation some of the best excuses known to man have been overheard, used by people so that they can actually see – a woman who told security she was pregnant but neglected to mention that it was only by a couple of hours managed to get a prime view of her heroes.

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rom a female point of view another problem that can put a downer on a concert is men who insist on trying to grope you whilst in the crowd.

Blokes, imagine trying to watch a band that you’ve paid good money to see and then having to suffer the indignity of having a 20-stone heifer sweat and press themselves onto you against your will. It is degrading, highly irritating and, if done more than once, downright rude. The best treatment is to dispense a quick kick to the shins/nearest body area. Aim for the bone.

Smoking is another common beef

Gig etiquette rule #3: Leave your javelin at home

amongst non-smokers. It has come to be expected at gigs, but when you’re surrounded by chain-smokers and people blowing smoke in your face it becomes a pain in the ass. This isn’t even going close to opening the can of worms that is smokers’ rights, but for the sweet love of humanity don’t start going mental with a cigarette or drink in hand as it’s the people around you who have to put up with burns on their arms or drink down their top.

There will always be cantankerous people from the age of 19 and upward complaining about the ‘little kids’ – no one would disagree with the fact that they can be highly annoying, but a bit of understanding has to be taken as well.

Yes, they don’t yet know how to act at gigs, they are highly annoying and wear tops with ‘Punx Not Dead!!’ emblazoned on them, but for the most part they don’t do much damage. Watching them take their first primitive jumps into a pit is

amusing (especially when they don’t know what is about to happen next) and the screeching from oestrogen-fuelled teenage girls kills a few thousand brain cells, but there is no need to be hostile.

Our dislike of them boils down to the fact that they hit too close to home and we were once all too similar to this image of what we have now grown to dislike. Just because they aren’t as wellversed as your common-or-garden Status Quo fan does not mean that they won’t learn in time.

There is always going to be something to bitch about when you go to a gig and not all of it is going to change – overly aggressive security guards, conceited wankers or annoying pubescent mid-teens being some of the immobile factors. Essentially it comes down to respect and whilst you can’t avoid some issues, some can be dealt with consideration for others. And at the end of the day, it’s all just a bit of fun.

Feature 05

Star Draws

With Polar Express on its way Bryan Davies wonders how the

W

Dreamworks’ new recruitment drive is particularly ruthless.

ith The ance”.

As with The Grinch of some four P o l a r years earlier, a classic children’s festive Express steaming story is the influence here. Producing into cine- animated pictures for the Christmas mas for season is a practise which is growing ever more popular, and heralds back to this year’s the tradition of old Christmas cartoons bankable and animated features such as The Christmas animation, and with Shark Tale still fresh in the memory, the Snowman. A good animated film is a worlds of celebrity and animation bankable commodity for studios, and there is no better time to release than appear to be drawing ever closer.

Question is, is this a good thing? Or will Christmas, where there is an almost guaranteed family audience at hand, clever, original animations be toppled by soulless, celebrity driven vehicles? not to mention the possibility of a plethora of tie-in merchandise. Indeed, Furthermore, is live action animation the way forward, particularly for Roger Rabbit, although not a Christmas story, was released in December in Christmas films?

Britain.

The Polar Express is a return to old Zemeckis and his production team territory for director Robert Zemekis, who directed 1988’s Who Framed Roger certainly know how to play an audience. Getting Hanks on board was a Rabbit?, blending live action with anigood move, (although Zemeckis himmation. It also recalls Ron Howard’s How self probably didn’t have a choice; The Grinch Stole Christmas.

Legend goes that when voicing Hanks is listed as Executive Director, and rumour suggests that much of the Roger, actor Charles Fleisher demanded a costume, claiming that long ears and dungarees would help him find his character. In a similar, though less eccentric vein, when watching The Polar Express you are likely to be struck by just how many of its characters carry a striking resemblance to its star, Tom Hanks (teaming up with Zemeckis again following the likes of Forrest Gump and Cast Away). Hanks actually picture was funded by Hanks himself, plays a remarkable six characters, including the father, Santa Claus and with some even going as far as to sugthe conductor of the express. The char- gest that the success of the picture could make or break his career) for he acters all act and sound as one expects is somewhat a family Hanks to, albeit a younger, smoother favourite, and usually a Hanks. Indeed, one of Hanks’ guises towering presence at the seems to primarily involve the wearing box office. In a simiof a finely pruned moustache.

This is perhaps the first animated lar vein, The Grinch relied heavily on film, with the possible exceptions of Jim Carrey in the Shark Tale and Final Fantasy (but lets not go there shall we) where the Computer central role. In what was Generated Images (CGI’s) of the characters resemble the stars themselves. regretfully pretty Well Hanks anyway. To create the a desired effect, Zemeckis used a rela- d i s a p tively new filming process, whereby traditional footage of the cast is taken, before it is digitally treated to create an animated effect. Thus in essence, whilst the film is on the surface as artificial as any of DreamWorks’ or Pixar’s efforts, the on screen movement is of a far more convincingly realist aesthetic. According to various press snippets, such technical wizardry has been employed in order to ensure the film remains as faithful as possible to its source, Chris Van Allburg’s illustrated children’s book. To quote Zemeckis himself, “We wanted to offer the beauty and richness of Chris’ illustrations from the book as if it were a moving oil painting, with all the warmth, immediacy and subtleties of a “That’s all very well, but what do human performwe do when we get to the top?”

animated medium finds space for Tom Hank’s celebrity ego. pointing film, Carrey’s lively, energetic performance transformed the picture from poor to mediocre. Whilst fans of the Dr Seuss book would undoubtedly have seen the film through curiosity, there can be little doubt that Carrey’s presence as the lead character influenced many others to see it.

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trangely for animation, given the fact that the animated characters usually carry no major physical resemblance to the actors voicing them, it is increasingly appearing that new animated projects are rarely given the goahead unless the recognizable voices of major stars are attached. But are major stars such good actors they can express themselves fully through their voices?

Would children, the primary target audience of the majority of animated picture, really recognise or care who was voicing their heroes? It is understandable that Charles Fleisher wanted to really get into his role, but unless

Jessica Rabbit.

Ahem...

“We wanted to offer the beauty and richness of Chris’ illustrations from the book as if it were a moving oil painting, with all the warmth, immediacy and subtleties of a human performance”. your animated film is shot in the style of Polar Express, it is highly unlikely your physical movements and expressions will be captured on camera.

The recently released Incredibles is an interesting example of how animation need not rely on celebrity influence. None of the actors voicing the characters are household names, certainly not in Britain at least, yet it is almost guaranteed that the film will be a huge box office and commercial success. Sadly however, it is said to be the last film created by Disney and

Pixar working together. Before celebrity became an obsession, cartoons and animated films once traded on their originality and impressive visuals. It may well be the case that The Incredibles represents the last truly original animated feature not to be tainted with celebrity undertones. We have already seen celebrity become more important than the film itself in the case of Shark Tale, a deadly disappointing, and rather unoriginal animation which smacked of celebrities jumping on the animation bandwagon. The creators tried something different, by attempting to make the fish resemble in part the actors voicing them.

But in truth, if the producers had spent less of their budget on recruiting major star names, and more on creating a truly original story with a decent script, they would have had a far better film on their hands. But more successful? Well, there lies the rub. Audiences are continually sucked in by marketing hype, and it is a fact that in today’s celebrity driven culture, the films with the biggest names attached are liable to attract the biggest audiences, regardless of their quality.

Historically, the regular use of celebrity voices within mainstream animation can be traced back to Disney’s Aladdin, where the genie was successfully voiced by Robin Williams. An actor of his charisma can carry off simply voicing a character, others cannot (Jack Black in Shark Tale, for example). Studios saw the success of Williams and Aladdin, and began to regularly recruit celebrities for their animated projects, creating a cycle which had led to today’s celebrity driven projects. Television wise, The Simpsons famously features celebrity cameos in almost every episode. This use of stars remains fresh and successful as the celebrities do not become the show, much as they increasingly do in films, they stick to what they are told, and are only ever too pleased to be on the show, such is its standing across the globe.

The disappointment of Shark Tale aside, this is not to say that celebrities within animation means a guaranteed sell out of profits over quality.Whilst the Shrek series of films, for example, is hugely popular commercially, the films themselves are fabulous, funny productions.

Celebrities can often enhance a picture, but can often be to a film’s detriment as well, especially within the world of animation. Following Shrek 2, Shark Tale was a poor offering from DreamWorks, yet had so much potential. It is easy to fear that the more the trend for celebrity grows, the more disappointing animations we will be served up, as the actors become too big for their parts. As stars egos increase, and the demand for magical, fantastical Christmas movies grows ever further, it is more than likely that we will see more animations in the mould of The Polar Express, as it gives the stars an opportunity to present their wares through physical actions and attributes, not just their voices. They are a conceited bunch, celebrities.

01.12.04

06 Feature

Ten Of Your Best Please...

At a loss trying to compile your Christmas list? Fear not, as James Banks and Ben Patashnik sift through the year’s top albums and select ten of the best.

01.12.04

Mr David Viner This Boy Don’t Care Every single song on this album comes together to create a diamond of a record. This Boy Don’t Care is a folksy-bluesy album that will make you want to put some whisky in your tea. The band that plays in the background at no point tries to overlap the genius that is heard in the foreground. But this doesn't remove the charm of Viner's lyrical dry humour. More importantly, his intrepid guitar work, that harks back to the genius of Bert Jansch, is displayed, and shows that the River Thames really is the new Mississippi.

Beastie Boys To The Five Boroughs After making one of the most danceable albums of the 90s in Hello Nasty, the only way the Beasties could top it was to make everything bigger and better, and that's precisely what they've done.

With some deliriously playful rhymes and memorable production from Mixmaster Mike, Boroughs manages to be both intimate and world-sized at once. This superb album is summed up by Ad Rock's mockney intro to Triple Trouble: “Kickin’ lyrics right through ya brain / When ya hear this sound you’ll be right as rain.”

The Libertines The Libertines

The Black Keys Rubber Factory

It's the album that almost never happened. Sadly, it also seems more likely that this is the last album by the greatest band of our generation. The Libertines is one of the best albums of 2004 without any doubt. If you’re still a non-believer just listen to the opening chords of Music When The Lights Go Out and if you are not hypnotised by these three minutes of poetic beauty, then you have no heart or soul. Every single song is a classic piece of writing with the odd bum note only adding to the charm and warmth of the album.

This band should be famous. They draw comparisons to the White Stripes because there are two of them and they play the blues, but the Black Keys play a different type of blues - Dan's fuzzed out guitar is complimented by the tub-thumping of Pat's drums. Rubber Factory makes the sound of Jack White's Elephant merely seem like the flapping of Dumbo's ears when he is trying to take off.

Rubber Factory is full of raw emotional energy every time you listen and it never seems to go away. Do yourself a favour and go out and buy it.

No Comply With Windmills Turning Wrong Directions

The Streets A Grand Don’t Come For Free

The Plymouth mob's first full album is surprising for a few reasons. They've evidently eschewed the ska-based anger of their past and instead chosen to take a much more mature route. Swirling horn lines and metallic guitar riffs collide underneath Kelly Kemp's powerful vocals, which veer from sugar-tongued pleasantries to razorblade-lined screams, giving NC's music real character. The ambitious Future Template and epic closer A Waking Dream suggest a hugely bright future, and as an album, impressive just doesn't cover it.

Even when you remove the clouds of moist hyperbole that fogged up Mike Skinner's vision on the release of his second album, the fact remains that this is an incredible piece of work. Mixing a genuinely compelling story with his inimitable lyrical gymnastics, Skinner came up with a collection of songs that can rightfully be called a modern classic. Even separating tracks like Empty Cans and the glorious Fit But You Know It from their context allows them to breathe freely, but listen from start to finish and his genius shines through every time.

The Coral Nightfreak and the Sons of Becker

Franz Ferdinand Franz Ferdinand

The most striking aspect of this album is that there is no track you could pinpoint as a single.Yes, this is an anti-mainstream album where the funky bass lines have been replaced with creepy guitar work, dark lyrics and scary production - just listen to Migraine and you will see what this means. But that dark production and creepy behaviour is what made their debut unique. This is an album that was never written to please the record company or even win over the casual admirer: this is an album designed to win back their hardcore fans.

Taking the coolest name that ever came out of Habsburg, and then rewriting the history books to make it their own, Franz Ferdinand emerged out of nowhere with Darts of Pleasure and the rest, as the cliché goes, is history. This album is infectious beyond belief and if you can ever get the drumming out of your head then you are a stronger person than this reviewer. Go on, listen to Dark of the Matinee and then go somewhere quiet and try not to think of the drums. This album will be pictured in history books in years to come.

A Wilhelm Scream Mute Print

Dillinger Escape Plan Miss Machine

For a debut to be this assured is ridiculous. For it to maintain its breakneck pace and twenty-fingered riffery throughout is nothing short of astonishing, and when The Rip and William Blake Overdrive kick in it's hard not to have to sit down and take a moment to appreciate the sheer dynamism of A Wilhelm Scream. They can even make a melodic hardcore song touchingly affective, as Kursk shows, and the constant lightningfast guitar runs make Mute Print one of the most solid debuts from across the pond in recent years.

Proving that true art isn't always accessible, this cinematic masterpiece asserted DEP's place as the most compelling band on the planet. It’s a glorious collision of rhythm and melody best expressed in Panasonic Youth and the vicious Van Damsel. What makes this an instant classic is the band's gleeful desire to combine jazz, hardcore and metal melodies into a sublimely oblique mix that never loses focus. Sell any body-part except your ears, as one listen confirms the utter uselessness of everything else.

Feature 07

I’m Dreaming of a Black & White Christmas

Silent Night...

Dean Bowman puts on the robe of the Ghost of Cinema Past and writes about a World Premiere of one of cinema’s relics in Norwich.

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hristmas is a time for magic and nostalgia in equal measures and so it is no surprise that it is also a time when the normal rules of television programming are pushed aside just a little to allow black and white films, such as It’s a Wonderful Life (1946) to reach out to a primetime audience so used to Technicolour glitz. Snow just doesn’t have that same romantic glow and warm feeling in Technicolour.

Although the invention of colour film, an event comparable to the development of digital filmmaking in our own age, was a great moment in Cinematic history it does not automatically follow that colour film is superior to black and white, as many people assume; it is merely different to black and white.

Besides it is a fairly arbitrary distinction when you consider that the colour of films often radically differ from another,

rules were in flux and the medium held its audience in fascination and awe because it was something magical. One can see this particularly in the work of magician turned cinematic pioneer Georges Melies, whose films utilise editing as a means of creating illusions, whether that be sending men to the moon in a flying train or removing his own head and inflating it to the size of the screen.

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his Christmas there are two important events involving silent films for your diary.

Firstly a newly restored version of Abel Gance’s pivotal Napolean (1927), a five and a half hour monster of a film, is being screened for probably the last time at the Royal Festival Hall, along with live accompaniment by the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra. Bernard Levin has called it ‘one of the most completely satisfying and memorable encounters with art I have ever had.’

‘I like the randomness of a live soundtrack,’ says Mark. ‘The mind makes it fit the images. There’s always a point where it links up’ compare the garish saturated colours of Far from Heaven or Moulin Rouge with the subdued palete of Mystic River for example. We rely too much in this matter, as with much else, upon that great myth of capitalist society: Progress.

There are very specific qualities that black and white film’s possess, and very specific atmosphere’s they are able to create, that cannot be achieved on colour film. The Use of black and white stock in the filming of documentaries to lend them an air of authenticity is well documented; less so is the more dream-like, otherworldly quality of the medium, embodied in such films as It’s a Wonderful Life.

Now let the ghost of Christmas Past lead you further back to the even more unfamiliar realm of the silent film. Here in those old flickering images lies, in its most undiluted form, the true magic of cinema. The period of the silent film is the crucible of cinema; an age when the

Competing with this is Norwich’s very own world premier of L’Inferno (slightly shorter at one and a half hours for those with smaller attention spans).

Directed by Guiseppe de Liguoro in 1911, and based on Gustave Doré’s famous illustrations of Dante’s Divine Comedy, it is considered to be Italy’s first feature film. It was believed lost for decades and has only been recently rediscovered and restored. On its release in 1911 it took over 2 million dollars in America alone, which was an unprecedented sum for a film at the time.

It remains to be seen whether it can make such a big impact this time around but one thing is for certain there is an audience for silent film, as demonstrated by the emergence of such specialist labels as Eureka (who are handling the DVD distribution of the film). All that is needed is a little bit of exposure and enthusiasm; on this note Steve Forster,

Bertrand de Born’s Y-Fronts were a size too small...

marketing officer at Cinema City told The Event that “It is great to be able show such an influential film. It shows how seriously Cinema City takes its role.This is an example of something that an independent cinema can do that a multiplex wouldn’t be able to.”

L’Inferno’s appeal lies in its creative and pioneering use of the cinematic medium. The film exploits the magical quality of cinema to the fullest in order to enrich the imaginative experience of the source text, presenting the viewer with a mystical and epic vision of hell. But it is also an allegorical celebration of the visual power of cinema as an emergent art form; as a viewer you are in the same position as Dante being led through hell and shown incredible visions, the camera opening up a whole new world to you.

For the first screening DJ Mark B will be playing a set live to accompany the film made up of a Kill Bill style pastiche of music including other soundtracks (such as Neil Young’s score for Dead Man and Ennio Morricone) along with classic Jazz tunes and atmospheric pieces. For Tangerine Dream fans the film will be screened the following day with their original soundtrack. Mark B (not to be confused with the Hip Hop act) told The Event that his soundtrack will ‘match with the mood of each individual scene, so that the music doesn’t distract from the film itself.’

Live musical accompaniments create a completely different dynamic between audience and film and sound and image.

‘I like the randomness of a live soundtrack,’ says Mark. ‘The mind makes it fit the images. There’s always a point where it links up’. A newly commissioned soundtrack for a classic silent film is also a good excuse to introduce the film to a new audience, which Steve and Mark both agree is the ultimate aim of this event and others that they hope to hold in the future.

Since even the black and white Christmas films have lost something of their charm since they have become part of the larger process of the festive season’s vulgar commodification, then there is all the more reason to travel further back to get at something largely untainted by these market forces. Perhaps it is here, in the distant past, that we can rediscover the spirit that Christmas seems to be lacking more and more each year.

Napolean is being shown at the Royal Festival Hall on Saturday 4th and Sunday 5th of December. L’Inferno is being show at Cinema City at the Playhouse on the Sunday 5th December at 8.30 (with Mark B performing a live set) and again on Monday 6th December at 4.30. We have a pair of tickets to give away for L’Inferno if you can tell us who wrote The Divine Comedy on which it is based.

Answers to concrete.film@uea.ac.uk marked L’Inferno.

Cinefile Manchurian Candidate

no. 49

Is this the new Denzel Washington film?

No, this is the original version from 1962 and directed by John Frankenheimer (who went on to direct The French Connection II and Ronin).

Based on a novel by Richard Condon, the film is about an American platoon that are captured and brainwashed during a mission in the Korean War. Nearly all of the platoon survive but suffer from recurring nightmares and return to a society obsessed by the Communist threat. Starring Laurence Harvey as the troubled Lt. Raymond Shaw, Angela Lansbury as his over-protective but manipulative mother, and Frank Sinatra as Major Ben Marco…

Frank Sinatra? You don’t mean the legendary 50s singer and Chairman of the Board do you?

Yes, Old Blue Eyes himself. Whilst it is strange to see Sinatra in this film, he gives a tremendous performance as Major Marco and shows that he can act as well as sing. He also helped in preproduction, as Arthur Krim (President of United Artists and Finance Chairman of the Democratic Party) did not want the film made because of its controversial subject matter. Sinatra asked his friend President John F. Kennedy for a favour and the 35th American president stepped in and stated that he did not object to the film being made.

How controversial was the film upon its release?

The subject matter of communism invading America was always going to be controversial, but Frankenheimer handles the subject matter effectively. The character of Senator John Yerkes Iselin is an obvious nod to Senator Joseph McCarthy and his Communist witch-hunt in the 1950s. As the film was so political, it was heavily censored and even prohibited in former Soviet Union countries. The film did not premier in many of these countries until after the collapse of the Soviet Union in 1993.

Is the film any good or is just all politics and propaganda?

The Manchurian Candidate was an effective thriller in the ‘60s and is still an effective thriller now. The cast are superb and the narrative keeps you on the edge of your seat. Not to mention the wonderfully staged dream sequences and ultra tense final act. The film would still be good without all the anti-Communist politics but by including them it shows how real the fear of the Reds was in ‘60s America. You have to remember that the original audience had just experienced the Cuban Missile Crisis and the Bay of Pigs incident, and the thought that the communists could take-over the American government would have shocked everyone.

Should I see this before going to watch the new version?

Definitely. Both versions are very relevant to their contemporary settings but are also good films above all else. The new one is not a lazy remake, #cough# Gus Van Sant, but a thoughtful and clever updating. The two versions of The Manchurian Candidate show Hollywood how to successfully remake a classic.

Mark Simpson

01.12.04

08 Feature

Is there a Doctor in the house?

Karl Kennedy will be appearing at the LCR on 4th Dec so

Martha Hammond and Kim Howe grabbed him for a chat

F

riends, students, soap fans lend us your ears!

It will be a dark day in Erinsborough when Dr. Karl Kennedy hangs up his stethoscope and leaves Ramsey Street for good, but do not panic just yet as actor Alan Fletcher reassures The Event that he will be with the soap for at least another year. Not to mention soothing our immense pangs of longing with an appearance at the LCR on Saturday 4th December! When Dr. Karl does eventually leave, the cataclysmic event will produce a gaping hole in the lives of students and soap fans across the nation.

The appeal of Karl is not limited to

the exploits of his character and his extensive range of luminescent poloshirts; no! He is an educational force and a cornerstone of the Ramsey Street community. His years on the Street have provided him with the opportunity to showcase his huge spectrum of medical talents, offering day time T.V fans the chance to accumulate cheap DIY doctoring skills. Who among us did not watch with bated breath as Karl performed a life-saving tracheotomy on his son Mal? The Med students among us may have been taking notes, but everyone learnt a valuable lesson that day.

Leading just as varied a life as his character is actor Alan Fletcher, who has played the magnanimous doctor for the last twelve years or so. Alan has been working his way through the various creative mediums including photography, scriptwriting and theatre since he was younger than his onscreen girlfriend, Izzy. Both character and actor share a passion for music, who can forget the wonder that was The Right Prescription with their unique sound? In reality Alan’s music in intended to convey a message; fans can download his Iraq War protest song Perfectly Comfortable from his official website www.alanfletcher.net.

Enjoy! In his spare time, which he admits is limited, he performs as part of a three piece band.

The trio could threaten to follow in the footsteps of other Neighbours legends and record, although Alan warns his fans not to “expect pop music from me!”

G

iven the fact that his on screen persona, Karl, is a man with a roaming eye and a preference for young beauties, it is somewhat surprising to learn that Alan is a committed family man who is involved in a variety of charity work and fundraising. His website contains a great deal about his political beliefs and shows great awareness of others opinions. In addition to his work on Neighbours, Alan runs a successful photography business, specialising in taking headshots for the Actor’s Union, an organisation in which he is an active member. Recently he has produced an all-Neighbours cast production of The Rocky Horror Picture Show which raised over $200,000 for charity. However, this is not to say that Mr. Fletcher has no

It will be a dark day in Erinsborough when Dr. Karl Kennedy hangs up his stethoscope and leaves Ramsey Street for good. idea how to have a good time, he is often the feature of student events and is fully intending to “party it up big!” this Christmas in the UK. Whilst in the UK Alan aspires to work in UK film, television and theatre.

He would “dearly love” to tread the boards at the Globe and continue his relationship with the Bard. In Australia he is credited with appearing in over 40 stage productions (including panto!) which according to his Neighbours coworkers is “almost a record”. If Alan does run out of theatre work whilst in Blighty he can always rely on his talents as a radio performer and scriptwriter, or continue providing voice-overs for TV adverts. If all else fails he can join one of the established English soaps as

Alan, looking as wholesome as ever

he is a fan of Eastenders and watched Coronation Street as a child. It does not seem likely that he will ever be short of projects.

For the meantime Alan is a busy man, as the engrossing storyline of Izzy’s pregnancy grows ever closer to its climax.

After Karl left his long term wife and mother of his three children, Susan, he was manipulated by scheming Isabelle Hoyland into believing that her pregnancy was the result of their brief fling. Karl did the decent thing and committed himself to Izzy and the bump, blissfully unaware that the baby is not actually his.

Alan has a soft spot for Karl, although he feels that “they are poles apart, particularly at the moment.” He comments on the problems he faced when attempting to find motivation, saying that is was a “very difficult storyline.You have to understand the male psyche to be able to play it. Men who believe they have spent their life living for someone else often become selfish in later life and look for greener pastures. Of course they so often only find deserts.” Truly inspirational words. Alan finds it hard to believe that being a medical professional, Karl is unable to realise that Izzy’s pregnancy is too far advanced for him to be the father but Karl is blinded by his affection for her, and thinks that she is a good person. The rules of soapland dictate that it can only be a matter of time before Izzy’s lies are uncovered, it will be interesting to see how Karl reacts when he realises he has been fooled.

Soap fans will be distraught, as will Dr. Karl, when he eventually finds out Izzy’s secret, as this discovery will surely be a catalyst in his decision to leave Erinsborough. He will be fondly remembered for diverse storylines ranging from his comic love/hate relationship with Joe Scully to his often heart rending marriage to Susan. Alan’s favourite scene from the soap was the renewal of marriage vows between Karl and Susan which he describes as “beautiful and emotional to play”. Whatever the future holds in store

Karl’s old patch

01.12.04

for the intrepid Karl Kennedy The Event wishes him luck and invites UEA students to do the same at the Christmas Fancy Dress Party in the LCR. Having never been to Norwich before Alan will be sure to appreciate a warm welcome.When asked what he had planned for the LCR he responded with “tell me what you want to see!!!!!� Should make for an interesting evening.

To win a signed photo of Alan, send a short description of your favourite Karl Kennedy moment to - concrete.tvdigital@uea.ac.uk

Feature 09

Lodging briefly in the world of Henry James David Lodge speaks to Luke Roberts about his new novel Author, Author and the enigmatic figure of Henry James... material. He’s a rather attractive character for novelists to work with, because basically he’s a mystery.We know a lot about him.We can more or less chart his life from day to day. Yet there is something slightly enigmatic about his character. So there was a certain freedom. A certain responsibility too. I mean you’ve got to make up your mind for instance what his sexuality was. You must create the character from the inside. He himself never really gave it away.

You have to infer from what he said.

Photo: Chris Caruso

I

D

think he was a person of low libido. He wasn’t drawn to genital sex. But he was very affectionate. I think he was kind of bisexual for a long time. He enjoyed women’s company. He also enjoyed men’s company. But when it came to the idea of marriage, I think he realised that the physical side was not for him. I think he then began to realise late in life that he felt most emotional affection for men. This became more pronounced after my main story ends. During the first decade of the twentieth century he had two relationships with young men that were very affectionate. He wrote very warm affectionate letters, that we might even consider love letters. But I think you have to be careful not to over-interpret James’ metaphorical lan-

avid Lodge is an established critic, author and close friend of the late Malcolm Bradbury.

At least one of his books is to be found on English Literature syllabuses up and down the country. In a new novel Author, Author, David Lodge pens the middle and waning years of the anglophile Henry James. The Event asked David Lodge about the genesis of the novel and the mysterious personality of Henry James.

“Years ago a television company approached me. They were thinking of adapting George Du Maurier’s novel Trilby. I had never read Trilby before. This was back in 1995. So I read it. But I thought I couldn’t really make it compelling to a modern audience. But I read in the introduction that Du Maurier had offered the idea of the story to Henry James who he was a great friend of. If I did know that, I had forgotten it.

The second fact that I certainly didn’t know, was that when he did write Trilby himself, it was thought to be the best selling novel of the [nineteenth] century.

“I thought there was a fantastic irony here in the fact that Henry James always longed for a big commercial success but never achieved it, was offered Trilby and didn’t take it, which went on to be a big success. I realised that this coincided with the lowest point in James’ career which was his attempt to make himself into a playwright, culminating in the terrible humiliation of the first night of Guy Domville. There were all these things happening in 1894-95 and I thought that there was a story here that one could explore in fiction.

“I don’t suppose I would have thought of doing that twenty years ago. But in the meantime the biographical novel has become quite fashionable so there were a lot of models to think about. I wanted to do something entirely different, as far as I am concerned, I

guage. He certainly had a kind of crush on a couple of young men. So I think that he was a repressed homosexual who sublimated all his feelings into his art, realising that he could never really be a good husband. He never really desired a woman in that way.”

Moving away from the novel, The Event asked David Lodge about his friendship with Malcolm Bradbury and his thoughts on the process of writing. (James dictated all his novels to typists).

“I think writing novels is essentially a solitary pursuit. I know a lot of writers and I think that when you’re young and still forming, you’re finding yourself. You interact with your peers creatively. I was a great friend of Malcolm Bradbury. He was at Birmingham [university] for a few years at the same time as me. We were both young assistant lecturers.

We’d both written one novel and were writing a second. And we were exactly the right age to have a friendship that was also a creative, collaborative relationship, and it played quite an important part. It turned me in the direction of comedy basically. But I think as you get older, you find your own style and really want to protect it from being influenced too much by other people- particularly your contemporaries.”

wanted to change my direction. So that was how the novel started…

“Then I began to read a lot about Du Maurier and Henry James and to try and find a novelistic shape, a structure within the facts. Then at some point I decided to put a frame around the story, and that’s really the genesis.

“All the essential events are based on documentary sources, and I’ve used a novelist’s licence in other areas. It was partly to signal that this was a completely new kind of book for me- to my readers particularly.

Also, I had to make a decision. When I first thought of writing the book I thought I’d bend much more, invent a lot of characters.

“I think he began to realise late in life that he felt most emotional affection for men.”

But as I got into it, the basic material was so interesting, so dramatic, and the characters were so interesting that there was no need to invent. If you were faithful to the basic facts then you had an extra kind of power. You added an extra power to the story, because people accepted that basically this is how it was, and I didn’t have to invent the fact that George Du Maurier gave Henry James- or offered him- the idea for Trilby, and then wrote it himself. It’s actually true.

“What I say in the introduction is that all the quotations from printed sources are correct. This gives you a way of checking what events definitely must have been true, because James comes home and he writes up in his notebook about the conversation with Du Maurier. The reader then knows that this much is definitely true and so it’s a kind of non-fiction. It’s a form that has always interested me as a critic, but I’d never tried it myself.

“James’ last typist, Theodora Bosanquet published a little memoir saying what it was like working for him. There are a lot of anecdotes about James. So there’s a lot of source

01.12.04

10 Feature

Feature 11

FATHER CHRISTMAS

“Yeah, tinsel.

Me, that was.

I invented the THE INTERNATIONAL MAN OF FESTIVITY stuff.”

SPEAKS EXCLUSIVELY TO THE EVENT...

A

fter months of searching, endless phone calls to his PR company and a few bribes to anonymous tipsters, The Event has finally managed to secure an interview with the man who is synonymous with the season: Father Christmas. We eventually track him down in the back streets of Norwich, finding him vainly attempting to go incognito. Following much coercion and six pints, he agrees to speak to us about life since his divorce, Rudolph and life in the spotlight.

Now that six months have passed, how do you feel about your split from Catherine ZetaChristmas?

We ‘ad ten good years. But after the affair me work suffered. I couldn’t stand bein’ round the elves knowing that one of them… Now don’t get me wrong, I ain’t prejudiced or nothing, but it’s just not right. So we decided to call it a day.

She was a lovely girl an’ all, nice big baubles [he grins and cups his hands]. I mean, I’ve got my Ho-Ho-Hos, but I don’t sleep with groupies. Never. They always want me to tell them they’re on the naughty list. Sick, innit? So, now cos of the settlement I’m skint. All I kept out of the divorce was that chuffing sleigh and a lifetime gym membership, which as you can see is no bloody use to me whatsoever. Tell you what though mate, she walked off with the tinsel.

Tinsel?

Yeah tinsel. Me, that was. I invented the stuff an’ it was a nice little earner too.

‘Orrible stuff, but they buy it by the truckload. That Easter Bunny – what’s his name? – Derek, toothy bastard. Did you know he’s on his third heart bypass now? All that bloody chocolate. Anyway, he claimed it was his, right, but I got the patent in first. Only just though – you should’ve seen him puffing and panting his way to the patent office with those giant blueprints.What a giraffe, only got little ‘ands ain’t ‘e, kept dropping ‘em!

So I made 20p for every bit sold, and I tell you it all adds up. The missus made me sign one of those pre-nuptial contract things and now it’s officially hers.

Cow. But I’m alright, I’ve got my dignity.

You must have lots of time off in the year. How do you spend it?

Well, y’know, my work, it’s seasonal innit? Not much call for me the rest of the year, so I don’t earn anything much. But the dole money goes far enough.

And if I wear the suit, people will always give me a discount. Every now and then they need persuading, but I have my methods. I was in Marks and Sparks the other day, buying some undercrackers – got nice ones in there – and there was this bloke, and he’s got the kit on, and he’s giving it this

“I’m not even allowed to call myself Clive any more...”

01.12.04

and that, presents and all, big old grotto, and I tell you I couldn’t compete. So I go over there to sort it out, and he’s giving me this “oh, I’m just one of Santa’s helpers” malarkey. So I thumped him…

Sorted. You can’t have that sort of thing going on. It’s not like it used to be.

Mind, it’s tough keeping on top of these impostors on me own.

Is it true that you are no longer on speaking terms with Rudolph?

Yeah. He does me nut in. Christmas this Christmas that, all frigging year round.

I said to him, I said it’s too much, mate.

You think it’s bad seeing the Christmas trees up in September, that bloody reindeer would have them up in January if he got the chance. Nah, can’t be doing with it. He’s a moody, slave driving git.

He’d be popping them caffeine pills to keep him going, but they sent him funny, with mood swings and stuff. I mean, I got to work one afternoon to find he’d impaled one of the elves. I could see the poor bugger hanging there from his antler, right. He’d tried to cover it up with a hat. Denied it for hours, said it was an earring… Wish I hadn’t believed him, we’re short on staff as it is. Short! Ha. Haha. Cos they’re little, geddit? What was I saying again?

About your relationship with Rudolph…

There was never a frigging relationship, alright. Don’t care what you’ve heard, it didn’t happen.

Your working relationship.

Yeah. He’s a tosser.

So, tell us what it’s like to be Father Christmas.

It’s hard graft, that’s what it is. You have no personal life whatsoever. I went to one of those singles nights after the divorce; y’know, the ones where you have to wear a name badge and you swap tables. Well, mine said “Santa”, didn’t it? People thought I was takin’ the piss until they sat down in front of me.

Not much action at my table, I can tell ya.

Is the name “Santa” a problem for you?

It’s not even my name – Santa! Plus I’m dyslexic, so it causes me no end of trouble. Even me passport’s wrong cos of that stupid name. It was the Americans what gave me the bloody name in the first place and they won’t even let me into their country. I was in customs last week, right, with this bleeding misspelt passport and they wouldn’t believe me when I said it was supposed to be “Santa”. So they said I’d got to show ‘em what’s in me sack. I gave it the old “Not ‘til Christmas Day or it’ll just be coal for you”, but they weren’t ‘aving it. Next thing I know they’ve brought out this massive great Alsatian, or whatever it is, and it’s nosing around in me sack.

Needless to say they didn’t find anything. I keep the good stuff up me arse.

What you have to do, right, is wrap it really tight, and then get some Vaseline and… <the rest of this sentence was cut for legal reasons>. I didn’t want to go there anyway.

Do you travel a lot in your spare time?

Not to bloody America I don’t. Nothing against the people, they’re my biggest market, and it’s the only place I can buy clothes that fit. I’m a “medium” over there! But I can’t buy anything nice any more, cos I’ve got to wear this suit 365 days a year, since the sponsorship deal with that drinks company. When I first started I used to drink gallons of the stuff – complimentary, like – then I discovered it was a mixer, so now I don’t bother. I like my branding neat, if you know what I mean. Anyway, I used to wear jeans and a t-shirt most days, but now it’s this suit all the bloody time. I might look jolly but this material chafes like a bastard. And I’m not even allowed to call myself Clive any more.

Do you find people recognise you in the street now?

Is the Pope Catholic? Course they bleeding do. Frigging kids. “Oooh, Santa, can I have a present, can I have a cuddle, can I sit on your lap, can I this, can I that.” It’s July, you morons! Come back in six months time and I might think about it.

I tell you, once, this mum – Phwoar.

Have you seen Showgirls? – came up with her little brat, and this brat was like “Can I sit on your lap, Santa?”, an’ you know what I said? I said,“No, but your mum can if she likes!” Good job I’d ‘ad a few or that punch would’ve really hurt. My best line, that was.

What is your favourite thing about Christmas?

The end. Ha ha! Ah, it’s all right really, and it’s kept me alive for the last – however many years it is now. The best thing for me is rushing home in time to see Only Fools and Horses. I find that if I cut out parts of Asia I can

usually make it with a few minutes to spare. People ain’t ‘alf getting stingy lately, though. Used to be I’d get a mince pie and a glass of sherry at every house. Now I’m lucky if there’s a dry digestive biscuit and half a carrot for Rudolph. Mind, he don’t even eat carrots at the moment, he’s on some diet that means he can’t have anything orange. He still eats them chocolate oranges, though, and that’s why he needs to lose weight. Fat git.

I tell you what I don’t like, though, nobody gets me anything, do they? My bodyweight in poxy biscuits is not much substitute for a proper present, is it?

“I’ve customised the sleigh with underthe-seat speakers.”

So what would you like for Christmas?

Six naked ladies, a vat of baby oil and a pair of handcuffs… no, make that seven naked ladies. Though if I can’t get that I do need a new pair of slippers. The exMrs Christmas stretched me last pair.

One year, that Rudolph got me some aftershave.What the bleeding heck can I do with aftershave? Berk.

How do you get around the world in one night?

Compilation tapes. It’s all about getting the music right. A bit of Whitesnake to start off the evening, moving into The Final Countdown as we cross Europe – I like to make them topical. Rocking all over the World, that’s a good one. See, I’ve customised the sleigh with underthe-seat speakers to get that proper surround-sound thing going. Problem is, the reindeer are sensitive to the vibrations. It can get a bit messy – ever heard of a bum note? Status Quo have lots of ‘em. Ain’t pretty, I can tell ya.

Any tips for good presents this year?

Cats. Lots of cats. Stuffed with cheese.

I’m the public face of CheeseCats Ltd. It’s a delicacy Rudolph brought back on one of his travels, and I was a bit skint at the time so I agreed to do the campaign. He gets loads of free samples but you have to insert the cheese manually.

“It’s all part of the fun! Make one for your mum. Grab yourself a cat and shove cheddar up its bum.” Interactive Snacks, they’re called. We’ve had some difficulties with the marketing, but in the end it’s no different to stuffing a turkey.

Other than that, I don’t see what’s wrong with a nice pair of socks.

What are Christmas?

your

plans

for

Once I’ve done me rounds I’ll be taking advantage of the transport for the Christmas period, maybe Amsterdam, maybe Bangkok, depends how much cash I’ve managed to ‘alf inch on the way. Then it’s home again, probably stopping for a drive-thru on the way – I like to give ‘em a fright with the reindeer. I used to do charity work over the season, with the old folks and the funny ones, but I had to stop that after they complained that they got in trouble for saying they’d seen the real Father Christmas. So now I stay in an’ watch The Great Escape, but now I’m wearing the suit all year round I sometimes go back in the summer for a giggle.

Thanks for talking to us, Father Christmas.

No trouble, mate. Couldn’t spare me some change for the bus, could ya?

01.12.04

12 Music

Band Aid 20

Albums

The Event scrutinises the new

Ratings:

Sunny

Fair

Stormy

The Wu-Tang Clan

incarnation of Band Aid and

Legends Of The Wu-Tang

asks just what it’s all about.

Lo, it is written in the hip hop bible that death increaseth thy record sales.Whether the recent demise of the ODB will boost the profit margins of Legends Of The Wu-Tang remains to be seen, but this release – like so many of this ilk – is eerily timely. It would be a hard task for any aficionado to choose the standout tracks from the Wu-Tang career path, and the choices for this one come across as being rushed.

While it may be a good introduction to the world of the Wu, purists will not warm easily to this compilation as it tries to be too reflective of the whole Wu-ensemble. An attempt to do this would have been better on several discs involving solo and other groupbased work by members of the mighty Clan. It proffers stand-out tracks from their earlier offerings, and suitably winds down towards the end. By doing so, however, it marginalises the essence of the Wu-Tang flava by paying little heed to the samples and intros that first made them great. Like most ‘best-ofs’ this compilation is sterilised by over-production and clean packaging, leaving the impression of them as less than legendary, and more like fading memories.

Philip Sainty

Third time lucky...?

Apparently there’s a new version of Do They Know It’s Christmas?, which has been recorded by an updated version of Band Aid. I use the word “apparently” because The Event has not actually seen or heard anything about the release whatsoever at the time of writing. The only thing that is known is that some musicians have re-made the 1984 charity smash and that it’s available to buy, presumably with the proceeds going to charity. You may be asking yourself why The Event has given the task of writing about the song to someone who knows nothing about the release, and this is a reasonable question. Obviously what I have written, and my comments about the song, are based solely on my own intuition and whatever assumptions I decided to make – so if I get something wrong please don’t email to tell me about it.

To begin with, The Event can say with a fair amount of confidence that the song is far worse than its not-too-great-anyway predecessor. This is because for one there are some very questionable artists appearing on it (probably the prog rock group Busted) and I’m also confident that even though it’s a new contemporary version of the song designed to appeal to ‘the kids’, Bono will somehow have managed to worm his way in by arguing that he’s still contemporary because he did that awful iPod advert. He has probably insisted on doing the “just thank your lucky stars it’s them instead of you” line – which he didn’t want to sing on the original until Bob Geldof explained the line’s importance to him (no really – look it up). I’m sure a few of the winners and more popular losers from Pop Idol or Popstars or whatever are in the background somewhere, and that at some point the song will have an ill-conceived hip-hop breakdown so that the fake-cockney bloke from the Streets and an R ‘n’ B singer can join in without having to do something different.

The video is also pretty easy to predict. All of the stars singing in a studio appearing very chummy while trying to push each other out of the way to get camera-time. Of course, the bigger stars will only appear in individual shots because they were too busy to turn up on the day that everyone else was going to be there. The atmosphere will most likely be light until midway through, when the video cuts to footage of the starving people that this song is meant to be helping – in an attempt to remind everyone why they are there (at this point a solitary tear may roll from under Bono’s ridiculous, oversized fly-eye sunglasses). I’m sure Bob Geldof will be there looking a bit grumpy, but that is acceptable as this is his song and his project. Geldof has always seemed genuinely interested in helping people rather than clocking up publicity and a number one single by default.

This brings us to the real point of this no-doubt unpleasant exercise. As well as knowing that the song itself is most likely going to be awful, there is also the issue that many of those starving in Africa have no interest in celebrating the birth of Jesus because they’re not Christians. There is also the fact that no-one really likes Bono.We must remember that the money is going somewhere immensely worthwhile and even if you hate the song it might be worth buying the CD. Even if you use it as a shiny coaster it’ll make you feel better about yourself. Of course it might be more sensible to just give a fiver to charity, saving yourself a walk to HMV and avoiding the guilt of buying slightly crass, bad pop music.

Colin Griffiths

01.12.04

The Kinison What Are You Listening To? Blurring the lines of rock ‘n’ roll, indie and punk are eleven brutal songs about drugs, women and self destruction.

Playing this album is the audio equivalent of a kick in the nuts from Francisco Sandoval Rios (proud owner of the biggest feet on earth… obviously). My initial thoughts were, ‘blah, they’re just another band with a howling vocalist’, but in this rarest of cases a modern alternative album has come along that’s just a lot of fun without losing any attitude or credibility. The chorus of the vicious You’ll Never Guess Who Died is sure to leave you unblocking your u-bend with a coathanger, making this three minute jaunt around cocaine and depression strangely uplifting - if you like toilets. If you’re looking for the re-invention of rock, look elsewhere. If you’re searching for an album to dance to until you vomit blood, then this is gold dust.

James Taylor

Koala Do Not Be Afraid Mediocre-brit-rock anybody?

Harsh parhaps, but Koala’s debut album Do Not Be Afraid falls gracelessly down the gap at the back of the musical sofa, destined to live for eternity with a manky Chew-It and 63 pence in small change.

Claims of psychedelic-glampunk-pop seem a bit ambitious, although they do deserve some respect, nay admiration, for admitting to

having Slade as a major influence. Apart from an intro Rolf would be proud of, the last track, The Cup A Soup Song, is perhaps the album’s saving grace, though no word other than ‘nice’ can describe it.

There are undoubtedly the seeds of some good ideas here, but truly there is nothing remarkable to report either musically or lyrically in their implementation. “D:Ream said things could only get better/From where I’m sitting /Things are getting worse” ‘nuff said.

Matt Elliott

Jem Finally Woken It being the season of goodwill and all that malarkey goes some way to explaining how this even got a release, since Finally Woken is simply another woeful example of how uninspired the music industry is at the moment. Jem’s ‘sound’ is a mix of utterly listless samples and lyrics which are under the illusion they are thoughtful and whimsical (Dylan or indeed Dillon, the dog from the Magic Roundabout, won’t be losing any sleep). Whatever they’re trying to do, the end result never rises above wretched.

The glossy overproduction doesn’t help either and only confirms the rumour that no matter how much buff and sheen you use, polishing a turd remains impossible. It comes as no surprise to know that the sounds of Jem grace the diabolical American soap The O.C. An apt soundtrack to a truly execrable show.

Jim Parker

Warren Suicide Warren Suicide Being more accustomed to the mellow sounds of the indierock genre that has burst the seams of the British music scene, this reviewer was more than entertained when venturing into the deeply disturbing and distorted world of Warren Suicide. Although their music would be enough to satiate anyone’s inner sadist for decades, the DVD they so kindly provide as an accompaniment to their debut album traumatises yet further, with suicide scenes and strange cartoon characters involved in the massacre of poor unsuspecting pigs. After a few listens of Warren Suicide, the only prevailing feeling is one of confusion. Tracks including Black Planet and Trash Technology are obvious political statements, even though their cartoons are sick or perhaps comical in a disconcerting way. An interesting release, but more for those actually into the weird and wonderful music of Europe’s more experimental bands.

Julie Therese

Your Loss With Hope With Hope is disturbingly fascinating for the sheer cliché of it all, with song titles like Can I Say and Endless, lyrics pining after the opposite sex, adopted riffs and angsty teenage romantic woe seeping throughout. Credit is due for the effort put in on their behalf in an attempt to create some-

thing, but unfortunately this is by no means original or highly creative. They are creditable musicians and are able to create acceptable riffs, but the lyrics are cringe-inducing and the singer needs to strengthen his voice. Looking from an objective stance and being as unpatronising as possible, for a young band With Hope is an achievement since there is an evident tightness and motivation, but this still doesn’t make up for the fact that this is unoriginal, whiny and bland.

Suzanne Rickenback

Fabric19 The Freestylers Dancehall favourites The Freestylers are back, this time with a live session from the excellent club Fabric. Their unique blend of big beat, ragga MCing, electronica and breakbeat lends itself well to a mix album, and this is a very well executed project. They deftly mix the 23 tracks, which include several new remixes of their own material while other artists also get a look-in, including some from Hardcore Beats and Deepcut Recordings, and there is also room for several classic tracks, such as Teebone, Sparks and Kie’s Fly Bi, and Azzido Da Bass’s Dooms Night.

This is almost as good as seeing The Freestylers live, and is superb to get ready to before a big night out, but be advised: you’ll need to listen to it loud.

Joe Espiner

Music 13

Singles

Live Reviews

Goldie Lookin Chain

You Knows I Loves You

Go on, admit it. Even the most hard-hearted of musical cynics couldn’t fail to raise a childish snigger when the lyric: “My love is waiting the way a rapist would lurk/In a bush” hits home, such is its utter incongruity with the supposed subject matter. This latest stoned assault on the nation’s youth is, if nothing else, quintessential GLC. And there’s quite possibly the chance that you, gentle reader, think that the GLC are a bunch of useless twats and that The Event is a fool for giving them the time of day. That music should always mean something and appeal to the greater senses.

But then there’s the equal chance that you’re scrabbling for roach material right now and the thought of putting on a round of toast and tea could, quite possibly, be the greatest idea in the history of man. In the case of the former, move along sir/madam, there’s nothing to see here. May I turn your attention to the ‘Best Of 2004’ on Page 6 for some slightly more cerebral reading? But if all you want from your music is a decent beat and amusing lyrics then look no further. The Goldie Lookin Chain were put on this earth to entertain and take up the same position in people’s lives as does Hollyoaks - a guilty pleasure that means no harm.

Ben Patashnik Jetplane Landing There Is No Real Courage Unless There Is Real Danger Jetplane Landing have built themselves a strong reputation with their do-it-yourself ethic and their constant gigging.

This is unfortunately not backed up by single There Is No Real Courage Unless There Is Real Danger, which comes across as a less ambitious Biffy Clyro number. There is technical ability throughout this song but no evidence of real urgency or experimentation that would turn this average effort into the riotous posthardcore song it threatens to turn into.With a bit more work, the beliefs and ideas the band take very seriously could be translated into a half-decent song.

Jim Noir Eanie Meany E.P

<209> First Minute First Round

This E.P. is very easy on the ears. All five songs are full of agreeable harmonies and pleasant little melodies.

However, there is nothing particularly original about the chilled-out noise that Jim Noir makes. It may be said that his influences, although obvious (his music has been named “skilfully plagiaristic” by another reviewer), are at least fused to create new tracks in an original way. The Stone Roses, Beach Boys, Simon and Garfunkel and The Beatles all peek through the warm fuzzy sound somewhere. Eanie Meany, if nothing new, is definitely worth a listen if Noir’s influences are your thing.

First things first: this is awful, turgid and painful to listen to.

Imagine that we have now come to the end of the ‘rap metal’ line, the place where hackneyed images and clichés come to rest: 209 are in residence. This is devoid of imagination and contains songs about how they “switch ho’s and snitches like show fixtures” and how we should “fuck the met police”. This particular musical genre has long had the blood sucked from it and its life gone. These are riffs that we’ve heard a thousand times before from equally boring bands, with meathead nu-metal guitars and a empty chugging sound.

Hannah Edney

David Riley Razorlight Rip It Up

Manic Street Preachers Empty Souls It is only when James Dean Bradfield’s hypnotic voice emerges after a dire 25 seconds that you realise this is the Manics new single. Since the Manics used up the last of Richey’s lyrics on Everything Must Go, it has been obvious that Nicky Wire has had some trouble trying to find his position lyrically. The Manics are now just making records; embarrassing records at that.

Nicky Wire said recently, “You have to know when to stop and get out. I think we’ll know when it’s time to stop”. You have to wonder if Wire realises that they are no longer heroes anymore.

James Banks

The re-release of Razorlight’s Rip it Up sees the return of their raw, gritty quality. Since its first release, the band have moved on to bigger venues, festivals, a platinum album and mainstream success. A more image conscious frontman has taken over - just look at Johnny Borrell’s continually changing hair colour. The music, though, is still undeniably unique and this record is shrouded with raw, frantic energy. Rip it Up sees the band at the pinnacle of their tinny, magnetic sound. Definitely worthy of credit and a listen.

The state of Borrell’s ego, on the other hand, isn’t attractive.

Miranda Bryant

Beastie Boys An Open Letter to NYC The highly anticipated return of the ever reliable Beastie Boys brought us To The 5 Boroughs, the New York collective’s first musical offering in six years. This single demonstrates the album’s more introspective side and proves to be one of the highlights on a typically outstanding CD. An Open Letter to NYC is the most personal of all the idealistic messages on the album, as it is a song aimed at the place that gave the group their style and functions as a fitting tribute to a city that has seen so much.

Excellent, but did you ever doubt it?

Suzanne Rickenback

Craig Palmer

The Cosy Cat Club Band Demo

Ash Renegade Cavalcade

Spanish Cove is an offbeat and catchy song, seemingly combining Country-flavoured guitar lines and folk influences.

But with Cosy Cat Club it’s not that simple. The difficulty in pinning these tracks down for comparison can only be a good thing. While Spanish Cove might point to The Coral’s Spanish Main, Cosy Cat Club are more subtle and interesting than the Liverpudlians. There’s less of an underlying gimmicky touch with this band. The Thin Line Between has a smooth “bahbah-bah” vocal harmony, with wailing and pulsating keyboard lines widening the sound. In short, this is well worth a listen.

Famous for no-frills clean rockery, Ash’s simplicity appeared to be stuck in a culde-sac festooned with mundane shining lights and burning babies. In fact we almost forgot they existed at all when Charlotte Hatherly started touring on her own. They’re poor renegades and while this song is no diferent from the usual Ashnic chordery, it is still a great track, catchy and with the smoothness of an already clearly-defined group. Their fusion of trashy pop and gritty Brit-rock has served them well, probably because they haven’t yet had the curse of being overplayed. Average has never looked so good.

Stuart Masters

Charles Rumsey

Embrace LCR 17/11/04 What the LCR looks like when we’re not here.

Or not.

“It feels so so so f***ing good to be back”, the audience at Embrace’s first LCR gig in three years is told repeatedly throughout the show. And as comebacks go, this is undoubtedly an impressive one. With their newly acquired shaggy hair and number one album under their belts, there is something exciting in this performance that can sometimes be missing from their live sets. Frontman Danny McNamara, in a rather bizarre state of delirious happiness throughout the gig, bounces about the stage while grinning from start to finish, which not only leads to the audience giving their all, but also means that his usually wavering live vocals are greatly improved. In addition, in a band where much attention is often given to the lead singer, the remaining four members are given ample Danny-free time within the medley of tracks from new album Out of Nothing - and the Good Will Out classics that Embrace will never be able to leave behind - to show Norwich just what they have been practising during the three missing years. These kids of the nineties indie revolution have grown up and, boys, it’s good to have you back.

Sophie Driscoll

The Vandals Waterfront 18/11/04 So what if they’re old enough to be able to pass as my parents (although thankfully my mum doesn’t look like Warren Fitzgerald and nor does she stuff guitars down her trousers), The Vandals prove tonight that they can still kick it with the best of them. The muddy sound that so dogged the support bands is smoothed out by the end of opener Cafe 405 and from then on frontman Joe Escalante exhibits his considerable stage presence by bounding around like a whippet a quarter of his age.

Breaking with the setlist to take requests halfway through; covering Queen’s Don’t Stop Me Now; Fitzgerald’s aforementioned guitar-based improprieties... Even if The Vandals had played badly it would still be one hell of an entertaining night, but with a back catalogue such as theirs even this eventuality hardly threatens to happen. My Girlfriend’s Dead and I’ve Got An Ape-Drape sit comfortably with newer tracks from Hollywood Potato Chip and at the end of the night there wasn’t a frown to be seen for miles.

Ben Patashnik

Therapy?

Waterfront 25/11/04 The Waterfront tonight resembles an amazing cross-section of alternative cultures - from AC/DC oldies to 15 year-old teeny boppers the audience spanned an amalgam of generation and station. Therapy? appeared to be among friends here, showing a relaxed and confident stage presence although it took the classic Going Nowhere to join old and young in a sweaty orgy of head banging and devil signs. The drums and bass rattled and flew from the stage, with Andy Cairns’ vocals challenging the crowd to believe in every line.

It was especially refreshing tonight to hear a rock band play a mix of all-out political fist-in-the-air efforts along with more considered and personal songs, to an impressively receptive crowd. On tonight’s showing, Therapy? proved themselves as enjoyable as they were a decade ago, without having lost that illustrious punk edge.

David Riley

01.12.04

14 Cinema

The Other Screen

The Main feature

The House of Flying Daggers

The Incredibles

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he Chinese government is not big on freedom of expression. An obvious point perhaps, but one the nation’s ‘fifth generation’ of filmmakers have spent twenty years learning to their cost. Zhang Yimou and his contemporaries have suffering indignities from censorship, to two-year bans, to directing Duran Duran videos for their art. In return they’ve received Oscars (Zhang’s Raise the Red Lantern), Palm D’Ors (Chen Kaige’s Farewell My Concubine) and a growing suspicion that, through no fault of their own, theirs would always remain a promise unfulfilled.

Except it now appears that, for Zhang at least, hope remains – in the unlikely form of the martial arts movie. It may have taken three years to get to us in the west (thanks Miramax. Morons.), but Hero was something of a revelation, successfully marrying the director’s visual style with the internationally acceptable, high-budget variation of wire-fu invented for Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. The result was an artistic and commercial triumph, tempered only by the ‘all under sky’ conclusion that must have had Beijing censors grinning from ear-to-ear, and left the rest of the world a little uncomfortable.

Such was the price Zhang had to pay for a clutch of major stars and the biggest budget in Chinese cinema history. But if you’re not sure Hero alone was worth the trade, rest assured that The House of Flying Daggers will allay any residual concerns. It is a masterpiece.

Here Zhang dials back the stars and epic spectacle in favour of a more intimate tale of love and loss.

Set in a period when the Emperor of China had grown weak, The House of Flying Daggers follows the efforts of two imperial guards to destroy an elusive band of elite assassins (the eponymous Flying Daggers). They suspect a blind dancer at a local brothel may be the daughter of the House’s chief, and intend to trick her into leading them to the assassin’s base.

To this end, the film opens with one of its most stunning set pieces. In the guise of a drunken nobleman, one of the guards insists the girl dance for him.

Dance she does, just not in a fashion you’ll recognize from Mercy or Time. Surrounded by shoulder-high drums and sporting 10-foot long sleeves, she proceeds to pirouette and spin, pounding out a rhythm with the material flailing from her arms. Though swords inevitably become involved, the scene works as a statement of intent – Zhang is willing to deliver the violence the story demands (and it is significantly bloodier than either Hero or Crouching Tiger), but it remains secondary to the primary goal of making the audience gasp in wonder every few minutes, in awe of a film that can look this utterly, magnificently, achingly beautiful.

All of which would remain an empty exercise, of course, if it weren’t for the strength of the story and the three leads. Picked from the current wave of outstanding Asian cinema,Takeshi Kaneshiro (Chungking Express), Andy Lau (Infernal Affairs) and Zhang Ziyi (the one returnee from Hero) possess sufficient presence and depth to compete with their overwhelming surroundings. Their characters are strong enough so that, when the film’s design goes into overdrive during the bamboo forest/blizzard finale, their fate still commands the attention.

While some will no doubt uncover an underlying political message (Fifth Generation films are notorious for inspiring dubious readings, even from the filmmakers themselves), The House of Flying Daggers truly soars by leaving politics behind. In freeing himself to examine individuals rather than the state that governs them, Zhang has created art that can, and should, be enjoyed by everyone.

Jim Whalley

01.12.04

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he incredibles is the latest offering from the highly prolific and successful Disney/Pixar team, responsible for treats such as Toy Story, Monsters Inc and most recently Finding Nemo. Directing this time round is Brad Bird, who has received acclaim for his work on The Simpsons and King of The Hill, and the delightful cartoon adaptation of Ted Hugh’s children’s classic The Iron Giant.

The story focuses on Bob Parr, alter ego “Mr Incredible”, voiced by Craig T. Nelson. Having retired from an illustrious super hero career following a public scandal, Bob decides to settle down and start a family, determined to leave behind his past. However, when his children begin to develop super powers of their own, Bob realises this will not be easy. Bored with his 9-5 way of life, and with the threat of new evil arising in his fair city, Bob yearns to get back into the super-hero game. When a mysterious source summons him to an even more mysterious location, promising him an assignment worthy of his former glory, his prayers seem to have been answered. However, a web of deceit

soon places him, and his family, into great peril, and when the past returns to haunt them, all are forced to confront the truth about themselves, and their powers, in order to save the day.

Holly Hunter provides the vocals for Bob’s wife, the also retired hero “ElastoGirl”, while Samuel L.Jackson lends his sassy vocal stylings to the appropriately cool “Fro-Zone”, Bob’s best friend.

In many ways, the incredibles represents a step, if not a leap, forward for Pixar. Most notably, the animation, of which field Pixar has long been the forerunner, is lusher than ever before.

Whereas with previous efforts Pixar’s main focus were fantastical characters all bright colours and fur, nothing too realistic - The Incredibles sees the importance of realistic animation come to the forefront. The results are impressive, with people and places appearing highly tangible to a degree not seen since Squarefilms’ Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within.

Animation aside, the Incredibles also shows a more sophisticated and mature side to Disney film making, and the talents of Brad Bird as a screen-

writer shine through. The film does not suffer the trappings of a strictly “children’s film” in the way A Bugs Life or Finding Nemo may have done. Truth be told, there is very little that is cute and cuddly about The Incredibles, and for a certificate U we are presented with some fairly dark and disconcerting images - mugging, shootouts, train wrecks and attempted suicide all pop up within the first thirty minutes of the film, and the matter-of-fact manner in which they are presented does little to signify the implications behind them.

Nonetheless, the maturity of the humour however proves to be the films strongest point. Pixar’s movies have always provided laughs aplenty, for children, adults and students alike, but the tongue-in-cheek portrayal of gungho superheroes, pointlessly monologuing villains and overly elaborate gadgetry, coupled with secret lairs to rival most James Bond villains, is highly pleasing. The insights into Mr Incredible’s family life and office job are also genuinely amusing, taking the fantastical sheen off of a seemingly elite race of being. This provides a strong basis for the more serious themes, namely the importance of family life and self realisation, as well as the fulfilment of one’s dreams, however far fetched they may be.

With Hollywood showing a current craze for heroes, be they of the comic book, super-human or everyday variety, The Incredibles provides a refreshing slant on a staple cinema genre, and proves to be thoroughly enjoyable from start to finish Simon Griffiths

B-Movie

The Manchurian Candidate

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rom director Jonathon Demme (Silence of the Lambs), comes an update of the 1960’s Cold War thriller The Manchurian Candidate. The latest version replaces 1960’s Cold War hysteria with the War on Terror and Denzel Washington takes over Frank Sinatra’s role as Ben Marco. Marco is now a Gulf War veteran haunted by a recurring nightmare of events in Iraq when his company, including Raymond Shaw (Liev Schreiber) came under

attack. It seems that Shaw saved most of the men who then spent three days lost in the desert before being rescued.

Shaw is now running for vice-president but Marco cannot escape the nightmares and sets out to uncover the truth.

Some might question whether we needed an update of what is a highly regarded original, but Demme has done much more than just bring it forward to the modern day. By replacing the Cold War with the war on terror, Demme has ensured that both films are distinct and relevant to their time. He has tapped into the climate of fear that exists today, much as it did in the 1960’s, but recognises that nowadays communication and the media are so much more sophisticated. Newsflashes reporting terror alerts and updates on the war litter The Manchurian Candidate meaning that in the film, as in life, we are constantly reminded of the threats we face.

The film also reflects the current political climate in America. Although it is never made clear which party Shaw is running for, the film recognises the great political polarisation that exists in America today. Shaw also uses his heroic war record as part of his campaign strategy, and of course, the idea of huge corporations controlling global politics has never been so real. This is a timely film indeed as it taps into the suspicion and anger felt by so many towards those they believe are really in power in America and those who are

profiting from the war on terror.

Demme has also attempted to make this more of a character study than the original. Raymond Shaw is now vicepresidential nominee and Demme cultivates an unusual relationship between Marco and Shaw which, by Demme’s own admission harks back to the unlikely relationship at the heart of Silence of the Lambs between Clarice and Hannibal.

In Lambs Demme showed us his ability to generate tension and he does so again in The Manchurian Candidate. For all the added focus on character Demme has kept the plot tight and the twists coming. He uses extreme close ups of the characters, drops us right into intense conversations and often has the actors looking straight at the audience almost pleading with them. He is helped here by his actors. Washington is on fine form in a role that requires him to play somewhat against type. It is a performance which reinforces the view of Washington as one of the finest actors of his generation. Liev Schreiber also excels as the helpless, tragic Raymond Shaw. But arguably the true star of the film is Meryl Streep, who dominates the screen every time she’s on it and is positively terrifying as Raymond’s senator mother who manages to emasculate most of the men around her. All in all The Manchurian Candidate is a terrific and highly relevant modern thriller.

David McNaught

DVD/VHS 15

Play Movie

Director’s Commentary

Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King The Countryside Alliance rallies support from Middle Earth

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his December the phenomenon that has been the Lord of the Rings Trilogy officially draws to an end.

The Return of the King extended edition DVD brings 350 new digital effects shots in 50 minutes of all new footage, making this version of the film four hours and ten minutes long. And that doesn’t even take into account the 20 hours of extra features, including four audio commentaries, several documentaries and introductions to the film by director Peter Jackson and members of the cast. The Return of the King focuses on the final battle for Middle Earth, with a final alliance of the free peoples of Middle Earth against the forces of Sauron. In particular, we follow the journey of Frodo, Sam and Sméagol to Mount Doom, to destroy the ring, and Aragorn’s struggle in fulfilling his destiny as king of Gondor.

Costing £270 million to make, and taking three years planning before production could actually begin; the films were a high risk project, especially since the fantasy genre has always been met with skepticism in Hollywood. However, the smaller, edgier division of AOL Time Warner, New Line studios, gave little known director Peter Jackson the go ahead to create a trilogy that has had tremendous success, grossing more than £400 million worldwide, and collecting several awards. The films have heralded a revolution in special effects, in terms of both quality and quantity. The Lord of the

Rings Trilogy has redefined the size and scale of what is possible in cinema. The Return of the King is worth watching for the visual imagery and sound effects alone. The realistic use of effects to create races such as Orcs and Ents allow the audience to take their existence for granted, meaning that the viewer can become completely engrossed in Middle Earth, rather than notice its faults. You may be interested to note that the effects of the extended edition are all courtesy of New Zealand’s Weta workshop, which was responsible for all of the originals, and so must say something for the quality of the new footage.

It would be very easy, with a lesser movie (Troy anyone?), to allow the effects to dominate, thus appealing to a

very narrow audience. However, Jackson manages to negotiate a balance between action and storyline. The plot is intricate and twisted, with several strands of narrative that interweave and work together to create a gripping story, not surprising really since it is based on one of the most popular novels of all time. The focus on the relationships between the members of the fellowship makes this film deeper and more complex than is typical from the fantasy/action genre. There are some truly emotional scenes, particularly between Frodo and Sam, that will leave everyone teary eyed.

So that would give plenty of reasons to rush out and buy the theatrical version, but what of the extended edition?

In the past, these editions have been unnecessary for the mainstream audience. With additional footage of largely walking and singing, they upset the flow of narrative and make films, which were already pushing the acceptable time limits of cinema, far too long. I have to admit that even as a fan, I didn’t manage to get through The Two Towers extended edition. An extended Return of the King, however, had a possibility to fix a flaw that only a fan of the books would notice, and that is abandoning a large chunk of narrative involving Saruman carrying out revenge on the hobbits at the end. In fact Saruman was cut out of the theatrical version all together.

Unfortunately, this version does not address this, instead Jackson chooses to abandon the books altogether by killing Saruman half way through. The extra footage does allow the audience a greater exploration of Middle Earth, as well as offering some character development and so is worth watching if you are a fan and left the cinema wanting more. The extra features are also interesting; although probably not too different from those of the other DVDs. However, if you are not an avid fan, and struggled to get through the three hour, 10 minute original, then you should stay away from this DVD. Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King is released on 10th december by Entertainment in Video.

Natalie Lasance

of eeriness. The screenplay redeems itself slightly at the films ending, bringing to light the issues of teenage angst and the problems of growing up (as an alien admittedly) with which most of us can empathise. The theme of confusion is tied in fairly well, giving a slightly edgy feel, but whether or not this was actually the intention of the writers or otherwise remains a mystery. Factors such as this prove to be too little too late. The lack of DVD extras is also somewhat detrimental.

Ultimately, this film tries to be too clever for its own good. The attempted intricacy of the plot turns into a bewildering mess, and becomes clear that the film would do far better to stick to a simpler, more classic sci-fi horror plot if it were to echo the 50s heyday of the genre.

They are Among Us is released in January by Mosaic Entertainment.

Simon Griffiths

Priya Shah

They are Among Us

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hum. Soon an underground network of alien beings is revealed, intent on world domination. Nothing earth shattering then (no pun intended).

While the film is not terrible, its negative attributes are somewhat exacerbated by the efforts of director Jeffery Obrow, whose previous efforts include Bram Stoker’s The Mummy and The Kindred – presumably similar in standard to this release. The viewer has to work hard firstly to understand what we are seeing, and even harder to accept it. Ideas and set pieces are thrown in, seemingly at random, often bearing little or no relevance to the story line, and regularly failing to make any sense at all. Perhaps most importantly, there is very little to instil any genuine feeling of dread, suspense or fear.

Giving the film some credit, cinematographer Mateo Londono does contribute some fairly atmospheric camera work, occasionally giving the film’s settings and environments a classic sense

A

s the bard once said: “All the worlds a stage, and all the men and women merely players.

They have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, His acts being seven ages” During the late 1660’s, known as the Restoration period, within the majestic, vibrant theatrical world, women were forbidden from acting on stage and all the female roles were played by men. Such is life for female impersonator Ned Kynaston (Billy Crudup; Almost Famous, Charlotte Gray) who was widely acclaimed for his portrayal as Desdemona in Othello, during the peak of his career. With vigorous applause gained consecutively night after night for his performances, life surely couldn’t be better with the world at his feet.

However true to any theatrical drama, tragedy must strike somewhere and the curtain falls in heartbreaking turmoil for Kynaston. This is due to his dresser Maria (Clare Danes) who harbours ambitions of her own. Unwittingly to Kynaston, a frustrated Maria obtains the robes of Desdemona and takes to the stage herself. Thus stabbed in the back we witness a bitter, cynical Kynaston’s world crumble at his feet.

What then follows is a comedy with a symbolic darker overtone.

When King Charles II (Rupert Everett) is urged by his mistress Nell Gynn (Zoë Tapper) to pass a law that bans men from playing women on stage, female impressionists, such as Kynaston, must learn to take up gender authentic roles, or become unemployed.

Based on a true story, this film is colourfully formed, with stylish craftsmanship by director Richard Eyre. Obviously made on a smallish budget, the visual clarity of 17th century London serves to define the story beautifully. It completes an incredibly successful period adaptation, set just before the Great Fire of London, and the Plague, as told from accounts from Samuel Pepys diary. Comparisons are initially formed with Shakespeare in Love. However in all honestly, this film is a surprisingly pleasant alternative, and is robbed of having the credit it rightly deserves.

Clare Danes (Romeo and Juliet, The Hours) gives an astounding performance and her raw emotions are tragically felt when watching this film as she develops from initial subliminal helplessness, to her confidence soaring to new heights. Her take on the role of Maria is poignant and graceful. Rupert Everett is a delight to watch portraying the eccentricity of Charles II, giving the film a delightful tongue in cheek humour which sets it a cut above Shakespeare In Love.

Within the realms of his private life, Kynaston’s partner is the Duke of Buckingham (Ben Chaplin).

From viewing Kynaston’s apparent homosexuality early on, it is assumed that a romance between himself and Maria would not develop. Such a scandal causes a sensation among the socialites as he is reduced to drinking and singing in taverns, while Maria’s popularity takes her from strength to strength.

He is exemplary in his role of the female impersonator, a distressed and broken man who has little masculine identity. He becomes both female and male, a myriad of personalities rolled into a perplexed young man.

The film engages with issues of gender roles, sexuality, vulgarity even, which may have been prominent within the time and setting of this adaptation. The costumes are authentic and the movie is very fast paced. Initially I was under the assumption this film would be a replica of the ‘same old, same old’, but has proved to be an unanticipated underrated staged beauty.

Stage Beauty is released on December 27th 2004 by Momentum Pictures.

Extra features

he blurb on the reverse of this DVD ranks “They are among us” to be “in the same tradition of 1950s classics such as ‘Invasion of the Body Snatchers’ and ‘Invaders from Mars”.

Early into the film, the viewer becomes painfully aware that this is a somewhat ambitious statement. They Are Among Us has all the trappings of a run of the mill, bog standard contemporary horror: unnecessary violence, unnaturally attractive college students having promiscuous sex, a ropey story line and even ropier acting, and some truly awful special effects. Think Jeepers Creepers, The Faculty or even the truly awful Species series for inspiration.

While one might think it a tad unfair to generalise so broadly, closer inspection of the film seems to justify its dismissal.

The story focuses on a typical middle-American town, Point Ridge, where paranormal occurrences seem to take place on a daily basis. Children go missing and adults act suspicious. Ho

Stage Beauty

01.12.04

16 Arts

Comedy Review

Book Reviews Amy Lowe gets into the spirit of J.R.R. Tolkien’s Letters from Father Christmas

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olkien is of course famous as the creator of The Lord of the Rings, but this collection of letters shows a very different side of an already well-loved author. Written by Tolkien to his children, these letters from Father Christmas detailing life at the North Pole were a regular feature of Christmas for the Tolkien family over many years.

The letters are fabulously detailed and descriptive. They manage to create a vibrant and fascinating account of life at the North Pole, depicting events in the lives of the bearded philanthropist and his helpers. These are both exciting and occasionally alarming, without descending into sugary sentimentality; there is more than a hint in the letters of the epic storytelling for which Tolkien is famed.

This is no story of Santa and his elves at the toy factory.

There are battles, attacks by goblins, and serious accidents. At one point Father Christmas’ house is destroyed when his helper, the North Polar Bear climbs the North

Sophie Johnson watches Adam Hills at the Playhouse

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hat better way to start the show but to get the audience involved? Up stepped a reluctant seventeen-yearold lad, bizarrely named Adam Hill, to shout his name to the audience which shouts it right back, in homage to the fabulous arrogance of the singer James Brown.

Adam Hills, in his show Go You Big Red Fire Engine 2: Judgement Day, interacts with his audience so fervently that you cannot help but warm to him immediately. The Australian comic’s honesty and self-mocking attitude regarding his artificial foot made for brilliant entertainment. He regaled us with stories of heckles he has received about his foot. One lady shouted “Yeh! Me too!” and held her artificial foot high above her head. Another shouted asking if his prosthetic was pierced.

Confused, Hills responded “No, why?” And thrusting his false ear high up into the air the heckler shouted “‘Cos mine is!” There’s little more admirable than someone openly taking the mickey out of themselves. peaking of Mickey, the true horror of Disney’s ethics towards disabled people left the audience aghast. Disabled people are not allowed to be photographed with Mickey because it shatters the illusion that Mickey can ‘make your dreams come true’.

Sickening and not particularly funny. What was funny, however, was the stand-up’s response to this. He went to Disneyworld, in shorts, his artificial foot prominently on display and posed proudly for a photograph.

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Pole and it breaks and falls through the roof.

The Northern Lights all go off once a year and “…[break] the moon into four.”

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he level of detailed storytelling in the letters is carried through into the illustrations. Understated, quirky drawings fill the letters chronicling important events, and there are some very beautiful sketches of the Northern Lights and Santa’s domed house. Not only that, Tolkien’s inventiveness even extends to the envelopes where he not only designs and draws beautiful North Pole stamps, but even draws in the postmark.

Such a level of detail shows a labour of love by Tolkien to give Christmas the special spin of magic and excitement for his children, as he gave to his novels, and can only be admired. Although of course the letters do not have the same impact when gathered together in a single volume, the book is still a fascinating glimpse into the private moments of this family and their unique celebration of Christmas.

Philip Sainty analyses The Matrix by Joshua Clover

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he vast paperworkmountain of philosophic and film theory that has emerged concerning this film has now reached a certain zenith in this backpocket-friendly book published by the BFI. Joshua Clover sets out his intention to “decode” the matrix – itself an attempt that raises many philosophical issues – tied in directly to the code of the matrix seen in the world of the ‘real’. The wealth of material and thought that is referenced in this fairly short work is certainly impressive. From the explicit reflection on Baudrillard’s Simulacra and Simulation, right through to the sunglasses and their associations with the short anarchist work Society of the Spectacle, by Guy Debord, Clover cross-

references the film to death, and then re-birth.

What is genuinely fulfilling about the book is that, no matter the sphere of interest from which you approach it, you can guarantee it will present elements that you had not considered before. Novels and philosophy are

neatly tied in to the other films that are crossreferenced – like Mike Judge’s Office Space- to produce an overwhelming account of the Matrix’s many points of departure, and arrival.

This is done so fluidly that you almost forget that you are reading it, and emerge from the reading experience feeling that you have spent the experience in ‘bullet-time’.

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he oft-parodied ‘Bullet-time’ is, for Clover, the crucial element of the film’s achievement. Not only was it a huge cinematic leap and a new visual experience, but it also serves as a direct link to the philosophical notions of ‘being-there’ and ‘having’ that relate to the disenfranchised oeuvre of the movie. This is further reinforced by a discussion of the corporate ethos that surrounds the movie and its inception, and the way it dualistically serves as both proponent and critique of capitalist values.

It may be as close to a ‘decoding’ as you can get, but even with that aside, it’s certainly an entertaining and fulfilling read.

Theatre Review Simon Griffiths watches Minotaur’s production of Road

Brilliant. An Event reporter shouldn’t say “disabled people,” as the comic proposed; they should be called mutants as it implies they have special powers, observing, “We’d think twice before parking in a Mutant Parking Space!”

Adam’s performance makes the funny, hilarious. His enactment of crocodile madman, Steve Irwin, playing Russell Crowe’s role in gladiator was a sight to be seen. It almost topped his rendition of the Swedish chef’s song from the Muppets. It can safely be said though, that the show was the highlight of everybody’s evening.

Australians’ are blindly optimistic is the message of the show. Doing whatever they want despite what people may think of them.

Adam suggests their motto should be, “Australia – Oh yeah!” It is with this spirit that one leaves the theatre after a memorable night’s entertainment, cheeks aching from laughter, walking merrily down the street shouting “GO YOU BIG RED FIRE ENGINE!”

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he taunt rings out from the gritty inhabitants of the titular Lancashire road upon which the play is set.

“With your night you chose to come with us!” It is clear that the audience are going to be in for a fairly unsettling journey. First performed in 1987, Jim Cartwright’s somewhat nihilistic depiction of life in Thatcher’s Britain is by turns shocking, amusing, perverse and thoroughly moving.

UEA’s budding dramatists of the Minotaur Theatre Company, under the direction of Ben Henson, do well with the potentially difficult script. There is little in the way of costumes or sets to assist them in their telling of the story, yet Catherine Stoll’s stage management provides us with some suitably evocative environments and characters. Indeed, this is a story not so much told as peopled, as the lives and experiences of the destitute individuals piece together a grim picture of working class life.

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any of their experiences are easy to empathise with – nights of excessive drinking, unprovoked violence and at times bizarre courtship rituals – but these seemingly everyday images are given a sur-

realistic twist that keeps the audience keen. It is perhaps difficult to classify how exactly to interpret some of the messages coming from the stage – at times we feel moved and saddened by what we see, but at other times a

morbid sense of humour compels us to laugh at some fairly grave subjects. All in all, Road has to be seen to be fully understood - the performances and structure of this play are quite unique.

TV/Digital 17

TV Preview: Xmas viewing Unavoidable frankly...

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hristmas draws near and people are getting ready to snuggle up, or elbow each other, on the sofa and start their annual telemarathons. In honour of this tried and tested seasonal tradition, The Event asks, what’s on the box this Christmas?

Discounting the dead certainties (the Queen’s Speech) and the near-dead (aging rock stars singing pithy singles ‘for charidy, mate’), it seems we can start looking forward to circling a number of things in our festive copy of the Radio Times.

The word on the street is that the new-ish film on BBC 1 will be Harry Potter. The Beeb is skint, so it’ll probably be The Chamber of Secrets and not The Prisoner of Askothingy. All the BBC would say on this rumour is ‘We can confirm that is a rumour’. Look also for an evening on the man/legend that is John Peel, two period dramas, the final episodes of BBC2’s Conviction and more from Little Britain. No new Only

Fools and Horses – but confirmation of a Boycie spin-off for 2005.

Fans of Channel 4 should look for the obligatory ‘alternative’ message on Christmas day, as well as Kill Bill on E4, and a ‘New British Film’ season on C4. On top of this all the usual Channel 4 fare will be on with the word ‘Christmas’ in the title: a Christmas The Osbournes, Christmas Wife Swap, Christmas You are What You Eat. If they get really lazy, it’ll be re-runs of all their documentaries on Nazi Germany.

There’s extended Children’s TV allround to boot. An extended version of The Tweenies is allegedly taking place on Christmas day, but not before the animated Rudolph the Reindeer (with

Most Haunted Live 2 Released: Dec 27th

Ardal O’Hanlan). Against this we have what a Channel 4 spokesman termed (in mediaspeak) “two-to-three children-friendly episodes” of The Simpsons on Christmas day. All in all, it’s the same old nonsense.

Stephen Sharrock

Soap News: Hollyoaks and Neighbours ‘lonely this Christmas’ for Bombhead, as he bids farewell to Mr. C and his Mum is finally laid to rest; not before time!

Neighbour’s Christmas episodes won’t hit our screens until after the New Year but Serena’s present seems to have come early. Convinced that newcomer ‘Luscious Luka’ is going to be the love of her life she wastes no time in making her feelings known and seriously considers sleeping with him. Luka’s parentage is uncertain and he is sternly warned away from Serena by Svetlanka, does this mean that this may not be a match made in heaven after all?

Elsewhere in Ramsay Street, Connor is horrified when he realises that his cyber boyfriend is much closer to home than he realised. Lou, meanwhile, couldn’t be more thrilled with his new internet ‘lady’friend. Oh dear. Sky is also in for a bit of a shock when Lana makes a move on her.

Martha Hammond and Kim Howe

Kate Bryant

Serena is busy bagging herself a dubious bed friend...

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W

ith Christmas looming and the task of buying suitable gifts seeming like some kind of impossible feat, especially if you’re planning to get all those essays in on time, there is a small light at the end of the tunnel. When all else fails and you’ve wandered around several garish department stores with nothing to show for your efforts, remember the last refuge of the stumped gift buyer – the novelty present!

Shove poorly wrapped copies of Most Haunted Live 2 into the hands of friends and family and you can’t go wrong. For the uninitiated, the show follows Derek Acorah, the show’s spiritual medium, as he and Yvette Fielding trawl through creepy looking locations searching for traces of paranormal activity.

Supernatural spectacular that it is, there are far worse ways to spend your Christmas day slump than laughing at presenter Yvette Fielding as she screams and blubs at the mystic goings on that she’s meant to be investigating. Most Haunted has something deliciously comical about its ridiculousness that is only made worse when Yvette gets sucked into the pretence. The DVD might not earn itself pride of place at the very forefront of your collection, but it is the best cult viewing that cable has to offer.

It’s Christmas in soapland! O.B. is wheeling and dealing while hristmas is upon us once again, giving the Hollyoaks’ residents and the viewers something to smile about. Or not, as the case may be. Failed window cleaner and ex bouncy castle tycoon O.B. launches yet another ‘failsafe’ venture selling inflatable Santas, unfortunately Tony does not share his festive spirit as he launches a ferocious attack on one of the inflatables. Big Brother’s Nadia switches on the Chester crimbo lights, providing the most exciting z-list celebrity appearance in Hollyoaks since Caprice masqueraded as an S&M dungeon mistress.

Justin finally gets his comeuppance this fortnight as he is sent to a Reformatory unit. Taking festive TV traditions to heart, he makes valiant attempts to succeed in his own ‘great escape’ but only time will tell whether or not he will be home in time for turkey and the Queen’s speech. It truly will be

TV DVD: Most Haunted Live 2

Digital Stuff: iPod You’ve either got one or you want one, but are they really worth having?

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ver 4,000 people cued up for the gala opening of the new Mac store in London, with the first 300 customers given the opportunity to buy a “mystery bag”.

Supposedly contained in some of the bags was the one product which those cued excitedly whispered about, the most essential accessory for the modern music lover who keeps an eye on popular trends, the iPod. From the iPod, to the iPod Mini, iPod Special Edition (the first of being the black iPod U2) and the introduction of

the new iPod photo, which not only holds your music catalogue but also allows you to keep and look at your favourite photos (but it is not a camera within itself) there is a variety of choice for perspective buyers. But what really sets the iPod apart from it’s other portable media centre rivals that now flood the market, is its sheer beauty. It is another design classic from Mac, being sleek and sexy, and in terms of simplicity of use it is close to perfection.

However, the iPod does lack certain features that other newer portable

music players have. A lack of .wma support means that you may have to convert all of your music before you can play it. This is an inconvenience for the technology savvy and an insummountable drawback for the technophobes among us. Another major drawback is that the battery life of the iPod has been known to be a lot shorter than stated, so be careful of all those cheap second hand offers you see.

Paul Stevens

01.12.04

18 Eastern Youth & Listings

Listings Film Union Films (LT1) The Football Factory Thursday 2nd December The Day After Tommorrow Friday 3rd December The Nightmare Before Christmas Wednesday 8th December Shrek 2 Thursday 9th December

Cinema City The Story of the Weeping Camel

Oldboy L’Inferno Sunday 5th December-Monday 6th December

Releases from 1st December Christmas with the Kranks Churchill: The Hollywood Years Polar Express Friday 3rd December Napoleon Dynamite The Phantom of the Opera Friday 10th December

Music

Electric Six Friday 3rd December The Buzzcocks & Neville Staples+The Rakes Sunday 5th December Groove Armada (Sold Out) Tuesday 7th December Saw Doctors Friday 10th December Gabrielle Saturday 11th December Slade+T-Rexstasy+DR & The Medics Sunday 12th December CAPDOWN+Twofold+Bucket Tuesday 14th December

UEA LCR

The Waterfront

The Beat+The Supatones Thursday 2nd December

Bad Manners+Skaface Tuesday 7th December Gene Monday 13th December Meltdown Live Wednesday15th December Rawkus Live 31 Tuesday 21st December

The Ferry Boat Christmas Pixel Party Thursday 2nd December Seven Day Story Friday 3rd December Hoover+Itch+Open Letters+Mock Heroes Thursday 9th December UK Subs+Vice Squad+Vibrators+More Saturday 11th December The Business+Support Sunday 12th December Your Loss+Support Thursday 16th december Sack Trick+Growling

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Fruitcake+Longtime Promise Saturday 18th December The Machines Will Take Over+King Lifting+Die Emergencies Sunday 19th December

Arts Theatre Royal Fame The Musical Monday 29th November-Saturday 4th December Pure Opera Friday 10th December Glenn Miller Orchestra Sunday 12th December Sleeping Beauty Sunday 19th December-Saturday 22nd January

Maddermarket Sid Kipper Monday 1st December Cinderella Thursday 2nd December-Friday 3rd December The Locrian Ensemble Saturday 4th December- Sunday 5th December A Christmas Carol Sunday 19th-December

UEA Drama Studio Love’s Labour Lost Wednesday 1st December-Saturday 4th December

St Andrew’s Hall King Lear Monday 6th December-Tuesday 7th

Creative Writing You have enslaved the silence with your voice Textured like coffee, chocolate, rough-edged silk, Smooth and smoky simultaneously, Catching at my desires in a husky friction.

You transfigure prose to poetry Unconsciously seducing me.

Intimately, your voice traces the path Of kisses on a woman's throat.

My blood is quickening under the skin, My breath is snagging.

I can't meet your eyes, And this is a time to fix a memory.

I watch your lips manipulate the air, The muted light glossing your hair, your cheek, Its intermitent hollow as you speak.

This is a time when I can look at you, As long as I want. However I want.

Everyone else is looking at you too, And none will see.

For this is a time to fix a memory.

- Merinne Whitton

THE APPLESKIN RED GLOVES, THE HEELS, THE DART OF CIGARETTE, THE TIGHTS, THE SATIN SKIRT That oriental girl who walks away With purpose from the office I go to Our paths cross. We run each other through with shadows, around 5 o'clock each day.

But though we do the same degrading work, it's only her who doesn't look the part.

The appleskin red gloves, the heels, the dart of cigarette, the tights, the satin skirt.

Her figure's an explosion to my dud.

Her body's stuffed with secrets. Mine is stark.

Her beauty boards and ridicules the ark I'm building in the middle of the flood.

So don't misunderstand me - it ain't sex I want from her. It's just the boarding tax

AWAY WITH A MINGER - (to the tune of Away in a Manger) Away with a minger, passed out in my bed I was totally slaughtered and thought she'd give head She thinks that I love her; she won't go away She's just so revolting I think I'll turn gay.

My housemates are fighting, the minger awakes She's rubbing against me, no progress she makes.

I hate you, you minger, stop groping my thigh If anyone saw us I think that I'd die.

Just leave me, you minger, didn't ask you to stay You truly disgust me and I don't want to play.

She leaves me, she's crying, I really don't care Only hope I forget this whole minging affair.

- Jon Stone ...DOG?!

MONEY Man in tree sleeps late, Bitter sunlight, painful dew.

Where are his trousers?

Never ask of money spent Where the spender thinks it went For nobody was ever meant To remember or invent What they did with every cent

I sometimes see there's so much sky For every inch of ground And feel it's far from far our feet Are quite so strictly bound

And I have noticed every time That every duck’s come back And when their feet touch earth again They give a happy quack - James Conway - (the 2nd year Env student, not the first year MGT kid) LOVE IS… I always thought that love happened quickly; Like a shot of absinthe in a bohemian bar, With sugar burning on a silver spoon.

But it happens slowly too; Unnoticeably Like gently sinking into a bath Of feathers and golden syrup.

It has the feel of an unusual metaphor, All mystery and fascination, The meaning of which cannot be found - Zoë Neville-Smith By linguistic deconstruction.

Yet also as simple as a proverb, Or the world's oldest cliché, Which means nothing and yet everything But simply is.

- Dean Bowman - Ben Patashnik

- Robert Frost

THE SATIFIED QUACK

But compensation can be sought By watching ducks in flight, And while they fly for hours on end I keep them in my sight

In Association with d i t t o / THE READING

Creative Writing 19

Send contributions to: concrete.event@uea.ac.uk and/or concrete.turf@uea.ac.uk

01.12.04