The Event - Issue 175

Event the

Issue: 124

9th March 2005

It’s for charidee, mate

Goldie Lookin’ Chain

Africa 05

Film Censorship

Wales’ most anarchic rappers welcome The Event to their world

A new exhibition celebrates the diversity of African art

As the ratings system gets tighter, will smoking be banned in the movies?

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Contents Goldie Lookin’ Chain: The rap collective reveal their songwriting techniques and explain why “your mother’s got a penis” is the ultimate insult................................4 Screen Sexuality: The Simpsons has revealed the identity of its first openly gay character, but is this really a step forward in the portrayal of lesbians on television?.............5 Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy:

Arthur Dent, the most famous man ever to

wear pyjamas, finally makes it to the big screen.................................................6

Africa 05: Featuring sculptures made from guns and bottle-tops, a new exhibition at the South Bank Centre showcases the talent of young African artists..............................7 Queen: As the flamboyant rockers announce that they are to reform, The Event asks if anyone can replace Freddie Mercury.............................................................8 Film Censorship: Imagine a world where James Bond didn’t carry a gun. New ratings guidelines could spell the end of some of our most famous screen icons.....................9 Comic Relief: Before the big day on March 11th, The Event celebrates the history of the Red Nose Day charity extravaganza........................................................10-11 Albums: The Mars Volta, Hell is for Heroes and many more albums reviewed...........12 Singles: A new single from Biffy Clyro and Rooster reviewed at the Waterfront.........13 Cinema: The verdict on Hotel Rwanda, Robots and Hitch...................................14 DVDs: New rentals including Dead Man’s Shoes and Strange Bedfellows..................15 Arts: Previews of forthcoming Drama productions and the Norfolk & Norwich Festival..16 TV/Digital: The Apprentice appraised and lots more......................................17 Creative Writing: Hand-picked poetry for your perusal...............................18 Listings and Competitions: Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy competition.........19

Editorial

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t’s Comic Relief time again, and The Event is celebrating with a look back at the history of Britain’s funniest fundraiser. This year’s Red Nose Day features contributions from the Little Britain team, and looks set to be the biggest yet.

Flick over to the centre spread for a guide to the Nose through the ages, and some cautionary advice for anyone planning to drink vinegar for charity...

One of the many destinations for the money raised by Comic Relief is Africa, which is also the subject of a new series of art exhibitions in London. As we await the publication of Gordon Brown’s Commission for Africa report, a number of galleries have joined together to display the best new work by artists from the region. This celebration of the meeting between contemporary and traditional culture is previewed on Page 7.

Elsewhere, The Event anticipates the upcoming adaptation of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, due to reach cinemas next month. To find out more about the people who decide what we can see on screen, have a look at our feature on the BBFC, which asks what effect the new ratings guidelines might have had on some of Hollywood’s classics.

With the new Queen line-up debated and a raucous interview with Goldie Lookin’ Chain, there is something to suit the most eclectic of musical tastes this issue. And if that isn’t enough, skip to the back pages to find a wealth of reviews from across the entertainment spectrum.

Meanwhile, we’re off to don our Red Noses and do something silly for a good cause. See you after Easter.

The Editor

IS: concrete.editor@uea.ac.uk Editor-in Chief: Philip Sainty concrete.event@uea.ac.uk Editor: Tim Barker concrete.eventeditorial@uea.ac.uk Editor: Sarah Edwardes concrete.arts@uea.ac.uk Editor: Luke Roberts Assistant Editors: Niki Brown & Roanna Bond Writers: Gabrielle Barnes, Daisy Bowie-Sell, Toby Brunt, Richard Foster, Susan Vittery concrete.film@uea.ac.uk Editor: Dean Bowman Writers: Caroline Beer, Anthony Jackson, Sebastian Manley, Laura Mell, Philip Sainty, Stephen Sharrock, Mark Simpson, Paul Stephens concrete.music@uea.ac.uk Editors: James Banks & Ben Patashnik Writers: Nicholas Brookes, Hayley Chappell, Simon Griffiths, Victoria Holland, Chris Hyde, Emma Langridge, Catherine Lansdown, Steph Rawles, Charles Rumsey, Tom Souter concrete.tv/digital@uea.ac.uk Editor: Kate Bryant Writers: Martha Hammond, Jassim Happa, Kim Howe, Chris Hyde, Stephen Sharrock Creative Writing Editor: Merinne Whitton Writers: Paul Hayes, Rebecca Harris, Andrea Tallarita, Luke Stephens, Iman Cid Design Consultant Nathan ‘Design Consultant’ Hamilton

The Event is published fortnightly by Concrete: Post: PO Box 410, Norwich, NR4 7TB Tel: 01603 250558 Fax: 01603 50682 E-mail: concrete.event@uea.ac.uk Printed by: Archant

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04 Feature

You Knows We Loves You The Welsh Valleys aren’t known for their hip-hop scene, but that hasn’t stopped Goldie Lookin’ Chain from making it big. Chris Hyde talks to rap’s most foulmouthed crew about nipples, illicit substances and chavs.

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t was with some nervousness that The Event entered the dressing room backstage at the LCR, due to meet two members of Newport’s rapping chav sensation Goldie Lookin’ Chain.

Beyond their singles (Half Man, Half Machine, Guns Don’t Kill People, Rappers Do, Your Mother’s Got a Penis and You Knows I Love You), The Event didn’t know what to expect. On walking into the room, it was obvious that the fog swirling around was the product of copious amounts of jazz cigarettes, and six of the band’s eight members were relaxing, smoking and helping themselves to the ample supply of crisps and beer in the room. All were already dressed in tracksuit trousers and T-shirts (their clothing of choice) and two of the group – Mystikal and Adam Hussein - introduced themselves.

In their own words, Goldie Lookin’ Chain are “uppers, downers, all around us, cannabis smoking white rapping criminals”. Adam Hussein reveals: “We met at the Job Centre in Newport. Billy Webb was buying drugs from someone inside it, which is kinda ironic for someone to have a job in the Job Centre, and we all hooked up with him one way or another. Some of us had good jobs, some of us had crap jobs – actually, we all had crap jobs.” From there, they decided to form a group that was the complete antithesis of American rap – they rap about Happy Shopper, Michael Caine and BBC Micros, none of which could be expected on a record by any American rapper. Hussein points out that their sudden rise to fame was “surreal and mad, but definitely worth it. At the end of the day, someone’s gotta do what we do.”

When asked about their infamous chav-ness, both members become very evasive. Mystikal keeps repeating, somewhat tongue in cheek, that their clothes or lifestyle “do not in any way endorse chav culture” but that this image was decided upon to give them a unique look.

“Every band has a particular look,” Mystikal explains.

“Scissor Sisters, for example, have a very distinc-

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tive look, and we wanted people to know what band we’re in simply from how we dress.” They talk at length about one of their favourite hobbies: smoking weed. “I’m always in one of two states; asleep or stoned,” says Mystikal. Hussein carries on: “On a scale of 1-10, with ten being most stoned, I usually aim for six or seven to have fun; if I get any higher, I have to go and have a lie down.” This leads to a discussion about lying down aiding digestion, particularly of the group’s favourite munchies – Salt and Vinegar McCoy’s, Crunchy Nut Corn Flakes,

Everything just flows so much easier,” Hussein explains. “It’s frowned upon by society, but it’s what we do,” shrugs Mystikal.

The Event asks Goldie Lookin’ Chain what it was like to perform Mother Fokker with Super Furry Animals at the Leeds Festival last year.

“It was fucking amazing to play at Carling Weekend,” Mystikal enthuses.

“Eggsy got so wasted that he thought a stage light was a security guard and asked it for directions onto the stage.

We had to push him onto the stage; he was like one of those robots from the

Your Mother’s Got a Penis came about because it’s the ultimate insult. It’s like, you’re in the pub, you say ‘oi, you’ve spilt my pint’ or ‘stop looking at my bird’ and the comeback to either of these, or anything else, is ‘your mother’s got a penis’.

Hobnobs and Strongbow. The two then overhear Mike Balls, also from the band, talking about an ex-girlfriend with three nipples, who he dubbed “Triple Nipple”. This leads to a tangent about Scaramanga, his midget sidekick Nik Nak, a fight between him and an Oompa Loompa and finally the midget football team from Phoenix Nights, complete with an excellent Brian Potter impression from Mystikal. They truly are funny people.

“Your Mother’s Got a Penis came about because it’s the ultimate insult.

It’s like, you’re in the pub, you say ‘oi, you’ve spilt my pint’ or ‘stop looking at my bird’ and the comeback to either of these, or anything else, is ‘your mother’s got a penis’. It’s genius; there’s nothing else to say,” Mystikal says of the song.

“Our secret is to get really, really high and then write all our songs when we’re high.

80s, where they walk in one direction but you have to pick them up and turn them to make them move another way.”

When asked about festivals this year, Mystikal reveals that they’ve “been approached by V, there’s the possibility of Reading and Leeds again too, but Michael Eavis hasn’t asked us yet. But that all gets arranged at the last minute anyway.”

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ussein discusses playing gigs and festivals. “They’re completely different atmospheres. All our fans come to gigs, but casual listeners will come and see us at a festival.” “Probably because mushrooms are readily available at festivals!”

Mystikal interjects. “It’s a really great feeling to play a gig and see hundreds of people singing along, it’s amazing, especially when it’s ‘your mother’s got a penis’ they’re chanting” Hussein smiled. The Event wonders how they relax on tour. “We take lots of deep breaths, if you know what I mean, but a good DVD and a sit-down is always a treat,” says Mystikal.

When The Event asks who they’d like to tour with, Mystikal blurts out “Paul Hogan” (of Crocodile Dundee), but Hussein gives the question some consideration,

before commenting that it would be fantastic to tour with David Essex, “now that he keeps his hair nice”.

Adam Hussein talks at length about the group’s hilarious music videos.

“The guy who choreographed Michael Flatley lives in the valley near Newport, so we hooked up with him and he helped us. If you watch the videos close enough, you’ll see us all doing choreographed dancing. Sometimes we’d get it wrong and he’d beat us. We enjoyed making them, though – we had races running on conveyor belts [in the video to Your Mother’s Got a Penis] and driving mobility scooters [in Guns Don’t Kill People, Rappers Do]. When driving the scooters, a 70 year old bird slapped me just ‘cos I was trying to outrace her!

What could you do back, though? Being hit by an old granny. I couldn’t do anything, it was so embarrassing.” “Those scooters actually go quite fast, but I’d have loved to have put nitros in mine,” Mystikal grins.

So, what’s next for Goldie Lookin’ Chain? “We’re writing new songs, which we’ll play tonight. There’s one about some of the characters you meet in Newport, called Nutter,” Mystikal replies. “We’re going to lie down and take each day as it comes,” Hussein says, looking excited about the prospect. “What we are going to do is carry out the GLC motto every single day – keep on trucking ‘til you can’t do no fucking!” Mystikal laughs, taking a triumphant drag on a cigarette.

At the end of the interview, Mystikal says that they are nervous about the gig – Hussein has been smoking a roll-up throughout the interview to calm himself down and some of the others are worried because UEA is “full of metallers”. Goldie Lookin’ Chain may be dismissed as a novelty act, but they are serious about their music and deserve to become even bigger next time around.You knows it, clart.

“Seriously, the joint was this big!”

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Gaytime Television With both The O.C. and The Simpsons introducing lesbian characters, Kate Bryant asks whether it’s all just for ratings...

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The O.C.’s Mischa Barton, maintaining her foxy image

esbianism on television still proves to be an awkward topic. Even with massively popular gay programming like V Graham Norton,Will and Grace and Queer as Folk, the image of male homosexuality is far more articulated that that of the female. However, with a barrage of lesbian plotlines emerging in popular mainstream programming, such issues appear to be moving from the easily ignored or misconstrued subtext to being the flavour of the moment. Only time will tell as to whether a new approach will be developed for presenting homosexuality on the small screen, but either way there proves to be a lot of juicy viewing on the way for controversy hungry audiences.

The O.C. is the latest show to jump on the Sapphic bandwagon with Mischa Barton’s character Marissa locking lips with female love interest Alex, played

by Olivia Wilde. The Simpsons will also be dabbling in the world of lesbianism as the gruff-voiced Patty Bouvier prepares to marry another woman with Homer performing the ceremony.

These overtly lesbian storylines may not be the

sober, realist discourse on the subject that many viewers crave, yet they may transpire to be the only way a viewing public can negotiate a subject that has arguably lain dormant in popular culture for some time. The O.C. has met with a positive response to its portrayal of a girl-girl relationship growing out of a friendship between the two characters. Opinion is divided as to whether this tempered representation will continue or simply be phased out after it has won some shock-value ratings. The Simpsons, on the other hand, was seen to be deliberately poking at the wound the issue of gay marriage has left in American society.

We are all familiar with the camp, comedic figure, so brilliantly embodied by characters such as John Innes’ Mr Humphries (Are You Being Served?) or Kenneth Williams (the Carry On series, Willow the Wisp), who is assumed to be gay yet never explicitly affirms this.

The camp is either firmly planted in comedy or it becomes problematic and generally evil, as many Bond villains demonstrate. Although not always associated with homosexuality, the indicators of ‘campness’ are also often used as shorthand for gay – dressing ostentatiously, speaking softly and over-gesturing. Contrapuntal to the camp is the excessively masculine, macho portrayal of the gay man, leather clad with bountiful muscles. Just as visually amusing and extraordinary as his more feminine parallel, both figures are drenched in stereotype, an easily recognized part of the televisual world we all buy into when we sit down for a quiet evening on the sofa and almost entirely relegated to comedy. This easily-communicated vision of the gay man, who is familiar and commonplace on our screens, means that images of gay men may become increasingly less potent and more like characters such as Will and Grace’s Will Truman who are presented as just happening to be gay. This serves to underscore the question of why there is no equivalent for the lesbian.

The answer to some extent is that there is a highly coded, stereotyped vision of the lesbian – mannish, aggressive and domineering. As with the camp male, the masculine female is not always overtly presented as homosexual; their sexuality is almost an in-joke for those who choose to see it. Peanuts’ tomboyish, brash ‘Peppermint’ Patty

Patty announces her engagement to a surprised Marge exhibits all the traits of this ambiguous figure. Teamed with the subservient Marcie, who refers to Patty throughout the show as “sir”, the pair form an interesting dynamic to say the least. Of course, to suggest that Charlie Brown and his cohorts are pushing the bound-

Such issues appear to be moving from the easily ignored or misconstrued subtext to being the flavour of the moment aries of children’s entertainment to encompass images of homosexuality is fantastical but to realise such images are potentially present helps to plot the journey of the lesbian on television. A landmark in this journey is Ellen and its portrayal of an openly gay female protagonist. For the most part, the audience was left suspecting that Ellen was gay, but this was never confirmed or denied. When it did eventually transpire that not only Ellen the character but Ellen Degeneres the actress was in fact gay the show’s ratings fell flatter than a pancake and it was soon axed.

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he L-word was avoided for a while after Ellen, seen as ratings poison especially with 9/11 fostering a mood of suspicion for the different, that is until The L Word. Best described as a Sex and the City for lesbianism (the show’s slogan being “same sex, different city”), The L Word is undoubtedly focused on presenting an image of lesbian life. However, the cast are almost entirely gay and conversations and storylines revolve chiefly around this.

Consequently the show hasn’t aired on terrestrial television this side of the Atlantic, playing on LivingTV instead

which can hardly be seen as mainstream or accessible. Still, even if such projections of female homosexuality are made prominent by The L Word, they encounter the same criticism as the camp male – they do not allow the character to transcend their sexual orientation and this proves to be a continual stumbling block for any representation of homosexuality whether male or female.

There are, however, the few exceptions that prove this rule of thumb. One such exception is the character of Willow in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Whilst she may not be the lead, Willow is a central character who is involved in a lesbian relationship for over two years’ worth of episodes, a relationship that other characters are aware and accepting of. The relationship is present, but not to the expense of other storylines involving Willow. Perhaps most importantly, actress Alyson Hannigan is not gay nor is she continually type-cast as gay. As much as this can be seen as a positive and balanced portrayal of lesbianism on television, the fanbase for Buffy is decidedly alternative and partially cancels out the progress Willow might have made in a more mainstream show.

It’s easy to clamber atop a soap box and protest for the rather right-on representation of homosexuality on the box but past efforts seem to suggest that they don’t win ratings. The reason images of the homosexual are so heavily coded in stereotypes is because audiences want to be able to differentiate between ourselves and the ‘abnormal’, The O.C. has taken a brave step in delegating a lesbian storyline to a character who has been shown to have a lot of heterosexual appeal. The real step forwards from this would be for such plotlines to go unnoticed rather than through a process of gradual acceptance.

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06 Feature

DON’T PANIC!

With the new adaptation of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy not far away, Dean Bowman speculates wildly about the film and outlines how you could win tickets to the world premier by trekking across Europe in a dressing gown!

With its bold use of irony and absurdist humour, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy playfully kicks sand in the face of such high flown sci-fi epics as Star Wars, and indeed the release date (29th April) is well timed to beat Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith to cinemas by two weeks.

Indeed Jennings, as a Hollywood outsider, seems to be deliberately using the film to spoof the conventions of America’s favourite genre. For example, the trailer reveals the opening scenes - in which the Earth is to be demolished to make way for a new hyperspace express-way by an apologetic Vogon demolition crew - to be a consummate pastiche of such films as Independence Day. Cynics may protest that such Hollywood interest in this much-loved book constitutes post Lord of the Rings barrel scraping, but there is potentially much to be gained from crossing the book’s ‘unfilmable’ high concept wackiness with state of the art special effects. It is also tempting to speculate how many of the text’s eccentric digressions the Hollywood producers might have cut as ‘unnecessary’ to the plot if Douglas Adams himself hadn’t penned the screenplay before his death in 2001. Ultimately all of the signs look good for a worthy, if not excellent, adaptation.

The Concrete editorial team endure yet another “inspiring” pep talk.

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he circumstances under which Douglas Adams came to write Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy are by now legendary. After a drunken night out in a European country he found himself lying on his back in the middle of a field, the stars wheeling over head, and clutching a copy of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to Europe in his hand. The synthesis of this innocently informative travel guide and the endless glory of the heavens within the creative mind, or rather the creative mind soused with alcohol, led to one of the most loved science fiction creations of all time.

Hitchhiker’s Guide has seen many adaptations. It began life as a radio show; a kind of War of the Worlds mixed with The G o o n s .

H o w e v e r, unlike Orson

We l l e s ’ landmark radio adaptation of the HG Wells novel, there was no

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chance of mistakenly tuning in and believing that aliens were invading.

Next Adams adapted the radio show into a book, which has sold over 17 million copies in 21 languages.Throughout his career he was to write five installments altogether, although even the most obsessive fans will admit that they trail off after the second one, and Adams only bowed to pressure to write the fifth book on the condition that he was allowed to destroy the universe at the end.

Finally, in 1984, the Hitchhiker’s Guide telev i s i o n series was re l e a s e d , which provided an appropriately camp visualization of the zany concepts that hitherto had to be imagined, and also epitomized the visual kitsch of the decade that taste forgot.

With all of these previous adaptations, along with an ever-expanding cult following, it is all the more surprising that the Guide has not been given a cinematic treatment until now. Directed by Garth Jennings, whose only previous work is the music video for Blur’s song Coffee and TV, the new film adaptation is being produced by Touchstone Pictures in conjunction with Hammer and Tongs,

the small-scale British outfit who were the talent behind such quirky music videos as Fat Boy Slim’s Right Here, Right Now.

Arthur Dent’s incredulous reactions and self-deprecating wit are about as far as you can get from the usual assertive and uplifting Hollywood buffoonery.

Although it seems peculiar that a company the size of Touchstone could be working with such an obscure, untested British director, the film may benefit from this fact. Judging from the trailer, it seems that it may have retained just enough of the original TV show’s low-key camp spirit and amateurish ingenuity to pull it off. What is more surprising, perhaps, is that Hollywood should choose to work on a project with such quintessentially English humour. Arthur Dent’s incredulous reactions and self-deprecating wit are about as far as you can get from the usual assertive and uplifting Hollywood buffoonery (think Jim Carey, Robin Williams and Ben Stiller).

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he recent renaissance in British comedy seems to have caught the attention of the more cultured American audiences; Samuel L. Jackson, for example, is a huge fan of The Office and will make a cameo appearance in Ricky Gervais’ next project. Therefore the casting of Martin Freeman (The Office, Shaun of the Dead) as Arthur Dent demonstrates clearly where this film is coming from, and that place is very promising indeed. Rapper Mos Def, who has been cast as Dent’s best friend and alien travel guide Ford Prefect, creates an interestingly bombastic juxtaposition to Freeman’s comedic reticence; their relationship embodying the Anglo-American dialectic at the heart of the production.

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WIN WIN WIN

ver wondered what it would be like to follow in Arthur Dent’s footsteps?

To boldly go where no man has gone before… in a dressing gown? Well here’s your opportunity to do just that! To celebrate the nationwide release of the eagerly awaited Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy on 29th April, Buena Vista International have teamed up with easyjet, Europe’s leading low cost airline to bring you I’m a Student Get Me Out of Here!

The Challenge is to hitchhike back to England after being dropped in a secret location in Europe. Each team member will be given a camera phone, 100 pounds, travel insurance, a pair of pyjamas and an emergency phone number.

Teams can only travel back to the UK via land or sea; air travel is not permitted.

Two countries must be visited on the journey back. To prove this, teams are required to take a picture of themselves by two famous sites per country and send them to a given website. If this is not done and contestants are found not wearing their pyjamas the team will be disqualified. Participants will be given a final landmark destination in the UK to make their way to.

The first team back within seventytwo hours wins Tickets to the Premier of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy including travel and accommodation, a unique easyjet ‘freedom pass’ allowing the winner six single flights to and from any easyjet European destinations (Visit www.easyjet.com for destinations), and a mobile phone.

To enter choose a teammate of the opposite sex, log onto www.thefilmfactory.co.uk/getmeout and enter details of your team. Winning applicants will be chosen at random and contacted by Monday 4th April.

The Art of Making Poverty History

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Photo: Toby Brunt

Sasa by El Anatsui represents the concumer culture overwhelming Africa’s cultural tradition.

Toby Brunt reports on a season of exhibitions from the Africa 05 project, whose showcase of new works from African artists is an evocative and celebratory portrayal of a nation.

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nyone with an interest in the arts, who maybe wears a white armband, or even watches the variety show on Red Nose Day, might have noticed how easy it is becoming to say that 2005 is the year of Africa. Prominent institutions across London have chosen this year to devote their energy and resources to promoting African history, cultural diversity, and heritage in the arts. Indeed, there could not be a better time to do so, with Tony Blair and Gordon Brown’s Commission for Africa set to publish its report on how developed nations can help Africa out of poverty on March 11th. The stage is set, and the spotlight is on Africa. The Event went to London to find out what art is doing for African development, what development can do for African art, and finally how the Make Poverty History campaign is furthering the cause here at UEA. Under the umbrella of the Africa 05 project, the British Museum, the South Bank Centre, and the British Council have jointly scheduled a season of events and exhibitions aiming to showcase the best of internal and diaspora African art, whilst at the same time coaxing mainstream audiences into enjoying a broader range of cultural activity. The project is also brings together over 50 delivery organisations such as the Royal African Society and the Hackney Gallery, in order to make these events possible and increase the possibility of public interaction and awareness. It is also intended to act as a support base for any individual or organisation who wishes to contribute to its theme of the arts and culture of Africa. In a sense, the British Museum is a logical starting point, as its exhibitions focuses mainly on the vast expanse that is the history of Africa. Through the temporary exhibitions it is running and its permanent collection, the story is unveiled.

Until April 3rd, ancient hand axes from the Olduvai Gorge in Tanzania constitute the Made in Africa exhibition and are available not only to view, but to touch and handle as well. These two mil-

lion year old hand tools are some of the first man-made objects around. They offer an insight into what Africa tells us about our history as a species, that increasingly the evidence is pointing towards the possibility that the first humans derived from Africa, making us all, in a sense, African. There is also the chance for visitors to explore the British Museum’s permanent collection of African artefacts through an interactive trail that will take you chronologically through the ages of African history, from the Egyptians, to the kingdoms of Benin and the Kongo, until our arrival at the present, which materialises itself in the Tree of Life, a harsh reminder that recent African history is significantly less romantic.

The Commission for Africa has been dubbed a ‘Marshall Plan’ for Africa. This seems to be a fitting name, for years of war and genocide has taken its toll on Africans, and recovery is yet to find its pace. In Mozambique alone, Marxist and Capitalist militias fought a bloody civil war of ideologies and minerals on behalf of rival world superpowers from 1975 to 1992. Millions of AK47s and RPGs were injected into the country. Hundreds of thousands were forced to fight, killed, starved, and displaced.

Yet the Tree of Life reflects how the African spirit is immune to bullets and hunger. A commission for the British Museum, the 12ft high sculpture is made of decommissioned weapons gathered through a Church-run project called Transforming Arms into Tools, in which ex-fighters can hand over weapons, without fear of arrest, in exchange for sewing machines, bicycles, even tractors. The weapons are destroyed and given to artists to turn into works of art.

Since 1994, the Christian Aid supported programme has collected over 100,000 weapons. The Tree of Life has thus been created in the spirit of Africans’ willingness and wishes to make a better future for themselves and their children, one of prosperity rather than one of violence.

You can see the Tree of Life at the British Museum until 28th August.

Africa Remix at the South Bank Centre brings us right to the core of contemporary African culture. Salon

Afrique, a season of music and performance including such legends as MC Solaar (8th March), the godfather of French hip hop, and Malian Blues guitarist Boubacar Traore (18th March), is taking place at the Royal Festival Hall, alongside an exhibition incorporating the largest ever display of contemporary African art. Included in this highly anticipated exhibition are works by some of the most successful African artists like El Anatsui and Jane Alexander, but also less well-known and equally as remarkable artists like Goddy Leye and Wangechi Mutu.

Ghanaian El Anatsui, who has a permanent piece on display at the British Museum, and is also featured at the October Gallery, displays his largest and possibly most important work at

The Africa 05 project is taking the first positive steps towards opening up Western institutions and minds to a diverse, active and immensely wealthy artistic culture.

Africa Remix. Sasa (2004), a massive reproduction of a traditional African cloth, is made entirely from discarded bottle tops, flattened, and sewn together. El Anatsui is making reference to the unchecked consumer culture that seems to be consuming African tradition. He is also drawing on his own historical background and showing that he is concerned with the preservation of traditional ways of life.

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n contrast, Goddy Leye’s installation project, Dancing with the Moon (2002), uses mirrors, a DVD projector, an electric fan and a blue light to explore concepts of the soul and the nature of the spiritual entity. Whilst presenting his work in a much more contemporary framework, Leye is also interested in traditional African beliefs and ritual.The exhibition at Africa Remix is hugely important for contemporary African art outside Africa. It shows the huge range of talent the continent offers, but it is also an

important cultural expression that lies of the forefront of African thinking, and gives those unable to speak a line of communication that through projects like Africa Remix, ordinary voices and opinions can be heard. A good example of this is a work called Waiting for Bus (2003) by Dilomprizulike,which is also on show at the exhibition.

The Africa 05 project is taking the first positive steps towards finally opening up Western institutions and minds to a diverse, active and immensely wealthy artistic culture. African artists are keen to endorse their heritage and make it available for all cultures to experience.

Yet they are also striving to transcend the term ‘African’, a label that has attracted prejudice and associates their work with the problems of Africa.

Supporting the Africa 05 project shows that Britain is interested in embracing Africa culturally, and is one way of working towards a more stable environment in which a rich artistic tradition can flourish. But to get there, the problems of Africa must first be solved, and it seems that now is the time to solve them.

The report by the Commission for Africa coincides with Britain’s hosting of the G8 Summit and also our EU Presidency. Britain’s unprecedented opportunity to use its diplomatic power and bring change for Africa in the form of fair trade and multilateral debt cancellation won’t be realised again for years. That is why at this point the Make Poverty History campaign is stepping up a gear and mounting the pressure on politicians to act at all levels. On campus, week 10 will be the central campaign week for MPH, with a series of proposed events in which everyone can get involved. To take part and register your support, go to the campaign section of the Student Union website and submit your email address to receive information about how and where you can help out, and truly make this year the year of Africa.

Africa Remix is at the South Bank Centre until the 17th April. www.british-museum.ac.uk www.africaremix.org.uk www.makepovertyhistory.org

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08 Feature

The Queen Is Dead...?

Queen are reforming with singer Paul Rodgers at the helm. Catherine Lansdown wonders how the fans will react to the new Freddie.

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he mighty rock beast Queen are returning to the stage. Aerosmith and the Rolling Stones are still treading the boards, why not Queen? There's just one little problem. It's no news to any-one that their legendary frontman, the ringmaster of Queen's glamorous, camping-without-a-tent circus, Freddie Mercury has gone to his grave. The question remains, is he spinning in it?

The more obvious question is can Freddie be replaced? To which the answer is an obviously “no.” Queen's hair-preening, clog-wearing, guitarsplicing, axe-meister Brian May's standard response is "we're not trying to replace him" which is fair enough.

However, even if the new singer of their songs isn't pretending to be Freddie there is still an issue of Freddie’s Legacy which deserves addressing.

After all, when you're filling the shoes of t h e Godf ather, you need to show appropriate respect.

Everybody seems to want to keep Queen sacred and oppose reincarnations of the band. It seems we're just not happy with this moonlighting with other vocalists. Hardcore fanatics know how integral Freddie's genius was to the quartet. Poet, musician, rocker, icon - if it ain't Freddie, it ain't Queen. At the other end of the scale, people who know very little of Queen are still outraged. To pub singers and party-goers Bohemian Rhapsody is almost a cult in it's own right. It won't ever be topped, replaced or re-done, so just don't touch it. Well, at the risk of offending everybody in the world: get over it.

Queen were never a static entity.

They weren't interested in reeling out the same tried and tested drill over and over. Theirs was a career marked by risk and progression. Should we really be surprised to see the same spirit con-

tinuing beyond Freddie's death?

Having a brief look at the bands discography reveals that the band grew and transformed, but still remained true to that solid gold core that made them Queen - allegiance to the indestructible combination of excellence, showmanship and rock.

Their first two albums might be a surprise to some people. The beginnings of Queen drew parallels with early Sabbath or Zeppelin's Stairway To Heaven - fantastical heavy metal, medieval hard rock, beautiful Tolkeinistic madness with added falsetto (Roger Taylor sounding like a small mouse

is.

Then came a move into more glam territory. Sheer Heart Attack, the acclaimed A Night at the Opera and its little sister A Day At the Races were camper and more experimental albums. 40s-style barbershop ditties sat alongside epics like Lap of the Gods and Bohemian Rhapsody. Slinging rock-opera wholeheartedly into the blend served to expand horizons whilst neatly proving that Queen could effortlessly combine their semi-ironic camp with shameless heavy rock.

The next transition started and Queen rolled in the

Event

09.03.05

A

fter this Queen branched out and recorded the entire soundtrack to Flash Gordon (in which a baseball player becomes a superhero and Brian Blessed wears leather hot-pants).

They followed this with a turn to disco and pop (which bombed entirely but did produce Under Pressure, the hit duet with David Bowie ). To follow, The Works nurtured the pop-rock agenda and gave life to Radio Ga Ga and I Want

Queen were never a static entity. They weren't interested in reeling out the same tried and tested drill over and over. Theirs was a career marked by risk and progression.

being squeezed on songs like My Fairy King) that

the

synthesisers. It not being the 80s, they weren't particularly well received, but behind the synths the songs were becoming less conceptual, more selfcontained, and clear singles started to emerge like We Will Rock You and Don't Stop Me Now. The Game was released in 1980, poppy and slick, it continued to perfect the singles formula.

To Break Free. It lead to two subsequent albums that fell heavily back into rock whilst remaining brilliantly approachable. To follow Innuendo began to bridge Queen's pop-rock roots with their epic tendencies, and introduced a more adult sound.

Just before Freddie died he began to lay down a number of tracks which the band finished after his death. Made In Heaven is the most poignant of Queen's albums, but how does it hold up, and surely it lacks chemistry? No, this isn't raw, live-sounding Queen, it is clearly the most adult Queen album, the most studio-polished and the most synthesised but somehow it may also be the most beautiful.

A lot of Queen's songs were written by still-surviving members of the band, it's fair to say they have a right to play them, and indeed many of the songs are now legendary - they need to live on. In the past the dilemma of who should sing them has been resolved suitably and unsuitably. The stage musical We Will Rock You took the songs into a whole new medium, wrapped up in the soaring voices of West End heroes, Queen songs blowing apart the Dominion Theatre in London. However letting Five and Robbie Williams take the reigns must surely be way up there on the travesty scale alongside Will Young singing The Doors.

So what of Paul Rodgers? Who is he anyway and why is he deemed worthy to vocalise for an entire tour? One clear thing going for him is that he was one of Freddie's favourite singers. He is the voice behind hits like Alright Now and

Paul Rodgers: the new Freddie?

Can't Get Enough; a legend of classic rock. Brian May considers him "the best singer in the world in our genre", his voice will handle anything and yet to lots of people he remains an unknown. Roger is a guy who will put on a hell of a show, but who won't impose on it a whole new ego. Robbie Williams is said to be disappointed that he has been overlooked, but fans will surely appreciate Queen staying true to their hard rock manifesto. It is a tour for Queen fans, not Robbie fans whose Dad's have come along to see the old guys standing at the back.

If people know who Paul Rodgers is, they've surely got to be pleased with the choice, and if they don't, they won't be disappointed. Queen will be performed with gusto, and it won't be ruined or belittled. It will be true to Queen: loud, showy, amazing and skilful - it will rock - and the songs will live on. Therefore, Paul Rodgers, we solemnly hand you the catsuit.You have our blessing.

Feature 09

Cinefile

Tales from the Cutting Room Floor

no. 54

Secrets and Lies

Censors of Cinema: Mark Simpson takes a look at the changes to the BBFC ratings system.

O

n February 9th, the British Board of Film Classification (BBFC) published new classification guidelines for cinema releases. The professed aim of these revised guidelines is to better protect children from harmful images but to allow adults to have the freedom to watch what they choose (within reason, obviously). A new rating, R18, is being introduced to specifically cover pornographic material depicting real sex.

These new guidelines are based on the opinion of over 11,000 people from across the UK. Drug usage, violence, sexual activity, swearing and racial references made the top five of biggest concerns. Within these categories, greater emphasis has been placed on monitoring racial hatred and violence, suicide and self-harm, emphasis on easily accessible weapons (such as golf clubs), sexual violence and rape, and glamorisation of smoking, alcohol and substance abuse.

What is interesting about these revisions is that this is the first time that the public has major concerns with the portrayal of smoking in films. Over the past

to be super-cool, save the world and bed as many women as possible.

Try to imagine if these rules came in the early Twentieth Century. Film noir was one of the most successful genres from the 1930s to the 1950s and near enough every character smokes in them. All of the dark and dingy bars/dives would be less grim because of the lack of cigarette smoke and the films would look far less distinguished and stylish. However, characters smoked for more reasons than to look cool or shady. The Production/Hays Code, one of history’s most notorious and puritanical censorship bodies, prohibited acts of graphic violence and sexuality on screen, forcing filmmakers to find ways around these strict rules. In film noirs, if a male and female character were seen giving each other cigarettes, lighting them for one another or just smoking together, this was code for them having a sexual relationship.

Filmmakers have always used such symbolism to give audiences more readings of a particular character. A modern example of this would be of Helena Bonham Carter’s character, Marla Singer, in Fight Club. Her constant smoking is essential to the character as it shows audiences that she is a selfdestructive person. Under the BBFC’s

The BMA would rather see films show true representations of smoking; imagine 007 with yellowed fingers and a hacking cough. few years, tobacco companies have been extremely limited in advertising their products and many people polled were worried that companies could bypass these laws by promoting smoking as glamorous in film. The BBFC have addressed these concerns by stating that they will concentrate on films aimed at junior categories and characters which are seen as role-models. For example, Harry Potter will never be allowed to smoke in any of his films, whilst the British super-spy and ladies man, James Bond, will still be allowed to light up-although it will probably be illegal to plug a certain brand. The producers were reportedly paid 350,000 dollars for Lark cigarettes to appear in License to Kill.

Whilst many people understand that this is part of his character and has to be seen in context because of when the character was created, the British Medical Association (BMA) feel that the BBFC are contradicting their rules. They would rather see films show true representations of smoking; imagine 007 with yellowed fingers and a hacking cough.

While this is a noble idea, the BMA seem to be forgetting that nothing about the James Bond franchise is at all realistic and the films are just action, escapist fantasies for men everywhere wanting

new guidelines, would her smoking be edited out for fear of glamorising it?

T

he research does show that the Board will be more ruthless with their scissors when it comes to sexual violence and rape. This is an interesting change, as the BBFC passed an ‘18’ video and DVD certificate for Sam Peckinpah’s notorious Straw Dogs just a few years ago. This film, which was previously banned, has garnered such a dislike because of one scene when a female character is raped but seems to enjoy it. With these new guidelines in effect, will films like Straw Dogs be reevaluated?

The biggest controversy so far this year has been Liam Neeson’s new film Kinsey. This biopic looks at the life of Dr. Alfred Kinsey and his revolutionary research in the 1940s and 1950s into the sexual natures of men and woman of all ages. His groundbreaking, if somewhat problematic, research divided the American public and this new film seems to have done the same again.

Although the research is 50 years old and human sexuality has been more openly discussed in the mainstream since, Kinsey still managed to offend people. In Britain, 56% of those polled

Who’s got the balls to tell Bogey that he’s not allowed to smoke? were concerned with the amount of sexual activity shown in films, whilst 58% felt that the old guidelines were ‘about right’.

Kinsey is not gratuitous in its use of nudity or sexual activity but it seems that America was still shocked by its message.

Under the Bush regime, America has embraced abstinence as the new form of sex education, with the president pledging $170 million to the Peers Project that uses teenage mentors to teach abstinence in 6 states. Over the past 5 years 900 million federal dollars have been spent on abstinence education. However, recent studies have shown that unwanted pregnancies and STD’s have increased in areas that only taught abstinence, as those taught did not use proper contraceptives or seek help from clinics. It seems from these actions that American society would rather naively ignore these problems then try to properly educate their younger generations. We live in a world where Janet Jackson flashing a boob on live TV is considered more shocking than the violence shown in the news.

Censorship will forever be a part of the film industry, but it is important that it does not reach an extreme extent in either direction. Society has greatly changed over the past century and the taboo subjects of yesteryear are the norm of today. As a consequence film censorship has arguably become more liberal over the past twenty years, however the new tightening up of the rating system may be a response to various films that are attempting to push the boundaries of what can be shown in terms of sex and violence, particularly a movement in France where such films as Baise Moi, The Piano Teacher and Irreversible have divided the critical community.

The common argument for why film should be more heavily censored than other forms of art is because it has a bigger mainstream audience and a more visual nature, but it may also be because cinema has still not been completely accepted as a serious artform. Whilst it is important that the artistic integrity of films using sex and violence within their narratives are maintained, it is also necessary to protect the young and impressionable, although the tradition of blaming film as the cause of real life crime and violence is hopelessly simplistic. The ‘12A’ certificate was a step towards giving parents/guardians more control over what their children watch. Censorship must ultimately tread a fine line between these two conflicting aims.

Michael Moore on the exposé-offensive again?

No, these are secrets and lies on a domestic scale – skeletons in the family closet and ghosts from the long-forgotten past. All of the characters are either hiding something or looking for answers, but the central revelation comes through a young woman’s efforts to seek out her birth mother, the two of them having led completely separate lives since the birth. What’s more, the rest of family have no idea that the daughter even exists…

That’s ‘issue film’ territory. I suppose the matter of adoption gets thoroughly ‘tackled’?

Thankfully Mike Leigh is not the sort of director to sermonise or point a hasty finger; despite the tricky subject matter – which in addition to adoption includes race and class difference (Hortense, the daughter, is black and middleclass, her mother Cynthia is white and workingclass) – there’s always room available to think about why people are doing the things they’re doing, and how the decisions made by characters might stem from a range of different pressures and desires. As some of these mixed motives bubble to the film’s surface, whole relationships get cast in a different light, and we’re forced to rethink previous snap-judgements.

Does the cast hold the viewer’s interest?

Indeed it does. Secrets and Lies draws brilliant turns from just about everyone involved: Brenda Blethyn plays Cynthia with a subtle shift from quiet disenchantment to new hopefulness, Marianne Jean-Baptiste (as Hortense) mixes easy-going warmth with real emotional confusion, and Phyllis Logan does fine work as the home décor-obsessed housewife whose buried grief erupts one day in a sudden fit of sobbing.

But best of the batch is Timothy Spall (a Leigh regular, who also graced Life is Sweet and All or Nothing) as Maurice, a man who keeps things together and is liked by all, but ends up in a heartbreaking position where the three people he loves the most ‘hate each others guts’.

Do things end badly then?

Well, everything comes to a head at a familyand-friends barbeque, the stage for several big revelations. But even in the midst of the massed emotional upheavals Leigh and his characters strike a nice note of hope and humour; after her anger drains away, the younger daughter greets her new sister not with a I’ve-been-missingsomething-all-my-life outpouring, but by describing her mixed feelings and making plans to spend time together down the pub.

What about the photography - a rough-andready realist aesthetic?

Actually quite elegant, with some pleasing compositions and delicately expressive lighing, but nothing so flashy that the visuals end up overwhelming the drama.

Any recent work from Mr Leigh?

Yes – the remarkable Vera Drake, which won some BAFTAs but missed out (after three nominations) at the Oscars. A pity. Look out for the review in the next Event though.

Sebastian Manley

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10 Feature

Feature 11

Seeing Red with Comic Relief

Like it or loathe it, most people can’t help but get swept up in the fundraising festivities of Red Nose Day. The next eagerly anticipated evening of honourable frivolity is coming up on March 11th. In honour of this ancient tradition, Stephen Sharrock and Kate Bryant take a look at comical fund-raising through the ages, in all its odd yet applaudable glory.

F

irst things first, here are a few facts about the show: Red Nose Day is a UK wide fundraising event organised by an organisation called Comic Relief every two years, culminating in a night of frivolity (irreverant though it may sometimes be) on BBC1. Numerous celebrities have taken part in the show in the past, with this year being no exception: Matt Lucas, David Walliams, Peter Kay, Dawn French, Ricky Gervais, Chris Evans and Steve Coogan are all lined up to tweak our rouged noses.

Along with Children in Need, and ITV’s attempt at some ‘charidy’ in the 1980s, these nights have and continue to be unashamedly national TV events; aiming for the same mass audience as Royal Weddings, cup finals, soap killings and the like. Everyone ends up tuning in for the evening’s entertainment or at very least buying a Red

Nose; it’s a show that is big on audience participation, with people doing extremely silly and courageous things for charity, and has more than proved it’s financial worth: some £289 million has been raised so far.

Reliant as Red Nose Day is on audience participation, some exploits of the public have proved to make innovative and interesting entertainment. BBC camera crews have, in the days supposedly before ‘reality’ TV existed, captured at least one person per year sitting in a bath tub full of baked beans for the day, a whole family who spent the day hanging upside down, and a schoolgirl who spent the best part of a month drinking nothing but vinegar.

Doctors who were on hand advised her to keep drinking reduced levels of the stuff for six months afterwards, in order to let her stomach acids slowly readjust.

Sometimes though, as with any prolonged live event on TV, there have been numerous mistakes and gaffes

Lenny Henry in Ethiopia

over the years: often just as memorable, but sadly hardly repeated. One famous instance involved the intrepid TV journalist and streetwise investigator Roger Cook (personal motto: “my camera is my gun”). Cook, at the time, was best known for his series on ITV, The Cook Report, in which he visited and literally doorstepped known criminals, confronting them with evidence of their crimes. Usually, this involved a real live punch up, often with Cook – a 6ft 5in New Zealander – coming out on top. The circumstance of his Comic Relief appearance was quite different: he had been retired for a few years, and the Beeb enlisted him to go out on the evening, and doorstep unknowing members of the public, congratulating them for doing excellent things for Comic Relief that year. Only some household guests didn’t realise this, and told him (not too quietly, and well before the 9pm watershed) to “eff off”, whilst others broke down and apologised profusely, listing all the crimes they had committed that they would now attempt to put right. Not only was this great TV, it was a good example of the power of the TV image prevailing over words: despite his own protestations, to these unknowing members of the public, Cook’s face and the associations it evoked (namely, fights) spoke a thousand words.

Aside from this spontaneous and extremely unplanned aspect of Comic Relief, the show also has a very strong tradition of planned sketches. Paul Whitehouse and Charlie Higson have been a recent feature of the sketch elements of the show with their Fast Show characters, and prior to that, writing sketches for the likes of Harry Enfield.

What normally happens in these is all

What happens to Comic Relief the charity, beyond the one night’s entertainment, when we’ve all turned off, gone to sleep, or gone out to celebrate?

Here are a few facts to ease your conscience before you take part in and watch the day’s entertainment:

Facts...

Whilst Red Nose Day is organised only every two years, Comic Relief is a registered charity with over 500 fulltime staff working in the UK alone.

Other notable celebrities that have taken part in the past include: Woody Allen, Hugh Grant, John Cleese, Jerry Springer, Ali G, Whoopi Goldberg, Billy Connolly and the entire cast of the League of Gentlemen.

Frock horror - “I’m a laydee!” the characters and plotlines we are familiar with get reworked around the theme of the day: so we have had Ted and Ralph driving along on a motorbike, wearing Red Noses (“Ted, I wondered whether you might like to wear this nose, the workers were talking about it down in the lower field, it looks rather fetching…”). The DJs Smashey and Nicey originated in a Comic Relief sketch about “charidy”, Enfield’s Loadsamoney was forced to give some of his dosh away to help the poor, whilst the Suit You, Sir characters have been shown modelling up customers with suits and special requisite Red Noses.

The sketch format will continue this year, and is dominated by the recent award-winners from Little Britain: guest celebs Elton John, George Michael and

Robbie Williams will all be taking part in their sketches, and there is even a special edition Comic Relief Little Britain DVD being released (£4.99) –whilst it’s only 45 minutes, it does feature one of the best ever Vicky Pollard sketches, in which she takes part in an episode of Trisha, and gets to meet and confront her dad.

T

hese large doses of comedy will certainly make for an entertaining evening, but this is not all the show provides.

Celebrities, especially in recent years, have been just as keen to present the more serious elements of the show, detailing what is happening to the money, and where it is being spent. These sequences are often

thought of as an excuse to leave the room, make a cup of tea, or else grimace at the attempts at comedy provided by a familiar celebrity - often Lenny Henry- in what seems like very inappropriate settings for comedy.

Truth be told, these sections are in fact interesting and well-made pieces, that prove to be informing and remind us of the wider purpose behind all the laughter. For fans of the surreal comedy of Harry Hill, the last Red Nose Day TV extravaganza featured a sequence with him visiting a banana plantation.

Ostensibly about the issue of ‘fair trade’, the sequence turned into an extremely funny and lengthy food fight with the locals (According to a fansite, the outtakes included Harry taking cover behind some trees, and being

ambushed by three elderly men, hurling a large amount of rotten bananas at him).

This year the BBC have changed the format of these sequences, and turned them into another oppurtunity for audience participation. Davina McCall will be showing three bus drivers from Coventry some of Comic Relief’s work in Kenya, whilst Lenny Henry will show a family from Bristol around some small villages in Ethiopia: hopefully this will add to the ‘serious but lighthearted’ short documentary style of these pieces. After all, though the comedy sketches are the main draw, these sections are what the whole event is ultimately for – “charidy”, mate.

1999

1988

1989

1991

1993

1995

1997

‘The Plain Nose’

‘My Nose’

‘The Nose with Arms’

‘The Tomato Nose’

‘The Heat Sensitive Nose’

‘The Fury Nose’

Ahh, nostalgia! The original and perhaps still the best Red Nose, this baby was made out of a plastic that had a very addictive aroma (a bit like petrol). It has given birth to several variations, and is undeniably a classic.

Just a year after the first Red Nose Day, the craze began again and with it came a new nose. Adding a bit of flair to the nose-wear, 1989’s nose had “MY NOSE” written on it. Pehaps this was to prevent pinching.

The third stage in the metamorphosis of the Red Nose, this year’s nose had arms and a cheeky face on it to boot. Already three years old, and already developing into so much more than just a nose, things could only get bigger and better.

The classic comedy accesory teamed up with the classic comedy fruit in 1993 with the Red Nose sprouting a green stalk and turning into a tomato. The face went down so well two years before that this Red Nose sports one too.

Things got all space-age in 1995 with the heat sensitive nose that changed colour when it was warmed up. Easily confused with 1989’s MY NOSE until it spontaneously turned purple, 1995’s nose proved the most surprising yet.

This year the Red Nose package got even more appealing, with a bonus Chupa Chup tongue painter and a handy-dandy cash bag thrown into the bargain, nobody could resist getting caught up in the action.

Event

Out of the £289 million raised by Comic Relief, one third has actually gone to projects in the UK and twothirds to Africa, with every county – yes, even including Norfolk – receiving money from Comic Relief at some point in its history: proof, if any was needed, that the whole event, TV show included, does actually make a difference locally as well.

‘The Hooter’ With a set of temporary tattoos and a money box to collect your pennies in, this was the last nose of the millenium. It became impossible not to make a noise about Red Nose Day with this squeaky nose.

Red noses and fundraising kits are available from www.rednoseday.com, 0845 605 8000, or from Sainsbury’s and Oxfam.

This year the focus will be on supporting Fair Trade and world Poverty campaigns, HIV campaigns in Africa, as well as various local community and international projects based in the UK.

An average of 5.5 million noses are sold each year

2001

2003

2005

‘The Nose with a Tongue’

‘The Nose with Bulging Eyes’

‘The Hairy Nose’

Designed by Aardman, this year’s Red Nose also came with lots of goodies to help you collect your donations in style.

With squeezable cheeks, this nose could blow rasberries with its whoopie cushion tongue.

Also designed by Aardman, 2003’s nose had a chic little tuft of hair and squishy eyes. Things got stylish with some Wella hair gel encouraging everyone to get dressed up for their favourite time of the year.

This year you can glam up your nose with a set of stickers and collect your cash in the complimentary money box.

The one thing uniting this year’s noses is their rather swish multi-coloured ‘do’.

You’re just not dressed without one.

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12 Music

Soundsplash

Albums

With UEA bands being thrown

Ratings:

Sunny

Fair

Stormy

The Mars Volta

in at the deep end, The Event

Frances the Mute

asks if they will sink or swim.

When At The Drive-In split into the execrable Sparta and the intriguing Mars Volta, it seemed obvious which would gain the plaudits. While TMV’s debut album Deloused In The Comatorium was unfortunately flawed, it nevertheless showed the sparks of something a bit special. With that in mind, it’s possible to see Frances The Mute as the realisation of this potential.

Consisting of one 70-minute song stretching out over a number of tracks it’s easy to write Frances off as being needlessly oblique without even listening to it, but even the most casual glimpse into the world of the Volta shows how far they’ve come. Gone is the tiresome arrogance to be replaced by a genuine zest for their music, evidenced by the way Frances swoops and crashes through commercialism straight back out the other side. Contrived it may be, but in a vacuum of bland throwaway pop surely that’s exactly what’s needed, a focused attack on all things plastic?

A work of art that isn’t hard to take in, an effortlessly brilliant album that deserves to catapult TMV into the stratosphere.

Arguably the first essential album of 2005.

Ben Patashnik

Soundsplash is a chance for UEA bands to get heard, and this year’s first lineup is pretty impressive. The contemporary music society has got together four of the best local bands, Magoo, Teknikov, Mostly Mouth and Elsub. We’ve all been to see student bands in bars, from 14 year old kiddie punks to the older, still hopeful, slightly more trampish university dropouts. Generally speaking, they’re quite dire, but every now and then you see a glimmer of hope and potential, and there’s nothing better than having a new favorite band that not only has no-one heard of, but that you know personally. From the two I’ve heard, these bands are a step above the usual nirvana-esque monotony that seems to follow this type of gig around, they have something different about them, and something good, very good. It can be a difficult thing to do, get a band together, find time to practice around your studies (of course no one misses lectures for practice, do they?) and write decent original songs that you won’t be ashamed to play in front of thousands of strangers. When someone pulls it off, it’s impressive, and it’s good that bands have opportunities like Soundsplash to get some recognition for their work. Now, on to the music.

Mostly Mouth Their debut CD is short, sweet, and a little repetitive to be honest, but it has something about it that’s hard to pin down.

They seem like a mixture of Green Day, OK Go, and the last track has a definite similarity to Weezer’s ‘Island in the sun’.

That’s not to say they sound like a cover band though, they’ve been inspired, and made these sounds their own. Helen’s vocals carry the riffs well, with only a couple of minor hiccups, and the guitars are constantly inventive and interesting to listen to, steering clear of the horrible reliance on power chords that are so easy to fall back on when writing music. Their sound is light and airy, but is definitely rocky enough to carry itself well at a live gig. The first track in particular, ‘Getting Away’, is sure to be filling the dance-floor at Soundsplash. All of the bands seem talented, but all eyes are sure to be on the energetic guitar playing, and of course having a female vocalist always gets attention. Don’t be put off though, this isn’t a novelty band, they are much much better than that.

Mando Diao Hurricane Bar This five-piece rock-pop outfit from Sweden is basically the bad parts of the Libertines, the Strokes, The Vines, and the Thrills, all rolled into one. It’s almost painful listening to them try so desperately to capture that feeling ever-present on the Beatles’s best pop, that bouncy, catchy mostly harmless rock pop. But they failed. Oh how they failed.

Every song on this album seems to grate, particular lowlights including White Wall with its clumsy guitars and annoying bass, and Kingdom & Glory which seems to want to be an angst filled hymn for our generation, but is nothing more than a bit depressing.

After seeing a fair few decent rock bands emerging lately, this reviewer’s optimism for the future of rock was reinstated. Mundo Diao suggest otherwise.

Tom Souter

Magoo It’s quite hard to describe Magoo in terms of other bands.

They Might be Giants mixed with Mercury Rev and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs maybe? Whatever it is, it works, and it only takes a few tracks to get hooked on them. Going since 1992, it’s surprising they haven’t attracted more attention than they have done so far. They’re unique, talented, and incredibly good, guaranteed to be fantastic live. The songs will stick in your head for weeks, and although maybe not as easy to dance to as say, Mostly Mouth, they have a kind of overpowering affect, which is sure to be breathtaking on stage. Technically, the tracks are recorded very professionally compared to the other, less experienced bands, which must help, but their ability shines through. The vocals are beautiful, the tracks are well written, and it’s easy to see why they were signed so quickly, going on to play incredible gigs across Europe, and even playing Glastonbury Festival. This is an mazing band, and should make you proud to be living in Norwich.

Tom Souter

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Monade A Few Steps More The blue, red and white sleeve might have been a clue that there was something unusual about this recording; should have been but wasn’t. Cue fright and exclamation halfway through the opening track Wash and Dance as this

reviewer’s CD player starts spouting French. Monade is the new signing to Too Pure Records, featuring Laetitia Sadier from Stereolab. All this makes it sound promising.

However there’s a flip side.

The whole album is calming; but its calmness is where this album falls down. Frankly there is little variation in the tracks. They all sound like music to be kept on hold to.

There’s nothing especially grabbing about this record bar the French lyrics. That’s about as unusual and different as it offers. This is not an album I’ll be rushing out to add to my collection, although to some the mellow electronics could just be what they’ve been yearning for.

Hayley Chappell

Hell is for Heroes Transmit Disrupt Those lucky enough to have experienced Hell is for Heroes live recently would have stumbled across a preview of what is to come in the new album released in March.

Three unheard tracks were played yet it would be too hard to have established which tracks were unknown to the crowd; such is HIFH's ability to relate to any crowd on any day. Realistically Transmit Disrupt holds no stylistic progression from their debut. It still has that familiar glow of vitriolic rock and those cryptic, quasi-religious lyrics which fans all know well and love. They sacrificed their EMI record label to preserve this album as it was; so this is Hell is for Heroes in their purest form, and all in all the album is untainted with the veteran

hypocrisy of a typical sequel.

For those who got to hear them a little too late there is no chance that you have missed out on that old school HIFH feeling because they've just refreshed our memories after being away for so long.

Charles Rumsey

DJ Heather Fabric 21 On this latest installment of the Fabric Mix series produced by Fabric nightclub, Chicagobased DJ Heather presents a lively blend of house music, with tracks from a wide variety of artists from the dance music scene, including Mike Delgado and DJ Mes, who is a signing to Heather’s own label Blackcherry. Heather herself has a diverse musical background, having started out as a hip-hop DJ playing soul and funk. The compilation gets off to a lively start with the Marko Militano track Good People, and the uplifting vibes continue to build up as the album progresses. The best thing about this album is that it’s a mix of cool grooves, thankfully devoid of any high-pitched vocals.

Stand-out tracks include the Member’s Only Mix of Kaskade’s Steppin’ Out, which was one of the top dance songs of 2004, and the soulful Memories by Joey Youngman.

Victoria Holland

Stereophonics Language/Sex/Violence/ Other?

It seems now Stuart Cable has been sacked that the ‘phonics

are hiding away behind a façade of green stripes and shades of “I’m so fashionable” electro-pop. Admittedly, this album does have more edge than the last two efforts (Just Enough Education to Peform being the worst album that they have released) and shows that bands really can use an electric guitar. Kelly’s voice grates against the surface of all the songs and is the selling point: he really has held off buying tunes to muster the scratchy voice. Lyrically, the album appears to be about Kelly Jones’ life again; but where You Gotta Go There To Come Back was emotionally strong, this falls very short of the mark. The Welsh valley stories have been replaced with meaningless nothing. It takes a few listens but once you boil it down there are only really a few memorable songs left on the surface.

James Banks

Scienz Of Life Diggin In The Archives Scienz of Life get an exceptionally good reception from their underground counterparts and as a result are an enigma to most high street buyers. If you’re into madly off-key samples and uniquely anti-rhythmic loops this album will be much appreciated, Diggin’ in the Archives suggests old-school, but oldschool as in the NYC Golden ‘20s which is intersected with a slice of artistic depth absent in modern hip-hop’ where the raps have become more important than the beats. This album is clearly an attempt to redefine hip hop as a lifestyle; but rather than focusing on the repetitive and overdone message of “hard life hip hop from da streets” they instead rap like they’re actually living in 1985, the same approach that has brought Jurassic 5 so much positive attention as being above the waves of rappers searching for their break.

Charles Rumsey

Music 13

Singles

Live Reviews

Only One Word Comes To Mind Biffy Clyro have been building something of a steady groundswell ever since their first album Blackened Sky, in 2002. On the back of last year’s sell out tour of the UK and latest album, Infinity Land, many believe that now is their chance to really make a significant impact upon the current music scene. And certainly Only One Word Comes to Mind showcases a greater maturity in Simon Neil’s songwriting. With a wider scope of influences noticeable, (they’re namedropping Rush and even Stevie Wonder these days,) the Nirvana quiet/loud dynamic polished perfectly and angst ridden lyrics are sung with real sincerity by all three members. However, they don’t seem to have that extra spark or X-factor that is needed to make a truly great band and unfortunately this is the one component that can’t be suddenly discovered, and comes around in a band only too rarely. This song and its accompanying B-sides contain no risks or attempts to experiment and challenge their own expectations. So if this is your type of music, only one word is recommended, but just don’t expect Biffy Clyro to give you that strange electric feeling that keeps you going back the greats.

Nicholas Brookes

The Glitterati You Got Nothing On Me The Glitterati can definitely be shoehorned into the 70s rock revival category and, on the strength of this, are going to be one of this movement's biggest acts. It begins with an intense drum beat, then adds squealing guitars and snarled lyrics. The chorus of You Got Nothing On Me is very catchy, not least due to the guitars underlying the lyrics. An amazing guitar solo towards the end of the song and an explosive finale complete a fantastic song - and the B-side Skin Tight is superb too. This is certainly a band to watch out for.

Gisli The Day it all Went Wrong

Cherryfalls My Drug

Gisli - it means 'hostage' in Icelandic, which conjures up images of fights, dangerous situations and dramatic rescues, right? Well, not if you listen to this single. After listening to The Day It All Went Wrong this reviewer felt really quite relaxed. Compared to previous releases, and his history of being a drummer with a punk band, this is surprisingly middle of the road.

Without labouring the point, this single isn't bad - it just isn't very exciting. Gisli has combined gentle, soothing vocals with a single guitar for the verses, added in some drums for the chorus, and created a good background-music kind of song.

Aside from a slightly dodgy chorus, indie rock balladry doesn’t come much more inoffensive than this. Perhaps it’s this almost complete lack of uniqueness, or even a reason to listen, that made Londoners Cherryfalls add a vague drug reference (“You are my drug, you are” – which sounds less like Norfolk dialect on the record). Maybe it’s just a vague stab at wooing a teenage audience that doesn’t know better, or an attempt to grab credibility while they can afford not to be radio-friendly.

With a sound this generic, big things could be around the corner, or not even vaguely going to happen.

Steph Rawles

George Nixon Dizzee Rascal Off 2 Work

Chris Hyde

Do Me Bad Things What’s Hideous Days Of Worth Take me Through

This latest offering from the Croyden nine-piece sneaks up on you, pounces and hits you in the face with a ludicrously funky tune. Once again bridging genres; a minute in the song slides into thirty seconds of what can only be described as elevator music. Following the live favourite Time For Deliverance, What’s Hideous appears to continue Do Me Bad Things penchant for the unique. It seems this band are incapable of producing music that won’t have you a-tapping your feet all the way to the lecture theatre, no matter how unconventional their sound is.

Look out for them in April when they come to the Norwich Arts Centre.

Bands who write songs based on chord sequences have very little room to play with. This is a musical fact, and many bands are mistaken in the thought that they can stitch in a new chord in a standard Blink 182 sequence. The result doesn’t make for an easy listening track; it’s slightly off centre, lopsided, irregularthere are plenty of words but none that can justify the vain stab at novelty. Days of Worth are a new group on the same label as the Lostprophets but are a couple of years short to be aiming at a nu-metal tidal wave.

Hayley Chappell

Charles Rumsey

Those of you who were a little alarmed by Dizzee’s previous single, Dream, should welcome Off 2 Work, as its grimy beats and scattergun rhymes seem less polished and more reminiscent of the music that first made us all sit up and listen. However, there’s still a sense of experimentation and a desire to evolve from his previous work, it’s just that the techno styles and stuttering vocals are more successful than that annoying happy talk chorus. Maybe we shouldn’t criticise Dizzee for the odd blooper, as on this evidence when he does hit the mark, he still does so with terrifyingly brilliant consequences.

Nick Brookes

The Black Velvets 3345 Rock and roll is supposed to be dirty. It’s supposed to inflict emotion in the soul of the listener. More importantly it’s suppose to be fun. That is exactly what the second single from the Velvets does. 3345 shows that the northerners still are the purveyors of fine British rock; in the sort of way that will make you want to buy a ticket for their arena tour (when it comes). It is almost like the 90s are back – except this time round they are full of attitude. The Black Velvets defiantly will be walking with fame this year. The only hope is that the album will not disappoint.

Chick chick chicken!

Photos: Phil Banks

Biffy Clyro

Rooster Waterfront 15/02/05

The reputation of being pretentious pop-rock proceeds Rooster, since they are viciously uncool for anyone over the age of 15. As soon as they start playing, however, the heavy guitars and drums almost eradicate the pop aspect, and their simple catchy rock is hardly comparable live to the manufactured, pop-enhanced, studio recordings. They play along to screaming 14 year-olds whose enthusiasm continues all the way to the knicker-throwing finale (The Event can confirm that the singer threw the knickers straight back to the owner). The audience ranged from 14 to 50 year-olds, that were mostly parent-child combinations and all seemed to enjoy the night, with plenty of arm waving. Having said that, it was a little strange that of the two songs that went down best, one was an impressive version of Sunshine of your Love by Cream, and the other held a remarkable resemblance to Jamiroqui's Deeper Underground riff. Overall they were harmless, energetic poprock; nothing outstanding but good fun, and better than expected.

Emma Langridge

Biffy Clyro LCR 19/02/05

James Banks

New Order Krafty Some hangovers seem to last a lifetime, and from the sound of their new single Krafty, New Order still appear to be suffering the after-effects of a particularly big night at the Hacienda. The low-slung bass, tinny drums and over-produced strings are a nostalgic throwback to the synthesised days of Madchester, and there is a palpable tinge of pathos when Barney Sumner pleads that “I need a second chance / This time I’ll get it right”. The familiar New Order sound might be a bit of an anachronism in 2005, but it is a welcome one.

Whatever your musical disposition, there are few among us who do not, at times, enjoy indulging in a good mosh. This is a view which predominates among the audience tonight, who admittedly have precious little opportunity to do so here at the LCR.Things are kicked off, unusually early, with tawdry LA outfit Ghostride, who attempt to sound like the two headlining acts but fail miserably. Hell is for Heroes pick up the pace, playing with a style and energy that leaves the crowd craving the arrival of Biffy. Tonight, Biffy Clyro, somewhat subdued, succeed in delivering the goods. With the release of their third album Infinity Land under their belts, it becomes apparent that despite the growing number bands currently working this sound (yes, including Fightstar), Biffy Clyro are not only head and shoulders above them, but have long been the forerunners. Onstage they play tight, excite the crowd, and quite appropriately rock, but at times the performance feels feigned and lacking emotion. Even die-hard fans were heard to say that they’ve played far better. However, such criticisms are secondary to the fact that Biffy Clyro are ultimately a highly intelligent, talented and enjoyable rock band.

Simon Griffiths

Sarah Edwardes

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09.03.05

14 Cinema

The Other Screen

The Main Feature

Hotel Rwanda

Robots

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ttempting to sensitively portray genocide will never be easy. Until now, the sheer brutality and sensitivity attached to the issues that surround the Rwandan genocide have meant directors and, particularly, Hollywood, have stayed clear of the Rwandan issue. Following the tenth anniversary of the atrocities last year, there is currently a drive to educate the world about Rwanda and this is a multicultural affair, produced by several countries and the assistance of a development grant.

Nominated for an Oscar for the Best Original screenplay, this is the first in a spate of movies about the events of 1994. From that position alone, this is an important film. There is much global naivety about the events that led up to the massacre of nearly a million Hutus and Tutsis by Hutu extremists between April and July 1994. The studio decided that the best route into this devastating affair is a tense, focused narrative, centred on Schindler-esque hotel manager, Paul Rusesabagina (Don Cheadle), who pulls in favours to convert his hotel into a makeshift refugee camp for Hutus and Tutsis during the conflict. Unlike Schindler, who was one of many Germans offering sanctuary to Jewish people, Rusesabagina stands out as the one person during the whole bloody conflict who granted a form of asylum to victims.

Despite the vast wealth of archive footage available that covers the events, surprisingly little is shown. Any viewer expecting to be shocked out of

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he plot of Robots is nothing new or exciting but that doesn’t matter in the slightest, because everybody already has a reason for seeing this film. Whether it is because they are fans of one (or all) of the amazingly diverse cast or more likely they want to see animation in 3D that’s not from Pixar and not the lazy fair of Shark Tale (which grabs as many stars as possible and rips off a Pixar idea). This film does not disappoint on either count.

The all-star cast is well rounded and on the whole very well suited to their roles, with only a few chosen on their assumed popularity with the youth market (cough Amanda Bynes cough).

Rodney Copperbottom (Ewan McGregor) is a young inventor who goes to the big city to meet his idol Big

Weld (Mel Brooks). On his journey he meets Fender (Robin Williams) a conrobot who decides to help Rodney when things go sour. The love interest is Cappy (Halle Berry) who works for the evil organisation headed by Phineas T. Ratchet (Greg Kinnear).

The plot, as you can guess, is quite straightforward with no twist or turns at all. However, that doesn’t matter because the only thing you really need to sell this film is Robin Williams and his ability to ad-lib through a script. When Williams isn’t stealing the show McGregor is able to put in an average performance, which has been his standard since he hit the big time, but this is more than ample for this piece. The inclusion of Mel Brooks within the cast is both troubling and an obvious push

to attract a key demographic of audience members. Whilst his performance isn’t bad it is still obvious that the ageing director is not at the top of his game.

Apart from the actors themselves the key to Robots success will be its standout animation. With a flurry of CGI-animated films coming through out the year, (Madagascar, Pixar’s Cars, Disney’s Chicken Little), the competition looks quite heavy. Even the traditional animation category looks tough with Tim Burton’s release of The Corpse Bride (staring Johnny Depp) set to become as big as Nightmare Before Christmas.

Robots still manages to hold it’s own with both interesting character design and amazing visual backdrops, which create a sense of real space. Although this doesn’t push any animation boundaries it is still of an incredibly high standard, and there are certain sequences, such as when they travel through the city in a giant ball, that use the animation to full extent. The major issues with the film visually are the limited exploration of the differences in the robot world compared to real life.

So really it is that simple: if you like animated films and comedy (especially those featuring Robin Williams) then go see this film, otherwise wait for something that looks a bit more your style.

Paul Stevens

B-Movies

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their mind and made to feel guilty for ever living in the west would be better watching one of the numerous and harrowing documentaries made about the subject. The decision to tell the story from the isolated position of the hotel is accessible and personal and refrains from labouring on points of international ‘guilt-tripping’.

What this approach means is that the issues become slightly sanitised. While there are some genuinely moving and affecting moments in the film, the writers have opted for unnecessary attempts at tearjerking-through-dialogue by those characters with the freedom to leave the hotel. It is an approach that bludgeons the poignant parts and would have been better sacrificed to let the clearly emotional issues play out on the audience. For those viewers with a good knowledge of the events, this will seem a rather clumsy attempt to educate the masses, because the background and issues are so glossed over.

Likewise, the failure to explicitly condemn the international community is frustrating. By abstaining from turning the camera on global attitudes, except through the odd soundbite, and not focusing on the reaction of the powers-that-be, it fails to truly resonate with the denouncement that the situation deserves.

The strength of the film, however, is to play out a series of tense situations around a strong central character with a strong supporting cast. There are a number of welcome roles, such as Nick Nolte as the beleaguered UN Commander, which make this an involving film that is certainly worth seeing.

Philip Sainty

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fter being caught in bed with her mother’s boyfriend, 16 year old Heidi (Abbie Cornish) runs away to try a fresh start in an Australian mountain resort. Her actions upon arrival introduce the two conflicting elements of the plot: Heidi’s use of sex as a means of gaining attention and income, and her awkward relationship with Joe (Sam Worthington), a troubled farmhand.

Although Somersault’s storyline deals with fairly traditional issues of first love, sex and maturity within the usual generic conventions of the coming-of-age drama, it retains a high sense of originality through the atmosphere of impending doom and continual sense of dread that director Cate Shortland maintains throughout the entire 106 minutes.

Shortland’s direction enticingly

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his week Hollywood brings us the very funny and charismatic Will Smith in the new number one American box office hit Hitch. Directed

by Andy Tennant, and set in Manhattan, the film follows the successful “professional date doctor” Alex ‘Hitch’ Hitchens (Will Smith) as he advises the average man on how to be successful with the ladies.

Working secretly and only by word of mouth, the smooth talking Hitch sets out to council Albert, (Kevin Jones) a bumbling, chubby misfit, who simply can not dance to save his life. Albert has set out on a quest to woo the stunning Allegra (Amber Valletta), a rich and beautiful woman who seems way out of his league to put it bluntly, but just maybe, with the help of Hitch, Albert will get the girl.

Somersault leaves several questions unanswered (such as whether Heidi is raped by her friend’s father, or why she seduces her mother’s boyfriend), by either arriving too late with or withdrawing the camera at a tense moment before a conclusion can be drawn or a reason ascertained.

However, this tactic is also in danger of creating underdeveloped characters, and viewers may tire of playing detective with very few clues. Although the film takes great pains to give intimate insight into the successes and failures of Heidi’s ‘journey’ her character is not developed to the same degree: her motivations remain a frustrating mystery. Since Shortland created over 40 pages of back-story for each character this effort thus seems unsuccessful, as some truly random characters and an often complete lack of explanation give a flat feeling to the film, breaking an

otherwise tantalising and compellingly uncomfortable aesthetic.

Despite this, the film is beautifully shot, and Shortland’s use of light and darkness as well as her ability to capture the bleakness and rugged countryside of the Jindabyne Mountain range succeeds in alerting the viewer to an Australian landscape and lifestyle that is sharply different to the sandy beaches of Summer Bay. Aside from these fascinations, the film also traces the idea of lost innocence, of what it means to truly dislike your friends’ parents, a realistic account of small town resentment and, above all, exposes what will happen if you decide to punish your boyfriend by eating his plate of raw chilli: definitely a reason to watch it for, if nothing else.

Laura Mell

Hitch In order to impress women Hitch teaches Albert where he’s been going wrong. It’s all about body language.

According to Hitch women respond only to non-verbal messages, for example he advises that “women relate dancing with sex”. This in turn leads to some outrageous comedy scenes where Albert performs his best ‘pulling’ dance moves, and quite frankly, they are enough to turn you off your pop-corn. Hitch also advises that it is important to ignore all other features when talking to a woman, only focus on her eyes. It would seem that Albert doesn’t have a clue, but Hitch is on hand to sort him out.

When it comes to women, the suave, sophisticated Hitch certainly appears to know what he’s doing; but his famous advice seems to be failing

as he pursues the pre-occupied gossip columnist, Sara (Eva Mendes), the woman of his dreams. His new dating tricks just don’t meet the grade and his smooth lines are below par. Particularly amusing is an incident in which the flaring up of Hitch’s food allergy occurs at a very unfortunate moment.

With an excellent performance by Will Smith, and undeniable chemistry between himself and Eva Mendes this very funny film has something for everybody. For the girls, Hitch is a beautiful comedy romance, with lots of laughs and some soppy stuff, as you reach a rather predictable conclusion; for the boys this is a brilliant buddy comedy, with plenty of tips on how to impress women, should you need them.

Caroline Beer

DVD 15

Play Movie

Director’s Commentary

Dead Man’s Shoes

Double Indemnity

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irected by Shane Meadows, Dead Man’s Shoes tells the story of Richard (Paddy Considine), a troubled ex-soldier who revisits his old town in the Midlands, in order to take revenge on the gang of layabouts who wronged his brother Anthony (Toby Keppell). Through powerful use of flashback and imagery, we learn of the violence and abuse committed on his brother – a naïve youngster, with learning difficulties, who was taken advantage of by the gang. The film itself becomes one long, drawn out revenge process, with Richard slowly killing off members of this gang, one by one. As with films like Falling Down and Scum, we are strongly pushed to sympathise with Richard, even though he is evidently a madman. The film is one that deserves to be seen, if only for the acting talents of Paddy Considine (often dubbed ‘Britain’s answer to Robert De Niro’) who plays the first genuinely threatening avenger to star in a British film for a long while.

The setting for the story, which was written by Considine and Meadows, takes place largely in a small Midlands town, taking in local social clubs, houses, and ultimately ending up in nearby countryside. Much of the film is shot on handheld camera, and whilst we sympathise with the avenging Richard, the harsh realism that this camerawork evokes doesn’t seem to romanticise the criminal life at all, deliberately depicting very graphic scenes of violence.

One sequence in particular involves anguished screams as members of the gang discover the dead body of one of their cohorts, sitting on the toilet, brains

mutilated, with the words ‘One Down’ scrawled in blood across the wall above him. Richard, quietly going about his business, looms large over this harsh landscape, wandering around the neighbourhood wearing a gas mask and flak jacket – a veritable ‘Mad Max’ for the Midlands.

As the film reaches towards its end, these harsh views of the ‘grim north’ do change, and the film takes on a strange surreal beauty; the flashbacks are slow, ethereal, black and white, and accompanied by choral music – placing us in the twisted mind of Richard. This surreal quality reaches a great climax in the final scene, as the action moves to old abbey ruins in the nearby countryside: the location and music here seems to add a gothic, timeless touch to this tale of revenge.

Aside from this, the extras on the DVD show more of this style of filmmaking, as well as providing a lot of the personal motivation behind it. There is an early short film called Northern Soul on the DVD. This amusing comedy, featuring Toby Keppell, provides some light relief to the main feature. In it Keppell plays a Northern shell-suited urchin (think Shameless) attempting to become a pro-wrestler. Needless to say, he doesn’t have the muscles for it, but the hand-held ‘mockumentary’ format of it provides plenty of fun banter. Another feature, In Shane’s Shoes, features perhaps the scariest scene on the whole DVD, with the large bulk of Meadows (6ft both ways, would look great in a darts team) looming large against the camera,

explaining to an interviewer how Dead Man’s Shoes is his personal rage against “people I would gladly kill” and “who nearly killed me” – i.e. local gangsters who befriend naive youngsters. He then goes on to give some details of his own lawless days, including an anecdote about seeing a man get nearly battered to death (“He put his head at right angles in a corner…”).

His very graphic description alone probably got the DVD its ‘18’ certificate, but goes a long way towards explaining why the film makes such a strong, personal, statement about revenge, and about people who use and take advantage of others. Meadows very definitely wanted the film to make a powerful impact on everyone who watches it. If at times this makes for harsh viewing, it also becomes gripping, with Considine, (the first genuinely scary young British actor in a long while), leading the way. But for having an overviolent madman for its main character, youth offender’s institutes would probably snap this up. Instead, look out for this in the more comfortable surroundings of all good high street stores, and probably a Paddy Considine as well as a Shane Meadows box set in about five to eight years time.

Dead Man’s Shoes DVD is released on March 21st by Optimum. It is also showing at UCI Norwich as part of the Director’s Chair season on the 20th and 22nd of March Stephen Sharrock

of the film. Yet despite the quality of actors there is something distinctly Sunday afternoon on Channel 5 about this film. Apart from a few expletives and a toy bear that grows an erection this is a very tame movie that really revolves around the themes of friendship and old age. The small town setting where everyone knows each other has been seen so many times before. In many ways Strange Bedfellows is just an exaggerated soap with simple sets and simple camera work.

Strange Bedfellows is released by Mosaic Entertainment on 21th March.

the crime. In one scene Neff speaks to a suspicious Keyes in the corridor whilst Phyllis is concealed from view behind an open door, which divides the screen in two, thus emphasizing the threat of the two narrative’s possible convergence through the shot’s composition. After the murder is committed, Neff is swept along by the fatalistic plot until the inevitable tragic ending, the whole thing being narrated in the form of a confession by Neff as he slowly dies of a bullet wound, which frames the events in an unnervingly subjective voiceover.

The script, co-written by Wilder and hardboiled novelist Raymond Chandler, is cynical, razor sharp and full of subtle social criticism (the murder is planned in a supermarket, making an explicit link between consumerism and murder), which seems incredibly daring given that the film was made under the pressures of wartime censorship. Although the war itself is never mentioned, it becomes a structuring absence and the film could be read as predicting the problem of soldiers reintegration after an experience of violence.

The moral ambiguity of the film completely rejects the ‘them vs us’ jingoism of the period. This is because Wilder has ingeniously transposed the detective narrative structure onto the everyday context of the insurance agency, so that the investigation of the crime is not motivated by any moral imperative but by the same economic impulse that motivates the murder. Wilder, a German émigré, brings a critical outsider’s eye to American mass culture, and along with such figures as Fritz Lang helped to set the darkly pessimistic tone of the film noir, infused with stylish, expressionistic lighting and camerawork. This film demonstrates his famous brand of social realism at its best and sets the tone for the cinema of the period.

Double Indemnity is released for the first time on DVD on 14th March by Universal Pictures.

Anthony Jackson

Dean Bowman

Its difficult to pick your nose with one of these things on.

Extra Features

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Strange Bedfellows

he Australian comedy Strange Bedfellows is the third film from Aussie director Dean Murphy. It stars Michael Caton, who you may recognise as an ex-cast member of Home and Away, the legendary Paul Hogan of Crocodile Dundee fame and Peter Postlethwaite (Romeo + Juliet, Brassed Off). It follows the calamity of Vince (Hogan) and Ralph (Caton) as they declare themselves a gay couple in order to exploit new tax legislation.

When a tax inspector (Postlethwaite) arrives to check the validity of their relationship Vince and Ralph must attempt to convince him of their pretend love whilst keeping the rest of

their small community ignorant to their plan.

Strange Bedfellows is far from a classic or a must-see. From the short synopsis you can guess the exaggerated stereotyping of gay men which make up the majority of the jokes.

There are few twists or great moments of interest and it is not laugh-a-minute humour, despite the box claiming that “you’ll be running to the dunny with laughter”. However the film is tidy, easy to watch and requires no effort.

There are funny parts and you do learn to like the characters. Hogan and Caton work very well together on screen and are solid as the fun twosome at the core

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espite winning 7 Academy Awards in 1944 and being the most well known example of the popular film noir genre, Billy Wilder’s classic Double Indemnity has, unbelievably, never been released on DVD in this country until now.

In this dark and brooding thriller an ordinary, fasttalking insurance salesman Walter Neff (Fred MacMurray) is seduced by femme fatale Phyllis Dietrichson (Barbara Stanwyck), and together they conspire to murder her husband and claim the insurance payout. Edward G. Robinson, however, steals the show as Insurance Claims investigator Barton Keyes, who can sense a phony claim instantly because of the ‘little man’ in his stomach. Keyes initially comes across as a kindly, bumbling man, but Robinson brings to his role the ruthless force of the 1930s prohibition era gangster cycle, particularly his legendary performance as Little Caesar from the film of the same name.

Keyes and Neff have a close bond of friendship, which is offset against the deviant relationship between Neff and Phyllis. This duplicity in the narrative, between Neff’s ordinary appearance and his criminality, helps to create a significant level of tension as he slowly falls under suspicion for his role in

Event the

09.03.05

16 Arts

Theatre Preview The Third Man Norwich Playhouse 11-12th March 7.30pm

Book Reviews The Best Thing That Can Happen...

by Pablo Tusset

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Wild Animus

by Rich Shapero

The Cruellest Journey

by Kira Salak

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ablo Tusset has hit upon literary gold with his debut novel The Best Thing That Can Happen to a Croissant.

Reading it is a surreal, irreverent stroll through one of the most ingenious satires to be published in years.

Pablo ‘Baloo’ Miralles is a lackadaisical, overweight thirty year old, who’s brother, ‘The First’, is president of the family business. When ’The First’ disappears, Miralles embarks upon a hilarious adventure to try and find him, encountering venereal infections and an invisible citadel along the way.Tusset’s book provides easy, yet entertaining reading, and is a delightful slice of indulgence. With a cast of delicately depicted characters and a hugely enjoyable plot, it promises to become one of the most interesting and exciting novels around.

reat journeys don’t necessarily make for great books unless the literary journey through memory and language is as compelling as the physical one. In Kira Salak’s case, neither component is lacking. Not only is Salak the first visitor to Timbuktu to reach the city on her own in a kayak after a 600 mile journey – she has also succeeded in bringing to life the tiny details of her expedition. The natural environment, rather than Malian tribal culture, is the most powerfully realised element of the book, and is treated with the almost religious reverence common in travel literature. Still, the descriptions never drag. Covering 600 miles might take up almost inconceivable amounts of energy and time in a kayak, but recounting the experience is a much quicker process.

Roanna Bond

Susan Vittery

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his book has been taken up by the Too Far Wilderness Conservation Project, which aims to preserve rare tracts of land. It is the ridiculous tale of an American student in the 60s who falls in love, takes immense quantities of acid, and winds up leaping around Alaskan mountains in a furry costume, believing he has ‘become’ a ram. Along with doing an awful lot of LSD, he does alarming amounts of gazing into the eyes of other characters.

Although this book is clearly intended as a ground-breaking, intensely meaningful piece of work, it reads as if penned by a Mills & Boon author on hallucinogenics. However, it does have its merits: some of the more emotionally fraught moments caused bouts of helpless giggles.

Gabrielle Barnes

Suspicious goings on in The Third Man

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ollowing his centenary on 2nd October 2004, there have been a number of productions adapting the works of Graham Green. Red Shift theatre company bring a cinematic approach to the traumatized Vienna of 1948, where Greene’s The Third Man unfolds. The piece is adapted and directed by Jonathon Holloway, who founded Red Shift in 1982 and has directed all but one of the company’s forty plus shows. The musical score is composed by Ross Brown.

The plot: pulp novelist Rollo Martins (Antony Gabriel) travels to post-war Vienna to meet with his old school friend Harry Lime (Justin Webb). Upon arriving, Martins discovers that Lime has been killed in a car accident. Martins meets British officer Colonel Calloway (Andrew Forbes), and begins investigate the suspicious demise of his friend. The post-war atmosphere of destruction and chaos challenges humanity’s morality and vulnerability.

The company manage to re-create the melodramatic, tongue-in-cheek style of Carol Reed’s classic The Third Man film noir version. Live video footage is incorporated into the performance. Four monitors are placed at various points around the stage, wired to a small camera which cast members alternatively hold in their hands or attach to Neil Irish’s Tim Burton-esque set to give audience members a different perspective on the events unfolding on stage. This is daring, yet disjointed, leaving some reviewers pining for clearer decisions about how to direct the seemingly random montage of different angles. However solid performances from the cast and production team bring vitality to Green’s classic tale.

Luke Roberts Tickets £12, (£10 students)

Norfolk and Norwich Festival Launched

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he Norfolk and Norwich Festival was launched along with a new website at a small function at the Playhouse last Wednesday, 2nd March. From 04-15 May 2005 the festival offers, “Some of the world’s biggest names in music, spectacle, theatre, dance, art and comedy for 12 days of artistic exploration and discovery.”

Luke Roberts For more information see www.n-joy.org.uk

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The Best Thing That Can Happen to a Croissant is published by Canongate for £10.99.

The Cruellest Journey is published by Transworld and available in hardback from £14.99.

To contact Too Far's Wilderness Conservation Project: wcp@toofar.com. Wild Animus is published by Too Far and available in hardback from £10.99.

UEA Arts News Curtis Brown offers prize money to MA Creative writing students

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he literary agency Curtis Brown, whose clients have included Malcolm Bradbury and writer Giles Gordon, have decided this year to support UEA’s budding creative writers in the form of £7,500 in prize money.

The prize, which was launched on Tuesday March 1st, is in memory of the late Giles Gordon who, before his sudden death in 2003, was a novelist, poet, critic and champion of new writers. The competition aims to encourage young writers from UEA’s prestigious creative writing MA which, since its conception in 1970 by Malcolm Bradbury and Angus Wilson, has brought some of the most exciting and unique writers to the forefront of the English literary scene. The prize is thought to be the most substantial in the country and, as novelist and UEA lecturer Patricia Dunker says “It will give a real confidence boost to the winning student and go

a long way to ensuring that he or she can buy the time and peace to finish that first novel.”

The relationship between Curtis Brown, one of the most reputable, largest, and oldest literary agents in Europe, and UEA has been strong since Malcolm Bradbury was one of their clients. “We are thrilled to be able to give some support to new writers with this award,” said Curtis Brown agent, John Saddler. Curtis Brown sees the competition as a brilliant chance to further the already strong relationship between itself and the Creative Writing School and at the same time to honour Giles Gordon’s enormous contribution to the world of literature.

The prize will be awarded annually to the best prose fiction writer on UEA’s famous MA in Creative Writing course, the winner will be chosen by a panel of Curtis Brown agents from a list of students who achieve an

MA distinction on the course.

It is an immense encouragement to all budding writers at UEA and recognition that young writers need support is beneficial not only for the University, but also for the literary scene in general.

Daisy Bowie-Sell

Giles Gordon

A term in the life of drama at UEA

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his term has seen a variety of different plays put on by UEA Drama Society and there is more to come. The Event has not covered any of these productions, and would like to recognise the work of those involved in productions this year.

Week four saw A Day in the Death of Joe Egg, a haunting portrayal of a young couple’s struggle to come to terms with their child’s disability. This was a moving performance; one of the strongest Drama Soc has produced this year.

Week six brought an equally powerful topic to the stage with Vincent Gaine’s interpretation of the Aaron Sorkin play, A Few Good Men. Vincent tried valiantly to reproduce this fantastic script (used for the film with Tom Cruise) in the surroundings of St. Peter’s Church Hall, but the play, although superbly acted and very gripping, relied a little too heavily upon powerful deliberation of dialogue and struggled to find and sustain those much needed quieter moments.

However, it was very enjoyable and a special mention must go to Adam Moulder for his superb portrayal of Lt. Daniel Kaffee.

Grease the musical entertained the crowds in the LCR in week seven bringing an ingenious, if minimalist, Grease Lightning to the stage. Fun was the key here as the characterisation and chemistry were seriously amiss, but did that really matter when the large crowds were brought to tears from laughing so hard at Stuart Thompson as an – Elvis meets Handy Andy – Teen Angel, and Euri Vidal’s wacky performance as Doody?

Friday 22nd March brings music, comedy and other antics to Earlham High School as Drama presents it’s very own variety show. Week ten will see the much anticipated, The Play about the Baby from the team that produced How I Learned to Drive last year. The play will run from 15th – 17th March.

Finally, in week twelve, (27th – 29th April) Alexander MacLean and Tristan Cass

present their take on William Shakespeare’s The Merchant of Venice. You heard it here first. The Drama Society would like to thank you for your continuing support and hopes that you enjoy(ed) the shows.

Richard Foster

TV Preview: The Apprentice Wednesdays, 9pm, BBC 2

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ollect fourteen ‘born leaders’, put them together in a high pressure situation with a prize they all desperately want and you have the essence of The Apprentice.

Every scene is charged with an undercurrent of seething hatred between each of the contestants as they relentlessly attempt to win the favour of their potential new boss Alan Sugar by any means possible. This often results in the worst aspects of capitalism being striped bare for all to see. For anyone considering entering the suited and booted world of big-business, The Apprentice is certainly a useful insight into what may be in store. The rest of us can sit back and boast about how awful successful people are, and how they

can’t possibly be happy when their personalities are so horrendous.

The Apprentice currently on the box is the UK version of a massive US hit, with Alan Sugar filling the shoes formerly inhabited by Donald Trump. Sugar is the ideal nononsense hard-arse with plenty of venom to spurn the contestants in the show. The adrenaline pumping climax of each episode sees Sugar nitpicking the best efforts of individuals who cannot include the word ‘compromise’ in their vocabularies.

Frayed tempers and shattered dreams litter every episode but this never seems to become monotonous; instead as the prize grows ever closer

Alan Sugar: hard-arse things can only get more tantalisingly intense. With each episode seeing one hopeful wave goodbye to their career prospects, The Apprentice makes Big Brother look like a walk in the park.

After a stressful day of essay writing and deadline meeting, nothing could be more satisfying to vegetate in front of.

Kate Bryant

Soap News: Hollyoaks and Neighbours

TV/Digital 17

TV DVD: Little Britain

Little Britain, Comic Relief 2005 £4.99 Released: 14th Feb

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omic Relief 2005 is being marked by the release of a DVD featuring a specially filmed 45 minute episode of Little Britain. For your £4.99, there are 10 sketches featuring established characters and some celebrities, an interview with Matt Lucas and David Walliams and a series of out-takes.

The problem is that this is all retreading old ground. Little Britain was funny initially, before the catchphrases became quoted ad nauseum and Lucas and Walliams made the lacklustre, cash-in

There’s two weddings (almost!) and a funeral this fortnight in soapland, and a fire thrown in just for good measure...

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o ho ho! Its Christmas time in Ramsey Street and in true soap tradition there’s a lot in store for the poor Erinsborough residents over the festive season. Jingle… sorry, wedding bells are ringing for Karl and Izzy as their big day approaches.

However, the arrival of Izzy’s ex-lover (and real father of her baby in case you’ve been asleep for 6 months!), Gus throws a huge spanner in the bride’s works. Not only does he know that the baby was his but he still loves Izzy and in his not a little less than deranged state wants them to get back together.

Oh dear… no happy ever after for Dr. Karl? Fear not fans, for Izzy knows which side her bread’s buttered on and is not going anywhere for the present.

The wedding drama doesn’t end there lovelies, oh no… whilst recovering from the shock of Izzy’s white bridal

gown, one of the nasally blessed residents smells smoke. The Lassiter complex is on fire! But who is trapped inside and will they be saved?

There are plenty more surprises being pulled out of the Neighbours stocking. Spare a thought for Serena, as Boyd and Sky are reunited and Stingray is set to leave for the oddly named Colac. Lynn faces more family heartache when Charlie dies, but things turn sinister when Steph is accused of helping him commit suicide. And yes, Santa has heard your wishes… after many a year in Soap wilderness Paul Robinson (who? - he used to own Lassiter and was married to one of the twins you fools!), is set to make a return.

You couldn’t make this stuff up if you tried!

In the decidedly less festive Hollyoaks village Becca strikes a blow for cuckolded women everywhere

when she dumps love rat Jake when he, in a rare bout of honesty, admits to his affair with lusty (Chlamydia ridden) Lisa. She also gives the Hunter minx a thorough and much deserved verbal lambasting – will it be handbags at dawn? However Miss. Hayton is not as independent as she seems. Lost without her cheating boyfriend she agrees to meet him (much to the mortified howls of soap fans across the nation), little suspecting the appearance of an engagement ring. Can she forgive him?

One certainly hopes not as it’s clear that she can’t trust him any further than she can throw him. Dirty Rotter… Don’t do it Becca!

On a more positive note O.B and Max are this fortnight’s do-gooders as they raise money for Comic Relief.

Don’t forget to buy your noses!

plates that show how to write acceptance and thank you letters. It is also possible to log a career history, in which there is the option of archiving achievements and job experiences.

Teaching-you Job Interview Skills was designed to relieve the user from stress and nerves.

Doubting that this is in fact the case, the programme did however manage to boost confidence, and give more knowledge on how to approach questions in an interview.

The programme is a useful aid for the inexperienced. However, if you are already doing a degree in Management, Business or the like, then purchasing this item will probably prove far less helpful.

second series. The programme suffers from the same fundamental problem as The Fast Show; once you’ve seen one sketch with a character, you’ve seen them all. The characters have simply become parodies of themselves, to the extent where you know exactly what each one will do from the beginning of a sketch. In the Dafydd sketch, you know that it will simply be a series of gay double innuendoes. In the Lou and Andy sketch, you know that Andy will do something when Lou’s back is turned.

Celebrities featured include Elton John, George Michael and Robbie Williams, and they all look like they’re having a lot of fun – in the George Michael sketch, Lucas is clearly trying to stop smiling. However, it is debateable whether the DVD is worth the price. It is a great idea, but the sketches simply don’t take the show anywhere new. If a new character had been introduced, the appeal would have been greater. Also, of the £4.99 price, only £3.40 goes to Comic Relief, it would have been much more charitable and commendable if it had all gone to Comic Relief. Once the DVD has lost its initial charm (which happens quickly), its difficult not to feel that the fiver you spent on it might have been better of going straight into a collection box.

It’s worth watching, as some characters are still capable of raising smiles, but don’t expect anything new. Worth buying for the do-gooder in you though.

Jassim Happa

Chris Hyde

Martha Hammond and Kim Howe

Digital Stuff: Interview Skills Teaching-You Job Interview Skills will make you an ideal employee!

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ocus Multimedia Limited has created software that professes to take on the mammoth task of teaching job interview skills to students. The aim of the programme is not teach the user the very obvious facts on not to act like an arrogant idiot, but centres more on giving general advice on how to answer questions during a job interview. This focuses especially on improving your answers if the questions asked in the interview are likely to make your mind go blank. Questions like “What are your strengths?” and “What are your weaknesses?” are the pitfalls of even the most verbose interviewees.

Through advice, interactive tasks, boning up on the CD dictionary and “to do” lists, one should be able to be prepared for practically any job interview ahead. One of the key ideologies of the software is that no two interviews will

be the same, just as no jobs are the same and therefore each interview must be treated as an indivdiual challenge.

The layout of the programme is reasonably straightforward. One does not have to be a certified computer scientist in order to find the way through.

With video interviews, the users can try out their skills with no less than 500 interview questions. These do not only give advice on what things to say, but also what not to say. There are 100 interview tips aimed to give advice on everything from what to wear to body language.

While keeping the programme for a general audience, Focus Multimedia have also tried to create a Researcher Log which is essentially a tool to find information about your potential employer and log whatever notes you desire to include. There are letter tem-

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18 Creative Writing

Creative Writing In Association with d i t t o /

A Short And Morbid Prose Piece

Ye Moft Tragical Hiftory of Kenny Continues!

I didn't so much feel the curtain rail snap as I felt myself hit the floor with painful force. It wasn't a large drop - it was about a foot really, maybe a little less - but as I hadn't been expecting it, or indeed expecting to feel anything ever again, the sudden contact between floor and body rather threw me, and I suppose it was the surprise more than any actual physical pain that left me sitting, rather dazed and confused, in a heap on the carpet.

Fantastic. Perfect.

I had now officially failed at everything, including suicide. Not only that, but I'd broken the curtain rail too. Brian wouldn't be happy - he'd be the only one left for the landlord to charge, after all.

Except he wouldn't, as I was still there, and now couldn't think of a suitable alternative within the room to hang myself from.

I hadn't considered the fact that the sound of the breaking rail and my plummeting - if you can call a fall of a foot a plummet - to the floor would have woken Brian, but just as I was beginning to gather myself together, the door to my room flew open - I knew I should have invested in a lock, for this if for nothing else - and there he stood, looking more annoyed to have been disturbed in the middle of the night than anything else.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked.

Given that I had a noose around my neck attached to what remained of one half of the curtain rail piled on the floor around me within a mass of fallen curtain, I knew that no lie would be particularly convincing.

"Hanging myself," I answered. "Don't worry, this is just a small setback. I'll try and be a bit quieter next time. There's some money in my wallet over on the desk which should hopefully cover the cost of the curtain rail. I admit I wasn't expecting that. Sorry for waking you."

He didn't appear to know quite what to say. He just stood there in the doorway for a few moments, gawping.

"You… You can't do that!" he eventually managed.

"Why not? There's not much else left for me to do."

"But… But…" "As I said, I'll try not to disturb you again.You can go back to bed now."

He finally sprang into action, as I had feared he would, bounding across the room and attempting to untie the noose from around my neck.

"This is insane!" he cried. "We were only sitting watching my Clangers DVD a few hours ago!"

"Yes, and very funny it was too. But I'm afraid the Clangers aren't enough to keep me here."

"You're not the sort of person who'd do this!" he insisted.

"Aren't I?" "You don't really mean it!"

"Don't I?" He shook his head as he finally untied the noose, apparently satisfied with a good night's work.

I hope he never decides to join the Samaritans.

"Now I'm going to take this with me," he intoned gravely. "And we can talk about the curtain rail in the morning."

I was rather surprised I'd gotten off so easily. I just shrugged.

"If you say so."

He smiled and left the room, closing the door behind him. Bloody hell - what a moron. I quickly locked it again, and waited about half an hour for him to get back to bed and drift off to sleep.

That hook in the back of the cupboard looks just about high enough to do it from. Now, where did I put that spare rope…?

Kiss of Death

During these endless days, unfurled He saw more colours in the sky Than he had thought were in the world, As when the sun lay down to die

A breath of life, A kiss of death; An Autumn breeze.

The lung filling smell Of crushed, decaying leaves, Buried in a mass grave.

A cold touch, a frozen tear, A flaking heart.

I am still here.

Warm and cold; Dead and alive I am sitting on a fragile fence.

The clouds shuffle past scornfully; The air is thick and clogged.

I am still here.

This is the perfect insult; Eternal blindness, An unwritten chapter.

Death steals a kiss And takes my breath away, Leaving me gasping for your love.

I am still here.

Iman Cid

This is pain, I was informed.

In the event of an emergency, the exits AreThere are no exits.

No boltholes.

Haiku I love haikus, but Alas, I am allergic To cherry blossom Merinne Whitton

Or the blues, someone helpful chipped in It could always be…

It could always be the blues.

No, molten lead is no improvement And please keep all wheels of fire under Control.

The blue screen of death.

Red heart of darkness.

Oh, look. The sun is outAnd they're hanging your daughter.

If you implode through karma She informed me politely,

Blindings? No, next door please.

Do try to pay attention.

You face the music Or bust.

You never know, It could be jazz.

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Remember not to cry until You have left the building.

It upsets the rewiring.

Then Henry to the sky thus spoke: "Sun, poor brother, must you toil And like the peasant wear the yoke, As all of us that work the soil?

For do you not like all of us Rise every day from out your sleep And spend your hours burning thus, Awaiting night to weep?

Have you not else in this dry world, Beyond the waiting for the night, As fate from one place has you hurled To reach another, without light?

Is all your glow thus to be spent?

Have you no rest outside your dreams?

And I, that lonely have I went Through wind and woods and nights and streams, Tossed by my fate into these roads, I am no different from you, Nor was I when these two arms' modes Were those through which my crops all grew.

Paul Hayes

This Is Pain

Its burning body to the land, Or when it rose again to work And lend the world its warming hand.

When nature's eye dissolved the murk

Rebecca Harris

I have no choice on where I go, The world decides my life for me.

Oh brother!, sun!, if only we could know Who writes what words of destiny!

For be I knight or king or peasant, All the world's a tyranny, And the air shan't be more pleasant Till it whispers liberty."

Andrea Tallarita A Limerick University life is a con, You may think that it’s not, but you’re wrong For it costs so much money It’s not even funny And lectures are too bloody long!

Luke Stephens

Listings 19

Listings Music

Arts

Movies

Doves Friday 11th March, LCR

East Meets East: Orpheus Thursday 10th March, Norwich Playhouse

The Undertones Friday 11th March, Waterfront

Richard Alston Dance Company 10th-11th March, Theatre Royal

Jimmy Eat World Saturday 12th March, LCR

The Third Man Fri 11th/ Sat 12th March, Norwich Playhouse

The Fall Sunday 13th March, Waterfront

The Chuckle Brothers in Pirates of the River Rother 12th March Theatre Royal

Jim Beam Music Tour 2005: Raveonettes + Dogs + The Boxer Rebellion Monday 14th March, Norwich Arts Centre

La Traviata 15th-19th March, Theatre Royal

Belinda Carlisle Tuesday 15th March, LCR

Ghosts by Henrik Ibsen 17th - 26th March, Maddermarket

Thunder Wednesday 16th March, LCR

Beverley Davison’s Classical Cabaret 18th March, Norwich Playhouse

Erasure Friday 18th March

Journey’s End 21-26th March, Theatre Royal

Cinema City Closer Sunday 13th/Monday 14th March A Very Long Engagement Sunday 13th/Monday 14th March End of the Century: The Story of the Ramones Sunday 20th/Monday 21st March Ladies in Lavender Sunday 20th/Monday 21st March On General Release From Friday 11th March: Hitch 9 Songs Les Choristes From Friday 18th March: Robots Constantine

Competitions Hitchhiker’s Guide...

The Kills Cool Delta have provided us with a limited edition vinyl LP of No Wow, the fantastic new album

by The Kills (released February 21st). This extra-special LP also includes a The Kills Documentary Film, I Hate The Way You Love, on DVD.

Dellacasa

Dellacasa have another meal deal for us to give away.

Answer the following question to have a chance of winning: Name the capital city of Italy.

To be in with a chance of winning, simply answer the following question:

Poppets

The Kills kick off their UK tour in May. Where will they be playing on May 14th?

Adam Green We have a copy of Adam Green’s book Magazine, a postcard and a poster for his new album Gemstones to give away, courtesy of Cool Delta.

Take One Collection

If you want to get your hands on these prizes, just answer the question below: Name the band that features Adam Green and Kimya Dawson.

James Dean Momentum Pictures have given us a copy of their new Take One collection of DVDs (released 21st March), featuring four classic films you may have over looked. It includes The Emerald Forest, Valdez Horses, Soldier Blue andAn Eye for an Eye. Reviews of these films can be found on www.concrete-online.com.

To Win simply answer the following question: How many words are there in the combined titles of these four films?

Mosaic Entertainment have given us three copies of the new biopic of James Dean (released 21st March) to give away.

A review of this film will appear on on www.concrete-online.com shortly.

To win one complete the title of the famous film starring James Dean: Rebel Without a...

...EAT IT A BALLSY MUNCH OF COCONUTS Add a taste of the tropics to those dreary winter days, with brand new Coconut Poppets - the latest addition to a very tasty chocolate line-up.

The Event is offering five readers the chance to win a year’s supply of the delicious ballsy little chocolates, which see succulent pieces of real coconut smothered in milk chocolate - bringing a touch of golden summer sunshine to lift those winter blues.

Poppets are seriously moreish with their great chocolate taste and playfully fun style. Poppets on-pack dares are sure to liven up your day and get you in a great mood.

Coconut joins the other five existing flavours in the range - Toffee, Mint, Raisin, Crunchy Cookies and Orange.

Poppets are available from most multiple retailers and cost 33p/carton.

To be in with a chance of winning, simply tell us how many flavours of Poppets are in the range?

All competition entries must include a name and contact number, and should be sent to concrete.event@uea.ac.uk.

All winners are chosen at random from the correct entries.

Winners from Issue 174: Pro Plus...Louise Shinn; Dellacasa...Joel Burman; Dropkick Murphys...Hazel Brooks; CSI Miami...Jenny Boatwright; One Eyed King... Mathew Sparkes, David Wright; Cop On A Mission...Roland Phillips, David Wright, Mathew Sparkes.

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