The event- issue 105- 17th November 1999

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the event teaches you how t o make a fortune forging film memorabilia .

~ev~nt)

contents: ~DD®C?u ©Cillu~B 04 04

how to be ... a retro kid getting away with it: celebrities and the law

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small talk: the lcr

06 07 08 09 10 11

roasting: the return of the longpigs films in fashion: cinema's effect on what we wear dancing and prancing: is there more to musicals? make & fake: a guide to forging film memorabilia nice chaps: the beastie boys mature not the sex pistol: geneticist and writer steve jones interviewed a lorra lorra laffs: craig charles speaks, plus norwich comedy festival previewed

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Dlill~fP@©u@c9JB 14

music: ian brown, jam tribute, will smith, blackalicious, suede, bob & lauryn, stereophonics, basement jaxx, underworld, beth orton live

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film: fight club and bowfinger, happy texas preview

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arts: gore vidal, norwich group 20 exhibition, oral, a clockwork orange

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video: entrapment, stereophonics, blur, supergrass

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controversial films' websites

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television: soaps, the priory, family ness, pirahna 20 , cinema: your guide to whats on the big screen

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listings: the comprehensive guide to all that's happening in norwich over the next two weeks plus simpsons competition

editor-in-chief: james tapsfield editor: Iuke turner arts editor: alex mcgregor music editor: darcy hurford screen editor: adam chapman listings: elin ]ones copy editing: claire saunders photos: andrew bailey for the longplgs dtp: Iuke turner, caroline ]eater, mark edwards contributing writers: steven quirke, astrid goldsmith , katie holzwart, Iuke chilton, sian knowles, emily hunka, duncan gates, anthony lovell , abi levy, martin brock, amanda perkins, james brown, ayo mansaray, jenny mccann , caesar bazlinton, lucy sacre, chloe garrett, rabble pritchard, jenny wiles , simon jones, scott wakeham , rachel poole, jeremy simon, mark edwards, helen bacon , caroline ]eater, gemma catchpole , kate wenlock , melani davis, imogen dyckhoff thanks to: tart and the slapper, pete large, clare for the tickle r

-the event is produced fortnightly by concrete: po box 41 0 , norwich, nr4 7tb tel: 01603 250558 tax: 01 603 506822 e-mail : su.conc ret e@uea.ac.uk and printed by: eastern c ounties newspapers, rouen road , norwich nr11rb

THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 1999

11 0 free uci tickets To celebrate the opening of the new Below you can see some of the superb facilities available, complete 14 screen UCI cinema in the with A Fat Man at the back. Win Riverside complex, Concrete has a tickets, and enjoy. whole load of tickets to give away.

On Friday, November 26 the cinema has its gala opening, for which we have ten pairs of tickets - free film , free popcorn, free drink; what more could you want. If you aren 't lucky enough to be one of those ten , we also have 100, yes 100 tickets for exclusive screenings of Happy Texas and Summer of ~~~In!~~~!

Sam. All you have to do to win these fantastic tickets come up to comE! up to the Concrete office and t ell us where exactly the new UCI cinema is situated. Tricky, innnit?

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~event)

loose talk: ith the recent retooling of the BBC News format I have been forced out of my coma of acceptance and have had to reassess the situation. Time was when the BBC news was an authoritative, dispassionate voice. Illustrating the facts of today holding the truth as its cardinal principle. lt was ostensibly, at least, undeterred by political influences, but now with the insolent logic of n1ghtmare all of the above has been swept as1de in favour of a more sugar coated, colloquial style.

Gone are the elongated sets and dynamic news desk, and in its stead is a disturbing weak yellow background and Uncle Huw Edwards. A man who because he is Welsh the BBC think him more trustworthy, because apparently nobody has ever lied in Wales.

What the BBC has singularly failed to realise is that news without authority, presented in an informal style IS merely gossip. And I'm not too comfortable with that idea. If I want to check how my shares are doing I don't think I want to take the advice from the BBC News Business Gossip, do I? What's the next step? Broadcastmg the nightly news from a ladies toilet in a night-club? Martin Lewis could be sitting in a cubicle, Y-Fronts around his ankles reading the news that has been printed on the toilet roll wh1le a burly bouncer tries to have him ejected for deviancy.

Of course this new mformality has been attempted before but in a more surreptitious fashion. I believe it was 1n 1992 when I first realised that M1chael Burke had developed a penchant for winking to the camera at the end of a broadcast. And I remember even at that young age finding it a little disturbing.

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"And that was the news on the day that 4000 people are known to have been killed in a nuclear disaster... (wink). Yet for some reason I couldn't help

huw edwards - a man who because he's welsh the bbc think him more trustworthy, because apparently nobody has ever lied in wales but think that he was winking solely at me. "Mum" I used to say " I think Michael Burke's hittmg on me.· it's quite fortuitous that the powers that be stopped him at just winking, though. He'd be giving us the thumbs up otherwise.

However the true reason for the change of style does not lie at the feet of the BBC. Oh, no, for the Beeb only decided a revamp was necessary after polling the public. Ah yes, the open sewer that is the general public raises its faeces covered mug again and takes responsibility for yet another momentously idiotic manoeuvre.

On a related theme a recent survey performed by the government revealed that 40 percent of the population believe that the government should have more powers to censor the news that we see. Yes, because our fragile little minds would not be able to handle the reality of this world. Well, maybe we

can 't but for the love of God we should st1ll be given the cho1ce.

According to our response the perfect news report would consist of Huw Edwards wearing an angora cardigan, sitting in a big comfy armchair beside an open fire, while a cup of steaming hot chocolate s1ts on a table beside h1m. "Hello children " he would begin to say.

Then he. would lean over and pick up a big, leather bound, hard back book. He'd blow away the dust that has collected over the years, open the book, sm1le and announce that "once upon a time Sir Tony of Blair made everything fine. Honestly, it's all good ."

Surely the news is censored enough as it is. We get one minute of Tony Blair talking about Europe from a speech he made about education that lasted 45 minutes. Then we see one m1nute of Gordon "last orders please" Kennedy replymg for one minute about a speech he hasn 't even heard. Then finally we get Wilham Hague replying about a speech he hasn't even unllerstood .

Bring back the authoritative style, please. After all if we're going to get lied to let us at least make the lie believable.

Alex McGregor.

the tickler: YWAJALRIGHTPKKV TEARDROP I UOP I 0 E U T P F R0 U E0 S J NG0 S AYORAFIBSAUERCC EPJEGRAOHTRWEYH BCUSODSLDARSODI KJFMNCEDEPARLAN CPGUATRPLRSOLER APOGLKSLIDSUETU LRKHREACAO I NTS T BLEAKHOUSECDSYA SDSAIRQFMSPGODS SAHHNHUEILAFCAC RSN I GMNSTPRLAE I EZBASWLWHIKALRG essays, essays everywhere, not enough time to think; well why not do the tickler, and lose your worries in a blink. yes all you have to do tc win a copy of the awful stereophonics video massacred on page 17 is fill out a copy of this delightful wee puzzle, and drop it into the concrete office 1: Playright in love (11)

2: Start culinary race (5,6,4) 3: Dicken's novel (5,5) 4: She showed us how to cook (5,5) 5: Magic playground ride (10) 6: Not bad song for Supergrass (7) 7: Anna Sewell childrens story (5,6) 8: Rim example of GM going horribly wrong (9,4)

9: Massive Attack song (8 ) 10: One man and his ... (3) 11: Enemy of St. George, Reluctant in George Bernard Shaw play (6) 12: Not Presley, the other one (8 ) 13: Ringed planet (6) 14: Stephen .... scary film man (4) 15: Informative kid 's programme (9)

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~event)

so you want to be a:

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[f@u[f@ ~oc9J ho hum, those silly people who wish time travel was a reality so they could go back to wear flares without people thinking they're silly. want to be one? here's how .. . what do they do? it's not about doing, it's about being... man. And if you're going to be, you just have to be authentic. Au thentic ity, one of those most el usive and difficul t th ings to master, involves major research into the particular which you wish to become a part of. Basica lly, retro kids are stuck in some kind of weird time wa rp. The most popular decade is the Sixties - Mods, Dolly Bi rds, Hippi es etc - although Seventies disco casualties occasionally surface. what do they wear?

Only vintage clothing. No Miss Selfridge paisley prints here, only proper, original, musty, charity shop, moth eaten, fag burnt fashion please.

Stra ngely, the glamour of the pe riod does not seem to rub off on these pretenders. The boys all want to be Mick Jagger circa 1969 (their dad's leather jacket, a ruffled shirt and Chelsea boots). and the gi rls aspire to be Jean Shrimpton (heavy black eyeliner, blunt cut fringe and a badly fitting, not too short mini skirt). The Mods are the most dedicated to their cause, going to great lengths to look 'sharp '. Bespoke suits are seen by many as an expensive but necessary option. where do they go?

Trawling charity shops and congregating in cafes by day, they are bit stuck for choices at night, especially in Norwich. Liquid, Ikon and the rest are rejected due to their rampant tackiness and lack of 4real decent music (although the less comm itted retro kid occasionally lower themselves to Li quid on a Monday night, but only to sneer, mind). They have been known to frequent Meltdown at the Waterfront, but only when it's Sixties night upstairs. Then they all do the Northern Sou l shuffle dance and feel good about themselves. where will they go?

As soon as they are old enough and have fi nished their degrees they'll all attempt to move to London (preferably around the Shepherds Bush area, so they can live out the Quadrophenia fantasy to the full). They will drive around on cream scooters until they rea lise that cars are a lot more practical, and take speed until they realise it makes them act like gibbering idiots. Their children will be called Jimmy, but will grow up listening to trance, wearing Kappa sportswear, and totally disappointing their parents.

Astrid Goldsmith

the recent aquittal of gary glitter on charges of child abuse has once again raised the question of how celebrities are treated by the courts. katie holzwart asks if fame and money can get you out of trouble ... e watch them in fil ms and on TV, sing along to their music, wear their clothes and more or less worship them. Celebrities, the small select group of people who somehow have caught the eye of the world. Just

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if you had been seduced at the age of 14 by a famous icon would you like to relive that horrid experience 20 years later purely to make money? a

mention celebrities name; the lithe, young and sexy Leonardo DiCaprio for example; and someone goes crazy.

But I mentioned my name, I, alas, only get confused looks. Perhaps we do place these people on a pedestal, but are they no different from you or I? They are

not exempt from eating, sleeping or passing bodily fluids; I'll assume they worry about relationships and maybe where the next paycheque might come from.

Granted their one paycheque may be more than I wi ll make in my lifetime, but why are these regu lar ordinary people so extraordinary?

Simple: we let them become so huge with our adoration . The more acclaim and interest they receive from us plebs, the bigger they become; a vicious cycle that creates the over inflated egos of today's entertainment industry. However, perhaps these celebrities do get special treatment, maybe borrowing an expensive Versace dress to wear to the store, or having someone come to their house at the break of dawn to get them to exercise. Yes, they get special favours, but they should not get special favours from the law. Recently, it seems as though several celebrities have had their position used as a reason for getting a way out of trouble. Gary Glitter, Mr. 1970s glam rock, legally known as Paul Gadd, has pleaded guilty to 54 charges of taking or possessing pornographic pictures of children. However, he was clea red of the main charge, namely that of sexua I re la tions with an underage girl. She met the pop star at a concert 1n 1976 and again in 1980, and the 'relationship ' continued until 1982. Gadd was cleared of this charge large ly because the alleged victim sold her story to the News of the World, and was promised further sums if he was convicted. The fact that

trial being a j ust one.

However, if yo1.1 had been seduced at the age of 11 by a famous icon would you like to relive that horrid experience 20 yea rs later purely to make money?

Gadd's lawyer called no witnesses, nor did the accused take the stand in his own defence. Their case relied on the fac t that the girl approached t he newspaper first and not the police. He wil l

small talk: the lcr (the building, that is) the event: so, you're a medium capacity student venue ...whats that like?

Well you know it is very pleasant being filled with one and a half thousand nubile young youths every few days. I mean, who wouldn't find that fun? All the pulsating, sweaty, drunk bodies, hmmm. lt is a shame when they all go home and I'm left alone with my thoughts. the event: so you get upset do you? 路

Well, you know, life does have its downs. I mean, sometimes I do feel very ugly, would you want to look like a breezed block marching hall from Communist Eastern Europe? I look at all these converted Victorian theatres, and shed the odd tear. the event: that's very sad. Are there any down sides to the actual work?

Now you're talking! Apart from the voyeurism the LCR on a Thursday night can be a bit of a pain, with everyone not caring if they pour their pints over you, throwing up all over the place, and the things these young couples who've only just met get up to in my darkened nooks and crannies are frankly disgusting.

Sometimes on those dance music nights my windows vibrate terribly, and that really tickles! And then of course I have to put up with bloody Bjom Again all the time. Next time they come I'm jolly well going to drop the lighting rig on 'em, you see if I don't. the event: how do you see the future?

Well obviously I was thrilled to win the best venue award a few years ago; I still feel a warm glow when I think of that. I'm hoping to get plenty more awards, you know, and watch many more of you lovely students totally out of your little minds. I'd also quite like to start an in - house counselling service for all those crying girls you always see at the Thursday disco. Give something back, you know...

spend four months in jail for his possession of over 4,000 images of child porn collected in his computer hard drive. But with such an obvious fetish how did he escape the accusations of committing sexual assault? He has money and a high public profile, something that if it cannot buy your way out of trouble, can influence the course of events in your favour. nether one of these fascinating people was last week caught in a very precarious situation by the Texas police. The Feds' were sent to actor Matthew McConaughey's house on a routine noise complaint. Instead of the usual noisy party they arrived seeing through the window

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if it took jackson 15 million dollars to keep

them quiet then he must have really done something naughty.

McConaughey in the nude playing the bongos. The officers knocked, but the partygoers did not hear them over the music, and they proceeded into the house. They found marijuana, a water pipe and other drug paraphernalia in the house.

McConaughey was arrested but will only pay a $50 fine. The officer had not announced his presence, and therefore a municipal court decided that the police did not enter the house legally; therefore the charges were dropped. However, there has been outrage in the Austin community over this; yet another example of a stars preferential treatment.

On an Austin Internet message board, one person said "I really don't think it's fair that they let him off with a $50 fine ... ok, just because he has some expensive lawyer he doesn't have to pay jack crap?

If this happened to a university kid, somebody that was a little "different,路 they'd be all about charging them with the maximum fine and jail time allowed.路 This does seem unfair. They found drugs and he

resisted arrest, but they supposedly violated his civil rights. Nevertheless, in this situation McConaughey was not causing harm to anyone and I highly doubt that he has or will ever deal drugs to children.

Therefore this scenario can be closed; we can learn to accept that he got off perhaps partly be~use of his celebrity status. However, I find it unnerving that someone can get away with such an obviously 'they did it' crime. (Especially in the case of our hard-core paedophile Gary "what is he hiding in his hair" Glitter.) But these people are not just committing trivial and petty crimes; some are dodging truly serious charges. OJ Simpson was acquitted of murdering his wife, but in civil suit filed by Nicole Brown Simpson's parents it was decided that he was guilty. What about the estranged pop star Michael Jackson? In 1993 after a grand jury investigated several child molestation allegations against him, he paid 15 million dollars to settle with the family of his 13-year-old accuser. Charges were never officially filed against Jackson. Nevertheless, he escaped prosecution because he could afford to keep his accusers quiet. And if it took 15 million dollars then he must have really done something naughty.

First of all, let's realise how sick and wrong it is that these personalities are getting away with severe crimes. But as the lesser known part of the population we revere, love and practically create shrines to superstars. The law must be laid down. If anyone, including a celeb, commits a crime then we deserve to assert the law over them and justly find if they are guilty or not, and if proven guilty then it seems only reasonable that they pay the same price as any average person. Though keep in mind that from now on the likes of Gary, O.J. and Michael will lead very different lives. As they were once adored they will now get looks of open disgust wherever they go in this small world. They will feel the curse of stardom: once famous always famous. Fifteen minutes of fame includes a lifetime of living in the public eye. Anyone who might see SparKle Boy on the street will now glare at him with confused and angry looks, especially those who once wore their platforms and innocently rocked out in their rooms to one of his songs.

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~even'~)

sknowledge ----031 nine inch nails what's the big fuss then?

Oh come on. You've surely heard of the one man emot1onal punchbag that is Nine Inch Nails. They sound like no one else, allying deeply personal lyrics with music ranging from pulsating electronic rock to sparse, delicate soundscapes. 1989's debut album, Pretty Hate Machine was a mere taster for an incredible subsequent decade. And, despite spawning a genre worth of copyists, they've retained their own 1dent1ty. If all your personal neuroses were given musical forms, the result would sound like Nine Inch Nails.

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who does what ?

Brilliant lyricist, producer and programmer Trent Reznor IS the brains behind it all. The most influential music magazine in the world (except The Event-ed), Rolling Stone, nominated him one of the most important figures in nineties music. He's also produced the music for such films as Lost Highway and Natural Born Killers.

sold a few records then?

Oh yes. They are the ultimate soundtrack to the unhappy lives of young people. Never mind wnsts, this is music to slit your throat to. Reznor is known for being publicity shy, but the brutal honesty of his lyrics have excited an uneasily voyeuristic fascination from fa ns and journalists alike. All of Nine Inch Nails' recorded output has been released to great critical acclaim, and has been rewarded by multimillion sales. 1994's The Downward Spiral sold over five million copies, and new release The Fragile wi ll certainly top that.

which is best?

They're all classics, but The Downward Spiral stands out as Reznor's masterpiece, running the emotional gauntlet to a cacophony of hammer-like synth beats, razor-wire guitar and multi-layered sound effects.

is ·he really marilyn manson's boss?

Not quite. Marilyn Manson are signed to Trent Reznor's label , Nothing Records, and he produced their breakthrough album Antichrist Superstar. The shows the two bands played together spawned several well-known stories (giving groupies enemas, onst~ge oral sex, etc). A recent fall ing out between ~ne tWo has ensured that this co-operation is unlikely to happen again .

so, what does the future hold?

More depressing yet brilliant music. Other industrial rock bands continuing to lag behind them. The reestablishment of Nine Inch Nails at the top of rock's tree th rough their blitzkrieg live shows. Famous past performances have included the otherwise unsuccessfu l Woodstock 1994, where they performed covered in mud.

in retrospect .. .

"I am the truth from wh ich you run .. "

the longpigs were lumped in with the whole britpop phenomenon, but have they transcended their indie flimsy roots? Iuke chilton discusses drugs, pop, and judy finnegan with lead singer and toff crispin hunt ... second album, Mobile Home, to great crit1cal acclaim . Crispin believes the band had to evolve: "it's not straight guitar indie music at all. I went off that and got into a lot more R&B and dance music.

If we hadn't changed we'd be exceptiona lly boring people. it's a good thing to do something different" he declares. "Mobile Home is less in-yer-face, it's more like a whole piece of music."

"The first record was a mosh-pit record, this one is more of a smooch-pit record .· Crispin pauses only to tap the ash from his cigarette into a large plastic dustbin. Once he starts talking, it's hard to stop him.

"Y'know, for this record I didn't try and write perfect to suggest this is one of Brita in's most hardened, pop songs. I was just writing what was com ing out. daring and successful rock stars. However, on close r But I do want to write something The Beatles' She inspection, there is a large scar below his left eye, Loves You, it's musica l Ambrosia. Or even, dare I placed th ere by disgruntled ex-drummer Dee Boyle say it, Baby One More Time by Britney Spears is a with a pint glass, obviou sly not best pleased at his f**king great pop song!" cu rrent employmen t situation.

But with today's charts crammed full of half naked, "Dee was stuck in rock and I ki nd of went off rock. underage girls and faceless Scandinavian technoLosing a drummer has given us a fresh attitude, and pop outfits, where does a band like the Longpigs fit now there's only th ree of us to argue instead of in? four! · he explains.

"The pop scene at the moment is utter s**t, plain The new line-up has just produced the Longpig's b**locks. Unadulterated squirrel diarrhoea. it's just karaoke, they get someone else's song and sing along to it, and they don't even sing very well " rants Crispi n with despair. "They have singles in Asda next door to the sweets and crisps, it's Mummy!, Mummy! Can I have a lolly and Lolly's new single?'"

However, he tells us, there is hope.

"I like Day One. I really like Ben and Jason, there like Simon and Garfunkel does Radiohead.

There's a lot of good stuff, but it's gone underground. Because of the success of Oasis, underground bands turned into mainstream, and then all those people who thought they were alternative suddenly found themselves going 'Oh f**k! I'm mainstream! But now, maybe we can go back to being alternative."

The Longpigs arrived with their debut album, The Sun Is Often Out three years ago, dunng the guitar soaked indie-frenzy that was 'Britpop'. Hunt is keen to point out h1s band was different.

"When we first came out it was all Pulp and Menswear wearing identical golden knickers and we weren't do1ng anythmg like that, and they didn't like us for it. We kind of got lumbered in with it, 'cos we played guitars and were releasing records at the same ......:......_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ___::.._....__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _- l time." His eyes drop to the rispin Hunt, lead singer of Sheffieldbased folk rock trip hop hybrid The Longpigs, leads the way into the Waterfront offices where he makes a kind invitation to "sit down here and talk s**t for a while". Dressed in a sports j acket with a small fu rry hat perched atop his head, there is little

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i once saw gina g naked. you might say it's a 'pert' of the job

THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 1999

ground. They rise again with renewed exasperation.

"Britpop was such a s**t name ! They ca lled Tricky 'Britpop'. They called Pulp 'Britpop' and they called Oasis 'Britpop' - it's not the same music at all!"

You might not class the Longpigs as one of the wildest rock & roll bands around, but who else has shared illegal substances with the nation's favourite daytime TV couple?

"We did take acid on Richard and Judy. They didn't know, they didn't come anywhere near us. lt was only half a tab or something, it wasn't low-flying dragons or anything. We were only miming in any case, so we went on completely off our tits, which was great fun." Crispin smiles at the memory. "I got interviewed by them again the other day, which was the highlight of my ca reer basically. lt was fantastic.

Richard is as insincere as he appears in real life, and Judy is more bloated and alcoholic looking than she comes across on the telly. I think we should

judy is more bloated and

alcoholic _looking than she comes across as on the telly make her head of the Commonwealth , replace the Queen with Judy Finnegan!"

Sounds like a plan. But it's hard to imagine the band appearing on This Morning, mixing with the cheese-stuffed pop fai ries he hates so much. "it's a means to an end . it's supposed to be uncool, but we're horribly uncool as it is. I don't give a s**t about cool. it's good fun really, it's a laugh. And on the plus side, I got to blank Gary Barlow the other day!"

That's always a bonus. And the perks of the job don't stop there.

"I once saw Gina G naked. You might say it was a 'pert' of the job. Her and her three dancers were all in the wardrobe room dressing up and I marched 1n to get a shirt 1roned and went 'Hello there! ... er, ah sorry!'. Oh, it was another highlight of my career.

Apart from playing the Norwich Waterfront, of course!"

And how does Hunt plan to ignite tonight's venue?

"The band is a catalyst for the entire room to have a good t1me. You can't go on and say 'I'm God. I w1ll make you all have a wonderful time!" Everyone's got to be 1n the right frame of mind and you never know when people are. When it happens, it's magic." 'it's like if you're at a party and saw some p1ssed g~rl go to a corner and take off all her clothes. it's quite exciting, and so that's our job, to get up in the corner and take off all our clothes. But we're not as entertaining as a girl taking off all her clothes."

Well, I guess that all depends on which g~rl IS do1ng the stripping, because tonight the Longp1gs will entertain the hell out of a sold-out Waterfront crowd.

And don't worry Crispin, they'll only be dnnk1ng from plastic glasses.

• ••

庐71

~evenT)

it recently has become easier to look like your favourite film star as high street clothing chains release lines based on movie costumes. astrid goldsmith dons designer togs and unzips the phenomenon ... ow many teenage girls would h~ gone to see Titanic if it didn't star Leonardo Dicaprio? (Let's assume a taste bypass to make this an easier question to answer). How many boys would have sat through Thelma and Louise if it didn't have Geena Davis wearing not very much at

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cameron dlaz, luminous on screen, is well known to have an acne scarred, blotchy complexion in real life all? Not half as many, I bet. For while both films have other things going for them (Thelma & Louise great story and powerful acting; Titanic - ... um ... oh yeah, it had special effects in it). The pull of an attractive star is undeniable.

So what makes these God-like creatures so beautiful? Bitchy, bitter women claim that it's all in the make-up. However, without dismissing their rants straight away there is some element of truth in it. Cameron Diaz, luminous on screen, is well known to have an acne-scarred, blotchy complexion in real life. Humphrey Bogart wore platform shoes to disguise the fact that he was a good few inches shorter than his leading laqies. Even Marilyn Monroe required a wig, heavy make-up and flattering lighting to make her shine on screen during the filming of The Prince and the Showgirl.

There is nothing wrong with any of this. In fact it is strangely reassuring.

Screen stars are no longer impossibly, elusively and exclusively glamorous - they have flaws like everyone else.

Several companies have cottoned on to this idea and have tried to make it easier (or less impossible at any rate) for Uttle Miss Average to look like a movie star. For example, Miss Selfridge launched The Avengers line of Uma inspired leather catsuits last winter. While it is dubious how many people who bought them actually looked like Ms. Thurman when they tried it on, delusion is a wonderful thing isn't it?

Besides, the film bombed so not many people got a chance to see Uma in all her (dubious) glory!

Similarly, Max Factor market their products on the strength that it is the "make up of make up artists".

The logic being, therefore, that if you use 2000 calorie Mascara in Rich Black you too will instantly look like Julia Roberts in Notting Hill, or tum into a particularly wooden version of Madonna in the ad.

Here's hoping! lt doesn't seem to have worked for me yet. .. lt is obvious how much the image of certain stars influences the masses. However, this is not always as harmless as you might think. Uma Thurrnan might have played a sexy, leather-encased character in The Avengers, but she was undoubtedly a "nice girl". The same could not be said, tnough, for her character in the film that made her a superstar Pulp Fiction. Mia Wallis was a coke-snorting, provocatively dancing, flirtatious gangster's moll ... not really the type of role model for girls then. This would not be so much of problem if she had been presented in a different light, as a cheap slut perhaps. Hollywood morals would still be firmly in place. Instead, though, she came across as a smouldering, sexy woman, completely in charge, especially during "that" dance. Sure, she might pass out from an overdose and not look quite so attractive, but by this point in the film an icon had already been born.

Chanel too jumped on the bandwagon, supplying Uma's Rouge Noir nail polish for the film. When this became common knowledge Chanel were in

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marketing heaven with a year long waiting list for the product. Similarly, Agnes B, the designer who provided Uma's white shirt and black trousers, soared in popularity after Pulp Fiction was released.

At the time of its release, there was controversy surrounding the portrayal of John Travolta's character Vincent Vega. A scene in the film shows him shooting up whilst driving, an act I think even the most unstable of us would agree verges on just the wrong side of irresponsible.

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ut, as you know, this is film. lt's fantasy, People aren't really as stupid and easily influenced as censors seem to think. Yet while audiences may think Travolta is cool, how many people really want to look like him? How many people would have bought Vince wigs had they been available? Not many I think! For that is where the danger lies- emulation. And the first stage of that is copying the way the character looks.

Attractive nihilistic anti-heroes are the most dangerous in this respect.

The latest in this series is Tyter, Brad Pitt's character from one of the year's most controversial films, Fight Club. Now Brad Pitt has always been a damn fine specimen of the male form. Let's push that a little bit further though ... in Fight Club he surpasses himself. His muscles are defined and sculpted, a result of weeks on a high performance training programme. His hair is sexily spiked and tufted and

his skin tanned. Pitt slouches through the film wearing very trendy, "this looks like vintage but probably cost loads of money" leather jackets, patterned shirts and the like. The press release for the film was even set out in the form of an ironic catalogue for all the character's clothing. This indicates that the entire film is marketed on a

Pitt slouches through the film wearing very trendy, "this looks like vintage but probably cost loads of money" leather jackets particular "look", in particular Brad Pitt's impressive physique.

Nothing wrong with that, I'm路 sure 60% of the population would agree. The worry comes from the fact that Pitt's character is extremely violent, setting up a bare-knuckle fight club to reassert his masculinity. So the message here is that you are not a real man if you don't get off on smashing someone's face in. Being a "real" man is cool because you get to look like Brad Pitt (rather than a brainless thug with a small penis).

But how many people will really be fooled?

Men might start dressing like Tyter, getting their hair cut like his, but surely this is a good thing? The more Pitt clones the better for everyone.

Realistically, how many are going to start beating people into a bloody pulp after watching the film? How many girls, after painting their nails Rouge Noir are going to snort coke? While the messages of these films (and others like them) may not be all good, it is a product of our postrnodem age.

The distinction between "goodies" and "baddies" is not as clear cut any more, and.although this occasionally results in acts of copy-cat violence and drug taking, we have, as a result, richer, more sophisticated films.

THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 1999

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musicals have long been regarded as a superficial form of entertainment, with bad songs and even worse acting and dialogue. sian knowles and emily hunka attempt to find some merit, and examine the implications of opera being told to become 'more like musical' ...

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hose who don't like musicals argue that in order to provide entertainment, they must strive for style over substance. Those who like them see them as a good night out.

Which ever way you look at it, musicals tend to be bracketed as a low art form, with trashy lyrics, trivial story-l ines and twee melodies. People go to musica ls to be entertained, not intellectually stimulated. If edification was what they were looking for, they would watch an adaptation of King Lear or sit at home with a copy of Satre's Age of Reason, or they might attend the opera which, unlike the musical, is regarded as 'high' art.

Those who condemn musicals do have a point. For years now they have dominated the London West End with money and opulence. This year alone has seen Cameron Makintosh, the producer of such huge and endearing smash-hits as Les Miserables, buy another two theatres.

The musical industry represents an enormous part of the tourist package, inviting tourists to see a show as an essential part of their London experience.

Many of these West End extravaganzas do offer theatre-goers an easy ride, tncorporating the obligatory love songs and mviting cheap laughs. Some, such as Starlight Express, are only tnterested in spectacle. Others like Miss Saigon use v1sual effects and fantastic sets to draw audiences in, when in fact this often seNes only to overshadow the more serious message that the music and acting is attempting to put across.

Like any art form musicals can be trash. But we want to argue that musicals are not a lesser cu ltural experience. Theatre itself has always been the most contentious and dangerous of all arts. lt was banned in Europe for four centuries. Considered morally unsound by the puritans in Elizabethan Englan d, it was confined to the outski rts of London, with the ale houses and broth els. Now it's musicals which are con si dered rubbish, whi le Shakespeare rides on a cultura l high. Why? Many musicals tackle relevant social issues. They do so by combining skilled, harmonically cha llenging scores, with the tightest satirical verse. Miss Saigon, for example, tackles America's controversial role in Vietnam. After freque nting the brothels of Saigon, US troops left behind them hund reds of illegitimate child ren, outcasts in th eir own society. "They're ca lled Bui Doi" we hear; "The Dust of Life. Conceived in Hell, and born in strife". The show ends with a fiercely critical song called The American Dream, which spits in the face of consumerism. Blood Brothers challenges the eighties Thatcher ethic, while Les Miserables interprets Hugo's novel about the French Revolution in a deft and fluid way. Themes of captivity and death are contained in melodic motifs wh ich run throughout t11e piece. Music can achieve this. Where else apart from opera can several disparate points of view be expressed as collective harmony? Musicals do dress to impress of course.

But th1s is not necessarily a bad thing, in fact it's always been so. it's why Shakespeare peppered his

many west end extravaganzas offer theatre-goers an easy ride, incorporating the obligatory love songs and cheap laughs plays with clowns and smutty jokes.

If any musical demonstrates though that there can

be depth, it's Rent, which closed last month at the Shaftsbury Theatre after only eighteen months.

Based on the opera La Boheme , Rent deals with the gritty reality of living with AIDS, relationships and dea th in late twentieth century New York, and follows young artists in their struggle against a society which denies their existence. it's unlike the huge box office hits that dominate the West End; there's no slick scene cha nges, dance extravaganzas or a revolving stage, instead small-scale, with a score and plot that can't and won't wash over you.

This is why Rent was so extraordi nary; it promised to revolu tionise the way we see musica ls. lt encou raged a whole different class of aud ience to the prevaili ng one which seeks light entertainment, and celebrates Bohemia is all its diversity.

In an effort to encourage a different kind of audience, the best seats in the house were offered for ÂŁ10 to anyone prepared to queue on the day.

Sadly those who could have started the West End revolution chose not to take it up, whereas the normal musical going audience weren't interested in something that challenged the norm. The very people who complain about the lack of something like Rent were prepared to dismiss it without giving it a chance. Rent therefore remains only to haunt

THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 1 7, 1999

the West End as a poignant reminder of a musical that dared to be different. o, the tired-old crowd pleasing devices are left free to rule the roost. Forget about depth. The 21st ann1versary production of Annie which ran at The Victoria Place Theatre in The West End last August, is now touring the country, and appeared at Norwich's Theatre Royal last month as one of a series of musicals this season. Taking on board the audience's expectation for pure entertainment, this production did its best to water down any serious political import which, in fact, plays a large role in its book. You might laugh, think we're scraping the bottom of the barrel, but Annie is a great deal more political than many wou ld believe.

Although it's a so-called 'kiddies' musica l, it can be

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educational for both adults and children alike. If you look past the cute orphans, tap dance routines and the fluffy dog to listen to the actual lyrics, you wou ld rea lise that it isn't all mush, but tackles the

lesley joseph couldn't act, she couldn't dance, she couldn't sing, and her attempt at a new york accent was cringe worthy historical issue of the Great American Depression , and the part Hoover played in its manifestation.

Once respectable citizens forced onto the streets and into poverty smg with obvious sarcasm the refrain, "Thank you Herbert Hoover" in reaction to which we witness the fruition of Rooseve lt's New Deal. However, anyone who saw the production at The Theatre Royal would be justified in believing that it is no more than cute orphans and the fluffy dog.

lt chose not to focus on the political message but was instead played purely for entertainment and cheap laughs. The character of Miss Hannigan, who actually has some astute points to make about her life, was played by Lesley Joseph, the star of a sitcom of all things. Obviously brought in for l1er value as a big star, she underplayed the lines and over-played the comedy. She couldn't act, she couldn 't dance, she couldn't sing, and her attempt at a New York accent was cringe-worthy. Yet she received an enormous standing ovation simply because she was Dorian from Birds of a Feather, much to the annoyance, no doubt, of the rest of the cast whose performances, in contrast, were not at all bad . This audience's reaction can only seNe to encourage musicals as trivial spectacles, instead of the va luable cu ltural experiences they can be.

The populist reaction to the musical is presumably why the arts world has held up its hands in horror at the demand by the Arts Council to make opera "more like musical", which has begun with a glitzy, star-studded gala night to herald the opening of The Royal Opera House. lt highlights a fear that our cultural heritage will be reduced to disposable sensationalism.

But such a dec1s1on also begs the question of difference between musicals and opera . Both are 'stories- to-mus1c', and yet opera is considered a completely different breed altogether.

People go to the opera expecting to be intellectually challenged , which means a great many people are predisposed to hate opera without having seen any at all. lt is this perception that put the two at opposite ends of the cultural spectrum. So making it more like the musical is perhaps not such a damaging idea. We would not condone dragging it down to the basest level on which the musica l operates, letting flashy techniques dominate dramatic and lyrical works of art, replacing Puccini's arias with trite love songs.

But cutting the price of seats and taking sets and costumes into the rea lms of the spectacular would perhaps connect with the visua lly geared audience of our age. Which is after all what Mozart was doing with The Magic Flute, wh ich combines pantomime farce with arguably some of the most sublime music ever written. At the end of the Millennium, the re is a growi ng fear that we are trampling on worthwhile art and allowing triviality to flourish. Such a fear is of course justified; we may be inclined to let the money-soaked, hedonistic musical which panders to such an ethos colour our view of the whole genre.

But as an art form, musicals are only a short step away from their 'cultural' cousin, opera. And unlike legitimate theatre and independent music, they can combine immediate emotiona l effect with social comment. In Rent, Mark, the film-maker, asks "How do you document real life, when real life's getting more like fiction each day?" Perhaps in mus1cals lies the answer.

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. fancy some easy cash? have a little time on your hands? how about experimenting with do-it-yourself movie memorabilia: from brad pitt's underwear to oliver reed's liver, duncan gates and katie holzwart examine ten steps to boosting your bank balance. {just don't blame us if you end up with a hefty legal bill) ...

01: icon clothing All that is required here is for you to obtain (by rummaging, purchase or burglary) an item of clothing which can instantly be associated with a particular persorVfilrrv'etc. and yet is commonly available to almost everyone, everywhere.

This is excellent because even the most sceptical potential buyer will carry the nagging seed of doubt when the item (e.g. an old vest your dad uses to polish the car, but which you swear blind was the stand-in for the one wom by Bruce Willis in Die Hard) is presented.

02: star photos it helps here if you have one of those mates who looks a bit like Christian Slater (this is only a rough guide; it helps if they are actually famous). All you require then is a soft focus on your camera (to blur the reality) and you're in the money. For extra authenticity, construct a mock-up movie set with more mates wearing headphones, shifting cables or checking for light. In the centre should be Slater mate, looking cool as hell sipping from a polystyrene cup. NB For the underhand types, it is also possible to construct photos showing these mates in (simulated) compromising positions with underage, same sex or quadropedal partners. Unfortunately these have been known to backfire, in which case you'll get nothing but national ridicule, a criminal record and an extortionate legal bill.

03: celebrity bodily harm Now you've probably claimed at some stage that there is at least one celebrity out there who you could confidently "have" in a fight. If you ever have done, you can put your claims into action with an imaginary fight you once had. All you have to do is locate a suitably gullible gang of kids and/or drunks (who ought to be old enough to know what you're on about, yet not cunning enough to twig) and charge them a minimal fee for the privilege of touching the scar on your finger that was caused by the "glassing" incident with Brad Pitt (rather than the time the cat clawed you for tormenting it with a cardboard tube).

04: celebrity bits This nifty little technique works in much the same way as No 1, except you require a greater amount of desperation and a stronger stomach. A good idea (for men) would be if you were to take a sterile, sealable beaker away to a dark room for a few minutes and then return with a substance which is uncannily similar to the alleged hair gel from Something about Mary. Not only-does this offer you a cheap thrill into the bargain, it also acts as a masterful double bluff (i.e. no one will believe you could be so stupid as to try and sell it to them without it being true).

An alternative (and less sight damaging) method is to buy a piece of animal liver, stab a few holes in it, immerse in alcohol and leave to stand in the sun for

a few months. After this (and perhaps a lick of yellow paint), it will most likely be indistinguishable from Oliver Reed's liver. A clever story about a year out spent in a Maltese mortuary is then all you need to have drinking fans from across the globe offering you their very souls for the thing.

05: history inventing

computer it will involve a little creative and imaginative rendering. But you're desperate right?

10: the 'what if' scheme

09: money after death

What if Gwyneth Paltrow had starred in Titanic, or Matt Damon had been in Shakespeare in Love?

Don't you happen to have an uncle who is a small budget Hollywood producer and also happens to own costumes originally created for Miss Paltrow to star along side Leonardo? I know I do. Not only is this a promising money maker but a good ice breaker at parties: "hey, do you know about my famous producer uncle? Well, let me tell you about him, I think I have a picture of him in my bedroom.

Any old clothing could easily be passed off as someone else's, all you need is a little ingenuity.

But, if you don't happen to have anything old lying around, simply "borrow" from your roommate; does she really need her old wom out Converse trainers?

I didn't think so.

For easy money put some dirt in a plastic bag and claim that it is from the grave of someone famous, or alternatively throw in a few pieces of concrete as part of the headstone. To guarantee validity and believability label the bag, and why not tie a ribbon around it and make it look nice and pretty?

Aesthetics are very important. Furthermore, if you want to up the price a little include a certificate of authenticity, have it "certified" by some fictitious chairman of some invented company. Example: This Dirt is Certified by Ronald Ginsberg of the 2000 thapter of the RDS of London. (Royal Dirt Society) Doesn't that.sound official?

THE EVENT IN NO WAY CONDONES FRAUD, BURGLARY OR SEWNG YOUR SPERM TO INNOCENT PUNTERS (NOT MUCH ANYWAY)

Yes, it can be donel With just a little knowledge of your subject and a few basic forging procedures, you too can create your very own piece of history! Finely tuned continuity, a tea bag and -any piece of household paper need be all that stands between you and a scrap for publishing rights. There's nothing real enthusiasts love more (or will part with their cash more willingly for) than something which offers that link with their hero. The more mundane the better; James Cagney's MacDonald's application form, nna Turner's bingo card with ,the lyrics to What's Love Got to do With /t on the back, Dear Head of PE dept., my son Robert Mar1ey cannot go swimming today because he's totally out of it".

06: household items Because of that run-in you had with Cindy Crawford a few years back (in Paris I believe it was) you have acquired an official lip-stick stained mug by none other than Miss Supermodel herself: Cindy Crawford. For this one all you need is lipstick, a pair of lips and how about using an old mug. (Note: Do not use a mug that has your name on it.)

07: love child claims This doesn't really count as movie memorabilia but people will believe and pay for anything. This might require a bit more effort then the previous suggestion, but do not let that deter you from this choice. Think of this as more of an opportunity, the novel (or article in a well-paying tabloid) could be extremely profitable and furthermore might provide you with your 15 minutes of fame (chat shows and the like). However, it may perhaps be wise to erase or quiet any links to your past that could discredit your story. Tell your friends and family that you have no idea where the story came from (that or fake your suicide, or kill your parents ... depending on how psychotic you are).

08: junk mail/money mail Don't you hate it when you queue forever at the post room and you have no mail except for that one piece of useless junk mail? Well, turn the idea of junk mail into easy and fast cash. Who wouldn 't want a disposed of credit card application for Brad Pitt or Julia Roberts hanging on their wall? This may entail either a bit of trash digging at the horne of an illustrious actor/actress, or if you are handy with a

THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 1999 •

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18 years ago, the beastie boys were loudmouthed teenagers playing hardcore punk. how t hings went so unbelievably right is looked at by anthony love//... haos reigned. The crowd at Liverpool's Royal Court Theatre had torn the stage and the venue interior to pieces. lt had been a Beastie Boys show that would be etched in rock & roll history ...

The not that took place that mght 1n December 1987 was the defining moment of the first UK tour undertaken by New York's public enemies #1, #2 and #3. There had been widespread tabloid hysteria, questions had been asked in Parliament, and countless 1/W badges (the band's logo of choice at the time) nicked. Three twenty something blokes playing dumbass hip-hop with simplistic riffs and ingenious rhymes had turned the music world upside down.

Fast froward to June 1998. Brixton Academy has been sold ou t for weeks. Mike D swaggers onstage dressed in a ludicrous cloak, and the band kick into Sureshot. There is nothing but appreciation from start to finish, and as the set ends with Sabotage, the band bounds offstage with huge grins. But this is an entirely new set of characters; whereas in 1987, the end of a show would have meant as much beer and groupi es as their mouths could cope with, tonight they are more likely to be playing Boggle, or meditating. 11 years on, the Beastie Boys have apparently become the Beastie Mature Adu lts.

The Beastie Boys are unquestionably one of the finest rap/hip-hop acts to ever have graced the world's stages. Over the course of 18 yea rs, they have matured from Bad Brains-obsessed teenagers to founders of their own world-wide publishing, clothing and recording empires, while stil l finding time to organise the Tibetan Freedom Concerts, release some of the most essential records of this decade, and tour them over the world. They are the best selling white rap act ever, and command intense musical and critical respect. Probably the coolest band in the world, there is no other band with such willingness to experiment with styles and samples, and produce such a glorious noise as the end result. How then, did the rea l fun boy three tr<ilVel the road from zeros to heroes?

Well, at the start it was the Beastie Boys and Girl!

Their first gig ever in 1981 saw the found ing pair of Adam Yauch (better known as MCA) and Mike

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Diamond (Mike D) joined by John Berry and Kate Schellenbach (Luscious Jackson anyone?). The band at the time played hardcore punk, which remains an influence on them even today (they namecheck Geordie thrashers Venom on Hello Nasty, and play Ramones covers live) . lt wasn't until 1983 that the hip-hop edge appeared, by which time Adam Horovitz (Adrock) had replaced John Berry. lt was also about this time that the four met producer Rick Rubin, the man who would change their careers.

Rubin had his own plans for the Beastie Boys.

Unfortunately for Kate Schellenbach, they didn't involve her. Ru bin himself was sexist, and

11 years on, the bea.stie boys have apparently become the beastie mature adults encouraged the Boys to be likewise. Not surprisingly, Schellenbach left, but it is obvious she was forced out. The new, three piece Beastie Boys line-up recorded the ir fi rst release for Rubin's Def Jam label, Rock Hard/ Beastie Groove.

1985 was a huge year for the Beastie Boys. Several 12" singles were released on Def Jam/Columbia, featuring songs which would later appear on debut album, Licensed to Ill. The Beastie Boys opened for Madonna, where their brattish onstage behaviour and swearing left audiences cold. Much more in their favour was the opening slot they landed later in the year for legendary hip-hoppers Run DMC. But their biggest break was 路still to come ...

1986 saw the release of Licensed to Ill, the kind of record that should have a compulsory purchase order slapped on it. Although an outrageously sexist and violent record (it was originally titled Don't Be A Faggot) - it featured 'lyrics' such as "Twin sisters in my bed/ Their father had envy/ So I shot him in the head", and "Girls- to do the dishes/ Girls- to clean up my room/ Girls- do the laundry". Nonetheless, it still sold over five million copies, and had teenagers everywhere reaching for the volume control in a bid

THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 1999

to play Fight For Your Right even louder. The subsequent touring gave rise to such fears in Bnta1n about their antics that the news of their arrival here in late 1987 was met with dread, perhaps not helped by a slightly inflammatory stage set wh1ch featured giant inflatable phalluses and topless dancing girls in cages. In this light, the band's dispute with Prodigy in 1998 - they asked them not to play Smack My Bitch Up at Reading Festival on the grounds 1t was sexist - does seem rather hypocritical. The Beasties have had the chance to grow up and see the error of their ways - why not al low other, younger bands the same chance?

The riot in Liverpool, after wh ich Adrock was arrested for assault was a step too far, and the Beastie Boys retained a low profi le until the release of second album, Pa ul's Boutique, in 1989.

Paul's Boutique is a record ahead of its time.

Containing no live instrumentation, it samples hiphop, jazz and al l points in-between to come up with one of the most complex albums ever. They'd grown up. Despite not touring in support of the album, it was another three years before the appearance of third album Check Yo ur Head. Th is marked the Beastie Boys' return to the live fray, featuring live favou rites So Watcha' Want, and Pass The Mike. lt was clear that by this time, controve rsy was no longer following the Beastie Boys wherever they went. Their music was now doing the talking.

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he empire was staring to expand. Even if the acts it signed sometimes fell behind in the success stakes, Grand Royale, their own label, continued to grow in status. Grand Royale magazine appeared for the first time in 1993, and has continued to come out at irregular Intervals since. //1 Communication was the Beastie Boys' fourth album.

First single, Sabotage has surely the greatest video of all time; a superb 1970's cop spoof. But most notably, the royalties from two singles, Shambala and Bodhisvattva Vow are donated to Milarepa, a charity promoting the cause of Tibetan freedom from Chinese occupation. Although the band are otherwise apparen tly apolitica l, Adam Yauch had discovered Buddhism through a trip to Tibet, and it was to raise awareness of the Tibetans' plight that the next big endeavour was undertaken. While the

Beastie Boys desire to help the situation 1n Tibet IS a commendable one, it could be argued that once again they can be accused of hypocrisy - never mind Tibet, what about the situation in their native US, where the American dream of Freedom IS a broken one for vast swathes of society. The first of three Tibetan Freedom Concerts was held in 1996.

The bands who have performed at these events read like a who's who of music, with Radiohead, Red Hot Chilli Peppers and Pearl Jam being but three. Most recently, the Beastie Boys returned to the studio to record Hello Nasty: an old skool hiphop record, featuring everyone's favou rite song of 1998, lntergalactic.

How three middle class white boys got so far in a genre originated and dominated by black artists is clea r. They possess talent in abundance. They also have the uncanny ability to pick up on 'underground' trends and turn them into something accessible to a wider audience. An unbelievable creativity has landed them a deserved megastar status, something their infamous beginnings could hardly have promised. We should be glad they've stuck around; they've made it worth our while.

WIN!WIN!WIN! Now you've read all about the Beastie Boys why not win a load of their stuff? Well, not their personal belongings, but assorted BB merchandise. We have their strictly limited compilation album , a video, mouse mat and Sound of Science shirt to give away. All you have to do is answer the following question: Who exactly had the 'Ill Communication'?

Answers in the Concrete competition box in the Hive

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the growing Impact of science writing upon the book world has been acknowledged by the recent inclusion of geneticist steve jones in uea's prestigious literary festival. abi levy tried to get behind the lab coat to find out if scientists can be Interesting, and have morals ...

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teve Jones • who is he? Good question. Well if I tell you that he's a science writer, in fact a geneticist to be precise, please don't be put off. He is a professor of genetics at

UCL and has written numerous books including the are we the way we are? Are we more like our mum best sellers • Tile Language of the Genes and fn the or our dad - or neither? Is behaviour genetic or does Blood which became a BBC television series. His society play a role? And what about ttie so-called latest book Almost like a Whale is an updated 'science' of eugenics and other negative aspects of version of Darwin's Origins of the Species. He writes the school of study? Genetics has been used regular newspaper columns and appears throughout histol)' in order to justify the racist belief frequently on the radio and on various television programmes. If I haven't already won you over... well he did do a rather tacky Renault car advert which he claims to be his "proudest moment". No, really though Steve, (first name terms) is an important and insightful man.

However in person the myth was somewhat dispelled.

After doing some research 1 had become quite that black people are inferior. Science wields power. impressed, and even thought The study of genetics has been used repeatedly to explain people, actions and events, and today il is that he looked rather handsome in his picture, but just as topical as it always has been. he arrived flustered, a bit on the scruffy side and balding ut what does Mr Jones think? 1asked him ...and towards the end started to what he thought on the issue of cloning. He bore me with scientific jargon. seems to think it is a lot of fuss over I began by trying to complement nothing: "all hype really. I mean I am a clone, you him • unfortunately my attempt are a clone - because you've got 14 million cells that have all copied themselves." But what about failed. In The human cloning? Is it right? He was quite dismissive Observer's recent poll he was included in a list of the 300 most abOUt this. He said he couldn't really see it happening in the near future anyway. lt would seem important people in the world. He is that Steve Jones is less concerned with moral number 254 - above the Director of the BBC, Prime Minister of Japan, Kenneth · issues and more with scientific progress. I was hoping he would give me his opinion on some of Clarke, and Michael Hesletine • not to these moral issues as well though - but mention Robbie Williams. "That bloody thingn was his first reaction to the mention unfortunately he didn't dwell on it... well I suppose of the article - what followed was a he wouldn't, would he? somewhat bitter tirade about how he Keeping with the controversial issues, I asked him had fallen 140 places in a year. I was what he thought about genetically modified foods.

Apparently it's just a matter of putting it all in still impressed - I figured that anyone only three places behind Nelson Mandella perspective - "I am sure that I'd rather eat a diet has got to be pretty important in the grand based solely on GM soya beans than burgers. • In fact I admit this isn't exactly what he said - what he sc.heme of things.

Once I had mastered how to say ·geneticist', I actually said was rather than eating McDonald's. went on to ask him 'why'? Why did he want to But then he panicked and told me not to mention that otherwise I would be prosecuted for slander. OK be a geneticist? Was there any defining moment when he suddenly thought, "Mum, I so I'll compromise • "burger-chain" • is that all right, Steve? He went on; "You are really doing a gJeat know what I want to be when I gJow up - a geneticist" (Or words of a similar sort). "No, deal of damage to your health eating burgers. Many not really. I have never wanted to do of the people worried about GM foods would quite anything else". At this stage images of a happily eat a cheese burger.· Good point.

In fact I think his comment on McDonald's was the goofy seven year old with thick rimmed glasses and a chemist!)' kit sprang to only revealing comment he made. mind. Although, he really only began So the conversation turned to a question Steve has to get into genetics when at dedicated a gJeat deal of his time addressing; the un~rsity in Edinourgh. relationship between nature and nurture. lt was at I really should stop insulting science this juncture that the man before me truly became animated and passionate about his subject. now before I begin to sound extremely ignorant. Science is "Inheritance is about much more than DNA... it's interesting • especially genetics. And the environment. ... Cultural inheritance is without even realising it we've · everywhere. After all, fat people tend to have fat probably all been talking about it for cats - who get none of their genes, but all of their the last couple of years. Dolly the food". His views on IQ are especially revealing: "Many committed to the idea that IQ is coded into sheep... human cloning...GM foods ...supermodel' s eggs...

DNA lack the courage of their convictions as they Gattacca and Alien send their Children to private SChOOlS with, Resurrection. You must be . presumably, a superior environment. Whatever interested in at least one of genes do el'l)erge, the answer remains... that these things; well they're all nurture can transform what nature has bestowed, to do with genetics, so I and the quickest way to increase the nation's IQ would not be by genetic engineering but by doubling guess it isn't as boring as we thought. Genetics is teacher's pay." Go Steve! an extremely topical Today Steve Jones is.not as personable or as friendly in the interview as he is on the radio or on issue and affects our lives in a plethora of TV. Perhaps that was just today, it was quite late different ways. Why when we talked. However, he did manage to

he arrived flustered, a bit on the scruffy side and balding ...and towards the end started to bore me with scientific jargon

B

•

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•

convince me that genetics is actually a far more interesting topic than I thought. I think perhaps if we had had far more time, comfy armchairs and a nice cup of tea, me and Steve might actually have got

the quickest way to transform the nations iq would not be through genetic engineering but by doubling teachers pay on very well. So have I gene there and done that?

(I'm very sorry}. Well, I have met him, heard him speak, read up on the guy - but I won't be in a huge rush to buy the T-shirt. But I do 5uggest that we shouldn't be so quick to pass judgement. Science, at a pinch, can be fun ...

•

'

•

..

•

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•

THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 1999

in a feast of funny delights the event brings you treats from from some of the finest laughter mongers around. alex mcgregor spoke to red dwarf star and comedian craig charles about robot wars and snogging william shatner; and for all you who like live comic action, claire saunders previews t he first norwich comedy festival, to be held at the playhouse theatre...

.

F

or those of you who like 'a bit of a larf', the The Playhouse has a treat in store over the next few weeks, when in December it launches the first ever Norwich Comedy Festival, starting with a series of free comedy nights in the Playhouse Bar (all shows start at 8.30pm). There the intrepid adventurer can sample some of the local talent - no, not the lecherously grinning drunkards usually to be seen on Tuesday nights at Uquid, but some of the best stand-up comedy in Norfolk. Local hopefuls queued for the chance to audition, and you can see the survivors in The Comedy T Cupboard on Tuesday, November

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23.

Consider this the fringe festival, as it were. First up in the .

• bar is Norwich's answer to Whose Line Is it Anyway?: YMC4 (Yesterday's Comedy Made Awesome). Doesn't quite have the same ring to it, but they try. For those of you brave enough to go along that's on Tuesday, November 16.

But this is just the warm-up. The highligl)t of the festival is surely the performance from the Nimmo Twins. The all singing, physical comedians won the Perrier Award, comedy's answer to the Oscars, just a couple of years ago.

Also among those who want to stand up and be counted is Ennio Marchetto, described by the . . . . . . .Ill.. Playhouse as "The original quick change artist taking the art of origami into the heavenly realms" (can you tell what it is yet?). As far as I can work out, his costumes are made of paper. Then on Friday 8 December there's Brendan Bum& star of Channel 4's The 11 O'clock Show, and one of the best standup comedians on the London scene; Andy Robinson, well known both on stage and TV where he performed alongside such illustrious names as Jack Dee and Lenny Henry; and the American comic Reg D Hunter, describe;d in the press as a "comic genius". Saturday, December 4 sees Stu Who?, "Scotland's answer to Lenny sruoe· (whoever he is), along with Davtd Hatlingman who debutoed at the Edinburgh Festival in 1995. Both he and Sto Who? have impressive track reci>rds, iooltl~.g TV

International Robot Wars. "We've got the Italians, the French, it's great. The only problem is we had so many entries that we can't do heats anymore; it's just a knockout. But the Germans didn't even turn up. Typical.· However when the proposal was made to Craig that perhaps the Germans were to busy celebrating the fall of the Bertin Wall he replied that "our robots would have knocked the Berlin Wall down years before the politicians•.

Fighting talk indeed, yet Craig Charles is a fighter.

Anyone who can withstand being incarcerated for a year despite total innocence, and then being able to pick himself up and carry on without bitterness and with full openn~s must possess a spirit of enviable proportions. Yet put it behind him Craig has. "I'm so happy• he contends. "I've got a beautiful wife, two

...

Playhouse he's a fully qualified pilot, though what relevance that little sni~ Of iflformation has I'm not,quite sure. · ·me line ~.oh.WednesQ~ay, December 8 is Steve Gibbon aR(l Win..~mith.. ~ not the Will Smith but a ;~ill Smith, (·who'W&l.'t>& 'gettirf' jiggy ~ it', you 'll ~-pie~~«> ~) and Hal C~en~. Apparently ' 'Steve,iS a ~~uTlinYlive guitafCW!eldir(g •nst from Liverpool~;· ~man IMII Smittl is "thenioest man :in showbiz" 'mention of his comedic ability, one

n0

THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 1 7., 1999

science fiction fans a hard time. If you look at the biggest grossing films of all time, they're all sci-fi.

Star Wars, Terminator 1 and 2 , Jurassic Park. They support us through it all and we owe them everything•.

D

not only did patrick stewart lavish praise on red dwarf but steven hawking did too. although he's a twat. he's got a problem with me

i

.'

espite travelling through the "picturesque Inverness Mountains" while embarking upon his mammoth world tour that consists of 35 UK dates, 18 American dates, 18 Canadian dates and a whole lot more around Europe before returning home for yet another slice of live action, Craig Charles seems in chipper mood. He's been on the road since April, yet shows no sign of fatigue. He talks with enthusiasm in his bubbly Scouse brogue.

Craig Charles speaks with such joy that he can assert the most ridiculous fact; and yet one cannot bring oneself to point out the clear idiocy of his remarks. Much like a parent cannot bring themselves to criticise their child's performance in the school Christmas play despite the fact that the kid 'forgot his lines and urinated over baby Jesus. For example, when pressed about whether he actually enjoys presenting Robot Wars Craig replies with an unequivocal "yes" and then .proceeds to atld that the previous host, Jeremy Clarkson was "not the most popular" chap, understandably, with either the audience or the good folks who work on the show itself. "But I've got nothing against Jeremy• Craig Charles announces with great diplomacy, "he's got his chat s~ow and he's happy and I've got Robot Wars and I'm happy•. lt's this remark that unnerves me slightly.

Surely the only people to be happy with Robot Wars are 45 year·old virgin, albino computer dweebs who waddle around their mum's ·house all day wearing semen covered boiler suits.

Yet, when you con~ider that it takes "nine months of construction and ten thousand pounds" of your own money to get a robot ready for the show, only for it to be destroyed in thirty seconds maybe we shouldn't be so hard on them.

However Craig is proud of Robot Wars and makes no apology for it; something you have to respect at least. In fact he's just completed shooting a new series to be screened in the New Year. He announces with glee that the new series will be

ndeed Craig is a self confessed science fiction fanatic. That's why he appeared on the short lived sci-ft quiz show, Space cadets with Gregg Proops and Bill Bailey. "lt was brilliant, I loved that, I really did but the bosses wouldn't pick. up the option for a second series". Despite being genuinely upset

by Space cadet's demise Craig doesn't dwell on the past, especially when you consider the joyous anecdotes he has to share. "If nothing else in this life I have snogged William Shatner. We had to wear these space suit uniforms on the show and William Shatner couldn't fit into his. So everyone was joking with him on air about what a fat f**ker he's become but I said 'I don't care Bill, I'd still like to kiss you' and he said 'sure thing, Craig'. So he leant over and snogged me. I'm one of Captain Kirk's conquests. Not everyone can say that. I love that man.• Although he clearly relished the quiz show format he's hesitant to branch out further.

"Channel 5 offered me a game show.

Something about the contestants having to move up an escalator. I dunno, I said 'no' because I didn't want to po a game show.

But they still went a head and did it, but with Richard Morton though". At the thought of this Craig's voice reflects a melancholic air, "lt would have been nice if they thought 'if we can't get Craig Charles we can't do this show at all' but I guess I'm not that important•.

This is a contentious issue of course. Not everyone has appeared on a television show that has been celebrated with a night of programming dedicated to it, as Red Dwarf was only a short time ago. "I swelled with pride on that night; not only did Patrick Stewart lavish praise on us but Steven Hawking too.

Although he's a twat. He's got a problem with me and acted like a twat when I meet him. lt's not what he said, though. it's the way he said it". Craig

I

lovely children and a nice house in Somerset.

Not bad considering I started in a cpuncil house in Uverpool.

What else could I want".

In fact things are going from strength to strength. In addition to Robot Wars and the "wonderful" tour, Craig has on the horizon a second series of his prison drama The Governor, ("I want to do more and more straight acting"), a film which is so secret that 1 couldn't possibly print anything about it; and of course, the long awaited Red Dwarf movie. "We start shooting in September, at Shepperton Studios where they made Lost In Space. We were 'supposed to start in April but the script isn't finished yet~. The film has a 40 million dollar budget and will reunite the entire team including both Hollys. "We've got some big name Americans to play the villains. British actors always have to be

in American films so we thought, it's about time they played the baddies".

So it seems that Craig Charles splits his time between television and film work and performing in the live arena with his stand up comedy and poetry. "!. love stand up so much. lt's the immediacy of it. I love the adrenaline buzz. If you make an entire theatre laugh, no one can tell you that you 're not funny". lt seems unlikely, however, that anyone would tell Craig he's not funny. He possesses one of the most dedicated fan bases in show business.

"They don't expect Dave Lister when I play live.

Unlike in the 'early days. They come to see me every tour even if they are there in their ten year old Red Dwarf shirts'' •. which is not to say that the franchise is running out of steam, far from it. "lt sells by the bucket load. There's a huge market to which I'm very grateful".

Craig Charles cannot expresS his gratitude to the fans enough. "I don't like it when people give

notices, and Hal Cruttendon was a finalist in the Daily Telegraph's Open Mic Award, shown on Channel5.

On the cards for Thursday, December 9 at 8.00pm are Glenn Wool, Carey Marx. and Dan Evans. Glenn Wool lists OAe of his·career highlights as Lumberjacks(), 1te at tl1e Edinburgh Fastivel, and Wc:ls in tile .Vai'IC<Jm~er~ ASS Festival (Alternative Staod-ap Stage,'before you ask). Carey Marx's show is an eclectic mix of comedy and maglc,

nothing cheesy·they assured me. Dan Evans is a regular at comedy clubS across the country, and is resident compere at Cambridge's Comedy Cupboard.

Me's also written ·material for acts such as Russ Abbott and Mark Lamerr. . Friday, l:leceqlqer 10 is given over to Dan Antopolski, winner .ef ~if9.98- 88C New Comeey AY\'8rd. and Tony law, viMer of the 1995 NeiV Act 'Competcltioo at Glast~rff¥,' and a very popular act -on·University network.

the

I've got a beautifu·l wife, two lovely children and a nice house in somerset. lot bad considering I started in a council house in Iiverpooi. immediately apologised for this gag but was insistent on adding that, "I do that one live. lt always goes down·well". Although not, one would imagine, when he's doing a benefit gig for sufferers of Motor Neurone disease.

Craig Charles is a man who has climbed the ladder of success upon his own volition; something rare and admirable in a world dominated by nepotism; and yet he retains a humility that is both genuine and effortless. "I'm not gonna rule the world and I don't want to. So long as it all ends in a cemetery with me buried next to my mum, I'll be smiling". And with that Craig Charles disappears into the geographically dense region of mountainous Inverness which his mobile phone cannot breach, promising to play UEA again ·very soon•.

Rounding off the 1999 season are Rex Boyd' The New Improved Adventures df Robin Hood, Craig Campbell of Ed The Sock fame (ft's a puppetH and lan Moore, a regu1ar at London's Comedy Store, and who regularly·supports the likes oHe.e EvaAs and M~~•. ~n. 1ote gets ~~;Ae-·

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not be ·~; this;$ 'flOt solely a,.festi\lalllf. stand up comedy.#.N6', allso$ ~ bitl ~· a · • contemporary' update Of The of Being

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Emest, performed by the acclaimed Kaos Theatre Company and a rare pelformance ot.Bematd , Shaw's_Widowe!S Ho~. the 'first p¥ty ~-.. did wnte, ~ou,gh the fesMI compriee$~ ' · • comedians ot a B-Ust stature, OI!S-~1~ ., ~ begjMifl6. ff year number one liocls ~ 1 ,~ suppM. year number two Will Mnd~.liliilik1 upon that, and increase .not only the Al:li'Tlber of

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THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 1999

~even1) ian brown ~®UcQJ®rru f~O'®<ID~® At a time when John Squire is again rumoured to be forming a new band, King Monkey returns with a second solo outing. Famed for singing out of tune and threatening to turn an air stewardess into an Arabic thief, lan's music seems to have developed, although this is not evident on the album's beginner, Getting Higf;), which starts with Celtic opening before the Hendrix guitars kick in. it is only on the second song and first single, Love Uke A Fountain, that Mr Brown's new side shows u·p. Big beats have replaced Aziz lbrahim's guitars, the latter hving formed a new group with ex-Smiths Mike Joyce and Andy Rourke. There seems to be no way

a

back for him as the rest of the album continues in the same vein. lan has found a new idea a nd seems unwilling to deviate from it. Therefore, although it is not too bad, the album lacks a standout track like Corpses on Unfinished Monkey Business, and is ultimately a slight disappointment, although a bluesy guitar on final track Babasonicos raises spirits at the end. Brown wants to be Massive Attack, but would do well to remember that although they are trip-hop, they have more than one Martin Brock sound. So, close, but no cigar. .

This is a tribute album to the best old band in the modern wor1d, The Jam, which undeniably could and should have been much better than it is.

Uam Gallagher and Steve Craddock kick off with the recently released Carnation, a former number one for The Jam, followed by a Beastie Boys rendition of Start, which has been stripped of the majority of its lyrics and given the funk treatment in true Beasties style.

Going Underground is · barely recognisable in its apathetic, shoegazing shuffle which sounds like Rolf Harris at the beginning; you. almost expect a digeridoo to come in at some point.

Gene's attempt at doesn't quite seem to

IID®@il @~@Uil

uea, lcr say, so I'll sing", she whispers, almost apologetically, and the spellbound crowd don't seem to object. Cello and violin interrupt as she starts to tell a jokebefore the band burst into She Cries Your Name.

Despite collaborations with William Orbit and the Chemical Brothers, tonight seems to be back to basics; Stars All Seem To Weep and Central Reservation are delivered in stark, simple forms.

After a short, sharp "goodnight", Beth returns for an encore. lt's great stuff. There's a sparkling Blood Red River and an entertaining version of Dolphins (not the Shed Seven song), sung and giggled with Mick Head, the lead singer of support band Shack, which luckily finishes before it deteriorates into farce. Then she vanishes as mysteriously as she Jenny McCann appeared.

cean rntle ,J:attte "A hundred thousand welcomes"

--~· FREEHOUSE ·~-­

92 POTTERGATE, NORWICH (01603) 626627

Hip hop has been in a rut lately largely due to the one man record factory that is Puff Daddy.

Sometimes though, one comes across a nugget of pure gold. Blackalicious are that rarity; a two ma·n hip hop outfit from California. NIA is a work of creative synthesis. Shunning both the rather passe 'hardcore· gangsta and commercial sound they steer their own idiosyncratic path, and all the better it is for it. This is a reflective and self conscious album, aware of its influences and is a return to the primacy of the beat and the decks. Blackalicious have not forgotten what made hip-hop the potent musical force it is - the lyrics. There is diversity of styles, from the lyrically playful A To G, to the more personal tracks like the Smithzonian Institute Of Rhyme . However, although being lyrically driven, this album never forgets its soul, literally, with tracks like If I May; and th.ere is an intelligence in this record that.i.:; quite rare. This is a cool, tempered melodious journey through the heart of hip-hop; a reminder of why hip-hop is still one of ttle most ~yo Mansaray exciting music forms around.

THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 1999

@[fi)@(ill~

Brett the gender bender is back on this, Suede's fourth single from Head Music. "Ah feel reahel now, wahlking lihke a woooman, tahking lihke ah stohne ahge mahhn" he belts out as an elegant "ooh hooing· punkoid guitar riposte to Blur's Song 2 swaggers in the background. Slap me arse, but this is fantastic.

Caesar Bazlinton

This is another posthumous release from the money grabbing estate of the king of reggae, Mr Bob Marley, featuring the beautiful voice of daughter in law Lauryn Hill. The song is immediately likeable, with its gentle rhythm and softly-sung lyrics. lt's both classic and laid-back, although hardcore Marley fans may prefer the original.

Lucy Sacre

stereophonics OiJ01l!lffW 01l[W ®ITD@ \W/<ID~lk At last, a profound song title. No surprise though, that the song doesn't reflect this. Incredibly repetitive, or so it seems, until you hear the second track, Angie , which is just an opportunity for Kelly Jones to indulge in the whining he does so well.

Ironically, it's the third track, I Wouldn't Believe Your Radio which is the best; Stuart Cable taking over Chloe Ga" ett vocals and saving our ears.

basement jaxx ] MIIDil[W Uil 11 ®OiJ~!!D'lk

01

STEPS

If a lad who pretends to be French, has funny hair and a fixation with Nik Kershaw making music is like a sadist, tin-pot dictator making nuclear warheads, then this, folks, is meltdown. lt's tired, tortured, tedious cod-funk with no soul, served up as dance.

FCUK Les Rythmes Digitales, s'il vous plait.

stept acular

Robbie Pritchard

02

WESTLIFE

underworld IIDO'!!D©® 0®®

03 04

SHANIA TW~I N

06

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suede ©<IDITil9'lk i!®~

blackalicious bob marley feat. lauryn hill [ffi~@ 'lkunU'rru 'lkiJu® a~~[Ju'lk® @l®wiTil U®w

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west life come on over M ARCY GRAY

on how life Is TRAVIS

O'Bourke himself tr 4 ._

Wickie Wickie Wild. Wickie Wickie Wild. Wickie Wild.

Wicked Wild. Wild Wild West. Jim West. Desperado.

Mmm. Will Smith's back, cleverly using his comedy background to come up with 'Willenium'. Uh uh uh!

Big Will, Dru Hill. Wiii2K is the first single - "now we're gonna party like it's ... • hold, up, it is! - and it's also Rock the Casbah reworked. Cheers erupt from years gone by as Jazzy Jeff returns, on the decks and in the production room. Say what? What what what? What's up? Or something.

The usual thieving of Seventies and Eighties tunes is evident, and when Will sorts out a decent riff it's basically OK (So Fresh, oa Butta, and the best track, Freakin' lt). But when Will doesn't sort out anything approaching a riff, there's a problem. There are some distinctively unwise collaborations (Uuhhhh featuring Kel Spencer, anyone?), and some distinctively poor R & B with the help of various dull 'soul' singers. Big Will. Big Willie, West Phillie. The comedy lyrical genius saves him from any lower rating. l ames Brown

OS t he man who

.,. 10 real ales always available .,. Probably the largest selection of Irish Whiskeys in the country .,. Great value· Sunday lunches and our 'Taste of Ireland' menu _,. Sky Sports on the big screen .,. Come and join us for good beer, a great atmosphere and mighty "craic" .,. U EA Crawl S<hciety award winner

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Town Called Malice

Beth is back on familiar territory. like many things in Norwich, she is home-grown. Hazy smoke and a serene blue light set the stage for the magical singer to float onto. In a red linen dress and beige moccasins, the six foot waif appears like a vision, exploding into a rendition of Best Bit, set against a stage backdrop of flames. Nominated for the Mercury Prize this year, and two successful albums under her belt, Beth's fusion of elegant folk combined with modern, electronic sounds has awarded her much acclaim.

Nicknamed the 'Come Down Queen', Beth eloquently and perceptively describes the ups and downs permeating life, with lyrics personal enough to be honest, yet personal enough to relate to.

These can be heard in the mellow and beautiful Touch Me With Your Love. "I haven't got anything to

capture the urgency and punkish energy the song needs • rather, it just meanders in, rolls along, and meanders out.

All in all this album is not bad, but, as a result of the sheer disparity of the artists involved, it lacks unity. Whether it works is another question. At any rate though, it definitely proves that the original article is hard to beat.

Amanda Perkins

0 .7 08 09 10

SIMPLY RED

love and the russian GENESIS

the hit s M~RIAH CAREY

rambow TINA TURNER

t wenty four seven FOO RGHTERS

nothing left t o lose

This is all very authentic sounding, with a funky industrial beat, '4Real' rapping and some rather snazzy scratching. Unfortunately, the end result is three minutes of nothing spectacular. At least the Chemical Brothers do dance with a degree of panache, whereas Bruce Lee evokes nothing but indifference.

Jenny Wiles

~event)

i9 e-,

released: showing: starring:

out now a be brad pitt edward norton helena bonham-carter meat loaf

路controversial". "Too violent". 路out-raged Americans". 路censored". Faced with a film that has had so much thrown at it in recent weeks I give you a word of warning: Ignore the hype. To believe it and stay away from Rght Club would be a true shame.

Instead sit back and watch one of the most entertaining films of the year. From the very start David Rncher (Seven and The Game) grabs you by the eyeballs and squeezes hard, progressing from inside Edward Norton 's head (as the unnamed Narrator), around his body and out. And so the game begins! We follow Norton's story about how he came to be in a high-rise building with a gun pointed into his mouth.

Norton's character is an lkea-obsessed insomniac whose life seems to falling apart until he develops a taste for support groups. Only when faced with the pain of others, can he feel that someone really cares about his problems. And so his insomnia is cured. That is until Marla Singer (Bonham-Carter) turns up at his testicular cancer support group. She too is a fake, turning up at all of the same meetings, forcing him to come to terms with his own motives for going there. And so the insomnia returns. Then, during a plane ride back from a business trip, he meets Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) They bond during a night of drinking and end up in a "let's have a fight" fight. Stunned by the initial release this allows them, they make it a weekly

event. As word of the fight club spreads as Tyler branches out into small-scale sabotage of corporate America.

Similar in many ways to the message of American Psycho, that our obsession with consumerism is inherently pointless, the fight club the men create appears, from the outset at least, to be a way of reasserting some sense of their increasingly obsolete masculinity. Or at least that is until about two thirds of the way through. As your attention starts to waver and you are confused as to the motives of the two lead characters Rncher explains it all in one fell swoop, with a plot development of epic proportions.

Pitt sheds off the pretty boy image of recent films (Meet Joe Black anyone? No, I thought not), giving a career best performance. Similarly Bonham-Carter escapes the corsetry and petticoats of... well , her whole career in a grungy low-brow role.

Sadly, she comes across as somewhat underused but this is but a minor quibble for this is after all Norton's film. From the downbeat irony of the narration to hi!> portrayal of a man at the end of the road he puts in a brutal but hilarious performance.

Yes, FUNNY, ladies and gentlemen, for this is, in many respects, a film which makes you laugh just as much as it makes you reel. The screenplay, an adaptation of Chuck Palahunik's novel, is a joy.

David Rncher has excelled himself.

With a first-rate cast and a pounding soundtrack (courtesy of The Dust Brothers) Rght Club counts as one of the most visually stunning, involving films I have seen (despite the rather odd sight of Meat Loaf sans testicles but with rather large breasts).

This is highly recommended .

Adam Chapman

iS e-,

released : playing: starring:

out now a be steve martin eddie murphy heather graham

Steve Mart1n was a comed1c genius. The Jerk, All of Me and his legendary ten minutes in The Little Shop of Horrors have secured Steve a well-earned place in movie history. His last great comedic outing was 1991s LA Story, a gentle even wh imsical look at the vacuous hills of Beverly and sandy beach of Venice.

What followed was a well intentioned yet hamstrung attempt to move into the world of serious fare. This was not as disastrous as Woody Alien's transformation into a pitiful Bergman clone, however. With the exception of David Mamet's joyous thriller, The Spanish Prisoner, Steve's journey into the domain of legitimate drama was not terribly successful. Yet with the release of Bowfinger, Steve Martin again proves himself to be a comedy genius.

The story is one big jibe at the Hollywood machine yet it is also an affectionate homage to the aspirations of small timers trying hopelessly to live their dreams, a thematic content which makes Bowfinger the spiritual brother to Tim Burton 's Ed

released: director: starring:

29 November simon jones jeremy northam william h macy

Following the exploits of two escaped convicts who find themselves in the small , quiet, Texas town of Happy, this upcoming comedy, directed by firsttimer Mark lllsley, has received much praise, from critics and audiences alike. The two convicts, Harry Sawyer, played by Jeremy Northam (The Winslow Boy) and Wayne Wayne (Steve Zahn) arrive in town and are mistaken for a couple of gay directors (an everyday occurrence in Texas I'm sur~). Through a sequence of "hilarious occurrences" the duo are quickly thrust into the unlikely situation of having to put together the annual Uttle Miss Fresh -Squeezed Beauty Pageant. All the while the Texas rangers are closing in on them . The plot of Happy Texas is, as you can see, dangerously absurd, but by all reports the performances of the leads help to anchor the film within a sense of its own reality. Steve Zahn

Wood. The plot concerns failed film maker Bobby Bowfinger (Martin) as he desperately attempts to film the greatest script he has ever read: a science fiction extravaganza, entitled Chubby Rain, which was written by his accountant. Bowfinger is told by Robert Downey Jr's studio executive that he has a good picture so long as he secures action ~ero Kit Ramsey (Eddie Murphy) in the lead role. Of course Ramsey want nothing to do with Chubby Rain so Bowfinger devices a scheme which sees cast members interact with Ramsey in real life as hidden cameras capture it all on film .

To reveal anymore would be to spoil some of the most glorious set pieces Hollywood has delivered in a very long time. Instead of throwing every gag into the first thirty minutes, director Frank Oz (In and Out) builds the comedy slowly until the audience is swept away in an avalanche of laugh-out-loud moments. The best such moment being the cripplingly funny final scene. A special mention must also go to Eddie Murphy who proves himself to be unequivocally one of the finest character comedians alive and he clearly relished his screen time with Martin because he shines throughout. Bowfinger's sheer feel good factor will leave you buoyant for Alex McGregor days. A must-see!

(recently seen in Forces of Nature and You 've Got Mail) received a Special Jury Prize for Comedic Performance at the Sundance Rim Festival, where the film proved to be a huge success. The film also stars William H Macy, whose past performances in Pleasantville and Fargo should guarantee an impressive and convincing performance as the town sheriff. Further successes included a nomination for the Grand Jury Prize at Sundance and a nomination for the Grand Special Prize at the Deauville Rim Festival. Always the bridesmaid maybe, but such a resume is hard to come by in what we can safely call The Year of the Pap! Combining the reliable comedy themes of mistaken identity and sexual confusion, Happy Texas seems to have split audiences into those who consider it hilarious through_out, and those who cannot stand the feel-good, tolerant atmosphere that the film promotes. Tolerance being a bad th ing apparently.

We can find out just how successful the film's own brand of comedy is on December 3, when it opens Slmon Jones in the UK.

THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY,

NOVEM~ER

17, 1999

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9 the smithsonian institution gore vidal "The human race will kill itself. That goes Without saying. The virus - us - w1ll kill our host the earth, or at least make it uninhabitable. " Dystopian pessimism that seems today to be almost common place understandable perhaps at the end of the most internecine century in human history. Far from tolerating that barbarity and error should become commonplace, mere exhibits in a wax museum, The Smithsonian Institution quite literally brings time and history to life - to biting comic effect. On good Friday, 1939, T, a young 13 year old school boy (nicknamed T "for the T that reverses the directiOn of motion of all particles. For Time itsel f. ") is summoned to the Smithsonian to assist the war effort . There he is greeted by Mrs Benjamin Harrison , wife of the 23rd US President, dead since 1892 and the first of many exhibits to come to life after the museum closes each night. Something of a maths prod1gy, he has penned a formula it is hoped will aid the development of the atomic bomb by controlling the nuclear chain reaction which would otherwise consume the entire planet. Ideally it is hoped he will develop a precision weapon, the Realtors· Dream Bomb, that vaporises people and leaves buildings unscathed . Realising that the war will create an uncontrolled political chain reaction with just as deadly effect, and learning too that he is to die during it (he is told by a dummy of himself prepared for a future World War 2 exhibit) he reso lves to travel back in time to prevent the events. All very far fetched, certainly, but the result is an engaged , impassioned, ingenious and thoroughly entertaining political satire of the US's dereliction of its founding ideals. Bristling with cool w1t and Scott Wakeham warm intelligence. Heartily recommended.

oral sarah-jane lovett Recently 1t seems as though the h1p thmg for musicians to do is to release a book of their poetry and lyrics. Well, in that same d1rect1on Sarah -Jane Lovett has released Oral , a collect1on of va rious poems, sonnets and lyrics by musicians of what she class1 fies as "contemporary 1cons". She refers to the contents as mostly that of "performance poetry ," with al l its raw and edgy emotions. The anthology is meant to represent life in the 1990's, not to be "defi nitive " but mostl y "representative " of th e feeli ngs of urgency found in musical lyncs today.

The complication fea tures such prest1g1ous poets as Jarv1s Cocker, Roger Rob1nson , PJ Harvey but then throws 1n the likes of Robb1e Williams and Paul Lyalls who just do not seern to fit. In one of his poems Paul chants "I wanna make you mme-ne-nene·ll nneeee ... Whereas the Wi lliams' poem , yes poem, is a rhyming, angry work ded1cated to his stardom and his fallen fa ther figure. lt screams of being wntten by Robbie when he was only 16. and ye t he was st1 ll a smartarse even then. Still, if

noth1ng else Robb1e's mclus1on highlights what a farce his fame truly is. Even the Beastie Boys· Ada m Horrow1tz finds himself Included. Yet, tell ingly, his work is one from the 1980s and as such IS li ttered with gems such as I'm a Black Man. However wh ile these sma ll parts do not seems to fit, th e rest of the works are expressive and vivid tellings of life, its sufferings, tragedies and its pleasure. PJ Harvey's One Line exem plifi es her never-ending ability to turn words into daggers, whi le Clare Pollard gives an in tense narrative of th e exhaustive game of love. ·· s o many people and they all/only wan t to be loved/ Funny isn't it?/ How all could love fiercely/if they only got a chance ...

In general, this anthology prov1des a good snapshot of the ever-present 1990's angst, in all its glory and glam . it was a good idea to encourage those w1th a passion for music to get an ear for poetry, but the next time 1t m1ght be better to keep the mus1c1ans with th eir instruments and the poets w1th their pa per.

Katie Holzwart

a clockwork orange silhouette productions Given the enormity of th e text and the complexity of the language any production of Anthony Burgess· classic tale of freedom to choose w1 ll inspi re concerns from the audience. Will the cast understand the dialogue they are spout1ng? Wi ll the set design and costum ing resort to ai mlessly imitating the Stanley Kubrick fil m? Will the staging of the ta le's necessary "ultraviolence" be ha ndled with an unintended slapstic k sense of farce? The answer to these questions have been unequivocally answered "no" by th1s new adapta tion, staged by the Drama Society endorsed Silhouette Productions.

The min1malist set design reminded th is rev1ewer of the barren, black backdrop used 1n Francis Coppolla's The Godfather. By not drawing attention to the set the focus was instead upon the character's own psychological frailty.

Th1s surrept1t1ous Introversion was both subtle and effect1ve. The costume design gave the characters a quas1 Victorian feel with young Alex, as played by Peter Moore, dressed w1th cloak and cane. By harkmg back to tha t age of contradiction the

director, Tom Lewis, immeasurably aided the story's message of repression of choice.

All of which means little if the cast cannot emphasis their dialogue or even worse cannot comprehend it.

Howeve r not only were the ent1 re cast fl uent and confident in their lines, but also presented them in such a fash ion as to make the play thoroughly accessible to an audience tha t may not be familiar wi th the original text.

However, it's ha rdly a perfect production, the alternative end1ng supplied by Burgess and the text used by Silhouette gave an unnecessary tweak wh1ch tru ly hammered home the point more than actually needed, and by never using the overture of the 9 th Symphony the production missed an opportunity to use one of the euphoric pieces of music ever written.

Nevertheless Silhouette's production will undoubtedly become the new yardstick by which al l student thea tre at UEA w1ll be measured.

A/ex McGregor

THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 1 999

8 norwich group 20 st.margarets church, norwich A new exhibition at St Margaret's Church brings together art work of local artists who call themselves the Norwich Group 20 . They comprise of 42 elected members, an excellent collection of up and com ing artists. And as their moniker suggests they are all of a local origin, which gives the exhibition an extra resonance.

As you enter the exhibition what strikes you most is the sheer medley of intense colour. You are met at the doorway by Les Burton 's Close up at the Astoria, Rnsbury Park with its portrait of a black and white digital face. This exemplifies the idiosyncrasies of the abstract and diverse collection. The artwork ranges in subject matter from everyday life, not mundane in the eyes of the artist, to mythology. lt is truly comprehensive and includes abstract, still life, photography, landscape, and even a dancing hare.

A special collection of John Riches 1s also shown with the exhibit, a member of the Group 20 who recently passed away. What sta nds out most with his work is his most unusual medium. Instead of paint or pencil to create shadow and depth he uses sand, iron filings and calcium carbonate glued onto plasterboard.

The abstract painting entitled Deceit by Stephen Pendleton tru ly ma kes your skin crawl . The sheer mass of boldly coloured wormlike figures tumbling ominously toward you epitomises the very title. Its Hockney style contrasts with Ros Newman 's Dali-esque Bronze Mask, and at £1250 you would want it to represent the old master.

The exh ibition is free, conveni ent to fit in between shopping and worth you time. An excellent collection of local artists with somethi ng for all.

Katie Holzwart and Rachel Poole

...

• •

14 Entrapment is a film which will succeed for the viewer if the star's appeal can outweigh the ludicrous nature of this particular motion picture.

Sean Connery is likeable in his usual role as ace thief Robert 'Mac' MacDougal. In Entrapment he's basically a geriatric James Bond, still suave and sophisticated, and still able to execute action sequences far more believable than his age would suggest. Catherine Zeta Jones plays Virginia 'Gin' baker, and insurance investigator out to catch Mac. Ving Rhames, probably best known for playing Maroellus Wallace in Pulp Fiction, turns up briefly as Thibadeaux. Mac's old partner.

Entrapment does contain some impressive action sequences (in a addition to Catherine Zeta Jones

12 In a field of 50,000 'Valley boyz' and a few screaming adolescent ~rts you would have thought it would be a tough cfloice to pick out the most annoying person. But on the Stereophonics latest

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executing a slow motion training sequence while wearing a skin tight body suit - a segment straight out of Baywatch).

However, Ron Bass and Michael Hertzberg, who wrote the film, seemed to think plot twists could fill the movies running length better than any old fashioned character development Yet the film does serve a didactic purpose.

After seeing Entrapment, it should be apparent that twists do·not necessarily lend intelligence to a film.

Also, while some might complain that a relationship between characters seemingly 30 yeais apart in age is unbelievable, Entrapment compensates for this by supplying us with huge dollops of utter unconvincing Jeremy Slmon plot and action.

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release, a video of their Morfa Stadium, it is surprisingly easy to point at the fat drummer and think "what a tbsser".

His cheeky chappy expressions while the video ll::z:l~-=::---~------:::-----=-----, be~ns makes him look like he would not be far missed from a classic Status Quo line up. But despite this the Welsh trio's biggest headline ~g to date has been preserved on VHS, hopefully in order to make sure they never feel the need to torment and torture more of the poor general public.

To be fair there are a select few good songs, most noticeably the beautiful ballad Traffic, and the superb Looks Uke Chap/in.

The rest of the set is fairly middle of the road stuff, and the band comes across well despite all the efforts of the director, cruelly hacking up Pick a Part That's New with intermittent clips of rehearsal.

But perhaps the worst parts of the video are the clips of behind-the-scenes footage.

Fat drummer lives up to his stage persona in real life, as he threatens to throw anyone who makes a sheep noise at him through a pub window.

And Kelly Jones seems to be the most boring person in rock & roll as he chats about the weather, broccoli and Welsh villages.

Welsh propaganda also figures highly, when a song is cut off in the middle to show the finest moments of Welsh rugby, or perhaps the set was just too long.

Music videos have never been a · phenomenal success, and I wouldn't recommend this one unless you were psychologjcally obsessed with Kelly Jones and need an 84 minute fix of his face, but if you're a valley boy then presumably it is an essential buy.

Matf( Edwards

6

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Blur have done some bizarre videos in the past from 'standing on a cooker hob' to 'a walking milk carton' but this is the weirdest. If your the kind of person who would like to sleep with Blur, this is probably the nearest you will ever get. lt reflects their sombre attitude brought on by old Damo being ~n the heave-ho by Justine Frischmann, and is a far cry from the bouncy Song 2 vid.

In the introduction Graham explains as only he can, that he's "feeling very vulnerable" about sleeping,

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blur no distance left to run and Damon's only concern is "Why his hair always ends up in such a mess?"

The bagmt Leisure style guitar riff is accompanied by a tour round a torch lit room and shots of the boys in bed.

Alex's only murmur is his smokers cough, whereas Damon constantly fidget's with his hair.

Although an appropriately relaxing song, this is not Blur's best video, but worth a look although slightly boring.

Helen Bacon

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"Do you like scary movies?" Well, ima~ne the best bits of all your favourite horror films, squished together into a four-minute music video for one of Supergrass' more inspired singles.

Actually, you don't need to ima~ne it - you can check it out for yourself on the band's web site.

That's so we can all bypass those nasty TV company censors, who worry that 'da kidz' might be corrupted by the sight of such huge sidebums.... maybe. Or

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• •

supergrass mary

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perhaps it's the flying books, Poltergeist-stylee, a house-wife throwing up blood over her soon-to-bezombified family, the frantic close-ups of a ~rl as she inexplicably drowns in the bath, with yet more blood spewing from the sink...

You get the ~st. I'm sure. So what's your verdict?

Shameless publicity stunt? Possibly... but who cares when the video's this hilariously gory?

Jenny Wiles

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to celebrate the release of the exorcist box set, the event decided to bring you up to speed with what they're saying about that and other controversial films on the 'net. As there are so many people out there with nothing better to do with their lives than to set up a website devoted to 'films i like', martin brock had to employ a careful screening process of choosing only those with the most promising three line description on the search engine ...

a clockwork orange

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Never fea r; those of you who either missed the recent e)(cellent adaptation of Anthony Burgess' A Clockwork Orange by UEA's very own Silhouette independent drama company, or who've never managed to get hold of one of those dodgy pirates complete with wobbly hand held camera and people getting up to go to the loo, this website provides everything you'd ever want to know about the film or the original novel. There are comments for the author, details of Chapter 21, which didn't make it into the film; sounds, links, pictures and basically everything but the actual film itself. Though a little further research will probably turn up a downloadable, better quality pirate which can be accessed by anyone with a powerful enough processor and large hard drive. And for those who have seen it, there's e-.1en a glossary of the Nadsat language so you can actually work out what the hell they were going on about.

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w]©ITil Most of you won't have heard of this one but we 've included it as it's banned in seven countries, and is the only Australian film ever to be outlawed in Britain. Which makes it a bit more interesting than your average episode of Neighbours .

But then this is probably because it's the only Australian film that's actually any good. Die Muriel Die. Anyway, it's described as ·a dark humoured thriller about three modern vampires who rip off the Mob and find themselves purged into a living hell by a psychopathic rabble of syndicate hitmen, redneck cops and religious fanatics' , it promises plenty of blood, bodies, boobies and se)(.

There are clips, critiques, and you can order the videos if you have forty Australian dollars to spare.

Strangely the site is designed in a rather un-morbid and decidedly not scary pink.

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Deemed as the 'official' website for Cronenberg·s recent-ish film, it is protected by Surfwatch, a programme which means that all those under 17 are banned, though quite how th is works we 're not sure as you didn't really have to pass through any comple)( age determining quizzes to get in. Perhaps Surfwatch is a thing you have installed on your computer that stops kiddies looking at naughties on the net , but you'd have to ask a SYS kid about that.

However, if they do look at it, there is rally nothing that can be deemed offensive; or, indeed arousing.

There 's just a five second clip of a car crashing, and a detailed piece about the film , which reads like a dissertation . One only for the obsessive.

the life of brian GD1k1k[p)~//ITiTil©ITil1kW[p)waGD©ITilo w~l?1k0Jl tiD0tiDW®oiTil®1k/IIDl?~iiDITil~ITil@l®!XoGD1kiTiJDO Quite possibly the funniest film ever made, it seems incongruous amongst the rest of this blood and gore, but a lot of religious types were offended on its release. Perfect for the sad student who loves to quote from Python whenever and wherever possible as it contains the entire script plus plenty of speech, guitar chords and pictures. lt doesn't give much background information on the film, but at least its better than the German Life of Brian (or Das Ueben des Brian ) site. NB If looking up Monty Python sites, remember to include that in the search as Life of

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This site is under construction at present, so understandably it's a bit bare at present. There are a couple of pictured of leatherface and details of the first four films - the killer is a transvestite in the final instalment; now that's scary! Plus there's nice picture of Kenny from South Park being struck by lightning. ·

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/@JX@[f@Q@~o[}j)~[ITjj) The best has been saved until last as th is site contains absolutely everything you could want to know about the film and more, from the details of make up to a long explanation about the British Board of Film Classifications. The random facts are particularly good . For example, the film is banned on video in Finland, but is rated a mere 14 in neighbouring Sweden. Or the fact that Jack Nicholson was approached to play the role of Father Kerras. A lot of time and effort has clearly gone into preparing this site, and the person who created it must have seen the film a lot of times. H's probably someone you wouldn 't really want to meet on a dark night with requ isite thunder and lightning.

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Welcome to The Unofficial Monty Python Home Page !

listings database! tell us what you think about concrete and the event! participate in our weekly opinion . surveys! .

...

THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 17, :1999

.,

~evenn Grant Mitchell may have left Albert Square, but he certainly didn't take all the action with him. The limelight has now been switched to the younger generation.

Uttle Lucy Beale has had quite a lot to contend with in her short life, what with having lan and Cindy as parents you wouldn't think things could get much worse, but they do. A mystery bug has taken a fancy to little Lucy and there are more worrying times ahead for lan.

Meanwhile, Peoo is having a bit of a dilemma over her future. Should she sell the Vie or not? Are there going to be any Mitchell's left in the Square? If you are missing the Mitchell brothers don't worry because the di Marco's have stepped into their place.

The two brothers are not bad looking when it comes to this particular bit of the East End (Michael Greco who plays Beppe was voted sexiest soap actor at the British Soap Awards this year). However, until now they've had little luck in the love life department. Now though things are looking up ('scuse the pun); not only do Beppe and Sa m decide to bring their secret relationship into the open, but Gianni and Jackie finally admit that when the garage collapsed upon them, the earth moved for them too. But will the di Marco brothers have as much trouble in love as the Mitchell brothers did? Passions are also running high for lrene Raymond this fortnight as she finally gives in to the seductive attempts of the young Troy while Terry is away on business. While the cats away ...

However, the bed springs in Coronation

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Street are not seeing too much activity.

After Gail's pregnancy scare last month things have gone a bit tense in the Platt household. Martin prepares a romantic dinner at home, but Gail is having none of it. She lays down the law and says that there is to be no beddy byes until Martin has a vasectomy. Has Gail pushed him just too far this time? lt seems that the writers of Corrie have been delv1ng into the character archives.

Mike Baldwin's lost son appears in the form of Paul Fex, play by former Emmerdale star Will Cairns. But will Unda, Mike's girlfriend be killing the fatted calf? Norris Cole, the hapless salesman played by Malcolm Hebden also pops into the street to say hello to some old friends.

As usual, much lies ahead for the Yorkshire residents of Emmerdale. After last weeks five night bonanza of incestuous Kelly and Scott, and the tearful reunion of Chris and Zoe, the action continues when it dawns on Kelly that it is love rather than lust that she feels for her step brother Scott. While they're getting a bit too close for comfort, Kelly arranges a welcome home party for tea cosy .Roy in an attempt to conceal her immoral passionate feelings.

Meanwhile, tongues are wagging over Chris and Zoe's traumatic experience with their estranged brother Uam. And on a lighter note, dippy Tricia embarks on a computer course to finally get a 'byte' of action with not so game Richie.

Gemma Catchpole, Kate Wenlock, Me/an/ Davls, lmogen Dyckhoff

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the priory

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channel four wednesdays

bbc two thursdays

18:00

07:00

Well old ginger brains' career is going down the pan, what with mounting criticism of his tasteless, humourless visual diarrhoea that is mounting as the viewing figures plummet below even that of Pet Rescue.

In a vain atempt to revive the fortunes of his Ginger production company Evans recently launched The Priory, which features the delights of Mr Jamie Theakston and Mrs Zoe Slim, not, sadly a result of their combined coke intake, but another Yoof orientated chat 1 music programme. You would not have to be an idiot to spot a few spooky similarities

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between The Priory and dear Chris' Friday. People come on and are interviewed, during the course of which no interesting questions are offered, and between which bands for whom you normally held credi bility come and suck the great Ginger Phallus of Self Publicity.

Only time will tell if The Priory will run for has tortured us. With a bit as long as of luck, they'll both fall down together, nattening Chris on the way; sending him into a spiral of drug and booze despair that will, send him to that real life refuge of the rich space wasters after which the new show was named.

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Oh yes, the good old days of television, when Rorella Benjamin always went through the round window on Play School, Chocabloc ruled supreme on BBC2, and of course The Family Ness. Five minutes of classic television to keep you entertained as a child and more importantly now keep you away from that horrible essay due in at the end of the week.

While the England 1 Scotland tension has mounted over the last week, we cannot forget those poor unfortunate children stuck up in Loch Ness protecting one of the nations long heralded legend's, the Loch Ness Monster. Yes I am of course referring to Elspeth and Angus the two wee kiddies who protected all the monsters living in the aforementioned Loch .

While most of

us were sitting in our infant school lessons sticking pieces of pasta onto paper in the name of art, Elspeth and Angus were the anti animal cruelty campaigners of their day. With only their little whistles to contact the Nessies they were able to wam them of the dangerous bounty hunters that would maliciously try and track them down, to claim the capitalist prize during those dark days of Thatcherite Britain. In fact it is a wonder that Elspeth and Angus ever managed to make it to high school the amount of time they spent wandering around the loch, still thanks to the marvel that is BBC scheduling you can relieve your happy school days. When you stagger in after a night largin it on the tahn, switch on your telly, cos lets face it you weren 't planning to go to sleep before 7 am were you?

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channel four tbc

Lost River Lake was a thriving resort - until they too seriously. When the piranha attack the kids at a summer discovered ... " so reads the tagline to director Joe camp, it's hard to know if you should laugh, cry, or notice how (lnnerspace, Gremlins, Small Soldiers) Dante's 1978 similar to JAWS many of the shots are ... Piranha even directorial debut. The film is a comic horror movie about the warranted a sequel, the imaginatively titled "Piranha 2" dangers of meddling with nature and our environment. Whilst directed by some unknown type by the name of James that's one way of looking at it, it can also be seen as a dur:nb Cameron...

Steven Qulrke B-movie, trying to cash in on the success of - - - - - - - - - - - - - --.,.,.,.......,..- - - - - - - - - - - - , JAWS, and rake in few dollars from bored teens at the drive-ins on a Saturday night.

The plot involves the accidental release of genetically modified Piranha into your average all American river type creek. Why genetically modified? These piranha do not require tropical conditions, and are extra vicious and nasty to boot. To inject further paranoia, they are part of a shut down government project in search of new biological weapons for use in Vietnam.

Before it gets too political however, it's best to point out that this is a Roger Corrnan exploitation movie. For those of you not familiar with the genre, these movies were turned out cheaply and quickly, and almost always featured violence, gore and female nudity. This is a film you simply cannot take

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THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 1999

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eyes wide shut thursday, november 18, 14:30 and 17:30 Now moving to cinema city if you want make your own mind up about Kubrick's swansong (and hate having your film tastes dictated to you by bloody critics) then go see it while you can. You have a mind of your own god damn it! Excuse me. run lola run wednesday, november 17 and thursday, november 18 at 20:00 German thriller (don't let that put you off). Winner of the audience award at Sundance as well as seven maJor awards at this years German film festival. (subtitled) see essential fi lm 1. the polish bride saturday, november 20, 17:45; tuesday 23 to thursday 25 at 14:30 and 17:45.

Drama from the Netherlands. A Polish woman and a Dutch farmer fall in love when he helps her hide from two men who want her to become a prostitute. grease sunday, november 21, 17:00 Your the one that I want, you are the one I want. .. oh, oh, oh ... John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John sing along at Rydell High with their respective t-birds and pink ladies. Smashing. wonderland thursday, november 25, 20:15 Excellent study of three sisters, and the dramas in their lives. A sleeper hit, well worth making the effort to see. bloody angels friday, november 26, 20:15 A maverick Oslo cop is sent to investigate a double murder in an isolated Norweigan community, in this film showing as part of the London film festival tour. never been kissed saturday november 27, at 14:30.

Drew Barrymore stars in the sleeper-hit comedy of the summer. If you missed it during its limited run at the Norwich 'mulitplexes' then catch it on the big screen before its video release. romance saturday, november 27, monday november, 22 and tuesday, november 23, at 17:45 and 20:15 Passed largely uncut by the BBFC (a novelty in

itself) this French Film is the first to show an erect penis in British cinemas. but that detracts from the main body of work, an electrifying account of a woman's quest for sexual discovery. (subtitled)

little voice wednesday, november 24, at 14:30 Jane Horrocks plays the eponymous heroine who longs to escape her screaming mother (Brenda Blethyn) and the death of her father by belting out classic songs. Fantastically played by all! Also stars Michael Caine. beautiful people saturday november 20, tuesday november 23, and wednesday november, 24 at 20:15 A moving account of Bosnian refugees in Britain.

Mixing both comedy with poignancy, Beautiful People stars Charlotte Coleman and Edin Dzandzanovich.

continues with this Fifties set thriller. Starring Kim Basinger, Kevin Spacey and Guy "I was never in Neighbours honest and I wish people wou ld stop bloody mentioning it!" Pearce this is a fi lm as stylish as it is involving.

don't think! Stars a lady in a woolly hat screaming and running around a forest practing amateur dramatics. Would have been fa r scarier if I hadn't heard anything about it. .. but, hey, them's the breaks!

pleasantville tuesday, november 23

tarzan Phil Collins in the jungle. but only a bit. Definitely earns the title of being one of the best Disney film ever. See essential film 2.

21:00 Toby Maguire and Reese Witherspoon get sucked into the confines of a Fifies television show called Pleasantville (t he reason for this still eludes me but work with me here) and have to deal with the prejudice and intolerance of the people they meet in this black and white world. Very entertaining.

an ideal husband thursday, november 25

19:00 Rupert Everett again manages to steal every film he appears in with his interpretation of Sir Goring in this worthy adaptation of Wilde's classic play. Also stars Julianne Moore, Cate Blanchett and Jeremy Northam.

life is beautiful thursday, november 18

entrapment friday, november 26

19:00

21:00

If you all laughed at the funny little man at the '99 Oscars (Robert Benigni) and couldn 't be arsed to seek out a cmema showing this moving film then now is your chance!

Sean Connery proving himself to be a big pensioner pervert as he gets it on with Catherine Zeta Jones. then again that's not too far-fetched really ...

Michael Douglas anyone?

get carter friday, november 19

elizabeth tuesday, november 30

21:00

21:00

Legendary Michael Caine film. it's been around for the past 28 years, so if you haven't seen it, it's about time!

Cate Blanchett excels as the virgin (?) queen in this mutli-Oscar nominated film. Higl1ly accomplished, albeit a bit slow in parts, usually the parts with Dickie Attenborough, although there is much compensation in laughing at Eric (karate kick) Cantona as a French ambassador.

the usual suspects sunday, november 21

19:00 As part of this Sunday's Kevin Spacey double bill, union fi lms are showing two of his best works. the first of the two, The Usual Suspects, is a fine thri ller.

Just don't let anyone tell you the ending. it's a doozy! if they do, then you are perfectly justified in stabbing them with a pencil (many times ... very hard)

la confidential sunday, november 21

21:00 The second instalment of the night's proceedings

fight club David Fincher's return to form after average Michael Douglas's thriller The Game. A sublime black comedy starring Brad Pitt, Edward Norton and Helena Bonham-Carter. Watch out for an interesting lesson on how to make expensive soap. fan-bloody-tastic (reviewed on page 15).

bowfinger Steve Martin plays a has-been director who wants Eddie Murphy's unwilling character to star in his next film, but instead has to settle for an Eddie Murphy lookalike. Very good. (reviewed on page

15). american pie Gross-out ·comedy' from the states, Tasteless, troubling and turgid it is also, at times, quite terrific. how's that for alliteration? GCSE English really paid off! deep blue sea B1g shark. Kills people. Makes money for Hollywood producers. Sequel anyone. Original plot? Hah! a cross between Mimic and Jaws. What joy! austin powers 2 Just as the drunken calls of "groovy baby" and "I am surrounded by idiots" die down at pubs around the country the ABC darlings that they are, decide that they can still flog this dead horse. Please spare my sanity and don't see it.

the sixth sense Having split audiences into those who think it's great and those who think Bruce Willis couldn't act his way out of a paper bag no matter what last minute plot twists you throw at them, Sixth Sense is alone worth seeing for the performance of Haley Joel Osment as the little boy who sees dead people.

fight club See it's playing at two cinemas! it must be good!

You could go for the chance to see Brad with his shirt off or Helena's breasts but you'd be a pretty shal low person now wouldn't you? And I must stress it is not too violent so don't let that put you off!

the blair witch project One of the most underhyped films of all time ... I

the blair witch project Still around, busy boring audiences to death.

run lola run

tartan

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This German youth thnller has been garnenng rave reviews everywhere, and we here at The Event rather like it too. Franka Potente plays a woman (Lola) who has 20 minutes to save her boyfriend from certain death by finding 1000,000 marks to pay off the drug money he left on the subway 1n Berlin. Director Tom Tykwer creates different destinies, split screens and fast and slow motion to get the act1on across. An unconventional love story at the end of the day, 1t 1s easy to empathise with Lola as she tried to save the one she loves. A rollercoaster ride of a movie, combining animation, a hyper soundtrack and strong performances, this counts as one of the must-see films of 1999.

M1nnie Driver, Glenn Close and Bnan Blessed lend the1r larynxes to th1s latest and hugely successful D1sney classic . The prospect of Ph1l Collins sing1ng a particularly maudlin array of songs may not be to everyone's tastes but I assure you th1s is kept to the min1mum. And after missing the half term rush of kiddies and th1er parents th1s is as good a chance as any to see Disney do what they do best, entertain.

So watch Tarzan go through his own rites of passage, with growing up angsts and some fine humour from all involved.

Luckily this is not a musical, and with a wonderful performance by Minnie Driver as Jane this is a welcome return to form by the house of mouse.

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wednesday:

thursday:

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One of the innovators of electronic dance music return for one night only. £9.00

hy times hys - club night Chart music again. Need I say more.

£3 superfly mojo's - club night Beat the weekend blues with a night of pure funk. wide open space zoom - club night Norwich's most intimate venue hosts a night of fine alternative dance and indie pop.

22:00 - 02:00 balearic beats liquid - club night Relive memories of the sweaty days and nights in Ibiza at this long running club mght. Just don't streak down Prince of Wales road whilst attempting to pass sangria into your friends' mouths ... this is Norwich and the locals don't like it.

Free entry with UEA card rammed ikon - club night Don your glittery platforms and afro wig and groove on down to Ikon for some retro classics. as if you need another reason to go, pints are 80p and all other drinks £1.20.

ready break sound system pottergate tavern - club night "Tlle crazy night with the action contraption", claims the flier. I expect there'll be some music too, roots and breaks apparently.

Free i.t.m. mojo's - club night An uplifting mix of trance, techno and house to kick-start your weekend. lcr disco uea - club night Boys spike your ha1r. Girls pull on your trusty f**k me boots. Prepare for the cattle market that is the LCR. No-one knows quite for sure why we go back week after week but we do ... and we enjoy it. We just don't like to admit it! "value night" liquid - club night Not to be eclipsed by the omnipresent LCR, Uquid is offering £1 entrance (b4 11pm) and drinks for £1.20. the monastry of sound rick's place - club night Dance the night away to hits from the likes of Alice Deejay and Basement Jaxx

pure swing manhattan's - club night Get smooth and silky at Manhattan's Free entry blood brothers theatre royal - musical A sign language interpreted performance of Willy Russel's "international smash hit musical". lt has won numerous awards 1n London and over the pond so catch it while it pauses for breath in the backwaters of Norwich.

charty handbaggy the loft - club night .

Long-running and popular gay night at the Loft, presumably playing chart music of the handbag variety?! That's false advertising otherwise. coldcut & guests the waterfront - gig

friday: [Jl)@\'§@[M)[Q)@[]' ~® the thatcher years the waterfront - club night "80s nostalgia with no shame". The decade of shoulder pads, neon ankle socks and ... urn ...

Maggie Thatcher. what could be shameful about that. Remember you childhood with the likes of M.C. Hammer, Bras and Kylie Minogue. james casbere eJdlibition sainsbury centre for visual arts - exhibition Casbere's asylum photographs on show at the Sainsbury Centre until December 12th. elegance mojo's - club night Uplifting garage replaces 'whamtastic' at Mojos and makes a welcome change for anyone who is sick of bloody retro and wants to actually experience the decade we do live in! gorgeous manhattan's club night Join the townies in their identikit pastel Ralph Lauren shirts and white jeans for hO\.lse 'til 4am.

£5 elite ikon -'Club night lt seems that friday night is mainstream chart music night in Norwich, but I'm sure that Ikon does it very differently to all the other clubs in the city. Very differently, indeed. Or not. £2 B4 23:00

rick's place - club night Commercial pap and dance with the added bonus of cheap alcohol.

Free entry B4 23:00

saturday: ffiJ®W®lMl!ID®[]' ~@ all our yesterdays waterfont - club night '60s soul, r & b, powerpop and revivalist tunes'.

Another eclectic mix of music from those lovely people at the Waterfront.

Plus: Skate and destroy Playstation promo - as if you needed another excuse to go. re :fresh ikon - club night Dance along with the rest of the nation to this weeks club anthems £2 B4 22:30 Satisfaction hys - club night House and swing to give you that weekend feeling £4 B4 23:00 retro active uea - club night More of yer old folks music, plus a tribute band.

21:30 - 01:30

£5 tfi mojos - club night Chart music to bop along to or perfect the art of sitting in the corner swigging beer and smoking too many fags. Whatever turns you on.

Trinity Computers Special Prices for all Students fRINITY

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Tr1nity Computers offer unbeatable barga ns on new and second user systems to UEA students

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Microsoft Student Licence Office 2000 Professional £129.95 Second User Systems from £95.00 New Systems to your own specification at amazing prices 56k Modems from £25.00 (fiHed free) with free Internet AcceSS/Emall accounts

Trinity Computers 49 Magdal n Street, Norwich, NR3 1AA Tel: 01603 612622 Email: trinity@webex.co.uk 9

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dance club rick's place - club night The title says it all really. You come to a club and you dance, except it lasts 'til 4am ! Hurrah! Another excuse not to get up on a sunday morning until you hear the opening titles of Eastenders.

international club fraser hall , 59 bethel st - club night A chance to experience diverse cultu res and share your own as the international club throw another very welcome bash. £2

robin jones Iatin jazz sextet norwich arts centre - gig Described as 'real afro-cuban jazz' Robin Jones and his band (if that is indeed wha t they are) pl ay the east coast jazz festiva l to promote t heir latest cd, Latin Underground . I like to imagine that they are referring to latino lover Ricky Martin being underground, preferably six feet!

extra smooth sunday the garden house - club night Blissful drum & bass, scratching and live instrumentation Free

sunday: lfD@W®WD@@[[ ~jb sunday service rnanhattan's - club night 8 'til very very late . If you plan it right you could fin ish at Manhattan's, stop off at home for a bacon sarnie and still get to your 9 :00 lecture. That is if you want to get a degree. You don 't have to if you don't want to. Going to bed is another good option, and all the more rewarding. morrissey uea- gig A 'treat' for gig-goers. see not to be missed below.

£17 step this way theatre royal - play The Heather Millan school of dance put on a performance for the whole fam ily. all you need are children ... so get reproducing.

monday: IT\]@\IJ@[]i]]@@7 ~~ sanctuary ikon - club night Hu rrah! a whole new week of student nights where all the lovely clubs give us money off drinks. The ever popul ar Ikon student night provides a variety of music to keep us dancing into the wee small hours.

Free entry B4 22:00 with UEA card. underground rnojos - club night A sure bet for a grand night out of lo fi action. carwash liquid - club night Jackson 5, Abba, Earth Wind & Fire ... Carwash provides the ultimate in kitsch music complete with lava lamps. A great way to live out all you r disco queen fantasies whilst pretending to be "ironia".

tuesday:

prophet waterfront - club night Jungle, drum & bass and breakbeat to do some serious dancing to.

[Ji]@W@WD@@U' ~~ slinky hys - club night Do the clu bs in Norwich make any money? Another student night with half-price drinks , life doesn 't get much better.

Free entry with student ID

ready break sound system pottergate tavern - club night "The crazy night with the action contraption", claims the fl ier. I expect there 'l l be some music too, roots and breaks apparently.

Free

student night liquid - club night Drinks are only £1 and if you can stand the lynx and hai rspray atmosphere cooked to a lovely 1QO degree celsius then you'll have a great night.

Free entry with student ID over-easy mojos - club night Making another desperate bid to overcome Seventies fever, garage hits the dancefloor, along with many students after over-ind ulging on the ridiculously cheap fosters at £1.50 a pint. stand up comedy night norwich playhouse - comedy UEA students, including Alex McGregor, and some of Norwich's finest take the stage.

Free entry

wednesday: ITiJ@W@WD@@U' ~~ superfly mojos - club night it's as if the 70s never went away. rammed ikon - club night Retro night! Do I see a pattern forming?

balearic beats liquid - clu b night I wonder if this is aimed at people who actually went to Ibiza or their friends who stayed at home and heard exactly the same tunes at th eir local Ritzys? either way, it may not match the hedonistic clubbing cap ital but it'l l be a great night for sure.

Free entry with UEA ca rd pure swing manhattan's - club night Unfortunately not a wife swapping swingers party, although you never know you r luck! Bump and grind with a will ing partner to the sil ky smooth grooves. wide open space zoom - club night Norwich 's most intimate venue hosts a night of fine alternative dance and indie pop .

22 :00 - 02:00 andrew motion lt1 - lecture Go and see him now before he gets poached by the evil dons of Oxbridge! The most famous person to have come out of Norwich since Trisha but with a slightly different following, our very own poet laureate will be giving a talk on his award-winning works including 'salt water' .

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Morrissey. You either love him or hate him .

Those in the former category will sneer at his gladioli waving days of yore, cla im that the lyrics are as miserable as his voice is whi ny.

More extreme accusations will claim his former use of the Union Flag was a racist statement, completely ignoring the fact that only a few years later Oasis and the Spice Girls did the same thing.

Mozzer fans, on the other hand, wi ll hail him as a lyrica l genius, pointi ng out th e obvious Wildean wit in many of his songs. After all , not many Morrissey fans look li ke those wrist slashing, eyeliner wea ring old skool Manics' devotees, do they? Currently without a label Morrissey has put together this world tour off his own back, and all the dates have been received with acclaim, the pretty high ticket price of seventeen English pounds obviously not deterring the Faithful ; after all, they want to hel p him regain the million quid he had to pay to the two hapless nobodies who formed the Smiths rhythm section .

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lcr disco lcr - club night Oh the joys of s club 7 and Britney Spears! worryingly similar to your little sister's cd collection but with the added bonus of alcohol and randy students make this weekly event extremely popular.

£2.75 in the mix mojos - club night Free entry is always good, as is the trance, techno and house music played at this student-friendly venue. rick's place - club night Drinks are £1 all night! not that we are all obsessed by alcohol, but ifhelps when you're sucking face with someone with a fetish for kappa tracksuits. charty handbaggy the loft - club night More chart music and good times. dance with the 'in' crowd.

-· rick's place - club night More music and beer and dancing and stuff. Don't you people have anything better to do with your lives??????? Thought not. Go back to watching Ready Steady Cook then and stop wasting my time! £3 B4 23:00 meltdown the waterfront - club night Is it that time already? Doesn't time fly when you're having fun? £3 with UEA card

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fun lovin' criminals uea - gig The amazing New York trio will definitely be one of the highlights of the university year. However if ,y9u didn't join the ridiculously long queue a couple of weeks ago then you are, in all likelihood, goi[lg to miss out. That or you could mug someone for their ticket!

sunday service manhattans - club night it's free and they play house music. what are you wait1ng for?

·bill bruford's earthworks norwich arts centre - gig A fantastiC break for your liver, this acoustic quartet provide smooooth yet powerful and spirited jazz ..... nice!

extra smooth sunday garden house drum and bass at one of Norwich's top pub venues, in the golden triangle.

Free

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the kitchen all nighter the waterfront - club night Music to suit every taste - house, dance, trance, drum & bass etc. With a host of guest DJ's.

According to the Waterfront it's "still the biggest underground all-nighter in the east". Advance tickets: £9 as it runs from 22:00 until 06:00. remember the Redbull.

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gorgeous manhattan's - club night Shake your bootie (sorry about the jerry springerisms) with some happy house.

tuesday: [Ji)@\'§@[Jffi) !ID® [l'

elegance mojo's - club night No more retro at mojo's oh no ladies and gentlemen, those people down at Mojo's have done away with the flared trouser, and it is now all things garage that will push you to the dancefloor apparently.

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ikon - club night Dance with the best of the townies. After you 've had a few dnnks you won't be able to count your own fingers, let alone their's. £2 B4 22:30

tfi mojos - club mght How much music can you ram into one weekend?

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listings written and compiled by adam chapman and elin jones. all details coffect at time of going to press

sanctuary ikon - club night More chart and retro hits to feed your grow1ng addiction.

Free entry B4 22:00 carwash liquid - club night Celebrate all things flared. Remember to smile at the bouncers though and say hi from me!

Free entry with UEA card

perfect houseplants norwich arts centre - gig Contemporary jazz quartet. Described as "innovative and elegant" by the times. The east coast jazz festival continues with its excellent line-up of bands

Bart. Homer, Marge, Lisa and Maggie come to the small screen, w1th thiS fabulous prize coutesey of those lovely people down at Twentieth Century Fox Entertainment. If you haven't had enough of the cult cartoon family in Springfield, with their regular jaunts on SKY One and BBC 2 never fear because you can catch up with the Simpsons in their latest Greatest Hits Video out to buy on November, 8 .

All you have to do to win this finew prize is tell us the name of the families pet dog.... it is as simple as that. Simply put your answers on a postcard in the Concrete competition box 1n the Hive or pop up to the Concrete office with your

Hys The Loft Manhattans Ikon Liquid The Waterfront Mojos Zoom Concept Rick's Place Canary Cue Club ABC Cinema Cinema City Odeon Maddermarket Norwich Arts Centre Norwich Playhouse Theatre Royal UEA Studio Norwich Puppet Theatre King Of Hearts UEA Union Ents Norwich Castle Museum Scoot Talking Pages

underground mojos - club night lndie and lo-fi.

elite ikon - club night it's the weekend again and the best way to start it has to be by jumping around to the latest chart releases.

£5

simpsons video

£16

happy days maddermarket theatre - play Samuel Beckett is a writer blessed with dry wit and a fresh outlook which has again produced "a classic of our times". Happy Days runs until December 4th and comes highly recommended.

friday:

WIN WIN WIN

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student night liquid - club night Let's face it...drink is the main reason for going.

The best way of getting to the bar is to stab your car key into people's arms as you pass them. They will move.

Free entry with UEA card tvp - poetry in the cafe bar norwich arts centre - gig You may think that this would be the relaxing alternative to another hard night at Liquid, but you are mistaken. Billed as being a "hard hitting mixture of performance poetry and live music" it may not be for the faint hearted. Thought provoking and enjoyable all the same. slinky hy's - club night Oh another student night, what a surprise. Cheap dnnks as ever.

Free entry With Student ID overeasy mojo's - club night Club trying to innovative alert! Mojo's continues 1ts abandonment of all things retro for this new garage influenced club n1ght. Cheap drink is as always available and plentiful 1n 1ts supply.

THE EVENT, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 1999 ,. , ..

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MORRISSEY SUN 21 NOV

FROM FINE YOUNG CANNIBALS

ROLAND GIFT BRAND NEW HEAVIES (SAT 27 NOV)

TUE 14 DEC

FUN LOVIN' CRIMINA

£8.50

SUN 28 NOV

GENEVA

+ SOUTHERN FLY

16 NOVEMBER

INDIE/BRITPOP DISCO 23 NOVEMBER

BOB HOLNESS QUIZ NIGHT

FRI3 DEC

BJORN AGAIN

TUE 7 DEC

THE

LIGHTNING SEEDS

MON 13 DEC

NME AWARDS

30 NOVEMBER

BJORN AGAIN 7 DECEMBER

CHRISTMAS KARAOKE ·

14 DECEMBER

£9.50+UEA SU ID

SAT 29 JAN

TOUR