The event- issue 119- 29th November 2000

, November 29 2000

Shilling fora fatted

goose, squire?

gets in the festive spirit

Plus!

Michael Palin gets chatty

11

Daphne and Celeste get sticky

11 11

Reef get rocky

lncite 3 nhet =================~~------- ___ eve' •le In The Event

In Cl Piety pique

ost of us associate Christmas with wrapping paper, spec ial-offer turkeys and mud-and-dogpiss slush , but to small pockets of martyrs up and down the land it means something very different . it's a time for giving and think ing of others less fortunate than yourself. Yes, I'm talking about charities.

Charity is rapidly assuming the status of legal defence . Anything goes if there 's a substantial percentage - look at Craig Big Brother's Christmas single. It'll be terrible and we all know it, but people will still buy the bloody thing because some of it's going to that girl with ticker trouble. And those of us that don't are meant to feel like scum.

This is what I object to about charity at this time of year - it' s supposed to be about goodness of the heart rather than emotional blackmail. You notice that charities don't have blitzes like this at, say, Yom Klppur and I'll tell you why.

Christmas used to be one of those fairly inoffensive pagan do's with mistletoe and nude dancing (bit nippy, but harmless), but since then it 's been hijacked by anyone who doesn't believe their well-meaning little fingers are in enough humble pies.

Christianity , commercialism , Cliff Richard, they've all stuck the boot in to make sure that (for one reason or another) we all have ·a REALLY nice time ". Then Charles Dickens wrote his bastard book and Pudsey and his foul ilk haven't let us sleep soundly since: "Having a good time are you? With your fairy lights and late-night Woolworths shopping? Well you shouldn't bel

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"Christmas used to be a fairly inoffensive pagan do, but since then it's been hijacked by anyone who doesn't believe their well-meaning little fingers are in enough humble pies."

Walk about the streets self-righteously throwing your money at the unfortunates of the world or we'll show you pictures of mutilated animals, you piece of shitl" Hang on, what if it's not so hot actually? Maybe I find the corporate takeover of the festive period rather depressing ; maybe I've lost a loved one since last year; or I might just be sick of being bombarded with unrealistic expectations of how it should all be. And whatever happened to free will?

Free will is certainly not what A Christmas Carol is all about. Essentially Scrooge is being repressed; his natural "tight git" persona corroded by dcrgooding arseholes who seem to think that because some people are unlucky, we 've got to drop everything to make it better.

And for saying that, people will think I'm a bastard. Does that sound fair? Haven't you noticed the number of people who suddenly come over all religious at Christmas, hastily dusting off their patronisingly piteous piety persona for a few days? Isn't there something disturbingly forced about all this?

So why not admit it? Just as The Queen is not going to say anything interesting and the Eastenders Christmas episode will not be of superior quality, so you do not have to give money to charity. But if you do, make sure that it 's off your own back, rather than because Craig Phillips' record company have made it easy for you .

Duncan Gates

lnfocus

Cutting-edge reportage from the ents'n'arts front line

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5 Daphne and Celeste Pop's squeeky upstarts interviewed

6 Reef

Perennial LCR giggers on how to stay famous. Plus Teenage Fanclub get the Inquisitor treatment.

7 Nasty Nick Big Brother's black sheep: is he really a bastard?

Insight In-depth features, comment, analysis and gubbins

8 Craig Charles The cheeky Scouser on married life and Robot Wars 9 Terry Pratchett Britain's best selling author interviewed 1 0 Charlie's Angels Postfeminist masterpiece or a load of old rubbish?

11 Chopper Psycho flick's director talks about movie violence 12-13 "I mean he's awfully nice, a bit Welsh maybe, but then some of us are" Michael Palin chats about his fellow Pythons, writing books and travelling the world.

Inspected Everything reviewed and previewed for your pleasure

14 Music: Marilyn Manson; True Steppers; Badly Drawn Boy ...----------------------~~~~~~ 15 Film: The Grinch; Meet the Parents; Where the Heart is 16 Video: Chicken Run; American Beauty; The Next Best Thing MThe nastiest thlng?lsabelle."

Christmas Is a time of goodwill, charity and 17 Arts: Grease reviewed; The general niceness. But sod all that - what's the Bill, CHE 2 Tempest; Winter at the Theatre nastiest, meanest thing you've ever done?

Ml broke Into my mate's flat, stole three bottles Royal; Shop Girl by Steve Martin of wine, one of which was worth £80, and "I put my fingers In somebody's eyes until they 18 TV/Radio: Neanderthal; The planted an Inflatable sheep In his doorway with bled. Then I tried to run him over." a banana sticking out of Its arse."

Badass Dan SOC 2 Science of Crime; The Sunday Matthew Sheehan, MATH 3 Format; Animals That Changed The MJ stabbed somebody In the leg with a twcHnch MWe stole a girl's knickers, wore them, took compass. He annoyed me. Any more World polarolds, and stuck them on her door." questions?"

19 Interactive: Sheep; Spawn Stuart Foreman and Jim Ransden, SYS 1 Anon, LAW 1 "I pushed my ex girlfriend Into a hedge."

Andy Phillips, SYS 2 "I dumped my boyfriend by just posting his COs through his letterbox, without talking to him or anything."

Rachel Hickson, WAM 1 "/left a girl pregnant, and didn't give a shltl" Anon , PG Ml carried an amputated leg across a hospital In a seethroug/1 plastic bag once. Oh you mean the meanest thing? I waved If at a patient."

Jon Nice, SOC 3

MJ cheated on my ex boyfriend with one of the people who he coaches for American Football.

Er, will this be In the paper?"

Anon, EAS 4 (because we 're feeling nice) MJ dumped my boyfriend last week and sent him a really nasty ema/1."

Kate Stinton, EAS 4 MSomebody kept nicking my milk so I put laxative In lt. They didn't do that again."

Anon MJ had your mum" The Man , MGT 1

People: Editor · Steve Colllns • Arts Editor • Jlm Whalley • Aim Editor • Merek Cooper • Assistant Aim Editor • Astrld Goldsmith Music Editor • Elln Jones • Assistant Music Editor· Anthony Lovell • TV/Game Editor · Markland Starkle • Assistant TV/Game Editor· Kathryn Hlnchllff Ustlngs Editor· Katherlne Everltt • DTP · Elln Jones · Adam Chapman • Steve Colllns · Nick Henegan · Markland Starkle • Merek Cooper • Jlm Whalley • Thanks to • Blggers • God of the fortnight· God (but then he's God all the time) Contributors • Alex Thorpe • Phll Colvln · Jonathan Rolfe -Nick Henegan · Peter Clarke · Jamle Robson · Jenny Wiles • Slmon Thomhlll • Adam Chapman • Tlm Bragger · Jack Burton · Lols Metcalfe • Gemma O'Donnell · Mlscha Gilbert • Faye Thomslt · Metln Alsalnyak • Nlco,la Mallett • Kath May • Uz Hutchenson THANKS to all Eventees, have a smashing Christmas

Eventhorizon The best guide to what's on in Norwich. Ever.

The Event is produced fortnightly by Concrete: PO Box 410, Norwich, NR4 7TB Tel: 01603 250558 Fax: 01603 506822 E-mail: su.concrete@uea.ac.uk Printed by: Eastern Counties Newspapers, St Andrews Business Park, Norwich

Wednesday, November 29, 2000

In

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Christmas number one spot gets under way, Brlan from Westlife has launched a scath ing attack on Our Lord Jesus Christ.

The shambling , pig-faced popster pulled no punches in hi s condemnat ion of the Son of God, saying; "Obviously I respect him greatly for everything he 's ac hi eved. Ove r th e last few years he really has made Christmas Day his own . But I j ust fee l that it"s time for him to move on to other th ings. " He 's not really progressed since the whole resurrect ion t hing and I think it 's tim e for someone else to step into his shoes. He calls himself the Lord of t he Dance , but I think he 's past it ."

This provoked a strong reac t ion from the normally affable , carpentry-fearing beardy; "Wants some does he?! ", he raged, " His dad 's a subpostmast er from Galway and mine 's God ! I 'II kick his arse! £50 of his money versus everything ever creat ed ever that my dad made! " " And I may have been dead 1970 odd years , but I've had more women than the whole of Westlife put together", our Saviour quite unnecessari ly added .

M eanwhile, a builder from Liverpool has been given a recording contract on t he basis of not being such a bad bloke.

Big Brother contestant

Craig Phi lli ps is also rumoured to be in the running for a knighthood, a six-figure state pension every year until his death and a ful lyequppied cast le, not to mention his appoint ment as honourary emperor of the wo rld.

When asked, Craig was reported to be "chuffed" and said he wo ul d willi ngly sell his arsehole fo r chari t y/ publ icity. He then rushed off to record " At This Time of Yea r" , tipped by indust ry insiders to be t he most hideously anal song in t he histo ry of t he spoken word.

Following Steps ' proposed cover version of Slade 's Merry Christmas Everybody and the Pogues ' Christmas In New York appearing as a Bslde on Ronan Keatlng's latest single, Slve have announced they are to resurrect the 19th century classic Christmas Day In the Workhouse.

Event caught up

wit h t he lads earl ier today , where the girly one told us: "Yeah, ·coz 1n our great -great -grandparent· s day it was massive and we just want t o give something back. Some people will say it 's depressing, but that 's just the music press for you. ·· "Th e video 's great at the minute - we 're all done up as these Di ck ensian orphans gradually work ing oursel ves t o a squalid and pre mature deat h at arduous man ual ta sks on Christ mas Day, and the n suddenly J gets up and st art s rapping ... "lt 's really realistic - if you watch 1t right to the end. Abs does actually collapse with exhaustion and gets dragged off to the owners' office and actually gets beaten to death 1t's wicked."

The s1ngle is due for release as soon ilS the boys have made men of themselves (pending management 111spection).

Duncan Gates

In a shock ing reve lation, onet ime pop sta r Li am Gal lag her has denied all invol vement in the inc red ible immac ul at e conce pt ion of a brand spank ing new boychil d. Mot her Nicola Appl eton has apparentl y co nceived of thi s child with littl e or no help from any livi ng man, ever. "I can't understand it ," said the Virgin Nicky, " I've never even seen a man 's hospita l parts in my life. Wh at do they look like? " The sw art hy and simi an Gallagher was simi larly bemused. " S'mad innit?

'Owt to do wi th me. Must be the second coming or sum mat. I mean, I've never bonked 'er so how could it be mine unless I 'm God or summat?

Which I am. And John Lennon . No, that 's my son.

Not t hat I've ever had a son , or sex for that matt er. Fook off!"

The child was born last night in a barn, aft er the couple refu sed t o ente r t he Met Bar on the grounds that there we ren 't enough photographers the re, most of whom were busy documenting more int eresting stuff like sc hool fetes and tuppaware .

Both Appleton and Gallagher denied acc usation s mumbled by a passer by that they were just sh amel ess media whores desperat ely t ry ing t o hang on to the remn ants of once-promisi ng careers through a fatuous attempt at gossipmongeri ng . A six -issue seri alisat ion of their prot est has been offered t o Heat magazi ne for a fi ver and a blow job, but editor Mark Frith

commented that he would rat her "eat his own face " than " inflic t those em otio nally moribund pair of media cyphers on t he public at th is t ime of yea r. Th ey haven't done anyt hing good si nce Rabbit anyway. What do yo u mean th at was Chas and Dave? Wh o are we talking about ?"

Despi te public indifference, however, t he bi rt h was att ended by three inbred sheph erds going by the names of Th eakst on, DiCaprio and Wi lli ams, who had followed a long and dense t rai l of Gall agher' s molted hair that led to the bi rt hpl ace . All t hree clai med th at the child was not in fac t of mira culous concept ion at all , bu t was in fact the product of a bored hillside evening with a misused packet of Hob Nobs and a pl asti c funnel. Gallagher and Appleton may have responded to t he claims, but to be honest we cou ldn 't be f- ked t o re port it as t hey're both ta lentl ess mongs who have n't made a good record in years.

ss!

In yet another revalation, abbat oire attendant Craig David has agreed to bring up the boy-child , claimi ng "chances are it 's probably mine ." He claims to vaguely remember Ms Appl eton from " a brief schoolt ime assignation in the lost property room ." Mr David also went on to confess t hat he had " probably fathered the whol e of mankind, " before admitting pat ern al responsibility for al l forms of life inc luding animals and dinosaurs.

"Yeah, I guess I j ust gott a lott a love t o go round.

A man gotta do th e right thing, y' know? I sired all forms of li fe since the daw n of time, ever si nce I

WIN~ If you thought some of the presents your auntie got you for Christmas last year were rubbish just take a look at this beauty.

Yes, just look at it. it 's the Dancing Christmas Flamingo and it is officially the stupi dest gift on the internet -well, it is if you believe www .stu pid .com; christmas, anyway.

Th e beast stands at over a foot tall and is dressed in ful l festive garb. But t his is only half t he story . Just t ouch its wi ng and t he frightening fl amingo wi ll happi ly t ap dance to t he strains of Jingle Bells unt il it s batteries run out , or you get sic k of it . lt should last al l of 30 seconds t hen. Happy Christ mas, aunti e!

Nick Henegan

Jacka After the success of the Harry Potter books, literature is topping the Christmas list s of youths across the country . As such we thought it a good idea to suggest a few tit les currently avail able on the market that you might want to give t o your more annoying ankle-biting relatives ...

• • • • • • • • • • • • • •

You Were an Accident A/ice Through the Tumble Drier St rangers Have the Best Sweets Controlling the Playground: Respec t throug h Fear What Is Th at Dog Doing t o Th at Other Dog? Why can't Mr Fork and Mrs Elec trica l Soc ket be fn ends?

Daddy Drinks Because You Cry Dad's New Wife Timothy Pop! Goes The Hamster ... And Other Great Microwave Games The Boy Who D1ed from Eating All H1s Vegetables The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy T11111gs R1ch K1ds Have. But You Never Will The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead How to Become The Dommant M1l1tan · Power In Your Elementary

Wednesday, November 29 , 2000

lost my cherry in 6 5 Bill ion yea rs BC , to an amoeba whilst on holiday at Pontins . So! " Mr. David, who has now been offi c ially appoi nted as God , has now released his account of creation , entitled Genesis ( all over y our boing). Prereleased snippets begin with the lines "And In the beg inning there was the word. And it was Bo. Nobody knew what the f-k it meant , but they all j ust accepted it anyway··. and conclude w ith "And on the seventh day, he chil led ." Hi s t estament wi ll be be run wee kly by Hello! magazine for the nex t 2,000 years , after whic h Mr David has decided he will get cab le porn and let everyone recove r.

'fNWIN\tVINWINV.. i!NWIN\iiJINWIN\\'lNWINW£. ;WIN W~~ WINW~N

Blaggery Corner!

Look! Look! it's big again mother! Not that you care . Blaggery Corner has been reinstated to Its rightful magnitude but all you want to know about is all the lovely free gubblns you can cadge. Well , go on then , take the lot, see if I care. Sob. Just plop your answers in the compet ition box In the Hive, or deliver t hem in person t o the Concrete office , upstairs in Union House.

!hi.JU,!.!!!J.!ed!.!!ih!l.!!h!!!.h.,in.Mail

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Dedbeat Weekender!

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This one's a stonker. We've got two day passes to the Dedbeat Weekender (Febru ary 23-25) t o give away t o you lucky lot. Th at 's about £ 30 worth of t icket to you , and j ust look w hat you 're gett ing fo r the money you haven't even paid: A weekender just outside Great Ya rmouth , completely indoors in a four st ar holid ay camp, wi t h all the usual conve niences.

The line up: Aphex Twin , The Ph arcyde, Roots Manuva . Dept h Charge, DJ Vadim + Mr Th ing (UK DMC 2000) + Ke la Peshay , Andy Smith ( Portishead DJ), Andy Weatherai i+Keith Tenniswood - 2 lone Swordsmen (l ive), Colin Dal e, Root s Manuva , Mat Carter, Jeru The Damaj a, Ugly Duc kling, First Rate ( Morcheeba DJ), DMX crew (live), Fl yt roni x , MixMast erMorri s, Hefn er li ve ( inertia records) , The Pyschonaut s, Mark Rae , Mr Sc ruff. Big Dadd y Kan e, Patric k Forge, Keb Darge , M1ke Dred , Mast er Control , P Broth ers, M r Com pl ex , Beyond There, St rut Records, BBE reco rd s, Second 2 None ( UK champs '97) and th e Sinst ars supplyi ng the breakmg.

Plus loads of other stuff to amuse and entertain t11at we haven't got space for. Just answer tl11s absurdly simple question: Which of the above acts would like to see, and why? (Best answer wins and the promoters will make sure you get the right pass for the day you want. )

'Phonics Frolics!

The Stereoph onics ' mums have decided to do a bit of spring cle aning even t hough it 's w inter, and as luc k wou ld have it t hey 've offloaded all t heir si ngles. videos, and viny l onto usl Yes, t o commemorate t he release of the new Stereophon ics' video Call Us What You Want Bu t Don 't Call Us In The Morning (the Performance and Cockt ails video c oll ect ion), we' ve got a fant astic prize incl udi ng t he vi deo, all t he band 's singles , ever, and a special ed ition vi nyl box set which conta ins every song on Performance and Cock t ails on seperate 12" discs. plus exc lusive interviews. Cor. Just answer this Stereophonical st umper: How many people are there in Stereophonics (pictured above)?

Craig's cracker!

Go on, give Craig Ch arles' crac ker a pul l. Wh at comes out? Why, vi deos, t hat' s what ! An d whilst th1s may give him all sorts of reasons to worry, for two lucky wi nners 't is nout but a ca use of j oy.

For we have two cop1es of l1is m1rtl1some video Sick bag to g1ve away. Just d1sgorge your answer to tile fol lowing question into t ile Competit ion Box in t he H1ve (l1andy if you can't make it to the loo I Er, no, I didn't say that, did I .. ?) : What are those little bags on bus journeys there for?

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creatures?

Daphne and Celeste are reknowned for having the loudest mouths In pop. But even queens of gossip have to take a day off every now and then. Mark/and Starkle Investigates their quieter side... hat does sticklll\ mean? I think it's pretty obvious actually. I mean, we're talking about a PGrated

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~here!"

Daphne and Celeste are an odd couple of star1ets, as far as the music Industry and the surroundill\ world of the celebrity is concerned. For a start, they are hated by everyone, yet their records (in particular the singles Ooh, Stick You/ and UGLY) sell by the bucket load; they are blatantly marketed toward the pre. pubescent consumer (you know, the kids that everybody is blaml!ll for the decrepit state of the music charts on at the moment), but they do not conform by any means to the squeaky clean image of their contemporaries; and apart from their infamous gossip radars and 'that' Readlll\ Festival performanee, no one really knows much about them.

In fact, many people I know (even the ones that admit to liking them) didn't even know they were American. And boy, are they American!

So do these two teenage girls really correspond with the public's perception of the phenomenon that Is Daphne and Celeste? I mean, this is what you want to know, isn't it: are they really as abrasive and annoyi!ll as they seem? Well, to be honest, no they're not. As the interview commences, the rapiDfire insults I was expecting about Brian Molko's hair or Mel C's distinct lack of talent do not materialise.

Nor does the latest gossip about which ageing actor snagged which girl band member come to light. No, no, for now we are approaching Christmas time and as such, the girls are winding down and gettl~ into the festive spirit.

"I want some feather boas for Christmas, • drawls Daphne, "Since I've only got one black one right now and I need to up the collection a little bit. And I also want some Cyndi Lauper-style leather boots with diamonds on them! They're cool. I'm also getting a guitar, so I can sing lots of really bad ~s ... I'd love to be able to play the guitar badly, there are enough people around who can play it quite well. • Celeste, on the other hand, is thinking on slightly more extravagant terms. "In an ideal world .. ." she hesitates and I cringe, expecting some horrible, sickening 'I want peace throughout the world on Christmas day' type clicM. • ... a car. Either a Jeep with sliver-black interior, a Pathfinder or a similar 4x4. • Ah, sweet consumerism! Christmas just

"At Reading I didn't really expect people to be throwing dried pasta at us, in that its not the kind of thing that I thought people would have on hand .... "

.,

wouldn't be the same without it.

Actually, Daphne Isn't so keen on the whole Christmas shoppill\ thill\. "The thing that drives me crazy are the lines of people. I'm not into that at all. I mean, people tend to put a lot of stress on the Christmas present thill\, and I'm very 'whatever' and I don't really worry about it. But some people really get worked up about it and that bothers me, 'coz like, I love Christmas, I do. But I have to say that I like Thanksgiving better though, which is tomorrow ... and the reason I like it is because the people and family you see over Thanksgiving are there because they want to see you, whereas at Christmas they are there because they feel obligated. lt's like a lot more pressure.· Family Is obviously very Important to Daphne and her momentum Picks up as she talks so that it is soon quite difficult to understand her, as her words come

spilling out in one long stream of consciousness.

Celeste, on the other hand, is quite subdued in her own speech, which is surprlslll\ considering that she is usually the more talkative of the two in Interviews, chattlll\ manically about her adoration of hard-boy rappers, like Eminem (he was the reason they wanted to play at Reading in the first place), and generally leadill\ the conversations that take place.

"I'm losing my voice," she mumbles, embarrassed by the situation. Oh dear. There go my hopes of getting sornethill\ juicy and libellous to write about.

But, being the kind of duo that know and react to each other so well that they seem to move more as one Daphnenceleste-type creature than as two

"Do I prefer Santa or Satan? Oh man, Satan of course. He's way cooler." separate individuals, Daphne is more than willing to make up for the chatting that Celeste Is unable to achieve. Which is a good thing. Because otherwise there would be precious little Interview to write about. Which would be, urn, bad ...

"Aiicia Silverstone Is really snobby! She wasn't very nice. And Sada (from Big Brother) was not cool at all when we met herl Oh, oh, and Ann Carter was absolutely frlghteningll ... er, my manager wants me to have a go at Jerry Hall, but that doesn't do me any good, and also she's really nice so ... yeah, that wouldn't do me any good at all. • Daphne giggles, before continuing ... "Oh god, there's a new boy band called, urn, In Focus, they are really gross! Uke, they're frightening. But not as scary as Al. And I think Jon Bon Jovi has done something to his nose.

He looks really bad. But it wasn't even like a nosejob. it was really weird lookill\. lt looks more like he put on a rubber nose or something. • nd here we have it: the facts as laid down by Daphne and Celeste. Forget the pop songs, atchy though they are (the chorus to Ooh, Stick You/ is one of those that refuses to stop bouncing around Inside your head no matter how sick you get of it and want it to just plss off and die), mouthing off is where their talent really lies. They have managed to turn disrespecting into an art form.

And they, by and large, get away with it too, due to their abilitY to just shrug off any criticism hurled in their direction. And believe me, when you have as much "abuse" hurled at you as Daphne and Celeste have, the ability to shrug it off Is no mean feat.

"At Reading there were a lot of interesting things that were thrown at us, y'know. Shoes were thrown at us; packs of meat, pasta... pretty much everything was thrown at us at Readill\. People were pretty creative there. I mean, I didn't really expect people to be throwing dried pasta at us, In that it's not the kind of thing that I thought people would have on hand. Plus some of the cosmetics they were throwing were pretty fun also ... yeah we got gifts too, you know! But also we got people throwing money as well and that's the best. We did a show at Warwick University and I made like, one pound fifty or sornethill\. so that was a good thing for me".

Busking aside, Daphne and Celeste are currently working on a new album, which will be out around Easter, with a single out in February. But in a way these things seem rather insignificant, in comparison to the things that they have to say themselves and okay, so you might find them irritating, loucknouthed and fake, but Daphne and Celeste are having fun and to be perfectly honest, they don't care what you think.

"Do I prefer Santa or Satan? Oh man, Satan of course. He's way cooler." Nice one Daphne. Okay, girls, interview's over. You can take your tQil\ues out of your cheeks now.

• 1 .!

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Since Reef's huge hit in 1 997 with Place Your Hands On, they have been making occasional ventures into the charts but haven't regained their former success. Anthony Lovell went to find out why... coming up to me and asking 'How do you play this?', and 'Look what I can do!' . And some of them were really good! "

Teenage Fanclub: they' re not as nice as they look,

you k111ow ...

eef, like any band, must surely have had their ups and downs. I ask if there have ever been any serious problems. Kenwyn attempts to side step this at first , but gradually becomes more fortllcoming. " I think if you've got strong-willed people, there will always be a challenging situation, depending on how intelligent and how mature you are. lt can be an incredibly positive outcome, or you can resort to childish squabbling! " Which does Reef do?

"Definitely the former. And we all respect each other as wel l. it's not like we' re biting our lip all the time, thinking 'he' s a c- · or whatever. But there are times when we've almost split up be cause of the press, and general unhappiness with individuals. I'm so glad we haven 't, but sometimes the pressure just got to us. We realised that we 're only doing this because we want to ; take a deep breath and take it less seriously. We take all th e bullshit less seriously · we still take the music seriously ... I do wonder if the failure to move up to the next level of popularity was at the root of this. Did it frustrate

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Five words to describe Teenage Fanclub?

Gerald Love (left) : "Traditional, melodic, difficult, simple and naive."

How many albums left, then?

"I imagine just one more LP." Your Idea of heaven?

"Simplicity" The most rock'n'roll thing you've ever done?

"We all took acid one night after supporting the Soup Dragons about ten years ago. it's not that mental real ly- no halluciantions. just a brilliant time. The next day we all felt a bit rough."

If you could ban somebody from ever making music again who would it be and why?

··ooh that's quite cruel , but I'd probably say Robbie Williams. Although I'd probably feel sorry for him afterwards. But he could be an entertainer or a stand up or something I suppose.

But I think he's had it easy, he doesn't real ly appreciate the power he has over people. He's a bit arrog ant."

"I think we'll be like Slipknot or Placebo - that kind of Goth rock stuff.

But I think we'll have to have a fight with Marilyn Manson. Take them out first."

Personal villains outside music?

"The fu el protestors ... it seems like the first step towards anarc hy y'k now?"

So Teenage Fanclub aren 't anarchists?

" No , I believe in democracy. You shouldn 't hold peopl e t o ransom. I don't dri ve either and I t hink ca rs have done terrib le damage to t he envi ronment as well. " You 're all known as lovely chaps, but what's the nastiest thing you 've done today?

"We were at a service st ation today and t his Land Rover sped towards us instead of slowing down. There was some abuse thrown at the driver. Probably a fuel protestor."

And finally, erm ... ever thought about changing the name? I mean, none of us are getting any younger, you know.

I guess we always thought that names would be kind of associated with us rather than what the words meant. I mean, Spandau Ballet - what's all that about? But I do agree, yeah. it's body doubles on the album cover! The lines have been painted in.

Imagine you're starting the band again right now - what would you be like?

"I think we would be like Slipknot or Placebo· that kind of goth rock stuff. But I think we would have to have a fight with Marilyn Manson. Take them out first, y'know?"

Steve Col/Ins

"There have been times when we 've almost split up because of the press." all know that song. In 1997, it was absolutely inescapable. Th e feel-good hit of t he summer, spring and aut umn.

Four lanky west cou ntry boys came up wi th a blinder of a single called Place Your Hands, wh ich went straight to number one.

The band pl ayed Wembley Stadium t hree sold out nights in a row w ith U2, Bon Jovi and Oasis in ~ support , and are presently al l residi ng in a on Mi llion ai re s Row , Bel Air, with Fred Durst as their butler.

Except, of course, t hat it never happened. Reef are one of those fun ny bands w hom everybody likes, and ow ns one of their records, but never seem to get anywhere. They are play ing t he same ca pacit y ve nues year in, year out, and getting great reviews for just about everything t hat they do, from all areas of the music press. So why the hell aren't these boys mi ll ionaires? Kenwyn House is as c onfused by t his as anyone.

He 's a nice guy . Quite reserved at first, I think he is slight ly suspicious of me- probably why he gives such short answers to my queries about whether the band has matured. "I think you could say yes to that. Unless we've regressed· I don't know man. We should be, we 're older· we should know better by now! Y'know what I mean?'' He has an air of the 'confused but intelligent hippy' about him, frequently changing his mind, but talking articulately when he has settled on his opinion.

He says 'man' and 'y'know' a lot. I half expect him to wish me ' peace' at the end of the interview.

For a band with such a fine songwriter at the helm as Gary Stringer, Reef haven 't really enjoyed the chart success they 've deserved . But Kenwyn is quite happy with what they've done. " I think we've done really well , considering . Straight after Place Your Hands, there was Come Back Brighter, another top 10. Number 12 for I've Got Something To Say, and we were going out on tough weeks when we were releasing those . With Glow, we released in January when there 's f-k all about, charts are misleading as far as that · goes. If you release a single at Christmas time, you're f-ked mate! You're going up against Mr

Wednesday, November 29, 2000

Blobby! Wait until after Christmas." Sound advice indeed for indie rock bands everywhere, especially with the festive season approachi ng.

Although Reef are playing UEA again for the second time in two yea rs soon, t hey aren't always performi ng in front of such mature and appreciative audiences. They undertook a sc hools tour th is summer, a ploy more usually associated

"If you release a single at Christmas you're f-d, mate! You're up against Mr Blobby." with boy and g irl bands look ing for a ready made fanbase. Why on earth would the musically credible step so low? "We didn't know what to do in that time . We were going to go and do a radio tour, do all these local radio stat ions and sessions, and Martin, our manager, had this idea of doing a schools tour, because he'd done it- he was the drummer in the Wo nderstuff. And we thought we 'd combine this travelling round the country with going to schools for music am nesty, which is like giving away instruments. We were going round schools, and dumpi ng off equipment at each one. " Any funny stories when playing the schools? "Three or four of them, we got a mash pit in assembly! There were loads of kids

the band? Kenwyn brushes this off. "We 've played lots of lit tle places as well as huge places. We've done Brixton Academy so many t imes, why go back there? I do underst and w hat you're saying. but the game's not over yet! " Of co urse, it wou ld be so easy for Reef to sell out, and take th e ea sy rout e t o fame and fortune.

Ke nwyn t hinks t hat t he t ime for t he band to do thi s has pas sed them by. "There have been times in t he band whe n we could have taken a much easier route . If we had rel eased Naked around the t ime of t he Sony Minidi sc ad we'd have had a number one hit there and then. But th e song was a song fo r us before all of th at bullshit. In some respect s, we don't play the game very well."

Playing devil's advocate, I ask if the band is bei ng wi lfu lly obsc ure in t urning down fame and fortu ne, and Kenwyn proves himself refreshingly untainted by the to uc h of overcommercialisat ion." ! wa nt it t he rig ht way, or not at al l. I've seen so many bands take a carrot, and be half of w hat they had before. They j ust bore me a little more than they used to."

He's a happy chap really. He's proud of what he and his band have done, and what they are doing now . Above all, he's proud of t he way in whic h they 've done it. But Reef retain an ambition t hat is often lacking in artists whom have reac hed a certain level. As Kenwyn says: "The game's not over yet !" You shouldn't bet on this Reef becoming extinct any time soon.

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'Nasty' Nick Bateman, the man who once said "live by the sword, die by the sword," shows that the pen is in fact much nastier in his new book, How to be a Complete Bastard. Elin Jones prodded him to see if he'd b~te ... indication of what I think it's like." Not one to be top off to attempt the assault course. Out of the house, however, Nick is less coy about the drawn into long discussions about his time in the BB house, this answer was typical of his matter. "I think we're all human beings, we all interview technique: The Sun has taught him well. have naked bodies similar to each other so it's no big deal. I think it was a rather cheap stunt to His obviously well-rehearsed and pre-set answers to questions thrown at him were often amusing, make more money from us, but at the end of the but he was unwilling to be picked up on any day we signed away our rights so it is to be difficult points, and on several he blatantly expected." ignored comments which he didn't like the sound On the subject of his housemates, Nick is understandably on edge. After all , who can forget of. His behaviour in Norwich was identical to that the reactions of Craig ( "you made me look like a on the television, a fact he acknowledged: "that show was reality TV so what you saw is what you e-t in front of millions of people") and Darren get." The penetrating gaze and shifty body (·Just get out.") around the dinner table when he was unmasked? However, after their tearful language were also evident, and would keep a psychologist busy for hours, as indeed it did on reunion at the final, he has continued to keep in the programme. Although Nick looked like a touch with Darren and Craig , as well as Mel , Andy startled rabbit in headlights, he seemed very sure and Thomas, and says that he is glad that Craig of himself in many of his comments. From won because " he was probably the nicest person in the house." The question of Caroline and Nlcola claiming that he wouldn't be the weakest link on is more prickly though as they have been very Anne Robinson's quiz show , " she would " , and vocal in airing their views on him (as well as bragging that he wanted to become "one of the best UK male presenters" , his arrogance seemed at odds with his slightly upper-class geek look and doesn 't do anything for his public image. lt is one thing to play up his image of being a comical Machiavellian villain , but quite another to project an image of being an arrogant and pathetic man, trying desperately to cling on to his 15 minutes of fame-by-proxy . Typically , Nick doesn 't see it that way. "Well, my fame has everything else) in the press. "Caroline doesn 't hate me but Nicola does. I don 't hate Nicola, lasted longer than five minutes and it ' ll last longer than the next five minutes. I've written a she's just misguided. She would be the person out of the house who I would not go and visit if I show for Sky so I expect it to last for a very long t ime .· But hasn't the media attention died down was in her area." When talking about his Big now? "Died down? I still have the most column Brother friends, Nick doesn't seem to be as arrogant and, dare I say it, 'nasty'. But would he inches written about me and I have my own show so I'm still very big.· Disturbingly, Nick seems the be giving the proceeds of his book to Craig's type to actually sit down and measure his column fund? "No. Craig's fund is now fully endorsed . I do work for Children in Need though . I think anyone inches, so I won 't dispute this claim , but unfortunately for him, most of the stories about in the public eye should support charity as they him haven't been exactly complementary . His don't get enough support due to the Lottery .· But weren 't your actions in the house far from laughable presenting debut on TFIIast fortnight charitable? "Um , not at all. Every character who provided more than enough ammunition for the is bad should still give to charity. " With this press, as does his general persona. Any adverse rather confused closing comment, Nick was lost comments made about him, however, are in a sea of Norwich school kids, all jostling to deflected by blaming the programme makers at have their picture taken with the national antiChannel 4. "Everyone has a bit of niceness in them, but that kind of game show brings out the hero before scurrying out of the shop shouting "Nick, you 're a twat" over their shoulder. worst and the best so it wasn't in the interests of the show to show someone being nice.· But didn't you say that it was I 0% DISCOUNT WlTH ~HIS ADVERT & reality TV and what you see is what STUDENT ID you get? At this point Nick develops an avid interest in the spelling of a girl's name who wanted her book signed.

"Caroline doesn't hate me but Nicola does. I don't hate Nicola, she's just misguided."

B

ig Brother, remember that? Whether you loved it or hated it, you couldn't switch the TV on or read a newspaper over the summer without catching a glimpse of Nicola's bare arse or Darren's packet. But as the nights drew in and the temperature started to drop, the 'stars' of the latest fly-on-the-wall series became relegated to gossip pages in Heat, or the 'blaggers list ' in The Sun. Or booksigning at Ottakers in lovely Norwich .

How the mighty have fallen - the sight of selfof Eastenders, how does he think his Wolford styled villain 'Nasty Nick' sloping into the namesake measures up in the Scrooge stakes? bookstore all wrapped up in a knee length coat Who would win an unpopularity contest, Bateman and clutching a battered leather suitcase had or Cotton? "I would ", snaps Nick . "Nick Cotton is most of the crowd in fits of nervous giggles. an amateur in nastiness. " Cor. Nasty Nick off the telly! In Norwich!

But isn't this all a bit wrong? Isn't it pretty Despite the initial excitement of seeing someone damned unfair that Nick 's work should be famous other than Trisha or Delia 'pies' Smith, it published above that of struggling authors who soon became obvious that the majority of the have real talent? This, in fact, is a question people queuing had come to shout "tosser" at voiced by one of the punters. To Nick . In a rather him before scurrying back to smoke fags outside loud voice. Pip, a struggl ing writer herself, their schoolyards. Well Nick , if you live by the stormed "I think he's a shit, basically. He's sword you must die by the sword, to paraphrase a written a book and he probably can't even write." well-known TV personality.

The outraged student then went on to explain Nick Bateman's literary effort How to be a Total that when she had confronted Nick he had put the blame on to the public for buying the book Bastard (catchy title) was recently published, just in time to catch the tail-end of Big Brother fever. " so I said that it 's not the public 's fault and that Copies of it are stacked in enormous piles around he 's been taking advantage of the public. And then they asked me to leave." There is no doubt Mr Bateman, who fields The Event's questions in that Pip had a valid point , especially after reading a curt, peremptory manner. Surely this harmless looking character peddling high literature to the How to be ... , but you can 't help siding with Nick's unfortunates of Norwich at Christmas can't be all opinion - I doubt that any of the queuing punters at Ottakers were buying the book expecting a that bad?

So just how nasty is Nick? The first test: does he work of unprecedented literary prowess. They mind being portrayed as a hate figure by Channel were expecting a book by someone famous .

Big Brothers Sada has also recently published a 4? " I don't think hate figure comes into the equation. I th ink everyone has some badness in tome of her own , The Babe 's Bible hich them , but this country likes bad people. So I don't she wrote before appearing on think hate comes into it ." He doesn't seem to . the show ), but unfortunately without a signing mind that the whole country turned against him, with The Sun even going as far as trying to expedition to our fine city. contact the housemates to get him evicted.

When asked what he Didn't he care that he was betraying his thinks of his housemate' housemates when they were thrown together and efforts, Nick replied " I had nCH>ne to rely on but each other? "I think was given a copy of her book and it's that everyone trusts each other but there was money to be won so what the hell? I had a sitting in my Machiavellian outlook." But doesn 't he regret his bathroom, wh ich I actions in the house - would he play the game the same way if he was given a seond chance? "Yes, but much harder." So far, so nasty. But surely he an must be worried about what the public think of him now that he is out in the open? "Well , I'll probably get a few nailbombs for Christmas" , he says in all seriousness. Nick seems to be a man who thinks that he will keep his fame by becoming a comedy anti-hero. But considering the recent rumours that he was going to join the cast

"I was given a copy of [Sada's] book and it's sitting in my bathroom, which is an indication of what I think it's like"

~(Ut.,_ BOUGHT AND SOLD FOR CASH 1J MUCH ~ COMPACT DISCS • RECORDS

n to the next question then.

Following the release of the Big Brother Uncut video, the question on everyone's lips is 'do they get naked?' Unfortunately the answer is yes and it's not pretty. Of course, there is plenty of footage of Mel and Nicola, but there is also the disturbing sight of Craig and Andy au nature/le during the clay painting You could have your eye on them . In fact, the only who doesn't even take his is Nick. Whilst Mel and Caggy were happy to in the buff and

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On tour promoting his video Sickbag, Craig Charles made a visit to the LCR last fortnight, presumably for research. Elin Jones donned a pair of marigolds and went along ...

f you had to ld Craig Charles a couple of yea rs ago that he would be happily married, l1ave a hugely successfu l media career and be on the road telling jokes about using the toilets in celebrities' houses he probably wouldn't have believed you. Wrong ly imprisoned for rape, his career was in ruins and even on his release after he was totally cleared of the charges aga1nst him, he feared that he would never rega in his reputation as t he c hirpy Scouser from Red Dwarf.

However, for anyone who saw him on st age at t he LCR last fortnight. it is clear that he is back on form. And judging by the crowd of adoring fans who waited after the gig to see him , he has nothing to fear in the popularity stakes.

Craig has had a busy year. A st an d-up t our to promote his new video Sick Bag (see Blaggery Corner, page 4), rehearsals with his band The Eye. a new series of Robot Wars and Channel 5's Big Bro ther-style Jailbreak, as we ll as his marriage t o new wife Jack ie have ensured t hat he hasn 't had time to catch his breath . A lesser man would have checked into t11e Priory by now, but Craig is as upbeat and chatty as ever ... or is that t he lager ta lk ing? " Nah, I never drink before going on st age. I act pissed so I can get away wit h more! it's all part of t he act, it 's like a character." A pretty good character- I must admi t t hat I was slightly ... apprehensive

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drink ing since 3pm and who pract ica ll y destroyed the stage by spilling various drinks (would anyone notice in the LCR?), falling off his stool and knockmg over speakers. I obviously wasn't the only one fooled, though, as the Tour Manager, Dave, interrupted with "tllere was a woman who wrote to the PR company to complain that she'd spent £6 to see Craig Charles and he had turned-

"The most exciting thing to happen in Big Brother was someone using a pencil." up pissed. I mean, would he have been able to bounce a football on his head for ten minutes whi lst tel ling jokes if he'd been drinking?" That's me t old , then . Dave is obviously a big fa n of Craig·s- no mean feat for someone who spends months at a time cooped up with him in a litt le caravan which they call the tour bus. " it's so much easier than stay ing in hotel s, and it's got everyt hing we need." I don't t hi nk th at Me I C would agree wi t h you there judgi ng by her two huge coaches which were parked outside the LCR during her gig. But then, Mel didn't stay for two hou rs talki ng to her fans, signing autographs and hav ing pict ures taken after t he gig either. The mutual devotion between Craig and his fans was evident from the chatting in the bar following topics from Red Dwarf to 15" dildos to B1smark ·s unification of Germany in 1871, after tile exl1aust ing t wo hour ance. But then Craig has a ot to thenk his fans for. The phenomenal success of Red Dwarf has led to endless spin-offs and merchand ising , and a film which starts fi lming early next year.

But as Craig says, "I've done so much more, I mean I've been doing stand-up for twen"~' ty years. My stand-up show is -..; nothing like Red Dwarf. I do a bit of sc1-fi stuff because I find it funny . The world's religions in terms of smeg - I mean, t hat 's just class."

Other tv projects have been rather different to Red Dwarf- Robot Wars. Funky Bunker and Jailbreak have shown that Craig refuses to be type-cast. Jailbreak was hyped to be t he next Big Brother, but achieved nowhere near the same success. Did n't Craig wish that he had presented for Channel 4 instead? ''I actually thought that

Wednesday, November 29, 2000

Jailbreak was a much bet ter game t hen Big Brother, and it was a big race between Ch annel 4 and Channel 5 to see who was going to be on the air first. You've got to understand that to build a purpose-bui lt fucking jail took a lot longer t han bu ilding a bleeding house. But the re was a lot less about sitting in a room being ·me, me. me. me.· Don't you think that the most fucking excitIng thing that happened in it was someone gettmg caught using a pencil?" So how does he think his rival, Davina . hand led t ile job?" I don't like Davina McCall. No really, I mean I don't hate her, she just leaves me cold . I don't think she's good-looking at all. I don't know what people see in her ." Craig obviously wasn't impressed with her ra t her revea ling dress and ri ding crop at Halloween. But he said on stage that he was kinky- surely he must be into that kind of thing?

"Not riding crops, no. Not unless they call me Barbara." Time to move onto a safer subjec t ... ay before Red Dwarf was even a twink le in his eye, Craig started a band called, coincidental ly, The Eye. As he has been doing it for so long, The Eye is his first love and t hey are now begi nn ing to become popular and are fighting off offers from record labels.

"Everyone's trying to sign us but we 're trying to keep as much control as possible, really ." The band played at Edinborough fest iva l this year and have been on tou r over t he summer, l1ave t hey risen to the st atus of having grou pies yet? ''I'm a

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"I'm not into riding crops.

Not unless they call me Barbara." married man you know . I suppose the band get a few girls hanging around, but I try to stay out of the way of temptatio n." Bugger. t here goes my scoop. So, how did they end up wit h the name The Eye? "it's a funny story, actually . We were rehearsing at the time and I was sparring with a friend of mine and he stuck his thumb 1n my eye . lt got rea lly infected and it was reall y quite bad. it was getting to the stage where if it didn 't get better within the next few days they werego1ng to take the eye out. I kept having to ' phone up rehearsals and say t hat I couldn't make 1t. They'd ask why and I'd say 'it's the eye, man. it's the eye. · and we suddenly thought we shou ld call our band the tucking eye because we've cance lled about five rehearsals because of it. it's a great title to play with - 'giving you the eye ' , 'blinkin' awful' ... " So there you have it. Craig Charles - media whore, husband and father and a thoroughly lovely bloke. After the interview he was off to talk to some more fans, but not before offering to show me 11ow t o s11ag a sheep and te lling me t hat I was getting him all excited by talki ng about liquid latex.

Giving me the eye? I wish.

The contestants on Robot Wars: "Just because they 're good at something that isn 't playing football or drinking lager doesn 't make them nerds."

Beryl Bainbridge's comments on Liverpool accents (see issue l.l.S) : "She needs to get a f-ing life."

His favourite house robot on Robot Wars : "Sir Killalot is like grrrr."

Jailbreak "lt wasn 't really that big a hit because it was on Channel 5."

Andlng a team to go on Scrapheap Challenge (hosted by Robert llewelyn) : "All my mates are thick. Well, they're good with their hands but not in that way. " His penis, Mr Wiggly: "I had to give him a name as I didn't want a stranger making all of my decisions. " Offensive material in his stand-up set: "If anyone is offended by me saying f- or shit. they can just f- off. " The Priory: ""I did a thing called 'Kiss my arse ' and I'm going to do a few interviews for them ."

Sex: "My girlfriend told me there are three types of orgasm - the religious , the negative and the fake .

"The first Is "Oh God, Jesus Christ, oh yeah , Jesus!" The negative is "Oh no, oh no, no, no, no! " And the fake is "Oh yeah , Craig."

Sex (part 11): "Why do women like those big veiny dildos?"

Sex (part Ill) : "I wear stockings and suspenders ever since my wife found t hem in my car."

The police: "I love the police, I th ink t hey do a great job." (Hasn 't anyone told him that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit?)

Smoking: "I hate those people who cough and splutter when I light up a ciggi e. " (best not spark-up in the Hive then , Craig.)

Otto von Bismark: "You 're studying Bismark?

What, about his unification of Germany in l.87l. and treatment of the army, the kulturkampf and his religious legislation. Basically Bismark was a twat with a stupid moustache.

"See, not all Scousers are thick."

ht 5Knowledge

9

The Sonics Terry Pratchett, author of the hugely popular Discworld novels, is now making his first tentative steps into the fantasy world of Hollywood with a film adaptation of his novel Good Omens. A/ex Thorpe met him to find out more ... while both of us would like to see it successful neither of us has too much emotional investment. it 's just one of a number of projects we've been involved in. Its not, as it were, our 'pet' project."

People with slightly longer memories will remember the animated series of Truckers on ITV which, despite being a huge success, was never followed by dramatizations of the second and third books in the trilogy - Diggers and Wings.

"The British by and large are very snobby about animation. Cosgrove Hall were going to go on, and it was sufficiently successful to make the next two. They had everything storyboarded and some models made. Then Thames TV lost its franchise and it got orphaned . it isn't that there isn 't demand or finances, it's just that no-one wants to be associated with a project that someone else started. If its a success, its a success of the person that started it ."

Terry Pratchett is also quite tetchy about the title 'sci-fi' . On being asked whether he reads any more sci-fi, he said: "Never use the phrase sci-fi. Science Fiction or SF. Sci-fi is to SF what hi-fi is to a stereo system .

No. I read a certain amount to keep in touch with what 's going on. I tend to read a lot of hard SF. A lot of modern fantasy is crap. it's as if Tolkein had never died - he wasn't crap - but there has

"All those little kids who finish all the Harry Potter books ... well, just on the shelf above 'R' for Rowling there's 'P' for Pratchett and a shitload of Discworld books "

What's all that noise?

In 1965, five kids raised on a steady diet of 50s Rawk and roll and early 60s beat groups squeezed themselves into five pairs of tight trousers and set about terrorising the North-west coast of America. Their music throbbed - as did their trousers, presumably - and punk rock was born. Listening to their raw brand of garage rock it is hard to believe the time in which it was recorded. The bass drives hard while the guitars are as abrasive as any you will hear today. But it's not just the aural dynamics which grab you.

Underneath all the fuzzed-up debris there lurks some of the most catchy pop gems you will ever hear. As the songs gyrate towards you from your speakers one thought will consume your smitten brain .. .'mmm, sleazy'.

Who did what?

The group was basically the brainchild of two brothers, Andy and Larry Parypa who played guitar and bass respectively. Bob Bennet pounded the skins and Bob Lind blew a hurricane through his saxaphone. Though it was Gerry Roslie's voice that provided the initial shock factor; he could howl and scream with the best of them.

Sold a few records did they?

erry Pratchett doesn't come across as your typical multi-millionaire author. For a start, as he talks away in the bar of the Maid's Head Hotel, he seems truly personable.

On tour promoting his latest book, The Truth, Pratchett shows no signs of quitting: "No-one seems to want me to stop writing, but right now I can't tell you that in a month or a year or five years I'm not going to say 'to hell with it' and go and buy an island somewhere and paint nude women. Paint pictures of nude women obviously . There's too much paint the other way. " With three more books on the horizon for next year, Pratchett's formulaic style of writing is

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"I'm not going to say 'to hell with it' and go and buy an island and paint nude women ... " hardly stretched. " it 's like being a chef, who 's trained. Now give the guy a couple of potatoes, a banana, a lump of coal and some parsley the bloke can probably make up as he goes along a good dish because of techniques and things that he's used before to investigate what you can do with the various ingredients. Its not just chucking everything together and hoping it's gonna work . Once I've done that, that 's what I call draft zero.

Having written draft zero to tell me what it is I've been thinking about, I then go back and scrap nearly everything, and start on draft one because I know how I want the story to go. I have a general idea of how its got to work before I start it, but I write draft zero to home in on my ideas."

If you need any idea of Pratchett's popularity, there are any number of 'fansites' on the Internet attempting to pick holes in the plots of his books, but next May's Thief of Time is probably going to answer their questions. 路Thief of Time explains why some of the history of the Discworld is screwed up. En passant as they

say. That's not particularly what the plot's about and I didn't write it for that purpose. it's just a handy way of explaining a few things.

"When reporters talk to me about 'your legions of fans' I say 'have you ever looked at my legions of fans?' Have you ever logged on and listened to them?'"

"I spent several years contributing to alt.fan.pratchett, [Pratchett fansite], but it's the whole story idea of things that frightened me off.

Too many people were actually posting story ideas which, since they were extrapolations of things that had actually happened, were quite close to what I was actually thinking about. And in these litigious days, that can be a problem ." ff the topic of Discworld, Pratchett 's joint venture with Neil Gaiman (Good Omens) is going to hit the big screens in the near future. Pratchett, however, knows few of the details.

"All I know is that I've heard that it's planned, and shooting begins in the UK at the end of 2001.

"Neil and I have a little mantra, which is 'It'll never happen', and we 'll say it to one another even as we walk up the steps into the premiere. They're going to open the can and there'll be no movie in there. It's best to take that attitude with Hollywood.

"Terry Gilliam became interested in it back in the early nineties, when the film deal first came up. He put in a bid but lost and Sovereign Films got it. We did a script and they then started to muck it up, and fortunately it went down the pan before they had the chance to produce the complete abortion it would have been.

"The Samuelson brothers bought it in the midnineties, and we said 'fine' . We met the guys and quite liked them, and they said they'd like to have [Terry) Gilliam do it, and things moved kind of slowly and then suddenly Terry was available and he was signed up.

"We're not gonna get involved because it's gonna be a Gilliam movie. That's fine. We ' re quite happy. The thing is both Neil and myself-

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been too many evolutions."

Despite being in direct competition with Harry Potter, Pratchett hardly seems to be losing sleep over his rival in the world of Sci. .. er, SF: "I have no particular problem [with JK Rowling].

The Truth is number one for the third week running, sales are very high so I can hardly go running to her and say 'because of you I've lost sales'. What I like to think of is all those little kids of about 12 or 13 who finish all the Harry Potter books. Well, well, well, just on the shelf above R for Rowling there's P for Pratchett and a shitload of Discworld books. Its not something that causes me an awful lot of thought."

No basically! They only ever enjoyed local sucess and never compromised their sound for a wider audience. They eventually split up after a few albums, but by then they had laid down a blueprint for raw, sleazy, garage rock that was to be exploited by many a band.

Rve years ahead of their time then?

Definitely. Come the end of the 60s, in the absence of The Sanies, lggy Pop and the Stooges were to make raw power rock their own, with a bit of onstage mutilation for good luck. Even now Jon Spencer makes a living by stripping down tunes The Sanies would have rejected, bolting a hip-hop beat to them and screaming "Blues explosion! " at every available opportunity.

Suggested purchases?

Their records are so rare you are advised to grab anything you can get your hands on, especially if it contains the roguish Have Love Will Travel.

So what does the future hold?

Well, to put it simply: you buying one of their records, pumping your stereo up to an earspliting volume and feeling the exhilarating rush of The Sanies music blasting through your every pore.

Warning: The Sanies are so raunchy it is advisable to have a cold shower after every listening. Just in case.

Merek Cooper

Wednesday, November 29, 2000

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As Charlie's Angels ret urns in a new pair of slingbacks and no sign of the Farrah flick Jonathon Rolfe casts a critical eye over the latest Hollywood reworking of a television classic ... he hype for Charlie's Angels has been huge, even in comparison with the usual hyster· ical reaction to US 'smashes.' Posters of each of the three stars abound in the city centre, and virtually every magazine on the stands has that same picture of the Angels staggering gleefully onto a beach in dripping wetsuits. it is obvious that Charlie's Angels is entirely unlike a box of chocolates, in that you can be in absolutely no doubt of what you are going to get.

Cameron Diaz plays Natalie, the fun· loving but efficient member of the trio, fond of danc ing in 'kitsch' (read tacky) 70s clubs. With her long perfected, permanently dazed look of wide-eyed merriment, she's hardly out of her depth. Lucy Liu plays Alex, the aerodyn-amic martial arts expert. Liu is the only one with anything to prove here, and battles against the odds with a bizarre sub-plot about inadequate cook ing skills, which is never reso lved. The actress also seems to be putting up with the most negative publicity concerning on-set tantrum throwing (she is reported to have punched Bi ll Murray in the face), but

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Wednesday, November 29, 2000

she looks suitably leather-c lad and deadly in t he fi lm. Of cou rse, she has to com pete with t he already notably lethal Drew Barry more . She is Dylan , who is full of predictable wil d-c hild ant ics w it h an Emma Peel-goes-gru nge appearance.

Taking j ust the image of her lipstick bleeding through a piece of maski ng t ape, you can see where the writers wanted to go w ith t his.

Well , actu ally, I wish I did know wh at t he writ ers were thinking. The film wants t o spoof, satirise and send up every film and programme of its genre, and the ideas clash so incongruously that you get no rea l chance to set tle into the plot. Bill Murray finds this as the Angels' associate John Bosley, as he attempts his usual show-stealing deadpan delivery, but he is somewhat scuppered by t he film's wayward direc· tion. The plot contains lots of twi sts and about three different villains, so I suppose what it lacks in coherence, it makes up for in variety . But of course, we are supposed t o be looking at the gi rls, not puzzle over the directing.

The costume c hanges amongst t he ladies are as numerous and as suggestive as Liz Hurley's in Bedazzled, everything from unzipped car mechanic over·

ails to space-age bodysuits. The choreographed slow -motion fights are tiresome and stolen straight out of The Matrix (in fact , the choreograph er's brother worked on t he film) and sustai ned throughout the film until the tricks become boring. By its copious amounts of revealed flesh and fight sc enes, it has every intent ion of appealing to man rather than womankind. But it j ust isn't subst antial enough to make any seri ous female bid for Bond-stat us.

The "sisters are doing it all t hemselves" stance is hardly going t o result in a massive feminist uproar. it just isn't worth the effort considering the slim mock-thriller style plot and t he "let· s-j ust -get·those-bad-guys-and-thenhave-some-fun!" type dialogue.

Superfi cial t hough it is, you get the impressi on that we are supposed to bel ieve t hat t he making of this film was j ust as entertaining as the watching of it , as the now obligatory out-t akes during the cred it s show. This will keep anybody amused for som e of t he t ime, but no one is likely t o be impressed all of the ti me. Oh, and Cameron Diaz's hair-fli cking is woeful ly inadequate when compared with Farrah Fawcett's, or so I'm reliably told .

Women in action movies usually have little more to do than scream, shag and get saved, and the media are no help in shattering this image. Ast rid Goldsmith explores the concept of the female action hero ... hen was the last ti me you saw an action film with more than one starring female role in it? Thelma and Louise maybe? Or ... uh ...nope, Th elma and Louise is al l I can t hink of.

Whereas mushy weepie chick flicks abound with cent ral female roles (cue Julia Roberts, Meg Rya n and And ie McDowell crying their eyes out and gurni ng for an Oscar). kick ass leading ladies are few and far between. They are either assigned to the role of the Love Interest (as in t he James Bond "yes yes, sweetheart, I know you have a PhD in nuclear physics, but you leave this bomb to me whi le you rea pply your lip liner" attitude) or the Token Girl. Daisy Duke from Dukes of Hazzard epitomises the Token Girl's philosophy: run around in a pair of extended knick· ers and flick your hair at the villain whilst your brothers do all the dirty work.

Or Gloria, the only female in Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, who has no lines and is stoned out of her pretty head for the entire film, but wakes up for two minutes to roll off a couple of rounds on a machine gun in a girls-are-crap kind of comedy shoot out.

So it was with great pleasure that I received the news that Flower Films (Drew

W

Barrymore's production company) was mak· ing a film version of 70s TV classic, Charlie's Angels. For the TV series was made before programme makers got al l boring and PC lt was pos~l e .llil~k then t o make a series where Farah and gang mi nced about showing c leavage and leg , eagerly taking orders from the mysterious Charlie.without any spoilsports muttering about patriarchy , male die· tation and t he exploitation of t he female body.

Without wanting to get lynched by my sex, I think that if I looked like Cameron Diaz, Lucy Liu, or Drew Barrymore, I wou ld be more t han happy for my body to be exploited. The exploitation in this case is not what the film does to its female sta rs- indeed, the way the cameras play lovingly over their faces and bodies is more of a celebration of their beauty · but the media's treatment of the film. Tabloid papers and men's magazines have seized control over the way they want the Angels to be viewed. The Daily Sport printed ancient, blurry topless pictures of Diaz. Barrymore and Liu on holiday and in before-they-were-famous movies. This month's FHM features an Angels' spread, and so on.

This attempt to turn Charlie's Angels into a

'boy' s own' fil m is ridiculous when you con· sider t he main visual pleasure is the girls' clothes and disguises. There isn't that much exposed flesh, and th e arse and cleavage shots are in a cheeky Carry On style, thus negati ng any potential sexiness. This is a girl's action fi lm , one where a female audi· ence can gain pleasure from t he Angels' wi gs, make up and cool outfits. Whereas boys might get bored with the elaborate (and insi stentl y slow mot ion) act ion sequences, t he girls I went to see t he film with all thought the fights looked far more beautiful than ugly, squat Bruce Wil lis punching his way through the baddies.

However cheesy Charlie's Angels might be, however offensive to over-sensitive feminists, there's no escaping the fact that the film looks amazing. it's slick and professional, with a kitsch sense of humour and style.

And, while there is no doubt that Sigourney Weaver's Ripley, Demi Moore's Gl Jane and Lori Petty's Tank Girl make better role mod· els for mature, independent women as far as action films are concerned, it is inspiring that female actresses are no longer required to shave their heads to portray strong fighting girls.

11

Chopper hits our screens this week. A film about a rent-a-quote psychopathic nutcase, who cut off his own ears, is a huge media celebrity in Australia and allegedly got his nickname because his favourite method of torture was cutting off the toes of his victims with a pair of bolt croppers. Merek Cooper talks to it's director Andrew Dominik about glamourising violence, black comedy and particularly rough pedicures. ndrew Dominik first made a big splash directing an award winning advert for a popular American soft-<lrink. He then honed his skills by directing music videos for a number of Australian artists, including Crowded House. Judging by his first film this was time well spent. Chopper is a visually stunning and shockingly inventive debut. it concerns the questionable exploits of one Mark "Chopper" Reed, a bumbling homicidal criminal who rose to fame when he published his unsavoury adventures in number of books. Amazingly he became a best-selling author from behind the bars of Melbourne's maximum 5ecurity Pentridge prison.

On his release, he found himself in demand by an Australian press hungry for his side-splitting quotes and drunken personal appearences.

A

Chopper Is a media celebrity In Australia because of his best..elllng novels, but he Is a relatively unheard of In this country. Do you feel any previous knowledge of him Is necessary to enjoy the ftlm?

No, I don't. I think it stands alone. Obviously lt's not so good from a marketing point of view, as we get far more media attention in Australia.

'\

What kind of status does he actually enjoy In the media. Is he a household name In Australia?

Well he certainly is now. He is the kind of guy who would appear in political cartoons. For example during the last gulf crisis, there was a cartoon printed titled Australia Lends Support, in which the Australian prime minister was talking to Clinton on the phone and the caption read "Not choppers, Bill. I said I'm sending Chopperâ&#x20AC;˘. So he has permeated into the culture, I suppose.

What was lt that drew you to Chopper as subject matter for a film?

Well the fact that he is hilarious.

So how much of the black comedy In the ftlm

comes from you and how much Is from

Chopper's

books?

Well Chopper is piss-funny, an incredibly funny person. it's not like we have taken a totally reprehensible person and charmed him up for the cinema going audiences. If anything our Chopper is less funny than the real guy. Which is why he is a media figure in Australia 'cause he's just so funny.

Like if a gangster is killed in Australia, the press will always ring up Chopper for a quote 'cause he will always say something funny.

"Chopper is piss-funny...

If any thing our Chopper is less funny than the real guy" Your lead actor, Eric Bana (a famous Australian

comedian) Who plays Chopper Is wonderful. How much time did he spend wtth Chopper and was he slightly fearful of the legendary toe-amputator?

Two days and I think Eric was pretty relaxed. We were there together at the time and Chopper just let Eric watch him, if you know what I mean. He directed most of his attention toward me to let Er ic see the real him.

What Is 1t like to meet Choppetl 1t must be dlftlc:ult to feel completely relaxed?

Well, you can feel very relaxed and you can feel very nervous. He's really kind of mercurial. But I never felt like he was going to stab us or anything.

Chopper's dream In the ftlm Is to give up his life of crime and retire to a fann In Tasmania. I notice that he Is actually now IMng In Tasmania. Has his dre.am finally come true?

He's doing all right. He hasn't shot anyone for three years and for him that's excellent! He has kind of run out of steam and he hasn't got as much to prove. I think he genuinely does not want to go back to jail.

but maybe he will be able to organise his life in a way that works a little better for him. He's got a new career now in the media.

The ftlm has no definite moral message. lt just presents Chopper's story from a non-judgemental viewpoint. How do you feel about press criticism that the ftlm glamorises violence?

We have only been criticized from the right wing con~rvative media and I think that's good. There are certain people you don't want to like your film .

You'd feel like you had done your job wrong if they did.

I just wanted to make a film that didn't insult my own intelligence when I watched it. But there are always people who are going to say it glorifies violence.

"There are certain people you don't want to like your film. You'd feel like you had done your job wrong if they did. "

How dkl Mlck Harvey (of Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds) get Involved wtth the music for the ftlm and are you a fan?

Of the Bad Seeds? Of course! Mick was around in Melbourne at the time. I showed him the film and he really liked it. We talked about it and I suggested some ideas to him. He just completely ignored me and came back with what you hear in the film.

I thought it was fantastic. lt was a really good experience,.working with him just because he's really good. He does something and you like it.

Pretty easy really!

What sorts of movies Influence your work?

Just the good ones, y' know? Badlands, Night of the Hunter, Raging Bull, Blue Velvet. I like all the sacred cows really. But doesn't everyone? No one quotes Up Close and Personal as their favourite film do they?

And thank God for that. Thankfully, with Andrew Oominik around making films it will not be long before we have more " sacred cowsâ&#x20AC;˘ for our best film of all time list. Maybe Chopper isn't a classic, partly because of its subject matter, but mark my words; Andrew Dominik is definitely a director to watch. One day he will make something that will be massive.

So you think he's refonned?

I don't think a person like him can ever really reform. it's not like any spiritual kind of redemption

Chopper Is showing now at UCI, and Is reviewed on page 15

Wednesday, November 29, 2000

Michael Palin, once known as the Nice One out of the Pythons, has lately been reborn as a Hemingway-bothering Phileas Fogg, a man who seems to be bestest friends with literally everyone in the world. Jim Whalley went along to see if he really was all that nice ...

ven if Michael Palin had only made Monty Python and then never worked again, his place in history would have been assured. Python was utterlf revolutionary, essentially building a new style of comedy from scratch. Along with his fellow members, John Cleese, Terry Jones, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle and Graham Chapman, Palin took ideas of surrealism and silliness, previously only used by Spike Milligan and The Goons, and created an art form. For four series and four films (Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Life of Brian, Monty Python's The Meaning of Life and ...And Now For Something Completely Different). the Pythons pushed back whatever boundaries they could find, usually to hilarious results. Whether writing (Scott of the Sahara, Summarising Proust) or performing (The Parrot Sketch, The Lumberjack Song), Pal in was at the centre of man*'f their finest moments.

However, Python ended in 1983 with The Meaning of Life and Michael Palin has been consistently producing work of comparable quality ever since.

The 1980's saw him appearing in a number of films including Brazil, A Private Function and A Fish Called Wanda, as well as creating the classic television show Ripping Yarns, again with Terry Jones. For his role in Wanda as Ken the hapless· animal lover he won a BAFTA award. In the nineties he has moved more towards travel programmes of particularly epic proportions, taking millions of viewers with him on journets around the world, from pole to pole, around the Pacific Rim and to the favourite haunts of Ernest Hemingway. During the same decade he has found time to write a novel and plays for both television and stage.

So on meeting him, my first question is to a5khim if it has been his intention all along to slowly take over every aspect of the entertainment industry.

"No, there's no scheme at all . it's been totslly unschematic, unplanned. I've never had a pro):er job description, and I've never had a proper job I have to say. I've always been freelance and I've always gone with the flow, as it were. There is no pan; I tend to go with a project that excites me, that I think has got real quality and something that's a bit challenging. I don't particularly like standing still." He seems amused that any kind of plot could be attributed to his career, as he then goes on to justify his answer. "We did Python fairly early on, we were in our twenties, and that lasted

E

for ten years, I suppose, with the films and the television series. And then I did various movies, I worked with people like Alan Bennett, John Cleese and Alan Bleasdale and they were great writers to work for. But they are fairly economical, they don't write that much and once you 've worked with people like that, you 're a bit sort of fussy about what you do. And then t he whole travel thing came along and that's great because that's both my interest and my work, so there isn't any plan. • Finally satisfied by his response, he sits back and waits for the next question.

Palin is here for the UEA literary festival later in the evening where he will be talking about and reading from his latest book, Michael Palin's Hemingway Adventure.

However, right now he is talking to a student, so I pester him with Monty Python questions. In the years since the seminal TV show finished, Palin has acquired something of a reputat ion as 'The Nice Python', a title he has repeatedly tried to lose, arguing on the official Python web-site for example, that he is an "abominably rude, lying, untrustworthy, decadent, hypocritical, cheeseeating delinquent from hell." Unfortunately actions speak louder than words, and he does his cause no good at all by buying both Nico (the Concrete photographer) and myself beers. lt would seem that despite himself, Palin is a genuinely nice man. Even though he only arrived in Norwich after a long car journey twenty minutes earlier, throughout the interview he is polite and witty and gives long, entertaining answers to questions he must have heard many t imes before.

Indeed, the only reason he objects to being The Nice Python at all is because it makes his friends look bad. " I think it's a bit of a slur on some of the other Pythons who are very nic;;e, my friend Terry (Jones] for instance, whose wife gets very mad when I'm described as the nice one. I mean he's awfully nice, a bit Welsh maybe, but then some of us are. Despite that he's a very nice chap". He also acknowledges that his words probably won't have much effect. " I think I've got to commit several multiple killings before people start to say ·maybe he's not so nice'. But even 'I'll~·

John Cleese: • John' s obsessions are beyond me, they're a dark part of his character about wrich I know nothing" (when asked why Cleese calls him Pal-in) Terry Jones: "He's awfully nice, a bit Welsh maybe, but then some of us are" Terry Gllllam: "Terry will not just set a film ir a

room with a couple of people talking to each other... he's got to take thirty f-ing elephants off to the middle of Spain and lower them out of a plane·.

Wednesday, November 29, 2000

Eric Idle: "Perhaps he shouldn't have been so

resistant to someone stating their point of view" Gra ham Chapman: "I think we really would miss Graham ... who else can do the colonel going 'silly, silly, very silly'- only Graham" Monty Python: "We just thought this is the funniest thing we can do... we said ' look, there's a lot of crap on, we .know what we can do', so we were an arrogant little bunch"

then it'd be 'oh, they deserved to be killed"' In 1994 Hemingway's Chair, Palin's first novel, was published to largely good reviews, especially in America, and it quickly became a bestseller. lt tells the story of a very nice postal worker who is inspired to rebel against the modernisation of the post office by the writing of Hemingway. At the time of its release some critics remarked how similar t he lead character was to his author, an observation Palin finds surprising. "I think the whole point of writing a novel is that it's a work of imagination. I mean, obviously in order to create a convincing character you've got to draw on certain things like your own background. But that's the great thing about fiction, it doesn't have to be you, it doesn't have to be anybody. wrote a television play called East Of Ipswich. it 's all about growing up and a holiday romance in Southwold. I had a holiday romance in Southwold, but it wasn't meant to be me, God no. 1 wouldn't know who me is, anyway. When the character got too close I went ·ugh, get away"'. He claims to have enjoyed the writing process and has a second novel currently in production, although it is taking its time - "though that's deliberate" .

But could he see himself becoming an author fulltime? "No, I really am just going with the flow, and I never feel absolute confidence in anything I'm doing. I rather admire people who confidently churn out novels or constantly churn out film performances as though it's the easiest thing in the world. I've always found it very difficult. I like books, I like writing very much and I think I've got a lot to learn about it. I like the learning process, I like the feeling I'm still learning, even in my late fifties, and I'll continue to learn. Whereas something like acting is more of an instinct. You can learn acting technique, but you're either an actor or you're not. •

ooking at his screen resume, the only possible conclusion is that Palin most definitely is. His performance in Brazil as a pleasant family man who tortures people to death for the government is stunning. But recently he has largely been absent from the cinema, having last been seen in John Cleese's underrated Fierce Creatures. Creatures was heavily altered in postproduction, an increasing frequent practice that Palin claims largely explains his absence. " I did a film called American Friends, that I also wrote, about my great grandfather. lt was a nice film, it wasn't a film that would appeal to the mass popular audience, who'd go and see Top Gun, but it was a very good story, beautifully done, just total chaos in the distribution. lt was screwed up and the distribution company was going bust and they weren't terribly interested in looking after their films. You suddenly realise that you've got this thing and no one will put it in the cinemas and it ends up on the shelf. That was quite depressing the way that was all done. lt wasn't really worth the effort, which is why I haven't really embarked on a film since. I love cinema and I would like to do another fi lm, but I think you've got to think very carefully about the time it takes and the tremendous pressures that are on you, understandably, with what must be now a minimum of three or four million of people's money. And they ask 'what are you going t o do with it?' and you say 'I can't tell you now, 1 don't know exactly, you'll just have to trust me'".

One filmmaker with almost unparalleled experience in battling

L

to get his films seen is Palin's friend and fellow Python, Terry Gilliam.

Gilliam has in the past had books written about the struggles to his visions of his movies released, and only recently had his current production, Don Quixote starring Johnny Depp, shut down thanks to scheduling problems.

Palin struggles to shed any light on Gilliam's apparent need to annoy his financiers. "Terry can only be truly understood by Terry himself. He really Is an individual artist, incredibly inventive, but he wants to make things difficult for himself. That's the challenge he makes all the time. He wants to do something in a certain way that has never been done before, and you've got to persuade people that that's going to work,· Once again, he treats us to a longer, more entertaining answer than the question deserved.

"Terry will always have friends because he understands cinema brilliantly. But where he has problems sometimes Is that in order to get the money he has to make certain unholy deal with the Devil. Some of the people he has done deals with have been pretty odd in certain ways, and recently he has only been able to get his money to do things the way he wants by going to Europe. And I think that has been the problem. He was saying that he's been having real trouble with this Franco-German finance. Terry will not just set a film in a room with a couple of people talking to each other, or even on a bus, even by a lake.

He's got to take thirty f- ing elephants off to the middle of Spain and lower them out of a plane. He does go for high risk film making. That's his attraction and that's also the danger. I was very, very sad to hear about Don Quixote, because that has the potential to be a really terrific film and I hope it will get going again."

Pal in tells me that the Pythons still keep in regular contact. He's sees the two Terrys most frequently, and Cleese whenever he is in the country. Apparently the minister of silly walks now spends most of his time in America, where he delights in calling his friend 'Mickey Pal-in' whenever he can. both to confuse Americans and to make Palin's life hell when he goes over there. The two of them will soon both be seen in Cleese's new documentary about the human face. Palin finds it

after giving me a bit of stick for it."

The only Python he doesn't mention is Eric Idle, now a resident of California, so it seems as good a t ime as any to bring up the recent disagreement between the two men. On last year's Python Night (an evening of BBC2 dedicated to the Pythons on their thirtieth anniversary) , Idle seemed less than happy about Palin's refusal to allow the gro~p to reform for an American stadium tour. Althoug1 initially reluctant, Palin goes on to give a typically full answer that seems worth printing in full.

"I think he wss annoyed more at the way I did it, than my point of view. Because after the Aspen Comedy Festival we got together again, Graham Chapman's ashes were there, and suddenly everyone got terribly excited the next day, because it went rather well, and said 'lets do a tour'. And 1 said rather quietly but insistently that I had some doubts, but you don't want to be a killjoy, so I let it flow for a bit. And then I was just unhappy about the course it was taking. it looked like it was going to be a big, American, multi-city pop tour and I thought we weren't right for that. I thcught there was a danger of it not being enjoyed and letting people down. Because we don't have Graham for a start. I think we • really would miss Graham. it's alright getting someone else to do his part, but who else can do the colonel going 'silly, silly, very silly'? Only Graham. So that was a danger. And I think whether we like it or not, people in America identify with us as Python at a certain age. We were in our late twenties, early thirties when we did Python and I think there's a slight differenc e to the way you play things, the way you pitch things. I mean we could have just gone on stage and spouted the material. But I think there was a danger of it being just a little less that it was originally. And it seemed like quite a long commitment. However. Eric was right to get a bit miffed because I did sort of suddenly say, 'look I'm not very happy about this'. I should perhaps have done it better.

But then he perhaps shouldn't have been so resistant to someone stating their point of •tiew, because Python's · all very democratic. Anyway, it's all healed up now. Eric did a tour of his own called Enc Idle Exploits Monty Python and he went around a few cities in America. I didn't see it, Terry Jones went and said it

is over.

We have quick discussion on comedy in general.

Palin is proud of Pythons' continuing influence in British comedy, particularly seeing their style in the work of The

doing 'straight' ( " if there is such a thing") comedy again. In the future , apart from his second novel, there are plans for a four part series in the Sahara.

Before he is whisked away for the literary festival I have one final questioncan he summarise Proust in thirty seconds? Palin laughs before answering "Fifteen seconds I can do it in, but not now. can spell it in seconds but hat' s about all".

a very nice . Sorry Michael.

Wednesday, November 29, 2000

Inspected: Music ------~--~-------------------evet nhet 14

lt's late. I'm tired. I can feel an alcoholic residue in my veins. I am therefore in the perfect condition to enter the head of Marilyn Manson and consider his latest statement to the world. Here is a man who has experimented with sleep deprivation and absinthe In his murderous pursuit of a backpedalling moral majority, and he cannot be ignored.

Holywood will further his reputation as one of the most brilliant lyricists and commentators in music. In the wake of his ostracisation following the Columbine High School massacre, Marilyn Manson has fired back with both barrels. This album hacks into American life, revealing every last frustration, and exposing every repressed desire, everything the bul· lied young person ever wanted to say. That unmistakable mocking edge is still prevelant as he points a fin-

ger at the Hollywood scene, claiming 'you are plastic and so are your brains', and he is the voice of a million teenagers as he coldly states 'you never accepted me or treated me fair/blame me for what I believe and I wear·. it's a shame that many people take his singles as their view of the man and band. Disposable Teens is a raging piece of industrial metal, hewn from the rock The Beautiful People. But Holywood is an album of contrasts, with dark, black-bloOded moments of calmness interspersing with scathing roars of bile.

One of t he commandments in the Satanic Bible is 'Do what thou wilt'. Marilyn Manson is absolutely unafraid to do this. In a country where the gun is king, it is ironic that the loosest cannon of all should be shooting America so gleefully in the head. Anthony Lovell

Badly Drawn Boy Once Around the Block scary looking DJ's who came together two years ago to form Truesteppers. If you liked the first two single releases from the album: Out of Your Mind and the aptly named Buggin', and were hoping for more of the •same you may be slightly disappointed. Fortunately for me however, the irritating Dane Bowers only appears twice, and Victoria Beckham's comedy, mechanical voice is confined to one track. What remains is a pretty Impressive mix of garage tunes.

As with most successful garage acts of the moment, the album follows the formula of taking the classic two-step beat and finding a suitable R'n'B artist to provide vocals. These vocals come from the likes of

newcomer who features on Sunshine, the most mellow track on the album and for me its highlight. Mixed in with all this is the occasional shout of •Boooo' and the obligatory use of the bands' or featuring artists name as often as possible; listening to the album for five minutes I heard the name Truesteppers sung about ten times. The DJs who make up the pair have been on the club scene for around fifteen year:s and it is quite clear they know their stuff. This album will get people dancing. If you like UK garage music, chances are you'll love it. Even I, who wouldn't care to label myself a fan, reluctantly found myself shuffling along to it.

Lynz Andersoo

liliiii•••--=-••••--••••••-••••••••-••••-• •-milll..

lt 's her off the Eminem track!

At the moment, Dido Armstrong is most well-known i n her native UK for being sampled on Eminem's new release Stan, but that is about to change as her album has been rush-released and is set to be one of the breakthrough albums of the year. No Angel features songs written by Dido and productionjsongwriting collaborators including Youth and her brother Rollo from Faithless and benefits from Dido's love of warm acoustic sounds and Rollo's fascinat ion with using beats and electronics, creating a unique sound which manages to be both <(lassie and fresh. Here With Me, the theme tune from US series Rosswell High, has been released as a single and is an impassioned and soulful ballad which is an ideal vehicle for Dido's beatJtlful voice and wide range. The songs on the album all

have an angsty Alanis Morisette feel to them, especially Don 't Think of Me which is a bitter lament reminiscent of You Oughta Know. Dido carries this style well with her smooth vocals which stop the album from sounding too bitter and whining. The title track is a folksy number with prominent acoustic guitar and harmonica, but it also has funk-inspired beats and utilises a heavy bass line - a clear hallmark of Rollo's influence.The diversity of the songs on this album, as well as Dido's passionate and powerful voic e have made her the third best~selling UK artist in the States after Radiohead and Sting, and can only bring her the fame and recognition she deserves on its release in the UK. Elln Jones

Space Raiders Hot J he great thing about anything that comes out of Norman Cook' s Skint label is the fact that it achieves the same effect as the amusingly drunken bloke at a party. Straight away you find yourself magically drawn to it and, from then on, it becomes difficult to focus on anything else. Space Raiders share many of these qualities - the vocals are consistently lo-fi and choral and what the lack in syntax structure they make up for in general goOd feeling.

Hot Cakes is the first song to grab your attention with some really goOd guitar riffs behind the usual obligatory big beat sound. Mlddlesboogie has borrowed shamelessly from Bentley Rhythm Ace, and Is a perfect

get up and go track~ Placing this next to Beautiful Crazy (a great mellowing out track) may have been bad positioning on the album, as it seems to be crying out for end-of-album status. The other standout track is Mr Sunshine which sounds like what Oasis would be producing now if they had followed the Blur 'Route from likeable pop trash to lo-fi, laid back successr"' •.

Perhaps with a movement away from Fatboy Slim's staple diet of electronic noOdling and bizarre effects, these guys will make it sooner rather than be just those guys who know Norman Cook and Midfield general.

•ye

Ll

Listening to Once Around the Block is rather like that feeling you get when arriving late at a party, and recognising no one. But then out of the gloom come the smiling faces of your friends, and you suddenly feel like you've been welcomed home. Beautiful!

MIM:ha Gilbert

Mama Scuba Pouche An lndie group, Pouche make goOd angry music, with a jangly, jarring feel to it. The vocalist possesses a wonderful deep voice, which in some of the more surreal moments makes the song sound like something from Bjork's Homogeneous. Backed up by a folky 1>-side, this isn't bad.

Faye 1bomslt

Destiny's Child Independent Woman Destiny's Child can do no wrong at the moment after the phenomenal success of their last two singles Bills, Bills, Bills and Say My Name, and they seem to be poised for another hit with Independent Woman. Its sassy lyrics, diva-esque warblings and slick video combine to make this an instant hit. Even though it features the lyrics 'All the mommas getting dollars'.

Elln .JonN

At the Drive-in Rolodex Propiganda The minute you press 'play', from the frantic intro which builds up to the anthemic chorus, this record will jump out, grab on and refuse to let go until the last note. lt leaves you yearning to press 'repeat' over and over again. All this and it features punk legend lggy Pop. Stunning stuff!

Slmon Thomhlll

Whitney Houston Heartbreak Hotel A combination of a tedious and a hiccuping drum beat, it is a great shame more isn't made of Whitney's great voice. Overall, not a terribly impressive single, and probably best confined to being played on shop floors.

11•••••••••••111~~----~~~~-~~~~--~----~~~~~~~~-~-~~-~~-~-~--~ The B-sides, however, provide a much better rumours are to be believed, Hefner have only together once in the last six months prior to this And it shows. Their performance in front of a half· '•,~mntv Waterfront was a shambolic concoction of false missed cues and broken guit ars. Furthermore, Hefner are the least glamourous band you will ever lay eyes ; mis-shapen t-shirts, bald men with baseball caps and tapping your foot in time with the music are never to score highly on the scale of indie chic. these superficial drawbacks however, Hefner themselves to be a fantastic live band, working an audience around their collective little finger. the band may lack In technical muscle they up for in dry wit, engaging stage prescence and, most importantly, producing a stream of emotive guitar-pop of the highest order. Stumbling onstage to the sound of AC/DC may have been an ironic gesture, but there is no doubting that Hefner's live sound Is much more of a caustic force than the fey strummings of their recorded output. Not only was frontman Darren Hayman allowed to indulge In his heavy metal fantasies with an axe-grinding guitar aolo on r~~~~arSE>•d

Wednesday, November 29, 2000

The Day That Thatcher Dies, but the entire set was given a greater depth in sound by the multi-instrumental talents of new member Jack Hayter.

One could argue that the majority of Hefner fans are skinny male students who spend far too much time listening to John Peel and searching for deleted vinyl singles in dingy record shops, and the band certainly satisfied this stereotype by scattering obscurities throughout their set.

However, the loudest applause of the night was reserved for what can only be described as the 'classics'. For those not yet enlightened, I refer to the disjointed guitars and bleating vocals of The Hymn for the Cigarettes and the raw melancholia of The Sad Witch, both of which left the usually jovial crowd silent in appreciation.

Maybe Hefner haven't developed their sound enough over the last four years. Maybe they derive too much from the indle sound of the Eighties. In the live arena though, they cannot be falted. This gig had a special atmosphere, as if every member of the audience were in Hefner's little club. That's probably the way they like it.

balance of melody and backing vocals so it's not a complete write-off.

,

the

__ event

Ins ected: Film

1&

The Grinch Directed by: Ron Howard Starring: Jim Carrey, Jeffrey Tambor and Molly Shannon

Jlm Carrey stars as a scary green rubber-faced thing. Moody and mean and fed up with his lot, the Grlnch decides to steal Christmas from Whovllle, with a dog as his sidekick. Rnally, Dr Suess gets the big-budget live-action treatment.

Of late, Hollywood has taken it upon itself to film as many good ideas as possible in the worst way they can think of. For no reason other than meanness, dozens of fantastic projects have been handed to talentless hacks in order to spoil them before people with vision get a chance to create something good. Gone in 60 Seconds- cool cars, Nicolas Cage, Jerry Bruckhiemer- could have been amazing. Hollow Man- Kevin Bacon, Elizabeth Shue, great effects- was a genuine disappointment. And the worst part is that now they've been done it will be years until anyone can attempt them again.

Regrettably The Grinch and, therefore, Dr. Seuss' work in general, is the latest concept to fall foul of this evil practice. lt should have been a cinematic joy, with Jim Carrey the perfect star to bring Seuss' twisted character to life. However, the director is Ron Howard. No one should ever have let Ritchie from Happy Days loose with $123 million. Surely Ransom, ED-TV and Willow are proof enough that the man should have stuck to grinning like an idiot and envying the Fonz. The plot, for what it's worth, is pretty basic. After a long unhappy childhood being teased for his green and furry appearance, the Grinch has become a recluse, living at the top of a rubbish mountain just outside Who-ville. Who-ville is a happy place that the Grinch (whose heart is two sizes too

16

small) spends most of his time complaining about to his dog, the most appealing character in the entire film. One year, as Christmas approaches, the Whovian's jollity becomes too much for the Grinch, who decides the only way to end the cheerfulness is to steal the holiday from his tormentors. lt sounds more fun than it is.

The main problem is the utter lack of wonder pervading every aspect of the picture. Too often it is nasty rather than charming, and the huge, overtly expensive, brightly coloured sets inspire headpains instead of awe. The opening scenes are more reminiscent of the Penguin's early years in Batman Returns than most people will be comfortable with. Also, far too many of the make-up and visual effects look plasticy, inexcusable for a production of this scale.

Amidst all the drivel, only Carrey emerges with any hint of credibility intact. This isn't to say he actually suits the part, but damn it he tries. Love or loath his wacky, zany comedy style at least he tries to earn the 20 million dollar fee that is now standard for his services. His contorting and mugging alone prevents the whole enterprise from sinking into boredom- a distressing realisation for a film being touted as this year's big family entertainment. Get the book instead, it's funnier, shorter and more nutritious.

Jlm Whalley

Where the Heart Is

Small Time Crooks

19 c

Directed by: Matt Williams Starring: Natalie Portman, Ashley Judd and Stockard Channlng

Directed by: Woody Alien Starring: Woody Alien, Tracey Ullman and Hugh Grant

Directed by: Andrew Dominik Starring: Eric Bana, Simon Lyndon and Vince Colisimo

Lovely Natalle Portman Is finally all grown up and pregnant to boot. Abandoned by trailer trash boyfriend, she tries to start over, with the help of Stockard Channlng and Ash/ey Judd. Kleenex, anyone?

Woody Alien's latest offering features operas, paintings, bank robberies and lots of cookies.

A huge success In Australia, bringing the brutal story of Mark "Chopper" Reed powerfully to life. Possibly one of the best films of the year...

Chopper deals in a semi-fictitious way with Australia's second most famous criminal (behind Ned Kelly) Mark "Chopper" Reed. Chopper began grabbing Antipodean headlines in the early eighties, first for kidnapping a judge at gunpoint (to save a best friend from prison) and then for cutting his own ears off in an attempt to be transferred to a less dangerous medical ward. Later he broke into publishing by writing a series of bestselling books about his exploits, the actual facts · of which are questionable to say the least.

Howvever, they apparently made for great reading and they certainly make for a wonderful film.

In the starkly shot prison sequences we see Chopper stabbing someone to death, then get stabbed himself and finally persuading a fellow inmate to perform the aforementioned ear removal. Funny ... right? Well, technically speaking no, but the most remarkable thing about the film is that they are. Director Andrew Dominik presents them in such a deadpan way that I guarantee that you will be cracking up with laughter throughout, mainly due to the ridiculousness of the main character. You see, Chopper is a violent criminal who is instantly racked with guilt and remorse by the crimes he has committed. He will stab someone to death and then apologise, really quite bizarre and very, very funny. This also guarantees that the film does not in any way glamorise violence. Believe me, no one would want to be this pathetic .

Both the main star Eric Bana and the director are clearly headed for great things. As a character study in insanity Bana has hit the nail right on the head and Dominik directs the action with a humorous detachment that allows a potentially nasty film to transcend the brutal subject matter and become a real gem. This film seems to have a distinctive visual style that is all of it 's own and it is here where Chopper really impresses. it is worth a look simply for Dominik's ravishing use of colour and lighting.

Not for the easily offended, but hopefully the cinema will be so crammed full of grinning sicko's like me, that they will not be able to get a seat.

If I say that Where the Heart Is can most easily be described as a chick flick, then I know most of you will stop reading right here. But there's little other way to classify the type of film where a female character goes through all sorts of little traumas, cries a bit along with her female friends,

and eventually finds true happiness in the form of a nice man. Based on usual Hollywood form, I wouldn't blame you for not being interested.

Chick flicks often suffer the same banal plot, mind-numbingly bad acting and that most cliched of ideas: the happy ending . However, in this case you'd have just missed out on the chick flick which actually offers something very special. That something's called Natalie Portman.

After being abandoned by boyfriend Dylan Bruno in a small town supermarket, the heavily pregnant trailer trash Portman begins trying to build a new life for herself. Along the way she's helped by a variety of nice locals including Ashley Judd, Stockard Channing (that's Rizzo from Grease to you) and possible love interest James Frain.

But from the first scene, this is Portman's film.

Proving beyond all doubt that a stint in Star Wars doesn't have to ruin your career, .her performance here sets her apart as the best young talent in Hollywood and puts most of the A-list to shame.

Few other young actresses could convincingly portray a character over the years from late adolescence to early adulthood, especially with no apparent change of appearance over the entire course of the film. Thanks to her, and the great supporting cast, the characters of this film are touching and funny without being reduced to cheap sentimentality. it's a shame, then, that the makers didn't have enough confidence in the performances to let them carry the emotion of the whole film. As usual in any 'nice' film, someone felt the story needed calamity and trauma to keep our attentions, and so inserted the odd natural disaster and domestic violence scene, which just undermine the film's credibility. And there's never any escaping the fact that, plot wise, this is a typical chick flick . Aside from calamities, very little of what happens will be a surprise and you'll be seeing the ending a mile off. But at the core there's Portman's exhilarating performance. And, frankly, that is enough to make this film worthwhile for the half dozen of you who'll go to it.

Phll Colvln

Feeling a bit miserable these days and don't know what to do to shake that damn feeling off?

Well, go catch the new film by Woody Alien then. it's been so long since I've seen a comedy that you can laugh at as well as actually getting some really nice and touching messages out of it..

A gang of criminals decide to make it big by renting a store near a bank and making a tunnel that goes into the bank. Plans change when they don't actually tunnel into the right place (I don't think anyone ever got where they intended by holding the map the wrong way) and Frenchy's Cookies suddenly becomes amazingly popular.

Soon not only are they rolling dough, but they are actually rolling into it ...

Comedy aside, this is a story of how people can be influenced by the desire for money. Tracey Ullman's dream certainly comes true. From being a working class nobody, she becomes a socialite with a goal to be a patron of the arts. Her bad hairstyle goes, but her 'kitsch' lowbrow aesthetic remains. She decides to make David (Hugh Grant) her culture 'mentor'.

Soon, she drags her husband Ray (Woody Alien) to cultural events, but the only thing Ray gets out of them is a good sleep during an opera.

Stealing all the best lines as usual, Alien's character notices that the change between two paintings is "the frame is bigger." Ray also is the most perceptive character- he sees the change in his wife, and realises how money has changed her. He starts to detest all the fortune they made, and the plot takes a slightly more unhappy turn. ~ut heyl This is Woody Alien, which means a guaranteed upbeat (if not conventionally happy) ending.

The humour of the whole movie is broad with intelligent dialogues- Alien clearly hasn't lost his magic touch. The scenery is very romantic (Oh those sunsets! so lyrical! so poetic! Ahem.) , adding another dimension to the film. So do yourself a favour and roll down to the theatre. By the way, remember to take some cookies along, because you might feel your blood sugar level taking a steep low at some parts ...

Erlffll Tsavdarl

Merek Cooper

Wednesday, November 29, 2000 •

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To bu ¡ American Beaut Directed by: Sam Mendes Starri ng : Kevi n Spacey, Annette Ben ing , Thora Birch and Wes Bentley Kevin Spacey has a mid-life crisis and subsequently wins loads of Oscars After the hype has died down is usually the best time to judge a movie. The more a film is hyped, the longer you have to wa it before you can review it objectively. lt is now 11 months since American Beauty got it 's cinematiC release in this country. At one stage this film was placed at the top of the Internet Movie Database's top 250 list. Now. as people amend the1r votes with retrospect, it has slipped to 6th. However. its not that it doesn 't deserve its high rating: American Beauty took six Oscars and five BAFTAs. remember.

Briton Sam Mendes' breakthrough debut film has everything a good movie should have, focusing on dialogue and relationships rather than big act1on, boasting a fantastic cast, and with wonderful directorial shots.

American Beauty, for those who don 't already know, follows the last months in the life of Lester Burnham ( Kevin Spacey ). He 's 42 years old and going through a bit of a midlife crisis. He rebels against both his workplace and his fami ly and sets off on a voyage to recapture his youth, rediscovering the joys of marijuana and Pink Floyd along the way . Like , way cool man. Meanwhile his wife Carolyn (Annette Bening) has other ideas - like being a completely cold-hearted career-centred ice bitch . Despairing at her husband's seemingly unstoppable slide back into chi ldhood she sets out in search of a life of her own with a very different outcome.

Chicken Run Directed by: Peter Lord and Nick Park .St arring the voices of: Mel Gibson, Julia Saw alha and Miranda Ric ha rdson

Starring: Sandra Bulloc k, Domi nic West , Steve Busc emi and Azura Skye

Aardman Animation's post-Wallace and Gromit offering, starring a load of plastlcine chickens, a psycho-bitch farmer 's wife and a scary pie-making machine.

Nice girl Sandra Bullock turns alcholic and makes friends with junkies and piss-heads in an attempt to resurrect her flagging career.

I'm going to get them all out of the way before we begin . Egg-ceedingly good, egg-cellent entertainment and cluck ing marvel lous. Now. with all the chicken-related jokes firm ly dispensed with, I can move on and tell you just how great Chicken Run - really is.

In case you hadn't noticed, this is a film about chickens. Not perhaps the most obvious choice for an animated mov ie, but if Di sney ca n do dinosaurs then I guess we can't blame Aardman Animations (they of Walface and Gromit fame) for trying their hands at doing poultry.

These chickens, though, are prisoners on an egg farm. Led by plucky Julia Swahala, they have plans to escape the evil Mrs Tweedy, voiced by Miranda Richardson , and her bumbling husband . When 'American rooster Mel Gibson, flies into their coup one n1ght, the chickens believe they've found their sav iour. With nods to everything from The Great Escape to Braveheart, the chickens set about their efforts, unaware that the Tweedys have a few plans of their own ...

Aardman 's strength has always been the adult edge to their humour. And that's what makes Chicken Run a more endearing film than most recent Disney offerings. Using Aardman's claymation techniques, we get an animated film with much more expression than a two-dimensional cartoon and with none of the usual sentimentality. The chickens themselves, and everyone else for that matter, are bnmmmg with character thanks to great vocal talent all round. And even the backdrop for the action is more effective in three dimensions; the Tweedy farm looks like a truly nasty environment.

On init 1al release some felt it was a little too gritty to fully enjoy. lt does indeed lose the innocence Nhic h made Wa/lace and Gromit so appeal1ng, but it still has a lot of heart and plenty of humour to compensate. An inferior hatching from Aardman?

You must be yolk-ing.

â&#x20AC;˘

Ph// Colvln

The Next Best Thin

28 Da Di rected by: Betty Thomas

There is nothing worse than watching a movie and half-way through realising that your brain has st arted to leak out of your ear. The fac t that you drank excessively the night before and have the attention span of a comatose accident victim obviously has nothing to do with it. Luckily. there are films out there , designed to wash over you, a soothing balm to you r ac hing head. 28 Days is, indeed, one of those films. The irony that it happened to be a comedy about rehab was not lost on me .

Sandra Bullock plays Gwen, a functional alcoholic who manages to completely ruin her sister's wedding by getting hammered and crashing a Iima into t he side of someone's house. Faced with the choice of prison or rehab, she (funnily enough) chooses the latter, despite vehemently denying her new-found status as an addict. Of course, this being a Bullock movie, she learns to overcome all her problems and meet up with some kooky addicts along the way. making friends and learning the meaning of .... zzzzzzzzzz.

Okay. it is predictable, an uneven mix of comedy and drama, unable to decide whether it actually wants to tackle the issu e of addiction. Most of the alcoholics and drug addicts are left with just the bare bones of a character makmg it incredibly difficult to care whether they manage to succeed in thsir quest to shrug off the evi ls of drink and drugs.

Indeed, I found myself wondering, as my head du lled to a quiet roar, if I could climb into t he television set and injec t a couple of the junkies and take the alchies out on a bender just to liven them up a bit.

That aside, though , 28 Days is a harmless enough movie, with a particularly engaging performance by Bullock in a edgier role than her usual fare . The fact that a rehab comedy made me want a drink can't be a good thing though can it?

Adam Chapman

The real stars of the show though, are the younger actors: Lest er's daughter Jane (Birch). her friend Angela Hayes and next-door neighbour Ricky Fitts. Bentley is a revelat ion as Ricky, the camera happy drug dealer who leads Lester astray and takes a shine to Jane. He is also responsible for the most poignant scene in the film- now famously involving a plastic bag, some leaves, a wall and a stirring voiceover: " Sometimes I think there 's so much beauty in t he world ... I can't take it!". In Hollywood pop philosophy comes no higher.

Mena Suvari is wonderfully slutty as Angela , a big-headed upstart brat, desperate to ga in maximum standing in her peer group with her wannabe models credentials. The dream sequences in which she appears, are still total ly arresting. Come on boys admit it, Kevin was not the only one caught staring, jaw open and frozen like a rabbit in headlights.

OK, so there are parts of the plot that are a little predictable . But what was the last movie to keep you guessing for a whole two hours? And maybe American Beauty isn't the best film ever made , but it is well up there in the classics. You cannot deny the impact this flick had on in an awesome year for cinema. How refreshing it was to see an intelligent and sharp comedy trounce the usual trash at the Oscars, and a drunken Kevin Spacey beaming on podium. You can be sure we 'll miss A/ex Thorpe him at this year's bash.

Directed by: John Schlesinger St arring: Madonna, Ru pert Everett and Benj amin Bratt Mads is up the duff with Rupert 's kid. He's gay. Oops. Another gay best friend film . If you liked The Object Of My Affection, you 'll love this.

What with the recent Madge related feedingfrenzy in the media, prompted by a one-off Brixton academy gig, will-she/ won't she marriage rumours and talk of moving t o England, now wou ld appear a very good time t o re lease a Madonna movie on video. What? They have?

Now there 's a surprise .

What isn't a surprise is the fact that it's really not very good. Up until Evita the words Madonna and good movie never really went together. And The Next Best Thing is no exception. it's an interesting enough premise though. Madge plays Abby , a thirty something with a biological clock ticking loudly, and with a useless boyfriend who leaves her in the first fifteen minutes .

So she turns to best friend Rupert Everett . Who happens to be gay. But that doesn't stop them from sleeping together, after a drunken evening designed to help her forget the crap boyfriend.

Not usually a problem, until Abby discovers she's pregnant. The result is that Madge and Everett move in toget her, with the intention of raising the child -they haven't found love, but they

have each other, which I suppose is The Next Best Thing referred to in the title.

All well and good, until Abby finds herself a new man. who decides that they shoul d get married fo r the sake of the ch ild, and move to t he East Coast so he can take up a new job. At this point the film suffers a massive identity crisis, changing from cute alternative romantic comedy to bizarre Kramer Vs. Kramer style courtroom drama . Abby turns into the most evil bitch the cinema has ever seen, and t he audience al l side wit h Everett. it's actually not that bad a film , and the 90-ish minutes pass easily enough. You do wonder why it was actually made though. You'll also spend the movie wondering where t he hell Abby's accent is supposed to be fro m. Eve rythi ng is over-pronounced and sounds a lit tle English, a litt le American and completely bizarre. Oh , and did I mention really annoying too.

Worth a look if you're a fan of either Madonna or Rupert Everett, but everyone else should probably steer clear .

Steve Qulrke

Wednesday, November 29, 2000

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__ eve lit

17 Theatre Royal ,_...,.._..~_.,_,.._;,~. ~-'!J-.!!-~-~~~-~~~~~---~-- December productions ==-=::: "A dark and sexually charged fantasy." No, this isn't a prediction of what this weeks LCR has in store for you, nor is it my opinion of a Steps performance. lt is in fact a description of John Webster's The Duchess of Malfi, which will be performed by the RSC in December. Violence and betrayal are the key in this play, which tells the tale of two brothers, Ferdinand and Cardinal (think Grant and Phil) , who attempt to stop their widowed sister from re-marrying. What is their motive I hear you ask , money of course, oh, and that small matter of protecting the family name, yep definitely the Mitchell brothers then. Their beautiful yet headstrong sister aka, the Duchess of Malfi, falls deeply in love with hunky steward Antonio, flees and is subsequently tortured by the evil twosome . 'Tis the season to be jolly and all that. The disturbing nature of the bloodbath which ensues is typical of John Webster, a contemporary of Shakespeare who was noted for revenge tragedies such as this. If, like me you've watched Shakespeare in Love a few too many times, you'll remember him as the cute little boy obsessed with blood and gore.

From one tragic production to another, this years panto offering Dick Wittington claims to

be 'East Anglia's biggest and best traditional pantomime'. Oh no it isn't, Oh yes it is ... Sorry had to get that in somewhere. For those of you who had a deprived childhood and are wondering who this Dick is. Once upon a time, back in the days of yonder, there lived a boy named Wittington, Dick Wittington. Ambitious and perhaps slightly deranged, he decided to travel to London to find his fortune, accompanied by his trusty stead, albeit a manky black cat, and his backpack, its behind you ... oops sorry. On arrival, he was disappointed to find that the streets were not paved with gold, (deranged I tell you) and decided to head home, not even stopping for a walk down Oxford street, so low were his spirits. Come on everybody ... Aaaah.

Suddenly, he heard bells and voices exclaiming, "Turn again Dick Wittington, Lord Mayor of London " , turn around he did and he lived happily ever after. The end. As usual, a whole host of stars are hotstepping to Norwich to appear in this prestigious production. Where do I start, we have the likes of Hi Di Hi's Paul Shane, funny woman (but not really) Faith Brown and Rikki Jay who is famous for ... no sorry its gone again.

Still nice to see the celebrities out in force

though .

Talking of nobodies, the Phantom of the Opera is currently haunting the Theatre Royal. So if Dicks aren't your cup of tea, how about some opera? Before you get too excited, this is not the Andrew Lloyd Webber production, come on what you expect this is Norwich after all. In fact, Ken Hill's Phantom began its life in 1976, well before Andrew Lloyd Webber got to grips with the story, starting off as a seaside pier production, hmmm sounds promising. Since then it has toured the country and had rare reviews.

The story goes like this, A ghastly ghoul haunts the Paris Opera house, much to the dismay of new manager Mr Richard, played by Mark Wynter. The fiendish phantom, Michael McCarthey, finds his demands are defied by the fearless new boy and sets about to create havoc, particularly since the object of his desires, chorus girl Christine, is hotly pursued by another admirer. Scary stuff, but not to be missed, if only to enjoy a bit of culture to balance out the cheesy tunes which have compounded your ears since the start of term.

Bizet, anyone?

18

Comedy Review: Craig Charles

Theatre review: The Tempest c

The latest production by UEA's Minotaur Theatre Company Clearly a great deal of effort has gone into every aspect of this "If anyone is offended by sick jokes proudly claims to be a groundbreaking interpretation of production, with the lighting and set design particularly impresor me saying 'f-' or 'shit', then you sive . The opening scene, lit only by a single tube light looked can just f - off." If anyone went to Shakespeare's The Tempest, and, seeing as it includes liberal use of puppetry, masks and unconventional lighting, it is pretty fantastic. The performances were also largely very strong.

Craig Charles' stand-up gig last hard to argue. What is slightly more debatable, is what such Trausti Olafsson gave Prospero immense physical presence, fortnight expecting light-hearted additions add to an already perfectly good play . although his Icelandic accent coupled with Shakespeare's old observational humour with a few The initial answer is quite a lot. The director, John Terry, has English writing was sometimes a little hard to understand. bits of smeg smattered about here Claire Bridge was good as a girlie Miranda, as was Tom Wilton's and there, they would have been taken his cue from one of the play's classic lines ("we are such stuff as dreams are made on") and sets a large part of the Caliban, bringing a compassionate edge to a fairly evil characsorely disappointed . The title of the show, however, should have given it action 'in the dusky attic of Prospero's imagination, rather than ter. Not everything worked. The puppets sometimes seemed on the traditional island. There is a certain ambiguity regarding unnecessary, particularly when the real Miranda had a love away a bit - Sickbag by name, sick how much of what we see should be believed. Shakespeare scene with a puppet Ferdinand, and the adaptation was occaby nature. The subjects of Craig's wrote the Tempest as a discussion of his art. Terry's adaptation sionally so free as to be confusing. But as The Forbidden Planet jokes included all the allows it to be read as a more wide ranging musing on the mind proved, The Tempest can take alterations, and those made here 'unmentionables'- Princess Diana, in _ general. were thoroughly entertaining. and male rape. in such _ _______________________ __ ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _. . . talking Luckily, turds the show was done

Theatre review: Grease

17 With grease balls a flyin' and hair a flicking, Grease stormed its way onto the stage at Norwich's Theatre Royal this week, performing to a full house every night. Singing and dancing themselves into oblivion, the largely unknown cast members performed all the old classics, as well as some new ones including a song called Mooning for You, and yes it is meant to mean exactly what you think it does.

With a slightly new take on the old classic, this version (starring the handsome Steven Houghton of London's Burning fame), has been camped up and sexualised, as if the origional wasn't sexual enough, with lots of hi p swinging, strutting and a who le lot of thrusting ... oh er.

Houghton's portrayal of the womanising, Eh1is lookalike Danny, was anything but attractive, as he swaggered around the stage a la Julian Clary, greasing back his hair at every opportunity

iS Sometimes people are so talented it's annoying. In the 70s Steve Martin became one of America's favourite comedians. With his Wild and Crazy Guy act he played to sold out stadiums across the country and even had a hit single with his highly amusing song King Tut. In the 80s he focused on movies and effortlessly made some of the al l time greats, including The Jerk and Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid. There was a slight purple-patch in the early 90's, but he finished the decade in style, writing a hit play, writing and starring in Bowfinger, a very funny film, and publishing his first book, Pure Drivel, that everyone should buy. In addition to all this he is an accomplished magician and owns one of the world's largest collections of Jackson Pollock paintings.

and hoicking up the collar of his famous T Bird jacket.

Although his American accent faltered at times, thankfully his singing voice has improved since he hit the charts with The Wind Beneath my Wings.

Meanwhile, Sandy, played by unknown actress lrene Warren, failed to depict the cringeworthy naivety of her character, as her attitude seemed to verge between sweet innocence and butch authority. In fact it was Rizo, the flirtatious, pant showing Pink Lady who stole the show, but lets face it she is the best character in the original film.

Okay, it was cheesy and Steven Houghton followed scarily close in the footsteps of his predecessors Darren Day and Shane Ritchie, but for anyone who loves those corny tunes and hand jiving dances, then Grease will always be a hit.

Nlcola Mallett

Book Review: Shop Girl Steve Martin

Llz Hutchlnson

a tongue-in-<:heek way that even if sometimes people groaned rather than laughed out loud, no-one could fail to be at least a little amused, and certainly not insulted.

Playing to packed LCR, Craig appeared on stage to the music of his band, The Eye, he stumbled out clutching a pint of shandy. "I've been in Norwich all day drinking so they've given me shandy to sober me up!" he slurred before spilling his pint. A murmur of unease went through the audience - could he hold it together? We had nothing to worry about, though - Craig was on top form, managing to perform his set as well as get the audience involved and control the hecklers ("a heckle from the shallow end of the gene pool!"). After all, who else could get a girl to come up on stage and drop her skirt (well, maybe Robbie Williams) and then recite poetry to her which almost had her in tears, drop his own

trouser to reveal stockings and suspenders, and tell a girl that he'd like to shag their mum because she has lovely tits- and have the mum invite him to a Norfolk lock-in after the gig?

The point of Sickbag, Craig explained, was to celebrate the sickest jokes of the world because we survive by using humour to hide our feelings. A very worthy claim , but you couldn't help feeling that it was just an excuse to tell a few of the jokes that only come out when you've been drinking all day and anything seems hilarious. Jokes like "What does walking the tightrope have in common with getting a blow job from the Queen mother?

Whatever happens- don't look down." and "I call my cat Fred West because he keeps leaving partially dismembered birds on the kitchen floor.", or "I asked this girl for a blow job the other day. She said 'isn't it a bit presumptuous to ask that on the first date?' So I said 'Presumptuous? That 's a big word for a five year old.' " The kind of jokes that you wouldn 't tell at the dinner table with your parents, but unfortunately are always the only kind you can remember.

Sickbag is a tour to promote Craig's new video of the same name, and if the reaction to the video is anything like that of his gig at the LCR, he is set to be on the top of everyone's Christmas list .

Just don't stick the video on when your Grandparents are round.

Elln Jones

Now he has written a novella, and amazingly it is among his best work .

Shop Girl is a fairly slender tome but never wastes a word. it tells the story of Mirabelle, a twenty eight year old single woman who works behind the glove counter at Nieman's department store.

During the course of the novel she has t o deal with the attention of two men, Jeremy, a guy who spray-paints logos on amplifiers, and Ray, a multimillionaire. Although not as overtly hilarious as some of Martin's 80s output, Shop Girl is full of witty observations ("Everyone knows he is going to live till age ninety, although the question that goes begging is, 'for what?'.) while also having something to say about re lationships in LA .

Jlm Whalley

Wednesday, November 29, 2000

18

eve

Inspected: Interactive

i9 Essential Game 01: Sheep is undoubtedly a game that was dreamed up in the pub. This is not necessarily a bad thing· the plot and intro of the game are hilarious · but unfortunately, more thought seems to have gone into the storyline than the actual game play.

The slightly unlikely background to the game suggests that sheep ancestors were sent from a galaxy far, far away and came to Earth to quietly observe its inhabitants. However, they enjoyed it so much they forgot to go back home, and now need rescuing by humans (or dogs) taken over by the alien force. Right.

In fairness, there are many redeeming features about the game- the two player sheep football is simply inspired, and perfect post-pub playing . This involves controlling two dogs on a table football style layout, the object being to herd the sheep, and the ball, into the goal.

The basic premise of the main one player game is to guide a herd of sheep Lemmings-style to the exit of each level, avoiding dangers along the way.

There are four different breeds of sheep available to herd, each as stupid as the next but with slightly different reactions to their surroundings.

The Pastoral sheep are your everyday, normal

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Finally, a less than fantastic Dreamcast game has turned up for review. Following a glorious couple of months when it seemed the little white box could do no wrong. Spawn rears its ugly head to remind us that Sega are capable of matching any of their rivals when it comes to really useless products. One glance at the plot effectively sums up what Spawn has to offer: in the future a bunch of demons have to kick the crap out of each other until the earth is either saved or destooyed.

And for a few minutes it actually is quite fun. it runs quickly, even with four players, and the arenas you fight in are huge and well thought out .

After a few minutes though the myriad of faults start to shine through . There is no depth to the game play. At all. The most challenging part of Spawn is figuring out how to beat the malfunctioning camera system that prevents you from

Web Review: Yay! it's Christmas, everybody's favourite commercialised holiday! Jesus? Who's he?

Father Christmas is where it's at nowadays.

To celebrate Santa and his festivit ies we've got a list of Xmas-themed websites for your perusal. Enjoy ...

• Christmas Tree Disposal Fed up with your Christmas tree shedding pine needles all over your carpet days after Chrimbo Day, but are not sure how to get rid of it safely and quickly? This site gives a step-by-step guide to an easy and fun · and did I say easy?- disposal of said foliage. All you need is a large window ... http:/jwww .mindspring.comj -chadallenjtr eejindex .html

• Fun(!) Cut-out Xmas OrnamentsThis is a great site for those of you who are budgeting your Christmas decorations this year, for it contains a decorative, Mexican chiuaua ornament for you to print out and make! it is full colour (as long as you have a colour printer) and comes with instructions. The perfect compliment to any Christmas tree! http:j j www.yeeeoww.comjlampoonjornamentj ornament .html

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Wednesday,. November 29, 2000

sheep. The Facto ral have ready spun wool, the Long Wool are rockers and the Neo Genetics wear sunglasses and think they're cool.

Similarly, you get to control one of four herders, either Bo Beep, Adam Half Pin , Motley and Shep, each with different characteristics.

For a game thought up while drunk (I'm guessing this fact but I have no doubt this is true). it is no surprise Sheep is a game to play while suitably inebriated. This is not something that will stand up to long term playing, unless you have a real love of sheep (those who live west of Gloucester take note).

Sheep is probably not worth £30, but is a good game to have in the col lection - it appeals as much to chil dren as adu lts, and is good for killing time. Death, by the way , is one of the more imaginative elements to the game - see combine harvesters, crabs (not like that) and various other inventive ways to meet your maker.

Ultimately, it does not have the game play quality of Lemmings, or the inventiveness of Worms, yet is enjoyable nonetheless. Indeed, if Empire only sheared the price, Sheep would be a game worth baa-ing. (Sorry.)

Will Halsey

Spawn: In The Demon 's Hands Essential Game 02: (Dream cas

street influenced sportswear hip hop and designer clothing

P ERRY ELLIS

Sheep (PC CD and Playstation)

• WhiteTrash Xmas Advent CalenderCombining the joys of Jesus with pop tarts of today, you can count days the days with this innovative, yet stylish, advent calender http:/ /junta.comjadvent/

seeing where your character is going. Other than that it's just a case of pointing in the right direction and hitting punch as fast as your fingers will allow. Furthermore, the characters are poorly balanced. Some are equipped with the biggest guns they can carry while others have to rely on a short stick. Unsurprisingly, the Uzis generally win every time . Everything about the game screams •teenage boys'. The music consists of nothing but loud tuneless guitars and the designers never miss a chance to include unrealistically proportioned women wearing only what appears to be leather string. No one ever just dies in Spawn , they collapse in several pieces and their blood gushes like a fountain into the air. The Spawn comic is notorious for its tragic spin offs (see the film for further details) . The game continues this fi ne tradition.

J/m Whalley

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Inspected: TV/Radio

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Neanderthal C4, 9.00pm Monday December 4

Archaeologists have an amazing skill for exaggerating their talents. They frequently inform us on programmes such as Time Watch that they are able to determine that "this 50,000 year old skeleton belonged to a man named Roger, who was married to a girl named Marie; and that they had two children, one of whom enjoyed playing the fiddle of a Tuesday evening.· And all this from the shape of their fifty thousand year old soup bowl. Taking this use of historical fabrication, or leaps of imagination, as they prefer to call it, further than ever before is a new two-part drama documentary series, which aims to tell the story of modern man's closest human relatives. The programme makers hope to challenge popular misconceptions, that the Neanderthals were brutish, hairy, stupid cavemen . To do this they have created a group of Neanderthals, based on the limited skeletal remains available to them, and a group of actors willing to regress back to their basic human instincts- Sex, food and sleep.

The costumes proved slightly more of a challenge.

The series will focus on south-west France 35,000 years ago, where a small clan of Neanderthals inhabited the area. lt will reveal how they communicated amongst themselves, their skills in tool making, and how they looked after each other. lt will also examine their relationship with our ancestors, homo sapiens.

One of the experts who worked on the series states what it has achieved, "In Neanderthal the bones and stones that represent the only direct evidence we have of human life in Ice Age Europe 35, 000 years ago have been brought back to life, in the most scientifically accurate and detailed manner ever attempted. · it's incredible

what you can do with a pile of old bones and stones, isn't it. The fossils of Neanderthals were able to show how Neanderthals lived, what they ate and what tools they used, but many aspects of Neanderthal life could not be determined.

Therefore the experts had to make it up, in order to get a two-part series out of the subject. Or again as they prefer to term it, they took an imaginative leap. lt was the first time that an entire Neanderthal skeleton had been constructed, and there was no way of knowing certain physical attributes, such as the colour of their eyes, how hairy they were and what clothing they wore. The series was filmed in Glenveag National Park in Donegal, on the north-west tip of Ireland. They required a location of unspoilt wilderness, suitable caves, and accessibility for the forty-member crew. The final location was good on all counts except for the caves, which were non-existent. Therefore the team had to build them out of polystyrene, which were apparently so realistic that passing walkers would knock on them to see if they were real (or to make them fall over).The biggest challenge fell to the casting directors. The actors chosen for this project had to be short and stocky without prominent foreheads or chins- Sorry Brucie.

Director, Tony Mitchell says that, "They had to be prepared to go out into the middle of Donegal and act in the cold and wet and heat. On top of all that they had to be great actors.· I wonder how many great actors applied for that job; hardly the ticket to Hollywood, is it. Hopefully this series will be an interesting look at how Neanderthals lived and eventually died out. Or at the very least it will show a bunch of actors living out an archaeologist's fantasy.

Kathryn Hlnchllff

Essential Soaps This new series, which began last week, takes a look at man's close relationship to animals, and their impact on the world. Last weeks episode examined the horse and its impact on human civilisation.

This week Brian Leith, the programme narrator gives the cow its long awaited and well-deserved recognition for its role in helping the Romans to conquer half the known world. Currently 1.28 billion cattle inhabit the Earth, occupying almost 24% of our planet's landmass. Apparently the existence of cows has literally changed the world.

Valerie Michael from the Museum of Leather Craft attributes the cow with the honour of holding the industrial revolution together, as well as helping out the Romans. She states that cowhide was used to clothe soldiers' feet and to

make their tents, which protected them from harsh climates. As far as industry was concerned, cowhide was essential; it provided the washers and drive-belts for the new machines, until rubber came along.

Brian Leith investigates the impact of cows on the landscape.

Once cows had begun to be used for food, forests and woodlands were cleared in order to create land for grazing. In the mid 1800s over four million buffalo were shot in order to make room for the cows. This brought buffalo to the very edge of extinction and changed the lives of the Prairie Indians who relied on the buffalo for food.

Although ostensibly looking at cows, this programme reveals more about human impact on the land. The poor cows shouldn't really take all the blame.

Kathryn Hlnchllff

-----------------------===================zl ------------------------ll:ll:=============tl Essential TV 02:

The Science Of Crime: Psychopath C4, Thursdays at 9.00pm

Not to be dragged kicking and screaming towards more festive thoughts, Channel 4 delves further into long-researched studies of human nature with a series based on the behavioural patterns of criminals. Starting with the extreme case, the first episode examines the state of psychopathy. lt will try to do more than re-answer the much examined ·mad or bad?" questions, as it conducts a full investigation into both the individual's environment, and as is common to most new scientific documentaries, a breakdown of their biological make-up.

In a section that seems a little too similar to A Clockwork Orange for comfort, it looks at different people's cerebral responses to violent "stimulants." And you will certainly be delighted to hear that severe psychological illness of this kind is more common than you might think, though it only affects about 1% of the population.

A major contributor to this film is Dr Robert Hare, who became interested in the subject whilst in a maximum-security penitentiary (researching his doctorate, you understand). He now works in a Canadian university, and is a leading expert in

t~e

field.

Psychopathy is different to other mental illnesses in that the associates of the patient seem to be the ones that suffer and not the subjects themselves. In fact, they can be completely content with their lives.

Many will go unnoticed, with no apparent feelings of bitterness, living as virtual outcasts or with successful careers in professions such as law or medicine. Yes, the programme claims that some are doctors.

Though contrary to usual belief, only a tiny percentage actually commits murder, and most are not imprisoned. lt is not easy to correctly diagnose, but in case you are wondering, the symptoms of psychopathy are an inability to empathise with suffering and an air of apathy, self-sufficiency or vain arrogance. However, the ability to relentlessly name-check designer labels of clothing or even a particular penchant for Phil Coli ins do not seem to be the best indication. Perhaps that is just the fictional, American version.

Jonathan Rolfe

using the little mite as a tool to attract the Coronation Street is an odd place. it's a street in ladies. Things are also hotting up in the Slater a time warp. Jack Duckworth, a lollypop man by household, which is becoming more like a Carry trade, stands in the road all day even when the On film every week. Cockney lothario Garry is little darlings of Manchester are locked up in causing some good old sibling rivalry between his school; Liz McDonald, just returned from her fitbeau Lynne and her orange sister Kat who is realness video exile, has looked fifty for a good twenty years now; and just look at the end of each ly after the strangely coiffured Steve although he really fancies Mel. Phew.Oh, and someone has scene when time seems to freeze, forcing us to stolen Mo's knickers, the police have been look upon the twitching visage of God knows called and Jim is suspected. Perhaps he has who for just a few seconds more than you want to. used them in his home brew. Mmmm.

Nick Henegan Anyway aside from this strange phenomenon Liz and her portly moustachioed ex, ,....,......--~---------------------, Jim, are set to tie the knot again, even though he is in the clink. And, Sarah-Louise seems to have left her mushroom headed mother to look after her baby while she sits at a bus stop and communicates with

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the enigmatic Glen through the medium of the oh so fashionable text message. A very odd place indeed, so it is.

Talking of young motherhood, EastEnder's weeping balloon Sonia is considering putting Chloe up for adoption, a situation that is sure to appal Robbie who seems to be

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20

the

event

Eventhorizon: Film

The essential guide to what's on in Norwich over the coming fortnight

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---~·----r= ll eA~ Eilm Cam us Film Gone in 60 Seconds

Thursday 30t h November- 7pm Car thief ext raordinaire Memphis Rai nes ( Nicholas Cage) is forced t o hel p his brother after a run in wit h some thugs. Memphis gathers his gang , and sets off to steal 50 t op mark cars in a night. Vinnie Jones, surprisingly good .

Gangster No. 1

Friday 1st December- 8pm Serious style, British Gangster movie.

Follows the life of an anonymous · gangster", played by Malcolm McDowell for the present times and Paul Bettany in the flashback scenes, of hi m as a boot-boy, th ro ugh to hi s rise to gang leader.

The Patriot

Saturday 2nd December- 7pm Mel Gibson plays Benjamin Martin, a veteran of the French and Indian war, forced into fighting for the war of independence, when his farm and family are destroyed by the British.

Wonderful , dramatic and brutal fighting makes th is a must see .

Love 's Labour Lost

Monday 4th DecemberKenneth Bran nagh has reinterpreted another Shakespeare play . Now a fast funky comedy following King Navarre, as he departs female company for 3 years of study , unt il lured back by the arrival of a French princess . Good film al l round.

Mission to Mars

Tuesday 5t h December- 8pm In a 2020 trip to Mars which has gone wrong the rescue team set out to save NASA 's astronauts. The tension builds as they begin to understand why the other mission fa iled , and what secrets Mars holds.

Essential Film: Pitch Eugenide this is the directing debut of Sofia Coppola . The Lisbon sisters , five teenage blondes, who set hearts pounding in their neighbourhood , start a tragic series of events of after the suicide of Cecelia.

Showing at

UCI (c oming soon)

Scream 3

Wednesday 13th December- 7pm Neve Cambell , Court ney Cox and David Arquette, come to toget her for the fina l part of t he Scream trilogy. Lots of infilm references, good combinat ion of horror and humour.

Rules of Engagement

Thursday 14th December Action drama starring Samuel L Jackson and Tommy Lee Jones. Jones must defend Jackson , a co lonel who ordered his t roops t o gun down innocent ci vil ians, when evacu ating a US embassy in Yemen. A ten se action packed fi lm.

City Film ~

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Bedazzled

A modern Faust themed film, but with a fema le devi l and a rat her inept bloke .

She gives him seven wishes and then makes sure that none of them are quite what he expected. Funny , with basic level humour.

Showing at

Ster Century UCI

A charming film , wh ich fo llows a young boy 's journey of discovery through his surprising love of dance and the disintegration of his fami ly. Set in 1984 , duri ng t he time of t he miners strikes, t his forms a tense background to the story . A wee py but wonderful fi lm.

Ster Century Chicken Run

The latest of Ni ck Park' s pla sti c ine frolic s, this t ime draw n into a 90min special of chickens and their plots to escape from an evil pie mak ing business. A fantast ic film, with the voices of Mel Gibson , and Jane Horrocks.

Showing at

Ster Century Coyote Ugly

Based round a New York nightclub , a young gi rl desperatel y seek ing money is drawn to working a bartender in the nightc lub whe re she comes t o realise t he influence of her ow n sex appeal.

UCI Dinosaur

A Disney film , with talking dinosaurs.

Cute . What more needs to be said!

Ster Century Showing at

UCI Duets

Cineman City , Wed 29 Nov at 2:30pm Ster Century UCI

Starring Gwyneth Paltrow as a showgirl in Las Vegas. lt follows her change from shy karaoke singer t o meeting a ka raoke partner and rea lising her dreams.

Blair Witch 2 , Book of Shadow

Very scary sequel. The story picks up where the last one left off only now the Blair Witch site has become a tourist attract ion . Four kids spend a night cam ping in the woods, but get more than they bargained for.

Showing at

UCI Ster Century

Scary Movie

Tuesday 12t h December- 8pm Based on the best seller by Jeffrey

I'm a big girl. And I wet my bed .. . just kidd ing . I don 't really . Although , I may as well do considering my ch ild ish react ion to Pitch Black . it's just I have an aversion to pterodactyl-like alien creatu res who have a taste for flesh . And I bet you bloody well would do too if you're space ship had crash-landed on an alien planet where t he only sign of life was the aforementioned fly ing flesh-eaters.

An d if you consider that said al iens only like the dark and you j ust happen t o have crashed on the planet in the nick of t ime to ex perience its first ec lipse for 22 years then, I'm very sorry , you too would be shitting yourself. (Oh, and by the way that hasn 't happened t o me. I haven't been to any planets recently and have never met a pt erodactyl ). That aside, Pitch Black boasts excellent performances from Vin Diesel (pictured below) and Radha Mitchell (used to be in Neighbours but don't hold that against her). and really is genuinely scary , shot thro ugh w ith camerawo rk one wou ldn 't ex pect to find in a movie of this genre. Good stuff ... and I don 't wet my bed .

Adam Chapman

Showing at

Showing at

X·men

Virgin Suicides

Charlie's Angels

Another conversion of a TV series to the big screen . Charlie's investigation company is contacted by a software firm who have had thei r latest invention stolen. They bug the company 's closest rival and it all kicks off.

B ~ack

Showing at Billy Elliot

Thursday 7th December- 7pm lt has been noticed that some people have special powers because of mutations and basically a war between t he good and the bad is on t he cards. lt is worth seeing for t he spec ial effects alone but there is much more to it than t hat.

Friday 8th December- 8pm Teen horror movie, uses all t he classic horror movie devices, but turn s them on their head to make for a gory but very funny film . Basic pl ot is that a year after accidentally killing a man , the group of teenagers are pursued by a rubbish serial killer.

set around t wo rival fi lm com panies, one that has the stars and the other, a group of fanatics bent on destroying al l bad filming . Should make for a refreshing, pithy film, but not for the sensitive.

Showing at

UCI Road to El Dorado

DreamWorks are seriously beginning to rival Di sney in t he cal ibre of the ir fi lms.

Road to El Dorado is about t wo good for nothing 's who manage to find a map to the Mayan City of Gold. A brilliant animated adventure.

Bring it On

Showing at

Cheerleading competitions and rivalry between two groups of pom-pom wavers. Scanda l hit s t he t eam as cheati ng is uncovered .

St er Century

Showing at

Ster Century

Going off

A bloke comes out of prison but far from being a changed man he renew s his life of crime.

Showing at

Cecll B. Demented

St er Century

From t he direct or of Hairspray we have a crud e, gari sh, film that tak es a real jab at conventional moviemakers. lt is

Gun Shy

Bringing down t he Mafia having almost

been killed is not a bad portfolio for an undercover agent. However, the group therapy may affect his standing slightly .

Showing at

UCI

Little Nicky

Son of Satan now has the chance to inherit the underworld as his father wants to ret ire . Unfortunately , Nicky is a bit good and somehow manages to st op t he souls co mi ng to hell. Very quirky .

Harry, Un Ami Qui Vous Veut du Bien

Showing at

A French thriller, subt itled. A dark comedy where a man comes to live with a couple and their ch ildren but foul play is only suspected as the pile of bodies begins to mount . Disti nct need t o suspend disbelief, but a good alternative to Hollywood films.

Ster Century UCI

Showing at

Cinema City Fri 1 , Mon 4 Dec at 8:15pm Sat 2, Tues 5 , Thurs 7 Dec at 5:45pm Mati nee on Tues 5 Dec at 2:30pm

Loser

Unfortunately, some people are j ust born losers and thi s co llege stu dent seems to be one of t hem . He is kicked out of his corridor and he falls in love and it all starts from there.

Showing at

Ster Century

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Mission Kashmir Home Alone Ill

Yet anot her Home Al one has been churned out but at least this is a little fresher than some of them . Basically , important computer chip lost , big Black Market reward, bad guys are thwarted by lit tl e person.

A very intense fil m set in war torn Kashmir where a family is torn apart when, all but the son, are murdered by a masked man . The story follows the boy 's life after that event.

Showing at

UC I

Showing at

UCI

My Dog Skip

Use our searchable listings database at

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~.concrete-online.co.uk 1'

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Showing at

UC I (coming soon)

Showing at

Ster Century Ster Century Stuart Little

Pitch Black

see Essential film

Tea with Mussolini

Showing at

This is a pseudo-biographical account of director Franco Zeffirelli's early life.

Based in 1936 during the Fascist rule of Mussolini's Italy it makes for an interesting historical film.

Ring

An unusual Japanese subtitled film, based on a book by Japan 's own Steven King , Koji Suzuki. There is an urban myth circulating that if a certain video is watched you w ill be dead with in a week. Truly terrify ing.

Showing at

Cinema City , Sun 3 Dec at 5:00pm Fri 1 Dec at 11:15pm and Sat 2 Dec at 2:30pm

Showing at

Cinema City, Sun 10th Dec at 5:00pm The Art of War

Starring Wesley Snipes the film got it 's name from a book by Sun Tsu and explores the idea that war can be won without the need to fight . After a group of refugees are found murdered and Snipes is blamed he retreats underground to figure it all out . A fast moving , thrilling , murder mystery.

Showing at

UCI (coming soon) The Golden Bowl

An adaptation of Henry James' story the film follows the adulterous love affair between and Italian Prince and an Englishwomen . All very strange as she marries the father of the prince 's new bride just to be close to him.

Road Trip

Showing at

Another Something About Mary or American Pie, only worse. A group of American teenagers go off to prevent a fate worse than death, adulterous video evidence reaching its destination namely the college of the adulterous bloke's girlfriend .

Cinema City , Tues 5- Thurs 7 Dec at 8 :15pm Wed 29 Nov- Fri 1 Dec , Mon 4 Dec at 5:30pm Matinee Thurs 7 Dec at 2:30pm

Showing at

Ster Century UCI Small Time Crooks

A couple of stars in this including Woody Allan, who also directs, and Hugh Grant . Al lan plays an ex -con who thinks big , but just can 't quite make it.

He tries to hide a plotted bank robbery, behind a cook ie store but everything blows up in his face. A witty , edgy farce, well worth seeing .

Showing at

The Grlnch

Remember the books by Dr Seuss , the Cat in the Hat, well now one of his character 's has been brought to life by Jim Carrey just in t ime for Christmas. it's the terminally grumpy Grinch , who is a sort of anti-Santa and tries to make everyone unhappy. However, two small children are set to intervene.

Showing at

UCI (coming soon) The Kid

A Disney film with Bruce Willis in which a ' Kid' is sent from the 1970's to help him sort out his life and get back happiness.

Cinema City, Fri 15, Sat 16 Dec at 5:45pm UCI (Coming soon)

Showing at

Snatch

Ster Century UCI

Another Vinnie Jones movie, he seems to be popping up eve ryw here these days. Directed by Guy Rit ch1e, this follows gangs, all attempting to st eal a diamond. Good combinat ion of almost slapstick vi olence w ith excellent music .

The Little Vampire

Showing at

Once merely a badly dubbed chil dren's TV program on ITV it 's been made into a fil m. Based on a book by Angela Sommer-Bodenburg it's about an American boy who meets a vampire and his adventures.

Cinema City, Fri 15 Dec at 11:15pm

Showing at

Some Like it Hot

Cinema City, Sat 9th Dec at 2:30pm UCI

A classic film With two guy 's cross dressmg to escape a mob who hide out in a womens ' only band . However they pull , and it all gets horribly complicated.

Showing at

Time If you like cheapish beer, a bit of fl irting and reverberating dance floors then this is your place . The music here steers away from the cheesy end of the sound scale, more towards the dancey end of it . £1 before 11pm (NUS)

A film about American secret societies, in Yale. After the murder of one memebr the others' li ves suddenly take an unexpected tw ist.

Ster Century

Cinema City , Wed 29, Thurs 30 Nov at 8 :15pm Matinee Thurs 30 Nov at 2:30pm

Spank: November 30/December 7/14

Showing at

Showing at

Showing at

Urban Legends: Anal Cut

A girl decides to make a winning film based on Urban Legend but before she knows it her cast and crew all seem to be dying , she must work fast to find her murderer before she is next.

Terrifying, great for Scream fans.

The Skulls

Showing at

largely unknown cast but a very funny film about a pair of fanatical teenage truants desperate attempts to get a pair of season tickets, for their dream team Newcastle United.

Thursdays

Subtitled Chinese film . You best bring plenty of hanki es if you come to see t hi s.

Cinema City Fri 15, Sat 16 Dec at 8 :15pm

Ster Century

Purely Belter

on in Tomb/and don 't you know .

UCI Ster Century

The Road Home

Showing at

A family adopt a mouse called Stuart but there are tensions with the fam ily cat . How cute!

Ster Century UCI

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What Lies Beneath Bedazzled Little Nicky Pitch Black Billy Elliot Dinosaur The Kid The Little Vampire Road Trip Coyote Ugly

Based on the Mississippi memoir by the late Willie Morris. This is a heartwarming tale of a boy who receives a puppy for his birthday and goes on to draw together the whole community.

Eventhorizon: Film/Clubs

The Red Planet

The t1me is 2050 and having mucked up our own planet we now need to choose another to colonise . Our nearest neighbour Mars 1s chosen .

The Spy Who Loved Me

A classic James Bond film, from 1977 , starring Roger Moore . Bond must work in close contact with his female Russian equivalent to find out what 's been happening to the nuclear missile filled submarines.

Showing at

Ster Century The Way of the Gun

Tremendously exciting drama from the writer of the Usual Suspects. Bullets and mayhem ensue as two young men take on crime as their career move.

Showing at

UCI The Yards

Mark Wahlberg plays an ex -con working for his uncle. However, he soon finds himself sucked into a fast world of sabotage and murder by his own family . Well-written , good drama.

Showing at

Cinema City , Fri 8 , Sat 9 , Mon 11 Dec at 5:45pm Tues 12, Thurs 14 at 815pm Matinee on Thurs 14 Dec at 2:30pm UCI Tlmecode

Interesting cinemat ic style with the movie shown in a four way spl it screen.

A close psychological drama, regarding the lives of a group with in the movie business.

Showing at

UCI Tit us

Julie Taymore adapts Shakespeare's bloodiest play in a sharp, action packed way. Spl it between 1930's Rome and the future it follows a war hero's ruin of himself and his family.

Showing at

Cinema City , Sun 10 Dec at 7:30pm What Lies Beneath

A tense thriller, starring Harrison Ford, whose past adulterous relationship comes back to haunt him and his new wife. Very exc iting and creepy .

Showing at

Ster Century UCI

UCI (coming soon) 102 Dalmatians

The LCR disco: November

A sequel to Disney 's 101 Dalmatians, Cruella de Ville has served her time and is supposedly reformed but does a leopard ever change its spots? You must be joking . How long can Cruel/a be a dog's best friend.

30/ December 7/ 14 UEA For once a week only the LCR turns into a mass of desperate would-beshaggers all lurching around pissed , getting stuck to the floor and not recognising their own corridor/ housemates when they try and drag them home. £3/ £3.50 on the door

Showing at

UCI (coming soon)

Clubs Wednesdays Pre-Law Ball Bash: November 29

liquid liquid are opening its doors just for us tonight! The Law Soc. presents its preball cocktail night with a beach party theme. If you wear 'mad beach gear' then you get in free , otherwise it's a pound. Depends how much you value looking like a twat or not I suppose. £1(NUS) Superfly: November 29/December 6/13

Mojos For a chilled out night of drum & bass, R n' B and funk head to the cool underground caverns of Mojos £3 Aockin' Sheep: November 29/December 6/13

Ikon Cheap and cheerful fun in the lofty heights of Ikon . Also an excellent chance to hang out with the local yokels. No, I'm not trying to put you off, they don 't bite (much) .

WeRK: November 29/December 6/13

Manhattans Weekly programme of tunes brought to you by resident DJ Shaun Johnson.

Reverb: November 29/December 6/13

Po Na Na Meanwhile in another part of town there's a souk bar playing funk and soul . No need to mention the cushions. £1 after 9pm DJ Jam: November 29/December 6/13

Hy's All popular dance styles brought to you by a DJ covered in sweet , sticky red stuff. There are some strange goings

Charty Handbaggy: November 30/December 7/14

The Loft Popular gay night.

DJ Twister: November 30/December 7/14

Joe Alan's Uplifting house music- what is that exactly??

70's Night: November 30/December 7/14

Hys A great chance to wear all those dodgy clothes that you secretly really like.

Retro nights are the only chance to wear them cos everyone else looks silly too! £2 (NUS) Value For Money: November 30/December 7

liquid A chance to get pissed using less money which , in mat hemat ical terms, means you will get more pissed overall!

That 's the kind of maths we do like. £2 before 11pm , £3 after (NUS) Bassment: November 30/December 7 Mojos

Tonight this club is a place where all the trendies hang out . Any scruffy people are seriously frowned upon so forget the jeans and jumper look.

Fridays Da Bomb: December 1

UEA 'Wikid' garage evening wiv da UEA posse. Aaaight. Hard and fast tunes featuring XLR8 's D n' B (which means drum and bass for all da less clued up people out dere) . £9.50/£8.50 Empower: December 1/8/15

Fat Paulys

Where the Heart Is

Based on a novel by Bil lie Letts, Where the Heart Is follows the struggles of a young girl to succeed agai nst all the odds.

Incredibly funny and very movi ng .

Showing at

UC I Wonder Boys

On t he ball comedy, starring M1chael Douglas, about a writer who has lost his muse, and is unsure if he will ever be able to follow up his best seller.

Showing at

Wednesday, November 29, 2000

riE

event

Eventhorizon: Clubs/Gigs Wooooh. t hi s evening we have pow er!

Lets go mad and drink the place dry and t hen eat kebabs and ch ips.

You 're guaranteed to know every song that 's played . You know the ones you 've forgotten about but are actually your all t ime fa vourite songs ever. If you like your music to go back even further then there 's Jimmy's Disco in another part of the building with 60 's and 70 's stuff. £4/ £3

Hytlmes; December 1/8/ 15 Hys DJ Rob Mac gives us some t op tune s delivered to the best of his abil ity .

Swi ng your pan t s. £3 Hot: December 1/8/ 15 Ik on Get away from the w ind and chill outside into the hot , steamy rooms of Ikon. £4 lt's the Business: December 1/8/15 Liquid Go through the glass doors, past the huge towering lava lamps and begin a night of drinking at the stylish ly sexy bar paced full of good-looking bar staff, who only get more attractive the more you drink . £2 before 11pm/ £3 after Elegance: December 1/8/15 Moj os A slinky R n' B evening. Just make sure you fit in with the whole 'elegant' theme and don't get sloshed so much you have to be apologised for by your friends and carried out slung over someone 's shoulder.

Parkslde: December 1/ 8/ 15 Po Na Na ThiS club has got a bit of a bohemian kind of thing going on.

Marvel: December 1/15 The Loft Fortnightly hip hop, funk and soul night in the stripy building that goes 'straight ' for the night .

SO 's Night: December 8 The Waterfront

Hys A night of satisfac t ion sounds good to me. DJ Rob Mac returns to the house with a hot mix of grooves to warm you on a cold winter's nig ht. £4 before 11pm , £ 5 aft er Meltdown: December 2 / 9 The Wat erfront One of the best night s in town featuring lndy classi cs that you get to hear time and tim e again (every Saturday th at is). We just can 't get enough of it. In another, secret , part of this building is a room filled with dance music brought to us by Ballistix. If you find it you get a prize. £3 (NUS)

Rumble: December 15 The Waterfront This is exactly what your stomach will be doing if you have too much to drink the night before. Although you won't know night from day, or your arse from your elbow for that matter, because the night goes on until 4am and you ' ll be waaaay too drunk by then. £11 advance

Saturdays

The electricity brought to us on stage by th at most famous of bands ABBA is ke pt we ll and trul y al ive by frank ly one of the best tribute bands on the planet .

You get all the best song s here like Super Trouper, Mam ma Mia & Knowing Me, Know ing You , and you get to dance and sing w ith everyone el se who absolutely loves it too' If yo u 'k ind of like ' th is music you 'll find yourself turned into a fanat ic fan by t he end of the night, j ust from t he at mosphere. There's never a depressed fac e in sight at one of these gig s. For one evening you become part of a whole family of glittering smiley people wearing nothing but th e best makeup and Retro gear fit for dancing queens. As for th e performance . the fabulous four not onl y sing harmon iousl y but they also provide comedy banter between songs , as well as doing things like scattering chocolat e money into the misty depths of the audience when they sing 'Money, Money, Money ·. it 's guaranteed to be the best live Retro performance to hit your senses this year.

Sundays Sunday Service: December 3/10 Manhattans This must be repeated this is NOT a religious evening . We 've recently had reports of all sorts of Christian followers turni ng up, only to be shockingly confronted with more than just the odd sip of red wine .

Retro: December 9 UEA Come tonight and find yourself among throngs of hippie, sparkly and all other kinds of bizarrely dressed people (gorilla and Yorkshire farmer are to name but two of the more original outfits). and do the Saturday night fever dance all night long . You'll have so much fun you 'll forget there 's alcohol to be drunk . £3 Satisfaction: December 2/9

Mondays Flockln' Sheep: December 4/11 Ikon For hopeful animal lovers out there , there are not actuall y a lot of sheep here tonight. The title of the evening refe rs more to the amounts of people who are there. £2 before 11pm Funky Jam Carwash: December 4/11 Liquid Again not a lot of jam and not a lot of carwashes, that's just another clever

IJIJ!!:=~~!I!!III!I·IJII~~~~:C~~~~·~~:-:~~=-=------~ title. There 's actually

more of a downingdrink s-t i 11-you-pass-out and trying-anything-fora-shag theme going on.

Play: December 4/11 Po Na Na Chain club/ bar gives the locals (and you ) something more of a selection for delection.

Tuesdays Funk Friction: December 5/ 12 Owens Cafe Bar Not really a club but it has the whole atmosphere going on.

in line spirits -Quiz night- Cockta

8: Fosters £1 :50

Christmas meal 4 or mo e student a free e of h

·ng in this voucher for BUY ONE EAL - T ECOND FOR £1 :50 107 Dereham Road, Norwich, NR2 4HT • 01603 760766

Slinky: December 5/12 Hys If only there were more stairs for the slinkys to go down.

You have to bring your own slinkys to thi s night otherwise you have to borrow theirs and they are a bit old and rust y, and you know everyone will get there first and you'll end up with the broken one.

those who are.

Lessons start at 7pm for beginners and end at 9pm £3 (NUS) Life: December 5/ 12 Time Bit of a philosophical title for a nightclub don't you think? According to Time our life tonight will consist of drinking , dancing and pulling. Fair do 's. £1 (NUS) Student Night: December 5/ 12 Liquid The local council have sponsored this one to keep good-for-nothing students all in one building, away from the locals. They don 't want us to mess up their inbreeding plan. £1 before 11pm Dum Dums: Thursday 30th November

Gigs The Waterfront Only people with a really low IQ are allowed in here . They give you a test at the door and if you 're too intelligent then you're out. Fortunately for us bright people out there the trick to getting around this is to drink shit loads of vodka before you go in and, voila , just like that your IQ drops by 50 points! £7.50 Goldblade and Semtex: Friday 1st December Norwich Arts Centre - 8.30pm Punk rock 'n' roll. That 's all I've been t old.

Free Buggln Out: Saturday 2nd December Norwich Arts Centre - 8.30pm More cutting edge hip hop with TSN and special guests. £5 advance

Salsa: December 5/12 Po Na Na A very funky idea for a night out because here they actually teach you how to dance so you don't have to worry if you have two left feet. Even if you don 't want to learn how to sal sa, it s a

Reef: Sunday 3rd December UEA Reef are back in Norwich. Just like Christmas they come every year and just like Christmas we always look forward to it! They'll be banging out classics as well as new songs from their recent album 'Getaway ' . This is a new date but all ti ckets are still valid. £12 .50

great opportunity to

The Mission: Sunday 3rd December

~----------------~------------------------------------------__Jun ash a med ly laugh at

Wednesday, November 29, 2000

&

Saturday Rewind: December 2/9 Mojos A place where you get to rewind your Saturday and re-do the lie in you had , and all the shopping you did in Sainsburys then you get to dance the night away AGAIN.

Pam 's House: December 15 UEA Xmas special. £9.50

Faith Superstar DJ 's and Llsa Loud: December 2 UEA Lisa Loud? Sounds like a character from the 'Little Miss' books. But I have been assured that the evening contains no chi ldren 's' themes whatsoever. £9.95/£7.95

Essential gig: '">r • ·•

The Waterfront 80's Goth at its best. £12 Bjorn Again: Monday 4th December UEA A chance for all you dancing queens out there to strut around wearing your long blond wigs and spark/y clothes. singing you heart out in a suitable ABBA -mania styley. £13.50 Supergirly: Tuesday 5th December UEA A hysteric al send up of pop mus1c. £9.50 Dr. Feelgood: Friday 8th December UEA Featuring the doc tor himself, John Otway and more. What the 'more ' is I don't know but it sounds intriguing. £12.50 Terrorvlsion: Sunday 10th December The Waterfront Terrorvision are playing songs by the river with co dot , a kickin' rock act.

Ahhhh the sounds of 1995+, it all brings back such memories. Cider, sneaky fags and bitching about classmates. They really are the best years of your life aren't they? NOT . £10 Shane MacGowan: Wednesday 13th December UEA Shane is supported this evening by 'the popes' so remember to do all your drinking, bingeing and vomiting in a suitably reve rend manner. All 'hail Mary's' can 't be blasphemous either. £13 .50 Killer Queen: Wednesday 13th December The Waterfront .Tribute band to Queen . Rocking tunes no doubtedly ending with a crescendo of a room full of people all in a chorus of Bohemian Rhapsody. "Mamma, just killed a man. " , and then ".has a devil put aside for me , for me , for mee .. " .

Brill iant! £6.50/ £5 Earthtone + Guano Apes + Lost Prophets + Miocene: Thursday 14th December The Waterfront I have no idea.

j

t

event Theatre Phantom of the Opera: Wednesday 29th November - Saturday 2nd December Theatre Royal - 7 .30pm and matinees on Thur 30th and Sat 2nd at 2.30pm Funny play about a man in a mask, written by someone who sadly doesn't wear one. But this is not the real thing, it's luckily an adaptation. Ken Hill's one is a funny, tongue in cheek version of Leroux 's classic story. £3.50-£18 Nosferatu the VIsitor: Friday 1st Saturday 2nd December Norwich Playhouse· 7.30pm A vampire thing from the production company that brought us last seasons Hamlet on prozacll For ages 16 and up and described as 'stunning.thrillingly urgent, makes you want to shut your eyes and hide' . £9 or £6.50 (NUS) Rumours of Fleetwood Mac: Tuesday 5th December Theatre Royal - 7 .30pm A sensational evening of outstanding musicianship celebrating the music of one of the worl ds greatest bands from 1967 through to the 1990's. £3.50 - £13.50 Illegal Eagles: Wednesday 6th December Theatre Royal - 7 .30pm Another tribute night. The vocal harmonies and prodigious musical talent of this band produce a fantastic overall sound. £3.50 - £14.50 lan Moor: Thursday 7th December Theatre Royal - 7 .30pm Remember that guy who won as Chris

Eventhorizon: Theatre/Mise

De Burgh in 'Stars in Their Eyes'? Well this is him. This guy has made it quite big and even has an album coming out this season. £3.50 - £15

What a Feeling: Friday 8th December Saturday 9th December Theatre Royal - 6pm & 9pm Rock and pop musicals in concert.

Music from movies and musicals of the 1970's, 1980's and 1990's. Take a 2 hour journey with an explosion of highenergy songs from Dirty Dancing, Fame, Grease, Saturday Night Fever and many more. £3.50 - £17.50 The Duchess of Malfl: Tuesday 12th Saturday 16th December Theatre Royal - 7 .30pm and matinees on Thurs 14th and Sat 16th at 2pm RSC production of a masterpiece of Jacobean tragedy . The corrupt brothers of the Duchess of Malfi have ruled that their beautiful younger sister must never marry again. She, however, has other more passionate plans. But can this extraordinary woman counter the deadly cunning of men so intent on controlling her life that they are willing to drive her out of her mind? £3.50 - £17 Goldllocks and the 3 Bears: Tuesday 12th December - Sat. 23rd Dec. Norwich Playhouse - check with box office for times Classic panto stuff. £6 No Sleep 'TII Strumpshaw - The Crude Apache Christmas Review: Wednesday 13th December - Sat urday 16t h December Norwich Arts Centre- 8pm and matinee on Sat 16th at 3pm Kind of like an adult pantomime thing

M ise Free Lunchtime Concert: Wednesday 29th November Music Centre, UEA - 1 .05pm Music by Sweenlinck, Ferrabosco, Bach and Cesti . They themselves aren 't going to be there , but the music is played and sang instead by two very talented UEA musicians lan Roberts and Jody Butler respectively . Pop along and support them, the music lot really are a very friendly bunch.

FREE UEA choir, Norwich Cathedral Girls Choir and Academy of St. Thomas: Saturday December 2nd St. Andrews Hall - 7.30pm Singing conducted by John Aplin . Finzi , Hoist and Vaughn Will iams. £11-£3 ( NUS) The Great British Jazz Band: Sunday 3rd December Norwich Playhouse - 7 .30pm Take a group of hand-picked music ians, give them some great arrangements and let them loose in a recording studio & you will get music from what one critic enthusiastically described as 'the best band of its kind in the world'.

Early booking recommended. £10 (NUS) Sonic Arts 18: Monday 4th December Music Centre, UEA- 7.30pm A tribute to UK live electronics pioneer Simon Emmerson and work by the

internati~nally

known composer Cl) Trevor W1shart - performed 1n .C person. .. £3 (NUS) TVP: Monday 4th December Norwich Arts Centre - 8pm Very 'miscellaneous' sounding indeed. it's actually a 'poetry and performance' evening, of what genre I have no idea but it all adds to the mystery . £2.50 (NUS) Jazz, Funk and Blues Jam: Wednesday 6th December Norwich Arts Centre - 8pm A regular opportunity for local musicians to get together. If you would like to get involved phone Cliff on 472875. I know that does sound like a joke but it's actually for real. £1 (NUS) Charlvarl Agreable: Thursday 7th December Norwich Arts Centre - 8pm No it's not a typing mistake it 's actually an 'early music' evening. There 's sound of different types of alarm clocks

DI. rectory

ABC Taxis All Star Taxis Beeline Taxis Bettacar Taxis Five Star Taxis Loyal Taxis Cmema Ctty Fat Pauly's Liquid Maddermarket Mojo's Playhouse Po Na Na's Ster Century Theatre Royal The Loft The Waterfront """me UCI UEA Union Ents

going off and people shouting, "do you want some toast ". very new age. Ok , you now have no idea of what th1s is. You'll just have to go and find out for yourself. £6.50 (NUS) Celtlca: Saturday 9th December Norwich Arts Centre - 8.30pm 'Ever popular cosmic folk band ' , yeah right. Have you ever heard of them? £6 advance Big Band Christ mas: Satu rday 9th December Norwich Playhouse

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Cheer Christmas in the proper way with a swinging set of carols and seasonal music in virtuoso new arrangements, played by the jau stars of the future. £8.50 (NUS)

Ustlngs were written and compiled by Kalherine Everitt and Faye 1homsit.

All details were coned at the time ol going to press.

Use our searchable listings database at

www.concrete-online.co.uk

-1

to get us in the Christmas mood in that sl ightly cy nical way. An evening of irreverent humour and silliness.

Sketches, songs and monologues to get the festive season going with a bang. £6-£3 (NUS)

23

After a year with us, lots of ___ - ·11 be .after you. / (~

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•

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CA.BIPVS Wednesday, November 29, 2000

ISTM A CV

RE

·.' DECEMBER Fri :1 ·. · XLR8/Da Bomb

.

£8.50

Drum and bass I Garage anthems

Sat 2.. ,

Faitli Sup~rstar DJs£7 . ~5 · featuring Lisa.Loud

Sun 3.~ -Reef . .

M on 4. Bjorn Again

SOLD OUT '£1 0

Celebrate Christmas with 70s glamour

Tue 5

Supergirly

£7.50

Australian comedy duo, a wickedly funny send up of pop music

Fri 8

Dr Feelgood

£12.50

plu s Eddie & t he Hot Rods, the Hamsters, and John Otway

Sat 9 Club Retro £3.50 Wed 13 Shane McGowan and the Popes £13.50 support by the Vendettas featuring Spider from the Pogues.

Thu 14 Last Chance LCR Fri 15 Pam's House Sat 16 NAM Bash

£3 £7.50

PA T

Miss Moneypennys TBC

Sat 20

JANUARY Now 90s

D ECEMBER SUN 3

Loads of prizes and enough top giveways to . . put Santa to shame!

SUN 10 TERRORVISION

AND!

DODG EMS

WED 13 KILLER QUEEN TRIBUTE £5 THU 14 EVOLUTION FEST 2000 £7 FEATU RING EARTHTONE 9, GUANO APES, STEPKINGS, MIOCENE

CLUBS

£3 EVERY SATURDAY

Pam's House Club Retro

PLUS IN THE STUDIO ...

£7.50 £3.50

NME Carling Tour

£9.50

featuring JJ72, Amen, Alfie and Starsailor

Fri 2 Tues 6

FEBRUARY The Waterboys Ex-Spandau Ballet

AND!

FREE

FUN TATOOS AND!

£13 £12

Live R&B and SOUL from

SCRATCH THE CAT

Greatest hits tour

APRIL Gary Moore

Sun 1

£18.50

MAY Sun 13 Deacon Blue

THE

£10

HARD HITTING ROCK

Buy a Spandau ticket and get Retro free

Tue 31

£12

9PM • £3.50

Now that's what I call nostalgia

Fri 26 Sat 27

THE MISSION GODFATHERS OF GOTH

DECEMBER 12

Lee Vasey's band plays for the nurses

Fri 22

139-141 King Street Norwich • 01603 632717

£20

so

GENDARY

LCR DISCO £3.00 ADV • £3.50 ON THE DOOR

And as if that wasn't enough Santa's got cheap booze too!

• VODKA & RED BULL • FOSTERS PINT • SMIRNOFF ICE • BLACK RUSSIAN COCKTAIL

Tia Maria, vodka & cola

ALL JUST £1

2 DEC • IN THE BAG LOOSE FITTING BAGGY HITS FROM MANCHESTER 9 DEC • RAWKUS ROCK, NU-METAL, GRUNGE, POST-GRUNGE & SKATE-CORE 16 DEC • BALLISTIX TECHNO, JUNGLE & DANCE 23 DEC • PURE AS SOUL MOTOWN & NORTHERN SOU L 30 DEC • WRAITH GOTH, METAL & INDUSTRIAL FROM 1 OPM · £3 ON THE DOOR

FRI1

THATCHER YEARS

£3

80s nostalgia without shame

FRI8

HALLELUJAH ALLNIGHTER £9 Hard house and trance, plus funky in the Studio, and trip hop and big beat in the Cafe-Bar

FRI 15 FAITH PRESENTS RUMBLE £10 Allnighter, 1Opm to 4am

FRI 22 KITCHEN & ROLLERCOASTER

£9

Hard house, trance and rollercoaster

RED NOSES ALL ROUND!

TICKETS FROM UNION HOUSE BOX OFFICE 10AM-SPM MONDAY-FRIDAY

CREDIT CARD 01603 50 80 50 All prices are advance only, include any student discounts, and may be subject to a booking fee

For the latest details, visit us on the web at www.stu.uea.ac.uklevents