The event- issue 123- 28th February 2001

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How to become a creative genius in four easy steps

Plus!

Interviewed Starsailor, lan McEwan, The Divine Comedy

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The stars speak out about Napster

The Oscars judged

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The latest interviews from the ents'n 'arts front line

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lan McKewan UEA's first creative writing student talks about life after Brad bury

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Starsailor NME darlings on being almost famous

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Funny bunnies The Divine Comedy and new stand up act Priorite Gauche interviewed

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Fay Weldon Explains why she isn't a "professional feminist"

Insig ht

In-depth features, comments, analyses and gubbins

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Hollywood's Gift?

How movies are doctored to please us

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Share and share alike US courts have killed Napster - but what do the bands think?

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Stars and gripes The Oscars : worthwhile or worth binning?

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All adding up The phenomenon of multimedia advertising

12-13 Pure genius?

The truth beh ind arty clever clogs

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Everything reviewed and previewed for you r pleasure

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Music: Stereophonics ; · The Pixies ; King Adora Film: Hannibal; The Legend of Bagger Vance Video: Me, Myself and lrene,· Scary Movie Arts: Macbeth; Bedroom Farce; Beau Brummel TV/Radio: Metrosexuality,ER; Jam·s Joplin Interactive: Final Fantasy IX; Paper Mario

Eventhorizon 20-23 The best guide to what's

on in Norwich. Ever. :I~

The Event is published fortnightly by Concrete: PO Box 410, Norwich, NR4 7TB Tel: 01603 250558 Fax: 01603 506822 E-mail: su.concrete@uea.ac.uk Printed by: Eastern Counties Newspapers, St Andrew's Business Park, Norwich

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adies. A question. If your boyfriend was a fabulously wealthy rapper, record company mogul and jolly good dance r to boot, what wo uld you do if he developed a rather unnerving propensity for firing gu ns in nightclubs? Would you (a) accept it as an occ upat ional hazard and get dressed for yo ur nex t premiere, or (b) stand by him for a year or so, wait until you r career was positively sky roc ket ing off t he bac k of his fame, and then ditch the sap, pausi ng only t o pok e fun at hi s leather trouse rs as you depart ed?

If you answered (b), you 're in good company.

That's rig ht, big-arsed Jat ino pop jezebel Jenn ifer Lopez has fina ll y ditc hed arch hip-hop bandwagon-jumper Sean 'Puffy' Combs. and traded him in for one of her dancers. Ame rica's foremost celebrity co uple are no more - never again wi ll we look on in aw e as they fri tte r away mill ions of dollars on gold c hains and st il etto heels; no longer may we gape as they turn up at celeb bashes wearing matching designer outfits.

A brief out line of bot h ca reers. Puff Daddy hangs around for a while weari ng shel l-suits until his portly associate The Notorious BIG gets shot dead, at whic h point he cashes in on t he poor c hap's demise by pinching a song off St ing and tu rn ing it into a requiem for dead fat people all over the world (possibly) . He becomes a huge star overnight. makes videos with budgets that could easi ly wipe out Bolivia's national debt , and spends a couple of years playing golf with his homies and pistol-whipping people who look at him funny .

Jennifer Lopez grows up in the Bronx and appears in a couple of decidedly ropey fi lms, before Puffy notices wllat a nice arse she's got, and sets about tllrowing money at it. She then becomes a pop star and sells mi llions of records to worldwide accl aim, so much so tllat her arse considers ditclling her in favour of a lucrative solo career.

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"Lets face it most celebrity couplings- with the possible exception of Chris Evans and Billie .£: Piper who are clearly 0 made for each other - are > doomed from t he start." w ~~~~~~~~~~~ (/)

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Th en they spli t up . And do we care? Do we buggery. Let's face it. most celebrity couplings with the possible exception of Chris Evans and Billie Piper. who are clearl y made for each other are doomed to fail right from the start. How can any two people be expected t o conduct a normal re lationship, when all you have to do is pop ou t for a tin of cat food and it makes the front page of the News of the War/et? So when another one bites the dust , it is increa singly difficult to register any real surprise.

Splitting up, then, is the new marriage. Everyone who's anyone's doing it - Nicole Kidman has binned midget husband Tom Cruise , amid rumours that he , er, gardens on the other side of the path; even chubby R' n'B type Dane Bowers is gett ing in on the act , his erstwhile paramour Jordan now reduced once more to showing off her girls' bits in exchange for money. One shudders t o think of the next showbiz craze child cust ody battl es, perhaps. Just imagine Fat boy Slim and Zoe Ball divorce and scrap viciously over who young Woody should live with, just because giving your children a stable home environment is so last year.

Ed Wllliamson

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Which celebrity would you least like to cop off with and why?

"The Queen Mother. I might put her hip out ."

Nick Mason EDU "Frank Sinatra - he would want to do it his way. " Wendy Kurland MGT PG "Rod Hull, umm because he 's dead?"

Clara Phlllps EDU "Kylie. She should be so lucky . " lan Brown ENV 4

" Winnie the Pooh, he's just too damn hairy."

Rachael Hickson ART 1 '·Arnold Schwarzenegger, his arse would be way too tight. " James Moran BIO 3

"Billie Piper, because the ginger pubes in her teeth ruin her smile."

Tom Loh ENV 4 "M arilyn Manson, I would never pull a guy who wears more makeup t han I do."

Lizzle Green ART 1 "We/lard from EastEnders, I don 't like doggie style." · Natalle Blggs LAW 1 "Pat Butcher, its just the thought of following Frank in there. " Julian Bamford SYS PG "Richard Whitely, his cheesy lines never do it for me."

Helen King MTH Erasmus "Dame Edna Everage, well is he a man or what? " Katie Brown BIO 3

People~ Editor in Chief · James Goffin • Editor · Steve Collins • Arts Editor · Jim Whalley • Film Editor · Merek Cooper • Assistant Rim Editor · Astrid Goldsmit h Music Editor · Elln Jones • Assist ant Music Editor · Anthony Lovell • TV/ Game Editor - Markland Stark le • Assistant TV/ Game Editor · Kathryn Hlnchliff List ings Editor · Katherine Everitt • DTP · Elin Jones - Adam Chapman · Steve Collins · Nick Henegan · Markland Starkie · Merek Cooper · Jim Whall ey • Thanks to · All of the above and below • Goddess of the fortnight · Rona Shearer Contributors · Kleren McSweeney · Ben Cannon · Simon Howarth · Phil Colvin · Liz Hutchison - Amy Harris · Ed Williamson · Paul Lahert · Nikki Mallett - Steve Quirke · Tessa North · George Yeorghaki · Tom Sykes · Mischa Pearlman · Christina Lymbourls - Jan Rupp · Faye Thomslt - Luke Wrlght · Phll Kopcynzski

__ evet n het __________ , __ . ______ _ np1eces 3 Last week was, believe it or not, National Chip Week. And the stars of stage and screen came out in force to celebrate this momentous event. Oh dear ...

All the showbiz goss from

EaSt Anglia's most exciting city!

• Stephen Fry still

lives in Norwich.

Tlm VIncent:

"The essential makings of a large night out for me are good music preferably chips. If I'm sensible, they'll be eaten before the night out, but even better to indulge after a good night out!"

London town, as I felt all that coke was stifling my creativity ._,_ _ and turning

Cralg Falrbrass (Dan , EastEnders )

"One of my favourite memories is of eating chips after a good swim with my mates - we managed to polish off the largest portion imaginable - and to this day nothing tasted better! " Mellnda Messenger:

"I'm a chip fanatic.

There's nothing to beat a good chip butty after a good ""'-.....__ night out. I'm a real fan of · .-'......,..,._ ""'" microwave chips, too."

Patsy Pal mer ( Blanca, EastEnders) :

"After a large day out with Charley and Richard we love nothing more than indulging in mega sized portions of chips, with extra vinegar!"

Mark Bannerman ( Bepe, EastEnders) :

·Life on the road would be dreadful without know ing there 's great chips to sat isfy my 'large-it · late-night crav ings! "

me Into a vacuous media cypher.

Imagine! Yes, this week I've decided Instead to come somewhere altogether more exciting to Norwich! Where the party never stops and the stars are out every night In their best shell suits.

So here's my run-down of all the juiciest celebrity gossip In this 'fine city ' of yours. Hold on to your mulletsl

lives in Norwich, you know.

"The real buu about working at McDonalds was that I could nick chips and put them on my tray. I've always liked a good McDonalds, so when I got to work there it was a dream"

Dear Doctor...

Done yourself a mischief In the kitchen or just feeling a bit under the weather? Why not contact renowned quack Or Hannlbal Lecter. He can help with both mental and physical discomforts and will write back as soon as the guards extract his pen from his cellmate's face.

Dear Doctor, I have recently been suffering from terrible lower back pain when I'm tending my garden. Could it be anything serious?

Bert Entwhistle, Lancashire Dr Lecter writes:

Back pain, Bert? Lower back pain? Ah, Bert . Did your father molest you in his pet shop back in '86, Bert? Is that why your 'lower back '· _hurts? I think so. For you are, are you not, the son of Pets-4-U proprietor Barry Entwhistle, an ex patient of mine. Do you dream at night of the depraved acts he would make you perform on the gerbils, Bert? Do you still wake to hear them squeaking? Eek, eek Bertie!

There is something in my underwear and the moon is low.

that he can't think of that rhymes with 'queen'. " it's awful," said Mot ion, " I' ll i at my desk for hours, and - - - nothing will come . Quoon?

Quarn? Quorn? I'm in a complete . Ooh that 's a rhyme isn't it? Oh bugger it's not," he whimpered. :.rt1m ittPr

• Some members of Norwich FC may have been seen in Hy's, perhaps drinking and wearing shirts. One bystander claimed to have seen them, with his eyes. " I saw them ," he claimed to listening - - - reporters, "with my eyes - drinking and wearing shirts."

• Stephen Fry

Cralg Davld:

• Norwich-bred pop sensations Magoo have lashed out at the press for invading their privacy. " it's just ridiculous, they 're in our faces all the time," claimed the drummer, who would not give his name for security reasons. and because neither he nor anyone else could remember it. "Only the other day I tried to get some privacy in one of those little curtain rooms in Boots, and some paparaui tried taki ng my photo. We're just like everybody else, you know! We just want our private lives back! Erm, where are you going?"

• Trlsha was allegedly seen in Tesco Metro, buying two whole bags of carrots. "I know it's extravagant but that's showbiz! " she may have been reported to have said to nearby listening reporters.

• Stephen Fry may have been reported to have done something lately . Reports are still sketchy, but the word is that the alleged deed may have involved the use of his hands, or maybe his legs. "it's insanity gone mad! " said a bystander. allegedly.

• Della Smith is planni to have a barbecue at some point in the summer. " But only if it's sunny - we wouldn 't want the weather to put a 'damper' on things! " quipped the celebrity chef to listening reporters .

Movie cliches

lt's The Event's great movie cliche list!

Aliens who do not dress like aliens are hiding something .

Dogs know who is bad, and barks at them.

If the hero listens to his answering machine and one message is important, t hen he usually has two very short messages on the tape before , one spoken by a man, one by a woman. " Hey John! See you tomorrow at eight." .... beep ...

"This is Sallieee! I'll call again later." ... beep ....

"Aaahm going to keee ll yooou ... !"

Menstruation does not happen in mpvies.

Pedestrians in Hollywood have the world 's best reactions, so don 't worry if you have· to drive down a sidewalk.

Mr Pappodopolus is quite used to having his fruit cart smashed, and despite his gesticulations and curses, he always manages to get out of the way in time.

No-one ever needs tissues after sex.

Two total st rangers, upon fall ing into bed toget her, will always reach an incredibly int ense, mutual, and simultaneous orgasm on the first try .

Everything is blue at night-time.

When a phone line is broken or someone hangs up unexpectedly, communication channels can be restored by frant ica lly beating t he crad le and saying " Hello? Hello?".

All phone numbers begin with 555.

All movie mothers will prepare breakfast, usually consisting of scrambled eggs, bacon, etc .

Dad and the kids wi ll invariably arrive at the table 30 seconds before. Dad has to leave for the office and the kids have to catch the school bus.

Each will have time only for a sip of coffee/juice and; or one bite of toast. There must be enough food left over in these homes to feed an emerging nation!

Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright ( " boing! " ) in bed. Instead of just lying there going "eeewww! " as most of us do.

Every army platoon has at least one, usually black, member who can play the harmonica.

A female lead with feminist leanings will always despise a macho hero-until the first t ime he rescues her from certain death.

She will then become totally conventional and dependent.

Once she does this, the hero will become vulnerable and tell her about some tragic loss that will explain his belligerent attitude.

~":pace

iiaggeryincomWinr!

ity: t www.ca -scan.com

Win all sorts of vampire stuff!

OK, so it looks cruel. But it sure as hell made us laugh. www.cat-5can.com is essentially an 'art ' gallery of squashed and frightened-looking pets, and seems to have inspired hundreds of entrants all over the world to scan Sylvester and immortalise him online. The San Francisco Art Gallery described this " maelstrom of colourful fur, pawprints and flabby fuu" as "emotionally annoyed art " , and you'd think the cats would certainly agree with such a description. You sure as hell wou ld if you 'd been tempted into a terrifying light box with a tasty chew . But in the interests of cat comfort, even art as innovative as this has rules - " avoid scanning the eat's eyes", "don't feed them beer beforehand " and don't blow smoke in "for effect". Aw, bless.

Halloween may be the time when vampires are allowed to come out to play by their mums. but let me tell you they exist all year round. Just ask • Buffy .

And even since before the days of the fair slayer, blood sucking weirdos have been plaguing our screens. The proof? A new fi lm Shadows of the Vampire , which is com ing to Cinema City at the end of the month.

The film tells the story of the making of legendary vampire flick, Nosferatu with the premise being that director F W Mernau, in a desperate search for realism, employed a real vampire to play the title role. Cue Willem Defoe going a little mental. celebrate the release of Shadows of the Vampire we've got all this bloodboiling

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gubbins to give away: a crate of Metz a DVD and a video of the original Nosferatu digitally remastered three Peng uin Classic copies of Bram Stoker's Dracula. ten limited edition Shadow of the Vampire posters To win all this mouth watering stuff just answer this little teaser: What Is a vampire's favourite drink? a) Babycham b) carrot juice c) blood

And if you want to play at being a vampire we 've got a copy of Vampire Hunter D for the Playstation to shift. You can have it if you can answer th1s question: I think vampires are a pain In the neck, do you?

Simply pop your answers and contact details in t he Concrete competit ion box in The Hive asap!

Wednesday, February 28, 2001

A Booker Prize winner and now an aspiring film mogul, lan McEwan, one of the most paraded names on the University's alumni list, nearly didn 't come t o UEA. lames Goffin spoke to him about nasty fiction, computers, and life after Malcolm Bradbury... he last time lan McEwan visited UEA, Malcolm Bradbury, h1s tutor as the f1rst ever student on EAS' Creat1ve Writing MA. was Professor Emeritus and work1ng on numerous projects including a television screenplay.

Today, as I speak to him, t11e screenplay sits unfinished, and McEwan is preparing to speak at a memorial service for his late friend in the city's cathedral. "it's strange being back here without Malcolm, and without Lorna [Sage , who passed away in January]. There's a big hole in the place without them, but I don't think it's fully sunk in yet. " lt was pure chance t hat I met Malcolm. The government wouldn't give me a three year grant, but they agreed to g1ve me a year . I was just looking around for something and in the UEA prospectus at the time it mentioned that at the end of the MA you could turn in fiction instead of an ex tended essay.

"I phoned the university, and amazmgly Malcolm picked up the phone, but he told me that t he course had closed down because no one had applied in the first year. I said that I would apply, and he mvited me up, and then I real ised I had ten days to write some short stories. They weren't very good, but it didn't deter him in any way; I think he was just glad to have someone on the course because he had had t o fi ght like crazy to get it accept ed by the bureac racy."

That chance phone call was the start ofwhat Mc Ewan refers to as "one of the happiest and most exciting years of my life" - guided by Bradbury and fellow course director Angus Wilson- and the start of h1s enduringly succesful literary career.

"I would write a story, and give it to Malcolm, and then mostly meet h1m in the aid's Head for a 20 minute tutorial. I came up with about 30 stories during the year. and most of my first collection [First Love. Last R1tes] . I had fa 1rly litt le structural or techn1cal adv1ce, but I did get something I felt was more 1mportant. wh1ch was the sense that this time had been set aside to wnte so I had structure - and l1e encouraged me:· "In the summer term, Angus Wilson took over and was even less formal. lt meant gomg out to his cottage two or three t11nes, dnnkmg champagne and listening to his gossip, which was particularly scandalous ...

But apart from throwing a good party. Wilson's wnting also had an effect on McEwan·s style.

"My starting point was a dissatisfaction with those English mild comedies that spoke of soc1al manners and neat observations of

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class. I was very drawn at the time. especiall y after meeting him. to Angus' stories, which were rather dark.

"I felt he slowly abandoned something in that darkness, and I th ink he suffered for it. He grew an earnestness about the world, a moral intent. depriving his writing of that refreshingly nasty quality that he had m stories earlier.

"I always found morals qu ite stifling, so to me Portnoy's Complaint was a real revelation, and suggested that in literature, done the nght way. anything could be said and done. There were no restrict ions."

Whether McEwan has now lost some of his "refreshingly nasty quality" is a topic he Sidesteps, but it is obvious from his most recent novel - the Booker Prize-winning Amsterdam- that some of the shock value has worn off. Whereas

"What's implied between when one sentence ends and another begins is what I judge the real intelligence of the prose.

Somehow it needs ears, other people's ears, to find that." his short stories penned in Norwich included topics guaranteed to put the blue-rinse brigade in a frenzy (incest , child rape, masturbation), the product of his draw ing room in Ox ford's bi ggest twist is a politican who reverts to school-boy tree climbing. The key figures have also cha nged, from being children and young people , to pillars of the establishment, like newspaper editors and government mini sters .

He does admit, though, that his method of wr iti ng has changed.

"I rewrite quite a lot, and I adore comput ers, I really thi nk t hey're a boon. As mac hines go, t ypewrit ers were far more invasive: the noi se, its mechanical st icky half-ba ked appearance, everyt hing about it was against thoug ht, whereas t here's something about an asyet unprmted stored page that is much like the nature of thought itself.

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of course you musn't come off it. Still, l1aving that voice there ...

"I recommend reading aloud. it's very instructive to get the taste. the sense. If you have a sequence of t en sentences there is an implied logic, and the space between sentences is very important. What's implied between when one sentence ends and another begms IS what I judge the real intelligence of the prose, and reading aloud can reveal flaws in tl1at logic. Somehow it needs ears, other people's ears, to find that."

Does he ever consider a return to the short story, after decades of pursuing the novel?

"I was lying in bed this morning, very early, reading Daisy Miller. That really is the wondrous length of fiction, the length publishers loathe. My edition stops at page 88, 15-20,000 words. it's a perfect form; enough space to explore a character, two or three hours read1ng time - much like a good movie. Structurally, you really can hold 1t all 1n your mind, and it doesn't requ~re the reader to strike the set after 20 minutes. which is one of the great limitations of the short story ...

Wl1at McEwan real ly dreams of doing at the moment. however, is produc ing his own film. His speech IS littered w1th reference to film, and. together with fel low writer Richard Eyre. has plans to take on Hollywood. " I think we've both been battlescarred by movies over the years. and yet our very first experience was together making The Ploughman's Lunch. which was such fun. My own screenwriting went steadily dow nhill after t hat. I worked wi t h Bertol luci straight after for 18 months but nothing came of it. I made a movie with Mike Newel I j called How Sweet, which sank without trace. I had a horrendous time - hilarious in retrospect - in Hollywood on a mov ie c al led Good Sor! wit h Macaulay Culkin. lt was a complete nig l1tmare with everyone getting sacked, including myself, and the director, and the producer.

"What Ri chard and I want to do is fund a movie ourselves. Everyone would t ake a deferred fee, and have a limited com pany in which everyone takes shares.

We 'd look for fairly closed sit uat ion that woul d involve on e set or loca ti on, use avai lable light, a handheld ca mera , and compute r editing. Our idea is to re hearse for t wo days and then shoot intensely in five or six. in one enormous sleepless push. ".till we need

own taste 1s every week or so to print out a chunk of 30-40 pages in double space, and then, when the moment's right. a glass of wine and a pool of light with the rest of the room dark, sit with it on your lap, and read it out loud."

"I thmk everyone IS wr itmg towards some kind of sceptical vers1on of themselves, an idealised reader who is like them, whose lip curls faintly at every extravagance. The voice says 'Come off it,' but

Wednesday, February 28, 20 01

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rece been signed by Fierce Panda records and have an album out in May. Elin Jones spoke to them about their success, and coconut coffins ...

Hailed as the new Coldplay/Travls/Muse (delete as applicable), NME darlings Starsailor played in Norwich alongside JJ72, Alfie and Amen on the Brats tour. Brian Frain went along to find out what all the fuss is about ...

With Popstars Invading the charts, Impress us do you write your own music?

Dave (guitar) : Of course! Sometimes Nicky will

come to us with a song, or sometimes we'll play a song and things will come out of it . Nicky is in charge of lyrics, but sometimes we'll all just write it ten minutes before we start recording.

Nikki (vocals and guitar) : We write about thoughts and feeling, and about people. A lot of the old songs tend to be about just one idea and just noises that come about when we're playing in the studio.

Nikki: The songs aren't really a fixed form like verse chorus, verse chorus. They're not complicated but they're not like a normal pop song.

Gemma (bass) : But they're quite simple, though, they sound really chaotic .

Nikki: The actual subject of the song isn't that important , it's more about the sounds that the words make, and the sounds of the instruments. I mean, I don't know, for example, where the c B is on a guitar, but that doesn't matter because it 's just the sounds that w~ make that 's important.

Dave: You only need to know three chords to be a pop star though.

Where Is the record being released?

Gemma: it's going to be a worldwide release, but we really want to break Japan, because we really want to go there.

Nikki: And the people there are really receptive to music .

Dave: And we like short people ...

Dieta (drums and percussion) : So we can feel tall.

How did signing come about?

Dave: Well, we never really tried , but we had

interest from the beginning .

Nikki: We liad some EPs put out through Vibrations and it all went from there really. I think if we 'd been signed at the start, like four years ago, we wouldn 't have gone anywhere. But we ' re ready now. it's a big gamble though, but there are high expectations from the record company [Fierce Panda] and a really good vibe so hopefully it's all going to take off.

Dave: There's a really good music scene around at the moment with other bands putting albums out, everyone seems to be doing it.

Nikki: it's really nice that it 's happening for everyone at the same time.

Dave: I don't think we can make Norfolk cool but maybe Norfolk is going to be the new black.

Have you got any mad rock 'n' roll stories yet?

Dave: Not really. Our previous bass player decid-

ed to spray Kaito on the wall at a gig but all the silver paint went onto the till underneath and the till blew-up. · Gemma: That 's really rock 'n' roll isn't it - we broke a till!

Dave: We had another bass player who decided to have a wee out of the window of our van while we were going over the Dartford bridge. He also used to eat his ear wax, belly button wax and · any other kind of wax, and he'd sort of comment on whether he thought it was up to standard.

Gemma: I threw a toothbrush out of a hotel window once.

Dieta: I've made a coffin for my xylophone out of coconuts.

Elln Jones

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etting the music do the talking' is something of a clicM nowadays.

The likes of Coldplay and Travis appear to harp on about so little else that the term seems almost dead . So when Starsailor's twenty year-old frontman says the very same thing , you may well be inclined to stop listening. However, on witnessing their spellbinding performance at the NME Carling Awards tour, The Event can safely say that, at least where Starsailor are concerned, sometimes the music is really all that counts. Especially when comparing it to - ooh I don 't know - the circus act performed by nu-metallers Amen on the same night ...

But first things first. Who the hell are Starsailor, then? Singer James Walsh describes his music as "Folkyjrocky, melodic, Neil young influenced and Tim Buckley ." So would he agree with the 'New Acoustic Movement' tag? "Yeah," says James, quietly. James always speaks quietly. "A little bit .

I just think it's good how classic songwriting is taking priority in this country regarding guitar bands, as that is definitely one of the features we strive to achieve." Indeed, it's refreshing to see theory so effectively and effortlessly put into practice at the gig later that evening. The set is both passionate and emotional, and thankfully manages to drown out some of Amen's moronic fans ' oeckling. I ask James how has the tour been going- are Amen as annoying as their fans? "No - it 's pretty cool. The other bands are all a nice bunch. In general everyone's getting on fine, and in fact Amen are the nicest of the lot.· Starsailor are a band who wear their influences on their sleeve- so much so, in fact, that they've named themselves after a Tim Buckley song: "Yeah," says James, • Starsailor was an avante garde record Tim Buckley made. At the time it was generally Ignored, but its true genius is being seen now . We saw it as better to name the band after something less populist ."

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Buckley comparisons aren't trivial, either.

Already it seems their musical career is takIng on a legendary air, even though it's only very early days yet.

"Yeah, we were doing this acoustic set and someone convinced James Oldham from NME to come along, and with a bit of a result he did even though he was ill.

Anyway, his review was very complementary and his last line in his feature probably set us up, 'record companies start queuIng here."' Queue they did and it was handbags at ten paces for a while, with labels bitch-slapping each other to get a hold of the band .

Unsurprisingly, big old EMI won the scrap, and as James himself says, "the rest is history ."

James is quick to cite NME as their main advocates, and after the UEA gig it 's understandable. But perhaps the true test of when a band has arrived is when you are featured in Britain's "finest quality daily " by a certain Dominic Mohan, who proudly declared a few weeks ago, that " he" had stumbled upon the next big thing . Walsh characteristically underplays this dubious compliment, quick to stress how " it is nice to get in the press. Dominic Mohan is a bit late, isn't he, most of the time- and it's amazing the likes of influence people like him have. So good press cannot do any harm . Our main championeers have always been NME first and foremost ."

the emergence of the Beatles was eventually superceded by the punk movement in the 70s (well, 1973 in order to fit in with the theory.)

"The thing people must realise though," James continues, "is that as good as guitar music is, in the 60's with the Beatles, Animals and Stones etc it was populist and credible, and whereas the current bands are these things also, innovation of the Beatles' kind is unlikely to be seen again."

Everyone else seems very quick to make predictions for the capabilities Starsailor. But what does James think himself? Is he looking to dent the charts in a similar vein to the way say Feeder and Ash have done in the last couple of weeks?

His answer is typically understated. "We'll settle for the top 40 at the moment. A lot of our songs are quite nice and anthemic and it would be disappointing if they flopped . So it's Top 40 for the time being."

After this interview took place debut single Fever roared into the charts at number 18 on the back of little airplay, barring the usual suspects such as Steve Lamacq and Jo Wtliley. Credibility or no, chart success certainly looks like it may be on its way .

In keeping with the Wigan tradition similar to Sir Richard of Ashcroft, it is nice to see him remain close to his roots and avoid the pretension which runs through the veins of so many musicians in this country. On the question of whose side he'd be on, Robbie or Liam, he took his time deliberating, before concluding that "Liam wins. Although he has the ability to act like a twat, more often than not he stays close to his roots - very important ." Who is to say that from Stoke-on Trent to Beverley Hills is really all that to strive for at the end of the day.

Despite the Buckley/Coldplay comparisons, on purchasing the Fever single after the gig, I notice more of Ashcroft in the sound than anyone else.

Which, of course, is no bad thing. But on Standout "B" side; Love is Here, when James wails, " if you could see the aching in me, " and you hear his voice almost cracking , you can 't help thinking that sometimes the music can do all the talking . And given a few months, Starsailor will be talking loudest of all . Start queuing here.

"I just thin~ it's good how classic songwriting is taking priority in this country regarding guitar bands, as that is definitely one of the features we strive to achieve." lthough still packed with the lowest of low musical forms, the charts nowadays do seem to be shifting just a little in recent months, with more guitar bands denting the top twenty as opposed to being set on the periphery.

Walsh is only too well aware of this quiet revolution happening in the charts: "this is an exciting time actually. The thirteen year cycle seems to be occurring what with the emergence of Coldplay, Badly Drawn Boy etc., and maybe pop is not burning as brightly as it was." For the uninitiated, the thirteen year cycle is the advent of a new wave of music. For example, the beginnings of rock 'n' roll in the late fiftiesjear1y sixties with

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Wednesday, February 28, 2001

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After a decade of orchestras and literary references, The Divine Comedy have dropped the strings and suits and gone all pared-down indie. lames Goffin asked them why... even drum parts sometimes- whereas th1s time he gave us just him singing with his acoustic guitar, so its been a lot freer than in the past. " The actual c reati on of the song was more of a band thing. "People haven't really known about the rest of the band before. especiall y about Joby,

"I think we 're going to lose a few fans, I know some of them will be a bit upset. But the songs on the new album are the best songs we've done in ages" f there is one salvation in the fet id quagmire of a ce lebrity life that is Cllris Evans, it is his role in bringing The Divine Comedy to the attention of the nation . Rescued from identik it indie hell by Neil Hannon with 1993's Liberation, the group fina ll y achieved mass success when t11e ginger one plucked Something for the Weekend to be his record of the week in 1996. lt marked a turning point for Tile Divine Comedy , which had gone from being a fully-fledged indie group, to a one man band, and which has now come full circle and become on ce again a bona fide pop combo. Evans' intervention also led to the group named after an Italian poem charting the seven circles of Hell supporting Robbie Williams on his UK tour, and encouraging thousands of prepubescent screamers to chant

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"ba ba ba ba ba ba da ba " along to National Express.

But th ings are different now, as the band's Rob Farrer explai ned.

"I think we're going to lose a few fans, because when you're doing gigs you see people who are really into the Casanova sound, and I know some of them w ill be a bit upset. But the songs on Regeneration [the new album] are the best songs we 've done in ages and ages, so I t hink we'll gain a lot of people just from the fact that the standard of the songs has gone up. it's not at all like Robbie. " Part of that change is the way the songs are written - and the credit given to the band as a whole , rather than just front man Hannon.

"In the past Neil sent out tapes with a lot of the parts already done - the percussion, piano, guitar,

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didn't see so clearly then.

"In the past we haven't known when to stop and t hat reflects on some of the songs. On Here Comes The Flood it was like , 'Oh cri key, we've got a choir here. let's use it .' This time. having Nigel Godrich there as producer to say 'Let's strip just down to Neil and his acoustic again', was good because you can just get completely mad and carry on and carry on." " it's the same with the suits . They were dead and buried long ago. Now we 're not hiding behind the orchestra and choirs like we were before. it's stripped down bare. Although we're not literally stripped down bare ...

whose arrangements made a lot of the songs on A Short Album About Love. Every now and again Joby would get a bit of credit, but a lot of people would say ' Neil, what a genius you are to do all this orchestral stuff as wel l ', and it wasn't him doing it. I know that would real ly get on Joby's tits, and obviously it was embarrassing fo r Neil as well.''

And Farrer warns that the new sound - together with a new look that sees the suits swapped for designer indie- could take some getting used to.

"The sound has gone fu ll circle because it sort of grew from Liberation until it got completely ridiculous on Fin De Siecle wit h choirs, orchestras, opera singers and everything else. We probably took it further than it should have gone on Fin - which is something we can see now but

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They make fun of the British making fun of the French and they're coming to Norwich Playhouse. Phi/lip Kopczynski chatted to one of the men behind Priorite a Gauche ... he humour is more subtle than saying 'we 're a bunch of beret wearing. garlic smelling French people," says the man simply known as Arn of Ben and Arn, describing their new, well-reviewed musical show, Priorite a Gauche. The show 's main characters are taken from Ben and Arn's previous show. Ben & Arn's Big Top , which won the Perrier Newcomer award at the Edinburgh Fringe last year.

Ben and Arn's show explores the way the French and Brit ish perceive each other by gently "poking fun of the British and poking fun of the French."

Arn plays a character that "barely speaks a word of English '' and the show follows his and Ben 's characters through a series of exploits. The comedy of the show lies in "anecdotes and stories and banter with the audience being dispersed with songs." Yet this isn't just any comical musical song styling: the show boasts an eclectic arrangement of songs ranging from blues to rap. lt also uses a unique brand of physical comedy that Arn believes is an asset to the show: "the strength of the show is the way our two characters interact. " Since Arn's character hardly speaks English, much of the show is him speaking French and trying to communicate through body language.

Arn (short for Arnold) is the writer for the show.

Where does he get his material? He says he has an unfair advantage because he is half British, half French. Being half French and raised in Britain, he has grown up seeing both sides of a culture divide, and much of the influence on his writi ng comes from his elderly relatives. That, and

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Wednesday, February 28, 2001

old famous French films. "There is a kind of uniq ue French way of doing comic acting which is just inherently funny and ... umm. I can't explain it, it's just French ."

He further goes on to say that when Hollywood remakes a popular French film, such as Three Men and a Baby, they don 't successfully portray the translated work in this unique French style.

"When it gets translated into an American

"There's a kind of unique French way of doing comic acting which is just inherently funny and ... urn, I can't explain it. lt's just French." context it gets heavy-handed and they kind of miss the point of the humour." Priorite a Gauche bridges the gap (tubes the channel?) between English and French comedy. Much of the dialogue in the show is in French, but it's not necessary to speak the language to understand the cultural commentary that's happening. The show al lows the French and the British to laugh at each other as well as themselves- and it couldn't come from any better authority than a British Frenchman.

As for winning the 1999 Perrier Newcomer award, Arn only has one word: "unbelievable." For Ben

and Arn it became a " life-changing event, .. leading to another year filled with great reviews and fantastically received shows. They are currently working on their next show, originally titled The Big Gig. Opening for them in Norwich will be Mackenzie Crook as Mr Bagshaw . Crook has played to the UK stand up circuit and his act spoofs "every teacher you ever hated." This opening act promises to be a very funny character stand-up routine. Just don't snigger at the back.

So Ben and Arn, when you come to Norwich, why should we go to your show? Arn says, ·'You' ll remember some things you forgot you ever knew about France, and learn some new things."

Sounds bon.

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Fay Weldon is one of Britain 's most prolific popular authors, with an astonishing 23 novels under her belt.

Kathryn Hinchliff spoke to her about growing up; feminism and Hollywood killing one of her best known books ... aving recently completed her twentythird novel, Fay Weldon must be one of our most dedicated writers. Rhode Island Blues is the latest book to grace her impressive portfolio, which includes numerous screenplays, short stories, novels, and ch ildren's books. Unlike other more prolific novelists she even manages to vary the plots and settings occasionally. With twenty-three novels under her belt, Ms Weldon is happy when journalists understandably lose count, highlighting (to a packed auditorium) the fact that I was one sue h offender. " I was talking to a student journalist and she said that I had written 19 novels. Actually I've written 23 but I was pleased that she said 19 because for some reason I wanted to have written fewer novels than I have, and I wonder if I'd worked it out which ones I'd wish I hadn't written .

Sometimes the one you wish you hadn't written is

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"When I began writing, it was a time when feminism was extraordinarily needed.

Now, it seems to me that the world is a very different place indeed." the one that people seem to most li ke. This novel, though, is too recent to know that I wish I hadn't written it ." it is unlikely that Rhode Island Blues will become a future contender for the 'wish I hadn't bothered' list. it's an extremely funny account of the relationship between a very modern 'new woman' and her even more modern grandmother. it tackles the usual Weldon theme of women's relationships with women as well as ageing, love,

each other is a theme that Fay has been drawn towards in many of her novels - a tendency she explains by saying , "We ll , women have to relate to something. You can either relate to women or you can relate to men. I th ink its j ust enduringly interesting. I wouldn 't know what else to write about really . Most women relate to women very powerfully, whether they th ink so or not. " You would think that Fay Weldon 's expansive portfolio would mean that by now she wou ld be finding it difficult to think of new Ideas, but in fact the opposite is true. " it 's just keeping them out of my head is the problem . They never register as ideas when you 're doing them, you don't really see it as an idea unti l you 've finished it when you can say , oh that was about that. If you 're me, you write first and think afterwards."

In the past Fay has been compared to Jane Austen and George Elliot , an accolade that she doesn't think is fitting. " I'm obviously honoured and flattered . I suppose I like Jane Austen 's prec ision and language, and if I could arrive at that I'd be very gratified . George Eliot just had a lot to say really , and I've got a lot to say. so it would be nice to be like either of those."

Surprisingly , though , Fay has written nothing that she would particularly like to be remembered for . " I don't think I'm proud of anything because nothing is what you want it to be ever, or we wouldn't write the next thing . You have this concept in your head of what you 're try ing to do but then you try to do it and when it 's finished, you think well that wasn 't it , so you get on with the next one."

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ost people wi ll probably know Fay best for her ninth Book , The Life and Loves of a She-Devil, which was adapted into a television series and a Hollywood film starring Roseanne Barr and Meryl Streep. Fay had some input with the production for the TV version of Lives and Loves. "That is to say they sort of talked to me about the casting, which they did so brilliantly- what could I say?" However the

se•x• •an•d• d•e•a•t h•. •W•o•m•e•n.·s•r•e= la=tl=on~s·h~iprs•w•i~th~=--------, Hollywood film, She-Devil was not how she had envisioned it. "lt simply didn't work at all. lt was a good cast but they missed a lot. With a Hollywood film they keep you right out of the way, they don't think it's anything to do with you. In fact you sign a great long contract in wh ich you agree that you have sold these ideas throughout the universe for all eternity ."

The Life and Loves of a SheDevil focused on femin ist issues. lt created a female character who was prepared to take control over her life at any cost and be bad - a subject which she has taken a step away from with her more recent novels. saying "I don't think feminism ever was a driving force behind anything I wrote . it was simply because I was living and writing at the time that I was. Especially when I began writing, it was a time where feminism was extraordinarily needed. My view of the worl d was In accordance with the feminist view of the world.

Now , it seems to me that the world is a very

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that it is femin ist at all. it probably depends who 's read ing the book . Professional fem inists see me as a traitor. " Fay grew up in New Zealand, an experience that gave her a different perspective on life and perhaps contributed to her becoming a writer, "I spent the first 14 years in New Zealand but as an English girl . Then you come back to England at fourteen and you're an outsider so you 're always look ing at things from the outside in, never quite

"I think writers look at things in amazement, and wonder why people believe this is the only way to live or be." part of the commun ity , and I think that 's quite good for writers - or probably what makes people writers. They look at things in amazement and wonder why people bel ieve th is is the only way to live or be."

Considering that Fay Weldon is a writer held in such high esteem (her books are part of many literature courses) she has won very few literary prizes, an anomaly she assigns to the humour in her work. saying that only serious novels win the Booker. " If only I could take some of the jokes out I'd win prizes. Praxis did very well and was actually shortlisted for the Booker a long time ago. But that one I went through and took out most of the jokes."

At the moment Fay is working on her autobiography, which she hopes to have finished

by May - a deadline which is unlikely to be met as in the book she is still only age six . In between her various writing commitments - she is also working on a film - she manages to find time to help students with their Weldon essays via the Internet. But getting the author to tell you what her book is about doesn't always guarantee you a first . " If I help students write their essays they get terribly bad marks because what I think is going on isn 't necessarily what the teachers th ink ."

Maybe Fay should do herself and all the students who she has tried to help a favour and spend some more time on her autobiography .

LOOKING FOR AN EVENING JOB TO SUBSIDISE STUDENT LIFE? ANGLIAN HOME IMPROVEMENTS COULD BE THE ANSWER. OUR FRIENDLY CITY-CENTRE OFFICE IS ALWAYS ON THE LOOKOUT FOR EVENING TELEPHONE MARKETING STAFF. WITH FLEXIBLE SHIFTS AND FULL TRAINING , AN HOURLY RATE PLUS A TARGET-RELATED BONUS, THE BETTER YOU GET, THE MORE YOU CAN EARN . WORK AS FEW OR AS MANY SHIFTS PER WEEK AS YOU WOULD LIKE , AND START MAKING SOME BEER MONEY NOW!

Ang!BIE }

CALL NICK OR BECKY ON 01603 616391 DURING SHIFT TIME FOR FURTHER DETAILS AND AN INTERVIEW, OR LEAVE A MESSAGE ON THE ANSWERPHONE.

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Wednesday, Februaury 28, 2001 I I

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Insight

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~ Knowledge 47

Lee 'Scratch' Peny

Before a film is presented to Joe Public, it undergoes a strange process known as the test screening. What the test audience see and what you see can be very different. The intrepid Steve Quirke saw The Gift and filled in the questionaire but did it matter? e' ve all read about it. Movies that have multiple endings shot , or end up back in the cutt ing room because a bunc h of Ameri cans didn't get it. Welcome to the wonderful world of test sc reenings. Seeing t hat the UK is far from t he most important movie mark et for Hollywood movies, British audiences don 't t end to get much of a look -in . However. if you happen to be in Hollywood . or at least te n minutes away as I managed on my yea r abroad, then the impossibl e becomes possibl e.

I'd love to claim that being inv ited to a test screening was som e kind of bl ack art , involving special handshakes and knowi ng studio bosses, but for the most part very little work was required at all. Sitting around campus drinking a coffee was an effective strategy , as eventually some marketing type hands out free tickets. Far more exciting than blagging your way into the audience for Trisha . Waiting outside movie theatres was another great way of getting your hands on tick ets for movies that weren 't getting released for months, meaning they wouldn 't hit UK screens for maybe a year. Just don't at any point mention you 're a film student. Yup, this is where movies are dumbed down for the masses - this is where you get to see the stuff which won 't be seen again without the release of a director's cut. Test

W Who? Sounds more like a Harry Enfield sketch than a legendary musician.

Born Rainford Hugh Ferry in 1936, you might know him better as 'Scratch ', 'The Upsetter' or quite simply the most gifted Jamaican producer ever.

Oh yeah, didn 't he have a minor chart success In the late 60s?

You are referring, I presume, to 1969's The Return of Django. Rinsing tune that it may be, to believe t hat was the scope of the 'Dub Shepherd 's' legacy would be crass in the extreme . After serving an apprenticeship at Studio One with Clement 'Sir Coxone' Dodd , he founded his own Upsetter label in 1968. As well as his eccentric vocal work with his band The Upsetters, he produced some of reggae's top stars. He refined the nascent sound of Bob Marley and the Wailers, producing some of their best early work, including Sun is Shining and Mr. Brown, and writ ing the international hit Kaya.

When you consider he also created what many critics view as the most complete reggae album ever in The Heart of the Congas and all of Max Romeo 's best work, including the wickedly slack Wet Dream 2 , his status as a legend is undeniable . Despite his complete lack of sanity.

Yeah, but all great artists are a little odd aren 't they?

One would be hard pushed to stretch that little epithet into applying to 'Scratch ' . He was the original Mad McMad. Many put this down to his excessive consumption of ·collie ' . What particularly tickled his fancy was ganj a laced with cocaine, which he used to puff in huge quantities. Examples of his madness are numerous. After inscribing the teachings of Rastafari on the wa ll s of his Black Ark Studio, and co louring in al l the letters, he promptly burnt it down, apparently convinced that the devil had somehow possessed his equipment, and sadly destroying many master tapes and rhythms . He also somewhat soured his relations with hi s record company, Island, after convincing several other eminent reggae stars that its founder Chris Blackwell was in fact a vampire, and wou ld only refer to him as Chris Whiteworst . Wizard at the dec ks though, you must understand .

What If I don 't like reggae ?

How you could not like the music devoted to Emperor Haile Sellassie I, Negus Negus, King of Kings, Conquering Lion of the Tribe of Judah , is beyond me, but he also produced the Clash's eponymous debut album, recreating beautiful ly Junior Murvin 's Soulful Police and Thieves, and appeared on Hello Nasty by the Beastie Boys, singing on the delightfully weird Dr Lee PhD (a tripped out version of M r Brown). lt sounds like he has a massive back catalogue; where do I start?

Probably the best starting point is the excel lent three-C D box-set ArkoEogy. As well as providing an int roduction to new fans it provides seasoned Upsetter co ll ect ors with 15 previously unreleased tracks. Absolutely essential.

Jamle Ratcllff

"I approached the UK press screening with great interest, wondering how director Sam Raimi had reacted to my comments " screenings are also used to create a 'buzz' for as yet unreleased movies. For example, I missed out on a screening of Scary Movie the weekend before release - there were lines round the block but it was clearly too late to re-edit the film.

And this is how I can claim to have been an integral part of the post-production process for the new Sam Raimi movie The Gift. Mind you , when I say integral, what I mean is I saw the movie for free and got to fil l in a questionnaire at the end.

As a result , I approached the UK press screening with great interest, wondering how director Sam Raimi had reacted to my comments .. . here's some interesting casting- Gate Blanchett is fantastic in the lead, and is backed up by fabulous supporting performances by Greg Kinnear (As Good As it Gets) and Hilary Swank ( Boys Don 't Cry). Keanu Reeves is the unlikeliest redneck, truck driving, wife beater ever seen on film , but does just about manage to pull it off, and watch out for Katie Holmes playing a character as far removed from Joey in Dawson 's Creek as humanly possible.

The film itself is certainly, er, interesting. The screenplay is by Billy-Bob Thornton (that 's Mr Angelina Jolie to you) and is set in one of those bleak southern towns that makes you glad to live in Norwich. The film revolves around Annie Wilson (Gate Blanchett). a woman wi th 'the gift' (y'know, psychic powers). She's st ill coming to terms with the death of her hu sband, and is raising three small children alone, supplementi ng social security payments by providing psychic readings for the whole community. Annie is somehow the hub of · the entire town, advising beaten wife Valerie (Hilary Swank), to leave her abusi ve husband Donnie ( Keanu Reeves) and trying to counsel deranged mechani€ Buddy (Giovani Ribisi ), who is clearly a care-in-thecommunity case. Whi lst some scoff at her powers, at least the town is able to save on taxes by hiring idiot policemen and letting one woman act as social services for the whole town. However, when Jessica King (Kati e Holmes). daughter of a local businessman disappears and there are no leads, the police turn to Annie and her psychic abilities to help find the body. But can she find the real killer?

The upside is a beautifully shot and well-c rafted film that from a techni cal point of view is a joy to watch.

Best known for the schlock -horror Evil Dead series of movies, Raimi real ly goes to town on the dream sequences, making a frightening , small southern town appear truly terrifying at times. The film touches on chi ld abuse, wife beating , murderall tied together by Blanchett 's psychic powers. And this is where the movie falls down somewhat . If you're prepared to suspend disbelief,

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or if you 're a fan of horror-thrillers then you should adore this movie . However, if you're in any way sceptical you might find it a little far-fetched: just try to enjoy it as style over substance.

Interestingly , the producer and director seemed to place little faith in my opinion, as the film appears to have changed very little since I saw it in embryonic form at Paramount Studios last June. The film now has its own score, as opposed to a mish-mash of suitable cues from other movies, a couple of extra scenes - and a massively re-edited 'vision' sequence at the end, allowing the viewer to finally make sense of it all. lt appears that they pretty much ignored my comments! lt'd be a different story if I'd been invited to one of the after show 'focus-groups ' ... But I was never too crit ic al, because I did li ke the film .

Hopefully you will too.

They may have left The Gift alone, but elsewhere film history Is littered with examples of meddling producers. Here's the top three ...

1. Metropolis The Sci-fi film that started it all and spawned a thousand copies including a terribl e Queen video.

Made in 1925, Fritz Lang's silent epic starred a cast of thousands, frittered money away on vast· sets and fina lly cost 5 million Reichmark s. After bringing the German film company UFA to its knees, studio execs decided that the film was too long and cropped 90 minutes off its mammoth run ning time. Only recently has it been restored to something close to Lang 's original vision.

2. Contempt In 1963 Jon Luc Goddard was presented with a huge budget to produce this tragic story of wounded love. He decided to secure the services of one Bridget Bardot - a very expensive acquisition indeed . After presenting the fil m to the company that paid for it, they decided that seeing as they had spent so much procuring Bridget's services, they should get to see more of her, and instructed Goddard to add an extra bedroom scene. Amazingly, this scene is now one of the best remembered in the film.

3. Blade Runner Another wildly expensive production helmed by a young-ish Ridley Scott . Blade Runner is a complex tale of humanity's possible future com plete with Harrison Ford , androids and perpetual precipitation, which when shown to test audiences and studio execs, left them totally confused .

There was only one thing for it : the addition of an explanatory voiceover and a new cheery ending. Lovely.

Wednesday, February 28, 2001

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When The Event spoke to angsty funsters Muse last year they said "Don't buy our records- download it all from Napster!" We didn't. But were the other musicians we spoke to quite so generous? Anthony Love// had a good old rummage in the archives to see just how tig~t they really were ...

In the beginning ineteen year-old Shawn Fanning had a cunning plan. it was simple enough: set up a small website through which anybody with a PC and a modem could download free music in the form of share-friendly MP3 files, and make music accessible by uploading audio files from COs onto the net . it was, cla imed Shawn, originally intended to be a small song-sharing club for the use of himself and friends. And so it was. For about five minutes.

Late in 1999, the Recording Industry Associat ion of America got their big corporate knickers in something of a twist, issuing a lawsuit against the website, which had by now flourished into a company as word had spread.

They alleged that the audio files Napster offered were a breach of copyright, as anyone could download music for free instead of buying extortionately-priced COs. 'Gasp! ' cried the swarthy pirates, their flabber no doubt ghasted at the shock ing illegality of their friendly little 'club ' .

The court case heightened publicity, and as frightened record companies and artists became more aware of the situation, the story grew. it seemed ihat Napster, far from being an innocent swarrshop set up by a bunch of kids, was a genuine threat; a major subversive force that could feasibly bring the recording industry to its knees. This, it seemed, was getting very big indeed .

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2000: the year of lawsuits By 2000 Napster was in it up to its neck, receiving lawsuits from record companies all around the world. The RIAA took the lead, demanding in June 2000 that it be closed down .

However, there was growing outcry against the actions of the record companies. Supporters of the site claimed that it was a fantastic service, allowing music to be spread throughout the world, and if it was shut down , other companies such as Freenet would only step in anyway. The record companies had been greedy for too long , they claimed; CD prices were too high, particularly in Britain, and the public was being fleeced. This was the long-awaited equaliser. This was the sweet antidote to rampant record company greed. This was a hefty kick in the money bags for The Man, a rad ical form of musical socialism which finally echoed the egalitarian sentiments which songsmiths worldwide had been espousing for the past forty years. Power to the people! Or something .

But alas, not all musicians were quite so generous in their views of the situation . One prominent supporter of a ban on Napster was Lars Ulrich, mult i-millionaire tubthumper with heavy metal giants Metallica. He went as far as saying that he would go into people 's houses and start confiscating hard drives in order to stop them from downloading Metallica's music . 'Come on then, Lars,' said the rest of the world , and continued downloading .

However, despite Lars ' little strop Napster earned a reprieve on July 29, 2000, when a New York judge ruled that it could continue online. But the news that Napster could possibly be shut down had already sparked a downloading frenzy , and by September 2000, there were no less that 1 .39

bill ion downloads a month. With US copyright law dictating that a fine of anything up to $25,000 per song downloaded could be levied , it seemed that Napster could have been facing a fine of $4170 trill ion for September's activities alone.

Oopsy-daisy!

The future Napster contmues to operate today. However, 1t is now beginning to have its powers curbed . In January 2001, they jomed forces with BMG, the world 's fourth biggest record company , which dropped its lawsuit in return for Napster charg ing a fee for its service. But this seeming compromise was j olted recently when the record companies rejected Napster's offer of a $100 bill ion settlement over five years, in wh ich a charge of a $5 registrat ion fee - perhaps accompanied by charges for new . rare and unreleased tracks - would generate the money .

At the moment it seems the only possible answers are for Napster to become a record label and release only its own art ists on the internet, or charge the equivalent of record company prices and then give the lolly to the record companies.

Whatever the outcome, at the moment the stakes are impossibly high. But right now it seems that he who shares, doesn't necessarily win . At least , not at first.

What the bands

think...

SheaSegar " I think it 's a tough one. I think that artists should be compensated for their work as projects on the whole. At the same time I'm torn because I think that as an artist , my main concern and priority is that people hear my music. it 's a bit of a catch-22 because I definitely th ink it needs to be regulated, but complain ing about the consumption of something wh ich you wrote for that purpose is a b1t upp1ty really."

Kenwyn House Reef "I think it 's a great thing , but it 's putting me out of pocket ! It 'll eventually find a balance . lt could well destroy the music industry as we know it, which might not be a bad thing . Record companies take a big chunk . The people at the sharp end are the music ians. I'm not worried, but I think it'll just change things."

Roddy Woomble ldlewild "I don't think it's a bad thing. I th ink it ·s a very good thing for bands. You get a rock band from Poland, and you can download and hear them . I th ink it 's a good thing for that , but at the same t ime it gets to the stage where it 's just like bootlegging tapes. I don 't really have a problem with it .

Good musicians should get paid for _what they do , for playing live, but I think that basically people are scared of it."

" Really it doesn 't affect us. The records we put out are all packages, because we only put out limited releases . And the artwork is always really good, and we 're really precious about vinyl anyway . So if they get it off the web then that 's fine, but they aren 't gett ing the pac kage, they're not gett ing t he thing you treasure about the band you love.

I don't think it w ill kill record sales."

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To some the Oscars represent the pinnacle of cinemat ic achievement. Phi/ Colvin examines the important phenomenon that is the Academy Awards. urrah for Hollywood ! Hurrah for the cinema! And God bless the USA! Why? Because in just a few short weeks the American film world's annual evening of unanimous backslapping and self-congratulation which is the Oscars will be upon us!

I know what you 're thinking . There just isn't enough vomit in the world, IS there? And of course it's easy to be a cynical onlooker on what seems like little more than a room full of celebrities telling each other how wonderful they are, but that's rather missing the point. The Oscars aren't just an awards ceremony: they're the way film-makers gauge what 's caught the eye of the public and critiCS so they can plan the ir next pro' jects accordingly . Effectively, the nominations and eventual winne rs this ye ar will set the precedent for what ever films we' ll be watching over the next year. In fact, if you want to understand the American film world then you need to watch the Oscars . lt is quite fair t o call the Oscars a popularity contest. Not because they necessanly reflect trends but because they define what ' popular' actually means. Titanic made 1998 the year of sentiment, but its snubbing in all the acting and writ ing categones sent a message that film makers needed to look beyond spec ial effects. 1999 saw the awards split between Shakespeare in Love and Saving Private Ryan , both arguably attempts to appeal to the Titanic audience but also to add a little more substance and ingen uity. But don't think 'popular' means 'conventional.' The

H

Academy is well known for throwi ng up some surprises each year. Just glancing at 2001's nomina t1ons we see not only a fore1gn language film up for Best Picture ( Crouchmg T1ger. Hidden Dragon) but also a foreign language performance in the running for Best Supporting Actor ( Benicio Del Toro, Traffic ). Conventional? I think not.

The other cntical importance of the Oscars, beyond actual winners , is in the ceremony 1tself.

A win should theoretically sec ure future su ccess, but only if it is accepted in the right way . As Gwyneth Paltrow and Hilary Sw ank have discovered in recent years, blubbmg at the podium does not impress world audi ences reaching into the billions. The Oscars are, t heoret ically, the time when we get to see what the stars are 'really' like and so making a good impression is vital.

Pretty golden statuet tes do not cover up embarrassing outbursts wh1ch can build or shatter a reputation in a singl e night. Nobody these days, for example, considers James Cameron to be a modest , well-balanced individual.

But getting away from the ritz and gl1tz ent1rely , there is a final sobering point to be made. With the box office as the1r guiding light , American film-makers have little incentive to make good mov ies. Bizarre as it may seem, an overblown awards ceremony and t he promise of critical pre stige actively encourages many film makers to make bet te r films .

So be joyful and celebrate the Oscars! The modern ci nema wo uld be a much less interest ing place without them .

INFORMATION MEETING

Monday 19th March Between 4.30pm and 6路.30pm UEA, Norwich, Elizabeth Fry Building, Room 01.10 Wednesday, February 28, 2001

There are others, though, who think that the Oscars are a lesson in egomania. Tessa North will not be donning her Versace frock for this year's festivities .. . hould we care about the Oscars?

Should we watch the Oscars? Should we be remotely interest ed in a poorly scripted morass of back-slapping selfcongratulation for films which generally don' t require any congrat ulation at all? If the ceremony (and how cod-relig ious is that? Did James Cameron just cream his pants?) was ac t ually about acllievement, originality, and most Importa ntly. some k ind of spi rit, love or fire for the films being made , then maybe it wou ld be worth watchi ng. That's why the fi lms the Acadamy neglects are often far better than those being tru mpeted. For every American Beauty or Gods and Monsters that swipes a few nominations, t11ere are a thousand Titanics and Gladiators - all spect acle and no heart.

Just to show that the Academy wouldn't know rea l emotion if it wept all over 1ts Versace outfit, wat ch the clips of the acting nominees . And now sec how many of t hem involve cry ing . If you real ly l1ke the taste of your own puke , listen to the nom inees fo r Best Song. Fact: yo u ca n count the decent Oscar-nominated songs on two hands, and t he decent win ners on one. The Academy only understands what's thrust right under its nose: so fra ntic emoting and histrionics are good acting, an d if a film looks to have high production values, t hen 1t logical ly follows that it must be a high qual ity film. But production values don't matter if

the rest of what you're watching is padded senti mentality. Lone Star. shot on what looks like a shoestring budget , is Interestingly shot , wri tten and acted with feeling , and hits the audience with a surprise ending that's so low-key it almost feels natural. At the same time it manages to be more subversive than almost anything that's so far passed th rough the mire of Academy voting.

Was Lone Star an Oscar success? A hugely reso undi ng (and predictable) "no".

The sad thing is that the establishment film-mak ers l1ave to aim their movies at, first, a moneymaking audience (underestimated in t erms of intelligence and attent1on span), and second , their peers, the Academy, to justify their pigswill output as some kind of art (and 'art' is right there in the name: it's the Academy of Mot1on P1cture Arts and Sciences). In that kind of env1ronment, it's not surprising that Hollywood 's hit-rate in terms of pictures with fla ir and integrity is very low . Maybe it's j ust a vic ious circle. But that doesn' t mean you have to waste four increasingly ted ious hours of your life watching pissed-up 'superstars路 reading badly off an autocue , show ing off hair, jewel lery and th igh to prove l1ow nch, famous and fabulous they are, and winning prizes like a dog-show fo r whatever lowest common denominator embarrassment they want to push down your throat this year .

Vote no.

advance for a free info pack and application forms.

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ean1us Last Thursday, Levi's Jeans launched their brand spanking new advertising campaign.

But this is no ordinary television and magazine blitz, for the denim giants have also taken internet advertising to. new limits. Astrid Goldsmith takes a look at the results ...

gaggle of teens are squashed in a car.

They get out at a petrol-station to stretch their legs and go to the toilet.

Suddenly, their feet start twisting backwards, their arms lose shape and they start pulling their own heads off. A headless body holds a decapitated head in the crook of its arm, waiting for another girl to come out of the toilet. The station attendants look on in horror...

No, this is not a trailer for Scream 4 or some schlocky low-budget slashfest. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the new, so-hip-it-hurts television advertising campaign for Levi's jeans. And not just any old 501s either: the range the illustrious company is celebrating is the 'twisted' jeans style. You know, twisted jeans: twisted limbs.

Geddit? Ah, so clever, what will they think of next.

I say celebrating rather than advertising because this is all Levi's need to do. Or do they? Ever since the early 1980s, Levi's has been one of the most successful clothing companies, selling millions of pairs of jeans worldwide. Their phenomenal success was mainly due to their popular 501 red tabs. These jeans were simply cut: straight leg, fitted, two back pockets and regular good ol ' fashioned mid-blue denim. Ah, how the kids of the 80s loved butchering them with rip holes and bleach! And oh, how all American film stars and models loved telling the press that, when they were just lounging round their ocean-view palatial summer homes, they swore by their 501s for comfort . They were Joe Bloggs' choice of trousers; after all, you can't go wrong with a pair of jeans

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that made half the women in Britain want to shag Nick Kamen or Brad Pitt.

Cue the early 1990s: Fashion was taken over by waves of anti-straight-leg-jeans movements. First grunge hit, with its preference for sensitive, baggy-arsed clothing (and certainly none of that capitalist Levi's money-grabbing, soul-sucking cor. poration, man). In Britain, there were the acid house ravers, aka fashion rejects who gleaned their fashion inspiration from The Word and those pyjama; clown trouser pantaloon things that gathered at your ankle. The very thought makes me

Isn't this just a bulk junk mailing system, dressed up as fancy advertising?

How do Levi's choose whom to send this stuff to? And why all the secrecy? shudder, and shame on you if you paid money for those items. In addition, at this time, the 20-year revival cycle kicked in and we suddenly all loved t he 1970s, which gave rise to the flares come· back.

None of this was very healthy for Levi's sales.

They spent the next few years trying to find a money-spinner. They tried baggy (Silver Tab · semi-workwear jeans); sharp (Sta-Prest · frontal creased twill trousers); and vintage (Cinchback · kind of like rodeo riders' jeans). While each of these enjoyed modest popularity, it wasn't until they launched Engineered Jeans, or 'twisted' jeans in 1999 that they really found their way back again. it seemed that Levi's had finally cottoned on to the fact that, to succeed in this nasty post-modern, cynical, self-conscious " ironic" (yes, that's with two "quotation marks") world, they had to be a little bit nastier and postmodern.

Hence their TV and cinema ads of last year. Girl and boy on a train, showing each other how twisted they were by revealing bent body parts. The actors were weird-looking yet sexy! lt hinted at bent genitals! lt featured Clinic! (ooh, Clinic ... how underground and lo-fi and alternative of them.

Three cheers for the clever marketing person who unearthed them from the impenetrable lo-fi heap.)

So now Levi 's has pushed it one step further.

While they have reconciled themselves to the fact that 501s will never be truly hip again - and only those who Need A Pair Of Jeans will still buy · them - they have gone all out on niche marketing.

Their sales might be slumping, but they still need to uphold their name and street cred. For huge corporations like Levi's, Coca Cola, Microsoft and the Disney Parks, advertising is not there to sell specific products, it's there to increase their status as a name. so Levi's has abandoned Joe Bloggs as an ad target, and is looking for the 21st century cool kids who want their ads, like their jeans, a bit different.

Status and power in advertising campaigns is now judged in that most modern of ways: appropriat ion. Once somebody takes your slogan/logo/joke/idea and repeats it, changes it or parodies it, you know you have a success story on your hands. The prime example of this is the Budweiser ·wassuup' campaign. Not only has it been made into t shirts, repeated in every pub across the land and turned every middle class white kid into a wannabe slurring homie, it has also been appropriated by the fastest-moving form of communication: the Internet. Parodies of the 'Wassuup' ad are rife on the net, and Budweiser's marketing measure their success by how many times the emails are passed on.

This is where Levi's has clearly taken their inspiration from for their latest multi-million dollar effort. They have set up a secret web address, which you need special keywords to access. The web site address is (apparently} written on orie of the walls in the television ad. They are sending out random emails to certain privileged target groups, letting them know a restricted number of passwords.

While this all sounds very exciting and high tech, suspicion lurks in my mind. Isn't this just a bulk junk mailing system, dressed up as fancy advertising? How do Levi's choose whom to send this stuff to? And why all the secrecy? After all, it is only a jeans website, not some confidential government file. it seems that Levi's have completely switched policies: from wanting to appeal to absolutely everyone, they now want to limit their customerjfanbase to make it as exclusive and elitist as possible. Perhaps they have realised that this is the .way to generate interest: the more low-key and restricted it is, the greater the hype.

However, it looks like Levi's aren't quite ready for the full push into the twenty-first century yet. The final frames of the television advert shows a plastic-troll (you know, the ones with neon hair), wearing a pair of mini twisted Levi's, hanging from the car mirror. He is clearly the new Flat Eric, and will sell like the proverbial hot cakes.

SO, while Levi's might have a cool, slightly sick, postmodern TV ad, and while they might have a hush-hush elitist net campaign, they are still relying on old tricks to sell their jeans.

Claim to classic status?

Featuring heavy references to the Kennedy assassination and following quickly in the wake of the Watergate scandal, this conspiracy thriller tapped into the deep unease felt in America following the violent deaths and criminal acts of leading politicians. Made in 1974 the film has been heralded by Steven Spielberg as "the most paranoid film ever made."

Storyllne1

Joe Frady is an investigative reporter who witnesses the assassination of a liberal politician.

One year later a fellow journalist informs Frady that everyone else who witnessed the death has met with an unfortunate "accident", only to have such an accident befall her soon after. Frady begins to investigate and discovers that a sinister corporation is recruiting sociopaths to serve in an assassination bureau that controls the nation's politics.

Directed by whom ?

AI an J Pakula set nerves jangling with this masterful exercise in paranoia. He was critically lauded for The Parallax View but the film proved too downbeat for audiences. However, Pakula wasn't letting the powers that be off the hook that easily and went on to make All The President's Men, charting the investigation of the Watergate scandal a few years later. The latter film was more positive in its outlook and thus a bigger hit with audiences.

Who's In It?

Famous Hollywood liberal Warren Beatty. starring as the crusading Joe Frady, is really the only recognisable face in the fi lm - something which helps the audience identifY with his plight and isolation. Film buffs. may recognise the character actor Hume Cronyn as Frady's boss, and William Daniels (of Boy Meets World fame) as a fellow believer.

Do

say:

"The test sequence in which Frady attempts to infiltrate the Parallax Corporation by posing as a sociopath cleverly subverts audience voyeurism by bombarding both the character and the audience simultaneously."

Don't

say:

"I believe Oswald acted alone."

Paul Lahert

Wednesday, February 28, 2001

Genius n., pi. -uses or genii. 1.. A person of exceptional ability, especially of a highly original kind. 2.

Such ability or capacity: Mozart's musical genius. [C16: from Latin, from gignete, to beget]

The genius is a strange beast. Not only is it super-duper clever, it also represents a cultural benchmark by which all works of literature, music and art are judged. But is it really all that hard to become one? Steve Col/ins takes a look at the cult of the clever clogs ...

Literary genius

enius'. it's a word much bandied around t.oday. Open any magazine, arts supplement or entertainments guide and there it is. " Dumpy's Rusty Nuts' gig at the Hare and Bucket was a raw display of incandescent genius" gushes one reviewer, whilst another stands by proclaiming some pastel-coloured airport novel full of wistful thirtysomething grumblings (see Bridget Jones, Nick Hornby, Mike Gayle, whatever) has it, too. But what, exactly is this genius business all about?

Well, firstly it's a gauge of artistic worth. More than any definable property of one person, it seems to denote a kind of cultural value symptomatic of the 'cult of the critic' into which most arts appreciation has fallen. If a reviewer uses the word 'genius' in a review, it's like a sanction, a kind of admission Into this strange apocryphal club of cultural mammoths - something beyond that which the reviewer can even begin to comprehend, let alone criticise - and therefore .. it must be given the highest accolade Imaginable. Alongside 'influence' {and no, I'm not going to use the word 'seminal' here - oopsl) , it divides up and articulates our cultural history, makes it manageable and easy to compartmentalise. Thus any new band Is j udged by the yardstick of The Beatles 'genius' ; any new novel is described in terms of great works which it was influenced by. lt's probably the single most important moneyspinner in the entertainments industry, yet in artistic terms {we're not talking quantum physics here) it's a completely vague entity, an undefined, undefinable term which can be attributed to any artist you like. secondly, genius is sexy as hell. The word actually comes from gignere, 'to beget', and there's certainly an awful lot of begetting available If you've, er, got it. Not only are genii

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11le image Literary genii adopt a variety of guises, but the most important thing is to remain mysterious.

Ernest Hemingway' s iceberg rule stated that all good writing should be seven-eighths under the surface. And as his enigmat ic hard-manj softy writer persona testifies, the same goes for good genii. Keep it covered.

11le statement

11le Abstruse, impenet[able obfuscation Is the order of the day here. Critics only call something •genius' if they don't understand it, so forget about story, grammar or making sense. This is Art. Look to Joyce, TS Eliot, Woolf, and James Kelman for influences, and above all • keep it gibberish!

~' . ~.

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Hemingway: pansy

The death

Absolute, uncompromising • • • • • • • • • If you 're going to be nihilism is de rigeur in the remembered as a genius, twentieth century work of last words should be quotable, pithy and ' in genius. Two miiiEmia have character'. Oscar Wilde taugtlt us that the human condition Is, well, a bit memorably croaked "either those curtains go rubbish really, and it's the genius' job to reflect that or I do" on his deathbed, and was remembered for In relentlessly miserable ages. Helnrich Helne writing. Remember - God spluttered "write ...

Is dead, nothing means anything, and the self is a pencil. .. paper" · and do fiction . Hurrah! you know who he was?

so what exactly is genius, ,..._ _. .1 then? Katherine Everitt hit the books to find out ...

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An idiot's guide to genius .~:::z;·-

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When you hear the word ·genius' what do you think of? A ~ild·haired, enthusiastic and excitedly gabbling man sitting at a desk in a darkened room, illumi~ated only by a small lamp In the corner (an important detail I feel). Or maybe a quiet, pale faced child, surrounded by Interested adults, who looks out to the world with a steady but vaguely melancholic gaze. Both would come up with exceptional scientific theories or works of some sort of art and both would perplex the world as to how they were so darn brainy. Us

-~~~--~~~----------------------------------------------------------------------------------. . . complexities mere mortals will always fail to grasp the subtle of these inventive people, but what

Pop genius

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'" Genius' divides up and articulates our cultural history, making it manageable" adored by fans willing to offer themselves to their amazing talents, but just open a magazine and you can see the concept itself getting jlggy all over the shop, being whored out by critics to every new artist with a vaguely saleable product. Like good lovin' , everybody wants it.

Thirdly, genius Is worth an awful lot of money. Just look at how much Oamien Hirst got for cutting a cow in half, or Tracy Emin for leaving a kebab lying around. Genius has a sort of Midas touch, turning the most mundane of objects into items of immense value, measurable only by the limits of your brilliant, ecstatic imagination. Cor. So by now you're probably wondering where you might find some of t his amazing stuff. " How." you may well be thinking, "can I make millions from breaking wind and simultaneousfy become t he most sexy person alive? Surely it 's all some immeasurable, ineffable quality that just comes from within?

Isn't it?"

Well, in a word, no. For with The Event's bluffer's guide to being a genius · or rather, convincing the world that you are, in fact, a genius - you too can reap all the accolades and attributes of being the most super-duper clever clogs in the history of the world. Just adopt a very solemn expression, start taking yourself very seriously indeed and follow our step by step guide to being the cleverest, most talented person in the worldl

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Wednesday, February 28, 2001

'experimental' · ie. that it sounds like an impression of Aphex Twin farting four years ago, with added bloops and white noise.

The death

The great thing about pop is that to be a genius - get this - you don't really have to say anything at alii Noel Gallagher's been called one and he just rhymes 'pie' with 'sky' all the time. And if anybody calls your bluff about talking complete crap, just say it's pop anarchism, or that "it's all about the music, man... "

Kid A: bloopy

If you 're not t hat eager to . .- - - - get shot by madmen or wrapped around trees like the cowardly bluffer you are, then you 're going to have to stop making records if you want to maintain any claim to genius. Avoid any Rupert and the Frog Chorus-style

bloomers and you might have some c laim to your hard-bluffed mantle...

campus every day.

Some other people who studied this said this was a bit generous of Terman, but he maintained that it was potential genius only. That is high intellectual ability but not yet any actual achievements. Children fall into this category, and it was used in defining child prodigies for a while. A better known term tor children today is 'gifted'.

Terman's definition of a genius, although easy to understand, s not the one used now. The second, . .~11!11!111!111~1111111!!1111!1!!!1!!!11111..1 more popula1, definition of a genius comes from a Bit of a bugger this one.

19th century British scientist Sir Francis Galton.

Artistic genii are only For him, the meaning of genius is demonstrated ever 'discovered' by actual achievement. Basically, there's no point post humously, like Van in telling everyone you' re clever, you've got to do Gogh, so to be one you've something to prove it. Geniuses need to have at ·got to snuff it. Doing a least one invention of world changing proportions Reggie Perrln is a to their CV, as well as a book or work of art, and possibility, but make sure perhaps a quick thesis on the meaning of life. the death looks like Their achievements cannot be of 'transitory' you've died for your art. value, which means that it can't just have Fake a heart attack in purpose for a little while, it's got to be applicable WH Smiths art to man in ant age. Leonardo Da Vincl's works and department, that'll do it. ideas have reen built upon, but they provided the basics from IVhich others took their cue. However

At tistic genius The image

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If you 're going to be taken seriously as· an artistic genius, you must appear quite, quite mad.

But eccentricity is only favoured in nepotistic loony clubs, so surround yourself with sycophants and call it a 'movement'.

Otherwise children will laugh at you in the street and dogs will cross the road to avoid you.

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Like psychotics, genii experience conflict between the self and their environment. In order to fake this, you must give the appearance of being an outsider. The best method is to pretend you're working class even if you're really a middleclass art school drop-out like John 'Working Class Hero' Lennon (right)

Absolutely anything goes! Just seribble . something down and attach a half-arsed theory with fancy words in it.

Kandinsky's Coss.stcks,j for instance, was supposed to be 'colou? music' which brought about ·communion from mind to mind'.

Right.

defines them as a genius?

Put basically, a genius is someone of 'extraordinary intellectual power'. To be a genius the person h3s to score a certain amount on a standardised intelligence test. One of the main bods studyi ~ this, US psychologist Lewis M Terman, set the quotient for 'potential genius' at 140 or over, which is a level reached by 1 in 250 ..d--~~ of the general population. That would mean that Alllill-if ., .... "'"'" are any of

The death

lt's all 'Art for Art 's sake nowadays, which basically means that nothing has to mean anything at all. Meaning, apparently, is a relativistic void (pictured right). If you must try to say something, keep it vague and nonsensical.

Call it 'deconstructlonist anti-art' or something, and use long words.

proud he is of his achievements, the bloke that came up with the remote controlled toilet seat will not be considered a genius in the eyes of Galton.

Ok, so what exactly is genius and where does it come from? Genius must not be confused with mere talent. Talent refers to an aptitude for something and an easy acquisition of skill. Genius involves originality, creativeness and the ability to think and work in areas not previously· explored · and thus to give the world something of value that it wouldn't otherwise have. Although geniuses leave their mark in a general field, studies of the early development of these people also show that their general intelligence is exceptionally high. They 're basically good all· rounders.

Galton further defined the genius as one who pos~sses a very extreme degree of three traits: intellect, zeal and the power of working. So unfortunately, whilst you might be able to fool people w ith The Event's guide to genius bluffery, being a genius isn't something you can acquire, even if you work very hard for it. If you 're not naturally bestowed with the right genes, then attempting is futile.

However, potential is not brought to the full without the right opportunity and training, ie good environmental factors. One theory even holds that the genius belongs to a separate psychobiologic a! species, differing as much from man in his mental and emotional processes as man differs from chimps. What must they think of the rest of us then?

Another quite interesting theory looks upon genius as closely related to neurosis and psychosis. The genius and the neurotic or psychotic person both experience a conflict between the self and the environment. However, the genius will resolve these conflicts in a socially useful way, while the others will not. And as if they're not gifted enough already, the genius is actually much less prone to mental disorders and physical weakness than other people.

The genius is definitely one in a million and will probably never be fully understood. But to the rest of us thickos, this serves only to add to their enigmat ic charm.

Clever bastards.

Think you could be a genius already? Test your genlusness with our patented brain-measurer and see! Simply remove this centre spread, wrap it around your head and mark where you measure up. Potential genii will undoubtedly show up red because of their huge brains. Clet measuring!

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Wednesday, February 28, 2001

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____________________________ evetnhet Inspected: Music

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The Pixies B Sides Well, kids, the wait has been worth it- the Pixies are back! Well, almost ...

Ten years after the band that inadvertently inspired a generation of grungy-punk guitar rockers split for the final time, Charles Thompson and his former cohorts have released a new album of old stuff (yes, that's right! B sides... duh) to satisfy the appetites of all those fans who have stuck with the second-rate Catholics to fill tpe void that the Pixies left behind.

Containing 19 tracks of re-cuts, remixes, live tracks, covers and lots of original songs, Complete B Sides chronologically tracks the band's short and explosive rise to near stardom. and subsequent annihilation. But more important than the musically informative aspect of this album is the fact that it's damn good.

Don't expect anything revolutionary, though: this is Pixie stuff. But

collection of the rap, rock, hiphop, metal and punk that Norwich has to offer does not always Inspire confidence in an album. However despite having more highs and lows than the Himalayas, this album shows how diverse, and how good, the Norwich music scene can be.

There's the smooth hiphop verses and loud metal choruses of Moonjuice, the glam pop punk of spot, whose infectious melodies lodge themselves in your brain, bringing a smile to your face for da)IS and the polished industrial, electronic metal of XXY which show's great potential to be a lot more than just ·a local band'. The East Coast B-boys create a good line In hiphop influenced alternative dance (even managing to sample rock gods AC/DC) who, along with fellow dance act Haler Sound System -whose lazy raps and slow haunt-

it still kicks the ass of most alterna-kid guitar acts out there at the moment. Standout tracks include Manta Ray, a Spanish versio11 of Evil Hearted You and live favourite Into The White, sung by bassist Kim Deal.

If the music isn't enough to tempt you, the CD also includes videos for Here Comes Yo'ur Man and Allison, which, interestingly, wasn't released as a single but was made to follow on from the Dig For Fire video.

Although I wouldn't get too excited about these enhanced features - Pixies' videos were never very, well, good or interesting other than the fact that they had the Pixies in them, and these two are no exception.

I urge you, do not hesitate to buy this album! I promise it will be worth every penny.

Markland Starkle

cou described as 'stoner dance' - show the talent of Norwich's bedroom techno-heads.

However, as with all local scenes there is the bad (and ugly) as well as the good. The rap rock produced by 'd5-' Is far out-classed by their genre-mates Moonjuice who have the lead track on the album.

Punk band The Park are too stuck in '79 to sound at all original, or at all good, and are joined by Sphincter as one of the worst bands on the album. Finally there's Oblivion, who simply sound like one of those awful school bands you formed when you were 15 with your mates.

All in all I would say, even though the quality of this album is far from consistent, buy it. it's only four quid and, you never know, one day they may be famous!

Slmon Thomhlll

Stereo phonics Mr Writer

The Cwmaman boys are back with another cracker, just In time for St David's day. From their soon-to-be-released album J.E.E.P., Mr Writer is a fantastic showcase for. Kelly's pseudo-Amerlcan whining (In a good way ...) and shows the world that despite the charts being dominated by prepubescent teenagers and gangster-rap, guitar bands will always be winners. Watch out for the clowns in the video though -they're evil.

EJin Jones

Also Released:

A relentless blast of glitter-stained rock taken from the forthcoming debut album by these NME brat-packers. This Is a brutal, Smashing

fully gold-dipped guitars and scary lyrics that set 1£!~------------------------U~U~~~~~~!~~~~P~~i~~yM~~"~~so~w~hbe~~ The Ministry of Sound have obviously been reading of the fire ... Including the likes of Groove Armada and King Adora as a band to watch out for in 2001.

Brrrrrrrrrr

Richard Branson's autobiography -they have a finger in every merchandising pie. Luckily, they're pretty damn good at mixing music and this album is no exeption to the usual high standard of their releases.

Featuring all the usual suspects (Moby, Badly Drawn Boy, Fatboy Slim), The Chif/out Session does exactly what it says on the tin. The first CD is a smooth blend of tracks. best suited to sitting around after a night out with a nice c · or makln' sweet love in front

Combining elements of Ash, Radiohead and the Foo Fighters, My Vitriol have been hotly tipped as the next big act to emerge from the rockjindie scene. Last year, the band established themselves by supporting nu-metal titans The Deftones, and rock legends, the Manic Street Preachers. Recently, they have appeared on Top of the Pops with their current single, Always: Your Way, reaching number three In the indie charts.

But do My Vitriol stand up to the hype? The band's much awaited debut album, Finelines combines acoustic melody with an intense wall of electric sound that will appeal to rockers and indie fans alike. The epic arrangement and up-tempo drumming of the opening vocal track, Always: YQlJr Way, provides a strong start for the album, showcasing an intense guitar sound that effortlessly glides like a Lambretta

Live

LTJ Bukem might seero a bit predictable, and you probably already own them, but they do the trick. The second disk is slightly more upbeat, with tunes from Etienne De Crecy, Wamdue Project (yes, it is old!) and Leftfield amongst others.

Overall, The Chif/out Session is an excellent blend of chillout tunes- nothing new, but put together very well. .. with the glaring exception of the bloody awful William Orbit.

down a freeway. In Cemented Shoes, the bittersweet clarity of Som Wardner's voice and reflective lyrics, convey a sense of honesty that is both beautiful and disturbing. If this seems too mellow for you then the MTV:2 hit Losing Touch will stand out like a broken nose in a beauty parlour with Som exploring his vocal potential in an outburst of Nirvana-like screams that, combined with the build up of the epenlng guitar crescendo, will no doubt make the song a live hit.

Unfortunately, this experimentation doesn't occur often enough and there are points where the album degenerates into an electronic blur, causing many of its songs to lose their individual edge. As a debut, Finelines shows much potential but My Vitriol still have a way to go in order to achieve this.

Kleren

George Yeorghal<l

Sunna I 'm·Not Trading

Powerful guitars and a voice that's half Kurt Cobain and half Brian Molko make for a promising start to Sunna's third single, but little else beyond that. There's hardly any melodic or vocal variation, and the' song's monotony eventually just gives you a headache. Shame. lt could have been brilliant.

Mlscha Pearlman

Thirteen (13) 50 Stories The umpteenth British band to describe themselves as reflecting 'feelings of hopelessness', Thirteen occupy the NME quiet verse; noisy chorus stable. Sub-Mansun vocals can't be saved by a reasonable Pixiewsque riff and the affair ultimately lacks panache. They recently supported JJ72 which, sadly, is the most interesting thing about them.

TomSykes

The Manic Street Preachers Why So Sad/Found That Soul

-~----~~-~-~-----------------~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Pl astered~ ~ over Ra~oone like sabbat i c~ ~ec­ tion candidates' posters, Why so Sad grates a lit· When King Adora play live, it's a powerful sound that ous they were. tie with Its annoying jingle bells backing, but will emanates from the stage; a swirling mess of Manics, After just half an hour on stage they are forced to retreat, doubtless be the more successful single.

Placebo and Nirvana, but it is the haunting underlying not because of the number of missiles thrown at them, However, Infinitely superior is Found That SOul, a electronics that makes them stand out. First song but due to a lack of material. By restricting their set to sonic· return to their Generation Terrorists era, Scream And Shout is a hypnotic fast-paced noise test, full play only a couple of the new songs from their forthcombut lacking the former lyrical bite. More bobble of eerie sound effects. Smoulder is arguably their best ing debut album, King Adora had very little left to choose hat than balaclava. song, with the incessant repetition of the same two lines from, merely singles already released throughout the past over a background of thrashing guitars. Bionic is a disyear. Strutting off stage, they left the audience disapturbing take on the human condition, filled with falsetto pointed and pleading for more. reeches but is severely let down by the nauseatingly Although they sound good, this egotistical behaviour is unimaginative chorus. King Adora look like they've come irritating, but it is mainly their lack of sincerity and 4 Real-ness that let King Adora down. There's no raw emostraight off the set of Velvet Goldmine. They've go1 the dodgy makeup, the crazy hairstyles and the essential tion, no feeling, no passion to their music. They're not tight jeans/girls skinny t-shirt ensemble. This is identikit creating anything that hasn't already been done before, glam rock to excess. The comparison to early Manics is and they certainly aren't pushing the boundaries of music unavoidable; the style and content of some songs is so forward, if anything King Adora are pulling them back. similar it is unnerving to listen to. Previous single Big They have the ability to write intelligent and thought-proIsn't Beautiful is about male anorexia, ring any bells? voking songs, are good and sometimes innovative musiAnd of all the venues in Norwich they are at the Arts cians In their own right and are captivating on stage, so Centre, the place where Richey Manic infamously carved why not produce music that is original? King Adora are '4 Real' into his arm to prove to the world just how seri· simply not for real. Not yet.

Chrllltlna Lymbourls

Wednesday, February 28, 2001

the

_ _ event ...17

Inspected: Film

15

Hannibal

Directed by: Ridley Scott Starring: Anthony Hopkins, Julianne Moore and Gary Oldman

Described in some quarters as a delicious black comedy, in others as a horrific nobralner. Regardless of your opinion, dinner is served ...

Ten years after Silence Of The Lambs and amidst a sea of hype the world's favourite cannibal is back and keen to take centre stage. However, we are made to wait for Hannibal Lecter (Anthony Hopkins) while we first catch up with his old sparring partner, FBI agent, Clarice Starling (Julianne Moore). Disillusioned with the way her career is heading she is put back on the case of Hannibal Lecter. The good doctor. meanwhile, is becoming bored with his "retirement" in Florence, walking around under an assumed name and wearing an array of Panama hats at jaunty angles ·as seems to be the wont of the criminally insane. However forces are conspiring against him. Mason Verger (an unrecognisable Gary Oldman), the horribly mutilated millionaire who has the dubious honour of being Lecter's only surviving victim, is plotting revenge. Verger offers a large cash reward for Lecter's capture, a reward that catches the attention of a greedy police Inspector, named Pazzi.

This is the cue for much blood letting and gore all of which is delivered with great panache. So much panache in fact that Hannibal is played like a black comedy. Many factors that made The Silence Of The Lambs so gripping are missing.

The narrative here seems rambling when compared to the precise drive of its predecessor. The characterisation is also lacking. As good an actress as Julianne Moore brings a new maturity to Clarice Starling but there is little she can do in

!4 I!

a role that is so passive. The same goes for Ray Liotta's two-dimensional Justice Dept agent.

Apart from Giancarlo Giannini who gives a sympathetic turn as the money-grabbing Inspector Paui, the only character who really excites is Hannibal himself.

Hopkins seems to having a great time and though at times Lecter appears cartoonish it is no acci· dent that the film bears his name. Though not as chilling as before, he is certainly very entertain· ing, dispatching his victims with aplomb and the occasional one liner, "I've been giving great thought to eating your wife," standing as one of the best. The film comes alive when Hopkins is on the screen to such a degree that it easy to find oneself rooting for him. Especially when it's noted that he only eats the rude. Those that don't mind their Ps and Qs had it coming.

At the helm Ridley Scott ensures that the whole thing is a stylish affair, the cinematography is sumptuous, especially during the sequences set in Florence, but this often seems like an exercise of style over substance. Those expecting a film that reprises the depth and mental terror of Silence Of The Lambs will be disappointed.

However, audiences who like their humour on the dark side may well find themselves swept up in what is essentially a comedy horror, and a fun one at that. Hannibal may be larger than life but he remains a great cinematic character. A BBC cookery series awaits.

Paul Lahert

The Legend of Ba

er Vance

Directed by: Robert Redford Starring: Will Smith, Matt Damon and Charlize Theron

Over-fed and over-paid men, regularly waddle the world's golf courses, chasing a little white ball. A pastime so Interesting Robert Redford made a film about it.

One can only assume that Robert Redford must be on a thankless quest to give meaning to the world's most pointless pastimes. He did it to fishing in A River Runs Through lt and to equestrianism in The Horse Whisperer. However, whereas the former was quite a decent fi'lm thanks to some well-written family drama aside from the obsession with fishing, the latter was a vomitinducing piece of sentimental twaddle obsessed with horses. And now comes The Legend of Bagger Vance, a film obsessed with golf, that is so utterly terrible it may actually want to make you take up the languid game yourself. Or anything else for that matter, just to get out of the cinema.

Matt Damon is an ace amateur golfer with the unfortunate name of Rannulph Junuh. He goes off to fight in tne First World War and has various traumas in the trenches before promptly disappearing for ten years. He returns to America just as the Great Depression hits and economically cripples his hometown. Amongst those facing bankruptcy is comically named Adele lnvergordon, (Charlize Theron) who has a golf course and little else to her name. She decides to rope Damon into a tournament to revive the town's fortunes.

Unfortunately, poor Damon has managed to " lose his swing" during the war and isn't up to the chal· lenge. Enter Will Smith as the mysterious caddie with the worst name of all, Bagger Vance, whose insights into the somehow interconnected worlds of golf and life help put Damon back onto the road to recovery.

The result of Redford's all consuming golf focus is that the supposedly crucial relationship between Smith and Damon never materializes. Damon is supposedly facing personal anguish from his war days, but as emotional exploration would get in the way of the golf, he is simply forced to look dazed in every scene for no apparent reason. And Smith only seems to exist to make self-righteous and arcane comments, which exclusively employ golf as a metaphor for life. As a result, he ends up sounding like a smart alec git rather than a spiritual guide. Yes, Will Smith cast as a smart alec. Never thought I'd see that in a film.

Put simply, there are no characters in this film.

Just several different levels of obsession with golf. And surely anyone that fixated with golf would be out playing it rather than watching a film about it. Except , obviously, Robert Redford.

Ph/1 Colvln

!6 I!

Finding Forrester

Chocolat

Directed by: Gus Van Sant Starring: Sean Cannery , Robert Brown and Anna Paquin

Directed by: Lasse Halstrom Starring: Juliette Binoche, Johnny Depp and Alfred Molina

Never one to leave a good film alone witness the Pyscho fiasco - Gus Van Sant has a go at plagiarizing himself.

Lasse Hastrom loses his touch as this disappointing Oscar hopeful gets the thumbs down.

If you saw Good Will Hunting and are desperate to see the sequel, go and see Finding Forrester.

Gus Van Sant has remade his 1997 Matt Damon vehicle with a slight twist. OK, you ready?

Instead of an underpriviledged white kid, there's an underpriviledged black kid. Instead of the kid being a maths genius, he's a literary prodigy.

Well, this is the man who made a take-by-take recreation of Hitchcock's Psycho.

Finding Forrester is not a bad film . it's just very very average. Jamal Wallace is a 16 year old basketball-loving schoolkid from the Bronx (of course). who stumbles across hermit William Forrester when he takes part in a dare. Although initially hostile, Forrester eventually decides to help Jamal with his writing. When Jamal gets a scholarship to a posh private school, his new English professor discusses · one of the great twentieth century novels," Avalon's Landing by .... yep, you guessed 1t, William Forrester. So follows a tale of intrigue and secrecy, passion and heartbreak. a journey into the discovery of friendship .. .. or at least, that 's what the trailer claims.

The main problem is that it doesn't follow through with .any of the relationships it sets up.

Jamal's Hollywood-style homies from the Bronx are abandoned when he goes to his new school, but this betrayal is never explored. Similarly.

Jamal 's semi-relationship with posh girl Clare never goes anywhere and is distinctly lacking in tension or passion. For a film about friendship, it is disappointingly cold.

Its other major problem is Sean Cannery. Why do people insist on giving this man serious roles? He only ever plays himself, and it is difficult to take him seriously, especially when he's doing his best Cannery-doing-Bond impression. Forrester has spent 50 years of his life in the Bronx, but he still has a broad Shcottishh acchent , because, conveniently, he was born in Scotland.

There are some high points: the tense basketball matches, Forrester's speech at the end and on the baseball pitch. The cinematography is also very pretty and the acting is good. Just don't Astrld Goldsmith expect too much.

How many times in your life have you felt an enormous craving for chocolate, gone to extraordinary lengths to purchase some, wolfed it down in seconds flat and felt extremely dissatisfied afterwards. I must apologise for resorting to such lazy journalism but there is something so inherently unfulfilling about Lasse Hallstrom's latest sickly sweet cinematic effort, that the comparison begs to be made. While The Cider House Rules t rod the unstable path between heart-warming tweeness and saccharine slop with ease, never faltering, Chocolat falls flat on its face in a heap of tired cliches. lt may provide temporary sustenance, but nutritious· banquet it is not. Judged ag.ainst Lasse Hallstrom's previous films it is hard not to think of Chocolat as anything other than a huge disappointment.

A small French town is awoken from its religioninduced slumber when Juliette Binoche opens a chocolate shop right at the beginning of Lent , angering the pious villagers and setting her on a collision course with the town's major played by Alfred Molina. lt may seem a little pernickety to criticise a story 's realism when it so obviously wants to be a fairy tale, but with Chocolat Lasse Hallstrom has gone too far. lt becomes obvious from the outset exactly where the narrative is heading thanks to the hackneyed 'stranger comes to town and stuggles for acceptance' plot.

This tale has surely been told a million times before - and told better.

Chocolat culminates with a scene around a dinner table where, thanks to Juliette's fabulous culinary skills, the villagers finally realise the pleasures of hedonistic abandon. This scene is directly stolen from one of the finest Danish films ever, Babette 's Feast, in which, yes you've guessed it, a group of villagers after years of wilful abstinence finally realise the pleasures of wanton hedonistic abandon, if only for one evening.

Being Scandinavian, it is hard to believe that Hallstrom has no knowledge of this masterpiece and if he has why did he choose to build Chocolat around a tribute that falls well short of the original's subtle charm.

Merek Cooper

Wednesday, February 28, 2001

-

.....

16

the

event

Inspected: Video

iS

Water Drops on Burning Rocks

Di rected by: Francois Ozon Starring: Bernard Giraudeau, Malik Zidi and Ludivine Sagnier

Written by a dead German director who liked girls, boys, drugs and sometimes liked to use violence to coax performances from his actors . This is going to be good.

Sex . sex, sex. that's all you ever see in films these days, or so you would belteve if you listened to your dear old Gran: "All these young perverts cavorting around. naked as Jaybirds. The only thing covering their modesty is a smile . it's disgusttng路路. Well yeah, yeah, old-timer, enough with the Victorian morals, this is the 21st century and I for one want to see some sex. Not crap movie sex : I am sick of the softly lit synchronised smooching that infects Hollywood like a bad rash. I want reality, or at least something close. it's not too much to ask is it? If you share my longings. well you've come to the right place. Step right up my lad, step right up.

Ok, so I know all the preconceptions . French movies have sex in them. That's why they are always on late at night on Channel 4, being watched exclusively by arty types with bloodshot eyes and acl1ing wrists. Well, I concede that yo u would have a point were it not for the fact that this film has a totally different agenda. Water Drops presents, paradoxically, both a bleak and amusing picture of the destructive power of sex. I warn you now: lust longing and a terminally obsessive love can seriously damage your health.

Water Drops comes complete with a championship pedigree in the world of European cinema. Written by one of the most important directors of the 70s, Rainer Werner Fassbinder and directed by bright new French hope, Francoi s Ozon. Water Drops is a true thoroughbred. Fassbinder wrote this claustrophobic chamber piece at the tender age of 19 and although he never produ ced a version of Water

i2

Scar fvlovie

i1

The CeU

Directed by: Keenen Ivory Wayans Starring: Shawn Wayans. Marlon Wayans and Carmen Electra

Directed by: Tarsem Singh Starring: Jennifer Lopez, Vince Vaughn and Vincent D'Onofrio

Don't let the fact that this did well at the box-office fool you .. . so did Inspector Gadget and that was almost as bad as this attempt at humour.

Lopez completely undoes all the good work she did in Out of Sight by appearing in this very bad psychological drama.

If what you fancy is a night in with a hilarious comedy with young talented actors and a great script, then please do not rent this film because you will definitely be disappointed. lt would be wrong of me to say this was the worst film I have ever seen, because I think there are a couple of others that rate quite highly on my hate list. but Scary Movie has made it into the top five. Its one of those films that irritates you beyond belief, not because it is so very bad, but because when you first finish watching you think you may have quite liked it and then after a few minutes you realise. no it really was a pile of crap. Then you spend a lot of time feeling extremely guilty that you rented it in the first place. Is my judgement really that bad?

Not only is Scary Movie not particularly funny, but it couldn't even come up with an original screenplay, mstead tt simply copied the story of Scream and added tn a few comedy extras for good or perhaps very bad measure. The funniest sketch in is this film revolves around the Dawson's Creek's title mustc, surely proof enough that this film really is bad news. The half-witted acting from Carmen Electra as well as a bunch of other unknowns did nothtng to help the flow of this movie. I went to see this film hoping that it would be a spoof of al l the great horror films, perhaps a little Hitchcock , some Nightmare on Elm Street, or a bit of Halloween. but no, it seems the makers of this film neglected to realise that there were horror films before Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer.

All in all the ftlm is JUSt a homage to those two with a bit of that overused Matrix slow motion stuff thrown in to pad it out. In fact this film merely updates the tradition of spoof movtes, that was born with Airplane and killed with Hotshots. Just as these films now seem trrelevent and have been forgotten, so too will Scary Movie. Don't rent it , don't even pick it up tn the vtdeo store, it wtll tarnish your hands.

Surely your evenings can't really be so dull that you have to resort to such an awful choice of film.

Nicola Mallett

Hollywood seems to love serial killers . From Silence of the Lambs to Se7en there's an almost obsessive desire held by filmmakers to take us into the heads of the world's most disturbing people. And, at least in these cases, they've often done a good job of it. But the makers of The Cell seemed to get the wrong end of the stick with the 路getting inside a killer's head' business and took it quite literally. and hence turn psychological drama into cheap visual titillation. And who did they decide to send on this journey into the unknown? M organ Freeman. perhaps? Jodie Foster? No . Jennifer Lopez. I purposely didn't use the words 'c rap film' up until now. But I'm sure you knew they were coming.

Miss Lopez is a child psychologist who is pioneering a technique of therapy for comatose patients which actually lets her go inside the head of her subject, the aim being to make contact on a subconscious level. Meanwhi le, serial killer Vincent D'Onofrio ts going around America killing young women (as serial killers tend to do). Eventuall y FBI agent Vince Vaughn catches his man. But, oh no! He had a rare brain condition and slipped into a coma the moment the cops turned up at his house! Thank goodness for Lopez, then, who can get inside his head and convince him subconsciously to reveal where he's hidden his latest victim. it's at this point that everything goes a tad David Lynch and before you can say 'overly pretentious art direction' we're whisked off on a journey into the screwed up head of D'Onofrio. And herein, both figuratively and literal ly, lies the problem.

The Cell seems to think that by pumping millions of dollars into the visuals it's an artistic film. In fact those with long memories will remember the cod-religious imagery of the vtdeo for REM's Losing My Religion, which director Tarsem Singh now brings to the big screen in his first film.

Unfortunately The Cell comes out looking ratl1er like Lopez wandering vacantly around a seedy sex shop for an hour. So if that thought excites you, this is probably the film for you. And if you're that screwed up you're probably the person who devised it in the first place.

Phi/ Colvln

Wednesday, February 28, 2001

Drops, the young German prodigy did go on to make an astounding 41 films in 14 years before his death in 1982 from a drug overdose. More recently in 1998, Ozon made a big splash wtth the lurid shocker Sitcom. a film that repulsed most critics. Thankfull y with this film Ozon shows no intention of backtrack ing into more commercial territory as he playfully delights in the perverse subject matter that Fassbinder's play provides .

Franz is a 19-year-old student who succumbs to the carnal attentions of Leopold, a 50-year-old insurance salesman who, this being the 70s. has a penchant for terylene turtlenecks and dirty sex with fresh faced young men. Months later, the relationship continues but has now soured and Leopold's persistent bullying has demoted Franz to little more than a lovesick housemaid, desperate to break away but trapped by his enduring love for the ageing smoothie.

During the first half of the film, Franz and Leopold are the only characters present, and so the success of Water Drops hinges greatly on the performances of the two actors. Fortunately they do not disappoint - Giraudeau plays the conniving Leopold with reptil 路 ian charm, while Z idi injects a doomed innocence into the lost and confused Franz. With tragic love, hilarious dance numbers and the blackest of humour, Water Drops will hopefully shock, offend and disgust most respectable people. Praise must go to Ozon for producing such a wonderfully mischievous and irreverent movie.

Merek Cooper

liB Directed by: The Farrelly Brothers Starring: Jim Carrey , Rene Zellweger and Anthony Andeson

Not content with decapitating a budgie and sawing a horse's legs off, the Farrelly Brothers return. Jim Carrey helps them abuse a cow.

Many people were unsure how the Farrely brothers were going to tmprove on There's Something About Mary. Making $200 million dollars with a film containing graphic, close-up images of genital torture was always going to be a difficult act to follow. Thankfully Me, Myself and lrene cancels any doubts within ten minutesby hav ing Jim Carrey attacked by a race obsessed, hyper-intelligent. num-chuck-wielding midget. This is not a film to watch with your grandma. unless your grandma runs a brothel.

For every taboo-breaking, revolting gag in Mary, lrene has three. each one bigger, badder and funnier than before.

Carrey plays Charlie Baileygates, a Rhode Island state trooper with a lot on his mind. For the last eighteen years he has quietly raised his three black children (the result of his ex-wife's adultery with the aforementioned midget) and attempted to keep the peace 1n a town that shows him no respect. Finally, after a day of particularly galling humiliation, something in Charlie's head snaps unleashing Hank, hi s rather less repressed alter ego. Hank has none of Charlie's qualms about reaping disproporttonate,

violent revenge, as a small child, a well-endowed mother and Charlie's next-door-neighbour quickly discover. Obviously the Rhode Island state police can't have someone suffering from "advanced delusionary schizophrenia with involuntary narcissistic rage" roaming the streets in uniform, so when a trooper ts requtred to escort a suspect to New York, Charlie is given the job.

From here on in, only the following information is necessary: the suspect, lrene (played by Rene Zellwegger). is innocent and the corrupt police in New York want to kill her; Charlie is the only person who can help, but has to take a pill every six hours to keep Hank under control; the pills quickly go missing.

Me, Myself and lrene is not the kind of film people watch because of its plot. This is a good thing, because the plot is a hunk of crap and by far the weakest aspect of the movte. The Farrellys should just have stuck with the initial concept (two men trapped in one body, both in love with the same woman) and ditched the police conspiracy that both irntates and slows down the gags. Apart from thts. lrene is the perfect gross-out movie .

Jlm Whal/ey

17 Macbeth UEA Studio

Theatre Preview: Alan Ayckbourn's Bedroom Farce is back. 25 years after its debut, the West End, Broadway and National Theatre hit is on its silver anniversary national tour, with Aykbourn directing the play himself for the first time since 1977.

This comedy of relationships is about to add another chapter to its success story and revives the charm and humour of the 70s, bringing sideburnes and panda eye make-up onto the stage again. Judging from the enthusiastic reviews Ayckbourn's anniversary production has received so far, you'll love the time warp. After all, some things don't change, and as always in the last quarter of a century , the Bedroom Farce seems to be taking theatregoers around the

country by storm. The subject matter of the play has something of a timeless nature and the action is conceived just according to what you expect from a swift and entertaining theatre event.

One Saturday evening, Susannah and Trevor decide to share their problem relationship with their friends and family and pay them a visit to talk it over. Three bedrooms and three couples later they have infected three other relationships with the emotional muddle of their marriage, causing problems to their friends rather than solving their own. On their way through a sleepless night, you get loads of funny gags and slap-stick comedy . But there are also some thought-provoking bits about the more unpleasant aspects of marital relat ionships, such as disappointment and dissatisfaction with a lack of communication and alienation between husband and wife.

Ayckbourn's success in the theatre has been accompanied by sometimes sceptical criticism calling him a boulevard playwright and asking whether his vast output (57 or so plays to date) has sacrificed quality to quantity. If one thing has changed - changed for the better - in the last 25 years, however, it is that we no longer like to play this naughty game of telling high from low art. Not least artists like Ayckbourn have to be given credit for that , which is yet another reason to join him and the cast of The Stephen Joseph Theatre for the jubilee celebration of Bedroom Farce.

• Jan Rupp

Going Gently

by David Nobbs Arrow, £6.99

__ ·----

Love, Always

__

Going ... ...Gently _,..,.

Many people change their names before attempt ing to achieve fame but not David Nobbs.

We must respect the man for embarking on a writing career with such an unfortunate surname, knowing full well that it was to be emblazoned across a book. But what does this matter when your creation Reginald Perrin is a name familiar to those who've never read them ie. me and, thirteen books later, you can still write a novel which has been hailed as your funniest yet? His latest offering, Going Gently, presents the traditional themes of first love, aeath, memories of war, emotions of lust, betrayal, anger and grief and adds to them a humour which does not call on any of the cliches commonly used in relation to these subjects. lt is a retrospective look at character Kate Copson's life as she lies paralysed by a stroke and who, at the age of ninety-nine, accepts that she is soon to die. Regrets, she's had a few, but she did it her way, marrying five husbands and committing adultery several times, and the novel is a recollection of her encounters with these men. Erm ... yep t hat's basically it . There is also a touch of Agatha Christie here as the replay of her life allows her to solve the murder of her fifth husband. The prime suspects of his brutal death are her four chil d r~n and, though I didn't really care who'd done it, it added a bit of suspense to some of her more boring memories.

The characters that colour the life of the central character are al so highly original Her fellow patients consist of mental ly unstabl e geriatrics who provide most of the humour, the kind that makes you smile rather than laugh out loud.

Kate, though entertaining, was annoyingly sharp to the point where she became unrealistic. Can anyone really be that quick-witted? (with the exception of Richard Whitely of course).

Generally though, this is a book that is original, amusing and a quick read. Perfect for a long train journey home and a good excuse to delay that set reading for another week.

Uz Hutchlnson

by Sally Brampton Arrow, £6.99 Love, Always, Sally Brampton's third novel, is supposed to raise questions about the dangers of asking others to pay the price for bur own happiness. But when The Mail on Sunday said that they had "not enjoyed a book so much for a long", it seemed likely that this was not going to be the riveting read that it could have been.

The protagonist, Jane, is not what you might expect from a hero/heroine: self-obsessed, pathetic and all too modern. She has a disrupted childhood- nothing too brutal it must be noted- but ends up "lonely and dislocated".

She finds solace in an old flame, Ben, who has his own problems, namely a suicidal wife. The novel's downfall is in failing to include a character the reader can relate to.

Admitted ly the plot is engaging, and despite the uninspiring style in which it is written I was fairly happy to continue reading, simply to find out what happens.

Well, let's see, was this a good bdok? There's no point beating about the bush- no, it's not really. This is not the type of book I would choose to read. The language is conventional and dull and Brampton chooses to simply present her characters flatly rather than allow them the opportunity to develop, and enhance what would otherwise be a good plot. This is writing at a soap opera standard, with characters expressing extreme emotion because the genre dictates they should.

So, in short, I'm in two minds- or rather one mind that can allow a little of the outside in. My recommendation to you is to forget Love, Always and go to the library and take out anything from Joyce to Shakespeare, from Dickens to Elton, and you are guaranteed a far richer experience.

If you have read everything from Joyce to Shakespeare, and indeed from Dickens to Elton, and feel you have nothing better to read than Love, Always, which is essentially a depressingly modern story of broken dreams, then do so.

Just don't say I didn 't warn you .

• !·••·"""""

Luke Wrlght

Macbeth was always going to be an ambitious project for the Drama Soc. Its relatively large cast (considering most productions put on by the society have about half a dozen characters) and well known plot leaves little room for error, but director, Alex Sehmer and his devoted players managed to pull it off quite successfully.

In case you don 't know the plot to the 'Scottish play' (yes, yes, I know it 's a crappy, pretentious synonym but I can 't think of many others just now), it g_oes as follows. Three witches meet up with Macbeth, one of King Duncan's loyal soldiers, and tell him, amongst other things, that he will become king. When the ot-her things come true Macbeth, under the guidance of his wife- called, er, Lady Macbeth - decides to speed up the realisation of the final prophecy by bumping off the old king himself. There then follows scene after scene of blood, death, insanity and other cool stuff, climaxing in Macbeth's (who has gone pretty bankers by this point) own slaughter.

The atmosphere of the production, although not by any means conventional, was impressively dark, gothic and moody, with torn shreds of tartan cloth draped around the set and a central

Theatre preview:

Cabaret March 11-13 LCR, Union House

Marldand Starkle

Beau Brummel Theatre Royal, Match 3 - 7

Set in the early Eighteenth century, a slick dressed, sharp-witted man, Beau Brummel (Peter Bowles) has the whole of high society at his feet . He is extensively known and has led the fashions of the Englishmen, since his arrival. A true lady's man, his wit rivals Oscar Wilde, and his dress sense Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen .

However, his quick mind does't save him when he meets the Prince of Wales, and let's out the thought that he is fat.

In rags (having lost his fortunes gambling on cards), he has now been deported to Calais.

Raving about his success in England, he ends up in a madhouse where a group of kind nuns help him though his delusions of grandeur. We meet him at this convent where his valet, Austin (Richard McCabe) acts out the other parts to Brummel's delusions. Brummel plays the puffed up master to Austin's dedicated servant. They

Best of the Rest:

trapdoor that sent out a constant stream of smoke.

The costumes created an interesting gender conflict, as all the male characters wore simple, dark suits or shirts and trousers, whereas the female characters wore much more fiery and exotic costumes, emphasising the more passionate and mysterious natures -of the female roles in the play .

The acting was generally pretty strong , with particularly striking performances by Mark Jackson, who played the eponymous lead, Cheryl Pearce as his wife and Tom Louden as Malcolm.

Interestingly, the three witches (Aiice Kilpatrick , Cathy John and Shoshana Wilson - all wonderfully sinister) were used a lot more than the play originally commands; silently watching the action from the side or taking away those who had been killed. This was an effective device in holding the air of mysticism and gloom that exists throughout the play.

Of course, it wasn't perfect and became a little sketchy in places, but the pace was fast and the mood was successfully captured, which, at the end of the day, is what really matters.

====

Drama Soc's upcoming production of Cabaret should be one of the society 's most impressive for some time. After all, "life is a Cabaret, old son" . For those who haven't seen the film, the story tells of the highs and lows of working as a nightclub entertainer in Berlin at the time of the Nazi's rise to power- a subject we can all relate to.

then proceed to debate the great arguments of the day, covering topics as diverse as the English, the French, sex , fashion, and even the Iine of trousers and the length of cuffs.

Whilst this may sound a little dull at first glance, it promises to be a highly amusing comic interplay between Bowles, probably best known for his parts in the television series To The Manor Born, The Bounder and Perfect Scoundrels. He has also frequently worked on the stage in plays such as Hedda Gab/er, School for Wives, and The Misanthrope. McCabe has performed largely for the Royal Shakespeare Company, but has also acted in fil ms such as Notting Hill, and t he television series The Vice.

The play is written by Ron Hutchinson, an acclaimed playwright, one of whom 's other famous West End hit 's include Rat In The Skull.

Faye Thomslt

Visiting ~riters March 1 and 8 Lecture Theatre 1 The current season of the literary festival continues with Brian Keenan and Richard Holmes.

Keenan was a hostage along with John McCarthy and wrote about his experiences in An Evil Cradling. Holmes is among Britain's top biographers and wiU be reading from his books Shelley: The Pursuit and Coleridge: Darker Reflections.

Wednesday, February 28, 2001

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inspec1ea: n1erac1 ve

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Essential Game 01:

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transition between normal game engme and the ever-fabulous CG cut scenes. As a matter of fact. you can almost ignore the fact that t11e system it's on is now seen as obsolete; most (if not all) of the RPGs currently on both the Dreamcast and Playstation 2 fail to match the strength of the visuals of Final Fantasy IX. However, a pretty fa<;ade is not what makes a game rise above the rest: substance is what counts in the end. and it is here that the game falls a bit flat. Combat, desp1te an extra party member, is the same waiting-clicking-watching affa1r that 1t's always been, and has fallen far behind more involving systems found in contemporary games. The "Active Time Event" and "Magnet" systems are new narrat ive devices, and admittedly do a very good job helping expose more of the characters (both main and supporting) to the audience. But, unfortunately, there's not much to expose.

All m all, Final Fantasy IX is a great game. it is involving, fun and looks great. But, don't expect a new t ake on an old favourite . This is really just an amalgamation of the better bits of the series.

Incoming

Essential Web This week. I have definitely learnt the hard way that "you shou ld take the personality test" is not the best th ing to say mid conversation because, for some inexplicable reason. people tend to take offence to it. They think I'm suggesting that they lack a personality or something, when of course I would only say such thmgs behind their back because hey, lets face it, I'm a bitch like that . Bu t am I reall y? Do I actua lly know who I am? Time to take the test I think. By answering a series of questions as random as 'Who was the bigger prick, mom or dad?'. TheSpark.com's personality test analyses and gives a name to your character. Apparently I am performer, a

_.

Final Fantasy IX

The first chapter of Final Fantasy was released on t he NES by a small company, called Squares. at the end of 1987 in a last路dltch at tempt to save themselves from bankruptcy. it worked.

From that mitial release Final Fantasy quickly became the standard by which all other RPGs were, and still are. set. Which equals mucho pressure for new episodes in the series to be on absolute top form .

Under most fire from fans has been the dec1sion for Final Fantasy to move away from the swords and sorcery theme of the first five chapters, to the higher-tech. more modern worlds of Final Fantasy VI , VII and VIII. Perhaps m an attempt to placate these cries, Final Fantasy IX has returned to its humble roots of wizards and dragons. Oh and magical airships.

The graphiCS are a good example of this combination of new techniques and old-skool awareness.

Everything in the world of Final Fantasy IX, from the humble residents to the decrepit machmery seems outdated, medieval and simple. But it is not simplistic: The imagery 1s so detailed and blends togetller so well that you can almost ignore tl1e

I

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Dominant, Ext roverted, Abstract Feeler who could qu1te possibly be Madonna . Oh, and I like to be naked too. Hmm. it's good fun though and oh how I laughed when my slight ly anal friend came up as an accountant. For further amusement. TheSpark then works out your compatibility with your friends/ lovers/ ex lovers/enemies, providing they take the test of course. This makes for interest ing co nversatio n later and checking the replies becomes yet another excuse for delaying that essay. If only I knew the email address of Brad Pitt though ....

Liz Hutchlnson http:/ j cupid.thespark.comj track.mpl?ld=21

DreamcastSonic Shuffle: The newest game in the ever-popu-

lar Some the Hedgehog series. it's billed as a '路party game to end all parties" , which seems a bit strange considering consoles are the be all and end all 1n social leprosy. But then, I suppose as soon as you sw it ch th is baby on every one will leave pret ty sharpish and get pissed somewhere slightly more fun than with you and your blue hedgehog, so it's probably not all that inaccurate after all.

Released : March 9

Darkstone: The acc laimed got hic RP G is now heading for the Playstation as its new plat form du jour. Expect lots of wiza rdry, re i igious imagery and other intense stuff.

Released: March 9

N64Pokemon Puzzle League: You couldn't get away from it if you tried ... Pokemon is back. again. This time you have to do combat m several different puzzle modes (que/ surprise) to achieve the ultimate tit le as Pokemon Puzzle Master . Should be th ril li ng.

Release d: March 9

Playstation Star Wars - Battle For Naboo: Battle For Naboo IS F1 World Grand Prix 2000: The latest update from

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the Fl World Grand Pnx team. If the others are anything to go by, this should be a good'un.

Released: March 2

~7

Essential Game 02:

basically a step-up from the already impressive Rogue Squadron game engine. Expect lots of high-speed crashing and Force related fun .

Released: M arc h 30

Paper Mario ,...64)

wil l have to do hiS best to set t he Star Spi rits free Paper Mario is t he second Mario RPG t o be and rest ore peace . Cue lots of fireworks and ribreleased by Nintendo, the first being the imaginabons and th ings. tively titled Mario RPG on the Super NES. When it The game-play itself 1s absorbing and continually came out, Mario RPG was hailed as a masterpiece intriguing. as twists are th rown up -here and there. by many. However, not only is Paper Mario (wh ich and Mario begins to learn all sorts of tricks m has been billed as a pseudo-sequel to Mario RPG) defeating his enemies. Which are all the usual better than its predecessor, but it's easily t he beasties, by the way . includi ng goombas, koopas best RPG on t he N64 (not t hat there's much comand bob-ombs. Indeed . petition).

Overall Paper Mario is, like most other Mario The visuals will grab you r attention right away. titles, a hel l of a lot of fun. Just don't ex pect anyThe backgrounds are comprised of nicely textu red, thing radically different and new. or you may be a semi-3D polygons, which is in stark contrast to bit disappointed. the deliberately flat 2D sprites that represent Mario and the rest of the characters. In fact, when .......~...~. . . . . . . .

Mano turns from left to right he actual ly flips over. V~""''..,.'A:l thus the title Paper M ario. Despi te the old-skool influence, Paper Mario has a very high resolution look to it without any of the "muddy" graphics found in so many other games for the N64, plus the game is oozing with bnght colours and familiar backgrounds and characters.

The plot, however (like practicall y all Mano games), is hardly awe-inspiring in its originality.

Basically, Bowser has kidnapped Pri ncess Peach.

Again. And 1t is your job, as Mario, to rescue her.

Again. You know, I'm beginning to think that there's something going on between the Princess and Bowser other than JUSt your usual kidnapperkidnappee re lat ionship. But , anyways .. . the boys at Nintendo have rac ked thei r brains fo r somet hi ng slightly original, and have come up with a parallel plot-line, wh1ch goes as follows: Bowser has also managed to steal the magical Star Rod and seal away the Star Spirits. This rod will allow Bowser to grant h1s own diabolical WIShes, which means no one in the Mu shroom Ki ngdom is safe. Mario

--IIIII!P-----..

the

__ event

Ins ected: TV Radio ER C4, Wednescia 路s at 9.00pm

ER. as most people know, (and if you don't, where have you been?) is a drama set in the teaching hospital of Chicago. it's won many awards for the cast, story lines and direction, and now returns for its seventh series. In the concluding episodes of last series, John Carter (Noah Wyle) relented and finally joined a rehabilitation centre in Atlanta to combat his drug addiction , the result of his heart-rending ordeal of being stabbed along with his partner Lucy. Fans of the handsome young fellow will be pleased to hear that in the opening episode he returns to face again the pressures of the emergency room and the more worry1ng knowledge that from his return he will have to cope with superiors closely scrutinising his work.

Although many may be worried that with the absence of 'Gorgeous George路 the story lines will go downhill, fear not, yet again the scriptwriters have managed to deliver. Abby Lockhart (Maura Tierney) encounters problems when she discovers that her ex -husband has fa iled to pay her Medschool fees .. and has to wait until the beginning of her next term to return to her training. The ongoing feud between Benton (Eriq La Salle does anyone remember his bad afro in Eddie Murphy's film Going to America?) and 路rocket' Romano continues when Benton applies for a new position as surgical attending and Deb Chen (Ming Na) faces a new challenge when she discovers that she's pregnant.

ER is renowned for its medical dramas (obviously), but also for the many love-stories and romances between the cast members. This series leaves nothing to desire as the ongoing relationship between Mark Greene (Anthony Edwards) and Elizabeth Corday (Aiex Kingston) continues. Also an embarrassing experience with

poison ivy for Elizabeth leads to an equally embarrassing situation for Dr Greene. I think you can guess what occurs without further information from me .. . In a more surprising turn, Kerry Weaver (laura lnnes) 路experiments' in a new field when she engages on a new and apparently " intimate" relationship with psychiatrist Kim Legaspi (Elizabeth Mitchell). And although Carol left him heartbroken last series, the delicious Luca Kovac (Goran Visnjic) finds new attractions in Abby.

As if that wasn 't enough , a guest appearance by Sally Field as Abby's manic-depressive mother occurs later 1n the series, adding even more stars to the list of cameos which in the past has included Rebecca de Mornay and Alan Alda.

In an interview given to Channel 4 for the opening of the new series, Li li Mariye, who plays Nurse Lili Jarvik gave some interesting insights into the environment on the set of ER: "At the beginning we often put in 18-hour days, learning all the medical stuff. We're actors, not doctors, but we do learn what we 're doing to a patient ... Now when people join the show, I really feel for them because I know how hard it is to start with ." On the absence of George Clooney she seems extremely optimistic that his character won't be missed: "lt wasn't hard to replace George [ te ll that to Mariel la Frostrup!] ... Even though we missed him as a person. People in the business thought the show was about his character but the cast and crew weren't worried when he decided to go."

So fo r all those die hard ER fans out there, the new series begins tonight with even more drama and blood- turn away all you squeamish men! Ps. it' s only tomato ketchup and jam!

Amy Harrls

Little Girl Blue: The Janis Joplin Story Radio 2 Sat March 3 at 8.0 m On Radio 2 this week, two legendary female voices are united in a special programme that charts the life of diva Janis Joplin. Suzi Quatro brings us the story of Joplin's troubled life, which was packed with drugs and depression. lt is a fairly tragic tale especially when you consider how much musical talent was lost at that t1me to drugs: Jim1 Hendrix died just two weeks earlier.

Attention seeking, insecure and impulsive, Joplin is portrayed here as the original wild chi ld. The programme paints this picture with anecdotes from friends, colleagues and fans, all of which provide an insight into the heady world of rock 'n'roll. Long-term friend and lover Peggi Casserta tel ls how Janis once hired a helicopter to get her to the stage at Woodstock. Such memories will most likely bring about wails of 'those were the days' from our parents, and for

once we will be forced to agree. Nowadays, we have to be contented with tales of Chris Evans wh iski ng Bil lie off to Madeira. Many describe Joplin's electrifying performance at Woodstock in '69 as her defining moment, where she played an hour long set including To Love Somebody and Piece of my Heart- whereas thirty years on, what will we remember about one of the many floppy haired boy bands that dominate our charts? A 'live' performance on The Pepsi Chart Show perhaps?

Unlike the manufactured acts of today, she created her own image that defined her every bit as well as her gravel-voiced shrieks. lt is because of this that she influenced Meredith Brooks, Chrissie Hynde, and Debbie Harry whose long careers show what Joplin may have achieved had Llz Hutchlnson she lived longer.

Essential Soaps I 'm afraid to report that East Enders is torturing us with yet another bout of wrinkly lovers th is week, as Jim reveals his feelings to strumpet Dot and prepares a candlelit dinner for her, hoping that his dentures are up to a slice of tough old bird. Also, Roy decides that Pat is actually the man for him and makes a desperate attempt to stop her moving to New Zealand , unknowingly doing the inhabitants of that island a great service.

Soap weddings are always packed with drama and the wedding of Mel and Steve on Thursday is no exception. The ingredients for a disastrous occasion are ready to be mixed as moody mother in-law kicks up a fuss, Phil prepares to revea l his Christmas fl ing with Mel, and an old face returns to the square.

The young lovers of Neighbours should learn that secret relationships never thrive, especially in incestuous Ramsey Street, where curtains are

always twitching and your cousin is going out with your best friend's sister who lives with your teacher who had an affair with the man at number 20 ... This week, Flick and Joel decide to keep their relationship secret from half ape Joe Scully , who it seems will only be happy if hiS daughter joins a convent. On Monday they plan to meet, stupidly forgetting that Erinsborough is the only place where you can go for a walk 1n the depths of the countryside and bump into your neighbours, one being your doctor and the other your teacher. Joel begs them not to te ll Joe, prompting stern looks from Susan and Karl who clearly have not hing better to do than worry about teenage angst . Surely they should be slightly concerned about wl1at other Kirk family traditions they face in the run up to Libby's wedding, especially after the last fiasco involving a sheep and a patchwork quilt. Hmm, remind me why I watch Neighbours again?

Llz Hutchlnson

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...!l1lli

Did you ever see that 80s sitcom My Two Dads?

Did you ever think it was a bit unrealistic, both dads being straight 'n' all? Well finally Channel Four is offering a more authentic alternative.

Metrosexuality, first shown last Wednesday brings the nuclear fam1ly headlong into the twenty-f1rst century and turns it completely ups1de down . lt centres around Kwame . a black Notting Hil l teenager attempting to reunite h1s two dads, who divorced each other eighteen months ago. Not only are his dads gay but also his two aunties are lesbians (one of them is his Dad's sister) and his two best friends are in love with his Dad. Kwame is straight because as he says, "somebody's got to be", and is in love with the hairdresser, who t hankfu lly feels the same way .

Max (played by Rikki Beadle-Biair, the series creato r) is current ly having a mid-life crisis triggered by the marriage break-up. He has placed an add in the lonely-hearts co lumn, bought a skateboarding park and become an ultimate bitch on wheels . For thirty minutes we enter into Kwame's world as he tries to set his dads up, by

first deleting all the replies to Max 's advert, and then arranging for them both to pick him up at the same time . Such is life, it obviously doesn't work . Whilst all this is going on he is also trying to get with a hairdresser who is trying to set the other hair dresser up with one of the female customers ( both lesbians). Phew. Thankfully it is al l resolved in the end as they all queue up to enter a gay nightclub, lt ends with Kwame unable to get in because, " If you're out you're in and if you 're in you're out" (believe me, when said by a six foot drag queen, this is a very funny line).

On paper this sounds more complicated than it is but on screen is act ually quite easy to follow.

The pace and colour, (it resembles a cartoon strip, phrases such as 'Teen Queen' are frequently flashed onto the screen) make it extremely funny to watch. I'm not sure exactly who the target audience is or what point it is trying to make (if any), as the homosexuelity is ca mped up to the max. lt is probably not the ~ most representative of programmes, but who ca res: it's hilarious.

Kathryn Hlnchllff

Wednesday, February 28, 2001.--

ven !t=· or1zon: 1m --,, ~==~==~======' ==E·!=======--evetnhet ___

The essential guide to what's on in Norwich over the coming fortnight

•

Essential Union Film: Charlie's Angels Campus Film Charlle's Angels

Thursday 1st March 8 .30pm This remake became t he chick flick of the year as the trio gets a fashion makeover, in addition to learning some funky fighting moves. Charlie, just exactly how do your angels get down like that?

See Essential Film.

Also showing at:

>t

Cinema City - Friday , March 9, 17.45 and Saturday, March 10, 14.30.

school friend on his family hol iday and basically gatecrashes it, Well , with three loud children and two grumpy adults they probably needed the distraction, I know my family holidays could have done with a weirdo or two to liven things up a bit. As much as we don't like to admit it, the French have actually done quite a good job here as this black comedy is one of the best films to come out of France for a long time. Let 's hope they don't get too good at it though, we don't want them to beat us yet again .

Yellow Submarine

Oh Brother Where Art Thou

Friday, March 2, 8.30pm Silver-haired Adonis George Clooney delivers another fine performance in this off beat comedy . He stars as a conman who escapes a chain gang still attached to two of his inmates. This is also loosely based on Homer's Oddessy - loose as in the connection between being PO!?h and being Victoria Beckham. Stylish direction by the Coen brothers ensures that this film is more exciting than that Homer guy any day .

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Grease

Tuesday, March 6, 8 .30pm Frankly , if you have not seen this film then you are some sort of freak, a la Dr Evil. In fact you quite possibly are evil.

Ever wondered why everyone knows that dance to Greased Lightning? Well, it might have something to do with the fact that everyone has seen this film and if not, then they pretend they have. it's the only way to avoid a lonely life devoid of cheesy tunes and silly hand jives. Prim and proper girl meets slicked back stud but can their love survive? The ultimate makeover takes place as Sandy replaces tweed for leather, modest fit for downright figurehugging, leaving everyone stuck for words. I mean how else can you explain the lengthy bop shoo wop passages in We Go Together? The perfect opportunity to polish up those song words.

Oh yes, you know it's good.

Uttle Nlcky

Thursday, March 8, 8 .30pm Adam Sandler graces our screen in yet another comedy, this time as the son of Satan. Harvey Kietel plays Beelzebub himself who refuses to let his two evil sons inherit the babe lair that is Hell.

They decide to kick out and head for the den of sin that is modern day Manhattan. Nicky, only half evil because of some cross breeding with an angel, goes to stop them wreaking havoc on the unsuspecting public .

Sounds interesting.

Harry, He's Here to Help

Friday , March 9, 8 .30pm Eccentric Harry 'bumps' into his ex -

Tuesday, March 13, 8 .30pm The yellow submarine in this context is not that t iny airless seminar room with strip lighting. No, it has a dual meaning being both the title of a Beatles song and also, yes you 've guessed it, a yellow submarine. The storyline reads something like that of a Pokemon episode when Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band board the ir yellow chunk of metal to rescue the happy kingdom of Pepperland from an invasion of Blue Meanies. A cartoon , it features the voices of the Beatles with many songs to sing along to . This film precedes the Beatles Night in the Hive on the 20th , featuring the Bootleg Beatles.

City Film

Showing at:

Ster Century UCI Cinema City - Saturday, March 10, and Monday, March 12 at 20.15, Sunday, March 11 at 19.30, Tuesday , March 13 at 17.45.

Amold Bennet

If you are really bored, don't fancy any of the other films out at the moment or have a slightly bizarre interest in Arnold Bennet you may fancy this oneoff treat. Made by local producer Malcom Freegard it looks at the life and work of the author who wrote The

On its release , rumours were rife that this was a get-your-t its-out-for-the-lads movie. The girls were outraged . How dare they do that to the ultimate girl power film , the trio we all longed to be? Wonderbras at the ready we decided to see for ourselves and yes, there were cleavages, there were lots of leather clad thighs - but there were also kung fu-style action clips, goofy comedy from Cameron Diaz and plenty of males for us to feast our eyes on. OK, so Bill Murray wasn 't exactly what I had in mind but there was Matt Le Blanc, and of cou rse the back of Charl ie. As for storyline - well , the heroines try to recover revolutionary voice recognition software and as always one of the good guys is not what he seems (don't do it Drew!) . The soundtrack is excellent and Independent Woman has become a kind of anthem for all the, well independent women out there. Don't be misled though, this film is not about feminism . In fact it's not about anything remotely deep or conceptual ; it 's just a cheese-filled product placement-test with inspiring action scenes and groovy dancing by Diaz. Roll on the video release so we can learn her funky moves and parade them at every opportunity.

Liz Hutchlnson

Card.

Showing at:

Cinema City on March 5 Billy Elllot

Yeah, yeah, yeah ... boy dances out of poverty. Look ! They 're doing it on council estates all over Britain !

Showing at:

Cinema City - Saturday , March 3 and Wednesday, March 7 at 14.30, Sunday, March 4 at 19.30.

Born Romantic

Soppy, slushy, slimy, sad, sick inducing , sentimental , erm shit?

Showing at:

UCI , from March 9 Cast Away

102 Dalmatians

This film exposes the number of dogs and millions of spots involved in the fashion world. No, this is not a docu· mentary follow ing the daily skin rout ine of Naomi and co. Instead it involves the four-legged canine variety . Ruthless fashion victim, Cruella DeVil, attempts to kidnap 102 cute puppies to make a fur coat. Will her evil plan be thwarted and, more importantly , will a big juicy spot become the latest fashion accessory?

Showing at:

Ster Century UC I The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwlnkle

A talking Moose and a flying squirrel run rings round Robert De Niro in this action/ animation family adventure .

Don't even pretend that you are not going to love it.

Showing at:

Ster Century UCI Almost Famous

Not to be confused with a BBC documentary of the same name , this film charts Tom Hanks' survival against the odds after a horrific plane crash leaves him stranded on a desert island. it sees him grow a beard , cry , grow some more facial hair, cry .... yup that's about it .

Showing at:

Ster Century UCI Center Stage

A beautiful and talented dancer gets hot and bothered in this Fame-style film . A love triangle ensures that th is is not the only story line because that would just be stupid and incredibly dull.

Wouldn't it?

Toby Maguire and a host of Annie dropouts make me sick (in an altogether life-affirm ing way of course). Michael Caine makes an appearance with what has to have been the least Oscar-wort hy performance in t he Academy 's long and spotted history .

Showing at:

Cinema City - Sunday , March 11 at

17.00.

Dlglmon: The Movie

Evil Digimon uses the Internet to take over worldwide commun ications. Cute Digimon is scared so Good Digimon attempts to save the world with the wise advice of Elderly Digimon and help of Macho Digimon.

I have no idea whether Evil succeeds and they all live happily ever after, the endings of these cartoon epics are usually far t oo com plicated for me to predict.

Showing at:

The Claim

Ster Century UCI

Michael Winterbottom 's western adaptation of Thomas Hardy's The .Mayor of Casterbridge. Starring American Beauty's Wes Bentley and Sarah Polley of Go fame.

Showing at:

Showing at:

The game that kicked off the fantasy role-playing phenomenon is taken to whole new level in this jaw droppi ng special effects adventure .

Chocolat

A chocolate shop has a magical and liberating effect on a French town so before you go into the cinema make sure you have an extensive selection of chocolate on hand to feed your craving after watching this tale of temptation and desire. Well, unless you don't like chocolate I suppose. And in that case you are a freak . Reviewed on page 15.

By Cameron Crewe of Jerry Maguire fame, this film follows a wannabe music journalist as she follows a band, unwitt ingly discovering a few home truths along the way . See Essential

Showing at:

Film on page 22.

The Cider House Rules

UCI from Friday , March 2

Cinema City - Wednesday, February 28 at 17.45 and Thursday, March 1 at 14.30 and 17 .45.

Ster Century UCI Dungeons and Dragons

Showing at: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

An arty tale of mythical China, this film caused critics t o ex haust the word s 'breathtak ing ' and 'magical '.

Subtitles Showing at:

UCI

ster Century UCI Dude, Where's My Car?

Forget 'wasssutlp' as 'sweet ' and 'dude' are the new buzz words of the average teenage boy. In fact , including

Use our searchable listings database at

' Wednesday, February 28, 2001

=====www.concrete-online.co.uk

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Eventhorizon: Film

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Film Chart

Hannlbal What Women Want The Emperor's New Groove Dude, Where's My Car? Rocky and Bullwinkle Traffic Cast Away Dungeons and Dragons Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon Almost Famous

that clip in the advert was probably the best marketing decision ever. Methin~s those responsible should be rewarded for misleading several million people into thinking that this may be a film to rank alongside Road Trip and American Pie in comedy genius. Dude, Where's My Pay Rise? more like.

Showing at:

Ster Century UCI

for the faint-hearted, but well worth seeing.

Showing at:

Cinema City - Wednesday, February 28 to Thursdaj'. March 1 at 20.15.

Shadow of the Vampire

John Malkovich stars as horror director FW Murnau, a drug dependent tyrant who hires an unknown leading actor, passing him off as a method actor when in fact he is actually a vampire.

The Emperor's New Groove

Showing at:

Emperor Cuzco enlists kindly peasant Pacha to help him reclaim his throne from evil advisor Yzma. Disney provides us with yet another cartoon classic, which will be held responsible for the demise of the humble domesticated pet.

Mummy can I have a Llama. Pleeeze ... I'll take it for walks and everything.

Cinema City- Friday, March 2 and Monday, March 5 at 20.15, Tuesday, March 6 to Thursday, March 8 at 17.45. Also on Tuesday, March 6 at 14.30.

Showing at:

Ster Century UCI Finding Forrester

Following in the footsteps of Good Will Hunting, the hidden literary talent of Jamal, a basketball playing Bronx kid is recognised and encouraged by eccentric writer William Forrester (Sean Cannery) . This film showcases the talents of newcomer Robert Brown whilst also renewing our love for Scotsman Cannery. Reviewed on page 15.

State and Main

Some have accused David Mamet of losing his focus on this project , but with winning performances from the likes of William H Macy and Philip Seymour Hoffman you can hardly write this off. Definitely worth catching before it disappears from our screens and the philistines who went to see Dude Where 's My Car? all catch a particularly awful case of smallpox and die (only kidding ... kind of).

Showing at:

Cinema City - Friday , March 9 at 20.45, Saturday, March 10 and Monday, March 12 at 17.45 and Tuesday, March 13 at 20.15.

Showing at:

Ster Century UCI The Gift

Starring Cate Blanchett, this psychological thriller follows a hard up widow who gives psychic readings to the local communiW. When a girl goes missing, the police call upon her gift but her visions cause her to worry she may be the next victim. A chilling horror with a whodunnit storyline. See feature on page B.

Traffic

Michael Douglas plays a top judge who is enlisted to help the president's fight against drugs, little realising that his own daughter is an addict.

Meanwhile, Catherine Zeta Jones is blissfully unaware that she is married to a drug baron (no, not in real life, in the film) .

Showing at:

UCI from March 2

Ster Century UCI Cinema City - Friday, March 2, Saturday, March 3 and Monday, March 5 at 17.30, Tuesday, March 6 to Thursday, March 8 at 20.00.

The Grlnch

Vertical Umlt

If you are excited about Christmas already (only 10 months to go) you may want to go and watch this. Alternatively you could go and get some friends so you don't fqce the prospect of anotrer Christmas alone watching your Mr Bean video.

Do you like snow? Disaster movies? Do they scare you? Well, don't watch this then.

Showing at:

Showing at:

Ster Century UCI

Showing at:

Ster Century

What Women Want

The Silence of the Lambs sequel shows victim Mason Verger's attempts to revenge Dr Lecter's flesh-eating antics which have left him physically and mentally scarred. Serial killer thrills have been replaced by a grisly comedy, which explores the mutual obsession of agent Clarice and Hannibal. Reviewed on page 15.

After a freak accident involving a hairdryer, leg wax and a bath, cocky executive Nick Marshal!

(Mel Gibson) gains the ability to read women's minds. This is a talent that should be programmed into every man's DNA, because then we would never need to explain that a two-fingered salute actually means go take a shower you smelly piece of shit NOT yes you may pinch my arse you great hunk of a beast you .

Showing at:

Showing at:

Ster Century UCI

Ster Century UCI

Hannlbal

The Legend of Bagger Vance

When Brendan Met Trudy

An intriguing title, yes, but I'm afraid this film is about golf. OK, so Happy Gilmore was about golf and Will Smith stars as Bagger Vance, but don't expect any comedy here, this is just about golf.

Golf, golf, golf, golf, golf. Reviewed on page 15.

Comedy written by Roddy Doyle which follows Dublin teacher Brendan who, just like that tank top wearing maths teacher with bad breath we all loved at school, is a smelly bore whose sole pleasure in life is singing in the church choir. Cue blonde, bold and beaut iful Trudy who turns his dull life into something altogether more exciting. lt is hailed as a loopy love story, which roughly translates to 'yeah right, as if'.

Showing at:

UCI from 2nd March Requiem For A Dream

Jared Leto and Oscar-nominated Ellen Burstyn star in this disturbing junkie drama. Definitely not

Showing at:

UCI from March 9

.

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Clubs Wednesday

LCR Disco: Every Thursday LCR Just accept th at however hard yo u resist . you wil l end up going. And pulling a minger. £ 3.501 £ 3 adv

Friday Superfly: Every Wednesday Mojo 's Thi s is a small smoky little underground ven ue and is blat antly the best nig ht in Norw ic h. If you're in t o serious funky music and like cool underg round c lubs, th is is you r thing- just don 't drink so much you lose your Mojo! (sorry .)

Rockin ' Sheep: Every Wednesday Ikon Fancy getting obliterated with the locals fo r less than hal f the price of a text-book? Yes? Then t his is your t hing. But first some vital fashion t ips.

Girls: ti ny dress even though it 's Febru ary, Archers & lemonade. Boys: Chec ked shirts and can of Red St ri pe lager.

Reverb: Every Wednesday Po Na Na Thi s plac e remind s me a bit of 'The Bomb ' in Nottingham - funny littl e rooms all over the place. And tllere's a cool 'ethnic ' feel t o the gaff. £Free

Thursday Candyiand presents Spank: Every Thursday Ti me Hard house and uplifting dance, wi t h a guest DJ s each week. 08103 Lisa Pinup. 151 03 Judge Ju les, 22/ 03 Jonesey . This IS as close as Norwich comes to a serious regular ' propa' club night Price depends on guest DJ Gasworkz: Every Th ursday Kafe Da The evening reall y does shift up a gear wh en you hit thi s posh hangout for a vodka or two. But it should be noted that tlley didn 't gi ve me a bar j ob last January!

Take t he power back (UEA deviant Soc ) Thursday March 8 Fat Pauly's Those Deviant sorts are up t o thei r wil y ways agai n, with t hi s rat her scary nu-met allhardcore offering , hi dden in t he dept hs of Angli a Square.

80s Night: March 2 The Waterfront Feat uring Jimmy ·s Disco, so there's a bit of 60s & 70s too . This night scores a c heesy nine out of ten on t he mozzarella-meter! £4 I £ 3 adv Club Retro: March 2 LC R Much like the LCR you went to last night - but you haven' t got lectures tomorrow! Hurrah! You wi ll pull another minger .before t he weeken d is out ! £3 .50 Empower featuring Monkey Boy: Friday March 9 Fat Paul y's People t end to get al l empowered at Empower, demanding drink s in big sc ary voi ces and stuff.

No it' s not an assertiveness training therapy group, it's a fairly popul ar c lub night. £4 H & G: Every Friday Time Dress up and make sure you look over 20 t o get in to nig ht for Tim e' s ·warm up t o t he weeken d' . Littl e do they know that our weekend is already 24 hours old! £4 b4 11pm, £5 after .

Penthouse: Every Friday Manhattans Large it to uplifting house and UK garage t ill 4am . Goths and indie kids need not apply. £4 b4 11pm, £5 after Dance Anthems: Every Friday Liqu id Chart and Dance in Norwich ' s most appropri ately named night-spot. Rea lly only suitable for those willing to don a sh iny shirt and participate in utter carnage with the loc al yokels out for t heir works party. £1.50 b4 111£4 after Satisfaction: Every Friday Hy 's Can't get no satisfact ion? You can now, for under a fiver.

Saturday

Essential City Film: Almost Famous

Hip hop with The Mixoiogists and House DJs: Saturday March 3 Fat Pau ly' s Th e finest vi nyl c ut s from die-hard hiphoppers The Mix ol ogists. wit h house DJ s offering soli d support. Should be spl endid.

Sadly , despite huge advance publicity, Almos t Famous was not th e smash hi t th at was predict ed months before it arrived on our screens. Thi s is pro bably dow n to tw o t hings. One , th e release of Crouching Tiger, Traffic and Hannibal in qu ic k succession meant th at someone had t o lose out. Two , the Briti sh publi c aren't ren owned for their love of Americ an nost algi a, which is why the "c riti c s" dismissed it as ove rl y-sen ti ment al. Cam eron Crowe's semi -autobi ographical fil m set in t he late 60slearl y 70s te ll s the ta le of Will iam Miller ( Patr ic k Fug it). a high sc hool student who is hired to document a tour of up and comi ng band Sti llw at er fo r Rolling St one M agazine. lt doesn't sound like much does it? But if you stay w it h this rites of passage t al e you w ill come fac e t o face wi t h one of t he most accomplishged ensem bl e casts th is year. Kat e Hudson lights up t he sc reen as wronged "band-aid " Penny Lane while Bil ly Crudu pp shows j ust what it is that most of the leadi ng men in Hollywood are mi ssing - char isma. A joy t o w atc h, Almost Famous is one of t he only films in a long w hi le (bar Wonderboys) that has Adam Chapman made me smile quite so much . Ci nematic prozac .

RAW featuring Blaze Bailey + DJs Saturday: March 10 Fat Pauly's A brand new clu b nigh t at Fat P auly'~. wit h Blai ze himself t urning up, alongside a fine assortment of the 'best DJ s from around Norwich' apparently. Well there you go then.

Meltdown: March 3 The Waterfront lndie music and pop. All that droning gu itar music that wafted through the walls into yo ur room when you were in halls, present ed as entertainment. But it 's good if you li ke indie music. of course. £4 I £ 3 adv Faith Presents Superstar DJ 's: March 3 LCR £1 01 £8. 50 NUS Exposure: Every Saturday Time Billed as 'The Ult imate in classy and sexy clubb ing , w ith the highest st andard of elegance and atmosph ere, fo r the more disce rning clubber' .

If yo u've been to Time, you' re either nodd ing yo ur head vigorously in agreement or laughing out loud trying to keep your colon in! £ 6 before 1 1pm £ 7 after.

Sunday Sunday Service: Every Sund ay Manhattans Old-skool house and garage till 2am , what more relaxing way could you round off your weekend? £Free

Monday Funky Jam Carwash: Every Monday Liquid Music from the 70s and 80s . I'm not entirely sure why you guys are so keen on 70s, but maybe it reminds you of t hose happy days as a 3 month old baby. £1.50 I £ 2 I £Free wi th 70s dress

Lo-Fijlndie Night ry1 ojo's Norwich's best indie nig ht. Sweat y young fringe-shakers wearing t ight t shirts regula rly shake thei r emaciated rumps at this fine emporium of all things t ie-died. Cracking stuff. £3

Spunge + 4ft Fingers and No Comply Friday March 2 Fat Pauly's Raw new t alent from these bouncy young punksters. £5

Tuesday Soul Trai n: February 27 The Hive Don't nip down t o Norw ic l1 st ati on to catch thi s funky little number; it ' s in the H1ve. Keen for the Hive on Tuesday night? £1 Life: Every Tuesday Time A good night at Time is defined purely on the basis of how much you drink . If you drink 'shedloads' , you WILL have a good t ime. Oh , yo u will. You wi ll . you will, you w ill , you w ill , YOU WILL. £1

The Baghdaddies Saturday 3 March: 20.30 Norwich Arts Centre Balkan melodies meet European fol k music in a highl y danceable fusion of trad it ion al and modern sounds.

Eclectic yet acc essibl e. the Baghdaddies have justified thei r proud place as fixtures on the festival ci rc ui t with their firm commit ment to a good old knees up. Fantast ic. £7 .50 Feeder Sunday March 4 LCR Feeder have been peddling t heir pseu-

-Monday

" Play" Student Night 2-4-1 long cocktails + Heineken Free entry 8pm-1am PLUS exciting new offers every week!

23 Bank Plain Norwich NR2 4SF • 01603 619961 ponana@norwich17.fsnet.co.uk

-...,. Wednesday, February 28, 2001

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Eventhorizon: Gigs/Theatre/Mise

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5Director Would you like to be part of the country's most successful student newspaper? Concrete will provide you with invaluable experience, with opportunities in writing, photography, drawing and proof reading. lt all looks rather impressive on your CV.

Meetings take place eve y Monday at 1pm in Room 1.33 in Union House do-American style college rock for years now, and getting nowhere. Now, in the middle of the great gig desert that is the Spring semester, they decide to grace us with their presence, and have sold rather a lot of tickets, too. In fact, they 've sold the bloody thing out. You do really wonder about the mental health of these student folk sometimes ...

Sold out Jazz Funk and Blues Jam Wednesday 7 March

Norwich Arts Centre What's this? Why, it's the return of the ever popular blues and funk jam, of course! Take your strat along and fretwank for people's viewing pleasure. £2/£1 Fuel Friday March 9

Waterfront Drum and Bass. Boom boom . Band di di di dibang bow band di ba di ba! And they get paid for it. If you like to feel the bass (for the rest of the week) check it out. But remember to get completely hammered in whatever method you see fit. In a drum and bass club. With a bottle of water. While not stop dancing. Naughty naughty , very naughty . £9/ 10 Loyko Thursday 8 March

Norwich Arts Centre A Russian gypsy three-piece, part of a tradition that dates back 300 years.

Two violins and a guitar provide great versatil ity . Worth a butcher's. £9/7.50 cone Lazlo + support Saturday 10 March

Norwich Arts Centre Three part harmonies, three guitars, three bands for only, er, four quid. £4 advance Complete Stone Roses Wednesday March 14

Waterfront Quite ironic seeing as The Stone Roses were never that complete. Go buy the album . If you don't know by now which one that one is whack Britney Spears back on . £7/6

Theatre In Praise of Love: Tuesday 27 FebruarySaturday 3 March

Theatre Royal Domestic drama. In the space of two evenings a series of dramatic revelations put a husband and wife to the ultimate test. Playwright Terence Rattigan 's beautifully crafted dialogue and consummate ability to define the

British character are brilliantly evident in this compelling drama, his last work written specifically for the stage. £3.50 +

better! Perhaps not the best comparison to make .. . If you are interested in exciting modern dance, this will be good . £7/9

Easy VIrtue: February 22 - March 3

Maddermarket _Theatre Noel Coward's story of a French bombshell hitting a prejudiced English Society Country home. She's married dearly-beloved son John - but will the family fall for her too? Especially as she's an 'older woman and 'femme fatale' to boot. With hilarious results. £5+ Bedroom Farce: Tuesday February 27March 3

Norwich Playhouse Not as value for money as the last play. Go and see that one instead . This is basically the usual 'they-can 't-findout -about -us--snogging-oh-look-who' sthat-behind-you ' sort of thing. With hilarious results. lt ·s by AI an Ayckbourn, who regularly pretends to be funny. And sometimes fools even me. £8/10 The Royal Hunt of the Sun by Peter Shaffer: 28 Feb, 1 ,2 ,3 March, 19.30

St Gregory 's Arts Centre, Pottergate Drama Soc comes up smelling of roses again with what looks like being a rather stonk ing production, based as it is on recent TV show The Conquistadors by Peter Shaffer. it's got really nice posters, too.

Tickets £6/3.50 from UEA Drama Soc stalls in the Hive and St Gregory's Gift Shop, Pottergate 628777.

Steve Ross: Saturday March 10

Norwich Playhouse 'Old favourites'. Which means "old peoples· favourites" . Coward, Porter, Rogers & Hart and possibly more. Ever considered a worthwhile charity? £9/11 Cabaret: Mar U -13

LCR Drama Soc 's upcoming production of Cabaret should be one of the society 's most impressive for some time. After all, " life is a Cabaret, old son". For those who haven't seen the film, the story tells of the highs and lows of working as a nightclub entertamer in Berlin at the time of the Nazis' rise to power - a subject we can all relate to.

Beau Brummel: March 13-17

Theatre Royal Apparently he was a leader of fashton.

This is very lack ing in information isn 't it? Hopefully I can reduce list ings to a minimal ist art form . Anyway, 1f you are really stuck , the people at the box office are much more helpful at the Theatre Royal. £3.50-15

Mise

Auke: March

lenny Henry: Monday March 5

Theatre Royal 7.30pm After years away from finally returns to what stand up. Forget what anodyne TV stuff, this £3.50+

Marriage of Agaro and Opera of Love: March 7-10

Theatre Royal Professional presentation of a rare chance to see the original magnet of the senses. Opera is movement and music and play all in one, a spectacle. £3.50-15 Common Ground Sign Dance Theatre: Friday March 9

Norwich Playhouse Very exciting 'expressive dance and live music'. No sarcasm intended .

Honestly! Bloody hell, you still don't believe me. For seven quid, this could change your life. Then again, so might watching Neighbours. But this will be

the stage Lenny he does best you know of his is funny as hell.

Ben and Am as Prlorltle a Gauche, with Mackenzie Crook as Mr Bagshaw: Friday 9 March

Norwich Arts Centre Interviewed on page 6, these fellows were voted Best Newcomers at the 99 Edinburgh Fringe. Their show offers observational an spotlight on the difference between French and British cuitures. Mackenzie Crook's teacher from hell, Mr Bagshaw, is a creation of comic genius, too . Well worth a look. £7/ £5 cone Wadalk Yamoto Drummers of Japan:

01603 666333 01603 7 44444 01603 767676 01603 747474 01603 455555 01603 619619 01603 627478 01603 62204 7 01603 441044 01603 621155 01603 621541 ( ..

01603 611113 01603 620917 01603 622533 01603 629060 01603 660352 01603 766466 01603 619961 01603 221900 01603 630000 01603 623559 01603 632717 01603 666071 0870 6078463 < 01603 592272 0870 0102030 01603 508050

Sunday U March - Monday 12 March

Theatre Royal 7.30pm A unique evening featuring the highly talented , phen·omenally powerful TaikoDo drummers of Japan , blending dramatic ridd ims with elegant danctng. Something completely different. £3.50+

ration. Not literally of course . Using the latest colour slides, Patrick will give a lecture on the great beyond. Pretty pricey, but should be very interesting · indeed. All seats £12

tyou

need publicity for then

get in touch by phone ·

TVP Poets: Tuesday 13 March

Norwich Arts Centre Rap night wfth Lisa D'Onofrio. £3/ £2.50 advance 'Diffusion' with Morphogenesis: Wednesday 14 March

Maddermarket 'Variety'. A rather ominous term .

Something for everyone? Something for no-one?

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ABC Taxis All Star Taxis Beeline Taxis Bettacar Taxis Five Star Taxis Loyal Taxis Canary Cue Club Cinema City Fat Pauly's Hy's Ikon Liquid Maddermarket Theatre Mojo's Manhattans Norwich Arts Centre Norwich Playhouse Po Na Na's Ster Century Theatre Royal The Loft The Waterfront Tourist Information Time UEA Studio UCI UEA Union Ents

Norwich Arts Centre Electronic a and electroacoustic mixing and sound diffusion by London DJs, Tom Wallace and Clive Graham + live video mixing from Rob Flint and guests. £4/ £3 cone

01603 250558 .. through our pigeonhole or ·

su.concrete@uea.ac.uk a ' include it in Event Horizon

Patrlck Moore Lecture: Friday March 16

Maddermarket Theatre Patrick Moore goes 'into space' in this grand journey of space explo-

Listings were written and compiled by Liz Hutchinson, Ben Cannon, Simon Howarth, Katherine Everitt, Steve Collins and Adam Chapman.

All details were correct at the time of going to press (so if you turn up and you're the only one there don't blame us). · Use our searchable listings database at

www.concrete-online.co.uk Wednesday, February 28, 2001

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