The Event - Issue 126 - 16 May 2001 by Concrete - the official student newspaper of UEA.

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The Event brings you the best summer of your life. Ever.

Plus! ''I sniffed women's underwear" James Ellroy confesses all ~Rectuuuummn1m ... ~路

Adam and Joe take over TV

The nevv censorship? Baisemoi hits Norwich

In The 04

ent

James Ellroy Renowned author on life after crime.

Kate Atkinson Award winning novelist reveals her dream of living the LA good life .

Adam and Joe Posh comics interviewed.

In ig

ln·depth features, comments, analyses and gubbms

Summer movies We preview the best holiday films .

Beat that revision All the best (and worst) study tunes.

Oh boy!! Like milk boybands have a short shelf life. But what happens when it all goes sour?

The bloke's a joke The rise of TV's stupid man .

12-13 Summer at random The Event helps you plan that long summer break.

In Everything reviewed and previewed for your pleasure

16 17 18

In k

Cutting back After the relaxation of censorship laws we talk to the BBFC about Baise-moi

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Music: Stereo MCs ; Shaggy; Rad iohead Film: The Dish; Antitrust; Captain Corelli's Mandolin Video: Unbreakable; Charlie 's Angels Arts: Spend, Spend, Spend; Waiting for Godot Interactive: Submarine Commander; Sonic 2 TV/Radio: Nigella Bites; Breakfast at Tiffany's 1111

Event 0 IZOn 20-23 The best guide to what's

on in Norwich. Ever.

The Event is published fortnightly by Concrete: PO Box 410, Norwich, NR4 7TB Tel: 01603 250558 Fax: 01603 506822 E-mail: su.concrete@uea.ac.uk Printed by: Eastern Counties Newspapers, St Andrew's Business Park, Norwich

Wednesday, May 16, 2001

k, so I know I'm showing my age by remmiscing a little too fondly about the days of Chris Evans and Gaby Roslm, but quite frankly those two hours of breakfast television seem like a bowl of heavenly coco.pops ( avec chocolatey milk) compared to the rather soggy porridge of Richard Bacon and Some Random Woman, the new breakfast offering that Channel Four is now dishing up. I remember the rebelliousness of my youth, flicking to the excitement of Channel Four to watch snippets of the Big Breakfast when my parents weren't looking, and hastily sw1tchmg back to BBC1 when they returned, content in their deluded v1ew that I had been watching educational and informative television (far from it, ma and pa). Johnny and Denise were temporary saviours of the show; his wit and, I suppose, her breasts (what else?) making a winning combmat1on. Nowadays, I enjoy the excitement of Lorraine Kelly on GMTV, her Scottish motherly warble seeming lively and rather enjoyable compared t o the junk that they are swi lling round a rather greasy frying pan and serving up on Channel 4. But alas, The B1g Breakfast seems to have turned cool and chic; not dissimilar to the endless, claustrophobia-inducing corridors of lkea. Who could forget the irridescent Z ig and Zag, onginating from the Planet Zog and providing such mernment all those years ago? Where are they now? Having their fur dry-cleaned methinks, along with Gordon the Gopher (although all those colours would probably prove a bit of a nightmare for even the hardiest Sketchley 's assistant) . The latest novelty of having three presenters obviously wore off pretty quick, and the current set-up exposes Donna Air's blatant mabil1ty to appear at all coherent a fact which I bel1eve has been apparent from the

"Who could forget Zig and Zag, providing such merriment all those years ago? But where are they now? Having their fur drycleaned , methinks, along with Gordon the Gopher." start of her career (the glazed eyes, the twitches, the stunned-an1mal look of her MTV appearances). Her second name is particularly befitting as 1t gives us a very fa1r indicat ion of what her head contains. And another thing. it always worried me that before Easter the Random Woman Presenter and the newsreader seemed remarkably similar. Perhaps even the same person? If the ratmgs are anything to go by, then budget cuts such as that would have been unavoidably necessary. And so we arrive at Richard 'don't ment1on Blue Peter' Bacon and Some Random Woman. Bacon (wh1ch sounds a bit like 'bacon'! As m 'eggs and'! Ho!) has progressed from Annoying Bloke Who Bangs On People's Doors At Stupid Times In The Morning, to Annoying Bloke Who Presents The Show At A Stupid Time In The Morning. His amaz1ng inability to not mention the Blue Peter incident is quite aston ishing - managing to sl ip a joke with regards to the 'white stuff' and his corruption of a television institution at least several times a morning. And how we laugh. Real ly, I used to covet the exciting frenzy of Channel 4 between 7 and 9am . But it seems now that The Big Breakfast has lowered itself to a man who would give Alan Partridge a run for his money and, weii ... Some Random Woman. Gemma K/ngswe/1

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Hive Talking Complied by Lfz Hutchlnson

The best;worst things about daytime TV?

" Richard and Judy shagging was a good moment. Or did I dream that?" M Fulcher SOC 1. "I loved Z 1g and Z ag . ·oem girls, de m girls, they all love me' 1s a class1c choon." Nat 8/ggs LAW 1. "I hate Tncia, you could lose your finger in her makeup and it reminds me of all the girls I have pulled. " Jamle Guthrle LAW 1.

"When that naked bloke ran across Fred's weather map." Matthew Sheehan MTH 3 "Jerry Springer. it reminds you how lucky you are to l1ve m Britain. " Kate Ambrose HIS 1. " Wipeout. Bob Monk house is my dad. Well , not technically - but I wish he was." Bill VIne EAS 2

"You don't get many clowns on daytime TV, and that's a good t hing ." lain Patterson SYS 2

"I remember when the Big Breakfast tested sick bags, it was not pleasant. My Crunchy Nut Corn Flakes didn't go down too wel l th at day." Vlcky Leddy LAW 2

" Watercolour Challenge, because they are just beau t iful. " Sarah Bailey EAS 1.

" Madge dying is definitely my favourite daytime TV moment. " lames lng MGT 1.

"Columbo . How many episodes did they actually make? There's a different one each week." Mick Rlchardson CHE 1.

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Editor-In-Chief · James Goffin • Editor · Steve Collins • Arts Editor · Jlm Whalley • Assistant Arts Editor · Llz Hutchinson • Rim Editor · Merek Cooper Assistant Rim Editor· Ast rid Goldsmith Music Editor· Elln Jones • Assistant Music Editor · Anthony Lovell • TV/ Game Editor· Markland Starkie Ass istant TV/ Game Editor· Kathryn Hinchllff Listings Editor · Katherine Everitt • DTP · Eiin Jones · Adam Ch apman · Steve Colllns · Nick Henegan M arkiand Starkie · Merek Cooper · Jlm Whalley • Thanks to · All of the above and below • God+Goddess of the fortnight · Adam and Llz • Gods of the year - t he lot of you • Contributors · Ad am Chapman · Kieren McSweeney · Simon Howarth · Amy Harris · Ed Willlamson · Chloe Garrett · M ischa Pearlman · Katie Hind · Phll Colvin · Nigel Gosling · Nick Henegan · Sarah Kiddle · Amy Harris · Natalle Buhagiar · Dan Ellis · Harry Scrymgeour · Gemma O' Donnell · Gemma Klngswell · Cathy John · Jan Rupp · Charlotte Ronalds · Phllip Kopczynskl · Matthew Oades • Thanks for a fantastic year.

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L!':t'\~1: ~~~~~~~~!~~~~ Tear away the mask of radio and behold! For 'tis the faces of Livewire, exposed for all to see ...

TheD&B

Show

Bekki Winter &

Deena Blumenkrantz . .-~,...----• Bekkl (hugger) and Deena (hugged) are UEA's answer to Tlm Westwood. Except there's two of them. And they're girls. And they don't talk stupid. And they don't go on all the time about getting 'blasted'. And they don't smoke big cigars. And they actually play some decent hip hop. Bekkl's top five tracks of all time: 1. Mlchael Jackson Man in the Mirror 2. Xlblt

to boost Australian tourism, The Event can excluslvely reveal.

The twisted scheme, dreamed up by Madge's widowed husband Harold and Erinsborough entrepreneur Lou Carpenter, will create a collection of terrifying monsters that will roam free in Ramsey Street. In secret meetings with the macabre duo, Event reporters posing as tour operators recorded the pair boasting about their sordid scheme. "Let 's face it, everyone loved Madge and everyone loves dinosaurs. Combining the two is bound to get the punters flooding to Erinsborough", wobbled Bishop. "Of course we'll start with just one Madgeosaurus Rex but I can definitely see Neighbours Park taking off. So don't be surprised if our herd expands", he added. "We 've already got a Cheryl Carpenter embryo which should grow to the length of a football field in a couple of years, and a herd twenty-foot tall Kerry Mangles are in the pipeline. Not to mention Megabouncer, who will be as tall as the ocean is deep." But the pair denied that they would be resurrecting any other Ramsey Street favourites in prehistoric form . Said Bishop, "I just don't think that the others have the popular appeal of Madge. Take Helen Daniels for instance, people were just waiting for her to keel over and it took long enough for that

the project would be commercial suicide." Displaying no signs of the grief they shamelessly showed in public after Madge·s tragic death last week Bishop and Carpenter told how they had been planning the seam ever since Madge fell ill. "As soon as we knew Madge was going to kick the bucket we got in touch with this genetics lab in the States and they shared our vision of Australian tourism . As soon as the old girl copped it her DNA was straight in the post " crowed callous Carpenter. We passed our stomach churning information onto the appropriate authorities who vowed to investigate fully . A spokesman for the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Soapstars said, "lt is a disgrace to the memory of Magde that her DNA should be used for commercial gain and yet another example of Soapstars being treated in an abominable fashion. "

Paparazzi

3. Wu Tang Clan Cream 4. Outkast Rose Parks 5. Gravedlggaz Suicide Deena's top five tracks of all time: 1. Black Star Redefinition 2. Pharcyde

She Keeps Passing Me By

3. Outkast Anything from the three most recent albums. 4. Mos Def and Ghostface Kllla Mrs Phat Booty 5. Gorlllaz Glint Eastwood

Deena: " Gonna drop the hip hop. · Deena: "Garage. Anything that people request but they don't realise what the show's like, like Badly Drawn Boy." Any nightmare experiences on air so far?

Deena: "When Bekki can't work out whether to talk or shut up.· Bekki : "And this French guy- or someone pretending to be French - rang up and requested Ant and Dec. So we said 'we think you're taking the piss, mate' and he said [adopts stroppy French accent] 'Ah come on yeurgh show and you say ah'm tekking the peese? 1 do not understand!' He was quite amusing. " Why listen?

Bekki :"We've got the best DJS, the best music. We've got DJ Z iko- he's a drum'n'bass DJ, a friend of Peshay 's- he comes in every other week, and he's resident DJ at Hallalujah at the Waterfront. And we have a hip hop artist, Chrome, every other week as well. He DJs at Mojo's Superfly night on a Wednesday. "

Tune in to.•• DJ Hotwlngx Saturday 10-12am

Get your weekly doses of underground, commercial and classic UK garage with DJ Hotwingz. Ministry of Sound and LCR DJ, Hotwingz presents two hours of quality live mixing on air. The Nlghtrlde Friday 8-10pm

DJ Hotwingz's Friday night slot, this week has an R'n'B flavour with guest DJ Ess_ay_emm (Sam) . President of The Turntabalist Society DJ Ess_ay_em will be providing us with music from funky R'n ' B to Hip-Hop.

"Sometimes, when two people get together, you feel a certain type of spark that's like, 'Yo!'" Puff Daddy

"I guess I've got a little Kid Rock in me. No, that was last weekend ." Pamela Anderson

"I don't like the ocean. There's something too infinite about it that I find dangerous" . Marllyn Manson - scared of water.

"I masturbated in front of a tree and thought I'd become a galaxy . lt was like the Third World War had started ... " Oennls Hopper reflects on his acid days

"R imming? We do that to each other all the time." Roy Vengaboy (probably) misunderstands an Interview question

"I really want to do a song with him . He's on some real playa-disco-pimp-slumadelic funky shit . He had a Jheri curl and a tight-ass tuxedo with a little bitty bow-tie. How hard is that?" Outkast's Big Bol on Billy Ocean

"Ewer wonder how I• 19 ' u'ill• •' 1 lf you're the Quiet, boring tyJ)I!', you rnlght Just li'ffl to 100 On the other hand, 1r you're llk.e us, maybe you should be deltd already

"In the spirit of the or~ l rn~l Spark Pwlty Test, this one wUI ~ I you how numben!d your days are And ·Ion '! :ir, 'C.ftU9e we're YnJtl:hing you a

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Describe your show In five words What would you absolutely refuse to play?

Titillating tittle-tattle, curious quotes and frivolous facts from the frightening world of celebrity ...

Many's the time I lie awake pondering the futility of existence, the cruel nature of mankind and the likelihood of the existence of a God. But most of all, I think about death. My own death, other people's deaths (often Ronan Keating 's) · I am fascinated by it. When will I die? How will it happen? Will I be wearing my favourite shoes? Luckily for me and every other morbid timewasting loser out there, these questions and more can now be answered . From the slightly suspect people at thespark.com comes the Deathtest, easy to complete and crushingly frank . Simply log on to the site, answer some rather personal questions (looking over your shoulder in the IT centre before committing to cyperspace your number of past sexual encounters), and

await the results. Within seconds you will be furnished with the following life-changing information: the exact date of your impending demise, and the most likely cause of death . If that 's not service, I don 't know what is. Apparently, I am due to shuffle off this mortal coil on May 28, 2041, at the grand old age of 61, taking my rather smug style of prose with me. Even more reassuring is the 46% chance of cancer proving the final nail in my coffin . Well , you 've gotta go somehow, eh? This information could be viewed in a number of ways. Either you could decide to take each day as it comes, carpe diem and live life to the full, or you could resign yourself to your eventual fate and spend the rest of your days in perpetual misery, listening to Radiohead and pretending to like Sylvia Plath. Or as an alternative you could take it as a joke, shrug it off and end up cursing your ill judgement as that bus really does hit you in the year 2019. Me? Well, I reckon there might be some truth in it. However, I have a plan to cheat death and prove the Deathtest wrong. This Thursday afternoon as, with characteristic student lethargy, you all forget your revision and sit in the square, I shall plummet from the top of Event Towers to my doom. In a Spiderman costume. Possibly. Ed Wl/1/amson

"We have found that people who are truly talented recognise talent in other artists. We're honoured to have the likes of Elton John , Lionel Ritchie and Craig David saying positive things about and enjoying our music." A~ 's Christian "If you can move water, you can move people ." Mlchael Bolton

"lt must have its own postal address" . A star-struck toilet-visiter, after sharing a urinal moment with Barry Norman

"I would be a dancer with circus monkeys." AJ's post-Backstreet Boys career thoughts

"Can you see me being like Steps? I don't think so. My music's much more mature and more meaningful." Caprice

"To be honest I'm getting to the stage where if I hear any more of my own music I'll kill myself." Caprice changes her mind

P.S. Ricky Martin's family all call him Kiki. Alas, this is also slang in Asia for "pussy". P.P.S Westlife are going to release a single in

Spanish. "lt won't be the same because we're not giving it the same emotion," claims Bryan.

WinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWinWin

Blaggery COrner Win Orange things! The Maddermarket Theatre is putting on a horrorshow production of A Clockwork Orange by ex -UEA students, which looks set to be really rather good . And what 's more, those lovely peeps at Orange Hairdressing - who are sponsoring the show - are offering two free haircuts worth up to £50 each to two of you lucky people. Just answer this:

Also this week ..

What Is the name of the Angi~Russlan language spoken by Alex and his Droogs? Is lt: a) Nadsat b) Bagrat c) Borat

Livewire DJs will be tak ing part in Abseil 2001 next Saturday 19th May . We would be grateful for your support so please listen out during our daytime shows for the chance to pledge money on air.

A Clockwork Orange runs at the Maddermarket Theatre from June 13 - 16. Tickets are available at the Maddermarket Theatre Box Office at £5 concessions, £7 for all other seats.

Continuing with the orange theme, the Orange Enjoy Music On Campus night is coming to UEA this Friday (May 18) . The Freestylers and Bar M DJs will be there , but they will also totally change the inside of the club with plasma screens you can beam texts up to, listen posts, talk booths, web pods and loads more shameless promo stuff. And what's more, they want to give you an 'On Campus' Motorola V2288e WAP phone. For nuffink. Unfortunately, as seems to be the rule nowadays they've given us a crap and boring question to ask you. Here it is. Who Is bringing the Freestylers to the student union on Friday?

See? Rubbish innit . Entries in the Concrete Competit ion Box m the Hive ASAP please! We're off on our hols soon .. .

Wednesday, May 16, 2001

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With its extreme violence and full penetrative sex, Baise-moi is bound to ruffle a few feathers. And it's getting its UK premiere in our sleepy little hamlet! Merek Cooper assesses both the film and the changing face of British censorship ...

rust me. you have never seen anything qUJte like Ba1se-moi, outside of a porn cinema that is. Made in France by two women- Cora/ie Trinh Thi, a former porn actress, and V1rginie Despentes, the author of the novel - Baise-moi is an exceptionally explicit and deeply cha ll enging film. Containing real penetrative sex and extreme violence, it's not a film anyone could take lightly. Consequently, I approached its UK premiere at Cinema City with caution, not quite sure what to expect and not exactly sure that I would like or even be able to sit through what I was about to see. Baise-moi's concept is easy enough to grasp: two women played by porn actresses Raffaela Anderson and Kare n Bach , alienated and abused, set off on a full thrott le roadtrip of sex, killing and robbery. Baise-moi ends up as a bizarre hybrid of Thelma and Louise, Taxi Driver and a hardcore sex fest. Like it or not, cinema is becoming more extreme, and to their credit, the censors are running with this change. The British Board of Film Classification is becoming more relaxed in what it is all owing us to see, and precedents are being set . In September of last year the BBFC released

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a new set of guidelines that were a result of nationwide research. This research involved direct consultation with the great British public at specially held roadshows and Citizens· juries. where the arguments for and against censorship were presented. By recording the response and collecting questionnai res, the BBFC now believe they have a set of guidelines that more accurately reflect public opinion than in previous years. Murray Perkins, a film examiner for the BBFC, is hopeful: " We have formed the gu idelines on the basis of, as best we could judge it, what the

"What interested me was to show that the sex scenes aren 't just there to excite. They f- . Period" public wanted us to be doing." The main change in these guidelines is in the 18 category -the most highly restricted. The BBFC have finally come round to the opinion that, as adults, we the viewing public can decide for ourselves what we should and shouldn 't see.

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Catalogue return cycles Cheap .cycles and repairs Full range of accessories and spares Opening times: Fri: 9.30-5 .30

Wednesday, May 16, 2001

Perkins outlmes this new altitude: "At 18, the guidelines now state that very rarely will there be any intervention by the board. At 18. the Board accepts that it is an adult's fundamental right to view what they want to view, so long as it doesn't break any laws. "So that is not to say that we as a nation will be allowed access to all manner of sick crap; there are still to be taboo subjects, ch ild pornography for instance. and certain less pedestrian sexual acts. However, while Baise-moi certainly acts as a showcase for extreme sexual material, its makers and those who defend the film believe that its frank images are integral to the fi lm's narrative and indeed its ultimate message and as such are justified by their context. Perkins shares this view, believ ing the film to be worthy of a certificate, despite the frenzy of outrage that characterised the preceding hype . "lt had quite a lot of support at the Board. Jt was co nsidered by those who saw it, almost without exception, to be quite a good fi lm ... But hav ing said that, could the board justify the film and how would it fit with the new gu idel ines? The key consideration in deciding whether Baisemoi should be treated as a legitimate art film or as top shelf smut is whether it seeks pur~Jy to titillate or whether it has a wider agenda. Baisemoi director and writer Virginie Despentes. certainly thinks it passes that test, and she defends her use of graphic sex. "What interested me in directing Baise-moi was to show that the sex scenes aren't just there to exc1te. They [the female characters] f- . Period." Thankfully for Despentes the BBFC shared her viewpoint, as Perk ins explains. "The Board decided that the film did have some genuine merits. the motivation behind the film is not to sexually arouse. So it is fundamentally different from a sex film, and because of this the board decided to pass the film." ndeed. in the climate of cinema at the present time the board had litt le option but to let the film through. After all, last year they had passed Catherine Braillat's Romance. another French production which features similarly uninhibited performa nces and, shoc k horror, erect penises. In fact, this move toward more explicit films is not only fashionable in France, it's catching on in the rest of the world too. Denmark's Lars Von Trier, who caused a storm of controversy with his Dogme film The Idiots is now rumoured to be making an all-out porn movie, after his production company set up a separate arm specifically for such material. although the press baiting Von Trier probably just mentioned t11is next project as a joke that some people took too literally. Eng lish language films are also getting in on the act with Wayne Wang·s Centre of the and Patrice Chereau's Intimacy both causing minor stirs of advance excitement, due mainly to their extreme sex scenes . But after all this consi deration, comes the important quest ion : is Baise-moi any good? Well, it's a fair question, but I'm not sure if I have an answer. While I am in no doubt that people should be allowed to see it, Baise-moi is a film that provokes such a mixed reaction that even now, a week after seeing it, I 'm stuck with unsure feelings . From the outset, Baise-moi hits you smack in t he face w ith it's vicious depiction of life at the sharp end of inner city living, as the simple plot roars off as fast as the stolen cars the girls dnve . In the first few minutes the two girls. Manu and Nadine, are

introduced and their lives spread before us. it's not a pretty picture. Manu, for instance, endures one of the most realistic and thus most disturbing rape scenes I have witnessed . Angry with the world and frustrated with the men they know, the girls are in search of tl1rills, and quite frequently these thrills involve sex. And it's as simple as that: no fri ll s, just sex. The sex may be graphic but in no way is it exploitative; it's just presented as part of a girl 's life. In fact. the reason Baisemoi is so refreshing is precisely because it presents women as active and in control, something that is Jacking in both mainstream and porn films. "lt really goes in tandem with women's liberation" says Despentes. " Women getting contro l of their sexuality, and the

The BBFC accepts that it is an adult's fundamental right to view what they want to view possibility to talk more about their sexuality." While Baise-moi has been seized upon as a radical feminist text and the sex talked about very seriously. such serious debate overlooks the film's humour. Baise-moi is a very funny film - dark humour granted - but very funny none the less. This humour, strangely , is most noticeably present in the more violent sections of tile film. Laughing at violence? How distasteful. I hear you cry. Well yes it is, but as the girls' journey becomes increasingly bloodthirsty and the violence more and more cartoon-like, it's impossible not to laugh. This, in my opinion is Batse-moi's main ac hievement, not the graphic sex. As killing after killing goes by. Baise-moi makes violence look meaningless and stupid - which is, after all, what violence ultimately is. There really is no way tl1at I can tell you whether you will like Baise-moi or not. I would be a fool to pretend that it won't offend some people. but I have no doubt that we, the general public. should be allowed to see it. After all we're all ma t ure, sensible adu lts. And we ca n make our own minds up, without being told what to think . Can't we?

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James Ellroy turned to crime and drugs after his mother was murdered. He then turned to writing about the American underworld. Jim Wha/ley found out why he is leaving the genre behind to write his own version of American history... ood evening peepers, prowlers, pederasts, peasants, panty-sniffers, punks and pimps. I am James Ellroy, the death-dog of the hog-log, the foul owl with his death growl, the white knight of the far right and the slick prick with the donkey dick. " From his opening welcome it is quite clear that internationally renowned, bestselling novelist James Ellroy will not be subjecting his audience to the usual dry 'meet the author' evening. But then, Ellroy is not the usual dry author. Born in LA in 1948, he led a relatively normal life until the age of 11 when his mother was murdered. By his twenties Ellroy had become involved in petty crime and drugs. Then , aged 29, he suddenly cleaned up and started to write, producin~ his first crime novel Brown 's Requiem. The book was a success and Ellroy followed it with a seri s of ever more ambitious crime fictions, culminating in his LA quartet of The Black Dahlia, The Big Nowhere, White Jazz and LA Confidential. Ellroy is hardly bashful about his achievements, and after listing his work to date he announces, "These books are masterpieces. They are my masterpieces to date. They precede all my future masterpieces. These books are written in seminal fluid , napalm and blood. These books cure AIDS, the common cold , common acne and most forms of cancer. " lt is a speech that he has no doubt rattled off many times in the past, as the recent Arena documentary on him proved. lt is also vastly entertaining. He is in town to promote his latest book, The

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"These books cure AIDS, the common cold, acne and most forms of cancer." Cold Six Thousand, the middle section of a planned underworld USA trilogy that began in 1995 with the publication of American Tabloid. When completed, the trilogy will run throughout the 1960s, finally stopping at Watergate. Why Watergate? "Because it's been done to death and most of those guys are still alive so you can't use them as characters." lt is easy to see why people might take offence to being featured in one of Ellroy's novels. Reallife characters are rarely given an easy ride . Over

the course of his 14 books so far everyone from Wait Disney to JFK has been linked to murder, drugs and unconventional sexual practices. Yet Ellroy appears blissfully unconcerned about any legal action. His only criterion as to who can be included is "Are they dead? When you die, daddio, anyone can write what they want about you. " Even the Kennedys, who come in for a particularly harsh lit路 erary beating , have kept silent, a fact their tormentor scampishly attributes to the fact that " if they responded to everything that's written about them they wouldn't have time to get drunk and rape people. "

"Literally, I used to break into people's house and sniff women's underwear~ But it did me no lasting damage." Despite his past success in the field Ellroy will not be writing any more crime novels. " I had taken crime fiction as far as it could go . I had taken LA as far as it could go. I made the deter路 mination that I would become a historical novelist and that for the rest of my career I would rewrite American history to my own specification. " He credits this change of heart to Don Delillo and his book, Libra. That and Underworld, also by Delillo account for the only novels he has read in the last ten years. But for a number of reasons, crime will not leave him alone. Firstly, there is his mother. In 1996 Ellroy publ ished My Dark Places, the story of his attempt to solve his mother's murder that also serves as his autobiography and her biography . The case is still unresolved. "Bill Stoner (to whom The Cold Six Thousand is dedicated}. the policeman that I am working with on my mother's case, Bill and I are looking for some old geezer to frame . He should be about eightythree years old, five foot nine to six feet tall , skinny with dark hair and beady brown eyes and he should have no alibi for the night of June 22nd 1959. Anyone who would like to frame the ir father or grandfather and get a nice, fat cheque out of it, see me." Then there is the film of LA Confidential that many people believe was the finest movie of 1999 and the sole experience a large proportion of the general public have of Ellroy's work . He is quick to point out that the film only represents around twenty percent of what the novel has to offer. Anyone who has read his books will find this unsurprising. Using incredibly short, bullet-like sentences ( "I wanted a vulgarised and course language, a very direct language that expressed both the violence of our inner and outer lives" ), most of them span several years, have at least three central characters and countless subplots. They are also unsparingly, brutally violent in a way that would never be allowed in cinema. The sections of LA Confidential about a serial killer who stitches the wings of birds to his victim's backs, for example, somehow got lost on the trip to Hollywood . llroy has had things lost in Hollywood before. "People come and they give you option money which is money for nothing. You should know three th ings. One, they'll probably never make it. The odds are profoundly against it, regardless of what they pay you for the option. Two, if they do make it , they'll screw it up past redemption. Three, if they screw it up past redemption then you have an obligation to keep your trap shut for attribution because no one forced you to take the money." For all his showmanship there is a refreshing honesty about Ellroy in the flesh. He is remarkably candid about his less than salubrious early years. "Literally, I used to break into people's houses

and sniff women 's underwear", but admits they did him no lasting damage, "because I cleaned up, got sober early ". He almost seems to wish there had been, as he gives the question further thought - " I am bald." Like his books, James Ellroy is of epic proportions. His public persona is as gruesome and profane as any of the episodes in his fiction . Yet behind the bombast and unpleasant imagination , there is a morality that makes it hard not to really like the guy . Quotable lines pour from his mouth at an incredible rate. Therefore it seems only fair to give him the final words: "If each and every one of you buy 1,000 copies of this book (The Cold Six Thousand) you will be able to have unlimited sex with each and every person you desire every night for the rest of your lives. " If each and every one of you buy 2,000 copies, you will be able to have unlimited sex with each and every person that you desire every night for the rest of your IIves and still get into heaven as the result of a special dispensation signed by me, the Reverend Ellroy . "If each of you buy 3,000 copies of my book, you get all that sex, you get into heaven and for the first time in its history Norwich, England will rule the world. You heard it here first off the record and on the QT."

Wednesday, May 16, 2001

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Kate Atkinson is currently adapting Behind the Scenes at the Museum for television. Charlotte Ronalds found out she'd rather be lying by a swimming pool in LA and writing Buffy the Vampire Slayer. ..

ate Atkinson is best known for her highly philosophical novels and sophisticated writing style so I half expect to find her wistful ly pondering the meaning of life. "''m watching Lorraine Kelly talking to an ex -Spice girl,'' giggles Kate. "You know I've done Ric hard and Judy, I have been on Richard and Judy. which was like the highlight of my street-cred." Unfortunately forMs Atkinson she is not tucked up at home watching these so-called excuses for breakfast TV. Rather, she is on the last leg of her gruelling two-week book tour promot1ng the paperback version of her novel Emotionally Weird. She is also having to present fake perkiness at some ungod ly hour and so far doing a better job of it than me. " I can't write if I'm doing publicity, that's just out the window. It'l l take me a week before I can actually write again . I've kind of learnt these . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - , things, like when I first started off I kind of thought 'God. I 'm supposed to be writing a book, I must make notes, " she ex plains . .. ... Sp M single sided copies . .... lOp M double sided copies .. " But. like Terry Pratchett, he'll sit in . ... tOp A3 single sided cop1es . the back of the limo with his lap top A4 full colour copies . SOp and work while he's on tour, but I £1.00 A3 full colour cop1es .. ...... 45p A4 black and whl1e transparencies JUSt think ·urgh, I couldn't do that to . ... £1 A4 full colour transparencies ... save my life'. We just sit around . ... ..... 75p A4 full colour from slides. being girlie." A3 full colour from slides £1.20 . from £1.50 . from 70p . ... . SOp

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"I'd like to do a movie ... I want to be called to Hollywood and I want to lie next to a swimming pool in LA." Yet Atkinson is anyth1ng but g1rlie . In fact she is a highly perceptive and intelligent woman. Her first novel, Behind t/Je Scenes at the Museum won the 1995 Whitbread Book of the Year Award, beating off contenders including Salman Rushdie and Roy Jenkins. Her other novels, Human Croquet and Emotionally Weird are both critically acclaimed and have made frequent trips into the best sellers list. Altogether Atk inson is a talented lady. So is writing something that she just has

L------------------------~ todo?

Wednesday, May 16, 2001

"People are always asking me if I have a writing timetable or if I wait until I feel like doing it. but if I waited until I felt like writing I would be waiting many, many years. You know it's like writing an essay, you just think oh, I've got to do 1t, but 1t's not inspiration, it can be creative but you're not waiting for that creative moment." Using her student -esque analogy. she continues. "it's likeessay. writ-~:}~~~~--:~~~~~~~---=~~=~ ing a really long university ~ou kind of faff around and you don't want to do it and once character, so I don't you've started to do it all you want to do is finish . have that 1nsight. I don't think I'll ever have it as That's your entrre goal: to have that essay finI've never watched a boy growing up ." ished. But it's a really . really long essay, like a Atkinson clearly hasn't quite fulfilled all her ambi400-page book essay ... Maybe not quite the tions in life. "''d like to do a movie or more spec ifsame. then . ically I want to be called to Hollywood and I want to lie next to a swimming pool in LA and then do At the moment, though, Atkinson's attention has nothing for a year and be dism1ssed and go turned to screenplays, currently adapting Behind home!" lt also seems that she has another pasthe Scenes at the Museum for the BBC. "I really don't lik e the adaptat ion. it's just hellishly borsion and one that she's revealed on a number of ing." So wily do it then? " When I look at it on occasions. " I want to writ e an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. " screen I won't be able to think that's shite because I had the control over it, whereas I think We get on to discussing the benefit of creat1ve if someone else had done it I would have thought writing courses. For Atkinson, there aren't any . "I that's shite and be really cross." mean I'm saying this to a UEA student, aren't I? Atkinson ponders the differences between writing But I j ust don't really believe in creative writing courses." a novel and wr iting a screenplay. " it' s so different, it rea ll y is, because it's all dialogue and it's conform1ng to a particular medium whereas I never think of novels as something conforming, I always just think if it as an infinite playground for language ... Atkinson, a master of the English language (a fac t to wh1ch her books testify) does have a very unique writing sty le. Not only do her books have hardly any dialogue - another reason why she feels she is best qualified to adapt them - but she also has a passion for including footnotes . .. Oh why not?" sl1e muses, .. Life 1s about footnotes, isn't it? I do long to write a straightforward "There are a whole huge swathe of people out there who beli eve they have a novel in them and narrative that goes from A to B and I can't; I have maybe it's best tl1at they keep it ins1de them tried but I've thiS great urge to divert." because books are not life , books are art." Lucky, And 1t seems Kate·s next novel is to be no exception. "it's a very complicated book the next one, then, that Atkinson decided to give her inner novel an airing. But she is willing to offer advice and I know that now without even knowing what to writer wannabes, maintaining that they key to happens. " Entitled Dogs in Jeopardy, it's based, success is reading. funnily enough , on chaos theory, "Everyone "You not on ly learn what good writing is . you always says that." learn what bad writing is and you learn to define your own voice against others." oving on I enquire about the strong Indeed Atkinson is philosophical about life, believfemale characters and distinct lack of Ing it to be defined by the failures, not the sucmales that seem to dominate her work, cesses. Had she not have got her PhD on the pointing out that really wimpy or dead seem to be American short story refused, she might not have the two main categories that she goes for. "You even gone into writing at all, " I really do believe understand women without tllinking about it but 1f that you find your voice through a kind of personal you have to wrrte a male character you have to journey that's kind of horrible and difficult; 1t's a think about how they would feel and you don't very individual thing. " often know because they're such mysterious little Finally, I ask Kate , a woman who has the propencreatures." Be1ng an only child and attend1ng an sity to make a one word answer last several hunall girls grammar school, A tkinson was not reall y dred, how she would sum herself up in one adj ecexposed to boys unt il she went to un iversity. tive. There's a long pause before she answers. Divorced, w1th two daughters, sl1e ponders this "Complex ... How apt . "I've never witnessed the evolution of the male

"There are a huge swathe of people out there who believe they have a novel in them, and maybe it's best that t hey keep it inside."

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Toy loving, DIY TV making, self confessed D-list celebrities Adam and Joe are back with a new series of Takeover TV. Mark/and Starkie met up with them to find out what it's all about ... TV came out there were lots of VIdeo diary shows where people's home videos were always very serious or they were about what their local council was doing or not doing or whatever ... and t here was really no one showing al l the huge amount of stuff t hat people usually do with camcorders, which is just arse around and make stupid stuff or hardcore porn and that kind of thing. So Takeover TV was supposed to be an outlet for that . But, unfortunately, there wasn't any hardcore porn submitted so 1t was mainly just clips of people doing things with action men and little skits of ninja battles and, I dunno, all kinds of demented bullshit really . So that's more of the same for this series then really I think. · Of course the question is raised as to whether hardcore porn will be conside red for air if it is submitted this time. Adam ponders for a moment before

n a small room on the top floor of a nondescript building in south-west London two self-confessed idiots are sticking Twiglets up their noses and fooling around with a video camera. These are no ordinary idiots, however. Oh no, these guys have one highly successful TV show , now in its fourth series, and are about to start work on a new project, the new series of Takeover TV. They are Adam and Joe and the building they are fooling around in is the styl ish headquarters for E4, Channel 4's new digital channel. As we settle down Adam inspec t s t he dictaphone, test ing t he rec ording level by grunting, snuffling and whisperi ng "rectum" into the microphone. Joe joins in, giggling, "rectummmm, rec-tiiiime." Just what you might expect from a couple of Westminster public school graduates in their early thirties. Takeover TV is more than just another presenting job for Adam Buxton and Joe Corni sh. They have been heavily involved with the programme from its beginnings in the mid 90s. In fact, as Joe points out, it was Takeover TV that gave them their bigish break. "We used to make stupid films instead of doing work at school , as I'm sure everybody else did really, and then Adam sent in some cli ps we did t o Takeover TV in 1995. Yeah, and ever since then it's been a very slow crawl to D-list celebrity status. " Speaking of celebrity status, Adam and Joe are probably most famous for their reenactments of films and television shows using small, stuffed animals and action figures. Even these plastic parodies are, according to Joe, traceable back to TOT. "Well, on the first few series they didn't ha•Je enough cli ps being sent in by people, so they asked us t o make some to pad the shows out and one of t he th ings we did was a versi on of Apollo 13 with stuffed toys. Th at then turned into [slips on a Hollywood trailer voice-over accent] The World Famous Toy Movies! So it was obviously very good for us coz we were both unemployed idiots. I was working in Tower Records in Piccadilly Circus behind the video counter; Adam was a cowboy-style DJ in a westend theme bar. .. called Cowboy Craig [snigger] ... got me free drinks, heh heh ... yeah so Takeover TV has basically allowed us to make a whole TV series out of videoin~ stupid crap." 'So what exactly is this Takeover TV of which you speak?' I hear you ask. Well, let Adam and Joe enlighten you . Joe: "Okay, well Takeover TV is basically like a sort of publ ic access clip show. Basically, a chance for people to send in creative stuff they 've done with their camcorders, or on computers, and get it on telly ... " Adam: ·-- -Or on any format really . When Takeover

"My favourite is Trisha, her flicky hair reminds me of Kelly from Destiny's Child." continuing , "we will certainly watch it, yes.· Adam and Joe may be the archetypal faces of trashy, DIY, slacker telly but it is not their only ta lent. This past year alone has seen them present live coverage of Glastonbury 2000 for BBC Choice , make an amusing cameo playing themselves in Jamie Thraves' brilliant film, The Lowdown. "He didn't want Joe and me at first, he wanted Vie and Bob! " said a slightly disgruntled Mr Buxton after the interview had ended. They 've also done voice-over work for the grotesquely bizarre Shock Video (think Eurotrash, but more scary and without the kitsch element) and presented Adam and Joe 's Wonky World Of Animation as part of Channel 4's animation week . Adam is also contributing to a documentary on one of his favourite bands, The Pixies, and has been fol lowing Travis around for the past year with a DV camera with the intention of turning the footage into a fi lm on the band . it's not a big surprise to learn, looking at their CV, that the pair, especially Adam, are addicted to television. " I have it on all the t ime," Adam remarks, " Even when I'm doing other things it 's always on in the background." Joe interrupts, "Out of the talk shows, my favourite is Trisha because her flicky hair reminds me of Kelly from Destiny 's Chil d ... controversially, I've started liking The Simpsons less and less. Just that thing where Homer wi ll say 'We're gonna have a great time at t he party t onight!' and it'll immediately cut t o them at the party having a rubbish time - it happens all the time. That kind of story-line that's constantly going off on tangents is just dominating all American comedy shows at the moment. "

ow, read this bit carefully, for this is where you get to make your own mark on popular cult ure. Imagine being famous enough to be able to say you don't like The Simpsons without being socially excluded for the rest of your life . Sounds good? Well, the next series of Takeover TV

will hopefully be shown 1n November, but to make th is happen Adam and Joe need lots of submissions from indolent layabouts like yourselves with nothing better to do over the summer than smash eggs for two minutes whilst filming it. The difference with the new series is that, due to the rather huge advancements in web technologies over the past couple of years, the show will be heavily linked with E4's website (www .e4.com), so a select ion of the best entries received will be uploaded onto the site (which will be up and running by July) and surfers will be able to vote for the ones that they want to see on the show . You will even be able to upload your own stuff onto the site, if you know how . So go on, get cracking (ha ha! ) and you might just be able to see the fru its of your hard work and effort on Channel 4 before the year is out. Who knows, it might even lead on to brighter things - Adam and Joe aren 't the only people to become famous after getting their stuff on Takeover TV. Armstrong and Miller, Garth Jennings (who runs the highly successful pop promo company , Hammer and Tongs) and Graham Norton ail submitted stuff and things to the programme before they got famous, rich and happy . Just remember: it will only get on if it's good. Unless you get naked that is.

Takeover TV how to submit

1. Emai l entries to: Totv@channel4 .com Or mail entries to: Adam & Joe's Takeover TV PO Box 14186 London SW10 OWL 2. Entries can be submitted on NTSC or PAL VHS/ SVHS/ Beta Videotape You can also send files .avi or .mov on a zip disc or CD-Rom 3. Entries must be accompanied by a completed release form (which you can download from tl'le site) 4 . Entries should be no longer than five minutes (it may be edited down to fit it into the show) 5. Don 't use material that may be copyrighted or owned by any third party (including music ) 6 . If you want your submission sent back to you, send it with a self addressed

Sick of al.? Fear not, new boyband on the block Fl. are soon to hit the clubs of Norwich ... How did you all meet? Jason (Jay): "Basically we were all at sch ool

her and we thought it would be a laugh t o form a boy band because none of us can play an instrument or dance ... " Bob: "Or sing! " • "The band was ready formed - I'm the sexy one, obviously .. . " Chad: "I thought I was the pin-up?" Jay: "No Chad , you 're the gay one. Joe is Irish, Bob is the ugly one .. . " Bob: • ... who writes all the songs and is the only one to organise gigs." Jay: " Yeah, he's the organiser. " How about Dave? Jay: "He's the quiet one at the back who no-one

really notices. We often forget he's there, to be honest ." basically you're just making fun of boybands and the people who like them? Bob: "Not at all, we just think that we can do it

·ust as well as anyone else and we're not manufactured so really we should be more credible than, for example, Hear'Say."

"Dave's the quiet one at the back. We often forget he's there, to be honest." Oooh , controversial! What kind of music are you going to be performing? Jo: "We've all got really different musical tastes

so it 'll be a mix of styles. We all love nu-metal but it doesn't go with our image so we 're going to go wi th kind of ballady songs but fu nked-up with rocki ng guitars and maybe some rapping over the top in some of the more 'adult' venues!" Sounds Intriguing. Who has Influenced your styles? Jay: " Robbie Williams, definitely. My mum says I

look a bit like him .. ." Bob: "You look like Robin Williams. My musical

style is mainly derived from classical forms but up with 70s funk ." Jo: "This is going to sound really obvious, but I really like Westlife." Chad: "Because they're Irish? " Jo: "Um, yeah . And t hey 've made loads of money! " Chad: "Disco is my main influence, along with George Michael. " Are you trying to live up to your personas or are you just taking the plss out of me? Jay: "We're not taking the piss, we really are like

this. We're a real band, like a family ." How original. Come on, you're not fooling me. Either you 're really making fun of me or you 're tryIng for easy money. Jay: "I'm not going to lie, we want to make money

from this, but we 're not taking the piss. People like to pigeon-hole musicians so we 're just making it easier for them." Any rock 'n' roll stories? All: "No, we 're mak ing our debut in July so there

hasn't been time." Bob: "I shagged Jay 's mum .. ."

Wednesday, May 16, 2001

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In celebration of the sunny weather Phi/ Colvin, Harry Scrymgeour and Jim Whalley take a look at Hollywood's summer offerings, guaranteed to amuse you when it starts to rain ... fairy tale characters- he finds blind mice in his food , a bad wolf in his bed, three homeless pigs outside his door, etc. The various characters have all been banished from their kingdom by the evil Lord Farquaad, and the only way Shrek can get rid of them is by rescuing. with the help of a trusty wise-crac king donkey, the beautiful princess whom Farquaad wishes to marry, who is hostage to a fire-breathing dragon. All in all, a pleasant, light romantic comedy with a fun, original plot .

Evolution it really wouldn't be summer unless at least one film reminded us that alien invasion and (yawn) the end of the world is around the next corner. However, Evolution looks to be a more promising effort than most by virtue of being a special effects comedy directed by lvan Re itman, the man behind Ghostbusters. The cast ing seems a tad curious, with the expressionless David Duchovny taking the helm along with the rather serious Julianne Moore, last seen in Hannibal. Chances are that they'll either follow in the footsteps of Sigourney Weaver. who managed to prove her comedy credentia ls in Ghostbusters. or just be downright embarrassing to watch maki ng prats of themselves. Should make interesting viewing either way.

Jurassic Park 3 uite why Hollywood chooses the hottest time of the year to release its most bankable products is anyone's guess, perhaps they don 't want us to get tans. But there you go, summer is here and big blockbusters are queueing up to take our hard earned moola. But beware 1t's a minefield out there. As ever special effects rule and there's bound to be a few lame turkeys fluttering about the multiplex come August. To save you disappointment we sort through the big budget dross and pluck the diamonds from the Sllit .

The Mummy Returns For those of you unlucky enough to have not yet experienced the wonders of The Mummy, you are in for a treat. The orig1nal, set in Hamunaptra (City of the Dead m the Egyptian desert), followed a crumbly old geezer's search for his long lost love. Well. actually, he was a 3000 year old mummy of a cursed priest who comes back to l1fe to cause mass destruction, using the ten plagues of Egypt, and resurrect his lover , also 3000 years old. However , this potential catastrophe is quenched by dashing legionnaire Rick o路connell (Brendan Fraser) and his beautiful sidekick. Evelyn ( Rachel Weisz). The producers of the sequel, The Mummy Returns are clearly subscribers to the 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it' school of thought. They have barely changed the plot, and have reemployed the very same cast (yayl more Rachel), with the addition

of 'The Rock' (one of the worlds leading WWF wrestlers) - fantastic.

Tomb Raider Unless you've been emulating an ostrich for the last few years, you will be aware of Tomb Raider and its celebrated star, attractive cyber girl, Lara Croft. In the film, Croft (Angelma Jolie) tours the world searcl1ing for lost crypts from empires long forgotten. From frozen ruins embedded in a glacier within the arctic circle, to a forgotten valley filled with supposedly-extinct creatures in South America - the fi lm promises a lack of story line and originality, heavily subsidised by impressive special effects. Part of the attraction of the original , cyber Lara Croft was the fact that she is entirely computer generated, and comes complete with a file of interesting statistiCS. Born, 14/ 02/ 1968 in London's Wimbledon , Croft is 5" 9路 inches tall, weighs just over nine stone , and has a 34D cup. Luckily , the part has been extremely well cast, and Angelina Jolie promises to display plenty of sweaty aggressive action.

Shrek With an illustrious vocal cast, including Mike Myers , Eddie Murphy, Cameron Diaz and John Lithgow, Shrek has been described as "by far the best animated feature ever made." The film stars an ordinary ogre, Shrek, whose precious solitude is suddenly shattered by the invasion of annoying

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Wednesday, May 16, 2001

Maybe it's because Steven Spielberg has handed over the reins, or maybe it's because the second film in the series was such twaddle. but for whatever reason there hasn't been an awful lot of fuss made about Jurassic Park 3. And although Jurassic Park's Sam Neill is back for the ride, the complete lack of hype must surely be a bad omen. However. now that Spielberg and his obsession with child actors is out of the way, there are signs that this series will become darker and finally give us what we wanted in the first place: dinosaurs. Lot s of them. Killing each other and, preferably, most of the cast along the way.

Atlantis: The Lost Empire Following experiments with computer generated animation in Dinosaur and self parody in The Emperor's New Groove, it seems Disney's latest offering IS a firm step back to 1ts traditional tried and tested formula. Hopefully , though , their recent efforts are symbolic of Disney's chang1ng approach to animation. If early footage is anything to go by, Atlantis is a lot darker than your average cartoon, with sea monsters and mysterious lost cities aplenty. But take that sick

bucket in with you anyway ... just in case.

AI it's directed by Steven Spielberg. lt involves robots. Hayley Joel Osment and Jude Law star. Jude Law has got a freaky, plastic hair cut. These are the facts that are known about AI , the film Stanley Kubrick developed for the twenty years before his death. Rarely has the production of a movie of this size managed to keep such a high level of secrecy. There are rumours it might be a futuristic version of Pinocchio. There is definitely a robot-fight scene. gladiator style, and the future of fast-food , Mech-Donalds makes an appearance . Apparently there are musical sequences. it has cost Warner Bros. a huge sum of money and the advertising campaign is bizarre. lt could be for kids. lt could be for adults. Beyond that it 's anyone's guess. There will probably be explosions.

Pearl Harbour They might as well have called it Titanic 1/. Pearl Harbour sets a fictional romance involving a hot, young American star and a talented English actress against an epic t rue-life disast er involving sink ing ships. it 's directed by a maj or ac t ion director of li mited range and cost one hell of a lot of money. Admittedly the star is Ben Affleck, the actress is Kate Beckensale. the disaster is the Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbour in 1941 and the director in Michael Bay, but those are just details. In interviews Bay has claimed the whole film was conce ived after he had a dream where he followed a bomb from a plane down to the deck of a ship and then exploded . Somehow, that doesn't sound particularly promising.

Planet of the Apes Over the years Tim Burton has made an eclectic range of movies. with everything from children's movies to the first two Batmans. Planet of the Apes, a remake of the 1960s sci-fi classic, may be his oddest choice yet. But if Burton's subject matter is constantly changing, at least l1is approach remains reassuringly consistent, because the director has let it be known that he envisages POTA very much as a gothic fairytale. Qu1te how this is the case isn't clear, though with Mark Wahlberg cast as the human hero lost in a world of monkeys and Helena Bonham-Carter playing the sexiest chimp you'll ever see, it should be fun finding out. After all, for all his flaws, Burton has never made a dull movie. Look out for the original film 's star Charlton Heston making a cameo appearance as 路a dying ape ' .

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usic to Stressed? Kieran McSweeney is, and he's wasted vital revision time writing this guide for the good of student-kind ...

t's the end of week twelve. You've spent the last three weeks constructing a colour coded revision timetable only to discover that the exam is tomorrow. Suddenly, you are gripped by an unexplained urge to spring clean. Donning an apron and drawing the duster from its sealed cellophane wrapper, where it has lived for the last twelve weeks, you attack the cobwebs that have been gathering on the ceiling. Before you have noticed today has passed into tomorrow, the exam is over and you have just finished vacuuming. Does this sound familiar? Stress has always been a problem in exams but why not make it a bit easier, reach for your CD rack and mellow to a bit of Miles Davis, relax to some reg-

gae or get motivated to Mozart . are looking desperate avoid Papa Roach 's Last lt is true, not only does music provide you with an Resort. If you are feeling stressed, what better way to relax than to have a toke, sit back in an excuse to get drunk at the LCR, but it can also armchair and listen to reggae while your mind help you to revise . Whether you need a break or a wake up call, the right tune can help you cut drifts to the tropical beaches of Jamaica (don't down on coffee, chocolate and cigarettes making get too comfortable though , you 've got to be in the sports centre tomorrow morning at nine!). it easier to relax . lt is a well known fact that listening to a song can help you comm it your notes Personally , I recommend Go! die Timeless and to memory as you begin to associate it with what Miles Davis Kind of blue to anyone having you have read. However, this method does have Both drum and bass and jazz make great backits drawbacks. You would look a bit of a prat if ground music , although remember to respect the you broke out into a rendition of Spandau Ballet privacy of your neighbours, as they might not halfway through your history exam because you share your views. The radio is also a good revision aid reminding you that however little you couldn 't recall the name of Stalin's mum . Similarly, some ••""'••1!1111••~!111111••••• think you know , you are still superior to a radio one DJ . song titles can prove a little misThe key thing to remember leading and creBob Marley said is 'don't worry.' If the landlord is ate a false sense of security , as threatening to cash the damage deposit because by paccan band names. lt might seem ing you have worn through hi carpet , reach for a CD or turn wishful thinking to listen to someon the radio and knuckle thing by Eternal if down. Good luck! the exam is actu•••r-~1 ally tomorrow . o what to listen to? The answer to this question really lies with the individual. lt 's best to avoid catchy tunes. If you revise Pythagorus while rap. ping to Eminem then not only will you be left with an identity crisis but both your mark and your paper will look slim and shady . If you are looking for motivation then Hit Me Baby One More Time could be your song but if things

Run DMC have got big willies and rap about things. That's what Anthony Love// says, anyway ... Who? The original kings of New York . Joe Simmons (Run). Darryl McDaniels (DMC). and Jason Mizell (DJ Jam Master Jay) are the members of one of the most influential hip-hop groups ever. Quite literally old school, Mizell and McDaniels were even at kindergarten together. The founders of modern hip-hop? You'd better believe it! When were they formed? They formed in the early 80s, and had their first hit in 1983, with the classic lt 's Like That. The b-side Sucker MCs provided hip-hop with one of its most notable phrases, and raised the profile of the group in the all-important underground scene. As a result , the 1984 self-titled debut album went gold, the first rap album ever to do so. Was this their peak? That remains to be seen, but certainly they have yet to re-attain the heights they reached in the mid80s. 1985's "King of Rock " album went platinum, and the "Raising Hell" effort two years later sold three million, and spawned many imitators. The band's fusion of rap and rock (including the unsurpassable and genre-founding collaboration with Aerosmith on a revamped version of the latter's "Walk This Way") on songs such as "Rock Box" and "King of Rock " remains a musical landmark. Run DMC were the first rap group to have a video on MTV, the first to appear on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine, and perhaps most importantly, the first non-athletes to endorse Adidas clothing .

In a highly Scientific survey, Natalie Buhagiar and James Goffin bring you the best and Were they fashion Icons then? Oh yes. Run DMC were icons of New York street worst songs to revise to ... ~~---~~~~ style. Ad idas tracksuits and shoes, huge gold Best chains and Fedora hats were one of the most versions of American Pie by Don M cLean ( 13 mins) • Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven - Apparently c lassical music helps you remember things better • Shining Light by Ash - something cheerful as an aid to refresh the brain in the revision intermissions • Buck Rogers by Feeder - to bounce around your room to and relieve that pent-up frustration Then, of course, there are those songs that were made purely for revision purposes: • I still Haven't Found What I 'm Looking For by U2 • We've Gotta Get Out Of This Place by Animals • Under Pressure and I'm Going Slightly Mad by Queen • Ra Ra Rasputin by Boney M - for those History students .. . it's got great factual content • Hard Day's Night by The Beatles and Who Needs Sleep by The Bare Naked Ladies - for those last minute crammers • The One and Only by Chesney Hawkes - for when self-belief is lack ing. (Do people actually own this record?) • When the Going Gets Tough by Billy Ocean or Boyzone (depending on how desperate the situation gets) . .- - - - - - - - - • • Don't Panic by Coldplay , for some reassuring words from the young Chris Martin . • Anything by Soft Cell or Simple Minds • Relax by Frankie Goes to Hollywood for those toilet breaks in the middle!! • The full-length

and I Am The Resurrection by The Stone Roses (8 mins 12 secs) to ensure extended breaks from revision

recognisable looks of the 1980s. The band even name-checked their sponsors in the track "My Adidas" .

Then there are the rebellion tracks that make hating revision so much fun (which definitely makes it more bearable in the long run) • The Wall by Pink Floyd, with the lines, ' We don't need no education', ·we don't need no thought control' and 'Teachers leave those kids alone' in mind • Everything by the Dum Dums, with reference to: ' So what if I don 't wanna go to school and be a fool driven by a brainwashed system' • If You Tolerate This Your Children Will Be Next by the Manic Street Preachers So there you have it ... music as a revision aid. Where would we all be without music? Failing our exams miserably, no doubt.

Movie Stars too? To a lesser extent. The band appeared in the 1986 film • Krush Groove" , about a record industry maverick, along with the fledgling Beastie Boys. However, their next film "Tougher Than Leather" was a flop, and was marred by rioting at theatres showing the film.

Worst Music has charms to soothe the savage breast , to soften rocks , apparently . lt also has the power to drive you round the bend when you 're trying to revise, especially when that inconsiderate sod next door has decided to treat you to the complete Bond theme tune collect ion at full pelt. But even if you do have the chance to decide on your own playl ist without the interference of the breeze-block amplified stereo of your neighbour, there are some songs you should definitely avoid . School 's Out by A lice Cooper is the most obvious example. it 's already bad enough to be holed up revising when it seems like the rest of the world is outside devouring Ronaldo Ice creams in the square or sunning it up down by the lake, without some long-haired crooner telling you that we 've already reached the end of term. Listen, A lice, we

What about the 1 990s? The band saw their popularity dip due to the advent . ._ _. ._ _ _. . . . . . . of gangsta rap, but found fulfilment in other ways. Simmons became an ordained Minister, and haven't. In fact, we've got twelve hours of exams McDaniels a Deacon, and 1993's "Down With The in the fetid stench of the old sports centre to King " was considered something of a comeback. deal with first - so don't rub it in. Another one best avoided is Summertime (not the More recently, Run DMC had a Number One hit Fresh Prince and Jazzy Jeff version , although with the Jason Nevins remix of "it's Like That", and that's probably a no brainer too) by Sarah Vaughn current album "Crown Royal " has seen special and many others since. " Summert ime, and the liv- guests galore (including the likes of Kid Rock, ing is easy." Easy is it , Sarah? Easy scraping by Sugar Ray and Everlast) queuing up to pay homage to the band . Legends in their own lifetime, Run on the remnants of a loan, when what you really crave is protein-rich brain food to make sense of DMC's influence has yet to be fully realised . that last floating point calculation? Easy when you can 't remember the primary causes of the In Retrospect... Goddamn that DJ made my day! 1914 Great War, let alone what the name of that j umped-up vicar 1n the Balkans? Do me a favour, and stop reminding me that the weather is as hot as a solar flare . There are plenty of others worth skipping too, tiut for your safety as much as your fellow students, steer clear of the Boomtown Rats. No one likes Mondays, but that doesn 't mean you should contemplate taking a shotgun into the exam hall. That really would be a bad sound to have ringing in your ears as you finally head out into the summer sunshine.

If all you can think about is standing in the dole ueue when you fail your exams and are thrown out of university, spare a thought for Northern Line, ig un and 911 - Katie Hind charts their rise, and ultimate decline into karaoke kings in sunny Great Yar o bingo, they rnak •, Just 17. Since The Beat IPS r there has been an r rl blonde , pretty boy ·~ strike it rich. TI1E screaming at Wh ;1 and later t hat der ( teens were madli Duran Duran . But

-, " .. ·ppy

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er ..,

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of one of the most pr · r IJOv bands ev er - Tak e I ' T E • r'J five, who originat e; Manchester shot t c·r 1e v.. •• their first top 40 h ' rt Or'/} Takes a Minute and g • s 1verP hooked on them. Next came sell r

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"Westlifej/ow lifejgo get your own life"

You. wh rl e later 911 came along to entertain yo ung grrls wi t h their frrst nu mber one , A Little Bit More. But as much as rt pains to me to say it, few of

"Spare a thought for Mikey Graham: he has been chucked out of Boyzone for 'not being gay enough"

k , I know I'm sad. but I love boy bands. Not a day goes by without one of my so called friends taking the piss out of my seemi ngly poor music taste . But I suppose I can see t heir point, how many boy bands do actually make it past havi ng more than th ree hits (two of these obviously being covers of crap 70s ballads)? The answer, not many . Record companies do seem to think that a quick way to a few quid is to pick up a few mi ldly fit blokes (except in the case of t he fac ially challenged a1) randomly off the street, give t hem a few singing and dancing lessons and

Wednesday, May 16, 2001

out t ours and number one singles and albums. Their boy-nex t-door images had fema les of all ages drooling - and t his was the beginning of a huge phenomenon. But hot on thei r heels came the lik es of Let Loose, 911, Northern Line and Upsi de Down. Although they could all be desc ribed as a poor man 's Take That, as they all looked the same , t hey still sold songs. The trio Let Loose were quic kl y cas hing in on their take off of Crazy for

them have ta lent . The likes of Let Loose. 911 and Big Fun are prime examples. They may look prett y, but lets face it, most of them are probably in the dole queue alongside Emale and Popstars' Darius as we speak. Their time on the celebri ty, drug-tak ing ci rcu it is more often than not short lived and before they know it it 's time for them to hrt the ground again w rth a big bump. it's not long before they spirt up and are hurl ing abuse at one another from therr beds in The Prrory vi a the t ablord press. Some of them do try and relaunch themselves after a dramat ic change of image . take Mark Owen for example. He's gone from being plastered all over the bedroom walls of every gi rl under the age of tw elve wh ile he was in Take That. to a scruffy , grungy fai led has-been currently t ou rr ng dirty, louse-infec ted nightclubs in his native ci t y of Manc11est er. His less than succ essful album . Green Man st ruggled to make it into t he top forty. Because it was crap . But I su ppose that's more than can be said for than the least popular of the boys, Jason Orange. He seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth it's believed that he is currently on his way round the world with nothing but his back pack and the nu mber one Everyt hing Changes album for company. Then there 's their 'friend ' and fellow heart throb, Robbie Will iams. The cheeky t eenager left t he band before they split up seven years ago, leaving gi rls throughout the country queui ng up to throw themselves off Beac hy Head. But si nce, then he has transformed hi mself into a chart-to pping fox -and a damn rich one at that. His endl ess top ten singles have made hrm one of the rrchest men in the wo rl d - and also one of the most wanted. And Irish sex god.

Ronan Keating may have managed to piss off his fellow Boyzone c ronies, but the boy has done good. While Stephen Gately is suffered the embarrassment of his first solo hit , I Believe sliding down the charts quicker than you can say 'weeeee' and Shane Lynch is speeding around race t rac ks in his new fou nd career as a race ca r driver, spare a t hought for poor old Mikey Graham . Not only has his tour been cancelled due to a lack of t icket sales, but he has allegedly been ch ucked out of the band for not being gay enough. Not to ment ion the appalling single that he re leased wit h Shane - covering a M illr Vanilli song wit h Eminem-sty le slaggi ng-off of fe ll ow (read more successfu l) popst ars rapping does not a c ome-bac k hit make. And would it hurt t o try and look a bit prettier? Thought not.

"Bryan from Westlife will be forced to work as a potato farmer to support Scouse pug-face Kerry and their brood of screaming brats" k, so we've already waved goodbye to some of the best boy bands ever. but who will be next? lt seems ridiculou s to even consider it at t he moment , but I suppose that one day even my favo urites West life will be in t he dustbin . Aft er all , t hat' s what happened to Take That and The Beat les. When the Irish fivesome do finally, not to mention tragically, split what can us devastated fans look forward to seeing them do? Shane Filan , the singer and sexgod has already been dubbed as the new Ronan , so fans will be able to look forward t o him having a few hit si ngles and t 11ousands of pounds worth of cosmetic dent al treatment. Nicky Adams could revert back to his former caree r as a footballer - su rel y he 's guaranteed at least a place keeping the bench warm for his local Su nday tea m. Bryan will be forced to work as a potato farmer back in Ireland to support Sco use pug-face Kerry (formally of Atomic Kitte n unt il she was rep laced by someone who doesn't look as though her face has been squ ashed , and wh o looks ex act ly li ke t he oth er t wo members) and t heir brood of screaming brats. I can al ready hear the c ries "but daddy, Brook lyn Beck ham had a Porsche Boxter for his sixth Birthday .. . " Great Yarmo uth could be t he new home to N Sync when they hang up their mic rophones and face packs, if they' re not careful. A karao ke bar in Norfolk's less than salubrious seaside town beckons for them - after all , at th e moment all they do is mime bac ki ng voca ls. And as for the Ameri can group , Backstreet Boys, maybe they will consider chucking in t hei r bac kstreet image for a backpack and accompany ing Jason Orange in his journey around the world -and he can teach them to dance while they 're at lt. So girls (and boys), keep your eyes peeled for Westl ife 's next tour because it may be the last chance you have before Shane goes solo and Bryan settles down into domesti c bliss- because I can promise it will be a damn good show. And afterwards, I'll be the first in the queue at Beachy Head.

11 iP

'se TV is now saturated with men as emotionally stunted sex objects, unable to cope with being grown-ups. Adam Chapman explains ... t is the ultimate revenge. For centuries women have been repressed, suffering the ignominy of being portrayed as merely objects of sex, the subject matter of the patriarchal wet dream in this sexist era. And yet, bit by bit, the roles are slowly being reversed. The 1990s saw the, some say fictional, dawn of the New Man. New Man was In touch with his feminine side. New Man was good In the k itchen, able to provide a woman with the emotional security and dependability that she supposedly yearned for in a partner. New Man was a grown up, with grown up feelings. In short, New Man did not exist, and if he did he was probably gay. Fat lot of good that did women. So where do we go from here? Emotionally Mature Man was a rarity, and probably old enough to be your dad. So where were women supposed to turn and how could they possibly determine what men are all about in the world of the new millennium? Well, in this media-dominated age, our old friend the television seems to have come up with the answer. And if television is, In true Snow White "mirror, mirror, on the wall " style, the looking glass of our generation, then the present situat ion is, indeed, a pretty sorry sight. For men. by all accounts have undergone some kind of regression process, whereby they have become irredeemably stupid and infantile. In place of New Man, we now have Stupid Man. No more is this the case than In Channel Four's Teachers. Hardly a critical success, and failing to

make the most of the prized post· ER slot, there is doubt as to whether it is likely to be recom· missioned. The Wednesday night placement is also traditionally a time when the channel seeks to maximise its female viewing figures. Teachers, after all, was put in to replace Sex and the City when it ended its run. Set in a Bristol comprehensive, Teachers follows the life of Simon (Andrew Lincoln) a teacher who has the emotional savvy of an eight year old boy. The kind who displays his attraction to the girl in his class by shutting her hair in the door. So instead of empowered women talking freely about their sexual freedom, we get men with barely the brain power to put one foot in front of the other. Let's put to one side for a minute t he fact that Teachers is to schooling what Eurotrash is to informed sexual ·debate and really have a look as to what, if the programme is to be believed, it says about the current state of masculinity in this day and age. Well, for a start, to use the term "man" would be to imply that the male charac ters in Teachers have actually left spotty adolescence behind. We' re dealing with problems like · w e didn't have sex last night, so is the relationship over?" You 'd be hard pressed to find a less stable person in the problem pages of More! magazine. Regardless of whether you 1ike the programme or not, there are only so many times a man can fall off his bike in an ever-so amusing manner. The interplay between the women and the men on Teachers has also moved away from the trad~ tional gender stereotypes. Women provide emotional sufferance and sexual gratification, as has always been the case. Nothing new about that right? But there is a difference here. Programmes like Sex and the City have reversed t he traditional roles of sexual politics: men are no longer in control when it comes to sex, it is women who call the shots. The fantasy sequences in both Teachers and Ally McBeal serve to highlight this point, although In two different ways. In Teachers, Slmon's anti: - - - - -- -.. quated fantasies involve dominatrix and Benny Hill girls. Rather than treating women as sex objects, this only serves to undermine the Stupid Man further, especially in the eyes of the presumed female audience. The sexual stereotyping, portrayed in such a way, illustrates how ridiculous male oppression really was, especially if this is what male fantasy look like. In Ally McBears fantasy sequences, the roles are also reversed, with men portrayed as the sex objects. Cor! Centuries of prostitution, pornography and aprons all undone in one fell swoop with this ever so clever stylistic device. This isn't the only instance of role swapping. The small screen is full of it. Perfect example: the Diet Coke man. Young, dumb and full of... steroids. I doubt that I'm the first to say this but if the man cleaning the windows at 11.30 had been a woman, and the women losing all respect had been men, methinks there would have been a. bit of an outcry. Late night panel shows would be saturated with the likes of Germaine Greer and Pally Toynbee condemning this blatant sexist "tosh" (I presume at least one of the aforementioned women, probably the former, would use such a word).

" Teachers .is to schooling what Eurotrash is to informed sexual debate."

ut what's a little light ridicule when you' re a man? We run the world! Take up most of the seats in the nation's Parliament!

What 's that all about then? Ok, you might also' know it as Betty Blue. The English distributors obviously decided to take the sex angle in their marketing approach as that's why most British people {the dirty ml;lc brigade) seem to watch French films. There's sex In lt? How much? That's not the point, philistine, it's actually one of the seminal French films of the 1980s responsible for thrusting Beatrice Dalle into the international spotlight. Beatrlce Dalle? Is she the one who gets her kit off? Yes, but again that isn't the point of the film. The focus of the movie is the explosive relationship between Betty (Dalle) and her handyman boyfriend Zorg. Betty discovers a manuscript written by Zorg and sets her sights on getting his work published. In the meantime, the relationship between the two is brutally affected by Betty's increasingly volatile mental state. Zorg? That's a bit of a pom name. Ok weirdy person! There is sex in it! it Is not, however, a porn film ... and j ust because you can't get your head out of the gutter doesn't mean that there aren't other people who actually get the film! The final moments of Betty Blue are both harrowing yet curiously touching.

"You won't be seeing Andrew Lincoln running in front of a horse at Epsom in the name of all that is masculine and good. Besides, he'd probably trip over." Invented television, for God's sake! Who cares if we are portrayed as sexually inept and emotionally infantile? Besides, Teachers hardly set the viewing figures on fire did·it? But, at a time when newspapers are fu ll of reports about boys growing up as the displaced sex, unsure of where they stand in society, forever being outshone by the academically proficient "fairer" sex, it has become clear that society is devoid of any good male role models. And where are children most influ· enced in their formative years? I wouldn't be so naive to say family or school, for it is television, after all, that most kids watch in between jumping on cars and hanging out in the park drinking Red Stripe, and swearing at each other. lt is no wonder, therefore, that there is a theoretically displaced sex. The problem comes when they reach their twenties, as a whole generation of men stuck in emot ional Munchkin land. And, if television is anything to go by, don't expect a cultural revolution along the same lines as feminism. You won't be seeing Andrew Lincoln running in front of a horse at Epsom in the name of all that is masculine and good. Besides, he'd probably trip on his way down the track. Men really are that stupid. And in portraying the not so fair sex in such a way, transmitting this image into living rooms around the world, feminism has possibly struck a nice blow to the groin of mankind.

Why? Well, for a start you' ll never look at spoons in the same way again. Spoons? Of the cutlery variety, you pervert. They play a part in one of Betty's most disturbing acts of madness. In a potent case of life imitating art, Oalle went a bit loopy and started shoplifting.

Do not watch If: You are used to carrying your videos out of the Adam Chapman store in brown paper bags.

Celebrate the end of exams with a

PAR

at the York Tavern Wednesday 30th May

Becks £1.50 d £1.50

Wednesday, May 16, 2001

summertime

If none of the activities chosen for you by the wheel of fortune appeal, then look no further than the silver screen to offer a plethora (well, two) of filmic frivolity with which to while away the season ...

"The girls are hot wearing less than bikinis. Rockman lovers driving Lambourghinis." Vanilla Ice SYS 3 "Definitely the sport. Thank God for the TV." lames Hodge MOT 2 "Cute girls wearing bikinis" Slmon Thomhlll HIS .1

"Londoners going to the seaside. They make me mad, the pie and mash eating idiots. • lamle Guthrle LAW .1

"Hayfever. Cos I don't get it and it indicates to me who is weak, and must therefore be ignored." Anna McGinn HIS 3 "I can walk into campus in my T Shirt. And nothing else." Sam Parker HIS 2

1 . The Dazed and Confused Sumrm~r Why not spend your summer in a haze of stoned abandon, the sweet sound of 70s rawk and roll ring ing In your ears. "Time for another 'J' buddy?" "Yeah dude, gotta love that Mary Jane." And so on. Learn the lingo, purchase the goods, turn up the stereo and this summer could be yours. One thing though, the top priority of the summer of 2001 is no longer Aerosmith tickets, not unless you want to watch the embrassing sight of a SQ.year-old lizard man prancing around in spandex tights. We suggest Trip-hop Instead. Obligatory Disclaimer: We would just like to say that in no way would we ever condone the use of marijuana, not on your nelly. lt makes you impotent anyway.

2. The Goonles Summer For those of you who fancy a more active summer than simply slipping slowly into a herbal coma, why not try our patented Goonies summer: guaranteed adventure for all. All you need for this is a group of your closest friends and a map to some stolen pirate treasure, preferably hidden away in your neighbourhood so as to be home for tea when your mum calls. Simply get on the wrong side of a group of criminals run by a menopausal knarled old harpie and pray that they have a deformed yet lovable simpleton hidden away somewhere, who you can befriend and convince to help you on your quest. Take: Baby Ruth candy bars and a prew pubesent longing.

"I get to play lots of sport to stop the wheeze I get when I climb the library stairs." lamle Clarl<e LAW 3 "Cos of all the fl ies. They're so make me feel like a g iant." Ste ve Col/Ins SOC 3 "Any excuse to sit outside drinking beer all day." Stuart Rose MTH 3 "Because I get to indulge In wasp genocide.• Rona Shearer EAS .1

"Skinny men without their shirts on and red, peeling shoulders." RuthSWK 3 "Sandals with socks." Rachel Hlckson ART .1 "Insects. I'm really scared of them. I think they're all going to kill me and eat me and things and I have an irrational fear of little things that move.· Astrld Goldsmith EAS2 "The obligation to have fun' Domlnlc Gates LAW 2 "People wearing 3/4 length trouser and sleeveless tops at the 1irst sight of the sun" Vlcky Leddy HIS 2

"So many attractive girls to look at but none look at me. can you put my email address In, please?" Bill VIne EAS 2 . No. "They should build a beer tap in the square and then I'd be happy.· lames lng MGT .1 All voxpops complied by Uz Hutch/MM

Wednesday, May 16, 2001

"On the Beach by Darude, because it doesn't have many words n it for me to get wrong." Chrls Cl/pson MGT .1

"In the Summertime. I think about that horri ble drink-driving ad every time I hear it." Matthew Sheehan MTH 3

" I like listening to garage in my car with the windows dov.n. Apart from anything else, it makes me look cool." Steven Lewlt LL T 3

"Mr Loverman by Shabba Ranks, he's far too arrogant for my liking." lames lng MGT .1

"Informer by Snow: the ultimate summer anthem.· Ann McGinn HIS 3

Does Lisa Riley sing summer songs? lain Patterson SYS 2

Wednesday, May 16, 2001

_ :IA_

_ _,_n_s._p_e_c_te_d_:_M _ us _i_c_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

the

event

Radiohead

Albums:

Amnesiac """'"'"'"'"• Radlohead's second album in a year, is definitely not the much-touted 'pop' album that press speculation has promised. That is unless I have unknowingly fallen into a van-winkle-esque slumber and somehow missed the shock news that The Aphex Twin has kidnapped Hear'Say and kept them locked in his private basement prison, feeding them a steady diet of mind-altering psychotropics, paranoid fantasies and their own excrement through the rusty bars. And If, after the ordeal, they released a new Aphex Twin produce<! single called "They're all against me .. . even that twelve year old in the audience" which was clasped to the nation's collective 'pop' bosom and hailed as the most uplifting number one since Bring your Daughter to the Slaughter. If this has happened then, yes, Amnesiac is adiohead's new pop album, if not fetch some and follow me. with the dyslexsically titled Packt like Sardines in a Crushd tin box, this is by far the relentlessly depressing album Radlohead so much so that the

demon cartoon on the actual CD, seems more instruction than illustration. it's the first track and already Thorn Yorke is telling us he's a reasonable man and that we Should get off his case. The dark paranoid mood never lets up and quite frankly it's too much, gone are the elegiac uplifting epics replaced instead by non· stop whining. The continuous experimentation is also taken too far, so where· Kid A married machinery to melody, Amnesiac just drones, leaving a song like Pull Pulk revolving doors sounding like Fitter Happier with the fax machine turned up to eleven. Don't get me wrong I am a huge Radlohead fan and I really expected to like this, but it just really lacks the spark that characterises their previous releases. To be fair to the Reading lads any band would find it difficult to live up to a back catalogue this good. One puzzling mystery remains however, why did they think there was enough material from the Kid A sessions to justify releasing two albums. On the evl· dence of Amnesiac, it's obvious there wasn't. Merek

soothing, dulcet tones, reveals his contempt for soci· segments, brief snippets of conversation in which ety run by corrupt politicians: "I don't give a f- who they're screwing in private, I wanna know who they 're Franti plays the part of a radio DJ. In some of these segments. Franti, in his assumed role, interviews a screwing in public." Songs like the upbeat and angry far-right Christian governor who refuses to pardon a Rock the Nation mix with more mellow tunes, such as Love Will Set Me Free, a song which shows that wrongfully-convicted woman, often with shocking resu lts. Played by Woody Harrelson, the governor's Franti still has hope and faith in human nature, statements set out the right-wing viewpoints which despite the overwhelming sense of disillusion that perFranti clearly and vehemently disagrees with. These meates the album. This and the politics do not weigh dialogues provide an excellent counter-balance to the the album down, however. Though the songs are other tracks on the album, 13 sublime songs that extremely strong on their own, the radio segments combine reggae, hip-hop, soul, rap and funk to probind them together and ensure that Franti's message duce some of the most thought-provoking songs of doesn't get lost In the musical utopia. Stay Human is the year so far. More subtle than the segments, the a wonderful album that, with Its music and its messongs still have a powerful political undertones. Oh sage, should appeal to all. first sets the tone Franti~ in:.h ~i~ s_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __::;::;~===

Yay! The best cartoon gang in town are back, with more lald·back·yet·rockin' beats. There are a good few possible singles on t he eponymous album, but 19-2000 is by far the best choice for the summer. 2·0/Damon's vocals are perfectly matched to the relaxed synth-pop rhythms. Astrld Goldsmith

~-~·....---Also

Released:

Shaggy feat. Rayvon Angel Why does Shaggy have to ruin perfectly decent tunes by stuttering Incomprehensible bullshlt over the top? If you can Ignore his lecherous eye-brow arching and annoying hand gestures, Angel Is a relatively alright song, probably due to the fact that it is a hybrid of riffs and melodies from too many sources to mention.

~~~~~~~-----~~~~~~~------~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ncethel r ama~ngsuccess lastyeaG~seems

s cockney 'knees up dahn the nuclear sub' fivepunk rock band know how to have good time , but it appears that making records doesn't fit into this idea. For Blue Gravy: Phase 9 is not real ly even an album as such, running at a total play· ing time of 21 minutes and 45 seconds. But ignoring the length of Blue Gravy, the songs t hemselves aren't bad at all. Opening tracks Slipt and Prisoner Abroad are serious slices of standard shouty punk rock, but the title track returns Snuff to their trulmr~et,~l'llnc1-H;~Imrrlon,d-corl1;~n best. Indeed, Blue Gravy leans more on the sound of Booker T and MGs than

Terry Edwards on horns and Hammond. it Is in the final two live tracks that the album really comes to life. While the addition of the songs may at first look like a desperate attempt to prolong the album, in fact they are a treat that show Snuff In their element. Caught in Session and Ecstacy, are the catchiest songs on the album, but the band also offer some quality banter with the audience. In fact, before playing Caught in Session, Duncan Redmonds betrays his cockney roots somewhat with the line, " Oi oi! Coupla' pigs' ears dahn the old battle cruiser ... • 1t may not make much sense to anyone outside EastEnders, but at least they 're having fun . And that, baslcal is what Snuff do best. Will

----------~------~~--~~ The Stereo MC's stagger back out into the unforgiving light of post-Aphex electronica like a rather confused Hacienda leftover circa 1992 · only to find that their beloved Madchester has in fact changed beyond all recognition. Wnat's happened to the ecstasy generation? And who 's this Tony Blair bloke? Deep Down and Dirty is the evolutionary apotheosis of 400 discarded tracks, 30 rejected albums and eight years ' constant studio work. A million bllssed-out memories, a billion boring stories of what dance music used to be like. And one song. One song which sounds exactly the same as it always did. This isn't so much stepping it up as shuffling sideways. The opening title track sees MC Rob Birch still doing his smacked-up-Steptoe-meets-Aii·G routine. Play

Connected or Step it Up at the same time and you get

the Stereos in surroundsound. And it's this relentless, closeted xeroxing of their own rickety funk-hop arses that jars so much throughout the album. Both Graffiti Part 1 and the next track, Graffiti Part 2 (I) are extended resprays of the album's opener. Sofisticated offers the same sans any added sofistication. Traffic gets stuck In an endless freeform jam whilst Mr Birch indulges in cod-mystical ramblings and shouts ' eeaasehl' a bit. The whole album poots along perfunctorily through soundalike exercises in empty posi· tivity; about as uplifting as a (not-so} Brand New Heavies grown fat on inertia and self-reverence. And they haven't even bothered to correct that stupid apostrophe. Steve

Screaming groupies, knickers being thrown on songs. Although it was clear that we'd only paid stage, adoring slogans on banners... no, we didn't our £3.50 to hear one song, they gave us good value for mo(ley by performing Goodbye Baby Jane receive a visit from Elvis - it was the floppy (a track from Chesney's new album, out in the haired Chesney Hawkes, icon of our youth who Summer) and UEA favourite American Pie, Paul provoked this, frankly, quite frightening response. Playing to a sell-out crowd at last fortnight's Now McCartney's Come and Get lt, John Lennon's Imagine (see a pattern emerging?) and, of course, 90s, Chesney graced the stage with a live band The One and Only. Ches decided to go it alone for (that doesn't make you credible, Ches) featuring his number one hit, snubbing his live band for a his brother, Jodie, on drums and Stu on bass. Chesney has obviously made good use of his ten- .. secorded version • and left it up to the audience to sing most of it. This may have been slightly year absence by perfecting his live act - of five

Wednesday, May 16, 2001

cheeky, but did anyone care? Of course not, just the thri ll of having charasmatlc Chesney in the LCR was enough to send most people into a frenzy and I doubt that anyone would have realised if they'd just played the tape and Ches had gone home to bed. Luckily for us, though, he didn't · he retired to the Hive to sign autographs. For three hours. Whilst the rest of the band grabbed a bottle of vodka and headed for the nearest party. Chesney Hawkes ·you've gotta love him.

Travis have become ready to hang-up their microphones in favour of pipes and slippers. This song is dull. Not dull In the Starsailor 'so dull you want to poke out your eyes and put them in your ears' way, just dull. The video, portraying those cheeky Scots having a food fight with a load of toffs, Is an obvious attempt to jolly it up a bit, but it just doesn't work. You can do better than thisl

Stephen Gateley Stay Stephen, you're not Britney Spears. Nor are you Ricky Martin. So Britney-esque is Stay that you almost expect Stephen to burst into 'aye-aye-aye' as he jumps off the bonnet of the car in his trendy paint-splattered jeans. Gateley's new sound, unoriginal as it is, works quite well until you remember Boyzone's pathetic warblings. After he came out last year let's hope he'll start being true to himself in his music too, it's not as if Boyzone fans have anything else to spend their money on at the moment.

Badly Drawn Boy Spitting in the Wind For the sake of those with shockable souls, BOB have released this album track (charmingly titled Pissing in the Wind on the album) under Spitting ... lt highlights Gough's vocal abilities alongside his brilliantly ramshackled music. For those not convinced by BOB, look no further than this record.

- - - - - - - -- - - - -

Ins ected: Film

The Dish Directed by: Rob Stitch Starring: Sam Neill, Kevin Harrington and Tom Long

Amusing comedy about the 1969 lunar landing set In ... Australia!?! Yep, aside from the wonder that Is Neighbours they also had one other televisual achievement. Back in 1969 space travel mattered. When a rocket took off there was a good chance that the people inside wouldn't survive the trip back to earth. So what about the prospect of man walking on the moon? "it's unthinkable, impossible, suicide." Unsurprising then, that when the crew of Apollo XI did walk on the moon, everyone wanted to see it to believe it. But how did those earth-shattering pictures of Neil Armstrong taking humanity's first tentative, extra terrestrial steps find their way on to televi sion sets the world over? Through a gigantic radio telescope in the middle of an Australian sheep paddock, of course. Want to find out more? Well, The Dish tells the story of the "true story" of the Parkes radio telescope and the people who made those historic pictures possible. The premise of the film is that just a week before the Apollo Xi's launch, Parkes are informed that their role in the moon landing is being upgraded. Rather than simply backing up an American facility, they will be responsible for giving the world pictures of humanity's greatest moment. Cue a bunch of small town Australians getting very excited. lt is the Parkes residents' reaction to being propelled on the world stage that provides much of the film's unavoidably likeable humour. You can 't help but giggle when the town's mayor tries to impress the American ambassador at a Welcome Ball only for the band to substitute the US national anthem for something a bit more upbeat.

In true "true story " fashion our heroes are unlikely ones_. First up there is telescope boss Cliff, a rather introverted middle aged fellow with a penchant for cardigans, played by Sam Neill (the most unlikely dinosaur-fighting hero ever in Jurasstc Park) . He IS ably assisted by the ever so Aussie M itch ( "gallah", " drongo" etc.), the young bumbl ing boffin Glenn, and their NASA counterpart Al. Again it is no shock when a bit of cultural rivalry, along with a little help from the elements, threatens to derail the project. lt is prec isely this predictability combined with the full range of cl iched stock characters - take your pick from dumb security guard to a meddling politician 's wife - that let The Dish down. Sure it 's funny, but you can't help thinking that you've heard all the small town gags and seen all the characters somewhere before. For some characters this is truer than others: look out for Eliza Snozert, the lovely Danni from Neighbours past, as Glenn's dim sweetheart . Despite the feeling of deja vu, it is an enjoyable film that captures the tension and excitement of one of the most significant events in human history from a refreshingly different perspective to the usual heroic American in space. By the end though, you can't help wondering why, after being responsible for one of the most memorable television moments in history, the best the Aussies can come up with these days is fodder for daytime TV couch potatoes. Nick Henegan

You Can Count On Me

Directed by: Kenneth Lonergan Starring: Laura Linney, Mark Ruffalo, Matthew Broderick and Rory Culkin

Not seen before In Norwich, You Can Count On Me, Is a truly human piece of cinematography. Beautifully acted, surprisingly real and well worth the ticket price. When Julia Roberts took to the podium at this year's Oscars and practically confirmed her next multi-million dollar pay packet it would not surprise me if she felt just a little bit unworthy, standing up there doing her America's sweetheart routine for the umpteenth time. Why? Well, sit-

ting there in the audience was an actress who was fast becoming the latest victim of the Academy 's complete inability to choose between a pretty face and an unquestionable talent . For Laura Linney has shown, yet again, that she can completely inhabit a part without the added burden of having a screen persona you have to name check at every give opportunity (one that involves enough facial tics to fill a mental clinic in Roberts ' case ). Linney's Sammy is a single mother in "small town America " (a backdrop rather than the guiding force of the film), juggling her job in the local bank with sporadic sex with an unsatisfying boyfriend. As well as this, her brother Terry (Mark Ruffalo) has arrived back in town after many years away. And that, my friends, is that . No histrionics and a complete absence of moments designed to manipulate the audience . What we have here is l1fe. This may sound like the type of pretentious ramblings that Barry Norman consistently spouts (the words "relegation " and "Sky " spring to mind), but it really is the case. Both Unney and Ruffalo imbue their characters with such a heady mix of humour, pathos and genuine affection that their relationship acts as the back bone of the movie. Similarly, Matthew Broderick and Rory Culkin (yes, unfortunate brother of the hands to face and scream boy) provide exemplary support, with Broderick proving that he has the mid-life crisis anal American down to a fine art. Culkin, too, provides a nicely understated performance. Bet you never thought you'd read that sentence. You Can Count On Me is driven purely by its characters, and for that we should be grateful. Sadly, though, audiences would rather see a film that requires a push-up bra and toothy grin. However, if that sounds like it might be up your alley, then you're a philistine and deserve to while away your days in front of re-runs of The Flintstones: Viva Rock Vegas. Harsh but fair, I think . Adam Chapman You Can Count On Me Is showing at Cinema City on Friday May 19 at 8.15pm, Saturday May 20, Monday May 21 and Tuesday May 22 at 5.45pm and Wednesday May 23 and Thursday May 23 at 8.15pm.

Captain Correlli's Mandolin

14 c

!"~6

Directed by: Peter Howitt Starring : Ryan Phillippe, Clare Forlani, Tim Robbins and Rachel Leigh Cook

Directed by : John Madden Starring: Nicholas Cage, Penelope Cruz and Christian Bale

Ryan "pretty boy" Phllllppe stars as computer geek Mllo In this ill-judged attack on corporate America. Unintentionally funny best sums it up.

"We're ltaaallanl Famoos for eeeting an dreeenking an mehking lurvel" Yep, Hollywood's got Its bludgeoning little mitts on a great book again ...

I will not lie to you. The only reason I went to see this film is to drool over the godly form of Ryan Phillipe . The curly blonde hair, the pouting mouth, the taut torso ... ahhh. So you can imagine my delight, when, in the first scene after the truly dreadful title sequence (think Hackers-style 'hi tech ' strobey teleprint). darling Ryan absentmindedly scratches his tummy, lifting up his tshirt to reveal toned stomach muscles and just a tantalising line of hair .... grrr. However much he pouts and scowls and looks generally pretty, not even Ryan can save this film from the bin marked 'really rubbish.' The mildly confusing plot involves Phillipe and his gang of equally sexy mates as techno-whizzes who want to create new programs to help "the world 's knowledge.'' The group are divided when money IS mvolved: Milo (Phillipe) gets offered big bucks to work for Nurv (read Microsoft) to develop revolutionary communications technology, Synapse. His more principled friends decide to go it alone . Things get slightly stickier, when Gary Winston (Tim Robbins doing a very good impression of Bill Gates) turns out to be a little more sinister than Milo first thought. People start dying all over the shop, including Milo's best friend, Teddy (the obvious choice out of the gang to die, as he is the less attractive, non-Aryan one). The message which Antitrust keeps trying to hammer home is that knowledge belongs to the world, and it shouldn't have a price on it - a big two fingers to companies like AOL and Microsoft, who are raking in the billions. However, this sits a little awkwardly with the film's blatant product placement, especially the long, lingering shots of Pepsi machines and Pringles packets. The final word on the film rests with the script itself. The fist-gnawingly embarrassing dialogue reached a peak with the confrontation between Milo and Gary . After stuffing as many confront& tion scene cliches in as possible, Milo yells: "This isn 't a game Gary! When you kill people, they d1e ." I always thought they just fell down and pretended to be dead, like they do in Game Sac . Astrld Goldsmith

You'll have formed an opinion by now already. According to the entire world, Captain Corelli's Mandolin is a bleached, anodyne, saccharrine parody of a beautifully wrought book, skinned of all subtlety and charm in an acid-bath of Hollywood over-exposure. And, unfortunately, the entire world is right. Drafted in to take over the directorial reigns after Roger Mitchell suffered a heart-attack, John Madden succesfully manages to squeeze a complex and affecting novel into a one-dimensional love story mould. Performances aside (thatsalotta-badda-accents), the condensed plot seems determined to get everything in quick before the audience drops off into a terminal siesta. Italian soldier Corelli (Nicolas Cage) arrives on the smal l Greek island of Cephallonia. with the occupying army, falls in love with the beautiful Pelag1a (perfectly played by Penelope Cruz), who is unfortunately betrothed to the swarthy local, Mandras (Christian Bale). Along with his stereotyped opera-bellowing layabout regiment, he proceeds to woo his intended with his spaniel-eyed brand of cod-med charm. ' Cage has a va liant stab at his role considering the terrible casting, managing to retain the distinction between Corelli's all -singing exterior and soft mandolin-playing centre which made him such a lifelike character on the page. it's just the accent that gets in the way. The multi-lingual script is brutally translated into a peculiar kind of catch-all Zorba the Greek esperanto. Mucho crappo. Furthermore, any mitigating factor or subtlety of characterisation that muddles the goodie/baddie distinction (Mandras' rape of Pelagia, the implied homoerotic relationship between male characters) is dutifully cast aside, and the fact that the genuine Mediteranean actors actually look completely different from half the cast is politely ignored. On the whole, if you loved the book , don 't bother. A great novel has been battered mto fragments of a grecian earner. Steve Colllns

Wednesday, May 16, 2001

. 16

Inspected: Video ~7

Charlie' s Angels

Directed by: Joseph McGinty Nichol Starring : Cameron D1az, Drew Barrymore and Lucy Liu

Kung-fu kicking remake of the television show that saw a whole bunch of talentless pop stars {Billie , Martine, Emma) adopting unsuitable Farrah flicks. Congratulations must be given to the casting director of Charlie 's Angels, for th ree less angelic actresses must be hard to find. Drew Barrymore, notorious former wildchild and junkie, was a necessity as she produced the film , but Lucy Liu (queen bitch on Ally McBeal and famed for whinging about lower pay than the other two) and Cameron Diaz (demanded fat pay check for shaking her ass a bit more than Liu) were surely odd choices for the traditionally bland-as-pie Angels. Despite the rumoured back-stabbing on set. and criticisms about the slutty FHM publicity, Charlie's Angels is a surprisingly good film. Although updated to modern times, it sti ll has a nostalgic 70s feel, in that it is not afraid to showcase the more than ample charms of its three female stars, in a frank ly non-PC way. Dylan. Alex and Natalie are the supersexy fighting team . who are employed by a computer company to recover stolen goods from a rival company (something to do with satelli t es and world domination. probably, the plot's all a bit irrelevant ). While they work together in a myriad of clever disguises (Japanese masseurs, evening wear etc. - strangely all fit neatly into thecategory of 路male fantasy '), they are also bat tling with difficult love lives . Ahh, the trials of modern women. This is definitely a girls' film. There is something far more visua lly pleasing about three beauti ful , slender females flying through the air, doing kung

Unbreak able

Space Cowboys

Directed by: M Night Shyamalan Starring: Bruce Willis and Samuel L Jackson

Directed by: Glint Eastwood Starring: Glint Eastwood, Tommy Lee Jones and Donald Sutherland

Thought The Sixth Sense was overrated? Well, Shyamalan 's follow-up is a far more accomplished affair.

"Space travel wasn 't like that in my day! " Thank God! Old people fly to the stars ... and come back, dam mit!

A fil m has not got much chance if everyone going to watch it only wants to see the last scene. Unfortunat ely, t hi s is exact ly what happened to Unbreakable at the start of this year. And, as a result, one of the most absorbing and thoughtful dramas of the year was completely dismissed because its final five minutes apparently weren't quite as clever as The Sixth Sense's a year earlier. When, in fact, they were approximately t w ice as clever, since they were designed to cumulate the story in a dramatic but utterly plausible sty le, rather th an being a gimmick to show the audience just how dumb they were. So, for the sake of completeness, here's what happens before those last five minutes. Loveable bald Bruce Willis is involved in a horrific train crash but survives unscathed. This comes as a surpri se to everyone, except britt le bone sufferer and comic book col lector Samuel L Jackson, who approaches Wil lis with t he explanation. Apparently, he's a comic book style superhero who is impervious to harm. Of cou rse, Wil lis is sceptical, but events conspire to make him question his doubt s and consider his dest iny. However, the question remains as to what really are the extents of his powers, and why is Jac kson seemingly so desperate for him to harness them? Add to t his a sub-plot involving the breakdown of Willis' character's marriage and a slightly odd kid and you have The Sixth Sense again, right? Wrong. Whereas The Sixth Sense was just an eerie novelty fi lm with a much over-rated ending , Unbreakable is a fasc inating piece of serious film-making about destiny , responsibility and the core va lues of human nature. Like the comic books it's inspired by, Unbreakable manages to tackle the concepts of good and evil and make them accessible wit hout becoming patronising or preachy . And if that 's not enough, watching this film will also treat you to the best performance of Jackson's career and writer/ director M Night Shyamalan's breakthrough as a potentially great director. With Stxth Sense he proved he could tell ghost stories. in Unbreakable he proves he can make proper films. And the ending kicks ass. So there. Ph// Colvln

it's 1958, and four talented yet wayward young men are training to be the first men in space. The fo rmat ion of NASA and an evil boss means that the mission is aborted and the group are forced to disband. Fast forward t o present day. and there is a Russian satellite spiralling out of cont ro l and head ing for America (as if anyone would care if it was heading anywhere else). Glint Eastwood is the engineering expert who designed the program guiding the satellite, and therefore the only man alive who knows how the red undant co ntro l systems can be manipulated. He must reform his old posse to save the Earth (Ameri ca) from t erri bl e danger. Cue many painful let's-get-this-show -on-the-road sequences, as the OA Ps struggle to pass their fitness test s in under 30 days. The film proceeds at a doddery pace, it seems like the whole fi lm should be finished by the time they get their training done. There is only so much you can take of what is essentia lly a big advert for NASA's training facilities and simul ation exercises. The cow boys of t he title is supposed to refer to the ol' hell-raisers, an indication of how hard the fi lm's try ing to be ironic, while still attempting to maintain a modicum of credible cool. If yo u're in the mood fo r a slow one, this could be your ticket. lt is very pleasing to see Glint enjoying himself so much at the ripe old age of 150. His ability to self-satirise is much more blatant here than in Unforgiven or In The Line of Fire and in many ways more effective in this type of film. Tom my Lee Jones gets the short straw. though, playing a- wait for it -daredevil crop duster. Donald Sutherland turns in a good performance, as always, as the ladies路 man now relegated to designing roller coasters. If Space Cowboys could decide what kind of film it wanted to be. it would be a lot more bearable . As it is, it spreads itself way too thin, trymg to be funny, gripping, sentimental and cool. At a time when the video shops are overun with space movies (Mission to Mars, Galaxy Quest, Red Planet et al), a movie about a load of old duffers romping about a spaceship is the last thing we need. Dan El/is

Wednesday, May 16, 2001

fu in slow motion, than , say, Bruce Willis' lumpen form kicking ass. lt is a proper addition to girl power films, without ever stating its objective. This is not to say boys won 't enjoy it. There are plenty of gratuitous tits and ass shots (check out the one of Lucy Liu 's butt in t he drive-th ru diner) to keep the Loaded-minded man happy , and there are some nice Matrix -sty lee fight sequences, particularly the one set to the Prodigy's Smack My Bitch Up. Told you it wasn't PC. On the down side, the supporting roles aren't any great shakes. lt would seem that the three ladies were a bit greedy with screen time and funny lines. which means Bill Murray and Kelly Lynch (good actors in t heir own rig ht) are a little sidelined . Bill 路cutting room floor' Murray is criminally underused, and not at al l funny , whi le Kelly Lynch is relegated to the part of queen bitch with bad 80s hair . Essentially, Charlie's Angels is in the same league as the Austin Powers films: movies that you think are a bit rubbish at the cinema. but mainly a bit disappointing because you've dragged yourself out and paid good money after all the over-hype publicity. Fortunately, this makes them brilliant films to buy on video (or. failing that, renting them over and over again). You can go to the toilet in the middle without pausing and not miss a thing, and stuff your face in the comfort of your own sofa. Just don't att em pt the high kic k s in your livi ng room. You will break something . Astrid Goldsmith

~路~. 7

Pitch Black

Directed by: David N Twohy Starring: Radha Mitchell, Vin Diesel and Claudia Black

A far cry from Starship Troopers , Pitch Black manages to be both scary and {quite) original, boasting a career-making performance from Vin Diesel. The life of a Hollywood scriptwriter must be a hugely derivative experience . Especially if you happen to set your film in outer space. Aliens worked because it was genuinely scary. Star Trek developed a cult appeal because it gave social incompetents something to do once masturbation had lost its early adolescent thrill. Too often t hough, what was cutti ng edge about the "outer space" film now seems stale and un imaginat ive (see Starship Troopers for proof) sunk in a self-made mire of cliches and bad dialogue. Which is why Pitch Black comes as something of a respite. That's not to say that it doesn 't have its fair share of well -worn material. Ship crash lands on deserted, sun-scorched planet. ki ll ing most of its passengers. leavi ng the survivors fighting for their lives. So far so every other space film I've ever seen in my entire life . But it doesn 't end there . A slightly more creative t wist leaves the space refugees c rash land on Ursa Luna, a planet inhabited by rather deadly flying creatures who die when exposed t o the light. But that's alright isn't it? it's a desert out there! Lots of lovely UV rays to keep those pesky aliens at bay ri ght? Well .. . no, act uall y,

because it's eclipse time and things are turning a bit dark . Add to the equation a psychotic killer (Vi n Diesel) and you can be pretty sure that if there were a fan factory on the planet . all kinds of excrement wo ul d be queuing at the door arguing over who shou ld be first to hit it. In the end, w hat makes Pitch Black better t han you r average escape from deadly alien fi lm is t he performances. Diesel, previously a bouncer in a New York night c lub, is a scenery chewer in the making, bloody scary, yet curiously sexy at the same ti me . Also, making her biggish-budget debut is Radha M itchell, Australian indie-queen an d ... whis per now , it 's not exac tl y credible ... former star of Neighbours (not in it for long so don't worry ). An alien slasher film lives or dies on whether you actually care about its charac t ers, and Mitc hell provides enough Ripl eyesque th rill s and vest to p ac ti on to keep up the momentum . Bleached camera shot s and a dec ided ly low -fi fo rm of direc ti on all go some way to providing something different for the audience and , bar a somewhat rushed ending , Pit ch Black is a worthy addition to t he annals of space ex pl orat ion. Adam Chapman

__ eve lit

Ins ected: Arts

Book reviews: Leisure by Kevln Sampson

Vintage, £5.99. Nothing beats a good trashy novel to read while sunbathing by the lake! Having been stuck on the same page of Anna Karenina for a week, I relished the prospect of a good romantic read. I was reassured that Kevin Sampson was "brilliant" and that his novel Awaydays a work of genius, that looked at football hooliganism in an entirely original way. But first sights of Leisure were not promising. The blurb tells us that a selection of angst-ridden and socially inept people, including the sumptuous-sounding "fat Pasternak the party animal" are going on holiday to the Costa del Sol for, well, sex, really. A bit like Ibiza Uncovered, you feel this oozes promise of delectable descriptions of people being oiled up on their sunbeds by the embodiment of their fantasies, followed by a jolly good romping in the sand dunes. Regrettably, like the programme, this book fails to live up to expectations, and rather than romantic escapism, instead becomes a depressing and

rather embarrassing inspection of Brittsh holidaymakers abroad. lt is not helped by the fact that the writing is unbearably stilted (the first paragraph is an exercise in long-winded irrelevance), and that you never once feel the slightest empathy with any of the characters. Kevin Sampson is not quite qualified for the genre, because to appeal to the typically girlie readership he is down in the romance stakes. The top chat-up line is "You have to let me! Let me f- you!" (it's almost too tempting!) and there are no gloriously depraved Jackie Collins-style seduction scenes. Sampson seems to have a frankly disturbing fixation on penises. and we are treated to extensive descriptions of a mighty and "beautiful" specimen, which despite covert glances from all the poolside babes, tragically gets very little use as its owner is having a marital breakdown . Leisure is also an attempt to take the trashy novel to new depths: the melancholy last sentence reads poignantly "Nobody knows anything." My opinion is that an easy read should be just that- and with a properly soppy happy ending to boot. Sadly Leisure is neither a romance nor a wittily insightful comment on society. lt combines the writing ability of a 70-year-old Mills and Boon author with sexual fantasies that don't look past missionary. But despite everything, I must sheepishly confess that it did become compulsive reading, like getting addicted to a soap storyline and watching avidly to discover the grievous ending for the dreary characters involved. Sarah Klddle

Strides

Candyland

By Stephen Foster

By Evan Hunter and Ed McBaln

Faber and Faber £7.99

lt is every person's dream, to not only win a vast amount of money, but to have the cheque presented by Bruce Forsythe. In 1961 for Viv Nicolson , a poor miner's wife from Castleford, the dream became reality when she won £152,319 on the Pools (the average 1961 wage was £1040). Understandably overcome by emo.. tion, she announced she was going to "spend, spend, spend". This month, the musical version of her rags to riches and (surprise, surprise) back to rags story arrives at the Theatre Royal after a highly successful run on the West End. Viv is played by Barbara Dickson, of TV's Band of Gold and The Missing Postman, who won the 2000 Ol iver Award for Best Actress in a Musical for her performance. Her past career as 80s singing sensation (January, February and I Know Him So Well) has left her well equipped to deal with the impressive songs by Steve Brown and Justin Green. The show was nominated for a fur-

ther seven accolades including Best New Musical and Best Actor and has received virtually unanamous acclaim from the press. Anything that can win over both The News of the World ("the biggest British winner in years") and The Finacial Times ("the most glorious musical I can recall") must be worth a try. Be prepared for a visually impressive experience as Viv and her husband enjoy all that money can buy (by the looks of things mainly shiny cars and neon lights) in a rollercoast-ride of affluence before returning to their impoverished origins, broken-spirited but hopefully a little wiser. Spend, Spend, Spend should be a timely reminder than not all musicals are over-wrought and written by Andrew Lloyd-Webber. Even if Musicals aren't usually your thing, it will interesting how Forsythe's chin is recreated in a live production. Jlm Whalley

Canongate, £14

Strides is the first novel from author Stephen Foster, a former student at UEA and attendee of the infamous Creative Writing MA. Like his partner Treua Auopardi's first book (they were on the course at the same time and gave each other advise), Strides was deemed good enough to print by the publishers before it had even been written. The plot is basically a love story, and is told from the perspective of the main character, Winger (his real name is never revealed), who falls in love with a girl named Natalie. Although this girl already has a boyfriend, the two of them 'don't get on', so Wing er may just have a look in. There are two odd things about this book, which don't make it bad, just a little quirky. One is that Winger has an obsession with trousers, and spends hours deciding which pair to wear, depending on the situation and how deep the trouser pockets are. The other thing is that Natalie plays football. Well. Obviously an incentive for the male population of football fans to either slag off or to fantasize about. lt is funny from beginning to end, and very well written. There are lots of flashbacks and flashforwards in the book, which is clever, but a little confusing. Winger has several issues that continue throughout the plot - for example, his mates, 'the .Boys', are all successful businessmen who have lots of money and spend a considerable amount of time talking about cars in the pub. In contrast, he has no money or a steady job; lt never is explained how he has the money to pay for all the trousers he has. Mobile phones are another of his issues, and on this subject Foster even manages to bring in a point relating to UEA: "The good thing about not having a mobile (they're vulgar, that's why not) is that every other f---€r in the world's got one now ... I've even seen the Poet Laureate on one." lt is obviously intended for both guys and girls, unsubtle in the girl-football player etc. and I won't say how it ends, but it is an interesting read, with a bit more style than your usual first time writer. I'd definitely recommend it to anyone. whether they have an interest in woinen ' football players or not.

Not since Enid Blyton have I enjoyed a whodunit complete with comedy value stereotypes; BA Baracas style gangsters, medallion-wearing pimps, doughnuteating cops, perverse white middle class men, gold toothed prostitutes ... 'A novel in two parts', Candy/and is written by two people who are the same person but have different names, alter ego style-ee, Ed McBain is the crime writer, Evan Hunter the psyche, (I said psyche not psycho). Confused? Well good, because that is McBain/Hunterjwhoever's greatest achievement here: creattng a detective story that really does keep you guessing right till the end. Ben Thorpe, award-winning architect, husband and father, wants sex. And he wants it now. Away on business, his pleasure hunt begins in a hotel room as, armed with his little black book, he sets off on a shocking trail of seedy joints. Nymphomaniac is not the word for this man, maniac quite possibly, which is why he becomes prime suspect when a prostitute is brutally murdered. Emma Boyle, the star of the second part, is a downtrodden cop, tired of life, love and fat, sweaty cops bossing her around. When the murder hunt begins, she decides that this is her time to shine, and with the glint of a promotional badge to guide her, she sets off into the midst of New York's underworld. Like many contemporary novels, the action takes place in just one day; murder, investigation and capture, which creates a fast pace and maintains an element of suspense, felt most keenly in the section written by McBain. At the start of the second part, confusion set in, as new characters were introduced and my memory tested. Luckily, for stoopid people like me who fail to notice the burglar on Poirot even if he is carrying a swag bag, bits from the first section were woven into the next. This saved flicking backwards and forwards time and gave me a much-needed nudge towards the culprit. Compulsive reading but, if you are a simpleton like me, concentration is required - so no reading on the beach or on the roof of Norfolk Terrace because it will just fly right over your head and onto the floor below.

AmyHards

Llz Hutchlnson

hibition

Superstition:The Magic of Everyday Life Sainsbu Centre

Saluting a magpie, running scared from a black cat, walking an extra mile just to avoid a ladder, taking random steps to avoid the perilous cracks in the pavement. Strange behaviour by anyone's standards, so what is it that drives people to turn a stroll down the road into a complete freak show? Superstitton schmuperstition some of you 'cool' people may say, but the fact is these quirky habits are a part of everyday life, hell even Ricky Martin is affected by it. Hence the exhibition title, The Magic of Everyday Life showing at the Sainsbury Centre for Visual Arts from May 30. That's on campus for those of you who only know the way to the bar. Curated by students of UEA 's acclaimed MA Museology course. this aims to explore the psychology behind superstition in a fun and interactive way whilst also questioning the political and social implications. Apparently East Anglia has a set of superstitions of its very own, (not the university, the region, but I wouldn 't be surprised)

Theatre review: "We are all born mad. some of us remain so," runs the most famous line from Waiting for Godot. lt and many others of a similar quality (this is Beckett after all) were beautifully delivered at the Playhouse last week by the Loose Cannon theatre company. The set was suitably simple as it consisted of a rock and a tree. This meant that the audience's full concentration was given to the actors. So, for two and a half hours Vladimir ( David Gwyn Harris, who also directed) and Estragon (David Reeves) had to be suitably energetic and quick witted to stop us going to sleep. Luckily, being Beckett, they didn't need to do much to get laughs and compassion across as two sad clowns who know the pointlessness of existence but whose only answer is to keep existing, if only for something to do. Highlights included the selfconscious (postmodern doesn't necessarily equal garbage) jokes using the audience, and especially if the only joy is to entertain. knowingly or unknowingly. Both the consecutive days occur in the same place, although Estragon cannot be sure, each past day occupying the same status, indistinguishable from the last . Vladimir assures him of the difference.

and these will be showcased at the exhibition. Yet another opportunity to get to know the inner workings of the Norfolk and Suffolkians I feel, and one that should not be missed. The students have also looked at how superstitions work in a modern day society, with one section entitled The Magic Continues. How, exactly, can a phrase such as "touch wood" work when plastic and MDF are our favourite materials? And is it really correct of us to carry a rabbit's foot around? Surely it wouldn't be right to see a few three 1egged rabbits hopping around Waveney Mountain? These questions and more will be answered by what promises to be a fascinating exhibition. So take a constructive revision break and learn something new, you never know, you may find that lucky charms really are the key to exam success ... on second thoughts maybe reading your notes is a better idea. Fingers crossed. Uz Hutchlnson

Waiting for Godot The PI use

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The set left the actors the space to be truly expressive and make the roles their own. The elements of slapstick and verbal sparring were reminiscent of The Tempest and the power/weakness relationship of slaves and their masters- putting an end to his thinking and the sleep - is he dead? Here, though, we were taken further into the interior psychology of people considering hanging themselves and the paradox between having thought but at the same time thinking about whether it would be more pleasurable not to have it. The direction was faithful to the text, keeping with the central theme that the exchange between the two tramps could have taken place anywhere, at any time. The ever-popular modern interpretation would have given it an unnecessary location in time. Waiting for Godot is the best of Beckett's well known plays, it may even be his masterpiece. The play is especially suited to students because, if we're honest , most of us don't know what we ' re doing, what we should be doing or what we want to be doing . And if we know we still aren 't sure. lt is about the basic humanity existing to some extent in all of us. Slmon Howarth

Wednesday, May 16, 2001 :

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Sonic Adventure 2: The Trial Essential Game 01:

lt might surprise some people to hear that Sonic the Hedgehog, Sega 's blue, spiney, endlessly irritating yet strangely compelling mascot. celebrated his tenth anniversary recently. Hard though it is to believe. it actually is a decade since he first bounced and spun onto the Megadrive and into our hearts. To mark the occasion Sega have released a special. one level trial version of Sonic Adventure 2. the sequel to the best-selling Dreamcast game to date, into the public domain. The original Sonic Adventure was something of a classic, so the question has to be. what, if any changes have been made for part two? The range of playable characters has altered considerably. While Sonic , Knuckles and Tails return, gone are Rosie (Sonic's girlfriend), Big the Cat and that useless Robot that no one liked anyway. In their place are a trio of nasty characters including, in an unprecedented step, Or Robotnic himself. Yes. you heard that right, Sonic 's spherical arch-nemesis will be selectable in the new game. Though it may seem somewhat counterproductive in terms of plot. you are required to play both good and evil sides . Expect top, schizophrenic action as you do battle with yourself. Actually playing the game, however, is pretty much identical to the first install ment. Sonic must dash around a lavish and beautifully rendered three-dimensional environment, collecting

rings and bashing robots. Indeed, what changes have occurred seem fairly pointless, even detrimental. Following a questionable design decision, Sonic is now far taller and thinner than he ever has been in the past. This may be a small point , but havmg a gangly main-character run at speed gives the impression of a loss of control. Similarly, the game's villains have received a more realistic makeover and much of their charm has been lost in the process. There are some good points - the frame rate has been doubled so that everything flows a little smoother and the frustrating adventure sections now take back seat to the main task of destroying evil. But these aren't enough to distract from the problems that didn't exist in part one. From the limited look . Sega has given us into the latest in the Sonic franchise. it appears that the series has become stagnated. Gone is the sense of inspiration that pervaded every level of the first Adventure . Rather than attempt innovation, the company relives past successes (the killer-whale chase has been replaced by an extremely similar 'escape the juggernaut' sequence. for example) and has failed to deliver anything new. Hopefully, as this is just a demonstration, essential improvements will be made before the final game arrives in the shops on June 22. Jlm Whalley

Incoming

Essential Game 02:

Achtung! Ever wanted to defend the snow-covered Eastern Front, drive the Hun back over the battlefields of France, or grind Europe under your own personal jackboot? Well , now is your chance. courtesy of this new World War 11 tank simulation game. The emphasis is firmly placed on realism in this game. Six different tanks (two from the US, two from the USSR and two from Germany) are your instruments of destruction, each with their own strengths and weaknesses. Speed over the ground , turning circle. reloading speed, range etc, are reflected differently in each individual tank. The missions are different for each side (about seven each, becoming progressively more difficult , although they can be tackled in any order). and you do get a sense of becoming tactically more aware as you play your way through the game. Outflanking your opponent and blowing him up before he even knows you are there becomes even more satisfactory as you face tougher tanks

Essential Game 03:

JVC have unveiled the first U-boat based game for the PlayStation, a truly unique gaming experience. Imagine the scenario of Water World (but under water) blended with a pinch of Noah's Ark, and you're pretty much there . Humans have destroyed the ozone layer and global warming has catastrophically raised the sea level. Your mission as captain of a nuclear sub, is to protect the premier floating human inhabitance from your former employer the evi l federal forces. in a race to gain control of the last remain ing land on the planet. The game format goes as follows: receive orders to sink something, purchase weapons with which to do so, shoot them at the enemy until it sinks. return to base and receive money. This may sound quite dull , but features within the game allow you to upgrade your ship and weapons, as well as interact with a number of characters ( in the most interestingly translated English ever) in

Wednesday, May 1 6 , 2001

Panzer Front ( Piaystation) on more difficult territory. with trees. hedgerows and buildings all getting in your way. However , the realism of this game means that it is tough. Enemy tanks have a decent level of AI, and if yo u are in the smaller of the two German t anks , which would find it hard to blow up a balloon, you do not stand a chance. However. even if you are in the biggest and most well armoured tank in the game (an American one). a clear shot on your turret from any opponent will blow you up, regard less of the stage in the game. But clever strategic players will doubtless be able to overcome this by keeping their tank behind cover. An element of humour is added by the onscreen comments, which keep you informed of your situation. Comments like "Woah ! How do you like that?", "Jawohl!", and "Good shoot ing, comrade!" add to the gung-ho nature of the game. it's tough, but ultimately persevering players will enjoy it. So. go on, get tanked up .. . Anthony Love//

Submarine Commander (P!aystation} order to unfold the story. This resu lts in almost compelling gameplay. The control method is a lot easier than the confusing tutorial would have you believe, with the strategy aspect being laughable as it simply consists of just firing , then moving around a bit in order to foil the range of 20 (slightly) increasingly cha llenging foe. Graphically this game verges upon the mediocre with sound to boot; the entertainingly random breaks in the silence of the dialogue scenes are something to listen out for. If you are looking for something a bit different to keep you slightly entertained for about a week, then this is the fellow for you . But if you are a submarine spotter who has been waiting for this since the launch of the machine , then you migl1t be left fee ling somewhat. well, sunken. Nigel Gosling

Dreamcast

PCCD

Spiderman: Ut ili se your web sling and hone down your spidey-sense in this, the first fully free roaming 30 action/adventure game based on that most spider like of superheroes, Spiderman. The game features an apparently impressive storyline that garners can experience through 34 actionpacked levels. amongst other fun spider related things. 01/ 06/ 01

Original War: Russia is in disarray, but unknow ingly sits on a mineral that could see her rul e the world. The mineral, Siberite, is a catalyst for Cold Fusion . America knows about the Siberite and sets out to make sure that it never falls into Russian hands. And you know what that wi ll result in! Yes, war. And lots of it. I'm not sure why it's so original , though . Maybe they shoot each other with dead kittens or something. 25/ 05/ 01

Playstation Mat Hoffman 's Pro BMX: The most recogn ised star of BMX has lent his name to this stunt bike related game, which is just as well because if it was, like, a role-playing adventure set in a medieval land then it would be a bit pointless getting a BMX Pro to publicise it. Unless he was one of the characters in the RPG. But then, I don't think they had BMXs in medieval times . 25/ 05/ 01

N64 Indiana Jones and the Infernal Machine: The world's most famous archaeologist debuts on the N64 in a globe-trotting adventure that pits him against Commies in a race for a machine once housed by the tower of Babylon. The most fun you can have with whips without being arrested. 22/ 06/ 01

c:::===================='n ::::::s :=:::'l~ected: TV/Radio Essential TV 01:

Around The World In 80 Raves C4, Friday, 11.05pm

Channel 4 is givi ng its viewing public more of what they really want and need: Reality TV. In a five part series the TV-viewing world can follow the wild times of three guys and three girls as they hit maj or US clubbing venues from Miami to !:-Jew York to Las Vegas to San Francisco. The goal of the show is to go clubbing for 20,000 miles, from the Atlantic to the Pacific. Why did this group of friends get chosen? They didn't just get picked out of list of contestants, actually the idea of the show came from Joel, a 22 year old who, before fame, worked in a call centre out of Leicester, and also performed in a local pop band. His girlfriend, 18 year old 8ex, joins him along with another guy, Boppa, a 22 year old unemployed musician, and the last guy on the trip is 20 year old Glenn. The two other women, Chantal and Sheryl finish off this pack of young clubbers. Chantal, a fashion designer, is the oldest at 24, and 18-year-old Sheryl is the ratings catcher. She's a full time lap dancer. This series sounds similar to the US-based series Road Rules, which features a group of overzealous twentysomethings touring America in a motor home, attempting to accomplish small goals. A sort of scavenger hunt for people with hormones. However with this show there is one major difference: they're all friends. Since everyone al ready knows each other, the theory is that they' ll be more relaxed on camera. Hmm. Unfortunately, (and the producers don't want anyone to know this) the six friends will always be acting to a degree. Knowing that what they do will be aired to the nation on Channel 4, they wil l never fully be who they were when the cameras weren't rolling .

Let's face it though, to sit and watch something like Around In The World in 80 Raves is to sit down on a Friday night and watch people having a much better time than you. The series producer, Stephen D Wright, even says, "Viewers can tu ne in and live the dream through them." These six people had better have a good time if they're living out the dreams of all the Friday night Channel 4 viewers. Yet it isn't j ust six peopl e living out an audience's dream; it's six people giving an audience what it wants. Audiences want what they've wanted since the beginning of theatre: comedy, greed, betrayal, sex, adventure, tragedy, and an entire list of other entertainmentinduced thrills/emotions. Yet lately audiences don't want the fabrication of sitcoms with their laugh tracks, or soap operas with their "dramatic moment" close-ups, they want all of the joys of drama, but with "real" people and Channel 4 wants to deliver. Characters like Sheryl, who sporadically spends nights outside the group, and causes tension within the friends; and events like Miss Hotlanta, a drag dress-up contest in Atlanta, Georgia, mean that Around The World In 80 Raves has some potential for entertainment. Also, the show will probably do well due to a smart decision made by the producer/director/network executive (or whoever made the decision) to have only five episodes. Making it into a full time series would drag it out, ruining the newness of the idea and the characters. If it doesn't hurt people's feelings through elimination, (The Weakest Link) then it probably isn't worth watching for more than five shows anyway. Ph/11/p Kopczynskl

Paaaaaaaaaarttttyyyyyyyy!!!!

Essential Radio: Essential Soaps: Madge is gone, her gravely voice silenced forever. Pain was felt, eyes were wiped and Harold was sedated. Fortunately for our sanity, the grieving session on Neighbours does not last longer than two days and she's soon forgotten . Bye bye Madge, see you on daytime TV. Stealing the limelight is new family the Hancocks, who arrive in Ramsay Street this week. Cute looking, yes, but beware: the younger boy Leo bears a suspicious resemblance to horrid Sam from Home and Away, definitely not good. Also t his week, the Sc ullys suddenly remember that they have a son, Jack, away playing football in England. His arrival on Thursday is a pleasant surprise for them and us - Joe's curly mullet is not a family trait. Phew. What's the betting that he will be introduced as Flick's twin only for the scri ptwriters to decide that he is actually a few years older and just hope that we won't notice? Let the Brett and Danni incident be a warning to you all. Robbie Jackson, aka Dean 'I'm incredibly ugly but

still manage to pull ' Gaffney finally gets a scene in East Enders that does not involve dog licks or litter picking. Following Granddad Jim's drunken confessions, Robbie sets off to find his long lost father. As usual, in the 'what if' story line that only soaps do best, he finds his dad to be a rich business nwn ,路; ;lil a l;..:;r,c.ngous house. Will he we lcome his lost boy with open arms, or wil l the fish face that is Robbie scare him off? Hmm, I wonder. After leaving penniless, Lewis Richardson returns to Hollyoaks with scarily white teeth and bags of cash, and soon treats Finn to a slap up meal in the Dog. Foreheads are furrowed and eyebrows raised, especially when Ruth receives phone calls concerning her dead boyfriend Kurt. Meanw hile, Tony is sti ll up to his dodgy recycling tricks and decides to cook a meal for his unlucky tenants, when they refuse to pay their rent until he reconnects the water supply . Naively, they are not suspicious of the brown 'stew' and 'lemonade' and lap it up. Oh well, shit happens. Llz Hutchlnson

Breakfast At Tiffany's R4, May 21 - May 25, 10.45pm

A 14 year old girl escapes from her 50 year old obsessive husband to New York where she survives on the goodwill of the rich men she dates. A failing writer resorts to selling his body to a wealthy benefactor. Breakfast at Tiffany 's is the story of t heir doomed love affair. No, it doesn't sound like the film you probably know and love, but then Truman Capote's novella was made substantially sweeter in its transition to the silver screen . After all this was the guy who wrote In Cold Blood. Now Radio 4 gives those of you too feeble to pick up and read the 120 page Tiffany's the chance to hear it in all its seedy glory. Everything is relative of course; this is still hardly Mean Streets, and much of

what unpleasantness does occur is tastefully implied. Regardless of the differences, Capote and Hepburn's Holly Golightlys are clearly the same person. She's just as sweet, ju~t as innocent. She has the same cat . The only exception is that in the book she sleeps with lots of people. Even without Hannibal from the A-Team it's a classic tale that everyone should experience. Best of all, of course, Mickey "I'll never look Japanese no matter how far I stick my teeth out, and isn't all this rather racist " Rooney , is thankfully absent from Capote's version. He didn't ruin the movie, but it was damn close. Expect a cultured reading from Henry Goodman. Jlm Whalley

Essential TV 02:

Nigells Bites 11 C4, Wednesdays, 8.30pm

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You don't need to have majored in the works of John Milton to know that the battle between good and evil (allegedly) brought about the fall of Mankind. Consequently, all apples were guaranteed to bring about pangs of guilt, all child birth was to be excruciatingly painful and Man was to be forever embarrassed at the sight of another naked person without a couple of hours on the Absolut . The traditional impression of god as a bearded cloud-living old gent, and the devil as a big, spiky tailed, English-accented villain may have fallen by the way-side, but what we have instead in this supposedly enlightened stage of human development is a great deal more disturbing, and a great deal less poetic . Ladies and gentlemen! Please welcome our Satan of the new millennium! Doyen of ageing Essex girls everywhere and frequenter of second-rate supermarkets! He really is pukka (rhymes with .. .)! Mr Jamie "Urban" Oliver! (round of applause) . lt isn't too much of a stretch to envisage is it? Imagine the scene: the cockernee one and his " missus", Jools, holding court in the fires of hell, roasting sea bass over a pile of burning embers while plotting with his minions (Ainsley Harriot, Gary Rhodes etc.) on ways to bring about the end of the world. However, if we must have evil (and with Mammon, aka the BBC, making a mint out of

Satan I suppose we must) there has to be good, for without a counter-balance the world would lose all reason and fall off its axis and we'd all die (I think). But what form shall this heavenly vision take? Who will wrest us from the vile damnation that awaits us at the hands of cockernee geeza and his foul minions? Well ... She's called Nigella. (Vague sense of confusion.) Yes, I know She has a pseudo-boy's name and Her dad was responsible for sending us into recession in the late 1980s, but, on the plus side, She's jolly nice, makes straightforward cooking and is quite sexy in a your-bestfriend's-mum type of way. With a new ten-part series returning to Channel 4, Ms Lawson (God) has come back down to earth to save us from the wrath of Sat an. How? Well, for a start, by cutting out the pretentious sliding down banisters and not completely killing off whole clothing labels (Duffer of St George) in one fell swoop. No. Keep it simple, that 's God's way. She'll be teaching us how to create the perfect TV dinner in week one. Quick , healthy, substantial food without all the vacuous stylistic machinations of a GCSE student on work experience at the BBC. And if you are in any doubt as to Nigella's credentials as God, just take a look around Her kitchen. If that's not Heaven then I don't know what is. Listen up people! God is a woman. And She's called Nigella. Adam Chapman

Wednesday, May 16, 2001

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Your essential guide to what's on in Norwich over the coming fortnight

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Film ...,Campus Film State & Main Thursday May 17, 8.30pm A fi lm c rew arrives in Waterfo rd, Vermont to shoot a fi lm about romance, integrity and fire fighting in Nineteenth Century USA. Instead we see spoilt stars abusing t heir fame, contractua l wrang les on nudity and financial headaches. Add this to a town full of interesting characters and nosyparkers looking fo r their fifteen minut es of fame and you have virtual chaos. £2.75/Film Pass

Sexy Beast Friday May 18, 8.30pm Yes it is another British Gangster film, and no it ·s not as crap as the glut of half baked gangster films that came out last year. This is one with a differ· ence. Ray Winstone plays a villain ret ired to the Costa del Sol. Ben Kingsley 1s a mobster who goes out to Spain to ' persuade ' Winstone out of retirement for one last job. He's not the type of guy you say no to easily you know the psychotic, vein sticking out of temple, eyes unblinkingly staring at you. Both performances are superb and what unfolds is a macabre comedy, with the tens1on so taut that when it snaps it is a genuine revelation . £2 .75/ Film Pass Gladiator Thursday May 24, 8.30pm Multi Oscar winning blockbuster that is so good you can easily watch it again and again. Russel Crowe gives a magni ficent performance as a respected leader and wrestler of tigers. Strength and honour! £2.75/Film Pass

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The Claim Friday May 25, 8 .30pm Michael Winterbottom 's loose interpretation and rework ing of Thomas Hardy's the Mayor of Casterbridge. Visually brilliant cinematography, a Michael Nyman score and top notch acting makes this film a rea l gem . £2. 75/Film Pass Proof of life Thursday May 31 , 8.30pm The movie that brought Meg Ryan and Russell Crowe together. The action centers around t he kidnap of Meg Ryan ' s husband by South American Guerillas. Crowe is the hostage negotiator but things are destined to get tr icky. Expect lot s of explosions and plenty of twists. £2.75/ Fi lm Pass Finding Forrester Friday June 1, 8 .30pm From Gus Van Sant, of Good Will Hunting fame , comes this movie about

Essential Film: Captain CoreiWs !Vtandoiin an intelligent black boy who is sent to a school for the gifted. Good fun but nothing new. £2.75/ Film Pass Almost Famous Thursday June 7, 8.30pm The story of a 15 year old rock journalist for Rolling Stone, whose first assignment is to go on tour with fic tional band, Stillwater. Brilliant ly acted and directed, with a great soundtrack, this film takes us back to the 70s in great style w ith a lot of laughs along the way. Not to be missed! £2.75/ Film Pass Chocolat Friday June 8. 8 .30pm This movie is adapted from Joanne Harris's best selling novel about a French single mother who is blown into a small French village and sets up a chocolate shop. The debauchery of her sales cause consternation amongst the village's more conservative residents but as ex peeled the end is happy. £2. 75/ Film Pass Hannibal Thursday June 14, 8.30pm The return of Hannibal Lecter is a gory but g ripping affair. Making a new life in Florence. Lecter is surprised when Agent Starling (played this time by Julianne Moore) eventually tracks him down. Gary Oldman plays his only surviving victim who wants Lecter's head and Ridley Scott skillfully directs the action. Doesn't match Silence of the Lambs, and you need a strong stomach to cope w ith the ending but. all in all it's good fun. £2.75/ Film Pass Castaway Friday June 15, 8.30pm If you want to see Tom Hanks stuck on an island talking to a basketball then this is the film for you. Hollywood's blandest actor manages to get himself stranded on an island. How dull . £2.75/ Film Pass Unbreakable Wednesday June 20. 8.30pm Follow up to the Sixth Sense, M Night Shamalayan matches Bruce Willis with Samuel L Jackson in this dark t11riller . Bruce Willis i? the sole survivor of a train crash but cannot work out why . Is he indestructible? Does anyone care? No. £2.75/ Film Pass Traffic Thursday June 21, 8 .30pm This fantastic movie earned its director Steven Soderburgh an Oscar and qu ite right too . lt is a bri lli ant ensemble piece centering on America's fight against drugs . The story line centres on three things; Supreme Court

judge, Michael Douglas, who is given the job of drug tsar. Cat hen ne Zeta-Jones' as the wife of a drugs baron , and Benicio Del Toro's Mexican cop. Everything is great , cast, sc ript the lot. The best fi lm about in ages. £2 .75/ Film Pass

City Film Along Came a Spider A fast paced psychological thriller starring Morgan Freeman. The first half-hour kicks off with an absorbing sequence of kidnapping, murder and intrigue. A detective is called in to solve the mystery of the kidnapping of a congressman's daughter by a dodgy sociopath. Gripping stuff. Showing at: UCI Ster Century

As we are all blissfully aware (and painfully, due to work), it is the time of year where you can do nothing but sit in the beautiful sunshine . Just lying back and dreaming about romantic M editerranean islands. If you go and see Captain Corelli 's Mandoli n you will get a t aste of this, but you 'll also get the drama of the period of Wo rld War 11. On the Greek island of Cephallonia during the early days of battle, the Italian army occupies the t erritory, led by the charm ing and cha rismat ic Captain Corelli ( Nicholas Cage) , who soon falls in love with the beautiful Pelagia (Penelope Cruz). She is engaged to Mandras (Christian Bale). a local fisherman who recently left the island to join the Greek partisans. Corelli is a cultivated leader of men, whose most prized an d sent imental possession is his mandolin. This is not your average war film, it centres on the lives of the people in a small vi ll age and their uncertain fate in unpredictable time. If you have ever read the book it will have instantly become a favourite because of its passionate, philosophical, humorous, and yet realistica ll y harsh take on life. Great acting and a uniquely brilliant storyline. Katherlne Everltt

Antitrust Ryan Phillipe is the suave, mtelligent lad who goes up against 'the system' when he realises that something iffy is going on. A modern day hero to be sure. Showing at: UC I Ster Century A One and A Two Japanese film set in Taipei about a failing business man and father. Showing at: Cinema City on Friday May 25 at 8pm and Monday May 28 at 5.30pm Blow The Boogie Nights of drugs movies, starring the sexy Johnny Depp an d the delicious Penelope Cruz. A jot of 'up' times for a while then it inevitably plunges into a compensatory hour of misery and moralising. Showing at: UC I Bread and Roses Ken Loach directs this story about Latino janitors in downtown LA. Showing at: Cinema City on Wednesday M ay 16 at 5.45pm, Thursday May 17 at 2.30pm and 5.45pm Breakfast at Tiffany's Classic fi lm starring Audrey Hepburn as Holly Golight ly. Not to be missed! Showing at: Cinema City on Friday May 25 at 5 .30pm, Saturday May 26 at 8.45pm, Monday May 28 at 8.45pm and Tuesday May 29 at 5.45pm . Brldget Jones's Diary This film follows the hilarious and touching life of a thirty something London woman who struggles with her

career and men on a daily basis. She only gets through it all because she has a library of self-help books, some great mates, loads of fags and a lot of wine. Showing at: UCI Ster Century Captain Corelll 's Mandolin See Essential Fil m. Showing at: UCI Ster Century Chocolat See Campus film Showing at: UC I Ster Century Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon Oscar award winni ng fi lm set in t he Orient. Brilliant fight scenes and a gripping storyline. After the fi rst five minutes you don 't even notice the subtitles! Showing at: Ster Century 102 Dalmatians Delightful Disney doggies . In film. Showing at:

Ster Century Digimon: The Movie Pokemon gone digital, hahahahaha! Showing at: Ster Century Dying of Laughter Another Spanish film about a comedy duo' s rise to fame from the 70s until the 90s. Vicious comedy and a lot of fun! Showing at: Cinema Cit y on Monday May 21 at 8.15pm. Emperor's New Groove You can't beat Disney for its unique comedy and this new release gives us another dose of it . Maybe not as good as others but hey, at least it's groovy. Showing at: Ster Century Enemy at the Gates War film starring a delicious cast of Jude Law, Jose ph Fiennes and Rachel Weiss. it's the most expensive movie made by us Europeans so hopefully this will show in the action when you watch it. Showing at: Ster Century

Use our searchable listings database at

------========www.concrete-on Iine.co. uk

·-.'

Wednesday, May 16, 2001

the

___ event~ ~ --~--Exit Wounds

Showing at:

Cops, crime and drugs basically. Showing at:

UCI Ster Century

Save the Last Dance

Showing at:

A must for hip-hop fans and anyone who fancy 's a romantic teenage film . A new girl arrives in town and gets involved in the black scene and turns out to be an excellent dancer. You'll come out wanting to go to the next LCR with full vigour.

Cinema City on Wednesday May 16 at 8.15pm and Thursday May 17 at 8.15pm

Ster Century

Goodbye Charlle Bright

Shakespeare In Love

Us girls have had our prayers finally answered: watch this and you'll be treated to Paul Nichols running naked t~rough a park . The plot is basically Charlie and his friends become restless after one of their gang joins the army and the rest are left behind on the council estate .

Classic story of Shakespeare's creation of Romeo and Ju/iet. Brilliant performances from ~yneth Paltrow and Judi Dench. Best not to mention Joesph Fiennes.

Glrlflght

Story of a woman boxer in Brooklyn. Full of Latin grit and breaking barriers.

Showing at:

Cinema City on Sunday May 27 at 7.30pm.

Showing at:

Shower

UCI Ster Century

Chinese movie about a man who returns to Beijing to face family and affairs, believing his father is dead. Heart warming and tender.

Hannlbal

Fantastic gory movie, with the brilliant Anthony Hopkins. Not one for the feeble minded and those with weak stomachs.

Showing at:

Ster Century

Cinema City on Friday May 18 at 5.45pm, Saturday May 19 at 8.15pm, Tuesday May 22 at 2.30pm, Wednesday May 23 and Thursday May 24 at 5.45pm.

Showing at:

Into the Arms of Strangers

Spy Kids

Oscar winning documentary about a 1938 British Government initiative to try and evacuate Jewish children from Nazi Germany.

Annoying American kids pretending to be detectives. I wouldn't waste the money if I were you . Each to their own though if it is your th ing.

Showing at:

Cinema City on Sunday May 20 at 5pm and Wednesday May 23 at 2.30pm .

UCI Ster Century

Usbon

Sweet November

As part of the touring Spanish Film festival, this film is a road movie and a thriller with a shock ending. Looks like fun if you can cope with the subtitles.

When stressed out ad executive Nelson Moss (Keanu Reeves) bumps into beautiful free spirit Sara Deever (Charlie Theron), he's on the verge of a breakdown. Can she fulfil her promise to change his life if he'll spend one month with her?

Showing at:

Cinema City on Saturday May 19 at 2.30pm .

Showing at: Men of Honour

UCI

Americans being heroes again. Yawn. Good cast though路 Robert de Niro and Cuba Gooding Jr.

Tailor Of Panama

Showing at:

Great clothing action

Ster Century

Showing at:

Miss Congeniality

UCI Ster Century

Sexy Sandra Bullock and charismatic Michael Caine star in what is claimed to be a very funny film indeed. Showing at:

The Broken Hearts Club

If you like Sex and the City then this one is recommended for you.

UCI Ster Century

Showing at:

Natlonale 7

The Contender

French comedy about disability, sexuality and religion.

When his vice President dies the President faces huge opposition when he hires a woman for the job. Saucy .

Showing at:

UCI

Cinema City on Tuesday May 29 at 2.30pm and 8.15pm.

Showing at:

One Night at McCool's

The Dish

Fancy seeing along haired Liv Tyler bent over a car, covered In soapsuds? Thought so- so I wo~'t bother with the plot.

A good humoured film set just before the launching of Apollo 11. Set down under (that's 'in Australia').

Showing at:

UCI Ster Century

Pearl Harbour

The Hole

See Men of Honour (not for the cast). Showing at:

Increasingly traumatised young people are trapped in a remote underground bunker.

UCI

Showing at:

Pokemon 3

UCI Ster Century

The stuff twenty-first century kids are obsessed about.

The Mexican

Showing at:

UCI

Ster Century

Pitt and Roberts get together in search of a gun and some mobsters. Showing at:

Quills

The story of the Marquis de Sade's imprisonment In a French mental institution, with pedestrian performances by Michael Caine and Kate Winslet. Showing at:

Cinema City on Wednesday May 16 at 2.30pm.

UCI Ster Century The Mummy Returns

If you 've seen the Mummy then its more of the same. Showing at:

Rugrats In Parts: The Movie

UCI

Those loveable (annoying) babies are let loose in Paris to play (get into trouble) and frolic (cause disaster) for our pleasure.

The Wedding Planner

Jennifer Lopez looking pretty, planning weddings

EvenfhOrizon: Cinema/Livewire/Ciubs . and miracu lously find ing love in the process. Not a deep and meaningful one.

10pm-12pm DJ Cameron spinning a selection of the hottest London garage.

Showing at:

Sundays

Ster Century Tlgerland

New wa r fil m about Americans in t he Vietman war ('cos we're short of war fil ms hail ing the Americans aren't we?) Germaine Greer completely slated it . Showing at:

10am-12noon Seth Kaplan 12noon-2pm The News Team 2pm-4pm Robble 4pm-6pm Adam Light and Adam Ross 6pm-7pm The New Music News 7pm-9pm SBN Student Radio Chart 9pm-12am Paul El~rldge

UCI Traffic

Directed by Oscar w inning Steven Sonderberg and starring Catherine Zeta Jones and her aged husband Michael Douglas. Showing at:

Ster Century Valentine

Horror story about obsessed love and blood and stuff like that. Showing at:

UCI Ster Century What Women Want

Here you go guys, a film t hat w ill 'get the missus off your back'. Yeah, rig ht.

Mondays 10am-12noon Manic Monday. Glrly chat and music to get you out of bed on a Monday morning! 12noon-2pm Ben Johnsen. 2pm-4pm The Two Amlgos. Comedy banter from two rocking lovers. 4pm-5pm Saf and Fll 5pm-6pm Space Is the Place. 6pm-8pm New J)T 8pm-10pm DaD and B Show. Transatlantic Drum 'n' Bass, and HI~ Hop. With guest DJs. 10pm-12am WE Funky Few with Trickster Harpur and the funky bunch. Chilled out funky tunes.

Tuesdays

Showing at:

Ster Cent ury

10am-12noon Hlvewlre 12noon-2pm I Can't Believe it's Not

You Can Count on Me

Butterworth 2pm-4pm Brlan Doherty 4pm-6pm Cake or Death? 6pm-8pm BEATS. All sorts of beats from funk to HI~Hop . 8pm-10pm Roots, Beats and Rhymes. 10pm-12am Late Jazz

A bril liant independent film about two siblings, orphaned at birth and their struggle through life. Showing at:

Cinema City on Fri day May 18 at 8.15pm , Saturday May 19 at 5.45pm, Monday May 21 at 5.45pm, Tuesday May 22 at 5.45pm , Wednesday May 23rd and Thursday May 2 at 8.15pm .

Live wire Wednesdays 10am-12noon Steve Laiaconi 12noon-2pm Anna Muir 2pm-4pm Poist: Skive time with Lo-fi

Clubs Wednesdays

Endurance Show 8pm-10pm Nick and Janine 10pm-12am Jack and John

Thursdays 10am-12noon Hivewlre 12noon-2pm The Big Brain 2pm-4 pm Ally Banard 4pm-6pm Vanishing Point 6pm-8pm Shadow Cabinet: Shadowing the worlds of HI~Hop and drum 'n' Bass 8pm-10pmRebel Lion Roots. Flnbar's Raw Roots Reggae. With guest DJ 's. 10pm-12am Poetic Licence

Fridays 10am-12noon Optlmus Rime Cutz. Chrls Whltewood presents the post LCR chill out slot 12noon-2pm Matthew Gearing and Charlotte Stratte 2pm-4pm Kate Forbes 4pm-6pm Dancing Not in the Moonlight. Tom Butterworth with tunes and Irreverent banter. 6pm-8pm The lan and Joe Show 8pm-10pmThe Nlghtrlde. DJ Hotwingx, MC Lounge and DJ SEL with the latest Garage tunes.

Saturdays

10am-12noon Terrance Devane 12noon-2pm 12 Monkeys 2pm-4pm George Walker 4pm-6pm The Groove Bus 6pm-8pm Simon's Sexy Selection 8pm-10pm Vegetable Hospital

Spank

Time One of the better nights in Norwich but don 't go expecting anything k inky. £1 b4 llpm (NUS) Value for Money

Liquid Accord ing to the t itle thy beer shall not be watered down and thy music wil l be al l to thy own taste, so the entry fee and money for drink wi ll have been worth every penny . Cushdy. £2 b4 11pm Bassment

Jitterbug or Jam

Po Na Na A new night in town so I'd better explain this one . Jitterbug equal s Funky Drum and Bass, and Jam equals Pure Funky house, both from Norwich's finest DJ's. Free b4 10pm, £2 after DJ Jam

Hys All popular dance styles by DJ Rob Mac and guests and they're pl aying for you to strut your stuff on the slightly unnerving, but nonetheless famous, gl ass dancefloor. £1 Flockln ' Sheep

Twisted Skunk or Bottom Heavy

Po Na Na Twisted Skunk with Z av- discofide Breakbeat . Bottom Heavy - Funky breaks and beats and Lati n grooves. Free b4 10pm, £2 after.

Po Na Na DJs Dan Smith (MOS, Garage City and Double Dragon) and Patrick Caval iere (Good Times and Double Dragon) spinning some high grade House music. Free b4 9pm, £ 3 after.

The LCR disco

Logical Progression: May 25

Refresh: May 19/ 26 June 2 / 9/23

LCR (duh) Cursed be the Friday morning lecture, don't the university bigw igs know we al l just love the jostling , beer spilling , danci ng and st icky floors. Why do we do it? £3

LC R Sounds like an interesting night? £7.50 (N US)

Ikon Oh, right, like if you want to get refreshed Ikon is the first pl ac e you 'd think for a bit of, relaxation, detoxificat ion and peace. I don't thi nk so. £5 b4 llpm

Parkslde

The Loft The best gay night in Norw ich . The name says it all really .

Absolution: May 18

The Waterfront Hardhouse music from 10 till 4. £5/ £4(adv.')/ £3(downstairs)

Delirium

The Concept House, garage and R n' B.

The Waterfront Hardhouse trance and dru m n' bass. 10pm till 6am. £11/ £9

Empower

Fat Pauly's Oh we love the feeling of empowerment that Fat Paulys give us. The drink ing, the talk ing-lots-of-sh it -and-thi nking-itsthe-most -profound-thing -ever.

Satisfaction: May 19/ 26 June 2/ 9/23

Hys The Class Act. House and Swing with DJ Rob Mac. There he is again . £4 b4 llpm.

Summer Vlbe: May 19/26, June 2/ 9/ 23

Manhattens Hardhouse and Trance. £5 Saturday Rewind

Kitchen: May 25

80s Night: June 1

The Wate rfront Featuring Jimmy 's disco and lots of 60s and 70s music too. Sw ing yo ur pants, baby. £11/ £9

Mojos Chart, dance, garage and alcohol. Heaven for some . Butter Me Up or Underdog

Po Na Na Butter - very funky , very filtered and phat house by Steve Wurly. Underdog Rare groove and jazz beats with the boyz Sure D, Rodger T and the Anthropologist. £3 after 9pm

Hy Times

Hys The weekend warm up. Club anthems with DJ Rob Mac, he gets everywhere doesn't he? £3 Hot

Ikon Current pop and commerc ial dance . £4 b4 11pm it's the Business

Li quid A night named by der bouncers standin ' outside. Alwight? Oi . What you Jook in ' at sunshine? £2 b411pm Orange Enjoy Music on Campus: Freestylers + Bar M

LCR Enjoys some music on campus w ith these w icked DJ's. Bo selecta! £4 (NUS)

WeRK

Gorgeous

Manhattans DJ Shaun Johnson in the house.

Manhattans Hardhouse and Trance in the main room and Soul and R n' B upstairs. Something for everyone. £5 b4 11pm

Marvel or Gas Station

70s Night

Wednesday, May 16, 2001

Refreshers House and trance music with res ident DJ The M A DoubleT.

Fridays

The Loft Hi p hop and simil ar toons at a pukka venue. Go there soon! £3 b4 11pm. £4 after.

Hys The original retro night in Norwich . No one else is. They got there first . £2 (NUS)

The Lipstick and Booty Salon

Charty Handbaggy

Ikon Due to the continued foot and mouth outbreak, this evening is no longer what it once was. There is now O'nly a smal l trai l of sheep, rat her t han a whole flock. £2 b4 11pm

Thursday

The Concept Chart and ret ro night, where you are obliged t o go 'smart, casual'. £3 b4 11pm, £3.50 after.

swig your alcopop to the hottest R n' B t unes .

Meltln' Pot

The Alibi DJ s playing jazz, fu nk and soul in one of the swishest places to be in Norw ich.

Essential Gig: Wishbone Ash Ok . so this woul d be one of my Dad's favourite bands rather t han mine. Yes, they've been around for a whi le, but they are stil l a brilliant group, with a uniquely melodic sound. For those of you who, li ke me grew up on this stuff, Wishbone Ash was one of the best rock and roll band of it 's genre. it 's best listened turned up loud in the ca r, on a long and boring journey! Their trademark tw in guita r sound influenced famous bands such as Thin Lizzy and Iron Maiden, as well as making a great name for themselves. The group got started in November 1969 and it didn't take them long to grab the world's attent ion . They were dubbed by the English music press as the " Brightest hope for 1971", whic h didn't disappoint, as well as being Melody Maker's 1972 Album Of The Year w ith 'Argus'. Luckily for us they are touring after all th is time and hit UEA's LC R soon.

Mojos R n' B, oh yeah baby, don 't we al l love it.

Superfly

Mojos Get on down with the groove to some hip-hop and R n' B in a cool underground venue . £3

and lndle

4pm-6pm The Richard and Julle Show 6pm-8pm Bert and Ernie's Punk

Isotonic

Kafe Da DJs from Gazworkz playing uplifting progressive House and Tra nce. Freeeeee

eveiit

Elegance

Mojos The action is going on dow nstairs where you will swi ng your hips and

Now That's What I Call The 90s: June 1

LCR If you don't fancy the 80s night at The Wat erfront , t hen maybe something a little more modern will appeal. £3.50

Club Retro: May 26/June 16

LCR Where would we be w ithout our regular fix of music of nostalgia? {;ompletely lost . On June 16 it's RetroActive with Greased Lightning . £ 3. 50

Rumble: June 8

The Waterfront With Jumpin ' Jack Frost . An allnighter10pm t ill 4am. £12/ £10

Madame Friction and Princess Julla: June 2

The Waterfront Presented by Fierce. £8/£7

Gods Kitchen: June 15

LC R Our uni venue wi ll disappear tonight , only to be replaced by a massive kitchen. Yeah right , depends what you've been taking before you go. £9 .95/ £7 .95

Saturdays Pams House (feat. Boy George): May 19

LCR Woooh! The funky dressin' pop icon Boy George is in our very own LCR for th is regu lar dance night . £9 .95/ £7 .95 (N US) Meltdown: May 19/ 26 June 2

The Waterfront lndie, pop and General Z ad's c heesy disco on the 19th. Wh il e on the 26th it's indie, pop and Wraith - goth , metal and rock. £4/ £3 Status: May 19/ 26 June 2/ 9/ 23

Jon Pleased Wlmmln

The Waterfront Presented by Faith £8/ £7

Sundays Sunday Service: May 20/27, June 3/10

Manhattans If you want a real Sunday serv ice then watc h songs of praise at 6.30. £2 .50

Mondays Flockin ' Sheep: May 21/28 June 4/ 11

Ikon Someone should really suggest changing the name of this night ; we don't want to be th inki ng about the national crisis when we 're on the piss . £2 b4 llpm Funky Jam Carwash

Li quid This doesn 't involve washing cars with

------ -------,I& "

___ eveiit jam I'm afraid, but you probably won't be too gutted about that unless you have a rather interesting fetish . £2

How's The J Man

Monda¥ May 21 Boswells Live music .

Underground Bands

Jam with Ron Sayer

MOJOS

Tuesday May 22 Boswells

Low Fi and lndie 'till 2am .

Eventtiorizon: Gigs/Theatre/Mise '.

Play

Wishbone Ash

Po Na Na Student night so all the riff raff is kept out (me a snob? No) . Disco, funk and classic grooves with Nosca. Free

Tuesday May 22 The Waterfront See Essential Gig £10 Scratch the Cat

Tuesdays Funk Friction

Owen's Cafe Bar As the days get longer and warmer, what could be nicer than sitting outside supping a beer and overlooking a busy road. lt doesn't get much better than that surely.

Wednesday May 23 Boswells Live Music. Hollow Earth

Thursday May 24 Boswells Live ~usic. lfang Bondl

Hys Student night with classic cuts and current club anthems with DJ Rob Mac. Free with student ID.

Thursday May 24 Norwich Arts Centre, 8 .30pm African popular music - entitled 'Be Yourself' . £7.50

Salsa

UnCovered

Po Na Na Salsa with Patricio and I can't say if he's sexy or not because I haven't seen him yet, but I've heard good stuff. Lessons start at 6pm. £3 (NUS) Free for those not t aking lessons.

Friday May 25 Boswells Live music.

Slinky

Saturday May 26 Boswells Live music.

Liquid An educational evening I would venture. £1 b4 llpm

Derrln Nevendorf

Ute Time Contemplate life whilst waiting several hours at the bar for one lousy pint. Then live it on the dancefloor. £1 (NUS)

100 reasons & support

Monday May 28 Boswells Live music.

Tuesday May 29 Norw ich Arts Centre, Spm An indie mixture of loud guitars, shouty vocals and big drums. £5 adv.

World M usic: June 12

Cord

LCR Music from all over the planet . £4/£2

Tuesday May 29 Boswells Live music . Aoatlng Greyhounds

Wednesday May 30 Boswells Live music.

Delirium

Wednesday May 16 Boswells Live music from the heart of Tombland. Just Blues

Thursday May 17 Boswells Live jazz music . Manko Promotions

Thursday May 17 Norwich Arts Centre, 8pm Live rock and pop in the cafe/bar. £2

Sounds pi ash

Thursday May 31 The Ferryboat A night of tunes brought to you by UEA 's Contemporary Music Society. Featuring Kensuki Kimachi and others. Teen Spirit

Thursday May 31 The Waterfront Although the title is fairly cryptic, this is actually a Nirvana tribute band. £6/£5 Sweaty Leicester

Honeyslunk, etc.

Thursday May 17 The Waterfront, 8pm-11pm Live indiejrock/pop presented by Wombat Wombat. £3.50 Purple Ronnle

Friday May 18 Bosw ells Live music that has nothing to do with comedy st ick men or vi mto. Nlk Kershaw

Sunday May 20 The Waterfront If your appetite for music and drinking hasn't been met properly this weekend then thankfully there's still a Waterfront gig on . Phew! I bet you were getting worried there. £15

The Proclalmers

Tuesday June 19 The Waterfront I don 't know about you but I would certainly walk five hundred mile to see these guys, and if I needed to, I would walk five hundred more. In case you didn't know the type of music they play is acoustic pop rock . £12 .50

Theatre

Thursday May 31 Boswells Live music. The Sweeny, etc.

Thursday May 31 The Wat erfront, Spm Wombat Wombat presents indiejrock bands The Sweeney, Miss Black America and Vermont. £3.50

Tuesday May 15 - Saturday May 19 Theatre Royal Eric Sykes leads an all star cast in this farce by Brandon Thomas. A chance to see a hilarious set of coincidences and mistaken identity set in Oxford in the 1890s. Also starring the fabulous Christopher Biggins. £3.50-£17 .50 Spend Spend Spend

Tuesday May 22 - Saturday June 2 Theatre Royal Set in 1961, this musical tells the story of Viv Nicolson, a housewife and her massive win on the pools. A co mic, musical rags to riches and back to rags tale. Brilliant fun! £3.50-£23 Privates on Parade

Thursday May 25 - Saturday June 2 Maddermarket Theatre This play is set amongst a Combined Services Entertainment Unit in Malaya in 1948. lt centers on Private Flowers and his outrageous Captain Terri . Expect singing and dancing and lots of camp fun.

Mise

Business Affairs

£3 Wed, £6 Thur Kenneth Ryder

Saturday June 9 St . Thomas Church, 7.30pm Popular Organ Recital from the director of music at St Peter Mancroft. £2.50 (NUS) Masquerade Ball

The Dorothea Hare Young Musicians

Monday May 21 Lecture Theatre, John lnnes Centre, 7pm Free Early Music In Late May Festival

Thursday May 24 The King of Hearts, lpm Lunchtime concert. 18th century music for the violin family . £3 (NUS) Vox Humana Exploration

Friday may 25 Norwich Arts Centre, Spm Live art . Melodies, harmonies and rhythms all sung by Bruce Lacey. £4 (NUS) League Against Tedium

Saturday May 26 Norwich Arts Centre, 8.30pm Simon Munnery is sailing the seas of comedy and crossing the meadows of mayhem on a van converted to resemble a boat . Great stand up comedy! £6.50 (NUS) Fashion Show

Wednesday May 30 and Thursday May 31 LCR The best fashi.on show in town , ever. Run by the students, and with students on the catwalk . A brill iant and sexy show.

Wednesday June 13 The Music Society's end of year ball is at Dunston Hall at 7 .30pm. There's a drinks reception , dinner, award ceremony, live band , balloon modeller, DJ, bar until lam and the return of the limbo competition! Dress to impress, prizes are given out for the best - •...,. masks. £25 The London Guitar Trio

Thursday June 14 The King of Hearts Lunc htime concert . Bac h, Purcell, Brazilian and Bulgarian music. £1.50 Piano Recital

Thursday June 28 The King of Hearts Lunchtime concert with music from Bruce Vogt. £1.50 The Graduate Ball

Friday July 13 The last ball of the year, and one for all the third years who will no longer be UEA students next year. Sob, sob. Held in t he very posh and classy LCR , with a reception in the Hive from 9pm. Right, let's get the drinks in lads! Meal t ickets only left, £37.50

fl '

Listings were written and compiled by Katherme Everitt and Ma«hew Oades.

Tuesday June 5Saturday June 9 Theatre Royal A comedy about two business men, played by Alia Alia 's Renee(Gordon Kaye) and Coronation Street 's Reg Holdsworth (Ken Morely), who attempt to sell the ir business to two Swedish men . Unfortunately their wives get mixed up in the deal. £3.50-£23

The Phantom of the Opera On Ice

Tuesday June 12 Saturday June 16 Theatre Royal Performed by The Russian Ice Stars, a troop of Russian ice skaters who collectively hold more than 260 competition medals. £4-£20 A Clockwork Orange

• Chec your • The lat

Wednesday June 13 Saturday June 16 Maddermarket Theatre An adaptation of the famous novel by Anthony Burgess. Shocking, yet thoug ht provoking. £5 (NUS)

Queens of the Stone Age

A Place at the Table

Tuesday June 5 LCR Nu metal drug-taking firebrands attack the poor students of UEA . £12.50

Thursday June 14 This comedy t ells the story of a young television writer commissioned to write a politically incorrect sit-com.

Reel Big Ash

Wednesday June 6 The Waterfront Plus two supports (ska, punk, pop) .

Theatre Royal This play spent ages rn the West End at the Royal Court and has been to Broadway . lt rs set in a pub in Ireland where the regulars tell each other ghost stories. The play is captivating and should not be missed.

Charley's Aunt

Night Train

Student Night

Gigs =-======

£8

The Weir

Tuesday June 19 Saturday June 23

su mer • Searchable listings and events guide

Wednesday, May 16, 2001 ....

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