The Event - Issue 133 - 16 January 2002

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the Wednesday, January 16, 2002

Things that go

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Plus: Clive James Interviewed Literary Festival Previewed Chemi ea l Brothers Reviewed

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It's always difficult getting back into the swing of university life after a nice long break at home, free of bills, cooking for oneself and essays. Especially since a good proportion of us are coming back to a gruelling eight hours a week teaching schedule, or maybe even more (perish the thought)!

Never mind though. While you've still got the

Inside: 03

Round Up

time, before those two mid-term essays need to be handed in. wry not kick back and enjoy what we've got to offer.

This issue. Clive James talks about life on the inside of the British media; Wheatus behave liKe teenage dirtbags and the creators of Pixar's Toy Story One and Two, A Bug's Life and new animation, Monsters Inc., tell us why they don't make movies for kids.

Reviews: 14

This issue: Christmas telly

04 Knowledge

Al bums Cooper Temple Clause; Shane McGowan; POD; Electric Soft Parade

15 Singles

Talking Heads

Chemtcal Brothers; Ptnk; Mtssy Elliot; P Dtddy; SFA

Monsters Inc .

16 Fi lm 05 Inquisitor 18 Video 06 Sick Sense of Humour 19 TV/Interactive

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The creators of Toy Story talk about thetr latest release

0; Domestic Disturbance; Evil Woman

Karmtc Jera

Jurass1c Park 3; Fmal Fantasy

Wtth the release of Rat Race. a homage to ensemble com· edy of 1960s Hollywood. Tile Event takes a look at how ftlm comedy has changed over the years.

Buffy; Shooting Stars: Meet The Llvewtre DJ; Next B1g Thing; Essential Soaps

Mo vie Rumours

20 Arts Landmarks; Book prevtews; UEA Literary Festival; Best of the rest

The Event ·sown Statestde critic, Jim Whalley. tells it like 1t IS tn Hollywood at the moment.

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The Beta Band Beta Band member, Rtchard Greentree. talks to The Event about fame in the US. Radtohead, and their new album.

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Wheat us Ever constdered yourself arrogant yet childish enough to become a Rock Star? We talked to members of the American pop rockers and found out how easy 1t really is.

Listings: 22

Lis ti ngs The best gutde to what·s on tn Norwtch . Ever.

10 Pat Shar p 'Fun House, tt's a whole lot of fun .. .' Yes the Mullet Man is back and thts time tt's nostalgtc! He talks to The Event about what he's been up to since Fun House ended.

Sa turd ay' s Alr ight We take a light hearted look at the dtfferent TV shows that have graced the Saturday Morning Ktds slot over the years.

Cinef i le 11 Timmy Ma l let Bramdead

The Event ct1ats to the man who turned bludgeontng tnto a harmless yet fun party game.

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Clive James One of the most successful JOurnal sts in the bustness. Mr.

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James chats to The Event about hts tllustrious career.

Editor-in-Chief · Adam Chapman • Editor · Markland Starkie • Arts Editor · Charlotte Ronalds • Rim Editor · Merek Cooper • Assistant Rim Editor · Phil Colvin • Music Editor · Anthony Lovell • Assistant Music Editor · Kieren McSweeney • TVjRadio Editor · Llz Hutchinson • Assistant TV/ Radlo Editor · Gemma O'Donnell Picture Editor · Ed Webl>-lngall Contributors · Kate Herrington · Jim Whalley · Luke Wright

The Event is published fortnightly by Concrete: Post: PO Box 410, Norwich, NR4 ?TB Tel: 01603 250558 Fax: 01603 506822 E-mail: su.concrete@uea.ac.uk Printed by: Eastern Counties Newspapers, St Andrew's Business Park, Norwich

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Bits and Pieces 03

Round

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The highly successful, non-terrestrial television network, UKTV, launched its latest channel over the holiday period. UK Food does exactly what it says on the tin, that is to lsay, it regurgitates programs starring all our 'favourite' telev sion chefs. This consequently means that Jamle " I shop at Salnsburys" Ollver is on about four hours a day. Four hours! lt has gone far enough. lt seemed like a good idea at first: giving Dena a back -seat role, getting young blood on the scene, and then ca 1 11ing it the Naked Chef(oh I see what they've done there). Was it a stroke of genius? Well it was certainly a well-packaged product . But now you might be forgiven for thinking that we lived in some kind of Stalinist state, albeit with a twist of bitter, bit ~er lime. Pictures of Jamie are on every street corner and his demented cries of "pukka" are inescapable.

But why are we doing this to ourselves? With iach passing year the TV we watch just gets dumber and dumber and this year's 1 Christmas run was more than enough proof. Okay, so what did we get? Davld Jason in numerous character va~iations of Delboy, none so disappointing as Del-boy himself. The first Only Fools and Horses in six years was always going be a mistake .

Somehow a 40 year old Rodney doesn't seem ~uite as plausible and entertaining as one 20 years his junior. Why do you think everyone always votes Fawlty Towers the grea~est TV programme of all time when asked? Because it on\y had 12 episodes. Even though, these days, John Cleese is desperate to be on telly 24/7 . In the '70s he had a knack of quitting while ahead and so we haven't watched hours of painful comeback shows. But we 're a nation that doesn't know when to stop. We are the masters of overkill -exhibit one: "Hello my name is Helen and this is my exercise video". Even someone like Des Lynam, quietly respected by beer-gutted, armc~air sports fanatics and their wives alike for years. Then boom! Des this, Des that, a romantic comedy starring Nell Morrlssey where Des plays a kind of God, and look what's happened j no one watches him on ITV. Television has long-since replaced religion as the opium of the masses. but a quiet godly respect for the plea~ure it brought us

An irreverent look at the events of the holiday period has been replaced by an hysterical worshipping of false idols. Or is that Pop Idols? On one level we demand people like Jamie Oliver and Davlna McCall as projections of what we'd like to be, normal people who got lucky; salt of the earth charm. And then

we take the people who perhaps deserve to be on TV (those who can broadcast) and turn them into Gods. The consequences of which serve only to leave a sour taste in my mouth.

Luke Wr/ght

Without your input there is no newspaper. So get involved.

We will be at SocMart 1n the Lt!R on Thursday January 17, and there will be two contributors meetings on Monday January 21 at l2.00pm and 1.00pm in Room 1.33, Union House

concrete

• • hanks for coming, we really appreciate it. Tell all the college students it's great for college age. I know my 21-year-old loves it. He's a senior at university in Pittsburgh . So it's a big hit with college aged kids in the US. " This is not the pleading tone that one would expect from the executive vice-president of Pixar, the company responsible for some of the biggest and best loved animated films of the last decade . From a nervous and unsure debutante director, maybe. But does the man who made Toy Story really have to beg us to go and see his films? I mean, who hasn't spent at least two hours regressing to a childish giggle state with the help of either a spliff or a beer and a video copy of Toy Story One or Two? If you haven 't, you should (just with the beer though, drugs are still illegal, despite Jack Straw's best intentions). But it's a telling statement that hints at the paranoid and high ly competit ive wor ld of computer animation.

Both Dreamworks with Shrek and Square, a Hawai i based CG I company responsible for Final Fantasy, have both planted their

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Isn't Talking Heads a series of short monologues by Alan Ben nett?

Yes, that is true, and they are very popular. However, these particular Talking Heads were one of the seminal art-school punk bands of the '80s. And there is no relation between the two .

Well , how and where did they form?

At art school. obviously. The Rhode Island School of Design in the early '70s to be exact. However, in 197 4 they decided to move to New York to work on their art and in the following year the band opened for the Ramones at the New York punk club, CBGB's.

So who were they?

The original line up consisted of Chris Franz on drums and Tina Weymouth playing bass. and the band was fronted by David Byrne . Byrne also wrote virtually all the material, including the neurotic Psycho Killer and Once In A Lifetime, the video to which remains one of the most famous of all the first generation music videos. Then, in 1976, Modern Lovers keyboardist Jerry Harrison joi ned the group as the fourth official member. On later albums, the core members wou ld be complemented by various rhythm and horn sect ions as they experimented with funk, jazz and Afr ican music.

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Why did they split up?

The band members felt increasingly dominated by Byrne. On Remain In Light they fought to ga in writing credits in their name as well as his and Eno's. and rifts began to form between him and the rest of the band. Although the band never officially split up. instead going into 'hiatus· . they never recorded together agam. However, 1n 1996 the original line up, minus Byrne. reformed for the album No Talking Just Head.

In retrospect: Psycho k1ller. qu·est-ce que c ·est?

Mark/and Starkie

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flag on terr itory only previously trod by Pixar alone. In a highstakes game and with millions of dollars invested in every project. you 're ~nly as good as your last film. And so with Shrek destroying all comers at the box-office this summer, John Lasseter and his two directors Peter Docter and Lee Unkrich have every right to be nervous. Repeat the party line after me: You will like Monsters Inc., you will go to the box office in your millions, and by good goll y gosh, the Disney financed company will make the ir entertainment overlords even more mill ions. Or at least that's the plan. In truth though, Mr Lasseter needn't worry, overseas in America the biggest battle is already fought.

Monsters Inc. was released before Christmas to huge success. so whatever happens on our pleasant shores will never be anything more than a minor skirmish in comparison.

Though not as beguiling or universally appealing as the Toy Story series, Monsters Inc. is a fine film, one that will no doubt continue Pixar's success in luring kids both young and old to

What happened next?

Ta lking Heads embarked on a trio of albums- More Songs About Buildings and Food (1978), Fear of Music (1979) and Remain in Light ( 1980) - all produced by Brian Eno, during which the1r experimentation with different genres came to the fore. Between 1980 and their split in 1988 they released four more albums and numerous solo projects.

David Byrne even directed a film in 1986 entitled True Stories, which featured a Talking Heads soundtrack.

J anu ary 16 , 20 02

Where did the idea for Monsters Inc. come from?

John Lassetter: Well, the idea actually started way back when. around the time we were working on the original Toy Story.

Peter Docter: I was trying to remember things I used to think about as a kid. The first thing I remembered was that my toys came to life when I wasn't in the room. The second thing was that t here were monsters hiding in my closet waiting to scare me. lt seemed to me like a lot of other people had the same experience when they were kids.

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Was there fame and fortune?

By 1977 they were signed to Sire Records and had released their first album, Talking Heads '77. with much lauding from the critics and public alike for its stripped down, intelligent punk rock & roll. Of course, their brand of punk music was more in tune with contemporaries such as Television and Devo , rather than th e surf influenced dirty pop of the Ramones. In fact, their professional relationship with the Ramones during the period in which they were playing together was famously unprofessional.

the cinema for one and a half hours of innocent fun. This time round our heroes are two monsters James P. Sullivan (aka "Sully") and Mike Wazowski , voiced by John Goodman and Billy Crystal respectively. They both live in Monster World, which, it turns out, is powered by screams collected from children who are scared by the hardworking monsters who appear in their closets (that's wardrobe to you, Limey). Even though Sully is Monster World's leading frightener, things go awry when he accidentally lets a human child into the monster world. Since kids are supposed to be poisonous and carry loads of diseases, the expected pandemonium ensues.

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JL: Which is where I got really excited because we always strive to come up with subject matter that the whole audience can relate to. And after we spoke to other people about their own personal experiences, we began to realise this 'monsters in the closet thing' was a common fear.

PD: Basically the idea came out of trying to answer the question: Why do monsters scare kids? One of our first ideas was that they did it because they were trying to entertain the other monsters. lt 's like a rea lity TV show, or maybe even a sporting event where, you know, the top guys go in, they scare the kids and all the other monsters watch and comment: "Very good. very good ." But that didn 't really go anywhere.

But then, being parents, we all realised that children are an extremely unstable source of energy, very volatile. And so we thought well maybe the monsters go in, scare the kids, collect their scream and a child's scream is the power source in Monster World.

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Inquisitor: on the up,

in the chair

r's new movie, Monsters I ne. , has triumphed in the States looks set to do the same when it's released over here on uary 8. The Event spoke to its Executive Producer, John et er and its eo-Directo r s, Lee Unkrich and Pete Docter.

Merek Cooper

Old you consciously aim at a more mature age group because Toy Story 2 and other Plxar movies gained such a huge adult following?

JL: At Pixar we always make movies for ourselves. You know. we're adults, reasonably intelligent. We love to laugh, we love to be moved, we love to see action and so on and so that's kind of the approach we take. We really don't get influenced too much from the outside. We just concentrate on making movies for ourselves. We're also parents and we love to take our kids to the movies. So in order to entertain the kids we don 't put in subject matter or language that might be unsuitable for them. Having said that, on the opening weekend of Monsters Inc., 40% of the tickets sold were to people without kids, which is remarkable. All teenagers, college students, young adults, old adults without kids, the late evening shows were sold out and theatres across the country were adding midnight shows for an animated film. We're especially proud of that.

Plxar Is well known for being at the forefront of computer animation. What kind of new techniques were developed for Monsters Inc.?

JL: Well , always at Pixar the technical development is really driven by the needs of the story. You know, we don't just come up with some new technology and, say "Hey, let's use it in the

Does the choice of voice actor affect the characters personalities and physical characteristics?

PO: We don't cast our films based on how famous an actor is. it 's more the talent that they have and how closely they fit what we're looking for. In the case of Sullivan, for example, we needed someone with a great deal of strength and power to him because he's the best child scarer in Monster World. But then he also needs to have a sensitivity and a real kind of vulnerability to him as he becomes parent to this little girl. John Goodman really fit the bill well . Then what happens generally is we go in to the sound studio where we do all the voice recording first.

They always bring their own natural (!bilities to the part and we always end up re-writing the thing to fit the actor, so that the character in the film really is tailor made, custom made for each actor. And the part changes ... Buzz Ughtyear, for example , was a big ...

JL (interrupting): Buzz Lightyear's original personality was that he was very much aware that he was a superhero. Like, he 'd go around saying "Why yes, I am a superhero. Thank you very much, " and always striking poses, talking very robustly. We thought this was a lot of fun. But one of the things Tim Alien's brilliant at is playing an everyday person, an everyday guy. Kind of macho but still vulnerable. So he came in and played him like an everyday guy and it was very different than what we had in our head. But we listened to it and we liked it and , in fact,

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movie. " We come up with a story and if it contai~s something that we don 't know how to do, that's when we set out to try to achieve it. Sullivan's fur was, you know, probably the biggest technical advance in this film. Normally, the more organic something looks, the more difficult it is to do with a computer. The computer likes things simple and geometric. I think hair, clothing, skin, these are the most difficult things for a computer to render convincingly. Consequently, when Pete came up with this idea of making the main character furry, it was a big chal¡ lenge.

PO: Yeah, the fur was done as a simulation dynamics programme. Sullivan ended up with about 3 .2 million hairs, all individual pieces of geometry, that react and move and blow in the breeze. And rather than have the animators work on that, we devised this system where the animators worked with a bald Sully. They 're free to work on the gestures, the acting, the emotions, all that performance the audience identifies with. And then when the animation is finished, the hairs are applied and the movement is based off of that underlying performance that the animators have put in. it's all automatic, done with this dynamics programme. lt worked out pretty well .

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changed the entire character, from super-hero to space cop.

Well trained, straightforward, honest. And what that did was actually made it much more affecting when Buzz finds out that he's just a toy and not a space ranger. lt works much better with him being an honest character. You sympathise with him because he is more likable, than if he was this stuck up superhero.

Computer animation's popularity Is going from strength to strength but Disney's product Is so family orientated, will we ever see a computer animated movie just for adults from Plxar?

JL: Well , you know, the way I look at it is that we make movies for the adults. We just happen to include kids and if we make a movie just for adults we're excluding a huge chunk of our audience. it's just our own desire. We love the type of movies that we make. Will it happen? Yeah, sure. I mean, Final Fantasy has started down that direction and I think that it's really a matter of having a director, a studio, and people with the desire to tell that kind of story. At Pixar I think we're dedicated to making films that truly entertain adults but also include kids. it's something that I think we're quite interested in continuing to do.

Supercharged industrial metal pyrotechnics and go girls? Karmi c are the band for then!

for goJera you

Who makes up the band then?

Jon Tufnell: There's me on vocals, guitar and programming, and I 'm the main songwriter. Mike on drums, Jim on bass and Mike on guitar.

Who are your main Influences?

We're still developing, and we've moved away from our earlier Pantera;Fear Factory influences. We 're more focused and consistent now . The end result is heavy, but with more of a Nine Inch Nails/ Stabbing Westward sound, and an alternative rock edge in places.

Who would you most like to tour with?

There are some bands that we really like. Static-X we all like, and I think that we'd work really well with them, because we do share something similar in sound. I look at them as a nu-metal version of Ministry , good fun music. We share that, but we're at the more melodic end. Nine Inch Nails too, just because I'd like to see them .

Having won your record deal through Kerrang/ magazine, were you surprised at the fact that you've received some unfriendly press?

Maybe a little bit. We'd done a demo to shop around to labels, and to be suddenly told that now we were going to do an album was quite difficult . There are certain things we were not happy with about the album, so I think that some of the comments were quite fair. But the people who chose us as winners at Kerrang! still stand by us. We 've had some really great live reviews.

You're off to America soon. it's no secret that we're having problems with our record company - we don't feel we're getting full support from them. They don't really know how to handle us. We want to go over to America where they understand our music a bit better. We're not doing it because we want tons of cash, we're doing it so that we can do the music as it was intended . it's the land of opportunity!

Where do you see yourselves In a year's time then?

If things go how we plan, and I think they will, we will have released a far more definitive Karmic Jera album. We'll have been to America, got our deal, spent some really good time working on songs for an album, released it, and we'll be touring . Probably supporting some bigger bands.

Anthony Love//.

Wednesday, January 16, 2002

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It's a sick, sick, sick world: From There· s Something About: Mary to American Pie. it seems as though Hollywood comedies are getting more obsessed with vom·i t and fart jokes. New ensemble cornedy, Rat Race, seeks to challenge the trend. But is it funny?

Text: phi l Colvin omedy has changed a lot over tile years . Sure, some things have a. lways been funny. Sight gags, slapstick and the like have raised cl1uckles for centuries. But modern comedy has become something very different from the fallrng over banana skins of old. You see, if modern film-makrng is anything to go by: vomit rs funny. Thrnk about that for a second. That wretching after a night out or during the throngs of rllness: that torrent of bodrly fluids. That vomit. You're probably not laugl1ing now (get help if you are), but srt in a darkened room and watch that vomit fly (along with any other bodily discharge)? You'll be laughing like a l1yena.

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The reason I bring this up (excuse the pun) is the recent release of Rat Race. the latest offering from the genius behind Airplane! and The Naked Gun, Jerry Z ucker. Rat Race is a comedy rn whrcll a group of seeming ly random indrviduals are pitted against each other in a madcap race across America. But, more than that, it's a conscious throwback to a type of film we just don't see any more: tl1e character-driven screwball comedy. A group of well known honest-to-God comedy actors showing off tl1err talents in what is basically a series of comedy sketches strung together around the barest bones of a plot. it 's a homage to Stanley Kramer"s 1963 comedy it 's a Mad Mad Mad

Mad World, the most legendary example of this sort of ensemble comedy and apparently an attempt to bring modern film comedy out of the gutter.

But is Rat Race necessarily any funnier than today's comedy. or just outdated? The lukewarm reaction botll here and in the US suggests the latter. So have our comedy tastes really changed, or is Rat Race just a bad film? Certainly it doesn't boast the same level of talent as Mad World. What made that film stand out were the sheer number of high name comedians, starring and making cameo appearances, from Spencer Tracey to Buster Keaton and the Three Stooges . Every face on screen was an

"Is

!<a L Race necessarily any funnier than today's comedy, or just outdated?" established talent. And although there's no denying the talents of Rat Race's John Cleese, Rowan Atkinson or Whoopi Goldberg: much of the supporting cast is less than stellar.

Heck , when the cameo appearances are by the likes of Dean Cain (he of The New Adventures of Superman) you know you're in trouble. Then you have the likes of Breckin Meyer and Amy Smart best known as ... hmm ... the pretty American teens from Road Trip. And when you start seeing trailer gags revolving around the rear ends of cows, suddenly the 'Hollywood sell out' alarm bells are ringing loud and clear ...

The sad fact is, that although lacking in vomit, Rat Race isn·t a work of genius. lt wants to be everything for everyone, and so ends up an uneasy mix of screwball antics and bovine back sides. And if comedy geniae li ke Z ucker can't make us laugh without appealing to our cruder sensibilities, then it seems the laughs of old have faded. My only comfort resides in the fact that, like a wave of nausea. our current tastes in comedy will surely one day pass back to something more pleasant. The alternative is, quite literally. just too f1ideous to comprehend.

Movie Rumours

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Taking a brief look at what's happening in Hollywood at the moment.

Text· Jim Whalley hile touring the interview circuit to publicize Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, writer1 director1 actor Kevin Smith made a number of sweeping statements regarding his cinematic future. Jay and Silent Bob , he claimed, would be the fifth and final part of his New Jersey trilogy , which also includes Clerks, Mal/rats. Chasing Amy and Dogma. it would be the last at least for some time - appearance by the titular cflaracters.

Essent ially. he wanted to move on. try some new things. But as facts about his next project have begun to be announced, exactly what Smith considers ·new· is increasingly unclear. For a start the movie (a comedy) will be ca ll ed Jersey Girl (now where could that be set?) and provisionally stars Ben A ffleck (who can also be seen in Mal/rats, Chasing Amy, Dogma and Jay and Silent Bob), Joey Lauren Adams (Mal/rats, Amy and Jay and Silent Bob) and Jason Mewes (who has played Jay in every one of Smith's movies). The plot. says Smith, will be based on his own recent ex perrences of fatherllood - a co nc ept that should not be confused in any way with Clerks. which was based on his own expe rr ences of working in a convenrence store. Basically. all we need now is the introduction of two new characters called, say . Ray and Mute Robert and it'll be busi ness as usual.

Gangs of New York was supposed to be Martin Scorsese "s masterpiece - by far his most costly and ambitious work to date, based on an idea he had treasured for years. With Leonardo DiCaprro, Cameron Diaz and Daniel Day-Lewis (in his first role for almost a decade) as stars it has the potential to be a critical and commercial smash.

Th e only problem is t11at the studio behind it, Warner Brothers. refuses to let anyone see it. Gangs was first announced as a ·go· project back in February 1999 but after a series of produc tion setbacks ( including Robert De Nero dropprng out) the film's

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release date was set as December 21 2001. Thi s drdn't last for long after Septembe r 11, when Warner decided Americans wouldn't want to watch people in New York being unpleasant to each other. even in a picture set at the turn of the century. For a while the studio ta lked vaguely of 'Spring 2002', but it now transpires July 12 is when Gangs will see tile light of day (or the darkness or movie theatres at any rate). Unfortunately this is also the date Dreamworks opens Sam Mendes· (American Beauty) next film, The Road to Perdition. another period gangster flick. After the success of Beauty and with Tom Hanks and Jude Law playing lead roles, it can only be assumed Perdition would beat Gangs in a direct fight, leading to the conclusion that Warner has elected to "dump· Scorsese·s film, unable to see how it can be commercially successful. The question therefore becomes 'exactly how bad can Gangs of New York be?"

lightly more cheerful news is that after two decades in development hell the film adaptation of The Hitchhiker 's Guide to the Galaxy may finally be getting underway. After the death of book ·s author, Douglas Adams, earlier this year, several people in Hollywood have voiced the opinion that a Hitchhiker movie would be a fitt ing tribute. Adams always want ed either Hugh Grant or Hugh Laurie to star as the hero. Arthur Dent, although neither actor has commented on the ir rnvolvement. More encouraging is that Jun Carrey has expressed rnterest in the role of Zaphod Beedlebrox, the two-headed presrdent of the galaxy. Furthermore, Director Jay Roach has been attached for some trme.

However. until contracts are actually signed, the project will be continually dogged throughout productron companies by phrases such as "when hell freezes over' or the slightly less subtle ·never in a million sodding years·.

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Picture: (top) Kevrn Smith: (bottom) Mart in Scorcese

Wednesday. January 16, 2002

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It ' s getting beta all the time •• Richard Greentree tells The Event why things are condition alpha for The Beta Band.

Text: Anthony Lovell e were pretty rubbish. lt was really pretty . hastily cobbled together. A lot of bands have been banging away at it and gigging before they get any kind of interest, but we were on our way to our first gig when our single was getting played on Radio One. We've definitely improved now. " So says Richard Greentree, one of the four multi-instrumentalists who comprise The Beta Band. A truly different sounding act, The Beta Band have been producing their sample-laden funk mixed with piano and acoustic guitar for over five years now, but despite gaining plaudits from all the "right" people, remain relatively unknown in this country. Upon talking to Richard, I can understand why the band have a relatively low profile. He's honest ahd sincere, but very unassuming, and someone of a crueller disposition might label him dull. Obviously devoted to his music, his hesitancy in responding to any question means that he takes a lot of prompting to elaborate on any statement he makes. But there are flashes of quick-wittedness, which means that I'm never quite sure what I'm going to hear next - rather like the music that he and the rest of the band make.

We begin by talking about the filming of the video for recent single Squares. "it's our take on what really happened at the first moon landing. We're the spacemen, we imagine that we're on the moon, until someone bumps into a wall and realises that we're not, and then things spiral out of control from there!" ; he says. Kind of like the music itself then?, I venture. "Yeah", he says, monosyllabic ally .

Prompting is definitely required here if what makes The Beta Band tick is to be discovered.

Their huge range of instruments and noises is one reason why they sound so unique - any plans for further experimental ism? Bagpipes perhaps? "There's nothing experimental about them·, he says. "They make an awful raoketl The things we're all getting to grips with now is computers. Hot Shots was the first record of that , and I guess that as we move on to the next record there will be more of it .· Okay then, if computers are the future of The Beta Band, where on earth does the band get its inspiration from? I am surprised by Richard's response, as I am expecting a vast list of artists ranging from Terris to John Zorn. "I don't think that there 's a band that's influenced The Beta Band as a whole, because we deliberately try not to sound like anybody else.

But for me it's The Who. They gave me the image of what a band is, how its composite members behave. I don't think that that would be fair for the rest of the band though. I think that Steve(guitar, vocals, percussion)'s favourite band is Adam and the Ants and John (decks, samples, piano) likes Barry White. • I'm now absolutely baffled about how The Beta

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Band create their music. They're either extremely imaginative visionaries, or four individual nutters who never know what the others are going to produce next." Increasingly, I suspect it's a combination of the two.

One band who have recognised the creativity of the Beta's is Radiohead. In fact, they recognised them to such an extent that they personally invited The Beta Band to tour the United States with them. Was this a big privilege? ·For them, yeah!·, says Richard. " lt was good, really nice of them . They're quite reserved they've got their own little camp. By the time they come offstage, they've played for so bloody long that I was normally too drunk to have any kind of coherent conversation with them!" Despite these somewhat bibulous extra-curricular activities, The Beta Band went down well enough in the US to warrant their touring there as the 11eadline act. "That was excellent, really good. We sold out 90% of the shows, and it was a resounding success·, says Richard proudly. But when I quiz him further for entertaining tour stories (gossip-mongering, basically). I am met by a complete rebuttal. ~ I can't think of anything which doesn't implement people in some way- let's just move on • , he says.

I don't pursue this any further, as he is obviously a bit twitchy at this point. Instead, we begin to talk about The Beta Band's relative celebrity in the US compared to Britain. Are The Beta Band going down the same route as Bush did in the mid-'90s: multi-million sellers in the US; second on the bill at the Slug and Firkin in Britain? "I hope not , because we always wanted to crack England . That's the main priority•, says Richard. However, he does acknowledge that the US is, at present, their most immediate interest. " Because of the groundwork that the Radiohead tour did, it 's just been an open target, so we've had to follow up on it. it's just made the most sense.

We're going back in March to keep the momentum up.· hat then, does the future hold for The Beta Band? "Monte Carlo or bust!

Hopefully we 'll just keep working away and doing what we're doing, and we'll get accepted into mainstream life. Stepping out of the shadow of obscurity that we seem to be standing in at the moment.· So that's it!

That's what inspires them! Richard wants The Beta Band to be pop stars! Expecting a lengthy answer, I ask him if chart domination is on the cards. "Yeah, totally,· he responds.

Succinctly put, sir.

Pop stardom, US tours, recognition in Britain: The Beta Band want it all. Whether they could replicate the success of tourmates Radiohead is a different matter, but give them a chance and they could at least play a few bigger shows on this side of the Atlantic . Who knows? Richard might even get excited.

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"Are The Beta Band going down the same route as Bush did in the mid-'90s: multimillion sellers in the U.S; second on the bill at the Slug and Firkin in Britain?"

Wednesday. January 16, 2002

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Wannabe Rocks tar

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Never mind the numerous top ten singles and sell-out tour, it's the drunken behaviour, band tensions and a tendency to throw things around that have finally given American pop rorltor~ I~~ tttc: tho coveted status of Rock Stars.

Text: Gemma O'Donnell

hou shalt not steal." Brendan Brown from Wheatus is trying to recall the Ten Commandments in the order Moses wrote them on Mount Sinai. it's a challenge laid down by yours truly. to think of a question that the Wheatus lead singer has never been asked before . He's clearly having troub le recalling his RE lessons, and it ·s ironic that five minutes after "Thou shalt not stea l ... help me out here ... luck." Brendan will proceed to pilfer my dictaphone and sabotage my tape, reducing the fruits of an afternoon's labour to a mass of ribbon on his dressing room floor. lt smacks of toddler immaturity. it's also perfectly excusable; it's the last night of the tour, Brendan's drunk, he's a l1ttle paranoid and he's trying to be rock ·n · roll. "This was 27th night of our tour, and it was the first night that we did whatever Brendan felt like", laments percussionist Phil (yes. the one who plays the fruit) on the bus much, much later. Clearly, Brendan is used to getting h1s own way. Later on this evening he wi ll throw his cheese gnocchi over his bunk, leaving his sister to clean it up. lt 's a far cry from chucking his TV out of the dressing room window but it'll do for now. And who says charty popsters Wheatus can't be rock ·n· roll anyway? After all. this is the band that smashed the1r equipment on stage at the Smash Hits Awards, in front of a violent crowd of 11 year-olds . You can even see their videos on Kerrang TV. Rock on lads. However, for now the cross-eyed wonder that IS Brendan is attempting to accuse a 20-year-old student journalist of a tabloid-worthy expose. Almost as if he is

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worried by the fact that he drank a little too much scotch, said a li ttl e more than he should and that we. God forb id. had a cassette that could sully his reputat ion beyond repair . Oh yes, I can see those headlines now. 'Wheatus Singer in Last Mini Mars Bar Shocker!'; 'Brendan B " I Eat Gnocch1" Expose!' Success, it would seem. has taken its toll.

Earlier th at afternoon I had th e pleasure of spending a civ ilised hour in the company of Wheatus. lt wasn't particularly extraordinary; we asked a question, they gave us the answers. the manager was happy, the band was happy and we could al l go home, well, happy. Was the tour going well? "Yes. thank you, but we're a little tired ... What's you r next single? "Wannabe Gangsta. out in January. Make sure you all buy 1t folks." And so on and so forth, I won 't insult your intelligence; you can imagine how it went. Think responses like " I love being on stage with the other band members··. "We've been together for three and a half years." Bullshit. rea ll y, niceties, textbook answers to textbook questions . However, we weren't to know what would come

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Onstage in the LCR a band are playing a number one single to two thousand adoring fans; later t his ban d wi ll te ll me that t hey daren't eat the Christmas cakes that these fans have made for fear of being drugged, or even killed. What wo rries me more than this is the fact that diehard Wheatus fans exist and in abundance too . if the LCR crowd are anything to go by . On the tour bus a Wheatus-laden homework diary is test imony to this. every page filled with odes to band members and scnbbles of frogs. No offence guys. but I hardly think t hat two top ten singles and a fan base that consists of 12 year olds in hoodies makes you a prime target for assassination. There is no anthrax 1n your cakes and Osama doesn't listen to rock music, so please feel free to pass Afghanistan or book depositories m the near futu re. Please.

The band's dressing room above the LCR IS housing our coats.

Rumour has it support act. Relish. have trashed 1t during Wheatus's set . and I'm a little concerned that those cherries,

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09 mini Topics and bottles of Evian have been put to foul use. If you get an Access All Areas pass you can skip through catering and rigging, sampling to your heart's delight and fraternizing with the friends, lovers and employees of Wheatus. Brendan, now clearly inebriated, has taken it upon himself to become my career guru, "You should be ... like ... fuck you," apparently, and you should stick your middle finger up at people who get in your way. I assume this doesn't apply to retail employment, because that sort of thing could get you into trouble. Like a Tasmanian Devil on Red Bull, Brendan is now searching my handbag, as you do, finding a cassette player he decides to make off with it .

Now, even a drunk person can tell that an interviewer is bound 1 to still be carrying their interview equipment and 1 wonder if I'll ever see the fruits of my labour again. I am stewarded away to the tour bus by Phil and bassist Mike, two of the nicest, most genuine celebrities I have ever encountered. And I am not exaggerating. lt is here that I pass a very pleasant hour, reading home entertainment catalogues with Phil and eating the cakes (well, someone had to) ·the chocolate one was a bit dry but I didn't detect any anthrax . Phil's wanted a home cinema for ages but is still "a long, long way · from getting one. When I notice the price of one at £8000 I exclaim that's more than a student gets in a year, "oh, I'm definitely not getting one now," he says, guiltily, heading off to bed. Every now and then I pluck up the courage to enquire after my cassette, "Brendan has it", oh great. And suddenly he is on the bus and at la~t I am handed my tape. it's in shreds. His girlfriend and his sister are really ticked off, as I suspect are the rest of the band. I realise, almost like an epiphany, that band members can piss each other off. I'd never thought of it like that before. I mean, you don't expect Simon and Garfunkel to clear up after each other, or for Paul and Rachel from S Club to have a slanging match do you? We all know Brendan is being a little silly, but there is blatantly no point in telling him, anct definitely no point in restarting the interview. Lucky, then, that Phil had been preparing an interview for us, which he finalised on paper before my own eyes, and it is with great pleasure that I give you the full· unabridged copy.

"Brendan is a rock star in the most innocent of ways. He wants nothing more than to be an honest version of the rock stars AC DC , Iron Maiden and Michael Jackson he grew up listening to.

To be a more accessible version of what he grew up admiring.

We met seven years ago and it all started with hi~ slipping on ice in the road! We try to go in a different direction than what is out there for the masses, our influences are very diverse. We hate doing 'full playback' . We love playing for a crowd.

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interview tape. It's 1n shreds."

Norwich was the longest, strangest show we 've ever done, the people here are very willing to rock hard and long . Bananas are the most accessible drumsticks in the world, other than some good old cock. We grew up listening to Erasure so we thought it'd be funny to do a cover of that gay classic .· Thanks Phil. And as the bus engine started up, I took my statement and ran, far away from Brendan Brown. far away from the

cliched cockney tour manager, and far away from my broken C90 interview. I mean it· I literally ran. However, I did not call the tabloids and I did not print many , many of the other embarrassing things you said to me Brendan, because I pity you. One evening with Wheatus is quite enough. If Brendan is this highmaintenance when he's drunk I can't imagine what he's like sober. Or can I?

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If you are a graduate, who thinks they can make the most of these opportunities, please send your CV with a covering letter to:Miss ]ass Rutheiford, Enterprise Rent-A-Car, HR Dept U71, Beechwood House, Depot Road, Newmarket, Suffolk, CBB OAL. Email jrutheiford@erac.com •

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Wednesday,

January 16, 2002

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Braindead

Pat Sharp ; As much a part of our chi ldho od as sod a streams and t he A t ea m, but where is he now and what has he been doing? Luckily for us, the Pat -man will be making his return wi t h the Mega Mullet tour, coming to an LCR near you so on .

The Event meets the man behind the mull et . Te xt: Li z Hutc hi nson the Starship M ullet. it 's un likely to be a flop. Talking about floppiness, I think of Pat's curta ins that the mullet was later moulded into during the funhouse years. When asked about his hair caree r, he sounded more than a litt le nostalgic about his former barnet. " I lost my mullet ten years ago, 1991 it went , my hair is rea lly qu ite short now, almost fash ionable. Apparently, t he mullet is on a bit of a revival, its coming back into fashion in the stranger more interbred parts of the co untry." You've been to Norwich then, I ask, thinking of the mass of mu Ilets working their way around the market place as we speak.

"I lost my mul le t t en yea rs ago . my ha i r i s sho rt no w. ev en fashio nabl e" That has to be a zombie film ...

Not j ust any zombie fi lm but quite simply the best hack-emup of the nineties and a contender for the most gruesome fi lm ever made. Whilst American audiences were being talked to death by the thoroughly tedious phenomenon of self-aware horror fil ms: Night of the Living Dead was off in New Zealand having a one night stand with Evil Dead to produce the unashamedly crude gorefest which is Braindead.

So how does it work?

We start with Li onel. He's the son of a control freak mother and wants to date the lovely Paquita. He sneaks off with her for a trip to the zoo, but is followed by his mother. Whilst spying on them, she is bitten by an ugly Sumatran rat monkey ... And before you can say 'embarrassing skin problem ' , her face is falling into her soup during dinner parties and she's turning into a flesh-eating zombie. Needless to say, this is a fi lm we ll endowed with ...

You 're going to say " black humour" aren 't you? it's pretty much inevitable. Lionel can't bring himself to harm his mother, or the multitude of family friends she is gradually biting and turning into zomb ies. And so he goes to extraordinary lengths to hide them in the basement of their house, t rying to appease their lust for human fles h by playing them The Archers. Things go wrong , though, when the house is repossessed by Lionel's Uncle Les, who organises a house warming at which the zombie hordes. inevitably, escape. Cue half an hour or so of blood soaked zomb ie ki lling madness.

And by what means do the zombies meet their end?

Oh. by pretty much everything really. Since the zombies mu st be compl etely obli terated, Lionel and Paqu ita end up using every household item you can imagine: from knives, through blenders to a high powered lawnmower. The key to why it al l works is Timothy Balme as Li onel. He plays the character comp letely straight, whether apologising for his mother eating his visitors' dog or attempt ing to insert a rabid zombie baby into the blades of a lawnrnower. Peter Jackson ' s di rection throughout is spectacular, milking every gruesome act of violence for laughs.

Peter Jackson? But doesn't he make nice films about Hobbits? ...

Not back then he didn 't. Jackson made his name in his native New Zealand making no-budget , blood soaked horror flicks before moving on to more Hol lywood friend ly fare, t hus ensuring his eternal cult status among horror fans and that his early efforts will never feature on Angus Deayton's Before They Were Famous.

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ou may well remember Pat Sharp for that inflatable foam-fest kids programme , Funhouse, in which contestants raced around the set in go karts, fought their way through a tunnel filled with evil balloons and squeezed themselves through a foam mangle.

Oh , how I wanted to slide around on the gungey floo r in my crash helmet , with that tune ec hoing in my ears .. . 'funhouse, it 's a whole lot of fun, prizes to be won .. . 路 Anyway, you may also think of one infamous hairdo in association w ith Pat, favoured by various pro-wrestling stars and Peter Stringfellow, to name but a few. Yes, he is the man w ith the mullet and he's com ing to a university near you. Hosted by Pat Sharp, The Mega Mullet Tour will be appearing at the LCR on the 25th January, when Pat will be DJing amongst other things. That bastion of fashionthe LCR goer - will be glad to hear that Pat Sharp style mullet wigs wi ll also be given out as prizes " We ch uck loads of wigs out based on my original hair and people get to wear them all night and pretend to be mulleted. And they are very, very popular, if we hold up 50 COs or mullets, people ignore the COs." Hmm , the Mega Mullet Tour sounds suspiciously like some sort of evangelical project to spread the word about the berated hair style. But will it succeed? With legend Pat Sharp at the helm of

Saturday Morning TV:

So it 's good?

Frankly, how can a film with a kung-fu kicking zombie priest who " kicks arse for the Lord " not be good? And did I mention the zombie sex?

No! Ah well, there 's plenty of that to o. One thing ' s for sure: you'll never watch Lord of the Ring s in quite the same way Phi/ Colvin again.

event

Enough about mu ll ets, what has Pat been up to in these long, long days without What 's up Doe and Funhouse- a question long debated around k it chen tables du ring the token kids TV nostalgia conversations no doubt. After finishing on Funhouse in 1999, Pat has been concent rati ng on his radi o ca reer and now has a regular slot on London's Heart FM. "I do the mid morning show from nine till one. its variety from the '80s , '90s to today. most ly based around very fami liar pop songs. There's a bit of everything in there, it ' s a good mix because it means that people ca n sing every song. My favourit e kind of music is probably more guitar based stuff, Bryan Adams etc, I'm not really into garage, R n B and things like that, more good old fashion pop records, but I do like pop music, music wit h a tune." With his radio career well established, does this mean that we will see Pat back onto ou r screens soon? "I've got plans for something more adult, but when you have done kids stuff for a long time, you te nd to get pigeon holed and become very like Wil li am Shatner, the Captain Kirk of the Starship Fun House, and people only see you as that." I choose this moment to bring up the other Captain Kirk of his kids TV era, golden boy Philip Schofield , and ask if there was any friendly rivalry between the pair. " I did What's up Doe with Andy Crane and Yvette Fielding and we were basically big rivals, when he did Going Live but we were the first ITV Saturday morning show to beat the BBC show in terms of ratings. Ironically nowadays it happens all the time because SM:TV beats the BBC every week." Not ever missing the opportunity to slag off the Saturday Show , I ask him what he thinks of the Beeb's latest offering, ready with my tirade of abuse against Dani Behr, "Its not very good, is it . I think Dani Behr looks a bit out of place on it. " 'W hat, like a whore in a Women's Inst itut e meeting?路, I th ink . but way too late for it to be relevant . Pat also reveals that plans are under way for a Funhouse tour - wait for it boys- with the twins. "We are sti ll good friends. I mean we did Funhouse together for 12 years. Martina is getting married this year and Melanie is an estate agent . Maybe we w ill come to you r place and bring the twins and everything. Literally do a set of games a bit like Funhouse. I think that would be a big success because people would like to see them again. " Judging by the reception of ot her retro guests at previous LCR night, I 'm sure both the Mega Mu llet and the Funhouse tour wi ll be a hair ra ising events. literally.

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A word of advice: If you find yourself locked up with a man in a flourescent silk s hi rt. who has a selection of hammers close to hand , its probably best not to mention his dead bird. The Event has been there, done that and was not allowed a t shirt.

Text: Liz Hutchinson and Katie Hind

ow thick were we as children? How come we beiieved things that seem so blatant now? Of course Hubba Bubba was made from whales' blubber, the Blue Peter presenters didn't really spend hours 'earlier' fiddl ing with a fa iry liquid bott le, the broom cupboard was not actually a small and stifl ing room that Andy Crane and co had to suffer in for our entertainment. Of course it was a massive airy studio with no sweeping implements in sight. How could we be so stupid?

This is something we asked ourselves after we had the misfortune of meeting Timmy Mallett recent ly. We always thought he was a lovely man, he didn't really hurt anyone when he hit them over the head and he would probably be really nice in person.

But he was bound to be a twat wasn 't he, what with the obsession with day glow bermuda shorts, soft hammers and Dame Edna style glasses. Shouldn't we have guessed that he would be a complete dick , after interrupting his Collection 2000 face powder application in the seedy toilets that the Ents team like to call the dressing room for all the rich and famous that tend to visit the LCR? Yet , still we met him with the glee of a youngster about to be hit by Timmy 's hammer on the yesjno game. lt was the start of a beautiful friendship; he let us try on his infamous fruit themed glasses, pineapples and all, he even hit us on t he head with his prec ious hammer, which he told us, is insured for a mill ion pounds.

Admittedly the mood altered slightly when we asked him about everyone 's favourite cockatoo, Magic. "I've still got Magic but he 's getting on a bit now, he must be 16." A snort of derision that Magic really should be dead now , accordi ~g to the rules of nature, was met by a stony silence. He clenches his hand around the hammer. Ooops. We quickly ask about the rest of his family. " I've got a Mrs Mallett. Mallett is a lovely name. I've got a mini Mallett too, he's called Billy. He asked me once what that game is that I play with the mallett, he was five then,

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"A snort of derision that Magic really should be dead by now was met by a stony silence." but he's nine now. " Then suddenly Timmy launches into a bewildering speech, during which he manages to break the record for the number of celebrity names dropped into a monologue of two minutes or less. "I've met all of the celebrities. Robbie's my favourite , he was on Wacaday. He was all excited , he was a kid just starting out with Take That He's still a good lad ... Kylie was on the show too, she had a good old time. All she wanted was a wacky plaster ... I live near Windsor, near the Queen , I've met her and she's lovely . Prince William is a big fan, him and Harry used to play Mallett's Mallett all of the time, I've spoken to him before and he's a lovely bloke ... I used to get invited to celebrity parties all of the time, but I only used to go occasionally.â&#x20AC;˘ We had heard it all by this point, now Timmy seems to think he's a hit with the super stars (we would hope by this time in his life, he would have accepted that he is not one).

As we wave our fond farewe l ls to Ant and Dec. The Event 1oaks back on the British phrnonemon that is Saturday Morning TV. Text: Gemma O'Donnell ames Redmond must be quaking in his boots. lt would seem that the success of SMTV after the departure of Ant and Dec, is down to him. Yes, of course Cat does a good job, but then, Chas isn't quite the same without Dave is he? The bulk of SMTV's success is down to the Tyneside duo, and their ability to entertain the younger audience without patronising them. lt might be wise for Dani Behr to start taking notes at this point. Saturday morning television has become an institution in it's own right, owing it 's success to the flagship shows Tiswas and Swap Shop of the late '70s.

J

Hmm I wonder if Prince William would list Timmy Mallett as one of his celebrity mates? lt doesn't surprise us when Timmy tells us his slot on Wacaday was in replacement of Roland Rat, since there are several definite similarities, lets see; the glasses, the shell suits, the fact that they are both unfunny, the list goes on .

But it seems that it wasn 't long before ITV bosses had realised their folly in hiring substandard presenters, leaving Timmy to follow numerous other sad old-timers into the music business.

Timmy was very defensive when we mentioned that classy tune, ltsy Bitsy, and refused to give us a rendition. We could only assume this was a reflection on his singing voice. Or lack of.

Proof that Timmy 's career as a 'celebrity ' is nothing short of a failure is in the fact that he has never, until now , fallen victim to the British newspaper industry. "I have never had any scandal printed about me in the tabloid press. I managed to escape all of that.¡ Well, we are always being told that the student

paper is not a bad place to start.

So once Timmy had finished boring us with his life story and plugging his stupid pantomime, (which, by the way, we were gutted that we missed), he assumed that, because we were UEA students and so associated with the over excitement on the dance floor, even from one champion football player, we should be completely in awe of him and reduce ourselves to being his flunkies for the night. As if embarrassing ourselves in trying to get rid of his over-priced, crappy quality merchandise wasn 't enough, he made us fetch his pints and carry his luggage to his car for him. But by the end of the night we were convinced that Timmy must have frittered his earnings away on alcohol, spectacles and horrendous psychedelic clothes, as he wouldn't give us any freebies or even a peck on the cheek (perish the thought) for our hard work. But then we could be wrong - he could be just a bastard.

it's almost come to the point where you can tell a person's age by which shows they remember. In the early days of morning TV it was all Keith Chegwin, cut 'n' pasting, hand jiving, Bucks Fizzing, tie-dying lunacy. The posh kids watched Swap Shop, while the fur-collared anorak-wearing kids watched Tiswas. A bit like West Side Story, really. And even now we see a 'war' emerging between The Saturday Show on BBC 1 and SMTV on

come to life. Going Live is perhaps the most memorable, along with Live and Kicking because they ran for the longest on BBC .

Going Live is also important as it set the benchmark for later shows, with higher production costs and 'celebrity' guests, Philip Schofield and Sarah Greene were also much easier on the eye than Keith Chegw in. Live and Kicking (aka The Take That Show, due to it's overexposure of the Boy Wonders) , however, was much more successful, probably because it introduced the nation to the pairing of Zoe Ball and Jamie Theakston. But what of the competition on ITV, you ask? Well , who could forget the magnificent Andy Crane on Motorrnouth, or Gimme 5 with Jenny Powell? And Scratchy and Coin all its plastic-coiffeured silliness? And , of course, SMTV. Ahhh SMTV, the saviour of children's television . lt seems the BBC have lost their touch. Gone are the days of Rentaghost re-runs and 8.15 from Manchester's .

Instead we must be content with a footballer-friendly ex-model and her moronic , ugly side-kick. Bring back Mr Blobby I say. At least he had mediocre chart success, and he was pink ...

Rcamc,nd must quaking in his boots" 'Juiile~

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ITV. I even saw Brian from Big Brother presenting SMTV recently, and if that 's riot to secure ratings then I don't know what is.

However it is the shows we remember from our childhoods that seem superior even to Ant and Dec. Nostalgia might have blinkered us somewhat , but Gordon the Gopher was a better mascot and there's no doubt about it, Phi lip Schofield made that puppet

Wednesday , Ja nuary 16, 2002

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Clive James came to Britain over 40 years ago to become a journalist. Since then he has been a reviewer, literary critic, novelist, poet and TV presenter. The Event asked him to review his own life and predict its future.

Text路 Charlotte Ronalds ne of the hardest tasks that any young journalist can face is interviewing someone already 1n their field of work. This is second only to interviewing someone so renowned for their own interviews, that they can anticipate questions, manipulate answers and plug anything and everything of theirs without batting an eyelid. Clive James fits into both categories.

Best known for being a balding media wise guy who satirically comments on mass culture and celebrity gossip, it is his television work that he is most famous for. However, James is actually a respected journalist, renowned literary critic, acclaimed novelist and published poet. When posed with the question of how he would define his occupation, he looks quiuical. "As a set of continual diversions " he laughs in his famous satirical way. " For all I know I did the wrong thing, but I've enjoyed doing it and I rest from one thing by doing another, and I find them all means of expression. What unites them all is that they are all writing in one way, even TV because when I'm improvising I'm writing in my head before I say it."

Indeed, it immediately becomes apparent that writing forms the basis of James' existence. He is the author of more than 20 books, including fiction, poetry and most famously his memoirs.

His latest one. Even As We Speak, was released last year and so far looks set to be as big a hit as the others. I mention to him that the title of his 1980 book, Unreliable Memoirs, implies that the content is less than truthful. James does not feel the need to lie. Well, not when talking, at least. "You can't rely on anything, but that 's true of most memoirs, so what I do is make a joke of it. You can't really trust any memoir, it's always written to the glory of the writer."

Another thing James appears to no longer trust is television. In June he vowed never to go back to doing mainstream programmes, despite having been a presenter for almost 20 years.

"There's a lot of pressure on you to interview Geri Halliwell every week" he ex plains, 路 and eventually I got tired of it so I moved out. I'm not going back, I don't have to, so I'm not going to. I'm quite grateful to mainstream TV, you know, I made enough money and became well-known: Perhaps mainstream TV is not quite so pleased having, in their opi nion, produced a star on ly for him to abandon them. But this doesn't mean that James is going to slip away into total obscurity. He has already embarked on a new project, an Internet site called Welcome Stranger (www.welcomestranger.com) and has recorded a dozen shows for it. "That's where I'm going t o do TV from now on, in my living room. I like the idea of the web very much and I also get to own my own stuff, which you can't do on TV. I made 20 yea rs of my postc ard programmes and I don' t own th em. I want to own my own work before it 's too lat e."

We move on t o discuss hi s past int erviews w ith celebrities.

James has interv iewed a plethora of stars, fi ndi ng his interview wit h Katherine Hepburn t o be his most impressive. "I was t old not to ask her about Spencer Trac y or Howard Hughes, and I managed to ask her about bot h of t hem, but I was very careful how I did it. My quest ion on Howard Hughes I dare say is the cleverest thing I ever did on TV. I said 'some people think t hat the only sane th ing Howard Hughes ever did was fall in love w ith you ' and she t hought about it for a minute and then she was off - on everyth ing! You 've got to phrase ."

James admits that he prefers talking to women more than men , especi ally Helen Hunt. "She 's my ideal American . She 's bri ll iant and talented and wonderful , I enjoyed her. I general ly talk t o people that I have reason to admire , I don 't do adversarial interviews, that 's not my style. I could never do all that stuff of asking t he same question 17 t imes , like Jeremy Paxman. I'd feel embarrassed."

We move on to discuss journalism in general and how it has

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January 16 . 2002

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"Tt1ere's a lot of pressure on you to interv·pw Geri Ha 1 iwell every week and eventually I got tired 0 f it I moved o~t. I'm not going back, I don't have to, so I'm not going to."

changed. James has also caused a stir in the media by describing British j ournalism as being provinc ial. Again he's not afraid to own up to it . "Well the country's becoming provincial and the journalism's becoming provincial because there are too many outlets and too many named column ists and I th ink the standard 's gone down a bit . it's atomisation, but there 's no point being pessimistic . Don't forget I'm getting older and when you get older the young start looking young . I'm turning into an impatient, cranky old fergie, prematurely."

But James owes much of his own career to being a named column ist. Head-hunted at Cambridge after writing for his student media and doing the odd piece for the BBC 's magazine, The Listener, he was approached by The Observer. Whilst discussing this, he is almost philosophical , "I did the television column for The Observer between 1972 and 1982, and it seemed everything grew out of that. lt was a great way of preaching to the community because everybody read The Observer, the 'right ' million people read it and everybody watches television, so they knew what I was talking about . So it's a bit like getting up in church on Sunday and preaching a sermon.

"But in a way it started earlier on, it usually starts somewhere where you don 't see it, that's why it 's important to do everything you do well, so you 've got something to show . The most powerful weapon you can have in your hand is a folder with your best pieces in it, it doesn't matter if you are shy then because you can say well, I can do this and they 'll look at it and dec ide whether it 's good or it 's not . If it 's good you 'll get a job . it's no use pulling wires , there are no angles.· For James, the building block of this is good grammar: "Study the language, because finally, if you can write English, you 're going to be more successful than if you can 't. The big advantage that Australians of my t ime have is that we were taught very strictly at school, especially how to write English . When we got here in the sixties, the locals were already forgetting how to and that gave us a flying start. So that would be my tip: learn to write a coherent sentence, then a paragraph , then a piece. Nothing else matters.· When asked why James left Australia and its good grammar behind to come over here, he becomes whimsical. "That was back in 1961 and Australia seemed in a bit of a back water in those days. Things changed afterwards and Australia is definitely not a backwater now , you can have your whole career there, but I still think young Australians should come abroad and see the world. I came abroad and stayed for 40 years." I politely inquire if 40 years is perhaps not too long, and that it's time he went back. After all, the Internet is a world wide phenomenon.

"I think there's such a thing as travelling so far that you can't go back. I go there three or four times a year but I don 't think I'd go back there to live because I'd have to answer questions all the time, and one of the questions would be 'Why did you come home? Did you fail?' Australian journalists are like that. ·

inquire what James is currently doing, aside from promoting his new memoir. By his answer it seems he is plugging his next book, Alone in the Cafe. "At this very moment I'm finishing a huge book on discontinuity in 20th century culture. it's meant to be the kind of book that you can give to a student at the beginning of their university career and they'll see it all, they'll see all the literature, all the languages, how it connects

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with politics and so on. Because it 's made out of quotations from all my favourite authors, plus an essay from me, sometimes the quote is three lines long and the essay is 3000 words, so it 's huge. And the book is meant to be a university in itself. If I'm right about it, it will be very valuable and very successful , and if I'm wrong it will be the biggest failure of my life .

In other words, you never know, you can never tell. " The answer to this will be known later this year when it is released, but failure is unlikely because for James, it seems writing is too easy. He 's also got another book of his collected poems coming out this year and has plans for a huge novel about the war in the Pacific, inspired by Michael Burleigh 's mammoth book, The Third Reich. "I very rarely read anything current, there's no time if you're going to catch up with the really big stuff. But occasionally one book comes out that 's so big that I just have to read it ."

Another big part of James' life is, perhaps somewhat contradictory to his physical stature , Argentinean tango danc ing . "I love the tango, it 's an art-form and very beautiful too. I've been doing it for five years, though it takes a while for a man to get good, it 's the steering, it 's quite tricky. I'm going to write a tango opera in which I could dance and very well sing - unless somebody stops me! " Asked , then, whether. he thinks the j ournalist helps inform the novel ist and that all writing is based on subjective experience, James is quick to reply. "The poet in me helps the journalist, the poet helps everything . But yes, sure , television helps the novelist to the extent that why my novels matter at all is because they have observations that other novel ists haven't got because they don 't move in the media world .

"Most of my novels are about the media in one way or another.

I wouldn 't have seen those th ings if I hadn 't been a journalist or a TV personality . I would have been writing about a writer's life and that 's what 's wrong with most novels, they 're only interesting up until a certain point . it 's usually about sex, frustration, ambition , blah, blah , blah. Someone once said, devastatingly, I th ink, "'Write what you know ' is the advice we give to people who shouldn 't be writing at all. " I like that."

We move on to discuss famous essays. James has frequently been quoted as saying that the journalism of George Bernard Shaw is what every writer should aspire to.

"George Bernard Shaw 's music criticism and his drama criticism is the greatest journalism ever written. He is the example of how to combine humour with criticism, and it does sugar the pill. If you ever really want to amuse yourself and learn how to write critical journalism, take a look . He turned into a bit of a rat bag after that , but even that 's still worth a look ."

Now that James has covered just about every media form going, I wonder if anything is left for him to achieve in the future . After performing at the Edinburgh Festival last year, he is now touring in March with former musical partner, Pete Atkin. "There are two new albums available and it 's fairly serious and the words are fairly well crafted , if I can say that with due modesty. 30 years ago we were at the mercy of the record companies but this time we've got a chance, I think. it's worth it anyway. it's worth a try."

Perhaps, then, that is the greatest achievement for James. He h3s finally broken free of the media mould without being ostracised, and now he is calling the shots. "Writing is everything" he tells me. For him, I believe it is.

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14 Albums

Cooper Temple Clause:

See Through This And Leave

Never judge a book by its cover. Or an album for that matter.

This gem of wisdom can be justified by listening to The Cooper Temple Clause 's first full-length record, the special-edition of which is presented in an A5, leatherette, padded photo album, complete. with swirly, faux-gold leaf lettering and a set of random photographs (see picture, right), depicting various mundane shots of middle England. Presumably it is designed to make some kind of complicated political gesture, rather than the fact that it just looks nice. But I could be wrong.

Allegedly named after an episode of McGyver, The Cooper Temple Clause are a six-piece outfit hailing from Reading who have honed an intense, hypnotic rock sound not dissimilar from the likes of Primal Scream (particularly on XTRMNTR). The result is a debut album that rocks very hard when it wants to, whilst retaining some semblance of intelligence in its construction as a whole. This does not mean, unfortunately, that all the songs themselves are particularly good, and quite a few end up disappearing into black holes of over-production and noise for noise's sake, so that they end up passing through the ears without sticking in the memory.

Having said that, there are some excellent tracks on See Through This And Leave. Did You Miss Me?, the opening number, begins with an arpeggiated loop on keyboards before a simple drum beat and melody sung in octaves are laid down. The whole pace, texture and vo lume eventually build and build to a fantastically tearing climax. The last track, Murder Song, builds in a similar way, however, clocking in at nearly nine minutes it does take a bit of patience to get into it . Although effective on these two songs, this pattern of building to a climax does appear in many other songs and in being so frequent loses much of its power, occasionally sounding quite run-of-the-mill and rather annoying. Panzer Attack is one such example, suffering from an uninspiring riff and returning motif. Ben Gautrey's vocals also prevent the songs from realising their true potential.

He switches between the nasal croak of Liam Gallagher and the squeaky whine of Mark Greany (JJ72), making a sound that's often not so much powerful and raw as just irritating.

Another layer may be found within this LP , on the track 5554823. Obviously meant as an experimental filler, using an array of com puter beats and bleeps, vocal samples, keyboard arpeggios and white noise, this track actually stands out like a welcome sign post from the messy riffs that surround it. If this track is a taster of things to come from the band I shall await with eager ears.

Although there are a small number of great tracks on See Through This And Leave, overall the album promises more than it delivers. it's almost as though The Cooper Temple Clause have found that creating noise is too much fun and have accidentally forgotten about the songs.

Mark/and Starkle

6/ 10

Electric Soft Parade: POD:

Shane MacGowan:

Holes In The Wall

Satellite

The Rare Oul' Stuff

The debut album from Brighton brothers A lex and Tom White transp ires to be a disappointing lump of grungy guitars, choruses taken straight out of Teenage Fanclub and definitely not the " simmering psychedelic capabilities of an early Verve " that the press release proclaims. Not that it's bad , you just get the feeling that you have heard it all before somewhere else. Prime example is Sleep Alone, sounding like a hungover Badly Drawn Boy trying out his falsetto but getting nowhere near it due to the 40 a day habit. lt doesn't help when most of it is overproduced, even though it was recorded on a four-track. You think that touting Chris Hughes (in Adam and the Ants, helped produce Tom McRae's album) will make any difference? Yet, occasionally they do get it spot on and it does sound sleazy and sexy and good.

The tit le track is one .of the worst songs on the album, sounding like a rubbish Radiohead with lyrics that are cliched and predictable . If they are trying to be heartfelt and sincere, and undoubtedly someone will try to convince me that they are, I just cannot see it .

But it is being a bit harsh on the lads because they are a couple of nice tracks on the album, not least the reworked single , Silent in the Dark. They don 't appeal as ground breakingly different ; they just have a few nice riffs chucked in, as to This Given Line.

But the highlights are few and far between and I found myself turning it off frequently as it really began to piss me off. You cannot feel the music, let alone become consumed by it. The Electric Soft Parade have built a reputation as an impressive live outfit, which maybe their saving grace. When they get it right they are quite good, but that is a rarity on an album that you' ll just get bored of. Better luck next time .

Mike Mllner

What do you get if you cross three hardcore Christians, a Rasta and Metallica路s sound engineer? The answer is Satellite, a surprisingly catchy and intense fusion of religion, metal , hip-hop and reggae. Although at times P.O.D may sound like the gospel according to Incubus, Satellite is, thankfully, as far separated from Bible groups as hell is from the nearest ice-skating rink .

Indeed , it is difficult to know whether or not you are intended to take them seriously with lyrics like "you the man and that 's word to your mama " . Religion aside, Satellite is probably the best nu-metal album to date, sporting songs that make Linkin' Park look like the Marx brothers. P.O.D show a refreshing level of honesty in their music , something reflected in the beautifully haunting Youth of the Nation, a track inspired by Columbine, the tragedy taking place only moments away from their recording studio. So what do P.O.D sound like? Satellite's opening track Set it Off does exactly what it says, opening with a drum roll reminiscent of Ozzy 's Diary of a Mad Man. Sonny 's voice takes on the character of an instrument as he swings from a melodic chant into bursts of hardcore aggression . The uplifting anthem, Alive, the first single taken from Satellite, is a testament to what a band can accomplish with more than three chords having already hit the Kerrang! top ten and received a nomination for a Grammy alongside seminal rap;metal crossover act Rage Against the Machine. Ridiculous, a collaboration with Eek-A-Mouse also catches the listener's attent ion , merging a distinct reggae ska influence into Satellite's numetal groove. However, it 's the guest appearance from Bad Brains nutter H. R. on Without Jah Nothing, an up-tempo punk ex plosion that slowly unwinds into a loosely structured skaj reggae jam that comes as a real surprise and making the album truly memorable. Ready or not, here come the boys from the South! You have been warned.

Kieren McSweeney

Irish folk music is a curious thing. You know how if something (or someone) looks better after imbibing large quantities of alcohol , it is referred to as being viewed through " beer goggles"? Exact ly the same applies to Irish folk music when listened to through ... beer headphones, I suppose. Can anything be more irresistible than dancing maniacally around an Irish bar, high on Bushmills and Pure Genius, whilst five or six Celtic rogues crammed into the corner thump out a gloriously rollicking version of The Irish Rover?

Rarely can the 'Celtic rogue ' image have been better epitomised than by Shane MacGowan . His fans revere th is legendary performer as much for his past of Herculean drinking and drugtaking as for his at times sublime songwriting. This new effort is comprised of his mid-' 90s output with his band The Popes, the act he fronted once he'd got his act together after leaving The Pogues. Those who relished the stereotyping of Irish acts must have been rubbing their hands with glee when they saw that one member of the ba.nd is named Paul 'Mad Dog' McGuinness. And who can blame them? Like country and western, folk music comes with a readily identifiable image and sound, and Irish folk music is no exception. Fans will be ecstatic with the sheer sound (which is well produced) of pipes, whistles, banjos, fiddles that comprise the instrumental part of this album, topped off with MacGowan's voice, which is, as ever, as real and organic as a peat bog . However, it ensures that this album will have at best a limited appeal. Aside from the first song, which is a haunting ballad, the rest of the songs are heads-down, non-stop blarney about drinking, tough women, local characters and other such Irish things. But hey, this is one for the fan s, and I doubt that Shane ca res too much.

Cheap, lousy, faggot he may be, but he knows a good stereotype when he hears it.

Anthony Love//

5/10

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January 16, 2002

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Singles 15

Chemical Brothers •• Star Guitar Tom and Ed have a car radio. it used to work but their car's an old one you see and the aerial's been bent by those kids who hang outside the Croydon Ritzy on a Saturday night hoping to score a quick fix in between heckling pedestrians. So they haven't been listening to a lot of music recently. They have loads of tunes going round in their heads, t~ough, but nothing to compare it to. So you can forgive them for producing two singles in a row that sound like they're stuckj'n 1999.

Taken from the Chemical Brothers new alb m Come With Us, and following on from their last release, lt Began In Afrika, Star Guitar has anthemic written all over it. Literally, in fact ... the press release says so. And who am I to arg~e with the great PR juggernaut? So you can imagine the kids in their furry boots dancing their e-addled brains out with this as their soundtrack.

You can see it selling by the shed load. But let's face it, play anything loud enough and people somewhere are going to dance to it. So, in the end ... so what?

But remember, Tom and Ed are beyond reproach so we'll blame the kids at Ritzys for that. For the time being at least.

Adam Chapman

SFA:

It's Not The End Of The World?

Pink:

Get The Party Started

I think that they intended this to be soothing and comforting.

Something to slip into a warm bath to at the end of a long, hard day, when you've still got problems that you've left behind you at work because you were simply too tired/fed up/overworked, or a combination of all three. "At least it'$ not the end of the world", sings Gruff by way of comfort. For the most part it works as well. Taking things down a gear from the anthemic (Drawing) Rings Around the World, this draws its inspiration from one of SFA 's finest moments, Ice Hockey Hair. Smooth and well-groomed, the only problem with it is that the vocals have been pushed too high up in the mix, meaning that it turns into a lullaby which has the habit of jerking you back to consciousness just as you were starting to drift off. Goodnight...

Anthony Love//

A must for both pre and during the LCR, Pink can most definitely get any party started with her fun new single. With her last (co-)effort Lady Marmalade winning her her first MTV award this feisty funkster seems to have got a taste for the pop world. A little less attitude, but still with as much arrogance and bite as her last singles, Get the Party Started promises a different flavour to that of her last album. Becoming less of a hardcore harlot and more of a pop princess, Pink's change in hair colour seems to reflect her musical change; spiky fluorescent pink to sleek, short and smart. Claiming she doesn 't want to "abandon anyone" she's staying as diverse as ever: although the single is a little poppy, the tone is as cocky as ever. One more time ...

Pink's coming out, so you better get the party started.

Ed Web~lnga/1

P. Diddy:

Mi ssy Ell i ot:

o; ddy

-----------------------------Whatever you may think of bad boy P. Diddy, aka Sean Combs to his mum, his new single, imaginatively entitled Diddy, is actually not that bad. After the painfully brash mix of Bad Boy For Life, Diddy provides a much needed funkjjau vibe, showing that the veteran rapper can at least spell his new name. The addition of 'did' fits neatly into the rhythm and presumably authenticates Combs as the real thing. Still , there is nothing new going on here. P.Diddy predictably boasts about his wealth and sexual exploits making it hard to fathom how he managed three Grammy nominations and has been described as capturing the sentiments of a generation . Diddy is basically a prime example of style, or, in this case, ego, over content, possibly explaining why his bitches call him Diddy. Kleren McSweeney

Take Away

Take away? Yes please! Chicken patia with pilau ... Oh, it's not that kind of take away. Mind you , if this were a curry, it would be the mildest thing on the menu. Lacking in any kind of bite whatsoever, this is in complete contrast to last years' electrifying Get Ur Freak On. No doubt this will be passed off as an attempt on Missy's part to broaden her musical portfolio by showing that she can do slick soul. However, some artists should simply stick to what they are good at. Missy Elliott's talent as a confrontational rapper is not in question, and I think that this can be regarded as an experiment that has gone wrong. I could even imagine Luthor Vandross and Mariah Carey duetting on this - it's that cheesy .

Anthony Love//

Pictures (clockwise from top): 1. Chemical Brothers; 2. Super Furry Animals; 3. Pink; 4. Missy Elliot ; 5 . P. Diddy

Wednesday, January 16,

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16 Film

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Directed by Tim Blake - Nelson Starring: Julia Stiles. Josh Hartnett and Omar Epps

Modern reworking of Othe77o sees Odin James as the only black student in a priveleged publ i c school, where all the fight scenes have been replaced by basketball matches and all the poetry has been replaced by, like, regular speech. it' s a little known fact that when Shakespeare was writi ng Othello he originally intended to set it in an American high school and base most of the action around the ex plaits of the school's basketball team, but abandoned the concept when he realized it was actually a ridiculous idea. Unfortunately, no one bothered to warn Tim Blake-Nelson, who has stumbled into the very mistake The Bard so narrowly avoided. Nelson, who is probably still best known as the really stupid third of the convict trio in 0 Brother, Where Art Thou?, wrote and directed 0, jettisoning the original play's dialogue and large chunks of the plot, though retaining the general structure.

Omar Epps plays Odin James, th!:i only black student at an exclusive private school and capta in of the champ ionship winning basketball team. He is popular, intelligent and dating the Dean 's daughter, Desi Brable (Styles). In short his life couldn't be better - except that, unbeknownst to him, his best friend Hugo Golding (Hartnett) is a jealous. twisted, increasingly homicidal lunatic. Hugo is also on the basketball team (his father is the coach). but despises constantly having to perform in Odin's shadow. When the coach (Martin Sheen) describes Odin as the son he never had. Golding embarks upon a campa ign to destroy his friend that rapidly spirals out of control.

0 does a lot of things very well. Nelson wastes no t1me establishing the Shakespearian atmosphere of inevitable tragedy.

Considering how privileged the kids seem to be. few of them look particularly happy, moping around the school's cold, grey corridors with pained expressions. The film is shot in a

event Wednesday,

detached, clinical style, enhancing the sensation that what transpires was always preordained. The only respite is the basketball matches, which - in a nod to Othello's original occupation - are filmed using aggressive. frenetic camerawork more akin to warfare than the NBA . Players compete for honour and love. not because their PE teacher forced them to. The sport and victory ¡ are al l important.

Thi s is the point Nelson is trying to make - that priorities in America's schools have become dangerously confused. And it is this point that almost meant the film was never released. 0 was shelved for two years by its production company Miramax (who also refused to release Kevin Smith's Dogma) following the Columbine Massacre. Watching it now the cause of the controversy isn 't clear, as the film offers a reasoned argument against the conditions that lead to school violence.

But it is hard not to conclude that Nelson would have been better off writing his own original screenplay. Stripped of its poetic dialogue, the actual plot of Othello frequently seems repetitive and illogical. For such a clever chap, Odin falls for Hugo 's tricks extremely easily and the level of misery a single stolen scarf creates is just silly. Crucially, the film doesn't do enoug h to explain Hugo 's descent into madness. an essential goal if what occurs later is to be believed. 0 is a worthy effort that cannot overcome its flawed central premise.

J/m Wha/ley

January 16, 2002

0/

.J.. V

Fi 1m 17

Evil Woman:

Directed by Dennis Dugan St a r r i ng : J a s on Bi ggs , St'e ve Za hn a nd J a c k B1a c k

Two Nei l Diamond fans kidnap the girlfriend of a third Neil Diamond fan because she isn't a very nice woman. A gross-out comedy that makes you cry. And not in a good way.

If Evil Woman is representative of what studio execs think teenage boys like in a movie then I doubt I was ever a teenage boy. Electrocuted nipples, racoon attacks, testicle jokes and a cameo appearance by Neil Diamond. Yep, the substance of many a schoolboys' fantasy ... apparently. Maybe I missed out on puberty and emerged in my 20s untainted and unamused.

I'll test the plot on you. Two guys (Steve Zahn and Jack Black), trying to save their best friend (Jason Biggs) from his bitch of a girlfriend, the evil woman of the tile, by kidnapping her and tying her up in their basement. They then try to hook him up with the girl he fancied in high school (blonde, big titted, about to become a nun). That's about it I think, unless, of course, you include shit, tit and clit jokes. Oh and the trio are part of a Neil Diamond tribute band, hence his appearance in the film.

Which is all well and good if this floats your boat. The only problem being that it doesn't even manage to do it (whatever it may be) with any degree of finesse or polish. There's Something About Mary succeeded because of the sure-footedness of the direction and the likeability of the characters. Evil Woman fails on all counts. The usually dependable Zahn and Black are let down by completely abysmal infantile characters while Biggs does his usual schtick (American Pie, Loser) but with worse hair and a complete lack of funny lines (which admittedly hasn't stopped him before but the gaping holes in his talent are even more evident here). .

Maybe the point of gross-out comedies has completely passed me by. Maybe I've had a sense of humour bypass. While the terminology (to be grossed out in a funny way) pretty much speaks for itself I was under the impression that you should be hiding behind your hands because you find the on-screen hi-jinks disturbing yet ever so hilarious at the same time. I'm guessing that films of this ilk shouldn't make you sink deep into your seat in the fear that someone might have spotted you actually paying to watch this film. "I entered screen two instead of three,· I would say. "I would never pay £3.00 to see that juvenile mess." Then the aesthete in me would turn and run. Run past the popcorn stand, past the ticket stall. I would run far, far away, away from three bollocked fat men and bungled kidnap-

pings. I would speed off into the sunset in the naive hope that there was something better out there, that the world wasn't full of a whole generation of boys who might possibly find this funny. And then I would stop. I would pause. I would conclude that if this kind of crap is being made then there must be an

Domestio Disturbance:

audience somewhere who would pay to see it; Neil Diamond fans at the very least. And then I would cry. Hard.

Adam Chapman L/

.1.0

Directed by Harold Becker Starring: John Travolta and Vince Vaughn

Travolta stars in this mediocre boy-who-cried-wolf thriller about a kid who witnesses a murder committed by his step-father only to find that nobody believes him.

After spending a couple of years immersing himself in film projects that can only be described as absolutely awful (Battlefield Earth, Lucky Numbers), as well as 'informative· documentaries such as VH1's Grease: Behind The Music, John Travolta once again pulled a ·Pulp Fiction" and surprised us all with an admirable performance in Swordfish. However, things have taken a turn for the worse for Mr. Travolta with this latest flick, which is so average it hurts. And so it is that although his waistline appears to be steadily on the rise, his credibility does not seem so stable.

Domestic Disturbance revolves around an unruly 12-year-old boy, Danny, whose parents are divorced yet amicable. Moreover, his mother (Teri Polo) is about to marry her new guy, Rick (Vaughn), much to the resentment of Danny, who runs to his Dad's (Travolta) house at every opportunity to complain about how his life is just so unfair. Rick, however, gives no cause for Danny's hostility, due to the fact that he just happens to be the nicest guy you would ever meet ... or is he? Well, no. He actually turns out to be a conniving, money-grabbing, crook who brutally kills a man (a bewildering cameo played by a sickly-looking Steve Buscemi) and dumps the body in an incinerator. He nearly gets away with it as well, except for that pesky kid, who accidentally witnesses the murder whilst hiding in his step-dad's truck. This is where Travolta comes to the fore, since he is the only person who believes Danny (including the police). and he does some investigating of his own. There then follows every thriller cliche imaginable, from the dumb blonde wife who remains blind to the increasingly dubious ways of her husband until it's too late, to the skilled villain who executes his crimes with care and patience under pressure only to wind up behaving like a crazed maniac.- beating up every person in sight.

There is nothing that can actually be considered bad in Domestic Disturbance: the acting is acceptable; the writing is passable; the plot is ... well, there is a plot. But there is nothing good either. lt is outstandingly mediocre and unoriginal in every way. Poor John Travolta. lt looks as though even Tarantino can't save him now. · Mark/and Starkle

5/lu Wednesday, January 16. 2002

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18 Video

Final Fantasy ••

Direct ed by Hironobu Sakaguchi Starring: Ming-Na, Ale c Baldwin

Based on the popular RPG, this s tudy i n the boundaries of CGI technology l ooks spectular but fa i1 s on the substance factor. Not likely to sustain t he transfer to the small screen.

When Final Fantasy: The Spirits Withtn was released at the cinema, much was made in the press about it being the first film to attempt realistic representations of humans using computer graphics. Yet there is another aspect to the movie that in years to come may be considered even more revolutionary: it's the first film based on a computer game where the filmmakers have failed to capture the game's complex and intricate plot.

There have now been ten Final Fantasy games (with no sign that any of t hem are fina l} released over a range of conso les from the original Nintendo in the mid-'80s to the Playstation2 (out next month}. Each installment costs the production company Squaresoft -w ho are also behind the film - tens of mi llions of dollars to make and are advertised as taking up to 40 hours for garners to complete. Even accounting for a fair amount of time mi ndlessly slaying monsters, th at sti ll leaves room for a long and twist-filled storyline, so it is understandable that the script of the one hour 40 minute movie would have to be made more si mple. lt didn't, howsver, have t o be moronic.

On a post-apocalyptic Earth, mankind is under attack from outer space ghosts who can rip out a person's soul just by touching them. Lucki ly, the attractive ly re ndered Dr. Aki believes she has the answer: her research suggests that the combined life force of six specific living entities (plants, birds, etc.} should be pow erful enough to defeat the al ien menace. Before long, humanity's sole hope for survival rests upon the good doctor dashing around the globe in a tightly fitting jumpsuit, searching for the tiny life fo rms, her only assistance a squad of wise-cracking and cynical space-marines, with one of whom she is romantically entangled. lt is the worst possible combination of Hollywood's desire for linear narrat ive and act ion, and Japanese animation 's penchant for mysticism and sentimentality.

But then, Final Fantasy is not a movie you watch for its story.

Tec hnical ly it is nothi ng short of miraculous, worth renting as a curiosity alone. As Aki's appearance on the cover of Maxim last year proves. each cha racter looks like a genuine, breathing individ ual, albeit with a slight ly waxy comp lexion. Take any stil l shot from the movie, and it is hard to believe nothing on the screen ever existed outside a computer. Regrettably, when the images move t hey aren't quite so convincing. Often characters'

movements are too flu id, or too slow. like they've fallen into a vat of treacle . Lip-synching is another problem, not helped by some poor voice acting from the all-star vocal cast. Alec Baldwin sounds as if his jaw was wired during recording, while James Woods offers scant variation on his usual smooth bad-guy persona .

Judged as a regular film, Final Fantasy falls extremely short naff plot, poor acting, little suspense. lt is as an early indicator of what may one day be possible that it succeeds. Throughout

Jurassic Park Ill ••

the movie there are glimpses of movement that appear utterly real, as well as frequent shot s that could never have been achieved with actual people, that make all the faults instantly forgivable. it 's like the moment in Terminator 2 when the T1000 first transforms, expanded to feature length - absolute astonishment at what computers can achieve , coupled with the sure knowledge that cinema will never be the same.

Jim Whalley

6/10

Directed by Joe J ohnston Starring: Sam Neill, William H Macy. Tea Leoni

Surprisingly good sequel heralding the departure of the ori gi na l · s director, Steven Spielberg, and the return of the original's star, Sa m Nei ll . Expect lots of dinosaurs.

The Jurassic Park series has always been pretty much beyond criticism. No matter how stereotypical the human characters may be . or how ridden with cliches the plotting becomes. audiences still turn up to them in droves. The original Jurassic Park remains in the top five grossing movies of all time despite two of the most annoying child actors cinema has yet produced. The Lost World is the second highest grossing sequel ever (behind The Phantom Menace). lt had only half the number of irritating kids as its predecessor, but also only about a tenth of its innovation and style. The simple fact is that people will never tire

watching lumbering great dinosaurs munching their way through an expensively assembled supporting cast. Nothing else even comes close.

Though still a massive hit, Jurassic Park Ill was not quite as successful as the two previous installments. After Steven Spielberg announced that he wouldn't be returning to the franchise for a third time . many viewers agreed they wouldn't either. Which is a pity, because in terms of long extinct, computer generated reptiles part three out-does all that has gone before it. New director Joe Johnston (Jumanjt) has stripped

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away everything from the formula but the essentials: dinosaurs. a tropical island, and solid character actors to run screaming from the dinosaurs on the island.

As a present from his parents, Eric Kirby goes on an illegal paragliding trip along the coastl ine of lsa Nubiar, the island that became a dinosaur preserve at the end of The Lost World.

Obviously such a very, very stupid expedition goes horribly wrong and Eric crash-lands into the trees. His distraught but clea rly simpl e parents (William H. Macy and Tea Leoni} resolve to find him, and dupe Alan Grant (Sam Neil returning from the first film} and his assistant (Aiessandro Nivola} into coming along. Their plane, too, mysteriously crashes, leaving the small group of survivors hilariously under-equipped as they attempt to locate the kid and escape.

In terms of special effects the fi lm is amazing, with all the creatures now probably looking more real than when they were actually alive. Somewhere along the line someone decided that the T-Rex wasn't big enough or scary enough anymore. and it only appears here briefly so that it can be eaten by new species on the block , the Spinosaur. Johnston directs competently, but without creating anything to rival the initial T-Rex attack in Jurassic Park. Part three offers a sustained level of mild suspense, in place of the erratic highs and lows of one and two.

The cast is co llectively far more talented than their roles require, doing more than enough to make sure the audience cares for their survival.

Without any pretence of caring about the 'should man play God? ' argument found in the earlier films. Jurassic Park Ill is efficient entertainment that pleasingly wraps everything up ·inside 90 minutes- a perfect example of what the summer blockbuster should be.

Jlm Whal/ey

8/10

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January 16. 200 2

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Arts 19 Landmarks Sainsbury Centre

Exhibition Review: Coming to the special exhibition area of the Sainsbury 's Centre is Landmarks, a celebration of Fay Godwin 's contribution to photography. Having taken photographs over the last 30 years, she is now regarded as being one of Bntain's most respected and influential artists. Her career started in 1969 when she began tak ing portraits of writers and poets to use on their book jackets. it is these portraits that begin the exhibition , with pictures of literary figures including Kingsley Amis, Ted Hughes and Salman Rushdie. These photos were often shot in the authors' homes so viewers can study their interior design tastes as well.

These pictures are then contrasted with Godwin's interpretation of the harsh realities of life, including the streets of Bradford and the 'surreal ' images of horses and telephone boxes.

Beautiful landscapes also inevitably form part of the collection, including one from Norfolk, which has a 'quirky ' feel to it.

Godwin's work features classical, industrial, political and coastal landscapes. Her main aim is to capture the relationship that people have with nature and how they are both humorous and tragic at the same time. Whether this is actually achieved is a matter of debate, though her use of manipulating the standard colour and black and white images means that the exhibition could be well worth a look.

The exhibition will be running from Tuesday, January 22 until Sunday , April 28. The exhibition was organised and is being toured by Barbican Art. Charlotte Ronalds

Preview: UEA Literary Festival

Book Previews: The Mind Made Flesh Nlcholas Humphrey

£9.99 Ever wondered where consciousness comes from? This book explores the ideas of psychology and evolution, covered in five succinct essays. So if multiple personality disorders, the placebo effect and the seduction of dictatorship sounds like your thing, then this should be perfect for you. Both of you.

Another year and another feast of Iiterary figures all eager to get on the UEA line-up. So let us wet your cultural whistle by giving you the low-down on who to expect. First up is Esther Freud

The Stars of Heaven Cllfford Plckover

Best Of The Rest:

£17 .99 If the name of this guy alone doesn't make you want to rush out and buy his book, then maybe the content will. This is an entertaining introduction to astrophysics, covering stars and stellar evolution . Pickover uses fictional dialogue between futuristic humans and their alien peers to talk through the tricky subjects. If only university textbooks did the same thing.

The Collected Plays Graeme Greene

Deathtrap Theatre Royal

January 23-26 The plot tell s of Sidney Bruhl (to be played by Davi d Soul), a celebrated author of Broadway thrillers, current ly suffering from writer's bl ock. Enter creative writi ng student Clifford Anderson, who posts Bruhl a brilliant script. Rather than congratulate the student on his masterpiece, Bruhl decides to murder him and pass it off as his own. Well, who wouldn't? Twists and turns naturally ensue, so if complicated murder's your thing, you'll be dying to see this.

A Doll's House Maddermarket Theatre

January 24- February 2 Henrik lbsen's famous play explores the issues of 19th century marriage and social attitudes. First shown in 1987, it focuses on the marriage of Nora and Torvald. Questions are raised concerning whether their marriage is a form of imprisonment or a safe haven, and whether their home is a playroom .. ..

Thumbellna Norwich Puppet Theatre

26 January, February 14-15 This gentle fairy tale of Hans Christian Andersen it one of the best ways of being introduced to puppetry at the theatre.

Played amongst gardening tools and an unusually large wicker basket , the show uses table top, glove and rod puppets to tell its little tale. Cute.

Nightmare Cafe January 2S-26

UEA Drama Studio Nightmare Cafe was first performed by former UEA students as part of their final assessment. The play is a comic horror set in the surreal confines of an Edwardian-style eatery. it focuses on a business mogul an.d his quest for an heir.

Complied by Charlotte Ronalds

£6.99 Vintage Classics are slowly re-releasing all of Greene's most successful works. This collection of eight plays covers topics including The Potting Shed, and Yes and No, and explore topics of importance to Greene. All the wit of Greene comes through, as well as his seriousness.

Smashing People Mlchael A shwlck

£6.99 it's the 1980s. Apparently . Focusing on the failing life of Wilf Wellingborough, Smashing People is about seven friends and their media world lives. Fishwick uses wit to describe the 'absurdities' of journalism. And what absurdities might they be then, eh Fishwick?

Charles Darwin, Volume Two Janet Browne

£25.00 This is the concluding part to Browne's acclaimed biography and focuses on Darwin's life post-1859. Always a private man by nature, Darwin found his claims to be controversial and much discussed by scientists. This biography, though, focuses more on the man Darwi[l, rather than how the man evolved, accordmg to Darwin.

The Stars Can Watt Jay Basu

£10.00 it 's 1940 and the Germans are occupying Poland . Basu's novel focuses on the life of 15 year-old Gracian Sofka. For the past six months he has been risking his life by breaking curfew just to get a glimpse of the stars in the forest. Whilst Gracian makes his trip to see the stars, his brother dies and all sorts of danger prevails. A book about growing up, which has a universal resonance .

Complied by Charlotte Ronalds

(Wednesday, February 6 - pictured right), author of the book, Hideous Kinky, which was made into a film starring Kate Winslet. In 1993 she was chosen by GRANTA as one of the Best Young British Novelists.

Her other works include Peerless Flats and Glasgow, and her most recent work, The Wild, was released last summer.

Next up is Colln Thubron (Wednesday, Febraury 13), who is the author of six books, including Among The Russians and Mirror to Damascus. His most recent work, In Siberia, tells of his 15,000 mile journey across it. Madness.

Slmon Schama (Monday, February 18) is professor of Art History and History at Columbia University. He wrote and presented the television series A History of Britain, broadcast two years ago. The book to accompany it won the W H Smith General Knowledge Award. Last year he was awarded a CBE in the New Year's Honours list . His books include Landscape and Memory, and Rembrandt 's Eyes.

Only two days later Jlm Crace (Wednesday , February 20) is to come. The author of numerous works of fiction, his first novel won the Whitbread First Novel Prize, the Guardian Prize for Fiction and the David Higham Prize. Quarantine won the Whitbread Best Novel Award . His latest book, The Devil's Larder, was published last year.

Mlchael Wood (Monday, March 4) is the writer and presenter of numerous intelligent TV programmes, including Legacy, In the Footsteps of Alexander the Great, In Search of the Trojan War, and most recently, Conquistadors. His books include In Search of the Dark Ages, Domesday, and In Search of England.

Andrew Miller (Wednesday, March 6) is another graduate of UEA 's successful creative writing MA course. He has had three novels published. His first, Ingenious Pain, won the IMPAC Dublin Literary Award . His other two novels are Casanova and Oxygen, which was shortlisted for the 2001 Booker prize.

Putting an end to the festival this year is Tom Paulln (Monday, March 11). He's a poet , critic , dramatist and regularly opinionated guest on the BBC 's Late Show. His Selected Poems 19721990 were published in 1993. A collection of his critical essays, Writing of the Moment, was published in 1996. His verse novel, The Invasion Handbook is to be published in the month he comes to UEA. Expect his talk to be promoting it then. He is currently an English Literature lecturer at Oxford.

Complied by Charlotte Ronalds

Wednes d ay, January 16 , 2002

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Buff· the Vanp' e S1 ayer, Ser

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6 Sky One Thu r sdays 8.00pm Word of warning from the outset: if you haven 't read a newspaper in the last six months do not continue to read this one .

Why? Well if you are still on Series Fi ve of Buffy (currently showing on BBC 2) then you will be completel y unaware of the wel l-publicised climax to the season. Buffy is dead. Which in any other show would leave a show named after its heroine pretty much dead in the water. Ex cept, of course , this isn't just any other show. So bringing someone back from the dead isn 't as unrealistic as one might think. After all. they did it with Angel (who was already dead, but you get the picture) . One suggestion, though. If you haven't a clue what I've been wr iting about then you may as well g ive up right now. If you don·t know who Wil low, Gil es, Xander and Anya are then you ain"t going to learn now.

The start of Series 6 is event TV at its best. The resurrection of one of television's most unique characters after a particularly disturbing spell (well you don't see snakes emerging from your best friend ' s mouth every day do you?) has given the show a whole new lease of life. Having to cope with the effects of spending an entire summer in the A fte!World, season six promises to give fans a whole new character to appreciate, especially as she seems to have brought back a demonic hitchhiker along th e way (Afterlife, January 17) . Add to this anoth er surprising cha racter change and you have the makings for one of the most original series to date.

Forget your pointy headed demon folk and your spoi lt Californian goddesses; this year's Buffy baddie duties fall to Willow as she becomes increasingly addicted to her ever increasing magical powers. Further into the series rat-girl witch Amy is transformed back to her old human self. Fans can also look fo!Ward to a development in the Spike/ Buffy relationship as well as a musical episode, Once More With Feeling , in which Sunnydale gets visited by a demon who curses the cast so that all they can do is sing. Unusual, but typically we ll const ructed.

Which is why Buffy , unlike many TV shows, is ageing a lot bet ter than we have any right to expect.

Adam Chapman

Meet the Liv ewire DJ's: Oavid Hopely Dancing Round the Borders of the Curfe w Saturday mornings What is your show called and why?

My show title is based on this comic shop in Peterborough called House on the Borderland and the record label Vibrat ions from the Edge of Sanity.

Wh at sort of music do you pl ay?

I'm really into alternative indie music. The kind of stuff you hear on Steve Lamacq or John Peel. My music provides a mellow sound for a Saturday morning. I don 't li ke chart music although I have to confess to being a closet R ·n' B fan . I even have a Destiny Child's album!

What' s your favourite record ever?

I think it depends on my mood, at the moment I've been listening to The Yen by the Doors a lot. I really like Pull The Wires From The Walls by the Delgados.

Do you want to get into the music industry when you leave?

I want to do a postgraduate cou rse in Economics and Mass Media and after that I 'm not too su re but I would like to do more in radio.

Essential TV 02·

Miss This: The Next Best Thing BBC 01 Friday s 4 .35pm The BBC may think that it has finally fo und the answer to ITV's suc cessfu l Popstars and Pop Idol programm es, but they are sad ly mistaken. Coming to CBBC later in the month is The Next Big Th ing , which , aside from its name , it not big in any way, shape or form. Portraying itself as the biggest search for the nation 's newest young vocals, anyone between 12-18 years could send in a tape hoping to make it on to the programme. Hosted by Abbie Eastwood and Joe Challands , two fel low failures in the field of pop, the chance to see four acts a week blasting the ir lungs out and hitting all the wrong notes can 't surely be much of a career high . Oh, and the poor audience gets to vote each week who shou ld make it to the grand final. Yes , there is a grand fina l. Surely the overall prize can't be a record deal with a well-known company. Surely no one can be that stupid?

But maybe we are being too harsh. Maybe the programme does have some redeeming features. Assuming that thousands of children really did submit tapes, then the few chosen to go on the programme must possess a small degree of

what they ca ll 'talent'. Yet someth ing tells me that we shouldn't be holding our breath. The programme also allows bands to enter. and the first programme introduces Yellow Cab, a seven-piec e rock band from Prestwick .

M aybe I'm just getting old and developing a more mature understanding of music, but this really does sound like the BBC is getting desperate. The appeal of t ile ITV versions are not the actual music. but the young people who are involved and their private lives. That and the general bastard-ness of Simon Callow .

Sorry BBC, but I think you're onto a loser with this one. Stick to Newsround and making intell igent programmes. rather than trying to suck up to the masses. Meanwh ile, my advice to those that cannot continue their existence without watching TV every Friday from 4 .35pm until 5pm, is to watch Countdown instead. Rock on Ric hard Whiteley.

Charlotte Ronalds

Shooting Stars

BB C Choice Sunday s 9.00pm

"Eranu." " Uvavu." Terms not quite on par with the earl ier, ·'You wouldn't let it lie ." or "W hat' s on the end of the stick, Vie?" but terms now synonymous with Shooting Stars. Die hard Vie and Bob fans will be groaning about the reincarnation of the 'least funny' seri es, but it's important to remember that although it doesn't contain much of the earlier, more disturbing humour, Shooting Stars is at least on TV at an agreeable tim e.

And as of February , all you students without BBC Choice will be able to watch it too! Mark Lamarr has remained in the safety of his mother-show Never Mind The Buzzcocks and given up his seat to Wi ll Self, who should prove an interesting replacement.

Ulrika"s sti ll there, clearly the success of Dog Eat Dog hasn't forced her into premature reti rement yet, though we can but hope . And new boy Johnny Vegas will be popping up from time to time as a regular guest, a bit like Rory McGrath on They Think it 's All Over or Giles Brandreth on Countdown. Although we know it"s not as funny as The Smell Of. .. it is better than Randall and Hopkirk (though I must admit , I was partial to that too) , and any return to our screens by Vie and Bob is more th an welcome. as far as I'm concerned . Wh o can forget such gems as Ritchie Wermeling from Let Loose being forced to sit in an industrial bin while it was smacked with cricket bats? Or 'The Weed In Tw ee d' Jarvis Cocker gi rlish ly t hrowing Mini Babybells at an oversized effigy of Judy Fi nnegan 's face? Or Carri es late Ivy Brennan getting com pletely rat -arsed? ( "Wh o was your impression of?" Mark Lamarr : "Oii ver Reed. ") If the new series sparks moments half as funny, my license money will be well spent.

Gemma O' Donnell

Wedne sday. J anuar y 16 , 20 02

event

TV/Radio 21 Essential Soaps路 On New Year's Eve everyone was routing for Eastender's Little Mo when she finally did what we've all been itching to do, and plucked up the courage to lash out at boggle-eyed Trevor by bopping him over the head with an iron in Pauline Fowler's kitchen. Good while it lasted, but since then the poor quivering urchin's been banged up in a prison cell and charged with attempted murder. Thankfully her luck turns this week when she gets let out on bail, but in keeping with true Maureen Slater style, her lip's still tightly buttoned about Trev's wifebashing, gravy-smearing ways. By the end of the week she's decided to spill the beans to Charlie, although it can't exactly come as a surprise to anyone that Trev 's not really the cute puppy we all made him out to be. In any case, Mo's going to need all the help she can get because it's not long before Trevor's back, lurking around the Square sporting a black beanie to cover up the missing chunks of his head. If that's not enough, Phil Mitchell appears to be up shit creek too, when he gets arrested for his beetroot-faced attack on Steve in the Vie. At the same time, Barry seriously gets on Roy 's clackers about not wanting to be best chums with Nathan, and Mel and Steve have a barny over a toaster which they curiously resolve by hopping on the good foot and doing the bad thing. Surely shelling out for another one in the January sales would have been a lot easi~ for Mel, who doesn't feel very clever for having bedded her ex -husband.

Down under in Ramsey Street, Susan's contemplating throwing the towel in as Headmistress at Erinsborough High (there's only so much aubergine dye she can keep using to cover up those grey hairs) and Lou's tug of war comes to an end as the Aliens get custody of Louise. Regardless of this, it's all go for Mr Carpenter (literally speaking, too) who decides to th row caution to the wind and do a runner with Lolly. He doesn't get far mind you, probably only to the Bush what with Harold and Joe on the case, and they drag him back and make him hand her over.

Some friends they are.

The child pinching fever's caught on in Chester too, where in Hollyoaks Alex slyly steals off to get Anna's baby called Charlie, which she's not best pleased about . He then reveals to Matt and Theo that he's got big plans for bringing the poor kid up all by himself, which they obviously find hilarious, while Chloe reckons that adopting it isn 't the way to go. And on the theme of people having run-ins with the law. it's Mandy flying the crime flag for Chester when she's charged with careless driving. Also, Ben get's knocked out in Theo's shop.

Kate Herrlngton

We d nes d ay, J anuary 16 , 2002

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Film: Campus All films start at 8 .30pm and are shown in L T1 A Knight 's Tale Thursday. Jan 17 Moulin Rouge Fri, Jan 18 The Ratcatcher Tues. Jan 22 A.l (Artificial Intelligence) Thurs . Jan 24 The Man Who Wasn 't There Fn. Jan 25

City

Sat. Jan 19 at 5.45. Sun, Jan 20 at 7.30. Mon. Jan 21 to Thurs . Jan 24 at 2.30 and 8.15.

The Others UCI Wed

Norwich Arts Centre January 26 £81 £7 concessions

Mondays

Black Hawk Down Ster Century - Thurs Domestic Disturbance Every day Harry Potter UC I - Every day Ster Century - Every

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Lord of the Rings UCI Every day Ster Century - Every day Rock Star UCI - Every day Serendipity UC I · Fri - Mon Ster Century - Wed Soul Survivors Every day

House of Mirth Tues. Jan 29

The Believer Cinema City - Wed, Jan 16 at 5.45 and Thurs. Jan 17 at 2.30 and 5.45

Amelie Cinema C1ty- Fri. Jan 18 and

The Man Who Wasn 't There Cmema City - Wed, Jan 16 at

Music: Gigs Wednesdays Jimmy Eat World The Wate rfront January 24 £9 Cooper Temple Clause Norwich Arts Centre January 24 £6

Fridays Rawkus 'live· The Wate rfront January 18, £5

Saturdays Little Johnny England

Alkaline Trio The Waterfront January 28 £8 King Prawn Norwich Arts Centre January 28 £7

Tuesdays Rollins Band The Waterfront January 22

grooves.

Free b4 10pm, £2 after.

The LCR disco LCR (duh) £3 Charty Handbaggy The Loft Gay night DJs Bedfords Crypt Deep tech tribal house Free entry

Fridays Dekka Dance The Wate rfront January 25

£3 b4 11pm, £3.50 after Refresh Ikon £5 b4 11pm Saturday Rewind Bar Metro Chart, dance, garage Butter Me Up 1 Underdog Po Na Na Funky house 1 jazz beat s £3 after 9pm

Sundays Sunday Service Manhattans £2 .50

£91 £8

Mondays

School Daze Disco UEA January 25 £TBC

Flockin ' Sheep Ikon Charts and commercial dance £2 b4 11pm

Wednesdays

Delirium The Concept House, garage and R n' B.

Play Po Na Na Disco, funk Free

Superfly Bar M etro Funk and hip-hop £3

Hy Times Hys Dance anthems £3

Meltin' Pot The Alibi Jazz, funk and soul

Hot Ikon Pop and commerical dance £4 b4 11pm

£11

Clubs

Jitterbug I Jam Po Na Na Funky drum'n'bass I house Free b4 10pm, £2 after DJ Jam Hys Charts and Dance

£1 Flockin ' Sheep Ikon Charts and Cheese £2 b4 11pm WeRK M anhattans

Thursdays 70s Night Hys Retro £2 (NUS) Isotonic Kafe Da Progressive trance and house Free Spank Time House £1 b4 11pm (NUS) Bassment Bar Metro R·n'B and hip hop Twisted Skunk I Bottom Heavy Po Na Na Discofide Breakbeat 1 funky breaks and beats and Latm

Marvel 1 Gas Station The Loft Hip hop, funk £3 b4 llpm. £4 after.

Gorgeous Manhattans Hardhouse and Trance £5 b4 11pm Elegance Bar Metro

R n' B Parkside Po Na Na House Free b4 9pm , £3 after.

Tuesdays Funk Friction Owens cafe Bar Slinky Hys Cl ub anthems Free with student ID. Life Time Commercial dance £1 (NUS)

Arts: Theatre

Saturdays

Mother Goose Theatre Royal January 16 - 20

Club Retro UEA January 19 £3.50

Deathtrap lra Levin Theatre Royal January 23 - 26

Garage Nat ion UEA January 26 £121 £9 NUS

A Doll's House Henrik lbsen Maddermarket Janu ary 24 - 30

Meltdown The Waterfront lnd1e

Nightmare Cafe UEA Drama StudiO January 25 -26

£4 1 £3 Satisfaction Hys House and Swmg St atus The Concept Chart and retro

Thumbelina Norw1cl1 Puppet Theatre January 26 South Pacific Oscar Hammerstem Theatre Royal January 28 - 30

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The Director y : A BC Taxis All Star Taxis Beeline Taxis Bcttacar Taxis I· i v c S t a r T a x i <.; Loya l Taxis Canary Cue Club Cinema City H y 's Ikon Liquid Maddermarket Theatre Mojo ' s Manhattans orwich Arts Centre Norwich Playhouse Po Na Na's Ster Century Theatre R oya l The Loft The W aterfro n t Tourist I nformatio n Time UEA Stu di o UCI UE A U ni o n E nt s

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Livewire Schedule:

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Monday:

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Thursday: 8-l Oam: Col's Show lOam - 12pm: Cheese!

12-2pm : The Magical Mystery Tour 2-4pm: Ally B in the Afternoon 4-6pm : Vanishing Point 6-8pm : The Mental Institute 8-lOpm : Rebe l Lion Root s 10pm-12am: Poetic License

Friday:

8-lOam: The 8 foot P1geon Show lOam - 12pm: Monday Brunch 12-2pm: The Lunchbox 2-4pm : Perrito Caliente 4-6pm : The !an & Joe Show 6-8pm: B.E.A.T.S. 8-lOpm : Shadow Cabinet 10pm - 12am: D 'n' B

8-lOam : The 8 foot P1geon Show 10am-12pm: The Narch Buffet 12-2pm: Tasti 2-4pm: The Musical Excursions 4-6pm : James 6-8pm: The Rock Show 8-lOpm : Fusion Latma 10pm-12am: Underground Sessions 10pm-12am: Mr. Meaner

Tuesday: 8-lOam : The Little Chicken lOam - 12pm: The Outsiders 12-2pm: Steven Rolfe 2-4pm : Ben and Jonny 's Radio Show 4-6pm: Welcome to 12 Monkeys 6-8pm : At Large ... with Dan and Craig 8-lOpm : Daydream Nation lOpm - 12am: Flying Home

Saturday: 9-llam : Mark Boutros llam-lpm : Dancing Round the Borders of the Curfew 1-3pm : The Jam Norman Show 3-5pm : The Groove Bus 5-7pm: Sports Frenzy 9pm-12am: T_S_N Drum and Bass

Wedne day:

Sunday:

8-lOam : The Little Chicken lOam - 12pm: Choose or Die! 12-2pm: M1lk and Cookies 2-4pm : The Untitled Show 4-6pm: The Good B.J. Guide 6-7pm: The Creeper 'n Mama 9-lOpm : Even1ng Please (Evening ... ) lOpm - 12am: Tea with the Vicar

9-llam : Madge and Julia Go Shopping llam-lpm: Good to You. Good for You 1-3pm: Sunday Review 3-5pm : Not Simon Mayo 5-7pm : New Music 9pm-12am: Turntable Society

Thes 22nd Night £2 Fri 25th Now 90s feat. Pat Sharpe Sat 26th Garage Nation feat.

DJ Spoony £9.50 Sun 27th Quiz free Wed 30th Sports Night £2 FEBRUARY Fri 1st I.!R'IDP 50 Disco £3 Sat 2nd Pam's House £7 Sun 3rd Quiz free M on 4th Up for a Larf Comedy feat Daniel Kitson £tbc Wed 6th NMEAwards £10.50 Fri 8th Circus of Horrors £5 Sat 9th Retro-Active £5 Sun lOth Pet Shop Boys £12.50 Tues 12th Soul 'Fain £2 Thurs 14th \hlentine LCR £3

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Friday Feb. 15

UNION FILMS Sat 16th Oockwork Orange £7 Sun 17th lbny Lee Hypnotist £3 Fri 22nd &ool Daze DiscO £5 Sat 23rd Rtith feat Boy George £9 Wed 27th Spiritualized £15 MARGI Fri 1st Garage Nation £9.50 Sat 2nd Ian Brown £15 Mon 4th little Shop of Horrors tbc Tues 5th little Shop of Horrors tbc W~d 6th Little Shop of Horrors tbc Fri 8th Club Retro feat 10ny Blackbum £ tb c Sat 9th Atomic Kitten £16.50 Fri 26th April Sophie'Ellis Bexter £15 Sun 5th March Doves £10.50 M on 13th May Linton Kwesi Johnson £5

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Kiss of the Dragon

Tuesday Feb. 19 The Iron Ladies

Tuesday Jan. 15

Thursday Feb. 21

Withnail & I

America's Sweethearts

Thursday Jan. 17

Friday Feb. 22

A Knight's Tale

Bandits

Friday Jan. 18

Tuesday Feb. 26

Moulin Rouge

The Matrix

Tuesday Jan. 22

Thursday Feb. 28

The Ratcatcher (LT2)

The Others

Thursday Jan. 24

Friday March 1

A.l. Artificial Intelligence

Ghost World

Tuesday March 5

Friday Jan. 25

Bring it On

The Man Who Wasn't There

Thursday March 7

Tuesday Jan. 29

Friday March 8

House of Mirth

Thursday Jan. 31

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

American Pie 2

Tuesday March 12

Friday Feb. 1

Romeo Must Die

·""'f'

The 51st State

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Legally Blonde

Tuesday Feb. 5 The Shawshank Redemption

Thursday Feb. 7 The Score

Friday Feb. 8 Jeepers Creepers

Tuesday Feb. 12 Save the Last Dance

Thursday Feb. 14 Some Like it Hot

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Individual tickets cost £2.75 A term film pass is only £12.50 and covers all the films showing this term. That's less than 35p per film. making us the cheapest cinema in Norwich by far! All films start at 8.30pm and are In LT1 unless otherwise stated.

J a 11 ll a r .Y J 6. 2 0 0 2

eVent

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