The event issue 158 03 12 2003

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Spreading Christmas cheer like cheap margarine

03/12/03

tmas

THE

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ore estive than is healthy, or necessary this early in December.

lan McEwan Interviewed Santa and Jesus In Battle Cooper Temple Clause Interviewed Doris Lessing Interviewed

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CONTENTS: 03.12.03 IS ...

Concrete Editor-in-Chief Jim Whalley

Features 04

COLIN & EDITH

Regulars 03

Radio One's 'crayzee' morning crew tell us they like drinking and partying and generally having a great time. Fascinating.

Event Editor Nathan Dixon Arts Editor Katharine Clemow

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JESUS VS SANTA The fight for the heavyweight crown of Spirit of Christmas 2003 1s reported on here m The Event.

Film Editor Philip Sainty Assistant Film Editor Dean Bowman

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04 CINEFILE Perfect Blue

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DORIS LESSING Here as part of the International Literary Fesllval, Lessing talks to The Event about her life and work.

INCITE & BLAGGERY And again we save you the trouble of turning your head fifteen degrees to the right.

CREATIVE WRITING You know the score by now.

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FILM/DVD Spun, Elf, Pirates of the Caribbean, Sonny.

Listings Editor Rich Sinun

07

The Temples give us an insight into what floats their boat ... .hair.

Music Editors Matt Sargeson & Sarah Edwardes TV Editors Tim Barker & Kate Bryant

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CHRISTMAS TV You can probably predict what's going to be in this secnon, before turning the pages to read it.

Contributors (in order of appearance): Ryan Stephens • Toby Brunt • Alpa Patel • Lucy Mowatt • Joe Barron • Daniel Chandler • Suzanne Waterman • Daisy Bowie-Sell • Amy Hewitt • Kate Finburg • Suzanne Rickenback • James Banks • Toby SleighJohnson • Ben Patashnik •

COOPER TEMPLE CLAUSE

10-11 IAN McEWAN No, we don't believe it e1ther ... but here he is, talking to us, what a nice Christmas present.

15 ARTS Opera review, Theodora; favourite book, 3/ Songs; theatre preview, Pantomimes (m general); theatre review, Rabbit.

16 MUSIC Blink 182, Jay-Z, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, David Bowie, Michael Andrews, Sugababes.

18 TV & GAMES Absolutely Fabulous, King of Route '66, Worms 3-D.

19 LISTINGS 11

The Event is published fortnightly by Concrete:

CHRISTMAS FILMS

Stuff to do, put in a list, by Rich.

Like Christmas TV; but it's about films.

Post: PO Box 410, Norwich, NR4 7TB Tel: 01603 250558 Fax: 01603 506822 E-mail: su.concrete@uea.ac.uk Printed by: Archant Newspapers, St Andrew's Business Park, Norwich

Merry Christmas etc etc. Happy Birthday Jessica, for Tuesday. Please don't send any pro-Christmas hate mail, I'm just not listening! Role on Easter, Bah humbug and mine's a quad whisky and meths chaser. Down with New Labour and their evil higher education schemes.

N.D.

Literature Condensed A Bluffer's Guide.

We've all been there ... it's five minutes before the seminar begins and we haven't read a single bloody word of the book for that week. Wouldn't it be handy to have a quick, easily disgestible guide to the Western World's greatest literary works with which to bluff one's way through an otherwise redfaced couple of hours? Yes it would, don't argue.

Ua-bob Marley]: "Ya we! 'dere is swn right wierd fellas warma be meetin' you tonight ol' fren'. You's bin well mean an' you gonna be scared. Peace men' ... emancipete yo' se/' from mintal s/eeevry...

This week ... A Christmas Carol

(Ghost of Christmas Past]: "Boo, look at this ... "

(Cratchit]: "Oh uncle, you're so miserable, you don't celebrate christmas, come and eat christmas dinner with us."

[Ghost of Christmas Present]: "No, not that sort of... anyway, boo, look at this .. . "

(Scrooge]: "Fair enough. I don't even believe your there."

[Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come]: " .. ."

[Scrooge]: "Erm, let me see ... no."

[Scrooge] "Shriek! How terrible! I must reform my ways. What day is it?"

(Cratchit): "Goodness me, how mean."

(Scrooge]: "Bah humbug! I (quite understandably ED] hate Christmas."

(Small boy] : "Why sir, it's Christmas day!"

[Scrooge] : "Excellent. Cratchit, have a turkey ... "

LATER THAT NIGHT ...

[Tiny Tirn]: "God Bless us Every One... "

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WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN

lt's ... Blaggery Corner!

We at Concrete and The Event are effervescently fa lous chaps and chapesses, almost to a fault. Full of seasonal goodwill, we have a bursting santa sack full of pressies to stuff hard into your stockings. Just answer the relevant questions or perform a random task and drop us a line at su.concrete@uea.ac.uk (unless told otherwise) and these parcels could be yours to give away as presents to your nearest and dearest, or keep for yourself you dirty scrooge. Let the fun commence ... Merry Christmas!

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Q: What is the national speed limit for UK motorways?

In s there anything more indigestibly insincere than the christmas season?

Well, short of a smiling handshake with Saddam Hussein, no, not really. The suicide rate doubles , calls to Samaritans go through the roof, the homeless die on street corners and neglected elderly relatives freeze to death in their pokey, poorly-heated bedsits; yet we are force-fed cheery yuletide tripe through every available form of media until it oozes from our every orifice.

The advertised pressure to 'have a good time' and for christmas to be 'the l?erfect day' is at best unrealistic and at worst destructively illusory. Everywhere the unjolly Christmas punter turns he/she is reminded of their miserly 'scrooge like' deviance as anathema to the wishes of society as a whole; if you are not jolly or deliriously happy, for whatever reason, you are odd and you are forcefully and repeatedly reminded so. This results in a further marginalisation of those who already feel themselves excluded and an exacerbation of all those problems repressed as too disturbingly 'unseasonal' to be concerned by over the Christmas period. After all, nobody wants to 'spoil' Christmas. Meanwhile, the rest of us come together in celebrating just how wonderfully comfortable and lucky we are.

Except we don't see it this way; instead we 'expect' or even 'demand' ·that we are made 'happy' . The implicit meaning being, of course, that, for whatever reason, we are not.

We are an unfulfilled, morally vacuous society and Christmas has become a conspicuous, near farcical, defensive over-reaction reinforcing this point.

All religious, spiritual significance has been gradually deformed, over many years, into a explosion of consumer hedonism; one proves ones face-painted festive goodwilltowards-men through buying as many things one doesn't need as possible and flinging them at ones nearest and dearest.

Discernment and good taste are thrown out of the window and we all use the festive aura

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or all you cheesy popstar wannabes out there, here is a fantastic prize from the wond rful people at InteractiveKarao .corn. e bsite dedicated, as you may hav essed, to the wonderful art of karaoke, th eople offer a poptastically revolutionary DVD-rel and playing experience. The DVDs all you to rerii tracks (piano, guitar, voice etc) and replace them with your own sparkling live performances. Visit e website NOW to find out more.

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of specious bon purchase as many things as possible that we would normally have the good sense to avoid; after all, it's Christmas! This simply plays into the hands of those arbitrating over the slow stoking of the appetite of our consumer behemoth from the late weeks of August, further lining the stuffed pockets of those who don't need it. In a society in which 69% of threeyears-olds know the McDonalds arches but only 50% of four-year-olds know their own name, perhaps we should seriously start a rethink in the way we are behaving, starting with this part of the year- the biggest display of rank greed there is.

As it stands, it's all so intolerably phoney. The entire exercise simply highlights what a miserable bunch of beasts we are for the rest of the year. Why should it require a special excuse to be 'nice' to each other? Why don't families meet up more often throughout the year? Peace on earth and good will towards men is a maxim for life, not just for Christmas. Couldn't we just tone it down a little over these few weeks in December and then perhaps try harder over the rest of the year? Even the IRA used to make a special, cynical effort not to murder anybody over Christmas. Surely if they'd just concentrated on being all round nicer guys for the rest of the three hundred and sixty three days everyone would have been better off.

To add further proof, as if it were needed - how many people tune into the predictably miserable !ayre on Eastenders on Christmas day? Tens of millions. While they're watching the gloomy Albert Square goings-on, they certainly aren't talking to the various family members assembled for the occasion.

Why don't we all just be a little more honest and accept that most of us are actually a little miserable at Christmas? And that this might be ok, or even reasonable... Oh, and Christmas singles, don't even get me started.. . please, everybody buy Andrew's Mad World and help make the right statement to the world!

04

Cinefile

Superstar DJs?

no. 37

Perfect Blu

Hang on a minute, isn ' t that a book by Ryu M urak arni?

No. That would be Almost Transparent Blue, which is well worth reading. This, on the other hand, is a Manga by first-time director Satoshi Kon about Mirna, a former member of cheesy girl band CHAM, who decides to pursue a career as an actress. Mirna climbs up the rocky road to success by performing as a rape Vlctirn (complete Wlth met a-fictional simulated rape scene) and posing nude for magazines. As she becomes more and more successful, reflections of her past begin to haunt her.

That all sounds w e ll and good , but it ' s not really a plot, is it?

No, I suppose not. So here's a little more to whet your cinematic appetite. Many of her fans from h er singing-and-dancing days feel that she sold out and became a porn star, and one particularly obsessed (and deformed) fan has started to stalk her.

Why? Is h e just one of tho se n utters ?

He thinks that Mirna is an impostor because a mysterious figure (to !urn, the true, pre-sellout Mirna) has been sending him e-rnails telling him to get rid of Ius fallen idol. This all leads to a real-life recreation of the earlier rape scene (oooohhh. the layers') where she has to get the best of the grey-sk1nned freak.

And she beats him, everyone's happy, the end?

Not exactly. There 's still a little matter of who's been eggmg him on, and runrung a M1rna websile with many personal detruls about her- stuff only she knows. Someone was so disgusted with Mirna when she left CHAM that they're bearmg a personal grudge against her.

So there's the usu a l list of culprits?

Yes, of course. The grey-skinned freak, who seems to follow Mirna everywhere, and Mirna herself, who starts to believe that she's going mad. But like any good thriller, these are simply red herrings that are too obvious to be the real deal. The revelation of who the true perpetrator is, though, still makes perfect sense.

Alright. And as it's a Mang a, I suppose that lots of stuff gets blown up along the way.

Actually, no. There's not a single explosion in the whole film. Not all rnanga has stuff blowing up. True, Akira became famous for it, Ghost in the Shell gruned much of !Is popular acclaim for it despite the fact it 's much more than an action film, but this is something wholly different.

How w ould y ou describ e it , then?

In a word- Hitchcockian. Perfect Blue takes many levels of reality, fiction, dream , and delusion, and merges them into a satisfying film . When a new scene beg~ns the viewer is uncertain whether it is a hallucination, reallife, or a scene of a TV drama, and there are even lapses from one to the other. The film leads the viewer to believe that the three ('real' life, h allucination and TV) are all metarealities.

Ryan Stephens

03 .12.03

ow many of you wake up to the sounds of Radio One's Cohn and Edith on Saturday and Sunday mornings? That sexy Jilting Irish voice for the girls, and the deli cate scottish accent for the boys make it JUSt that bil easier to get out of bed. Colin Murray and Edith Bowman first worked together on Rise - "don't say those words," said Ectith m horror - but m September they were given the weekend lOamlpm slot on Radio One. Colin, 26, has been workmg in the media since he left school. He completed a journalism trruning course in Northern Ireland and ran a very successful magazine called Blank, before joining Radio One in the Provence.

"There was no-where else for me to go after that , except London ," he explamed, "but Ireland's still my home.

London is home to very few people, unless you're born the1r. People get what they can out of it."

Edith also sees herself eventually going back to Scotland. "I go back home all the time, to be with mates who don't care what celebrity you interviewed the day before."

The dynamic duo are both very proud of where they come from, and this is reflected in their shows.

"Some people complain about our so called regional accents, but what's a London accent? We are sick of the

probably make it."

Edith said she would most like to interview the Strokes or White Stripes.

"I did Radiohead which was absolutely brilliant, but also Harrison Ford; he was a twat, he took himself too seriously. I sometimes flirt in interviews which can backfire. I was interviewing the Doves, and I just went mute as I adore them. " "She may as well of offered them a boob each, I had to do the interview," explained Colin, "I'd love to interview Torn Bates, as you hear a lot of stories about him, or Neil Young, b ut I don't think you should interview your heroes.

The guy from Neptune was the b iggest

"Some people complain about our so called regional accents, bu t what's a London accent? We are sick of the Sou th East. The world does not revolve around London. ' South East. The world does not revolve around London."

Edith , 28, went to Queen Margaret University in Edinburgh, but srud she didn't get into the whole 'student life thing'. "I worked in a bar, and spent the rest of the time gettmg work-experience at the local radio stalion. I'm a bit disappomted I didn't throw myself mto 1t more, but I'm living the student life now."

Colin insists his best job ever was working in McDonalds because he met his best friend there.

"We JUSt had a good laugh, most of it illegal. We went out all the time. I still talk to him everyday ." " Yeah, even during the show," Edith said, "For me, doing Glastonbury IS hard to beat, as it combined radio and TV. We had a brilliant time. TV and Radio are so different. There's something so organic about Radio, more freedom, and there's not much good TV around at the moment."

Ectith and Colin originally s tarted playing music from new bands, but now they find they don't get much choice.

"For example, [in] today's show we're playing the Strokes first, which we like, but we also have to play Jamelia."

Colin thinks that Snow Patrol will be the band to make 1t this year.

"They're my favourite Irish band ever. Their single 'Rum' 1s genius, and should b e splattered all over Radio One. Gareth G ate's a cunt, but he'll

twat I ever inte!Vlewed - he pretended to fall asleep on air. There's not many new bands making new stuff on the edge at the moment. You can't beat the Gallaghers." olin spoke out strongly agamst manufac tured singers such as those from Pop Idol. "I blame the people who watch it. Sirnon Fuller has a great way of pulling the wool over people's eyes. Now, M1chelle is lipped to win, but is she the most talented? Pop Idol is just fucking karaoke . Chris Moyles is a better singer; and he 's thinner than most of them. People shouldn't watch 11, then Channel 4 wouldn't commission it. Too many people watch B1g Brother over Panorama, no wonder more vote for contestants than the Government."

He felt Fame Academy wasn't so sensationalist.

"50% of it IS a better programme.

Alistair was just so unremarkable and inoffensive. Alex is the first person from any of these shows with any real talent."

Edith said the best thing is to be honest when giving advice to new bands.

"I do try and get back to people, it's not personal. If you've got the talent, you've got it."

"The Beatles are the bes t band ever. Be humble, don't over-cla1rn and p retend you are th e b e st b and ever ;

C

and don't think you have to spend time in dirty pubs doing gigs, use the money to get a good quality recording in a studio,"added Colin.

Edith grew up listerung to everything from Elvis, and Eric Clapton, to her mum's favourite show tunes and Colin admitted he was much the same.

"Neil Young is massive in our house, and my sister got into Black Sabbath and wearing funny make-up."

Colin himself is a closet singer, and even gave a rendition of Unchained Melody down the phone.

"I've had official training, and I performed at the London H1stona m front of the fame academy tutors."

Edllh can play the piano, and has even had a lesson from Cold Play's Chris Martin.

So why didn't this talented pair go m to rnus1c themselves? Edith 1s looking forward to the Radio One party where they are haVlng an open rn1c with a live band.

"Our aim for next year 1s to do Eurov1sion! That's exclusive, we've wntten a song, L 0 V E Love. Bntaln IS not popular at the moment, because of the war, and we want to say vote for us because we are the real Bntain. We wouldn't mind doing a conuc relief song as well."

Edllh, who says she would shag Mark Radcliffe, did admit she 'd much rather be m a band, and Colm said that many JOurnalists are frustrated musicians.

"But I Vlew pnnt JOurnalism as JUSt as good as playing the guitar. My best mates and I have a band, called Rock Reg, we only have four songs and we've never performed Jive. It 's JUSt a joke."

Edith used to have a band and play in pubs, but Colin wasn't too 1rnpressed.

"I've heard the soundtrack, and fuck me 1t's awful.

Groovers or manoeuvres!"

But generally Colin and Edith get on fine, anyway there 's been no violence yet.

"Once every four weeks Edith IS a bit moody," explamed Colm, "She even grows facial hair. They're all women m the studio, with synchrorused cycles. Even I get PMT now."

They explamed that 'there was never a chance they would take over the breakfast show from Sara Cox. "It's a travesty, worse decision ever to put Chris Moyles m charge. No, only joking. Chris came when Ractio One was at a terrible point," explained Colin, "He's the saviour. He will deliver!"

............................................................... Features OS

Jesus VS Santa stuff. So he comes up with an ingenious plan: he builds a huge , silver caravan that he straps to his happy magical reindeer (although Rudolf looks a bit peeved about it all) , and off he flies into the pink and brown sunset in search of a holiday where he can remain incognito in his big caravan of fun with a herd of reindeer strapped to it. Seeing Santa in his true colours is a joy from the second you press play.

10/10 - stuffed with sherry and turkey.

SANTA Miracle on 34th Street Starting the tally for the pagan within, we bring you the original 1947 version of Miracle on 34th Street, by Valentine Davies. Edmund Gwenn plays a crazy old man who manages to convince himself he is the real Father Christmas, when he lands a job playing Santa in a New York department store.

He decides to reveal his 'que' identity to a perplexed little girl (Natalie Wood) who , not surprisingly, doesn't believe him. Her mother has him sent to court where he must fight the disbelieving everyman to prove that he is 'really' Santa Clause (of course in reality, CocaCola would just be sued for acute physiological indoctrination) . Christmas spirit is free with every purchase.

10/10 - brimmed full of Christmas cheer.

[Santa starts strongly, grabbing Jesus in a powerful head-lock while tugging and poking fun at his smaller beard.)

The Santa Clause Next up is John Pasquin's The Santa Clause. Rather morb idly for the time of year, a divorced man named Scott Calvin (Tim Alien) finds Santa dead on his lawn on Christmas Eve. Calvin is urged by his squeaky-clean would-beeating-apple-pie-if-it-wasn't-for-thedivorce son to put on Santa's trademark get-up and continue his work for the night. Later, Calvin is informed that he is to become the next Father Christmas.

His son's psychiatrist stepfather is quick to assume Calvin is losing the plot.

However, Calvin has more surprises in store when he involuntarily grows a white beard and a plump beer belly, just like Santa Clause! Predictable yet fun.

[However, using his weight advantage , Santa topples Jesus to the floor and pins him down while buzz-cutting his lank locks with an electric razor. The elves cheer and laugh.]

Santa Clause: The Movie An appaling mish-mash from the producers of the Superman films , Santa Clause: the Movie (1985) inspires much Christmas spirit as a pubic m the mulled wine. In first half of the film, we are presented with an entertaining look at how S ta cam into existence: saved from death by a band of elves and transformed into the chimney-hop er loved by children everywhere. Bizarrely, part two describes how a world-class villain Gohn Lithgow) and his accomplice -rebel-elf (Dudley Moor plot to destroy Father Chri trnas. Here, the film descends into a dark and twisted realm where the focus is permanently on Santa's arch enemies. The 'man' himself becomes merely a supporting role.

3/10 - stale brussel sprouts.

[Attempting to pile-drive Jesus proves a mistake. The son of god slips Santa's chubby grip and delivers a swift kick to kneecaps, then a forceful punch to the wobbly gut.]

The Coca-Cola C Ad•ert

tm

"Holidays are comin', Holidays e comin'". Oh dear. We all knew at the moment this advert came out that Christmas, as a religious holiday, was on the brink of extinction. It was to become just another method of selling to the consumer. Then we found out that Father Christmas's attire was also an invention of the Coca-Cola Corporation; faith in tradition dropped like a lead balloon. But despite all this, we still think 'Christmas' when that terrible vocalist comes on the TV and tells us that it is the season to be refreshed by cola. Classic, but tragic.

6/10 -a few mince pies short.

[Jesus shifts his weight and looks set to break Santa's weakening hold)

Raymond Briggs's Father Christmas Th"e producers of The Snowman bring you another classic, the 1991 animated version of Father Christmas.

Santa is having a rather dull year waiting around his little house in London for the one day he gets to strut his funky

5110, slightly fizzy cheap white wine.

[Santa's capacious belly absorbs the blow and the two adversaries face each other, who will make the next move? - ding! End of round one.]

Santa's final score:

34/50

JESUS jesas of Nazareth Created as a TV series in 1977, Franco Zeffirelli's (six hour) portrayal of Jesus ' l.ife is so thorough that the fir!it hour is devoted solely to the story of his In the . .: ._.z: corner ...

Je s u s (aka . Son of God) birth. If you really want to be enveloped Aq e 2009 (D O .B. approx BBC) by that Christmas spirituality, then this Weig ht : Lighter than water is the part of the film you need to wa tch Heigh t Sit !Oms and rewind and watch again over and Stre ng th Immortal over. Incidentally, we found that the Wea kness Pac ifist tape wears out rather rapidly with this film. But not to worry, there are four out and, after a back flip and double more choices below which are guaran- . twist, lands front-on, ready, in fighting teed to last longer. Awe inspiring fanati- stance.) cism.

8/10 - just short on holy spirit.

[A great start by our Lord and Saviour, hurling heavy loaves of bread at Santa's fat red face ; one catches the bridge of the rotund rascal's ruby nose and shatters his spectacles.]

T..

ristmas

Story

Keepers Fleeing the wta of Nero , The Storykeepers take with them their most precious possession: the stories of Jesus, ready to be shared throughout the world with anyone who is willing to buy the DVD and wai a fortnight for Amazon to post it. Have you ever gotten up far too early o"n a Sunday morning (except in instances of ritual prayer)?

Well, if you have then you may have been lucky enough to watch this animated series. In this episode, the story of the nativity is narrated for us by a kindly old baker and his adopted family.

Marvellous for children and big kids.

- heavenly music.

[No longer held back by the moral difficulties of hitting a man with glasses, Christ launches a punishing attack of flying kicks and strangle-holds, making e flabby one's face redder than ever.]

The Last Temptation Christ

of

It's not hard to imagine why, on its release in 1988, the retelling of the Crucifixion (more of an Easter theme I know) was met with such raucous hostility-its depiction of Jesus bears little resemblance to the classical image of Christ. Willem Dafoe interprets Jesus as spaced-out, indecisive and uncharismatic. And although the story is holy, I would have to refer you to an exorcist if you were to discover any Christmas spirit in this film. The Last Temptation of Christ (based on Nikos Kazantzakis 's novel) is worth seeing for the controversy and blasphemous content alone. But it offers about as many seasonal felicitations as Monty Python's Life of Brian.

3/10 - excommunication.

[Bad move by the miracle-worker! He shows little care in his next onslaught, slipping over backwards as Santa charges with the bare-toothed fury of a wounded animal, catching Jesus square in the gut with a rampaging shoulder-charge, sending him crashing into the wall.]

Monty Python's Life Bryan

of

Ah, classic. Monty Python again takes control of the helm and submerges us deeper in the abyss of controversy. This film is not Christmassy, it The life of Jesus was given an exces- is barely even holy, but damn it, its sively long treatment (260 minutes!) in good, sly British humour. The false this 1965 film directed by George nativity scene at the beginning of the Stevens. However, air time is lessened film, where the Three Wise Men follow significantly for the nativity, making the the wrong star to wrong Cattle Shed and film a much weaker contestant against end up getting robbed by Bryan's moththe weighty girth of Santa. But if you are er, is enough to make anyone cry with a fan of Max von Sydow (?) then you laughter. There is a strong socio-politishould watch this. Performing as Christ, cal message behind the film too, which he depicts his sensitive nobility well, could be seen to justify its sheer lack of and yes, that is the original meaning of respect for Christianity Gesus appears Christmas - you know, the loving and once or twice as a unfortunate outcast) . giving part? Oh no, I think I just called . Simply fantastic comedy, whatever time the values of globalisation into question. of year.

Ah well. Merry Christmas!

10/10 - gold, frankincense, myrrh!

5/10 - Sunday school [However, as Santa steps back for [Despite problems with short-sight- another break-neck-speed-stampede, edness, Santa manages to grab Jesus' Jesus nimbly side-steps and Santa shatright leg after receiving a miss-timed ters his cranium on impact with brick. glancing blow to the right shoulder.

It's a knockout! Jesus wins!]

However, Jesus' superior balance and flexibility prove useful, he flips up and Jesus' final score:

The Greatest Story Ever Told

--------------------------------03.12.03

36/50

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IS reputation for producing award winning stories and novels such as Doris Lessing, could be intimidating to any in terviewer. Mildly ridiculous, perhaps, when confronted with an 84-yearold woman who stands at only 5ft. But, when one considers the accolades she has received throughout her writing career, you may understand.

Doris Lessing has been short-listed three times for the Booker Prize and has received the Companion of Honour from the Queen and honourary degrees from UEA and Harvard University. Her work has been described as "deeply autobiographical" and why wouldn't it be when considering the events and issues that

"I spent a week coming to the conclusion that s ome good memories are simply made up.

03.12.03

have crowd e d h er long life? Brou g ht up on a farm in Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe) she experienced fir st hand the brut ality of Aparthe id. He r outspokenness in the 1950s against th e sy s te m atic abuse of black Africans by white colonials resulted in her being declared a prohibited alien by the South African government.

Her new book The Grandmothers is a volume containing four different stories titled 'The Grandmothers', 'Victoria and the Staveneys', 'The Reason for It' and 'The Love Child'. We discuss the book in the lounge area of the Nelson Hotel where Abba is playing quietly in the background. "Three of these stories are novellas, they are not made up but were told to me over a period of time," she explains in a brisk but polite tone. "1 have been saving them and this seemed like a suitable time to write them because of personal reasons. It is easier for me to write short things rather than long," she adds . "Novellas are not whole novels and I thought they would fit into a volume."

The four stories are very diverse ranging from 'The Grandmothers', which follows the lives of two close female friends who fall in love with each other's teenage sons, to 'The Reason for it', a story that charts the progress of a culture long ago.

My parllcular favourite was 'Victoria and the Staveneys', a story about the life of a poor black girl who embarks upon an affair with the son of a wh1te, liberal middle-class family.

After the affair has ended she finds herself pregnant. The story is not typical of one that tries to depict race and class, mainly because of the liberalness of the Staveneys. Nevertheless it is easily identifiable to British culture. "That story started off in North America. I brought it over here to England and so I had to change it a little bit" she explains. "You see over there 11 is all about money but over here it is about class because it is England."

The character of Victoria faces many challenges throughout the story including looking after her invalid aunt at a young age and attending a deprived school. What did you intend her to represent? "I didn 't intend her to represent anything" she replies querulously. "I didn 't want to moralise in this story because it wasn't what the story was about- it didn't interest me. There is quite a lot of comment about Victoria's background, about her aunt

ore and the wom an wh o looked after her," she a d ds. "I didn't want her to float in a social vacuum."

The fourth story in the volume, 'A Love Child' is set in the Secon d W orld War an d tells th e tale of a soldier, who has an affair with a m arried wom an in Cape Town while on his way to India.

Again a child results, but the soldier is trapped in a camp in India and is unable to make a return journey until the end of the war. Lessing explains: "Most of these young men had not vol-

Empire was g oing strong. Peop le like my p arents th ought it was G od' s gift to th e wor ld . Yo u know they really believ e d all of this rubb ish." s one of Britain's most prolific authors Lessing has produced over 25 novels as well as an array of short stories, plays, operas and two installments of her autobiography Under the Skin and Walking in the Shade. Do you enjoy

You know when I was young the British Empire was going strong.

People like my parents thought it was God's gift to the world. You know, they really believed all of this rubbish. unteered to go and support the British Empire. This is why at the end of the war there was a lot of trouble," she says. "The British wanted to keep them there precisely as a suppressing force, but they said "no", they had not joined up to keep the Indians down. There was so much fuss in the House of Commons that they had to bring them home."

On the subject of war we moved onto the troubles of Iraq, which similarly to the occupation of India, has resulted in the alienation of the native people. "I have a feeling that the British soldiers are much better than the American soldiers. This is what I hear from my Iraqi friends anyway." She then asked me "are you aware of this story of an American girl soldier who was rescued in Iraq?" I replied no.

"Anyway she actually turned out to be an Iraqi. And they threw a party for her and invited all her friends and relatives. But the Americans are so ignorant that they did not know Ramadan had started and so they served ham sandwiches - did you read this?" she cries.

"Its absolutely absurd."

The subjects of occupation and colonisation stir up strong feelings of animosity within Lessing who m 1999 turned down the offer of becoming a Dame of the British Empire because she felt that there was no British Empire. "America is an imperialist country at the height of its empire. But in time it will dwindle like the British Empire did," she says curtly. "You know when I was young the British

writing? "Yes very much so " her tone is energetic. "I enjoy wr1ting stories more and more. I just love them. But it is very different to writing an autobiography."

Why? "First of all something came up that had never crossed my mind and that was the way you remember the things you do".

For a woman of her age trying to remember memones of almost seventy years ago must have proved to be quite a chore. "No not at all" she scoffs. "I spent a week working out the memories that were likely to be true and those my parents put into me. This was fasc inating because you have to come to the conclusion that some good memories are just simply made up."

She elaborates: "You know I met my brother after 30 years because of political differences. He was a Smith supporter I was not. Anyway we discovered that we didn't remember anything the same. I found this to be very upsetting because we had th1s upbringing on this farm and I had very bright memories of him and me domg things. He remembers none of this ."

As we neared the end of the interview I asked her whether she intended to write a third installment of her autobiography. She had grown more distracted as she was expecting the arrival of her lift to UEA where she was scheduled to speak. "No I can't do that " she eventually replied. Why? "In the sixties I was a house mother to a whole lot of kids who are now middle aged. Some are very well known now. I couldn't do that to them- we have an agreement."

''Jus'

ke

"A man can be proud of his lies, if nothing else!" orates the Event's

own~

as he does for a security guard,

strides backstage. and nets the Cooper Temple Clause's Didz ... all on the off-chance of a decent probing ... while ago, when the NME was a little more fun, a little less cool, they released a sticker set one week with one a....--entire side dedicated to the Cooper Temple Clause.

There were little pictures of them, weenie TCTC band logos, and, bizarrely, there were also itty bitty cut-outs of their hair which you could stick on pictures of other people, like Gary Lucy or Bergerac. Nearly every week around then, the indie boy's jizz mag would lavish sycophantic appreciation upon the Reading sextet naming them the saviours of British rock, prog-rock playboys, rockabbed poster boys for the rock-smoking generation. In short, they rocked.

Behind all the hype was See Through This and Leave, a consistently good (but not great) record with a handful of promising singles that really did offer something different where before, Hundred Reasons and Hell Is For Heroes fell flat with cleverly disguised reverb drenched bullshit, falling short of the same promise. They were hot, and looked primed to take over the world.

Didz (TCTC's pouting bassist) always knew it was a King's ransom ... but in fools' gold my friends .. .fools gold.

" there's only six people in the band and that's how we like it, twelve hands to do a certain amount of stuff that requires about fifty hands" "It was strange to see so much focus on our hair really," ponders Didz, tooting on a roll-up, "And that always frustrated us a little bit, just because we always dressed normal and .. .." almost sounding embarrassed, "'Indie-ish' I guess."

Ah, the hair. My housemate (and silent Concrete colleague) once donned 'a Cooper' for a few months. He didn't get any girls but he did get my respect; a daunting do, the cut was characterised by a straight down front and a crazy follicle explosion at the back, an inverted 'Ape Drape' if you will.

"We've always kind of had Small Faces mops that have gone a bit AWOL," continues Didz, " and then suddenly there was this big thing about Cooper Temple haircuts and we were like 'Where did all this come from'. It was frustrating because it wasn't anything to do with the music, and also strange because suddenly we had quite a lot of press coming on board rather than fanzines ."

The Cooper's, however, are a band that could have easily gotten the rough end of the 'overnight success' deal, cursed with dashing good looks and an urge to push back the boundaries of rock with an intensive use of samplers and synthesizers best showcased with early single Let's Kill Music - a volley of organ driven noise and wrecking ball rhythm. It was perhaps these strange sounds that led to the feverish diligence of your average Team Cooper fan, the one and same that allowed the band, in Didz' mind, to cope with the more hectic side of their public profile. '"l'he press reany only came onboard when we'd played to a load of people, and when people started writing saying "there's this amazing band but no-one really covers them. " That's when they

Music Box and New Toys, interesting

started writing about us, when people demanded it. It was what we'd always envisaged, putting the press in a position where they HAD to write about us because there was a demand for it." wzersl The Cooper Temple may have a bit more to say on the British music press than most ther bands of the moment, but they still seem fairly coolheaded with it. After all, their recently r~leased second album Kick Up The Fire, And Let The Flames Break Loose corrects most of the problems that resided in See Through This ... and most of these were the results of some pretty inadequate production (most criminal when stripping all the fun from Who Needs Enemies?) rather than any deficiency in song writing. Didz was also able to shed

Y

light on why the band is happier as a whole with their latest effort.

"One of the things we disliked with the first album was how it sounded - it didn't come out how we envisaged it a lot of the time. We always wanted it to sound like it was just the six of us in the practice room so basically we just moved a bunch of recording stuff into our practice room and recorded it like that. We've always acknowledged that our atmosphere was very important, I think that's quite underestimated."

The atmosphere on Kick Up The Flames.. . is certainly more accented, the feral aggression of Promises, Promises captured so much better than similar numbers on See Through This... such as Panzer Attack and Been Training Dogs. But these moments are counterbalanced by the kind of intense alt-rock balladry ~ansun were so fond of on tracks like

mixes of organic instruments and dance culture technology. However, though these pieces might have been hard to translate in the studio, the band found it even harder to transport them on the road. '"l'he first album was really written just for playing. With the second album, the songs were all written in the studio, recorded in the studio and then ''Fuckl How are we gonna play that? There are so many ideas in the songs, so many different parts, so it's working out how that'd translate with programming and sequencers - but we did it all ourselves. I think a lot people look down on sequencers and stuff but at the end of the day we could easily just 'reproduce' it (with backing tapes) but there's only six people in the band and that's how we like it, twelve hands to do a certain amount of stuff that requires about fifty hands."

And Amen to that. In fact , on stage the band seemed to be so busy making the songs work that they also forget to sell them. Lyrics such as "Let's kill music'' were complacently bored out rather than screamed and spat (the treatment we were given when the band played the Waterfront near the tail end of last term.)

The newer, slower songs seemed to be displayed confidently, but fell on an audience attending for the older, louder, grittier material. The Cooper Temple may have a dazzling future in front of them as the Doves with balls, but for now they're almost caught in an exciting but slightly confused period of transition to a monster band ... or another group of once ruthlessly-hyped musicians who've fallen by the way-side.

The next album, (released in the middle of next year according to Didz) will be an important one.

But there's certainly more to watch here than exaggerated hairstyles and dodgy dress-up stickers.

------------------..---------------03.12.03

THE

EVENT

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1

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08 Features

The Season to be Jolly? ometimes it seems as though a cold snap in July would be enough to get all the supermarkets selling advent calendars six m onths in advance. I mean after all, that only leaves five months to make sure you 've got the right one, and everyone is so busy around Christmas time you know y ou'll be best off getting everything ready at least a couple of m onth s e arly. But then, if everything has been prepared when there are still half

All year long we pay licence fees and invest our hard earned leisure time in bogging at the box, once a year we expect a bit of pay-back. price cracked Easter eggs in Woolies, wha t exactly is it that we're s o busy doing? Watching telly, that's what. All year long we pay license fees and invest our hard earned leisure time in bogging a t the box, once a year we expect a bit of pay-back.

It's no secret that everyone spends a large percentage of the Crimbo period smashed and more stuffed than th e turkey, the TV elves know this and p lan accordingly. Nothing too challengin g, obviously, with lots of pre tty colours and flashing lights are what the doctor h as ordered. Every year we hope we' ve been good boys and girls and that we'll get what we asked for - unadulterated

03.12.03

bumper specials chock-full with juicy it!", I hear you cry and you wouldn't b e story-lines and at least one death, one the only one, but as I'm sure your mothmarriage and one embarrassing yet er has told you - its the thought that hilarious incident involving too much counts. Also set to be one of the big events over the Christmas period is the sherry. The real magic being that we truly believe our demands were met climax to the BBC's The Big Read . and exceeded the previous year with There have been weekly heats, shownot a dull moment to be had on screen, casing three books each episode, then although this had a lot more to do with all of them will become part of a nationthe mulled wine goggles we were most wide vote to decide which is the best probably sporting than the actual qual- book of all time ever in the world. ity of programming. So wh en we Then the winning book will be 路managed by Fete Waterman and sh ould be break out the special festive Radio Times only to discover the same old releasin g a single inJanuary ... although lumps of TV coal interspersed with 'old I think I migh t be getting confused. classics' like Dumbo an d The Great Either way up, it looks to be the b e st Escape, not even an extra h e lping of thing going right n ow in terms of fresh b lood for th e Yuletide light entertainChristmas pud can raise our spirits.

Not that there's any thing wrong with ment carna g e. Its re ally come to a sorry Dumbo, but where exactly is th e relestate of affairs whe n b ooks , books I tells vance in the heart-warming tale of a ya, are the highlight of any TV line-up , bab y e le pha nt with unusually large 路 let alon e the TV season to b e jolly.

Why on earth did we invent TV if all we lugs? In protest we burn th e Radio were g oing to do was p ut fancy books Tim es, break out the trusty Chris tmas Hits 4 compilation cassette and decide on it I ask? At least they're trying to find time to fit in the fi lm adap ta tions of that Santa really doesn't deserve the extra huge tumbler of brandy you had most of the books, but I really don't see left out for him (or those mince pies) The Lord Of The Rings trilogy making and so consume them in solace. Some its TV premiere just yet. Although it hours later, you find yourself around saves an awful lot of time if you haven't the dinner table with Gran on on e sid e and an unnamed grubby child belonging to some relative or anothe r on the other, the novelty of the miniature skittle s set y ou 'won' from a random cracker is quickly wearing off and y ou're pretty sure that purple pap er hats are not the id eal accessory in any situ ation .

You make a d ash for the fr ont room, battling your way through mounds of read th e book b u t want to sound wrapping paper and tinsel, b ut emerge sophisticated, remember to talk about the story an d no t the special effects victoriously at your destination. You switch on the telly and bask in its joythough. ous glow, and wow - Only Fools and What we really want at Christmas is Horses is on, perfect! You gotta love to have a little bit of seasonal magic that David Jason. He's the real Father injected into the run-of-the-mill, not Christmas. The rest of the day drifts grand gestures and international blockby, punctuated only by advert breaks busters. We want exactly the same and offers of "more wine anyone?", programmes we always watch, but with what a great Christmas. Hope the telly celebrity guests or slightly different is this good next year. opening credits.

How impressed There are, however, some new would we be if What Not To Wear's baubles on our TV tree this year, the Trinny and Susannah were allowed to biggest and shiniest being the BBC's have the Queen on as their guest and purchase of Harry Potter. "I've seen prepare her for the biggus speechus?

She'd turn up with highlights and a designer handbag at the end, and imagine the ratings! Even if the terrible twosome were both locked up for treason immediately afterwards it'd still all be worth it in my eyes. How Clean Is Your House's Kim and Agi could get their horrifi cally hygienic claws into Dick and Dom in da Bungalow, althoug h something tells me that's a match made in my mind only. In my defense, I can't imagine anyone not being curious as to how it would all pan out. My point being that Christmas is the tim e whe n the impossible should happen , and if we can't experience m iracles in o ur own lives the n we sh ould at least b e able to do it vicariously thro ug h our tellies. f there is any consolation to b e had, it's that the telly is the on e thing that can b e relied on around Christmas. It d oesn't get drunk and start dancing on the tables, or buy you socks with snowme n on th e m that will look stupid to wear on any other d ay except December 25 th which is alread y half over when you get them so they' re really pretty useless for the

I

Not that there's anything wrong with Dumbo, but where exactly is the relevance in the heart-warming tale of a baby elephant with unusually large lugs? next 363 days of the year. You know that when you tune in there will be something watchable on, even if you've seen it a million times and have never really liked it. I think I'm beginning to understand why The Great Escape is on every year, its symbolic damn it!

Christmas is the one day of the year we're forced to embrace togetherness, and we don't really want to, so we escape into the world of the TV for the day. The next time you complain about the Christmas line-up, just remember how much you've relied on it to see you through those mind-numbing Crimbo afternoons.

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10 Features

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keener on the idea of writing than anything I might actually write. Which I think is a very common experience... I remember, on my first day here I took a - sort-of- room in a very nice house on the Ipswich road; a very bare room,

"My poems were all about nothing much except for matters on which I h_a d no opinion at all" just what I wanted; a sort of 'monk' like cell. And I sat down at the desk at six o 'clock in the evening and said to myself 'I'm not getting out of this room, except to have a pee, until I'd finished writing a short story'. And I wrote right through till breakfast." Did he eat? "No, I didn't eat, that was all part of the excitement, and I finished the story at about six-o'clock the next day."

Was it any good?

"Actually it wasn't bad! It was called Conversation with Cupboard Man and it got published [it can be found in .First Love, Last Rites]. It's strange; that story- it was a monologue - has generally been staged in places like Lithuania or Poland. Occasionally I get these royalties, you know, around six pounds eighty three, from a performance in these far away places and 1 think how extraodinary that this thing I did, making myself sit down, pays for a bottle of wine every now and then ... " Was that a big break? If not, is there any one moment you could pinpoint as a vital stepping stone?

"Well my big.break was actually all small breaks [sipping coffee] but they were very significant to me. I only had enthusiasts in attendance. His fic- wrote short stories to start off with. This tion is read the wo:ld over and has was a considerable advantage in a been translated into over twenty for- sense in that, sooner or later, I was hopeign languages (some rather more suc- ing to publish at least one, in one of cessfully than others, however - appar- those kind of reviews that come and go. ently one version of the title Atonement One actually ran for a number of years; was translated into an equivalent of it was called the Transatlantic Review. ' oops') . As Frank Kermode has said: Like the New Review, except not as "no contemporary of his has shown good. And I got five pounds from them such passionate dedi:ation to the art of for a story. It probably had a readership of, in New York, something like the novel. twelve to a thousand, per-haps even twelve thousand, copies. It had been going quite a while, though, and that was a real hit. This tiny check coming through the post... and then getting a letter or two from different publishers,

wan sort. There are no affected airs and graces. Despite the imposing world-wide fame and respect with ·which his 'name' is weighted, there's a slight bafflement in his reac~ tions to all the recent attention. He talks freely and enthusiastically about his ideas and influences, as if feeling the need to reimburse someone

"I arrived with a very romantic notion of being .'a writer' but hadn't done much writing. I was keener on the idea of writing than anything I might actually write." for all the acclaim with a candid, inclusive approach to discussing his work.

Accepting prolonged, warm applause following a reading of his work-inprogress at the end of UEA's highly successful Perspectives on !an McEwan conference, he seems even a little embarrassed to be on the stage on his own - offering moderately awkward half-bows and the odd hushed "many thanks" in return. At the end of the evening he leaves the lecture theatre through the doors at the back, queuing, like everyone else, in the rush out to the book signing.

The number and variety of academics that attended UEA's conference is a testament to the importance of McEwan's work: Oxford, Nottingham, UCL, UCC, UCE, Sussex, Mainz, Lueven, Frankfurt, Leeds and others all

" It all started, he says during lunch at the Sainsbury Centre, rather more humbly, ·some thirty years ago, while doing an MA course at some place called the University of East Anglia, stuck all the way out in the middle of Norfolk: "1 think coming here [to UEA] was probably the first decision I ever made to do anything. I mean, up until that point I'd simply been processed through the exams system, school etc. I ended up at Sussex because I screwed up the interview at Cambridge. I actually enjoyed Sussex, but coming to Norwich really had a different feel about it. I'd chosen it; that gave the year a special quality.

"I arrived with a very romantic notion of being 'a writer' but hadn't done much writing. I was much, much

that was a big break. It was the editors, in fact, of tiny magazines who were very important to me, more than book publication. Ian Hamilton, editor of the New Review, was one and an american editor called Ted Solitaroff, who edited a magazine called the American Review, was another. To have a relationship with a small literary magazine to me was the main anchor. And out of that eventually grew.. . hardback publication!" id he see himself as 'graduating' to the novel in any sense? Or did he simply write short stories for the love of the form, an enjoyment of the discipline required? His style is certainly very suited to it- very precise; every word counts...

"I certainly didn' t think of it as a 'graduation' at all. I mean, short stories were very difficult to do. For me it was a great way of trying out different things without having to commit two years to a failed novel. In other words, in a couple of weeks, or five or six weeks, you could really afford failure .

Which means you can afford to be bold with subject matter and tone. I was inter~sted in novels, though, of course.

I spent an enormous amount of time reading here and I was very affected by what I was reading. I could let some of that reading come into the short stories without being worried about being too slavish. Because, again, if it failed, if I couldn't find my own tone, then I could move on." Would he recolliiilend this to budding writers, then? "In fact what I've been saying to people who are writing now is: don't plunge straight into a Geoffrey Euginedes type doorstopper. It could be really heartbreaking. If you've got to write it [a novel] then write a novella; write a thirty thousand word novel not an e ighty thousand word novel, and make it all count. It's liberating actually, to write reasonably concisely, you can take more risks."

And you can, as a reader, digest the short story far more effectively also.

As Raymond Carver said about the form: the advantage with it is that you can write and read one in one sitting.

Like poetry, in that respect. It can therefore be more of a direct communication betweei) writer and reader, · does he agree?

"Absolutely. Yes, that's from the reader's point of view. It's true too of the novella; to sit down and read, say, I don't know, Death in Venice, is really a three-hour experience. It's like going to a long movie or going to the opera or something. Also, your reader can hold

the whole structure in mind at once. In a way, novels only become apparent structurally by re-reading them. So yes, that's very important."

Considering his style, 'making words count' and not being too verbose, has he ever considered, or has he in the past, written poetry?

"1 did write poetry, in my third year at Sussex... "

ment, to some extent. Does he agree?

"Well, if something's good then it can stand being gently unpacked and looked at. And, by the time you put it all back together again, it'll always look more interesting. Its richness is enhanced. But for some books, with those. that don't hold up to that kind of examination, I think I would agree. But I used to love it, when I studied literature.

Xmas Blues?

"It's illusory to think that, ·i~ the fifties or the thirties or the eighteen eighties, there were ten million highly educated people dying to read the latest literary novel. '~ Especially having difficult poetry Was it bad adolescent stuff?

"No it was drastically slavish imita- explained and examined, the meanings tions of Eliot and Yeats. My poems were slowly teased out. Those poems never all about nothing much, except for the remain the same afterwards." sad decline of Christian civilisation; matters on which I had no opinion at all, any of McEwan's novels and novellas, and espe-. but I thought th~y sounded rather sonorous and great; or they were cially his earlier writings, often have a very strangely ~laborated metaphors about the escape of circus animals. They were dark, lurking, psychohelplessly enslaved poems, and I never logical element to them. He has menwent back to them." tioned something in the past about During his visit earlier in the year, 'addressing himself to the unconscious'; Martin Arnis mentioned something is this still a dominant concern? about his fear of the decline of the liter"Yeah, I'm interested, broadly, in a ary novel. He felt it might, or is, going definition of literature as an investigathe same way as poetry - that its 'losing tion of human nature. I like the extreme; its constituency', its readership. "It's not I like pushing characters to the edge of, that we lack the poets, but that we lack things. I'm interested in character the readers", he said. And he believes changing through crisis or emergency that this applies to the literary novel of some kind, those moments when, and also. Does McEwan share this pes- they can be quite phy:>ical, when moral simism? choices have to be made. So... there's a "No I don't actually. I take a very lot of strange, fairly unexarnined, dark different view from Martin. He takes his material in my early stories. It's as if.. . father's view that the more people in I'd always been a very quiet, studious, higher education etc. then the less good conventional boy. Coming to UEA, comit gets. But I don't subscribe to that way ing to Norwich, being away and choosof thinking. I think, actually, that there's ing to do the thing I wanted to do, it felt not much wrong with the readership. It as if a lid was lifted on my head and was never big. It's illusory to think that rather a long unhappy adolescence somehow, in the fifties or the thirties or found a ... objectified itself in some fairin the eighteen eighties, there were ten ly dark, even poisonous musings. For million highly educated people dying to me it was a liberation. It's hard to read the latest literary novel. I think it's explain to anyone that this was actually holding fairly well, sustained by the making me very happy. But also, I nineteen eighty's explosion in book- thought that a lot of the stories were shops, and I'm in some ways surprised funny and it always pained me, a bit

by Martin saying that. I mean, he him- later, when people were shocked. I'd self has a wide readership. His own always thought they might be amused. readership, my own readership ... the All my friends... everyone's humour readership for Salman, you know, any around me was black at this stage. number of writers. It seems to me fairly Humour was very sexual and dark. The robust. I'd agree that there is a down stories that I passed around among my side at the moment, a rather mad, hys- friends here - no one was shocked by terical press attention that's more inter- them. They were amused by them, but ested in the writer's lives rather than · once they got out in the public print it what they write. But that's a sort of was very different." peripheral thing. No, I think the readerIt is indeed something that many ship isn't bad. I talk occasionally to kids young writers will probably find famildoing 'A'-levels, because they study iar; dark, strange stories that they've two or three of my books for their major written in the past, that they'd always exams; AS and 'A'levels.l've sometimes thought were funny or at least amusing, gone to a huge hall in Central London getting a strange reaction. And that idea where fifteen hundred kids from of a lid lifting on the head is definitely London state schools come for a couple one that most decent students will of days instruction and they like writers recognise ... to come and give readings. Afterwards, "I think it's a whole unexamined the kids come up - these are seventeen realm; the extraordinary rupture there year olds - holding copies of Child in is between what may be written and the Time or, say, Enduring Love with every state of mind in which it's written. I square inch of margin covered, and end mean, I wrote some of my stories in a papers covered, and secondary state of such total elation and freedom, sources packed into the back. It seems and yet there was a sort of 'end of the to me very familiar. I mean, that's how world' psychological gloom about my copies.of 'A'-level books looked. So them. And yes, I was definitely.. . my I'm quite encouraged by that, I don't experience here was a sense of the sky feel quite so bad about it." being bigger... I mean the sky's equalRose Tremain agreed, in an inter- ly large in Brighton I suppose, but.. . I view with The Event, that too much study had no roots here, no connections, nothof a book, too much analysis of a text, ing. I was very happy. And I made, _very can sometimes kill it for a reader in rapidly, a set of friends who have some sense. It can kill a certain enjoy- remained so for life."

M

Features 11

nee again Christmas is nearly here and it's time for the television channels to dust off the feelgood movies that are shown but once a year. The broadcasting schedule is predictable enough.

But it's not necessarily a bad thing, these films tend to leave a glowing feeling and a sense that Christmas really is a time for sharing and peace on earth.

A truly memorable film is It's a Wonderful Life. Premiering in 1946, directed by Frank Capra and starring James Stewart the film makes the audience take a good look at their lives and realise what they've got. It stirs up all sorts of emotion and nearly everyone that has seen it claims that they were on the verge of tears. This may be because of the festive season, but it may also be involved with empathising with the main char~cter, George Bailey (Stewart). He feels suicidal because no one appreciate§ him, !:>ut )le is give!\ the opportunity to see what the world would have been without him. It leaves him appreciate the wonderful world he lives in, which rubs off on most audiences, making it a perfect Christmas film.

No festive season is complete without Bing Crosby crooning the title track to White Christmas; it's as synonymous with christmas as turkey. White Christmas is an upbeat musical, generally concerned with "winning-the-girl" that turns out all right in the end, It eostars Danny Kaye and Rosemary Clooney (who was George's aunt) and contains songs that everyone's been bought up with and can sing along to.

The Irving Berlin song, however, was a hit prior to the film, owing to it's popularity in an earlier Crosby and Astaire film, Holiday Inn. As such, White Christmas is almost a sequel.

Raymond Briggs' The Snowman is, similarly, a film shown every year, normally on Christmas morning on BBC2.

Starting out as a successful book in 1978 the film also thrived upon its release. Aled Jones shot to fame in 1982 as the choirboy singing Walking in the Air, (and now releases an album every Christmas). The Snowman shows every child's dream that their snowman will survive the night and the horror when it doesn't. Looking at it now it's quite frightening, but Christmas morning would not be the same without opening presents to it.

Interestingly David Bowie also narrates the remade version from 1991. Rather out of character, but shows how much a Christmas movie can affect people.

Father Christmas also by Raymond Briggs is normally on, too. Narrated by Mel Smith, this film shows Santa as a real person, but a cantankerous and

miserable, by contrast to the stereotype. The Raymond Briggs' artwork makes the grumpy guy into someone loveable and funny.

Sometimes the best festive films are those seen as a kid. A Muppet Christmas Carol is like The SnoWll)an in this respect. Starring Michael Caine and, more importantly, Kerrnit the Frog as the characters Scrooge and Bob Cratchit respectively. Everyone knows the tale but this time it was musical ...with Muppets; could it be better? The image of Great Gonzo as Mr. Dickens certainly increased his popularity with children. It shouldn't be dismissed as a children's film though, it has witty one-liners and splendid acting. For example, Waldorf and Statler are perfectly cast as the Marley brotl}ers! Who would have thought that Muppets would be so effective?

The title of the 1985 film Santa Claus tends to give a rough idea of what this film is about. With a regular Christmas Eve slot this was the first time many children were introduced to Dudley Moore. Indeed this film has surprisingly little about Santa Claus.

It's more to do with the elf Patch (Moore) _and his lack of loyalty. He is shot to fame as one of Santa's elves and tries selling himself to a money hungry businessman (Jolin Lithgow). The main crux of the film is the triumph of good over evil and the homely values of Christmas.

The Santa Clause is also becoming a regular visitor to Christmas Eve television. Starring Tim Alien it was released in 1994 and is a fun variation on the Santa tale. Tim Alien, the nonbeliever, accidentally kilss Santa and is forced to take on the reindeer and do his rounds due to a legal clause. Both funny and sentimental it's a light-hearted way to spend the night before Christma.s. in 1994 The Miracle on 34th Street starred Richard Attenborough and Elizabeth Perkins (of Matilda fame).

Doris (Perkins) does not believe in Father Christmas. The tale shows what happens when you find· out the truth. It leaves the audience feeling sympathy for her and the childhood that she's missed out on. Many believe that the' original Maureen 0 ' Hara version of 1947 should never have been remade but both versions will leave audiences feeling festive .

The defeat of evil characters appears in many films at Christmas.

Olive the Other Reindeer is similar to Santa Claus in this way. An animated dog, Olive (voiced by Drew Barrymore) believes that she is 'the other reindeer' from the song Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and goes in search of Santa to fulfil her destiny.

The evil Mailman tries to prevent her reaching the North Pole, but as usual good triumphs. It's original despite the good over evil thing, and with its unique animation it stands out from other Christmas cartoons.

So, if you want that feel good feeling watch any of these films. You'll feel all misty-eyed and realise that all you need is love and that Christmas should be about those around you. It's not about the spending sprees that multinational companies would have you be.lieve ...for, oh, at least ten ~utes.

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12Creative Writing - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Writing ...

Please send submissions to lizziebrien@yahoo.co.uk for initial consideration

Intrusion

by Joe Barron

, Something approaches, the garenters the house, creeping silently den says. He comes, dressed in dark. · so as to avoid detection. His shoes Beware his movements, they are leave damp prints on the wooden unfaithful. The house listens, and floor. He hears nothing but the nightstirs in approval. The wind outside time creaking of old stairs and howls, the fog descends and drifts. empty halls. "Don't lose your nerve," We can feel his footsteps, whispers he says to comfort himself. the garden. On ,our lawn, soft and It's marks are on me, says the malicious. He crouches by one of our floor. No respect is shown, not like

terings in the distance. He stands, rigid, waiting for a sight of a person who may have been watching him all this time. A minute passes, but noone reveals themselves. He shakes his head, chuckles quietly to himself and returns to his work.

trees- he is looking for an entrance.

He is staring at you. The house hears,

our family. This thing is unwelcome, very unwelcome here.

shall be defaced still further. Stairs, you can help us.

and prepares. The walls and floors creak and moan, bracing themselves for the incoming battle.

Then, the sound of keys being fumbled. The clang of metal reverberates around the front hall. "Fuck."

The keys are dropped, and soon a new sound is heard. Shattering glass, smashing and skidding across the old wooden floor. "Heh." It has broken in, exclaims the door. It has broken our windows, picked our locks. It's hands on my

The intruder creeps into the front . ' The stairs creak and shudder room, and goes about his business. slightly. The intruder remains obliviTaking and thieving, leaving no ous. Leave me alone, the stairs say. stone unturned as he repossesses Do not involve me. I am not interestthe belongings of others. The house ed- he has not touched me yet. Let can do nothing but watch as it is ran- him do what he will, I will have no sacked and defiled. part in this.

The walls are the first to speak.

The intruder finishes his work in This is disgusting. I can barely watch. the front room, and makes for the All these beautiful things are being stairs, a large and heavy bag slung taken, taken for it's own. Has it no over his shoulder. He places his shame? We must stop it. right foot slowly and cautiously on What can we do? repeat the cw:the first step. tains. We have no strength, he has But see what it does now? the wall many. It has limbs, all we can do is argues. See how it invades. It has no float on the breeze. respect for us.

We can be broken, the windows The stairs are silent. The intruder remark. Shattered, smashed. Broken. creeps further up, the banisters castThe intruder stops for a second, ing shadows across his masked and looks around him. He swears he form. could have heard voices, vague mutDo you see how little he cares?

handle- soft and gloved. Breaking and entering, breaking and entering!

The curtains flutter and murmur.

It has broken in? Then what are we to do? What can we do? Windows and locks provide no defence, no solace for us.

The intruder slowly but steadily

We cannot just remain motionless,

the walls state. We must act, or we

Glance down at the door, his windows smashed, or at my front room, raped and pillaged. Please, stairs, do something.

The intruder does not notice the stairs creaking and shifting. He is now almost at the very top, a few steps away from the landing. He continues, carefully.

Stairs, please.

· His foot comes down on the penultimat.e step. The stairs creak and groan.

Stairs...

Suddenly, the clock strikes midnight. The intruder jumps, startled, and brings his foot down unsteadily on the top step. The last SOUI\d he hears is that of breaking wood, his last feeling that of his foot cracking through the stairs. He tries desperately to regain his balance, but the old, rotted banisters provide no protection. He falls backward, over the side of the staircase and down, towards the floor. The sound of his spine breaking echoes across the hall as he smashes into the ground, The house remains strangely silent, except from what sounds like a satisfied laugh, floating on the breeze.

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A dark sparked girl with patience and fingers too long flicking buttons into corners, pale skin like a stretch of canvas nailed taut the stitching near-splitting at the corner of her mouth, A clicking tongue beneath rattling crumbs in a tin Pieces of buttered bread in the bin that she didn't put there.

She thought that maybe now was the time to write to relatives, but instead smoked all afternoon.

Hannah Walker

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Film 13

Spun Director: Jos Ackerland Starring: Jason Swartzman, John Leguizamo, Brittany Murphy Debut feature that engages and expands upon the recent trends In the drug genre.

Spun is the feature debut of infamous music video director Jonas Akerlund, best known for his notorious Smack my Bitch Up video for the Prodigy. Unsurprisingly, Spun is an intense experience, joining the ranks - of other cult drug movies, such as Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and especially Requiem for a Dream . In this regard, Spun is hardly groundbreaking but, although it doesn't really seem to do anything new with its material it is still an extremely absorbing experience, a real trip of a film.

The narrative focuses on Ross Gason Swartzman), over the period of a three day speed binge. As main characters go, he is less an interesting personality than a fairly average guy (his tendency to tie naked women to his bed for days on end aside) and therefore acts as a sort of narrative medium, or a point of entry for the audience, into what is a perversely alien subculture. In fact , the films exploration of white trash society (trailer parks, run down apartments, malls, porn shops) is deliberately, even exaggeratedly, grotesque and almost anthropological in tone, which is simultaneously the film's biggest strength and weakness.

It begins with Ross calling upon low-life dealer Spider Mike Gohn Leguizamo). The

film soon sees this naively oblivious, yet seemingly invulnerable, character embroiled in the lives of The Cook (Mickey Rourke) , a pseudo cowboy who spends much of the film goggled behind a tangle of scientinc equipment distilling amphetamine from pharmacy drugs, and his sluttish girlfriend Nikki (Brittany Murphy) .

It seems to be a universal imperative that any film about drugs must have a fairly unusual narrative style, as though the subject matter could not possibly be explored adequately using traditional Hollywood linear editing and dramatic narrative models.

Imagiite, for instance, Requiem for a Dream re-shot in the style of Gossford Park; now that's disturbing. It is this desire for fincllilg a new mode of expression that makes the genre - and there is a genre to be spoken about- of the drug movie so inventive. It is, in a certain respect, the contact point at which stagnant mainstream cinema meets the opposing inaccessibly abstract realm of Avant Garde filmmaking, mixing the best of each into the refreshing form of a story told with flare. However, this desire for difference can be a double-edged sword, leading to stylistic limitations. The extent to which certain cinematic devices and stylistic elements have become essential (and as a result somewhat cliched) within the genre is obvious in Spun . While it uses these standard elements with a vivacious technical audacity, it still seems something of a novelty or merely a variation of a theme.

.J.- _

In keeping with the expressive and - unavoidable. However, you get the sense innovative traditions established within the that the director is referencing the earlier drug movie genre, the narrative of Spun film only so that he can playfully break away dynamically correlates with Ross ' mental from it in Spun' s final scene, a very soothing, state in a very interesting way. The film 's soporific montage of each of the characters pacing is for the most part filled with the in slumber. The characters and the narrative sense of fatalistic inertia one might expect have crashed out giving the film's final drafrom the three day Speed binge that Ross is matic image, an exploding caravan, which on; beginning with paranoid breakneck in the context of any other shot sequence editing and jerking close-ups , Spun con- would seem shocking, a sense of peace stantly winds down like a cog only to be instead. This sequence is, of course, in sharp rejuvenated by Ross taking another hit. juxtaposition with the shockingly brutal and Speed is not only the subject of this film it is intense ending of Requiem and gives the the main formal organising device - acting sense that Akerlund is declaring his indealmost like a can of spinach once did for pendence, in the film's final shots, from the Popeye the Sailor Man - it seems not only to pre-existing films in the genre. control the characters but the very structure of the film itself. Also, like Fear and Loathing Dean Bowntan in Las Vegas or even the inventive Run Lola Run , the film occasionally breaks into disturbing sequences of animation, expressing Ross' ever-decreasing grip on reality.

Parallels with Requiem for a Dream are

Elf

Director: Jon Favreau Starring: Will Ferrell, James Caan Christmas family film is set to bring yule-tide cheer to viewers of all ages.

If we were all 9 years old again, this would probably rank this as the best film ever. Being much older than that, lets still say that Elf is up there with School Of Rock as the most unlikely family film success story of the year.

Having stowed away in Santa's (a perfectly cast Edward Asner) bag a long time ago, Buddy (Will Ferrell) has spent the last 30 years being raised by elves in the North Pole, happily labouring in Santa's toy workshop. When his human dimensions begin to become a liability in the elf world, Santa suggests that Buddy head to New York City and find his biological father Games Caan). Of course, the sight of a 6' 5" man in a green outfit doesn't blend in too well with the big city, and Buddy finds himself in all sorts of mishaps as he tries to ingratiate himself into his new family and surroundings . Learning the ways of his new world, he forms a romantic attachment to department store elf, Jovie (Zooey Deschanel, showing stellar chops as a singer), as well as spreading much needed Christmas cheer to all those who come into contact with him.

Elf is a throwback to Christmas movies that just aren't made anymore . Directed by actor Jon Favreau (Made, Swingers), Elf is a

wonderful concoction of holiday movies past, present, and future . It' s a delicious fantasy film , a rip-snorting comedy for both kids and adults, and, most importantly, a strong step forward for star Will Ferrell into leading man status.

Favreau has done his homework with Elf, utilising the holiday specials of his youth to serve the picture's magical world.

Using stop-motion animation to breathe life into the north pole's fantastical creatures, Favreau brings back the art form that died out with the Rankin-Bass specials of years gone by - even directly paying tribute to the animated classics with Buddy's snowman best friend, who is a dead ringer for the Burl Ives character in the 1964 special Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. To feed the eyes, Favreau has filled Elf with candy-cane forests, radiant department store Christmas displays, and elf toy workshop wonders (using the same miniature photographic techniques as seen in the Lord of the Rings series) . On a simple holiday, family film , storybook level, it is a wonderful reminder of the imagination at play in the service of creating a vivid landscape for this silly story to take place in. Having shown critical lowbudget authority in [Made] , Favreau stretches his slightly larger budget this time out to beautiful heights of Christmas wonder. In the process, he may even have succeeded in creating something of a new holiday tradition. Time will tell.

Of course, all this eye candy would be

., lost if the film wasn't so painfully hilarious.

It really is Ferrell's big show, as the actor stomps around the frame like a gigantic 9year-old. Buddy is an intensely hyper character, fuelled by a diet of maple syrup and cotton balls. Ferrell appears to be using up every last ounce of his strength trying to maintain Buddy's rapture with the real world, but it's truly a ballet of slapstick and Ferrell's patented oddball oneliners. Only this actor could pull off 90 minutes in yellow tights and a green pointy hat. Favreau makes sure -Farrell has plenty to work with , giving Buddy wonderful touches such as his unfailing ability to create anything with an etch-a-sketch (including his "Dear John" letter to his father) his endless discoveries of wonders like escalators and revolving doors throughout New York City, and a te nder courtship with Jovie.

Because Ferrell is such a force of nature, it renders James Caan's work as his father a bit sleepy in contrast. At times it

looks like the production should be placing a mirror by Caan's mouth to check for signs of life. Caan seems like he doesn't quite know what type of film he's stepped into. Since the film is playing at a very broad pitch, Caan's silence isn't welcomed.

Maybe to bring good omens to Elf, Favreau has recruited his Made producer Peter Billingsley to cameo as an elf workshop manager. Billingsley was Ralphie in [A Christmas Story]; good luck charms do not come any better than that.

Elf will warm the heart with nostalgia, dazzle the eyes, tickle the funny bone, and make Christmas feel like it can' t come fast enough.

Dan Chandler

EEEE

03.12.03 THE

EVENT

14

Pirates of the Caribbean

Hollywood doesn't have the best of batting averages when it comes to pirate films .

After the film Cutthroat Island barely squeaked out $11 million dollars gross in 1995 on a production budget of $92 million dollars the buzz around Hollywood was that pirate movies had a box office curse of their very own. Fast forward 8 years and enter the Wait Disney Corporation who decided to try their luck with a $125 million dollar special effect filled pirate move based loosely on one of their most popular

rides in the Disneyland and Disney World theme parks. The result is Pirates of the Caribbean (which had the moniker The Curse of The Black Pearl tacked on close to release in hopes of a sequel).

The stakes couldn't be higher. Pirates of the Caribbean is the first film ever released under the Wait Disney Pictures brand to receive higher than a PG rating (the film is rated PG-13), and the team assembled to make the film is a virtual Who's who of hot properties: Director Gore Verbinski had a huge hit last year with the spook fest The Ring; Writers Terry Rossio & Ted Elliott were the writing team behind Shrek; Johnny Depp is so extremely selective in his roles no one would ever imagine he'd do a Disney film; Orlando Bloom is fresh off the Lord of The Rings Trilogy; Geoffrey Rush has at least one Academy Award under his belt, and Keira Knightley has becom.e a hot property after her performance in the run away indie hit Bend It Like Beckham. This 'dream team ' was paired up with the best and brightest of Industrial Light and Magic to give one big go at defeating the box office pirate movie curse and perhaps create a new franchise for Disney.

An amazing movie it isn't; but Verbinski and company have succeeded in delivering an extremely enjoyable and entertainmg summer movie. In a film filled with special effects and gigantic set pieces it's really the performances that stick out most. Geoffrey Rush is simply amazing as

Pirate C aptain Barbossa, he manages to go far beyond the caricature of a Pirate and create a strong villain who is also sympathetic and at times humourous. Also fantastic is Keira Knightley who shows a depth and range in this film that is sure to get noticed. Orlando Bloom also does a great job and his chemistry with Knightley really helps carry the film.

But of all the performances in Pirates of the Caribbean, Johnny Depp is by far the most enigmatic. Although his performance produces ambiguous reactions : it's either one of the worst pirate performances, or one of the best. At times it's both. Depp stars at Captain Jack Sparrow, a down and out pirate who gets along on his ingenuity, blind luck and little else. Depp does a great JOb of creating a likeably flawed character one which you root to both get in

and out of trouble. Depp seems to be having a ball with Sparrow and his energy injects a great deal of fun into the film but Depp uses a strange accent and mannerisms that are reminiscent of what it would be like if Keith Richards were a pirate.

But if you are an adult and like a good pirate movie then Pirates of The Caribbean is definitely a summer movie ride worth taking. At its heart it's a film with thrills, chills, adventure and romance - what more can you ask for ?

a predictable storyline (belatedly disclosed as father of Sonny) and wasted in his role which could have been developed further.

However, by overlooking the shoddy dialogue and cliched plot for a moment, the strong performances of the two lead characters , Sonny and Carol, succeed in creating characters with some degree of depth.

Franco in particular gives Sonny a raw , sexual quality, certainly suited to this film, but falls down as Sonny has numerous fits of violence, which take away any feelings of empathy on the part of the audience for his character. In turn, Mena Suvari is convincmg in most of her role; but considering her character is supposed to be a star prostitute, she never takes her clothes off. Not that the film requires any more nude scenes.

Unsurpnsingly rated as an eighteen, with bouts of frenzied violence by Sonny, the film is particularly close to the mark m terms of the numerous sexual scenes and perversions it portrays, a little controversial and in some places, shocking; perhaps not one to watch with the family.

As to comment on Cage's cameo performance as Acid Yellow, a homosexual pimp, he is surprisingly unconvincing in this role, and lacks any coherence or real relevance in the plot. This, perhaps, calls into question his ability as a director if he clearly cannot direct himself.

Sonny is a disappointing start to Cage's. directing career. with a tedious recycled plot that runs more like a soap opera with few redeeming features. All in all, this is a film that will be forgotten in a few years.

However, it should not to be entirely written off since it credits Cage to be a courageous director, with ability to bring the world a controversial, alternative film. Worth a look, even if only to laugh at Blethyn's poor accent.

Dan Chandler

Sonny Director: icholas Cage.

Starring: James Franco. Brenda Blethyn, Men a Suvari.

Set in New Orleans, in 1981, Sonny is a film that certainly requires patience. The 110-minute narrative seems to go on forever, as a weak and un-inspirational story unfolds.

Unsurprisingly, the film circles around Sonny Games Franco), a young man who has just been discharged from the army. His passion for literature drives him to believe he can make a life for himself working in a bookstore in Texas City, but when his job falls

03.1.2.03

through he reverts to his old ways and goes back home to his mother in New Orleans.

Sonny's domineering mother, Jewel (Brenda Blethyn) pushes her son back into his former lifestyle to help save her business, and he returns to work as her star male prostitute. The sad story of Sonny's past, his desire to move away from the lifestyle of turning tricks since he was twelve years old, is not made enough of in the script. Instead, we see a rather unrealistic, depressing image of Sonny who cannot escape his life, but refuses to help himself. The weak storyline that shows Sonny's fall back into this life fails to show him trying in the first place to get a respectable job and as such, his character fails to connect with the audience right from the start, a key problem with the script.

The story looks up as Carol (Mena Suvari) is introduced, as Jewel's newest prostitute, a blonde bombshell who Sonny falls in love with as they work together. A strand, which could have saved the film , instead turns into the ultimate depressing love story and Sonny has to choose whether to stay or go; a question that is never answered.

This film with no real ending is an enigma, and has a weak storyline that is hardly enhanced by the absence of the quality acting for which Nicholas Cage is famed.

Blethyn's character is notably flat and her attempt at a Deep South accent is appaling by all standards. Amongst the plethora of 2D characters that lack any depth in this film is Henry Wade (Harry Dean Stanton), subject to

Caroline Beer

r s 15

Opera Review Theodora, Theatre Royal

Favourite Books 31 5olrp 'by Nick Homby

.. . formed part of the Glyndebourne tour hosted by Norwich Theatre Royal, and is the story of a Christian martyr in Roman occupied Syria in 304 AD. It's a simple story, especially for an opera: a woman puts her devotion to God above her will to live, a man is prepared to sactifice his life for his love for her, they are jointly executed at the hands of the Roman president after she goes to the soldier's trial to give up her life for him. It might not seem to make much sense, this constant giving up of lives for others can only result in everyone losing theirs; but it's ultimately about love and passion and sacrifice and in the end serves to give the characters the opportunity to exercise their lungs and astound the audience with the beauty and strength of their voices.

It was a modern interpretation and the performance began with a press conference in which the Roman president Valens outlined the sanctions that would be imposed on anyone who refused to worship Roman gods. In the present climate of doubt over leaders' motivations and involvement in war, the scene in which Didymus, one of the soldiers, professes his unwillingness to take part in the persecution could have been made more clearly relevant. In the absence of any particular slant on the contemporary take, the soldiers' orange boiler suits, which might have been excusable if justified by a serious message, just proved an irritation.

However, the simple use of set and lighting was very effective. The scene in which Theodora prays for release from her prison cell was particularly well done - the cell marked merely by a square of yellow light brilliantly displaying the character's isolation and total lack of hope. As she writhed in agony and fear at what her captors would do to her, the starkness of her situation became truly apparent.

Christine Rice, who played Irene, the leader of the Christian movement and Theodora's confidante, gave the best performance of the night. She portrayed the character as a figure of strength and spirit. It was an excellent production with frequent moments of breathtaking beauty of music and performance and served as a reminder that far from being an elitist entertainment opera is a pleasure that is accessible, challenging and as an art that's at least attempting to move with the times is very enjoyable.

Theodora

31 Songs is a fantastic collection of short essays by Nick Hornby and is my must read book of the moment; the perfect stocking filler for Christmas. It gives readers a glimpse at who Hornby really .__ _ _ __. is through his love of particular songs. The book explains beautifully, as only he can, why we love and listen to popular music. Hornby is celebrating music in this book and tries to show exactly what it is that draws us with the great allure of pop music.

The essays in 31 songs are accompanied by 'additional writings on music from his column in the New Yorker' and it's the first time they have been published in the United Kingdom.

Hornby cleverly narrates us through the 31 songs which make the soundtrack to his life, with 14 extra albums which he loves. The book is divided into chapters that move through each of the songs and the structure of the book lends itself to easy reading. He writes in an eloquent but easily understandable way; it's a pleasurable experience to read this book. He is quick, witty and very self-aware, which creates an exchange between him and the reader. It feels as though you really learn about his psyche and readers can relate to his love of music very easily. Hornby is not pretentious about his music knowledge so you really do want to read onto the next chapter.

31 Songs is an in depth exploration of Hornby the man. The songs he selects have been significant at certain moments in his life which gives great insight into his personality.

Fever Pitch was autobiographical but 31 Songs really shows readers exactly who Hornby is, what he loves, what moves and motivates him. He has, throughout his life, had a deep love of music which is translated wonderfully in this book.

If you have ever listened to a song over and over again then you'll understand what Hornby is trying to say in this book. He is explaining why we love certain songs so much that we listen to them repeatedly and how they create markers in our lives. Even if your list of favourite songs is completely different to Hornby's you can still understand and appreciate the love that he has for music.

It is an original book that deserves to be read by anyone who's had a love affair with music.

Suzanne Watennan Katharine Clemow

Pantomime: that most sacred and prized institution without which Christmas would not be the same. Children throughout the country are eagerly awaiting the annual trip to their local theatre in the run up to the festive season to scream with glee 'he's behind you!' and shake in their shoes at the appearance of the bad guy, usually the cruel queen or wicked stepmother. For more years than most care to remember it has formed a central part of the Christmas experience providing a welcome relief for parents from the endless shopping and organising and for the kids from the drag of finding entertainment in the holidays preceding the big day. In short it's old fashioned fun for all the family and appears to be one of the traditions that is still treasured in this age of increasingly adult youngsters thought to be preoccupied with the latest model of mobile . phone.

Every city can be expected to have at least one production in the pipeline and they often involve pop/soap stars and, more recently, ex-Big Brother contestants on the road to or from stardom. This provides a career boost for them and an added bonus for the audience who can later claim they saw Karl Kennedy from Neighbours kick someguy-from-The Bill's arse. It provides a touch of glamour (who wouldn't be stunned into delighted, bewildered awe by an Aussie doctor playing the handsome prince) and goes someway to detract from the potential kiddiness of still attending a screaming, shouting, hissing and booing audience.

Karl Kennedy won't be appearing in the Theatre Royal's production of Aladdin or The Maddermarket's Pinocchio, I only mention it because I'm still gutted I missed him at last year's performance at my local theatre; but they're both classic stories guaranteed to move, entertain and inspire the most profound of emotions. Being allowed to let rip with voluble abuse at anyone who's mean to the hero, cheering him on in his pursuit of the heroine is a worthy way to while away the hours in the run up to the 25th and both productions will still be on in the new year so no excuses; time to get hissing and giggling.

"Look out, he's behind you!" " Oh no he isn't!'\ "Oh yes he is!", "Is he?", .. Yes!", "Is he?" "YES!", He isn't ... " ~~He is!", .. He isn't ... " "He IS!" ''Is he?" "YES!" "Well, you'll have to shout louder ... " etc etc. Great stuff, Pantos are fab .

Daisy Cook 11

Dealing with the dysfunctional family is always a tricky one. The theme of family breakdown has been seen in the last decade as frequently as the UEA students see rabbits on their front lawns. Films, books and performances have portrayed .bad family management as a reason for society's ills; why the "youth" generations revert to drugs, sexual promiscuity and crime. So, in case you liiidn't seen all those issues before in Donnie Darko, and American Beauty, Rabbit highlighted them once again. However, that said, it is always interesting to see the way people deal with these issues, as the role of the family within society is constantly changing and distorting.

Cowell's script is funny, fast-paced, dark, and thoughtful. Written after he realised his father had cancer he aimed to show a family's salvation through contact with their own mortality. The family includes a daughter who wants to drop out of law school to become a rapper with her hip-hop artiste boyfriend; the boyfriend Spin, a junkie whose parents are dead; the father, hated by his daughter due to his job as a radio presenter on "The Real World" show; and the mother whose bo-tox tightened features and lavish lifestyle present an image of what she aims to be, not what she really is. Then there's "Driver" a servant, whose loyalty to this messed up family includes sacrificing the last night to be with his dying son, to run around in a wood looking for his naked Boss.

Wonderfully choreographed, Frantic Assembly used movement to express the subtexts within the family situation, and the dance and gestural language made the play a delight to watch. The cast put on superb performances, including Sam Crane playing Spin, who surprisingly managed to refrain from becoming a condescending comment on youth culture.

The first half highlighted the void between the two generations through confrontations in a glass house on top of a mountain. The second half, not quite as striking as the first, was where the two sides started bridging the gap, and self discovery and family unity were focused upon. The play at times lapsed into cliche, including the use of music which was lifted from American Beauty and Donnie Darko, however, their use of space was excellent and was complemented by a fantastic set which the actors re-invented constantly. I recommend this youthful, interesting and energetic theatre company to anyone who loves to see experimental, intelligent theatre.

Daisy Bowie-Sell

---------------------------------03.12.03

16

By all accounts, this album could be seen as a big 'fuck you' from Blink to you, you, and you -hell they even look at ME with raised eyebrows.

It's easy to see why. Any stab the band take at some kind of artistic authenticity is generally shot down in flames by the music press, lost beneath images of grown men shitting themselves. To my mind, they mastered the pop-punk album with Enema Of The State, the single-spawning behemoth that gave the world All The Small Things, What's My Age Again? and Adam's Song, and then things got a little more hit and miss with 2001's Take Off Your Pants and jacket.

Time has since been spent with tactless but interesting emo experiments (Tom Delonge spearheading Box Car Racer) and whopping great punk/hip-hop mushroom clouds (Travis Barker doing all the hard work behind the drums for Tirn Arrnstrong's Transplants); all of which has come to make the band's fifth album the most interesting of the bunch.

And the most mature, without adhering to all the cliched boredom that usually entails; there are 'strings' yes, but there's also hip-hop instrurnentals (The Fallen Interlude) and there's Robert Smith (The Cure) guest vocals on Ail Of This. And, generally, they're tucking angry. A little irate perhaps at the fact

Greatest Hits Since dropping The Carnival (his first solo record outside the wnbra of the Fugees) to critical acclaiin in 1997, Wyclef Jean has consistently created intriguing music, constantly experimenting with different styles and collaborating with unlikely artists from various genres. Jean's debut broke out with the insistent Bee Gees beat of the party anthem We Trying to Stay Alive, but buried in the folds was the sublimely beautiful, heartfelt ballad Gone Till November, which would go on to become an unlikely top 10 pop hit. The

former song referenced Bob Dylan in its lyrics, while the video of the latter featured a cameo of the folk hero, an unlikely influence that manifested itself on every Wyclef record, leading to a subdued cover of the Dylan's eulogic Knockin '

on

Heaven's

D aniel Chandler

A Present For Everyone For too long n ow I have held a dark and disturbing se cret, and now finally I can go p ublic. I love Busted, or more specifically Matty. I was under the impression that he was only about 16 years old and so have hidden my emotions; but now I have found out that he

Ratings

Arny H ewitt

Door.

Surprisingly sincere rock covers have b een a hallmark of Jean's career, and none are m ore improbable or impressive than his mostly-straight-with-atwist-of-reggae inte rpretation of Pink F1oyd's Wish You Were Here. On the other hand, a single listen to his hit with movie/wrestlin g icon the Rock, It Doesn't Matter, reminds one that 'Clef also knows exactly how to get the party started. This Greatest Hits collection features all of these tracks and many more by Wyclef, a pioneering p erformer who's continually expanded the b ound aries of hip-hop .

XXX-Mas-0-Meter:

is my age and so can rejoice in his very fit package. This band is just fantastic and the album is no disappointment.

The best thing about this band is that they do not take themselves seriously; it is just cheesy rock fun that you and your little sister can enjoy. The best tracks are probably Crashed the Wedding, Air Hostess and Fake. Even Mr Una-Brow (aka Charlie) cannot spoil this album with his misplaced ballad stylee interludes, which have been reduced since the first album.

They are also a break from the British band norm as they actually play instruments; they can all play drums , bass and guitar. Although not quite as great as Matty; the other two are pretty talented as well.

Evidently,! am not their only fan, as their debut album went double platinum and they sold out their UK tour.

While I am slightly deterred by Matty's obsession with Jakki Degg, I still urge you all to buy this album for some light hearted relief as we are all desperately trying to finish essays; even if it is only as a Christmas present for your thirteen year old sister! While normally twenty year olds dressing up as school boys should not be rewarded, I say long live cheesy rock and Matty's Band (Busted!).

and open necked shirt. Although it's a cover of the Pointer Sister's 80's hit, Girls Aloud have revamped it in their own style, but it takes a while to grow on you. There are hits from all genres: Eva Cassidy's Songbird, has hauntingly beautiful vocals, and is perfect for chilling with lots of chocolate.

Joni Mitchell's Both Sides Now takes us back to one of the most emotional scenes in the film with Emrna Thompson. Then there are songs like Wyclefs love ballad Take me as I am , and the distinctive sounds of Gabrielle.

Of course the soundtrack could not be complete without the typical happy Christmas songs, like Billy Mack's Christmas is all around, and Olivia Olson's All I want for Christmas is you. If you enjoyed the movie, you will love this CD, but you don't need to have see n the movie to appreciate it, especially when the last three tracks are orchestral love themes, perfect as background for a romantic Christmas meal.

Reb ecca Lawrence

that while most laughed along genially to all the lyrics about humping dogs and incontinent grandparents, few gave tbem kudos for being able to raise some sublime melodies from their instruments. Hence the likes of Obvious and Stockholm Syndrome's sense of caustic urgency in settling the score once and for all, a catharsis that lets other strong tracks (Asthemia, Here 's Your Letter) reveal the greatest triumph of the album, it's grandest surprise; Blink 182 have released a slow burner, a record that requires that much more effort and dedication than your average pop release, not to mention their more immediate back catalogue.

Forget the commonly held opinions, the NME slanders and the crappy bootleg hoodies on the juve delinquents of Norwich City streets. Blink 182 are a pretty smart pop act, and they're peaking. Not punk, not comedy and, don't get me wrong, not genius -but remarkably better than most give them credit for.

And if you still won't change your mind?

I'm with Blink.

Fuck. You. Matt Sargeson

olutionary. Its appropriate that the Black Album is his "swan song" cause there is much singing on here . I thought that after his last album he would try more new things but instead he dropped back a few notches. Going back into the high misogyny, narcotic glorification, pimping endorsements and slight miscegenation. However, since this is his last work it's going to sell based on its farewell significance and it being the last work of a rap icon.

What More Can I Say is probably his most notable track; there's something compelling about it. Jay slights many when he says "I don 't wear jerseys, I'm 30 plus' - it remains to be seen if this will hurt NFL sales because, on this same track, J already claimed to be the most influential man in pop culture, capable of changing or starting trends .

At the same time he tests his pop culture influence by dissing the wearing of Jerseys as "young" and says those pushing 30 need to "button up" (wear suits or dress clothes).

J also introduces the name of Professional Ferrari Driver Michael Schumacher as a top dawg. Only time will tell if people start referencing him but I doubt it. The What More Can I Say chorus is hot and , unbeknownst to most, it appears Jay is taking obvious parting shots at 50-Cent, and not Buster Rhymes as Buster assumed. This is the most brash and angry track he's ever done which is not aimed directly at any particular rapper in the form of a diss. J appears bitter about the way the industry has treated him the last 2 years, telling fans they're going to be "sony

love, Actually ... Soundtrack Director of wve, Actually Richard Curtis claims the soundtrack is the life and the soul of his film, and he's not wrong as the songs link together the various sections, with the romantic mode rn pop reflecting the film's themes. The music is exactly what you would imagine the characters listening to, and fits the film's comical take on life.

The first track on the soundtrack is Girls Aloud with j ump, reminding us of one of the funnie st parts of the film: sexy (don't argue, you know he is) Hugh Grant dancing around in his suit, Goooolden Ri ngs

Colly Birds

Another Notable track is M oment of Clarity aimed at p eople like me who criticize his level of social consciousness. Believe it or not Jay has a track that complains about drug s in his community called justify My Thug. To hear him do that is almost like a Jedi mind Trick. Jay calls on the Gove rnor and President reminisce nt of an old Nas track called I Want to Talk to You. On the track December 4 Jay-Z's mamma narrates, seemingly lending insight to his lyrics b ut not quite eo-signing it.

French Hens

Daniel Chandler

Greatest Hits To coincide with the band's 20 year anniversary (and, conveniently, the 2004th gift-giving anniversary of a certain religious icon) the Red Hot Chili Peppers have released their first compilation album in over a decade.

This one starts where What Hits!? left off, compiling a radio-friendly selection of all the commercial bits from their last few albums. So everything you know is here, from Under the Bridge - which will never sound quite the same since All Saints gave it the vest-and-combat-trousers treatment to the stuttering innuendo of Give It Away and recent single Universally Speaking.

when he's gone".

The Black Album Looks like Jay Z's last album will be his most hypocritical and aggressive self-promotion effort yet. It will also probably be his most personal. In addition he finally acknowledges his relationship with Beyonce beyond the Damon Dash interview. ln fact he says she is the # 1 in chic pop culture on track 10, and shouts her out fre quently. I guess I now believe that Jay was telling the truth when he said that he never writes his lyrics down. He must be part genius in that sense. If he wrote down his lyrics he might read them and recognize his MANY contradictions. When Jay Z says he is like Che Guevara with bling on, it's a total oxyrnoron. Che was a communist revolutionary; the comple te opposite of "Bling" in philosophy, and Jay quite frankly is status quo, not rev-

But at a personal net worth of about 30 million she will probably eo-sign anything he says. Jay still can flow but flow alone doesn't make for a great album.- Nuff said.

The band's well-documented hedonistic exploits disguise the raw vulnerability at the heart of this collecti on. Anthony Keidis' unmistakable drawl is at its plaintive best on Scar Tissue, a gorgeous groove and an early highlight of the album. My Friends, with Jane's Addiction's Dave Navarro replacing rehab-bound bass maestro John Frusciante, is a striking eulogy written at the height of the group's collective drug problems.

As with any compilation, there are notable absences - no space here for A eropl ane or Zephyr Song- b ut the Re d Hot Chili Pepp e r s have a diverse enough back catalogue that there are no ob vious weaknesses in the sele ction. Ignore the cynical inclusion of two new "bonus tracks" and relish in some of the most dazzling melodies of the last 20 years. Not b ad for a b and whose trademark stage costume was a single erroneously-p laced sock.

Turtle Doves

Sarah Edward es

P artridge In A Pear Tr e e

03.12.03----------------------------------

ingles 1.7

Single Choice

Christmas Crackers

Michael Andrews Mad World Donnie Darko, the 2001 film in which Michael Anqrews ' version of Mad World made its spine-chilling debut, was bleak, claustrophobic and brimming with the kind of adolescent paranoia that makes the nefarious prop~ecies of a giant rabbit seem entirely plausible. The song was a perfect accompaniment to the film' s haunting final scenes, but loses none of its potency when listened to out of this context. If anything, Andrews' blissful record is even more impressive when heard on its own.

Like all the best covers, Mad Wor ld is a long way from the Tears For Fears original. True to the spirit of the decade, TFF hid their finest eighties moment behind a curtain of emotionless electronic keyboards. Andrews has removed almost everything, leaving only a piano melody· of child-like simplicity and a few strings to frame-Gary Jules' hypnotic vocals.

But any cover of Mad World would be nothing without the original lyrics. Each line is a melancholy gem, from the opening 'All around me are familiar faces I Worn out places, worn out faces' to the quivering confession in the chorus that ' the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had'. It' s the lullaby your parents never dared to sing, a soothing affirmation that life is nothing but a senseless waste of time.

It's worth more than every other festive cash-in put together and doubled. If there is any justice the Christmas No. I will belong to Michael Andrews. Drown your sorrows with Yuletide brandy and drink to the madness.

Stuck for Christmas present ideas? Why not buy one of the best albums of the year, as recommended by The Event...

Sarah Edwardes

Sugababes - Too Lost in

David Bowie - Never Get Old .

You Taken from the 'romcom' Love Actually, this latest offering from the Babes of ·Suga does exactly what it says on the Tate & Lyle packet. Compared with previous offerings Hole in the Head and Freak Like Me, this might be a dose too far of sugar-coated pop. Fans of Love Actually may be moved to relive the film and pretend they are in the arms of Andrew Lincoln, slow dancing around the Christmas tree with a festive hat on their heads. A more grown-up sound from Heidi, Mutya and the other one, but it probably won't be sweet enough to make the coveted Christmas Number One.

Kate Finburg

The Raveonettes: Wa rm

The Ra ve onettes -

Heartbreak Stroll The Danish have done it again.

Not only is their bacon top quality but their music tickles the tongue too.

The Raveonettes release the heartpounding single that ' makes the earth move when you 're shaking your thing'. The b-side I Wish That I Could Stay (The Christmas Song) is the reason

How the hell can I honestly comment on David's work?

Me, a mere mortal, whose image, unlike Bowie's, will never live on within the realms of genius. That said, I stand by the honourable tradition of free speech and democracy: this is hollow, one dimensional, mediocre and disappointing. Even the title is cringingly mid-life crisis-like. His unique, brilliant voice? Barely audible, squished into place, he sounds more like someone from Westlife, harmonies included. In need of back-up I find a Bowie site: they hate the song and the album. It's probably a phase. Get over it mate, we all get old.

Daisy Bowie-Sell

to buy. It's the first of the Christmas sell-outs, but it actually isn't that bad. Imagine being sat by a fire with snow and you're half way to understanding the warm emotion that is released. Good enough for any Christmas party whilst you're nibbling on your sausages in bacon.

Sugababes:Suga ry

Span- Papa

]ames Banks Big Brovaz _ AJn't What

You Do The guitar throughout the single makes you want to dance stupidly around your room with ridiculous rock star posing and lltrange jerks - not a mean feat in the confines of Waveney rooms with dimensions and wall-width comparable to that of a cardboard box.

But back to the point of this. It is a good enough single with plenty of attitude. However, the lyrics (like most bands') let it down with '/ am the papa' and other such inane nonsense getting slightly dull after continuous repetition. Not something to be taken seriously but good fun, and all the better for it with essay deadlines arriving, although it's prob ably not that great for expanding the mind to fit in all those revision notes.

Suzanne Rickenback

Big Brovaz, who clearly attended the Noddy Holder school of spelling, have proved themselves good at making other artists ' records their own.

Here, as on previous single Favourite Things, some people rap, others sing a naggingly familiar melody and some irony-immune sycophancy merchant praises the group for being ' so creative and very

Travis are Ovaltine.

Nickelback? Shandy. Blink 182 meanwhile are Sunny Delight, a viscous, sugary drink running from every inner-child's flared nostrils, mixing with lunchtime's Batenburg and making the primordial soup of fun. Understanding them in any other terms is like trying to play tennis on a unicycle; wobbly, ungraceful and crotchchafing. That is one reason why Feeling This is great. The other reasons are the increasingly effective counter-play between Delonge and Hoppus' vocals, Travis Barker' s roadkill drumming and the ongoing refinement of Warped Tour punk into one of pop's more luc;:rative seams. Disagree and walk the plank you scurvy landlubbers!

MattSargeson Ev anescence - My

The Strokes - Room on Fire Every bit a worthy successor to Is This It, The Strokes' second album was the sound of a band becoming comfortable in their own skins. With music as good as brittle single 12:51 and the raucous bravado of Meet Me in the Bathroom , they more than deserved the hype.

(SE)

Lightyear - Chris' GenUeman's Hairdresser and Railway Bookshop Even though Lightyear were usually known for their crazy ska-punk antics, liberally sprinkled with nakedness, their sophomore (and unfortunately last) album was a great departure from their debut. From the schizophrenic Data 's Double Chin to the hilarious Trumpet Trousers you simply cannot pin this band down to a particular style. They'll be missed. (BP) The Darkness _ Pennission to Land Spandexl Big tunes! Dodgy sexual politics! Ah, it's like the eighties never went away. Permissi on to Land was the album of 2003, not because of its musical genius (the jury's still out on that one), but because it captured the ridiculously camp spirit of rock'n'roll in all its Whitesnake-loving glory.

(SE)

Captain Everything! _ It's Not Rocket Science This is the purest form of lightning-speed punk rock to have ever emerged from .. . Watford. Screaming with speedy riffs and energy, there is a simple exuberance about this album that was unrivalled throughout 2003. No other album released this year was able to matdh the speed or the irresistible melodies found here.

(BP)

Immortal The White Strip es - Elephant

David Bowie : Old

Travis -

The Beautiful

OccupaUon The quixotic, chirPy style of Travis seems to have been discarded on their new album, which is darker and more sophisticated. The single, Th e Beautiful Occupation exemplifies this. The song hears oddly pony-tail wearing and girlienamed Fran singing: 'half a million civilians gonna die today' , a far cry from: 'flowers in the window I It 's such a lovely day' . Though the recording

is too bland to get excited about, but too catchy not to be likeable. And if the tune doesn't grab you, there's also some friendly advice about how you can achieve anything you want if you put your mind to it.

Thanks Big Brovaz, we 'll remember that.

is slightly rougher, it still has their clean sound, which makes the new message a bit harder to swallow. Though any politically aware student should probably support someone who is against the current occupation of Iraq, we also need some cheering up, so come on Fran: 'Sing Sing

Sarah Edwardes

Siiing Sing Sing!

Toby Sei gh-Johnson

innovative'. Ain 't What You Do

Blink 182 _ Feeling This

My first impressions of Evanescence were not good.

They appeared to be a more hormonal version of Linkin Park, but with all the angst of Nickleback. Since listening to My Immortal this has all changed. The song is great, powerful and moving, and surprises you with a metal finale that Metallica would be proud of. While this will not appeal to cheesy ballad fans, it proves that Evanescence have the talent to produce excellent sentimental yet metal music. Their diverse music style will hopefully be enough to give them the staying power of Linkin Park, as they seem far more talented.

From the thunderous opening chords of Seven Nation Army to lonely pole-dancer ballad I just Don 't Know What To Do With Myself, The White Stripes' Elephant is an inspired example of Jack and Meg White 's rambling inventiveness. Eclectic but accessible, the blues have never sounded so appealing. (SE)

The Blood Brothers - Bum, Piano Island, Bum Spastic baby, pure spastic. Chances are if you like/love At The Drive In, The Blood Brothers will keep you laughing. Two mentalist frontmen, no discernable classical melodies; just raw, broken punk chaotica tied to some scattershot, combustible tunes and ace song titles. Check out Burn, Piano Island, Burn , Ambulance vs. Ambulance and Fucking's Greatest Hits. My Mum hated it. Maybe yours will too.

(MS)

D izzee R a s cal- Boy In Da Corner Unlikely Mercury Music Prize winner Dizzee Rascal is the sound of the underground digging itself as ·far as possible towards the centre of the earth. Witty, articulate and confrontational, the chaotic beats of jus' a Rascal and Fix Up Look Sharp are the new sound of the Playstation generation. (SE)

AmyHewitt Jet - Get Bom

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. . ~' ~ .

• 1 .

.

..

Just when rock n' roll revivalism seemed to be disappearing up it's own well hairy arse, along came four Australians with the blood of AC/DC running through their syringe-picked veins. Jet's debut album managed to live up to all the heady promises made by The Vines - and then they jizzed all over them. A rock-pop classic from start to finish. And Are You G onna Be My Girl is unofficial single of the year. Word. (M S)

Sarah Edwardes, Ben Patashnik , Matt Sarges on

Evanescence: Hormonal

03.12.03

<

18 V/Games ............................................................

Best of Essential TV: the Rest

Absolutly Fabulous

01 Absolute Power Monday, 9.30pm, BBC 2 This is one of those rare shows that not only rewards unscrupulous intelligence but also gives it a pat on the back, a raise and a new office with a great view. Essential for all those who respect the quiet ruthlessness that comes with simply being cleverer than your opponent.

02 Little Britain Monday, 1Opm BBC 2 Although it hasn't been aired on terrestrial yet, the critics seem to like it on Digital so it should be worth a watch, especially if the clips shown pre- it's release on the BBC are anything to go by.

03 Andromeda Sunday, 3 .45pm Channel 4 A simple idea well executed that is far more interesting than you might think. It's sci-fi and it's great.

Returning to our screens, and to form , However, now that Eddie Qennifer Saunders) and company are on BBC l, the notorious fashion junkies of British comedy may have to tone down their antics. Flouncing down her kitchen stairs, clad in fluorescent platforms, garish flares , and various other crimes against dressing , its hard to believe that Eddie was in any clear state of mind when she opened her wardrobe that morning. The answer to this, as fans of earlier series will know, is that she most definitely wasn't. Eddie was a walking vice, riddled with every trapping of the rich lifestyle she embraced, including two ex-husbands, a criminal dress sense and of course the extensive use of drugs. The new Eddie is pretty much the same, always armed with a glass of something that would strip paint, with no more maturity or social responsibility than she ever had , but reference s to drug use seem to have vanished from the script.

Absolutely Fabulous is back!

For a series to endure characters must of course alter and develop, they can't just oscillate around already covered territory.

Otherwise you end up with six middle-aged tired figures who can't get any other acting jobs because they've become the parts that they play. Just look at Joey .. . I mean Matt LeBlanc. In compliance with this rule the emotional ties in Ab Fab have subtly evolved as have the characters themselves , the now mother Saffy being the most notable example of this.

When rumours of a US remake of the show broke on our shores we scoffed and wondered how on earth it would translate.

The plan was to have Roseanne Barr (of Roseanne) as the lead, but with not so much swearing, no smoking or drinking and defi nitely no drugs. They scrapped the idea of course because there would be no point in Absolutely Fabulous without all those things.

Drug use, alcoholism (etc) were never con-

doned, or promoted, just part of the lives of the characters and that's what is essential to understand and the reason why they shouldn't be tampered with .

Eddie and Patsy aren' t role models , noone wants to become them. They're overgrown teenagers who have the money and power to do exactly as th ey wish. They fli t from one fad to the next with the attention span of wasps governed only by what the latest fashionable pastime is. Perhaps the days of the heroine chic have gone, and class-A culture has become a thing of the Z-list celeb and therefore of no interest to our leading ladies.

Even so, I can't help thinking what a happy coincidence it is that this occurred just as Ab Fab finally got the premiere Friday night slot.

After all, without co nstant chemical aid, how are they going to keep Patsy alive?

Kate Bryant

Game Reviews: Worms 3D, PS2, XBox, Gamecube While Team ITs original Worms title wasn 't entirely innovative, owing as it did to older games such as Tanks, Artillerus and Scorched Earth, the latest Team 17 title, Worms 3D is even less innovative. It's really only got one significant new hook; it is, as the title suggests, in 3D. Many games, when they move to the third dimension, add all sorts of unnecessary frills , but that 's not a path that Team 17 has gone down with Worms 3D, which presents what is essentially the classic Worms package in a shiny 3D wrapper. That means that all the weapons that existing Worms players are familiar with are very much in evidence; endless bazooka and grenade rounds, deadly cluster bombs and the much feared Air Strikes are all rendered in three dimensions. Actually getting to grips with combat in three dimensions, rather than the classic two , isn't actually all that hard, as most of the game's explosive weapons have a pretty broad spread, and those that don't can be manually aimed with a fairly high degree of precision. You can still screw up a shot by failing to take elevation or wind speed into account, however.

Worms 3D's visual presentation would frankly look more at home on a Piaystation than a PS2; all of the terrain features are made up of rather blocky polygons, the Worms themselves only have a limited animation set, and even the explosions are just simple cartoon animations. Having said that, the entire package comes together with a fair amount of charm. Like most 3D titles , you can hit a few wacky camera issues - we lost a few battles by walking our Worms into holes we didn't quite see, and aiming to go up and over cliffs

•

03.12.03

and other objects can be a little frustrating.

Worms 3D won't be everyone's cup of tea.

Its turn-based strategy approach is strictly from the old school, as is much of its graphical style. In an age, however , where party games either means flinging yourself around physically, a la Eye Toy, or making your way around some kind of insane board game in the Mario Party style, it's great to have a multiplayer gem like Worms 3D that gets back to the good old basics - blowing people (well, OK, Worms) up just for the sheer fun of it. It's not really a title that we'd recommend to any single player, but if you've got a ready source of mates and perhaps a few beers that need drinking, Worms 3D comes highly recommended.

Price £39.99 , Sega.

Daniel Chandler

King Of Route 66, Who is the real King of Route '66? For M cDonald's, it's the Big Mac and fries. For Sega, it's 'Texas Hawk', the all-Arnerican Aryan poster b oy and the white trash royalty of this trucking/adventure game. 'Big Rigs' are, apparently , all the rage in gameland, with numerous juggernaut simulations on the shelves that I am far too important to mention.

A hyper-colour wet dream of well-greased pistons, King .. . lets you choose from a handful of trucker cliches like Texas Hawk (and his friend ' Iron Bull', a he-breasted NativeArnerican with more than firewater wine on his mind- he loves the road baby!) and partake in seemingly endless Driver-esque time challenges and Juggernaut fisticuffs ; yawnsome road battles reminiscent of Steven Spielberg's Duel, devoid of the tension and moustache.

You're assigned missions by shop owners trading on no thing but their good looks and incandescent ethnicity (" Eh, you gonna bring a

Ps2

home de pizza for Luigi eh?" chortles restauteur Luigi) and you have to bomb a?ound town, picking up parcels and the like, knocking down cardboard cut-out scenery that never has quite the same appeal as pedestrians- or, on the 'girl' setting 'Queen of Route 66', you pick up pretty gems for jewellery stores. Man, girls love jewellery.

It features tardy loading times , a highly incontinent control system and disgraces the fine truckers of our great nation with its ' frankly irresponsible approach to road safety.

If it was an arcade machine I' d wee in the coin slot; as it was on my PS2 , I instead slipped out the disk and tossed it from my window onto the Earlham road. There followed a three car pileup and fifteen school children stubbed their toes. Oh, the sweet irony.

Price: £39. 99, Sega.

Matt 'Trigg er Happy' Sargeson

Listings 19

Wed

3/12 Gig: Dreadzone @ Waterfront Techno dub band, a favorite of this Summer's festivals with support from Ear/16. 8-12pm, 10adv.

Play: The Screens @ UEA Drama Studio - Brave UEA drama students present Jean Genet's supposedly 'unstageable' play only performed 3 times before in the UK. Starts 7.30pm, £3.50 - call 592 272.

Play: A Christmas Carol @ Theatre Royal. Northern Ballet theatre's recreation of Dickens story of Ebenezer Scrooge. Starts 2.30 & 7.30pm, £4.50-27.50.

Club: Superfly @ Lightbar - funk, ska, soul, hip-hop 1Opm-2am. No dress code. £3.50.

Thur 4/12 Clubnlght: LCR Disco 9pm £3

Play: The Screens @ UEA Drama Studio

Gig: Meltdown 'Live' 7 @ Waterfront - live event of popular clubnight feat.

Freefall, Without a Clue, The Pistolas, Crush Deluxe. £5.

Play: A Christmas Carol @ Theatre Royal, starts 7.30 pm.

Union Film: Son of the Bride Argentinian film with an engaging narrative that earned it an Oscar nomination. This comic drama follows Rafael Belvedere as he struggles with the demands of his family and business. 8.30pm, £2.75.

Club: Boyz & Girlz @ Time Popular dance, r'n'b & chart. £4.50/ £3.50NUS.

Bar: Blend @ Alibi Funk&Soul. £1.

Club: Disco Sucks and The Underground @ Light Bar - real 70s, with indie downstairs Free b4 10.30, £2 after.

Club: Tighten Up @ Po Na Na. Funky Grooves.

Play: The Screens @ UEA Drama Studio, starts 7.30pm.

Club: Student Night @ Mustard DJs play dance, indie, funk, soul on both floors. Open until 1.30am, free b4 10.30, £2 after.

Play: A Christmas Carol @ Theatre Royal, starts 7.30pm.

Mon 8/12

Tue 9/12

Gig: Grandaddy @ Waterfront.

Experimental country pop band from the US, tour following recently release of the more upbeat Sumday.

With support from Snow Patrol + Ha/. SOLD OUT.

Fri 5/12

Union Film: Cypher- Thriller starring Jeremy Northam as an office worker whose fantasies for a more adventurous life causes him to · become embroiled in the world of corporate espionage. Starts 8.30pm, £2.75.

Club: Mukky Duck @ Brannigans'student night until 1.30am Free b4 9, £3/2 NUS after.

Club: Karaoke @ The Bank until 1am. Free.

Club: Funky Jam Carwash @ Liquid - 70s and 80s tunes with r'n'b in the second room. £1 b4 11, £4/2NUS after, free with fancy dress.

6/12

7/12

Play: The Screens @ UEA Drama Studio, starts 2.30 & 7.30pm.

Gig: The Levellers @ LCR. Anarchic folk-punk rockers. £15adv.

Clubnlght: 80s Night @ Waterfront.

80s nostalgia in main auditorium with Disco Fever of the 70s & 90s in the Studio. Special charity event for the SOS Bus. Free with Flyer 102am. £4.5013.50 NUS.

Play: A Christmas Carol @ Theatre Royal.

Club: Optic - Chart, retro, r'n'b.

Drinks 2 for 1. Free b4 1Opm, £3 after.

Club: Bootylicious @ Lightbar - HipHop and R'n'B 9pm-2am. Free b4 10.30pm, £4 after.

Clubnlght: Trevor Nelson @ LCR Radio 1's famous r'n'b DJ. "12 (9.50) adv.

Gig: The Asleep + The Neutrinos @ NAC - double headliner of guitar pop. £6/5conc Bar: Salsa music @ Alibi - £1.

Wed

10/12 Union Film: American Pie: The Wedding - Jim, Stiffler, Finch and friends are back, now in young adult form and ready for more cringe-worthy humour. Starts 8.30, £2.75.

Club: Vibe @ The Bank - cheese, chart & party 7.30-1 am. Free.

Club: Quest @ Lockstock Hard House 10-6am.

Club: Hot 2 Trot @ Liquid Dance Anthems, R'n'B, Garage. £3/2NUS b4 11, £5 after.

Club: Life@Time- student night 9.30pm-2am, £4/3 NUS. Club: Hip-Hop with electric beats @ Lock, Stock - until 2am. £4.

Club: Brannigans' - Anthems and good time hits 8-12.30am. Free.

Gig: Or Fee/good@ WaterfrontBand whose popular rhythm & blues has kept them going for 30yrs. With support from Razor Sharp. £11 adv.

Clubnight: Meltdown @ Waterfront - indie & pop. 10-2am, £4/3 NUS.

Club: Sunday Mania @ Lock Stock - cheese from the 70s, 80s & 90s. 81am, half price drinks until 10.30.

Thur 11/12

Fri 12/12

Club: Boyz & Girlz @ Time - popular dance, r'n'b and chart. £4.50/3.50 NUS. Club: Disco Sucks and The Underground @ Light Bar. Real 70s, indie downstairs. Free b4 10.30 £2 after.

Union Film: Lord of the Rings: Two Towers- a chance to prepare for the up coming release of Retum of the King by watching Peter Jackson's adaptation of the second part of Tolkien's trilogy on the big

Club: Party Night @ Mercy. Smartcasual dress code. 9-2am . £2 b4 11 pm £5 after.

Gig: The Bluetones @ NAC - lndie rock from the survivers· of Britpop's demise. With support from The Vessels. £12.50.

Gig: Human League @ LCR - Phil Oakley et al. play hits from the 80s a new album. With support from John Foxx, £17.50.

Club: Superfly @ Lightbar - funk, ska, soul, hip-hop. 1Opm-2am. No dress code. £3.5Q. Club: Tighten Up @ Po Na Na. Funky Grooves.

screen. 8.30pm, £2.75.

Club: Passion @ Mercy - commercial dance and r'n'b. 9-2am, £3 b4 10.30, £5 after.

Gig: Alabama 3 @ Waterfront With the release of Last Train to Nashville in October which reworks some of their earlier songs into accoustic versions, A3's latest circus tour includes an acoustic set, a DJ set, followed by an eclectic set, £10.

Club: Play @ Po Na Na - Student Night. Disco, Funk & Classic Grooves 8.30-12.30am. Free.

Club: Manic Monday @ Light Bar Chart, Dance & Retro with DJ Rob Mac 9-2am. Free.

Sun

Union Film: Menace If Society Exploration of gang life in the poor LA suburbs. 8.30pm. £2.75.

Gig: Abba Gold @ Waterfront. CANCELLED. Gig: Belle & Sebastian - having recently lost two founding members it was thought that the indie-pop bands popularity was over.

However, the release of Dear Catastrophe Waitress has received rave reviews and comparisons with earlier work, £16adv.

Sat

Club: Hot 90s @ Time. With r'n'b in the second room. 9.30-2.30am, £2 b4 10, £3 b4 11, £5 after.

Club: Liquid - chart and dance. £4/2 NUS.

Dance: Salsa in Norwich @ Lightbar. Salsa club with classes 7.30/8.30 for absolute beginners/more advanced dancers with DJs at 9.30 playing Iatin tunes to test your new skills. £4/2NUS.

Club: Bootylicious @ Lightbar - HipHop and R'n'B 9pm-2am. Free b4 10.30pm, £4 after.

Club: One Lump or Two @ Imagine/Mustard - funky house, until 1.30am.

---------------------------------03.12.03

TH E E VENT

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20

Listings-------------------------------·

Sat 13/12

Clubnight: Foundation Sounds @ NAG - Selection of DJs playing dub, electro, roots and more.

-

Clubnight: Meltdown/Wraith @ Waterfront - Pop, Alt, Rock, lndie with metal, goth, alt-rock in the studio, 10-2am. £4.50\3.50NUS.

Sun 14/12

Club: Brannigans" - Anthems and good time hits 8-12.30am. Free.

Gig: The Damned @ Waterfront punk from one of its original bands.

Clubnight: Party 4 Peace @ NAG: Showcase of anti-war art with DJs and world cuisine. £5/4conc.

Club: Mukky Duck @ Brannigans'student night until 1.30am. Free b4 9, £3/2 NUS after.

Club: Life @ Time - student night 9.30pm-2am. £4/3 NUS. Gig: Shed 7@ LCR - indie-bands farewell tour. £12.50.

Club: Funky Jam Carwash @ Liquid. 70s Night free entry with 70s dress. £3/2NUS.

£12adv.

Club: Optic - Chart, retro, r'n'b.

Drinks 2 for 1. Free b4 1Opm, £3 after.

Club: Sunday Mania @ Lock Stock cheese from the 70s, 80s & 90s. 81am, half price drinks until 10.30.

Bar: Meltdown @ Squares. All bottles and draft £1.80.

Club: Play @ Po Na Na - Student Night Disco, Funk & Classic Grooves, 8.30-12.30am. Free.

Club: Salsa lessons @ Po Na Na from 7pm. £4/3 NUS for lessons, free without.

Gig: The Filaments @ NAG. A night of ska-punk with new signings to Housholdname records. With support from Norwich bands Wine0 and Project Mark. $5adv/6door.

UCI - Master & Commander I Love Actually I Elf I Calender Girls I Finding Nemo I Holes I intermission I Kill Bill vol 1 I Laurel Canyon I Seabiscuit I Spun I The Matrix Revolutions I The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2003 I [From 5112] S.W.A.T I Thirteen I Brother Bear I Timeline I Brother Bear II [From 12/12] Touching the Void I Showing times can be found at www.uci-cinemas.co.uk or by phoning 08700 102030.

STER CENTURY - Elf I Finding Nemo IHollywood Homicide I Intolerable Cruelty I Kill Bill vol 1 I League of Extraordinary Gentlemen I Love Actually 1Master & Commander 1Matrix Revolutions I [from 5/12] Brother Bear I S.W.A.T IShowing times can be found at www.stercentury.co.uk or by phoning 0 1603 221900 CINEMA CITY· The Mother 3-11/12 I Le Divorce 3-4/12 I Young Adam 5-7/12 I Once Upon A Time in the West 7/12 I El Banaerense 8-11112 I My Life without Me 13-18112 I Cinema Paradise 14112 I Belleville Rendez-Vous 15-18112 I Showing times can be found at www.cinemacity.co.uk or call the Box Office - (01603) 622047.

Frt5

Sat6

awesome drum rawkus upstatr ortgtnal punk £ final tour £12.50

Sat Sun 14

SHE Wed17LA D

Tue 16

Frt 19

tribute £7 adv

80s NIGHT

xmas special £3.50 door tns on velvet up•tatrs DOWN tnot~ n sllt £3.5 adv COCKS 'ever £ £12.50 adv

DOWN

wrafth upsta rs £3.50

r

meltdown party £6adv/£10 door

139 Klng St.

Exhibitions Incommunicado @ Sainsbury Centre. Film, installation, video, sculpture, photography and text are used to explore the concept of communications breakdown. lt includes a recently discovered film by Samuel Becket and French film maker Martin Armitz. Runs until 14 December. Free to students.

Club: Eat @ Kale Da Electro/Techno10-1am. £2.50/2NUS

Club: Hot 2 Trot @ Liquid Dance Anthems, R'n'B, Garage. £3/2NUS b4 11, £5 after.

Club: Sin @ Time - classic anthems and dance with resident DJ Scot1 Marshal!. Smart Dress Only, 9.303am, £6 b4 11, £7 after.

15/12

Tue 16/12

Club: Karaoke @ The Bank until 1am. Free.

Club: Vibe @ The Bank- cheese, chart & party 7 .30pm until 1am Free.

Club: Quest @ Lockstock - Hard House 10-6am.

M on

01603 63271

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A Period Eye: Photography: Then and Now @ Norwich Castle Museum & Art gallery. Historic photographs from the 1840s and 50s are juxtaposed with photographs from contemporary artists. Ends Feb 29. Opening Times: Mon-Fri 104.30pm, Sat 10-Spm, Sun 1-Spm. £3/£2.70Conc.