The event issue 239 09 02 2010

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Release of the Home Run Ust on ueastudent.com Home Run is the.Housing Bureau run by the Union ofUEA Students. We compile a free listing of rooms, flats and houses. Home Run is recommended by UEA and our landlords comply with agreed Minimum Standards and charge no fees to students.

Home Run Housing Fair 1oam-4pm 19th February IThelCR Helpful advice and support for house hunters will be available in the LCR from a number of agencies with information on a wide range of topics to help you.

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.:RocK & RoMANCf With Valentine's Day this Sunday, this issue is a little celebration of love. However, this is not the average, lovey-dovey cliche of hearts and flowers; it focuses on the passion, the cheekiness and the lust we all have for fashion ... and of course our other halves!

RRIT IIISTORY Brit Pop was a cultural phenomenom that developed in the 1990s but was influenced by British music and style of the 60s-80s .

So, for guys, think of bands such as The Kinks and The Smiths, through to the Happy Mondays and Blur with drainpipe jeans, check patterns, large, buttoned shirt s and t-shirts under tai lored jackets.

For girls, the fashion started with the icon Twiggy, with emphasis on skinny legs, and over-sized flowing tops and dresses in the 60s, and then to fitted jackets in the later decades. Agyness Deyn is a modern day example of this, and she is not afra id to experiment by fu sing mascul ine and feminine trends.

This is a fashion you can definitely lust after, so grab your partner, turn up Parklife, slip into some super-tight jeans and get frisky! <«Twiggy«<

»>The Smiths»>

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We co uld be looking at eve ningwear for a rom antic meal out, or cosy kn its for a quiet night in, but what about those moments of lust?

Here, we capture the intense and passionate feeling of a flourishing romance. Inspired by a quirky Brit Pop idea, with fashion dwelling on edgy retro, we highlight the fun and excitement of fashion and frivolity.

Dogfish and Catfish are partnered fashion stores.

Dogfish is on 6 Bedford Street, and Catfish can be found very close by on 24 Exchange Street.

There is an excel lent selection of labels and brands in both stores, including Diesel, Fred Perry, Lyle and Scott and Superga . In Catfish, you can also find pieces from collections by Vivienne Westwood and Sonia Rykiel.

The atmosphere in both shops is laid back, yet classy, with a good mix of sma rt clothes and casual wear for label hunters and those wanting a retro look. They are brilliant places to create the Brit Pop style, as well as incorporating your own individual tastes.

Rich»> Hat>£32 Jacket {Baracuta)>£75, Polo {WESC)>£45, Jeans {Nude Jeans Co)>£85

lzzy>>> Jacket>£55, Shirt {Carhartt)>£39, Top>£108 {SONIA

by Sonia Rykiel), Jeans>model's own.

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ON Ill[ RALL> > > fASIIION v foorRALL > > > TII£ R£CKIIAMS WIN When the Posh one from the Spice Girls met the good-looking footballer, I don't think the world was quite ready for the impact they would have on the fashion world . When celebrating love, and love of fashion, this Sunday, Mr and Mrs Beckham deserve a mention. These two incredibly stunning people take no risks when it comes to making fashion decisions, so we applaud them for these statements. David evolved the species of metrosexuals with his highlighted locks, long cardigans and, not forgetting, the sarong. Men could then take inspiration from Becks and not be worried about showing an interest in personal appearance. Victoria has gone from strength to strength, from the "little Gucci ·dress", from the Wannabe days, to the scuplted and feminine shapes of her own label. Ten years on from the first spark, and three kids down the line, together they continue to wow or shock the world with their style. As a couple, a brand , fashion icons and parents, they are dynamite.

Love them or hate them, it seems Team Beckham will be around for a while longer.

Here we take a look back at three stages of their evolving style.

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VERSA([ STOR[ Qp[NJNG PARTY, 1999>>>

Anyone would want to make a statement if they were attending the opening of a Versace store, and, in 1999, the Beckhams did just that.

Both dressed in full black leather, you would be excused for thinking that they were auditioning to be extras in The Matrix. However, back then, taking style tips from Neo and Trinity was positively haute couture .

Although Victoria is sporting a similar haircut to the latest reincarnation of her ' Pob', the head-to-toe black teamed with the notably 90s choker and mid-heels starves any credentials her fashion-forward barnet may have clinched. Her pleased-as-punch grin has also been lost at the back of the wardrobe, and the now infamous Posh pout is yet to be discovered . But let's not forget David. He's a good many years off meeting the clippers at the barber shop, and he looks positively proud of his once commonplace bleached side-sweeping locks, which unfortunately, aren't a good enough distraction from his decidedly practical, school teacher-esque footwear.

After being together only a short time, it is clear that the Beckhams felt that they needed to prove to the world how perfectly suited they were by donning identical clothes. This was just the beginning of an unfortunate run of mirrored marital monstrosities for the pair, which now - after ten years of marriage and three sons have thankfully well and truly been ditched for a suave, suited and styled set of Beckhams.

Frances Taylor

tUlllENGTU AND tAIJUlOUS DTNNER AT THE CONNAUGHT,

RAiL 2006 > > >

2009 > > >

The Beckhams' style is ever evolving, from the days of heavily clad matching leather, to their own line of high street clothing; they truly are one of the great fashion icons of the last 20 years. In this picture, the couple are attending their own Full Length and Fabulous Ball in 2006.

David opted for the sharp dinner suit: classic and timelessly suave. The block colours of both their outfits complement each other beautifully, with no excess jewellery or clashing colours. Victoria has chosen a stunning Roberto Cavalli neon yellow, full -length dress, which adds vibrancy and flair to the couple's outfit.

She is not afraid to show off what she's got with a slit reaching right up to her hip, parading her amazing, bronzed physique. Victoria proved that you don't need to be a raver to get away with neon; all you need is a good tan, and a bit of courage.

The gamble seemed to pay off for the Beckhams, as they became style ambassadors the world over, launching their own brand of clothing and sunglasses. Victoria also appeared on the runway and in countless campaigns for the likes of Roberto Cavalli, Emporio Armani and Marc Jacobs With minimum fuss and frills, the Beckham's epitomise minimalistic chic and effortless beauty.

In this picture, the Beckhams look by far the most comfortable . In subtly co-ordinating their outfits, with David's simple black tie in accordance with his wife's sophisticated dress, the couple appear most at ease with each other.

They no longer feel the need to mirror each other as precisely as they once did, and this more subtle, yet sexy and stylish look, is indicative of a more relaxed and happy relationship.

This look highlights their support for each other as a couple, in a way that doesn.'t demand as much attention as the match ing leather outfits. As such, David's tight-fitting, dishy suit nicely compliments Victoria's sassy black dress from her own collection. In this way, he makes a statement showing support for his wife on such an occasion .

Victoria's creative, bow-like ha irstyle sim ilarly adds to the chic look displayed by both . The Beckhams successfully manage to pull off this simple, yet sophisticated look, appearing blissfully devoted to each Keri Dickens

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CoMfDY> INTfRVIfW>PAPPY·s Kirsten Peter chats w ith Tom Parry, one third of the Edinburgh Fringe Festiva l act of the moment doi ng some of our old sket ches and some of our brand new sketches that we're trying to work on. We warm the audience up, warm ourselves up and then come back and try and do the full world record attempt in the second half. So we get a chance to go out the re stretch our legs and let th e audie nce get to know us before comi ng back and attempting the world reco rd.

Sketch t roupe Pappy's, (fo rme rl y known as Pappy's Fun Club before a line-up change), are performers Tom Parry, Mathew Crosby and Ben Clark. They have taken Edinburgh and the tour circuit by storm. Norwich is lucky enough to have th em gigging at the Norwi ch Arts Cent re on the 11th of February; yo u'd be a foo l to miss it !

Since Edinburgh, how has your show changed to go on tour?

Whe n we're touring, because it's a big world record attempt we're trying to do (200 sketches in an hour) we spend the first part of the evening

What kind of venues do you find yourselve s in and what do you prefer? it's al l kinds actually, the thing about touring is th at you neve r know w hat you' re going to get. We were in a nigh tcl ub two nig hts ago in Darlington, and the night before that we were in a lovely Arts Centre with an audience predominantly over the age of 60. The lucky thing about this year is because we toured last year, we'll be returning to a lot of the places we were last year so it will be less of a shock for us.

We were in the Arts ce ntre in Norw ich and it's beautiful. We've been there before and we're

rea lly looki ng forwa rd to ret urni ng.

You recently took part in the first ever Twitter gig. Do you th ink new media is helpful, or will it cause the death of live comedy?

I t hink Twitter on t he w ho le is a good thing for comed y. I'm not su re as an actua l format fo r hosting a gig. The weird t hing about doing it on Twitte r is at least when you're doing a live gig you've got a microphone or you're on stage if someone heckles you, they' re from the audience; on Twitter, if someone heckles you, th ey're ki nd of on th e same level as you as a performer. But t he great th ing about Twitter or Facebook is we're blogging after every night of our tour so we'll do a gig, write about it, and people who've been to the gig can read about it, and that's a real ly nice thing to do, actually communicate with people around the tour as wel l as actually in t he show. People become bigger fans so I enjoy t hat a lot. I like th e interaction.

What sort of comedy ·are you a fan of; mainstream stuff or stuff we might not have heard of?

structured th ei r show was ve ry infl ue ntial fo r us when we we re starti ng out. Also, quite old stuff, old movies like the Marx brothers, or Ben's a massive fan of Buster Keaton. Classic old schoo l entertainment really is quite influential as we ll.

Have they influenced Pappy's work?

We ll, maybe; Mat hew wears glasses and likes to talk a lot, Ben's quite sweet and is quite quiet on stage so we' re almost there!

What's next for you?

I t hink t he aim is to try and carry on tou ring fo r as long as poss ibl e. We've just come back from San Francisco, where we did a couple of gigs and that was really exciting. We' re planning on going to Sydney later on in the year just to try and travel round with the show and do as many gigs as poss ible. We're working on a TV script at the moment , it 's in deve lopme nt w ith t he BBC and that'd be great fun to do but at the moment we' re writing scripts for radio, telly and just keeping on doing what we do really. Just trying to get out there as much as poss ible.

Any last words for UEA students?

Any si lly stuff, I'm a big fan of very silly co medy.

I love Harry Hil l, I th ink t he way he's managed to take his su rrea l silly kind of comedy and cross it over into the mainstream is quite brilliant really.

There's an Ame rican sketch comedy show from the nineties ca lled Mr Show; the way they

If you want t o see people who also enjoy wasting their day in bed and then mucking about in the night time, then come along and see Pappy's, because that's kind of what we do.

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it is perhaps a sign of the times that the most fitting tribute to J.D Salinger's passing came not from the reams of newspaper obituary columns or the posthumous appraisals from hi s literati fo llowing, but f rom t he prod uce rs of The Simpsons ca rtoo n. In a 20th Ann iversary Simpsons documentary, aired only a few weeks before the author's death, the show's producers semi-joked that he was the one remaining figure that they had yet to coax into a guest spot. Undoubted ly a play on the writer's not orious latter-day seclusion, t he co mment seems nonethe less a testament t o his sp here of influence. Indeed, given the ca libre of figures previously caricatured into a yellow skinned , four fingered form, their now impossible intention to capture Sa linger's presence appears the ultimate accolade. it see ms strange th at a w rite r w hose lifeti me produ ced such a sca nt output co uld impact upon so many peo pl e. Salinger on ly published four books as an author, only one of those was a full length novel and the rest of his works consisted of short stories often anthologised in magazines. it is the full length that brought

him the most acclaim and perhaps deservedly so, for Catcher In The Rye is one of the few texts that can be befittingly ascribed w ith the title of seminal. it's an internationa l secondary school standa rd th at act ually speaks t o seco nda ry schoo l pupi ls, and, at almost sixty yea rs old, it is still vitally resonant and releva nt. Protagonist Holden Caulfield's endlessly winding journey through the streets of New York City speaks volumes about issues of self and direction, eclipsing w hat might be called t he frame of the t eenage co ndition and engaging with a w ider, almost universa l au di ence.

Eternal ly mythologized by his own absence from the public eye, or the endless conspiracy theories that will forever surround his most important work, it would be easy to cast Salinger, in death, as some mad, ivory tower he rmit. As wit h many creatives, however, it is perhaps not t he ma n that w e shou ld remember, but his art. He might not have trade d quips with Mr. Burns, but his seminal read still resonates, through Springfield, and beyond.

Alec Plowman

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UEA is encouraging us to try literature from a different continent.

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The emergence of a new programme that aims to integrate Arabic, English writers and literary translators is being launched in Egypt by the British Centre for Literary Translation (BCLT) situated here, at the University of East Anglia .

Following a highly successful programme for translators from and into Chinese, which began in 2007, the Middle East programme is the second phase of an ongoing project to export the BCLT and share the UEA-based expertise with a range of international partners.

Based on a curriculum developed by the Centre for Literary Translation, the scheme is designed to encourage more contemporary

lrrrRATUR£> U[A WRIT[R's CoRN[R> MALCOLM RRADDURY UEA has been host to many influential authors, most stemming from the MA in Creative Writing. The daddy of all of these writers, and the founder of the revered course, is Malcolm Bradbury; most famous for his satirical campus novel The History Man. Bradbury lectured in our very own Arts building from 1970 before his retirement in 1995, and taught some of our most well known graduates, including lan McEwan and Kazuo lshiguro. Despite the novel

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Arabic works to be made available to Western readers, and vice versa, whilst addressing the shortage of translators. lt also aims to support industry professionals looking to work with English and Arabic translators, "a really exciting development as it is the first ever amalgamation of Western and Arabic translators in such an intensive format," states the associate director of the BCLT Valerie Henitiuk, who is serving as consultant on the design and delivery of the programme. With a diverse cross section of authors such as novelist Nicholas Blincoe and playwright Mike Bartlett from the UK with Adania Shibli from Palestine, and Kamal Khalady from Morocco, "The main goal is to increase cultural exchange between the English-speaking and Arabic-speaking worlds, and we are excited to be working with mediums of both fiction and theatre." The participants will take part in intensive hands-on workshops translating fiction and theptre from Arabic to English and vice versa.

Organised by the BCLT and British Council, with support from Arts Council England, this innovative programme will be led by

not being his usual realm, mainly writing nonfiction works on the 'modern novel', it would be'a shame to go through your degree at UEA without picking up one of his works of fiction .

If you're looking to understand a little more about the campus novel or UEA writers, or just looking to read a great modern classic, The History Man is a good place to start. Many have suggested that the fictional town and university of Watermouth, where the novel takes place, is based on Brighton, but as a UEA

reader you can't help but notice and be a little unnerved by the inspiration our own campus plays; whether it be the man-made lake or the campus 'where the bricks melt in your brain'.

We may have moved beyond the Marxist and 'free love' ideals of the Watermouth campus, but it certainly provides a glimpse into the radicalism that the early 70s "Perpetuated on a campus, not unlike our own. Brad bury captures the libidinous and extreme left- win~ politics of protagonist Howard Kirk with such accuracy that it's difficult not to laugh, whilst breathing a sigh of relief that things have changed. For one, sociology is not the top subject in the UK anymore, and if a lecturer came on to his students so strongly as Kirk does there would be sexual harassment suits flying all over the place.

The legacy of Malcolm Bradbury and The History Man can be seen beyond the concrete walkways we roam today, whether it be in the work of his contemporary and colleague David Lodge, or merely the flippant manner we now use the term 'History Man'; we need look no further than Bennett's The History Boys. Bradbury had a keen eye and perfectly depicted the absurdities and complexities which come from being immersed in a pseudoforward thinking collective, which the new residential campuses of the 1960s breed.

Fiona Howard

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multinati~:mal translators Tony Calderbank, Taher Deeb, Zeinab Mubarak, and Paul Starkey, with lectures and seminars addressing various aspects of the theory, practice and business of literary translation . Featuring representatives from distinguished publishers, such as Penguin and Bloomsbury, as well as Egypt's National Literary Translation Centre and the American University in Cairo, this week-long residential course, which .is based on the internationallyrenowned BCLT Literary Translation Summer School at UEA, took place in Cairo from January 24-30.

Laura Riggs

The Alchemist by Paula Coelho holds the Guinness record for the most translated novel by a living author. Sold in 150 countries, it's one of the best selling books of all time. lt was originally written in the writer's native Portuguese.

Thomas Mann's 1912 famous novel Death in Venice was originally published in German as Der Tod in Venedig.

Milan Kundera's The Unbearable of Being is one of those books constantly be mentioned to you read it. lt was originally published

Lightness that will until you in Czech.

Mentioned in our alternative review of 2009, the English translation of Shahriar Mandanipour's Censoring an Iranian Love Story has recently made waves on the British publishing scene.

Spanish Gabriel Garda Marquez's novel One Hundred Years of Solitude is the best selling Spanish novel in modern history, though maybe overshadowed by the enduring classic Don Quixote.

BRITTEN ERICA One of the UK's finest chamber orchestras, Britten Sinfonia, with a diverse programme including a new work by wunderkind Nico Muhly (composer of the score for the film The Reader).

Featuring Ftnnish violinist Pekka Kuusisto and celebrated tenor Mark Padmore.

Student Offer: Top price seats for £5 Subject to availability

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Grow up in a small town Be the first to make it out Through the swamps that surround And the convenience of a small world.

Make it through your schooling With little troubles And frequently pen back to that small world Let them know you will make it.

Move your tassel from right to left and begin, Begin your ultimate demise.

Where the concrete that shoots into the sky And the buildings that never cry You rest your head on a pillow of money.

There is no swamp in sight The person next to you has no name and neither do you You are a three-piece grey suit with a pair of eyes, And you will not write back to that small world, That is possibly light years away by now.

Your years will go by, yet fade into one And your hair will begin to resemble a color similar to that of your suits Your skin will wrinkle and crack like a fallen leaf In the foliage of Vermont.

You won't have time for a mid life crisis, Instead you will spend your 50th birthday sipping extra dirty martinis With the other three piece suited executives And your face will tighten up at every sip like a child eating vegetables.

But you will persist and you will sip You are not there to enjoy You are there to impress, so you will sip.

And similar to your worldly change, you will change your palette You will acquire a taste ...

Too much of a taste.

You will sit in your corner office Overlooking a grey world occupied by greys You will stare at the second hand on your clock, As if each click were a grain of sand falling in your life's hourglass.

You will read 5 o'clock Go home, because your new lover awaits She sits tall and slender Her body is cold and smooth And she is a beautiful brown In the pantry she waits for you For you to engulf her And you will drink every last drop of her You will throw her empty body against the wall And watch her shards fall onto old photographs Photographs of your old life, Where there was color and beauty ... and life Look in the mirror and have your epiphany ...

PfRtORMANCÂŁ DI~I~SS RDI[\RS,\L Branches etch the film of ice on the studio window. A crow looks in, hopping and shrieking when I dance in my black tutu, trimmed with silver.

The ballet master says, you are its mother.

But in a crow's sky-knowing mind could I be so misconstrued?

Out of the blackest

cold-wet air, the crow seems molded.

The stars will not wake up to guide it back to the creek of shadows where it was formed. Practice, practice.

I am smoke in darkness, climbing away from a burning hut, in an otherwise empty field on which the fire is slight and low, and the rest of it is snow.

I feel I can fly The world can disappear My troubles can cease Fqr just one moment I am truly at peace.

Quickly now, stumble up those steep stairs of yours Run for the closet, your getaway awaits Your lover, she w~s only temporary, This is permanent Now reach for him.

Feel his cold body Look at his color.

He is grey, Yet a shiny grey He is metallic Taste him.

Next issue's theme: Bite him.

Lose yourself.

Email your submissions

Sandy Rowson

Chloe Honum

Bonds are made and words become song Worried at first, at such a theatrical leap The next step is taken and she sings along The performance is soon; dedication they keep.

And the seats they are filled as the curtains rise And the audience cheer and cry and care As lovers dance and she looks in his eyes The climax is reached; the crescendo is there But in time their play stops and comes to a close And the audience leaves, and with it the bliss.

Their efforts are done, he sees that she knows That without their stage, gone is their kiss.

Because the plays we played must always end And we can cry and shout and protest too much . But some words wound and never shall mend And forever they stay too raw to touch.

And these lines we learned have lost their meaning And these steps we stepped are no longer the trend And these songs we sang are mere idle screaming This dance we danced has come to an end.

Joe Doran

RI~L\l 'S I~ I DAN<T Because I dance doesn't mean that I am weak. lt doesn't mean that my "sport" is unimportant.

Because we (dancers) use tights and pink tutus.

Becuase we're dancers we sweat, and we work.

Because we're dancers simply means one thing; We work until we simply cannot work anymore.

We work until our feet bleed, and our muscles are torn.

True athletes work until they simply cannot anymore, And that is what dancing is all about.

Life is a performance.

A show in which we are never truly alive. ~e pretend to be things we are not.

A happy housewife, A content bachelor, A cheerful workaholic.

We have lives we do not want, and pretend to live them .

Never letting go of that mask that covers our face That hides the true emotions, Our true being.

The show must go on.

Sarah Forney

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Joshua Katz

lt begins with a stage where lovers can meet Placing themselves upon the cold ground They circle and learn how to place their feet Each unawares as to what they have found.

Then the lines are read through, shaky and.scared As neither knows how the other will act They rehearse the scene and comfort is shared As words are remembered and love becomes fact.

to: concrete.creativewriting@uea.ac.uk by the 18th February

And each day we wake To open that curtain to the audience And pretend to be what we are not And to live a 'perform' our lives.

Hannah Griffin

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JusT A SMALL ToWN GIRL...

Television's Glee mixtape offers an alternative to Journey playing endlessly on the radio and in your head.

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M.J.A.

After viewing the Glee cast smashing Saltn-Pepa's hip-hop classic Push it in the first episode, the show would benefit from tackling another hip-thrusting piece of non -power ballad, hip hop verse. So why not take on "All I wanna do is (Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Clckching!) and take ya money"?

Will, desperate for money to continue running Glee club, would lead with hood up, bling on, nodding to hi s own singing while serving food from the school cafeteria. An 'a cappella' version of Paper Planes shouldn't be too much of a push for the multi-talented vocalists, but with the gun-toting part of the dance sequence definitely sorted, the most interesting part of the performance would be whether or not the Gleesters choose to incorporate the obligatory Paper Planes head nod and butterfly hands.

Hannah Livingston

'l N[l:l) A Umo' - lloNNI[ T)'IJR lt has to be said, one of the best things about Glee is the awesome soundtrack. From classic

rock to Liza Minnelli, it can't be watched without the joy of hearing unexpected songs turned into amazing arrangements by the teeny-boppers to end all teeny-boppers.

As much as everyone loves the characters, there's no denying that all the men are pretty much dogs, so I propose this song by the Welsh queen of 80s hair. The song already has the musical theatre-esque "Doo doo doo doooooooo" sung by a choir, so an arrangement wouldn't be too unfaithful to the original masterpiece. As for someone to sing it, Emma is the obvious choice. She's hung up on a married man while dating a man she has no interest in- if anyone needs a hero in this show, it's her.

Micha Butler

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A lot of the major musicals have been covered already in Glee, from Cabaret to Wicked, yet many are still left wide open. While there will be little su rprise if Finn and Rachel end up performing High School Musical's Breaking Free, the song I would like to see performed is possibly the most predictable choice for a show like this: Seasons of Love from Rent.

With New Directions taking this on, ideally the solo parts would be given to Mercedes and Artie . There need not be a specific plot but it would be a perfect choice for region aIs. The song is so typically Broadway that it was performed the same way in the film as on the stage, and I would love to hear the cast's version as the song has Glee written all over it.

Karine Wach-Donovan

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The boys had the Acafella's so it's about time the three lead girls strut their vocal stuff.

You Can't Hurry Love, as sung by Rachel Berry, Mercedes Jones and Quinn Fabray (the Jewish girl, the black girl and the AII American girl - if you only know the show by its stereotypes) would be perfect for Glee. As the African-American, Mercedes would obviously have to take on the role of Diana Ross, and her voice would do more than justice to the song, especially when sugar coated by the sweet background "Ooh"s of two of the other best voices in the show.

The song manages to cover all three girls' individual plot lines. Rachel's continuous plight of unrequited love, the complete lack of interest any boys have shown Mer~edes (the show still having no racially compatible match), and Quinn Fabray's seemingly endless pregnancy.

Think of the montage possiblities!

Hasina Alien

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The really special moments in Glee are when a song takes you by surprise, (Amy Winehouse's Rehab never sounded so perky) which is why I personally would love to see New Directions cover Miss Murder, because it's both lyrically a great song and it has so much musical and comic potential for being adapted . It'll be challenging for the cast and writers, -but imagine it jazzed up in the style of Chicago and you'll understand it coul_d so und amazing.

The plot revolves around Will Schuester.

In a bid for more support from the sc hool he agrees to let the student body nominate and elect songs for New Directions to sing.

That results in the school's surprisingly large alternative rock clique taking it upon themselves to vote in AFI with a determination eclipsing the movement behind the· Rage Against The Machine Christmas number one. laura Liddell

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Following along the lines of the lively covers of Queen and Bon Jovi, I'd love to see the mash up of these Red Hot Chili Peppers songs to give the kids a bit more edge- ' proving themse lves' to their cooler Californian counterparts in an epic sing-off in the regionals (there's got to be hip Glee kids out there somewhere) . ' By the Way' opens, with Finn's voice and Artie's rapping isolated with the guitar in the background . The rest of the group would have to have a funky dance routine, to up their 'cred', but then show their amazing harmonising, centred on reigning queen Rachel, during the chorus . The 'Ca lifornication' part would need some kind of bitchiness to it, possibly involving a change of outfits mimicking stereotyped LA characters with a backdrop to suit. Imagine the theatrics of it all!

Glee excells at featuring a mixture of musical -

tunes and chart hits which are 'reinterpreted' for a new audience . With this in mind, I'd love to see this song - la st seen being mimed by Jose ph Gordon Levitt in (500} Dqys Of Summer - featuring on this brilliant new series. lt has a perfect upbeat sound, ideal for some swinging choreography; maybe some twists, sky reaches and Artie 's entertaining wheeling of the wheelchair to fit with the energetic and bubbly lyrics, as well as containing a fair share of 'Ooh-Ooohs' and backing vocal s to please those who find satisfaction in a well-placed harmony - which I definitely do .

Only Finn could si ng thi s song, and he'd obviously be singing it either about, or to, Rachel, because we know things can't work out between him and Quinn .

Natalie Stephenson

Georgina Pursey

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Alright, hear me out. The creator of Buffy, Joss Whedon, is set to direct an episode of Glee, and so in his episode Rachel (Dawn) ha s left New Directions because Sue (Sweet the demon) has poisoned 'her against them, playing on her feelings for Finn (Buffy) . Only Finn can persuade her to come back, but he too feels disillusioned with all his responsiblities. Kurt (Spike) is conflicted; he knows they wdn't win without Rachel, but still wants Finn for himself. Mr Schue (Giles) feels he should intervene against Sue, but is worried that he doesn't let his students fight their own battles. Artie (Xarider) and Tina (Anya) bicker and look on helplessly, and Mercedes (Tara) and Quinn (Willow) provide the diva filler.

Unless you're well versed in both, that will read like incomprehensible fan -fiction but it's about time Glee's show tunes got a bit more culturally relevant (Dreamgirls not-withstanding) .

Josh Butler

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MAIN t£ATUR£ Based on the novels by C.D. Payne, this is not a film for the faint-hearted. Michael Cera, famous for roles in Juno and Superbad, stars in another film about teenage boys and their struggles to both acquire a girlfriend and lose their virginity.

Cera plays Nick Twisp, a teenager who feels that everyone in his life, including his separated parents, is getting more action than he is.

He is the first character we are introduced to in the film, and it is a surprisingly humorous, -...._sexualised introduction at that, during the opening credits.

On a random vacation, Nick meets Sheeni and

After a gruesome shooting leaves his only daughter dying in his arms, Mel Gibson enrols on his usual non-stop pursuit of retribution. Martin Campbell maintains a dark and almost claustrophobic approach, by linking her death to a huge political cover up of a corrupt corporation that is manufacturing foreign nuclear arms. Whilst this progresses from the conventional personal vendetta plotline, Campbell really needed to tease out the full implications of this nuclear facility, leaving audiences to merely speculate upon wider issues concerning nuclear warfare and terrorism .

Interspersed throughout is slick and very well-acted

...

instantly falls in love. Sheeni provokes Nick's lust for her with such cliches as asking him to rub sun cream into her back, then commenting that 'it doesn't take a lot' to turn

"Twts).:> •s Jier- ego ).:>roves lo be an amusing and devilish charader" him on. Yet, just when Nick thinks he stands a chance, Sheeni reveals that she has a boyfriend called Trent, listing all the qualities she likes about him. This prompts Nick to create a fantasy girlfriend, who, among other qualities,

dialogue, particularly between Tom Craven (Gibson) and the archetypal hard man, Ray Winstone. Gibson's portrayal of an almost broken man also makes for compelling viewing, blurring the boundaries between justice and near insanity, generating his sympathetic and well-rounded character.

The hilarity of him struggling for breath after every minor scuffle shows that Gibson, at his age, can still pack a punch.

This is a powerful film, striking that perfect balance between sentimentality and action.

Paul Martin

8/10

is a lingerie model, obviously.

Nick's imagination later creates Francois, to win the attention of the alluring yet aloof Sheeni.

Fortunately, Twisp's alterego Francois Dilinger proves to be an amusing and devilish character, in contrast to his nerdy and desperate self.

Francois, self titled because of Sheeni's love for all things French, is a moustachioed, blue-eyed, smoking, seductive version of Nick, who is 'bad, very bad'. Francois manages to create devastation in Nick's life, by destroying both his parents' cars and setting fire to 'half of Berkeley' in an attempt to bring Nick and Sheeni closer together, yet things never

quite work out.

Scenes where Nick and Francois are both present are great sources of entertainment (and ambiguity). This is especially true in the bunk bed scene, where Nick is failing in persuading Sheeni to let him get into bed with her, so Francois decides to take over and proposition Sheeni with some ... interesting ideas. She is won over by his devilish charm and asks if that is what he really wants, which leads to Nick turning to Francois and pleading him to agree.

Abstract modes of filming, wh ich involve . a car drive-in, cut-out and pop-up images and floating, naked cartoon couples having sex which

Nick hallucinates after eating magic mushrooms, provide a change from the usual format.

The soundtrack remains charming and suited to the film throughout.

Most of the characters, despite quite a few potentially being considered cliche, such

as the serial dating mother and overprotective Christian parents, prove to be of a comical nature, and Carletta is certainly one not to be missed.

Tasha Percy

Precious is not trying to change the world. The title character is not discriminated against because she is black or poor, and only to a minor extent because of her weight.

This is the story of a girl born into horrifying circumstances, who, with the support she receives from society and the personal strength she discovers as a result, is able to change her life for the better.

For this reason it is one of the most uplifting films of recent

is truly shocking. Mo'Nique and Gabourey Sidibe certainly deserve the Oscar attention, but Mariah Carey's welfare officer is subtly the most powerful character in the film; her showdown with Precious' mother is breathtaking.

There are flaws; the switches between flashy edits and documentary style 'shaky-cam' are unforgivably jarring and amateur, and it seems to think that it's shedding new light on domestic abuse, which it isn't.

However, Precious is a deeply moving, highly personal story that should be applauded.

Duncan Vicat-Brown

Disney is back on the musical horse with a vengeance. The Princess and The Frog truly is top 2D animation, and is reminiscent of everyone's favourite musicals of the past.

The film is so beautifully animated that no special glasses are needed to become fully immersed in the storyline, and somehow believe the characters, despite their green and slimy exterior. lt is so moving that there will not be a dry eye in the cinema. lt is a beautiful love story, a magnificent tale of friendship, courage, and all those other feelings that make everyone feel warm.

The villain, the Shadow Man, is no match for past Disney villains as he was almost

a little too misunderstood to be bad. Having said that, the spirits of his voodoo are so dark that the film does not lack the bite that the old films have; the scenes of magic were almost as scary as the witch putting the spell on the apple in Snow White (although nothing can top that scene).

There really is nothing bad to say about it, unless someone has a problem with a prince who is foreign and speaks a made-up language.

This is the best Disney film for a long time.

Micha Butler

years; a sign that the world is not so cruel after all.

Her home is horrifying, shot in sickening hues and presided over by her terrifying mother, phenomenally portrayed by Mo'Nique. The abuse, both psychological and physical,

8/10

7/10

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tablet, kill the netbook, and perhaps the laptop while it was at it.

Of course, it's too early to say whether th is prophecy will realise itself (I predict not), but one thing is clear: the target market for the iPad is people who are very casual users of modern technology. Anyone who looks at computing with anyt hing deeper than face va lue shou ld not be interested in the iPad. What was expected was a computer in tablet form, or at least some kind of device that kept the same functionality as a netbook. What the iPad actually is, is a larger version of the iPod touch, except worse.

Usually when technology is downsized but maintains the same functionality and power,

the correct way to describe their approach on the iPad is more 'basic' and 'restrictive'. Perhaps one of the biggest nails in the coffin with the iPad OS is that you ca n not multi t ask. The average person on their netbook or even their smartphone typically has multiple programs running at once. To list a few, you may be

a netbook or other tablet PCs. This means you cannot watch videos, unless they are on YouTube, a site Apple's developers have been fo rce d to suppo rt. Say good bye to watchi ng the news on CN N, or watching your TV shows on Hulu, using Face book application and games in general. You can't even load flash based

it gets more expens ive - the prime examp le bei ng la ptops. Appl e have defi ed thi s law of the universe, having upsca led something that already exists and wanting to charge two to four times more.

The iPad has no desktop Operating System (OS). Th is tab let actua lly runs the same OS as the iPhone - this is not a joke. lt is an entirely closed operating system, with no freedom - in a time where open source software is valued. lt is enti rely wrong to t hin k of it in th e sa me light as a laptop with Windows/Mac OSX/Linux installed on it. Apple's spin on this is that they value 'simplicity', but rather than being simple,

listening to music while talking to a friend on th e IM progra m of your choice, whi le su rfin g t he internet in your browse r program, while looking through your system files in your directories (a feature of open desktop OS that the iPad does not have). On an iPad, you can choose to do on ly one of these things, and t he programs (o r apps in Apple-speak, as they were pretentious enough to rename it) you use can only come from the closed and regulated app le-run store, aga in limiting your choices.

The iPad has no Adobe Flash. This means you can browse an entire SO% of the internet, as opposed to the 100% of the internet on

graphs. The defence argued by the iPad fans is th at give n ti me, th e internet wi ll evo lve beyo nd Flash because the market will adapt to t he iPad and developers will want to meet the needs of the iPad using ma rket. This is ridiculous ly opti mistic fo r t he iPad, and suggests t hat in stead of the iPad software adapting to t he market to use flash, the market should adapt to the iPad. Something is truly bizarre when the sea needs to adapt to the fish that jumped in it, ra th er tha n vice versa. Flash w ill not be goi ng anywhere for a long, long time.

For the high price, you would expect it but the iPad has no camera. This means no video

conferenc ing, and no photos. How important t his is needs not be explai ned. The iPad has no ports other than the same connector as the iPod Touch. This is mind boggling. There is no VGA, HDMI or, most staggeringly, standard USB. Thi s mea ns that it can not stand alone wi t ho ut a desktop or laptop PC. The iPad has no true HO. Its screen resolution is small considering its size and price. lt can't support 720p videos and it ca nnot support mkv format videos (the current sta ndard for high qua lity video tiles).

The iPad has no physical keyboard. However much onscreen keyboard software improves, a physical keyboard for something this big w ill always be superior. The iPad has bare ly anything.

The product does not fill any discernable gap in the market: it fails at being a Smartphone; it's too big; it fai ls at be ing a laptop, it has nowhere......--near th e same functional ity - for t he same price or less a windows laptop will let you do worlds more; it fails at being an e-reader, it's too expensive, the screen is not EPD (electronic paper display) and so it w ill hu rt your eyes over time. The iPad doesn't even run a real operating system. lt can't connect to your TV, it can' t browse the internet properly, it can't play real games - as opposed to laptops and net books, w hi ch ca n run most ga mes perfectly fin e, and you can ' t manipulate the OS. If you want a tablet, buy an existing one or, like me, wait until you see something that gives you reason to put down you r laptop or netbook. If the iPad did not have the apple logo on the back of it, it's doubtful it would be taken.. seriously. Some have even joked that to create the iPad Apple simply took four iPod Touches and taped th em together. Th is could be App le's first serious mistake, since the iPad seriously sucks. lt just does.

Richard Joslin

and close friend, Wayne Bridge.

The revelation led to Katie and Peter-style "Team Terry" and "Team Bridge" fan groups, and t he brill iant "Why Didn't John Terry Slee p With Ashley Cole's Mrs?" and "I've Slept With Tiger Woods, Then I Had A Bit of John Terry..

Who Next?".

These groups become a place not only to share jokes, and , in some cases, show appreciation for John Terry's ' player ' status (pun intended), they are also a place to post links to articles, other groups and websites that would be amu sing to the group's members.

Though the material for these groups is

usually -derived from the sensational celebrity exclusives of weekend rags such as the News of the World, Facebook has become the for um for pub lic opin ion over suc h stories.

Though the sheer number of these groups being created often detracts from their impact collectively (a notable example being "I Bet This Sausage Can Get More Fans Than Cheryl Co le"), they still provide an ins ight into the reaction of the Facebook community - fa st becoming synonymous with the general public- to events in the news, no matter how superficial. What better way to show approximately 500 of your closest friend s your attitude s toward s adultery?

If you happen to have been stranded in a dese rt fo r last week an d a half, you may not have hea rd that on January 27th Apple announced their new device; the iPad. it's a tablet computing device, and due to the iPhone 'revolutionising' the phone market, expectati ons fo r t he iPad were so high they were practica lly piercing the heavens. The iPad was expected, especially from the hordes of Mac fanboys, to be some sort of celestial device sculpted by the divine hand of God thro ugh t he medi um of Steve Jobs that would proceed to usher in the age of the

John Terry ... What a Laaaaaaaaaaacll Wall

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Gone are the days when celebrity gossip lasted as long as a cup of tea . Facebook has become the ultimate outlet for people to express their mirth at the misdemeanours of the rich, famous and stupid. John Terry is the latest victim of irksome group make rs...

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The recent extra -marital antics of the now exEngland captain John Terry was a candy shop of hilarity fo r those who revel in creating Face book groups at the expense of shamed ce lebrities, following Tiger Woods as the bait for online mockery.

Facebook groups are a place for pub banter on such tab loid treasures to be shared, and for the cultivation and communication of many a joke. This particular group, "John Terry...What a Laaaaaaaaaaad !" is named after the very words leaving the lips of News of the World readers, after the paper alleged that John Terry had an affair with the girlfriend of former team -mate

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<GAMING> < Rrn£ws > From the get-go BloWare, developer of the Mass Elftct series, revealed th t the games would In f et be trilogy meaning that at the end of the original players were holding their breath for part two, nd here lt Is; finally. As sequels In trilogies go, Mass Elftct 2 could have easily flopped hard nd fast Into the ground for a poor narrative and a complet lack of Innovation, which still wouldn't x ctly be a bad thing, considering the original Mass Effect was so good. This sequel, however, do s v rythlng Its predecessor did and more. lt refines all the problems and Issues whilst adding a new layer of depth to the proceedings.

Mass Effect 2 (ME2), just like Its prequel, Is a western-developed Role Playing Game (RPG) set In space, specifically within the Milky Way gal xy. ME2 takes place two years after the end of the original. To the people of the galaxy, Commander Shepard Is now killed In action, however, that Is not the case. Now you are tasked with assembling a team to head on a suicide mission to save the human race. Depending upon your actions, Shepard may or may not survive Into ME3. The story may sound rather cliche for a Sci-FI RPG game, however the script Is very well written, especially given the multiple dialogue options available, and Is peppered with wonderful Interactions with NPCs (None Playable Characters, I.e. shopkeepers, general populous etc.), and your actions within the world reflect upon how your team acts toward you. The game world Is massive allowing you to explore multiple solar systems and nebula clusters and, most Importantly with any RPG game, the universe and lore holds up well and manages to explain just about everything you come In contact with.

What makes the key elements of the game

so appealing Is how well refined they have become . Just like before conversations are a joy, the character acting Is superb and engrossing and the use of the Ingenious conversation wheel makes the experience uncluttered, unlike many other RPGs. The conversation wheel Is pretty much what lt sounds like; a wheel at the bottom of the screen that Is divided Into six different responses to choose from. These responses range from polite to rude, calm to angry, diplomatic to confrontational, and there are also the questions that help you Investigate further for your mission. The entire experience Is all easily and seamlessly done. Travelling around the massive space map has again been refined from Its predecessor to the point where moving between solar systems Is now as simple as moving within, which Is very easy, and moving from nebula to nebula just requires the use of the 'Mass Relay' jumps that populate the area. However the most radical change comes from completely changing how Its key features

worked . Gone now are the excruciatingly boring planet exploration missions where you would traverse a dull wasteland In the Mako (a moon exploration vehicle), In Its place Is the occasional mission that has been fleshed out to the point of being a stand alone mission and they actually have Impact upon how your team acts towards you . Gone are the regularly dull fire fights with clumsy and clunky movement and cover, Instead lt was replaced by a streamline fighting system that makes almost every other third person shooter out there look terrible. Also featured is a new function for scanning planets for resources to help further research and level up weapons and Items; this makes every planet, even completely dull ones, Interesting to view just to see what you can acquire.

The only gripe with the entire game Is how it continues straight on from the original; now for many this wont be a problem as, no doubt, a lot of people will be taking their original character from the first game and so will know all the alien

races, the tension between the Council races and the Human race and will understand what's going on. For many, though, it will be their first experience of Mass Effect, and maybe even their first RPG, and so will find themselves dropped In at the deep end having to either trawl through the countless codex pages that fill In the backstory, or Instead choose to push on and have little Idea of what Is happening and the Impact of the story, and when playing an RPG like Mass Effect 2 the story Is everything. Ultimately this game has such a long llfespan that even after 12 hours after it's likely players won't have even scratched the surface of the main storyllne; tHis game Is begging to be played and deserves to be, however If you haven't played the original don't start playing this until you have experienced the first otherwise Its genius will be completely lost on you .

Vaughn Hlghfleld Available on: PC, 360 Price: £35 (PC) I £50 {360}

-Good story line and great script -Graphically impressive with a massive world -Player-driven plot -Greatly improved galactic exploration -Much improved action

ll\11 Sttll -Quite a lot of loading to sit through -Possi bly conf using without original ga me -Scanning planets can become tedious

9/ 10

GADGITRY> tiVI tRI];: IPIION[ AND 1Poo Touc11 APPs I

There are as many as 134,000 Apps available for dow nload from t he Apple Store. Some are useful, some are fu n and some are a complet e waste of time. Here are five of my personal favourit e free apps for t he !Phone and IPod Touch.

1. eReader Pro from Barnes & Noble This handy little app lets you access the world's largest digital depository of books as well as "Project Guttenberg", effectively turning your iPhone into an eReader to rival Amazon's Kindle or the significantly more expensive iPad. 2. Book-M ovl.es This is a really fantastic app, which makes use of the !Phone's GPS feature to identify the nearest cinemas within 5, 15 or 50 miles, and seamlessly offers you a listing of all available fi lms on, their times and forwards you to a booking form . This

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coupled with the Rotten Tomatoes app are a must have for any movie buff.

if you're stuck waiting at a bus stop for a few minutes.

3. BubbleWrap Does exactly what it says on the tin. Your iPhone screen is filled with bubble wrap and you have 45 seconds to pop as many of them as possible . lt includes a very satisfying popping noise with every bubble you hit and there are hidden bonuses among the bubbles. A relatively simple app but it's guaranteed to keep you entertained

4. BBC Reader This gives you direct access to the BBC news site re-packaged and seamlessly crafted for use with your iPhone. In particular the slideshow function, which allows you to flick through the headlines in the same way as you would with your album artwork is a novel way to view the news.

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5. IDaft 2 A fun little game to play with yourself and others, it is simply a screen with sound bite samples from two Daft Punk songs, that offers you the chance "to become the next member of Daft Punk" by either trying to keep up with the beat or making your techno master piece.

Lochlainn Coyne

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RocK &CHIPS

So what was that? That's pretty much what we're all wondering. We were promised a oneoff prequel to Only Fools and Horses featuring all the fabled events of Del Boy's adolescence and what we got was an hour-a nd -a-half kitchensink melodrama. Where were the jokes? There are more laughs in the worst episodes of Life on Mars - and come to think of it, even a couple from Ashes to Ashes.

There's a lot to be said about what 's wrong with Rock & Chips, Nicholas Lyndhurst playing the man 't hat fathered his Only Fools character, Rodney, being high on the list. Granted, he obviously looks like he could be Rodders' dad, and the wooing of Joan Trotter had quite a quaint Back to the Future air to it. it is only

One of the frayed threads to emerge from the production of Screenwipe, Newswipe refocuses Charlie Brooker's stream-of-spleen to the absurdities of twenty-four hour news. Relayed in-part via a budget mock-up of a riverside news studio (mock being the operative word) and the same darkened living room seen in Screenwip e, it is an unashamedly vitriolic example of televised vaudeville - complete with talkingheads occasiona lly lunging into the spotlight to sati rise our obsession with 'what's been going on'.

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when it comes to the actual act (a literal bit of 'how's your father') that you realise th at the whole conceit has been a terrible mistake and you ju st want to look away from th e ensuing Oedipal mess. That aside, there 's Jay from The lnbetweeners playing Del Boy when he was still a boy (and unfortunately playing him exact ly like Jay), set design altogether too shiny and new for the 'it's grim down sou th ' concept and the slight difficulty that the origina l series (not including Christmas specials) ended 19 years ago; the endless in-jokes that Rock & Chips lives off fly over all but the most seasoned of heads.

That being said, this venture was not necessarily a mistake. Take away all the cheekychappy misdemeanours and it has at its heart a sweet, melancholy drama of 60s London . it's not particularly clever, and it doesn't offer any new or insightful untold stories, but what it does, it does quite well. it's the kind of bearable costume drama that is set decades after bonnets and corsets but is no less qualified to offer a w in dow on the way things were.

No one roll s over a squad car, no-one is called 'Lady something' and very few of the laughs are hearty sitcom bel ly-laughs but there's someth ing here that feels quite genuine- even if most of its viewers are far too young to say with any authority whether it actually is.

Josh Butler

In last week's second episode of the new

earthquake as a frame through which to expose the 'fluff' pieces that so often prove to be the last laugh of the news; lightweig ht handbags, miniature dogs and brain-mapping all make appearances against the backdrop of piled bodies on the streets on Port-au-Prince. Anothe r leader is how th e BBC, ITN and Sky managed to prop up Anjem Choudary's lslam4UK 'publicity stunt ' through constant reportage and analysis, and inviting the man himself on to successive studio sofas to argue the toss with enraged socia l commentators.

As usual with Brooker, much of hi s

series, Brooker uses the tragedy of the Haitian

interesting material is masked by near-endless

No. I DoN'T wANT No sc~URS In order to articulate why I hate Scrubs, I will quote a far supe rior American comedy, Family Guy: 'You ever watch that show Scrubs? Lois had it on the other night, and I was kinda fading in and out, you know. I wa s watching and wondering ..... which one is the funny guy?'

Peter Griffin identifies the crux of my argument: Scrubs is just not funny. If I take the concept of a sitcom - a si tuation comedy - the show fails on both counts. Its hospital setting is ridiculou s to say the least and as for the comedy, or lack thereof, juvenile would be an undeserved com pliment. I like juvenile humour.

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Seth MacFar lane is now, without question, the dominant force behind US anima ted sitcom.

He accounts for three of the country's biggest shows of their kind, and with King of the Hill now a distant memory, Matt Groening would be forgiven for feeling nervous. Sadly however, whilst Family Guy and American Dad! have been runaway successes, The Cleveland Show is disappointingly average.

Cleveland may be a likeab le character on Family Guy but, as Joey Tribbiani proved, th at doesn't necessarily mean a spin -off show is a good idea. Instead of creating a fresh, orig in al show, MacFarlane and co have simply copy and pasted their most popular show and put one of the less-developed characters in the driving seat. Cleveland Jr. is basically Chris Griffin with glasses, Tim the Bear is the token subBrian animal character, and, most shamelessly obvious of all, talking toddler Rallo Tubbs is just Stewie Griffin with an afro. The only originality comes from Cleveland's new step-daughter Rob erta being a popul ar, asse rtive antithesis to Griffin teen Meg. As for Cleveland himself, he is hardly a riveting protagonist . On his parent show he's good for a few throwaway moments and th e occasional sub-p lot, and it is good to see him get a bit more development here, but t he painfully obvious fact of the matter is that he's just not interesting enough to carry his own sarcasm and the kind of snide invective that sounds like a disclaimer against sincerity.

For examp le, a genuine ly in sightful piece on attribution (and the apparent lack of it in the British media) by journalist Heather Brooke is undermined by a self-consciously awkward closing remark meant to shift the tone from the sublime back to the ridiculous. But perhaps that 's due to us being acc lim atised t o the weirder alternative of a newsreader's sourfaced condolence changing to a rictus grin with the flick of an autocue . Satire always stays close to its target, so it makes sense for Brooker to flick between coverage of the 'Week in Bullshit' and th e horrors of a broken Haiti -a fter all, the real news does something simi lar all the time.

Sensationalism and sanctimony don't

show.

The jokes are, unsurprisingly, crude and boundary-pushing. MacFarlane does provocative humour very well, but there's something about the show that just feels messy. Controversial gags are al l we ll and good when used in a cleverly plotted context, or when making a biting satirical point- in ot her words, when the show is already on a roll but when mixed with unorigina l characters, storyl ine s and scripting, they're not quite so im pressive.

Granted, it may be unfair to judge The Cleveland Show in direct relation to its parent sitcom, but when it's so underwhelming in comparison you have to question how worthwhile the whole project is. it's sti ll early days and there's plenty of time for the show to find its feet, but at th e mom ent it 's simply not looking promising.

Shaun Kitchener

deserve deference, only mockery. More often than not, Newswipe proves to be the poke in the eye that the news industry needs, a timely reminder that a news story is on ly as big as its headline.

Duncan Nichols

She hates it, he loves it . Housemates Grace Simpson and Matt Sladen take their remote control battle from the sofa to the soapbox ...

I don't like the juvenile JD. As a character, he is quite frankly nauseating.

On the subject of vomit, it is the sentimentality of Scrubs that really makes the sho w's mishaps on the comedy ward unforgiveable. Bathos is a malady suffe red by most American comedies but Scrubs has managed to make this the basis for nine irksome series. Yes, I know that JD and Turk love each other, I'd rather not watch the saccharine, melodrama of their relationship.

Even the theme tune makes me grind my teeth. Scrubs' imminent cardiac arrest cannot come quick enough .

Almost al l long running comedies continue to be produced years after they have reached their zenith and the latest season of Scrubs, minus protagonist JD, is very disappointing. However, the first seven series of Scrubs were a unique innovation on the sitcom genre and the show's continued popularity is a testament to this.

The key to Scrubs' appeal is JD; the audience's access to his interior monologues allows an empathy with the character that is not avai lab le in conventional sitcoms. By following JD through his work, surreal fantasies and farcical escapades, it is difficult not to become

attached to the doctor and the peripheral cha racters he becomes attached to.

JD's unique relationship with each of these characters allows for episodes to feature incredib ly non -li near plots, ranging from the hilarious to deeply moving and the se scenes are often built upon and extended through multiple series of the show.

The very fact a single show can contain such con trasting emotions and stories, kom episode to episode and even sce ne to sce ne creates a perfect balance between pathos and bathos and is a major reason behind why Scrubs is the best show on television.

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American adaptation of a popular Janapese manga series. Created by the Osamu rezuka, Astro Boy is the story of a robotic boy (voiced by Freddy Highmore), created by grieving scientist Doctor Tenma (Nicholas Cage) as a replacement for his lost son, Toby. Unable to accept Astro instead of Toby, Doctor Tenma and his colleague Doctor Elefun (Bill Nighy) cast Astro out to find his place in the word.

Astro Boy has impressive visuals; the animators have adapted the style of the original anime to work with computer generated graphics.

The voice work, however, is not so good. The film boasts

Parker's glance, adaptation of Oscar Wilde's classic novel The Portrait of Dorian Gray, seems to be little more than a sexed-up blockbuster, intended to appeal to the · legions of Twilight fans who crave the kind of romanticised gothic tales that have become all too common lately. Fortunately, Dorian Gray succeeds in separating itself from the genre.

The film follows the young Doriar;1 Gray (Ben Barnes) as he enters the London social scene,

an impressive cast featuring Kirstin Bell, Samuel L. Jackson and Donald Sutherland as well as Cage, Highmore and Nigh. While a robotic Jackson can never be a bad thing, Bell sounds too old to be a believable teenager and the less said about Cage's voiceover the better.

The storyline is simple enough for its target audience to follow, while beirrg surprisingly adult-like in the themes it explores. However, sadly the film's humour is as poorly -crafted and rusty as the robot junk heaps it depicts.

Bert Wardlow

5/10

to never age and proceeds to embrace the darker activities available to him. Barnes' portrayal of Dorian as an island of naivety, surrounded by the corrupting filth of late 19th Century London is well done for the most part, though his performance does at times feel a little forced. His later descent into corruption happens rather abruptly, but remains entertaining nonetheless. lt is Colin Firth, however, who attracts the real attention

Julian Temple's latest music Wilko Johnson; guitarist and documentary tells the story of . songwriter for Dr. Feelgood.

Canvey Island pub-rock band With much of the history told Dr. Feelgood, from busking from his point of view, it is outside pubs in Oil City, to the this perspective combined height of their fame, playing with the unusual compilation huge gigs in London and of actual footage that makes the film both interesting and America.

Emphasising the strength of entertaining.

Whilst a little slow at times, their live shows, this detailed film shows the profound Oil City Confidential is touching effect Dr. Feelgood had on and entertaining, with the young musicians such as Joe band's memories of events prominent throughout. Unlike Strummer and Johnny Rotten.

With wild performances, a other fans-only documentaries, hardworking attitude and a Oil City Confidential is original love for music, Dr. Feelgood's and entertaining enough to be influence on punk-rock is very of interest to anyone with a love for music. clear.

Whilst covering all the Liam Pritchett important aspects of the band's career, the real focus of this film is the witty and charming

Clint Eastwood directing a rugby film seems like an unlikely scenario, especially when the film's target American audience are mostly indifferent to the sport. However, a back story involving race that is not all that dissimilar to America's own past, including Morgan Freeman excelling in a role that he was almost born to play, and suddenly it is no longer such an implausible idea.

The film follows the aftermath of Nelson Mandela's (Freeman) election victory and the rugby World Cup, held in South Africa in 1995. The Springboks (who have, until recently, been excluded from international sport) are huge underdogs in the tournament.

Mandela, however, sees

as the bitter, disillusioned Lord Henry; he provides both comic relief and a constant stream of refreshingly intelligent cynicism. Dorian Gray is a film that oozes atmosphere and successfully brings to life the kind of decadence Wilde no doubt had in mind when he wrote the original.

a relationship with a vitriolic and wealthy businessman (Jos Luis Gmez). This quickly crumbles when Lena gains a part in a film by Mateo Blanco {Homer). While filming, the working relationship quickly becomes sexualised, leading to the inevitable testing of friendships, bursting of egobubbles and even a smidgen of violence from an old man. The film is quite sensual though, epitomised by Homer's strong performance as a recently blinded man, recovering from

success as the final piece in uniting a divided country. lnvictus is best described as a sports-epic, but enough goes on elsewhere to appeal to non-fans of the game as well. Mandela's security guards are used to great effect in displaying how the World Cup brought the races together.

The cinematography used for the rugby scenes is superb and rarely overplayed. Like Slumdog Millionaire, lnvictus manages to combine tension, emotion and humour to create a feel good film from ·an otherwise desperate situation.

Mlchael Blunt

7/101

Joe Doran

8/10

Almod6var has once again whispered to the cinematic world. Reuniting with Penelope Cruz, ·Broken Embraces displays approximately 18 million dollars worth of melodrama consisting of love, misogynistic revenge and numerous secrets.

Utilising the acting skills of Lluis Homar (Bad Education) and Blanco Portillo, {Volver), Almod6var constructs a jigsaw of passion, betrayal and servitude out of a strong cast. Lena (Cruz) is engaged in

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his loss of sight.

The special features take this to a new level, including a deleted scene featuring a restaurant that forces diners to eat in complete darkness.

Less emotional and thought provoking than Bad Education, it is however a lambent drama with some notable cinematography.

Jack Burrows

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Without a doubt, Martin Scorsese's latest film venture will always be an eagerly anticipated event. Shutter Island is ·certainly no exception to the rule, as the immediate buzz of interest surrounding this film has long since been whipped into a frenzied hype.

Over the autumn period this was he ightened even further by the studio's decisior] to push

Before Avatar, 3D techno logy was pretty tame.

Flimsy cardboard glasses and cliche techniques of chainsaws popping out of the cinema screen left audiences entertained but unsure.

The waters were tested prePandora with Journey to

the release date back from 2nd October 2009 to 18th February 2010 due to th e economic climate. After the diversion from his usu al style with the bio-flick Shine A Light, Scorsese seems to be stu bbornly staying away from his favoured gangster genre with th is dark thriller.

Shutter Island takes us back to 1954 wh ere U.S. Marsha l Teddy Daniels (Leonardo DiCaprio) and his partner (Mark Ruffalo) decide to iiwestigate Boston's remote Shutter Island.

Their case revolves around a missing patient from the mental in stitution - Ashec liffe Hospital. However, when a hurricane hits th e island, the pair find themselves stranded w ith no communication from the outside world. Faced with mentally unstable patients breaking out, facts and clues failing to add up and a very strange head of hospital (Ben Kingsley), Teddy soon begins

*The nominations for the 2010 Oscars were announced on the 2nd February. The two films that lead the field are The Hurt Locker and Avatar with nine nominations each. The ten films competing for the Best Picture award: Avatar, The Blind Side, District 9, An Education, The Hurt Locker, lnglourious Basterds, Precious, A Serious Man, Up in the Air and Up. *Actors facing off against each other in the Be~t Actor category include Golden Globe winner Jeff Bridges for Crazy Heart, Morgan Freeman for

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to doubt everything he knows; even his own san ity.

A quick overview of the components that make up Shutter Island would have few peop le doubting that Scorsese should have another hit on his hands. The screenplay is based on the New York Times bestse ller novel by Dennis Lehane, author of Mystic River and Gone, Baby, Gone, both of which became Academy Award-winning films. Cinemagoers can t herefore expect a strong plot line with plenty of twists and turns .

The cast chosen to bring this tale to life include some of Hollywood's stron gest contencfers . The performance given by Leonardo DiCaprio has alrea dy been pegged by many critics as Oscar worthy and his finest to date. lt may well be worth check ing this film out for his performance alone. There has also been a circulation of positive press on the supporting roles, chiefly in regard to Michelle William s's

role as Teddy Daniel's wife and Ben Kingsley's as the chief of the hosp ital. In particular, online movie fanatics have been raving about Scorsese's ab ility to draw out the best of Kingsley's acting abilities_ Finally, in terms of cinematography, Shutter Island sees Scorsese reunited with Robert Richardson (a favourite with both him and Tarantino) to create some visually stunning shots using grey filters to reflect the mysterious air of the island.

Whether Scorsese has managed to bring these components together effectively and maintained the same level of genius he has produced in the past rema ins to be seen. Certainly, Scorsese fans may be surprised if they head to the cinema expecting something in the same vein as their favourites from t he auteur; but audiences need not fear disappointment. lorna Pontefract

hi s role as Nelson Mandela in lnvictus, George Clooney in Up in the Air, Jeremy Renner in The Hurt Locker and Col in Firth

in A Single Man. *Meryl Streep has gained a record breaking 16 Oscar nominations with this year's acknowledgment for Ju/ie and Julia. Other nominees for Best Actress include Sandra Bullock in The Blind Side and Helen Mirren in The Lost Station. *Director of the

The

Hurt

Locker - Kaihryn Bigelow, is

in competition with her exhusband James Cameron

in the directing category. Other Best Director nominees: Lee Daniels for Precious, Jason Reitman for Up in the Air, and Quentin Tarantino for lnglourious Basterds.

(Avatar)

Monsters versus Aliens, but

it was not until Avatar that the 3D industry was given someth ing to orbit around.

Cinema-goers have had a taste of th e future in film-making, and the contin ued sold out theatres and queues indicates that they want some more .

Luckily for th em, the line-up for 2010 suggests they wi ll not have to wait too long, as 2010 is shaping up to be a threedimensional decade.

Last year Odeon and UCI cinema raised over £35 million for upgrades to their cinemas in preparation for the 3D revival.

Cineworld, the operator with the most screens in the UK, also made plans for the coming surge in new technology. The eclectic group of releases this year is certain to override the rises in ticket costs, with a 3D film coming out almost every month. First to hit screens this February is Battle for Terra, a CGI film, which, if the trailer is anything to judge by, looks like a low-budget 'rip off' of Avatar.

However, March follows with two potential classics. Tim Burton's A/ice in Wonderland is headed by a strong cast, including Stephe n Fry as th e Cheshire Cat, while the makers of Shrek also hope to fire up their magic with their release of How to Train Your Dragon.

Also set to be a big launch is Tron Legacy, which mixes live action with CGI. A sequel to the 1982 film Tron, the release date is yet to be confirmed.

Similarly the date for Piranha 3D has been set back, the film co nsists of ravenous fi sh snapping at beautiful people in very little clothing_ On the other side of the scale, lmax offers Hubble 3D, hoping to prove the size of the universe can be comprehended with 3D spectacles.

Avatar still stands its ground as the ultimate 3D experience and is set to· not rest quietly, with James

* Michael Haneke's Pal me d'Or winning The White Ribbon (Germany) faces competition

and the Frog and The Secret of

from the likesof Ajami (Israel), The Milk of Sorrow (Peru), A Prophet (~ranee) and The Secret of Her Eyes (Argentina) in the Best Foreign Language fi Im category.

*Nominees for Best Documentary Feature include: Burma VJ, The Cove, Food In c., The Most Dangerous Man in America: Daniel Ellsberg and the Pentagon Papers and Which Way Home.

*In a particularly strong year for animation, the films in the running for the Best Animated Feature award include Pixar's Up - only the second animation to be nominated for Best Picture as well. This will go up against: Coraline, Fantastic Mr. Fox, The Princess

Kells.

*The technical awards are rather predictably dominated

by Avatar. Cameron's picture has picked up nominations for Art Direction, Cinemiltography, Editing, Sound Editing, Sound Mixing and Visual Effects.

Cameron confirm ing it w il l become a trilogy. Cynics calling the Navi a race of smurf hippies can still not find problems with Cameron's brilliant use of 3D technology. lt offers a gateway into another world; pure escapism as never experienced before.

Nevertheless, the new technology offers a blank canvas for film makers to play around with, all competing to create a new masterpiece.

3D technology will not be just confined to the cinema.

TV manufacturers Sony, Panasonic, LG and Samsung are launching their lines of 3D tel evisions this year.

Estimated at £200-£300 more than plasma sets, the companies have predicted a significant interest, estimating sa les of 2.2 million pounds, while television broadcasters are jumping onboard with particular emphasis on sport. Sky television's first 3D broadcast was well received on Sunday 31st January with football fans in 3D glasses cheering on the Arsenal versus Manchester match.

Sky programming hopes to have a 3D service running

by June 11th for the World Cup, and the channel will also offer a selectio n of films and enterta inment.

Catherine Watts

* The Original Song category finds Randy Newman garnered with two sepa rate nominations for Disney's The Princess and the Frog. Songs from Crazy Heart, Nine and Paris 36 are also in competition. Musical nominations in the Original Score category: Avatar, Fantastic Mr. Fox, The Hurt Locker, Sherlock Holmes, and Up. The awards ceremony will take place on the 7th March and will be hosted by Alec Baldwin <Jnd Steve Martin.

Luke Nash

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ToUR 2010

When the Kerrang! wagon rolled onto UEA campus this month, The Event were on hand to chat tour antics and DIY ethics with cheeky Welsh boys The Blackout, and etectro-edgy My Passion frontman, Laurence Rene ...

THE RLACI(()l TT>>> How have the shows been so far?

Rhys: Great! The do!Jble show in Dublin was crazy.

Sean: Southampton was really good, except I injured myself. I hit my head on a mic stand for a laugh, hoping that I would bleed. I ended up covered in blood, it was awesome! People thought I was dying.

The fan reactions seem to be bordering on hysterical...

S: The kids are absolutely nuts! I think they're at the age where they just l.ove everything, they're so open to it all. When you get a bit older you turn jaded and think: "Eurgh, I hate this band.

I hate the fat blonde one. I hate the Welsh."

But the kids who come to the Kerrang! shows are brilliant, and not too creepy yet. There will always be the single strange one that stands next to you without saying a word. Just smelling you. vou toured with Young Guns, My Passion or All Time low before? How are you all getting along- any rivalry?

R: We've played the odd show with Young Guns before, and partied with My Passion in Amsterdam and All Time Low in London.

S: There's no rivalry or hatred ... yet. We're working on it. The other day, Jack from All Time Low came in to our dressing room with his cock Ha\le

out and a piece of cucumber on the end of it, and said, "I've got a new hat!" I then followed him back to his dressing room, he threw the cucumber at me ... and I caught it and ate it. The look on his face .. .

R: They're the sort of band to play tricks and stuff so we thought we'd better wait until the end of the tour, just in case if kind of escalates out of control.

S: I just wanted to show them from day one that there's nothing they can do that'll shock me. I'll shock them.

2009 was a huge year for the Blackout. What were your greatest personal achievements?

R: We earnt a wage for the first time, that was nice.

S: it was nice when the singles came out to actually hear them on the radio. Radio 1 played Save Our Selves a fair bit, and my mother would call me every time as if I were playing it live!

R: The Live Lounge was the biggest thing we've ever done. it was awesome, and the acoustic show the following night also went really well.

We've got a great team behind us now, so the cogs are finally moving.

What about negative press? Some reviews have branded you as "just another lostprophets."

How would you defend yourself?

How have you been finding the tour so far?

What can we expect from tonight?

So far, it's been the best thing we' ve been a part of since we formed the band . it's a great line-up. All the bands are different, but every night there's been a vibe from the crowd .. . they're here for the Kerrang! tour because it's an event in itself, as well as for the bands that are on the bill. We've been working hard for quite a while and the last year's just been a dream for us. it's a perfect start to what will hopefully be a big 2010.

My Passion seems to work with almost a DIY ethic. Do you feel that this grants you more creative freedoms as a band? lt lets you do whatever the hell you want, which is a nice thing . When you' re an artist creating music, you don't want to be told otherwise.

I've heard horror stories from some of my favourite bands who have created an album capturing their feelings at a time, only to have it rejected by the record company. For us in My Passion, that's something unthinkable. If we

S: If you come and see us play we're constantly energetic- we put everything into every show like it's our last. I understand why we get pigeonholed and everything; if it wasn't for Lostprophets we wouldn't have got anywhere as quickly as we did. lt doesn't really bother me.

Critics would call us sheep shaggers if they could, but they can't so they just go, "right, what else is Welsh?" If people can't see that we're different entities then they must be idiots.

Plans for 2010?

S: We're going to Japan with Lostprophets! Then there's Australia, America ...everywhere really.

We'll be back in the UK later this year to do the final run of The Best In Town, followed by writing and recording for the next record .

R: We have a huge amount of live footage of the band over the past 6 years so we are hoping to make a DVD too. Generally we're just looking forward to writing new material now, can't wait to start jamming. it's the best thing about being in a band, really.

S: Apart from the drugs and the sluts - they are obviously the best bits.

Which bands. should we be "listening to right now?

S: The Guns, Revoker and Middle Finger Salute.

R: I'm out of touch with bands these days, to be

be because we were in a dark place, and that's why we'd put it out. There's a lot of thought behind My Passion, but it always has to relate to where we are mentally at a particular time .

To do something that didn't reflect that would be unthinkable. If we were restricted, we'd struggle. We' re one of those bands that does well off our own back, and we' re not afraid to work.

Your performances can be pretty high octane.

How do you prepare if you're doing that night after night?

We rehearsed really hard for this tour. With regards to actually getting up on sta ge in front of 2000 people, there's no preparation you can really do. Yo u can' t get to the stage in a rehearsal room wh ere every muscle in your body aches like it does when you've come off stage . You have to get your fitness up once you're out here. You have to change the way you perform in venues like these . You have to be more outward than in the intimate

honest. A band called 'Metallica', I think they're called?

S: 'McHammer'?

R:' Beethoven?'

S: 'Vanilla Icy'? And ...Jedward!

Steph McKenna

us and we have to make an impression . it's a challenge, but we don't mind a good challenge.

Where would you like to be in twelve months time? it's hard to predict. If you'd asked us that a year ago, we wouldn't have thought that we'd be part of the Kerrang! tour. We'd hope to be playing arenas in however many years that takes and we'd love to be selling out venues of this size on our own . it's hard to put a time scale on that, but our sights are set there . We believe in the music that we make and think that it appeals to a lot of people . We might look a bit weird sometim es, but it's part of the entertainment factor. We've finished writing the next album, we're almost ready to record it. Hopefully there' ll be more touring, more festivals and the album , in whatever form will be out next year.

Alec Plowman

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INT[RVI[W > IGIIISP[[D IIAMP ON Tom Mclnnes tal ks tours, inspirations and 2010's best musical offerings with Devonte Hynes, better known as Lightspeed Champion ... know I do it all the time with other bands and artists and st uff, I just wish it didn't happen to me.

Dev Hyn es has bee n doing hi s bit to combat th e country's evergrowi ng obes ity epid emi c, sti ckin g hi s fin ge rs in all th e soddin g pies. Dance -pu nk, indi e t rouba dour, classica l performer, X-Factor songw riter, co mic boo k artist, noveli st- wh en does he slee p? Does he sleep ? If so, fo r how long, and on w hi ch sid e of th e bed?

I've been hearing a lot recently about 'Blood Orange'? What is it?

it 's kinda just the next album, 'cause again I though t co nnotati o ns with my ot her st uff mig ht hinder it. it's rooted in th e ea rly 80s post-disco kinda-t hing, but w it h a lot of weste rn guitar in it. it's a much mo re insta nt type of mus ic. That's main ly wha t I've bee n writing this yea r.

Your first .album was recorded in Nebraska, your latest in Brooklyn - what motivated your decision to change location and how do you think it's effecte d t he record?

I don' t t hink t he loca ti on rea lly changes th e reco rd . I write all

the songs, map them all out, long be fore I go into t he st udio, so generally I just reco rd w herever's easiest. The first albu m was done in Neb raska 'ca use I was reco rding with M ike Mogis (resi dent Sadd le Cree k produ ce r and foundin g member of Bri ght Eyes ), and t his one was done in Brookl yn 'cause it 's, ya know, where I live. So it's just wherever's most effi cie nt to get it done .

You have played w ith some pretty huge names over the last few years, such as Bright Eyes and Morrissey. How did you forge these connections?

but it's always changi ng.

Man, I don't know. Th e Bright Eyes connec ti on was made t hroug h recordin g th e first reco rd w ith th ose guys in Nebraska.

But, I don' t know if th at ' ll ever happen aga in .

From da nce-punk to folk troubadour - what inspired such a How would you say the new record is thematically diffe rent

turnaround?

to the last ?

We ll , musically I was tryi ng to refe rence a lot of so ul arti sts

I don't think of it so much as a t urnaround so much as ... I have a list of albums of want to make, and I' m just working my way through t he list. All t hese different id eas and different styl es and genre s of mu sic, and I'm ju st tryi ng to work t hough.

from th e 70s an d 60s, but I didn' t wo n't it to soun d as if it was parti cular ly f ro m th at tim e. Most ly I wa s ju st trying t o use t heir idea ls. Really, I ju st wanted to see how ove r-th e-top it co uld be.

Who would you say are the main influences in your songwriting?

How did your previous involvement in a well-known band help or hinder your reinvention as Lightspeed Champion?

Thi s is t he wh ole thin g, I wi sh peo pl e co uld ju st hear the music

lt changes. Eve ry reco rd, every so ng it changes. I mean , I guess on this album, so me so ngs are qu it e Beat les influ ence d, so metim es it was Elvis, so metim es M arvi n Gaye ... th ere's mo re,

and not see th e image. I feel li ke it ruins it - like you can't help bu t dra w conno t ations, or be so mewhat biased w hen you see an image- w heth er it 's a pos itive or a negati ve image . I mea n, I

So who are the artists t o really look out for in 2010, other than Lightsp eed Champion, obviously?

This girl ca ll ed Ann a Ca lvi. She lives in Lond o n, she's am azi ng.

She's got t his so ng Bla cko ut, it 's like th e best so ng you' ve ever heard. A band ca ll ed Cryptac ize in LA, t hey're rea lly, rea lly amazing. I guess t hat's it. I don't really know t hat much new stuff.

What are your plans with regards to touring this year?

I think maybe Ap ril, I' ll do a European to ur. Th at 's th e plan, I

t hink. Yea h. Th at 's as far as it 's got t o.

Tom Mclnnes

Jake Wieczorek takes a look at Nine Inch Na ils' continuo us gene ro sity to a devoted fan base, spanning 20 years .. .

In 1989, Tren t Reznor an d co. ga lvani zed th e underg ro und heavy music scene with th e fres h, ea r-tea rin g, chaotic electronic release of Pretty Hate Machine, raising th e fl ag for a cou nter hege mo nic undercurrent within popu la r m usic and spa w ning various unlikely .hit singles throughout the 90s, such as th e masochi stic Closer and t he benevolent, yet t rag ic Hurt. Continu ous lin e-up changes (Tren t Reznor being th e on ly offici al member of NI N), amb itious, award-wi nning tours and a co nsta nt emb race of the 'different', whilst holding nothing back fro m their audience, positioned NIN as the perfect palette and pedesta l fo r Trent Reznor's t wisted, yet genius, pe rspective of t he wo rld .

The brea k up of NIN as a touring ba nd, fol lowing t he hum ble 'Wave-goodbye' tour of 2008-2009, brought a frown to many fans. However, the NIN legacy is set to continue, with the rumour that Gary Nu man is working on a release with Trent cited for early 2010.

So ... Another version of the Truth: The Gift- What is it? Well, in 2008 NIN announced a reformed touring line-up and a brand new tour, called 'Lights in the Sky'. Fabu lous, right? The tour merged audio and visua l effect s t o stunn ing, ground break ing effect. Em ploying t he tec hni ca l marve l that is the visual machine created by Mome nt Factory, th e ban d we re ab le to incorporate

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th e visuals and th e audio produ cti on not only on a preset leve l, but interacti ve ly, w ith Trent bein g see n creating t he electronic drum -beat to t he song Echoplex live, on stage, using a gigantic LED screen.

Due to lega l implications and potenti al litigations, a DVD of t he proj ect cou ld not be produced, so, as a solution to this, on the 7th of January 2009, 400GB of high resolution video of the tour was released unofficially by the band to the fans, absolutely free.

Now, roughly twelve months later, a colossal project invo lving a co re team of NIN fans, and a community network of thousands, have bee n toiling in t heir respective studio dungeons; piecing together bootlegs, editing, mastering, scrapping and re-mastering footage to fina lly produce Another version of the Truth: The Gift: lt consists of 2 Hours and 15 minutes of 1920x1080 resolution, audio synced footage, with subtitles available in 8 different languages, comprised of the Portland, Sacramenta and Victoria shows of the LITS tour. The release is available for digital download or physical release for PC, Mac, PS3, DVD and Blu-ray, and best of all it's absolutely free - "This one is on us. Our time.

his website. Mere months late r, NIN re leased a proper full length album, The Slip, in th e sa me fashio n. The latter rece ive d t he hig hest critical accla im Trent has enjoyed since With Teeth, and has had over 1.4 million individual down loads.

The kind of community led prod uction surro undi ng AVO TT speaks aloud about the current state of digita l media rig hts and the music industry itself. The fan-led determination and al t ruism expressed suggests that the need for executive middle-men is diminishing; of course this is case-sensitive and not necessari ly always true, but projects such as AVOTT show the limitless potential for band -communitary co-operation and pa rticipation in an interactive, digital age.

Our effort. Our Gift to all NIN fans."

This is by no means the first time that Trent has generously distributed free material on line. In March 2008, he released

For more information on AVOTT: The Gift and to down load, visit: http:/ /th isoneisonus.org/

Ghosts /-IV, a sp rawling, four-disc instrumental set, for free on

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>::>> The psychedelic hard-rock band, Wolfmother, came all the way from down-under to embrace the cold of Norwich and deliver us a concert that most who attended will not forget in a hurry. After the warm up act (who were clearly off their face on Jesus) left the stage, Wolfmother entered probably the greatest arena they have ever performed in .... and they have been to Leeds. The lead singer, Andrew Stockdale, with a face on him like a blind cobblers thumb, screamed his way into the opening riff to Dimension, from their much acclaimed self-titled first album .

Jamie T was originally supposed to be playing UEA on the 7th October last year, but was struck down by illness. So, when his belated appearance did finally occur, the Londoner seemed determined to make up for lost time.

A belting set full of shout-along choruses, boisterous humour and gloriously aggressive stagemanship created a feverish atmosphere amongst the romping, dancing, singing revellers who trekked out to the LCR on a dreary Sunday night.

A cavalcade of songs off the latest album, Kings & Queens, kicked off the show. The

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Despite personal concern about the new line-up being reluctant to embrace the "older" material, this was soon put to bed when the band delivered an excellent balance of old with the new material from their second album Cosmic egg. The new material went down like a new born taking to its mothers teat for the first time- with White feather particularly standing out. The crowd were certainly receptive to the band, epitomised by the denim wearing older generation breaking their hips in the mosh pit -testament to the quality of psychedelic rock this generation were spoilt on. The band duly

finished on an encore with Joker and the Thief, rounding off the gig with aplomb.

Speaking to Stockdale post-gig, The Event assured him that the band's next gig in Brussels would be nothing on Norwich, but had a plethora of excellent green vegetables.

All in all a fantastic band with a charismatic 'top bloke' of a frontman, who blew many away with energetic riffs and a fantastic live performance, proving Wolfmother to be the band to beat in the genre.

Sticking to their word and title, the Live Music society holds an open mic night each semester, showcasing the live talent of UEA students. This January they hosted the gig in the Blue Bar, and, unbeknownst to everyone, the musical event was scheduled whilst a football match was being shown . Needless to say, each act performed above standard, despite the football chants and arbitrary uproars.

First up were the winners of Livewire Unsigned 2009; Grenouilles. Playing the violin, acoustic guitar and keyboard, the trio sent shivers down our spines with their melodic

and uplifting harmonies. With the musical arrangement of Arcade Fire and the folk style of Mumford And Sons, this group confirmed exactly why they won.

Second was pint-sized Zoe Terry, who shone with her soulful tones and endearing nature.

Zoe writes about t~e things you feel but can't put into words, and delivers with charisma and wit. This act was followed by another female artist, Sula Mae. Confident, forthcoming and unafraid to interact with her audience, Sula's clever lyrics accom~anied by her piano resemble the style and talent of Regina Spektor.

normally mellow 368 morphed into a raucous, bellowed anthem, along with solid showings for Spider's Web, British Intelligence and the latest single The Man's Machine to warm the crowd. These were spliced with old favourites such as If You Got The Money, in which the 24 year old, rocked back and forth on the edge of the stage, precipice-like, to the adoration of the baying public. Even Northern Line, a bonus track from Panic Prevention, Jamie T's first album, was performed with as much energy, and to as joyous an audience reaction, as most bands would expect from a hit single.

The encore began with a mellow, ukulele imbued version of Emily's Heart, which, despite it's downbeat tone, only helped prepare the spectators for a flurry of livewire hits that came thick and fast in the last days of Rome finale, culminating with a violent yet measured performance of Sticks 'N' Stones.

The set had about as much grace and poise as head-butting a stick of dynamite, but Jamie T's linguistic dexterity and youthful exuberance set the 1500 strong crowd ablaze nonetheless.

The 2010 lineup for Teenage Cancer Trust 's annual concerts have been announced . Depeche Mode, Them Crooked Vultures, Suede, Noel Gallagher, Arctic Monkeys, JLS. The Specials, the Who and comedians Jimmy Carr and Noel Fielding will perform at the Royal Albert Hall from 22-30 March, to raise rnoney for young cancer sufferers.

Fall Out Boy have fallen out. Although rumours abound about a hiatus, or even a full-on breakup, Pete Wentz has told MTV News that they're 'on a break that doesn't have a definite ending.' Coining a new term for the state of the band, Wentz insists that they're 'decompressing', which presumably means that, following Beat it, they've been Moonwalking .

Paddy Millar & Sa m Dargue

Caves were the next band of the evening.

Although one man down, these boys had the audience gripped. Their performance was a musical fusion of wild drumming and high speed riffs that set our pulses racing.

Headlining ware Black and Gold, a fourpiece band with a heavy sound, similar to Rage Against The Machine, with the flare of the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. The female singer showed no mercy, and belted out her powerful voice and insightful lyrics. Overall, a good night was had by all, including the distracting football fans.

Gemma Boyle

Michael Bond

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Down load Festival organ isers have followed the example of Reading & Leeds by announcing a ban of large flags in the main arena . Glastonbury are now appealing to fans to decide whether they should do the same. 12,500 people have already cast their vote, with an almost 50/ 50 split for and against. To vote, visit glastonburyfestivals. co.uk

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Mark "E" Everett can write great albums.

He's already written four (arguably five). But somethi ng happened to E, sometime aro und the end of 2001. Following that year's 'edgy' ..,souljacker, a flawed but compelling work, E forgot how to be great. His next album, Shootenanny!, had a brace of good tracks but was mired by lacklustre tune s, run -of-themill, squeaky clean production and some truly dreadful lyrics. And that's been th e order of the day eve r since. 2005's magnificent Blinking Lights and Other Revelations may rank among his best work, but it was mostly written and recorded throughout the decade lea din g up to its rel ease, and last year 's El Hambre Lobo was

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another weary shrug.

There's a brief, heart-stopping moment where End Times feels like it's about to be something specia l, a return to form. Opening track The Beginning recalls Bruce Springsteen's seminal LP Nebraska . Then comes Gone Man , which is Eels' first successful rock number in years, and In My Younger Days, a genuine ly moving lament, something that many fans thought E would never pen again; it's also his most musically interesting song since Lights.

But th en comes th e mediocre Mansions of San Feliz, and A Line in the Dirt, a hideous dirge whose pretty chorus doesn' t even come close to red eeming the surround ing musical beige. From this point on high lights are spa rse; the title track is nice enough, its minimalist approach evoking some of the ballad s from E's mid 90's peak, and Paradise Blues is the closest End Times comes to showing off E's trademark dark humour. But there's precious little else to recommend, and by the time album closer On My Feet (possibly the most tedious thing he's ever written) shudde rs to a halt after six minutes, you'll be wondering what happened to the man who wrote one of the few worthwhile double album s in existence.

Duncan Vicat-Brown

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Dead Head Blues, the opener of the second official Lightspeed Champion record, begins slow and sparse, building steadi ly over two-anda-half minutes of intimate piano and heart-onsleeve vocal s. Not often ce lebrated for his lyrical prowess, Hynes genuinely surprises here with an eloquent and affecting tale of heartbreak and romantic longing, and hook line "I know you're happy I And that's lovely" is repeated with a crushing frailty and earnestness. Then, suddenly, we shift gears and the track bursts into an air-punching, arena rock ballad. it's breath -taking, almost celestia l, transcendant it's pretty damn pimp.

Unfortunately, Hynes has Orson Welles-ed

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7/ JO it; not one of the fourteen tracks that follow ever reaches these dizzying heights. There are, however, other sta ndouts, including western guitar ditty Sweetheart and ballad of self-recrimination The Big Guns of Highsmith.

Peppered with neoclassical interludes, and more odd littl e instrumental flairs th an you could shake a sack of ears at, it's an achievement - but it's not a classic.

Hynes' compositions are stil l hampered by unimagi native lyrics. Previous Lightspeed tracks boasted more than their fair share of cringe-worthy turns -o f-phrase, most involving bodily expulsions ("wake up, smell the seme n", anyone?). Byron he ain' t, and while Life is Sweet! manages to avoid such linguistic faux pas, much of the lyrical content is still simp li stic and obvious, written to the most basic of rhythm structures. it's a real shame, because the musical arrangements are so well executed, that Life is Sweet! comes within a hair's breadth of true greatness.

Hynes can put out as many studio albums, home-recordings, comic books and suprising co llaboration s as his heart desires, but until he finds himse lf an interesting id ea, and an original way of putting it, all his efforts are going to fall short.

Tom Mclnnes

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As many new 'hip' bands in the mu sic circuit are experimenting with synthesizers, samp les and 4/4-kick percussive beats, aiming to emulate groups from the glory days of electro pop, it is time for the veterans to return ; but Hot Chip are by no means out of date, and One Life Stand gives every new alternative pop release a run for its money.

As with many Hot Chip records (One Life Stand being their fourth full release) the album is di stinctly sp lit in two; tracks either falling under the category of their trademark massive floor filling hits, or more intima te, carefully crafted ballads. Unlike other records

ASSIV[ TIACK II[LIGOIJ\ND

Rarely has the phrase 'return to form' been more accurate than with Massive Attack's long awaited fifth studio album, Heligoland. With 12 years since the release of their last pivotal album, Mezzanine, and 7 years since the crushingly disappointing lOOth Windows, the only real disappointment of their most recent production seems to be that it took so long. 7 years have been spent wisely by DJ duo 3D and Daddy G, and, despite the raised eyebrows and tuts such a build-up has produced, the most remarkable thing about it is that it instantly blows away the cobwebs, returning with a formidable dose of smoky subtlety and ambient suspense in place of the up-tempo dance-remix bait the scenesters

/ 10 that have attempted this dichotomy (bad memories of Foo Fighters' In Your Honour come to mind). Hot Chip succeed in both ventures. The dance songs are as brilliant as they have always been, purely because Hot Chip haven't changed their formula; they stil l use their big drums and pulsing beats, along with their regular myriad of catchy hooks, to create a sound that is instantly likeable.

Now that they are experienced writers and producers, this sound has matu red even further and is more danceable than ever. Their breadth of writing, from the classic disco track Thieves in the Night, to the uplifting pop of I Feel Better and One Life Stand, and even to the old-school big bass garage styled We Have Love, just dazzles the listener. The lyrics are still as idiosyncratic as always, and it takes a few listens to understa nd the meanings of the dance songs as the music takes centre stage, but that is where the tender ballads thrive.

Although still musically accompli shed (complex multi -instrumental harmonies wash over the listener in Brothers and Keep Quiet) it is the lyrics and vocals of these gentler tracks that shine through and provide a fitting, calming juxtaposition to round off a very well executed album.

Alex Throssell

8/10 so longed for.

With a w hole new level of influence and a plethora of guest artists, Heligoland may be considered a step away from the trip-hop genre so previously defined 20 years ago. Whilst echoing Radio head and Portishead, especially on the eerie Saturday Come Slow, they have most certainly not become derivative. Just listen to th e deep, rhythmic drum presence of Pray For Rain, an immediate indication of the album's minimalist power. it's an interesting opener, given its presence on last year's Splitting The Atom EP, but its timelessness is undiminished.

Heligoland could well be Massive Attack's most consistent album. There are no songs as dazzlingly, blindingly perfect as Unfinished Sympathy, or Teardrop (Paradise Circus comes desperately close), but nor are there as many lesser tracks hiding in their shadows. The folksy, flimsy Psyche is forgettable, but every other song works its way ste althily and irrevoca bly und er your skin. So while an army of disparaging fans and sniping critics will argue that Heligoland doesn't match Massive Attack's early triumphs or break as much new ground, th ere will be younger listeners who hear it as something entirely new and recognise its beguiling beauty. laura Riggs

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~I( HJY\\'( )(H) The Surrey lads are back with Underdog - the first single from their second I..U., album Hold Me Down.

Despite being one of the bands unfortunately labelled as 'emo', You Me At Six have enjoyed successes, such as Hold Me Down reaching number 5 in the UK Album Chart, and supporting Para more on their 2009 arena tour. So, arguably, with the last few months on their side, you would expect this single to fully showcase their strengths.

However, Underdog just comes across as average. The short drum and guitar introduction is toe-tappingly catchy and appears to be promising, and although Josh Franceschi delivers his vocals flawlessly (similar sounding at times to Boys Like Girls' Martin Johnson), the melodies exude a sense of deja-vu. Similarly, lyrics such as "just look at the mess you made" don't really bring the desired effect to a song attacking an ex -the words don't seem scathing enough .

Although catchy after a few listens, Underdog lacks the energy and magic of their brilliant debut single Save it For The Bedroom .

Beth Wyatt

YOU Mf AT SIX

S/ 10

Marina and the Diamonds have already been tipped to be one of the most successful breakthrough artists of 2010, and, as their latest single is released, the anticipation that surrounds the half-Welsh, half-Greek singer is perhaps not surprising. Following a flutter of impressive buzz singles, it seems that Diamandis (Marina's family name and band-title inspiration) has mounted her first real assault upon the charts.

With Hollywood, Marina and the four-piece that support her have created an upbeat and catchy record that it is unlikely to fade from our radio stations this side of the summer. This intriguing and memorable reflection on the "mess that's America" has captured the attention of broadcasting giants whilst managing to remain grounded within the band's original sound . Refreshingly innovative, yet overflowing with an eighties sparkle, Hollywood just may be the most impressive record to surface from the femalefronted art-pop scene in recent months. Though consistently compared to Florence and the Machine, all the signs indicate that Diamandis will surpass her rivals with ease. An exciting pop record, Hollywood is sure to propel Diamandis and her band towards the success that they deserve.

Sean Harris

third single from the JLS lads, One Shot shows that the group have proved themselves to be more than just reality show runner-ups.

Starting off quite slowly and acoustically, the verses keep the boy-band style.

The chorus, however, is set upon a dance backing track, giving the boys a slightly different sound to their previous two singles . Nevertheless, because of this, the chorus and the verses do not seem to gel as well as they should .

One Shot sounds like it has been lifted from the recent Backstreet Boys' album (as does most of the JLS's material), and although it is a good pop song, you are left with the feeling that it is much more Louis Walsh than JLS- don't be surprised if you hear the 'inspirational' chorus lyrics on an X Factor montage next year! ...,.

Although not as catchy as Beat Again or Everybody in Love, JLS's recent release is still quite good and will more than likely chart well. Definitely expect to hear this one in Mercy.

Karine Wach-Donovan

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MfDIAROWL 2010 > RAITLf or Ill£ SocifTifS Gbi~>>> Mediabowl is the annual battle between

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The winner is decided over three events: the qui z, the football patch and a heroic round of pub golf.

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*The Lost Levels> W 7:30>£5 * Alessi's Ark> i c "'>8pm>£5 *Live Music Night>ba 8pm>free *Fakespeare> ts C r 8:30>£8 *POW!> LC lOpm>£6

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*Shockwaves NME Awards Tour> LC >7pm>£16 *The Real inspector Hound> Dr n a >7:30>£3.50 (until 12th) >8:30>£8 *Laura Solon> r' *Sports Night> r>9pm

*Film>The Soloist> Lr '>7:30>£2.75 *One Man Lord of the Rings> P·ld hou~€ >8:30>£13 *Chipmunk> LC 6:30>£11 *SocNight> b, '>8pm>free *80s Night & Soul Town> ->lOpm >£3.50

llnmom1lmn *Housing Social 2> C>5:30 *Film> The Invention of Lying> >7:30>£2.75 *JnMe> >7:30>£10 *Salsa Night> 8pm>free *Pappy's World Record Attempt E.>8pm>£10 > *Everybody was in the French Resistance ... Now> >8pm >£8

lDDIDm2lm8 *Film>Fish Tank> >7:30>£2.75 *NROne Records 5th Birthday Party> >8pm>£5 *SocNight> >8pm>free

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;[vrnT SPOTLIGIIT> Tm;: I{Lu INSPIJ10R IIOllND Over the last fifty years, Tom Stoppard has firmly established himself as one of the most important and influential playwrights of the twentieth century, having written such celebrated plays as Arcadia and Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead, as well as eo-writing the screenplays for films such as Brazil and Shakespeare in Love.

From the 10th to the 12th February, UEA's own Minotaur Theatre Company will be staging one of Stoppard's best-loved and funniest plays, The Rea/Inspector Hound.

First performed in 1968 with a cast that included the likes of Richard Briers and Ronnie Barker, the play is today celebrated as a tourde-force that operates on multiple comic levels, from satire and parody, to absurdist farce.

In The Real Inspector Hound, Stoppard plays with theatrical conventions to such a complex degree that the play almost defies summary, but one can only do one's best.

Essentially, it follows the figures of theatre critics Moon and Birdboot, who are in the audience watching a performance of

a whodunit-style murder mystery, itself a cleverly observed parody of Agatha Christie's renowned play The Mousetrap . As the play goes on, it satirises not only the conventions of the murder mystery genre, but also the conventions of theatre as a whole, particularly those concerning the role of the audience in relation to the fictional world of the play.

As things develop, Moon and Birdboot become entangled in the action of the play itself, finding their own positions as critics and audience members usurped by characters in the play, while simultaneously finding their own lives bizarrely echoed and reconstructed in the fictional world of the whodunit. it may sound complicated, nay, almost impenetrable, when rendered so simply, but what The Reo/Inspector Hound really is, a hilarious whirlwind of wittily constructed comic situations and observations from Britain's leading contemporary playwright.

UEA-founded Minotaur Theatre The Company, meanwhile, has cemented its position as far more than just an amateur student theatre company - it regularly turns out productions of a slickness and quality that even professional theatre companies would be jealous of. Only last term, they staged a highly acclaimed production of Jim Cartwright's Road, an uncompromising depiction of life in the

working-class north, as well as their traditional annual festival of short plays written, directed and performed by the students themselves.

And, only a few weeks ago, Mike Leigh's celebrated comedy Abigail's Party was brought to life in a production that was an instant sellout. The company is run by UEA students as directors, producers, actors, as they take over the Drama Studio for the performance.

The upcoming production of The Real Inspector Hound is set to continue the long list of their top-notch productions. Directed by former Minotaur President Joe Wright, the cast features Minotaur regulars Paul Baston and Paul Heath as Moon and Bird boot, and this is to name only a few of the talented people bringing the show to the stage. lt looks set to be one of the dramatic highlights of the term, so we can only recommend that you book your tickets as soon as possible to avoid disappointment! Being only one act long, there's simply no excuse to miss this piece of theatre! The production will be in the UEA Drama Studio from the 10th to the 12th February, with tickets available from the Hive every day this week from 12 until 2pm, priced at £5.00, or £3.50 with an NUS card.

The UEA Box Office can be contacted on 01603 508050.

Josiah Norris

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1: Band with new alb um Romance is Baring (3,10) 2: A spo rti ng fi xture or a so urce of fire (5) 3: Decorative objects (9) 4: Bare, wi th out clot hes (5) 5: Dr ink, often accompanies gin (5) 6: Fa r f rom ordinary, to a great degree (7 ) 7: A local way of speaking (6) 13: Taste of licorice and sambuca (7) 14: Language of ancient Rome (5) 15: "Sacred sexuality" f rom a fo rm of Buddhi sm (7) 16: 2000s metal band, _ _ of a Down (6) 19: Supermodel, _ _ Campbe ll (5)

8: Soft, smoot h mat erial (5) 9: Energy of movement (6) 10: To be emba rrassed or regretful (7) 11: Not dirty (5 ) 12: A po li ce office r wh o does not wear uniform (5, 7) 17: Roger Fede rer's nationalit y (5) 18: Inhabiti ng property by renting, period of renting (7) 20: System for gathe ring American TV ratings (7) 21: A perch fo r birds, or t o settl e for the night (5) pleasure deriving from giving and receiving

WIN LT1 tiLM TICKIJS~ Courtesy of the Union, we have two pairs of film tickets to give away. This is a great chance to watch some of the latest releases without having to leave campus, all for free!

Every Friday in LTl there are screenings of some fantastic recent films, with movies like New Moon, Paranormal Activity and Fantastic Mr. Fox coming up thi s semester. We are giving away ticket s to your choice of film, so there's something fo r everyone!

To be in wit h a chance of winning this great prize just bring you r comp leted crossword or sudoku to t he Co ncrete Office by 19/2/10. One pair will be awarded for the crossword and another for the sudoku, so do both if you want double the chance of winning!

E-mail:

Name:

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MOR[ llfJT c~np TICKUS If you missed out on winning Hot Chip ticket s last issue don't worry because we have even more of t hem up for grabs this week! Thanks to www.gigsand tours.com the re are another five pai rs of tickets to give away.

Hot Chip have re leased new album One Lif e

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The Concrete Office is on the top floor of Union House and sign posted from t he top of the stairs. Come and see us to drop off competition entries or to ta lk to our editors if you want to get involved in any of our sections!

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NATURAL SANITARY GIVIAWAY Ok, it's an unusual competition . But Cottons are encouraging women to think about their purchasing of fem inine hygene products to offer a more natural and enviromenta lly friendly choice, and we have a pack of 16 tampons and 48 micro liners to give away.

Women may well use over 10,000 sanitary products over their lifetime, and t he envi romental impact of this much waste is obviously vast. Cottons are made from 100% natural cotton and are completely biodegradable, so they mina mise the impact on the enviroment.

Stan d (revi ewed on page 20 of Th e Eve nt) to

great acclaim this week, and their tour for the album comes to the LCR on Tuesday 24/2/10.

The Me rcury nom inated electropop act are a fantastic live act not to be missed, so if you weren't so lucky last week or regretted not entering in time, you've got another chance to see t hem pl ay hits like Boy From School, Over and Over and Ready for the Floor alongside material from the new record .

Because of their purity, they are also totally hypo-allergenic and very comfortable, even to women with particu larly sensitive skin.

Fo r a li st of stockists and more infor matio n, check out th ei r website: www.cotto ns.co m.au.

v, To be in with a chance of winning a pair of tickets e-mail the answer to the following question to concrete.competi ti ons@uea.ac.uk by 19/2/10:

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To be in wit h a chance of w inning just e-mail the answer to the following question to concrete.competi tions@uea.ac.uk by 19/2/10:

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What was the name of Hot Chip's first album?

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Do Cottons use any synthetic material?