16 minute read
Parenting Column: Self Care
by Meagan Ruffing
Parenting journalist Meagan Ruffing, is a marriage and family therapist practicing in Arkansas. She is always trying to find new ways to improve her self-care and challenge herself to try new things. You can find her on Facebook at writermeaganruffing.
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A How-To Guide for Self-Care September
I thought I had always been pretty good with my self-care routine.
I was a stay-at-home mom for nearly 11 years and ran a tight ship when it came to everyone’s schedules. I made sure my kids had an ample number of playdates, downtime, and exploring new things. I also tried to model what a ‘happy mom’ looked like, by scheduling my own social outings with other moms and working out. As my kids grew up and I reentered the workforce as a newly minted therapist, I knew part of my job was going to be teaching my clients how to care for themselves through grief and trauma. Most of my experience for my own self-care didn’t come from my time as a stayat-home mom, but it came from an unexpected source; my divorce. I had no choice but to find things to fill my time when my kids were not with me. As the years have gone on, which they always do, I have learned how to take care of myself in some of the darkest times. This kindling of finding myself came from a sheer desire to be happy and find peace. I have learned how to bullet-proof my environment from certain things, while actively improving my sense of self.
Here’s what I’ve done: 1. Weeded through my social media:
I took the time, since I was on there anyway, and went through my social media accounts. I unfriended anyone who was no longer in my life for one reason or another and let people go who didn’t bring me peace. Just know, those people may reach out to you at some point and ask why you unfriended them. Be prepared to keep it short and simple. The object of this is not to hurt someone or start a fight, it’s to bring more peace into your life which is a part of selfcare. I heard something on the radio recently, “Stop checking up on the people you are trying to heal from.” How many times have we have found ourselves down a rabbit hole on Facebook, trying to find out what so and so has been up to. If unfriending feels like too much, try unfollowing instead.
2.Lightened my calendar load:
I went through my calendar and decided which things could go and which things had to stay. I took pressure off myself and my kids to show up to everything and picked the most important ones. I left white space and attributed it to the downtime I used to schedule in for myself and my kids when they were little. Having “nothing to do” at home has turned in to impromptu game nights with my kids, slime-making, and deep conversations I never knew we needed.
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3.Self-Care Saturdays or Sundays:
I usually do this on the weekends my kids are gone. I recently started taking arial yoga because it’s something I have always wanted to do. I can take my time in the morning getting to the studio and don’t have to rush getting home to make sure the kids aren’t fighting. I don’t always feel like going but I’ve challenged myself to make it a habit because I feel so much better after a class.
Check out the app called Thought Diary. It helps you keep notes of your thoughts and feelings. Available on the App Store and Google Play. An app I downloaded on my phone that has been a simple but effective way for me to check-in with my feelings on a daily basis, is called Thought Diary. A prompt will pop up on your phone that might say something like “How are you feeling today?” It’s free and super easy.
Another great check-in tool is a Feelings Wheel. I had one of these printed on a pillow to use in my home with my kids. Start on the outer wheel and move towards the center. This is a great tool to help you and your children (and anyone else) put a name to what they’re feeling. These are just six helpful ways to get yourself going on the self-care route. If you don’t know where to start, just start with one of these ideas and try to do one each month for the next six months. I would encourage you to go out and buy yourself a new journal to get yourself excited about focusing on your self-awareness to self-care. Here’s to wishing you the best September you have ever had.
What is something you have always wanted to do for yourself? Take the first small step in making it happen.
4.Pick the right clothes:
You know those clothes you have that don’t feel good or make you look a certain way? Yeah, I got rid of all those. I started focusing on wearing clothes that made me feel confident, beautiful, strong, and healthy. “But Meagan, how can clothes make you feel that way?” Think of a time when you wore something that made you feel so good about yourself, you didn’t want to take it off. I’m talking about those clothes. Life is too short to wear things that are too tight. Buy the comfy sweatpants. Invest in the nice blazer. Treat your body to the things that make you feel amazing. It will show in your attitude.
5.Inner work:
I started writing down the negative beliefs I had about myself and certain life events. I wanted to see them on paper, in black and white. I bought myself a self-guided journal and worked on what my beliefs were about myself. If there was negativity in my own thoughts, I worked on figuring out why I felt that way and started reframing them in a more positive way. This is part of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). It’s not a theory I practice from all the time with my clients but it’s especially useful when working with someone who has self-defeating thoughts and needs help sorting through why they feel that way and how to reframe those thoughts. It was a game-changer for me when I was healing from my divorce. If this sounds helpful to you, I would encourage you to find a therapist who practices CBT or even buying a journal to help you get clarity on what you are feeling.
6.Loving myself:
I needed to figure out what this meant for me. I made two lists. The first list was all the things I was sad or unhappy about and the second list was all the things I was proud of myself for. I started going through the first list and working through each item. I brought awareness to certain areas of my life that I tucked away and worked on loving myself even when I wish my decisions had been different. I let go of things that were no longer serving a purpose for me and made the decision to move on from them. Loving yourself might look different than mine. It probably will. But bringing awareness to what it means and what it looks like to be kind to yourself is a great way to grow in your self-care practice. n
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GOVERNOR ANNOUNCES 988 SUICIDE & CRISIS LIFELINE
On July 16, 2022, the newly designated 9-8-8, three-digit number, will route individuals to the existing National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, where compassionate, accessible care and support are available 24/7 for anyone experiencing a mental health, suicide, or substance use crisis. The 988 line is confidential and free for all. The Lifeline number, 1-800-273-8255, will continue to function. After July 16, 2022, both numbers will connect individuals to the same services. “The launch of the 988 crisis line will establish a more streamlined and effective resource for Missourians in behavioral health crisis,” Governor Parson said. We know that when individuals are experiencing crisis the sooner we can connect them to support and provide assistance the better. The 988 line will be the first step to engage individuals experiencing a behavioral health crisis. There are seven crisis centers in Missouri responsible for answering 988 contacts for the state. The trained crisis specialists at each center will listen, work to understand how the individual’s problems are affecting them, provide support, and connect them to resources. While 988 is a national initiative, it is up to each state to ensure crisis services are available to anyone, anywhere, and anytime. After nearly two years of planning and preparation, Missouri’s 988 centers are prepared and ready to answer the projected 253,000 contacts (calls, texts, and chats) expected in the first year of the 988 implementation. Need to talk or get immediate help in a crisis? Help is available. If you or a loved one needs assistance, please reach out by calling or texting 988, or chatting at https://988lifeline.org.
If you or someone you know needs support now, call or text 988 or contact The Clark Center 417-235-6610 Resiliency Community Recovery
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According to The Centennial Salute 1887-1987, southwest Missouri produced the finest strawberries in the United States, and Monett became one of the busiest shipping centers for the Frisco Railroad. Berry sheds were located alongside the main Frisco line tracks. This area came alive during the strawberry season as the fruits of pickers’ labor were brought to Monett to be placed in refrigerated cars to be shipped to points east, west, north and south; as many as two to three hundred cars of the delicious red berries were directed to major cities throughout the Midwest. Local residents had the golden opportunity of buying the overripe strawberries at bargain prices as they waited for the growers to sell their ware.
The Butterfield Berry Growers’ Shipping Association was organized in 1904 with E. B. Linebarger, President, and W. D. Cowherd, Secretary-Treasurer. The association charged farmers 3 percent from 1916 until 1951. Source: Ernest Langer
During the heydays of strawberries, Exeter was one of the major growing and shipping centers in this part of the state. It is estimated that almost a million crates of the red fruit were shipped from Exeter between 1918 and 1953. As the cost of labor became unprofitable for the small grower, berries as a commercial crop began to disappear during the 1950s. Source: The First 100 years in Exeter
Farmers with loaded wagons, would begin lining up to deliver their crates of fruit to the sheds, about five o’clock in the afternoon. It was not unusual for wagons to be lined up as far as the cemetery. Often the last of the wagons were not unloaded until after midnight.
Many migrant pickers came into town and lived in tents usually pitched between the schoolhouse and the railroad tracks. All the local children and young people helped with the picking. The pay was one, two, or three cents per quart. This was usually the only chance to make any spending money for local youth. Source: Our Heritage in Story and Picture: Purdy, Mo. 1881-1981
“There were so many farmers growing strawberries that we needed pickers from other states to come in and help pick our strawberries. Some families would start picking in Louisiana and when finished there, they would pack up their family in a covered wagon and come to Arkansas, and then on to Missouri. Some were called ‘Hobos’ because they would ride the freight trains. Most of them were good, honest people trying to make an honest living, many of them had no homes.”
- Gus Tatum
A typical culling shed where pickers turned in their berries.
Strawberry Fields Forever
Barry County has a long history in the strawberry industry. From green fields with juicy red berries to home baked strawberry pies, some residents still remember the good Ole’ Strawberry Days.
The Barry County Museum has an area dedicated to these very days, rows and rows of photos from the early 20th century, authentic strawberry baskets, and other tools used to gather strawberries. The dozens of photos consist of a little girl with a wide grin picking strawberries for the first time, trucks and even wagons weighted down with basket upon baskets of strawberries, a first-place winner proudly admiring her winning strawberry cobbler, and the thing it all has in common – it all took place right here in Barry County Missouri.
Among the walls of photographs and artifacts, are quotes from the very people responsible for the success of the strawberry industry in Barry County.
Dennis Epperly, Cassville resident remembers the times he spent picking strawberries. Dennis and his wife Brenda Epperly, own and operate the 60-acre property at 21501 Farm Road 1120 in Cassville.
This piece of property has become well known as a local photo backdrop during the last four years, called Pa’s Posey Patch.
According to the Cassville Democrat, Dennis worked as a schoolteacher where he taught agriculture, and his wife was a postmaster.
The season starts the last weekend in March and lasts until October.
At Pa’s Posey Patch people can see Crimson Clover in mid-April and Poppies in May, along with white daisies and blue Batchelor Buttons. But the biggest attractions are the sunflowers and pumpkins.
Dennis said Barry County was one of the largest strawberry growers from the 1920s through the 1950s. And in the walls and rows of strawberry days memorabilia at the Barry County Museum, you can find a picture of Dennis Epperly in 1993, working in the strawberry fields.
The old Strawberry Shed located on the right-of-way of the Cassville and Exeter Railroad was a fixture here for more than 60 years. The location was between Main Street and East Street north of 9th Street. You can see the back of a building in the background, which is currently occupied by Andrew Peters’ State Farm Insurance Agency. Built contemporary with the inaugural run on July 4, 1896, the shed was used until the railroad made its final run in 1956. It was known to all as the Strawberry Shed, but it served as a loading dock for the railroad and trucking concerns with various other Barry County commodities. Source: Emory Melton
Dennis called Barry County the strawberry capitol of the world.
In a post to the Pa’s Posey Patch Facebook page, Dennis said it is important to remember the past when looking toward the future.
He goes on to acknowledge the variety of farming that took place on this land throughout the years.
“The farm payments had to be made from cash crops, which were another farm income,” he wrote. “Our rocky and rough hills were well adapted to producing these labor-intensive crops [strawberries and tomatoes].
“The growing of strawberries began in our area during the late 1800’s and continued on a large scale well into the early 1960’s. It is hard to visualize the scope of the strawberry business in Barry County at its peak during the late 40’s and early 50’s. There were hundreds if not thousands of acres of the little sweet red fruit.”
Dennis said his father purchased a three-acre plot for strawberry farming, which he maintained for many years.
“The two major varieties of strawberries produced in our county were the Aroma and the Blakemore,” Dennis said. “These berries would ripen and be ready to pick in mid-May and last until about the first of June.”
Dennis added that strawberry farming was a great way for large families with lot of children to earn money. In fact, the school year was eight months long which allowed for the perfect amount of time for children to harvest the strawberries in mid-spring. However, if there were enough local hands to work the fields, migrant workers would camp on the farms and work through the harvest.
“There was no harder work on the farm than picking strawberries,” he said. “They grew flat on the ground and on rocky soil that was hard to kneel on. After a few hours in the patch, my muscles ached from the bending, and my knees hurt from the rocky ground. Sweat stung my eyes, and the sun scorched any exposed bare skin.”
After the strawberries were picked, they would turn them into the ladies who often worked in the culling sheds. They would sort the bad strawberries out and get rid of rocks and other materials that would find their way int o the baskets. Dennis said sometimes those rocks would be put there intentionally by the picker to weigh down the basket, and once, they even found a turtle in the bottom of the basket of strawberries.
Washburn, Seligman, Exeter, Butterfield, Crane, Purdy, and Monett had strawberry associations who would handle the shipping and marketing side of the work.
The strawberries left the culling shed and were taken to be loaded and shipped. They were poured into hoppers on the cars and tucked away with a block of ice to keep them fresh on the journey.
Dennis said that over the years, the draw of strawberries began to dwindle in Barry County.
“Most of the modern strawberry production is in California and Florida,” Dennis said. “This results in the berries having to be shipped longer distances. The quality is acceptable, but it is not the quality of the Ozark grown berry in my memory. ” I grew up on three acres of strawberries for about thirty years.” n “I owned my own machinery, and I set two or two and a half acres every year. They would produce first, second, and third years and then it was best to plow them under. I never grew strawberries in the same place because there was a bore that would get your strawberries. A little bore of some kind would get in the roots and it would stay in the ground.”
— Raymond Phariss
“Land that had not been cultivated was the best land for growing strawberries. The ground was covered with brush, small trees, sassafras and other sprouts. This land had to be cleared which meant the sprouts had to be removed. This was called “grubbing out the roots” and was done with a grubbing hoe and a strong back. The land that was cleared was called new ground and tomatoes were always planted for one year before strawberries were planted. Growing tomatoes meant the soil was plowed several times; this helped get rid of the roots and loosened the soil. The first year the strawberries were planted, they were to use their energy growing and not producing fruit. This meant that along with the hoeing, the blooms had to be pulled off so that no berries would grow. This hoeing lasted all summer.”
- Ruth Sander Price
