Better Bedside Manner: Offering a Keepsake After a Loss

better bedside manner: offering keepsakes after a loss

editorial submitted by now i lay me down to sleep

Suzy enjoys living her passion through her career as a labor and delivery nurse. Like so many in her profession, Suzy plays an important role assisting families throughout the birth process, working on a team with physicians, midwives and other medical professionals. Taking care of a birthing mother while she is in labor reminds her that she is living her passion.

On occasion, Suzy’s joy of helping a mother deliver a healthy baby is turned to grief when a parent receives word their child will never leave the hospital. As a medical provider, it can be difficult to shift gears from the joy of hearing a baby’s first cry to caring for parents that will never hear their baby make a sound. Bereaved parents need different support.

A Different Kind of Support Over the past 14 years and tens of thousands of interactions with families, as well as thousands of hospitals through our photographers, the Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep organization has identified 3 key points for medical providers to consider when working with bereaved families. These will create a better sense of bedside manner.

TIP 1: Validate the Life of the Baby For parents that are experiencing pregnancy and infant loss, the medical staff plays an important role in the first days of a parent’s grief journey. Grieving parents look to their nurses and doctors to reassure and guide them through the time they are able to spend with their babies, whether it is just a few moments, days, or the baby is born sleeping.

Acknowledge the pain they are experiencing. Allow them to cry, and cry with them if appropriate. Call the baby by name. Mention the features of the baby as you would a healthy baby, such as, “Look at the head of hair on Kaylee; it’s beautiful.” or “Look at Kaylee’s delicate little hands, they are so precious.” Parents may be hesitant or feel uncomfortable touching or holding their baby. Let them know it is okay to touch and hold their baby if they desire. Also, be sure to prepare the mother for postpartum changes, including milk production. Discuss her available options in the event she produces milk.

It is easy for parents to jump forward to “what could be.” However, it is important to avoid talking about future pregnancies, unless the parents prompt the conversation. Instead, encourage the parents to be present with their baby by bathing their baby if allowed, dressing their baby, and spending time alone with their baby without guests.

TIP 2: Offer Keepsakes Many hospitals have small or even elaborate care packages that are donated by nonprofits or parents who have experienced a prior loss. Don’t hesitate to gift the parents with whatever you have. Some remembrance items that would be helpful to the family include, but are certainly not limited to the following:

● Angel Gowns

● Blankets and/or Hats (Sewn, Crocheted, Knitted, or purchased new)

● Small stuffed animal for the parents to hold

● Blank Journal

● Footprint/Handprint molds

● Pregnancy and Infant Loss book

Sometimes parents don’t know how to utilize these items when they are with their baby and will look to the medical staff to help them understand how they can create memories of their baby by utilizing these items. Several of the items such as the blanket, hat and stuffed animal are meaningful props that could be used while taking photographs. Help incorporate keepsakes into photographs while the parents spend time with their baby.

TIP 3: Gift Remembrance Photography As one of the few people who see and hold these precious babies, you are able to offer a treasured gift of portraits to bereaved parents. Families will be treated with compassion through thoughtful interactions from NILMDTS staff and volunteer photographers. The most common response from bereaved parents who decline these photography services is that they wished their medical provider would have been more persistent. When offering NILMDTS services:

● Offer services as soon as possible. Do not promise a photographer will be available.

● Have the mom sign a Hospital Authorization Form to be kept with her chart. This will authorize you to call a NILMDTS photographer.

● Parents will be given a tangible gift of high-quality images of their baby as a part of their healing recovery and a forever keepsake.

If a NILMDTS photographer is not readily available, NILMDTS

has created a Posing Guide for Hospitals and Posing Poster located on their webpage. The Guide is a great reference for posing the baby alone, as well as with the parents and/or siblings, incorporating special keepsakes like a lovey or blanket, and capturing their tiny features.

Care for your patients Even if a family declines, it is important to ask again. Remind parents that they never have to look at the photographs, but they will never be able to have this opportunity again. It is important to encourage families to take their own pictures in addition to the NILMDTS professional photographs that they will be given. They can never have too many photos of this moment. This will give them a variety of photographs they can utilize for their own healing journey, and the photographs may be appreciated by others within the family, too.

How to Find a Photographer NILMDTS can assist in locating a local affiliated photographer to capture images for a bereaved family. If a patient is expected to deliver overnight, it is recommended that you call prior to delivery so that a photographer can be arranged for first thing the next morning. You can also conduct a search for local photography contacts on the NILMDTS webpage. The organization is always seeking new photographers to add to their database, as well. If someone you know may be interested in becoming involved with providing such an invaluable service for NILMDTS, there is a host of information on how to apply, what is expected

within this role, and other volunteer roles that may be of interest all available on the NILMDTS website.

Guidelines for Services At the request of the parents or medical staff, we will have a NILMDTS affiliated photographer, if available, come to the hospital or hospice location. Our affiliated photographers are dedicated to making the photography session as loving, sensitive, and private as possible, as this is ultimately your way of honoring your baby's legacy. When searching for a local NILMDTS photographer visit www.nilmdts.org for contact information in your area.

NILMDTS photographers provide the free gift of professional quality portraiture. Gently retouched black and white or sepia toned heirloom quality portraits are delivered digitally.

Retouching If a NILMDTS photographer is not available, please utilize the instructions for submitting images for retouching to NILMDTS in order to ensure the highest quality photos possible for this special moment in time.

Remembering As long as a family lives, they will always remember the baby they lost. Encourage them to find ways to honor and remember them, whether it be through a special walk, through donation and volunteering to a favorite charity, or even through remembrance moments and items such as capturing their tiny hand and footprints, or releasing butterflies each year. Incorporating them into their lives will help their baby live on.

testimonials...

“I am a NICU nurse, and I am so very grateful for all that you photographers do. I'm so grateful for your willingness to always come, the many times that I've called you. I'm grateful for your kind and gentle souls who treat my families and babies with such love and compassion. And I'm especially grateful for this little piece of heaven that you allow my families to keep of their precious angels!” ~ Mandy, NICU Nurse

"We hesitated at first because we wanted all the time we could have uninterrupted. We realized though that we would have the photos for a lifetime. I was so glad we decided to get them done. The photographers were so amazing and gave us the time we needed as we had to stop a few times." ~ Emily, in memory of Diarez Eugene

Additional Information on NILMDTS Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (NILMDTS) gifts heirloom remembrance portraits to parents experiencing the death of a baby. Since 2005, nearly 50,000 families from around the world have received photographs free of charge from NILMDTS.