making a difference: tips on pampering her throughout pregnancy

SSo, you just found out that your wife is pregnant. You may have even received the news that it's twins. Whether it's with one or more, and now that the initial shock has worn off, it’s time to start thinking about how you are going to help her get through this pregnancy. There are going to be some serious changes --- and I don’t just mean AFTER the babies get here. Her hormone levels are through the roof right now. Her emotions can range from feeling overjoyed and excited about having a baby, to being scared of everything to come as the delivery date approaches. That means that she’s going to be a bit more emotional and may not seem like the woman you know. Trust me, she still is. Her body is simply working overtime right now to help develop the baby inside of her. The good news is that you can help her survive the next 8.5 months. Here are 15 ways to sweep her off of her swollen feet and make a real difference! Use Your Words When it comes to supporting our wives and partners, the first thing to remember is that we were given a voice for a reason, and that reason is now. This is no time to keep quiet. Tell her she’s beautiful. Flood her with compliments. Keep in mind that she is starting to feel the effects that pregnancy can have on the body. She’s going to be tired, her body may ache, and she may even have self-image issues as she begins to put on weight and her body starts to change. Even saying something as simple as 'I love you' or 'I'm here for you' goes a long way in making sure she feels wanted and needed during the pregnancy. Be Involved Did you know that something as simple as going to your wife’s doctor appointments can make a world of difference to her? You do now! Even if you can’t attend every single visit, making it a point to visit her perinatologist

with her shows you're part of the team. If you can’t be there, at least inquire as to how the appointments went. Find out what her doctor said, how the baby looks, and if they are growing correctly, etc. She should come home with ultrasound photos, as well. If you don’t ask to see them, you’re missing out. I used to keep one in my wallet! Empathy Everyone knows that men are problem solvers. It’s just what we do. Sometimes solving the problems isn’t what your significant other needs, especially in the emotional state she’s obviously in. Let her vent. Listen to what she’s actually saying. Trust me…if she needs you to actually fix what’s broken, she’ll let you know. Get Her What She Needs I take that back. Get her what she wants! This means that if she wants comfortable shoes, or more maternity clothes, or a special pregnancy pillow that costs $85.00, don’t ask questions, just do it. My wife’s feet swelled so much when she was pregnant with our boys, that the only thing she owned that she could wear were flip-flops. This wasn’t a great alternative, as it was winter towards the end of her pregnancy. Our solution was to buy her some pull-on boots that were 2 sizes bigger than what she normally wore. We knew that after she delivered, and her feet went back to normal size, she’d never use them again, but that was alright. They served a major purpose in those moments to helping her feel more comfortable and confident. Live Her Life Remember that she’s going to have to give up a lot for the next ¾ of a year. No alcohol. No

caffeine. Fewer nights out. And lots of rest. These aren’t changes she’s making for herself; they are things that she’s doing for the health of the baby. As this is YOUR baby, too, it is only fair that you make some changes in order to show support. Trust me, that big margarita will wait until after the baby is born. That’s when you’re going to need it. If you can’t walk away from that vanilla latte for 9 months, at least don’t indulge in front of her. That’s just not cool. Romantic Dinner for Two This is a must. And forget about your excuses. “My wife doesn’t want to go out.” You can do a romantic dinner right at home. Break out the candles and get cooking! “I don’t know how to cook.” That’s okay. Do you know how to put things on a plate? Pick up her favorite dinner on the way home from work, and grab some flowers while you’re at it. “I work the nightshift.” Dude, dinner is just a mere suggestion. Breakfast and lunch can be romantic, too. “She has really bad nausea, and doesn’t like to eat anything.” Well, you can…um. I got nothing, except that this too, shall pass. Creating Memories Every new mother wants to remember their pregnancy. Even the ones that have an awful time (think morning sickness), still want to be able to document it for their child’s sake. You can help. Take monthly photos of her growing belly. Buy a special photo album and put them and other pregnancy photos and keepsakes in them. This is something that almost every new mom WANTS to do, but few get a chance to accomplish. It’s now your job to help her with the task. Play Handy-Man Hal Get your mind out of the gutter --- this isn’t some kind of weird role-play. We’re talking about all of the things that have been on the “honey-do" list forever, along with all of the new wish-list items for things to come. Start working on things like putting the new crib together, painting the nursery, and getting the car seat installed. All of this should be done before your baby gets here. Why? Because, trust me…you won’t have time once they arrive. Give in to the Cravings Do you know how they always talk about the weird food cravings that women get when they are pregnant? They really are a thing! My wife craved beef jerky. I made a whole bunch of it at home for her (because that stuff is expensive!), and then she didn’t crave it anymore! I also recall going to a local convenience store early in the morning because my wife craved Chex Mix. There are so many things that she’s probably given up to be pregnant. If she decides to eat pickles and ice cream, together, then who are we to judge? Just go with it! Be Open Minded Is it funny that the biggest argument people get into before they have a child is what to call it? Parents of multiples are at an even bigger disadvantage, as they are tasked with agreeing on TWO names. You can calmly and rationally come to an agreement on what to name your children. Compromise is the key here. Maybe the issue is that someone wants to honor a relative by using their name. Why not pick a name that you agree on for the first name, and utilize the family name as a middle name? She likes classic names, and you are thinking outside of the box. Middle names are great for those names that don’t quite fit the norm. My wife and I both had some family names we wanted to use. We put together a list of connexions 19

names we liked, whittled it down to two that became or sons’ first names, and then used our family choices for their middle names. Take a Pregnancy + Parenting Class Together You never realize how much you don’t know until you have children for the first time. I thought I knew quite a bit about parenting from my experience as an older brother and babysitter. I changed more than my share of diapers growing up, and I figured parenthood would be a breeze. Thank goodness my wife and I took a class together before the boys were born. All of the questions that I didn’t even realize I was going to have were answered before I even had a chance to ask them. There was still so much we had to learn the hard way once the boys came home from the hospital, but the class gave us a good head start. Realize that Morning Sickness isn’t Just in the Morning No one likes to see their partner sick. At least with a cold or flu, a little medicine and rest, and they are good as new within 48 hours. For some women, morning sickness lasts up to six months. Sometimes it only happens at the beginning of the pregnancy. For others, it can last well into the second trimester, or longer. Despite being called morning sickness, it can rear its ugly head any time of the day, and for no reason at all. No one knows what causes it, but there are things you can suggest to help. 1. They say that many small meals over the course of the day are better than three big ones. By snacking throughout the day, there’s less risk of your stomach being empty, which sometimes causes nausea. It’s called “morning sickness” because it happens most often in the morning when you wake up. Keeping crackers next to your bed for when you first wake up is another idea. 2. Help her steer clear of fatty foods or things that have a high level of spice. It’s recommended that Mom avoids overly sweet foods, too. While this may make indulging on foods that she’s craving difficult, she’ll be happier in the long-run. 3. Strong smells can trigger nausea. Refrain from colognes and perfumes, and look into unscented forms of cleaning products until it passes. 4. If she is taking prenatal vitamins, have her try taking them at night. Sometimes the iron in them can react if taken on an empty stomach. Book Her a Pregnancy Massage Nothing relaxes someone quite like a massage, and pregnant moms are no exception. Remember, they are carrying a lot of extra weight, and that equals discomfort on the back, legs and feet. Many spas have special treatments for soon-to-be moms, in all stages of pregnancy. Maybe you can make a day of it. A massage, pedicure, and lunch may be just what the doctor ordered. Speaking of her doctor, be sure to get approval before booking. Another great secret? Mom’s spa day may even be covered by insurance, as some insurance companies cover massage therapy. Talk to the Baby As strange as it sounds, and as weird as it will sound when you do it, it’s actually been proven that talking to your baby during pregnancy can give them a sense of security and ease any stress while in the womb. It can also help with speech and language development. Talk to them. Read to them. Play them music (they say slow and soothing, so slash metal is probably off of the playlist for now). Help Make the Coming Months as Stress-Free as Possible 1. Take as much off her plate as possible. Something as simple as doing some baby shopping (like bottles, diapers, and other necessities), could be a huge help. 2. Help her prepare for the trip to the hospital by helping pack her go-bag (it’s also a good idea for you to have one, too!). 3. Remember, patience is key. This means that if you have to bite your tongue, do it. Take a breath, walk away. Those little disagreements that you had prepregnancy have a big impact now. Becoming a father isn’t difficult. Being a good one, and a good husband or partner to someone who is pregnant on the other hand, takes some work. Are you up for the challenge? Practicing some of these tips will help make you the super man that we all know you can be!

Kevin Zelenka is a freelance writer, the editor of the twin parenting site FamiliesofMultiples.com, and the father of fraternal twin boys. Originally from the Midwest, he, his very patient wife, and his rambunctious sons now all live in Henderson, Nevada. When he’s not volunteering at the boys’ school or helping with homework, he can be found online brainstorming article ideas with one of his writers. Although he admits that parenting twins is one of the hardest challenges he’s ever had, he says it’s also one of the most rewarding.