the struggle is real: a parenting perspective to which we can all relate

photo courtesy of james wheeler, by unsplash

by talitha a. mcguinness

We've likely all heard many, many times about the realities of our "new normal" and how we are charting paths in "unprecedented" times. After over two years of living through one of the toughest pandemics of most of our lifetimes, we have grown weary of hearing phrases like these. While each and every person living through the last couple of years has had their own unique experiences, and some unbelievably worse than others, those with children (of any age, really), have lived things even more differently. From schooling, social gatherings, and even normal childhood development, parents have lived, watched, and perhaps even been part of events and decisions that may forever impact their children's lives. Based on a multitude of research, the anxiety and depression they have and are experiencing are at all-time highs.

While parents are normally the drivers in the relationships, they have experienced their own losses --- both in employment and family or loved ones. They have suffered seeing their children miss out on milestone events like graduations, prom, weddings, travel, starting college, moments with grandparents and other family members, sporting and other extracurricular events, and so much more. The world literally stood still for longer than many of us care to think about. We had to make the best of what we had at the time. There were many days when it all felt unfathomable and fear often whispered to us that things would never be the same.

One thing is for certain...parents have a much better grasp on how they want their lives and families to look and feel. Parents got a chance to decide what they wanted to take away from this trial and moment in time. Many found new employment. They learned that working from

home came with perks like being able to better help their children with school (when it was virtual), or see them off and greet them each day from the bus when school returned to in-person learning. It also gave them freedoms to enjoy breaks that might include lunch or a quick walk around the neighborhood with their kids. With so many things cancelled or put on hold until it was safer, things slowed down...way down. The slower pace gave us all more time, time to retreat, time to reconnect, time to appreciate, and time to figure a lot of things out. It made parents and families realize that life and the time we have and share with the ones we love the most is the most important of all. And that changed everything.

Yet, for children in the middle and high school age group, they have seemingly felt the pangs of the pandemic the worst, and parents have had a front row seat. I'm not talking about an eat-some-popcorn and enjoythe-show kind of experience. These experiences that have been lost and the pangs of the loss felt so deeply that there have been many days and nights of frustration, tears, anger, sadness, and so many more emotions that have played out in the lives of ourselves and our children. We have wanted and dreamed of so many of these milestones that now may be in the past, never to return. While we can mourn those lost experiences, we need to make sure that our kids are okay. Are they feeling lost at school? Even the most involved children have found it hard to adjust to being back and what things look like now. Can we look at more relaxed academic expectations, at least until we feel collectively that kids are caught up? Can we make

sure our schools are adequately prepared with counselors to handle the overflow of emotions that often present in behavior while at school? Are they fitting in with their peers? Some had a hard time before and an even harder time now. They no longer get invited to "hang out" and you see that for the most part, they are happy isolating at home. While this seems fine at first glance, be sure that they are not using this isolation to avoid living life in the big world that is starting to move and turn again. Help them ease back into their world. Help them find new hobbies or interests to make it easier to "fit in". Help by initiating hang out time for them to get reaquainted with peers. Listen and be sympathetic when they stumble or take a little more time figuring it all out. They too have lost so many things, including crucial time to learn and grow during such impressionable and socially, emotionally, and physically developmental years of their lives. Unfortunately, this is time they will never get back, but we can help them navigate this time with grace and forgiveness. Parental support is one the most important pieces of any child's growth and development.

Perhaps we are seeing tiny fractures in our relationships with our children, fractures that may have been there all along. Now, we have a little more time and perspective to work on sealing and healing them, as individuals and together as a collective whole. We can rethink our over-scheduled lives and start investing more time in each other. If nothing else, time over the past few years has shown us that we are so much stronger together. If we can build stronger families, just think how that can impact our communities and the world at large.