AND
STORIES
THE COUNT ROQUEFORT CASE
OTHER
“The Count Roquefort Case”
a quaint french-style manor just outside of town…
honestly, bastian, I don’t like leaving you alone with your sprained ankle!
don’t worry about me, marie. the important thing is that you find them and get them here fast!
you’re right. I’ll see you soon! take care, marie. and ease your mind… I’ll be fine.
besides, my ankle keeps me indoors! what could happen to me here?
with my key twice turned, I can be certain that--
oh, no! you!
1
that night…
then for cheddar’s sake, lads, keep it down to a dull roar! [yawn! ]
the end arrives!
I’ll wake you when it’s over, monty!
…as a sleep aid! I napped like a bloomin’ baby!
aw, phooey!
and with this blow, our fight ends! Egad! I am Slain!
bravey-o! bravey-issimo! encorey!
[zzz] …whatzat now? izzit over?!
sorry! three acts left!
so how’d ya like the play, gang?!
not bad at all, mate…
“the three musket ears” ain’t a sleep aid! it’s an epic slushbucklin’ tale!
2
that’s swashbucklin’--
however! it awakens your knightly spirit… that feelin’ of honor an’ loyalty!
ya know, like you feel for cheese!
fortunately, there are still musket ears… rescue rangers with their hearts in the right places! see that poor ol’ lady, alone at the mercy of vile rabble? she’ll dig our cavaldear vibe!
enchantée, maidymoiselle! yeeek!!! oh, myyyy…
what?! but I--
our gallant dale means cavalier!
more like caval-rear!
Soon after… poor lady. dale shocked her silly!
way to go, dorktagnan!
that’s no poor lady! that’s me aunt -- brie marie!
3
[
she’s coming around!
oh me, oh my… recognize me, auntie? it’s monty! monterey jack?! oh, what luck finding you!
then you all must be… the rescue rangers!
sorry… it was foolish of me to faint in horror.
no. it was foolish of dale to be a dope.
no! I mean I mistook him for one of… them!
“them”? who’s “them”?
who do you mean, ma’am?
4
shush! ] I’m sure I’m being followed!
crikey, auntie marie! there ain’t no blokes around!
I know what I’m talking about, nephew!
they’ve shadowed me all evening… but you don’t scare me anymore! you hear?!
golly, mrs. brie, come inside! tell us your story in peace!
and if you’re hungry, we’ve got some nuts and cheeses in storage!
blast! the boss ain’t gonna like this!
darn right! this is bad bad…
soon, over tea…
[munch! smack! ] this all started when my husband, brocciu bastian, began his “research.” don’t ask me what it was about… he told me little. but either way…
“…my dearest bastian… changed. he’d quietly get up in the dead of night…
“…to rummage through our manor’s library for hours on end!”
5
“then he’d lock himself in his office… and study, behind closed doors…”
“…till morning, when he’d pretend he’d slept well!” of course I’m okay, love. why should I be tired? I… I’m…
“but bastian had excuses for that, too…” heh. too much sleep, sweet marie. no worries!
and so it went, night after grueling night, until that fateful day when he arrived…
“he”? he who? a sinister scholar calling himself…
professor klordane of cambridge university, madam. my area of expertise is medieval history…
“ten minutes later, bastian pitched a fit! ” parchment?! no! a thousand times no!!!
6
