Lessons from and obligations to our children

I live in an apartment that looks out over the complex’s communal soccer pitch. Every afternoon, children gather here to kick a ball around. From toddlers to young adults and every age in-between, they play until it’s dark or it rains. An empty-nester with my son in another part of the world, the sound of children playing used to make my heart ache… what I wouldn’t give to be able to hug my own child whose birthday is around the corner. But then it occurred to me that the children on the grass below are my children, too. While we may not be their biological parents who make school lunches for them, fight with them to do their homework, read stories to them at bedtime or beg them to turn their music down, every single adult who comes into contact with a child has a duty to lead by example. And yet, watching the cosmopolitan mix of young humans dashing around on the grass below, I realise that we, as adults, can learn from them and that in many ways, they are setting an example for us. They don’t do racism. They look after the littlest ones with kindness and patience. Newcomers are welcome to join in and old friends embrace each other like they hadn’t seen each just the day before. They are colour- and religion-blind, they are authentic and they use their energy in a positive way that connects and binds. That said, it doesn’t in any way negate our duty, as adults, to protect them from physical, emotional, sexual and verbal abuse, bullying and crime. As a country, we’re failing many of our 20 million children dismally. Mark Heywood, in his article “The year of children’s broken dreams”, published in the Maverick Citizen1, says that 2020 has been a bad year to be a child. He quotes child protection and development specialist Luke Lamprecht, saying: “According to Lamprecht, when the National Coronavirus Command Council decided to lockdown our country in March they ‘just didn’t see children’ never mind made contingency plans for their well-being. They didn’t listen to the handful of child advocates who tried to offer counsel. Since then, children have had dreams put on hold or broken altogether; schooling has been disrupted; families separated; and food and social security systems taken away from them. Many have been locked in homes with their abusers and locked out of care systems. Some have directly experienced the death of loved ones; most have experienced fear of death. They have to navigate their ways through the war zones of many of our gang, crime and poverty ridden communities.” And while already-financially burdened and underresourced organisations are struggling to deal with this, the government’s Department of Social Development is still to release its latest “National Plan of Action for Children”.

Something else that concerns me deeply is trolling. USA-based cyberthreat intelligence provider Webroot, in its article on trolls2, says “they spread lies, deceive and cause damage, and they enjoy every minute they can make someone else miserable. They may be obnoxious teens, but more often than not they’re seemingly “normal” adults who use internet anonymity to shed their veneer of decency and show their ugly selves. Trolls are basically like cyberbullies on steroids – cowards afraid to show their face but nastier and more dedicated than gardenvariety bullies.” Note that the majority of trolls, according to Webroot, are adults.

Bullies Out, a UK-based non-profit anti-bullying organisation says internet vitriol is growing … and that “in its most extreme form, it is a criminal offence.”3 Further, it warns that: “The impact of trolling shouldn’t be underestimated – it has greatly affected the mental health of those targeted, and in some cases has even caused those persecuted to want to take their own lives.”

What’s also alarming are the numbers: Christo Petrov, in his article “47 Alarming Cyberbullying Statistics for 2020”4 on technical expert company TechJury, gives the following statistics:

• Only 38% of cyberbullying victims are willing to admit it to their parents • 34% of kids in the USA have experienced cyberbullying at least once

• Cyberbullying victims are 1.9 times more likely to commit suicide

• 210 out of 1000 victims of bullying are high school girls with different skin colour

• 68% of children that have gone through online harassment have experienced mental health issues

• 42% of LGBT youth have experienced cyberbullying

• 66% of female victims have feelings of powerlessness because of cyberbullying

• 33% of teenagers have sent explicit images or text to someone else at least once

What kind of people get pleasure or gratification out of hurting others like this? According to N C Asthana, author of the article: “Inside the Minds of Internet Trolls: A Psychological Analysis” published on The Wire5, “trolls are characterised by the ‘Dark Tetrad’ of personality traits, including psychopathy, Machiavellianism, Narcissism and sadism.”

That our children are in more danger than they have ever been is deeply concerning. How do we protect them in today’s world, which is reeling from Covid-19, just to add to the challenges? And especially those from disadvantaged backgrounds who don’t have access to protective software, knowledgeable and trained adults, or even regular meals and decent masks for that matter.

I am sure Madiba would be heartbroken about what’s happening to our children, the children he loved so much during his life. Ingrid Olivier, Editor

ingridolivier@idotwrite.co.za

1. https://www.dailymaverick.co.za/article/2020-11-17the-year-of-childrens-broken-dreams-and-how-torepair-them/

2. https://www.webroot.com/za/en/resources/tips-articles/ you-cant-win-an-argument-with-a-troll

3. https://bulliesout.com/need-support/young-people/ trolling/

4. https://techjury.net/blog/cyberbullying-statistics/#gref 5. https://thewire.in/communalism/internet-trollspsychology